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1
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:05,419
Congratulations,
Hudson High class of 2004.
2
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:23,936
There she is.
Fiona!
3
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,341
Bye.
4
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,109
Hey.
Hey!
5
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,811
Hey, you.
6
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,785
Congratulations, graduate.
Thanks, baby.
7
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,287
And congratulations
to you, Cooper.
8
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,921
Aw. Thanks, baby!
9
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,324
Nice try.
10
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,034
All right. See you at
Wade's party tonight?
11
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,260
See you then.
12
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,399
So, it's just you and me
for the entire summer.
13
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,767
Next year you graduate,
join me at college.
14
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:54,801
Just like we planned.
15
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,670
Scott, we need to talk.
16
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,938
Yeah? About what?
17
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,474
About me dumping you.
18
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,276
Huh?
19
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,744
There he is!
20
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,947
The graduate and his
beautiful girlfriend. Okay?
21
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,450
Smile, you two!
22
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,720
Action!
Dad, Mom, Grandma...
23
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,423
Uncle Moke... Uh...
24
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,890
I'm gonna need
a minute here, okay?
25
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,436
What do you mean,
you're dumping me?
26
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,994
Scott, I just can't take
27
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,931
all the lying and cheating
on each other anymore.
28
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,767
What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.
29
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,636
I know. That's what
makes this so hard.
30
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,404
You're looking good, you guys.
31
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,173
Scotty, it's not you.
32
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,375
It's me.
33
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,347
There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.
34
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,948
You're just so...
35
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,017
...predictable.
Smile!
36
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,954
So, that's it.
37
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,689
Here's your letter jacket back.
38
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:49,757
Goodbye.
39
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,793
This isn't mine.
40
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,067
She's a keeper, huh?
Oh, wow.
41
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:01,902
Oh, my God.
42
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,639
Fiona!
43
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,914
Let's see that again.
44
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,453
Fiona!
45
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,989
This is just so brutal.
46
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,858
And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.
47
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,096
Fiona!
Bert, get out of here.
48
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,832
Okay. See you.
49
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,701
All right.
Stay black, Bert.
50
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,104
"Fiona!"
51
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,640
Mail, motherfucker!
52
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,074
Hey, I got one from Mieke.
53
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,214
"Happy herzlichen."
54
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,250
You still writing that guy?
I thought that was just for German class.
55
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,986
It was at first,
but we're actually becoming good friends.
56
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,723
He's a really cool guy.
57
00:05:55,756 --> 00:06:00,794
"Dear Mieke, greetings from
your American pen pal."
58
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,563
Scotty, Girl Scouts
have pen pals.
59
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,898
Listen to yourself, all right?
60
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,470
You met a "cool guy"
on the "internet."
61
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,539
This is how these
sexual predators work.
62
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,475
Next thing you know,
he'll want to "arrange a meeting"
63
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,545
where he will gas you,
stuff you in the back of his van,
64
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,258
and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.
65
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,659
Come on, let's go to Wade's.
All right.
66
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,652
Screw it.
Let's go.
67
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,354
I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.
68
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,989
Auf Wiedersehen, Mieke.
69
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,806
What's up, losers?
What's up, Jenny?
70
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,240
What's up, dude?
71
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,342
Sorry to hear about Fiona.
She's a whore.
72
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,011
That's very sweet of you.
Thanks.
73
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,713
Enough Fiona talk.
74
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,748
Look around. There's
gotta be 100 drunk girls.
75
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,884
We should try to have sex
with every one of 'em.
76
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,418
Hello? Mixed company?
77
00:06:58,952 --> 00:06:59,952
What?
78
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,656
I'm a girl!
No, you're not.
79
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:04,458
You're just a cool guy
with long hair.
80
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,026
So, where's your
evil twin brother?
81
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,160
Jenny!
82
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,129
There he is.
83
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,634
Hey, Jamie.
In fine form, I see.
84
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,470
Why'd you
get me gin and tonic?
85
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:19,272
I hate gin.
You do?
86
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,141
You guys are
the worst twins ever!
87
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,913
Chug! Chug!
88
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,852
When are you guys taking off?
Tomorrow morning.
89
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:35,088
Hey, Wade!
Great party, bud.
90
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,592
Man, I am so excited!
91
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:41,161
A whole summer,
backpacking around Europe.
92
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,696
You should've come with us
93
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:45,065
instead of working
for Dr. Dad, Scotty!
94
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,568
It's gonna be so awesome!
95
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,738
Yeah. I planned every
detail of the trip
96
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,840
to maximize the fun!
97
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,708
You brought a guidebook
to a party?
98
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,176
Do you wanna see my itinerary?
99
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,611
Do you wanna see my balls?
100
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,224
You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?
101
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,617
Paris!
I can't wait.
102
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,452
Two years ago Nicky Jager's
sister, Debbie,
103
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,220
met a wealthy French guy,
104
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,190
and spent a month sailing the
Mediterranean on his yacht.
105
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:13,561
Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?
106
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,596
Stuck on a boat
with a weird French guy?
107
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,532
That sounds a little gay.
108
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,569
It's not gay.
I'm a girl.
109
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,571
Kinda gay.
A little gay.
110
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,608
All right, I gotta piss
like a pregnant woman.
111
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,579
Hey, listen up, everybody.
112
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,549
Gotta a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.
113
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,185
Going to play
a little song for you
114
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:42,055
about the nastiest, freakiest
little sex puppet I know...
115
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,725
Fiona.
116
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,134
This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.
117
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:03,543
♪ Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me
118
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:06,013
♪ Do it in my van every Sunday
119
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,949
♪ She tells him she's in church
but she doesn't go
120
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,586
♪ Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't know
121
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,989
♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't know
122
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,659
♪ So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know
123
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,893
♪ Scotty doesn't know
124
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,834
I hope we're just
as popular in college
125
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,632
as we were in high school.
126
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,066
- We will be.
- I know.
127
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,902
Who needs
more Chablis?
128
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,898
Candy, wanna come with?
No, I'll stay here.
129
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,645
Well, there's your
R-rating right there.
130
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,449
Whoops!
131
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,185
Holy cow!
132
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,320
Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car!
133
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,792
♪ I can't believe
he's so trusting
134
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:58,365
♪ While I'm right
behind you thrusting
135
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,801
♪ 'Cause Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
136
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,670
Cooper Harris, you're a pig!
137
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,272
Uh... Candy, you should clean
that off before you go.
138
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,608
Clean what off?
139
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,082
You've got a little
something on you.
140
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,247
Where?
141
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,683
Right there.
142
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,786
It's like a smudge,
or something.
143
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,689
Where?
144
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,226
It's like dirt, or something.
Just go like this.
145
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,361
Is it off?
146
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,364
No. Keep rubbing it.
147
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:41,775
♪ I did it with her
on his birthday
148
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:44,778
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
149
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:47,614
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
150
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,383
♪ Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know
151
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,987
Mmm-hmm...
Mmm-hmm...
152
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,790
No, it's just not coming off.
153
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,293
What is it?
154
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,696
It may be tree sap or something.
Try pinching it.
155
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,035
No, it's just not coming off
I'll tell you what.
156
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,703
Lick your fingers.
Get some saliva going.
157
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,304
Like this?
158
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,006
Yeah.
159
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,411
Again, not enough saliva.
160
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,260
Is it off yet?
Fine, I'll do it.
161
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,293
Come here.
162
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,864
Oh, my God! Candy!
163
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,832
Cooper!
164
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:41,935
Hey...
165
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,838
This isn't where
I parked my car.
166
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,777
♪ Scotty doesn't know
167
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,087
Hey.
168
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,756
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
169
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,193
This band rocks!
170
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,428
Yeah!
171
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,087
Mail, motherfucker!
172
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,263
Hey, Mieke.
173
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,932
"Dear Scott,
174
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,633
"I was very sad to hear
175
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:49,202
"about your lady woman
Fiona dumping you.
176
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,238
"Since you no longer
have a girlfriend,
177
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,140
"maybe I could come to America
178
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,933
"and we could get to know
each other better."
179
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,443
"Perhaps we could..."
180
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,212
"Zussamen."
181
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,449
What the fuck is "zussamen"?
182
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:10,790
"Arrange a meeting."
183
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,661
No, no, no! Come on!
Cooper was right.
184
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,054
This guy wants
to have sex with me.
185
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,032
"Listen, Mieke...
186
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,369
"I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you,
187
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,906
"you sick, German freak.
188
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:29,009
"So please keep your hands
off my genitals,
189
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,111
"and never write to me again,
190
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,512
"and don't come to America."
191
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:34,546
"Goodbye."
192
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,488
Ow.
193
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:58,705
I'm never drinking again.
Oh, that's nice.
194
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,444
Bert, what are you doing?
195
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,946
Reading your email.
196
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,180
Don't do that.
197
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,451
Why are you wearing my bathrobe?
198
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,121
Oh, I'm sorry...
199
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,523
But somebody pissed
all over mine last night.
200
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,929
Wow. I can't believe
this German chick
201
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,863
wants to come here
and hook up with you.
202
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,417
I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.
203
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,767
No, it says right here,
204
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,369
"trauriges Madchen."
205
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,905
"I was a sad girl
to hear about Fiona."
206
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:33,573
Fuckin' A, Scott.
207
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,944
I'm taking "Intro to German,"
and even I know that.
208
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,711
Come here.
209
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,014
He sent me a picture, retardo.
210
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:44,484
See? That's a picture of Mieke
and his cute cousin, Jan.
211
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,553
No, retardo.
212
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,888
That's Jan, a man's name,
213
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,323
and that's not "Mike,"
214
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,460
it's "Mieke," a common
German girl's name,
215
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,662
similar to our Michelle.
216
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,065
I hope you wrote her back
and told her to come visit.
217
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,202
You didn't?
218
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,105
You thought she was a guy!
219
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:08,141
I'm getting
the video camera! Ha!
220
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,443
What an asshole!
221
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,112
No.
222
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,579
No.
223
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,648
No!
224
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,682
"Address blocked"?
"Email not delivered."
225
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,384
No... Come on!
226
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,721
Hey, Mom made waffles.
227
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,158
What's going on?
I'm in love with my pen pal.
228
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:00,593
I'm in love with Mieke.
229
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,199
Okay... Okay.
230
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,637
You know what?
I was actually expecting this.
231
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,839
Frankly, I'm flattered
232
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,707
you picked me
to come out to first.
233
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,677
And don't worry about
telling your folks, 'cause...
234
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,112
I think they already know.
235
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,847
No, you idiot.
Mike is a girl.
236
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,382
No, no, I get it.
Yeah.
237
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,417
He's the girl,
and you're the girl,
238
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,353
and sometimes
you're both the girl.
239
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,554
Right?
240
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,658
Right?
That's hot.
241
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,661
But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.
242
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,197
Will you stop? Look, come here.
Look at this picture.
243
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:40,833
Wow. Who's the hot chick?
244
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,970
That's "Mike."
I mean, Mieke.
245
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,773
That's Mieke?
That's who you've been writing to all this time?
246
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,741
Until last night,
247
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:52,712
when I took your advice and told her to
keep her "hands off my genitals."
248
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:55,705
Given what we know now,
that seems like the exact opposite of what you want.
249
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:00,720
This is a total disaster.
250
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,489
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.
251
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,692
Though she is really hot.
252
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,895
You're not listening.
I don't even care what she looks like.
253
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:12,232
Mieke and I had
this incredible bond.
254
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,945
I told her things
I couldn't even tell you.
255
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,437
Like what?
256
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,272
Nothing. It's a figure
of speech, Coop.
257
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,174
No, seriously. What?
Nothing. The point...
258
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,210
You like me better, right?
Listen...
259
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:27,414
This girl is not only smart and funny,
and stunningly beautiful,
260
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,916
but until I screwed up,
she wanted to come
261
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,185
all the way to America,
just to be with me.
262
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,254
So do something about it.
What can I do?
263
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,591
She blocked her email account,
her phone number's not listed.
264
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,385
The only thing I know
is she lives in Berlin.
265
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,727
So go to Berlin.
266
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,133
I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.
267
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,634
Why not?
Because...
268
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,570
I just can't, OK?
269
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,339
I'm supposed to work
for my dad this summer.
270
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,507
It looks good on
my med school application.
271
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,509
Oh, Jesus, Scotty!
272
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,811
Man, Fiona was right.
You're so predictable.
273
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,857
I'm going to Germany.
No...
274
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,759
We're going to Germany.
275
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,512
How are we going
to get to Germany?
276
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,172
Don't worry.
I've got it covered.
277
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,942
We're going
to be couriers?
278
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,711
It's the best way
to get a cheap flight.
279
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,384
All we have to do
is carry their packages,
280
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,013
and then drop them off
when we get there.
281
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,892
My cousin did it
when he went to India.
282
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,518
Yeah?
Yeah.
283
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,289
Of course, he ended up using
a public restroom in New Delhi
284
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:45,425
and they had to cut off his leg.
You know...
285
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,495
But he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.
286
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,831
Okay, I don't have anything
to Germany for a week.
287
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:56,002
But I can get you both
to London today for $118.
288
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,638
Anything else?
Europe is like the size of the Eastwood mall.
289
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,307
We can walk to Berlin
from there.
290
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,243
Cooper, England's an island.
291
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,312
Okay, swim. Whatever.
292
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,280
We'll take it.
293
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,996
Hey.
Hmm?
294
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,998
Thanks for coming with me.
295
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,943
I know you had that internship at the
law firm this summer.
296
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,469
Well, forget about the law firm.
297
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,805
And don't thank me.
I should be thanking you.
298
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:37,310
This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me
299
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,512
to broaden my sexual horizons.
300
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,114
What are you talking about?
301
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,916
I'm talking about
crazy European sex.
302
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:44,950
Ah.
303
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,655
You know America
was founded by prudes.
304
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,559
Prudes who left Europe,
because they hated
305
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:55,262
all the kinky,
steamy European sex that was going on.
306
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,866
And now I, Cooper Harris,
307
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:03,470
will return to the land
of my perverted forefathers
308
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:07,674
and claim my birthright,
which is a series
309
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,577
of erotic and sexually
challenging adventures.
310
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,585
You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?
311
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:16,716
It's my passion.
312
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,600
Come on, come on!
313
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,504
The adventure begins.
314
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,507
Welcome to Jolly Old England.
315
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,810
Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, European air.
316
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,547
Oh.
What is that?
317
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,350
It's the phone they gave me
at the law firm.
318
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,851
Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?
319
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:52,884
Works anywhere.
Yeah?
320
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:54,854
Excuse me.
321
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,390
Cooper here.
322
00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,326
Hello, Mr. Walters.
323
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,261
Yes, sir, I'm down
in file storage.
324
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,731
Um, hang on one second.
325
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,440
No, sir, I can't find
the Gutterman file anywhere.
326
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,442
Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.
327
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:16,976
I don't rest until I find it.
328
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,923
Didn't tell your boss
you were leaving the country?
329
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,049
They would've stopped paying me.
It seemed easier.
330
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,786
So, where to?
I don't know.
331
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,631
First bus to Berlin doesn't
leave till tomorrow morning.
332
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,123
What do you wanna do?
Got the Tower of London...
333
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,359
There's Buckingham Palace.
334
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,862
Uh...
There's no drinking age.
335
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,364
There you go!
Come on.
336
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,401
Hey! "The Fiesty Goat."
337
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:46,906
All right!
338
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,008
What do you wanna...
339
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,521
Soccer hooligans.
340
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,795
Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car!
341
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:10,997
Oi!
342
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:13,666
Who the bloody hell are you?
343
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,404
This is a private members bar,
344
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,106
exclusively for the supporters
345
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,074
of the greatest football
team in the world...
346
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:24,544
Manchester United.
347
00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,747
Now please, enlighten me.
348
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:29,949
Who the fuck are you?
349
00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:32,218
That is a good question,
350
00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:33,686
and... Scotty?
351
00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:35,422
Huh?
352
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:41,394
We're the Manchester
United fan club...
353
00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:43,830
From Ohio.
354
00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:47,634
If you're Manchester United
supporters...
355
00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,569
Sing the Manchester United song.
356
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:51,638
Excuse me, I'm sorry...
357
00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:53,573
I'm not much of a singer...
358
00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,443
Sing!
♪ My baby takes
359
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:58,144
♪ The morning train
360
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:03,550
♪ He works from 9 to 5 and then
361
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:08,187
♪ He takes another home again
362
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,122
♪ To find me...
363
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:15,895
Watching the Manchester
United football team!
364
00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:17,464
Eh?
365
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:20,467
The best freakin' team
in all the land! Whoo-hoo!
366
00:23:28,174 --> 00:23:29,442
Pretty good.
367
00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:32,311
Pretty dang good, lads!
Yeah!
368
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:44,256
♪ My baby takes
The morning train
369
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:48,027
♪ He works from 9 To 5 and then
370
00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:51,731
♪ He takes another home again
371
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:56,035
♪ To find me waiting for him
372
00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:59,739
♪ He's always on
that morning train ♪
373
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,377
I've unblocked
your email address,
374
00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:07,814
but this Scott
is not responding.
375
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:11,450
He was the one.
376
00:24:14,554 --> 00:24:16,188
I was going to
give myself to him.
377
00:24:18,024 --> 00:24:20,059
Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else...
378
00:24:24,096 --> 00:24:25,131
Fraulein.
379
00:24:46,619 --> 00:24:48,020
I'm never drinking again.
380
00:24:49,055 --> 00:24:50,857
Coop, wake up.
381
00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:53,259
Oh, man, that was a wild night.
382
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,597
You think?
383
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,707
Scotty, where the hell
are we going?
384
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:09,676
Don't worry.
If anything bad happens,
385
00:25:09,709 --> 00:25:11,077
my parents will find us.
386
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:13,846
Honey, where's Scotty?
387
00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:16,415
Cooper said they were
going camping.
388
00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:18,651
Oh, that's nice.
389
00:25:19,719 --> 00:25:20,887
And where's Bert?
390
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:22,589
Fuck if I know.
391
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:37,737
Hey!
How are you, you scalawag!
392
00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:40,372
Look, given the current
geopolitical climate,
393
00:25:40,406 --> 00:25:42,875
all European countries should
have a seat at the table.
394
00:25:42,909 --> 00:25:45,912
Right.
Except those fucking Ities.
395
00:25:45,945 --> 00:25:47,614
I hate them Italian bastards.
396
00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:50,082
You know what I mean?
Excuse me.
397
00:25:50,116 --> 00:25:51,550
Hello, boyo!
398
00:25:51,584 --> 00:25:53,419
What the hell happened
last night?
399
00:25:53,452 --> 00:25:56,055
You got steamed up,
pissed as a fart.
400
00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:57,323
Too much sauce, son.
401
00:25:58,024 --> 00:25:59,225
Don't worry.
402
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:01,928
We come and got ya so
you wouldn't miss the trip.
403
00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:03,162
What trip?
404
00:26:04,664 --> 00:26:05,965
Where are we going?
405
00:26:05,998 --> 00:26:07,342
What do you mean,
where are we going?
406
00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:10,369
We're going to see the Mighty Reds
do the frogs in Paris.
407
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:11,570
Aren't we, boys?
408
00:26:11,604 --> 00:26:13,072
Yeah!
409
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,008
Why are you yelling at me?
410
00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:18,678
So I tell the swamp donkey
to sock it
411
00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:21,447
before I give her a trunky
in the tradesman's entrance
412
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,182
and have her lick me yardballs!
413
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,754
Wow.
414
00:26:27,787 --> 00:26:30,690
You guys are on like a completely
different level of swearing over here.
415
00:26:30,723 --> 00:26:33,660
Coop? Cooper,
we're going to Paris.
416
00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:34,927
I know.
Cecil told me.
417
00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:38,597
Mieke's in Berlin.
We're not going to Berlin.
418
00:26:38,631 --> 00:26:40,266
What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.
419
00:26:40,299 --> 00:26:43,035
See what I'm talking about?
This is predictable Scotty talking.
420
00:26:44,136 --> 00:26:46,873
Relax. Paris is practically
a suburb of Berlin.
421
00:26:46,906 --> 00:26:49,141
It's a nothing commute.
422
00:26:49,175 --> 00:26:51,053
This is why France and Germany have always been allies.
423
00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:52,078
Allies.
424
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:58,350
The twins. The twins
were in Paris, right?
425
00:26:58,384 --> 00:27:01,253
We could give them a call.
They could help us out. Let me see your phone.
426
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:04,048
All right,
but I'm really only supposed to use
this for business calls.
427
00:27:04,523 --> 00:27:05,825
Hey, don't...
428
00:27:24,176 --> 00:27:27,213
You're on the wrong side of the road,
you snail-eating puffs.
429
00:27:27,246 --> 00:27:30,783
Fuck off! Go on,
you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers!
430
00:27:31,718 --> 00:27:33,352
Piss off!
Get in here and say that,
431
00:27:33,385 --> 00:27:35,321
you froggy Itie shities!
432
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:41,460
Fucking beep!
433
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:44,463
We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!
434
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:45,965
Get out of the way!
Piss off!
435
00:27:54,406 --> 00:27:55,908
Hey, lads!
436
00:27:55,942 --> 00:27:58,310
That wanker's got
a frog football shirt on!
437
00:27:58,344 --> 00:28:01,147
Let's give this Nancy
a fucking good kicking!
438
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,982
Come on, lads, he's going off!
439
00:28:18,630 --> 00:28:20,299
All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.
440
00:28:21,233 --> 00:28:22,468
Look at that!
441
00:28:22,501 --> 00:28:24,070
There they are.
Come on. Jenny!
442
00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,272
Jamie!
Hey!
443
00:28:26,305 --> 00:28:27,506
Come here!
444
00:28:27,539 --> 00:28:28,975
No, no.
No, no, no!
445
00:28:29,008 --> 00:28:31,878
Scott, bienvenue a Paris.
Thank you.
446
00:28:31,911 --> 00:28:34,246
Is that a new camera?
It isn't just a camera,
447
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,515
this is a Leica M7.
448
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,517
Uber-sensitive
exposure settings,
449
00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:40,119
legendary cloth shutter system.
450
00:28:40,152 --> 00:28:43,255
Let me see that thing.
No can do.
451
00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:45,929
I spent the last four years tutoring
lacrosse players to pay for it,
452
00:28:46,625 --> 00:28:49,061
so nobody touches
my camera but me.
453
00:28:49,095 --> 00:28:51,663
So it's like your wiener.
No, it's not like...
454
00:28:51,697 --> 00:28:54,033
Jenny...
Cooper, leave him alone.
455
00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:57,069
Wow, I can't believe you came all the
way to Europe for a girl.
456
00:28:57,103 --> 00:28:59,038
Wait, not just any girl.
457
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,173
Show her the picture, Scotty.
458
00:29:01,207 --> 00:29:03,488
She makes every girl in our high school
look like a walrus.
459
00:29:03,876 --> 00:29:05,577
I'm a girl
from your high school.
460
00:29:05,611 --> 00:29:07,980
No, I mean "girl" girls.
461
00:29:08,014 --> 00:29:09,892
Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.
We're in Paris!
462
00:29:09,916 --> 00:29:11,217
Let's go to the Louvre!
463
00:29:11,784 --> 00:29:13,152
To the Louvre!
464
00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:49,956
So, you guys wanna stay here,
465
00:29:49,989 --> 00:29:52,658
or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower?
466
00:29:52,691 --> 00:29:54,160
Here's a fun fact.
467
00:29:54,193 --> 00:29:56,562
Voltaire contracted syphilis
just two blocks from here.
468
00:29:56,595 --> 00:29:57,864
Should we go?
469
00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,041
Can we please get out of here?
470
00:29:59,065 --> 00:30:01,000
This guy's really
creeping me out.
471
00:30:01,033 --> 00:30:02,935
Who, robot man?
472
00:30:02,969 --> 00:30:04,871
He's just trying to feed
his robot family.
473
00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:07,006
I really don't like him.
Why?
474
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:08,774
Because he's doing this?
475
00:30:11,410 --> 00:30:12,879
Okay, seriously, don't do that.
476
00:30:12,912 --> 00:30:14,914
Cooper. Do not hate me.
477
00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:20,552
I am familiar with
over 600 dance moves
478
00:30:20,586 --> 00:30:21,888
and I am programmed to get...
479
00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:27,525
Freaky.
480
00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:42,541
You're just upset because
people like me better.
481
00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:43,642
It's okay.
482
00:31:09,435 --> 00:31:10,435
Oh!
483
00:31:23,849 --> 00:31:25,017
Fight! Fight!
484
00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:31,090
Break the leg shot!
485
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,002
Ha! Ha! Ha!
486
00:31:48,707 --> 00:31:50,827
Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.
Don't look in his eyes!
487
00:31:56,615 --> 00:31:58,184
Ohhh!
That was not cool.
488
00:32:23,809 --> 00:32:25,344
Oh!
489
00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:31,283
Guys, let's go.
Come on.
490
00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:38,157
Error! Error! Error!
491
00:32:40,059 --> 00:32:42,228
How cool is this?
492
00:32:42,261 --> 00:32:44,363
It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.
493
00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:47,433
Why don't you come to Berlin?
Umm, no.
494
00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:50,502
Jamie, come on. In a few months,
we all go to different colleges.
495
00:32:50,536 --> 00:32:53,176
This could be the last chance the four
of us are together like this.
496
00:32:53,872 --> 00:32:55,607
Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?
497
00:32:56,875 --> 00:32:58,444
This should be
the trip of a lifetime.
498
00:32:58,477 --> 00:33:00,246
There's no way
we should split up.
499
00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,449
All right, this table
is now Europe, okay?
500
00:33:05,384 --> 00:33:06,384
Excuse me.
501
00:33:07,086 --> 00:33:09,721
We are right here, in Paris,
502
00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:12,258
and I have got to get to Mieke,
503
00:33:12,291 --> 00:33:14,860
who is over here, in Berlin.
504
00:33:14,893 --> 00:33:16,962
If you come with us,
I'm sure there's a ton
505
00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,530
of great stuff to see
along the way.
506
00:33:20,099 --> 00:33:22,934
We can go to Denmark.
I love Denmark.
507
00:33:22,968 --> 00:33:25,104
We gotta hit Amsterdam.
Definitely.
508
00:33:26,038 --> 00:33:27,573
And the cathedral at Cameret!
509
00:33:30,176 --> 00:33:32,044
Yeah...
Maybe. We'll see.
510
00:33:32,078 --> 00:33:33,745
Whatever.
If there's time.
511
00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:38,455
Come on! I really want you
to be there when I meet Mieke.
512
00:33:39,318 --> 00:33:40,552
Fine.
513
00:33:40,586 --> 00:33:41,586
Excellent!
All right!
514
00:33:42,154 --> 00:33:43,422
A toast!
Yes!
515
00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:46,792
To Mieke!
To Europe!
516
00:33:47,659 --> 00:33:48,659
To Europe!
517
00:33:49,495 --> 00:33:50,496
Merci.
518
00:33:52,164 --> 00:33:54,866
Berlin, here we come!
All right.
519
00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:56,100
Better let me hold on to those.
520
00:34:01,006 --> 00:34:02,974
What the hell is that?
521
00:34:03,008 --> 00:34:04,676
It's a traveler's money belt.
522
00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:06,254
Frommer's says as long
as you have one of these,
523
00:34:06,278 --> 00:34:07,779
no one can rob you of anything.
524
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,116
Except your dignity.
525
00:34:10,149 --> 00:34:11,450
No, you just put that in your...
526
00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:13,551
Wait... What?
527
00:34:14,686 --> 00:34:16,222
Come on, guidebook.
Let's go.
528
00:34:19,425 --> 00:34:20,559
Check it out.
529
00:34:21,127 --> 00:34:22,494
European ass.
530
00:34:25,597 --> 00:34:26,698
What's up?
531
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,304
Oh, Jesus, Jenny.
I thought you were some...
532
00:34:33,872 --> 00:34:35,407
...girl. Come on.
Platform 4.
533
00:34:36,308 --> 00:34:37,376
Thanks.
534
00:34:39,611 --> 00:34:40,611
Damn!
535
00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,130
I believe this is yours.
536
00:34:50,122 --> 00:34:51,290
Pleased to meet you.
537
00:34:51,790 --> 00:34:53,459
My name is Christoph.
538
00:34:53,492 --> 00:34:55,461
- Jenny, let's go!
- Move it!
539
00:34:57,163 --> 00:34:59,898
Those are my friends.
We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin...
540
00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:01,533
Jenny!
I'm coming!
541
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:04,703
So, it was really nice
to meet you.
542
00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:07,139
The pleasure was all mine...
543
00:35:09,141 --> 00:35:10,376
Jennifer.
544
00:35:55,221 --> 00:35:57,956
♪ Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me
545
00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:00,392
♪ Do it in my van on Sundays
546
00:36:00,426 --> 00:36:01,760
♪ Tells him she's...
547
00:36:01,793 --> 00:36:02,793
What?
548
00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:06,164
You gotta admit,
it's a really catchy tune.
549
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:12,003
♪ Tells him she's in church
but she doesn't go
550
00:36:12,037 --> 00:36:15,774
♪ Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't know
551
00:36:15,807 --> 00:36:17,476
♪ Scotty doesn't know
552
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:18,844
♪ Scotty doesn't...
Buongiorno.
553
00:36:23,315 --> 00:36:24,383
Buongiorno.
554
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:35,661
You know, there are a lot
of other empty compartments.
555
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,027
Huh?
556
00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:39,498
Ah! Si...
557
00:36:39,898 --> 00:36:41,199
Si.
558
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:15,434
Pardon me.
559
00:37:15,867 --> 00:37:16,867
Eh?
560
00:37:18,304 --> 00:37:19,505
Ohhh...
561
00:37:20,005 --> 00:37:21,005
Scusi.
562
00:37:22,641 --> 00:37:23,709
Mi scusi.
563
00:37:48,867 --> 00:37:49,868
Hi.
564
00:37:50,736 --> 00:37:51,770
Buongiorno.
565
00:38:04,082 --> 00:38:05,851
What the hell are you doing?
566
00:38:05,884 --> 00:38:07,653
Mi scusi, mi scusi.
567
00:38:07,686 --> 00:38:09,488
No! No, no, no!
568
00:38:09,521 --> 00:38:11,323
Mi scusi, mi scusi, mi scusi.
569
00:38:11,357 --> 00:38:12,758
Uh-oh.
What?
570
00:38:13,158 --> 00:38:14,393
Big tunnel.
571
00:38:17,996 --> 00:38:19,931
Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?
572
00:38:21,567 --> 00:38:23,068
Who's touching me?
Scotty?
573
00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:30,376
Oh!
574
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:33,512
Scusi.
575
00:38:56,902 --> 00:38:57,936
Buongiorno.
576
00:39:06,912 --> 00:39:08,814
Crans Sur Mer.
We change trains here.
577
00:39:11,483 --> 00:39:13,519
Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.
578
00:39:14,319 --> 00:39:15,987
What's there to see
in this town?
579
00:39:16,021 --> 00:39:19,190
Hello? The
Monument des Poissonnieres.
580
00:39:19,224 --> 00:39:22,661
It's a monument to all the local
fishermen who were lost at sea.
581
00:39:22,694 --> 00:39:25,397
Frommer's says it's supposed
to be... "Quite moving."
582
00:39:25,431 --> 00:39:28,867
What the hell is wrong
with you, C-3PO?
583
00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:30,836
We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.
584
00:39:32,103 --> 00:39:33,672
I'm taking a nap.
585
00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:35,741
Wake me up when
the train gets here.
586
00:39:35,774 --> 00:39:38,877
Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.
587
00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:41,680
All right, we can't all
just lie around all day.
588
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,282
We gotta get out there and experience the culture firsthand.
589
00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:45,551
Let's go exploring!
590
00:39:49,421 --> 00:39:50,989
So, what's the etiquette
on boners?
591
00:39:51,957 --> 00:39:53,859
Do I roll over and dig out
a hole for it,
592
00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:55,894
or is it cool to just
let my flag fly?
593
00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:58,464
Wait, wait.
594
00:39:59,631 --> 00:40:02,000
Does "nude beach" mean
we have to get naked, too?
595
00:40:02,033 --> 00:40:03,802
Of course.
596
00:40:03,835 --> 00:40:05,537
Do you think you can go an hour
597
00:40:05,571 --> 00:40:07,739
without your currency
colostomy bag?
598
00:40:07,773 --> 00:40:10,976
As long as this thing has our money and passports in it,
599
00:40:11,009 --> 00:40:14,245
it's not coming off,
and my trunks won't come off, either.
600
00:40:14,279 --> 00:40:15,947
Come on.
601
00:40:15,981 --> 00:40:18,049
You came all the way to Europe.
602
00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:19,150
Can't wimp out now.
603
00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:23,254
Okay.
604
00:40:23,288 --> 00:40:24,923
All right,
on the count of three.
605
00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:26,124
Here we go.
606
00:40:26,157 --> 00:40:28,293
Three, two, one...
607
00:40:28,326 --> 00:40:30,562
Look at Jamie's penis!
608
00:40:30,596 --> 00:40:32,363
Very funny.
Very funny.
609
00:40:32,397 --> 00:40:33,665
All right.
610
00:40:35,634 --> 00:40:38,470
Let the crazy European
sex odyssey begin.
611
00:40:38,504 --> 00:40:39,505
Here we go.
Really?
612
00:40:39,538 --> 00:40:40,639
Yes.
Mmm-hmm.
613
00:40:44,242 --> 00:40:47,746
Hello, ladies!
614
00:40:53,051 --> 00:40:55,521
Ladies?
Bitches?
615
00:41:02,894 --> 00:41:05,764
Ew! What a rip!
There's no nude girls here,
616
00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,966
just guys like us
looking for nude girls.
617
00:41:07,999 --> 00:41:09,067
I don't understand.
618
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:13,404
"Crans Sur Mer has one of the best
nude beaches on the continent.
619
00:41:13,438 --> 00:41:14,773
"However...
620
00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:20,478
"During the summer,
the European women
621
00:41:20,512 --> 00:41:22,748
"are chased away
by gawking male tourists,
622
00:41:22,781 --> 00:41:25,083
"so Europe's most
nubile exhibitionists
623
00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:26,193
"head to the deserted beach
624
00:41:26,217 --> 00:41:28,554
"next to the Monument
des Poissonnieres."
625
00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:48,740
There's so many penises.
626
00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:51,843
Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.
627
00:41:51,877 --> 00:41:54,045
This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.
628
00:41:54,079 --> 00:41:56,481
It's the international
house of sausage.
629
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:57,849
Hey!
630
00:41:59,585 --> 00:42:01,086
Thanks for waiting.
631
00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:03,889
You're not missing anything.
It's all guys.
632
00:42:05,657 --> 00:42:06,925
At least the sun's out.
633
00:42:13,231 --> 00:42:15,000
♪ Dreams come true
634
00:42:25,744 --> 00:42:28,213
♪ I made my dreams come true
635
00:42:29,848 --> 00:42:32,050
♪ My dreams come true
636
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,688
Holy crap!
637
00:42:36,722 --> 00:42:38,556
What? I thought this
was a nude beach.
638
00:42:39,357 --> 00:42:40,357
No!
639
00:42:46,464 --> 00:42:48,033
- Huh?
- No, no...
640
00:42:48,066 --> 00:42:49,677
What? What are you doing?
Jenny, you gotta cover up.
641
00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:50,969
Cover up, cover up, cover up!
642
00:42:51,002 --> 00:42:52,337
Girl?
643
00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:53,370
Girl!
644
00:42:54,539 --> 00:42:58,043
Ooh, girl.
Girl... Girl.
645
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:01,212
Girl... Girl...
646
00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:02,748
Run!
647
00:43:09,454 --> 00:43:11,522
I'm not gonna make it.
648
00:43:11,556 --> 00:43:13,358
Go on without me.
All right. See ya.
649
00:43:17,528 --> 00:43:19,097
Chica! Chica!
650
00:43:26,638 --> 00:43:28,940
Chica! Chica!
651
00:43:38,917 --> 00:43:41,352
Are you reading Mieke's
old emails again?
652
00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:42,821
Yeah.
653
00:43:45,356 --> 00:43:48,626
I have no idea what I'm going to say
to that girl when I see her.
654
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:51,830
You know, she said
I might be the one?
655
00:43:53,098 --> 00:43:54,232
That's huge.
656
00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,002
I've never been
"the one" before.
657
00:43:58,737 --> 00:44:02,307
Thought I was "the one" With Fiona,
but turns out I was, what, 101?
658
00:44:02,340 --> 00:44:03,675
200.
200!
659
00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:07,612
Look, you got nothing
to worry about.
660
00:44:07,645 --> 00:44:10,081
You'll show up and sweep her
off her German feet.
661
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:13,685
Thanks.
662
00:44:21,226 --> 00:44:22,226
Yeah.
663
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:25,130
I will, won't I?
664
00:44:28,734 --> 00:44:30,401
I'm so sad and lonely.
665
00:44:31,136 --> 00:44:33,638
I just wish someone
would show up
666
00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:35,774
and sweep me off my German feet.
667
00:44:36,307 --> 00:44:38,276
Mieke! I'm here.
668
00:44:39,110 --> 00:44:40,812
Scotty!
669
00:44:40,846 --> 00:44:42,781
About that last email.
I'm so sorry...
670
00:44:42,814 --> 00:44:45,250
The past is the past.
You're here now.
671
00:44:46,051 --> 00:44:48,153
I've been saving myself for you.
672
00:44:49,988 --> 00:44:52,290
Let us make love
for one whole month.
673
00:44:56,762 --> 00:44:58,296
Touch me, Scotty.
674
00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:03,101
Okay.
675
00:45:22,087 --> 00:45:23,221
Oh, Scott...
676
00:45:24,689 --> 00:45:26,224
Mi bello.
677
00:45:27,358 --> 00:45:28,426
Mi bello.
678
00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:31,496
Mi bello.
679
00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:35,066
Mi bello.
680
00:45:36,634 --> 00:45:38,069
Mi bello.
681
00:45:44,475 --> 00:45:45,543
Mi scusi.
682
00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:51,149
Mi scusi!
683
00:45:51,917 --> 00:45:55,453
♪ Hot stuff baby this evening
684
00:45:55,486 --> 00:45:57,856
♪ Gotta have some hot stuff
685
00:45:57,889 --> 00:46:00,458
♪ Gotta have some love tonight
686
00:46:00,491 --> 00:46:03,361
♪ Hot stuff
687
00:46:19,410 --> 00:46:21,679
Guys, our train
doesn't leave till morning.
688
00:46:21,712 --> 00:46:23,514
Where will we sleep tonight?
689
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:25,050
What do you
mean, sleep?
690
00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:27,318
We can sleep
on the train tomorrow.
691
00:46:27,352 --> 00:46:30,355
This is the best thing that could've happened.
We're in Amsterdam!
692
00:46:30,388 --> 00:46:32,390
This is the drug and
sex capital of Europe!
693
00:46:33,691 --> 00:46:34,860
Take a look at this.
694
00:46:37,896 --> 00:46:39,931
"Club Vandersexxx."
695
00:46:41,032 --> 00:46:43,734
"The red light district's
hottest sex club."
696
00:46:43,768 --> 00:46:46,071
We have to check it out.
Who's with me?
697
00:46:46,104 --> 00:46:47,138
I'll go.
698
00:46:48,339 --> 00:46:50,775
Fine. Since no one else
is willing to go,
699
00:46:50,808 --> 00:46:52,010
I'll just go myself.
700
00:47:07,458 --> 00:47:08,860
♪ I see
701
00:47:09,995 --> 00:47:12,530
♪ You're waiting for me
702
00:47:13,932 --> 00:47:16,201
This is definitely where
I parked my car.
703
00:47:19,537 --> 00:47:20,538
Hello there.
704
00:47:23,608 --> 00:47:25,843
Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...
705
00:47:25,877 --> 00:47:28,980
Amsterdam's most erotic club,
706
00:47:29,014 --> 00:47:32,283
where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.
707
00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:34,920
Also says I get a free
T-shirt with flyer.
708
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:39,024
He's American.
709
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:44,429
How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes.
710
00:47:45,430 --> 00:47:48,066
A country overrun
with crime and illiteracy.
711
00:47:49,300 --> 00:47:52,170
A country where a man
is forced to make sex
712
00:47:52,203 --> 00:47:54,039
to only one woman at a time,
713
00:47:54,072 --> 00:47:56,607
and one must learn
the woman's name beforehand.
714
00:47:57,642 --> 00:47:59,377
It was horrible.
I know.
715
00:48:00,578 --> 00:48:03,048
But you can come with me...
716
00:48:03,081 --> 00:48:05,583
And let the Vandersexxx begin.
717
00:48:10,455 --> 00:48:14,059
♪ Marijuana in my soul
718
00:48:14,092 --> 00:48:16,027
♪ Your iguana in my hall
719
00:48:16,061 --> 00:48:17,795
I can't believe
we're doing this.
720
00:48:17,828 --> 00:48:20,966
Don't worry.
Hash brownies are totally legal here.
721
00:48:22,667 --> 00:48:25,336
You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.
722
00:48:25,370 --> 00:48:27,939
♪ I like to smoke marijuana
723
00:48:30,675 --> 00:48:32,043
You wanna do this?
Yeah.
724
00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:39,750
Hi.
Hi.
725
00:48:39,784 --> 00:48:42,053
I need a new battery
for my camera...
726
00:48:42,087 --> 00:48:43,989
And while you're at it,
it could use a cleaning.
727
00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:45,655
Wow.
728
00:48:46,958 --> 00:48:48,726
Is that a Leica M6?
729
00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:50,261
Actually, it's an M7.
730
00:48:50,295 --> 00:48:52,030
It's got the built-in
light meter.
731
00:48:53,431 --> 00:48:54,532
It's so beautiful.
732
00:48:55,666 --> 00:48:57,535
So sleek, so powerful.
733
00:48:58,703 --> 00:49:00,471
How's the new lens system?
734
00:49:00,505 --> 00:49:04,009
Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.
735
00:49:05,276 --> 00:49:06,611
You really know your cameras.
736
00:49:08,513 --> 00:49:09,513
And you're very cute.
737
00:49:10,015 --> 00:49:12,150
Me? Really?
738
00:49:13,651 --> 00:49:15,520
I'm going on break.
739
00:49:15,553 --> 00:49:17,513
I was going to step out back
and have a cigarette.
740
00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:19,157
Would you like to join me?
741
00:49:19,991 --> 00:49:21,626
I don't smoke.
742
00:49:22,994 --> 00:49:24,195
Neither do I.
743
00:49:31,769 --> 00:49:33,338
Hold on, hold on.
744
00:49:33,371 --> 00:49:34,405
What is it?
745
00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:36,373
This is great!
746
00:49:37,175 --> 00:49:38,376
You're so innocent.
747
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:42,347
Let's change that...
Shall we?
748
00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,185
What would you like me to do?
749
00:49:47,218 --> 00:49:49,820
Well...
I don't really know...
750
00:49:49,854 --> 00:49:51,414
I guess I really
haven't done that much.
751
00:49:52,657 --> 00:49:56,294
I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars,
752
00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:59,597
and model UN., advanced placement classes,
after-school tutor...
753
00:49:59,630 --> 00:50:01,266
Ah!
754
00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:06,404
Gosh, you really like cameras!
755
00:50:06,437 --> 00:50:10,075
Sometimes, we find our clients are
so overwhelmed with the pleasure,
756
00:50:10,108 --> 00:50:13,044
that they sometimes
scream out, "no,"
757
00:50:13,078 --> 00:50:15,113
when really
they mean "yes."
758
00:50:16,481 --> 00:50:18,616
And this is why
we have the safe word.
759
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,352
The safe word?
760
00:50:22,587 --> 00:50:25,223
If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great,
761
00:50:25,256 --> 00:50:27,058
you just use the safe word.
762
00:50:28,693 --> 00:50:31,562
Until we hear the safe word,
we will not stop.
763
00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:34,365
Yeah, right. Stop.
All right.
764
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,236
We're going
to start slowly,
765
00:50:38,269 --> 00:50:42,407
teasing you with a little
light erotic foreplay.
766
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,175
Whee!
767
00:50:44,209 --> 00:50:47,312
Oh, yes, ladies!
768
00:50:47,978 --> 00:50:50,047
On, on, Vandersexxx!
769
00:50:57,488 --> 00:50:59,190
Hans! Gruber!
770
00:51:03,461 --> 00:51:04,461
Hi.
771
00:51:15,806 --> 00:51:18,876
So, are the girls coming back?
772
00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:21,546
Administer the testicle clamps!
773
00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:23,714
Huh? What? Hey!
774
00:51:30,555 --> 00:51:31,556
Safe word!
775
00:51:39,697 --> 00:51:41,732
What is that?
That's not a word, it's a...
776
00:51:47,738 --> 00:51:48,873
Fluggen!
777
00:51:55,546 --> 00:51:57,248
Okay, Mister,
don't move. Excuse me?
778
00:51:57,282 --> 00:51:59,184
Shut the hell up!
779
00:51:59,217 --> 00:52:01,352
Oh, brother!
Please don't hurt me.
780
00:52:01,386 --> 00:52:04,489
Oh, no... You're fine.
That's good. You're fine.
781
00:52:04,522 --> 00:52:06,324
Give me cash?
You got cash? Give me cash?
782
00:52:06,357 --> 00:52:08,326
Take it all, you dirty girl.
783
00:52:08,959 --> 00:52:10,060
What?
784
00:52:10,094 --> 00:52:11,629
Your wallet!
Focus!
785
00:52:13,598 --> 00:52:15,466
Give it to me.
Oh!
786
00:52:15,933 --> 00:52:17,468
Oh, I love you!
787
00:52:17,902 --> 00:52:19,337
I love you!
788
00:52:20,171 --> 00:52:22,540
I love you!
789
00:52:22,573 --> 00:52:24,742
I love you!
790
00:52:37,087 --> 00:52:38,589
What's so funny?
791
00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:50,201
I'm really hungry.
I think I've got the munchies.
792
00:52:50,868 --> 00:52:51,868
Excuse me.
Huh?
793
00:52:54,272 --> 00:52:57,242
It's hot in here. You hot?
'Cause I'm really hot.
794
00:52:57,275 --> 00:52:59,677
So good.
Okay, I can't breathe! God!
795
00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:01,246
I'm freaking out!
796
00:53:01,279 --> 00:53:03,281
I think we got a bad batch
'cause I'm freaking out.
797
00:53:03,314 --> 00:53:04,782
I can't...
I can't do this.
798
00:53:06,050 --> 00:53:08,719
I saw a gay porno once.
I didn't know until halfway in.
799
00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:13,658
The girls never came.
The girls never came!
800
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,293
I am freaking out!
801
00:53:17,027 --> 00:53:18,496
Everything all right with you?
802
00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:20,365
No, nothing's all right.
803
00:53:20,398 --> 00:53:22,166
You sold us a bad batch
of hash brownies.
804
00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:24,435
You're a bad Rastafarian.
805
00:53:24,469 --> 00:53:26,671
These are not hash brownies.
806
00:53:27,605 --> 00:53:28,605
Hmm?
807
00:53:30,475 --> 00:53:33,444
What was that?
We do not sell hash brownies here.
808
00:53:33,478 --> 00:53:35,246
We're a simple Dutch bakery!
809
00:53:39,717 --> 00:53:41,286
Now put your clothes
back on, white boy!
810
00:53:43,254 --> 00:53:44,422
Ow! Ow! Ow!
811
00:53:46,291 --> 00:53:47,692
"Fluggengegeholen!"
812
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,929
Did you say fluggegecheimen?
813
00:53:51,962 --> 00:53:53,564
Yes! Yes!
814
00:53:53,598 --> 00:53:55,766
For the love of God,
fluggengecheimen!
815
00:53:56,701 --> 00:53:57,802
Are you sure?
816
00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:58,903
Yes, please.
817
00:53:59,937 --> 00:54:00,937
As you wish.
818
00:54:02,707 --> 00:54:04,509
Bring on
the fluggegecheimen!
819
00:54:07,778 --> 00:54:08,778
Wait... What?
820
00:54:10,014 --> 00:54:11,015
Uh-oh.
821
00:54:12,850 --> 00:54:15,252
No, no, no!
I didn't say fluggegecheimen,
822
00:54:15,286 --> 00:54:17,054
I said, uh...
823
00:54:36,874 --> 00:54:38,008
What'd you do last night?
824
00:54:40,578 --> 00:54:41,846
I don't want to talk about it.
825
00:54:43,013 --> 00:54:44,181
What did you guys do?
826
00:54:44,214 --> 00:54:45,650
Don't want
to talk about it.
827
00:54:48,819 --> 00:54:49,819
What is that?
828
00:54:50,855 --> 00:54:51,856
Free T-shirt.
829
00:54:57,161 --> 00:54:58,429
Hey, guys.
830
00:55:00,164 --> 00:55:01,298
What happened to you?
831
00:55:01,799 --> 00:55:02,799
I got robbed.
832
00:55:03,701 --> 00:55:04,702
It was awesome!
833
00:55:07,104 --> 00:55:09,306
All our money,
our passports, our tickets...
834
00:55:09,340 --> 00:55:10,808
Everything, gone!
835
00:55:13,110 --> 00:55:14,945
How the hell could this happen?
836
00:55:14,979 --> 00:55:17,515
We all go to Amsterdam, and
Jamie's the one who hooks up!
837
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,451
For shame!
838
00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:30,961
Oh, that's me.
839
00:55:35,299 --> 00:55:36,567
Coop here. Sorry.
840
00:55:37,234 --> 00:55:39,069
Hello, Mr. Walters.
841
00:55:41,672 --> 00:55:43,674
You never got
the Gutterman file?
842
00:55:43,708 --> 00:55:45,910
I told Humphrey
to give it to you.
843
00:55:45,943 --> 00:55:48,679
That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.
844
00:55:50,415 --> 00:55:52,959
Yes, sir,
I will tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately.
845
00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:53,983
Bye.
846
00:55:56,487 --> 00:55:57,955
This job's killing me.
847
00:56:10,401 --> 00:56:12,437
Uh...
Let me handle this.
848
00:56:13,070 --> 00:56:14,104
I speak bad German.
849
00:56:39,363 --> 00:56:41,398
What did he say?
He said he's driving.
850
00:56:41,432 --> 00:56:42,667
Oh.
Something.
851
00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:43,700
Ja.
852
00:56:48,005 --> 00:56:49,005
Berlin?
853
00:56:58,716 --> 00:57:00,585
Berlin?
Berlin!
854
00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:08,258
He's going to Berlin!
Awesome!
855
00:57:10,928 --> 00:57:12,963
All right! Berlin!
Come on, let's go!
856
00:57:22,239 --> 00:57:23,774
Next stop, Berlin!
857
00:57:46,864 --> 00:57:49,466
Beautiful!
We made it to Berlin.
858
00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:51,736
Ja. Berlin!
859
00:57:57,007 --> 00:57:58,208
Bratislava?
Yeah.
860
00:57:59,143 --> 00:58:00,477
Bratislava!
861
00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,553
Dear sweet
mother of God.
862
00:58:09,453 --> 00:58:11,355
We're in Eastern Europe.
863
00:58:14,258 --> 00:58:15,258
Ew!
864
00:58:38,883 --> 00:58:39,883
Excuse me.
865
00:58:40,818 --> 00:58:42,219
Do you speak any English?
866
00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:45,022
You are Americans?
867
00:58:45,790 --> 00:58:46,790
Yeah.
868
00:58:47,692 --> 00:58:48,859
I love America.
869
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,530
We just get Miami Vice
on television.
870
00:58:54,665 --> 00:58:56,601
Miami Vice is number one
new show.
871
00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,736
Yeah.
872
00:58:58,769 --> 00:59:02,139
Listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.
873
00:59:02,172 --> 00:59:04,541
Do you know if there's
a train coming anytime soon?
874
00:59:04,575 --> 00:59:07,144
Oh, yes, very soon.
They are building it now.
875
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:12,950
Stop! Hammer time!
876
00:59:14,752 --> 00:59:16,721
Enjoy Bratislava!
877
00:59:16,754 --> 00:59:19,356
It's good you came in summer.
878
00:59:19,389 --> 00:59:21,792
In winter, it can get
very depressing.
879
00:59:24,461 --> 00:59:26,573
We gotta figure something out.
How much money do we have?
880
00:59:32,336 --> 00:59:33,336
Frommer's travel tip.
881
00:59:35,305 --> 00:59:36,306
I don't have anything.
882
00:59:37,241 --> 00:59:38,776
What? I got noth...
Fine.
883
00:59:46,083 --> 00:59:47,652
$1.83 American.
884
00:59:48,886 --> 00:59:50,126
What are we gonna get with that?
885
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,996
Gotta love that exchange rate!
886
01:00:00,965 --> 01:00:01,965
Ta.
887
01:00:06,637 --> 01:00:08,773
Hapi djus.
888
01:00:11,776 --> 01:00:13,644
Hmm. Now with less pulp.
889
01:00:15,646 --> 01:00:17,682
Dinner is served.
890
01:00:17,715 --> 01:00:19,315
Would the masters care
for anything else?
891
01:00:19,884 --> 01:00:21,786
Think we're good.
Thanks.
892
01:00:23,153 --> 01:00:25,255
Ah! A nickel!
893
01:00:27,692 --> 01:00:28,959
You see this?
894
01:00:30,194 --> 01:00:31,662
I quit!
895
01:00:33,230 --> 01:00:35,833
I open my own hotel!
896
01:00:44,108 --> 01:00:45,943
So, we got
27 cents left.
897
01:00:46,777 --> 01:00:48,545
What is there to do
in this town?
898
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,221
♪ My Scotty ♪ Scotty, Scotty
899
01:00:58,522 --> 01:01:02,259
♪ Scotty doesn't know
900
01:01:02,292 --> 01:01:03,928
♪ Don't tell Scotty
901
01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:08,432
♪ Scotty doesn't know
902
01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:09,934
This song sounds familiar.
903
01:01:12,937 --> 01:01:14,057
Jenny, lemme check your coat.
904
01:01:20,811 --> 01:01:23,080
Hey!
Jenny!
905
01:01:23,113 --> 01:01:25,883
That outfit is horrible!
Just take it off... Now!
906
01:01:28,786 --> 01:01:30,855
No, but I will let you
buy me a drink.
907
01:01:31,488 --> 01:01:32,723
Excuse me!
908
01:01:35,059 --> 01:01:37,003
You are the woman from the Paris train station,
aren't you?
909
01:01:37,027 --> 01:01:38,796
My name is...
Christoph.
910
01:01:38,829 --> 01:01:39,964
Yes.
911
01:01:40,564 --> 01:01:41,799
What are you doing here?
912
01:01:42,332 --> 01:01:44,068
This is my place.
913
01:01:44,101 --> 01:01:46,370
My family owns many nightclubs throughout Europe.
914
01:01:46,403 --> 01:01:48,803
I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P. room for a drink.
915
01:01:49,173 --> 01:01:50,407
Mmm. Okay.
916
01:01:53,243 --> 01:01:54,244
Bye, Cooper.
917
01:02:01,819 --> 01:02:03,754
What's that?
It's absinthe.
918
01:02:04,688 --> 01:02:06,290
Frommer's says it's
illegal in the States
919
01:02:06,323 --> 01:02:08,893
because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.
920
01:02:08,926 --> 01:02:10,795
They call it
"the green fairy."
921
01:02:18,202 --> 01:02:21,038
My family has a yacht
in the Aegean.
922
01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:23,841
Come with me, Jennifer.
We will sail away together.
923
01:02:24,374 --> 01:02:25,442
Oh, my God!
924
01:02:26,110 --> 01:02:27,577
We will swim with dolphins,
925
01:02:27,611 --> 01:02:29,146
and sip champagne by moonlight.
926
01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:31,081
Oh, my God!
927
01:02:32,382 --> 01:02:34,751
We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.
928
01:02:35,685 --> 01:02:37,287
My wife makes the best sangria.
929
01:02:37,788 --> 01:02:39,223
Wait... What?
930
01:02:39,556 --> 01:02:40,556
Sangria.
931
01:02:41,525 --> 01:02:43,260
You take a good Spanish Rioja,
932
01:02:43,293 --> 01:02:45,295
and you put in slices
of orange, and...
933
01:02:45,329 --> 01:02:47,531
No, wait.
You said you were married?
934
01:02:50,267 --> 01:02:53,037
You just go around Europe sleeping
with every woman you meet?
935
01:02:53,070 --> 01:02:54,972
No, please, Jennifer.
It is not like that.
936
01:02:55,705 --> 01:02:57,041
I also sleep with men.
937
01:03:01,846 --> 01:03:03,326
I gotta say,
I'm not feeling anything.
938
01:03:04,314 --> 01:03:05,816
Me neither.
939
01:03:05,850 --> 01:03:07,151
Sober as a judge.
940
01:03:08,886 --> 01:03:10,254
How 'bout you?
941
01:03:10,287 --> 01:03:12,089
I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.
942
01:03:12,756 --> 01:03:14,758
This absinthe is bullshit!
943
01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:16,126
I hear you, my brother.
944
01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:17,895
I'm outta here.
945
01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:20,730
Excuse me.
946
01:03:20,764 --> 01:03:23,200
Hey, so where's Christoph?
Shut up.
947
01:03:45,222 --> 01:03:47,191
- Europe!
- Europe!
948
01:03:47,224 --> 01:03:49,026
- Whoo!
- Europe!
949
01:04:05,009 --> 01:04:06,310
So, tomorrow, Berlin.
950
01:04:06,877 --> 01:04:08,145
Tomorrow, Mieke!
951
01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:16,452
Check it out.
952
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:19,289
No way!
953
01:04:19,323 --> 01:04:21,625
Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
Goddamn it!
954
01:04:23,527 --> 01:04:25,695
It's just so unfair.
I've been all over the place
955
01:04:25,729 --> 01:04:28,198
looking for crazy European sex,
and he's the one who ends up...
956
01:04:28,933 --> 01:04:30,467
Oh, my God!
957
01:04:35,305 --> 01:04:37,074
That is some pretty
fucked-up shit.
958
01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:44,214
Can you say, "What the fuck
did I do last night?"
959
01:04:58,495 --> 01:05:01,431
They really are
the worst twins ever.
960
01:05:29,326 --> 01:05:31,261
That was a pretty
wild night, eh?
961
01:05:32,929 --> 01:05:34,931
Yep. Pretty wild,
pretty wild.
962
01:05:38,035 --> 01:05:39,336
I know I was out of control.
963
01:05:40,137 --> 01:05:41,571
How about you guys?
Did you...
964
01:05:41,605 --> 01:05:43,673
All right, look.
We were really drunk,
965
01:05:44,808 --> 01:05:46,643
things got a little crazy,
and Jamie...
966
01:05:47,711 --> 01:05:48,711
...kissed me.
967
01:05:50,147 --> 01:05:52,249
Let's just forget
about it, okay?
968
01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:53,917
Consider it forgotten.
Never happened.
969
01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,185
Never happened.
970
01:05:56,086 --> 01:05:58,555
Fine. Let's just
forget about it.
971
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:00,624
It's not like you two had sex.
972
01:06:02,626 --> 01:06:04,028
Have you had sex?
973
01:06:04,061 --> 01:06:06,063
Shut up, Cooper!
Jamie, relax.
974
01:06:06,096 --> 01:06:07,831
Cooper. Please?
975
01:06:07,864 --> 01:06:09,566
Okay, fine.
I'll give it a rest.
976
01:06:12,536 --> 01:06:13,976
Jamie, could I borrow
your Frommer's?
977
01:06:20,044 --> 01:06:21,978
Oh, here it is.
Bratislava.
978
01:06:22,012 --> 01:06:23,713
Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.
979
01:06:24,681 --> 01:06:26,083
Oh, here's a fun fact.
980
01:06:27,651 --> 01:06:29,719
You made out with
your sister, man!
981
01:06:29,753 --> 01:06:31,788
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Like two dogs in heat.
982
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:38,762
My friends, where is the beef?
983
01:06:41,098 --> 01:06:43,567
You go to Berlin?
I'm your ride.
984
01:06:44,368 --> 01:06:45,402
Hop in.
985
01:07:13,397 --> 01:07:15,037
This is Mieke's
apartment building.
986
01:07:15,665 --> 01:07:17,134
Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.
987
01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:20,070
You'll do great, Scotty.
988
01:07:22,972 --> 01:07:24,174
Thanks.
989
01:07:44,494 --> 01:07:46,330
I came all this way.
I'm not gonna miss this.
990
01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:56,406
Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!
Stop.
991
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:10,687
Hi, my name is Scott Thomas.
992
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:12,556
I'm from America,
and I'm here to see Mieke.
993
01:08:13,323 --> 01:08:14,691
I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here.
994
01:08:15,759 --> 01:08:16,926
Do you know where she is?
995
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:18,428
She's gone for the summer.
996
01:08:33,943 --> 01:08:36,780
My daughter had intended to
spend the summer in America,
997
01:08:36,813 --> 01:08:39,516
looking at colleges
and visiting some friends.
998
01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:42,186
But several days ago,
she suddenly changed her mind.
999
01:08:42,219 --> 01:08:43,553
She would not tell me why.
1000
01:08:44,654 --> 01:08:45,789
I think I know why.
1001
01:08:52,396 --> 01:08:54,764
This is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.
1002
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:58,935
As I was saying, she packed
up her bag and left.
1003
01:08:58,968 --> 01:09:00,304
It was all very sudden.
1004
01:09:00,337 --> 01:09:02,672
Do you know
where she is now?
1005
01:09:02,706 --> 01:09:05,218
As you know,
she's always been very interested in the classics,
1006
01:09:05,242 --> 01:09:07,477
Greek and Roman literature
and history,
1007
01:09:07,511 --> 01:09:09,279
and she's always
enjoyed the ocean,
1008
01:09:09,313 --> 01:09:12,249
so she found a program that
combines all her interests.
1009
01:09:12,282 --> 01:09:13,650
Do you know where she is?
1010
01:09:15,219 --> 01:09:18,455
She enrolled in a summer at sea program,
based in Rome.
1011
01:09:19,856 --> 01:09:20,856
Rome.
1012
01:09:22,192 --> 01:09:24,361
Okay, then I guess
we'll go to Rome, then.
1013
01:09:24,394 --> 01:09:27,864
Unfortunately, Mieke's only
in Rome for orientation.
1014
01:09:27,897 --> 01:09:30,210
Tomorrow her group boards a boat and
she'll be gone for the summer.
1015
01:09:30,234 --> 01:09:33,270
She'll be quite unreachable.
1016
01:09:34,604 --> 01:09:35,604
Unreachable.
1017
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,782
Mieke's tour group goes
to the Vatican tomorrow,
1018
01:09:45,815 --> 01:09:47,684
then she gets on that boat
and she's gone.
1019
01:09:48,218 --> 01:09:49,419
So, it's over?
1020
01:09:53,623 --> 01:09:56,493
Thanks for sticking with me
through this, guys, but...
1021
01:09:56,526 --> 01:09:58,362
You should probably call
your parents,
1022
01:09:58,395 --> 01:10:00,196
have them wire you
some money and go home.
1023
01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:02,666
What are you gonna do?
1024
01:10:04,434 --> 01:10:09,539
I'm going to Rome.
I'll walk, I'll hitchhike,
1025
01:10:09,573 --> 01:10:11,741
I'll swim if I have to,
but I'll get to Mieke somehow.
1026
01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:18,013
Maybe that'll help.
1027
01:10:18,548 --> 01:10:19,649
Where'd you get all that?
1028
01:10:20,384 --> 01:10:22,419
Wait. Where's your Leica?
1029
01:10:23,687 --> 01:10:24,788
Sold it.
1030
01:10:24,821 --> 01:10:25,821
What?
1031
01:10:27,924 --> 01:10:29,326
You sold your Leica?
1032
01:10:29,359 --> 01:10:30,560
But you loved that thing.
1033
01:10:30,594 --> 01:10:32,128
What about your
photo tour of Europe?
1034
01:10:32,161 --> 01:10:33,530
What about the chateaus?
1035
01:10:33,563 --> 01:10:35,365
Chateaus have been there
for 300 years.
1036
01:10:36,232 --> 01:10:37,567
Mieke's gone in 12 hours.
1037
01:10:41,605 --> 01:10:43,673
Come on, let's go!
Frommer's says to check in
1038
01:10:43,707 --> 01:10:45,427
three hours before
any international flight.
1039
01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:46,875
Come here, guidebook!
1040
01:10:47,777 --> 01:10:50,647
Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!
1041
01:11:01,224 --> 01:11:02,526
♪ Be my girl
1042
01:11:03,192 --> 01:11:04,594
♪ Be my girl
1043
01:11:05,929 --> 01:11:07,464
♪ Are you gonna be my
1044
01:11:08,164 --> 01:11:10,300
♪ Girl, yeah
1045
01:11:10,334 --> 01:11:12,302
♪ Be my girl
1046
01:11:12,336 --> 01:11:13,737
♪ Be my girl
1047
01:11:15,071 --> 01:11:18,842
♪ Are you gonna be my girl
1048
01:11:23,079 --> 01:11:24,814
All right, summer at sea group.
1049
01:11:24,848 --> 01:11:26,650
Our tour begins
in the Vatican museum.
1050
01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:28,385
This way, please.
1051
01:11:36,693 --> 01:11:37,861
There it is.
1052
01:11:44,468 --> 01:11:47,371
This entrance is for
private tour groups only.
1053
01:11:49,806 --> 01:11:52,609
Oh... But we are
a private tour group.
1054
01:11:52,642 --> 01:11:54,411
We've come all the way
from America.
1055
01:11:57,681 --> 01:11:59,783
That guy in the orange jacket
is mentally retarded.
1056
01:12:04,888 --> 01:12:08,925
Si, I can tell.
How very, very sad.
1057
01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:11,327
Yes, it is.
1058
01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:14,631
But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?
1059
01:12:14,664 --> 01:12:16,633
We've got a fantastic
tour guide.
1060
01:12:16,666 --> 01:12:18,535
Right here.
What? No...
1061
01:12:22,972 --> 01:12:25,642
The Vatican has been used
as a papal residence
1062
01:12:25,675 --> 01:12:27,944
ever since the time of Emperor
Constantine the Great
1063
01:12:27,977 --> 01:12:28,978
of the 5th century A.D.!
1064
01:12:31,481 --> 01:12:33,483
Oh.
1065
01:12:33,517 --> 01:12:36,019
Okay... Um... If you'll
all follow me, please.
1066
01:12:41,224 --> 01:12:43,493
Have a very special day
1067
01:12:43,527 --> 01:12:47,096
for a very special little man.
1068
01:12:48,031 --> 01:12:49,031
Okay.
1069
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,237
I can't believe
that guy let us in.
1070
01:12:54,270 --> 01:12:55,805
What a retard!
1071
01:12:55,839 --> 01:12:58,007
Let's find Mieke.
Scusate.
1072
01:12:59,242 --> 01:13:02,579
One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick.
1073
01:13:02,612 --> 01:13:04,212
Could you please take
these peoples also?
1074
01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,352
How big is Vatican City?
1075
01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:10,820
.5 square kilometers.
1076
01:13:11,488 --> 01:13:12,989
Who built the colonnades?
1077
01:13:13,022 --> 01:13:15,925
Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.
1078
01:13:15,959 --> 01:13:17,026
Where are the bathrooms?
1079
01:13:17,060 --> 01:13:18,962
Floors 2, 6 and 7.
1080
01:13:18,995 --> 01:13:22,265
Next I'll take you to where the
College of Cardinals elects a new pope.
1081
01:13:22,298 --> 01:13:25,735
When this happens,
white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact...
1082
01:13:25,769 --> 01:13:27,289
Mieke's gotta be
around here somewhere.
1083
01:13:28,472 --> 01:13:29,673
Let's go.
1084
01:13:38,682 --> 01:13:41,217
Behind me is the
appartamento papale,
1085
01:13:41,250 --> 01:13:42,819
or Papal Apartment.
1086
01:13:42,852 --> 01:13:44,020
We're obviously not permitted.
1087
01:13:45,755 --> 01:13:47,423
Excuse me, miss.
What is this?
1088
01:13:48,692 --> 01:13:50,594
That is the bell of San Marco.
1089
01:13:50,627 --> 01:13:52,996
When the Pope dies,
the Cardinal Vicar of Rome
1090
01:13:53,029 --> 01:13:55,765
rings this bell to notify
the people of Rome.
1091
01:13:55,799 --> 01:13:58,434
Next we will view the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.
1092
01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:03,907
Come on.
1093
01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:06,275
I think I heard them.
Which way did they go?
1094
01:14:06,309 --> 01:14:08,512
That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.
1095
01:14:08,545 --> 01:14:10,013
Good enough for me.
1096
01:14:10,046 --> 01:14:13,517
Hey, check it out!
I wonder what this does.
1097
01:14:14,984 --> 01:14:17,153
It doesn't do anything,
it's a rope. Come on, let's go.
1098
01:14:18,087 --> 01:14:19,923
They got a lot
of old stuff here.
1099
01:14:27,430 --> 01:14:28,665
Dio mio!
1100
01:14:29,699 --> 01:14:31,467
The bell of San Marco!
1101
01:14:33,570 --> 01:14:35,071
The Pope is dead!
1102
01:14:39,342 --> 01:14:40,510
Whoa.
1103
01:14:43,379 --> 01:14:44,681
She's not in here.
1104
01:14:45,849 --> 01:14:47,627
Let's go.
We're definitely not supposed to be in here.
1105
01:14:47,651 --> 01:14:48,885
Hey, check this out!
1106
01:14:50,386 --> 01:14:51,588
I'm the Pope!
1107
01:14:51,621 --> 01:14:53,222
Cooper...
1108
01:14:53,256 --> 01:14:55,592
Take off the pope hat.
1109
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:57,393
Oh, no. It's okay.
I'm Catholic.
1110
01:14:57,426 --> 01:14:58,728
Take it off, god damn it!
1111
01:15:00,664 --> 01:15:02,699
Oh, you took the
Lord's name in vain!
1112
01:15:02,732 --> 01:15:05,168
Only I can forgive
you now, my son.
1113
01:15:05,201 --> 01:15:06,321
Take that fudging thing off!
1114
01:15:06,936 --> 01:15:08,376
The Pope breaks
an open-field tackle.
1115
01:15:09,105 --> 01:15:11,140
It's a Hail Mary,
he catches at the 40...
1116
01:15:11,741 --> 01:15:14,177
The 30, the 20, the 10...
1117
01:15:14,210 --> 01:15:15,879
Touchdown, Pope!
1118
01:15:17,647 --> 01:15:19,415
The Pope makes
a two-point conversion.
1119
01:15:19,448 --> 01:15:23,152
And oh, my Lord!
It's the Pope, eight,
1120
01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:25,488
and the heathens, nothing!
1121
01:15:27,256 --> 01:15:28,892
How's you, sucka?
1122
01:15:31,795 --> 01:15:33,697
Cooper, the hat!
The hat!
1123
01:15:33,730 --> 01:15:35,665
The hat is on fire!
1124
01:15:35,699 --> 01:15:37,409
♪ We don't need no water
let the mother... ♪
1125
01:15:37,433 --> 01:15:38,635
I'm not kidding! Look!
1126
01:15:39,969 --> 01:15:41,004
Oh, holy shit!
1127
01:15:42,606 --> 01:15:44,340
I don't want this!
1128
01:15:44,373 --> 01:15:45,709
Fireplace! Fireplace!
Go, go!
1129
01:15:48,177 --> 01:15:49,545
Whoa!
1130
01:15:57,353 --> 01:15:58,353
White smoke!
1131
01:15:59,222 --> 01:16:01,758
They've elected the new pope!
1132
01:16:04,994 --> 01:16:07,130
I'm coming to you live
from Vatican Square
1133
01:16:07,163 --> 01:16:09,899
where the College of Cardinals,
in a surprise move,
1134
01:16:09,933 --> 01:16:14,270
has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very excited.
1135
01:16:14,303 --> 01:16:16,673
This is so strange.
1136
01:16:16,706 --> 01:16:20,176
Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.
1137
01:16:20,209 --> 01:16:22,578
We could be seeing
history in the making!
1138
01:16:22,612 --> 01:16:24,292
We could be seeing an arrest
in the making.
1139
01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:33,757
There she is.
1140
01:16:37,761 --> 01:16:39,128
Hey! Stupid curtain!
1141
01:16:40,129 --> 01:16:41,164
Let me out!
1142
01:16:45,501 --> 01:16:46,803
Mieke!
1143
01:16:47,536 --> 01:16:49,072
It's the new pope!
1144
01:17:16,299 --> 01:17:17,701
What the hell?
1145
01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:25,108
Mieke!
1146
01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:29,112
Hold on!
1147
01:17:35,351 --> 01:17:36,986
This is one crazy pope.
1148
01:17:46,696 --> 01:17:48,197
You!
1149
01:17:48,231 --> 01:17:50,099
Ferma! Stop! You!
1150
01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:56,672
You... And your
retarded friend,
1151
01:17:56,706 --> 01:17:58,341
you're in big, big trouble.
1152
01:17:58,975 --> 01:18:00,243
Oi!
1153
01:18:03,412 --> 01:18:05,148
Take your mitts off them boys!
1154
01:18:05,749 --> 01:18:07,150
They're with me!
1155
01:18:10,119 --> 01:18:12,789
I've just about had enough
of you fuckin' Ities!
1156
01:18:14,123 --> 01:18:15,224
But I am Swiss!
1157
01:18:16,525 --> 01:18:17,861
Them, too!
1158
01:18:24,333 --> 01:18:25,701
Now, bud...
1159
01:18:25,735 --> 01:18:28,404
You get in there, and you
say what you got to say.
1160
01:18:30,473 --> 01:18:31,707
Mieke. I'm here.
1161
01:18:32,275 --> 01:18:33,275
I made it.
1162
01:18:36,645 --> 01:18:37,881
Who are you?
1163
01:18:42,385 --> 01:18:45,454
What a fucking loser!
I'm gonna videotape this.
1164
01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:48,357
I'm Scott.
1165
01:18:49,658 --> 01:18:50,794
From Ohio?
1166
01:18:51,127 --> 01:18:52,195
Scott?
1167
01:18:53,196 --> 01:18:54,330
Scott Thomas?
1168
01:18:54,831 --> 01:18:57,200
Yes.
From Ohio?
1169
01:18:58,601 --> 01:19:00,003
What are you doing in Rome?
1170
01:19:00,036 --> 01:19:02,171
I came here to be with you.
1171
01:19:02,205 --> 01:19:04,707
Listen, I just traveled
all the way across Europe.
1172
01:19:04,740 --> 01:19:07,376
I got chased by naked men.
1173
01:19:07,410 --> 01:19:10,213
I ate brownies with absolutely
no drugs in them.
1174
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:13,216
I watched a brother
and sister make out.
1175
01:19:15,151 --> 01:19:17,954
I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...
1176
01:19:19,088 --> 01:19:20,389
...so I could tell you
one thing.
1177
01:19:23,692 --> 01:19:25,028
I love you, Mieke.
1178
01:19:25,862 --> 01:19:27,096
Aw...
1179
01:19:28,297 --> 01:19:30,177
We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?
1180
01:19:32,735 --> 01:19:33,870
I think...
1181
01:19:48,717 --> 01:19:51,354
Oh, Mike...
Mieke!
1182
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,561
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
1183
01:20:08,137 --> 01:20:10,173
I have cheated on my husband.
1184
01:20:10,206 --> 01:20:12,041
Do you think God
will ever forgive me?
1185
01:20:12,641 --> 01:20:13,641
Oh, yes!
1186
01:20:15,478 --> 01:20:16,880
Father?
1187
01:20:27,656 --> 01:20:29,792
This sucks.
1188
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:33,196
I can't believe I'm the only one who
didn't hook up while we were here.
1189
01:20:33,229 --> 01:20:35,131
Europe is officially
the worst country on Earth.
1190
01:20:36,165 --> 01:20:37,700
I know.
1191
01:20:37,733 --> 01:20:40,369
I thought I'd at least get to have
some crazy European sex.
1192
01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:45,573
What?
1193
01:20:54,750 --> 01:20:56,886
Scott, I have to go.
Okay.
1194
01:20:57,753 --> 01:20:59,088
My boat is leaving.
1195
01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:02,837
I still can't believe
you came all the way here,
1196
01:21:03,259 --> 01:21:04,793
just for me.
1197
01:21:04,827 --> 01:21:07,396
What can I say?
I'm very unpredictable.
1198
01:21:08,898 --> 01:21:10,333
Keep writing to me, Scott, okay?
1199
01:21:10,766 --> 01:21:12,135
Yeah, I will.
1200
01:21:31,420 --> 01:21:33,422
Yes! Yes! Yes!
1201
01:21:33,456 --> 01:21:34,991
Whoo-hoo!
1202
01:21:37,160 --> 01:21:39,495
Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.
1203
01:21:40,463 --> 01:21:41,931
This was the best time
of my life.
1204
01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,704
Excuse me.
1205
01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:51,457
You're the young man who gave me that
tour of the Vatican, aren't you?
1206
01:21:54,243 --> 01:21:57,513
Listen, I'm very sorry...
I just wanted to thank you.
1207
01:21:57,546 --> 01:22:00,649
You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic,
1208
01:22:00,683 --> 01:22:02,118
tour guide I've ever had.
1209
01:22:03,386 --> 01:22:04,720
Thanks.
1210
01:22:04,753 --> 01:22:06,073
But I'm not actually
a tour guide.
1211
01:22:07,623 --> 01:22:09,792
I've just read Frommer's
enough to have it memorized.
1212
01:22:09,825 --> 01:22:12,728
Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about.
1213
01:22:12,761 --> 01:22:13,961
How would you like to add them?
1214
01:22:14,563 --> 01:22:15,931
Excuse me?
1215
01:22:15,965 --> 01:22:18,134
That's my guidebook.
1216
01:22:24,007 --> 01:22:25,374
I'm Arthur Frommer.
1217
01:22:27,843 --> 01:22:29,912
It's amazing!
1218
01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:33,482
Frommer's is going to pay me to see
every museum and cathedral in Europe.
1219
01:22:34,984 --> 01:22:36,652
That sounds so exciting...
1220
01:22:37,453 --> 01:22:38,554
For you.
1221
01:22:40,523 --> 01:22:41,866
I figured, since you're
going to be staying,
1222
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,192
you might need this.
1223
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:47,596
A disposable camera.
That's right.
1224
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:48,764
Thanks, Scotty.
1225
01:22:48,797 --> 01:22:50,666
That's from both of us.
1226
01:22:58,774 --> 01:23:00,043
Hello, Mr. Walters.
1227
01:23:01,244 --> 01:23:02,611
I see.
1228
01:23:02,645 --> 01:23:05,281
Fired? Well, I...
1229
01:23:05,314 --> 01:23:08,417
Well, if that's what you want,
I understand. I just...
1230
01:23:09,418 --> 01:23:10,419
Goodbye, sir.
1231
01:23:12,055 --> 01:23:13,398
They had to catch you
eventually, right?
1232
01:23:13,422 --> 01:23:15,691
No, they fired Humphrey.
Shut up!
1233
01:23:15,724 --> 01:23:16,925
I got his office and a raise.
1234
01:23:16,959 --> 01:23:18,761
No!
1235
01:23:18,794 --> 01:23:22,365
Flight 341
from Rome to Cleveland...
1236
01:23:22,398 --> 01:23:23,932
That's you guys.
1237
01:23:23,966 --> 01:23:25,526
Have a good flight, everybody.
Come here.
1238
01:23:28,771 --> 01:23:29,772
Be good.
1239
01:23:31,974 --> 01:23:33,209
Oh! Okay...
1240
01:23:34,410 --> 01:23:36,612
Cooper, have a good flight.
Be good.
1241
01:23:36,645 --> 01:23:37,680
Thanks.
1242
01:24:11,314 --> 01:24:12,348
I'm on it.
1243
01:24:22,891 --> 01:24:24,571
This still
counts as Europe, right?
1244
01:24:33,902 --> 01:24:35,371
"Dear Mieke,
1245
01:24:35,404 --> 01:24:38,307
"Greece sounds incredible.
1246
01:24:38,341 --> 01:24:40,643
"I just moved into
my dorm room today,
1247
01:24:40,676 --> 01:24:43,679
"but I can't wait to see you
over Christmas break.
1248
01:24:43,712 --> 01:24:45,714
"This time I think I'll fly
to Berlin direct."
1249
01:24:52,588 --> 01:24:55,524
Hello?
Hey buddy, how's college?
1250
01:24:55,558 --> 01:24:58,261
I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.
1251
01:24:58,294 --> 01:25:00,429
Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?
1252
01:25:00,463 --> 01:25:02,531
I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.
1253
01:25:02,565 --> 01:25:04,233
I'm thinking about
majoring in German.
1254
01:25:04,267 --> 01:25:06,335
German?
I've got a better idea.
1255
01:25:06,369 --> 01:25:08,671
Why don't you major in
not being such a woman?
1256
01:25:08,704 --> 01:25:09,838
So, how's Jenny?
1257
01:25:10,639 --> 01:25:13,108
Jenny...
Jenny who?
1258
01:25:13,142 --> 01:25:14,886
I know a lot of ladies
named Jenny, they're all...
1259
01:25:14,910 --> 01:25:16,179
Ow!
1260
01:25:18,181 --> 01:25:19,682
Hey, Scotty, what's up?
1261
01:25:19,715 --> 01:25:21,384
Hi, Jenny!
1262
01:25:21,417 --> 01:25:23,094
Have you heard from Jamie?
How's he doing with Frommer?
1263
01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:24,320
Oh, no.
1264
01:25:28,924 --> 01:25:30,125
Hold on.
1265
01:25:31,694 --> 01:25:32,895
Come here, robot!
1266
01:25:32,928 --> 01:25:34,697
Cooper, not again!
1267
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,651
Hold on, this could be
my new roommate.
1268
01:25:44,507 --> 01:25:46,675
What's the freak
look like?
1269
01:25:46,709 --> 01:25:49,578
Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.
1270
01:25:50,279 --> 01:25:51,447
Is he bigger than me?
1271
01:25:52,515 --> 01:25:54,683
I just got your last email.
What are you doing here?
1272
01:25:55,718 --> 01:25:56,718
Going to college.
1273
01:25:58,221 --> 01:25:59,381
You're going to college here?
1274
01:26:01,457 --> 01:26:02,758
What dorm?
This one.
1275
01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:04,593
Room 214.
1276
01:26:08,931 --> 01:26:10,233
How is this possible?
1277
01:26:11,634 --> 01:26:13,336
I guess they thought
I was a guy.
1278
01:26:14,837 --> 01:26:17,240
Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?
1279
01:26:26,515 --> 01:26:28,817
Do I hear kissing?
1280
01:26:28,851 --> 01:26:31,320
Are you making out with
your new roommate, Scotty?
1281
01:26:34,957 --> 01:26:35,957
Scotty?
1282
01:26:36,325 --> 01:26:39,228
Scotty? Scotty!
1283
01:26:39,262 --> 01:26:42,130
♪ Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me
1284
01:26:42,164 --> 01:26:44,533
This happy ending is bullshit.
1285
01:26:44,567 --> 01:26:47,636
When does the fairy get laid?
I'm outta here.
1286
01:26:47,670 --> 01:26:50,473
♪ Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't know
1287
01:26:51,274 --> 01:26:53,542
♪ Oh, Scotty doesn't know
1288
01:26:55,010 --> 01:26:56,845
Catchy tune.
Fuckin'-A, man.
1289
01:27:01,617 --> 01:27:04,653
♪ Fiona says she's out shopping
1290
01:27:06,822 --> 01:27:11,594
♪ But she's under me
and I'm not stopping
1291
01:27:11,627 --> 01:27:14,062
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1292
01:27:14,096 --> 01:27:16,765
Scotty doesn't know!
1293
01:27:16,799 --> 01:27:19,268
Hello, and welcome to
1294
01:27:19,302 --> 01:27:22,405
Amsterdam's finest and most
luxurious youth hostel.
1295
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:23,772
Sounds great.
1296
01:27:23,806 --> 01:27:26,275
There is no bathroom,
nor is there one nearby.
1297
01:27:27,242 --> 01:27:30,446
♪ I can't believe
he's so trusting
1298
01:27:31,947 --> 01:27:33,649
Sorry.
1299
01:27:33,682 --> 01:27:35,984
♪ While I'm right
behind you thrusting
1300
01:27:37,420 --> 01:27:39,588
Get it?
She got it.
1301
01:27:39,622 --> 01:27:42,925
If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen,
1302
01:27:42,958 --> 01:27:46,662
I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.
1303
01:27:46,695 --> 01:27:49,698
You can also try
hiding your valuables...
1304
01:27:50,299 --> 01:27:51,467
In your anus.
1305
01:27:52,134 --> 01:27:53,302
Drink?
1306
01:27:58,974 --> 01:28:00,785
I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, okay?
1307
01:28:00,809 --> 01:28:03,612
Ready? Quit. Shut up.
1308
01:28:03,646 --> 01:28:04,813
Sorry. I know
I fucked it up.
1309
01:28:06,415 --> 01:28:08,417
Yes! You take her hair...
1310
01:28:08,451 --> 01:28:12,287
And one strand at a time,
pull it out!
1311
01:28:12,321 --> 01:28:14,457
Use her like a humping post!
1312
01:28:15,358 --> 01:28:17,025
Jenny, this is Europe.
1313
01:28:17,059 --> 01:28:19,099
They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.
1314
01:28:21,364 --> 01:28:22,731
Hapi djus.
1315
01:28:24,567 --> 01:28:26,487
You got to show them
something they haven't seen.
1316
01:28:28,303 --> 01:28:31,073
♪ Fiona's got him on the phone
1317
01:28:31,106 --> 01:28:33,776
♪ And she's trying not to moan
1318
01:28:33,809 --> 01:28:37,513
♪ It's a three-way call
and he knows nothing
1319
01:28:37,546 --> 01:28:39,748
♪ Nothing Scotty doesn't know
1320
01:28:39,782 --> 01:28:42,618
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
1321
01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:46,288
Should a fire occur,
due to our faulty wiring,
1322
01:28:46,321 --> 01:28:51,093
or the fireworks factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated,
1323
01:28:51,126 --> 01:28:54,363
along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus.
1324
01:28:54,397 --> 01:28:57,199
♪ So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know
1325
01:28:57,232 --> 01:28:58,701
♪ Really want to go
1326
01:28:58,734 --> 01:29:01,136
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
1327
01:29:01,169 --> 01:29:03,639
♪ Scotty doesn't know
1328
01:29:05,374 --> 01:29:08,844
♪ The parking lot why not?
1329
01:29:08,877 --> 01:29:11,346
♪ It's so cool
when you're on top
1330
01:29:14,617 --> 01:29:16,952
♪ Life is so hard
'cause Scotty doesn't know
1331
01:29:16,985 --> 01:29:18,754
♪ Scotty doesn't know
1332
01:29:18,787 --> 01:29:21,824
Fuck off! Get out of it,
you wankers!
1333
01:29:21,857 --> 01:29:25,494
Go on, you Gaelic fucking
garlic-breath tossers!
1334
01:29:25,528 --> 01:29:27,730
Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!
1335
01:29:27,763 --> 01:29:30,165
Come on! Fucking come
and have it!
1336
01:29:30,198 --> 01:29:32,167
You fucking beep?
1337
01:29:32,200 --> 01:29:35,037
We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!
1338
01:29:35,070 --> 01:29:36,371
Fuck off!
1339
01:29:36,405 --> 01:29:38,541
Go on, you French bastards!
1340
01:29:38,574 --> 01:29:41,143
Get on the other side
of the road, you pricks!
1341
01:29:41,176 --> 01:29:42,978
Go on out of it!
1342
01:29:43,011 --> 01:29:44,246
Fuck off!
1343
01:29:44,279 --> 01:29:45,448
I'm nackered.
1344
01:29:46,181 --> 01:29:48,350
League supporters.
1345
01:29:48,383 --> 01:29:50,653
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
1346
01:29:51,520 --> 01:29:52,988
No, wait...
1347
01:29:58,994 --> 01:30:01,930
Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old.
1348
01:30:03,466 --> 01:30:06,334
♪ Gonna tell Scotty
gonna tell myself
1349
01:30:06,368 --> 01:30:08,871
♪ Scotty has to know
Scotty has to know
1350
01:30:08,904 --> 01:30:11,640
♪ Scotty has to Scotty has to go
1351
01:30:11,674 --> 01:30:14,443
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
1352
01:30:14,477 --> 01:30:17,379
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
1353
01:30:17,412 --> 01:30:19,948
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
1354
01:30:19,982 --> 01:30:23,486
♪ Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know ♪
1355
01:30:23,519 --> 01:30:26,321
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1356
01:30:26,354 --> 01:30:29,357
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1357
01:30:29,391 --> 01:30:32,194
Scotty doesn't know!
1358
01:30:35,898 --> 01:30:37,533
Scotty's gotta go!
1359
01:31:38,994 --> 01:31:40,362
Is it off yet?
1360
01:31:40,395 --> 01:31:41,630
No, keep rubbing it.
94630
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