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1
00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,349
Good morning, Marshal.
Morning.
2
00:00:12,381 --> 00:00:13,647
Could you tell me
where I can find
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,314
the offices of
your newspaper?
4
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:16,981
Turn at the first street,
about a half a block down.
5
00:00:17,014 --> 00:00:18,181
You can't miss it.
6
00:00:18,214 --> 00:00:19,512
Thank you kindly.
7
00:00:19,546 --> 00:00:21,247
(jeering laughter)
8
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,713
Hey. Can I help you?
9
00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:26,979
Maybe the boy needs a hand.
10
00:00:27,012 --> 00:00:28,879
Oh, the Cartwrights
can take care of themselves.
11
00:00:28,912 --> 00:00:30,811
Sounds like he's
getting the worst of it.
12
00:00:30,844 --> 00:00:32,510
Yeah, sounds like he is.
13
00:00:32,544 --> 00:00:35,376
(jeering laughter)
14
00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:38,244
Looks like somebody in there
is hard to convince.
15
00:00:40,976 --> 00:00:44,142
Say, uh... you are the marshal
here, aren't you?
16
00:00:44,176 --> 00:00:45,441
That's right, stranger.
17
00:00:45,474 --> 00:00:47,741
Well, shouldn't you go in
there and break it up?
18
00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:50,773
I reckon not. People in this
town mind their own business.
19
00:00:50,807 --> 00:00:51,874
Get out of the way.
20
00:00:51,907 --> 00:00:53,640
HOSS:
I'm telling you...
21
00:00:53,673 --> 00:00:55,040
No business in that poker game.
22
00:00:55,074 --> 00:00:56,839
Hoss, I told you to
stay out of it!
23
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:58,973
Listen, Little Joe.
Pa told me to take care of you
24
00:00:59,006 --> 00:01:00,273
and that's exactly
what I aim to do.
25
00:01:00,306 --> 00:01:02,038
Yeah, well, I can
take care of myself.
26
00:01:02,072 --> 00:01:04,005
Little Joe, you get up
on that pony right now
27
00:01:04,038 --> 00:01:05,971
or else I'm just going
to naturally clobber you.
28
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:11,936
Who's the big fella?
29
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:14,402
Oh, him? He's
another Cartwright.
30
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:21,834
I'm new in Virginia City.
31
00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:23,335
So I noticed.
32
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:24,667
It's quite a town.
33
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:26,634
Who are the Cartwrights?
34
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,067
Oh, I reckon you'll
find that out soon enough.
35
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,833
Haven't asked you
who you are, have I?
36
00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:32,765
No, that's right,
you haven't.
37
00:01:32,799 --> 00:01:35,233
Maybe you shouldn't
ask so many questions.
38
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:36,932
Like I said, this is
the kind of town
39
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,631
where folks mind
their own business.
40
00:01:48,629 --> 00:01:51,562
(theme song playing)
41
00:02:39,254 --> 00:02:41,320
Whoa. Hey, you!
42
00:02:41,352 --> 00:02:43,385
Hold this horse for me,
my good man!
43
00:02:43,419 --> 00:02:44,552
Yes, sir.
44
00:02:44,586 --> 00:02:46,585
I won't be long, my dear.
45
00:02:55,084 --> 00:02:57,317
Mind telling me whose, uh,
horse I'm holding, ma'am?
46
00:02:57,349 --> 00:03:00,116
Well, you haven't been around
Virginia City very long!
47
00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:01,648
Couple of hours,
that's all.
48
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,049
Judge Jeremy C. Billington.
49
00:03:04,082 --> 00:03:05,748
Oh, is that so?
50
00:03:05,782 --> 00:03:07,714
The "C" stands for Clarence.
51
00:03:07,747 --> 00:03:10,215
Judge Jeremy
Clarence Billington.
52
00:03:10,248 --> 00:03:13,314
Judge Jeremy Clarence
Billington?
53
00:03:13,346 --> 00:03:15,513
He's the judge here
in Virginia City.
54
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:18,046
Yes, so I've noticed.
55
00:03:18,079 --> 00:03:20,112
I'm his wife.
56
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:25,578
The judge says I'm a big help
to him in his career.
57
00:03:25,611 --> 00:03:28,211
Oh, I can see that
for myself, ma'am.
58
00:03:28,244 --> 00:03:31,010
"Virginia City Superior Court
Judge's many friends
59
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:35,310
"in Virginia City
have prevai...
60
00:03:35,342 --> 00:03:37,776
"...have prevailed upon him
to again seek office
61
00:03:37,809 --> 00:03:40,675
in the coming election as
Judge of the Superior Court."
62
00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:43,075
Hmm... Very nice.
63
00:03:43,108 --> 00:03:44,241
There you are,
my good man.
64
00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:45,740
Oh, thank you, sir.
Thank you.
65
00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:49,040
Minnie, how many times
have I spoken to you
66
00:03:49,073 --> 00:03:50,940
about talking
to strange men?
67
00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:53,872
Oh, I wasn't
talking to him.
68
00:03:53,905 --> 00:03:56,371
He was talking to me.
69
00:03:56,405 --> 00:03:58,405
(chuckling)
70
00:03:58,438 --> 00:03:59,971
(clearing throat)
Ya!
71
00:04:15,868 --> 00:04:19,467
If you're... If you're
trying to sell shares
72
00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:21,867
in your diggings, Old
Timer, I'm not interested.
73
00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:23,301
Well, as a matter of fact,
you're looking at
74
00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:25,266
the most unsuccessful prospector
75
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:27,432
that ever blistered his hands
on a pick handle.
76
00:04:27,465 --> 00:04:29,365
Then what brings you
to a newspaper office?
77
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,965
Your letter
offering me a job.
78
00:04:30,998 --> 00:04:32,965
What's your name, friend?
79
00:04:32,998 --> 00:04:34,299
Sam Clemens.
80
00:04:34,331 --> 00:04:36,131
Sam Clemens!
81
00:04:36,164 --> 00:04:39,031
I figured as long as I was
starving, I might as well do it
82
00:04:39,064 --> 00:04:41,563
sitting on my backside at
a job I know something about.
83
00:04:41,596 --> 00:04:43,396
You didn't strike
it rich, huh?
84
00:04:43,429 --> 00:04:45,297
Good looking press.
85
00:04:45,329 --> 00:04:46,929
No. All I did was
prove how little
86
00:04:46,962 --> 00:04:48,795
an Eastern tenderfoot
knows about mining.
87
00:04:48,829 --> 00:04:50,428
Sam, it's good to see you.
88
00:04:50,461 --> 00:04:52,360
And I think you're going
to like Virginia City.
89
00:04:52,394 --> 00:04:54,794
Well, I've been, uh, studying
some of the people.
90
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,161
How often do you publish?
91
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,760
Every day.
92
00:04:57,793 --> 00:04:58,927
Every day?
93
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,093
In a little one-horse town
94
00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:01,826
2,000 miles west
of the Mississippi?
95
00:05:01,859 --> 00:05:03,026
Sam, the way we see it,
96
00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:05,792
the Mississippi is 2,000
miles east of Virginia City.
97
00:05:05,826 --> 00:05:07,558
(laughing)
98
00:05:07,591 --> 00:05:10,058
Sam, you're looking
at the only Bible
99
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:12,158
the miners around here
have any time to read.
100
00:05:12,192 --> 00:05:13,423
And what if they can't read?
101
00:05:13,456 --> 00:05:15,557
Then they get someone
who can read it to them.
102
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:16,890
I like that.
103
00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:18,489
I think I'm going
to like this town.
104
00:05:18,522 --> 00:05:21,156
It's a city.
Virginia City.
105
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:23,621
Virginia City...
106
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:28,420
A noisy, rough lady
with a lot of pride.
107
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,487
I think I'm going to like her.
108
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,086
(mule braying)
109
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,052
Over here!
110
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,383
What are you doing here,
old man?
111
00:05:52,416 --> 00:05:53,716
Just eating my supper.
112
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,149
You mean drinking
it, don't you?
113
00:05:55,183 --> 00:05:56,482
You be mighty careful
of that campfire
114
00:05:56,515 --> 00:05:58,482
and as soon as you get through
eating, you clear out of here.
115
00:05:58,515 --> 00:06:00,182
I mean to, mister.
116
00:06:00,215 --> 00:06:02,314
We've got a lot of cattle
here on the Ponderosa.
117
00:06:02,347 --> 00:06:04,048
If that fire got out of
control, we'd be in trouble.
118
00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:05,814
Reckon I know that.
119
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:07,480
Anyhow,
I'm just passing through.
120
00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:10,746
Well, the next time, you just go
around, you hear? Come on.
121
00:06:16,179 --> 00:06:19,378
High and mighty.
122
00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:20,744
Think I ain't got no sense.
123
00:06:20,777 --> 00:06:23,610
Telling me to put out a fire.
124
00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:27,609
Them Cartwrights will get their
comeuppance someday.
125
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:50,405
Must be the spirit of
some Indian come back to earth.
126
00:06:50,438 --> 00:06:51,605
Come on, Mule.
127
00:06:51,639 --> 00:06:53,571
Let's get out of here.
128
00:06:57,171 --> 00:07:00,637
BILL:
Things aren't always just what
they seem in this town, Sam.
129
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,237
I'm learning fast!
130
00:07:02,271 --> 00:07:04,103
The Cartwrights
like to fight.
131
00:07:04,136 --> 00:07:06,402
Judge Billington's word is law,
132
00:07:06,435 --> 00:07:08,035
and his wife...
133
00:07:08,068 --> 00:07:09,269
Say, where did she
come from, anyway?
134
00:07:09,301 --> 00:07:11,468
She was in the chorus of
a traveling girlie show.
135
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:12,867
Oh, that figures.
136
00:07:12,901 --> 00:07:15,734
You know, I, uh... I might write
a series of articles
137
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,100
on the colorful
citizens of Virginia City.
138
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,267
Which would land you in
jail, or up on Boot Hill.
139
00:07:20,299 --> 00:07:21,466
Let's get back
to the paper.
140
00:07:21,499 --> 00:07:23,133
Right.
141
00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:29,231
Quite a lot of
characters you got here.
142
00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:30,798
What kind of things
they like to read?
143
00:07:30,831 --> 00:07:32,564
Oh, anything,
as long as you keep it humorous.
144
00:07:32,597 --> 00:07:35,596
These men see death and disaster
in the mines every day.
145
00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:37,630
They want to read something
that will make them laugh.
146
00:07:37,663 --> 00:07:39,196
And make them forget
that maybe tomorrow
147
00:07:39,229 --> 00:07:41,395
they'll be dead
or broke or both.
148
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:42,662
That's right.
149
00:07:52,194 --> 00:07:54,326
Well, it's about time
you fellas got home.
150
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,559
What's new
in town?
151
00:07:55,592 --> 00:07:57,260
Dead as
a tomb, Pa.
152
00:07:57,292 --> 00:07:58,492
Yeah. Nothing happening.
153
00:07:58,526 --> 00:08:00,825
Yeah? Hey.
154
00:08:09,158 --> 00:08:10,856
(whinnying)
155
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,689
Bunch of men camped
in High Valley.
156
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:13,890
What are they
doing there?
157
00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:15,322
I don't know.
Let's find out.
158
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:16,955
All right.
Come on, let's go.
159
00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:18,922
(whinnying)
160
00:08:49,349 --> 00:08:50,616
All right,
hurry it up.
161
00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:57,714
There they come!
162
00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:00,047
Get that stuff
in the wagon quick.
163
00:09:15,778 --> 00:09:18,178
BEN:
Now, what are you men
doing here?
164
00:09:18,211 --> 00:09:19,376
Wait a minute,
Cartwright.
165
00:09:19,409 --> 00:09:20,676
We don't want
any trouble.
166
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:23,177
You're trespassing
on private property, Mister.
167
00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:25,375
Well, you fellows
own so much land
around here,
168
00:09:25,408 --> 00:09:27,575
it's kind of hard
to figure where
your property ends
169
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,142
and the rest of
the world begins.
170
00:09:29,175 --> 00:09:31,274
Well, if you
have any trouble
figuring it, Mister,
171
00:09:31,307 --> 00:09:32,708
we'll be happy
to oblige you.
172
00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:34,008
Oh, we're pulling out.
173
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,940
Yeah, what were you doing
here in the first place?
174
00:09:35,974 --> 00:09:37,540
Doing a little
sightseeing.
175
00:09:37,573 --> 00:09:40,973
Thought one day you
might want to sell
off some of this land.
176
00:09:41,006 --> 00:09:42,606
What have you got in the wagon?
177
00:09:42,639 --> 00:09:44,672
Just some prospecting
equipment.
178
00:09:44,706 --> 00:09:46,972
BEN:
Oh, let's not hold
them up, boys.
179
00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:48,805
The man said
they were moving on.
180
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,138
The next time you, uh...
you want to know
181
00:09:51,171 --> 00:09:54,337
where the rest of the world
begins, you might try asking.
182
00:09:55,436 --> 00:09:57,369
Mount up.
183
00:10:03,869 --> 00:10:04,835
All right.
184
00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:05,834
Ho.
185
00:10:05,868 --> 00:10:07,801
(whinnying)
186
00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:14,000
Hey, wait a minute.
187
00:10:15,067 --> 00:10:16,200
LITTLE JOE:
What is it?
188
00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,032
Looks like some kind
of surveying equipment.
189
00:10:18,066 --> 00:10:19,565
Looks like
them guys is lying
190
00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:21,598
when they said something
about buying some land.
191
00:10:21,631 --> 00:10:23,765
BEN:
No, they're
interested
192
00:10:23,798 --> 00:10:24,931
in land, all right.
193
00:10:24,965 --> 00:10:26,132
I just don't think
194
00:10:26,165 --> 00:10:27,797
they're interested
in buying any of it.
195
00:11:03,523 --> 00:11:05,990
Uh, drinks are two bits,
old-timer.
196
00:11:06,023 --> 00:11:08,723
Oh. Half a drink, maybe?
197
00:11:11,722 --> 00:11:13,689
I can't recommend it,
but help yourself.
198
00:11:13,722 --> 00:11:15,821
Oh! Oh, thank you.
199
00:11:15,855 --> 00:11:17,454
That's mighty sociable
of you, stranger.
200
00:11:17,488 --> 00:11:18,621
Mighty sociable.
201
00:11:18,654 --> 00:11:19,787
(laughs)
202
00:11:19,820 --> 00:11:21,887
I, uh... I don't
know you, do I?
203
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,154
Nope.
204
00:11:23,187 --> 00:11:24,320
Then how come you...?
205
00:11:24,353 --> 00:11:25,986
Oh, let's just
say that today
206
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,285
I'm filled with the
milk of human kindness.
207
00:11:28,319 --> 00:11:29,519
Oh.
208
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,152
(sighs)
209
00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:36,417
That don't taste
much like milk.
210
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:37,717
Or human
kindness, either.
211
00:11:37,751 --> 00:11:39,684
(giggles)
212
00:11:43,117 --> 00:11:44,483
I sure needed that one.
213
00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:46,348
Covered a lot of
territory today, huh?
214
00:11:46,381 --> 00:11:48,715
Oh, all the way
from Ponderosa.
215
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,281
Ponderosa?
216
00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:52,614
I didn't know the Cartwrights
allowed prospecting.
217
00:11:52,647 --> 00:11:53,814
Well, they don't.
218
00:11:53,848 --> 00:11:55,514
They run me off at high noon.
219
00:11:55,547 --> 00:11:57,346
But they'll get
their comeuppance.
220
00:11:57,379 --> 00:11:59,747
I never saw a spirit
dogging a place yet
221
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,080
that trouble didn't bust out.
222
00:12:01,114 --> 00:12:03,812
A what?
223
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,779
A spirit.
224
00:12:07,045 --> 00:12:09,011
This one lives in my trees.
225
00:12:09,045 --> 00:12:11,112
It, uh... it come out
and watched me
226
00:12:11,145 --> 00:12:13,077
all the time
I was fixing to leave.
227
00:12:13,111 --> 00:12:15,144
Uh, who watched you?
228
00:12:15,177 --> 00:12:16,543
The-the spirit.
229
00:12:16,577 --> 00:12:18,642
And, uh, what did
the spirit look like?
230
00:12:18,676 --> 00:12:20,542
Oh. Oh, it was, uh...
231
00:12:20,576 --> 00:12:22,109
It was big and black
232
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,475
and active as two tomcats
on a back fence.
233
00:12:24,508 --> 00:12:26,142
How big?
234
00:12:26,175 --> 00:12:29,208
Well, could have been
about ten foot, maybe.
235
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,907
Uh-huh. Maybe
even more?
236
00:12:30,941 --> 00:12:34,207
Oh, could have been
15 or 20 foot, maybe.
237
00:12:34,239 --> 00:12:35,539
And wild, huh?
238
00:12:35,573 --> 00:12:38,572
Oh, wildest thing
you ever saw.
239
00:12:38,605 --> 00:12:40,638
Wilder than a Washoe zephyr!
240
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,238
It flit from tree to tree
241
00:12:42,271 --> 00:12:44,171
with a manzanita bush
in each hand
242
00:12:44,205 --> 00:12:46,004
and a waggin' tongue
in its mouth.
243
00:12:46,038 --> 00:12:47,337
Hmm.
244
00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:48,603
20 feet tall.
245
00:12:48,636 --> 00:12:51,003
That's what I call
a man-sized spirit.
246
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:53,003
(laughs)
247
00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:08,934
"Reported to be 20 feet tall
248
00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:10,933
"and covered with
long, black hair,
249
00:13:10,966 --> 00:13:14,299
"the Wild Man is said
to flit from tree to tree,
250
00:13:14,332 --> 00:13:17,498
"carrying off cattle
and picking his teeth
251
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:19,964
with a wagging tongue."
252
00:13:19,997 --> 00:13:23,230
By all that's wonderful,
whatever inspired this?
253
00:13:23,263 --> 00:13:25,229
Well, you said your readers
liked a few laughs.
254
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,130
Just so no one questions
your sources.
255
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,429
Well, I admit it's
secondhand reporting,
256
00:13:29,463 --> 00:13:31,628
but my source was
pretty reliable.
257
00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:33,795
That is, until he had
a couple of drinks
under his belt.
258
00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:35,861
And then he, uh,
tended to exaggerate.
259
00:13:35,894 --> 00:13:39,294
(laughing)
260
00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:41,593
Well, it's plain enough to
see what they were up to.
261
00:13:41,626 --> 00:13:43,727
You follow High Valley,
bridge the Truckee
262
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,593
and drop down the west slope.
263
00:13:45,626 --> 00:13:46,892
A natural route for
cutting a road
264
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,059
right through our property.
265
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:49,726
A road or a railroad.
266
00:13:49,759 --> 00:13:51,624
They intended to sneak
in, make their survey
267
00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:53,257
and sneak out before
anybody ever saw them.
268
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,192
The question is,
why and for whom.
269
00:13:55,224 --> 00:13:56,724
Ah...
Come quick!
Come quick!
270
00:13:56,757 --> 00:13:57,990
Too many people!
No, Hop Sing.
271
00:13:58,024 --> 00:13:59,423
People everywhere!
All over Ponderosa!
272
00:13:59,457 --> 00:14:00,957
Hop Sing, you got
a bigger imagination
273
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,090
than...
LITTLE JOE:
Hey, Pa!
274
00:14:02,123 --> 00:14:03,689
Hey, Pa, you and Adam
better get out here!
275
00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:04,923
There's people all
over the place.
276
00:14:04,956 --> 00:14:06,090
They've come to see
the Wild Man.
277
00:14:06,123 --> 00:14:07,521
Wh-What Wild Man?
278
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,421
Look, right here in
the Enterprise.
279
00:14:09,455 --> 00:14:12,320
"Wild Man of Washoe
Loose on Ponde..."
280
00:14:12,353 --> 00:14:14,554
Now, what fool would put a thing
like that in the paper?!
281
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,154
Well, there's the name of the
man who wrote it-- "Josh."
282
00:14:19,352 --> 00:14:21,252
Sam, take a look
at this telegram.
283
00:14:21,286 --> 00:14:23,952
The San FranciscoBugle:
"Confirm Wild Man Story.
284
00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:25,218
Flooded with inquiries."
285
00:14:25,251 --> 00:14:27,752
(chuckles)
Big city newspaper, too.
286
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,751
Uh, which one of you
fellows is Josh?
287
00:14:29,784 --> 00:14:31,617
Oh, that's sort of
a pen name I use.
288
00:14:31,651 --> 00:14:33,817
Uh, did you,
uh, write this?
289
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:35,117
The Wild Man story?
290
00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:37,216
Yeah, sure, I did.
How'd you like it, Mister, uh...
291
00:14:37,249 --> 00:14:38,716
I'm sorry,
I didn't get your name.
292
00:14:38,749 --> 00:14:40,515
Cartwright,
Adam Cartwright.
293
00:14:40,549 --> 00:14:41,716
Oh, I'm Sam Clemens.
294
00:14:41,749 --> 00:14:43,248
I haven't been in
Virginia City very long.
295
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,681
And I'm afraid you're
not gonna be around
296
00:14:44,715 --> 00:14:45,981
very much longer,
Mr. Clemens.
297
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:48,281
You see, this little, uh,
contribution to literature
298
00:14:48,314 --> 00:14:49,814
brought 500 people tramping
299
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,480
across the Ponderosa
this morning.
300
00:14:51,513 --> 00:14:52,747
As many as that?
Yes.
301
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:54,180
They, uh, ruined
a field of hay
302
00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:55,779
and scared the wits
out of a herd of cows.
303
00:14:55,813 --> 00:14:58,113
We had to rescue four of
them out of the duck pond.
304
00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:00,745
And my people are still trying
to round up the rest of them.
305
00:15:00,778 --> 00:15:03,478
Well, it was just
a bit of sagebrush humor. We...
306
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:06,111
We had no idea folks
would take it seriously.
307
00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:08,510
Yes, well,
I want a retraction
308
00:15:08,544 --> 00:15:11,543
of the, uh, Wild Man Story to
keep these fools off our land.
309
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:15,308
Oh, I'm afraid that's kind
of hard to do, Mr. Cartwright.
310
00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:19,076
You see, I got the story
from a very reliable source.
311
00:15:19,109 --> 00:15:20,741
Then you leave
me no choice.
312
00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:22,407
I presume you know
how to handle a gun?
313
00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:24,175
Oh, now, hold
on, Mr. Cart...
314
00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:25,474
Uh, I haven't got any gun.
315
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,773
Well, maybe you're pretty
good with your fists, huh?
316
00:15:27,807 --> 00:15:29,074
Why, sure!
317
00:15:29,107 --> 00:15:30,707
When I was, uh, steamboating
on the Mississippi,
318
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:32,139
a fellow didn't
like me very much.
319
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:34,205
We had quite a fight until
I tripped over a rope.
320
00:15:34,238 --> 00:15:37,172
Course, he outweighed me
by about five pounds.
321
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:38,771
Uh, come to think of it, uh,
322
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,437
I sort of hate to mess up
these new clothes I just bought.
323
00:15:41,470 --> 00:15:44,370
Couldn't we, uh, settle this
a little more peaceably?
324
00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:46,602
Are you trying to make
a fool out of me?
325
00:15:46,636 --> 00:15:49,903
Now, I want that retraction
in tomorrow's newspaper.
326
00:15:49,936 --> 00:15:52,401
Well, you're making this
a little difficult.
327
00:15:52,435 --> 00:15:53,501
You see, the Enterprise
328
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,868
never apologizes
for stories it prints.
329
00:15:55,902 --> 00:15:57,634
It's, uh, kind of a policy.
330
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:59,068
I see.
331
00:15:59,101 --> 00:16:01,734
Well, maybe I can help
change that policy.
332
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,231
Now, you understand
about that retraction?
333
00:16:08,265 --> 00:16:09,699
Y-You'll get your,
uh, you'll get your
334
00:16:09,732 --> 00:16:11,166
retraction, Mr. Cartwright.
Thank you.
335
00:16:11,198 --> 00:16:12,898
You all right, Sam?
336
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:14,230
Whoo!
337
00:16:15,597 --> 00:16:17,831
I kind of like
those Cartwrights.
338
00:16:28,995 --> 00:16:30,361
(horse neighs)
339
00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:55,890
You, in there!
340
00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:57,856
That's a box canyon!
341
00:16:57,890 --> 00:16:59,523
There's no way out!
342
00:17:07,587 --> 00:17:09,354
(horse neighing)
343
00:17:15,386 --> 00:17:16,452
Get down from there!
344
00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:34,150
Hey, Pa!
345
00:17:34,182 --> 00:17:36,050
Hey, Pa, here comes Adam.
346
00:17:38,715 --> 00:17:40,015
Got somebody across his horse.
347
00:17:40,049 --> 00:17:41,682
Maybe it's that Josh fellow.
348
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:49,713
Who've you got there?
349
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:51,379
Found this boy
roaming the hills.
350
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:52,845
Is he all right?
He's all right.
351
00:17:52,879 --> 00:17:55,345
Take him to the wash house,
let Hop Sing wash him up.
352
00:17:56,645 --> 00:17:58,244
C'mon. C'mon, boy.
353
00:18:01,011 --> 00:18:03,110
Seems to me this Josh fellow
had you buffaloed, Adam.
354
00:18:03,144 --> 00:18:05,209
Well, what are you gonna do
when a man won't fight?
355
00:18:05,243 --> 00:18:07,443
What kind of a man
is he, a coward?
356
00:18:07,476 --> 00:18:08,809
I don't know.
357
00:18:08,842 --> 00:18:10,609
Anyway, he promised
to print a retraction.
358
00:18:10,642 --> 00:18:12,109
Well, I certainly hope he does.
359
00:18:12,143 --> 00:18:14,174
We don't want some fool
reporter printing stories
360
00:18:14,207 --> 00:18:15,408
that'll send
more people out here.
361
00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:16,841
It's hard enough as it is
362
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:18,274
to keep an eye out
for strangers.
363
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:21,173
Now, listen, boys,
I want you to be careful.
364
00:18:21,206 --> 00:18:23,206
Don't ride out
by yourselves anymore.
365
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,706
If someone is going to pull
a land grab on us,
366
00:18:25,739 --> 00:18:27,172
they can't hide
their hand much longer.
367
00:18:28,272 --> 00:18:29,571
(door opening)
368
00:18:29,605 --> 00:18:33,605
(speaking Chinese)
369
00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:35,203
Hop Sing quit!
370
00:18:35,237 --> 00:18:36,470
Too much foolishment!
371
00:18:36,504 --> 00:18:37,604
What's the matter
with you?
372
00:18:37,637 --> 00:18:40,736
Work hard, make a fine
supper, wash dish,
373
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:42,302
no time for foolishment!
374
00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:44,037
Now, just settle
down, Hop Sing.
375
00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:45,602
We got enough trouble
around here already.
376
00:18:45,635 --> 00:18:46,769
You got trouble?
377
00:18:46,802 --> 00:18:48,535
Hop Sing got the foolishment!
378
00:18:48,568 --> 00:18:50,768
Give boy, you say
wash up clean...
379
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:53,634
Boy? Ain't no boy around here.
380
00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:55,833
Oh, Adam found some lad
wandering around.
381
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:57,466
So, what'd you do with
him, Hop Sing?
382
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:58,700
Him no boy.
383
00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:00,000
Him girl!
384
00:19:00,034 --> 00:19:01,399
What?!
385
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:03,066
You go look, see, please!
386
00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:05,399
Well, Adam, if you don't
know a boy from a girl...
387
00:19:05,432 --> 00:19:06,431
Shut up!
388
00:19:06,464 --> 00:19:08,065
Where is he, I mean, she?
389
00:19:08,098 --> 00:19:09,831
Still in the wash house.
390
00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:11,064
Well, bring
her in here!
391
00:19:11,097 --> 00:19:12,530
No can do, Boss.
392
00:19:12,563 --> 00:19:14,964
Burn up clothes.
All very bad shape.
393
00:19:14,997 --> 00:19:17,696
You know, I think
I'd better see what
I can do about this.
394
00:19:17,729 --> 00:19:19,629
Maybe you just better
stay right where you are.
395
00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:25,161
(Little Joe laughing)
396
00:19:26,927 --> 00:19:28,360
Good luck, Adam!
397
00:19:40,759 --> 00:19:42,358
You, in there!
398
00:19:45,224 --> 00:19:46,891
Put this on and come on out.
399
00:19:49,124 --> 00:19:51,456
I tell you I found him--
her-- in the brush
400
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:52,690
and that's all I know.
401
00:19:52,723 --> 00:19:53,956
Yeah, well, you should've
asked me, Adam.
402
00:19:53,989 --> 00:19:55,589
I could've told you
it was a girl.
403
00:19:55,622 --> 00:19:56,689
(laughing)
404
00:19:56,722 --> 00:19:58,287
What are we gonna
to do with her?
405
00:19:58,321 --> 00:20:00,088
Well, we'll get rid of her.
406
00:20:01,187 --> 00:20:02,488
This way, Missy.
407
00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:17,652
Hello.
408
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:23,018
Won't you sit down?
409
00:20:36,748 --> 00:20:38,015
What's your name, child?
410
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,445
Why did you run away from me?
411
00:20:51,444 --> 00:20:54,112
Ain't you got no folks,
no relatives?
412
00:20:57,276 --> 00:21:01,242
Perhaps, perhaps you'd rather
not talk until morning.
413
00:21:04,110 --> 00:21:05,643
No.
414
00:21:05,676 --> 00:21:07,608
I think you're friends.
415
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:10,274
(sighing)
416
00:21:10,308 --> 00:21:13,507
My name is Rosemary Lawson.
417
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:16,873
My father and I
left San Francisco
418
00:21:16,906 --> 00:21:19,539
to come to
Virginia City by wagon.
419
00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:21,840
My father was
a school teacher.
420
00:21:21,873 --> 00:21:25,839
But he wanted
to look for silver.
421
00:21:25,872 --> 00:21:30,105
We didn't have any trouble
until we got into the mountains.
422
00:21:30,137 --> 00:21:32,270
Then, one night,
423
00:21:32,304 --> 00:21:34,737
we were camped near
the Truckee River.
424
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:39,302
It was very beautiful there...
425
00:21:39,335 --> 00:21:40,836
and we were very happy.
426
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:44,267
We sat by the fire and
427
00:21:44,301 --> 00:21:47,434
Daddy sang some
old songs to me.
428
00:21:47,468 --> 00:21:51,034
Then I went to bed
in the wagon.
429
00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:55,199
Later, I was awakened
by pistol shots.
430
00:21:55,232 --> 00:22:00,099
I looked out and there
were strange men in camp.
431
00:22:01,898 --> 00:22:04,163
They'd killed my father!
432
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:07,130
(crying)
433
00:22:09,229 --> 00:22:12,529
Um, I think you've, uh,
434
00:22:12,563 --> 00:22:15,161
you've talked enough
for tonight, Rosemary.
435
00:22:15,195 --> 00:22:17,962
Hop Sing, see that you get
some hot food and, uh,
436
00:22:17,996 --> 00:22:20,227
prepare that room at the
end of the bunkhouse.
437
00:22:26,159 --> 00:22:27,326
You rest well.
438
00:22:29,660 --> 00:22:30,993
(door shuts)
439
00:22:31,026 --> 00:22:33,026
Remember that filly colt
440
00:22:33,059 --> 00:22:36,424
we found in the upper
pasture last spring...
441
00:22:36,458 --> 00:22:39,825
after some skunk of a
hunter killed its mammy?
442
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:42,657
Yeah, I remember.
443
00:22:42,690 --> 00:22:44,557
She was scared
to death, too.
444
00:22:44,590 --> 00:22:46,889
Took us all day long
to run her down.
445
00:22:46,923 --> 00:22:49,489
They did more to her
than kill her father.
446
00:23:22,416 --> 00:23:25,349
*
447
00:23:43,745 --> 00:23:46,244
All right, who are you
and what are you doing here?
448
00:23:46,278 --> 00:23:48,411
I'm Dr. Ephriam Lovejoy.
449
00:23:48,445 --> 00:23:51,044
I represent, sir, a group
of distinguished scientists.
450
00:23:51,078 --> 00:23:54,109
Scientists...
451
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:55,576
Adam, what's in that wagon?
452
00:23:57,710 --> 00:23:59,043
Some kind of steel hooks.
453
00:23:59,077 --> 00:24:00,775
Grappling hooks.
454
00:24:00,809 --> 00:24:02,709
I'm going to fish for
the body in the lake.
455
00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:04,375
The body?
456
00:24:04,408 --> 00:24:05,674
What are you talking about?
457
00:24:05,708 --> 00:24:07,941
Well, the body of the
Wild Man, of course.
458
00:24:07,975 --> 00:24:10,673
Didn't you read about it
in the Territorial Enterprise?
459
00:24:10,707 --> 00:24:12,573
I expect to get off
an immediate report
460
00:24:12,607 --> 00:24:14,673
to my scientific group.
461
00:24:14,707 --> 00:24:18,138
What does it say, Pa?
462
00:24:18,172 --> 00:24:20,471
"The Wild Man of Washoe is dead.
463
00:24:20,504 --> 00:24:23,371
"His body having been consigned
to the waters of Lake Tahoe,
464
00:24:23,404 --> 00:24:26,537
"it will now sink to a depth of
200 feet, where it will remain
465
00:24:26,570 --> 00:24:29,103
"motionless, encased
in a block of ice,
466
00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:31,169
"while the pressure
encountered reduces it
467
00:24:31,202 --> 00:24:33,369
to the stature of a child."
468
00:24:33,402 --> 00:24:35,469
I thought they was gonna
print a retraction.
469
00:24:35,502 --> 00:24:37,101
Yeah, some retraction
you've got, Adam.
470
00:24:37,134 --> 00:24:39,468
Surely, gentlemen, for
scientific reasons...
471
00:24:39,501 --> 00:24:40,835
That article was written
472
00:24:40,868 --> 00:24:42,834
by a lying newspaper
reporter named Josh.
473
00:24:42,867 --> 00:24:45,467
Now, head that buggy back
towards Virginia City and fast!
474
00:24:52,398 --> 00:24:53,966
And put out the fire!
475
00:25:10,063 --> 00:25:11,896
(horse neighs)
476
00:25:11,929 --> 00:25:14,394
Well, Adam, it looks like
you got your retraction.
477
00:25:14,428 --> 00:25:17,261
Josh killed off
the Wild Man.
478
00:25:17,294 --> 00:25:19,126
Well, the next time I'm in town,
479
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,260
I think I'll pay this Josh
fellow a little visit.
480
00:25:22,293 --> 00:25:24,225
(grunts)
481
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:28,658
And I tell you, my friends,
482
00:25:28,692 --> 00:25:30,758
that never in the history
of Virginia City
483
00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:32,291
has there been a greater need
484
00:25:32,325 --> 00:25:34,490
for a guardian of the rights
of the working man.
485
00:25:34,524 --> 00:25:35,958
Right.
486
00:25:35,991 --> 00:25:39,089
The miners who are putting the
name Virginia City on the map.
487
00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:41,089
And those rights
will be guarded.
488
00:25:41,122 --> 00:25:43,189
Now then, gentlemen,
step up to the bar.
489
00:25:43,222 --> 00:25:44,589
The drinks are on me.
490
00:25:44,622 --> 00:25:46,755
(excited chatter)
491
00:25:46,789 --> 00:25:47,922
Drink up, boys.
492
00:25:47,956 --> 00:25:49,088
It's on the judge.
493
00:25:49,121 --> 00:25:50,454
MINNIE:
Yes, sir.
494
00:25:50,487 --> 00:25:53,021
There's two ways of
winning an election.
495
00:25:53,055 --> 00:25:54,820
One's by going around
making speeches.
496
00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:57,820
And the other's by sitting still
and making friends.
497
00:25:57,853 --> 00:26:00,352
Friend, here's mud
in your eye.
498
00:26:00,385 --> 00:26:02,586
Well, I remember you.
499
00:26:02,619 --> 00:26:04,786
And I remember you,
Mrs. Billington.
500
00:26:04,819 --> 00:26:08,284
Friend, see you
on election day.
501
00:26:13,650 --> 00:26:16,115
I, uh, didn't invite you
to sit down.
502
00:26:16,149 --> 00:26:18,115
Thank you anyway.
503
00:26:21,782 --> 00:26:23,682
Your very good
health, ma'am.
504
00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:26,247
And to the election of
Jeremy C. Billington.
505
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,981
You didn't come here
to buy my vote.
506
00:26:29,014 --> 00:26:30,714
Well, he's the
best man, isn't he?
507
00:26:30,747 --> 00:26:33,179
And what I always say--
let the best man win.
508
00:26:33,212 --> 00:26:34,379
Don't you worry about it.
509
00:26:34,413 --> 00:26:36,279
My husband always wins.
510
00:26:36,313 --> 00:26:37,679
You know, Mrs.
Billington,
511
00:26:37,712 --> 00:26:39,345
it's a funny thing
about elections
512
00:26:39,378 --> 00:26:41,111
and contests
of any kind.
513
00:26:41,145 --> 00:26:43,511
You never really know how
they're gonna work out.
514
00:26:43,544 --> 00:26:46,511
Now, back a couple of months
ago, I was in California.
515
00:26:46,544 --> 00:26:48,143
Place called
Calaveras County.
516
00:26:48,176 --> 00:26:50,743
And the folks there seemed
to think that they wanted
517
00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:53,342
to hold a sort of a-a little,
uh... frog-jumping contest?
518
00:26:53,375 --> 00:26:54,676
Yeah, I heard about it.
519
00:26:54,709 --> 00:26:56,776
You're the fellow thinks up
all that junk.
520
00:26:56,809 --> 00:26:58,641
Signs himself Josh.
521
00:26:58,675 --> 00:27:01,975
Well, I, uh, wouldn't exactly
call it junk, ma'am.
522
00:27:02,008 --> 00:27:03,874
All right.
What would you call it?
523
00:27:03,907 --> 00:27:07,941
Well, uh, I'd call it
some, uh, pretty fancy writing.
524
00:27:07,974 --> 00:27:11,006
Take my word for it-- it's junk.
525
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,171
Well, maybe you're
right at that.
526
00:27:14,204 --> 00:27:15,905
Smart fellow
like you shouldn't ought
527
00:27:15,939 --> 00:27:17,505
to be wasting
his time writing,
528
00:27:17,538 --> 00:27:19,871
or any other kind
of silly stuff like that.
529
00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:21,038
(chuckles)
530
00:27:21,070 --> 00:27:23,070
Well, uh, what
should I ought to do?
531
00:27:23,103 --> 00:27:24,336
You see, I
tried prospecting.
532
00:27:24,369 --> 00:27:25,503
I couldn't make a dime.
533
00:27:25,536 --> 00:27:27,703
Prospecting.
534
00:27:27,736 --> 00:27:29,902
That's almost as bad as writing.
535
00:27:29,936 --> 00:27:32,235
There's a lot better ways
of making a pile
536
00:27:32,268 --> 00:27:34,501
than going out in the hills
digging for it.
537
00:27:34,534 --> 00:27:35,768
(laughs)
538
00:27:35,801 --> 00:27:38,301
Yes, I guess there are.
539
00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:41,700
Now, you take politics.
540
00:27:41,733 --> 00:27:43,567
There's a big future
in politics.
541
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,332
Well, there... there has been
one for the last, uh...
542
00:27:46,365 --> 00:27:48,065
5,000 years.
543
00:27:48,098 --> 00:27:51,032
No, I mean,
right here, in Nevada.
544
00:27:51,064 --> 00:27:53,097
Fellow like you could
go places in Nevada.
545
00:27:53,131 --> 00:27:55,196
Well, you see, there
are a few places
546
00:27:55,230 --> 00:27:56,964
I'd rather see first.
547
00:27:56,997 --> 00:27:58,730
Oh, what kind of places
you talking about?
548
00:27:58,764 --> 00:28:02,563
Oh, uh, London, Paris, Rome.
549
00:28:02,596 --> 00:28:04,362
You see, uh,
when you're from Missouri,
550
00:28:04,396 --> 00:28:07,428
you've got to get out and
take a good look at the world.
551
00:28:07,461 --> 00:28:09,261
Well, whatever for?
552
00:28:09,295 --> 00:28:11,961
Oh, to understand
your own home town,
553
00:28:11,994 --> 00:28:14,227
the friends you had
when you were a child,
554
00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:17,626
sailing down the Mississippi
on a raft, and...
555
00:28:17,660 --> 00:28:20,359
Oh, you know,
all kinds of junk like that.
556
00:28:20,393 --> 00:28:23,058
Believe me, you won't
make a dime doing that, either.
557
00:28:23,091 --> 00:28:24,692
The money's out here
in Nevada.
558
00:28:24,725 --> 00:28:26,991
Like, uh, when you
get elected judge?
559
00:28:27,025 --> 00:28:28,724
What's wrong
with being elected judge?
560
00:28:28,758 --> 00:28:30,824
Oh, nothing, except
the way it's done.
561
00:28:30,858 --> 00:28:33,223
You may be able to
buy some votes with this,
562
00:28:33,256 --> 00:28:35,323
but, uh, you
won't be able
563
00:28:35,356 --> 00:28:37,489
to buy what we print
in the Enterprise.
564
00:28:37,522 --> 00:28:41,622
One way or another, my husband's
going to be elected judge.
565
00:28:41,656 --> 00:28:44,788
Isn't that, uh, sort
of up to the voters?
566
00:28:44,821 --> 00:28:47,954
Well, I'll, uh, see you
on election day, ma'am.
567
00:28:47,987 --> 00:28:50,587
Oh, and just for the
record, Mrs. Billington,
568
00:28:50,620 --> 00:28:53,185
I may never make a dime
writing all that junk,
569
00:28:53,219 --> 00:28:56,152
but, uh, here's one vote
that's sort of hard to buy.
570
00:28:56,185 --> 00:28:59,618
And I like to pay
for my own drinks.
571
00:29:09,616 --> 00:29:11,583
(sighs)
572
00:29:13,949 --> 00:29:16,248
Sam, I need a filler
for page three.
573
00:29:16,282 --> 00:29:18,115
You know, something
short and snappy.
574
00:29:18,148 --> 00:29:19,281
Yeah, I know.
575
00:29:19,314 --> 00:29:20,848
Give 'em a few laughs, huh?
576
00:29:20,881 --> 00:29:22,114
What's eating you?
577
00:29:22,147 --> 00:29:23,281
Oh, I don't know, Bill.
578
00:29:23,314 --> 00:29:24,713
I guess I'm getting
a little tired
579
00:29:24,747 --> 00:29:26,713
of writing sagebrush humor.
580
00:29:26,747 --> 00:29:29,079
But you write this
kind of stuff so well.
581
00:29:29,113 --> 00:29:30,979
Well, that's just it--
it's-it's stuff.
582
00:29:31,013 --> 00:29:32,245
I like humorous writing,
583
00:29:32,279 --> 00:29:34,612
but I like to say something
along with it.
584
00:29:34,646 --> 00:29:35,945
You make the
miners laugh.
585
00:29:35,978 --> 00:29:37,077
That's the
important thing.
586
00:29:37,111 --> 00:29:38,912
It is?
587
00:29:38,945 --> 00:29:41,610
How about making them think
for a change, huh?
588
00:29:41,644 --> 00:29:42,911
About what?
589
00:29:42,944 --> 00:29:44,443
Well, the election,
for instance.
590
00:29:44,477 --> 00:29:47,442
About the Right Honorable
Jeremy C. Billington.
591
00:29:47,476 --> 00:29:49,543
I don't think
anybody in Virginia City knows
592
00:29:49,576 --> 00:29:51,108
there's another man
running for judge.
593
00:29:51,141 --> 00:29:53,009
Well, there's Henry
Walker, of course.
594
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:55,141
He runs against
Jeremy every time
595
00:29:55,174 --> 00:29:56,874
and always loses.
596
00:29:56,908 --> 00:29:58,240
People are getting
pretty used
597
00:29:58,274 --> 00:30:00,274
to electing Billington judge,
aren't they?
598
00:30:00,307 --> 00:30:02,239
Yes, I guess by
now they are.
599
00:30:03,339 --> 00:30:05,439
Then why is he spending
so much money
600
00:30:05,473 --> 00:30:07,006
on his campaign this time, hmm?
601
00:30:07,038 --> 00:30:10,171
Now that you mention it,
it is kind of unusual.
602
00:30:10,205 --> 00:30:12,371
Yeah. So are
those Paris gowns
603
00:30:12,404 --> 00:30:14,371
that Minnie Billington wears.
604
00:30:14,404 --> 00:30:16,737
Miners are so busy looking
at her low necklines,
605
00:30:16,770 --> 00:30:19,069
they forget who's
paying for them.
606
00:30:19,103 --> 00:30:21,203
Are you afraid the Enterprise
won't print any story
607
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:22,369
you happen to dig up?
608
00:30:22,402 --> 00:30:24,469
You know, I had a
little bet with myself
609
00:30:24,502 --> 00:30:25,736
that you'd go
along with me?
610
00:30:25,769 --> 00:30:27,801
Sam, this is a newspaper,
not a comic strip.
611
00:30:27,835 --> 00:30:29,034
You come up with a story,
612
00:30:29,067 --> 00:30:30,268
and the Enterprise
will print it.
613
00:30:30,301 --> 00:30:31,768
Just as long
as I sign it?
614
00:30:31,801 --> 00:30:33,667
Just as long
as you sign it.
615
00:30:33,700 --> 00:30:35,367
All right.
616
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,400
Well, let me see, uh...
617
00:30:49,697 --> 00:30:51,464
Let's get out of here.
618
00:30:53,364 --> 00:30:55,963
(calling to horses)
619
00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:03,262
Ya! Ya!
620
00:31:03,295 --> 00:31:04,928
(two gunshots)
621
00:31:04,961 --> 00:31:06,895
(calling to horse)
622
00:31:10,093 --> 00:31:11,627
(indistinct shouting)
623
00:31:34,723 --> 00:31:37,021
(gunfire continues)
624
00:31:40,088 --> 00:31:41,587
(groans)
625
00:31:41,621 --> 00:31:43,053
Just a crease.
626
00:31:43,087 --> 00:31:44,554
He ain't hurt bad.
627
00:31:44,587 --> 00:31:47,052
You'd better
have a good story
this time, Mister.
628
00:31:47,086 --> 00:31:48,386
I've got nothing
to say.
629
00:31:48,419 --> 00:31:50,486
Well, you better think
of something quick.
630
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,952
Why take it out
on me?
631
00:31:52,986 --> 00:31:55,051
The man you want is back
in Virginia City.
632
00:31:58,117 --> 00:32:00,484
Get his
horse.
633
00:32:08,716 --> 00:32:10,883
Whoa.
634
00:32:10,916 --> 00:32:13,081
Ah, my dear,
635
00:32:13,114 --> 00:32:15,882
today you are the epitome
of feminine pulchritude.
636
00:32:15,915 --> 00:32:18,380
Don't you talk dirty to
me, Jeremy Billington.
637
00:32:18,413 --> 00:32:19,881
(stammers)
638
00:32:19,914 --> 00:32:21,313
(laughs)
639
00:32:21,347 --> 00:32:23,513
I won't be long, my dear.
640
00:32:51,841 --> 00:32:52,808
You Daniel Lash?
641
00:32:52,841 --> 00:32:53,841
What's the meaning
of this?
642
00:32:53,875 --> 00:32:54,940
We'll ask
the questions.
643
00:32:54,974 --> 00:32:56,406
Gentlemen, I
wouldn't like
to cite you
644
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:57,573
into my court
for threatening.
645
00:32:57,607 --> 00:32:58,773
You, sit down.
646
00:32:58,807 --> 00:33:00,172
We didn't come here
to threaten anyone.
647
00:33:00,205 --> 00:33:01,472
We came here
to warn you.
648
00:33:01,506 --> 00:33:03,239
Now, you stay away
from us, Lash.
649
00:33:03,272 --> 00:33:05,137
There'll be
no land grab on
the Ponderosa.
650
00:33:05,171 --> 00:33:06,805
ADAM:
Next time your men
start shooting at us,
651
00:33:06,838 --> 00:33:09,404
we won't be bringing them back
to you alive.
652
00:33:20,235 --> 00:33:22,535
What do you
think happened?
653
00:33:22,568 --> 00:33:25,368
I, uh, think railroad stocks
took a little drop.
654
00:33:39,131 --> 00:33:40,298
It just doesn't
make sense, Pa.
655
00:33:40,332 --> 00:33:41,898
Why would they bypass
the main railroad line
656
00:33:41,931 --> 00:33:43,997
just in order
to cut across the Ponderosa?
657
00:33:44,030 --> 00:33:45,564
25,000 acres
of prime timber
658
00:33:45,598 --> 00:33:46,730
and grazing
land.
659
00:33:46,763 --> 00:33:47,964
That's reason
enough,
isn't it?
660
00:33:47,996 --> 00:33:50,230
Why, the railroad people
could grab that much land
661
00:33:50,263 --> 00:33:51,829
just by checkerboarding
a right-of-way
662
00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:53,028
across our property.
663
00:33:53,062 --> 00:33:54,462
Well, by
checkerboarding,
664
00:33:54,496 --> 00:33:57,061
they could seal off
every other square mile of land.
665
00:33:57,094 --> 00:33:58,328
That's right.
666
00:33:58,361 --> 00:33:59,761
Yeah, but, Pa, would any court
667
00:33:59,795 --> 00:34:01,261
in the land approve
a right-of-way
668
00:34:01,294 --> 00:34:03,327
that ain't nothing
but a front for a land grab?
669
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,827
Not unless
they got to a judge.
670
00:34:05,861 --> 00:34:08,125
Hey, you mean
Judge Billington?
671
00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:10,459
I don't think
it was any coincidence at all
672
00:34:10,493 --> 00:34:12,526
that we found the judge
in Lash's office.
673
00:34:12,559 --> 00:34:14,525
I wouldn't put it past
the old scallywag.
674
00:34:14,558 --> 00:34:15,692
(door opens)
675
00:34:15,725 --> 00:34:16,859
ROSEMARY:
Is anything wrong?
676
00:34:16,892 --> 00:34:18,524
LITTLE JOE:
Hey, Adam.
677
00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:20,457
Hey, take a look
at what happened
678
00:34:20,491 --> 00:34:22,123
to that little
boy you found.
679
00:34:22,157 --> 00:34:24,456
BEN:
Well! (laughs)
680
00:34:24,490 --> 00:34:26,323
Well, you
sure look
pretty.
Thank you.
681
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:30,055
You know, I don't understand how
I made such a big mistake.
682
00:34:30,088 --> 00:34:31,722
That Hop Sing's a
pretty good outfitter.
683
00:34:31,755 --> 00:34:33,888
Oh, he bought
a lot more
than I need.
684
00:34:33,921 --> 00:34:36,020
I don't know
how to thank
all of you.
685
00:34:36,054 --> 00:34:37,187
Well...
686
00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:39,887
Somebody come here.
687
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,720
Ride up on a mule.
688
00:34:41,753 --> 00:34:43,453
That's all we need.
689
00:34:43,487 --> 00:34:45,185
Another scientific
expedition.
690
00:34:45,219 --> 00:34:47,352
Rosemary, let's find
out who this is.
691
00:34:52,984 --> 00:34:55,283
It's that
newspaper
reporter.
692
00:34:55,317 --> 00:34:57,250
Afternoon.
693
00:34:58,884 --> 00:35:00,516
We, uh...
we printed
the retraction
694
00:35:00,549 --> 00:35:01,716
about the
Wild Man.
695
00:35:01,749 --> 00:35:02,883
So we noticed.
696
00:35:02,916 --> 00:35:04,716
Uh, would you care
to meet him?
697
00:35:04,749 --> 00:35:06,815
Wouldn't that be a
little hard to do?
698
00:35:06,849 --> 00:35:09,682
After all, it was
just something I
sort of dreamed up.
699
00:35:09,715 --> 00:35:11,347
Well, Mr. Clemens,
700
00:35:11,380 --> 00:35:13,514
I think you should be
given the opportunity
701
00:35:13,547 --> 00:35:15,080
of meeting
the Wild Man.
702
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:16,413
Here she is.
703
00:35:16,446 --> 00:35:17,646
You mean,
she's a...?
704
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:18,947
HOSS:
That's right,
Mr. Clemens.
705
00:35:19,012 --> 00:35:20,246
There's
your Wild Man.
706
00:35:20,279 --> 00:35:22,846
20 foot tall with a manzanita
bush in each hand
707
00:35:22,879 --> 00:35:24,779
and a waggin' tongue
in her mouth.
708
00:35:24,812 --> 00:35:25,946
(laughter)
709
00:35:25,977 --> 00:35:27,311
Well, I don't know
710
00:35:27,344 --> 00:35:28,911
what they're
talking about, Miss,
711
00:35:28,945 --> 00:35:31,543
but you're the prettiest
Wild Man I ever did see.
712
00:35:31,577 --> 00:35:33,176
Thank you.
713
00:35:33,210 --> 00:35:36,210
Mr. Clemens,
to what do we
owe this visit?
714
00:35:36,243 --> 00:35:37,943
Well, for one thing,
I thought you ought to know
715
00:35:37,975 --> 00:35:39,142
there are warrants out
for your arrest.
716
00:35:39,175 --> 00:35:42,508
Warrants?
717
00:35:42,541 --> 00:35:45,608
Well, I, uh... I think we ought
to talk about this inside.
718
00:35:45,641 --> 00:35:48,373
Rosemary, tell Hop Sing
we'll have a guest for dinner.
719
00:35:48,407 --> 00:35:49,774
Here, I'll take
your mule.
720
00:35:49,807 --> 00:35:50,941
Thank you.
721
00:35:50,973 --> 00:35:52,739
Come on.
722
00:35:52,773 --> 00:35:55,739
Mr. Clemens,
I homesteaded the Ponderosa,
723
00:35:55,773 --> 00:35:58,038
fought Indians
and drove off outlaws.
724
00:35:58,071 --> 00:36:01,338
I'm not going to let Lash
or anybody else grab my land.
725
00:36:01,371 --> 00:36:03,437
Well, if the railroad
got a legal right-of-way
726
00:36:03,471 --> 00:36:05,037
and checkerboarded
the Ponderosa
727
00:36:05,070 --> 00:36:07,637
with land holdings,
what would you do then?
728
00:36:07,671 --> 00:36:09,336
Fight.
729
00:36:09,369 --> 00:36:11,002
We've got guns,
730
00:36:11,036 --> 00:36:13,136
ammunition,
and friends.
731
00:36:13,168 --> 00:36:16,168
You can't fight the law
with guns.
732
00:36:16,202 --> 00:36:18,101
I don't think you have
the proper respect
733
00:36:18,135 --> 00:36:19,967
for guns,
Mr. Clemens.
734
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,534
But you'd be surprised
how many people have.
735
00:36:24,266 --> 00:36:26,233
Oh, I got a lot
of respect for guns.
736
00:36:29,532 --> 00:36:31,032
Good balance.
737
00:36:31,065 --> 00:36:33,732
The thing is that sometimes
you get right smack dab
738
00:36:33,766 --> 00:36:36,097
into a fight
that you can't settle with guns.
739
00:36:36,131 --> 00:36:38,465
Or with, uh, fists.
740
00:36:38,498 --> 00:36:40,963
That's right.
741
00:36:40,996 --> 00:36:43,363
Now, if our hunch
is correct, everything depends
742
00:36:43,397 --> 00:36:45,095
on defeating Billington
in the election
743
00:36:45,129 --> 00:36:46,796
so he won't sell out
to the railroad.
744
00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:48,796
Looks to me like we
ought to get started
745
00:36:48,830 --> 00:36:50,728
then before
the election.
746
00:36:50,762 --> 00:36:52,562
You can't defeat
a politician with guns,
747
00:36:52,595 --> 00:36:55,694
but you might
be able to with laughter.
748
00:36:55,727 --> 00:36:57,661
You mean, laugh
him out of town?
749
00:36:57,694 --> 00:36:59,060
Something like that.
750
00:36:59,093 --> 00:37:01,726
Sometimes the pen is mightier
than the sword.
751
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,259
Well, I don't
know, Mr. Clemens.
752
00:37:03,293 --> 00:37:05,958
I think I'd have to put
my money on the sword.
753
00:37:05,991 --> 00:37:08,125
Yeah, if I was up
against that crowd, I...
754
00:37:08,158 --> 00:37:09,859
I think I'd count
on my guns.
755
00:37:09,892 --> 00:37:12,024
Well, wait a minute, boys.
756
00:37:12,057 --> 00:37:14,691
Sam, if you want to fight
this thing out with your pen,
757
00:37:14,724 --> 00:37:16,190
well, that's up to you.
758
00:37:16,223 --> 00:37:18,123
But we'll be around
with our guns
759
00:37:18,156 --> 00:37:19,557
to help you if you need us.
760
00:37:19,590 --> 00:37:21,289
Fair enough.
761
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:22,656
You know, I sure
would like to know
762
00:37:22,689 --> 00:37:23,889
how you're gonna
go about it.
763
00:37:23,923 --> 00:37:27,688
Just keep reading the
Territorial Enterprise.
764
00:37:30,655 --> 00:37:32,353
(indistinct conversations)
765
00:37:43,285 --> 00:37:44,852
"Professor Personal Pronoun
766
00:37:44,885 --> 00:37:47,584
Runs For Office
in Virginia City"-- by Josh.
767
00:37:47,617 --> 00:37:50,651
"Jeremy C. Billington,
friend of the miner,
768
00:37:50,684 --> 00:37:53,249
"the mill worker
and the back alley dog,
769
00:37:53,283 --> 00:37:55,550
"spoke at a political
rally last night.
770
00:37:55,583 --> 00:37:58,081
"Most of the speech
was devoted to the nobility
771
00:37:58,115 --> 00:38:00,081
"of Mr. Billington himself.
772
00:38:00,115 --> 00:38:01,615
"An alarming number of sentences
773
00:38:01,649 --> 00:38:03,947
"began with the pronoun 'I',
774
00:38:03,980 --> 00:38:05,848
"which qualifies the
Judge as a professor
775
00:38:05,881 --> 00:38:08,247
"on the subject
of personal pronouns.
776
00:38:08,281 --> 00:38:11,180
"During the discourse, it was
possible for this reporter
777
00:38:11,213 --> 00:38:14,345
"to discover that the professor
is against sin,
778
00:38:14,379 --> 00:38:17,779
gravy on the vest,
and overflowing water closets."
779
00:38:17,813 --> 00:38:19,678
Hey, this fellow Josh
gets right to the seat
780
00:38:19,711 --> 00:38:22,011
of the trouble, don't he?
781
00:38:22,044 --> 00:38:23,278
I guess our friend Josh
782
00:38:23,311 --> 00:38:25,477
knows what he's
doing, after all.
783
00:38:25,510 --> 00:38:28,243
Josh claims Professor
Personal Pronoun will provide
784
00:38:28,277 --> 00:38:32,576
more free air, stronger zephyrs,
taller mine mules.
785
00:38:32,609 --> 00:38:34,109
He's making a fool of you!
786
00:38:34,142 --> 00:38:35,675
That doesn't mean a thing!
787
00:38:35,708 --> 00:38:37,642
I'll beat Henry Walker
by 3,000 votes!
788
00:38:37,675 --> 00:38:39,241
Billington, I've
got too big a hand
789
00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:42,240
in this game
to take chances!
790
00:38:42,274 --> 00:38:45,073
No quack newspaper reporter
is going to stand
791
00:38:45,107 --> 00:38:47,506
between me and the Ponderosa.
792
00:38:56,037 --> 00:38:58,304
(thud, Sam groaning)
793
00:39:23,199 --> 00:39:24,866
Doesn't look too bad.
794
00:39:24,900 --> 00:39:26,232
Well, you had enough?
795
00:39:26,266 --> 00:39:27,465
No, Bill.
796
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:28,799
Billington's got to be beaten
797
00:39:28,832 --> 00:39:31,131
for the good of everyone
in Virginia City.
798
00:39:31,165 --> 00:39:34,130
I think I might just have
the story that'll do it.
799
00:39:39,062 --> 00:39:41,663
Sam?! Sam!
800
00:39:47,529 --> 00:39:49,428
I want to see
Judge Billington.
801
00:39:49,461 --> 00:39:51,394
I think the Judge
has retired.
802
00:39:51,428 --> 00:39:53,360
That's all right,
he's expecting me.
803
00:40:21,755 --> 00:40:22,954
(knocking continues)
804
00:40:22,988 --> 00:40:24,188
MINNIE:
Who is it?
805
00:40:24,221 --> 00:40:26,120
I'm from
Lash's office.
806
00:40:26,154 --> 00:40:28,521
It's about time.
807
00:40:28,554 --> 00:40:29,621
Is it in gold?
808
00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:32,620
Yes, it's gold, all right.
809
00:40:32,653 --> 00:40:34,887
We had to collect it from
one of the gambling places.
810
00:40:34,919 --> 00:40:36,318
That's why I was late.
811
00:40:36,352 --> 00:40:37,519
Well, let me see it.
812
00:40:37,552 --> 00:40:38,619
Let me see it!
813
00:40:40,584 --> 00:40:42,885
(loud jangling)
814
00:40:50,283 --> 00:40:53,249
"...and there she stood,
nightgown torn right off...
815
00:40:53,282 --> 00:40:56,082
(clamoring excitedly)
816
00:40:56,115 --> 00:40:57,914
"Gold pieces six inches deep
817
00:40:57,947 --> 00:41:00,914
around the prettiest bare
feet in Virginia City."
818
00:41:00,947 --> 00:41:02,347
Wish I could've seen that!
Oh!
819
00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:04,347
(chuckling)
820
00:41:04,380 --> 00:41:07,413
Uh... "Money may be the
root of all evil,
821
00:41:07,446 --> 00:41:11,212
but a lady without a nightgown
sure takes the curse off it."
822
00:41:11,246 --> 00:41:13,879
Oh!
Oh, and how!
823
00:41:13,911 --> 00:41:18,377
"Maybe Mr. Daniel Lash's
foreman has a case pending
824
00:41:18,411 --> 00:41:21,644
"in Professor Personal
Pronoun's Court.
825
00:41:21,677 --> 00:41:23,777
"But if he has,
we're sure this was
826
00:41:23,810 --> 00:41:26,643
just his tribute
to feminine beauty."
827
00:41:26,676 --> 00:41:28,675
(chuckling)
828
00:41:28,709 --> 00:41:30,709
Beating up that reporter
829
00:41:30,742 --> 00:41:33,307
didn't stop him from
writing more stories.
830
00:41:33,341 --> 00:41:35,040
Well, there's one way
we can stop him
831
00:41:35,074 --> 00:41:37,541
from ever writing
another line.
832
00:41:37,574 --> 00:41:39,707
That might be
better all around.
833
00:41:39,740 --> 00:41:43,006
He won't amount to much
as a writer anyway.
834
00:41:43,039 --> 00:41:44,706
I can make sure of that.
835
00:41:44,739 --> 00:41:47,905
Get him out of my
way, permanently.
836
00:41:55,170 --> 00:41:56,871
My friends...
837
00:41:56,903 --> 00:42:00,202
My friends, in this election,
838
00:42:00,236 --> 00:42:03,736
do not allow yourselves to be
tricked by the special interests
839
00:42:03,770 --> 00:42:06,268
spearheaded
by a libelous newspaper
840
00:42:06,301 --> 00:42:09,900
determined to overthrow the
will of the common people.
841
00:42:09,933 --> 00:42:11,734
If I am elected,
842
00:42:11,768 --> 00:42:16,366
we will drive these thieves of
liberty out of Virginia City
843
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,899
and once more,
every man will be a king
844
00:42:19,932 --> 00:42:22,532
and every woman a queen.
845
00:42:22,565 --> 00:42:25,298
(crowd laughing)
With deuces wild?
846
00:42:25,331 --> 00:42:27,498
My friends, my friends!
847
00:42:28,598 --> 00:42:30,331
Get up.
My friends!
848
00:42:30,364 --> 00:42:32,063
Try anything and
people get hurt.
849
00:42:32,096 --> 00:42:35,463
My friends, I believe
in fair play.
850
00:42:35,497 --> 00:42:38,696
That's my motto, fair play.
851
00:42:38,729 --> 00:42:40,329
What do you charge for
it, Billington, huh?
852
00:42:40,362 --> 00:42:44,328
My friends, my friends,
do not believe the lies
853
00:42:44,361 --> 00:42:46,827
perpetrated by a man who refuses
854
00:42:46,861 --> 00:42:49,694
to sign his own name
to his articles,
855
00:42:49,727 --> 00:42:52,992
but insists on being called
"Josh."
856
00:42:53,025 --> 00:42:54,459
(gunshots)
857
00:42:54,493 --> 00:42:56,593
My friends, my friends,
listen to me!
858
00:42:56,626 --> 00:42:58,425
(gunshots)
859
00:42:58,458 --> 00:43:00,792
You've known me all
your lives, my friends.
860
00:43:00,825 --> 00:43:02,224
Oh, shut up.
861
00:43:02,257 --> 00:43:03,724
Your friends, my eye.
862
00:43:03,758 --> 00:43:05,224
Let's get out of here!
863
00:43:40,317 --> 00:43:41,751
Where's Sam Clemens?
864
00:43:41,784 --> 00:43:43,650
He's covering the
political rally.
865
00:43:43,684 --> 00:43:45,949
Aren't you folks taking a big
chance, coming into town?
866
00:43:45,982 --> 00:43:47,915
Apparently not as much of
a chance as Sam Clemens.
867
00:43:47,949 --> 00:43:49,348
We heard he was beaten up.
868
00:43:49,382 --> 00:43:50,849
Didn't stop him, he's
still going strong.
869
00:43:50,881 --> 00:43:52,749
Yeah, but how long can
he keep on taking it?
870
00:43:52,782 --> 00:43:54,714
(gunshots)
871
00:44:01,146 --> 00:44:02,646
HENCHMAN:
Come over here!
872
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,945
(gunshots)
873
00:44:13,611 --> 00:44:14,811
You need some help.
874
00:44:14,845 --> 00:44:16,110
That must've been
quite a rally!
875
00:44:16,143 --> 00:44:17,643
I gotta get this story
on the presses.
876
00:44:18,410 --> 00:44:20,210
All right, now!
877
00:44:26,341 --> 00:44:27,941
Got to get this story out.
878
00:44:27,974 --> 00:44:29,742
Sounds like you started
a riot! What happened?
879
00:44:29,775 --> 00:44:31,307
Read about it in
your next edition.
880
00:44:31,340 --> 00:44:35,006
Adam, Joe, you're next.
881
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,073
Go!
882
00:44:40,905 --> 00:44:43,672
Knock off a fast
proof, will you?
883
00:44:48,371 --> 00:44:50,104
(horse neighs)
884
00:44:57,203 --> 00:44:59,669
Hey, Josh, I sure am
anxious to read that story.
885
00:44:59,702 --> 00:45:01,669
Josh.
886
00:45:01,702 --> 00:45:02,934
That's what's wrong!
887
00:45:02,967 --> 00:45:04,434
LITTLE JOE:
What's wrong?
888
00:45:04,468 --> 00:45:06,167
I knew it all along.
889
00:45:06,201 --> 00:45:07,368
It just wasn't right.
890
00:45:07,401 --> 00:45:08,533
Hey, don't stop writing!
891
00:45:08,567 --> 00:45:09,734
Come on, finish it!
892
00:45:09,767 --> 00:45:11,999
For Pete's sake, Sam,
finish the story!
893
00:45:16,099 --> 00:45:17,065
Come on!
894
00:45:17,099 --> 00:45:19,264
Hoss!
895
00:45:35,328 --> 00:45:37,228
C'mon, go that way.
896
00:45:38,261 --> 00:45:40,427
You know, Joe,
when I was a boy
897
00:45:40,461 --> 00:45:42,361
living on the banks
of the Mississippi,
898
00:45:42,394 --> 00:45:45,093
I used to dream
about becoming a
river pilot someday.
899
00:45:45,126 --> 00:45:47,827
Well, dream about
it some other time.
900
00:45:47,859 --> 00:45:49,293
(gunshots)
901
00:45:49,326 --> 00:45:50,858
Hurry up with that darn story!
902
00:45:50,891 --> 00:45:53,225
Hoss, watch the back door!
903
00:45:55,157 --> 00:45:57,324
Josh, get down!
904
00:45:59,691 --> 00:46:01,223
You'd have to live
on the Mississippi
905
00:46:01,256 --> 00:46:02,457
to know what it's really like.
906
00:46:02,490 --> 00:46:05,888
The way those big old boats
come down the river,
907
00:46:05,922 --> 00:46:08,888
the leadsman standing
out there on the bow,
908
00:46:08,922 --> 00:46:12,388
taking the depth and singing it
out to the pilot on the bridge.
909
00:46:12,421 --> 00:46:15,986
On a summer evening, it,
uh, has the sound of music.
910
00:46:21,852 --> 00:46:23,319
Music?
911
00:46:23,353 --> 00:46:25,186
You don't get that story
finished, the only thing
912
00:46:25,219 --> 00:46:27,585
you're gonna hear
is a funeral march.
913
00:46:32,684 --> 00:46:35,317
I can still hear it.
914
00:46:35,351 --> 00:46:38,616
"Mark four!"
915
00:46:38,650 --> 00:46:41,416
"Mark three!"
916
00:46:41,450 --> 00:46:44,282
"Quarter less three!"
917
00:46:44,315 --> 00:46:45,948
"Half twain!"
918
00:46:45,981 --> 00:46:49,448
"Quarter twain!"
919
00:46:49,481 --> 00:46:51,614
"Mark Twain!"
920
00:47:07,044 --> 00:47:08,976
(grunting)
921
00:47:15,376 --> 00:47:17,209
Joe, I've got it!
922
00:47:17,242 --> 00:47:19,408
You sure almost did
get it, Mr. Clemens.
923
00:47:19,442 --> 00:47:20,575
No, you don't understand.
924
00:47:20,608 --> 00:47:22,375
I mean, I've finally
found my name.
925
00:47:22,408 --> 00:47:24,374
Ain't your name Samuel Clemens?
926
00:47:24,407 --> 00:47:26,641
No, Hoss, I mean my pen name.
927
00:47:26,674 --> 00:47:27,973
Mark Twain.
928
00:47:28,007 --> 00:47:29,740
That means river
running clear,
929
00:47:29,773 --> 00:47:31,740
two fathoms of water
beneath the keel.
930
00:47:31,773 --> 00:47:34,340
That's what river men
call real clear sailing.
931
00:47:34,373 --> 00:47:35,772
Everything's pretty clear
932
00:47:35,806 --> 00:47:37,339
around here right now,
Mr. Clemens.
933
00:47:40,538 --> 00:47:43,171
I don't know about
that name, Mark Twain.
934
00:47:43,204 --> 00:47:45,936
Seem to me like I've heard a lot
better names than that before.
935
00:47:45,969 --> 00:47:48,804
You sure that's a fitting
name for a writer?
936
00:47:48,836 --> 00:47:50,203
(chuckling):
Well, I don't know, Hoss.
937
00:47:50,236 --> 00:47:51,835
We'll just have to
give it a try.
938
00:47:51,868 --> 00:47:53,469
You got the finish
of that story, Sam?
939
00:47:53,502 --> 00:47:55,934
Everything but the byline.
940
00:47:55,967 --> 00:47:58,034
Sign it-- "Mark Twain."
941
00:47:58,068 --> 00:47:59,668
Mark Twain?
942
00:47:59,702 --> 00:48:01,233
Well, it's better than Josh.
943
00:48:01,267 --> 00:48:03,667
What happened
to Samuel Clemens?
944
00:48:03,701 --> 00:48:05,833
I guess we've seen the
last of Sam Clemens.
945
00:48:05,866 --> 00:48:07,232
You know something?
946
00:48:07,266 --> 00:48:08,633
I like it.
947
00:48:08,666 --> 00:48:10,333
Mark Twain.
948
00:48:12,365 --> 00:48:14,298
Mark Twain.
949
00:48:15,498 --> 00:48:20,230
(indistinct shouting, cheering)
950
00:48:20,264 --> 00:48:23,496
Here she is, Sam,
hot off the press.
951
00:48:23,530 --> 00:48:27,028
"Professor Personal Pronoun
Won't be Around Anymore."
952
00:48:27,062 --> 00:48:28,262
(crowd laughing)
953
00:48:28,295 --> 00:48:29,262
By Mark Twain.
954
00:48:29,295 --> 00:48:30,796
That was quite
a fight, Sam.
955
00:48:30,828 --> 00:48:32,461
Yeah, I guess you
were right at that,
956
00:48:32,494 --> 00:48:33,860
the pen is mightier
than the sword.
957
00:48:33,894 --> 00:48:35,561
Anytime you wanna visit
Virginia City again,
958
00:48:35,594 --> 00:48:36,894
you just write us
and let us know.
959
00:48:36,927 --> 00:48:39,527
And be sure to sign it "Mark
Twain" so we know who it is.
960
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:41,694
Bye, Sam!
I sure will.
961
00:48:41,727 --> 00:48:43,693
I'll sign it-- "Mark Twain."
962
00:48:43,726 --> 00:48:46,759
(all saying good-byes)
963
00:48:46,793 --> 00:48:49,725
(all cheering)
69330
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