Original subtitles

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Jacky? Mr. Fung?

Last name's Koo, Andy asked me to come.

Finally. Please come in.

Tell me what happened tonight.

I passed out from drinking,

and woke up to see 48 missed calls from my wife!

Let's start from the beginning.

What did you do after you got off work?

Well... first off,

I met up with friends for drinks at Knutsford Terrace.

Hey Jacky!

At some point, this girl approached me,

and we hit it off...

...pretty soon I got drunk,

and I couldn't resist her...

and we ended up here at the hotel.

Just like that...

We rocked the boat all night long.

Pretty wild.

Yes. Kind of...

So she approached you?

I was surprised, to say the least.

So when you left the bar,

did you call an Uber or a cab?

Discount cab of course!

Everyone needs a ride at that hour!

Uber will charge you double,

and cab drivers are even worse,

they top-up by at least $100!

so a 20% off cab is the way to go.

A cheapskate like you,

paying a walk-in price

at a boutique hotel like this,

and two bottles of rose too?

Mr. Fung, this ain't your first rodeo.

This ain't no one-night stand.

This is someone that has an extremely...

...significant place in your heart.

I've told you everything.

I got nothing else even if you don't believe me.

That's fine.

Let's not waste time then.

I met her in college.

I liked her from the first moment I laid eyes on her,

but...

being shy and insecure,

I didn't have the courage to tell her.

I understand.

Right person, wrong timing.

So I kept this love inside my heart.

That will be all.

We don't have much time,

and need to sort out tonight's story.

You got off work at 1800,

got to Star Pier at 1830,

then to the bar at 1900.

You met up with your gang for happy hour,

and watched the game.

You guys had three orders of wings, two orders of franks,

and drank 5 rounds -

Hoegaarden straight up.

At 2200 Arsenal-Liverpool started,

and Arteta insisted on Xhaka.

Furious, you downed a Long Island by yourself,

and Xhaka screwed up as expected,

losing the first half of the match 0-1.

At 2300, your phone ran out of juice,

and you gave it to Nick at the bar to charge it,

so your wife couldn't get a hold of you.

At 2615 Nick wanted to wake you,

but you were pissed drunk and couldn't leave.

So he hurled you onto a couch and you slept until 2800,

and that's when you finally woke up.

What the...!

How am I supposed to remember all of those details?

The more details the more believable the story.

With all the details,

your wife will believe

you were indeed drunk off your ass all night.

Chug this,

and pour the other one over your head.

Say nothing when you get home and go straight to bed.

Tell your wife this story when you wake up in the morning.

Got it.

Last but not least,

I need this woman's contact.

Don't get her involved!

I told her I would protect her.

Precisely.

So you'll have to be sure we're all on the same page.

Mrs. Fung,

Mr. Fung admitted to the affair.

This is the woman's number.

Thank you Mrs. Fung.

"Life and Death are Fated"

Andy made the right introduction indeed.

Just like that,

I got caught.

That doesn't make any sense!

Are you for real?

Someone just appeared out of thin air o help you out.

You didn't even check and you told him everything?

Are you that dumb?

You can call me dumb, but I was freaking out then.

Just admit you're daft, enough with the excuses.

Hold up!

He's dumb, not daft!

What's the difference?

If there's no difference,

dumb and daft wouldn't be two separate terms.

Enough!

This is a sharing session not a shaming session,

if I may say my piece as Chairman,

Jacky is...

both dumb AND daft, okay?

Ok.

You okay with that?

- Ok! - Good.

Did your wife divorce you?

Of course she didn't,

she's filthy rich,

if she divorced me,

that's a hefty settlement for her!

See!

I told you! Just another bum living off a woman's fortune.

I won. Pay up.

- Garbage! - Thank you.

Which Slo-Joe cares to share his story?

You're new, why don't you share with us.

Yeah, why don't you share with us.

You little...

I... I don't have much to share.

You don't?

My daughter sleeps over at your place every night.

Promise you won't get upset.

Of course, why would I.

So... I've been with his daughter for a short while,

still getting to know each other,

and because of the pandemic

we work from home,

so we see each other quite a bit.

I think we do it about...

12 to 13 times a week.

She would request it most of the time,

That's hard work.

Are you that able, laddie?

but recently I feel lost,

I don't know if she loves me,

or just wants my body...

You?

My daughter wants your body?

Of course she doesn't...

Hey it's your turn!

Help me out, share something!

My girlfriend and I had a cold spell a while back,

but that passed quickly.

Then we went for a working holiday in the UK,

but we had just landed when

the pandemic took us right back to HK.

We were home everyday for half a year,

luckily we got along.

I think we are good together,

and marriage could work.

Marriage! That's crazy talk.

Is your mother ready for it though?

Why would our marriage concern my mother?

You don't get it, do you?

The relationship between your wife and your mother will kill you, kid.

That's way dramatic now isn't it?

Dramatic is just the beginning...

Hello Slo-Joes, it's time for tea.

A woman!

Calm down...

Fire Dragon?

She is our newest member.

Grey Bear!

In all 58 years since our Club was founded,

we have never had a female,

what in the devil are you up to?

Don't be so stiff guys,

"Slo-Joe" is just a term,

can't females count?

I also have problems,

and don't want to make soppy social media posts like my friends,

so can't I just sit in a corner by the bonfire here?

I can give you warmth...

...without the bonfire.

Bugger off.

Thank god you said that,

or else I wouldn't know what to do.

What are these photos?

Portraits of our former Chairpersons

since the founding of our Club in 1963.

So... have they all passed away?

They're healthier than you.

This one found "love" at his ripe old age.

What happened to these two then?

Yeah.

We had irreconcilable differences...

...so we obscured their faces.

What kind of differences?

Our Club focuses on being emotionally sound and stable,

but even now,

these two like to frolic behind their wives' backs,

so we split ways.

The Club is pure,

yet you are evil;

won't you combust from the contradiction?

You're looking at a Brave New Man.

I am no longer who I used to be.

Wow, he's been reading an actual book...

- made of pages. - Abso-friggin-lutely.

This actual book, made of pages,

changed my entire life.

Because of the woman on the cover, no doubt.

You thought there were tons of pictures of her in there.

Yes! But, this book was great.

It talks about how every habit takes 21 days to break.

That's how much time it took for me

to stop going for happy endings at massage parlors.

Now, I can resist dirty pictures,

porn, even Black Pink's MVs.

Are you for real, man?

You get a hard-on watching Black Pink's MVs?

Back in my great time,

I got a hard-on watching the Daddy Long-Legs anime series.

I only got a semi hard-on

once I found out the Long-Legs belonged to a Daddy.

Thanks for that.

So why the sudden change then?

I wanted to become a better me.

I really embrace who I have become.

- You done? - Done.

What a crock of shit.

The truth was during the lockdown,

all the massage parlors were shut down,

and this jerk tried to have a go online

with those dating apps,

but he got played

and shelled out a bunch of gift cards,

so now his broke ass is at home all day long!

Jerk!

You promised not to tell!

I can't stand you crowning yourself the King of Morality.

This ass even accused his maid of stealing his money,

and got her fired!

- Lowlife! - Ditto!

Now with her gone,

I'm the one cooking and cleaning

and picking up my girls from school.

I changed a lot!

Alright guys, we get it.

Here are keys for the both of you.

Welcome to The Nojo Slo-Joes Club.

I don't need it, you can have it back.

Trust me.

After you're married, you'll need it.

Liverpool fans are in for a treat tonight

a 30-year wait as Premier League champ

can't say the same for Manchester fans

though watching their arch nemesis take the Cup...

Hi! Have a seat.

So that's one championship in what, 30 years of League.

That's right,

enjoy the moment because it won't happen again.

Do I smell jealousy?

Me? Jealous?

Manchester has won the most championships,

and next year my CR7 will beat your Liverpool!

You'd still effin' lose.

Ricky Sir, you're not looking so good

you're rooting for Manc...

I mean Manchester?

You should clarify that for us

so we know your commentary isn't biased.

Championships are so boring.

I want to hand in my "homework".

Such enthusiasm!

Cosplay.

Me in uniform. Doctor and patient.

Syringe and stethoscope. Epic.

Wanna play doctor huh? Pretty epic indeed.

I'm tearing up already.

Come on, let's do a body check.

To make it truly epic,

I would like you to wear... this.

Hell no! Why would I wear that?

You said it yourself,

if Liverpool ever won a championship

you would wear this

and do whatever I want.

I'm not you, I would never say that!

Never?

Let's check the VAR!

VAR?

Next year we will win for sure.

That's what you Liverpool dogs say every year!

If - and I'm saying if -

Liverpool ever wins and takes the championship,

then I'll wear this shirt,

and I'll do whatever you want me to do.

Then I'll wear this shirt,

and I'll do whatever you want me to do.

Since when and why do we have VAR in the house?

Since you always weasel your way out,

we need solid proof of what you said.

You're totally playing me right now!

I'm sleepy,

I'm going to watch the trophy ceremony in the bedroom.

What are you looking at?

You've been quiet all night, you dummy!

Liverpool finally win the cup.

Hello, I'm Dr. Ho.

Take it off.

OK, but can I have your word,

that you'll delete the footage afterwards?

I'm not you,

I always keep my word.

Now take it off.

To commemorate this historical moment,

Liverpool issued a special edition jersey.

It's selling like hotcakes.

Take those hands away!

I'll teach you a lesson

on behalf of Manchester!

Dr. Ho,

can you be professional during body check?

Turn off your phone.

My Mom is back in Hong Kong.

She wants to have lunch with you.

What?

Why would your Mom meet me as well for lunch?

Dunno. She probably misses you.

Me?

I've only ever seen her twice.

What is it with you? Where's the confidence?

Oozing out of my pores.

Good!

Hi Mom!

Mm.

Hi Auntie, long time no see.

Have a seat. I just ordered a few things,

have a look at what you would like too.

Sure.

You should try our renowned shark's fin dumpling!

I don't eat shark's fin, it's cruel.

Mrs. Ho, here's your shark's fin dumpling.

Thank you.

- Make that two, please. - Sure.

Shark's fin is cruel.

One for her is fine.

Sure, thank you.

Eff you!

Mom, where did you come back from?

The States.

Oh what's going on there?

I went to visit your aunt

and get a hysterectomy.

Auntie. Are you alright?

Wouldn't need the procedure if I was okay, right?

Right...

Why didn't you tell me about this?

For what?

You're not a surgeon.

No, but I want to support you.

What's there to support?

Auntie, how's the recovery going?

I'm feeling fine.

Stay longer this time, have a rest.

That depends on your wedding plans.

Your cousin saw this photo on IG recently,

and I got bombarded with congratulations

before I was even discharged.

Don't tell me this was all for a joke.

It's not a joke.

Auntie, we wanted to tell you,

but because of the pandemic, we had to change our plans,

so we held off on talking to you.

Sure, what do I care?

People will say what they want,

but I want to know what are your plans? Details?

No big fuss!

Heidi's not into excessive formalities.

I understand,

but a nice dinner gathering wouldn't be too much to ask now, would it?

Let's not.

Let's do it! I agree,

Auntie, I think a nice dinner gathering is necessary!

If it makes you happy,

we'll do it.

That's great.

Miss, your shark's fin dumpling.

Thank you.

Have it while it's hot, it's very good.

It's better with vinegar.

I would love that.

"Eating shark's fin makes your penis small"

I don't think your Mom likes me.

Why do you say that?

A woman's instinct.

A woman's instinct is like the ability

to see the paranormal, right?

It is if you say it is.

No, she is especially mean to me.

It's because you were blabbing about

how shark's fin is cruel.

Which went on well,

until you decided to ruin it.

The opportunity presented itself.

Did it now? Jerk.

See, I told you! Your Mom doesn't like me.

On the contrary, actually.

The Four Seasons and The W,

the cheapest one is The Conrad.

Forty tables?

I thought it was just a simple dinner gathering.

You should have seen yourself!

Auntie, as long as it makes you happy.

Auntie, we'll do what you want.

So it's my fault?

You can do no wrong.

Don't say it like that.

Don't touch me!

Well it's too late now,

So let's make it right then,

don't let it affect us okay?

How?

How about this. You leave those formalities to me,

and you can just eat leftovers in front of the TV

and watch it all happen.

No thanks Mr. Ho,

if I had a dollar for every grand promise

you've made over the years,

I would be living in Tai Koo Shing if not the Mid-Levels.

You're happy with just Tai Koo Shing?

My Mom said she wants to hang out with you tomorrow.

No thanks to that either,

I'm completely deflated after today.

I need some real spiritual work

before I can handle her vibe again.

Fine, I'll tell her you need some me-time then.

Ok.

Hey! Why is she calling me?

How do I know?

You better answer quick,

or I won't hear the end of it.

You're so full of garbage.

Hello Auntie?

Oh, hang out with you? I would love that!

Who's full of garbage now?

Guy said I'm busy? Of course not!

Don't listen to him!

You little...

Let's ask Guy to come too...

oh.. no need?

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow...

sure, goodnight Auntie.

That was a trap!

Luckily the evil will not win.

Who's evil again?

That would be me, of course.

Say it again, who!

You garbage.

Going to have my dessert now.

Save me one!

You can have leftovers!

Fine. I hope it tastes like shit.

Ms. Lee, this way please.

You're early.

Auntie!

I know you're usually early, so I got here earlier too.

Yes, I don't like it when people are late,

but this isn't a contest.

We'll just hang out like you do with your friends.

Oh no,

I'm usually late when I hang out with them.

Is it that funny?

No.

So, have you picked a hotel venue?

Still going at it.

So you haven't picked one yet.

Why are you so slow?

Are you like this at work too?

I just wanted to think about it some more.

You seem to think you're the only one

getting married in Hong Kong.

Sorry Auntie, I'll make it quick.

You youngsters are just too indecisive,

I don't know how you can live like this.

Let me decide the date,

we'll make it December 13th.

Okay.

But the 13th is not good for feng shui, across all counts.

You believe in that?

When I married I was also told it was

the luckiest day of the century,

and I still got divorced!

Why would you believe in these things.

Oh good, cake!

Thank you.

Auntie, have some cake.

Auntie, don't you like these two flavors?

I do,

but I don't like sharing.

I'm used to eating what I ordered for myself.

Mrs. Ho, this way please.

Oh good, take your time and enjoy.

Got it.

Hey, dude's been posing like that for hours now,

I think something's up.

He's just lazy,

try telling him the steak is done,

he'll hurl his ass right over.

Hey! The steak is done! Hurl your ass right over!

He's not budging, I think he's onto something,

should we go ask?

You should ask your steak why it's burning instead.

He won't jump.

Hey he just jumped, he really jumped!

He's fine, he'll be right back up,

watch your Wagyu...

Forget about the steak, come on!

Hey my steak! It's Wagyu dammit!

Would you save the Wagyu or your bro?

What do you think?

Of course Wagyu!

Where did he go...

See? I told you he'll come right back up.

It ain't that easy to die.

I wanted to drown,

but I forgot

I'm a three-time harbor swim champion, I'm useless.

Everything is alright.

What happened? Why did you jump?

Forget it, you can't help me.

Who said anything about helping?

Just wanted to find a joke in there somewhere.

Who's Jacky?

Let me see.

Are you serious?

You into dudes now?

The messages were meant for my wife.

"Can't wait to see you Saturday"

"Face ID"

"Enter Password"

I think she's cheating on me.

Good.

That would be living proof that karma does exist.

A wise man once said

"Justice may be late,

but it will always show up."

I don't understand,

why would she do this to me? I'm so good to her.

You don't get it?

I heard a few months ago

you were still getting dirty massages.

That's not the point,

the point is I have repented and I am now a new man.

Uh-oh,

that's what the delusional killer dads all say.

You think he'll throw us in the water too?

Hey I'm different from her,

what happens during the massage stays in the massage room.

Back up buddy,

how do you know that's not the same for her too?

Because there are emojis in the messages!

That doesn't mean anything!

You're not being fair,

- you're being delusional! - That's enough!

Stop calling me delusional, that's unfair.

I'm going to throw you in the water!

- And follow right after you! - No Dad please don't!

Please don't! Fine fine fine, calm down okay,

we're all just guessing here,

let's talk to an actual female.

To find out if your wife is cheating,

you can find clues

in her Instagram.

What? Just about the same as always, no?

Wait you're right, she's really different,

she's oozing an "I'm ready and available"

sex appeal in all her photos!

Keep your mind out of the gutter,

let me see?

Oh wow, that's some sex appeal alright.

Keep your lipsticks in check, you two!

Keep your minds out of the gutter!

Have a good think,

besides her appearance,

has Jenny been any different lately?

What's there to be so happy about, honey?

It's nothing. I'm going to make a call.

OK.

Well, that's pretty normal right?

Yeah,

you'd be scared if she was instead speaking loudly, laughing quietly.

Anything else?

Honey, I'm going to shower.

OK.

Everyone locks the door when they shower.

Right.

She has never locked the door the entire time

we've been married.

Leave no rock unturned,

when the heart changes, habits follow.

There is more.

Maybe the boxers were for you.

Right.

But they're all in size Large.

A Medium at most.

The boxers are not for you.

Don't feel defeated, Grey Bear.

From all the signs it seems...

Jenny is definitely cheating,

but the key is to see

how much of Jenny's heart is still with you.

How to tell?

See if Jenny is still willing to lie.

What if she lies?

That means Jenny still loves him,

and there's a chance.

God dammit!

I'm going to find out who this is,

and beat him up.

Good!

But there are so many Jackys in this world,

how do you know which Jacky is the guy in question?

True...

Food delivery, is there a Jacky Fung here?

Yes!

Here!

No way!

Wait, do you guys remember?

At the sharing session,

this guy said the woman he's involved with has a husband.

That's right, he sends emojis in the group chat!

Also, he wears a size Large!

Calm down.

What can I do?

See if you can tolerate it. If you can,

pretend nothing happened,

and continue on with your perfect family life.

What if I can't?

Take off your cuckold badge,

confront your wife, and divorce her with courage.

"The Grey Bear Monologues: FINAL ACT"

Honey, honey don't go, I love you honey

I don't love you anymore!

I love him now.

She doesn't love you anymore, she loves me now.

I don't mind, I accept you.

I hereby grant Jenny custody of the children,

Grey Bear to pay 60K in child support each month.

Can't even handle a small task,

don't come in anymore, you dipshit!

Take it off!

Sweetie, you've grown up a lot.

I don't have a daddy like you.

Mum, who is he?

He is nobody.

"An EPIC cast list"

"The End"

No!

I can't get a divorce!

I wouldn't survive!

That's more like it,

- now go over there and beat him up! - Let's go!

No! I have another plan.

Thanks.

Hello.

Hello, my name is Man Wai,

er... what can I help you?

Hi Man Wai,

I am looking for a guest by the name of Jenny Yeung.

Oh, this concerns our guest's privacy,

so I'm sorry we cannot divulge too much.

Yes you can.

Sorry but I'm professional.

- You little... - Calm down

Alright fatty, enough with this tone,

I've had enough of your bullshit!

Don't lose it.

We value your opinions,

please don't be angry,

opinion forms go into this box.

Jesus what a chore.

Never mind, I got nothing.

Man Wai,

since we know each other so well I might as well tell you,

my wife is cheating on me,

and man to man, can't you help a bro out?

As a man, I feel you,

and I was almost moved, but again I am professional.

Hold on!

Let me just beat him up.

Okay! Once and for all,

how can we get you to help us?

Is that your friend?

What?

That's your cup of tea?

Can I have her number?

Of course!

2238 is the room number,

let me know if you need anything else, thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Bye!

Over there!

Hey wait!

What now?

I've had affairs

but to be on the other end it's my first.

Fudge.

Are you ready then?

Honey?

What does size Large look like?

Haven't seen him yet.

You're up to something,

surprise I gotcha!

How did you know I'm here?

Of course you don't want me to know you're here.

No honey, let me explain...

No explanation needed.

Who is Jacky, get out here!

- Out here, now! - Get that jerk out here now!

- Come out! - Get that jerk out here now!

I'm Jacky,

but I don't think I'm a jerk

you're talking about.

You're Jacky? You're size Large?

What's going on, I don't know you!

What?

You're "Can't Wait To See You Saturday" Jacky?

Jacky is my new colleague,

we're here for a staycation.

See?

I told you Jacky is female!

When did you say that?

So what did you think I was doing here?

Oh nothing.

You guys should be able to talk about anything.

Jenny, he said you're cheating on him.

Wow that was blunt.

Your turn.

Also, he said you've been acting weird lately,

always talking on the phone quietly and laughing out loud,

like you've got a lot of secrets!

Yes,

I have a secret.

See!

Wow! You really got Mirror Meet-n-Greet passes?

Yes! 5th row too, you get to shake their hand!

All 12 of them!

I'm squealing just thinking about their muscles

Hey my husband is looking at me,

let's talk at lunch tomorrow.

OK. Bye.

Oh I get it now.

So the men's boxers you found at home,

Jenny bought them for the free passes.

Yes, and he doesn't even wear boxer briefs.

I got them for my dad.

But Grey Bear said that you've been oozing

this "I'm Ready and Available" Sex Appeal!

I didn't say that.

He said it.

Whoever said it,

it's important to hear Jenny out now.

Oh am I? I'm just about the same, no?

Told you that my yoga class will improve your body shape.

- You do yoga too? - Yes.

May I have your number?

So why did you lock the door when you shower then?

Honey, I'm going to shower.

Okay.

la la la la la,

my love ignited like dynamite

You could have asked me to watch with you.

But you don't like them.

Don't you say that, I never said I don't like them.

la la la la la,

my love ignited like dynamite

La la la my ass,

they can't sing like Aaron Kwok and dance like Jacky Cheung...

...right? Stella

Oh, so all of this just because you're being a jerk,

and you're just stubborn and resistant to learning new things.

Jenny doesn't even look like a woman

who would cheat!

You accused her!

No honey, that's not what they said before,

they also suspected you.

We only suspected,

but you are an adult and you can decide for yourself,

and he said it was definite!

I can bear witness to that,

he even said bitch this bitch that!

Yeah, we're talking about you,

what is that pitiful look...

- Uh...Guy? - Mmm?

I suddenly remembered that the lunch buffet downstairs

is 2 for the price of 1.

That's right,

what are we waiting for?

I'll leave you guys to family matters, bye for now!

- Hey! - Out of my way!

Yeah I'm going to go too, godspeed.

See y'all later!

I'm hungry too, I'm gonna go down to the buffet with them.

What was that la la-ing about your ass just now?

No ass, no ass...

and I'm a diehard Mirror fan too.

- Are you now? - Yep.

Let's hear their names then.

Too easy...

Answer Lo,

Keung Mo,

AJ...

I'll stop.

No worries,

I'll teach you one by one, all 12 of them.

No thanks Jacky, I'll go home and learn them myself.

Oh it's not a problem.

That won't be necessary...

- I'll be a bother. - Get in there.

Take him inside.

Please no!

There's always another opportunity.

I can take care of us,

don't worry.

No, I got the job.

So why are you sulking?

It's your dream job,

you can treat me to dinner.

Hang on.

If I accept this offer,

I will be really busy,

and I can't have a baby for the next few years.

You want a baby?

I know you do.

So you wanted to ask my opinion,

whether family comes first

- or career right? - Right.

Then family first.

Oh.

I appreciate that you value my opinion,

and since we picked family first,

dinner's on me. Let's go.

It was a joke,

don't be upset.

Is this very funny to you?

You can do what you want,

you don't have to ask me.

It's your dream after all.

But the family is ours,

I don't want to end up like my Dad,

he did whatever he liked

without discussing any of it with my Mom,

and she was miserable for that.

I don't want you to hate me when you get old.

Answer me honestly,

if you give up your dream for me now,

when you wake up in the night at 60 years old

- would you blame me? - Yes, I would.

There you go.

Then what about you?

When you're 60

and your son is just a toddler,

would you hate me in your dreams then?

- Of course. - There you go.

If you're going to hate me,

then I would rather hate you instead.

Why?

It's hard to hate someone,

and you'll carry all that negativity!

I would bear it entirely,

do you know what that's called?

That's love.

No need for name-calling!

No matter what you do, I'll support you.

What about your mother?

We don't have to say anything to her, this is about us.

You say that now,

but what if she has a fit?

There's no if, it just won't happen.

I'm saying if.

Alright fine,

when that really happens,

don't worry,

I got you.

Wow look at you, my knight in shining armor.

I might have to mop the floor.

Give a rest will you? You insatiable nymph.

- I'm hungry, come on. - You're so suave.

Are you coming or not? I'm starving, toodles.

Bye!

Hey,

are we going to have hot pot?

Let's have chicken testicles.

There's a buffet special for $228...

We're going to knead,

firmly but gently.

Hi,

we use the ball of our palm, not our fingers.

Jacky, give her a hand please.

I'm late.

Typical.

You're never on time.

No, listen.

I am late.

What does it say?

Well,

You know these things are inaccurate, right?

It's probably wrong.

That may be,

but how can all eight tests be wrong?

I just want to ask you,

is it him?

What do you take me for,

I've only been with him since we started dating.

No,

I mean if you've settled for him, deep down in your heart.

I too thought you meant

if the baby is Kin's.

Hey. How is there room

for error here?

Is it me?

Or is it you guys?

You.

Ok, sorry.

I'm very happy with him,

truly...

but I do hesitate

whether my heart settles.

So do you want the baby?

I don't know...

...if I am capable of taking care of the baby,

and if Kin can even be a good father.

So many things unknown,

just be swift

and get rid of it.

Are you insane,

that's a life we are talking about.

Are you insane,

it's precisely because it's a life that you have to take it seriously.

If you have the baby,

it will be forever;

if you're indecisive from the beginning,

it won't end well.

You should discuss this with Kin.

What's there to discuss?

I don't want to handle his "oh I'm in deep shit" reactions.

Don't think for the worst,

maybe he will be like this.

Really?

Thank you so much,

I'm going to be a father?

Thank you!

Cut!

Said no one ever!

Who wrote those lines?

What's your version then?

When Grey Bear knew I was pregnant back then,

he took me out every day for dinners and movies,

happy as a bee.

And then, I caught him crying in the shower,

with the water all the way up to mask his sobs.

Why? Why am I going to be a father...

I'm still so young...

I barely had a taste of life's pleasures

My long bucket list...

Why was I so careless...

There's that smile.

So why not wait until

the unknown becomes known,

before you decide?

Thanks guys,

but your acting truly sucks,

thank god you're not actresses

Ugh

- Garbage. - Clean up all this filth okay?

Wipe the table too.

Don't worry,

I smoke and drink and stay up all night,

no chance my sperm would hit the jackpot-

Jackpot!

Jackpot again!

There's really no need to worry.

Jackpot!

You're the only one worried.

Me worried?

I didn't worry.

I'm just afraid you're the one worrying,

You don't have to worry about me worrying,

I got no worries at all.

Mom, he's gonna be a dad.

Jessica Yu.

Jackpot!

Jack the eff off-

Jackpot's your mom!

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Cheng.

Oh... not married yet? Sorry.

So pregnancy is like going to work.

Some people work their ass off,

and they never get promoted,

but some jerks

stand around and do nothing,

and they go up the ladder

faster than they can blink.

So I tell clients every time,

pregnancy is a gift,

you need permission from the higher source up above.

Actually... it was an accident.

I fully understand that.

Not being able to pull out is always an accident.

Right?

Isn't this gyno funny?

You may feel some discomfort,

just relax.

Mr. Cheng, I'm not examining you,

you don't have to be so tense.

Doctor, this isn't funny.

Didn't mean it to be.

It's funny.

If you think it's funny then it's funny.

Okay,

so now

we are looking at the uterus,

and this is the cervix.

So this moving shadow is the embryo,

and this is the baby's heart pulsating.

So... what does that mean?

That means congratulations,

the higher power above gives you permission to become a father.

So.. just like that? I'm a father now?

Jessica Yu.

Medication with consultation totals $1500 today.

Ok.

- Let me. - It's fine.

No, let me.

How about I pay?

Fine by me.

Just kidding.

So why is this any of your business?

Why isn't it my business?

Actually, it doesn't have to be your business.

What is that supposed to mean?

If you don't want it, just say it,

I'm okay with that.

When did I ever say I don't want it?

Do you have the balls to say you do?

Are you for real, you hesitated?

Why the hell did you think?

- Sorry. - Taking photos.

Having a kid is serious business, can't I think?

During this time, a woman is at her most sensitive,

the slightest hesitation from you

and she will think you don't want to take any responsibility.

I know you don't want to take responsibility,

but you can't show it!

It will cost you.

- I didn't... - Don't jump to conclusions,

he may not have a future with Jessica.

What are you saying?

I'm serious about her.

Then marry her.

Well, we're not there yet.

Ugh!

Drink up!

If you're not there yet,

then you have to pull out, man.

Exactly. I told you many times,

as a man, you have to pull out at the right moment,

don't you remember?

Is he your dad?

No, I don't know him,

he is nobody.

Sorry

Oh... sorry

I was a bit loud.

Don't worry,

I haven't forgotten what you said,

I just couldn't pull out in time.

You're full of excuses...

not man enough to pull out, right?

You try having a woman on top of you

and it feels so damn good,

see if you can pull out in time!

Sorry, excuse me,

we were a bit loud and disrupted rehearsal,

we're leaving now, have a great rehearsal,

sorry.

I'll damn well report you and get you fired,

they don't call me Grey Bear for nothing.

I thought about it,

if it were me,

I may not able to pull out in time either.

you have the right to call timeout.

Are you crazy?

It's not the NBA now ain't it? Timeout?

Why don't you just admit guys are just useless?

The heck, in the heat of the moment,

can you not expect too much from me?

Give it a rest,

you can't blame him.

A woman willing to sit on top makes it damn hard to pull out indeed.

Sit on my face

and tell me that you love me

I'll sit on your face and tell you I....

Don't you guys care at all?

I'm going to be a dad.

Wow, sounds like you want to

take some real responsibility there.

I was always going to!

I'm just scared, alright?

- Oh sod off. - You dumbass,

what's there to be scared about?

Why shouldn't I be?

The world is a mess, and it's virus-ridden too!

If he asks me why he was born, what should I say?

Tell him you couldn't pull out in time.

Sit on my face

and tell me that you love me

I'll sit on your face and tell you I....

Enough.

Look around us, it's a mess.

I don't know the line between right or wrong anymore.

I am not confident I can teach him well.

Daddy, where the hell were you?

Get over here and pay up for me!

I just lost a game! Hey!

Daddy I love being a Manc! Yeah!

Yes I love being a Manc too!

Daddy, happy birthday,

this is for you,

so you can see how much time you have left,

do you like it?

Daddy,

are you awake?

Good, Daddy can you sign here please, right here...

Now the inheritance is mine,

Daddy, here's my wife,

she's my true love.

Don't worry Daddy,

I'll take care of your son.

- Oh Daddy. - Father-in-law!

Daddy are you dying?

Don't fret,

your son won't be that crazy.

If it was your son, I'd be convinced.

His son though? Hard to tell.

Shut up both of you!

I am the only one here qualified to talk about raising a kid.

Brother,

since when have we ever listened to our parents while growing up?

We learned through mistakes,

and you can't guarantee how your son turns out.

Teach him the best that you know how,

and give him your all.

It's up to him after that.

- Mr. and Mrs. Ho. - Yes.

Thank you for choosing us for your wedding.

You can thank his mother for that.

Anyway congratulations to you both.

Auntie Ho has chosen the menu for you, please have a look.

Wouldn't worry about it,

my Mom plans the best menus.

Um, can we change the shark's fin to something else?

None of us eat shark's fin.

Oh... yes.

Well see,

Auntie Ho knows that Mrs. Ho you think shark's fin is cruel,

so she asked just for your portion

to be changed to ginseng chicken soup.

See, your mother won't let that go.

How about

we change her petit fours

to egg and spam with noodles?

Too late.

Why don't you just show us everything she picked.

Okay, here I go then.

Auntie Ho also picked the venue,

the invitation, and the wedding favors.

That's cute. Look, there's snacks too.

So? Is it good?

Not at all, it stinks.

I'll let Auntie Ho know.

That's okay.

She should just pick our rings too.

Mrs. Ho, how did you know?

She did pick your rings as well.

But, if you don't think it's okay, you can say no.

Heck, it's the right size too.

That's over the line. No.

Of course not.

I'll be mad if you say it's okay.

No thanks.

Okay, I'll let her know too.

No thanks to that, too.

Garbage.

Hello Mom?

What? Meet you now?

What? You're buying this flat for us?

Wouldn't you like that,

I mean the first mortgage payment.

You'll have to pay off the rest yourselves.

This is a nice two-bedroom flat,

one bedroom for you both,

and one for the baby.

I asked the agents,

the school zone in this area ranks 4th in HK.

We weren't thinking of having a baby so soon.

Not to mention Heidi -

and I - we want to focus on our careers first.

Fine,

then I'll stay in that room when I come back to visit.

Better than staying at a hotel.

Um... so why must we buy a flat?

You're getting married,

shouldn't you have property on hand?

You want to pay for someone else's flat the rest of your life?

But we don't need property.

A famliy needs the right people,

the right bed,

and the right Wi-Fi.

We have thought about buying,

but wanted to wait until the prices go down first.

Don't be stupid,

that's what dumb people say, that the prices will go down,

and what happened?

The prices keep going up!

Quit daydreaming

because real estate prices in HK will never go down!

If you can't buy now,

you can't buy ever.

Auntie, why don't you give us some time to think about it.

Of course, think about it all you want,

if it's so much to ask,

then just forfeit the deposit then,

but if that's what you guys do,

you'll have to pay me back for it.

Life is funny isn't it?

We went from two wheels to four wheels,

from a wedding trip to having a wedding feast of forty tables.

We went from renting a studio

to being forced into becoming homeowners.

We suddenly grew up.

Having lived here for eight years,

I'm going to miss here...

Same here...

Honey,

I'm here to tuck you in.

Honey,

I'm all done for the day, honey.

Hmm? Go to sleep, I'm tired...

Hey...

Sleep...

Come on, I won't take long, come on,

honey... hey.

Fine, sleep forever then.

How bad is it between you and Jenny lately?

We've become so cordial,

like roommates.

How so? Jenny pays the bills,

Jenny gives you an allowance,

you're just a parasite at most.

I am.

I go home late now, just to stay out of the way.

I think I know what's going on.

Recently we moved into our new place,

and watched the League game at night.

It was Manchester home against Atalanta,

2:2 at 89 minutes.

I was anxious because I was losing a bet,

and right then Heidi was talking to me about something important.

Jenny told me a secret two days ago,

I really need to tell you.

Ok, go get me a beer first.

Promise me you won't tell.

Of course, I am good with secrets.

Shake on it.

Jenny said,

she really misses the Grey Bear that used to go out for massages...

...and that's why Jenny and Grey Bear are not happy.

Oh, because of that?

Yes! And you have to promise me you won't tell.

Don't worry, I didn't hear anything.

That's my boy!

Yo! Yo! The Glory Returns!

Bugger off Manchester dog!

Just shitty luck! I'm going to shower!

She misses the Me when I went to massage parlors?

"2 months ago BF didn't pull out, now I'm pregnant"

"He won't stay, what to do?"

"I'm 26F, advice please"

"Fetus Deletus"

"Well, you let him come inside"

"Your father taught you real well"

Son of a gun...

So you're "Magdalena", right?

Two things, firstly,

please don't air my laundry out on forums and ask for advice,

secondly, please stop pretending to be female in your username!

Daddy's just concerned...

I'll take this one, please.

But you speak like you're World's £1 Dad,

tall and svelte and dashing, and that's so far from the truth!

Has he called you yet?

Why must he call me first?

He should at least take some responsibility...

Look, I want this baby

because I really want this baby,

it has nothing to do with his responsibility.

What will you say when the baby asks about

the father one day?

I don't know, I'll figure it out when we get there.

Have you thought about a second father for the baby then?

How would I know now?

Fine, then let me simply ask you this:

what's this baby's last name?

Look at you,

that was such a simple question, yet you don't have an answer...

There are a lot of things I don't know right now,

but one thing I'm sure of...

...is that I really want this baby.

Wow, what's all this for?

To celebrate!

My boss put me in charge of a big project,

looks like we can move to Tai Koo Shing real soon!

That's great, take me with you.

Of course,

so you'll have to work extra hard this time.

Me?

Yep!

Wait a minute,

this is all my favorite stuff,

and vintage Dom Perignon too.

What is it this time,

one night with a rich lady, or you want one of my kidneys?

None of the above,

I just need a renowned photographer.

This is my first big project here,

I have to nail it.

I want you to help me.

Ok,

sell me this pen!

Okay, Leonardo Di-CRAP-io...

I'll pass then...

Don't be like that, here.

the project is the Food Expo,

the theme is Hong Kong Cafe Delicacies.

We could use the old cafes and Dai Pai Dong as backdrop...

Yes! They're getting torn down as we speak,

isn't it sentimental?

Sentimental will not get you a flat in Tai Koo Shing.

What's the budget?

I know your price,

and this is all I got right now,

but I'm open.

That's a bit stingy, at least double.

Deal!

Great working with you,

excuse me!

What the... why did you close the deal so quickly?

Of course, I was expecting you to triple that!

Thanks for keeping my budget down.

What the hell,

it's not like you get commission for doing that!

What are you so happy for?

Anything?

Got it.

Next setup then.

We're shooting here today.

Over there.

Samantha!

Mr. Yuen, this is our project manager,

- Miss Heidi Tsang. - Hello, Mr. Yuen.

How are things?

Good, two more setups and we're done.

Why don't you show Mr. Yuen some of the shots?

Sure, over here.

Please have a seat.

Oh dear...

...why is it like this?

Mr. Yuen, is there something you're not satisfied with?

My Food Expo is targeted at brainless housewives,

this set of photos won't draw them in.

Oh yes Heidi, why is this happening?

Sorry.

Sorry Mr. Yuen,

I shouldn't have entrusted someone so junior.

But don't you worry, I'll make this right!

Samantha, with you around, of course I won't worry!

Well, I only wish there were two of me.

I got it Mr. Yuen,

so these photos were to advertise

your Food Expo in the simplest,

most direct way, correct?

Correct.

What can be more convincing than having you as the spokesperson?

Me?

You!

Would it work?

Why wouldn't it work?

Look, Mr. Yuen, you have a great positive image,

you can reel in those brainless housewives for sure,

believe you me.

You're just saying that because we are friends.

You don't believe me? Let's ask someone young.

What do you think?

I love it, it's so cute.

Really?

- What do you think? - So cute!

Mr. Yuen, let's get you changed

For real?

Take care of it, will you please.

Okay, I'll try.

Hey...

Shoot this wanker? You think it will work?

No, but what can we do?

So tell him he's a wanker.

Don't be a shit-stirrer, will you.

You said you wanted to nail your first project,

that's why I'm here to help you,

and now I'm the shit-stirrer?

The one who signs the cheques calls the shots.

So what?

I quit.

Can you grow up please?

This isn't about growing up.

This is about principle.

So you can live on principle?

The wedding needs money, the mortgage needs money,

even watching soccer needs money,

am I paying for the both of us every month?

Understood,

Project Manager calling the shots.

Leave my name out.

Need a cig.

Mr. Kwan? It's me, double 8.

Why haven't you been around?

I was busy.

Did you miss me?

Of course.

Face me.

So I haven't done this in a while,

let's go slow

and start with the basics, okay?

Sure!

Just relax and leave it to me.

Hey no, not this spot.

You really haven't done this in a while,

you're so sensitive.

Oh! Yes, come up a little bit.

Oh, this spot is not so good either.

Naughty boy,

you want me to use The Trick!

That's right, I wanted you to use The Trick.

Come on.

Oh sorry, I really can't...

This spot I really can't! Sorry...

What's your deal?

I can't touch you here, can't touch you there,

why are you here then?

When you touched my thigh just now,

I thought of my eldest daughter,

she loves sitting on my lap watching TV.

When you touched my stomach, I thought of my youngest one,

she loves head-butting me right in the stomach.

The Trick you did was the worst.

I thought about my wife,

she loves laying on me in bed,

and we would have our heart-to-heart talks like that.

I miss them.

Crap.

I don't even know why you're here.

Hey...

No, I must have this happy ending tonight,

or my wife will divorce me!

- Oh...lower! - Ok.

Lower!

lower...

- Yes, right there! - Is that okay?

This is newer than new age.

I've never heard of this in all twenty plus years of my career.

My wife said she misses me from the past,

and I used to love these massages,

so I wanted to have a go at it again,

- and find that old me again. - That's crazy,

No wife would be okay with her husband coming here.

You won't believe it,

but that's really what she thinks!

She thinks that,

or do you think she thinks that?

What the heck do you mean?

That means if your wife doesn't think that,

and you're the one who thinks she thinks that,

it means that the you that your wife misses

is different than the one you're looking for

from your past.

Hey.

Hey.

Aren't you working overtime?

Yes, but we got off early.

Oh.

So we are using the wanker's close up,

but we keep the rest of your photos.

Thank you.

I sealed another deal today,

a cover shoot for Hins Cheung.

Oh, I follow his Instagram,

his helper lady is really funny.

I'm shooting Hins Cheung, not her.

Oh.

Silly.

You're smiling so you're not upset.

You're the one who's upset.

Says who?

Since we're both fine,

let's go have hot pot then.

Let's go have chicken testicles.

Let's go.

Not the buffet special from last time...

Fine, Mr. Picky.

Why would a girl like chicken testicles

- Not your business. - Don't tell me then.

Can you stop it with the chicken testicles.

No,

I don't think I can quit, ever.

Not in this lifetime.

The way they just ooze out, do you understand?

Since you like to eat testicles so much,

there are fresh ones at home.

You're disgusting.

- Welcome home. - Mom?

Auntie.

Good girl.

Go wash your hands, dinner's ready.

Wow, look at all this food.

Of course, eat up while you can,

since you guys live on takeout all the time.

I'll go wash my hands.

Dinner time.

Dinner time, here.

- Have some. - Auntie, thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks Mom.

Heidi, Guy told me about your new job, are you very busy lately?

The market's getting better, so projects are coming in.

I'm getting old,

so I was thinking about retirement next year,

and wanted to find someone I could trust

to take care of my small business in the mainland.

Heidi, I want you to take over for me.

Auntie, I don't know your industry though.

Oh don't worry,

I've run it for years,

it's facing clients or the factory,

anyone with a pulse and a heartbeat can do it.

Don't mind me saying this,

but your working hours are too long right now,

and you have no time to be at home.

You can't live on takeout all the time.

Look, if you come help me, that's a different story.

I guarantee you get off work at 6pm everyday,

and you get to cook and clean the house too.

But I really like my job right now,

although it gets really busy,

but to build up something slowly

gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

Oh accomplishment,

that's right, you can say that now

because you're still young.

What about when you're forty?

That's all fluff then.

But when I'm forty,

maybe I'll already be a Marketing Director then.

You would still be working for someone else.

I'm digging a drinking well for you,

if I had this kind of help when I was young,

I would be eating out of their hand furiously.

That's enough,

you've been eating that rice all night, say something

Right.

That's a lot of rice, say something.

Say something.

Mmhmm.

This rice is delicious, I'll go for another.

Come back here!

Auntie, thank you for your thoughtfulness,

but can I take some time to think about it?

Sure, think about it all you want,

just don't ever blame me for not helping you out.

Let me help.

Put it down.

I'll take out the trash.

What did you promise me?

Yes I told you I wouldn't give Mom the housekey,

but she asked me straight to my face, I couldn't say no.

So her feelings matter and mine don't?

That's not what I mean,

I knew you would get upset so I didn't tell you.

So you do care about my feelings.

Sorry Mr. Ho, I misunderstood you.

Mom just wanted to help and cook us a meal.

Don't be so petty about it.

Petty?

I just wanted to express how I feel.

I want you to listen, to care.

If that's petty,

then fine- this is me being petty.

From the minute I walked in,

your Mom was going at me at every turn,

and what did you do?

You were wolfing down your rice.

Were you that hungry?

I really couldn't get a word in.

So you saw me calling for help,

you just never came to my rescue.

Neither did you when you were working.

- What are you saying? - You heard me.

So you never let that go.

Yes,

but I forgave you for it.

I just can't forget it.

Who's petty now?

So this is me being petty, but for you it's an expression.

You win either way.

They're not the same,

can you be reasonable?

Sure here we go.

You don't want to piss off your boss,

so I had to suffer,

and did I say a word?

Mom did breathe down your back,

and you couldn't take it,

then said I didn't help you.

Hey Miss Tsang,

since when did you become so selfish?

You're good.

Dad!

Is it the beginning of the month already?

Why are these all just red notes?

Next month they'll be blue, even.

Your mother knows you're giving me money?

No,

you're going to be a grandfather.

What's the long face?

I'm just afraid I can't handle it.

You can't handle it?

Then just leave.

I can't do that.

Why not?

When your mother was pregnant with you,

I left because I couldn't handle it.

Did you have no guilt at all?

Sure I did - a little.

I thought about going back,

but if I did that, it would be my life,

and I couldn't bear it.

Let your dad give you some sound advice.

"Running away is cowardly, but it works."

This is my life motto.

That means there's something about the old you that your wife misses,

besides the guy who likes to go for massages.

"Help honey, please come quickly!"

What's going on?

Sorry!

Honey.

- Hey honey! - What are you doing here?

I'm queuing. Here, come sit.

You were asking for help just now.

I'm at the head of the queue,

you know how many people want my spot?

Some dude wanted to buy my place for four million dollars,

and of course I said no.

He was threatening me so I texted you in panic.

Jesus, why didn't you sell it to him for four million?

But you like Mirror, honey!

Honey,

here is your red jujube tea.

Also, I already bookmarked all of Mirror's MVs on this iPad,

along with their interviews and TV series.

If you're bored,

I have playing cards, dominoes, chess,

and if you're still bored, we can play mahjong too.

There's Queen's Gambit and there's us, Queen's Bandits.

Red jujube tea is more than enough.

Honey,

I'm sorry!

I know you've been smiling a lot less lately...

I've been hoping you could guess all my secrets.

How could I guess?

If you tell me, I may not be able to do it,

but if you don't tell me, there's no way I could guess.

I'll tell you everything from now on...

Am I warm and fuzzy or what?

Smokin' hot.

Miss Yu, just wanted to update your information.

Who to put as your emergency contact?

Me!

Sir, who are you now to Miss Yu?

That's still up in the air, I'll tell you when I know,

but I'm the baby's father for sure.

Why are you here?

I told you it doesn't have to be your business.

I know that,

so I want to see if it can be my business again.

Don't force it,

you'll regret it.

Since it happened, I've gotten a lot of advice.

I even went to my dad,

and I found out this irresponsible character

comes from my father.

This is new, so it's in the DNA now?

You really can't take any responsibility.

It's precisely because the older generation was irresponsible,

so I want to change that.

I don't want to be like him,

and I don't want my baby to be like me.

I hope you can give me another chance,

and let me take some responsibility.

Okay,

I'll give you another chance,

but I'll tell you this,

these next ten months, I will be awful to deal with.

I'll become fat and emo, I will be nasty and cross,

and it will be real torture!

If you can tolerate all of that,

then I'll reconsider if it's any of your business again!

Okay!

But you're only like that these upcoming ten months?

That sounds just like how you are now!

Pay up!

Congratulations, nice save.

I'm going to write your name down now, okay?

Are you done flirting yet?

Let's go.

Cheng Wai Kin is my name.

Get the door.

- Press for the elevator! - Yes...

Away team Liverpool leads the match against Manchester...

You call this soccer? Pure garbage.

Woo

Having a rough time?

Manchester home game versus Liverpool 4-0, that's karma.

Stop it, I'm in a bad mood.

There's only two ways to go in the relationship

between your mother and wife.

You obey them, or you avoid them.

I'll never obey!

So you avoid them.

So you're neither here nor there,

and you don't want to be the bad guy.

You're the worst of them all.

What can I do? I lose either way.

In this day and age, you have to pick a side.

Stand by your wife!

She is the one next to you for the rest of your life,

that makes her your Life's Teammate.

As a teammate, you have to stand by her no matter what!

No matter what?

No - matter - what!

What the heck is up?

Pogba comes on and gets the red card in three minutes,

where's your team spirit?

What...

I know my team spirit's missing too...

Sometimes,

your teammate doesn't just want to win with you,

they want to lose with you too...

So I'm Pogba?

Yes.

If I stand by my wife, my mother wouldn't have it either.

More the reason to stand by your wife!

Let her know that "you will never walk alone"

and she will naturally give face to your mother.

Let your mother know

she's not going to lose her son,

but gain an extra daughter, do you get it?

Dumb Manc!

I get it! Sit down!

Sorry. Dumb Manc!

Dumb Manc...

Hey. Guy might have upset you,

but the offering is innocent.

Don't bring him up.

Okay.

Look, I've done so much for him,

and now he's calling me selfish!

Say something, Granny.

Fine. You're the one bringing him up, alright?

If I must say so,

I think Guy's the reasonable one this time.

Not you too!

I mean it,

you used to be very brave,

and you would say no to anything you didn't like.

What about now?

You say yes to everything.

What's up with that?

That's what happens when people grow up.

You can't be yourself when you grow up?

That's what I want too,

but not everybody likes that.

Staying true to yourself is enough,

why do you care about other people?

Don't be like your grandfather,

he was constantly bummed,

I've never seen him happy his entire life.

Granny, why did you marry Grandpa,

if you two were so dramatically different?

Your Great-Granny picked him out for me,

she said being stern was a good look.

I only started to hate your Grandpa less

the third year into our marriage.

After your mother was born,

I finally came around then.

When did you start to love him?

After he died!

When you wake up in the night at sixty years old...

...would you blame me?

Yes.

It's hard to hate someone,

and you'll carry all that negativity!

I would rather bear it entirely.

Do you know what that's called?

That's love.

Do you miss Grandpa?

No.

I think marrying you was Grandpa's

happiest moment of his life.

Hi everyone!

The Food Expo was really successful,

we had an unprecedented

number of brainless housewives attending.

All due to Samantha!

I'm very happy.

Indeed,

I only wish there were two of me.

I also wanted someone to help me out

so I wouldn't have to work so hard.

Damn you!

I've had enough of your garbage!

Always wishing there were two of you, huh?

You're right!

There's no one else in this world

as bitchy as you!

Hey! Calm down!

Your mom can calm down!

If Guy didn't shoot you like you were Tony Leung,

you would look like jerk even in a 50s retro concert!

You are fired!

Fired my ass!

Good!

Good?

You too!

Heidi!

Yes!

Have a toast with Mr. Yuen!

Okay!

Congratulations Mr. Yuen.

- Thanks for the hard work. - Not at all.

Heidi, Mr. Yuen was impressed with your performance.

He has a new project

and he would like you to be Project Manager.

Thank you Mr. Yuen,

but I quit.

What? What am I going to do if you quit?

I can't do it without you.

Don't worry Mr. Yuen... you have me.

Auntie.

I got afternoon tea for us.

Come on in.

Ok.

Auntie, have some cake.

I bought two of each.

- Do you drink? - Yes!

White wine is ok?

Ok!

Thank you.

Cheers.

Auntie, I quit my job.

Oh, you thought it through?

Yes,

I've decided to start my own company.

Sorry, I can't help you this time.

No need to apologize,

it's your loss.

Auntie, you don't like me, do you?

You're especially harsh on me.

Life is that harsh.

Guy's father and I met when we worked at a factory.

We dated for a few years and wanted to marry,

but his mother didn't like me.

She said I had crooked front teeth.

What? What does that mean though?

Front teeth represent one's parents.

Left for male, right for female.

My mother had a bad temper,

and that translates onto me as well.

They're all excuses.

Guy's grandmother never liked me

because I was from a family of six living in a wooden shed.

Even after marrying into the family,

she never had a pleasant face for me.

She didn't like that I worked.

So fine, I stayed home to tend to her.

Then Guy was born,

and she treated me like a servant.

One day she even accused me of stealing money,

and even when she found out she had wrongfully accused me,

she never said sorry to me.

Guy's father never stood up for me.

All he ever told me was to keep quiet and make peace.

Dammit that really got me fired up.

That moment I decided to leave and take Guy with me.

They were all crazy!

Guy's father fought me hard for the custody,

but it was granted to me.

The judge told me that day-

"Life will be hard as a single mom...

...you'll have to work 300% harder."

I remember that advice to this day, and I did it.

Do you hate your mother-in-law?

When she died,

I cried like hell at the funeral.

When I got home that night,

I picked two bottles of the nicest champagne,

and drank myself silly.

You won't do that when I die, right?

Of course not !

I drink whisky.

If you weren't Guy's wife,

I think we could be good friends.

I think so too.

You may think I don't like you,

or think I'm harsh to you,

but I just want you to know,

marriage is about facing problems daily,

I just don't want you two to waste your time

and go down my path.

Auntie, I understand you mean well.

But it's our path to travel on,

if we didn't walk it ourselves,

we wouldn't know if it's a waste of time, right?

Right!

If you want to go to Hell, who am I to stop you?

But let me tell you,

Guy has inherited all of his father's faults.

I'm willing to bet $100 with you-

no, make that one million-

when he's sixty he's still going to be Iike this!

He's making an effort, give him some time.

Sure.

Let's have cake.

We can share from now on.

Why didn't you say so earlier?

Do you know how expensive this was?

It cost a thousand dollars.

Coming...

Oh?

Why are you here?

I have something to say to you, Mom!

Come in.

Well, what is it?

Mom,

Heidi has her dreams and I support her,

please don't make a fuss.

If you want someone trustworthy to take over your business,

let me do it,

but I'm not responsible if it doesn't make a profit!

We don't want the flat,

we want the studio back,

and we don't want a fancy wedding,

just a simple dinner will do.

When I say simple, I don't mean forty tables.

Also, no shark's fin at the dinner either,

neither Heidi nor I eat shark's fin.

And we change petit fours to spam and egg with noodles,

dessert will be tiramisu,

because Heidi likes it.

Are you done?

Almost!

Mom,

I'm your son,

and I know you love me,

but Heidi is someone's daughter too,

I hope you can love her as well.

Wow,

you're really suave.

I practiced for an entire week,

what do you think?

What I think

doesn't matter,

what matters is what she thinks.

The floor is sopping wet.

Why are you here?

It doesn't matter why I'm here,

what matters is that

you just helped me win one million dollars.

- Oh? - Thank you.

What million dollars?

I owe you for now.

Good job.

You guys are really something.

Originally I thought this would never work,

but now I think you guys might work after all.

My son can grow up after all.

Congratulations,

good work.

I think I might be a little jealous.

If your father

was even one-third like you back in the day,

I wouldn't have to go through so much suffering.

Mom, that's all over now,

you have the both of us now,

to love you...

It's all good now, all of it.

Okay, you two.

Yes, Auntie.

Auntie?

Don't you like calling me Mom?

Mom...

Just like that,

my mom decided to retire,

and finally found the life

she has always wanted!

As for me,

I solved every man's century-old family conflict,

so I deserve this year's

Nobel Peace Prize.

Save it,

I was the one who taught you that!

I would take the Prize before you.

Poser.

Sorry.

I also have something to share,

I'm leaving!

So?

So what?

You don't have to share that.

No, I mean...

I'm...

...immigrating.

Jessica's grandmother is eighty-nine years old,

and she lives in Vancouver,

and she told Jessica she really wants to see the baby.

Well, she's almost ninety,

so you would most likely come back after a few months.

Yeah.

You punk,

I dare you to say that again!

Crap,

Jessica's grandmother is Uncle's mother!

Sorry, Uncle.

Granny will live a ripe old age!

Slap yourself twice.

Yes,

Kin won't come back!

Not until the granny sees a great-great grandchild!

- Lay off the snacks. - You guys are so annoying.

Keep your hands off Canadian franks okay?

My hands are busy,

look at me now.

Don't cry.

I'm going to miss you guys.

Me too.

I don't understand why all the crying,

it's so convenient to fly now,

and there's FaceTime,

we'll see each other

more than we do in Hong Kong.

Right,

look at them being all crazy, taking all those photos.

- Let me take the photo then. - Garbage.

Are you guys...

...mad at me?

I can't believe...

...the day would come for us to part.

I really don't want this.

Don't get sentimental!

If you get sentimental it will make me sentimental too.

Right,

why so sentimental?

Are you serious? Look at you big boys crying.

What's wrong with that?

Can't I be a little sentimental right now, honey?

What's the big deal?

It's so convenient to fly now,

and there's FaceTime,

we will probably see each other more than we do in Hong Kong.

How is Facetime the same?

I always tell you to put down your phone

and communicate with real people.

Okay! Here I am communicating! Calm down.

It's time to go in.

Can we take a photo? Stop crying!

Yes! Can we take more photos?

Of course.

Honey can you push me, my legs ache.

Come on.

Go faster than them.

I think you gained weight!

You told me to push harder last night.

What's taking so long, let me help...

- Hurry. - You call yourself professional.

What's taking so long?

No one's helping me.

Look at the camera.

My friend, no matter how crazy it gets

I got you, my partner-in-crime

Life is a wave of pee shivers

You're there for me, whatever the weather

My friend, come listen to me ramble

You know me more than anyone else

In a War Game,

I'd pick you on my team every time

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Who's the first one to pass out when we're wasted

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Goodnight pal, but let's hang out tomorrow

My friend, there's nothing to fear

I'm the first responder to your emergency

I hate watching soccer with Mancs "Kopites"

We'll watch it live tonight

My friend, no matter where you are

We'll chat online when we miss each other

A goodbye doesn't mean farewell forever,

can you not cry

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Who's the first one to pass out when we're wasted

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Goodnight pal, but let's hang out tomorrow

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Who's the first one to act crazy when we're wasted

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Everything changes but buddies remain

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

How friggin pathetic to cry when we will meet again

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

I shed a tear and you happened to see it

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

Real damn cheesy to cry when we will meet again

Hey Ho Hey Hey Ho

I shed a tear but it's just smoke in my eyes

"This film is dedicated to my maternal grandmother"

Grey Bear!

Honorary Chairman!

Grey Bear,

I have something to hand over to you.

This booklet

records all of our members' addresses and numbers,

and this notebook

records all

the secrets of our Club.

This Chairman's Seal

is passed down over the years.

These three artifacts

are monumental to our Club,

it's a matter of life and death.

Copy that, Honorary Chairman.

"The Nojo Slo-Joes Club"

"Coming Soon"

Okay, almost, ready...

and ready... smile

Oh crap!

The artifacts are gone!

What!

You're joking!