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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,316 --> 00:00:02,558 - What the- - I feel sick. 2 00:00:02,558 --> 00:00:03,391 I thought- 3 00:00:03,391 --> 00:00:04,287 What did you think? 4 00:00:04,287 --> 00:00:05,687 I thought it was a laptop. 5 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:10,350 How have you got confused between a laptop 6 00:00:10,350 --> 00:00:11,640 and a dead cat in a bag? 7 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,380 It's just so upsetting. 8 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:14,213 It's squidgy. 9 00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:15,046 A laptop's not squidgy, is it? 10 00:00:15,046 --> 00:00:17,100 I thought it was bubble wrap, innit? 11 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,420 So a dude pulls up to you, 12 00:00:18,420 --> 00:00:20,130 offers you a laptop in a bin bag, 13 00:00:20,130 --> 00:00:21,240 and you think that's a good deal? 14 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:22,650 That is a good deal. 15 00:00:22,650 --> 00:00:25,530 150 pounds for a laptop, that's wicked. 16 00:00:25,530 --> 00:00:27,720 It's a very good deal for a laptop. 17 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,460 Not a dead cat in a bag. 18 00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:31,620 Why wouldn't you look inside it before you bought it? 19 00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:32,453 What? 20 00:00:32,453 --> 00:00:33,720 When you go and buy a can of Coke from the shop, 21 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,324 do you look inside to see if it's got a Coke in it 22 00:00:35,324 --> 00:00:36,750 or does it just have Coke in it? 23 00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:37,950 Huh? 24 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,270 Listen, I didn't get a receipt, innit? 25 00:00:39,270 --> 00:00:41,624 So I can't take it back, so... 26 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,380 How are we going to get rid of it? 27 00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:44,460 How do you think we're going to get rid of it? 28 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,334 I'll have to do it. 29 00:00:45,334 --> 00:00:46,167 All right. 30 00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:47,440 I'm not carrying it this time. 31 00:00:49,710 --> 00:00:51,682 What's wrong with him, Nate? 32 00:00:51,682 --> 00:00:53,077 Where are you going? 33 00:00:53,077 --> 00:00:54,025 To hell. 34 00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:03,180 You're in so much trouble, 35 00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:04,290 you don't even know. 36 00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:05,730 You're in trouble as well. 37 00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:07,980 - Why? What did he do? - What? 38 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,780 Did he stroke the cat? 39 00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:11,007 Oh, yeah, he touched it. 40 00:01:11,007 --> 00:01:12,060 Mm, what does that mean? 41 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,070 Your fingerprints are all over the ting. 42 00:01:14,070 --> 00:01:15,830 Come here, open the bag for me. 43 00:01:18,217 --> 00:01:19,050 Pass it here. 44 00:01:19,050 --> 00:01:20,026 Pass it here, yeah. 45 00:01:20,026 --> 00:01:21,357 Don't shake it! 46 00:01:21,357 --> 00:01:22,680 Now you can see its face properly, yeah? 47 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:23,513 Look at that. 48 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,340 That cat did not die of natural causes. 49 00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:27,173 Horrible, yeah? 50 00:01:27,173 --> 00:01:28,110 When they die of natural causes, 51 00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:31,620 they're all, "Meow! Meow!" - Yeah. 52 00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,555 Bruv, look at his face... 53 00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:37,260 Something rolled up on that pussycat and murdered him, bro. 54 00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,213 The RSPCA are fully looking for you. 55 00:01:39,213 --> 00:01:41,613 Will this affect my National Trust membership? 56 00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:45,971 They might revoke that shit. 57 00:01:45,971 --> 00:01:47,610 Oh, shit! 58 00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:49,110 Listen, don't worry. 59 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,970 I'll come visit you in prison, innit? 60 00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:52,920 If Mobeen drives, I'll come. 61 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:53,808 Yeah, don't bother. 62 00:01:53,808 --> 00:01:54,883 Oh, shit! 63 00:01:57,914 --> 00:01:58,810 Where are you going? 64 00:01:58,810 --> 00:01:59,695 Go, go, go! 65 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:00,790 Get your hands in the air! 66 00:02:00,790 --> 00:02:01,623 Armed police! 67 00:02:01,623 --> 00:02:02,959 Get your fucking hands in the air now! 68 00:02:02,959 --> 00:02:03,793 Hands in the air! 69 00:02:03,793 --> 00:02:06,000 Especially you, Mobeen! - OK, OK, OK! 70 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,110 Where's your fucking friend gone? 71 00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:08,610 Why has he run off? 72 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:09,660 I asked you a question. 73 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:10,830 I don't know. 74 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:11,663 If I had to guess, 75 00:02:11,663 --> 00:02:14,733 I'd probably say it's because he's black. 76 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,450 - What? - Look, officer, 77 00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:20,460 I don't know if you've heard of this thing called history. 78 00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:21,293 Yeah? 79 00:02:21,293 --> 00:02:24,035 But these situations very rarely work out for the black man. 80 00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:27,630 What's in the bag? 81 00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:29,040 What's in the bag? 82 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,443 - It's a laptop. - It's a dead cat. 83 00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:33,013 Sajid? 84 00:02:33,013 --> 00:02:33,913 You take this one. 85 00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:39,770 Hold on a minute. 86 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,900 Is that Saj from school? 87 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:43,733 Stuart Little? 88 00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:45,497 It is Stuart Little! 89 00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:47,241 Didn't you call him Lord Of The Rings? 90 00:02:47,241 --> 00:02:48,201 - Yeah. - Here, let me help you. 91 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,034 - Don't. - Get back, get back. 92 00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:50,451 Hands in the air! 93 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,340 What have you found, Frodo? 94 00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:57,540 It's a dead cat, sir. 95 00:02:57,540 --> 00:03:00,183 What the fuck is wrong with you people? 96 00:03:00,183 --> 00:03:01,293 Fucking hell! 97 00:03:01,293 --> 00:03:03,270 Look who's in charge now, huh? 98 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,380 Sajid, listen, man. 99 00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:05,213 Why have you got all the shit out? 100 00:03:05,213 --> 00:03:06,690 Are you arresting Ironman or what? 101 00:03:06,690 --> 00:03:07,523 It's me! 102 00:03:07,523 --> 00:03:08,970 The risk assessment management meeting 103 00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:10,537 dictates this level of response. 104 00:03:10,537 --> 00:03:11,790 "The risk assessment management meeting 105 00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:12,623 dictates this level of..." 106 00:03:12,623 --> 00:03:13,860 Shut up, Sajid. 107 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,090 Shut up! 108 00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,680 Well, sorry and all that. 109 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,900 you could have trained two highly qualified nurses 110 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:19,733 with the money you spent 111 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,240 on training this useless brown bollock. 112 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,073 Don't call me that. 113 00:03:22,073 --> 00:03:22,906 Don't call me that. - Listen! 114 00:03:22,906 --> 00:03:23,739 Listen, yeah? 115 00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:25,650 Stop wasting taxpayer's money on this bullshit. 116 00:03:25,650 --> 00:03:26,483 We're the police, 117 00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:27,870 we waste taxpayer's money on whatever we like. 118 00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:28,950 Yeah. 119 00:03:28,950 --> 00:03:31,110 Well, you could have got three RSPCA officers- 120 00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,190 Hands in the air, now! 121 00:03:32,190 --> 00:03:33,306 You, you're under arrest. - Why? 122 00:03:33,306 --> 00:03:34,482 What? Him, why? 123 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,315 What did I do? 124 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:36,300 What did he do again, sir? 125 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,710 Someone matching your description, 126 00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:39,900 is using kids to sell drugs. 127 00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,040 He matches the description, 128 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,420 so he's coming with us. 129 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,610 Sorry, what was his description? 130 00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,683 Brown male, in jogging bottoms. 131 00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:51,533 Oh, well, it could be you, eh? 132 00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:53,070 I think it is me. 133 00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:53,903 It's not you! 134 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:56,040 This is racial profiling. 135 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:56,940 Go suck your mum's. 136 00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:57,773 We know our rights. 137 00:03:57,773 --> 00:03:59,460 Oh, don't play the race card, Mobeen. 138 00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:01,680 I am the race card. 139 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:02,513 Why would you say... 140 00:04:02,513 --> 00:04:03,346 What does that mean? 141 00:04:03,346 --> 00:04:04,650 - What does that mean? - Why would you say that? 142 00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:06,350 Just so you know, yeah, 143 00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:08,220 he was never happy being at Feast. 144 00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:09,941 You always wanted to be a vanilla Magnum, didn't you? 145 00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:10,774 Didn't you? 146 00:04:10,774 --> 00:04:12,390 Tell him it's got nothing to do with racial profiling. 147 00:04:12,390 --> 00:04:14,490 This has nothing to do with racial profiling. 148 00:04:14,490 --> 00:04:15,450 It's got nothing to do with racial profiling. 149 00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:18,390 Dude. 150 00:04:18,390 --> 00:04:20,370 Careful, sunshine. 151 00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:23,460 It would be a shame if I had a little mishap at work, 152 00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:27,030 and accidentally shot you six times in the fucking face. 153 00:04:27,030 --> 00:04:29,793 Accidentally shot you in the face six fucking times. 154 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:31,860 I've had enough of this shit. 155 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:33,365 Cuff him. - No, no, no. 156 00:04:36,054 --> 00:04:38,206 I told you I'd get you back, look at me. 157 00:04:38,206 --> 00:04:39,102 Mobeen! 158 00:04:39,102 --> 00:04:40,127 My dick is in your face, 159 00:04:40,127 --> 00:04:41,523 what are you going to do about it? 160 00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:43,349 Look at me. 161 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,182 Stand down. 162 00:04:44,182 --> 00:04:45,588 No more coffee for you in the morning! 163 00:04:45,588 --> 00:04:46,978 Christ! 164 00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:57,447 Fuck! 165 00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,160 I just don't feel comfortable 166 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,900 with the level of tension in your scalp. 167 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:01,733 You know as well, 168 00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:02,566 I read on the internet, yeah, 169 00:05:02,566 --> 00:05:04,110 they've got this, um, 170 00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:05,937 extracts of volcanic ash cloud and that, right? 171 00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:07,830 Mum never took this long to do my braids. 172 00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:10,980 Unless she's turned into Pakistan's version of Mr. Tickle, 173 00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:12,900 she can't reach your hair from Karachi, can she? 174 00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,130 So you're stuck with your big brother during your hair. 175 00:05:14,130 --> 00:05:15,597 Can't I get a professional to do them? 176 00:05:15,597 --> 00:05:18,731 Oi! I am a professional. 177 00:05:18,731 --> 00:05:20,550 I want more volume in here. 178 00:05:20,550 --> 00:05:21,540 I need more volume. 179 00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,430 I want to get it hench and that, like, 180 00:05:23,430 --> 00:05:24,463 try feathering it. 181 00:05:24,463 --> 00:05:25,800 I could even layer it, you know. 182 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,570 Or maybe just finish off my braids. 183 00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:28,980 I can hear my hair growing! 184 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:29,813 Mm. 185 00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,230 Is Eight still in custody? 186 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,697 Is being a weirdo finally a crime? 187 00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:33,828 If he was in prison for that, 188 00:05:33,828 --> 00:05:35,550 he'd be in prison for the rest of his life, wouldn't he? 189 00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:37,637 No, the old Bill think he's been selling drugs. 190 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,040 Eight, a drug dealer? 191 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,560 That's funny. 192 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,580 That's what I said as well. 193 00:05:41,580 --> 00:05:42,930 Everyone knows it's Shahid. 194 00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,630 Why do you even know that name? 195 00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:53,760 Have you lost weight? 196 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,290 You're looking trim, you know. 197 00:05:55,290 --> 00:05:56,493 Stop all that, yeah. 198 00:05:57,780 --> 00:05:59,640 Tell me what you know. 199 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,600 The rumor in Year Ten, 200 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,280 is that Shahid is getting some of the kids 201 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:03,390 to move his grub for him. 202 00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:04,350 What? 203 00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:06,180 I don't know why you can't just snitch on Shahid 204 00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:07,192 and get Eight out. 205 00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:09,300 It don't work like that, all right? 206 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:11,310 I'm telling you now, Aqsa, yeah? 207 00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:13,110 You stay well away from anything to do with this, 208 00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:13,943 you understand? 209 00:06:13,943 --> 00:06:15,630 There is one person in the family 210 00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:17,490 who don't get involved in drug dealing. 211 00:06:17,490 --> 00:06:19,230 I don't do no drugs, sell no drugs, 212 00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:20,063 who told you that, man? 213 00:06:20,063 --> 00:06:21,020 I don't know what you're talking about. 214 00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:23,057 Is that true? 215 00:06:23,057 --> 00:06:24,450 Do you think I've lost weight, though, 216 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,780 'cos I'd been doing sit-ups and crunches and that, like. 217 00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:28,988 Don't be stupid. 218 00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:30,803 Kareema is here. 219 00:06:30,803 --> 00:06:31,636 Whoa, whoa. 220 00:06:31,636 --> 00:06:32,940 Listen, wait for me. Wait for me. 221 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,840 Oh, your hair looks lovely from here, you know. 222 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,220 You're giving me stress. 223 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,260 I did a stress test, and it said I'm dead, 224 00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:41,370 pretty much dead because of you. 225 00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:42,408 OK. 226 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,560 Yo, yo, Shahid. 227 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,479 I want to talk to you. - You wa gwan, Mobeen? 228 00:06:48,479 --> 00:06:49,590 Look, I can't stay, man, got to go. 229 00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:50,573 Business and that, yeah. 230 00:06:53,373 --> 00:06:55,740 Kareema, what are you doing hang around with that mug? 231 00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,330 He's mum's cousin's cousin. 232 00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:58,603 What's your problem, Mobeen? 233 00:06:58,603 --> 00:07:00,136 I don't care who he is, yeah? 234 00:07:00,136 --> 00:07:02,220 Stay well away from him, do you understand? 235 00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:03,570 Why? What are you going to do? 236 00:07:03,570 --> 00:07:06,453 Are you going to braid my hair really, really slowly? 237 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:08,853 Maybe I will. 238 00:07:10,717 --> 00:07:12,290 "Maybe I will." 239 00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:15,751 She's weird, man. 240 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:33,000 They won't keep him here for much longer. 241 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,800 That's what Nelson Mandela's wife said. 242 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,543 Look what happened there. 243 00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:41,370 Blud, they don't even give refreshments in here any more. 244 00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,203 Not even a water cooler. 245 00:07:43,203 --> 00:07:44,640 I don't know why I pay my taxes. 246 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,053 You don't pay your taxes. 247 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,670 OK, I don't know why you pay your taxes, then, innit? 248 00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:03,963 You OK, bro? - Hm? 249 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,113 Hey? 250 00:08:07,718 --> 00:08:08,551 Shit! 251 00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:11,726 It's that guy. 252 00:08:11,726 --> 00:08:13,333 What guy? 253 00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:14,513 They call him the Small Heath sex falcon. 254 00:08:15,975 --> 00:08:16,808 Why? 255 00:08:17,661 --> 00:08:21,370 'Cos man swoops in, and he violates tall men 256 00:08:22,530 --> 00:08:24,510 with kind faces. 257 00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:27,570 But, I'm a tall man. 258 00:08:27,570 --> 00:08:28,813 With a kind face. 259 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,310 Hey! 260 00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:34,380 What's going on with you, sir? 261 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,640 Come on, man, no judgment here. 262 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,473 What was it? 263 00:08:36,473 --> 00:08:40,620 Well, I was pretending to be a ghost. 264 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,970 I beg your pardon. 265 00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:44,700 When people went to visit graves, I'd... 266 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:45,900 Oh, never mind. 267 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:46,830 Never mind, "never mind". 268 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:47,790 Go on. 269 00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:49,230 I'd go up behind them. 270 00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:50,310 And? 271 00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:51,177 And go, "Woo." 272 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,450 What's going on in here, man? 273 00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,550 I think Arnold Schwarzenegger's vegan now. 274 00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:03,690 That's how come he's so active, 275 00:09:03,690 --> 00:09:05,389 even though he's so old. 276 00:09:06,990 --> 00:09:09,480 Oh, sharp, boss. 277 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,600 Officer Sajid, you're doing such a good job. 278 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,250 You're a good police officer, you. 279 00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:15,810 Wasting more time on innocent people. 280 00:09:15,810 --> 00:09:16,830 You all right, yeah? - Yeah. 281 00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:18,870 So, listen, watch Terminator Three again, 282 00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:20,520 and then you tell me how it's not the best one 283 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,870 from all the Terminator films. 284 00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,370 That one is the wickedest one. 285 00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:24,810 Have you given him sugar? 286 00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:26,910 I had two digestives and an orange squash. 287 00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:28,110 For goodness' sake! 288 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,100 The guy's a weirdo. 289 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,450 Just get him out of here. 290 00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:31,320 No, can I stay? 291 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,430 Because he proper lets me talk. 292 00:09:32,430 --> 00:09:34,080 Oh, do you want to stay the afternoon? 293 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:34,913 - Yeah. - That's fine. 294 00:09:34,913 --> 00:09:35,746 Yeah, he can stay the afternoon. 295 00:09:35,746 --> 00:09:37,020 What, what is wrong with you? 296 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,490 If I sell drugs, can I come back then? 297 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,860 You're not a drug dealer, you're a baby. 298 00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:41,970 It's OK. 299 00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:43,617 We'll bring him back for a play date another day, yeah? 300 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,090 You fucking piece of shit! 301 00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:46,050 I'm a piece of shit? 302 00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:47,330 Man's putting guns in my face in the middle, 303 00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:48,163 do you understand? 304 00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:49,663 Come on. You all right, yeah? 305 00:09:49,663 --> 00:09:50,496 - Yeah. - Come on, eh. 306 00:09:50,496 --> 00:09:51,960 Mugging man off and that. 307 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,070 Guns in my face in my hood. 308 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,113 Shave that beard off as well. 309 00:09:54,113 --> 00:09:55,380 Fucking terrorist! 310 00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:57,330 Wow, Islamophobia from a Muslim, yeah? 311 00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,270 Officer Sajid, I forgot to mention. 312 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,500 I saw your mum last week. 313 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,760 She still says you're a dickhead! 314 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,080 Get the fuck out of my station! 315 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,570 And you know that ghost, yeah? 316 00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:09,240 He's the sanest motherfucker in this place. 317 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,073 Thank you. 318 00:10:12,837 --> 00:10:14,300 I can't do this job any more. 319 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:17,430 I still don't know why you had to go get him. 320 00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:18,300 What's going to happen to him 321 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:19,620 in-between leaving the police station, 322 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,660 and going home? - Take your pick, yeah. 323 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,190 Getting dog poo in his hair. 324 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,720 Signing up to the Territorial Army. 325 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:25,590 Getting his shoes jacked 326 00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:26,423 by that group of 12-year-old muggers, 327 00:10:26,423 --> 00:10:27,600 do you remember that? 328 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:28,560 No, but them girls... 329 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:29,700 Tell her how vicious them girls were. 330 00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,440 OK, OK, stupid question. 331 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,273 Yeah, it was. 332 00:10:32,273 --> 00:10:34,164 And he's daft and that, yeah. 333 00:10:34,164 --> 00:10:34,997 But, he's like family. 334 00:10:34,997 --> 00:10:36,210 And we look after family, you know that. 335 00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:38,460 Yeah, us'll all do anything for one another. 336 00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:39,810 Because, like, we are, like, brothers. 337 00:10:39,810 --> 00:10:40,920 But, obviously, not the same mum, 338 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,330 but, you know, blood is thicker than water. 339 00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:44,880 - And he is thicker concrete! - Yeah, listen to them. 340 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,170 They know what they're talking about, like, innit? 341 00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:47,280 Like, pay attention. 342 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,810 It's a set of rules that we live by. 343 00:10:48,810 --> 00:10:50,940 We're basically a lovely family. 344 00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:52,050 It's a kind of code. 345 00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:53,940 Yeah, we fall out, 346 00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:56,943 but we never, ever snitch on one another. 347 00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,970 How did you get dog poo in your hair anyways? 348 00:10:59,970 --> 00:11:00,900 What it is, 349 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,940 if you're wearing a hoodie, right, 350 00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:04,890 and someone puts dog poo in the back of your hoodie, 351 00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:06,180 and then you put the hoodie up, 352 00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:07,650 then you've got dog poo in your hair. 353 00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,390 It's obvious now you say it. 354 00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:10,957 That's why I said it. 355 00:11:10,957 --> 00:11:13,350 Mate, did you bring your own cutlery? 356 00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:15,061 Oh, yeah, I always bring this fork. 357 00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,614 Zayn Malik reckons he's from the hood in Bradford. 358 00:11:22,614 --> 00:11:23,447 Really? 359 00:11:23,447 --> 00:11:24,762 Yeah, but I'll knock him spark out. 360 00:11:24,762 --> 00:11:25,595 Yeah, you could. 361 00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:26,663 Hi, just hide these for me, please. 362 00:11:26,663 --> 00:11:28,977 There's a squad car waiting right outside school for me, 363 00:11:28,977 --> 00:11:30,480 and I swear they are following me. 364 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,467 Can't you just throw them away? 365 00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,810 Are you crazy? Shahid would kill me. 366 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:34,643 You're my best mate, 367 00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:35,640 I would do the same for you. 368 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,340 - Just go. - Thank you. 369 00:11:42,638 --> 00:11:43,756 ♪ You know my name ♪ 370 00:11:43,756 --> 00:11:45,089 ♪ I got my fame ♪ 371 00:11:45,089 --> 00:11:47,598 ♪ Now you wanna come and touch on me ♪ 372 00:11:47,598 --> 00:11:48,868 ♪ I ain't changed ♪ 373 00:11:48,868 --> 00:11:50,181 ♪ Name ♪ 374 00:11:50,181 --> 00:11:52,709 ♪ Now you wanna come and touch on me ♪ 375 00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:53,946 ♪ I buy nice things ♪ 376 00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:55,205 ♪ Iced out chains ♪ 377 00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:57,602 ♪ Now you wanna come and touch on me ♪ 378 00:11:57,602 --> 00:11:58,935 ♪ I do my thang ♪ 379 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,211 ♪ That's what I do ♪ 380 00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:02,639 ♪ I do my thang ♪ 381 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,472 It's you, bro. 382 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:04,980 Remember you sold me that laptop, 383 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:05,813 it wasn't a laptop, 384 00:12:05,813 --> 00:12:07,350 it was a dead cat in a bag. 385 00:12:07,350 --> 00:12:08,472 It was the wrong bag. 386 00:12:08,472 --> 00:12:11,647 Oh, you gave me the wrong bag? 387 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:12,570 All right. 388 00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:14,370 Don't mess me about next time, yeah? 389 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:29,124 Mobeen. 390 00:12:33,630 --> 00:12:34,463 Bloody hell. 391 00:12:36,115 --> 00:12:38,880 Aqsa, you know according to this documentary here, 392 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:39,990 now, yeah. 393 00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:43,410 Strawberry milkshakes contain an ingredient 394 00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:47,505 that comes from the bum gland of a beaver. 395 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:48,338 The bum gland of a beaver. 396 00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:49,950 Who is even up the beaver's bum, 397 00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:52,690 looking for ingredients in the first place? 398 00:12:52,690 --> 00:12:53,773 Unbelievable. 399 00:12:55,402 --> 00:12:56,235 Aks. Aks. 400 00:12:58,101 --> 00:12:59,274 What? 401 00:12:59,274 --> 00:13:00,630 Would you drink strawberry milkshake 402 00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:02,491 with all these bum glands in there? 403 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,090 I'm good, thanks. 404 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:05,590 Yeah, same here. 405 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,540 Blowing my mind, this is. 406 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:10,680 Come here and watch it with me, man. 407 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,806 You probably need this info for your GCSEs, come. 408 00:13:13,806 --> 00:13:16,028 Aqsa. 409 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:16,997 Aqsa! 410 00:13:21,794 --> 00:13:22,627 All right, all right, 411 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:24,533 you don't have to drink it if you don't want to. 412 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,100 Why has Kareema even got these in the first place? 413 00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:34,620 Oh, shite... 414 00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:36,330 I just did what I thought you would have done 415 00:13:36,330 --> 00:13:37,839 for Eight and Nate. 416 00:13:37,839 --> 00:13:38,672 I helped her. 417 00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:41,880 We don't snitch on our own people. 418 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,190 That's the rule. - No! It's not... 419 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,023 Well, it... 420 00:13:46,424 --> 00:13:48,030 I mean, yeah, but... 421 00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:49,530 I'm sorry, it's my fault, OK? 422 00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,120 Just don't cry. 423 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:51,953 Don't cry, OK? 424 00:13:51,953 --> 00:13:52,810 It's not your fault. 425 00:13:54,928 --> 00:13:56,220 I have to fix this, all right? 426 00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:58,320 Just wait until I get back, lock the door. 427 00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:34,683 Mobeen's going after Shahid. 428 00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:37,250 Do you know what this means? 429 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,551 Fight! 430 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,453 Yo, wa gwan, Mobeen? 431 00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:48,360 Keep this filth away from Kareema, 432 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,190 and you even look in the direction of my little sister. 433 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,023 You'll what? 434 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,500 Yeah, this ain't your game any more. 435 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,460 You retired. 436 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:54,293 So what? 437 00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,126 You just want to be an imam by day, 438 00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:56,763 and a road man by night? 439 00:14:58,350 --> 00:15:00,780 It's a shame about your sister, you know. 440 00:15:00,780 --> 00:15:02,250 She'd have made a good little drug dealer. 441 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,570 Real ting. 442 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,740 I ain't scared of you, Mobeen. 443 00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:06,243 What are you gonna do? 444 00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,240 What am I gonna do? 445 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,365 Yeah? 446 00:15:10,365 --> 00:15:11,940 What are you gonna do, Mobeen? 447 00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:12,773 What am I gonna do? 448 00:15:12,773 --> 00:15:13,856 I'll show you what I'm gonna do. 449 00:15:13,856 --> 00:15:14,951 Come here. I'm gonna show you. 450 00:15:14,951 --> 00:15:17,480 Take that. 451 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,652 Take this leek right in your face. 452 00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:21,830 Do you like bananas? 453 00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:22,663 How about it? 454 00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:23,708 I'm going to give you your five a day today. 455 00:15:23,708 --> 00:15:24,541 You'll get your five a day today. 456 00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:25,449 I'm allergic to kiwis. 457 00:15:25,449 --> 00:15:26,534 Oh, are you? 458 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,043 Yeah, don't, man, don't! 459 00:15:28,043 --> 00:15:31,416 Yes! 460 00:15:31,416 --> 00:15:32,583 Take the kiwi! 461 00:15:34,591 --> 00:15:38,133 Yes! 462 00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:39,300 That was sick! 463 00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:41,040 Check you out, you were like Dhalsim. 464 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,050 You proper turned him into a fruit salad, innit? 465 00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:44,351 Are you all right? 466 00:15:44,351 --> 00:15:45,184 Mo! Mo! - What? 467 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,130 Bro, I stopped recording, can you do that again? 468 00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:54,840 Who's paying for all these fruits? 469 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,226 His mum's gonna have to pay for it, innit? 470 00:15:59,946 --> 00:16:01,029 Oh, fuck... 471 00:16:03,809 --> 00:16:06,047 Not Harper again. 472 00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:08,280 I'm gonna ask for a chocolate digestive this time. 473 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,870 Is that important right now? 474 00:16:09,870 --> 00:16:11,580 Thank you for giving me a genuine reason 475 00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:12,780 to take you down to the station. 476 00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:13,680 And what's that reason? 477 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:14,513 You didn't see me do... 478 00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:16,470 I haven't done anything to see. 479 00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:17,303 Tell him I didn't do anything. 480 00:16:17,303 --> 00:16:18,663 What about the fight? 481 00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:20,790 No, he didn't do anything. 482 00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:22,200 Officer Harper, just listen, listen. 483 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,697 Have I done anything, though? 484 00:16:23,697 --> 00:16:25,514 There was a man lying in fruit. 485 00:16:25,514 --> 00:16:27,109 That is enough. 486 00:16:27,109 --> 00:16:28,377 Are you going to kill a man or what? 487 00:16:28,377 --> 00:16:29,560 - Not yet. - Don't kill him. 488 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,048 What do you mean "not yet"? 489 00:16:31,048 --> 00:16:32,093 What's that supposed to mean? 490 00:16:32,093 --> 00:16:34,732 No, hold on, I didn't do anything. 491 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,478 Did you see me do anything? 492 00:16:36,478 --> 00:16:37,311 Did you see man do- 493 00:16:37,311 --> 00:16:39,319 Ask for digestive biscuits! 494 00:16:39,319 --> 00:16:41,972 Get in. 495 00:16:41,972 --> 00:16:44,016 Mobeen! 496 00:16:44,016 --> 00:16:45,707 I didn't do anything. 497 00:16:45,707 --> 00:16:46,540 Step back, or I'll gas you. 498 00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:47,700 I didn't do anything. 499 00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,250 Why is he covered in bananas? 500 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,300 Because he likes salad. 501 00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:52,270 That's a likely story. 502 00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:53,219 Put that phone down. 503 00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,140 Officer, please, you have to let me go, man. 504 00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:14,190 They are going to take her away from me. 505 00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:15,023 Please, man. 506 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,020 Officer, please, man, there's nobody else at home. 507 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,083 - Out. - What? 508 00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:26,123 Get out. 509 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,220 You're an absolute waste of fucking time. 510 00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:30,090 What is it? 511 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:34,347 He won't admit it was you that gave him an 'iding. 512 00:17:34,347 --> 00:17:36,330 You lot and your bullshit code. 513 00:17:36,330 --> 00:17:37,716 I don't know why I'm taking these off, 514 00:17:37,716 --> 00:17:41,607 I'm sure I'll put you back in them soon enough. 515 00:17:41,607 --> 00:17:42,826 Am I good to go? 516 00:17:42,826 --> 00:17:44,409 Piss off, Mobeen. 517 00:17:50,162 --> 00:17:51,412 Come here, Aks. 518 00:17:53,422 --> 00:17:54,339 Are you OK? 519 00:17:55,383 --> 00:17:56,433 Come over here, man! 520 00:18:01,115 --> 00:18:01,948 What? 521 00:18:03,267 --> 00:18:05,370 You all right? 522 00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:07,623 Oi! Who did this to my fruit? 523 00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:11,010 Eight did it. 524 00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:12,870 No more paper round for you. 525 00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:14,640 Do you do a paper round here? 526 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,473 Sometimes. 527 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,820 Listen, man, people can say what they like 528 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:24,960 about Small Heath. 529 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:25,793 I love living here, man. 530 00:18:25,793 --> 00:18:27,390 They say it's violent all the time and that. 531 00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:28,740 Didn't you have a fight two minutes ago? 532 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,690 Yeah, OK, it was violent then, 533 00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:32,460 but that's because I made it violent, innit? 534 00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:33,450 I'm not going to do that again, 535 00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:34,283 so you ain't got to worry about that. 536 00:18:34,283 --> 00:18:35,580 Ain't that your boy? 537 00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,110 Oh, yeah, it's Drizzee. 538 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:37,943 Good to see you, brother. 539 00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:39,111 He's a good guy. 540 00:18:39,111 --> 00:18:40,222 It is violent. 541 00:18:40,222 --> 00:18:41,340 It's not... 542 00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:43,007 Well, yes, you're right, actually, it's violent. 543 00:18:43,007 --> 00:18:44,338 Do you know why? 544 00:18:44,338 --> 00:18:45,508 'Cos of them. 545 00:18:45,508 --> 00:18:46,967 Geeses? 546 00:18:46,967 --> 00:18:48,060 Yeah, geese. 547 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,200 Yeah, get that right. - Geese! 548 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,033 Yeah, man, 549 00:18:50,033 --> 00:18:52,320 people think Small Heath's violent and that it's dangerous, 550 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,740 worried about gang-related crime and that. 551 00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,830 Bruv, you want to worry about goose-related crime. 552 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:57,630 That's claimed the most lives in Small Heath this year. 553 00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,275 That's how violent they are. 554 00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:00,472 So if they attack me, 555 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,389 I'll be able to throw fruit them, yeah? 556 00:19:02,389 --> 00:19:03,222 If they attack you, 557 00:19:03,222 --> 00:19:04,365 throw what you like out of them, mate, 558 00:19:04,365 --> 00:19:05,198 they're dangerous. 559 00:19:05,198 --> 00:19:07,077 Oi! Stop that! 560 00:19:07,077 --> 00:19:09,363 Not now, where did you get that from? 561 00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:11,700 Uh, well... 562 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:12,720 Did you rob that from the... 563 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,100 Put it away, I'm paying tomorrow. 564 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:15,390 It's one of my five-a-days. 565 00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:16,800 Yeah, stolen one of your five-a-days, 566 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,350 there's no nutrients in that, is there? 567 00:19:19,350 --> 00:19:20,850 So you're telling me you're scared of geese? 568 00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:21,810 I'm not scared of the geese, 569 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:22,920 I'm just cautious around the geese. 570 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:23,753 Do you know what I mean? 571 00:19:23,753 --> 00:19:25,258 Why are we walking faster? 572 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:27,623 How many times? 573 00:19:27,623 --> 00:19:29,140 Don't make that noise, they'll come over here. 574 00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:30,485 Can you stop doing that? 575 00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:32,946 He's looking this way now. 576 00:19:34,176 --> 00:19:35,279 Aks, can you stop that? 577 00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:37,012 I've been diagnosed with ornithophobia. 578 00:19:37,012 --> 00:19:37,919 Stop that! 39042

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