subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for eurotrip.dvdrip.xvid-deity

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic Download

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,120 Congratulations, Hudson High Class of 2004. 2 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,120 There she is. Fiona! 3 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,440 Bye. 4 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:29,960 - Hey. - Hey! 5 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,080 - Hey, you. 6 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,600 - Congratulations, graduate. - Thanks, baby. 7 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,480 And congratulations to you, Cooper. 8 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,280 Aww. Thanks, baby! 9 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,320 - Nice try. - All right. 10 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,120 - See you at Wade's party tonight? - See you then. 11 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,280 So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. 12 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,960 Next year you graduate, join me at college. Just like we planned. 13 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,480 - Scott, we need to talk. - Yeah? About what? 14 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,800 About me dumping you. 15 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,120 Huh? 16 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,480 There he is! 17 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:08,280 The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. OK? 18 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,000 Smile, you two! 19 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,160 - Action! - Dad, Mom, Grandma... 20 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,080 Uncle Moke... uh... 21 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,480 I'm gonna need a minute here, OK? 22 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,520 What do you mean, you're dumping me? 23 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,200 I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. 24 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,560 What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you. 25 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,680 I know. That's what makes this so hard. 26 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,600 You're looking good, you guys. 27 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:36,080 Scotty, it's not you. It's me. 28 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,480 There I go, lying again. No, it was you. 29 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,560 You're just so... 30 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,960 ...predictable. - Smile! 31 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,880 So, that's it. 32 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,760 Here's your letter jacket back. 33 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,320 Goodbye. 34 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,200 This isn't mine. 35 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,280 She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow. 36 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,480 Oh, my God. 37 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,160 Fiona! 38 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,680 Let's see that again. 39 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,240 Fiona! 40 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,800 - This is just so brutal. 41 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,200 And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on. 42 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,400 - Fiona! - Bert, get out of here. 43 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,600 OK.See you. 44 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,520 All right. Stay black, Bert. 45 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,600 "Fiona!" 46 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,600 Mail, motherfucker! 47 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,480 Hey, I got one from Mieke. 48 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,760 "Happy Herzlichen." 49 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,120 Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class. 50 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,280 Yeah at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. 51 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,400 He's a really cool guy. 52 00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:01,840 "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal." 53 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,480 Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. 54 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,680 Listen to yourself, all right? 55 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:12,040 You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how these sexual predators work. 56 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,080 Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" 57 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,280 where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, 58 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,120 and make a wind chime out of your genitals. 59 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,720 Come on, let's go to Wade's. 60 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,240 All right. Screw it. Let's go. 61 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,960 I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night. 62 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,000 Auf wiedersehen, Mieke. 63 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,360 - What's up, losers? - What's up, Jenny? 64 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,880 What's up, dude? 65 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,000 Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. 66 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,880 That's very sweet of you. Thanks. 67 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,320 Enough Fiona talk. Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls. 68 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,880 We should try to have sex with every one of 'em. 69 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,880 Hello? Mixed company? 70 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,360 What? 71 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,120 - I'm a girl! - No, you're not. 72 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:07,120 - You're just a cool guy with long hair. - So, where's your evil twin brother? 73 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,120 Jenny! 74 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,640 There he is. 75 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,120 Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. 76 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,400 Why'd you get me gin and tonic? 77 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,080 - I hate gin. - You do? 78 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,000 You guys are the worst twins ever! 79 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,480 Chug! Chug! 80 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,960 - When are you guys taking off? - Tomorrow morning. 81 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,760 Hey, Wade! Great party, buddy. 82 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,280 Man, I am so excited! 83 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,840 A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. 84 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,760 You should've come with us instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! 85 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,240 It's gonna be so awesome! 86 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:53,520 Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun! 87 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,640 You brought a guidebook to a party? 88 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,880 - Do you wanna see my itinerary? - Do you wanna see my balls? 89 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,320 You guys decide where you're gonna go first? 90 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Paris! I can't wait. 91 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,840 Two years ago Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met a wealthy French guy, 92 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,920 and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. 93 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,960 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 94 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:19,680 Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay. 95 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,000 It's not gay. I'm a girl. 96 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,840 - Kinda gay. - A little gay. 97 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,960 I gotta piss like a pregnant woman. 98 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,760 Hey, listen up, everybody. 99 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,280 Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. 100 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,800 Going to play a little song for you 101 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,200 about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... 102 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,080 Fiona. 103 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,040 This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. 104 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,120 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me 105 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,680 " Do it in my van every Sunday 106 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,600 " She tells him she's in church But she doesn't go 107 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,600 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know 108 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,760 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know 109 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,720 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 110 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,040 " Scotty doesn't know " 111 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,080 I hope we're just as popular in college as we were in high school. 112 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,160 - We will be. - I know. 113 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,200 Who needs more Chablis? 114 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,360 - Candy, wanna come with? - No, I'll stay here. 115 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,800 Well, there's your R-rating right there. 116 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,040 - Whoops! 117 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,120 Holy cow! 118 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,840 Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! 119 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:53,080 " I can't believe He's so trusting 120 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,840 " While I'm right behind you thrusting 121 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,560 " 'Cause Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 122 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,360 Cooper Harris, you're a pig! 123 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,680 Uh... Candy, you should clean that off before you go. 124 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,480 Clean what off? 125 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,360 You got a little something on you. 126 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,240 - Where? - Right there. 127 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,200 It's like a smudge, or something. 128 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,840 Where? 129 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,560 It's like dirt, or something. Just go like this. 130 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,000 Is it off? 131 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,880 No, keep rubbing it. 132 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:42,600 " I did it with her on his birthday 133 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,240 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 134 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,480 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 135 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,040 " Don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 136 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:56,320 Mmm-hmm... mmm-hmm... 137 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,120 No, it's just not coming off. 138 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,720 What is it? 139 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,080 Maybe tree sap or something. Try pinching it. 140 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,800 No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what. 141 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,200 Lick your fingers, get some saliva going. 142 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,600 Like this? 143 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,120 Yeah. 144 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,800 Again, not enough saliva. 145 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,120 - Is it off yet? - Fine, I'll do it. 146 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,600 Come here. 147 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,400 Oh, my God! Candy! 148 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,080 Cooper! 149 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,040 Hey... 150 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,120 This isn't where I parked my car. 151 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,640 " Scotty doesn't know 152 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,200 Hey. 153 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:05,600 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 154 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,600 This band rocks! 155 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,640 - Yeah! 156 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,360 Mail, motherfucker! 157 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,120 Hey, Mieke. 158 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,600 "Dear Scott, 159 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,240 "I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. 160 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,040 "Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America 161 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,560 "and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... 162 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,680 "zussamen." 163 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,840 What the fuck is "zussamen"? 164 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,240 "Arrange a meeting." 165 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,200 No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. 166 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,320 This guy wants to have sex with me. 167 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,040 "Listen, Mieke... 168 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,800 "I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, 169 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,600 "you sick, German freak. 170 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,920 "So please keep your hands off my genitals, 171 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:34,520 "and never write to me again, and don't come to America." 172 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,480 "Goodbye." 173 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:42,920 Oww. 174 00:13:55,680 --> 00:14:00,160 I'm never drinking again. Oh, that's nice. 175 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,440 Bert, what are you doing? 176 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,120 Reading your email. 177 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,200 Don't do that. 178 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,760 Why are you wearing my bathrobe? 179 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,920 Oh, I'm sorry... 180 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,320 but somebody pissed all over mine last night. 181 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:24,520 Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you. 182 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,080 I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy. 183 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,160 No, it says right here, "trauriges madchen." 184 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,840 "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." 185 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,280 Fuckin' A, Scott. 186 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:38,280 I'm taking "Intro to German," and even I know that. 187 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,680 Come here. 188 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,760 He sent me a picture, retardo. 189 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,600 See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan. 190 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,400 No, retardo. 191 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,320 That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not "Mike," 192 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,240 it's "Mieke," a common German girl's name, 193 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,160 similar to our Michelle. 194 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,800 I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit. 195 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,400 You didn't? 196 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,760 You thought she was a guy! 197 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,920 I'm getting the video camera! Ha! 198 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,800 What an asshole! 199 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,400 No. 200 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:14,680 No. 201 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,920 No!! 202 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,200 "Address blocked"? "Email not delivered." 203 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,400 No... come on! 204 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,720 Hey, Mom made waffles. 205 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,240 - What's going on? - I'm in love with my penpal. 206 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,240 I'm in love with Mieke. 207 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,240 OK... OK. 208 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,400 You know what? I was actually expecting this. 209 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,480 Frankly, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. 210 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,480 And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause... 211 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,720 - I think they already know. - No, you idiot. Mike is a girl. 212 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,240 No, no, I get it. Yeah. 213 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,960 He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. 214 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,760 Right? 215 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,200 Right? That's hot. 216 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,760 But whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it. 217 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,760 Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture. 218 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,840 Wow. Who's the hot chick? 219 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,040 That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke. 220 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,120 That's who you've been writing to all this time? 221 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,480 Until last night, when I took your advice 222 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,120 and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals." 223 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:58,160 Given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want. 224 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,400 This is a total disaster. 225 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,520 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 226 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,120 Though she is really hot. 227 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,520 You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. 228 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,880 Mieke and I had this incredible bond. 229 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,520 I told her things I couldn't even tell you. 230 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,040 Like what? 231 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,080 - Nothing. It's a figure of speech. - No, seriously. What? 232 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,920 - Nothing. The point... - You like me better, right? 233 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,920 This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, 234 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,480 but until I screwed up, she wanted to come all the way to America, 235 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,760 just to be with me. 236 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,920 - So do something about it. - What can I do? 237 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,160 She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. 238 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,520 The only thing I know is she lives in Berlin. 239 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,040 So go to Berlin. 240 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,960 I can't just go to Berlin, Coop. 241 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,000 - Why not? - Because... 242 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,800 I just can't, OK? I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. 243 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,280 It looks good on my med school application. 244 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,160 Oh, Jesus, Scotty! 245 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,280 Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable. 246 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,240 - I'm going to Germany. - No... 247 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,680 we're going to Germany. 248 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,320 How are we going to get to Germany? 249 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,880 Don't worry. I've got it covered. 250 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,400 - We're going to be couriers? - Best way to get a cheap flight. 251 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,240 We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. 252 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,280 - My cousin did it going to India. - Yeah? 253 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,840 Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi 254 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,360 and they had to cut off his leg. You know... 255 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,320 but he got there cheap, is what I'm saying. 256 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,600 OK, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. 257 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,840 But I can get you both to London today for $118. 258 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:57,920 Anything else? 259 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,800 Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there. 260 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,400 - Cooper, England's an island. - OK, swim. Whatever. 261 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,520 We'll take it. 262 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,760 Hey. Thanks for coming with me. 263 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,800 I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer. 264 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,280 Well, forget about the law firm. 265 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,760 And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. 266 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,440 This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 267 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,080 for me to broaden my sexual horizons. 268 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,680 What are you talking about? 269 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,000 I'm talking about crazy European sex. 270 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,560 Ah. 271 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,640 You know America was founded by prudes. 272 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,200 Prudes who left Europe, because they hated 273 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:57,480 all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. 274 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,000 And now I, Cooper Harris, 275 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,240 will return to the land of my perverted forefathers 276 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,280 and claim my birthright, which is a series 277 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,640 of erotic and sexually challenging adventures. 278 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,680 You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? 279 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,480 It's my passion. 280 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,080 Come on, come on! 281 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,680 - The adventure begins. - Welcome to jolly old England. 282 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,320 Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. 283 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,320 - Oh. - What is that? 284 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,120 It's the phone they gave me at the law firm. 285 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,800 Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? 286 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,480 - Works anywhere. - Yeah? 287 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,200 Excuse me. 288 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,160 Cooper here. 289 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,160 Hello, Mr. Walters. 290 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,280 Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. 291 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,200 Um, hang on one second. 292 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,600 No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. 293 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,240 Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. 294 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,200 I don't rest until I find it. 295 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,920 Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country? 296 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,120 They would've stopped paying me. It seemed easier. 297 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,160 - So, where to? - I don't know. 298 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,040 First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow. What do you wanna do? 299 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:34,680 Got the Tower of London... there's Buckingham Palace. 300 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,760 - Uh... - There's no drinking age. 301 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,680 - There you go! - Come on. 302 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,840 - Hey!"The Fiesty Goat." 303 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,240 All right! 304 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,120 What do you wanna... 305 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,960 Soccer hooligans. 306 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,000 Hey, this isn't where I parked my car! 307 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,360 Oy! 308 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,560 Who the bloody hell are you? 309 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:21,000 This is a private members bar, exclusively for the supporters 310 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,040 of the greatest football team in the world... 311 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,640 Manchester United. 312 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,880 Now please, enlighten me. 313 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,480 Who the fuck are you?! 314 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,520 That is a good question, and... Scotty? 315 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,120 Huh? 316 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,640 We're the Manchester United fan club... 317 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,520 from Ohio. 318 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,240 If you're Manchester United supporters... 319 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,040 sing the Manchester United song. 320 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,560 Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer... 321 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,520 - Sing!! - " My baby takes 322 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,640 " The morning train 323 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:05,000 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 324 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,800 " He takes another home again 325 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,200 " To find me... 326 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,560 " watching the Manchester United football team! " 327 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,120 Eh? 328 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,680 The best freakin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo! 329 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,720 Pretty good. 330 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,040 - Pretty dang good, lads! - Yeah! 331 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,960 " My baby takes the morning train 332 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,080 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 333 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,840 " He takes another home again 334 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,720 " To find me waiting for him 335 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:01,080 " He's always on that morning train " 336 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,040 I've unblocked your email address, 337 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,120 but this Scott is not responding. 338 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,360 He was the one. 339 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,600 I was going to give myself to him. 340 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,640 Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else... 341 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,800 fraulein. 342 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,120 I'm never drinking again. 343 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,720 Coop, wake up. 344 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,440 Oh, man, that was a wild night. 345 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,800 You think? 346 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,440 Scotty, where the hell are we going? 347 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,480 Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us. 348 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,680 Honey, where's Scotty? 349 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,600 - Cooper said they were going camping. - Oh, that's nice. 350 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,400 And where's Bert? 351 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,760 Fuck if I know. 352 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,480 Hey! How are you, you scalawag! 353 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,120 Look, given the current geopolitical climate, 354 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,240 all European countries should have a seat at the table. 355 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,800 - Right. - Except those fucking Ities. 356 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,120 I hate them Italian bastards. 357 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,160 - You know what I mean? - Excuse me. 358 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,560 Hello, boyo! 359 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,880 - What the hell happened last night? - You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. 360 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,720 Too much sauce, son. 361 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,040 Don't worry. 362 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:03,000 We come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip. 363 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,800 What trip? 364 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,160 - Where are we going? - What do you mean, where are we going? 365 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,280 We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. 366 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,320 Aren't we, boys? 367 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,040 Yeah! 368 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:16,840 Why are you yelling at me? 369 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,320 So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it 370 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,360 before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance 371 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,800 and have her lick me yardballs! 372 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:31,600 Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here. 373 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,680 Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris. 374 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,280 I know. Cecil told me. 375 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,000 Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin. 376 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,040 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 377 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,840 See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. 378 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:49,680 Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute. 379 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,360 That's why France and Germany have always been allies. 380 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,560 The twins. The twins are in Paris, right? 381 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,560 We can call them. They could help. Let me see your phone. 382 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,840 Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls. 383 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,720 Hey, don't... 384 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,080 You're on the wrong side of the road, 385 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,960 you snail-eating puffs. 386 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:32,120 Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 387 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,360 Piss off! Get in here and say that, 388 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,760 you froggy Itie shities! 389 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,160 - Fucking beep! 390 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,280 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 391 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,320 Get out of the way! Piss off! 392 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,640 Hey, lads! 393 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,320 That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! 394 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,840 Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! 395 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,320 Come on, lads, he's going off! 396 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,280 All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. 397 00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:23,280 Look at that! 398 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:25,280 There they are. Come on. Jenny! 399 00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,480 - Jamie! - Hey! 400 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:28,560 Come here! 401 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,720 No, no. No, no, no! 402 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,480 - Scott, bienvenu a Paris. - Thank you. 403 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,080 - Is that a new camera? - It isn't just a camera, 404 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,120 this is a Leica M7. 405 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,280 Uber-sensitive exposure settings, 406 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,120 legendary cloth shutter system. 407 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,840 - Let me see that thing. - No can do. 408 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,960 I spent four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, 409 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,040 so nobody touches my camera but me. 410 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,400 - It's like your wiener. - No, it's not... 411 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,520 - Jenny... - Cooper, leave him alone. 412 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:58,040 Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl. 413 00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,800 Wait, not just any girl. 414 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,440 Show her the picture, Scotty. 415 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,320 She makes girls in our high school look like walruses. 416 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,560 I'm a girl from your high school. 417 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,120 No, I mean "girl" girls. 418 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,000 Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! 419 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,480 Let's go to the Louvre! 420 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,400 To the Louvre! 421 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,680 So, you guys wanna stay here, 422 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,640 or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower? 423 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,680 Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis two blocks from here. 424 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,040 - Should we go? - Can we please get out of here? 425 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,120 - This guy's really creeping me out. - Who, robot man? 426 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,160 He's just trying to feed his robot family. 427 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,400 - I really don't like him. - Why? 428 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,800 Because he's doing this? 429 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,640 OK, seriously, don't do that. 430 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,920 Cooper. Do not hate me. 431 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,960 I am familiar with over 600 dance moves 432 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,120 and I am programmed to get... 433 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,360 freaky. 434 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,680 You're just upset because people like me better. 435 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,720 It's okay. 436 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:11,480 Oh! 437 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,040 Fight! Fight! 438 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,800 Break the leg shot! 439 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:44,440 Ha! Ha! Ha! 440 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,560 Don't look in his eyes, Scotty. 441 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,520 - Ohhh! - That was not cool. 442 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,400 - Oh! 443 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,400 Guys, let's go. Come on. 444 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,800 Error! Error! Error! 445 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,640 How cool is this? 446 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,400 It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. 447 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,120 - Why don't you come to Berlin? - Umm, no. 448 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,440 Jamie, come on. In a few months, we go to different colleges. 449 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:55,120 This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. 450 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,080 Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? 451 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,240 This should be the trip of a lifetime. 452 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,560 There's no way we should split up. 453 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:05,080 All right, this table is now Europe, OK? 454 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,560 Excuse me. 455 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,960 We are right here, in Paris, 456 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,200 and I have got to get to Mieke, 457 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,600 who is over here, in Berlin. 458 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,640 If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff 459 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,800 to see along the way. 460 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,040 - We can go to Denmark. - I love Denmark. 461 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,560 - We gotta hit Amsterdam. - Definitely. 462 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,440 And the cathedral at Cameret! 463 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,720 - Yeah... - Maybe. We'll see. 464 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,800 - Whatever. - If there's time. 465 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,120 Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke. 466 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,320 Fine. 467 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,120 - Excellent! - All right! 468 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,160 - A toast! - Yes! 469 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,320 - To Mieke! - To Europe! 470 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,800 To Europe! 471 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,560 Merci. 472 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,560 - Berlin, here we come! - All right. 473 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,200 Better let me hold on to those. 474 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,200 - What the hell is that? - It's a traveler's money belt. 475 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,520 Frommer's says if you have one of these, 476 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,360 no one can rob you of anything. 477 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:10,920 Except your dignity. 478 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,600 No, you just put that in your... 479 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,000 wait, what? 480 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,520 Come on, guidebook. Let's go. 481 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,560 Check it out. 482 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,160 European ass. 483 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:27,800 What's up? 484 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,040 Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... 485 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,720 girl. Come on. Platform 4. 486 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,920 Thanks. 487 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:41,560 Damn! 488 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,400 I believe this is yours. 489 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,520 Pleased to meet you. My name is Christoph. 490 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,200 - Jenny, let's go! - Move it! 491 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,240 Those are my friends. We're supposed to go to Berlin... 492 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,880 - Jenny! - I'm coming!! 493 00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,360 So, it was really nice to meet you. 494 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,400 The pleasure was all mine... 495 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:11,920 Jennifer. 496 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,480 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me " 497 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,520 " Do it in my van on Sundays " 498 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,000 " Tells him she's... " What? 499 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,440 You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune. 500 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,840 " Tells him she's in church But she doesn't go " 501 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,280 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 502 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,040 " Scotty doesn't know " 503 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,040 - " Scotty doesn't... " - Buongiorno. 504 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,160 Buongiorno. 505 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,080 You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments. 506 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,640 Huh? 507 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:40,880 Ah! Si... 508 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:42,480 Si. 509 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,880 Pardon me. 510 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,080 Eh? 511 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,080 Ohhh... 512 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,640 Scusi. 513 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,680 Mi scusi. 514 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,480 Hi. 515 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,240 Buongiorno. 516 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,520 - What the hell are you doing? - Mi scusi, mi scusi. 517 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:09,920 No! No, no, no! 518 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,080 - Uh-oh. - What? 519 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,160 Big tunnel. 520 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,400 Who's touching me? Scotty, is that you? 521 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,280 Who's touching me?! Scotty! 522 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,400 Oh! 523 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,320 Scusi. 524 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,080 Buongiorno. 525 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,360 Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here. 526 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,840 Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. 527 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,600 What's there to see in this town? 528 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,760 Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres. 529 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,080 It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea. 530 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:26,280 Frommer's says it's supposed to be..."quite moving." 531 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,320 What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? 532 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,160 We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. 533 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:34,160 I'm taking a nap. 534 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:36,280 Wake me up when the train gets here. 535 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,520 Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach. 536 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,400 All right, we can't all just lie around all day. 537 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,280 We gotta experience the culture firsthand. 538 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,520 Let's go exploring! 539 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,680 So, what's the etiquette on boners? 540 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,680 Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, 541 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,680 or is it cool to just let my flag fly? 542 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,200 Wait, wait. 543 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,920 Does "nude beach" mean we have to get naked, too? 544 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,640 Of course. 545 00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,240 Do you think you can go an hour 546 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,320 without your currency colostomy bag? 547 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,600 As long as this thing has our money and passports in it, 548 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:15,280 it's not coming off, and my trunks won't come off, either. 549 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,720 Come on. 550 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,920 You came all the way to Europe. 551 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,760 Can't wimp out now. 552 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,040 OK. 553 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:25,840 All right, on the count of three. 554 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:27,040 Here we go. 555 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,640 3,2,1... 556 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:31,520 Look at Jamie's penis! 557 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,440 Very funny. Very funny. 558 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:34,720 All right. 559 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,400 Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin. 560 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:40,680 - Here we go. - Really? 561 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,000 - Yes. - Mm-hmm. 562 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:48,680 - Hello, ladies! 563 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,000 - Ladies? - Bitches? 564 00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,520 Eww! What a rip! There's no nude girls here, 565 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,720 Just guys like us looking for nude girls. 566 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,040 I don't understand. 567 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,360 "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent. 568 00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:15,920 "However... 569 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,120 "during the summer, the European women 570 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,680 "are chased away by gawking male tourists, 571 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:27,600 "so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists head to the deserted beach 572 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,000 "next to the Monument des Poissonieres." 573 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,080 There's so many penises. 574 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,600 Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen. 575 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,880 This is the biggest sausage fest on earth. 576 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,480 It's the international house of sausage. 577 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,920 Hey! 578 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,720 - Thanks for waiting. - You're not missing anything. 579 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,240 It's all guys. 580 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,240 At least the sun's out. 581 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,400 " Dreams come true " 582 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,120 " I made my dreams come true " 583 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,040 " My dreams come true " 584 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,480 Holy crap! 585 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,480 What? I thought this was a nude beach. 586 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,560 No!!! 587 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:48,920 - Huh? - No. 588 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,040 - What? What are you doing? - Jenny, you gotta cover up. 589 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:53,880 Girl? 590 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,080 Girl! 591 00:42:55,160 --> 00:43:00,040 Ooh, girl. Girl... girl. 592 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,880 Girl... girl... 593 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,200 Run! 594 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,240 - I'm not gonna make it. 595 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,840 - Go on without me. - All right. See ya. 596 00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,000 Chica! Chica! 597 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,480 Chica! Chica! 598 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,440 Reading Mieke's old emails again? 599 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,040 Yeah. 600 00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:49,520 I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her. 601 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,040 You know, she said I might be the one? 602 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:55,720 That's huge. 603 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:59,320 I've never been "the one" before. 604 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,120 Thought I was "the one" with Fiona, but turns out I was, what, 101? 605 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,720 - 200. - 200! 606 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,160 Look, you got nothing to worry about. 607 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:11,680 You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet. 608 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,040 Thanks. 609 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,520 Yeah. 610 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,720 I will, won't I? 611 00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:30,400 I'm so sad and lonely. 612 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,000 I'm so sad and lonely. 613 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,400 I just wish someone would show up 614 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,160 and sweep me off my German feet. 615 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,920 Mieke! I'm here. 616 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,600 Scotty! 617 00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:43,680 About that last email. I'm so sorry... 618 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,920 The past is the past. You're here now. 619 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,720 I've been saving myself for you. 620 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:54,320 Let us make love for one whole month. 621 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,800 Touch me, Scotty. 622 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,480 OK. 623 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,520 Oh, Scott... 624 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,400 - Mi bello. 625 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,200 Mi bello. 626 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,720 Mi bello. 627 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,720 Mi bello. 628 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,800 Mi bello. 629 00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,400 Mi scusi. 630 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,160 Mi scusi! 631 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:56,360 " Hot stuff baby this evening " 632 00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,440 " Gotta have some hot stuff " 633 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,440 " Gotta have some love tonight " 634 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,800 " Hot stuff " 635 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,600 Guys, our train doesn't leave till morning. 636 00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,680 - Where will we sleep? - What do you mean, sleep? 637 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:27,880 We can sleep on the train tomorrow. 638 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:31,240 This is the best that could've happened. We're in Amsterdam! 639 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,400 This is the drug and sex capital of Europe! 640 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:35,640 Take a look at this. 641 00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,240 "Club Vandersexxx." 642 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,280 "The red light district's hottest sex club." 643 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,040 We have to check it out. Who's with me? 644 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:48,520 I'll go. 645 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,480 Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, 646 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,240 I'll just go myself. 647 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:11,040 " I see " 648 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,520 " You're waiting for me " 649 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:18,400 This is definitely where I parked my car. 650 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,480 Hello there. 651 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,400 Welcome to Club Vandersexxx... 652 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,440 Amsterdam's most erotic club, 653 00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:32,840 where your every fantasy will be fulfilled. 654 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,720 Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer. 655 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,240 He's American. 656 00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:45,440 How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. 657 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:50,040 A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. 658 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,800 A country where a man is forced to make sex 659 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,800 to only one woman at a time, 660 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,840 and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. 661 00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,320 - It was horrible. - I know. 662 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,480 But you can come with me... 663 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,600 and let the Vandersexxx begin. 664 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,840 " Marijuana in my soul " 665 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,840 " Your iguana in my hall " 666 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,200 I can't believe we're doing this. 667 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:23,320 Don't worry. Hash brownies are totally legal here. 668 00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,360 You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical. 669 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,960 " I like to smoke marijuana " 670 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,680 - You wanna do this? - Yeah. 671 00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:40,520 - Hi. - Hi. 672 00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,560 I need a new battery for my camera, 673 00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,120 and while you're at it, it could use a cleaning. 674 00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:46,720 Wow. 675 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,840 Is that a Leica M6? 676 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,280 Actually, it's an M7. 677 00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:53,600 It's got the built-in light meter. 678 00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:55,840 It's so beautiful. 679 00:48:56,720 --> 00:48:59,320 So sleek, so powerful. 680 00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,400 How's the new lens system? 681 00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,440 Makes the Nikon look like a disposable. 682 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,000 You really know your cameras. 683 00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:10,960 And you're very cute. 684 00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:13,480 Me? Really? 685 00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,760 I'm going on break. 686 00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,720 I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. 687 00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,440 Would you like to join me? 688 00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,160 I don't smoke. 689 00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:32,640 Neither do I. 690 00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:34,240 Hold on, hold on. 691 00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:35,960 What is it? 692 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,520 This is great! 693 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,720 You're so innocent. 694 00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,720 Let's change that... shall we? 695 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,080 What would you like me to do? 696 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:50,560 Well... I don't really know... 697 00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,800 I guess I really haven't done that much. 698 00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:56,480 I haven't really found the time, with all my extracurriculars, 699 00:49:56,560 --> 00:50:00,440 and model U.N., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor... 700 00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,200 ...ing! Ah! 701 00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:06,880 Gosh, you really like cameras! 702 00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:10,880 Sometimes, we find our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, 703 00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,680 that they sometimes scream out,"no," 704 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,600 when really they mean,"yes." 705 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,080 And this is why we have the safe word. 706 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,800 The "safe word"? 707 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:26,080 If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, 708 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,400 you just use the safe word. 709 00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:33,040 Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop. 710 00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:35,600 Yeah, right. Stop. All right. 711 00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,760 We're going to start slowly, 712 00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:43,360 teasing you with a little light erotic foreplay. 713 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,080 Whee! 714 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:48,640 Oh, yes, ladies! 715 00:50:48,720 --> 00:50:51,280 On, on, vandersexxx! 716 00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:00,480 Hans! Gruber! 717 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:05,600 Hi. 718 00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:19,760 So, are the girls coming back? 719 00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:22,600 Administer the testicle clamps! 720 00:51:22,720 --> 00:51:24,520 - Huh? What? Hey! 721 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,920 Safe word! 722 00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:43,120 What is that?! That's not a word, it's a... 723 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,960 "Fluggen-kliggin-kien?" 724 00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,560 Fluggen!!! 725 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,200 - OK, mister, don't move. - Excuse me? 726 00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,160 Shut the hell up! 727 00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,160 Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me. 728 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:05,120 Oh, no... you're fine. That's good. You're fine. 729 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,360 Give me cash? You got cash? 730 00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:09,560 Take it all, you dirty girl. 731 00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:10,960 What? 732 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,440 Your wallet! Focus! 733 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:16,840 - Give it to me. - Oh! 734 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,720 Oh, I love you! 735 00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,280 I love you! 736 00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:26,080 I love you! I looove you! 737 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,040 What's so funny? 738 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,560 I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies. 739 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:54,360 - Excuse me. - Huh? 740 00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:58,080 It's hot in here. You hot? 'Cause I'm really hot. 741 00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:00,480 - So good. - OK, I can't breathe! God! 742 00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:04,200 I'm freaking out! I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. 743 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,360 I can't... I can't do this. 744 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:10,040 I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. 745 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:14,280 The girls never came. The girls never came! 746 00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,200 I am freaking out!! 747 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:21,000 - Everything all right with you? - No, nothing's all right. 748 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,200 You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. 749 00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,240 You're a bad Rastafarian. 750 00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,880 These are not hash brownies. 751 00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:29,280 Hmm? 752 00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:34,280 - What was that? - We do not sell hash brownies. 753 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,480 We're a simple Dutch bakery! 754 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,160 Now put your clothes back on, white boy! 755 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:47,200 Ow! Ow! Ow! 756 00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:49,000 "Fluggengegeholen!" 757 00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,160 Did you say fluggegecheimen? 758 00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:54,240 Yes! Yes! 759 00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:57,000 For the love of god, fluggengecheimen! 760 00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:58,720 Are you sure? 761 00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:00,040 Yes, please. 762 00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,160 As you wish. 763 00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,760 Bring on the fluggegecheimen! 764 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,120 Wait... what? 765 00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,160 Uh-oh. 766 00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:16,480 No, no, no! I didn't say fluggegecheimen, 767 00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:17,680 I said, uh... 768 00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:39,400 What'd you do last night? 769 00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:43,720 I don't want to talk about it. 770 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,200 What did you guys do? 771 00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,320 Don't want to talk about it. 772 00:54:49,720 --> 00:54:53,440 - What is that? - Free T-shirt. 773 00:54:57,920 --> 00:54:59,600 Hey, guys. 774 00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:02,480 What happened to you? 775 00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:04,200 I got robbed. 776 00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,440 It was awesome! 777 00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:12,560 Our money, passports, tickets... Everything, gone! 778 00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:15,720 How the hell could this happen? 779 00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,880 We all go to Amsterdam, and Jamie's the one who hooks up! 780 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:22,120 For shame! 781 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:33,200 Oh, that's me. 782 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,000 Coop here. Sorry. 783 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,920 Hello, Mr. Walters. 784 00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,600 You never got the Gutterman file? 785 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,600 I told Humphrey to give it to you. 786 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:50,840 That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. 787 00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:54,040 I'll tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. 788 00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:56,120 Bye. 789 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,560 - This job's killing me. 790 00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:13,680 - Uh... - Let me handle this. 791 00:56:13,720 --> 00:56:16,080 I speak bad German. 792 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:42,200 - What did he say? - He said he's driving. 793 00:56:42,240 --> 00:56:43,480 - Oh. - Something. 794 00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:45,320 Jah. 795 00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,120 Berlin? 796 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,760 - Berlin? - Berlin! 797 00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,360 - He's going to Berlin! - Awesome! 798 00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:14,800 - All right! Berlin! - Come on, let's go! 799 00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:25,440 Next stop, Berlin! 800 00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,800 Beautiful! We made it to Berlin. 801 00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,000 Jah. Berlin! 802 00:57:57,920 --> 00:57:59,680 - Bratislava? - Yeah. 803 00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:01,720 Bratislava! 804 00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,480 Dear sweet mother of God. 805 00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,680 We're in Eastern Europe. 806 00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:16,360 Eww! 807 00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:40,960 Excuse me. 808 00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:43,760 Do you speak any English? 809 00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:46,760 You are Americans? 810 00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:48,160 Yeah. 811 00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:50,160 I love America. 812 00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,640 We just get "Miami Vice" on television. 813 00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,800 "Miami Vice" is number one new show. 814 00:58:57,880 --> 00:58:59,280 Yeah. 815 00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,560 Listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. 816 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,360 Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon? 817 00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:08,840 Oh, yes, very soon. They are building it now. 818 00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,200 Stop! Hammer time! 819 00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,520 Enjoy Bratislava! 820 00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,040 It's good you came in summer. 821 00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:23,560 In winter, it can get very depressing. 822 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:27,680 We gotta figure something out. How much money do we have? 823 00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:34,720 Frommer's travel tip. 824 00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:37,960 I don't have anything. 825 00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,240 What? I got noth... fine. 826 00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,520 $1.83 American. 827 00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,440 What are we gonna get with that? 828 00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:00,760 Gotta love that exchange rate! 829 01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:03,400 Ta. 830 01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:10,160 Hapi Djus. 831 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:12,080 Teraz bez drenei. 832 01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:15,200 Hmm. Now with less pulp. 833 01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:18,200 Dinner is served. 834 01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:20,760 Would the masters care for anything else? 835 01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:22,600 Think we're good. Thanks. 836 01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,720 Ah! A nickel! 837 01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,040 You see this? 838 01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:34,480 - I quit! 839 01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:37,280 I open my own hotel! 840 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,440 So, we got 27 cents left. 841 01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,680 What is there to do in this town? 842 01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:59,520 - " My Scotty " - " Scotty, Scotty " 843 01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:03,160 " Scotty doesn't know " 844 01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:05,200 " Don't tell Scotty " 845 01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,200 - " Scotty doesn't know " 846 01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:11,320 This song sounds familiar. 847 01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:17,520 Jenny, lemme check your coat. 848 01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:23,920 - Hey! - Jenny! 849 01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:27,360 That outfit is horrible! Just take it off... now! 850 01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:32,160 No, but I will let you buy me a drink. 851 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:33,560 Excuse me! 852 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:38,160 You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you? 853 01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:40,000 - My name is... - Christoph. 854 01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:41,680 Yes. 855 01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:43,400 What are you doing here? 856 01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:46,800 This is my place. My family owns many nightclubs in Europe. 857 01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:50,040 I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P.Room for a drink. 858 01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:51,920 Mmm-kay. 859 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:55,640 Bye, Cooper. 860 01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:04,800 - What's that? - It's absinthe. 861 01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:07,160 Frommer's says it's illegal in the States 862 01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:09,840 because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy. 863 01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,120 They call it "the green fairy." 864 01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,800 My family has a yacht in the Aegean. 865 01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:25,200 Come with me, Jennifer. We will sail away together. 866 01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,240 Oh, my God! 867 01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:30,560 We will swim with dolphins, and sip champagne by moonlight. 868 01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,200 Oh, my God! 869 01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,280 We will spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine. 870 01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:38,720 My wife makes the best sangria. 871 01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:40,720 Wait... what? 872 01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,320 Sangria. 873 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,120 You take a good Spanish Rioja, 874 01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,440 and you put in slices of orange, and... 875 01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,120 No, wait. You said you were married? 876 01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:54,040 You go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet? 877 01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,480 No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. 878 01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,480 I also sleep with men. 879 01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:05,160 I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything. 880 01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:06,680 Me neither. 881 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,480 Sober as a judge. 882 01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:11,280 How 'bout you? 883 01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:13,360 I'm not feeling a goddamn thing. 884 01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,040 This absinthe is bullshit! 885 01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:17,720 I hear you, my brother. 886 01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:19,640 I'm outta here. 887 01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:21,240 Excuse me. 888 01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:24,520 - Hey, so where's Christoph? - Shut up. 889 01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:48,360 - Europe! - Europe! 890 01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:51,960 - Whoo! - Europe! 891 01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:07,520 So, tomorrow, Berlin. 892 01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:09,480 Tomorrow, Mieke! 893 01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:17,400 Check it out. 894 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,880 No way! 895 01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:23,040 Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! 896 01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:26,200 It's just so unfair. I've been all over, 897 01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,840 looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up... 898 01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:31,960 - Oh, my God! 899 01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:39,080 That is some pretty fucked-up shit. 900 01:04:42,320 --> 01:04:45,600 Can you say, "What the fuck did I do last night?" 901 01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:03,200 They really are the worst twins ever. 902 01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:32,480 That was a pretty wild night, eh? 903 01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:36,360 Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild. 904 01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:40,920 I know I was out of control. 905 01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:42,600 How about you guys? Did you...? 906 01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,440 All right, look. We were really drunk, 907 01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:47,920 things got a little crazy, and Jamie... 908 01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:50,000 kissed me. 909 01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:52,800 Let's just forget about it, 'kay? 910 01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:55,360 - Consider it forgotten. - Never happened. 911 01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:56,960 Never happened. 912 01:05:57,080 --> 01:06:00,200 Fine. Let's just forget about it. 913 01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:01,960 It's not like you two had sex. 914 01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,760 - Have you had sex? - Shut up, Cooper! 915 01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:08,640 Jamie, relax. Cooper. Please? 916 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,040 OK, fine. I'll give it a rest. 917 01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:16,840 Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's? 918 01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:22,720 Oh, here it is. Bratislava. 919 01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:25,080 Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. 920 01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:27,320 Oh, here's a fun fact. 921 01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:30,680 You made out with your sister, man! 922 01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:33,760 - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! - Like two dogs in heat. 923 01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:40,040 My friends, where is the beef? 924 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,960 You go to Berlin? I'm your ride. 925 01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:46,480 Hop in. 926 01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:53,720 " "99 Red Balloons" 927 01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:16,000 This is Mieke's apartment building. 928 01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:18,440 Wish me all sorts of luck, guys. 929 01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:21,440 You'll do great, Scotty. 930 01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:25,320 Thanks. 931 01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:49,000 I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this. 932 01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:57,760 - Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run! - Stop. 933 01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:11,560 Hi, my name is Scott Thomas. 934 01:08:11,680 --> 01:08:14,000 I'm from America, and I'm here to see Mieke. 935 01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,400 I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here. 936 01:08:16,440 --> 01:08:17,920 Do you know where she is? 937 01:08:18,040 --> 01:08:20,000 She's gone for the summer. 938 01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:37,360 My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America, 939 01:08:37,440 --> 01:08:40,040 looking at colleges and visiting some friends. 940 01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:42,960 But several days ago, she suddenly changed her mind. 941 01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:44,960 She would not tell me why. 942 01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:48,080 I think I know why. 943 01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:56,800 This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother. 944 01:08:56,840 --> 01:08:59,920 As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left. 945 01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,640 - It was all very sudden. - Do you know where she is now? 946 01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,080 She's always been very interested in the classics, 947 01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:10,200 Greek and Roman literature, history, and she's always enjoyed the ocean, 948 01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:13,400 so she found a program that combines all her interests. 949 01:09:13,480 --> 01:09:15,120 Do you know where she is? 950 01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:19,720 She enrolled in a summer at sea program, based in Rome. 951 01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:22,440 Rome. 952 01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:25,200 OK, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then. 953 01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:28,160 Unfortunately, Mieke's only in Rome for orientation. 954 01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:31,800 Tomorrow her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer. 955 01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,640 She'll be quite unreachable. 956 01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:37,040 Unreachable. 957 01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:46,720 Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow, 958 01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:48,920 then she gets on that boat and she's gone. 959 01:09:49,040 --> 01:09:50,520 So, it's over? 960 01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:56,800 Thanks for sticking with me through this, guys, but... 961 01:09:56,840 --> 01:09:59,160 you should probably call your parents, 962 01:09:59,240 --> 01:10:02,240 have them wire you some money and go home. 963 01:10:02,400 --> 01:10:04,080 What are you gonna do? 964 01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:06,720 I'm going to Rome. 965 01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,080 I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, 966 01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:13,120 I'll swim if I have to, but I'll get to Mieke somehow. 967 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,440 Maybe that'll help. 968 01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:20,960 Where'd you get all that? 969 01:10:21,040 --> 01:10:23,880 Wait. Where's your Leica? 970 01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:25,800 Sold it. 971 01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:27,440 What? 972 01:10:29,040 --> 01:10:31,840 You sold your Leica? But you loved that thing. 973 01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:34,520 What about your Europe photo tour, the chateaus? 974 01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:37,240 Chateaus have been there for 300 years. 975 01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:39,080 Mieke's gone in 12 hours. 976 01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:46,520 Let's go! Frommer's says check in three hours before international flights. 977 01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:48,680 Come here, guidebook! 978 01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:51,640 Whoo! We're going to Rome. We're going to Rome! 979 01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:03,760 " Be my girl " 980 01:11:04,480 --> 01:11:07,000 " Be my girl " 981 01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:08,680 " Are you gonna be my " 982 01:11:08,760 --> 01:11:11,520 " Girl, yeah " 983 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,440 " Be my girl " 984 01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:16,040 " Be my girl " 985 01:11:16,120 --> 01:11:19,200 " Are you gonna be my girl " 986 01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:25,840 All right, summer at sea group. 987 01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:28,000 Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. 988 01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:30,080 This way, please. 989 01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:40,000 There it is. 990 01:11:45,480 --> 01:11:48,960 This entrance is for private tour groups only. 991 01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:53,480 Oh... but we are a private tour group. 992 01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:55,640 We've come all the way from America. 993 01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:01,280 That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. 994 01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:10,800 Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. 995 01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:12,880 Yes, it is. 996 01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,280 But if you are a tour, where is your guide? 997 01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:17,400 We've got a fantastic tour guide. 998 01:12:17,480 --> 01:12:20,280 - Right here. - What? No... 999 01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,360 The Vatican has been used as a papal residence 1000 01:12:26,440 --> 01:12:28,760 ever since the time of Constantine the Great 1001 01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:30,440 of the 5th century A.D.! 1002 01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:34,320 - Oh. 1003 01:12:34,360 --> 01:12:38,200 OK... um... if you'll all follow me, please. 1004 01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:44,600 Have a very special day 1005 01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:49,120 for a very special little man. 1006 01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:50,800 OK. 1007 01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,320 I can't believe that guy let us in. 1008 01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:57,160 What a retard! 1009 01:12:57,240 --> 01:12:58,840 - Let's find Mieke. - Scusate. 1010 01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,480 One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. 1011 01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:06,600 Could you please take these peoples also? 1012 01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:12,520 - How big is Vatican City? -. 5 square kilometers. 1013 01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:16,520 - Who built the colonnades? - Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. 1014 01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:19,000 - Where are the bathrooms? - Floors 2,6 and 7. 1015 01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:22,880 Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. 1016 01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:26,120 When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. 1017 01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:29,480 - Here's a fun fact... - Mieke must be around here somewhere. 1018 01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:30,520 Let's go. 1019 01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:42,200 Behind me is the appartamento papale, 1020 01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:45,720 or "papal apartment." We're obviously not permitted. 1021 01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:49,720 Excuse me, miss. What is this? 1022 01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,480 That is the bell of San Marco. 1023 01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:53,960 When the pope dies, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome 1024 01:13:54,040 --> 01:13:56,440 rings this bell to notify the people of Rome. 1025 01:13:56,520 --> 01:14:00,240 Next we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me, please. 1026 01:14:01,800 --> 01:14:05,480 Come on. I think I hear them. 1027 01:14:05,520 --> 01:14:07,000 Which way did they go? 1028 01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:09,320 That way. I'd stake my reputation on it. 1029 01:14:09,400 --> 01:14:11,200 Good enough for me. 1030 01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:14,720 Hey, check it out! I wonder what this does. 1031 01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:18,800 It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go. 1032 01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:20,920 They got a lot of old stuff here. 1033 01:14:28,520 --> 01:14:29,840 Dio mio! 1034 01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:32,840 The bell of San Marco! 1035 01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,520 The pope is dead! 1036 01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:41,680 Whoa. 1037 01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:46,080 She's not in here. 1038 01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:49,080 Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. 1039 01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:51,360 Hey, check this out! 1040 01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:53,760 - I'm the pope! - Cooper... 1041 01:14:53,840 --> 01:14:56,360 take off the pope hat. 1042 01:14:56,480 --> 01:15:00,720 - Oh, no. It's OK.I'm catholic. - Take it off, goddamnit! 1043 01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:03,720 Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! 1044 01:15:03,800 --> 01:15:06,080 Only I can forgive you now, my son. 1045 01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:07,800 Take that fudging thing off! 1046 01:15:07,880 --> 01:15:09,960 The pope breaks an open-field tackle. 1047 01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:12,600 It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40... 1048 01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:14,920 the 30, the 20, the 10... 1049 01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:17,320 touchdown, Pope! 1050 01:15:18,440 --> 01:15:21,280 The pope makes a two-point conversion. 1051 01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:23,880 And oh, my Lord! It's the Pope, eight, 1052 01:15:23,960 --> 01:15:26,360 and the heathens, nothing! 1053 01:15:28,000 --> 01:15:30,560 How's you, sucka? 1054 01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:34,840 Cooper, the hat! The hat! 1055 01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:36,320 The hat is on fire! 1056 01:15:36,400 --> 01:15:38,480 " We don't need no water let the m... " 1057 01:15:38,560 --> 01:15:40,320 I'm not kidding! Look! 1058 01:15:40,960 --> 01:15:42,400 Oh, holy shit! 1059 01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:44,840 I don't want this! 1060 01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:47,080 Fireplace! Fireplace! Go, go! 1061 01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:50,640 Whoa! 1062 01:15:57,720 --> 01:15:59,960 White smoke! 1063 01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,240 They've elected the new pope! 1064 01:16:05,840 --> 01:16:07,960 I'm coming to you live from Vatican Square 1065 01:16:08,040 --> 01:16:10,600 where the College of Cardinals, in a surprise move, 1066 01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:15,280 has just elected a new pope. The crowd is very excited. 1067 01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:17,280 This is so strange. 1068 01:16:17,320 --> 01:16:21,000 Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope. 1069 01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:23,280 We could be seeing history in the making! 1070 01:16:23,360 --> 01:16:25,840 We could be seeing an arrest in the making. 1071 01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,200 There she is. Mieke! 1072 01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:40,560 Hey! Stupid curtain! 1073 01:16:41,760 --> 01:16:43,600 Let me out! 1074 01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:48,680 Mieke! 1075 01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:50,880 It's the new pope! 1076 01:17:17,040 --> 01:17:19,960 What the hell...? 1077 01:17:24,640 --> 01:17:26,240 Mieke! 1078 01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,520 Hold on! 1079 01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:38,760 This is one crazy pope. 1080 01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:49,280 You! 1081 01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:52,400 Ferma! Stop! You! 1082 01:17:53,800 --> 01:17:58,280 You... and your retarded friend, 1083 01:17:58,360 --> 01:18:00,080 you're in big, big trouble. 1084 01:18:00,160 --> 01:18:01,240 Oy! 1085 01:18:04,200 --> 01:18:06,680 Take your mitts off them boys! 1086 01:18:06,760 --> 01:18:08,920 They're with me! 1087 01:18:10,640 --> 01:18:13,960 I've just about had enough of you fuckin' ities! 1088 01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:16,240 But I am Swiss! 1089 01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:19,280 Them, too! 1090 01:18:25,160 --> 01:18:26,320 Now, bud... 1091 01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:29,320 you get in there, and you say what you got to say. 1092 01:18:30,800 --> 01:18:33,080 Mieke. I'm here. 1093 01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:34,520 I made it. 1094 01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:39,560 Who are you? 1095 01:18:43,680 --> 01:18:47,120 What a fucking loser! I'm gonna videotape this. 1096 01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:50,800 I'm Scott. 1097 01:18:50,840 --> 01:18:52,320 From Ohio? 1098 01:18:52,400 --> 01:18:56,000 Scott? Scott Thomas? 1099 01:18:56,080 --> 01:18:59,680 - Yes. - From Ohio? 1100 01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:02,760 - What are you doing in Rome? - I came here to be with you. 1101 01:19:02,840 --> 01:19:05,520 Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe. 1102 01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:08,000 I got chased by naked men. 1103 01:19:08,080 --> 01:19:11,640 I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them. 1104 01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:15,720 I watched a brother and sister make out. 1105 01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:19,880 I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that... 1106 01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:22,120 so I could tell you one thing. 1107 01:19:24,920 --> 01:19:26,840 I love you, Mieke. 1108 01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:29,400 Aww... 1109 01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:32,200 We're perfect for each other. What do you think? 1110 01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:35,200 I think... 1111 01:19:50,920 --> 01:19:53,760 Oh, Mike... Mieke! 1112 01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:09,200 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 1113 01:20:09,280 --> 01:20:10,800 I have cheated on my husband. 1114 01:20:10,880 --> 01:20:13,640 Do you think God will ever forgive me? 1115 01:20:13,720 --> 01:20:15,600 Oh, yes! 1116 01:20:15,680 --> 01:20:18,200 - Father? 1117 01:20:28,360 --> 01:20:30,160 This sucks. 1118 01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:33,920 I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. 1119 01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:36,840 Europe is officially the worst country on Earth. 1120 01:20:36,920 --> 01:20:38,400 I know. 1121 01:20:38,480 --> 01:20:42,040 I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex. 1122 01:20:45,720 --> 01:20:47,000 What? 1123 01:20:55,960 --> 01:20:58,080 - Scott, I have to go. - OK. 1124 01:20:58,920 --> 01:21:01,560 My boat is leaving. 1125 01:21:01,640 --> 01:21:04,000 I still can't believe you came all the way here, 1126 01:21:04,080 --> 01:21:05,560 just for me. 1127 01:21:05,680 --> 01:21:09,040 What can I say? I'm very unpredictable. 1128 01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:11,800 Keep writing to me, Scott, OK? 1129 01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:13,400 Yeah, I will. 1130 01:21:22,640 --> 01:21:24,640 - Go. - Bye. 1131 01:21:32,120 --> 01:21:34,520 Yes! Yes! Yes! 1132 01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:37,560 Whoo-hoo! 1133 01:21:37,640 --> 01:21:41,080 Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got to take this trip together. 1134 01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:43,560 This was the best time of my life. 1135 01:21:47,280 --> 01:21:49,080 Excuse me. 1136 01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:52,640 You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican, aren't you? 1137 01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:58,080 - Listen, I'm very sorry... - I just wanted to thank you. 1138 01:21:58,160 --> 01:22:01,520 You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, 1139 01:22:01,560 --> 01:22:03,440 tour guide I've ever had. 1140 01:22:03,560 --> 01:22:05,200 Thanks. 1141 01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:07,480 But I'm not actually a tour guide. 1142 01:22:07,600 --> 01:22:10,440 I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized. 1143 01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:13,360 Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about. 1144 01:22:13,440 --> 01:22:15,240 How would you like to add them? 1145 01:22:15,320 --> 01:22:16,720 Excuse me? 1146 01:22:16,800 --> 01:22:19,800 That's my guidebook. 1147 01:22:25,080 --> 01:22:26,760 I'm Arthur Frommer. 1148 01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:30,320 It's amazing! 1149 01:22:30,400 --> 01:22:34,680 Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe. 1150 01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:38,080 - That sounds so exciting... 1151 01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:41,000 for you. 1152 01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:43,360 I figured, since you're going to be staying, 1153 01:22:43,400 --> 01:22:45,800 you might need this. 1154 01:22:45,840 --> 01:22:48,640 - A disposable camera. - That's right. 1155 01:22:48,720 --> 01:22:49,920 Thanks, Scotty. 1156 01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:51,560 That's from both of us. 1157 01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:01,320 Hello, Mr. Walters. 1158 01:23:01,400 --> 01:23:03,080 I see. 1159 01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:05,760 Fired? Well, I... 1160 01:23:05,840 --> 01:23:09,760 Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... 1161 01:23:09,880 --> 01:23:12,600 goodbye, sir. 1162 01:23:12,720 --> 01:23:14,360 They had to catch you eventually, right? 1163 01:23:14,480 --> 01:23:16,640 - No, they fired Humphrey. - Shut up! 1164 01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:18,080 I got his office and a raise. 1165 01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:19,640 - No! 1166 01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:23,320 Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland... 1167 01:23:23,400 --> 01:23:24,600 That's you guys. 1168 01:23:24,680 --> 01:23:27,120 - Have a good flight, everybody. - Come here. 1169 01:23:29,920 --> 01:23:31,400 Be good. 1170 01:23:31,480 --> 01:23:34,920 - Oh! OK... 1171 01:23:34,960 --> 01:23:37,720 - Cooper, have a good flight. - Be good. 1172 01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:38,880 Thanks. 1173 01:24:12,360 --> 01:24:13,840 I'm on it. 1174 01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:25,360 This still counts as Europe, right? 1175 01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:36,240 "Dear Mieke, 1176 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:39,120 "Greece sounds incredible. 1177 01:24:39,200 --> 01:24:41,120 "I just moved into my dorm room today, 1178 01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:43,920 "but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break. 1179 01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:46,800 "This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct." 1180 01:24:53,640 --> 01:24:56,040 - Hello? - Hey, buddy, how's college? 1181 01:24:56,120 --> 01:24:59,040 I just got here. My roommate hasn't even showed up yet. 1182 01:24:59,120 --> 01:25:01,480 Do they room all you pre-med geeks together? 1183 01:25:01,560 --> 01:25:03,120 I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. 1184 01:25:03,200 --> 01:25:05,160 I'm thinking about majoring in German. 1185 01:25:05,240 --> 01:25:07,320 German? I've got a better idea. 1186 01:25:07,400 --> 01:25:09,800 Why don't you major in not being such a woman? 1187 01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:11,400 So, how's Jenny? 1188 01:25:11,480 --> 01:25:13,280 Jenny... Jenny who? 1189 01:25:13,360 --> 01:25:16,120 I know a lot of ladies named Jenny, they're all... 1190 01:25:16,200 --> 01:25:17,520 Ow! 1191 01:25:19,200 --> 01:25:20,840 Hey, Scotty, what's up? 1192 01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:22,120 Hi, Jenny! 1193 01:25:22,240 --> 01:25:24,280 How's Jamie doing with Frommer? 1194 01:25:24,360 --> 01:25:25,560 Oh, no. 1195 01:25:29,840 --> 01:25:31,800 Hold on. 1196 01:25:31,880 --> 01:25:33,800 Come here, robot! 1197 01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:35,880 Cooper, not again! 1198 01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:39,760 Hold on, this could be my new roommate. 1199 01:25:45,400 --> 01:25:47,520 What's the freak look like? 1200 01:25:47,600 --> 01:25:51,040 Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me. 1201 01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:53,200 Is he bigger than me? 1202 01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:56,120 I just got your last email. What are you doing here? 1203 01:25:56,160 --> 01:25:58,280 Going to college. 1204 01:25:58,400 --> 01:26:00,760 You're going to college here? 1205 01:26:02,280 --> 01:26:04,080 - What dorm? - This one. 1206 01:26:04,160 --> 01:26:06,560 Room 214. 1207 01:26:09,800 --> 01:26:11,600 How is this possible? 1208 01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:14,960 I guess they thought I was a guy. 1209 01:26:15,040 --> 01:26:18,920 Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? 1210 01:26:27,560 --> 01:26:29,720 Do I hear kissing? 1211 01:26:29,840 --> 01:26:32,920 Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty? 1212 01:26:35,920 --> 01:26:37,400 Scotty? 1213 01:26:37,440 --> 01:26:40,200 Scotty? Scotty! 1214 01:26:40,240 --> 01:26:42,920 " Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me " 1215 01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:45,200 This happy ending is bullshit. 1216 01:26:45,240 --> 01:26:48,800 When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here. 1217 01:26:48,880 --> 01:26:51,240 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 1218 01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:55,920 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know " 1219 01:26:55,960 --> 01:26:58,360 - Catchy tune. - Fuckin'-a, man. 1220 01:27:02,640 --> 01:27:05,960 " Fiona says she's out shopping " 1221 01:27:07,520 --> 01:27:12,240 " But she's under me And I'm not stopping " 1222 01:27:12,320 --> 01:27:16,400 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1223 01:27:16,480 --> 01:27:17,640 Scotty doesn't know! 1224 01:27:17,720 --> 01:27:19,800 Hello, and welcome to 1225 01:27:19,880 --> 01:27:23,680 Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. 1226 01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:25,240 Sounds great. 1227 01:27:25,320 --> 01:27:27,600 There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby. 1228 01:27:27,680 --> 01:27:31,280 " I can't believe He's so trusting " 1229 01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:34,640 Sorry. 1230 01:27:34,720 --> 01:27:38,080 " While I'm right behind you thrusting " 1231 01:27:38,160 --> 01:27:40,160 - Get it? - She got it. 1232 01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:43,600 If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, 1233 01:27:43,640 --> 01:27:47,400 I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. 1234 01:27:47,440 --> 01:27:51,040 You can also try hiding your valuables... 1235 01:27:51,120 --> 01:27:52,760 in your anus. 1236 01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:54,320 Drink? 1237 01:27:54,400 --> 01:27:56,520 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1238 01:27:56,600 --> 01:27:59,840 " Scotty doesn't know Don't tell Scotty " 1239 01:27:59,920 --> 01:28:02,480 I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, OK? 1240 01:28:02,560 --> 01:28:04,640 - Ready? Quit. Shut up. 1241 01:28:04,720 --> 01:28:07,320 Sorry. I know I fucked it up. 1242 01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:09,200 Yes! You take her hair... 1243 01:28:09,280 --> 01:28:13,160 and one strand at a time, pull it out! 1244 01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:15,880 Use her like a humping post! 1245 01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:17,960 Jenny, this is Europe. 1246 01:28:18,040 --> 01:28:20,440 They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos. 1247 01:28:22,040 --> 01:28:25,400 "Happy juice." 1248 01:28:25,480 --> 01:28:27,440 Show them something they haven't seen. 1249 01:28:29,040 --> 01:28:31,640 " Fiona's got him on the phone " 1250 01:28:31,720 --> 01:28:34,720 " And she's trying not to moan " 1251 01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:38,520 " It's a three-way call And he knows nothing " 1252 01:28:38,600 --> 01:28:40,560 " Nothing, Scotty doesn't know " 1253 01:28:40,600 --> 01:28:43,400 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1254 01:28:43,520 --> 01:28:46,960 Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, 1255 01:28:47,080 --> 01:28:51,560 or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incinerated, 1256 01:28:51,680 --> 01:28:55,200 along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus. 1257 01:28:55,280 --> 01:28:57,640 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 1258 01:28:57,680 --> 01:28:59,200 " Really want to go " 1259 01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:02,000 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1260 01:29:02,080 --> 01:29:05,360 " Scotty doesn't know " 1261 01:29:06,160 --> 01:29:09,880 " The parking lot, why not? " 1262 01:29:09,920 --> 01:29:12,480 " It's so cool when you're on top " 1263 01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:17,520 " Life is so hard 'Cause Scotty doesn't know " 1264 01:29:17,640 --> 01:29:19,720 " Scotty doesn't know " 1265 01:29:19,840 --> 01:29:22,480 Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! 1266 01:29:22,600 --> 01:29:26,280 Go on, you gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 1267 01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:28,600 Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! 1268 01:29:28,680 --> 01:29:31,080 Come on! Fucking come and have it! 1269 01:29:31,160 --> 01:29:32,880 You fucking beep?! 1270 01:29:32,960 --> 01:29:35,960 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 1271 01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:37,200 Fuck off! 1272 01:29:37,280 --> 01:29:39,200 Go on, you French bastards! 1273 01:29:39,280 --> 01:29:42,000 Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! 1274 01:29:42,080 --> 01:29:43,720 Go on out of it! 1275 01:29:43,800 --> 01:29:45,200 Fuck off! 1276 01:29:45,280 --> 01:29:47,000 I'm nackered. 1277 01:29:47,080 --> 01:29:49,120 - League supporters. 1278 01:29:49,160 --> 01:29:51,840 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1279 01:29:51,960 --> 01:29:54,520 - No, wait... 1280 01:30:00,040 --> 01:30:03,560 Hey! Check these out! I'm 18 years old. 1281 01:30:03,680 --> 01:30:05,800 " Gonna tell Scotty Gonna tell myself " 1282 01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:10,360 " Scotty has to know Scotty has to know " 1283 01:30:10,440 --> 01:30:12,520 " Scotty has to Scotty has to go " 1284 01:30:12,600 --> 01:30:15,280 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1285 01:30:15,360 --> 01:30:17,520 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1286 01:30:17,600 --> 01:30:20,840 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1287 01:30:20,920 --> 01:30:25,680 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1288 01:30:25,800 --> 01:30:28,680 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1289 01:30:28,760 --> 01:30:32,120 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1290 01:30:32,200 --> 01:30:36,920 - Scotty doesn't know! 1291 01:30:37,000 --> 01:30:38,880 Scotty's gotta go! 1292 01:30:38,960 --> 01:30:43,680 " "Get Loose" plays " 1293 01:31:39,320 --> 01:31:41,520 Is it off yet? 1294 01:31:41,600 --> 01:31:43,440 No, keep rubbing it.93323