All language subtitles for My.Dead.Ex.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[light music]

♪

- [screams]
- [screams]

- Ben!
- What! What's going on?

- Why is your head like that?
- Oh!

Oh right, sorry.

After you went
to bed last night

I was trying to fall asleep,

but kept getting distracted by
how adorable you look sleeping,

so, you know, I had to
turn my head around.

Charley, the things
that I can do with my body

now that I'm dead,
it's amazing.

- No, I'm really stoked
for you, it's really exciting.

It's really awesome.

We're gonna spend the rest
of the night in here.

- What? Oh, okay, yeah,
that's--that's cool, yeah.

- You're not gonna do anything
weird in there, are you?

- Define "weird."

- Smelling my clothes.
- Uh...

no, mm-mm.

- No.

- I'm really--I'm sorry.
- No.

Stay.

- You know, it was weird,
I know that.

It was like--it was like

a number and a fish.

It was like
"Madam Six Salmon,"

or "Madame Three Halibut."

- Yeah, the woman who sold you

the necklaces was named
"Madame Three Halibut."

- Give me a break, okay?
It was like six years ago.

- Okay, I need you
to figure it out, okay?

Because we need to find her so
she can break this love curse,

so I don't have to be
within 30 feet of you

for the rest of my life.

God, I can't believe
I just said that out loud.

[phone chimes]

Please be Luke.
Please be Luke.

Please.

- Okay, and bon appétit.
I hope you like it.

I usually use chives,
but I couldn't find any.

- I mean, I'm surprised
you found eggs.

The Albright kitchen
doesn't get much use.

- That's a shame.

I find cooking
to be really relaxing.

- [mumbling] Holy sh...whoa.

I'm sorry.
Mmm.

I--yeah, I didn't know eggs
could taste like that.

- You know, if we went
to my house

we could probably
find the receipt.

- You have a receipt
from six years ago?

- Yeah, I keep everything
that has to do with us.

It's one of my scrapbooks.

- You, um--you scrapbook?

- Don't all teenage boys
scrapbook?

Kidding.

Just something me
and my mom used to do.

We didn't have a lot in common,

so it was a way for us
to spend time together.

What happened to your room?

You used to have
such cool things.

Now I feel like I'm in a
display room at Ikea.

- I'm so glad death has not
softened your innate ability

to nitpick my life.

- Where's your drawing table?
- I don't know.

I guess my mom put it
in the garage.

- What, why?

- Well, one no longer
needs a drawing table

if one no longer draws,
now, does one?

- Wait, seriously?
You don't draw anymore?

But you were so good, why
would you waste that talent?

- Are you really--you're really
lecturing me right now

on my choice of hobbies?
Just choose something to wear.

- How am I supposed to pick
when there's so much gold?

- Yeah.

Phil Albright was kind of
a dad style genius.

I saw him wearing socks and
sandals one time with a suit,

and he, uh, he actually
kind of pulled it off.

[soft music]

- Hey, Charley.
- Hey.

- What you drawing?
- A bunny rabbit.

- Who's it eating?
- Ms. Farnsworth.

- Right.
She needs more chin hair.

Why are you wearing
that dirty shirt?

- It's not dirty, you turd.

This was the shirt
my dad painted in.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Pick a card, any card.

- I'm not in the mood.
- Come on, Charley.

It'll make you
feel better, I promise.

Now put it back in the deck.
Make sure I can't see it.

[posh accent] I know it's in
here somewhere, but where?

Sorry, I have something
in my... [chokes]

[gags] Throat.

What is this?

Is this your card?

- No.
- Are you kidding me?

I've been hiding this card
in my mouth all morning.

- It was the ace of hearts.

Here.

- How do I look?

- [chuckles] Oh, my God,
you look ridiculous.

- Really?
You think so?

I think I look pretty great.
What does--what does this do?

[button clicks,
lo-fi "Jingle BellS" plays]

- [chuckles]

♪

[phone chimes]

- Please be Luke,
please be Luke, please be Luke.

"Storage almost full."
God damn it.

- Hah!

- You think that's funny?
Does that amuse you? Yes?

- Yeah.
Yeah, it does, a little.

- It shouldn't, Ben.
This is very serious.

If a guy texts you within
two days of having your number,

it means he likes you.

It's like a homicide
investigation.

The first 48 hours
are the most crucial,

so I have 26 hours until I've
been officially friend-zoned.

- You know, with everything
that's going on right now--

me dying
and coming back to life--

glad you've managed to keep
your priorities in order.

Charley.
Come on.

Thank you.

- ♪ Feeling like
the night is young ♪

Charley, how many tickets
have you gotten?

- Zero.
- That surprises me.

- I've had zero tickets.
- That's surprising.

Charley, stop sign.
Stop, stop at the stop sign!

- I see it.
I see the stop sign, Ben.

- You're supposed
to stop three seconds.

Pull over here.
- We're not to your house yet.

- Just stop the car, Charley.
- What? What is the problem?

- If we pull up to my house,
my mom might see me.

- Uh, yeah, that's the point.

If we go to your house,
your mom's gonna see you.

- My mom can't see me.
- Why?

- Okay, let's say
I go up there,

I knock on the door,
and my mom answers.

Holy crap, her son's
back from the dead.

She's thrilled, right?

- Exactly, what's the problem?

- The problem is,
what if the spell

that's keeping me alive
is only temporary?

My mom already lost me once.

I can't put her through
that a second time.

- Okay, I guess I hadn't
thought about that.

- Okay, now...

if I go through the side door,
we should safely stay

within 30 feet of each other,
okay?

All I need you to do
is distract my mom long enough

so I can snag the scrapbook.
Got it?

- Got it.

Wait, what?

- Charlotte, what
an unexpected surprise.

How are you doing?

- Fine. Fine, Mrs. Bloom.
How are you?

- Oh, you know,
hanging in there.

Hanging in there.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

- Oh, just checking in,
just--you know,

seeing if you're okay.

- Oh, aren't you sweet?

- I, um--you know, I just,
I miss him so much.

- Oh, Charlotte honey,
I miss him too.

Oh, I miss him, too.
[sniffs]

Come in.
Let's catch up.

I barely got to talk to you
at the wake. [sniffs]

- So this was all Ben's...
- Benji's stuff, yeah.

I've been going through it
piece by piece.

I find it to be therapeutic.

Whenever I'm feeling sad,
I pick up a pile at random,

and see what I find.

Participation trophy
for soccer.

Oh, his favorite blankie.
[inhales] Boo-Boo.

What do you suppose this is?

Some kind of class project?
- [laughs]

Yeah.

No, yeah, that's
definitely a class project.

Um, Ms. Bloom,

if I--if I remember correctly,
Ben was a scrapbooker, right?

- Don't all teenage
boys scrapbook?

- Yeah.
No, yeah, a lot do.

Um, do you know
where the scrapbooks are?

- Hmm.
Oh, I saw them earlier.

- Do you mind if I look?

- Be my guest.

You do that,
and I'll go make us some tea.

- No!

[stammers] Tea, ew.
Tea is--tea is disgusting.

I--I hate tea.

- Oh, well...o-okay.
Coffee?

- Coffee, please.

- Geez, I had no idea
you hated tea so much.

- What?
What, no--get the scrapbook

so we can get out of here
and she won't see you.

- Oh, Charley?
Do you take cream or sugar?

- Cream, please.

- [to self]
You're such dum-dum. [sighs]

I don't have any cream.
Is milk okay?

- Milk is awesome.
I love milk.

Thanks, Ms. Bloom.

- You are such
a sweet kid, Charley.

I know that you and Ben
drifted apart over the years,

but secretly I always hoped you
two would get back together.

Guess that's never
gonna happen, now.

- Found it.
- Oh, my God, thank God.

Okay, just get out
so she doesn't see you, go.

- Quick question, you guys
didn't happen to take a peek

inside that folder, right?
It's totally just school stuff.

- Go. Now.
- Oh.

Just gonna hold onto this,
you know, school stuff.

- Here.
- No thanks.

- Ben, you have to eat.

I mean,
you haven't eaten all day.

Unless you don't eat now
that you're dead.

- Oh, no, I eat,
but I'm just not hungry.

If I was, I wouldn't
eat that anyway.

- God. Do you crave meat
of a different kind?

- "Meat of a different kind"?
What do you mean?

- Like the flesh of the living?
- You're serious?

Wait, you think I'm a--okay,
that's very offensive, Charley.

- Sorry.
- I'm not a zombie.

I'm a pescatarian.
- Okay.

I'm sorry.
I was just checking.

Wow, you really kept
everything of us.

- Yeah, well, I wouldn't be
much of a scrapbooker

if I didn't.

Oh, look, here it is.

"Madame Fortuna's
House of Curiosities".

Four, tuna.
Number, fish.

I--remember, I said...
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Here I thought it was

Madame Three Halibut.
- Oh, here's the address.

- Wait, what are we
waiting for?

Let's go.
Let's like, break the curse.

- Wow, you're really itching
to get rid of me.

- I mean, what did you expect,
that we were gonna stay within

30 feet of each other forever?
I mean, I have, like,

a life to get back to.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know
that I was getting in the way

of all the important stuff
you've got going on,

like taking pictures
of sandwiches,

and worrying if Luke Sullivan's
going to text you back

in 48 hours, which...

by the way,
he totally will.

- Wait, wait, what do you--
what do you mean?

How do you know that?

- Because you're
Charley Albright.

No guy on this planet's
not gonna text you back

in 48 hours.

Wait, I'm sorry, earlier
you said you had 26 hours

before your crucial
48 hour deadline.

Did you give Luke
your number at my funeral?

- Course not.

Uh, it was at your wake.

Ben! Slow down.
We have to be

within 30 feet of each other,
remember?

- This is all my fault.
I talk to Luke about

how amazing you are,
like every day.

Of course he was gonna
swoop in.

But a day after I died?
Scumbag.

- Ben, it wasn't like that.

- Oh, then tell me,
how was it like?

- I--I... [stammers]

Okay, yeah, you know,
maybe it was like that,

but it wasn't sinister.

Like, he didn't wake up that
morning and go, "You know what?

At Ben's wake today, I'm gonna
flirt with Charley Albright."

- This is seriously the worst
day of my life.

And remember,
I died two days ago.

This day?
Way worse.

- Ben, what do you
want me to say?

- Don't say anything.

Let's go find Madame Fortuna.

Hopefully
she can break the curse

so you never have to deal
with me ever again.

You and Luke can go live out

your Instagram-friendly
fantasy.

I'm sure you two
will get a lot of likes.

- ♪ What if it's bad for me?

[The Expert's "Sure Sure"]

♪ What if I'm getting sick?

♪ What about once a week?

♪ Just a little bit?

- Are you sure this is
the right address?

- Yeah,
I recognize the building.

The décor is different, though.

- You know, I'm gonna
let you take this one,

I'm gonna just sit
this one out.

Okay.

- ♪ Talkin' 'bout UV rays

♪ Talkin' 'bout toothpaste

♪ Talkin' 'bout aspertame

[music fades]

- Hey, hi, how are you doing?
I'm looking for--

- You over 18?
- Um, am I...no, no, but--

- You gotta be 18 or older
to be in my store.

- Oh, your store?
Okay, well that makes you

Dr. Love then, I presume.

Um, pleasure to make
your acquaintance.

- Out, junior.

- I'm not here
as a customer, sir.

I'm just gonna ask you
one question

and then
I'll be on my way, I promise.

It's about the store
that was previously here.

Do you remember it?

- Madame Fortuna's house
of useless shit

and gypsy nonsense.
Yeah, I remember.

- Not sure that was the exact
name, but yeah, yeah, that one.

See, I bought an item
from Madame Fortuna,

like, six years ago,
and I was wondering

if you had any way
to contact her, maybe a number?

- Six years?
Jesus, what took you so long?

- Because that's how long it
took me to realize

the one I love
doesn't love me back.

- Love, you say?

Well, that just happens
to be my area of expertise.

Talk to me, son.

- Hello, Vice Principal Kelly.

- Charlotte.

Charlotte Albright.
Good...to see you.

- You too.
- Yeah.

You are likely wondering
what I'm doing coming out

of an establishment like this--
unless you're not.

You don't have to.

- The thought
did cross my mind.

- Did it?
- It did.

- This is where
I buy groceries.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

It may not look like it
from the outside,

but this place has the freshest
fruits and vegetables,

and--um...
are you getting an email, or...

[camera clicks]
- No.

- Okay, well...you stay cool.

- Bye! [chuckles]

[phone chimes]

Oh, my God.

- I was in a situation
similar to yours, once.

What's the name of that fellow
you're in love with, again?

- Charley Albright, but--
- Yeah, Charley Albright.

Well, my Charley Albright

was a woman named
Judith Fitzmeyer.

I met her in an erotic
creative writing class.

Fell in love the moment
I read her words.

Only problem was, Judith didn't
feel the same way about me,

but that didn't stop me.

Slowly, I chipped away
at that icy wall--

a witty remark here,
a humorous observation there.

Before long, Judith and I
were making slow,

sensuous love
behind the dumpster

in the community college
parking lot.

Got married
three months after that.

See, my point is, Ben,

I didn't get my PhD
in love-ology

by sitting on my hands.

I know what I'm
talking about here,

and if you're in love
with this Charley fella,

then you got to fight
for him, Ben.

Stay right there.

- Is this your card?
- No.

It was the ace of hearts.
Here.

- Here we go.
This is the address

Fortuna left me
to forward her mail.

You keep it.

Woman hasn't
gotten anything in years.

- [exhales]

Thank you, and...
thanks so much

for the advice, Doctor Love.

- Well, that's
what I'm here for.

And um, get some sun, too,
while you're at it, kid.

You're looking a little pale.

- I know!
He--no, he literally

just texted me.
I have no idea.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Hey, Wren, can I call you back?
I have to talk to my cousin.

Okay, no, I w...
okay, bye.

You will never guess
who just texted me.

Luke.

- "Hey."
Wow.

- I know, isn't it amazing?

- Oh, I'm--I'm like,

totally stoked for you,
that's--that's awesome.

- Wait, so how did it go?
Did you get any info

about Madame Fortuna?

- Ah, actually, no.

It's a dead end, unfortunately.

- Damn.
- Yeah.

I guess we'll be
spending more time together.

- It's okay.
It's fine.

We'll figure it out.
Um, do you mind

if I actually call Wren?
She's going to help me come up

with, like, a response.
Because I don't know if

I wanna be formal, like,
"Hello,"

or if--I don't know, if I want
to be, like, casual,

like, "Hi."
- Oh, no, I totally get it.

You guys--you guys
have a lot to talk about.

- Yeah.
- Go--go do that.

- Okay! Five minutes, ten.
I promise.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hi, hey.
Yeah, sorry.

He waited exactly 26 hours.

- ♪ True,
could've been better ♪

♪ Stayed up,
more nights the same ♪

♪ If I ever was reeling

♪ I just can't help
what I'm feeling ♪

♪ I hope you know
I didn't mean it ♪

♪ I'm open,
and I wait to ♪

♪ Turn the city into gold

♪ Above it, we will grow

♪ Until we're taller
than mountains ♪

♪ Burn the embers
in the snow ♪

♪ Above 'em, we will grow

♪ Until we're taller
than mountains ♪

♪ Just give me a minute

♪ Let the wind gather speed

♪ I'll escape from within it

♪ Find a safe place
in the grass ♪