Original subtitles

[light music]

♪

- [screams] - [screams]

- Ben! - What! What's going on?

- Why is your head like that? - Oh!

Oh right, sorry.

After you went to bed last night

I was trying to fall asleep,

but kept getting distracted by how adorable you look sleeping,

so, you know, I had to turn my head around.

Charley, the things that I can do with my body

now that I'm dead, it's amazing.

- No, I'm really stoked for you, it's really exciting.

It's really awesome.

We're gonna spend the rest of the night in here.

- What? Oh, okay, yeah, that's--that's cool, yeah.

- You're not gonna do anything weird in there, are you?

- Define "weird."

- Smelling my clothes. - Uh...

no, mm-mm.

- No.

- I'm really--I'm sorry. - No.

Stay.

- You know, it was weird, I know that.

It was like--it was like

a number and a fish.

It was like "Madam Six Salmon,"

or "Madame Three Halibut."

- Yeah, the woman who sold you

the necklaces was named "Madame Three Halibut."

- Give me a break, okay? It was like six years ago.

- Okay, I need you to figure it out, okay?

Because we need to find her so she can break this love curse,

so I don't have to be within 30 feet of you

for the rest of my life.

God, I can't believe I just said that out loud.

[phone chimes]

Please be Luke. Please be Luke.

Please.

- Okay, and bon appétit. I hope you like it.

I usually use chives, but I couldn't find any.

- I mean, I'm surprised you found eggs.

The Albright kitchen doesn't get much use.

- That's a shame.

I find cooking to be really relaxing.

- [mumbling] Holy sh...whoa.

I'm sorry. Mmm.

I--yeah, I didn't know eggs could taste like that.

- You know, if we went to my house

we could probably find the receipt.

- You have a receipt from six years ago?

- Yeah, I keep everything that has to do with us.

It's one of my scrapbooks.

- You, um--you scrapbook?

- Don't all teenage boys scrapbook?

Kidding.

Just something me and my mom used to do.

We didn't have a lot in common,

so it was a way for us to spend time together.

What happened to your room?

You used to have such cool things.

Now I feel like I'm in a display room at Ikea.

- I'm so glad death has not softened your innate ability

to nitpick my life.

- Where's your drawing table? - I don't know.

I guess my mom put it in the garage.

- What, why?

- Well, one no longer needs a drawing table

if one no longer draws, now, does one?

- Wait, seriously? You don't draw anymore?

But you were so good, why would you waste that talent?

- Are you really--you're really lecturing me right now

on my choice of hobbies? Just choose something to wear.

- How am I supposed to pick when there's so much gold?

- Yeah.

Phil Albright was kind of a dad style genius.

I saw him wearing socks and sandals one time with a suit,

and he, uh, he actually kind of pulled it off.

[soft music]

- Hey, Charley. - Hey.

- What you drawing? - A bunny rabbit.

- Who's it eating? - Ms. Farnsworth.

- Right. She needs more chin hair.

Why are you wearing that dirty shirt?

- It's not dirty, you turd.

This was the shirt my dad painted in.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Pick a card, any card.

- I'm not in the mood. - Come on, Charley.

It'll make you feel better, I promise.

Now put it back in the deck. Make sure I can't see it.

[posh accent] I know it's in here somewhere, but where?

Sorry, I have something in my... [chokes]

[gags] Throat.

What is this?

Is this your card?

- No. - Are you kidding me?

I've been hiding this card in my mouth all morning.

- It was the ace of hearts.

Here.

- How do I look?

- [chuckles] Oh, my God, you look ridiculous.

- Really? You think so?

I think I look pretty great. What does--what does this do?

[button clicks, lo-fi "Jingle BellS" plays]

- [chuckles]

♪

[phone chimes]

- Please be Luke, please be Luke, please be Luke.

"Storage almost full." God damn it.

- Hah!

- You think that's funny? Does that amuse you? Yes?

- Yeah. Yeah, it does, a little.

- It shouldn't, Ben. This is very serious.

If a guy texts you within two days of having your number,

it means he likes you.

It's like a homicide investigation.

The first 48 hours are the most crucial,

so I have 26 hours until I've been officially friend-zoned.

- You know, with everything that's going on right now--

me dying and coming back to life--

glad you've managed to keep your priorities in order.

Charley. Come on.

Thank you.

- ♪ Feeling like the night is young ♪

Charley, how many tickets have you gotten?

- Zero. - That surprises me.

- I've had zero tickets. - That's surprising.

Charley, stop sign. Stop, stop at the stop sign!

- I see it. I see the stop sign, Ben.

- You're supposed to stop three seconds.

Pull over here. - We're not to your house yet.

- Just stop the car, Charley. - What? What is the problem?

- If we pull up to my house, my mom might see me.

- Uh, yeah, that's the point.

If we go to your house, your mom's gonna see you.

- My mom can't see me. - Why?

- Okay, let's say I go up there,

I knock on the door, and my mom answers.

Holy crap, her son's back from the dead.

She's thrilled, right?

- Exactly, what's the problem?

- The problem is, what if the spell

that's keeping me alive is only temporary?

My mom already lost me once.

I can't put her through that a second time.

- Okay, I guess I hadn't thought about that.

- Okay, now...

if I go through the side door, we should safely stay

within 30 feet of each other, okay?

All I need you to do is distract my mom long enough

so I can snag the scrapbook. Got it?

- Got it.

Wait, what?

- Charlotte, what an unexpected surprise.

How are you doing?

- Fine. Fine, Mrs. Bloom. How are you?

- Oh, you know, hanging in there.

Hanging in there.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

- Oh, just checking in, just--you know,

seeing if you're okay.

- Oh, aren't you sweet?

- I, um--you know, I just, I miss him so much.

- Oh, Charlotte honey, I miss him too.

Oh, I miss him, too. [sniffs]

Come in. Let's catch up.

I barely got to talk to you at the wake. [sniffs]

- So this was all Ben's... - Benji's stuff, yeah.

I've been going through it piece by piece.

I find it to be therapeutic.

Whenever I'm feeling sad, I pick up a pile at random,

and see what I find.

Participation trophy for soccer.

Oh, his favorite blankie. [inhales] Boo-Boo.

What do you suppose this is?

Some kind of class project? - [laughs]

Yeah.

No, yeah, that's definitely a class project.

Um, Ms. Bloom,

if I--if I remember correctly, Ben was a scrapbooker, right?

- Don't all teenage boys scrapbook?

- Yeah. No, yeah, a lot do.

Um, do you know where the scrapbooks are?

- Hmm. Oh, I saw them earlier.

- Do you mind if I look?

- Be my guest.

You do that, and I'll go make us some tea.

- No!

[stammers] Tea, ew. Tea is--tea is disgusting.

I--I hate tea.

- Oh, well...o-okay. Coffee?

- Coffee, please.

- Geez, I had no idea you hated tea so much.

- What? What, no--get the scrapbook

so we can get out of here and she won't see you.

- Oh, Charley? Do you take cream or sugar?

- Cream, please.

- [to self] You're such dum-dum. [sighs]

I don't have any cream. Is milk okay?

- Milk is awesome. I love milk.

Thanks, Ms. Bloom.

- You are such a sweet kid, Charley.

I know that you and Ben drifted apart over the years,

but secretly I always hoped you two would get back together.

Guess that's never gonna happen, now.

- Found it. - Oh, my God, thank God.

Okay, just get out so she doesn't see you, go.

- Quick question, you guys didn't happen to take a peek

inside that folder, right? It's totally just school stuff.

- Go. Now. - Oh.

Just gonna hold onto this, you know, school stuff.

- Here. - No thanks.

- Ben, you have to eat.

I mean, you haven't eaten all day.

Unless you don't eat now that you're dead.

- Oh, no, I eat, but I'm just not hungry.

If I was, I wouldn't eat that anyway.

- God. Do you crave meat of a different kind?

- "Meat of a different kind"? What do you mean?

- Like the flesh of the living? - You're serious?

Wait, you think I'm a--okay, that's very offensive, Charley.

- Sorry. - I'm not a zombie.

I'm a pescatarian. - Okay.

I'm sorry. I was just checking.

Wow, you really kept everything of us.

- Yeah, well, I wouldn't be much of a scrapbooker

if I didn't.

Oh, look, here it is.

"Madame Fortuna's House of Curiosities".

Four, tuna. Number, fish.

I--remember, I said... - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Here I thought it was

Madame Three Halibut. - Oh, here's the address.

- Wait, what are we waiting for?

Let's go. Let's like, break the curse.

- Wow, you're really itching to get rid of me.

- I mean, what did you expect, that we were gonna stay within

30 feet of each other forever? I mean, I have, like,

a life to get back to. - Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know that I was getting in the way

of all the important stuff you've got going on,

like taking pictures of sandwiches,

and worrying if Luke Sullivan's going to text you back

in 48 hours, which...

by the way, he totally will.

- Wait, wait, what do you-- what do you mean?

How do you know that?

- Because you're Charley Albright.

No guy on this planet's not gonna text you back

in 48 hours.

Wait, I'm sorry, earlier you said you had 26 hours

before your crucial 48 hour deadline.

Did you give Luke your number at my funeral?

- Course not.

Uh, it was at your wake.

Ben! Slow down. We have to be

within 30 feet of each other, remember?

- This is all my fault. I talk to Luke about

how amazing you are, like every day.

Of course he was gonna swoop in.

But a day after I died? Scumbag.

- Ben, it wasn't like that.

- Oh, then tell me, how was it like?

- I--I... [stammers]

Okay, yeah, you know, maybe it was like that,

but it wasn't sinister.

Like, he didn't wake up that morning and go, "You know what?

At Ben's wake today, I'm gonna flirt with Charley Albright."

- This is seriously the worst day of my life.

And remember, I died two days ago.

This day? Way worse.

- Ben, what do you want me to say?

- Don't say anything.

Let's go find Madame Fortuna.

Hopefully she can break the curse

so you never have to deal with me ever again.

You and Luke can go live out

your Instagram-friendly fantasy.

I'm sure you two will get a lot of likes.

- ♪ What if it's bad for me?

[The Expert's "Sure Sure"]

♪ What if I'm getting sick?

♪ What about once a week?

♪ Just a little bit?

- Are you sure this is the right address?

- Yeah, I recognize the building.

The décor is different, though.

- You know, I'm gonna let you take this one,

I'm gonna just sit this one out.

Okay.

- ♪ Talkin' 'bout UV rays

♪ Talkin' 'bout toothpaste

♪ Talkin' 'bout aspertame

[music fades]

- Hey, hi, how are you doing? I'm looking for--

- You over 18? - Um, am I...no, no, but--

- You gotta be 18 or older to be in my store.

- Oh, your store? Okay, well that makes you

Dr. Love then, I presume.

Um, pleasure to make your acquaintance.

- Out, junior.

- I'm not here as a customer, sir.

I'm just gonna ask you one question

and then I'll be on my way, I promise.

It's about the store that was previously here.

Do you remember it?

- Madame Fortuna's house of useless shit

and gypsy nonsense. Yeah, I remember.

- Not sure that was the exact name, but yeah, yeah, that one.

See, I bought an item from Madame Fortuna,

like, six years ago, and I was wondering

if you had any way to contact her, maybe a number?

- Six years? Jesus, what took you so long?

- Because that's how long it took me to realize

the one I love doesn't love me back.

- Love, you say?

Well, that just happens to be my area of expertise.

Talk to me, son.

- Hello, Vice Principal Kelly.

- Charlotte.

Charlotte Albright. Good...to see you.

- You too. - Yeah.

You are likely wondering what I'm doing coming out

of an establishment like this-- unless you're not.

You don't have to.

- The thought did cross my mind.

- Did it? - It did.

- This is where I buy groceries.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

It may not look like it from the outside,

but this place has the freshest fruits and vegetables,

and--um... are you getting an email, or...

[camera clicks] - No.

- Okay, well...you stay cool.

- Bye! [chuckles]

[phone chimes]

Oh, my God.

- I was in a situation similar to yours, once.

What's the name of that fellow you're in love with, again?

- Charley Albright, but-- - Yeah, Charley Albright.

Well, my Charley Albright

was a woman named Judith Fitzmeyer.

I met her in an erotic creative writing class.

Fell in love the moment I read her words.

Only problem was, Judith didn't feel the same way about me,

but that didn't stop me.

Slowly, I chipped away at that icy wall--

a witty remark here, a humorous observation there.

Before long, Judith and I were making slow,

sensuous love behind the dumpster

in the community college parking lot.

Got married three months after that.

See, my point is, Ben,

I didn't get my PhD in love-ology

by sitting on my hands.

I know what I'm talking about here,

and if you're in love with this Charley fella,

then you got to fight for him, Ben.

Stay right there.

- Is this your card? - No.

It was the ace of hearts. Here.

- Here we go. This is the address

Fortuna left me to forward her mail.

You keep it.

Woman hasn't gotten anything in years.

- [exhales]

Thank you, and... thanks so much

for the advice, Doctor Love.

- Well, that's what I'm here for.

And um, get some sun, too, while you're at it, kid.

You're looking a little pale.

- I know! He--no, he literally

just texted me. I have no idea.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Wren, can I call you back? I have to talk to my cousin.

Okay, no, I w... okay, bye.

You will never guess who just texted me.

Luke.

- "Hey." Wow.

- I know, isn't it amazing?

- Oh, I'm--I'm like,

totally stoked for you, that's--that's awesome.

- Wait, so how did it go? Did you get any info

about Madame Fortuna?

- Ah, actually, no.

It's a dead end, unfortunately.

- Damn. - Yeah.

I guess we'll be spending more time together.

- It's okay. It's fine.

We'll figure it out. Um, do you mind

if I actually call Wren? She's going to help me come up

with, like, a response. Because I don't know if

I wanna be formal, like, "Hello,"

or if--I don't know, if I want to be, like, casual,

like, "Hi." - Oh, no, I totally get it.

You guys--you guys have a lot to talk about.

- Yeah. - Go--go do that.

- Okay! Five minutes, ten. I promise.

- Okay. - Okay.

Hi, hey. Yeah, sorry.

He waited exactly 26 hours.

- ♪ True, could've been better ♪

♪ Stayed up, more nights the same ♪

♪ If I ever was reeling

♪ I just can't help what I'm feeling ♪

♪ I hope you know I didn't mean it ♪

♪ I'm open, and I wait to ♪

♪ Turn the city into gold

♪ Above it, we will grow

♪ Until we're taller than mountains ♪

♪ Burn the embers in the snow ♪

♪ Above 'em, we will grow

♪ Until we're taller than mountains ♪

♪ Just give me a minute

♪ Let the wind gather speed

♪ I'll escape from within it

♪ Find a safe place in the grass ♪