Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:09,206
♪ Happy 30-birdy ♪
2
00:00:09,206 --> 00:00:11,000
♪ Happy 30 -- ♪
3
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,724
Happy 30th birthday, Abbi.
4
00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:16,241
Okay, so, today,
we are walking from --
5
00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:18,758
Sorry, one second.
Nose grease.
6
00:00:18,758 --> 00:00:21,034
This is gonna be
the litty-est story ever.
7
00:00:21,034 --> 00:00:23,206
Happy 30th birthday, Abbi.
8
00:00:23,206 --> 00:00:25,758
Okay, so, today,
we are walking from
9
00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:27,482
the tippity-top of Manhattan
10
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:29,551
to the tippity-bottom
of Manhattan.
11
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:38,172
It's function, baby.
It's fashion, baby.
12
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,275
It's fluid, baby.
13
00:00:40,275 --> 00:00:42,655
I got to fill it up. There's
nothing in there right now.
14
00:00:42,655 --> 00:00:45,413
Abbi: Oh, yeah, dude. I am
so happy that you got these.
15
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,896
Ilana: Phillip Lim
on a Shopbop discount.
16
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:50,482
$149 at 80% off, okay?
17
00:00:50,482 --> 00:00:52,344
And we're talking only half
a size smaller
18
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,862
than the size I actually wear,
so work it, dawg!
19
00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:57,482
Hold on!
Is that the key to my heart?
20
00:00:57,482 --> 00:00:59,000
Yeah, this is the key
to your heart.
21
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,241
-What's the other one?
-The key to your ass!
22
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:09,206
-How do you feel, Abbi?
-I feel good.
23
00:01:09,206 --> 00:01:10,586
Bitch, how do you feel?!
24
00:01:10,586 --> 00:01:11,965
-I feel great!
-Yes!
25
00:01:11,965 --> 00:01:14,000
Happy 30th birthday, dawg!
26
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,137
Whoa, Ilana, are you sure
those shoes are okay?
27
00:01:17,137 --> 00:01:19,586
Yes.
Dude, I feel more comfortable
28
00:01:19,586 --> 00:01:21,275
in platforms than not.
29
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,827
Woman: We're being held up here
30
00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:39,068
due to someone jumping
on the tracks to get a photo.
31
00:01:39,068 --> 00:01:40,931
We'll be moving shortly.
32
00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:43,482
Oh, my good God.
33
00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,137
I can show you your present
right now.
34
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:47,103
-Ilana, I said no gifts.
-Okay, but it happens
35
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,620
to already be in your phone,
so check your texts.
36
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,724
What is it?
37
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:54,275
Oh, my God!
38
00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:55,620
Ilana.
39
00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,172
What?
40
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:17,034
♪ I'm 15 for a moment ♪
41
00:02:17,034 --> 00:02:18,689
Oh, my gosh!
42
00:02:18,689 --> 00:02:20,517
How long has this
been going on?
43
00:02:20,517 --> 00:02:23,068
♪ 22 for a moment ♪
44
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:26,034
♪ And she feels
better than ever ♪
45
00:02:26,034 --> 00:02:29,551
♪ And we're on fire ♪
46
00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:35,275
♪ Making our way
back from Mars ♪
47
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:39,344
♪ 15 there's still time
for you ♪
48
00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:43,344
♪ Time to buy and time to lose ♪
49
00:02:43,344 --> 00:02:49,310
♪ 15, there's never a wish
better than this ♪
50
00:02:51,862 --> 00:02:55,655
Ilana, this is like...♪ 15 there's still
time for you ♪
51
00:02:55,655 --> 00:02:59,034
♪ Time to buy
and time to choose ♪
52
00:02:59,034 --> 00:03:01,689
♪ Hey 15 ♪
53
00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:06,758
♪ There's never a wish
better than this ♪
54
00:03:06,758 --> 00:03:12,689
♪ When you only got
a hundred years to live ♪
55
00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:22,689
♪ 4 and 3 and 2 and 1 ♪
56
00:03:27,068 --> 00:03:29,103
Ilana:
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
57
00:03:29,103 --> 00:03:32,448
♪ Looks like we made it ♪
58
00:03:32,448 --> 00:03:36,206
To Inwood!
New York City, baby!
59
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:39,517
Holy shit! There she is,
the birthday girl herself!
60
00:03:41,103 --> 00:03:42,724
The pigs!
61
00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:44,931
Okay, no, for real, pigs.
62
00:03:44,931 --> 00:03:47,034
Dude, stop it.
63
00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,275
Stop.
64
00:03:48,275 --> 00:03:50,103
Ilana:
You're beautiful!
65
00:03:53,344 --> 00:03:56,206
♪ Shake down, now shit's getting
shook up, used -- ♪
66
00:03:57,827 --> 00:03:59,241
She's speechless.
67
00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:02,103
Morris Jumel Mansion, baby.
Beside herself.
68
00:04:02,103 --> 00:04:04,862
This has been here
the whole time, sitting here!
69
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:10,275
Yeah.
70
00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:13,068
Ow.
71
00:04:13,068 --> 00:04:14,310
Ilana: Come on!
72
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:16,103
What?
73
00:04:16,103 --> 00:04:18,413
Oh, thank you. Uh, it's just
this Onionarticle.
74
00:04:18,413 --> 00:04:19,965
It's just cracking me up, man.
75
00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:21,689
That's the Times.
76
00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:31,655
Wow. She's been practicing
all season for this moment.
77
00:04:34,103 --> 00:04:36,137
Wow, since her recovery,
I'm -- I'm shocked
78
00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:37,586
at the eleganza she's bringing.
79
00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:39,034
No parents.
Her parents divorced her,
80
00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:41,275
gave her over to coaches.
She and her coach
81
00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:43,413
have had a sexual relationship
for many years.
82
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:46,413
Let's see if she can nail
the triple axel!
83
00:04:46,413 --> 00:04:47,931
Oh!
And she nailed it!
84
00:04:55,448 --> 00:04:57,620
Hair braiding!
85
00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,103
Hair braiding!
86
00:05:00,103 --> 00:05:02,206
You want your hair braided?
87
00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:03,724
You want
your hair braided?
88
00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:04,896
No.
Ilana, no.
89
00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:06,172
Come on! She's black.
90
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,758
-She's saying it.
-Hair braiding!
91
00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:09,172
I just don't think
that you should --
92
00:05:09,172 --> 00:05:10,896
One braid.
93
00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:19,000
Thank you so much.
94
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,172
Abbi:
Beautiful. It's very long.
95
00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:23,379
You know what it is?
96
00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:25,724
A touch
of cultural appropriation
97
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:27,241
sheds light on the matter.
98
00:05:27,241 --> 00:05:30,068
Whoo!
99
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:32,310
Yeah!
100
00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:35,206
♪ Dirty 30, hoo! ♪
101
00:05:35,206 --> 00:05:37,689
♪ Dirty 30, hoo! ♪
102
00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:40,068
♪ Dirty 30, yow! ♪
103
00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:42,517
30, huh?
Do you feel different?
104
00:05:42,517 --> 00:05:44,827
You look younger,
actually.
105
00:05:44,827 --> 00:05:46,172
Dude, I feel fine.
106
00:05:46,172 --> 00:05:48,034
-I don't know. Whatever.
-No, no, no, no.
107
00:05:48,034 --> 00:05:49,724
You are a-mahz-ing,
108
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,827
fully a-mahz-ing
and "sahno" phenomenal.
109
00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:54,000
Come on.
You have two really nice parents
110
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,379
and a great apartment.
111
00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:58,482
Yeah, no, I --
I don't know.
112
00:05:58,482 --> 00:06:03,137
I guess I thought I'd be, like,
married with kids by now.
113
00:06:03,137 --> 00:06:05,655
I guess it's good I have the job
at Anthropologie.
114
00:06:05,655 --> 00:06:08,448
Yes! 'Cause, you know what?
If you had kids,
115
00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:10,068
they'd leave you
after 18 years,
116
00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:13,862
but Anthropologie,
you might work there forever.
117
00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:15,413
I mean, I hope not.
118
00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:17,275
Me, too. You're not gonna
work there forever,
119
00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:18,758
but you could
if you wanted to
120
00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:20,724
'cause you're so good
at your work,
121
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:22,379
but you're surely gonna
become a famous artist,
122
00:06:22,379 --> 00:06:23,724
so it's not even an issue.
123
00:06:23,724 --> 00:06:25,379
-Okay, let's just keep going.
-Yeah.
124
00:06:33,551 --> 00:06:35,172
Damn!
125
00:06:35,172 --> 00:06:37,275
-Dude, stop filming.
-I'm sorry, I have to report
126
00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:39,310
that Abbi just
got clotheslined
127
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:41,379
by a metal pole
in the middle of the street.
128
00:06:41,379 --> 00:06:42,482
Whoa!
129
00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:43,965
-Aah!
-Ilana! Oh, my God!
130
00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:46,103
-Ilana!
-Ow, damn it!
131
00:06:46,103 --> 00:06:47,413
Are you okay?
132
00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:50,896
Yeah, I just fully
fell down a manhole.
133
00:06:50,896 --> 00:06:53,724
Wait, are you
still filming?
134
00:06:55,655 --> 00:07:00,344
♪ A girl on girl crumble ♪
135
00:07:00,551 --> 00:07:02,965
dude!
I'm, like, actually hurt!
136
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,275
I don't think I can
climb up the ladder
137
00:07:04,275 --> 00:07:06,275
and film
at the same time.
138
00:07:06,275 --> 00:07:08,862
I know what to do!
Okay!
139
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,689
Ohh. Oh, God.
Okay.
140
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:25,448
Abbi: Dude, we got
to go to a doctor.
141
00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:26,724
Ilana: I'm fine!
142
00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:28,896
Plus we gotta walk
the rest of Manhattan!
143
00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:37,896
Okay, aisle 4.
144
00:07:37,896 --> 00:07:38,931
Hell yeah.
145
00:07:38,931 --> 00:07:40,172
Ilana. Shoot.
146
00:07:40,172 --> 00:07:41,551
-Ilana!
-Whoo-hoo!
147
00:07:41,551 --> 00:07:42,931
Oh, my God.
148
00:07:42,931 --> 00:07:45,758
I miss school only
for the supplies.
149
00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:47,931
Oof!
Lisa Frank, bitch!
150
00:07:47,931 --> 00:07:50,241
Mogul, bitch!
Empire, bitch!
151
00:07:50,241 --> 00:07:51,965
School supplies.
152
00:07:57,862 --> 00:07:59,413
These are good ones.
153
00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:02,310
These are good markers.
154
00:08:09,965 --> 00:08:11,000
Abbi: Killin' it.
155
00:08:14,344 --> 00:08:18,896
♪ Happy birthday,
dear Claire ♪
156
00:08:18,896 --> 00:08:19,965
Brrring!
157
00:08:32,482 --> 00:08:34,517
Miss, um, how may I
help you today?
158
00:08:34,517 --> 00:08:35,689
Ilana:
I don't know, what do you go?
159
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,517
Well, for
your lovely feet,
160
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,068
I'm thinking we should
definitely get you
161
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:41,827
in something
a little more comfy.
162
00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:44,172
I think you need something
definitely with arch support.
163
00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:45,517
Cushioning.
164
00:08:45,517 --> 00:08:47,172
Breathable.
You got it.
165
00:08:47,172 --> 00:08:48,689
Hi.
Thank you so much.
166
00:08:48,689 --> 00:08:52,068
♪ When you give me
those ocean eyes ♪
167
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:58,241
I can't, like, lea-- You know
how they're always like, "Lean,"
168
00:08:58,241 --> 00:09:01,586
and then they lean? Aah.
Yeah, I can't do it.
169
00:09:06,758 --> 00:09:09,413
I'm like, "How many layers
of irony can we go?"
170
00:09:09,413 --> 00:09:12,172
Skechers is selling
ugly Skechers.
171
00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:15,068
Please.
172
00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:16,758
Abbi: All right, dude.
What are we even doing?
173
00:09:16,758 --> 00:09:19,413
Are these comfortable
or what?
174
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,655
Yeah, no, they're good.
175
00:09:20,655 --> 00:09:22,034
They're good!
176
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,965
Oh --
177
00:09:33,724 --> 00:09:35,896
Ilana:
Wowee, wowee, what a steal!
178
00:09:35,896 --> 00:09:37,068
I'm buying these for you.
179
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:38,206
What?
180
00:09:38,206 --> 00:09:39,896
-No!
-Happy my birthday!
181
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:41,241
I couldn't le--
182
00:09:43,689 --> 00:09:45,482
I'll take these, please.
183
00:09:45,482 --> 00:09:48,241
If you open up
a Fresh Kicks credit card,
184
00:09:48,241 --> 00:09:50,206
these will be $9.99.
185
00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:52,034
Please do not film me.
186
00:09:52,034 --> 00:09:54,137
But adults do have
more than one credit card.
187
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:55,862
I should get
the extra credit card.
188
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,482
I should get it.
It's not nuts
189
00:09:57,482 --> 00:10:00,655
for me to get
another credit card.
190
00:10:00,655 --> 00:10:02,068
Okay.
191
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,517
And I'll just do it.
I'll just, like --
192
00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:06,068
You'll pay it.
Don't need to tell Dad --
193
00:10:06,068 --> 00:10:07,517
tell Dad about it.
194
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,551
Abbi: And then I'll get
the funds from my bank account
195
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:15,862
that'll be sent
to you, somehow.
196
00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:17,137
Yeah.
197
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:19,206
I have two credit cards.
198
00:10:28,241 --> 00:10:31,586
Abbi Gary Anna Abrams.
199
00:10:31,586 --> 00:10:35,413
One of you stole Abbi's
credit card information,
200
00:10:35,413 --> 00:10:37,724
and I think I know the loser
from high school that it is,
201
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:42,482
and his name rhymes
SchNicholas SchPaley, okay?
202
00:10:42,482 --> 00:10:44,758
Same thing did happen to Obama,
though, so it's kind of hot.
203
00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:47,482
Ilana. Ilana!
204
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:59,068
This how no one can go
to a Disney Store.
205
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,758
Is she close by?
206
00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:02,413
No.
207
00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:04,965
I don't know.
208
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,862
Um --Okay, if any of my 213 followers
209
00:11:07,862 --> 00:11:09,793
is in the Midtown Mall,
210
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:11,620
we just found
a dope little girl,
211
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:12,931
and her parents
aren't here.
212
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,655
But she's fine.
She's with us, but --
213
00:11:14,655 --> 00:11:16,655
-What's your name?
-Ga da na!
214
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,448
-Gadanna!
-Gadanna!
215
00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:20,379
That is gorgeous!
216
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:22,482
Madonna, Rihanna,
Ilana, Gadanna!
217
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,310
Whoa.
Dude, that's good.
218
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:30,275
♪ Okay ♪In the corner.
219
00:11:30,275 --> 00:11:33,413
Mommy, can I go explore
over there?
220
00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:41,137
Hold on one sec,
all right?
221
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,827
So, we're going
to Security,
222
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:47,620
but we're riding
the escalator,
223
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:51,379
which is more fun, and it gives
us more time with Gadanna!
224
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,931
-Totally, dude.
-No, I mean, it's insane.
225
00:11:53,931 --> 00:11:55,724
Like --
226
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:57,241
What, she's 2?
227
00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,551
I'm 30.
228
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:02,310
I mean, I could literally
be her mom.
229
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,034
I mean, if I was just
walking around this --
230
00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:05,965
you know, the mall --
by myself,
231
00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,724
and people saw me
shopping with her,
232
00:12:07,724 --> 00:12:09,517
they'd be like,
"That's a mom and her kid."
233
00:12:09,517 --> 00:12:10,620
You're crazy!
234
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:11,896
Me?!
235
00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:13,689
-I'm crazy now?
-You're crazy!
236
00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:15,275
-No!
-She nut.
237
00:12:15,275 --> 00:12:18,275
Mommy! Mommy. Mom--
238
00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:25,827
Oh, Gadanna, you have
taught us so much.
239
00:12:25,827 --> 00:12:27,689
Yeah, we're really
gonna miss you.
240
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,379
Okay, maybe we could just do,
like, a double-cheek kiss.
241
00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:31,551
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Double-cheek kiss. Ready?
242
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,586
-Mwah!
-Mwah!
243
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,068
Cheese: Excuse me!
244
00:12:34,068 --> 00:12:36,965
What the are you doing
with my child?
245
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,275
-Mommy?
-Abbi?
246
00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:40,517
College Abbi.
247
00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:48,689
Did you take Bella?
248
00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:50,137
No, we didn't take her.
249
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,896
She was clearly stranded.
250
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,896
You should keep better
track of your kids.
251
00:12:53,896 --> 00:12:56,655
Oh, grow up, Abbi.
We're 30.
252
00:12:56,655 --> 00:12:58,793
Why the
are you filming her?
253
00:12:58,793 --> 00:13:04,172
Why the
are you filming her?
254
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:07,000
Ilana: bitch!
255
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,931
bitch.
256
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:16,655
-Go!
-No!
257
00:13:16,655 --> 00:13:18,862
Go, go, go!
258
00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:20,689
No, dude!
You out?
259
00:13:20,689 --> 00:13:21,724
-Yes!
-You can't!
260
00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:23,344
Oh!
You can't leave!
261
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:29,275
So, we just downloaded
that story for evidence,
262
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,517
but now, um,
the rest of Manhattan!
263
00:13:31,517 --> 00:13:33,724
Whoop, whoo-oop!No, I mean,
what a bitch.
264
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:36,206
Like, what a mess. Like, we are
so not pedophiles, dude.
265
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,689
-No!
-I mean, and her name is Cheese?
266
00:13:38,689 --> 00:13:40,103
-Come on.
-But it's not really Cheese.
267
00:13:40,103 --> 00:13:41,655
No, whatever her name is!
268
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,275
Listen, all this girl
wanted to do in college
269
00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:45,724
was, like, ecstasy
and take group showers --
270
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:48,068
ones that I never even wanted
to be a part of, by the way.
271
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:50,068
Even if she would have asked me,
I would have never done it.
272
00:13:50,068 --> 00:13:51,551
Ilana: Yeah.And now she has a bunch
of kids,
273
00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:52,827
and she thinks she's
better than me?
274
00:13:52,827 --> 00:13:54,275
No!She thinks she's better than me?
275
00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:55,551
-No!
-Bullshit!
276
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:04,172
We're coming to ya, men!
277
00:14:04,172 --> 00:14:06,310
Whoo! Ma men!
278
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:08,655
Oww!
279
00:14:08,655 --> 00:14:09,965
-Whoo!
-Hey.
280
00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:12,275
-Happy birthday.
-Thank you so much.
281
00:14:12,275 --> 00:14:14,206
-Thank you.
-Hey, happy birthday.
282
00:14:14,206 --> 00:14:15,724
-Hey.
-Hi.
283
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,655
-Ilana, what happened?
-Oh, God. Okay, so --
284
00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:25,068
♪ Amazing grace ♪
285
00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:31,724
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
286
00:14:31,724 --> 00:14:37,517
♪ That saved a wretch ♪
287
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,344
-What is this?
-Hey!
288
00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,379
Ah, what's up, Bubbie?
289
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:49,068
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
290
00:14:51,551 --> 00:14:53,517
Okay, let's do this quick
before she gets back.
291
00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:58,689
Happy birthday, Abbies!
I hope you have
292
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,034
the most amazing one.
I love you so much.
293
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,517
I hope the 30s are everything
you expect them to be.
294
00:15:03,517 --> 00:15:07,482
And I'm really happy
it's happening to you before me.
295
00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:09,517
You are olderthan me.
That's why I say this.
296
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,827
God, dude,
I remember my 30s.
297
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,689
All I had was a beeper --
a frickin' beeper.
298
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,413
Nobody had
freakin' cellphones,
299
00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:17,482
every two minutes
checking your phone.
300
00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:18,655
I'm so happy I didn't grow up --
301
00:15:18,655 --> 00:15:20,551
Cheers, Abbi.
302
00:15:20,551 --> 00:15:21,620
Happy birthday.
303
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,517
I'm so excited to celebrate
304
00:15:23,517 --> 00:15:25,517
this momentous occasion
with you.
305
00:15:25,517 --> 00:15:27,517
I feel like
this is your year,
306
00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:29,310
so you need to do
something with it.
307
00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:39,000
If I know my baby's
poop schedule,
308
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,448
she is just about finished.
309
00:15:41,448 --> 00:15:43,862
Look at these.
How cute is this?
310
00:15:46,172 --> 00:15:47,517
Okay, here we go.
311
00:15:59,482 --> 00:16:02,310
Thank you guys so much
for all the sweet messages.
312
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:04,586
-Yay!
-Yay!
313
00:16:04,586 --> 00:16:07,586
I also saw
the new butt video.
314
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:10,413
Okay, the lady doth not protest,
though, so...
315
00:16:10,413 --> 00:16:12,827
They're good -- They're good
pants for the -- for the butt.
316
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:13,931
Really good.
317
00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:20,965
It's crazy
we never walked across
318
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,379
the Brooklyn Bridge
together.
319
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:23,482
One day...
320
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,862
Man: Look at it.
321
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:33,862
Dude! This is where
the Titanicdocked.
322
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:37,000
Are you joking?
323
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,000
I wasn't.
I get -- I see now.
324
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,310
I mean, I just --
I saw the movie.
325
00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,206
I just didn't remember.
326
00:16:42,206 --> 00:16:44,310
This is hard.
327
00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:46,551
Oh, I love you!
328
00:16:46,551 --> 00:16:48,896
Holy shit.
329
00:16:48,896 --> 00:16:50,517
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
330
00:16:53,724 --> 00:16:55,655
No!
331
00:16:55,655 --> 00:16:58,344
Oh, my God! This sucks!
332
00:16:58,344 --> 00:17:00,413
What are we gonna do?
We can't stop now!
333
00:17:00,413 --> 00:17:02,137
-Use my phone.
-Oh, yeah.
334
00:17:02,137 --> 00:17:05,137
Whew.
335
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:07,827
♪ Bet I'm gon kill it ♪
336
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,689
♪ Sittin' on a sceptre,
bet I'm gon kill it ♪
337
00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,862
A little left, yeah.
338
00:17:12,862 --> 00:17:14,793
Lower. Yeah.
339
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:19,206
Suck it, suck it,
suck it, suck it.
340
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,793
you!
341
00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:24,379
Everybody's laughing at you,
you clown!
342
00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:36,137
♪ Go down, go down, go down ♪
343
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:38,931
♪ Yeah, let me see you
go to town, yeah ♪
344
00:17:38,931 --> 00:17:41,793
♪ Go down, go down, go down ♪
345
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:46,413
♪ Yeah, yeah, if you're down,
boy, really down ♪
346
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,448
♪ Baby, let me watch you
go to town ♪
347
00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:50,724
♪ It's your one chance,
baby, never or ♪
348
00:17:50,724 --> 00:17:52,137
We did it!
349
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,655
-We did it!
-We walked all of Manhattan,
350
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,931
Whoo!from the tippity-top
to the tippity-bottom.
351
00:17:55,931 --> 00:17:58,034
Okay, Abbi, so, what's one thing
you did last year
352
00:17:58,034 --> 00:17:59,310
that you're proud of?
353
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:01,551
-What the dude?
354
00:18:01,551 --> 00:18:03,172
-Holy shit!
-Are you kidding me?
355
00:18:03,172 --> 00:18:06,379
If you think that I am
"cuckoo caca insahno,"
356
00:18:06,379 --> 00:18:08,655
then say it to my face.
357
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,689
You're cuckoo
caca insahno.
358
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:13,000
Wait a second. Did you
follow us down here?
359
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,206
-Yes.
-How?
360
00:18:14,206 --> 00:18:15,827
You posted
your location tags.
361
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:16,931
-Dur. Dur, dur.
-Right.
362
00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:17,965
Running around the city
363
00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:19,655
with your little foibles
364
00:18:19,655 --> 00:18:21,000
and your little mishaps
365
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,689
and your little
shenanigans.
366
00:18:22,689 --> 00:18:24,379
Get over yourself!
367
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:26,862
-Oh, I'm over myself.
-She hates herself.
368
00:18:26,862 --> 00:18:28,896
You're the one with
the perfect life.
369
00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:31,551
You're always posting photos
of yourself on vacation,
370
00:18:31,551 --> 00:18:33,034
-on beaches and stuff.
-You're rich.
371
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:35,310
And you're always at cupcake
and pizza parties!
372
00:18:35,310 --> 00:18:38,551
I never get to eat that stuff,
especially not in party format!
373
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,172
And excuse me -- four children
and look like this?
374
00:18:42,172 --> 00:18:43,551
-You look unbelievable.
-Yeah.
375
00:18:43,551 --> 00:18:45,931
You are literally
woman magic.
376
00:18:45,931 --> 00:18:47,655
So you.
377
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,689
Thank you.
378
00:18:51,689 --> 00:18:53,103
But...no!
379
00:18:53,103 --> 00:18:54,620
No, I --
380
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:56,172
I'm struggling.
381
00:18:56,172 --> 00:18:58,172
My tits
are down to my knees.
382
00:18:58,172 --> 00:19:01,241
I sleep
like 90 minutes a night.
383
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,931
I am floundering!
384
00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:08,620
Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, you're Cheese!
385
00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:10,758
You'll always be
Cheese to me!
386
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:13,275
And me, 'cause I don't know
your government name.
387
00:19:13,275 --> 00:19:14,448
It's Lindsey.
388
00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:15,931
-Lindsey.
-Oh, my God. Right.
389
00:19:15,931 --> 00:19:17,448
Thank you, you guys.
390
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:18,896
Aww!
Aww!
391
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:21,206
God, social media
is terrible.
392
00:19:22,931 --> 00:19:25,034
Oh I got to go.
393
00:19:25,034 --> 00:19:26,206
I wish I could
hang out, guys.
394
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,344
-Yeah, us, too.
-I'm sorry.
395
00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:28,689
-Yeah.
-But next time.
396
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:29,931
Jackson,
397
00:19:29,931 --> 00:19:33,034
get back
in the car!
398
00:19:33,034 --> 00:19:35,000
That sucks.
To be her.
399
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,275
-Jackson!
-Or Jackson.
400
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,034
Okay, let's just
see the damage.
401
00:19:39,034 --> 00:19:40,413
-Dude! God.
-Oh. You know what?
402
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,793
It was already
on its way, but --
403
00:19:42,793 --> 00:19:45,517
No, it's, um --
Okay, it's not that bad.
404
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,068
-Look at your finger!
405
00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:49,896
It's fine.
406
00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:52,000
I have to get
a new phone now.
407
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,655
Just --
408
00:19:56,931 --> 00:19:59,724
It's stunning.
It's gorgeous.
409
00:19:59,724 --> 00:20:02,103
-Jesus!
-Dude, we don't have a phone.
410
00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:03,724
We don't --
We can't record this!
411
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:06,586
No one's gonna believe
that we even saw this!
412
00:20:06,586 --> 00:20:08,241
I mean...
413
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,586
I guess we could just
experience it.
414
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,034
Ew.
415
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,448
That's cuckoo caca insahno,
but the good kind.
416
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:25,758
-There's a good kind?
-Oh, yeah.
417
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:31,344
Look at this.
Can you believe her?
418
00:20:31,344 --> 00:20:33,172
-Looks pretty perfect.
-You know what, dude?
419
00:20:33,172 --> 00:20:36,172
I think I need
to get off social media.
420
00:20:36,172 --> 00:20:37,655
It's over between us.
421
00:20:37,655 --> 00:20:39,068
Okay. Okay.
422
00:20:39,068 --> 00:20:41,310
Dude, me, too.
Me, too, dude,
423
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:45,517
because I don't really remember
any of the day.
424
00:20:45,517 --> 00:20:48,448
Yeah, I mean...
425
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,241
Shit.
It feels like
426
00:20:50,241 --> 00:20:52,448
because we were
filming it,
427
00:20:52,448 --> 00:20:55,655
it's not even
our story anymore.
428
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,793
It's like Stories' stories.
429
00:20:57,793 --> 00:20:59,413
Yes.
430
00:21:10,413 --> 00:21:13,793
I want -- I want it to sort of
be, like, um, pirate-y?
431
00:21:13,793 --> 00:21:15,655
Abbi:
Show me that. Toward your --
432
00:21:15,655 --> 00:21:17,275
Put your face
toward me.
433
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:18,551
Wide eye.
434
00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:21,137
A little smile,
in the eye only.
435
00:21:21,137 --> 00:21:23,551
Not in the mouth,
in the eye.
30109
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof