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1
00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:08,883
Where's he gone, man? Eight!
2
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,478
What if he's fallen in the canal?
3
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,667
Well, if he
has, then he's dead.
4
00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:13,947
Your app don't even work.
5
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,512
Your app don't work.
Have you lot seen Eight?
6
00:00:16,512 --> 00:00:17,470
It's a bit further down here.
7
00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:19,170
No, yeah, he's lost again.
8
00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:21,367
- Turn left.
- No, it's this way.
9
00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:23,756
The app is on, but we
still can't find him.
10
00:00:23,756 --> 00:00:24,862
Turn left.
11
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:28,354
In five meters, turn left.
12
00:00:28,354 --> 00:00:29,437
Eight!
13
00:00:34,211 --> 00:00:36,681
I thought you
said you loved nature.
14
00:00:36,681 --> 00:00:39,480
I do love nature
when it's on television
15
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,580
and David Attenborough's presenting it.
16
00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:42,990
I hate nature in real life.
17
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,850
It smells like shit around here.
18
00:00:44,850 --> 00:00:45,780
Plants and-
19
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:47,399
plants and that.
20
00:00:47,399 --> 00:00:48,979
- Oh.
- It's so long.
21
00:00:48,979 --> 00:00:50,786
I think I swallowed a mosquito.
22
00:00:50,786 --> 00:00:52,200
Yeah? You all right though?
23
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,162
Yeah. Where is he, man?
24
00:00:54,162 --> 00:00:55,140
He's got to be here somewhere.
25
00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:55,973
Turn left.
26
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:56,840
Well, he's not gonna be far, is he?
27
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,955
He never leaves Small Heath, 'cause.
28
00:00:58,955 --> 00:01:00,771
"I can only poo in my own house."
29
00:01:00,771 --> 00:01:01,604
You have reached your destination.
30
00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:02,970
He's an odd fellow, mate.
31
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:04,687
That's what Miss Peters
used to say at school.
32
00:01:04,687 --> 00:01:06,741
"You are an odd fellow, Arslan."
33
00:01:14,368 --> 00:01:16,443
You don't wanna go in there.
34
00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:21,743
Don't!
35
00:01:23,226 --> 00:01:24,719
Oh, where have you been?
36
00:01:24,719 --> 00:01:27,000
- You know him?
- Yes, we know him,
37
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,770
he belongs to us, yeah.
- This is our shed!
38
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:29,640
This?
39
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,660
You bring it from home, did you?
40
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:31,620
He kicked us out.
41
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,180
Life's full of disappointments, innit?
42
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,510
Yeah. Well, move on, blud, move!
43
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:41,210
What's McFly staring at there?
44
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:42,043
What are you gonna do,
45
00:01:42,043 --> 00:01:42,990
burn a man with your hair straighteners?
46
00:01:42,990 --> 00:01:43,860
Go away!
47
00:01:43,860 --> 00:01:45,930
What are you doing in here, Bear Grylls?
48
00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:47,925
You're not drinking your
own piss again, are you?
49
00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:49,230
My grandad's dying.
50
00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:50,063
What?
51
00:01:56,653 --> 00:01:57,813
From cancer.
52
00:01:59,072 --> 00:02:00,720
Oh, that's so sad, man.
53
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,108
Gutted for you, guy, famo.
54
00:02:02,108 --> 00:02:04,113
Do you know what stage it is?
55
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,330
Yeah?
56
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,163
Seven.
57
00:02:09,313 --> 00:02:11,757
I think there's only four stages, mate.
58
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,667
Yeah, mate, it's cancer, not "Tetris,"
59
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,793
you've gone about three extra stages...
60
00:02:15,793 --> 00:02:16,980
Stages, there.
61
00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:19,863
Oh, stage seven, oh, shit.
62
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,923
Yeah, stage seven.
63
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,413
That's sad, man.
64
00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:29,845
Wait, wait, please tell me
it's your grandad in Pakistan
65
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,868
and not Dadha Hussein.
66
00:02:31,868 --> 00:02:33,306
It's Dadha Hussein.
67
00:02:33,306 --> 00:02:35,858
Oh, man, he was the best one.
68
00:02:35,858 --> 00:02:39,132
Nobody would've cared if it
was your grandad in Pakistan.
69
00:02:39,132 --> 00:02:41,580
Remember when he used to
throw bricks at our shins
70
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:43,183
in the summer holidays?
71
00:02:43,183 --> 00:02:44,570
Proper hurt, innit?
72
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:47,452
Yeah, he used to play
a lot of cricket, innit,
73
00:02:47,452 --> 00:02:48,716
so he's got a good aim.
74
00:02:48,716 --> 00:02:51,179
Remember what he used to call me?
75
00:02:51,179 --> 00:02:53,670
Africa!
76
00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:55,617
That's fully racist, innit?
77
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,420
Can't call someone a whole continent,
78
00:02:57,420 --> 00:02:59,279
'cause of their skin color, innit?
79
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,230
Proper knobhead, your Pakistan grandad.
80
00:03:01,230 --> 00:03:02,630
Proper wish he had cancer.
81
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,052
Instead of Dadha Hussein,
like if there was a choice
82
00:03:07,052 --> 00:03:08,940
in who the cancer fairy visited.
83
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:10,167
Cancer fairy, yeah, hm?
84
00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:11,130
I'm sorry.
85
00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:14,792
Well, it is Dadha Hussein,
the grandad that I love.
86
00:03:14,792 --> 00:03:17,100
And he's not gonna be with
us in four weeks.
87
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:20,462
Hey, listen, hey, hey.
88
00:03:20,462 --> 00:03:22,500
Don't cry, man.
89
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,577
Anyway, he, he said he
wants to see you two, innit,
90
00:03:25,577 --> 00:03:27,300
'cause he needs some help with summat,
91
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:29,433
so come round the house later.
92
00:03:32,959 --> 00:03:34,860
It's not helping him
wash his tete, is it?
93
00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:36,000
'Cause I'm not comfortable with that.
94
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,050
No, it's not helping him wash his tete.
95
00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,820
Actually, it might be that, I don't know,
96
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:43,293
but just, just come, innit?
97
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,400
Listen, also, yeah, I just
wanna put this out there,
98
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,948
I'm not doing a euthanasia on him, man.
99
00:03:48,948 --> 00:03:50,998
I don't wanna do a euthanasia on anybody.
100
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,616
Strictly speaking, shouldn't
it be called euthanasian?
101
00:03:58,503 --> 00:04:01,161
I was just trying to lighten the mood.
102
00:04:06,631 --> 00:04:07,631
Euthanasian?
103
00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:10,425
Did it work the first time?
104
00:04:10,425 --> 00:04:11,983
Sorry.
105
00:04:34,423 --> 00:04:35,428
Is he...
106
00:04:35,428 --> 00:04:36,571
What?
107
00:04:36,571 --> 00:04:37,404
Eh?
108
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:46,842
Ah!
109
00:04:46,842 --> 00:04:48,009
Bloody hell!
110
00:04:49,687 --> 00:04:51,573
Look at you.
111
00:04:51,573 --> 00:04:53,760
Here you are, my good boy.
112
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,590
Yeah, Dadha, I'm here.
113
00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:58,113
Not you, I was talking to Mobeen.
114
00:04:59,430 --> 00:05:01,200
Oh, all right, yeah.
115
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,283
You know, you've always
been the grandson I never had.
116
00:05:08,555 --> 00:05:11,023
How are you, Dadha, are you okay?
117
00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:12,330
I have been better,
118
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:15,588
but this life is very brief, you know.
119
00:05:15,588 --> 00:05:16,560
Yeah.
120
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,573
And it's a test from Allah.
121
00:05:21,948 --> 00:05:23,760
I'm not worried anymore.
122
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,863
You're so brave, really.
123
00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:29,913
No, I'm shitting my chuddies.
124
00:05:31,562 --> 00:05:34,110
Nobody wants to be bloody dying.
125
00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:36,813
Come closer, baja, I
want to tell you a story.
126
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,431
When I was 17 and living in
Pakistan, me and my mother,
127
00:05:41,431 --> 00:05:44,793
we would have this conversation every day.
128
00:05:45,724 --> 00:05:48,217
"You need to get married."
129
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:49,687
"I don't want to get married."
130
00:05:49,687 --> 00:06:03,757
"You need to get married." "I
don't want to get married."
131
00:06:05,641 --> 00:06:10,589
"You need to get married." "I
don't want to get married."
132
00:06:10,589 --> 00:06:12,690
Okay, Dadha, that's
enough of that, yeah?
133
00:06:12,690 --> 00:06:14,250
You didn't want to get
married, it's all right.
134
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,992
No, wait, but did you
get married, then, Dadha?
135
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:18,780
Chhutkara!
136
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,850
So then I got married.
137
00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:23,340
So you got married
just to shut your mum up?
138
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:25,290
No, but he married my daadi
139
00:06:25,290 --> 00:06:26,990
and they lived happily ever after.
140
00:06:28,563 --> 00:06:30,423
You proper hated his daadi, innit?
141
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,530
It's like you lot
hate the Conservatives.
142
00:06:34,530 --> 00:06:35,363
That's deep.
143
00:06:35,363 --> 00:06:37,710
I was trapped, but then I got a chance
144
00:06:37,710 --> 00:06:39,480
to come to the United Kingdoms
145
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,330
and to escape from the
mental prison that I was in.
146
00:06:42,330 --> 00:06:43,623
Najia didn't get a visa.
147
00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:46,877
It was the 1970s.
148
00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:50,970
I knew immediately this
was a place of opportunity,
149
00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:54,319
a place of opportunity where
skinheads would put dog shit
150
00:06:54,319 --> 00:06:55,826
through your letterbox.
151
00:06:55,826 --> 00:06:57,390
Make Britain great again, eh?
152
00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:58,920
Good times, they were, good times.
153
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,942
So I opened the first video
shop in the neighborhood
154
00:07:01,942 --> 00:07:03,176
and made a fortune.
155
00:07:03,176 --> 00:07:05,640
You were like the Small
Heath Steve Jobs, weren't you?
156
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,200
He got cancer as well,
157
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,399
so that's like another
thing you've got in common.
158
00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:10,399
Chhutkara.
159
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:15,937
The shop got so busy that
people would come and say to me,
160
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:17,677
"You need help in the shop."
161
00:07:17,677 --> 00:07:18,877
"I don't need help in the shop."
162
00:07:18,877 --> 00:07:20,797
"You need help in the shop."
163
00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:22,297
"I don't need help in the shop."
164
00:07:22,297 --> 00:07:23,707
"You need help in the shop."
165
00:07:23,707 --> 00:07:25,267
"I don't need help in the shop."
166
00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:26,647
"You need help in the shop."
167
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,967
"I don't need help in the shop."
168
00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:29,527
"You need help in the shop."
- Moz.
169
00:07:29,527 --> 00:07:30,611
"I don't need help in the shop."
170
00:07:30,611 --> 00:07:31,830
You didn't need help in the shop.
171
00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:34,227
No, but then, did you
get help in the shop, then?
172
00:07:34,227 --> 00:07:35,227
Chhutkara!
173
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,420
So then I got an assistant,
174
00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:42,239
and to cut a long story short.
175
00:07:42,239 --> 00:07:43,890
Please do.
176
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:44,920
We fell in love
177
00:07:46,807 --> 00:07:51,807
and we got married and we have
been man and wife ever since.
178
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,020
What?
179
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,033
So, you got with two wives?
180
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:02,377
OG, triple OG, getting
it in, Dadha, ta, ta!
181
00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:06,900
Wild!
182
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:10,140
Then, things got complicated
when Najia came over here.
183
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,220
Yeah.
184
00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:12,930
It was very, very hard.
185
00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:14,460
Hm!
186
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,293
Sorry.
187
00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:17,040
Hard though, innit?
188
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,740
I could have done things better,
189
00:08:20,437 --> 00:08:21,933
but I'm dying now.
190
00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:25,530
I need your help, Mobeen.
191
00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:27,060
Najia won't let me see my Jamila.
192
00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:28,080
What?
193
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,610
Najia has gone too far.
194
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,596
She's locked all the doors
and she's started scaring me.
195
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,985
I love my daadi, she
would never do that.
196
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:35,985
Chhutkara!
197
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:39,934
You know, the other day,
I tried to get out of bed.
198
00:08:39,934 --> 00:08:42,787
And she said, "You
can't get out of the bed!"
199
00:08:42,787 --> 00:08:44,507
"I want to get out of bed."
"You can't get out of the bed!"
200
00:08:45,427 --> 00:08:47,279
"I want to get out of bed."
"You can't get out of the bed!"
201
00:08:47,279 --> 00:08:48,180
- No.
- "I want to get out of bed."
202
00:08:48,180 --> 00:08:49,920
She attacked me with a stick.
203
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,194
And then she threatened
to cut off my cucumber!
204
00:08:54,093 --> 00:08:55,830
Oh, that's her down there.
205
00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:58,380
She's nailing the window
shut with the same hammer
206
00:08:58,380 --> 00:09:00,366
that she'll come and kill
us all with in a minute!
207
00:09:00,366 --> 00:09:02,417
I think you're getting
a bit carried away.
208
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,550
Chhutkara!
209
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:05,460
If the cancer doesn't kill me,
210
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,860
the crazy madwoman with
the stick will kill me.
211
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:10,782
I need to see my Jamila at the video shop.
212
00:09:10,782 --> 00:09:12,676
Please promise me you'll help me!
213
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:15,285
Mobeen, promise me you'll help me!
214
00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:20,285
Mobeen, promise me.
215
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:26,593
Okay, shall we go?
216
00:09:46,618 --> 00:09:47,451
Shh!
217
00:09:48,748 --> 00:09:50,192
Oh!
218
00:09:52,084 --> 00:09:54,669
That's her, that's the psycho.
219
00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:58,066
Daadi?
220
00:09:58,066 --> 00:09:59,850
Have you been mis-sold a PPI?
221
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,769
Oh, it's you, man. Yeah, how's it going?
222
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:02,762
Shh!
223
00:10:02,762 --> 00:10:04,243
How did that door slam?
224
00:10:04,243 --> 00:10:05,390
I had to open a window,
225
00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:07,540
it smelled like someone
was dying in there.
226
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:10,469
Sorry.
227
00:10:16,794 --> 00:10:18,896
What's the worst that can happen,
228
00:10:18,896 --> 00:10:20,589
if Daadi catches us, anyways?
229
00:10:20,589 --> 00:10:22,260
She'll chop your cucumbers off.
230
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:23,520
I need my cucumber!
231
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,699
Why does everyone
keep talking about salad?
232
00:10:25,699 --> 00:10:26,532
Oofs!
233
00:10:31,670 --> 00:10:32,910
Be careful!
234
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:36,536
She'll chop it to a
nub if she catches you.
235
00:10:54,690 --> 00:10:59,398
Bloody hell. It's okay,
lads, I think she's gone out.
236
00:10:59,398 --> 00:11:00,231
Yeah.
237
00:11:00,231 --> 00:11:01,538
Come on.
238
00:11:01,538 --> 00:11:03,819
Oh, God, no! Come on!
239
00:11:03,819 --> 00:11:04,652
- Ah!
- Run!
240
00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:05,485
- Ah!
- Daadi!
241
00:11:05,485 --> 00:11:08,877
Oh, my gosh!
242
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:12,111
♪ Yeah ♪
243
00:11:12,111 --> 00:11:13,502
♪ Have you ever seen ♪
244
00:11:13,502 --> 00:11:15,016
♪ A man not afraid to die ♪
245
00:11:15,016 --> 00:11:16,505
♪ Gave his life for a dream ♪
246
00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:18,577
♪ Born hustler, so the game conceived ♪
247
00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:20,307
♪ A caged beast and now I'm free ♪
248
00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:21,813
Ah, my little gold mine.
249
00:11:23,357 --> 00:11:26,703
The old business, so many happy times.
250
00:11:28,530 --> 00:11:30,030
Me and my Jamila.
251
00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:32,880
She was a very naughty girl.
252
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,740
You know, she was very hot.
253
00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:36,495
Okay, Bigamy Smalls, can
you just get this door open?
254
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:37,585
It's cold out here.
255
00:11:44,976 --> 00:11:47,280
Is that the PPI man
again? Gimme that, Eight.
256
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,091
Tell him not to call me anymore.
257
00:11:49,091 --> 00:11:50,910
I will.
258
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,050
Yes.
259
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:53,737
We don't need no PPI claims,
thank you very much, yeah.
260
00:11:53,737 --> 00:11:56,610
Why don't you stop calling,
and while you're at it,
261
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,855
gently insert your phone up your anus.
262
00:11:58,855 --> 00:11:59,688
Mobeen?
263
00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:02,580
Sorry, Eight's daadi.
264
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:04,114
I wasn't talking to you.
265
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:06,357
Yeah, I know we left with
him this morning and that,
266
00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:07,740
but we haven't seen him since.
267
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:10,140
I said to him, "Unless
you become the Terminator,
268
00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:12,188
and go back to the future
and rewind that tape,
269
00:12:12,188 --> 00:12:13,932
you're gonna have to pay 50p.
270
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,600
You have to wind it back.
271
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:16,500
He knows that, though.
272
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:19,470
Yeah, it does sound a
bit like him, that, yeah.
273
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,060
Look, Daadi, man, he made us promise
274
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,470
that we wouldn't tell you
what's going on, innit.
275
00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:24,530
Marrying Jamila was
the happiest day of my life.
276
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,439
Is he still going on about Jamila?
277
00:12:26,439 --> 00:12:27,337
You know about Jamila?
278
00:12:27,337 --> 00:12:29,190
Of course I know about her.
279
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:30,623
But she's been gone sometime now.
280
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:32,400
What do you mean, gone?
281
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,451
She disappeared 10 years ago.
282
00:12:35,824 --> 00:12:37,637
So what happened, then?
283
00:12:37,637 --> 00:12:40,260
Nobody was ever really sure.
284
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,520
They went away together
and she never came back.
285
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,836
Oh, shit. Sorry, not shit.
286
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:49,770
Yesterday, he spent one hour
287
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,500
telling me that he wanted Judge Rinder
288
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:54,690
to witness the signing of his will.
289
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,353
He's not a well man.
290
00:12:56,353 --> 00:12:58,950
Just leave it with me, yeah?
291
00:12:58,950 --> 00:12:59,783
Sorry, Daadi.
292
00:12:59,783 --> 00:13:02,070
Maybe you just learn some Hindi,
293
00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:04,446
learn to just, er, dance around a tree,
294
00:13:04,446 --> 00:13:07,290
bush shakes, move around a
bit and before you know it,
295
00:13:07,290 --> 00:13:09,340
you could a big Bollywood star, you know.
296
00:13:10,735 --> 00:13:12,337
You all right, boys, yeah?
297
00:13:12,337 --> 00:13:13,230
Yeah.
298
00:13:13,230 --> 00:13:14,417
Yeah, they won't bother you again.
299
00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:15,428
Thanks, man.
300
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,261
You all right?
301
00:13:16,261 --> 00:13:19,618
Yeah, I'm all right, man, I'm all right.
302
00:13:19,618 --> 00:13:24,033
So, Dadha, you've been in
touch with Jamila, yeah?
303
00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:26,350
What?
304
00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:29,700
Yeah, the love of your
life, she on her way?
305
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,380
All in good time, Mobeen.
306
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:33,810
Where does she live?
Is she local, or what?
307
00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:36,303
So many questions from
my favorite grandson.
308
00:13:36,303 --> 00:13:37,860
I'm your grandson.
309
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,323
Seriously, where is Jamila?
310
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,590
Listen, guys, I need
to tell you a story.
311
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,670
Oh, bloody hell.
312
00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:46,364
Look, I've got to go for
a haircut next Tuesday,
313
00:13:46,364 --> 00:13:48,060
can we get a move on, please?
314
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,800
It's about Jamila.
315
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:50,633
Go on.
316
00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:53,455
Jamila is gone.
317
00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:57,750
She
318
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,666
disappeared 10 years ago.
319
00:14:00,666 --> 00:14:02,465
Why are we here, then?
320
00:14:06,123 --> 00:14:09,196
There's something here
I need to deal with,
321
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:13,203
something I need to
dispose of before I die.
322
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:16,151
I've not told anyone about this.
323
00:14:16,151 --> 00:14:18,587
You mustn't judge me.
324
00:14:18,587 --> 00:14:21,243
I told you, man, I told you, man.
325
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:24,003
He's a Jamila killer, I told you.
326
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:27,840
I fell down these stairs
when I was six years old.
327
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,220
Proper banged my head.
328
00:14:29,220 --> 00:14:31,250
Yeah, no shit.
329
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:39,861
In there.
330
00:14:52,417 --> 00:14:55,680
Please remember, all men
make decisions they regret
331
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,483
at some point in their life.
332
00:15:05,653 --> 00:15:08,236
I know this is shocking, but...
333
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:10,593
Ah!
334
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,520
Porn!
335
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,633
Yes, thank you!
336
00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:18,978
This is nothing to celebrate, guys.
337
00:15:18,978 --> 00:15:20,820
It is when we thought your dead ex-wife
338
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:21,997
was in there, mate, bloody hell.
339
00:15:21,997 --> 00:15:26,160
"Misadventures In Megaboob
Manor." Dadha, what is this?
340
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,177
I had no choice.
341
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,602
With two families, I
had to make ends meet.
342
00:15:29,602 --> 00:15:32,102
You were making ends meet all right, hm.
343
00:15:32,102 --> 00:15:33,847
Wait, so you sold this stuff?
344
00:15:33,847 --> 00:15:35,400
Most of the money I made
345
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,380
was from the under-the-counter titles.
346
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,213
Dadha,
347
00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:41,760
you're a pervert and I like it.
348
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,121
You know, it was a perfect system.
349
00:15:44,121 --> 00:15:46,830
But if your daadi or
someone else found out,
350
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:49,650
it would have brought a
great shame on our family.
351
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:51,360
Shame, yeah, so you're saying
352
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,750
you never consumed any of this yourself?
353
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:56,976
No, never.
354
00:15:56,976 --> 00:15:59,624
I may have seen "Ferris
Boner's Day Off" once or twice,
355
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:01,620
you know, just for the research purposes.
356
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:02,453
I knew it!
357
00:16:03,739 --> 00:16:05,580
Hold on a minute, hold
on a minute, seriously.
358
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:07,953
This is all well and
good, but where's Jamila?
359
00:16:10,588 --> 00:16:12,412
I killed her.
360
00:16:12,412 --> 00:16:13,245
What?
361
00:16:16,841 --> 00:16:18,696
I'm just kidding, come on.
362
00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:21,060
Ha-ha! It's a funny joke.
363
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,220
Really funny joke, Dadha.
364
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,037
Jamila, she went off with a younger man.
365
00:16:26,037 --> 00:16:27,857
Our marriage had run its course.
366
00:16:27,857 --> 00:16:30,420
I thought you said she
was the love of your life?
367
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:31,830
I had to tell you something.
368
00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:34,393
I mean, would you have
smuggled out a dying man
369
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,783
from his house just to dispose of this?
370
00:16:37,936 --> 00:16:39,752
I mean, probably, yeah.
371
00:16:39,752 --> 00:16:40,650
I would have, yeah.
372
00:16:40,650 --> 00:16:43,140
We've got bare time on our hands.
373
00:16:43,140 --> 00:16:44,182
Okay, all right.
374
00:16:44,182 --> 00:16:46,620
Does this mean you do love Daadi?
375
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:47,850
No.
376
00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:51,780
She's not a psycho, but she's
still after her inheritance.
377
00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:52,771
Oh, right.
378
00:16:52,771 --> 00:16:54,300
Have you decided what you're gonna do
379
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,480
with the rest of the inheritance?
380
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,020
Yeah, I do have something in mind.
381
00:16:58,020 --> 00:16:58,853
Yeah?
382
00:16:58,853 --> 00:17:01,473
Something that's quite close my heart.
383
00:17:02,656 --> 00:17:03,489
Yeah?
384
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:06,817
Netball in Ladies' Prisons.
385
00:17:12,556 --> 00:17:14,100
What's that?
386
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,470
It's a charity that
provides netball equipment
387
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:17,763
for lady prisoners.
388
00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:21,420
Look, can we just get on
with the job we came here to do
389
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:22,590
and get rid of this porn?
390
00:17:22,590 --> 00:17:25,710
No, no, real talk, yeah,
this is immoral, misogynistic,
391
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:28,470
and most importantly, on a
format we can't use anyway,
392
00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:30,045
so, let's dash, innit?
393
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,278
This just seems so wrong.
394
00:17:38,278 --> 00:17:39,690
What, porn, yeah?
395
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:40,950
No, getting rid of it.
396
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,540
A lot of very professional
people worked hard
397
00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:43,915
to bring us this material.
398
00:17:43,915 --> 00:17:46,024
They worked very hard, innit?
399
00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:49,442
Let's just get rid of it, huh?
400
00:17:52,457 --> 00:17:54,540
Did you hear that, huh?
401
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:21,897
It's nothing, man.
402
00:18:21,897 --> 00:18:24,504
I thought I heard something, but argh!
403
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,891
Daadi?
404
00:18:26,891 --> 00:18:30,303
What are you
doing with all this filth?
405
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,883
Yes!
406
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:36,499
What are you doing with this filth!
407
00:18:36,499 --> 00:18:38,060
What? No, Daadi, it wasn't!
408
00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:41,247
All I wanted to do was
to come here one last time,
409
00:18:41,247 --> 00:18:43,515
and you violate my life's work with this?
410
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:47,250
My own grandson bringing this filthy muck
411
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:48,570
into Hussein Videos!
412
00:18:48,570 --> 00:18:50,089
You are not my favorite grandson.
413
00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:52,489
You're not even my favorite pervert!
414
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:57,203
Oh.
415
00:19:11,353 --> 00:19:14,343
And that's why Judge Rinder is a genius.
416
00:19:15,395 --> 00:19:17,053
He's all right.
417
00:19:20,278 --> 00:19:23,143
Dadha, remember what we
were talking about earlier?
418
00:19:23,143 --> 00:19:27,600
Eight took the blame for
you. He got battered for you.
419
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,399
Is there something you'd
like to say to him?
420
00:19:30,399 --> 00:19:31,293
Yeah, there is.
421
00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:36,363
Why don't you stand up for yourself?
422
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,633
What?
423
00:19:38,633 --> 00:19:41,250
Don't worry, he's
gonna die soon anyways.
424
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:42,780
What?
425
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,923
Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.
426
00:19:44,923 --> 00:19:47,822
So what happened to
those boxes, in the end?
427
00:19:47,822 --> 00:19:50,022
I don't know, Eight
dumped them somewhere.
428
00:19:57,847 --> 00:19:58,930
What is it?
429
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,134
They're broken.
430
00:20:03,977 --> 00:20:07,250
I know what this is,
it's old school porn.
431
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,324
Yes!
432
00:20:08,324 --> 00:20:09,690
♪ Down, get into the frown ♪
433
00:20:09,690 --> 00:20:11,698
♪ You see a face in the
window, space in the town ♪
434
00:20:11,698 --> 00:20:13,460
♪ I'm cleaning up, finish
the tea in your cup ♪
435
00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:15,058
♪ Pick up your bags and
your jaw from the floor ♪
436
00:20:15,058 --> 00:20:17,450
♪ What's up, I counted
one, two, three, four ♪
437
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,445
♪ Yeah, five is the
money against the door ♪
438
00:20:19,445 --> 00:20:21,315
♪ I'm like so, the party's a go ♪
439
00:20:21,315 --> 00:20:24,269
♪ Everybody get their
mother-loving feet on the floor ♪
440
00:20:24,269 --> 00:20:28,437
♪ I'm searching for a love that's higher ♪
441
00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:32,854
♪ I'm settling for absolutely no one ♪
30813
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