Original subtitles

For too long, we have lived side by side

with thousands of Muslims.

I mean, how much longer will we turn a blind eye to jihad?

How much longer will we put our children's lives in danger?

For too long, our police and government have failed us.

Fuck off home, Muzzie bastards.

Fuck off home, Muzzie bastards.

Islam is tearing Britain apart,

and we are just standing by and watching it happen.

Well, no more.

It's time to take our country back

in the battle against the cancer that is Islam.

They want our troops dead, and they are dangerous

and a daily threat to our way of life.

Despite what people say...

We aren't racist.

I mean, we would take one black Patriot UK member

over 100 racists.

You, our friend...

What would you say to those that call us racist?

Er...

Je parle pas anglais, en fait.

Est-ce que quelqu'un parle francais?

He don't even speak English!

I knew it!

I can't understand him.

I knew a brother would never like them.

Parlais francais, anglais.

Il est un racist!

Il est raciste?

- Yeah, him. - Definitely.

Il est racist, bro.

Tu es raciste, toi?

Ignore this man.

Ignore him.

He's not...

He's not here, right?

Let's focus on the main problem

that is the poison that is Islam.

What a dick.

Young lady!

Who taught you that filth?

You lot, mainly.

We've got to be very careful.

We're introducing very detrimental language to her lexicon.

I think it's Rubicon.

But fear not, my patriots,

because here today together in Birmingham,

we are the cure for this cancer.

Hey, do you reckon that bloke can really cure cancer?

Yeah, that's why loads of them are bald.

Go home!

Go home!

Robbie, mate, I've got something for you.

How did you do that?

How'd you do that?

In your face!

Excuse me.

Did you see the throw?

Why am I not surprised?

He didn't do anything.

Oh, really, who threw that, then?

It was-

No, no, no, it was me, it was me.

Shut up.

- Mobeen, I'm sorry. - Look after her, man.

I will.

You know I'm arresting you this time

for chucking an object at a man's head.

Oh, bless him, is he all right?

Did he get hurt?

He should have put his Ku Klux Klan hood on

to cushion the blow, then, innit?

You will be staying here until I've got everything

under control out there.

This is bullshit, Harper.

Always crying bullshit, aren't you?

"No, I didn't see that robbery.

Oh, I didn't see that shanking."

Next you'll be telling me

you've never seen "Game Of Thrones,"

won't you, Moon Beam?

"Moon Beam?"

Do I look like a Care Bear to you?

Tell someone who gives a shit.

Right, then, treacle, you've got three minutes

to find the crystal.

In you go.

Oi!

Oh, wait.

Oh, this is beautiful.

No kissing on the first date, boys.

Oi!

I thought I was put in here for my own protection!

It's "The Walking Dead."

Hello, mate.

You all right?

Do I...

Do I know you from somewhere?

What?

No.

Erm...

Did you used to deliver pizza for Akbar's Pizza?

No, mate, I've never delivered anything

for anyone called Akbar.

No?

Familiar, though, you.

Oh, hold on a second.

I know now, sorry.

You look just like your great-grandad.

Your great-grandad...

Is Adolf Hitler, isn't he?

You racist piece of shit!

I'm not racist, right?

I've never said anything racist in my life.

That wasn't you on stage out there

saying that all Muslims are more dangerous than Ebola?

That wasn't you, no?

Okay...

Mate, listen.

Let me...

'Cause you don't...

Listen, Islam isn't a race, it's an ideology.

Yeah, so you can't be racist against an idea, can you?

That's a great point, that.

I can't argue...

I can't argue with that, I can't argue with that.

But you and your organization

hides behind statements like that, don't you?

Yeah?

Okay, listen, my organization is very diverse.

Right, I have blacks, I have Sikhs, even a Jew.

Wow, you got a Jew?

My God.

You know your black members,

are they suffering from vitiligo at the moment, are they?

Okay, that's not fair, is it?

'Cause there were black people out there with us today.

Okay, there was a black person, but he was...

All right, listen, we did a poll only last month, right,

that showed clearly the majority of British people,

black, white, and Asian...

Thank you.

Feel that letting Islam into the UK is the biggest mistake

this country has ever made.

It's a fact.

Is that a fact, is it?

Bloody hell.

Can't argue with facts, innit?

My days.

I had a look at this other poll

that was conducted a couple of months ago, yeah,

and it said that British citizens actually think

the biggest mistake ever made in this country

is when your mum let your dad in her pom-pom!

Well, I don't think that's an actual poll.

Oh, you don't think?

Don't worry about it, Aqs, man.

We'll look after you, innit?

This is what Mobeen would have wanted.

He's not dead.

Yeah, there's nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about at all.

Mo!

Mo!

Will you just relax?

Mobeen!

Racist piece of shit!

What's he doing?

I don't know, bumming the racism out of him, probably.

Shit!

Robbie, who's my little space hopper?

Robbie's my little space hopper!

I'm gonna squeeze every last bit of divisive oxygen

out of your lungs, Robbie.

I've got asthma.

You're gonna kill me.

Shut up, man.

I ain't going to jail for 10 years for killing you

by arse-impacted trauma.

Racist dickhead.

See?

You are all violent psychopaths.

No, you bring out the worst in people.

Even the Pope would have a hard time

not swinging you round the head with his massive stick,

and he's a pretty chilled-out guy.

Don't you mention the Pope.

I mean, you don't even like Christianity.

I mean, it's written in your ideology.

I mean, what would happen if I pulled out

a crucifix right now?

Nothing.

I'm not Count Dracula, am I?

At least vampires try to integrate into society.

You do realize that "Blade"

and "Twilight" were just films?

Yeah.

You have infiltrated every facet of our society.

I mean, I can't even walk into my local Subway

without it being filled with that barbaric halal meat.

What are you and the Daily Mail

so bloody scared of halal meat for?

What do you think is gonna happen?

You're gonna have one bite and want another three wives?

Halal meat directly funds terrorism.

You buy a doner kebab and Isis get a free rocket launcher?

Is that what you're saying?

No, no, I've got proof for you.

Right, you ready?

Go on.

Halal abattoirs are run by Muslims, right?

Who take the profit from halal meat sales

to directly fund terrorist activity.

Proof.

Proof?

Who is finding you this proof?

The same people that found

weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?

To be fair, those guys did have a very difficult job.

No shit, yeah?

There was nothing to bloody find!

I'm serious, I'm proper desperate.

So go find a toilet.

Where?

Just go there.

Wait for me, though, innit?

What's going on here?

Erm...

Don't you just love the forest at this time of year?

Come on, out!

I couldn't go.

There's police everywhere, it's proper all Gordoned off.

Cordoned.

Huh?

It's cordoned off, not Gordoned off.

I think I know what the word is.

Look at her, like, trying to be big and that.

Yeah, okay, mate.

Aqs...

What is it?

I really need to go to the toilet, too.

You are kidding me.

Hmm...

I mean, you Muslims hate our way of life.

You don't wanna integrate with real Englishmen like me.

Real Englishmen don't want to integrate

with Englishmen like you.

Islamic culture is incompatible with the Western world.

I mean, look how you treat your women.

You think all women should be made to wear the burqa.

No, I don't.

That's their bodies,

they should be able to wear what they like.

Hmm.

Only the oppressed woman wants to wear one of those.

Ooh, Robbie!

Are you dictating femininity to women

against their will, are you?

You sexist pig.

Whoa, mate, isn't it haram for you to say pig?

No.

But if I say it more than three times in a week, I'll melt.

You!

You had me there!

Oh, we can only hope.

Why can't we use your flask?

Can't we just knock on someone's door or something?

No.

Can we share a flask, then?

No!

That's disgusting.

I'm not gonna drink it.

Seriously, I feel like I need to bring nappies out

for you two.

I might actually need one.

Taliban, Isis, Osama bin Laden...

I mean, he's blatantly still knocking about.

Anything else on the Top 100 Muslim Risk List?

I'm glad you asked.

The most important one, jihad.

Oh, that's my favorite one, that is.

It's not a joke, is it?

I mean, there's jihadis on the streets of England

spilling blood in the name of Islam.

I mean, if that's not Islam's fault,

then why are Muslims committing the crimes?

Clearly people being killed in the street

is horrific, Robbie, yeah,

but the perpetrators aren't going door-to-door

handing out samosas and mango chutney,

telling us about their plans, are they?

Bullshit, your community knows.

We do know, Robbie, yeah.

That you're a hole in a broken dick!

Stop belittling it, right?

Islamic terrorism is the single biggest threat

to men, women and children this country has ever seen.

That's just a fucking fact!

Oh...

Oh, remember the asthma, Robbie.

Come on, have a sit down.

Sit down.

You know what they taught us at school in PE, yeah?

Breathe in, fill your lungs.

In with the positivity...

Out with the racism.

Breathe in the positivity...

Out with the Islamophobia.

Don't you feel better already, Robbie, eh?

Yeah.

Listen, you're getting yourself in knots, you daft bugger.

I've been a Muslim a while, yeah?

And I know plenty Muslims as well,

and I'm going to tell you this,

I can't get them to commit to what time

we're going to Nando's,

let alone commit acts of terrorism, yeah?

What sauce do you have?

Eh?

At Nando's.

The Vusa.

Oh, I knew it.

Oh, I really need to wee.

Can we go home, then?

No.

I'm desperate.

Will you two just shut up?

You're not the first people in history

to need the toilet, you know.

Go in there.

Are you mad?

I never said it was a perfect world.

You two need the toilet, there's a toilet in there.

Erm, I don't think so.

We're definitely not going in there.

I'm going in.

What?

Look, toilets are a no-man's land, innit?

A safe space.

You can't commit any act of violence

in any toilet anywhere in the world.

Yeah, but-

No, that's true.

That's not true, is it?

Definitely not.

He's got...

Oh, my gosh.

Robbie...

Eh?

Me old mate.

You know what, man, I'm sat here thinking,

what's made my friend Robbie so staunchly

Islamophobic and racist?

I can't work it out for the life of me.

I ain't racist.

Robbie, I read online that your ex-girlfriend...

Not true.

That your childhood sweetheart-

Didn't happen.

Ran off with a Muslim guy...

No.

And converted to Islam.

I didn't like her anyway.

And obviously, we all know you don't believe

the things you read online.

Obviously, Robbie, yeah, that's right.

Hey, listen, mate, don't worry, eh?

We've all been through heartbreak, Robbie.

It's tough.

I mean, to be fair, most of us go through

three tubs of Ben & Jerry's and get over it.

You...

Set up a far right-wing hate group instead.

Why is he taking so long?

He's probably just getting battered

by a load of racists.

Oh!

What the fuck are you doing in here?

It's neutral zone.

The only weapon I have is my bladder, but so help me God,

if you don't get the fuck away from my friend,

I'll piss all over you racists.

All right.

All right, mate.

Oh!

Bro, that was amazing!

You're my hero, brother!

Wash your hands.

Okay.

Can I ask you something?

No.

I'll ask anyway.

Do you genuinely believe in all the shit that you say?

It's not shit.

It's on the internet.

Fucking hell.

And yes, of course I do.

I'm here for the people, so they know the truth.

Oh, you're a hero, you are.

Very noble, Robbie, very noble.

I mean, you've currently got a bestselling hate manual,

oh, sorry, sorry, bestselling book,

on Amazon at the moment.

I mean, shit, that must have made you

a fairly wealthy man, Robbie.

People like you, Katie Hopkins there,

you lot have made a career off preaching hate,

haven't you, Robbie?

She's actually quite good if you read some of her stuff.

She was great on the radio.

Shame.

It's clever, bro.

It's a great business move, innit?

Hey, unfortunately it's probably always gonna be

one of the most popular-selling products there is.

Can you just shut up?

No.

So, listen, Robbie, you see,

you and your followers out there...

26,000 on Twitter.

Slightly less on Instagram.

Amazing.

I mean, no, your loyal followers, yeah,

the ones out there that were screaming,

"Dirty Pakis, fuck off home."

I don't mind them, bruv,

anywhere near as much as I mind you.

I mean, shit, at least with those lot,

what you see is what you get.

They're the same mentality of people

telling my old dear in the '80s

that they'd throw her off the sixth floor of the flats

and hang me from the balcony, yeah?

Just 'cause she was an immigrant.

Bruv, they're nowhere near as dangerous as you.

You see, you, Robbie, you give them validity.

You give them a cause.

What do you say on the internet all the time?

"Islam is a cancer."

I mean, shit, what do I know?

But if you ask me, Robbie Worthington

and his moneymaking rhetoric

is the real cancer here, mate.

Oh, shit.

Oi!

Is he dead?

I killed this motherfucker with my realness!

Ha-ha!

Oh, shit.

I killed this motherfucker with my realness.

Hello?

I think Robbie's a bit dead!

Hey!

Help!

He's looking a bit dead to me!

Hello?

Hello!

Hey!

What have you done here, Moon Beam?

Get out.

Oi!

I killed him.

You killed him?

Yeah, I killed him.

But with the power of my words, yeah?

You can't go to jail for that, Harper!

Yeah, you haven't.

He's not dead?

No.

Oh.

Guys!

You okay?

All right, you're free to go.

Eh?

Why?

I thought you hated us.

I do.

I hate your lot.

I hate his lot.

I hate old people who fall over in their gardens

and can't get back up again.

I hate anybody who makes my job

more difficult than it already is.

This is, like, the most positive police prejudice

I've ever experienced in my life.

No, go home now before I change my mind.

Just a quick hug though.

No!

Go on.

Fine.

Yeah!

Oh, my God.

Are you okay, though, are you all right?

Hey, listen, are you all right?

Yeah?

What happened in the van with that waste man?

Did he give you the cure for cancer?

Forget it, man, he is a waste man,

you know what he's like.

But you, are you okay?

Did they look after you, yeah?

Yeah, I did.

Totally.

I did, definitely.

Come here, man!

Come here!

Bonjourno!