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1
00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:09,700
Whoo!
2
00:00:09,767 --> 00:00:11,467
(hip hop playing on radio)
3
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,800
Dude, we are like
Jerry Seinfeld right now.
4
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:16,133
Yeah, we run this city.
5
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,133
What up, bitches?
Woo!
6
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,733
We own this city!
We're driving!
7
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,900
This isn't a taxi,
this isn't an Uber!
Nope!
8
00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:28,267
We own you bitches!
We own...
9
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,533
The last guy was black
10
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,100
so I didn't wanna,
like, own him.
11
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,267
Good call.
This is awesome, though.
12
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,733
Oh, love parki--
13
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,267
There's a spot!
There's a spot!
Yes!
14
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:37,567
Do we have
the best luck or what?
15
00:00:37,633 --> 00:00:40,133
(man yelling)
(gasps)
16
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,933
Fuck you.
No, fuck you!
17
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,467
Fuck you!
18
00:00:43,533 --> 00:00:45,567
Okay, it's too small,
anyway.
19
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,300
(car horns honking)
Oh, come on.
20
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,800
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
21
00:00:56,933 --> 00:01:00,067
There are no spots.
Does everyone have a car now?
22
00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:02,600
**
23
00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:04,167
* Yeah, I ain't enough *
24
00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:06,200
* I take you ... with that dab
yeah I got it *
25
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,800
* Did these narcotics sizzling *
26
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,467
* Lit when they
whipping the water *
27
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:11,133
* I did not mean for this
to be the ignorant ... *
28
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,333
* That you wanted but that,
that's an order *
29
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,067
* I came in here
with a quarter **
30
00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:18,133
Did we get it?
31
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,667
I just realized
it's a driveway.
32
00:01:19,733 --> 00:01:21,267
Fuck!
33
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,367
(both shivering)
34
00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:24,333
Dude, could we put
the top back up?
35
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,400
It's frozen in place.
I tried.
36
00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:28,467
Oh, God.
Okay, we need to park.
37
00:01:28,533 --> 00:01:29,733
We need to park now.
38
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,067
No spots.
Why would there be spots?
39
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,100
(laughing)
There's a spot!
There's a spot!
40
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,167
Motherfucker!
41
00:01:37,233 --> 00:01:40,833
Shit!
You know what?
42
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,967
Owning this car's been
the worst two weeks of my life.
43
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:46,833
Wait, someone's
gonna steal it.
Exactly.
44
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:49,633
(shivering)
45
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,967
* Four and three
and two and one-one *
46
00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:56,567
**
47
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,600
Dude.
48
00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:03,167
You can't
bring those in here.
49
00:02:03,233 --> 00:02:05,333
Well, it's worth, like,
six or seven bucks.
50
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,467
There's loose juice
all over the place.
51
00:02:07,533 --> 00:02:09,367
How many times can you--
52
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:13,167
(groans)
53
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,100
Quality bottles.
54
00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:18,800
Um, I purchased
these Dunkaroos last week,
55
00:02:18,867 --> 00:02:20,800
and then I realized
that they were expired.
56
00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:22,167
Yeah.
57
00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:23,600
All Dunkaroos
are expired.
58
00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:27,633
Any Dunkaroos you see are
literally from the '90s.
59
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:28,833
They're from
before I was born.
60
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,833
Before you--
Yeah.
61
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,633
Okay, we don't need to
get into the nitty-gritty
62
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,067
of Dunkaroos' corporate
history or whatever.
63
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:39,233
I would just love to return
this product please.
64
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,667
Yeah, you can't
return stuff at a bodega.
65
00:02:44,633 --> 00:02:47,067
Okay, well then I will
please take store credit.
66
00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,367
(sighs)
You can return them
67
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,767
if you can tell me
my name.
68
00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,867
Yeah, of course.
69
00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:02,933
Your name is Bo...
70
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:03,867
Dega?
71
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,500
You think
my name is Bodega?
72
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,433
Oh, my God...
No!
I was gonna say
73
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,600
Bo... dine.
74
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,700
That's not a name.
It is so.
75
00:03:12,767 --> 00:03:15,167
My favorite aunt's
name is Bodine.
76
00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,767
You know,
very irresponsible.
77
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,800
That you sell expired
products knowingly.
78
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:27,900
Bye, Abbi.
79
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,767
(snoring)
80
00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:35,400
(shouting)
Get up, it's time for work!
81
00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:37,633
Where you going?
To brush my teeth!
82
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,733
Well, what're
you gonna wear?
Scrubs?
83
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,767
Can you show me
the dimensions of your armoire?
84
00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:43,833
What?
Just do it!
85
00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:50,433
(giggling)
86
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,433
What?
87
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,233
Aw!
(laughing)
88
00:03:57,300 --> 00:04:00,367
(screams)
89
00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:02,500
Oh, my God!
90
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:04,333
You look so good together!
91
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,733
Nailed it!
Nailed it!
92
00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:11,533
You know, I always thought
of being a dog uncle.
93
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,967
Coming in and out
of the dog's life,
94
00:04:13,067 --> 00:04:15,567
all about fun and games
and treats and toys.
95
00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:19,067
Being a dog dad is different.
It's a lot of responsibility.
96
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:22,833
That's a big choice to make
for another person, Ilana.
97
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,233
You know what's
also a big choice?
98
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,633
Killing a dog,
and that's what
99
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,333
was gonna happen
to her today.
100
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,467
But, you know, I get it.
101
00:04:29,533 --> 00:04:30,767
If you feel
a six-figure salary
102
00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,833
isn't enough to support
a tiny dog--
103
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:35,300
No, no, no, God, no!
'Cause I can take her back.
104
00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:36,433
She's precious
and beautiful.
105
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,767
I love her.
106
00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:39,833
How long was the dog
in the box?
107
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:47,367
Whew, good haul!
Oh, thanks.
108
00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:48,833
I don't, like,
need-- need this.
109
00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,100
This is just for,
like, extra cash.
110
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,800
'Cause I'm actually an artist.
Me too.
111
00:04:52,867 --> 00:04:56,367
Showing in New York
and London right now.
112
00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:58,467
Gotcha.
Wow, I'm showing...
113
00:04:58,533 --> 00:05:00,767
in the... one of
the most prestigious
114
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,900
chiropractor's offices
in the Village.
115
00:05:03,967 --> 00:05:05,467
(machine beeping)
Oh, can time!
116
00:05:05,533 --> 00:05:07,300
Okay.
117
00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:12,100
Thank you, brudder.
Sure.
118
00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:13,733
So... got you a gift.
119
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,700
Oh, my God.
That's an iPad.
120
00:05:15,767 --> 00:05:18,067
Yes.
Thank you so... much, um...
121
00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,833
Wait, why is it
not in a box?
122
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:23,300
It's refurbished.
It is?
123
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:24,633
Yeah, it's like brand new.
124
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,133
Except not.
125
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,067
No, I mean, look.
One could make the argument
126
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,767
that if you give a gift,
it should be brand new.
127
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:36,633
You know, I just gave you
$400 worth of almost-new iPad.
128
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:37,900
No, you're right.
Thank you.
129
00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:39,867
I'll-- I'll just
wipe it clean.
130
00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:41,600
Now, you gotta get out of here
because Abbi's coming,
131
00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:43,567
and I want her to think
she's the only person
getting a gift today.
132
00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:46,100
Is hers new?
133
00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:47,300
Get out of here. Go!
134
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,200
Oh, my God, here she is.
Go, go, go, go, go!
135
00:05:49,267 --> 00:05:50,600
Hide your face!
136
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:51,933
(sighs)
I love money.
137
00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:53,133
Fuck!
138
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:57,700
People are so rude.
Disgusting.
139
00:05:57,767 --> 00:05:59,500
I'm really sorry I'm late.
140
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,900
My train karma is
at an all-time low,
141
00:06:01,967 --> 00:06:03,900
as is my general karma.
142
00:06:03,967 --> 00:06:05,600
I really need a job.
Mm-hmm.
143
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:07,067
Maybe I just need
to aim low.
144
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,333
Like maybe Forever 21?
(groans)
145
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,200
Or that shitty coffee shop
on Avenue A?
146
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:14,667
Love that place.
Or Barnes and Noble, maybe?
147
00:06:14,733 --> 00:06:17,533
How many dumps have I taken
at Barnes and Noble?
148
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,933
Well, that's a solid list.
149
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:20,767
And I got just the thing
to seal the deal.
150
00:06:23,267 --> 00:06:25,100
Ilana.
For you.
151
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:28,900
No...
Yes!
152
00:06:28,967 --> 00:06:30,300
Are you kidding me?
153
00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:33,100
This is that fancy bag
we saw in the window.
154
00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:36,100
Yep. I have been making
so much freakin' "caysh,"
155
00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:37,900
and having so much fun
spending it on myself.
156
00:06:37,967 --> 00:06:40,533
But now that I am old money,
I gotta start giving it away.
157
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,867
How much was this?
(clears throat)
158
00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:46,267
Was it more than
the blue dress?
159
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,500
Was it more than an ounce?
160
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,100
Stop stressing about it.
161
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,733
Ilana, was it more
than my rent?
162
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:51,800
(clears throat)
Times two.
163
00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:53,833
What? I mi--
I can't keep this.
164
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,400
You have to take it back.
Absolutely not.
165
00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:57,867
I seriously
believe in you, Abbi.
166
00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,833
And you have
to dress for success.
167
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,800
You need to look
how you feel.
168
00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:03,400
I feel like I spent
two hours this morning
169
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:06,533
recycling bottles
and cans for $4.15.
170
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,333
Yows... all right.
171
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,833
Well, now,
you can feel like
172
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:11,233
you wear two month's rent
around your body.
173
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,333
Everyone is gonna see
how freakin' hot you are today
174
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,600
including you, okay?
175
00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:17,967
Go get 'em, tiger.
I'm gonna go be Santa
176
00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:19,800
to one last sweet,
little elf.
177
00:07:19,867 --> 00:07:21,933
All right.
Thanks, Ilana.
178
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,667
I owe you one.
I'll see you later.
179
00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:25,400
Love ya.
Love you too.
180
00:07:27,233 --> 00:07:29,933
**
181
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:32,333
Jaimé...
182
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,867
Himmelz!
183
00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:37,600
I have a gift for my little
Guatemalan coffee bean,
184
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:41,533
and you will never
guess what it is--
185
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,333
Jaimé?
Jaimé?
186
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,600
Himmelz?
187
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,200
Jaimé, what happened?
(shower running)
188
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,700
Don't you see?
189
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:51,867
What? No!
190
00:07:51,933 --> 00:07:53,067
Look at yourself.
191
00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,200
Jaimé, what're you saying?
192
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,333
We have bed bugs!
193
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,267
(Jaimé sobbing)
194
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:10,067
No!
195
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,067
**
196
00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:30,800
* This life is what
you make of it *
197
00:08:30,867 --> 00:08:32,567
* So we're gonna make it up *
198
00:08:32,633 --> 00:08:35,567
* Make it up as we go *
199
00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:37,400
* When I'm in
the sunshine... *
200
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:38,500
Thank you!
201
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,167
* That goes wherever I go *
202
00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:41,533
* Oh! *
203
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,300
* So take your time *
204
00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:46,167
* There's always tomorrow *
205
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:49,700
* Let's live for today *
206
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:53,900
* Ay-ay-ay,
ay-ay-ay-ay... *
207
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,433
Ew!
208
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,833
It's about the bag.
209
00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,100
Love that bag.
210
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,467
Oh... well,
then have at it!
211
00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,500
* Ay-ay-ay-ay **
212
00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:04,833
(Ilana)
Oh, God!
213
00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:07,600
People like us
don't get bed bugs!
214
00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,900
Yes, we can.
Because we do.
215
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,967
Well, I've been really careful
about who I'm with
216
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,467
and where I sit, so where
do you think you got them?
217
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:16,500
Oh, that's rich, okay?
218
00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:17,633
I've been going
through a dry spell
219
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,367
ever since
I cut off my peepee.
220
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,333
I haven't slept with
anybody for two months.
221
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,767
We got this from "jou," lady.
222
00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:24,633
Jew lady?
You! You!
223
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,900
Well, I am in a relationship
so I'm safe.
224
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,133
Okay, then maybe
we got them from Abbi.
225
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,367
(gasps)
Don't you dare
bring her into this!
226
00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,833
I went too far.
227
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:33,967
Have you been
using protection?
228
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:36,100
What are we even
talking about now?
229
00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,300
A mattress protector.
230
00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:41,300
Tell me you got
a mattress protector.
231
00:09:41,367 --> 00:09:43,367
Yes.
232
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:44,567
Y-yes.
233
00:09:44,633 --> 00:09:46,833
You lying.
You are a liar!
234
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,500
Mattress protector!
(screams)
235
00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:51,667
**
236
00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:55,833
Anthro...
237
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,600
* I'm crowded in the street *
238
00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:08,767
* Feeling like I'm floating
on the air *
239
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:12,233
* Closer as we speak *
240
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,033
* I spent the morning here *
241
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,700
* I know you're
somewhere over there **
242
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:23,633
Baby's got a brand new bag.
243
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,600
Excuse me.
Hi, how may I help you?
244
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,367
Can I please speak
to the manager?
245
00:10:28,433 --> 00:10:30,833
Absolutely.
Follow me.
246
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:34,033
**
247
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,500
God, maybe I could've
fucked less people
248
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:37,767
before I got
back together with Lincoln.
249
00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:39,233
Those people were filthy.
250
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:40,733
No, I could've
been more careful.
251
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,300
(Jaimé)
I always sit on
the wooden benches
252
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,967
in the subway platform
even though I know
253
00:10:44,033 --> 00:10:45,033
that they are carriers.
254
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,600
I just love the way
the wood feels.
255
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,233
You know, it's easy
to blame yourselves,
256
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,333
but it's not your fault.
257
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,733
Bed bugs don't discriminate.
258
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,600
I once saw
these suckers take out
259
00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,133
the Metropolitan
Opera House.
260
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,567
What if we got rid of our
clothes and our possessions?
261
00:10:56,633 --> 00:10:58,900
And what if we promised
to learn how to pray?
262
00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:01,800
Or we could move?
No, no, no, no.
263
00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:04,800
You don't treat the apartment
and move and the city finds out,
264
00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,533
you're looking at
ten years to life.
265
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,333
Jesus Christ.
Puta madre!
266
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,700
You live in New York City
five years, you got bed bugs.
267
00:11:10,767 --> 00:11:12,267
Well, I do have
some good news.
268
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:13,433
I found the source.
269
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,700
This moist, dark paper
right here.
270
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,667
That's where they
first laid their eggs.
271
00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:19,900
(sobbing)
No, no!
272
00:11:19,967 --> 00:11:22,267
Yeah, we're gonna have
to burn all this.
273
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:23,833
On what?
Booze? Hookers?
274
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,933
I meant literally burn it.
275
00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,800
Isn't that illegal
under federal law?
276
00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:29,100
When it comes to bed bugs,
277
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:31,100
it's illegal not to burn
infested cash.
278
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,867
Why couldn't we have
just gotten herpes?
279
00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:34,333
Then we could at least
keep all our stuff
280
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,933
and I could've just
learned to use concealer.
281
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,533
I can't guarantee
that I can get 'em out.
282
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,567
However, I can
guarantee that I can't.
283
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,633
You heard me.
284
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:46,767
Yeah, so actually,
the flagship Anthropologie
285
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,067
was in my hometown.
286
00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:50,133
No disrespect, Lisa,
but I probably knew
287
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,700
about Anthropologie
before you did.
288
00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:53,633
Well, I didn't even know
where the first one was.
289
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:57,267
Fun fact, there was actually
a coffee shop inside.
290
00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:58,533
We should bring that back.
291
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,367
Yeah, you should.
292
00:12:00,433 --> 00:12:02,067
So you were a fitness trainer?
293
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,267
It's actually
an amazing story.
294
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:05,800
Mm-hmm.
I was a trainer.
295
00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:08,300
But I started
at the company as a cleaner.
296
00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:09,733
A janitor at the gym.
297
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,533
I turned a shitty job
298
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,233
into a "fitty" job.
299
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,433
(both laughing)
300
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,200
Because, Lisa,
I had a plan of attack,
301
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:19,067
and I climbed
that corporate ladder.
302
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,533
I often see things
other people don't.
303
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,700
It's a skill
of anticipation.
304
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,833
You know? And that's
exactly what I did, Lisa.
305
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,900
That's exactly what I did.
306
00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:30,733
(exhales)
307
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,633
Well, that is how
you nail an interview.
308
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,500
Oh, stop it.
I mean, I have to talk
309
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:37,067
to the higher-ups,
but I know you'll be
310
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,067
a valuable addition
to the Anthro family.
311
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,600
Wow.
312
00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:43,067
Great.
313
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,767
(phone ringing)
314
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:48,767
(Marcel on phone)
Sushi Mambeaux.
315
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,233
Marcel, hey, it's Ilana.
316
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,633
I can't believe
I'm about to say this but--
317
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,500
You have bed bugs.
How'd you know?
318
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:56,500
Because Brenda was
using Sushi Mambeaux
319
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,433
as her own personal
hussy hut.
320
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:01,100
What?
Clean out your ears,
other Tanya.
321
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,167
Brenda was running
a prostitution ring
322
00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:05,567
out of Sushi Mambeaux
after hours.
323
00:13:05,633 --> 00:13:06,833
She brought in bed bugs
324
00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,233
and who in the heck
knows what else.
325
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:12,367
So we are closed
for fumigation indefinitely.
326
00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:13,833
Well, what about my job?
327
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,567
Child, I hope you put
your cash in the bank
328
00:13:15,633 --> 00:13:17,233
and made yourself
a little breast egg
329
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,633
'cause who knows
if we'll bounce back.
330
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:20,933
Well, where are you
gonna go?
331
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:24,700
I'm gonna go wherever
I can be the best father
332
00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:25,833
to my only son.
333
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:28,700
Well, my son.
334
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,400
Toodles!
But--
335
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:33,167
Fuck!
336
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:45,333
**
337
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,400
I guess this is our lives now.
We have bed bugs.
338
00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:50,767
We are fully fucked
by bed bugs.
339
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,167
Us and all our marks.
340
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,767
You have it a lot worse
than I do.
341
00:13:55,833 --> 00:13:58,500
It's 'cause I'm sweeter.
342
00:13:58,567 --> 00:13:59,700
What are we gonna do?
343
00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,733
I'm calling Abbi.
344
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,867
**
345
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:10,633
(whispering)
Shit.
346
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:13,200
Oh my God.
347
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,700
Nice purse.
348
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,233
In here!
349
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,767
Hey...
Shut up! Go!
350
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:25,633
Hey, hey, hey.
Bodine. Bodine, hey!
351
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,567
Bodine, please! Just...
(phone beeping)
352
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:31,100
Bodine...
(phone beeping)
353
00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:32,233
All right,
withdraw the money.
354
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,433
All right.
Before she gets back.
355
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:34,900
All right, all right.
356
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,367
Okay, can you just
look away for a second please?
357
00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:39,500
What for?
M-my PIN, I just--
358
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,233
Oh, my God.
I'm mugging you, bitch!
359
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,500
Okay, okay.
(ATM beeping)
360
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,967
Oh, let me guess.
Were you born in 1-9-88?
361
00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:49,067
Jesus. Good PIN.
Okay, you know what?
362
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:53,100
I don't usually have
a gun pointed at me, bitch.
363
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:54,367
I have a license
to carry this.
364
00:14:54,433 --> 00:14:55,600
Do you wanna
see my permit?
No.
365
00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,067
Do you wanna see it?
No, I don't.
366
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,767
No, I didn't think so.
Go to your fucking balance now.
367
00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:00,567
Come on!
I'm just not doing
very well right now.
368
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,667
Do it!
Okay, okay!
369
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,567
Oh, my God.
Is this a joke?
370
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,300
No, I'm having
a rough time right now.
371
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,633
(sighs)
Let me see your savings.
372
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,500
I cancelled it 'cause
it was costing me, like,
373
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:14,933
six bucks a month, and
that wasn't really doing me
374
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:18,233
any good, so...
That's your total equity?
375
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,933
$374?
Are you kidding me?
376
00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,300
You gotta keep more money
in your bank account than that!
377
00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:25,267
No, I know.
What if there's
an emergency?
378
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,533
What if the economy
all of a sudden tanks?
379
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,300
What're you gonna do?
I'm not sure.
380
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,267
Wow.
You're giving me advice?
381
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,967
You're mugging me
right now so...
382
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,967
At least I'm proactive
about my finances.
383
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,167
(scoffs)
And, look.
384
00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:39,400
You clearly are living
beyond your means.
385
00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:40,933
Can you afford that bag?
386
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,833
This was a gift from
a very wealthy friend.
387
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,767
That's too expensive for you.
Give me that.
388
00:15:44,833 --> 00:15:47,067
(Massouma)
Get out of my bodega,
motherfucker.
389
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:50,800
(gun cocks)
390
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,367
Holy shit.
391
00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:57,767
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
392
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,900
Maybe you could've gotten
the bag and the money.
393
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:05,633
Maybe you could've
remembered my name.
394
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,600
That's fair.
395
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:12,267
Hey, I have full-on bed bugs.
Can I come over?
396
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,833
Ugh, Ilana, no.
That's how it spreads.
397
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,133
Plus, if I got bed bugs
from my sister
398
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,233
what would people think?
399
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:18,800
You are so afraid
of incest.
400
00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:20,633
You need to talk
about that in therapy.
401
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,533
Yes, of course, come home
for the weekend, sweetheart.
402
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,067
That'd be wonderful.
You know what?
403
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,800
We'll go do nails,
then bags, then maybe--
404
00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:31,333
Well, uh, Mom, I am gonna
need complete access
405
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,800
to the washer and dryer because
I'm gonna bring every item
406
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:36,333
of clothing home that I own
and, to be honest,
407
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,733
most of the time
I'm gonna be in the shower
408
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,367
scrubbing the bed bugs
from my hair and body.
409
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,767
You haven't been home
in months,
410
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:43,067
and now you get bed bugs,
411
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,100
and you wanna bring 'em here?
412
00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:46,567
No, no, no.
Fuck you.
413
00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:49,267
So I thought maybe we could
play with the puppy,
414
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,267
watch a little movie,
make some dinner.
415
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,600
I'll give you
really rigorous head...
416
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,533
I'm with that.
...right after I take
417
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,833
a shower 'cause I have,
um, bed... bed bugs.
418
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,200
What?
No!
419
00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:02,867
Come on, Lincoln,
my family's turned me away.
420
00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,133
I really need you,
my boyfriend, right now.
421
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,900
And I just happen to be...
right outside your building.
422
00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:11,300
Come on, Lincoln.
423
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,767
Sorry, Ilana,
I can't let you in.
424
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,867
I'm a dad now.
425
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:16,267
Sticky's health
is my first priority.
426
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:18,367
You named her?
Yeah, Sticky.
427
00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:20,833
Like sticky rice.
Sticky rice.
428
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,833
It's my favorite type of rice.
That's so cute it hurts.
429
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,767
Listen, I'm sorry
I can't help, Ilana.
430
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:28,900
I'll call you tomorrow.
Good luck.
Love you.
431
00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:33,300
I just wanna smush you
and eat you up!
432
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:35,833
Ugh, I'm turning
into my mother.
433
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:38,233
(Massouma)
Bodegas save lives.
434
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,233
Me and my family,
we take that responsibility
435
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,167
like, really seriously,
and we have a permit,
436
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:44,267
We know our
Second Amendment rights.
437
00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,300
Right, Second Amendment.
438
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:49,200
That's the gun one.
I mean, I was born here,
439
00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:51,233
but I helped my parents
study for their citizenship.
440
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:54,300
Wow.
So I know the Constitution
like the back of my hand.
441
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,567
Yeah, no, me too.
442
00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:59,767
I know it like
the back of, like...
443
00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:01,100
my foot.
444
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,367
Never forget it.
445
00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:04,367
'Cause I'm from Philadelphia.
446
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:05,567
Well, I'm from the suburbs
of Philadelphia.
447
00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:07,567
But, like,
it's, like, 40 minutes tops
448
00:18:07,633 --> 00:18:09,633
to the Founding Fathers.
449
00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,300
Crackin' that bell, right?
450
00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:14,867
Liberty!
Ding-dong...
451
00:18:14,933 --> 00:18:16,900
Well, what I'm really
looking forward to
452
00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:19,267
is the 26th Amendment
because then I'll actually
453
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,767
get to be part of the
conversation, you know?
454
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:24,700
Totally.
Conversation Amendment.
455
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:26,100
Yeah.
456
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:28,567
Massouma, I'm sorry
that I did not know your name.
457
00:18:28,633 --> 00:18:30,367
I know it now.
It was just, like,
458
00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:31,867
we passed
a certain point,
459
00:18:31,933 --> 00:18:34,167
and then I couldn't ask,
you know?
460
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:35,967
I may be a dumb,
white bitch,
461
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,967
but I'm not that dumb.
462
00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:40,733
And really, really,
I'm not a bitch.
463
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,567
(chuckles)
(bell ringing)
464
00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:45,233
Hey.
Ilana, how did you know
that I was here?
465
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,500
Massouma texted me.
466
00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:48,600
You-- you have her number?
467
00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:49,767
Oh, yeah, we go way back.
468
00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:51,500
Do you wanna come inside?
469
00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,300
I can't.
470
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:55,433
I have... bed bugs.
471
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,067
What?
(gun cocks)
472
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,167
Jeez, Massouma.
I'm kidding,
I'm kidding.
473
00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:01,833
I'm kidding.
(laughs)
That's not funny, dude.
474
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,167
Oh, my--
Abbi, could
I come over, dude?
475
00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:06,300
Everyone else
has turned me away.
476
00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:09,200
Of course you can come over.
You're my best friend.
477
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,567
I mean, I guess this makes me
a real New Yorker now.
478
00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:13,900
I mean, he had a gun.
479
00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:16,633
And then, he's ragging on me
about my balance?
480
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,100
I'm like,
"You're mugging me, bitch."
481
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,633
What a bitch.
482
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:24,900
That's a real garbage person.
Totally.
483
00:19:24,967 --> 00:19:26,100
Thanks again
for having me over.
484
00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:28,067
Of course, obviously.
485
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:35,867
And that, my friend,
is how you 'belt it.
486
00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,067
You are a retail queen.
487
00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:38,600
Livin' in it.
488
00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:40,200
Abbi Abrams, Anthro gal.
489
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,200
I do really have
a good feeling about this.
490
00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:44,067
Even though the bag was taken--
491
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:46,467
Don't!
Which I'm really sorry about.
492
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,633
I am so glad that
it came in our lives
493
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,067
for such a brief...
494
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:53,067
but the purpose
it served, you know,
495
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:55,333
I love that
the bag was stolen!
496
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,333
I love it!
And you don't have to
497
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,267
get stuff so crazy,
that was a lot.
498
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:01,200
It's a lot.
It was, like,
a lot of money.
499
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,333
$1,300.
What?
500
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,333
**
501
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,333
Abbi, you look great.
502
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,067
We're so excited
to have you on board.
503
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:11,167
Oh, I'm so excited
to be part of the team.
504
00:20:11,233 --> 00:20:13,600
I mean, this is such
a great place to work.
505
00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,400
I've been looking
for something like this.
506
00:20:16,467 --> 00:20:17,833
So I know
it's my first day,
507
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,533
but I took the liberty
of doing some sketches
508
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,133
of some potential
window displays,
509
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,833
pulled some fabrics,
and I think that you're
510
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:26,800
gonna be extremely impressed.
511
00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:28,900
You can put that on.
Okay,
512
00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:31,600
This is... oh, okay.
513
00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:34,067
Is this, like,
a new team look or something?
514
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,300
It seems a little big.
515
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:37,067
And here's your walkie.
Okay.
516
00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,067
Basically, Sunil
is your go-to guy
517
00:20:39,133 --> 00:20:41,000
for any security questions
you have.
518
00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:42,633
You're gonna kill it, Abbi.
519
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,300
You rock.
520
00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:48,000
Welcome to the Command Center.
521
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:54,100
(radio crackling)
Abbi, you okay?
522
00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:58,300
(radio crackling)
Yeah, uh, all's clear
at the west door.
523
00:20:58,367 --> 00:21:02,367
(radio crackling)
Do the thing.
524
00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,733
(radio crackling)
Abbi out.
525
00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:15,900
You ever consider sex work?
526
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:18,200
Like, maybe,
like small stuff.
527
00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:20,133
Hand jobs.
Would they have to see
528
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,167
anything other than my hand?
529
00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:23,267
No.
I would do that
530
00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:24,733
if it was just my hand.
531
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,867
Let me get back to you.
Let me get back to you.
37703
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