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1
00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:50,437
Oi!
2
00:00:50,437 --> 00:00:51,430
Somebody help us.
3
00:00:51,430 --> 00:00:53,065
Somebody save my baby girl!
4
00:00:53,065 --> 00:00:54,398
Doctor!
5
00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:02,693
Patient 293, please.
6
00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:04,518
Oh, shit.
7
00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:06,726
Ow.
8
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,160
The NHS is rubbish.
9
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Yeah, don't say that, yeah.
10
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It's not the NHS's fault they've been
11
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stripped of their funding and...
12
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It's all these time wasters anyway.
13
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:30,443
Look at them.
14
00:01:30,443 --> 00:01:32,297
You can't be that judgemental.
15
00:01:32,297 --> 00:01:34,020
Verrucas, mate, yeah?
16
00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:35,279
Mr sniffles over here.
17
00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:37,083
And what's wrong with you, big man?
18
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:39,420
Ah!
19
00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:40,350
Oh, shit.
20
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,370
Ugh.
21
00:01:41,370 --> 00:01:43,050
You need to be here.
22
00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:44,411
You'll be all right, won't you, bro, eh?
23
00:01:50,715 --> 00:01:52,749
Does it go there, yeah?
24
00:01:59,297 --> 00:02:00,993
That was wicked.
25
00:02:06,486 --> 00:02:07,400
Finally.
26
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,972
Right, so here's the deal.
27
00:02:08,972 --> 00:02:10,030
This girl is-
28
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,225
Look, sorry, I'm a
bit busy at the moment.
29
00:02:12,225 --> 00:02:13,058
It's okay.
30
00:02:13,058 --> 00:02:14,466
It's okay.
31
00:02:14,466 --> 00:02:16,020
They're busy, mate.
32
00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:18,000
They work really hard this lot.
33
00:02:20,126 --> 00:02:21,477
You all right, beta?
34
00:02:21,477 --> 00:02:23,477
No, not really.
35
00:02:26,153 --> 00:02:27,630
He's on eBay.
36
00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:29,282
Huh?
37
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,173
He's on fucking eBay.
38
00:02:43,426 --> 00:02:44,523
Craig, is it?
39
00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:47,190
We really hope you're the winning bidder
40
00:02:47,190 --> 00:02:49,200
on that signed plastic cast
41
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,000
of Daniel Radcliffe's penis, yeah?
42
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,790
But the thing is, my sister's
got some broken bones,
43
00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,539
so could you check us in?
44
00:02:55,539 --> 00:02:58,403
Before I break some of yours, Craig?
45
00:02:58,403 --> 00:03:00,530
We have a zero tolerance policy
46
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,320
on threats of violence towards NHS staff.
47
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,080
Is that right, is that right?
48
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,550
Well, you ain't really
NHS staff, are you, Craig?
49
00:03:05,550 --> 00:03:06,383
Huh?
50
00:03:06,383 --> 00:03:07,410
You're the freelance.
51
00:03:07,410 --> 00:03:09,150
Earning twice as much money as the people
52
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:10,735
who do the real work in here.
53
00:03:10,735 --> 00:03:11,663
Fraud.
54
00:03:11,663 --> 00:03:15,256
Yeah, and I want my pound
back from this trolley as well.
55
00:03:15,256 --> 00:03:16,680
It's not his job.
56
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:17,513
No, but I want it back.
57
00:03:17,513 --> 00:03:19,112
All right, all right.
58
00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:20,850
Look, I'll help you, okay?
59
00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:22,590
It's just what you said just then...
60
00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:25,050
Well, that really hurt my feelings.
61
00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:25,923
Sorry.
62
00:03:27,056 --> 00:03:29,802
Please take a ticket, wait
for your number to be called,
63
00:03:29,802 --> 00:03:32,073
and good luck finding a seat.
64
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,003
I've missed it, now!
65
00:03:37,378 --> 00:03:39,390
These places make me nervous.
66
00:03:39,390 --> 00:03:40,223
You?
67
00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:42,330
I've just spent half an hour
being pushed down the bus lane
68
00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:43,830
in a shopping trolley.
69
00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:44,663
So ungrateful.
70
00:03:44,663 --> 00:03:45,496
Oi.
71
00:03:45,496 --> 00:03:47,460
They're full of germs and sick people.
72
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:48,917
I wish you were never born.
73
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,194
I wish you were dead.
74
00:03:50,194 --> 00:03:52,410
It'll be fine as long as I stay clean.
75
00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:53,243
It'll be fine.
76
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:55,049
And so does Mobeen as well.
77
00:03:55,049 --> 00:03:56,313
Shut up, please.
78
00:03:57,225 --> 00:03:59,520
Yo, we were better off in Kids A&E.
79
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,431
Well, that kid's fine.
80
00:04:00,431 --> 00:04:03,090
You unplugged his respirator.
81
00:04:03,090 --> 00:04:04,560
Yeah, to charge my phone.
82
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,738
Shut up!
83
00:04:05,738 --> 00:04:07,890
Just a reminder, I've got broken bones
84
00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:09,690
and I'm in a shopping trolley.
85
00:04:09,690 --> 00:04:11,070
We were having a wicked time
86
00:04:11,070 --> 00:04:12,990
until Miss Injury-Fake-Ardinian
87
00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,817
made us come to the hospital for nothing.
88
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:18,293
Relax.
89
00:04:20,779 --> 00:04:22,170
Hey, hey, family.
90
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:24,390
Everything's gonna be okay, all right?
91
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,920
Just watch something on your phone.
92
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:26,940
How you feeling, baby girl?
93
00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:27,773
You okay?
94
00:04:27,773 --> 00:04:30,369
It hurts, but I'll survive.
95
00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:31,546
You're so brave.
96
00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:32,379
Ow!
97
00:04:32,379 --> 00:04:33,212
Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
98
00:04:33,212 --> 00:04:34,798
I told you he wishes you were dead.
99
00:04:34,798 --> 00:04:36,140
No, no, no, just...
100
00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,923
Just leave it.
101
00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,256
Leave him, okay?
102
00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:51,991
The rock bottom's about economics.
103
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,609
No, that's just a wrestling move.
104
00:04:53,609 --> 00:04:54,887
Shut up, you jabronies.
105
00:04:54,887 --> 00:04:57,620
Yeah, you tell them, Mr Tumble.
106
00:04:59,010 --> 00:04:59,843
Aqsa Deen?
107
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,510
Mobeen.
108
00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:08,760
I've learned how to say good
bye in sign language now.
109
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,593
What?
110
00:05:11,851 --> 00:05:13,182
Where are you going?
111
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,015
With you.
112
00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:15,000
No, you ain't.
113
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,230
The nurse will assess me.
114
00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,130
Yeah, I know, that's why I'm coming,
115
00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:17,970
to make sure you're okay.
116
00:05:17,970 --> 00:05:19,230
I don't need you there.
117
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,456
Why?
118
00:05:20,456 --> 00:05:23,432
Because I'll have to take my shirt off.
119
00:05:23,432 --> 00:05:24,952
Oh!
120
00:05:24,952 --> 00:05:26,895
Oh, yeah, you go from here.
121
00:05:26,895 --> 00:05:28,860
Make sure you close the
curtains though, baby girl,
122
00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:31,982
'cause A&E's full of perverts and weirdos.
123
00:05:31,982 --> 00:05:33,513
Yeah, you heard me, Craig.
124
00:05:41,855 --> 00:05:42,870
Mobes.
125
00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:43,703
Uh-huh.
126
00:05:43,703 --> 00:05:44,640
I've been thinking.
127
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,573
What we gonna say when they
ask how she got injured?
128
00:05:46,573 --> 00:05:48,218
We're just gonna tell the truth.
129
00:05:48,218 --> 00:05:49,443
We got nothing to hide.
130
00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:51,090
Yeah, we were wrestling
with her in the garden.
131
00:05:51,090 --> 00:05:53,220
Yeah, just three grown men wrestling.
132
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,053
Yeah.
133
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,010
With a 15-year-old girl.
134
00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:56,843
Yeah.
135
00:05:57,934 --> 00:05:59,584
We're going straight to prison.
136
00:06:01,676 --> 00:06:03,990
You're gonna have some different things
137
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:05,030
on your hands in prison, you understand?
138
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:08,843
I'm telling you right now,
we can not tell the truth.
139
00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,337
Look, stop panicking.
140
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,030
The only reason why you're panicking
141
00:06:12,030 --> 00:06:13,770
is 'cause of the way the
media's conditioned everyone
142
00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:15,210
to think about young girls
143
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,830
and all ethnic minority men.
144
00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:17,970
Come on, man.
145
00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:20,190
Facts, we're just gonna
hit them with the facts.
146
00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:21,023
Yeah?
147
00:06:21,023 --> 00:06:22,410
We were wrestling with my little sister,
148
00:06:22,410 --> 00:06:23,243
like we always do.
149
00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:24,076
With my shorts on.
150
00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:25,823
Okay.
151
00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:27,939
She'd climbed on the
wheelie bin, jumped off,
152
00:06:27,939 --> 00:06:30,621
bust up the shoulder there,
153
00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:32,640
and we brought her into A&E
154
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,546
because her parents ran away to Pakistan
155
00:06:34,546 --> 00:06:36,377
without notifying anyone.
156
00:06:36,377 --> 00:06:37,980
You might as well say she got injured
157
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,586
training for the Taliban.
158
00:06:39,586 --> 00:06:40,500
Come on.
159
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,670
You're just overreacting, mate.
160
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:42,632
Come on, man.
161
00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:43,830
Listen, Mobe's.
162
00:06:43,830 --> 00:06:44,783
If they think this is a boogie situation,
163
00:06:44,783 --> 00:06:47,310
they're gonna start snooping around.
164
00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:48,660
Well, let them snoop.
165
00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:49,950
We ain't got nothing to hide, bro.
166
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,732
Yeah, except you used
to be a drug dealer.
167
00:06:51,732 --> 00:06:52,565
- Shh.
- Ssh!
168
00:06:52,565 --> 00:06:54,300
Mobeen is an upstanding Christian...
169
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:57,120
Muslim and a responsible legal guardian.
170
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,500
Yeah, that's me, the...
171
00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,520
Huh, legal guardian?
172
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,360
Yeah.
173
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,063
Yeah, I'm her legal guardian.
174
00:07:06,039 --> 00:07:07,560
Hey, put your headphones in.
175
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,393
Huh?
176
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:09,810
Put your headphones in.
177
00:07:11,717 --> 00:07:12,550
Mobes.
178
00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:13,383
Yeah?
179
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:15,633
Mobeen.
180
00:07:18,112 --> 00:07:19,008
Okay, no.
181
00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:21,299
No, I'm not technically
her legal guardian.
182
00:07:21,299 --> 00:07:22,132
What?
183
00:07:22,132 --> 00:07:22,965
Bro, listen.
184
00:07:22,965 --> 00:07:23,953
Listen, listen.
185
00:07:23,953 --> 00:07:25,710
Those fees are so expensive!
186
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:26,843
And what does Aqs think about that?
187
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,253
Yeah, she doesn't know yet, so...
188
00:07:30,253 --> 00:07:31,307
Oh!
189
00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:32,483
Hey.
190
00:07:32,483 --> 00:07:34,493
Come on, don't be angry.
191
00:07:34,493 --> 00:07:35,970
I'm not angry.
192
00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:36,803
Okay.
193
00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:38,130
Good.
194
00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:39,183
Just disappointed.
195
00:07:41,246 --> 00:07:42,180
Look, come on.
196
00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:43,500
Don't be disappointed with me.
197
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:44,730
Please don't be in a mood.
198
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,341
0 Oh, you'll know when I'm in
a mood with you, Mobeen Deen.
199
00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:48,174
You'll know.
200
00:07:48,174 --> 00:07:49,814
They could take her away, you know?
201
00:07:57,990 --> 00:07:59,160
Go on.
202
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,282
I'm gonna Khabib this thing.
203
00:08:00,282 --> 00:08:02,032
Yeah, yeah.
204
00:08:03,697 --> 00:08:06,090
It came out!
205
00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:07,281
That's for you, beta.
206
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:08,114
Thanks.
207
00:08:08,114 --> 00:08:09,117
Can you get me a Starburst?
208
00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:09,952
Get in there.
209
00:08:09,952 --> 00:08:11,035
Shall I Khabib it?
210
00:08:11,035 --> 00:08:13,872
Yeah Khabib it, go on.
211
00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:15,037
Yeah, it came out!
212
00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:17,202
Which one is it?
213
00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:18,099
What came out?
214
00:08:18,099 --> 00:08:19,643
Uh, I don't know if it came actually.
215
00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:22,297
Pakistan the shit out of this machine.
216
00:08:22,297 --> 00:08:23,714
Come on.
- Mobes.
217
00:08:26,029 --> 00:08:27,415
Whoa, my man.
218
00:08:27,415 --> 00:08:29,973
That's a very descriptive tattoo.
219
00:08:30,924 --> 00:08:31,770
It's not a tattoo, is it?
220
00:08:31,770 --> 00:08:33,750
It's permanent marker.
221
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:36,300
Cause you wanted to
save money on a tattoo,
222
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,830
but still have the ability to go swimming
223
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,867
with the words dick tickler
written across your forehead,
224
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:40,800
yeah?
225
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,977
It's not your job title, is it?
226
00:08:42,977 --> 00:08:44,860
Are there any vacancies?
227
00:08:44,860 --> 00:08:49,290
No, it's just the lads having
a bit of a laugh for just...
228
00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:53,169
It won't come off and I start
my new job on Monday morning.
229
00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:54,343
Doing what?
230
00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:56,930
Uh, supply teacher, so...
231
00:08:57,990 --> 00:08:58,950
Yeah.
232
00:08:58,950 --> 00:09:01,408
Then you also finish your
new job on Monday, don't you?
233
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,340
Yeah.
234
00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:03,810
Is it just your own?
235
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,619
Or do you have to tickle
other peoples' as well?
236
00:09:06,619 --> 00:09:07,752
What?
237
00:09:07,752 --> 00:09:08,970
I don't know what you...
238
00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:09,870
Baby girl.
239
00:09:09,870 --> 00:09:11,340
What took you so long?
240
00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:12,390
They need to X-ray it,
241
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:15,162
but it'll take ages and there's no beds.
242
00:09:15,162 --> 00:09:16,890
But you're okay though, aren't you?
243
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,290
Well, this doctor lady came in
244
00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:22,292
and started asking me some
weird questions about you lot.
245
00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:23,333
What do you mean?
246
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,840
I can't go to prison.
247
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,490
My face is too kind.
248
00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:27,600
What did she say?
249
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,470
Yeah, what...
250
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:29,916
What did she say?
251
00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:32,974
Loads of stuff at first, but...
252
00:09:32,974 --> 00:09:35,490
I think that she thinks one of you lot
253
00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:37,233
did this to me on purpose.
254
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:39,747
I'd make a terrible boyfriend in prison.
255
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,580
No, you wouldn't.
256
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,413
Don't say that.
257
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:42,930
Anyway, did you tell her the truth?
258
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,300
That I was wrestling my
brother and his two mates?
259
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,620
That you lost at wrestling.
260
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,118
At least tell it properly.
261
00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:51,210
Wrestling with grown men
sounds mad creepy out loud.
262
00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:52,650
Yeah, it does sound
a bit creepy, actually.
263
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:53,607
Yo.
264
00:09:53,607 --> 00:09:54,565
Please.
265
00:09:54,565 --> 00:09:56,130
So, what did you say?
266
00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,210
I stuttered at first,
267
00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:59,206
but then I came up with this sick alibi.
268
00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:00,690
Yeah, you did, baby girl.
269
00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:01,523
What did you say?
270
00:10:01,523 --> 00:10:02,356
What did you tell them?
271
00:10:02,356 --> 00:10:03,189
Gentlemen.
272
00:10:03,189 --> 00:10:04,863
Can I have a word with you all, please?
273
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,134
Oh, shit.
274
00:10:07,134 --> 00:10:07,967
I'm not with them.
275
00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,840
I was just using the vending machine.
276
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,130
Shit.
277
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,254
What are you worried about?
278
00:10:12,254 --> 00:10:13,504
I don't know.
279
00:10:18,456 --> 00:10:21,546
So, how did Aqsa Deen
sustain her injuries?
280
00:10:21,546 --> 00:10:22,770
What did she tell you?
281
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:23,700
If you tell me what she said,
I'll tell you what I said.
282
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,246
Right.
283
00:10:25,246 --> 00:10:26,520
Let's not worry about my version.
284
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:27,480
What my sister's version is?
285
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,070
Well, I think she's making it up.
286
00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:30,980
Would you believe me if
I said we were wrestling?
287
00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:36,630
Did I tell you about the tiger?
288
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:37,463
A tiger.
289
00:10:37,463 --> 00:10:38,850
What did she say happened?
290
00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:42,300
And it jumped through the
air like a mad tiger bastard.
291
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,425
What?
292
00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:44,970
You can check my record.
293
00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:47,630
I've never been involved in
anything illegal, I swear.
294
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,110
Mr Obidi, I'm a doctor.
295
00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:51,780
Then I was like, Mobeen, run.
296
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,430
Get Aqsa out of here.
297
00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:55,700
Let's have this conversation...
298
00:10:56,538 --> 00:10:57,892
At Dixy Chicken's.
299
00:10:57,892 --> 00:10:59,037
How about that?
300
00:10:59,037 --> 00:11:00,600
Are you flirting with me?
301
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,433
No, I'm not doing that.
302
00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:02,266
Mr Deen.
303
00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:05,131
Mm-mm.
304
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,873
Mobeen!
305
00:11:08,939 --> 00:11:10,540
A tiger?
306
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,651
Why?
307
00:11:17,651 --> 00:11:18,484
Why?
308
00:11:20,245 --> 00:11:21,660
"Life of Pi."
309
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,152
Ugh, you're an idiot.
310
00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:25,050
You didn't do too much
better yourself, either.
311
00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:27,450
You were in there making
us look guilty as shit.
312
00:11:28,961 --> 00:11:30,243
What did you say?
313
00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:34,563
Oh, my God.
314
00:11:37,038 --> 00:11:38,579
Guys...
315
00:11:38,579 --> 00:11:40,740
I'm gonna lose her, innit?
316
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:41,610
That's what's gonna happen here.
317
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:42,560
I'm gonna lose her.
318
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,510
I can't do this right now.
319
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:46,590
We need some time apart.
320
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:47,667
What?
321
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,833
No, Mobes.
322
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,666
No, no.
323
00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:50,880
No, we need some time apart.
324
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:51,713
Mobe's, I can change.
325
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:52,980
You're very strong.
326
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,487
We need some time apart.
327
00:11:54,487 --> 00:11:55,320
Let go!
328
00:12:05,638 --> 00:12:07,143
What shall we do now?
329
00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:09,410
I...
330
00:12:12,537 --> 00:12:13,803
I need to poo.
331
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:43,299
I can't believe I
forgot to renew my Bupa.
332
00:12:43,299 --> 00:12:46,623
I mean, this place is a
fucking shambles, buddy.
333
00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:50,100
It's crazy in here.
334
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,250
So what you in for, fella?
335
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:57,087
Ah, banged my bonce on a
barge on Simmo's stag do.
336
00:12:57,087 --> 00:12:59,463
Luckily, I brought my own medicine.
337
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,584
Long ass waiting times in here tonight.
338
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,745
To be fair, you can't blame them, can you?
339
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,563
They've had their funding
cut, they're under-resourced.
340
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,640
Mmm...
341
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,298
Is it?
342
00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:16,650
Is it though, buddy?
343
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,520
Is it under-resourcing, or is it...
344
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,043
Something else?
345
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:30,224
Indeed.
346
00:13:30,224 --> 00:13:31,710
Indeed, it...
347
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,350
Is it something else...
348
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,060
Or is it someone else?
349
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,726
Yes, exactly.
350
00:13:37,726 --> 00:13:38,730
Exactly.
351
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,440
I mean, you're not one
of them, though, are you?
352
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,490
I mean, you were...
353
00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:43,260
You were born here right?
354
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:44,190
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
355
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,810
I was born and raised in Birmingham.
356
00:13:45,810 --> 00:13:46,685
Yeah, yeah.
357
00:13:46,685 --> 00:13:48,977
I think you'll find I'm
one of the good ones.
358
00:13:48,977 --> 00:13:50,040
Yes, you are.
359
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:50,873
I knew you were.
360
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:51,706
Good man.
361
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:52,726
Right.
362
00:13:52,726 --> 00:13:54,150
One word for you.
363
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,350
Uh-huh.
364
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:56,183
Brexit.
365
00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:58,105
Well...
366
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,153
I've got two words for you.
367
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,159
Love it.
368
00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:04,082
Fan-bloody-tastic.
369
00:14:04,082 --> 00:14:05,327
Fan-bloody-tastic.
370
00:14:05,327 --> 00:14:08,051
You know, I just think
the great thing is now,
371
00:14:08,051 --> 00:14:13,051
we can have an open, honest
discussion about immigration.
372
00:14:13,908 --> 00:14:15,630
Absolute...
373
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:16,659
Absolutely.
374
00:14:16,659 --> 00:14:17,492
You know what?
375
00:14:17,492 --> 00:14:18,530
Now, we've had it...
376
00:14:19,998 --> 00:14:21,654
Let's send the bastards back.
377
00:14:21,654 --> 00:14:22,743
Yes!
378
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,520
God, how fucking refreshing.
379
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,230
I mean, from someone of your...
380
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:29,340
But, hey, look.
381
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:30,173
Mmm-hmm.
382
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,200
Don't get me wrong.
383
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,114
I'm not a racist, buddy.
384
00:14:33,114 --> 00:14:34,350
Of course not.
385
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:36,747
You haven't got an issue
with trousers of color,
386
00:14:36,747 --> 00:14:39,479
why would you have an
issue with people of color?
387
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,620
Exactly.
388
00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:42,000
Trousers and...
389
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:42,833
Exactly.
390
00:14:42,833 --> 00:14:43,830
That's a good one.
391
00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:45,450
I'm gonna steal that, if you don't mind.
392
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:46,762
Breader.
393
00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:49,315
Boom!
394
00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:08,811
Oh!
395
00:15:08,811 --> 00:15:09,810
Hey, big guy.
396
00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:12,033
Are you ready to be a family again?
397
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:15,903
Of course.
398
00:15:20,030 --> 00:15:21,343
Any news?
399
00:15:21,343 --> 00:15:22,790
Yeah, she's had the X-ray.
400
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,723
She waiting for a sling now.
401
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:30,585
Hey, listen to me, I'm worried for real.
402
00:15:30,585 --> 00:15:32,250
She'll be fine.
403
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:35,400
Not about her, but these
hospital staffs, man.
404
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,923
Them lot think we hurt
her for real, for real.
405
00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:40,440
Do you know what we need?
406
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,280
Yeah, a lawyer.
407
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,680
No, some time apart.
408
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,403
Let's see how you like it.
409
00:15:47,303 --> 00:15:48,153
Hey.
410
00:15:49,369 --> 00:15:50,487
Only joking.
411
00:15:50,487 --> 00:15:51,966
Do you want a Twix?
412
00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:53,355
Oh, yeah, all right.
413
00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:54,188
Yeah.
414
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,790
Me, sore head.
415
00:16:26,790 --> 00:16:28,530
You, no fix.
416
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:32,010
Me wait very, very long time.
417
00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:32,883
Okay, right.
418
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:37,260
Still haven't bloody been seen.
419
00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:39,570
Surprise, sur-fucking surprise.
420
00:16:39,570 --> 00:16:42,068
You know, I don't know where
you'd find more foreigners,
421
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:44,943
the patients or the bloody staff.
422
00:16:46,009 --> 00:16:49,050
What have you and Simmo been
putting in that flask, Rafe?
423
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,372
Liquid racism, yeah?
424
00:16:50,372 --> 00:16:51,205
You know...
425
00:16:51,205 --> 00:16:52,410
Sorry, could somebody tell me
426
00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,921
which bloody country we're in again?
427
00:16:54,921 --> 00:16:56,307
Hard to tell, innit?
428
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,200
Hard to tell though, Rafe.
429
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,570
What with all the Eastern
European radiographers
430
00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:03,180
and the Nigerian
consultants sorting you out.
431
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,170
Sorry, buddy.
432
00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:06,210
Am I detecting a hint of aggression there?
433
00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:07,043
Oh, bloody...
434
00:17:07,043 --> 00:17:10,170
I thought we were on the same bloody page.
435
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,581
Same page?
436
00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:14,130
Motherfucker, we're not
even in the same book.
437
00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:15,324
Sorry about the swearing, all right?
438
00:17:15,324 --> 00:17:16,157
That's okay.
439
00:17:16,157 --> 00:17:17,035
He's an asshole.
440
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:17,937
Oh, I see.
441
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,290
All right, I get it.
442
00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:21,570
You know, the trouble with you people,
443
00:17:21,570 --> 00:17:23,253
you're all the bloody same.
444
00:17:24,230 --> 00:17:25,697
You're right, Rafe.
445
00:17:25,697 --> 00:17:27,309
We are the same, innit?
446
00:17:27,309 --> 00:17:29,319
We're all sick of posh pricks like you
447
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:31,650
running our government and our media.
448
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,483
Posh?
449
00:17:32,483 --> 00:17:34,410
Whoever said I was posh?
450
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,480
Mr Forbes Plunket.
451
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,313
Thank you.
452
00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:38,150
- Is that you, yeah?
- Yeah.
453
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:39,480
Is that you?
454
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,460
See you later, you
double-barrelled dickhead.
455
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,787
Don't shove your willy in any
pigs heads on the way down.
456
00:17:42,787 --> 00:17:46,016
You know, I wouldn't stick
my willy in a pigs head,
457
00:17:46,016 --> 00:17:48,933
'cause I'd use its
vagina, like a gentleman.
458
00:18:07,890 --> 00:18:08,723
Dr Lange.
459
00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:21,830
She won't be too long.
460
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,400
How long do you think she'll take?
461
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,233
I don't...
462
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,066
I don't know.
463
00:18:25,066 --> 00:18:25,899
All right, just calm down, all right?
464
00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:26,732
Relax.
465
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:27,565
I'm okay.
466
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:28,398
I'm okay.
- Just relax.
467
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,613
Stop man-handling today.
468
00:18:31,062 --> 00:18:32,613
Mobeen.
469
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:33,557
Aqsa.
470
00:18:33,557 --> 00:18:34,401
Hey.
471
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:35,340
Hey, you okay?
472
00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:37,110
Yeah, they've sorted it.
473
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:37,943
Okay, let's go home.
474
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:38,776
Let's go home.
475
00:18:38,776 --> 00:18:41,490
I'm afraid I can't quite
release your sister just yet.
476
00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:42,763
Sorry, and why is that?
477
00:18:42,763 --> 00:18:45,260
There are a few more
details we need to iron out.
478
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:47,000
And what are these details, sorry?
479
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,833
Just about following certain procedures.
480
00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,384
Moonbeam.
481
00:18:52,384 --> 00:18:53,610
Oh, I'm gonna run.
482
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:54,840
I'm gonna run.
483
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:55,673
No.
484
00:18:55,673 --> 00:18:56,506
No.
485
00:18:56,506 --> 00:18:57,656
These procedures.
486
00:18:57,656 --> 00:18:58,850
Now, I really need to poo.
487
00:18:58,850 --> 00:19:02,190
It's always about pooing
with you, isn't it, Nathaniel?
488
00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:03,963
Oh, shit.
489
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,283
Finally, about bloody time.
490
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:16,089
You're not a doctor.
491
00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:16,922
What?
492
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:17,755
Nothing.
493
00:19:17,755 --> 00:19:20,004
This man will take care of you, okay?
494
00:19:20,004 --> 00:19:21,363
Yeah, yeah, I will.
495
00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:23,400
And of course it's a brown one.
496
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,233
Thank you.
497
00:19:34,064 --> 00:19:35,970
What did you call him for, huh?
498
00:19:35,970 --> 00:19:37,440
He should be dealing with real criminals,
499
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,060
not law-abiding citizens like us.
500
00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:39,930
Law-abiding.
501
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:40,763
Behave.
502
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,000
I called him because you lied.
503
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,110
Lied?
504
00:19:43,110 --> 00:19:44,100
Did you lie?
505
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,330
Cause I ain't lying, so who's lying?
506
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:46,163
Go on.
507
00:19:46,163 --> 00:19:46,996
Well, either you lied,
508
00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:49,230
or there's a fucking tiger
loose in Small Heath.
509
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,063
Maybe there is.
510
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:50,896
A tiger?
511
00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:51,729
What is this, "Life of Pi"?
512
00:19:51,729 --> 00:19:53,340
You are not taking her away from me.
513
00:19:53,340 --> 00:19:54,173
Simple as that.
514
00:19:54,173 --> 00:19:55,006
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
515
00:19:55,006 --> 00:19:56,100
Who's talking about taking
people away from you?
516
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,300
She's talking about that, bro.
517
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,310
If this is domestic
abuse and one of them
518
00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:00,480
inflicted this injury on her,
519
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,115
then clearly he is not
capable of being her carer.
520
00:20:03,115 --> 00:20:05,310
Domestic abuse on his sister?
521
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,143
Yeah.
522
00:20:06,143 --> 00:20:07,670
Oh, come on, Harpes.
523
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,523
No chance.
524
00:20:12,523 --> 00:20:14,640
If you'd have told me
she'd broke his collarbone
525
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,200
with a flask, I'd have believed you.
526
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,580
She has previous.
527
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:18,840
You're my guy, you know.
528
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:19,673
Don't touch me.
529
00:20:19,673 --> 00:20:20,506
Sorry about that.
530
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,878
Where have you been?
531
00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:26,610
Operation.
532
00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:28,260
Listen, to get to the bottom of this,
533
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,400
we need the truth.
534
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,630
How did she break her neck?
535
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,463
Okay, so-
536
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:33,168
The truth, Maybelline.
537
00:20:33,168 --> 00:20:34,473
Nathaniel, speak.
538
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,280
Speak right now or you're going to prison.
539
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,200
We were playing WWE,
then she stood on a bin
540
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,033
and she fell off the bin,
541
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,540
and then we pushed her in
a trolley in the bus lane,
542
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:44,641
and it was an accident.
543
00:20:45,773 --> 00:20:46,606
And...
544
00:20:46,606 --> 00:20:48,019
And then I tried to tombstone her.
545
00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:54,510
And you're just gonna
take their word for it?
546
00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:55,800
Yeah, he is.
547
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,772
Shut up.
548
00:20:56,772 --> 00:20:57,870
Harper?
549
00:20:57,870 --> 00:20:58,880
Shut up.
550
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,393
Aztlan, give me your phone.
551
00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:05,670
He films every little thing this lot do.
552
00:21:05,670 --> 00:21:07,127
I do want to film Mobeen-
553
00:21:07,127 --> 00:21:09,386
And we just press play.
554
00:21:12,903 --> 00:21:13,736
Oh, Aqsa...
555
00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:14,790
Did I get it?
556
00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:16,200
Well...
557
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,230
Thank you for wasting everybody's time.
558
00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:21,510
Yeah, lads, it's not just
NHS time you've wasted,
559
00:21:21,510 --> 00:21:23,063
it's also police time, so...
560
00:21:23,063 --> 00:21:25,304
Can you piss off, dick tickler?
561
00:21:25,304 --> 00:21:26,283
Right-o.
562
00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:29,866
Well, there you go, Dr T, huh?
563
00:21:29,866 --> 00:21:31,770
Confirmation from Mr Officer Harper-
564
00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:32,603
Don't touch me.
565
00:21:32,603 --> 00:21:33,436
Sorry about that.
566
00:21:33,436 --> 00:21:34,530
Now, I am more than capable
567
00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:35,795
of looking after my little sister.
568
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:36,628
Ow!
569
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:37,629
Oh, sorry, baby girl.
570
00:21:38,462 --> 00:21:39,630
Oh, God.
571
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:41,067
Ah, Officer.
572
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,696
Officer, please help.
573
00:21:42,696 --> 00:21:45,946
I came into this hospital
with a mild concussion
574
00:21:45,946 --> 00:21:50,044
and a consultant has just
sown up my arsehole--
575
00:21:50,044 --> 00:21:51,003
Oh, fuck.
576
00:21:53,838 --> 00:21:55,640
I wanted to be like Dr Lange.
577
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,473
Uh-huh.
578
00:22:00,246 --> 00:22:01,530
I'm off.
579
00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:03,230
You deal with the human centipede.
580
00:22:04,803 --> 00:22:05,636
Please.
581
00:22:05,636 --> 00:22:07,770
I'm losing a lot of blood from the anus.
582
00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:08,940
Come with me.
583
00:22:08,940 --> 00:22:09,773
Hey, Rafe.
584
00:22:09,773 --> 00:22:10,890
Why don't you take a seat?
585
00:22:10,890 --> 00:22:11,970
I can't take a...
586
00:22:11,970 --> 00:22:13,650
Because all the blood's
falling out of my...
587
00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:14,700
Follow me.
588
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,250
It's a fucking
travesty back there.
589
00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,930
Like an f-ing war zone.
590
00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:19,763
Slow down.
591
00:22:19,763 --> 00:22:20,596
Did you do that?
592
00:22:22,266 --> 00:22:25,366
Did I do good?
593
00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:27,431
You did wicked.
594
00:22:27,431 --> 00:22:28,429
Yes!
595
00:22:28,429 --> 00:22:29,523
Wicked!
596
00:22:29,523 --> 00:22:30,856
Such an asshole.
37868
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