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1
00:00:06,517 --> 00:00:08,586
This bookshop rules.
I get it --
2
00:00:08,586 --> 00:00:10,517
-Paper, not screens.
-Yeah.
3
00:00:10,517 --> 00:00:13,689
Oof, I can't stop thinking about
this prix-fixe pasta tasting
4
00:00:13,689 --> 00:00:15,206
-at Dobby tonight.
-Wait a second.
5
00:00:15,206 --> 00:00:16,931
You're going
to Dobby tonight?
6
00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:19,172
-Girl, yah.
-Dude, you didn't tell me that.
7
00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:21,517
I saw that chef on "Chef's
Table." She's incredible.
8
00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:23,103
I love a restaurant
run by women
9
00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:24,586
'cause they don't rape
or molest their employees,
10
00:00:24,586 --> 00:00:26,241
and the food
just tastes better.
Yeah.
11
00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:28,172
Also, I told them already
that you don't eat beef.
12
00:00:28,172 --> 00:00:29,551
Why?
13
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,689
So there's no beef
on your plate?
14
00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:33,344
Ilana, I'm not coming
15
00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:35,344
to your one-year
anniversary dinner tonight.
16
00:00:35,344 --> 00:00:37,241
Don't be a bitch.
Who's gonna mediate?
17
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:40,034
Right, it's the
anniversary/renegotiation
18
00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:42,482
relationship-check-in.
Dude, this is big.
19
00:00:42,482 --> 00:00:43,758
Do you have all your
deal points prepared?
20
00:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,724
You Sade-Baderinwa
believe I do!
21
00:00:45,724 --> 00:00:46,896
Dope.
22
00:00:46,896 --> 00:00:48,827
There they are.
23
00:00:52,896 --> 00:00:54,275
That's good placement.
24
00:00:54,275 --> 00:00:55,517
Wow.
25
00:00:55,517 --> 00:00:57,172
Gor-gous!
26
00:00:59,379 --> 00:01:01,965
You took the lemons of being
fired from Anthropologie
27
00:01:01,965 --> 00:01:03,586
and turned them
into gorgeous, artistic,
28
00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:05,620
bad-bitch-gettin'-shit-done
lemonade.
29
00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:07,448
Yeah, I mean, thank God
those cards are in here.
30
00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:09,862
I'm exhausted from working
on my art all day
31
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,137
and catering every night.
32
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,586
I needed this.
33
00:01:13,586 --> 00:01:15,827
Abbi Abrams.
34
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:18,758
Donna? Oh, my God. I haven't
seen you since college, dude.
35
00:01:18,758 --> 00:01:21,034
-Hi!
-Hi!
36
00:01:21,034 --> 00:01:22,379
-Wait. Is this...
-So good to see you!
37
00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:23,758
-You, too.
-...Smelly Pussy Donna?
38
00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:25,931
Ilana.
39
00:01:25,931 --> 00:01:27,620
I am s--
I am so sorry.
40
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:29,275
I'm truly sorry.
That is so rude.
41
00:01:29,275 --> 00:01:31,137
I am --
I am so sorry.
42
00:01:31,137 --> 00:01:33,551
Clearly that got relayed
from me.
43
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,068
This is my best friend,
Ilana.
44
00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:36,793
And she didn't mean
to say that out loud.
45
00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:39,448
It's okay. I officially own
that nickname,
46
00:01:39,448 --> 00:01:41,413
because I beat
my smelly pussy.
47
00:01:41,413 --> 00:01:44,000
It only took probiotics
and six years of therapy,
48
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,103
but I'm officially free
of malodorous pudenda.
49
00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:49,137
-That's amazing.
-Smelly pussy.
50
00:01:49,137 --> 00:01:50,482
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah.
51
00:01:50,482 --> 00:01:52,068
I've actually used
my horrible story
52
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,206
to inspire other women.
53
00:01:53,206 --> 00:01:55,137
I just gave a TAD Talk.
54
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:56,482
You gave a TED Talk
about it?
55
00:01:56,482 --> 00:01:58,103
No, uh, TADTalk.
56
00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,793
Oh. Cool.
57
00:01:59,793 --> 00:02:02,034
What are you up to?
Are you still doing your art?
58
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,068
I really loved her art.
She was so talented.
59
00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:06,551
Thanks so much.
I -- Yeah, I mean, I'm trying.
60
00:02:06,551 --> 00:02:08,827
She's not trying.
She is succeeding.
61
00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:11,620
She's selling her cards
in the store right now!
62
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:16,275
Okay, these are literally
so cute.
63
00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:17,862
I just had the best idea.
64
00:02:17,862 --> 00:02:19,448
I'm a coordinator at MoMA.
65
00:02:19,448 --> 00:02:20,965
-Cool? That's amazing.
66
00:02:20,965 --> 00:02:22,551
And we're having
an incredible party tonight.
67
00:02:22,551 --> 00:02:25,275
Would you guys please come
as my close personal guests?
68
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:27,344
I have this dinner
I have to go to.
69
00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:29,034
That sucks we can't go.
70
00:02:29,034 --> 00:02:30,103
Ohh.
71
00:02:30,103 --> 00:02:33,827
Well, I mean...
72
00:02:33,827 --> 00:02:37,310
Icould still go,
like, alone.
73
00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:39,206
Whoa.
74
00:02:39,206 --> 00:02:41,000
I guess you could.
75
00:02:43,517 --> 00:02:45,965
Okay, so you're gonna go. Great.
Yeah, I've put you on the list,
76
00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,206
and they are excited
to meet you.
77
00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:49,655
Oh, my gosh.
78
00:02:49,655 --> 00:02:52,689
My Pediphile is here.
79
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:53,793
-Huh?
-What, now?
80
00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:56,206
Oh. Pediphile is an app
81
00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:58,034
for people who are obsessed
with pedicabs.
82
00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:59,551
I became obsessed with them
in college
83
00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:02,448
when I needed to air out
my vagina, because --
84
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,896
the smelly pussy thing.
85
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,448
Also, it's so convenient
to get around.
86
00:03:05,448 --> 00:03:06,896
You guys should think
about getting the app.
87
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,586
I am a co-founder.
Full-disclosure.
88
00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:09,896
All right, I'll see you
tonight, Donna.
89
00:03:09,896 --> 00:03:11,551
Don't forget
to dress sexy!
90
00:03:11,551 --> 00:03:14,551
I got to see this bitch
get into a pedicab.
91
00:03:14,551 --> 00:03:18,206
-Wow.
-Wow.
92
00:03:18,206 --> 00:03:21,172
See you tonight!
93
00:03:21,172 --> 00:03:23,241
Smelly Pussy Donna.
94
00:03:23,241 --> 00:03:26,517
I wouldn't notair my pussy out
in a pedicab.
95
00:03:26,517 --> 00:03:27,931
Yeah. Me, neither.
96
00:03:27,931 --> 00:03:30,344
♪ Four and three and two
and one -- one ♪
97
00:03:34,896 --> 00:03:36,413
Dude, tonight is so cool.
98
00:03:36,413 --> 00:03:38,241
A party at MoMA?
Come on!
99
00:03:38,241 --> 00:03:40,034
Yeah, I mean, I have to cancel
my catering shift,
100
00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:41,413
but MoMA's, like,
so worth it.
101
00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:42,724
So worth it.
102
00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:44,068
I'm a little nervous
about going alone.
103
00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:45,931
No, you'll have
Smelly Pussy Donna --
104
00:03:45,931 --> 00:03:47,689
-Donna.You'll have Donna.
-I mean, I could also ask,
105
00:03:47,689 --> 00:03:49,206
like, another one
of my friends.
106
00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:50,862
Yeah!
107
00:03:50,862 --> 00:03:54,000
Like, um...
108
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,517
I could ask the --
109
00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,931
No, I --
110
00:03:57,931 --> 00:03:59,448
You know what?
It's cool to go alone.
111
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,103
It iscool, 'cause then
I don't have to explain
112
00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:02,586
all the art-world
ins and outs
113
00:04:02,586 --> 00:04:04,137
to someone.
Like, it's a lot.
114
00:04:04,137 --> 00:04:05,310
You know what?
I'm gonna call Kevin.
115
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:06,655
Perfect. I'm gonna
pet this dog.
116
00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:08,137
-Okay. Great.
-Hi!
117
00:04:08,137 --> 00:04:10,724
Hello! Oh, hi!
118
00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:13,862
Hey! Kevin.
119
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,655
-Who is this?
-It's Abbi?
120
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:19,137
So, listen, this kind of, like,
really-big-deal thing
121
00:04:19,137 --> 00:04:20,862
came up tonight, art-wise,
and I was wondering
122
00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:23,931
if maybe someone could
cover my shift?
123
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,413
Fuck!
124
00:04:25,413 --> 00:04:27,241
Tonight is already gonna
be really intense,
125
00:04:27,241 --> 00:04:29,517
and it's too late to find
someone to cover you.
126
00:04:29,517 --> 00:04:32,034
But I guess we'll just have
to make do without you.
127
00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:33,758
Yes! Okay.
Thank you so much, Kevin.
128
00:04:33,758 --> 00:04:36,241
-I owe you one.
-You go for it, girl.
129
00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:37,931
Okay.
130
00:04:37,931 --> 00:04:40,793
Ooh, hot and heavy over here,
huh? Does Lincoln know?
131
00:04:40,793 --> 00:04:43,482
Well, I did have a polyamory
clause in my deal tonight,
132
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,655
but now I have to add
a bestiality clause.
133
00:04:47,862 --> 00:04:49,551
-I thought it was funny.
-Thank you.
134
00:04:53,482 --> 00:04:56,724
Happy anniversary/
renegotiation/check-in.
135
00:04:56,724 --> 00:04:58,655
Yaas!
136
00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:01,034
All right. All right.
137
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,517
Look at that wrapping.
138
00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:06,241
That's for you.
That's part of it.
139
00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:08,172
-What is this?
-It is your very own
140
00:05:08,172 --> 00:05:10,206
handmade Experience
Coupon Book.
141
00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:11,896
Okay.
142
00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:13,448
-"Handjob."
-Whoop!
143
00:05:13,448 --> 00:05:15,241
"Dry"?
144
00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:17,379
I prefer wet.
145
00:05:17,379 --> 00:05:19,551
Picnic in the park.
146
00:05:19,551 --> 00:05:21,896
Blowjob, wet.
147
00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:24,000
Zoo day.
148
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,724
Anal!
149
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:28,172
This is awesome.
This is a quantified,
150
00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,758
organized list
of the stuff we already do.
151
00:05:30,758 --> 00:05:34,206
-I love it. Thank you.
-Yay!
152
00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,172
All right. My turn.
153
00:05:36,172 --> 00:05:39,896
Okay. Okay.
154
00:05:49,206 --> 00:05:51,206
Mm...
155
00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:53,862
Phew.
156
00:05:53,862 --> 00:05:56,000
I mean phew.
157
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,724
I farted, and it went, like,
up my dress and up my nose,
158
00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:01,206
and then it dissipated...
159
00:06:01,206 --> 00:06:03,275
Okay. "Jewess"?
Yes!
160
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:05,344
I saw them,
and I thought of you.
161
00:06:05,344 --> 00:06:07,241
Why?
162
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:08,448
Just kidding.
163
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:20,827
Art.
164
00:06:20,827 --> 00:06:24,206
Asymmetrical hairstyles.
165
00:06:24,206 --> 00:06:25,655
Unabashed confidence.
166
00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:29,586
Helicopter!
167
00:06:29,586 --> 00:06:30,896
Abbi!
168
00:06:30,896 --> 00:06:32,793
Kevin!
169
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,448
Thank God
you came after all.
170
00:06:34,448 --> 00:06:37,000
I was actually going to fire you
for bailing tonight,
171
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,310
but here you are,
in your bizarrely gorgeous
172
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:40,379
catering ware.
173
00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:42,000
Here I am!
174
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,448
We've got asparagus spears
that still need to be trayed up,
175
00:06:44,448 --> 00:06:46,689
and then you can grab a tray of
riblets and start passing them.
176
00:06:46,689 --> 00:06:47,896
Did you bring your beret?
177
00:06:47,896 --> 00:06:49,965
Oh, I-I forgot
the beret.
178
00:06:49,965 --> 00:06:51,379
It's okay.
Just meet me in the garden.
179
00:06:51,379 --> 00:06:53,103
I brought
an extra one!
180
00:06:56,655 --> 00:06:59,965
This is our first pasta tasting,
the bucatini tartufo.
181
00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:01,448
Mushrooms were milled
in Hudson,
182
00:07:01,448 --> 00:07:03,103
and they were foraged
just this morning.
183
00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:04,758
Oh. Nice.
184
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,068
-Gorgeous.
-One down.
185
00:07:07,068 --> 00:07:09,241
11 to go.
Let's enjoy this food
186
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:10,896
before we get down
to business.
187
00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:13,931
I agree. See, we are already
wonderful at negotiating.
188
00:07:13,931 --> 00:07:16,517
Yeah.
189
00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:17,931
-Oh.
-Oh, my God.
190
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,896
-God damn.
-I'm, like, literally, like,
191
00:07:19,896 --> 00:07:22,000
getting, like, buttery wet
like the --
192
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,896
-Yeah.
-Like the noodles.
193
00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:25,172
I would raw-dog
this pasta
194
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:27,931
even if I knew
it had a disease.
195
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,206
I'm a gassy bitch.
196
00:07:29,206 --> 00:07:31,827
I eat shtinky food!
Whoo!
197
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,172
Garlic rosemary lamb riblets
with a mint compote?
198
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,103
Ab!
199
00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,206
-Abbi! Hi!
-Dude, what's up?
200
00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:46,758
I'm so sorry.
201
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,206
Hey!
202
00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,517
Mwah! Mwah!
203
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:50,758
-Mwah.
-Thanks so much for coming.
204
00:07:50,758 --> 00:07:51,931
It means so much to me.
205
00:07:51,931 --> 00:07:53,275
No, thank you
for inviting me.
206
00:07:53,275 --> 00:07:54,689
-Of course.
-This is awesome.
207
00:07:54,689 --> 00:07:56,517
Ugh. God.
208
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,793
What?
209
00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:59,931
Jeffrey Sean Michael
Thomas is here.
210
00:07:59,931 --> 00:08:03,000
He has nudes of me.
Sick stuff.
211
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,172
Let's go play nice.
212
00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:05,379
O-Okay.
213
00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:06,724
Hello!
214
00:08:06,724 --> 00:08:07,793
Ding dong!
215
00:08:07,793 --> 00:08:09,241
Let me get in here.
216
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:12,000
-Let me get in.
-And so I said,
217
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,413
"What is this, Sotheby's?"
218
00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:18,793
Oh, my God!
Can I borrow your phone?
219
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,620
-Excuse me.
-Oh!
220
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,896
Garlic rosemary lamb riblet
with mint compote?
221
00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:25,137
Jesus.
222
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,103
This is
a spiritual experience.
223
00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:28,137
All right, Lincoln.
224
00:08:28,137 --> 00:08:29,448
Hmm?
225
00:08:29,448 --> 00:08:30,448
Shall we?
226
00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:31,724
All right.
227
00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:40,137
As we look ahead
at the upcoming year,
228
00:08:40,137 --> 00:08:41,586
I would like to discuss
the deal points
229
00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,655
regarding sexual
exploration,
230
00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:46,310
starting with
the roller-coaster idea.
231
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,241
That's a no
for me, dawg.
232
00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:49,793
Roller coasters are already
scary enough
233
00:08:49,793 --> 00:08:51,241
without me
having my dick out.
234
00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:52,689
Plus, there's pictures,
235
00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:54,655
and they project the pictures
at the end.
236
00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:55,862
Nobody should see that.
237
00:08:55,862 --> 00:08:58,275
I just think
it would be thrilling.
238
00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:00,448
I can give you
Ferris wheel.
239
00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:02,655
Deal! I like that
better, actually.
240
00:09:02,655 --> 00:09:04,068
Up-and-down-vibes.
241
00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:07,655
I'd like to bring up the item
of rom-coms.
242
00:09:07,655 --> 00:09:09,206
Don't know where we're
gonna get on this, Lincoln.
243
00:09:09,206 --> 00:09:11,724
I want to watch four rom-coms
a year.
244
00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:14,965
I object because they are
offensive to women.
245
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,586
That is subjective.
246
00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:18,896
I gotta push back,
and I'll give you two.
247
00:09:18,896 --> 00:09:21,689
Three.
No laughing at them.
248
00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:24,000
Only laughing withthem.
249
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,689
Give you two
laughing at them,
250
00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:29,310
and one laughing
with them.
251
00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:30,896
-Deal.
-Whew!
252
00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:32,206
Can I approach the bench?
253
00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:34,551
Yes, you can.
254
00:09:39,206 --> 00:09:41,241
Aah!
255
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:44,172
Hi-i-i-i!
256
00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,655
-Hey.
-How are you?
257
00:09:45,655 --> 00:09:47,000
-Good.
-You smell good.
258
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,344
Thank you.
259
00:09:48,344 --> 00:09:51,068
Hopper went to MICA,
as well!
260
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,379
Dope! So, Hopper,
what do you do now?
261
00:09:53,379 --> 00:09:56,068
I work at a gallery uptown
part-time,
262
00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:58,551
and I paint in my studio
as much as I can.
263
00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:00,965
I teach occasionally at Hunter
undergrad as a sub.
264
00:10:00,965 --> 00:10:02,379
I heard
you had the best time
265
00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:04,413
at that residency program
out West.
266
00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:06,413
-How was it?
-Yeah, it was great.
267
00:10:06,413 --> 00:10:09,517
It was a nice mix of studio time
and teaching.
268
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:11,482
-It was really nice.
-Beautiful.
269
00:10:11,482 --> 00:10:13,379
Wow.
That sounds better
270
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:17,000
than...anything I've done
in the past eight years.
271
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,034
Oh, I'm sure
that's not true.
272
00:10:19,034 --> 00:10:21,068
No, it is.
273
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,482
You know what?
I'm gonna send you some links
274
00:10:22,482 --> 00:10:24,689
-to some programs, okay?
-Awesome, yeah.
275
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:28,034
And also, you are going
to mingle tonight, believe me.
276
00:10:28,034 --> 00:10:29,758
-Okay, I will. Yeah.
-Okay, you know who I'd like
277
00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:32,310
to mingle with, though?
Those canapés right behind you.
278
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,827
-Sir? Excuse me. The food?
-Oh, my God.
279
00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:38,000
-Hi.
-I-I'm gonna tie my shoe!
280
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,758
-Describe!
-Okay.
281
00:10:39,758 --> 00:10:42,689
Salmon and cucumber twist
with a dollop of crème fraîche.
282
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:43,724
-Okay.
-And our salmon
283
00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:45,482
is cured with beetroot.
284
00:10:45,482 --> 00:10:47,827
If I start choking,
do not resuscitate.
285
00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:50,206
-This is how I want to go.
286
00:10:50,206 --> 00:10:52,689
Hysterical.
287
00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:54,862
Okay.
288
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,344
Ohh.
289
00:10:56,344 --> 00:10:59,344
My laces get tangled.
290
00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:01,413
Food! Oh, you know what?
I'm gonna go --
291
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:04,103
I'm gonna go find them.
'Cause that looks so good.
292
00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:06,793
I'm gonna go get me
some of that.
293
00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:08,068
Shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
294
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,620
Oh, my God.
Shit.
295
00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:11,655
Such a character.
296
00:11:11,655 --> 00:11:14,448
Do you have any coke --
297
00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:16,586
I've always known
how to clear out a room.
298
00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:19,275
Okay, moving on
with the proceedings.
299
00:11:19,275 --> 00:11:20,724
I would like to look
at the next article,
300
00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:24,551
which is a suspension
period in monogamy.
301
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,103
If we are gonna do this
for another beautiful year,
302
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:32,862
I would like to make out
with five...
303
00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,275
ty --
"fivety" people.
304
00:11:34,275 --> 00:11:35,310
50 people.
305
00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:36,586
Ilana.
306
00:11:36,586 --> 00:11:37,931
Two.
307
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,034
And I have to know
about them.
308
00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:43,034
Okay! Dope!
309
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:44,586
I mean deal.
310
00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:47,413
Communication is dope.
311
00:11:47,413 --> 00:11:50,275
On the long-term front,
312
00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:52,758
I would like to bring up
an issue
313
00:11:52,758 --> 00:11:56,241
with the state
of Maryland.
314
00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:59,482
-Mm-hmm.
-I think I'd like to move there.
315
00:12:02,103 --> 00:12:04,793
You just want
to up and move
316
00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,551
to middle-of-nowhere
Maryland?
317
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,310
Well, I'm from there,
318
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,137
so my whole family
would be there.
319
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,793
My brother's
a dentist, also,
320
00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:13,827
and we've always wanted
to start our own practice,
321
00:12:13,827 --> 00:12:15,275
"The Tooth Factory."
322
00:12:15,275 --> 00:12:19,448
And there's lots
of great schools there.
323
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,137
Schools?
So, w-w-what,
324
00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:24,344
like, cars drive around them
slower, and it's safer to walk?
325
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,517
No. Schools are...
326
00:12:26,517 --> 00:12:29,931
for the children
that I father
327
00:12:29,931 --> 00:12:31,517
to attend.
328
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:41,000
Are we -- Are we still
discussing thisyear?
329
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,344
I don't really remember
reviewing this for my notes.
330
00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,344
Well, I guess while looking
at this year's points,
331
00:12:46,344 --> 00:12:49,758
I looked ahead at next year
and the year after that.
332
00:12:49,758 --> 00:12:51,172
Is this about
the rom-coms?
333
00:12:51,172 --> 00:12:53,620
'Cause I'll watch one
every weekend, you know?
334
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:55,241
And I'll just rip a bong
335
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,896
and laugh really sincerely,
and I'll learn to love them.
336
00:12:57,896 --> 00:13:00,103
No, it's just that,
I want to buy a house.
337
00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:01,724
I've been looking
on Zillow.
338
00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:04,275
Houses aren't even
that expensive in Maryland.
339
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:07,206
And I want to have kids,
340
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:08,931
and I want to get married.
341
00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:10,586
Lincoln, I'm only 27.
342
00:13:10,586 --> 00:13:12,241
What am I, a child bride?
343
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:14,551
You know, I don't know
that I never want it.
344
00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:16,689
I just definitely
don't want it right now.
345
00:13:16,689 --> 00:13:18,689
I could commit to a kid
346
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:22,000
when I'm like...43.
347
00:13:24,448 --> 00:13:26,655
Lincoln, I just figured out
that I want to go back to school
348
00:13:26,655 --> 00:13:30,241
and focus on my wizness.
349
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:33,275
I'm on
a New York City timeline.
350
00:13:33,275 --> 00:13:35,344
Do you ever think
you'd change your mind?
351
00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:43,655
At this point,
352
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,793
I can't move on this.
353
00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:52,172
I have no counter.
354
00:13:52,172 --> 00:13:53,896
I-I...
355
00:13:56,724 --> 00:13:59,241
I have no counter.
356
00:13:59,241 --> 00:14:03,413
Well, these points are
non-negotiable for me.
357
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:32,620
♪ Shawty says
she hate my lifestyle ♪
358
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:35,758
♪ She hate my friends,
feel like my life wild ♪
359
00:14:35,758 --> 00:14:39,103
♪ She hate my lifestyle ♪
360
00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:40,896
♪ I wrote this shit
up in the Chi ♪
361
00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:42,344
♪ All right! All right! ♪
362
00:14:42,344 --> 00:14:44,137
♪ That's where I get
all my thoughts ♪
363
00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:45,586
♪ All right! All right! ♪
364
00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,448
♪ She don't like it,
like it, though ♪
365
00:14:47,448 --> 00:14:48,862
♪ All right! All right! ♪
366
00:14:48,862 --> 00:14:50,689
♪ That's why you lookin'
real soft ♪
367
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,103
♪ All right! All right! ♪
368
00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:55,413
♪ Damn it, man,
I feel like twice ♪
369
00:14:55,413 --> 00:14:58,137
Riblets!♪ It feel like scheisse ♪
370
00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:00,896
♪ She stayin' at my house,
it been a few ♪
371
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:05,068
Riblets. Am I right?
372
00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:19,517
God. Watch it!
373
00:15:19,517 --> 00:15:22,000
S-- I am sorry.
374
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,724
Shit!
375
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,068
Ohh. I'm so sorry!
376
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,896
-Abbi!
-Abbi?!
377
00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:29,000
-Oh, my God.
-I'm so sorry.
378
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,413
I'm so sorry.
Uh, we were short caterers,
379
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:34,068
and Abbi's never really been
talented with the tray, so...
380
00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:36,517
Oh, I'm so sorry. Actually,
Abbi's an up-and-coming artist
381
00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:38,482
and my personal guest,
not a caterer.
382
00:15:38,482 --> 00:15:41,379
Um, yes, she is.
383
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:45,689
So, I-I'm --
I-I'm actually catering,
384
00:15:45,689 --> 00:15:49,724
but I am -- am also
a-a guest.
385
00:15:49,724 --> 00:15:51,862
Okay, Ab,
We're gonna need you
386
00:15:51,862 --> 00:15:54,758
to start loading some dirties
into a van, so...
387
00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:56,379
Totally.
I will do that.
388
00:15:56,379 --> 00:15:58,137
-Liars aren't cool.
-No, I-I kn--
389
00:15:58,137 --> 00:16:00,827
I don't think
they're cool, either.
390
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,655
You know what?
I have to go find some canapés,
391
00:16:02,655 --> 00:16:04,413
-clear my mind.
-Donna, I can get you canapés.
392
00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:06,758
I can -- I can g--
I have access to all of them.
393
00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:12,965
Don't worry about her.
She can get her own canapés.
394
00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:14,758
It's not that bad!
I don't even like this dress.
395
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:15,931
It's too yellow.
396
00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:18,310
I am so sorry.
397
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:21,896
This is not how
this was supposed to go down.
398
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:24,103
I was so excited to be here
tonight as a guest
399
00:16:24,103 --> 00:16:26,931
with all these cool
art people.
400
00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:30,241
I mean, I'm actually
an artist, too.
401
00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:33,413
I'm just not, like, a --
a real one.
402
00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,793
Well, you might not
want to say that.
403
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,137
But it's smart to have
a flexible service job
404
00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:38,931
so that you can make art.
405
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,827
I waited tables for years.
406
00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:43,068
And I spilled
on lots of people.
407
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,034
In fact, half my pieces
are inspired
408
00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:47,448
by people
I've spilled on.
409
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,448
Well, what are
your pieces like?
410
00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:50,862
You might know my work.
411
00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:52,758
I'm Toy Harris.
412
00:16:57,620 --> 00:17:00,448
You're T--
You're Toy Harris?
413
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:04,965
Holy shit, dude.
414
00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:06,724
-Oh, my God.
-You're Toy Harris?
415
00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:08,689
-Yeah.
-You're the third floor.
416
00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:11,310
It took us years of protesting,
but we're here.
417
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:12,344
-I cannot bel--
-It's okay.
418
00:17:12,344 --> 00:17:13,724
You -- You --
I c--
419
00:17:13,724 --> 00:17:16,172
So, you want to just --
you know.
420
00:17:16,172 --> 00:17:18,172
I can't believe I spill--
I spilled on Toy Harris.
421
00:17:18,172 --> 00:17:20,103
I spilled on Toy Harris!
422
00:17:20,103 --> 00:17:22,000
-Okay.
-I am getting dizzy!
423
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,482
-This is insane!
-All right, then.
424
00:17:23,482 --> 00:17:24,517
Good night.
425
00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:28,206
Oh, my God.
Okay.
426
00:17:28,206 --> 00:17:29,931
Ooh!
427
00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,068
This is not her night.
428
00:17:34,034 --> 00:17:35,517
Bah!
429
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,206
-Ohh.
-Bee!
430
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:38,448
Hee-hee-hoo!
431
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,275
What do they do?
Hoo-hoo-hee!
432
00:17:40,275 --> 00:17:43,517
Put your head out of the window
now for fresh air!
433
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:44,793
Ohh!
434
00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:47,965
Ay! Zy-yo-wah!
435
00:17:47,965 --> 00:17:50,172
Please keep your head
out of the window, okay?
436
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:51,931
You keep your head
out of the window t--
437
00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:56,206
You keep
your head out, too.
438
00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:59,586
Oh, Jesus Christ!
439
00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:04,793
Your blood pressure's low.
440
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,517
You probably fainted from low
blood sugar and dehydration.
441
00:18:08,517 --> 00:18:11,172
Your girlfriend said
you narrowly missed fainting
442
00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:14,827
into something dangerous --
a sculpture, I think?
443
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,448
Oh, wait, is Ilana here?
444
00:18:16,448 --> 00:18:18,793
No, she's not my girlfriend.
People do talk, though.
445
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,689
No, uh, Donna?
446
00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:22,034
The woman
who brought you in.
447
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,689
Yeah, yeah, Smelly Pussy Do--
Donna.
448
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:26,931
No, Donna's
just my friend.
449
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:30,137
No, I-I don't have
a, um, boyfriend or --
450
00:18:30,137 --> 00:18:32,103
ora-a girlfriend.
451
00:18:32,103 --> 00:18:35,482
That's...surprising.
452
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,241
You just seem like
you would.
453
00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:41,068
Oh. Thanks.
454
00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:43,034
No, you, too.
You see-- I mean,
455
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:45,275
obviously, you have one --
You do. You're a doctor,
456
00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:48,758
-so of cour--
-I don't.
457
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:50,655
Cool.
458
00:18:55,137 --> 00:18:57,310
Ohh. Fart away, man.
459
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:03,172
God, I'm full.
460
00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:06,655
You know, while I was, um,
breaking your toilet,
461
00:19:06,655 --> 00:19:10,379
I had a lot of time
to think, and...
462
00:19:10,379 --> 00:19:12,448
I'm meant to be
a polyamorous queen.
463
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:13,862
I understand.
464
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,586
You got too much love
for just one person.
465
00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:19,310
You are so special.
466
00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:21,379
Such a heart on you.
467
00:19:21,379 --> 00:19:24,172
You're gonna be
an amazing dad and husband.
468
00:19:24,172 --> 00:19:26,586
And you should have those things
if you want them.
469
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:29,206
I just don't know
that I do right now.
470
00:19:29,206 --> 00:19:31,206
You'll figure it out
when it's right.
471
00:19:31,206 --> 00:19:33,482
Do you think I'll figure it out
like you,
472
00:19:33,482 --> 00:19:35,310
by the time I'm 40?
473
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:36,862
I'm 32.
474
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:41,000
You know, that coupon book
never expires.
475
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,655
-Yeah?
476
00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:44,931
So say you have kids,
and you have a wife,
477
00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:48,482
and you guys are, like,
doin' the suburban grind,
478
00:19:48,482 --> 00:19:50,068
I will fly in.
479
00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,689
I'll hold on to it.
480
00:19:54,034 --> 00:19:56,034
-What?
-Is it insane
481
00:19:56,034 --> 00:19:58,379
that I'm still hungry?
482
00:19:58,379 --> 00:20:00,517
Nope, not at all.
483
00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:04,241
And that's why I brought
the cake in here.
484
00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:13,896
That is a good friend.
485
00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:15,310
Wow.
486
00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:17,206
Yep.
487
00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:18,896
Mm.
488
00:20:23,586 --> 00:20:25,517
Okay. So, this is
for glucose tablets.
489
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:26,758
-Okay.
-Not a bad idea
490
00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:28,517
to carry them with you
just in case.
491
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,172
And if you're still
feeling weak tomorrow,
492
00:20:30,172 --> 00:20:31,965
I'd make an appointment
with your regular doctor,
493
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:34,862
but you look great to me.
494
00:20:34,862 --> 00:20:37,068
Okay.
495
00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:39,068
So, uh, is that --
That's it?
496
00:20:39,068 --> 00:20:43,206
Um, unless there's something
else I can do for you.
497
00:20:43,206 --> 00:20:46,172
N--
I-I don't think so.
498
00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:48,689
Okay. Well...
499
00:20:48,689 --> 00:20:50,310
it was nice to meet you,
Abbi.
500
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:52,551
Yeah, it was nice to meet you,
too, Dr. Marnel.
501
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:56,000
You know, since we're done,
why don't you call me Leslie?
502
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,724
Okay.
503
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,482
Leslie.
504
00:21:21,103 --> 00:21:22,724
-Hey, Leslie.
-Yes?
505
00:21:22,724 --> 00:21:25,517
Um, I was just thinking,
would it be illegal or whatever
506
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:27,793
if I --
507
00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:30,862
if I got
your phone number?
508
00:21:30,862 --> 00:21:32,586
It would not be illegal.
509
00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:37,482
So, even though it was
a conscious uncoupling,
510
00:21:37,482 --> 00:21:39,758
and we will stay friends,
511
00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:43,137
it was, um, devastating
512
00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:45,689
and tragically
bittersweet
513
00:21:45,689 --> 00:21:48,793
and fully broke my heart.
514
00:21:48,793 --> 00:21:50,655
Obviously, you had
a shitty night, too.
515
00:21:50,655 --> 00:21:53,034
I mean, look at you. You know,
let's never be apart again.
516
00:21:53,034 --> 00:21:55,000
And I'm just praying
that your nose returns
517
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,965
to its beautiful
goyish shape.
518
00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,448
Okay, so, my night
was, like, kind of nuts.
519
00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:00,965
-Mm.
-It started off pretty bad,
520
00:22:00,965 --> 00:22:03,103
you know --
typical failure after failure.
521
00:22:03,103 --> 00:22:05,448
But then I realized, like,
I need to put myself out there
522
00:22:05,448 --> 00:22:08,241
alone, to meet all these,
like, rad art contacts.
523
00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:11,448
-Right?
-Dude, I met Toy Harris.
524
00:22:11,448 --> 00:22:14,034
Whoa!
Who is that, though?
525
00:22:14,034 --> 00:22:15,758
Yeah. She's, like,
this incredible artist.
526
00:22:15,758 --> 00:22:17,517
And Smelly Pussy Donna
was dope.
527
00:22:17,517 --> 00:22:19,034
She, like, introduced me
to all these people
528
00:22:19,034 --> 00:22:21,862
who told me about all these
artist residencies.
529
00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:24,241
She's kind of like
my...friend.
530
00:22:24,241 --> 00:22:25,931
Totally! Right?
531
00:22:25,931 --> 00:22:28,620
Yeah. And then,
at the E.R.,
532
00:22:28,620 --> 00:22:30,241
you know,
after I smashed my face,
533
00:22:30,241 --> 00:22:32,448
-there was this hot doctor.
-Okay!
534
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:35,241
And we, like,
really hit it off.
535
00:22:35,241 --> 00:22:36,724
And then I realized
the only reason
536
00:22:36,724 --> 00:22:39,241
I wasn't automatically
asking them out
537
00:22:39,241 --> 00:22:40,827
was because
she was a woman.
538
00:22:40,827 --> 00:22:42,758
You don't say.
539
00:22:42,758 --> 00:22:45,241
-Yeah. So then I just did it.
-Mm!
540
00:22:45,241 --> 00:22:47,793
We're gonna go out
on Friday night.
Yes!
541
00:22:47,793 --> 00:22:50,689
It was really
a transformative night, dude.
542
00:22:50,689 --> 00:22:52,724
So cool. Yes!
543
00:22:52,724 --> 00:22:54,724
Yes! Cool!
Cool! Cool! Cool!
544
00:22:54,724 --> 00:22:57,241
Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
Cool! Cool! C-C-Cool!
545
00:22:57,241 --> 00:22:59,517
Cool.
That is so...cool.
546
00:22:59,517 --> 00:23:02,758
We just both had these sort of
life-altering nights
547
00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:05,172
out there on our own.
Yes!
548
00:23:05,172 --> 00:23:07,000
-Yeah.
549
00:23:14,413 --> 00:23:15,965
So, let's watch
this thing, huh?
550
00:23:15,965 --> 00:23:17,965
Yeah. Found it.
551
00:23:17,965 --> 00:23:21,758
Hello. My name is
Donna Donatachi.
552
00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:25,517
Back in college, they used
to call me Smelly Pussy Donna.
553
00:23:25,517 --> 00:23:27,689
Well, not anymore!
554
00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,827
Read my lips -- Yo-gurt!
555
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:42,068
My nipples are hard.
556
00:23:42,068 --> 00:23:44,655
Um, yeah, my balls tinglin'
from this.
557
00:23:44,655 --> 00:23:46,965
-Wow. Mmm.
-Yeah.
558
00:23:46,965 --> 00:23:48,689
-Mmm.
-As a man, we're usually
559
00:23:48,689 --> 00:23:50,896
not capable
of multiple orgasms, but...
560
00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:52,172
Mm. Mm-hmm.
561
00:23:52,172 --> 00:23:54,724
...this makes that false.
39226
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