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1
00:00:31,068 --> 00:00:33,241
Dude, I have always
wanted to do this --
2
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,896
"Heart and Soul"
in Washington Square Park.
3
00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:36,689
Speaking of hearts
and souls,
4
00:00:36,689 --> 00:00:38,827
you know the Triangle Shirtwaist
Factory over there?
5
00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:41,344
Okay.
1911, 146 immigrants--
6
00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:42,758
mostly women, of course --
7
00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:44,793
were working
in a factory inside.
8
00:00:44,793 --> 00:00:46,379
A fire began.
9
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,517
They were trapped.
They were locked in!
10
00:00:48,517 --> 00:00:50,689
If they weren't
incinerated alive,
11
00:00:50,689 --> 00:00:54,551
they jumped out the windows,
plummeting to their deaths.
12
00:00:54,551 --> 00:00:56,586
Sucks.
13
00:00:56,586 --> 00:00:58,551
Okay, cool.
What's next on the list?
14
00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:01,655
Whoo! Yeah.
15
00:01:01,655 --> 00:01:04,758
Where to next?
Let's go!
16
00:01:04,758 --> 00:01:06,758
Cool.
17
00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:13,137
What an exquisite park.
18
00:01:13,137 --> 00:01:15,241
It really is.
19
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,103
Made only more exquisite
if the Central Park 5
20
00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:19,655
hadn't been wrongfully accused
of rape and thrown in jail
21
00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,551
for their entire
young adult lives,
22
00:01:21,551 --> 00:01:24,379
for no other reason than
being black and brown boys.
23
00:01:24,379 --> 00:01:28,206
Ugh, the '80s, when wrongful
conviction was still a novelty.
24
00:01:28,206 --> 00:01:31,103
L.O. fully L!
25
00:01:31,103 --> 00:01:33,103
Come on.
26
00:01:33,103 --> 00:01:34,862
Okay. Yikes.
27
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,482
Well, well, well.
28
00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:38,586
14 West 10th Street.
29
00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,965
Oh, my God, dude.
Mark Twain lived here!
30
00:01:40,965 --> 00:01:44,482
I've read, um, like,
a bunch of his stuff.
31
00:01:44,482 --> 00:01:45,827
-Hmm.
-It's an historic landmark.
32
00:01:45,827 --> 00:01:47,793
It's also known as
the "House of Horrors"
33
00:01:47,793 --> 00:01:50,551
'cause in 1987,
this lawyer Joel Steinberg
34
00:01:50,551 --> 00:01:51,827
and his girlfriend,
Hedda Nussbaum,
35
00:01:51,827 --> 00:01:55,137
adopted a girl
and beat her into a coma
36
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:59,000
and blamed it on freebasing
too much coke. Yeah, right.
37
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,172
And get this --
They both roam free today!
38
00:02:02,172 --> 00:02:05,034
Steinberg lives in Harlem,
with a garden!
39
00:02:05,034 --> 00:02:08,206
-A garden! The fucking nerve!
40
00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:10,862
♪ New York, New York,
it's a helluva town ♪
41
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:12,206
Right?
42
00:02:12,206 --> 00:02:14,448
C'mon, we got a ferry
to catch.
43
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,793
Abbi: Man, I'm really
gonna miss that skyline.
44
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,896
Takes my breath away,
you know?
45
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,827
It's nuts
that the whole damn thing
46
00:02:26,827 --> 00:02:30,137
is really just one
giant burial ground.
47
00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:33,034
It's like beauty-beauty-beauty,
bodies-bodies-bodies!
48
00:02:33,034 --> 00:02:34,482
Yeah.
49
00:02:34,482 --> 00:02:38,034
Swindled from the Native
Americans for just $24.
50
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:39,344
Same price
as this breakfast.
51
00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:40,724
Oof!
52
00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:42,379
-Only in New York!
-Only in New York!
53
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,827
♪ Four and three
and two and one ♪
54
00:02:54,103 --> 00:02:55,344
-Hey!
-Hey!
55
00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:02,068
Yeah, so,
this is nuts, right?
56
00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:05,689
I mean, it's finally
starting to sink in.
57
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,448
One week left, dude.
58
00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:12,275
Yeah.
One week left.
59
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,034
Wow.
60
00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:16,965
God, Ilana, your nose
is bleeding, dude!
61
00:03:16,965 --> 00:03:18,827
Oh, my God.
I didn't even feel it.
62
00:03:18,827 --> 00:03:20,379
-Are you okay?
-Whoo!
63
00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:21,862
Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine.
I'm good.
64
00:03:21,862 --> 00:03:23,068
-You sure?
-Yeah, yeah.
65
00:03:23,068 --> 00:03:25,689
Okay, let's sell.
Your. Shit!
66
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,758
It's not like a dorm-dorm,
it's a like a building
67
00:03:27,758 --> 00:03:31,103
for grad students and...
Artists in Residence.
68
00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:32,206
-Take a break?
-Yeah.
69
00:03:32,206 --> 00:03:34,206
-Legs.
-Legs, legs, legs!
70
00:03:34,206 --> 00:03:36,206
Legs, aah.
71
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:38,758
Okay. Since we only have
one week left,
72
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:41,689
I have planned a surprise!
73
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,413
Okay, please tell me
it's not tickets to the musical
74
00:03:44,413 --> 00:03:45,551
about Jimmy Fallon's
childhood!
75
00:03:45,551 --> 00:03:47,103
"Born to Giggle?"
76
00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:48,689
No, Ilana.
77
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:52,758
We are going to see...
78
00:03:52,758 --> 00:03:54,000
Lil Wayne.
79
00:03:58,413 --> 00:04:01,137
Yasssss!
80
00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:02,793
Oh, my God!
81
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:05,413
What a sweet,
goddess-like gesture.
82
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,586
Thank you, girl!
83
00:04:07,586 --> 00:04:09,344
You been taking
supplements?
84
00:04:09,344 --> 00:04:10,724
No, why do you ask?
85
00:04:10,724 --> 00:04:12,655
So, Ilana, one more thing.
86
00:04:12,655 --> 00:04:15,793
This is big and kinda scary
but so fun.
87
00:04:15,793 --> 00:04:18,517
Okay, so, I'm bring a friend
with us tonight.
88
00:04:18,517 --> 00:04:22,517
And her name is...
Molly.
89
00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:24,793
-Okay, break?
-Okay.
90
00:04:24,793 --> 00:04:26,344
-Legs, legs.
-Legs, legs, legs.
91
00:04:26,344 --> 00:04:29,862
I just have been
under the impression
92
00:04:29,862 --> 00:04:31,827
that we were gonna wait
until we were in separate states
93
00:04:31,827 --> 00:04:33,172
to make new friends.
94
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:35,689
No, dude -- Molly,
like MDMA.
95
00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:37,413
Who are you,
Molly dang Cyrus?
96
00:04:37,413 --> 00:04:39,034
-I've never done Molly!
-No, I know,
97
00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:41,517
and I've only done it the one
time where I stole the van.
98
00:04:41,517 --> 00:04:45,344
One week before you move
1,972 miles away,
99
00:04:45,344 --> 00:04:46,965
I finally get to meet
Perfect Abbi.
100
00:04:48,137 --> 00:04:49,724
You must've
looked that up, huh?
101
00:04:51,413 --> 00:04:52,965
-Legs. Legs.
-Oh, legs.
102
00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:54,172
Legs.
103
00:04:57,793 --> 00:04:59,586
-Got it? Right over there.
-Yeah.
104
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,068
Wait, cool.
105
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,379
-Legs. Legs.
-Legs.
106
00:05:02,379 --> 00:05:03,758
-Legs!
-Legs!
107
00:05:03,758 --> 00:05:06,103
Damn, we carried that, yes!
108
00:05:06,103 --> 00:05:07,724
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
109
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,137
That's not trash!
You can't take it!
110
00:05:10,137 --> 00:05:12,551
I will not be bullied!
111
00:05:12,551 --> 00:05:14,241
It's Trash Day.
112
00:05:14,241 --> 00:05:16,379
Can you believe he thought
this was trash?
113
00:05:16,379 --> 00:05:17,551
What?
114
00:05:20,758 --> 00:05:23,862
Okay, the tickets for tonight
were a little bit expensey,
115
00:05:23,862 --> 00:05:26,413
-so we gotta sell. Yeah.
-Yes.
116
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,896
Well, this couch
is gonna be an easy sell.
117
00:05:27,896 --> 00:05:30,482
Look at her.
But, dahm, Danielle,
118
00:05:30,482 --> 00:05:32,896
we have some freaking memories
on this thing.
119
00:05:32,896 --> 00:05:34,413
Yeah.
120
00:05:34,413 --> 00:05:36,137
First time we split
those two whole pizzas.
121
00:05:36,137 --> 00:05:38,068
Oh, my God.
And the hurricane!
122
00:05:38,068 --> 00:05:40,827
That time I made out
with Bevers...ly.
123
00:05:40,827 --> 00:05:42,206
-What?
-Beversly.
124
00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:44,034
Do you know Beversly?
Ohh, she's, like, weird
125
00:05:44,034 --> 00:05:46,517
and, like, quirky,
and, um, queer and fluid,
126
00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:48,000
and, um, you know,
just like, mixed race,
127
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,724
and, um, I saw her
on the street,
128
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,482
and I brought her back up and
made out with her on the couch.
129
00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:53,413
-Beversly. Hmm.
-Well --
130
00:05:53,413 --> 00:05:56,689
Um, I know that we just, um,
carried the couch
131
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,310
-down three flights of stairs.
-Yeah?
132
00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:01,655
But, um, I kinda
wanna keep it
133
00:06:01,655 --> 00:06:03,724
now that we're looking at it
and talking about it.
134
00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:05,310
Ilana, you should
keep it, dude.
135
00:06:05,310 --> 00:06:07,655
-That would make mefeel better.
-It would help.
136
00:06:07,655 --> 00:06:09,379
Okay. So, we'll just
leave it here for now,
137
00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:11,034
and we'll figure out
how to get it back to your place
138
00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:12,275
before the concert.
139
00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:14,448
That'll be a problem
for "later us."
140
00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:16,517
Yeah, "they'll"
figure it out.
141
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:24,551
Sir, this is pre-fall
2010 CB2
142
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,862
Resort collection?
143
00:06:27,862 --> 00:06:29,310
Have a nice day.
144
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:37,793
Damn, you are seriously
good at this!
145
00:06:37,793 --> 00:06:39,379
We were just, uh,
146
00:06:39,379 --> 00:06:42,000
carrying the couch down
three flights of stairs.
147
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,448
And I was thinking, imagine
if these cushions could talk.
148
00:06:44,448 --> 00:06:47,724
They would talk about,
uh, lost coins
149
00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,793
or, um, hot farts,
150
00:06:50,793 --> 00:06:54,655
or people who've
unexpectedly made out
151
00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:56,724
after one of them
opened up his relationship.
152
00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:59,413
I thought we weren't supposed
to talk about that.
153
00:07:00,551 --> 00:07:02,206
-Shh!
154
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:04,448
-Shut up! Shut up!
-Shut up! Shut up about that!
155
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:06,310
Shh!
156
00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:07,827
Nobody know dat!
157
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,758
Hey, hey, hey. What are
you guys giggling about?
158
00:07:10,758 --> 00:07:13,172
-Nothing.
-Nothing!
159
00:07:13,172 --> 00:07:14,620
-No.
-What?
160
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,482
No! The couch!
161
00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:18,344
No-o-o-o!
162
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:24,620
Shit! What do I do?
163
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:26,310
I know a cut-through!
Come on.
164
00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,620
Yes.
165
00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:37,137
Aah!
166
00:07:37,137 --> 00:07:38,413
Come on.
167
00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,275
Got it. We got it.
168
00:07:44,275 --> 00:07:46,310
Gotta go. Yeah?
169
00:07:53,551 --> 00:07:55,275
What the fuck
are we doing?
170
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,344
I have no idea, dude!
171
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:57,620
Okay, dude.
What about this, um,
172
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,931
scooper, compressor,
crusher thing?
173
00:07:59,931 --> 00:08:01,862
-The couch is gonna be killed!
-No, no.
174
00:08:01,862 --> 00:08:04,344
The compactor only works
when the truck is static.
175
00:08:04,344 --> 00:08:06,137
The dudes'll have to come out
to grab cans,
176
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,586
and we'll contact
with them then!
177
00:08:07,586 --> 00:08:10,517
Are you, like,
"in your element" up here?
178
00:08:10,517 --> 00:08:13,862
There was a moment in time where
trash was very comforting to me.
179
00:08:13,862 --> 00:08:15,793
Well, I'm glad
you're comfortable.
180
00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:17,482
We'll just wait here
until it stops,
181
00:08:17,482 --> 00:08:20,241
and then we are on our way
to see Lil Wayne!
182
00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:21,482
Whoo!
183
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,517
Okay, it should stop
soon, right?
184
00:08:26,517 --> 00:08:27,965
That's what
garbage trucks do,
185
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:29,482
They stop every half a block
and hold up traffic,
186
00:08:29,482 --> 00:08:31,206
and then you're stuck
in a cab on 10th street,
187
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,689
you end up peeing in a Slurpee
cup and paying double the fare.
188
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,931
Some-- Sometimes.
Some people do.
189
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:40,517
Actually, the stops are
totally dependent on districts.
190
00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:41,931
It's all zoned out
by zip codes.
191
00:08:41,931 --> 00:08:43,862
It's like --
It's pretty organized.
192
00:08:43,862 --> 00:08:46,172
-It's pretty awesome.
-Are you a Garbage Pail Kid?
193
00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:47,827
-Tell me.
-Or -- Or I'm not sure.
194
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:48,965
I'm not sure.
195
00:08:52,413 --> 00:08:53,551
Wait, hold on.
196
00:08:53,551 --> 00:08:55,241
What?
197
00:08:55,241 --> 00:08:57,172
That is insane.
What do you mean,
198
00:08:57,172 --> 00:09:00,000
Corn Flakes were meant
to curb masturbation?
199
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,034
I mean exactly
what I said, Ms. Abrams.
200
00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:05,931
Dr. Kellogg's
of the Kellogg's Cereal Empire
201
00:09:05,931 --> 00:09:09,586
was a bizarre white man
who was aggressively anti-sex
202
00:09:09,586 --> 00:09:12,275
and feared that bold flavors
would make people horny.
203
00:09:12,275 --> 00:09:15,172
So he invented Corn Flakes to
stop people from getting it on.
204
00:09:15,172 --> 00:09:17,206
I always wanted Frosted
Mini-Wheats, so I steered clear.
205
00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:20,137
Ding ding, dawg --
That's fucking Kellogg's!
206
00:09:20,137 --> 00:09:22,724
Huh.
207
00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:24,068
Oh, my God.
The truck stopped!
208
00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:26,137
I literally forgot
we were on it.
209
00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:28,000
Go, go, go.
210
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,241
We'll get it out
really quick.
211
00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:30,482
Come on.
212
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,137
Ugh, this is too heavy.
213
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,137
The fuck do you think
you're doing?
214
00:09:35,137 --> 00:09:37,000
-Nothing.
-Nothing.
215
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,551
Hello, gentlemen.
216
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:40,137
-Um --
-This is actually my couch.
217
00:09:40,137 --> 00:09:42,931
And we are just taking it --
taking it back.
218
00:09:42,931 --> 00:09:45,655
Once we collect the trash,
it's city property.
219
00:09:45,655 --> 00:09:48,241
But, um,
220
00:09:48,241 --> 00:09:50,517
it's just that, um,
221
00:09:50,517 --> 00:09:52,689
I just wanted to keep it.
222
00:09:52,689 --> 00:09:55,206
'Cause, uh, Abbi's
moving next week
223
00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:58,241
and we're best friends!
224
00:09:58,241 --> 00:09:59,655
-She's mine!
-Oh, my God. Ilana.
225
00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:01,206
Oh, my God.
Your nose again, dude.
226
00:10:01,206 --> 00:10:03,517
-You okay?
-What is this, dude?
227
00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:05,482
What is this?
228
00:10:05,482 --> 00:10:08,344
I don't know what I'd do
if Ike moved away.
229
00:10:08,344 --> 00:10:11,206
We've been on this route
together for 15 years.
230
00:10:11,206 --> 00:10:14,827
15 years of wives and kids
and Little League games.
231
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,896
Mistresses, union scabs.
232
00:10:17,896 --> 00:10:19,689
Gettin' made.
233
00:10:22,586 --> 00:10:24,344
-Come on, Abe.
-All right, you know what?
234
00:10:24,344 --> 00:10:25,551
-Take the couch.
-Really?
235
00:10:25,551 --> 00:10:26,965
-Yeah, take the couch!
-Guys!
236
00:10:26,965 --> 00:10:28,034
Oh, my God!
237
00:10:28,034 --> 00:10:29,482
Thank you so much.
238
00:10:29,482 --> 00:10:31,241
You are so sweet!
239
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:32,517
-Wow.
-Yeah.
240
00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:33,586
-Incredible strength.
-Wow.
241
00:10:33,586 --> 00:10:35,000
Thank you guys so much.
242
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,551
-Saved our lives.
-All right. Bye, ladies.
243
00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:38,034
-Bye, ladies.
-Bye, ladies.
244
00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:43,586
Oh, my God. Ilana, fuck, dude,
the concert starts so soon!
245
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:45,862
What are we gonna do?
246
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:49,068
I would've loved to rinse off
before we went to the show,
247
00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:54,000
but I know that Wayne
likes a stinky pussy.
248
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,758
Yeah. Uh, that --
It's -- That's great.
249
00:10:56,758 --> 00:10:58,586
-You mean, the couch.
-I meant for the couch.
250
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,206
Oh, I have no fucking idea.
251
00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:03,241
Okay. Okay.
252
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:05,068
I mean,
253
00:11:05,068 --> 00:11:09,448
is there a world...
254
00:11:09,448 --> 00:11:12,931
in which...
255
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:17,379
we take the sofa...
256
00:11:17,379 --> 00:11:19,206
to...
257
00:11:19,206 --> 00:11:22,551
the concert?
258
00:11:33,206 --> 00:11:36,241
♪ Every day and night ♪
259
00:11:36,241 --> 00:11:39,206
♪ Every day and night ♪
260
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:41,965
♪ I can see your disco disco ♪
261
00:11:41,965 --> 00:11:44,965
♪ Is sucking my heart
outta my mind ♪
262
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:47,448
♪ I'm outta time,
I'm outta -- time ♪
263
00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:51,137
♪ I'm a gasoline gut
with a Vaseline mind, but ♪
264
00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:54,137
♪ Wanna disco?
Wanna see me disco? ♪
265
00:11:54,137 --> 00:11:57,206
♪ Let me hear you
depoliticize my rhyme ♪
266
00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:59,793
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
267
00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:02,275
♪ You got what you
been asking for ♪
268
00:12:02,275 --> 00:12:05,448
♪ You're so policy free
and your fantasy wheels ♪
269
00:12:05,448 --> 00:12:08,241
♪ And everything you think
and everything you feel ♪
270
00:12:08,241 --> 00:12:14,793
♪ Is alright, alright, alright,
alright, alright ♪
271
00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:25,206
Okay.
272
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:26,965
Back.
Get around this.
273
00:12:26,965 --> 00:12:28,965
Okay, legs, legs, legs,
legs, legs!
274
00:12:31,965 --> 00:12:34,068
-Damn.
-Okay. So we'll just, like,
275
00:12:34,068 --> 00:12:36,517
leave it here, go to the show,
and bring it home after?
276
00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:38,206
No.
I know what to do.
277
00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:56,034
Okay, my friend.
278
00:12:56,034 --> 00:12:58,931
Meet my other
279
00:12:58,931 --> 00:13:00,896
whacky little
friend, Molly.
280
00:13:00,896 --> 00:13:02,793
It's really
nice to meet you, Molly.
281
00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:04,655
I've heard
a lot about ya.
282
00:13:04,655 --> 00:13:06,137
Here we go.
283
00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:07,758
Whatever this is gonna be.
284
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:14,034
Whoo!
285
00:13:15,758 --> 00:13:18,620
How's it going?
286
00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:24,724
These are invalid.
You girls gotta move along.
287
00:13:24,724 --> 00:13:26,689
Wait, wait, wait. Are --
I got them on Craigslist.
288
00:13:26,689 --> 00:13:29,620
So just, like --Did you
just say Craigslist?
289
00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:31,344
Girls ain't never heard
of StubHub?
290
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,034
These are for sure fake.
291
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:34,379
Get out of my line.
292
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:36,379
Go.
293
00:13:36,379 --> 00:13:38,620
And how old
are y'all anyway?
294
00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:41,724
I can't tell, 'cause the outfits
aren't matching the faces.
295
00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:42,965
Next?
296
00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:48,379
I'm sorry, dude.
I'm a fucking idiot.
297
00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:50,965
No, you are not. Craigslist is
the most legitimate business,
298
00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:52,517
okay?
The last time we used it,
299
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:54,862
we cleaned that dude's apartment
in our underwear.
300
00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:58,620
I see.
301
00:14:00,482 --> 00:14:01,689
Okay, okay, okay.
302
00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:04,896
I bet -- No, I know
303
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:07,448
that we can find
some silly-ass way in here.
304
00:14:07,448 --> 00:14:08,896
Okay.
305
00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:12,586
Okay, we gotta do this
before the Molly kicks in.
306
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:14,068
Yeah.
307
00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:17,896
God, I'm feeling something,
you know?
308
00:14:17,896 --> 00:14:20,206
It is upon us.
309
00:14:25,034 --> 00:14:26,655
Abbi! Come. Now. Come.
310
00:14:26,655 --> 00:14:28,827
-What? What?
-♪ Look at the vent ♪
311
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,551
Okay. We get up there.
If we can,
312
00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:32,517
we crawl inside. We sneak
inside the venue. We're done.
313
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:34,758
Oh, my God. Dude.
I have a Swiss Army knife.
314
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:36,172
It can unscrew
the screws!
315
00:14:36,172 --> 00:14:38,344
Okay. I know exactly
how we get up there.
316
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,827
You get on my shoulders.
You do the thing.
317
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:43,586
You pry it open.
You crawl inside.
318
00:14:43,586 --> 00:14:46,103
Oh, my gosh. Once I'm inside,
I'll, like, take my clothes off,
319
00:14:46,103 --> 00:14:49,034
and I'll, like, tie 'em
all in a rope, okay, in a knot.
320
00:14:49,034 --> 00:14:50,586
And I'll pull you up.
321
00:14:50,586 --> 00:14:52,482
I'm actually getting hot anyway,
so this works out.
322
00:14:52,482 --> 00:14:55,206
Yas, bitch!
This is fully happening!
323
00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:57,413
-We are such a team.
-Incredible.
324
00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:58,862
-All right, so --
-Maybe like that, okay?
325
00:14:58,862 --> 00:15:00,655
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, put one arm.
326
00:15:00,655 --> 00:15:02,310
You know, what if we,
like, use the wall --
327
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,137
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If my back
pushes up against the wall --
328
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,655
-Against the wall.
-Yeah, yeah.
329
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,206
-And then we'll go --
-Yeah, right this way.
330
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,965
-Ladders!
-Ladders!
331
00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:12,103
Abbi, this is so beautiful!
332
00:15:12,103 --> 00:15:13,413
Dude, you ever think about
333
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,448
how many lil's there are
besides Wayne?
334
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,724
Lil' Kim, Lil' Yachty,
Lil' Dicky, Lil' Dookie,
335
00:15:17,724 --> 00:15:21,275
Lil' Rel, Lil' Deval, Lil' Papa,
Lil' Mama, Lil' Uzi Vert --
336
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:24,862
Wait, wait, wait. Vert,
like a -- Like a string bean?
337
00:15:24,862 --> 00:15:26,379
Like a -- the legume?
338
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:28,896
No, no, no. That's...
Haricot Vert.
339
00:15:28,896 --> 00:15:30,310
Oh, my God.
If I was a rapper,
340
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:33,413
my name would be
Les Petites Haricot Vert.
341
00:15:33,413 --> 00:15:35,482
Oh, my God!
I'd be Lil' Webding!
342
00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:38,310
Oh, my God. I'd be -- I'd be
Lil' -- Lil Two-ply.
343
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:39,655
-Lil' Clit Stem.
-Oh, my God.
344
00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:42,310
I'd be Lil' Nap Time?
345
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:43,551
Lil' Mammogram
to advertise the importance
346
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,724
-of getting mammograms.
-Oh!
347
00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:45,965
Okay, dude, should we
go down here?
348
00:15:45,965 --> 00:15:47,137
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Maybe let's try.
349
00:15:59,931 --> 00:16:01,689
Oh, my God. Dude.
350
00:16:01,689 --> 00:16:03,275
The "litter" stayed light!
351
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:06,655
The litter stayed light.
352
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,000
Oh, my God.
353
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,172
Oh, my God.
Whispering is so dope.
354
00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:11,758
-I forgot.
-Yes.
355
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:15,655
Oh, my God.
Do you hear him?
356
00:16:15,655 --> 00:16:18,034
I forgot we were at
a Lil Wayne concert!
357
00:16:18,034 --> 00:16:20,379
Me, too!
Oh, my goodness.
358
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,379
But, like,
359
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:24,172
he -- he sounds
different, right?
360
00:16:24,172 --> 00:16:26,206
Yeah. Yeah,
it's like, I love
361
00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:28,965
how I don't necessarily love it,
you know what I mean?
362
00:16:28,965 --> 00:16:31,551
But I'm an unconditional
ride-or-die for him,
363
00:16:31,551 --> 00:16:33,655
and I'm grateful for what
we went through to get here!
364
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:35,517
Me, too. Me, too.
365
00:16:35,517 --> 00:16:37,482
Oh, my God. Dude.
Oh, my goodness.
366
00:16:37,482 --> 00:16:40,517
-No! What?! Please!
-I have such a good idea.
367
00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:43,172
Dude, gotta try
to reposition.
368
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:48,000
-Okay.
-Yeah, okay.
369
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,620
It's sounds --
It's sounds like we're, like,
370
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:51,551
right above the audience, right?Right.
371
00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:54,241
-Okay. What if we dropped down?
-No.
372
00:16:54,241 --> 00:16:56,655
Dude, what if we dropped
down? There's gotta
be, like, a door down.
373
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,517
We drop down
onto the audience.
374
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,931
-Dude, or --
-Break some skulls, dude!
375
00:17:00,931 --> 00:17:03,275
Or the stage.
376
00:17:03,275 --> 00:17:04,758
Like, we drop down
onto the stage,
377
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,724
and we're, like,
part of it.
378
00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:07,896
Okay, yes.
379
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,448
-Right.
-Fully fucking yes.
380
00:17:09,448 --> 00:17:11,103
-Yeah.
-Or...
381
00:17:11,103 --> 00:17:13,586
we could go back
382
00:17:13,586 --> 00:17:16,413
to the alley
that we were hanging at,
383
00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:18,103
and just not be
inside a vent?
384
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,344
Yeah. Yeah.
385
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,586
We got our own
Lil' Weezy concert
386
00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:27,551
right...here.
387
00:17:27,551 --> 00:17:29,448
Yes, dude!
388
00:17:34,896 --> 00:17:36,344
Dude, can I tell you
something?
389
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:39,758
Anything.
You can tell me anything, dude.
390
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:42,068
I don't know if I know
who I am without you.
391
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:43,931
I don't have the same sense
of self I thought I did.
392
00:17:43,931 --> 00:17:45,758
Dude, I am terrified.
393
00:17:45,758 --> 00:17:49,137
I'm like, "Do I even, like,
know how to make new friends?"
394
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:52,206
I'm like do I like people, even?
I don't even know, you know?
395
00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:54,620
Well, see, that's
my damn problem, dawg.
396
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:57,827
I worry in retrospect that
I've been co-opting your time
397
00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,068
and keeping you from growing,
398
00:17:59,068 --> 00:18:00,965
-you know what I mean?
-No, dude.
399
00:18:00,965 --> 00:18:03,275
I feel like I've been relying
on you for like, my confidence.
400
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:05,448
Like, I didn't even know
my ass was dope
401
00:18:05,448 --> 00:18:07,517
until you taught me it was.
It's like,
402
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:10,034
you don't just, like, keep
bringing people fish, you know?
403
00:18:10,034 --> 00:18:11,517
You teach them
how to use their ass.
404
00:18:11,517 --> 00:18:13,034
And then they never go hungry,
405
00:18:13,034 --> 00:18:14,448
you know what I mean?
They never go hungry.
406
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:16,586
Oof, dat...ass, though.
407
00:18:16,586 --> 00:18:18,344
Damn, girl!
408
00:18:18,344 --> 00:18:20,137
Shit, bitch!
You know, like,
409
00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:22,586
I need to make, like,
meaning of my own,
410
00:18:22,586 --> 00:18:24,413
you know, as an individual,
rather than peg --
411
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:26,275
-LOL -- Remember Jeremy?
-Yes!
412
00:18:26,275 --> 00:18:28,103
Everything on the entity
that is us.
413
00:18:28,103 --> 00:18:31,137
I wanna be, like, in
a relationship like we have,
414
00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:32,448
but someone who
I have sex with, you know,
415
00:18:32,448 --> 00:18:34,517
and, like, I cuddle with
and shit.
416
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,827
Tell me about it!
You know, I realize now
417
00:18:36,827 --> 00:18:38,931
that I didn't give Lincoln
really a full, true,
418
00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:42,103
and real shot 'cause
I always made you my priority.
419
00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:43,965
And you know what?
Now that I think about it,
420
00:18:43,965 --> 00:18:45,413
these nosebleeds
that I keep getting,
421
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:46,931
it's every time
I think of us apart,
422
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:48,862
so it's really like
a psychosomatic response
423
00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:50,586
to our crippling
co-dependency.
424
00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:53,758
I mean, maybe.
I don't know.
425
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,517
Dude! Oh, my God. Dude.
426
00:18:56,517 --> 00:18:58,586
We are co-dependent!
427
00:18:58,586 --> 00:19:02,068
We, you, me, we're
Lil' Codies, dude!
428
00:19:02,068 --> 00:19:04,413
That's our DJ name.
429
00:19:04,413 --> 00:19:05,965
Oh, my God. Dude.
430
00:19:05,965 --> 00:19:07,724
Yas, Cody!
Go, Cody!
431
00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:12,241
You know, and this space
is gonna give us the chance
432
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:14,482
to be our better,
bolder selves.
433
00:19:14,482 --> 00:19:16,724
-Boulder!
434
00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:19,482
-Oh! Boulder!
-Boulder!
435
00:19:29,655 --> 00:19:32,655
It sucks.
436
00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:35,827
But also, it doesn't.
437
00:19:35,827 --> 00:19:37,551
It's gonna be great.
438
00:19:40,068 --> 00:19:42,586
Yeah, dude.
It's gonna be great.
439
00:19:42,586 --> 00:19:44,000
It's gonna be, like, so good.
440
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,413
We're gonna make it work
so well.
441
00:19:46,413 --> 00:19:48,862
It's gonna be
really, really good.
442
00:19:58,482 --> 00:20:00,344
-♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
-♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
443
00:20:00,344 --> 00:20:02,275
-♪ We sche-eme, we sche-eme ♪
-♪ We scheme ♪
444
00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:03,931
-♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
-♪ We sche-e-eme ♪ Hey!
445
00:20:03,931 --> 00:20:06,827
-We scheme. ♪ We scheme ♪
-♪ We scheme ♪
446
00:20:06,827 --> 00:20:09,344
♪ We sche-e-eme ♪
Yow!
447
00:20:09,344 --> 00:20:10,551
Couch!
448
00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:11,724
The couch!
449
00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:16,000
Oh, my God. Dude.
I forgot the couch.
450
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,724
I can't believe
you're not gonna get it.
451
00:20:19,724 --> 00:20:21,827
L-O-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L!
452
00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:23,413
We forgot
the fucking couch?
453
00:20:23,413 --> 00:20:25,379
-Stupid! Stupid!
454
00:20:25,379 --> 00:20:27,482
-What's wrong with us?
-No, no, no, no.
455
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,000
It's okay! It is.
456
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,413
It seriously is okay,
because you know what?
457
00:20:31,413 --> 00:20:33,827
I just had to talk
that shit out, truly.
458
00:20:33,827 --> 00:20:35,758
And the fact that I can I can
let it go is a positive.
459
00:20:35,758 --> 00:20:39,034
-Mm.
-Positivissimo. Yaas!
460
00:20:39,034 --> 00:20:40,724
Okay, cool.
I feel good that you feel good.
461
00:20:40,724 --> 00:20:44,379
-And I feel --
462
00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:45,586
Like, okay.
463
00:20:45,586 --> 00:20:47,689
-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah.
464
00:20:47,689 --> 00:20:49,965
Do you feel, like,
a little weird, like, mm,
465
00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:52,137
shitty, perhaps?
466
00:20:52,137 --> 00:20:54,137
-I am starting to not feel well.
-Mm.
467
00:20:54,137 --> 00:20:56,724
Like, my whole body
is starting to feel weird.
468
00:20:56,724 --> 00:20:59,068
The come-down can be a little...
469
00:20:59,068 --> 00:21:00,965
tricky.
470
00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:02,310
This is not good.
471
00:21:02,310 --> 00:21:04,448
This is not good.
Do you have juice?
472
00:21:04,448 --> 00:21:05,793
No, I don't have any juice.
473
00:21:05,793 --> 00:21:07,275
Do you have bread?
Do you have bread?
474
00:21:07,275 --> 00:21:09,482
I don't keep bread in the house.
I'm not crazy.
475
00:21:09,482 --> 00:21:11,241
I'm a fucking idiot!
476
00:21:11,241 --> 00:21:12,482
-Shit!
477
00:21:12,482 --> 00:21:15,379
Oh, I don't feel good.
478
00:21:15,379 --> 00:21:17,379
Shit.
479
00:21:25,965 --> 00:21:27,724
-Did you puke?
-Yeah, I did, dude.
480
00:21:27,724 --> 00:21:28,827
-You puked.
-Ilana,
481
00:21:28,827 --> 00:21:30,137
I'm telling you,
I puked, man!
482
00:21:30,137 --> 00:21:32,137
I hate puking!
483
00:21:32,137 --> 00:21:33,482
-No, no, no, no.
-Yes.
484
00:21:33,482 --> 00:21:35,034
No, no, no!
Don't clean it.
485
00:21:35,034 --> 00:21:36,965
You gotta get
the deposit back!
486
00:21:38,758 --> 00:21:40,965
-Shit!
-No!
487
00:21:40,965 --> 00:21:43,275
-Okay.
-Okay.
488
00:21:43,275 --> 00:21:45,827
Dude, I know what to do.
I know what to do.
489
00:21:45,827 --> 00:21:47,620
I feel bad.
This is not good!
490
00:21:48,931 --> 00:21:50,758
I know, dude. I got it.
491
00:21:50,758 --> 00:21:54,413
No, I got it.
Okay.
492
00:21:57,655 --> 00:21:59,379
Oh, no.Where'd you get this Molly from?
493
00:21:59,379 --> 00:22:01,379
Oh, my God.
It's so cold.
494
00:22:01,379 --> 00:22:02,965
Where'd you get it, man?
495
00:22:02,965 --> 00:22:04,862
The Molly,
where'd you get it?
496
00:22:08,206 --> 00:22:10,172
I got it on Craigslist.
497
00:22:10,172 --> 00:22:12,034
No, dude, I'm sorry.
498
00:22:12,034 --> 00:22:15,448
I thought it was still, like,
a good thing to use for stuff.
499
00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:22,827
It'll be over soon.
500
00:22:22,827 --> 00:22:24,206
Yeah.
501
00:22:24,206 --> 00:22:26,862
In like six more hours.
502
00:22:36,448 --> 00:22:38,793
Bingo:
It's okay, girlies.
503
00:22:40,862 --> 00:22:42,689
Yes.
Ohh.
504
00:22:42,689 --> 00:22:45,103
We're gonna be okay.Yeah.
505
00:22:45,103 --> 00:22:46,172
We're gonna be okay.
506
00:22:46,172 --> 00:22:47,206
Bingo: Yikes!
507
00:22:52,758 --> 00:22:56,241
Mmm.
508
00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:58,344
Oh, my God.
509
00:22:58,344 --> 00:23:01,655
Dude, I'm too old
510
00:23:01,655 --> 00:23:03,172
for this shit.
511
00:23:03,172 --> 00:23:04,793
You're 30.
512
00:23:04,793 --> 00:23:06,448
I'm 27.
What's wrong with me?
513
00:23:06,448 --> 00:23:10,172
Well,
what twister blew into town
514
00:23:10,172 --> 00:23:13,413
and spit out
you two tumbleweeds?
515
00:23:13,413 --> 00:23:14,758
-Jesus.
-Stop, you're killing me.
516
00:23:14,758 --> 00:23:16,310
Be quiet.
517
00:23:16,310 --> 00:23:18,586
-Abbi.
-Bevers.
518
00:23:23,482 --> 00:23:25,172
Oh, Abbi.
519
00:23:25,172 --> 00:23:27,172
Okay, what are you doing?
Please stop.
520
00:23:27,172 --> 00:23:29,344
Ew, why are you
doing this?
521
00:23:29,344 --> 00:23:30,689
Bevers. Stop.
522
00:23:33,068 --> 00:23:34,172
-Oh, my God.
-Bevers?
523
00:23:34,172 --> 00:23:36,896
Wait, is this
from the stoop sale?
524
00:23:36,896 --> 00:23:38,689
Holy shit, dude!
525
00:23:38,689 --> 00:23:42,103
I sold every last bit
of furniture,
526
00:23:42,103 --> 00:23:46,000
and I up-sold most of it --
Bevers-style.
527
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,758
Bevers, that's...
528
00:23:47,758 --> 00:23:49,344
really impressive.
529
00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:53,241
And here's
my commisshy.
530
00:23:53,241 --> 00:23:54,758
Mmm.
531
00:23:54,758 --> 00:23:56,275
Bevers, thank you so much.
532
00:23:56,275 --> 00:23:59,068
Really, I really
appreciate it.
533
00:23:59,068 --> 00:24:01,413
I'm really gonna miss you.
534
00:24:01,413 --> 00:24:05,310
I'm...really gonna
miss you, too.
535
00:24:16,310 --> 00:24:17,758
Wait, Bevers,
536
00:24:17,758 --> 00:24:20,896
does Melanie even know
I'm moving out?
537
00:24:20,896 --> 00:24:23,000
Oh, yeah, she knows.
538
00:24:55,241 --> 00:24:58,482
Remember when we made meringues?And we took care of that egg,
and then it cracked.
539
00:24:58,482 --> 00:24:59,724
That bird we found,
that broken bird.
540
00:24:59,724 --> 00:25:01,965
Oh, my God.
I hope it's okay.
541
00:25:01,965 --> 00:25:03,551
It's not. You know
what I mean? It's dead.
542
00:25:03,551 --> 00:25:05,137
Yeah. When you did
the teeth whitening?
543
00:25:05,137 --> 00:25:07,068
Oh, my God. The first time
I tried a Diva Cup.
544
00:25:07,068 --> 00:25:09,551
That was a little bit
of not my favorite.
38767
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