All language subtitles for My.Dead.Ex.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- Charley, check
out your pancakes.

- They look great, Ben.

- It's you and me.

See, I even undercooked mine
to give it that dead look.

"Eat us, Charley.

"Consume our fluffy
and delicious bodies

"so that we may ascend
to breakfast heaven

and be reunited with
our pancake brethren."

- Ben, stop, okay?

I had to deal with
your undeadiness all weekend.

I didn't have any time
to do any of my homework.

- So sorry my tragic
and untimely death

got in the way of your...
"Haiku Appreciation."

Is that really a class
in our school?

- Oh, you would not believe
the day I had yesterday.

37 people came to see
the split level on Crestwood.

You know how many
offers we got?

El zilcho.
It's a nice house too.

Brand new fixtures, great
location, hardwood floors,

but the minute the words
"double homicide"

come out of my mouth,
everyone just shuts down.

I swear, I'm losing my edge.
Five years ago

I would have been able to sell
a murder house like that.

Good morning, Ben.

[resonant music]

♪

- What?
Is something wrong, Mom?

- This is gonna sound
really weird,

but was Benjamin Bloom
just standing in our kitchen

dressed in
your father's pajamas?

- Uh, no, Mom.
Ben Bloom's dead, remember?

- I gotta lower the dosage
on my Ambien.

Making me see things.

- This is ridiculous.

Let's just skip school and
go see a movie or something.

- I don't skip school,
Ben, okay,

and as long as you have to be
within 30 feet of me,

neither do you.

Just steer clear of people
who might recognize you.

- That's gonna be hard.

I'm friends
with a lot of people.

We haven't even talked about
how this is gonna work.

You know, they're not
just gonna let me waltz in

and, you know,
join your classes.

- I have a plan,
so don't worry about that.

You just need to come up
with a name.

- Like what?
- Mm, I don't know.

Something simple that won't
draw attention to you like,

I don't know, Todd.
- No, gross.

Todd's the name
of a guy who doesn't use soap

when he washes his hands.

He only puts them under
for a second.

- Okay, Lyle.
- No, Lyle sounds like someone

who spends his free time
updating Wikipedia pages.

- Max.
- No, Max sounds like someone

who built houses
for Habitat for Humanity,

and now he won't shut up about

how enlightening
the whole experience was,

even though he only did it
for, like, one weekend.

- Okay, you need
to pick something.

- Hmm...how about...

Brad Carson?

- Brad Carson?
Where--

where did that come from?

- I don't know, I don't know.
It just came to me.

"Hi, I'm Brad Carson."
"Hey, Brad Carson here."

"Oh, please,
Mr. Carson's my father.

Call me Brad."
- Okay, Brad Carson it is.

- Where'd you get
this thing anyway?

- It's my Jon Snow wig
for Halloween last year.

- You were Jon Snow
for Halloween?

I should not be as turned on
as I am right now.

I'm sorry about that.

That was uncomfortable
for both of us.

[light music]

♪

"A celebration of the Life
of...Benmajin Bloom."

Why'd they choose that photo?

Why couldn't they use
my class picture?

- I don't know.
Maybe they thought it would be,

I don't know, impersonal,

so they used the only
photo online they could find.

- Okay, well,
we're definitely going.

- Wait, you think
that's a good idea?

- Why wouldn't it be?

- It's kind of like
looking at comments

on a YouTube video you posted.

Like, you never know
what people are gonna say,

so you might as well
just avoid it entirely.

- But I want to see how much
I've impacted everyone's lives.

Maybe there'll be
a marching band.

Oh, or fireworks.
- Yeah, maybe.

- Luke?
That scumbag.

I'm gonna kick his ass.
- Oh, my God, what?

Stop.
No, Ben.

- Why not?

At least let me
throw a rock at him

or poke him with something,
or better yet,

I'm gonna fill up
a glass of toilet water,

and then I'm gonna be like,
"Hey, man, you thirsty?

Want a glass of water?"
And he'll be like,

"Oh, this water tastes funny."

And I'll say, "Yeah, that's
'cause it's toilet water."

And he'll be like, "No!"
And I'll go,

"That's what you get for
hitting on Charley at my wake."

And then I'll throw
a rock at him.

- You can't do that.
- What? Why not?

- Do I really need to explain
to you why it's wrong to trick

someone into drinking
toilet water?

- Charley, he betrayed me.
- No, he betrayed Ben Boom,

and you're not Ben Bloom
today, remember?

You are...who are you?

- Brad Carson.
- Sorry, who are you?

- Brad Carson.
- That's right.

Look, you're wearing
the cool new clothes

I picked out for you.
You're rocking a badass tan.

You got a hair situation.
It's...

Brad Carson's looking cool.

- Yeah, you think so?
- I do.

Okay, come on.

- Charley, look,
I want to help you out,

but "I want" and "I can"
are two very different things.

I never got your name.

- Hi, I'm Crad Barson.

- Sorry, did you just say
"Crad Barson"?

- That's what I said.
Yeah, that's my name. Mm-hmm.

- I asked your name,
and you said "Crad Barson."

- Mm-hmm.

- Sorry, "Crad"?
Is that short for something?

- Cradley, but, yeah,
Crad is what they call me.

- Regardless, I can't just
clap my hands

and admit Cradley Barson
here to our school.

I would need proof of
residency, inoculation records,

transcripts, test scores,
not to mention discipline

and attendance records
from his previous school.

- That's a bummer.
- Well...

- I really didn't want
to go with B.

- Plan B.
What is...what is plan B?

- Uploading this
to my Instagram

to my 1,346 followers,

just so they can see
where you get your groceries.

- You can't--you can't do that.

- Vice Principal Kelly,

I really want to help you,
but "I want" and "I can"

are two very different things.

- Here's your schedule,
student ID,

and a map of the campus
in case you get lost.

Welcome to Reseda Hills High,
Cradley Barson.

♪

- I thought that went well.
- Yeah.

You were great in there.

Just one bit of criticism,
though.

- Always welcome.
- All right, so when you're

talking to other students,
maybe don't say things like,

"Wow, everything here
is so different.

I'm a new student.
Wow, so different."

- But I was inhabiting the
character of Cradley Barson.

Okay? He's really never
been here before.

- I know, it just comes off
a little suspicious.

- What do you want me to say?
- How about nothing?

- Hmm, interesting,
interesting.

So you see Crad as, like,
the quiet, cool type?

- Exactly.
- Well, then,

criticism received.

One sec, I got to go
to the restroom.

- Okay, just hurry up.

- I will.
And don't run off, now,

because we always have to be
within 30 feet of each other.

- I know, Ben.
How could I ever forget?

- Charles.

- Hey, Wren.
- Hey.

What are you doing all
the way over there? Come here.

- Oh, you want me to come
over to--yeah, okay.

[Ben screams]

Hey, Wren.

- Hey.

So, I guess I'm coming to you.

I missed you at the quad
this morning.

- Yeah, I had a thing.
- A thing?

Huh.
Does that thing have anything

to do with the guy
I saw you with earlier?

- What guy?
- The hipster-looking dude.

You know, the guy who just came
out of the bathroom over there,

and who's pretending like
he's not watching us right now.

- Yeah, yeah, that guy...
[stammers] That is my cousin.

Crad Barson.
- Did you say "Crad Barson"?

- Yeah, I did.
Family name.

Bar--Barson.
Lots of Barsons.

- Are you doing okay, Charles?
- Yeah, no, yeah, I'm great.

I'm... [scoffs]
Better than great, actually.

Fine.
Why?

- Oh, I don't know,

maybe 'cause you're acting
batshit insane right now.

Does this have anything
to do with Ben?

- What?
No. [stammers]

Wren, Ben died.
Ben died.

He's never coming back.

- I know, but...

we never got a chance
to talk about it.

I mean, like,
really talk about it.

You know you can tell me
about anything, right?

I'm here for you.

Unless you need to cry.

And it's probably better
I don't see that.

I'm not good with crying.

- Thanks, Wren.
That's really sweet.

I'm fine, I promise.

Got to go.
Bye.

I'll--I'll talk to you later.
Kay.

Hey, remember
what we discussed?

You shut your face?
- I know, I remember.

You're not gonna hear
a word from me.

I promise.
Not a peep.

- [speaking Spanish]

all: [speaking Spanish]

- Oh, I'm sorry.

My translation was probably
a little bit off.

I was just saying how sorry
I was for the tragedy

that happened over the weekend.
You all must be very sad.

- No, I understood you, bro.

I just don't know what tragedy
you're talking about.

- The kid that died?
Ben Bloom?

"who the hell is Ben Bloom?"

- Are you guys kidding me?

You really don't know
who Ben Bloom is?

He was literally in this class.

He sat right over there
in that empty seat.

- Uh, pretty sure that seat's
always been empty, bro.

- You're Charley Albright's
friend, Wren, right?

I'm--
- Luke Sullivan,

vice president
of student council,

the quarterback
for the Reseda Hills Ravens.

You like hip-hop,
horror movies,

escape rooms, and Twizzlers,
which is totally loco,

'cause everyone knows
it's Red Vines or die.

- Um...how do you know
so much stuff about me?

- Because I'm in love
with you, Luke,

and I've been in love
with you since the moment

I laid eyes on you.

- [chuckles] What?

- I'm kidding, bro.

How do I know all that stuff?
Because of Charley.

- [clears throat]
Charley talks about me?

- Oh, my God, man.

Did the guy who built you
program you

to do anything
besides ask questions?

- Sorry.

One more question.

- What is it?

- Do you know anything
about that guy

Charley's been hanging
around today?

- Crad Barson?
- What?

- Her cousin.
- Her cousin. [laughs]

That's a relief.

I was starting to think
it was her new boyfriend.

- Charley's never mentioned
having cousins,

and I'm pretty sure she doesn't
have any aunts or uncles.

- Well, maybe she does but
she's just embarrassed by them,

you know, like a pervert uncle
everyone pretends

doesn't exist.
Every family has one.

or three.

- [imitates fly]
- Right. [chuckles]

Sorry.
Um, if you see Charley,

tell her I say hi.

- You think once you die
you're gonna leave

this giant you-shaped void
in the world,

but...truth is, nobody cares,

and the world
just keeps on spinning.

We're just dust in the wind.

You're born alone,
and you die al--

- Oh, my God, stop.
- Stop what?

- Just, like, everything.
All of it.

Just like all... [stammers]
Stop being so you.

Like, your Benness.
You just concentrated

all of--all of your Benness
into this little laser beam,

and you're just, like,
shooting it into my head,

and I can't take it.

- Okay, wow, that stings.
- Sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry.

It's just been, like,
a really stressful day,

and I think we both
need some quiet time.

And we don't want to give
Ms. Matheson a heart attack.

[ominous percussion]

- Maybe you're right.
Maybe that's the answer.

- What's the answer?
- I'm gonna stop being me.

Ben Bloom is dead.
It's Crad's turn to shine.

He's not gonna be
a pushover like Ben was.

People are gonna remember
Crad after he dies.

- Shhh!
- [stammers]

- Did you just--
- Shhh!

- You did it again!
Oh, that's rude.

Let's see how you like it.
Shh!

- You can't--
you can't shush me.

- What, what,
you're the shush police?

You gonna throw me
in your shush jail?

I'll shush whoever
I want to shush.

Shh!
- Shh!

- Shh!
- Crad, let's just, like,

dial it back a little.
- Shh!

[both shushing aggressively]

- [gasps] Wait,
you can't tase me.

I'm a student.
You're a librarian.

- Part-time.

- [forced screaming]
Ahh, okay, so much pain.

I'm in so much pain.

Ah!

Oh, make it stop, please.

I can't believe
I got written up

for causing a disturbance.

I've never been written up
for anything in my life.

It felt good.

I don't want
to lose this momentum.

Let's go do more bad stuff.

Knock over some
trash cans or jaywalk,

or take all the leftover roast
beef from the Arby's dumpster

and throw it off an overpass.
- What are you talking about?

- I don't know.

It's my first day
of being a bad boy.

I don't even know what they do.
[sighs]

Let's just--
let's just get out of here.

- No, you were the one
who wanted to come to this.

- Yeah, that was before
I realized how much

of a nothing I was.
If you were the one who died,

these bleachers would be
overflowing with students.

- Look, it hasn't even
started yet, okay?

More people will come.
This can't be everyone.

- Well, it looks like
this is everyone.

Let's get this started.

You know, the thing I think
I remember most about, uh...

Ben is just how much energy
he had, right?

The kid was like
a fidget spinner with legs.

Fidget spinners, by the way,
remain prohibited.

As God is my witness.
Do not test me.

But Ben, though, right?

I mean, uh...oh, I found out
while purging his file

that Ben and I actually
share the--shared--

the same middle name.
Michael.

So that's pretty interesting.

I guess,
statistically speaking,

Michael is the most
common middle name

for men in this country,
so...super interesting.

I would guess not
all of you knew that.

All right,
so I'm gonna open it up

in case anybody else
has anything to share.

Anybody?

- I can--I can get up
and say something.

- No, I don't want your pity.

Let's just--let's just go.

- Hello, I'm Wallace,
the janitor.

You all know me as the guy
you pass in the hallway

and never make eye
contact with.

I just want to say...

I hate you all.
Everyone here.

I just hate you so, so much.

But I hated Ben the least

because he was the only one
of you little shit birds

who treated me
like a human being.

- Amen.
- That was nice.

- A couple years back,
I was suffering

from a pretty
serious addiction.

I was a fan
of Katy Perry's music.

Couldn't get enough
of the stuff.

It got so bad I even
convinced myself "Peacock"

was a good song.

Luckily, Ben recognized
my symptoms.

He treated me with a couple
of his Spotify playlists,

introduced me to bands
like Joy Division,

Tears for Fears, Depeche Mode.

I'm not exaggerating
when I say this.

Ben Bloom...saved my life.

- Ben was always so caring.

When he found out that
I volunteered at the center

for blind children,
he asked me if he could come

and put on a magic
show for the kids.

I pointed out
that they're blind

and probably wouldn't
appreciate something so visual,

but Ben insisted
on doing it anyway.

You know what?
They loved it.

- Hi, I'm Luke.
- Louder!

- I'm Luke Sullivan.

I, uh...I'm not sure
I have much else to say.

Everyone covered how kind,
and caring,

and generous he was.

I guess...

I guess I can only add that...

Ben had this level
of confidence.

I have no idea
where it came from, but...

it's like he knew
exactly who he was.

He was...

he was Ben.

And he didn't care what
anyone else thought about him.

I was always
so jealous of that.

[stirring organ chords]

♪

- Oh, you didn't have
to do that.

Come on, you know I would have
been happy to make the cake.

- Oh, don't be a doofwad.

You can't make
your own memorial cake.

Okay, tell me how it is.
- All right.

- Charley, this is without
a doubt the greatest cake

I've ever had
in my entire life.

- Wait, really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Ugh! [spits]
That's horrible.

- Oh, it's not that bad.

Is that--is that
chili powder I'm tasting?

- Oh, God,
I thought that was cinnamon.

Ben, Ben, stop eating it.

- Mm-mm.
- Ben.

- No, no, I deserve this.

That's what I get for acting
like such a jerk.

- Okay, that is too harsh
of a punishment,

but you weren't a jerk.

Cradley Barson was the jerk.

- Well, then, on behalf
of myself and Cradley Barson,

we're sorry for today,

and we were wrong about Luke.
He's not a scumbag.

It turns out he's just jealous
of me and how attractive I am.

- I'm not sure
that's what he meant.

- Really?
That's what I got from it.

Look, regardless,
it was a great memorial.

- It was, yeah.

I'm sorry there
wasn't a marching band, but...

I think I can help you with
the other thing you wanted.

- Man, I forgot how serious

your mom takes
the Fourth of July.

- Oh, yeah, Laurel Albright
does not mess around

when it comes to fireworks.

She always gets the
mega-value pack,

and we just never get
through the whole thing.

Ready?
- Let's do it.

[dreamy indie pop music]

♪

- ♪ I'm under
the wheel of my life ♪

♪

♪ Self-destructing car
going faster ♪

♪

♪ I caught
your mouth kissing ♪

♪

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

What's wrong?

- Is that...

- Yeah.

- So he's not...

- No.

- Oh.

Kid just doesn't give up,
does he?

♪

- ♪ That I am used to

♪

♪ That I am used to

♪

♪ That I am used to

♪

♪ That I am used to