Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,667
("Fuerza" by Tony Quattro
playing)
2
00:00:18,867 --> 00:00:20,400
(grunts)
3
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,967
(crashes to floor)
4
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:25,900
You don't have
to take that down.
5
00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:27,733
She'll think it's, like, a kooky
necklace holder or something.
6
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,067
She'll never think
it's a dildo.
7
00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:30,600
Oof, that hurts my heart.
8
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:32,233
Yeah.
9
00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,567
(sniffs)
10
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:46,600
I feel like she's gonna
know that you made it.
11
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,600
Why?
12
00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:49,300
Just 'cause
I don't call my mom
13
00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:50,667
"Abbi's Mom."
14
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,833
(loud sigh)
15
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:55,267
* Four and three
and two and one-one *
16
00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,433
**
17
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:02,067
And then we're gonna
do frozen hot chocolate.
18
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,100
Cool.
And then after that,
19
00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:04,600
we're going to visit
Santa at Macy's...
20
00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,067
Totally.
And then top it all off
21
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,867
with a fancy dinner
at Sushi Mambeaux!
22
00:01:08,933 --> 00:01:10,200
That's a lot of stuff.
23
00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:11,933
I like to keep it light
and fun with my mom.
24
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,300
I mean, she's kind
of conservative.
25
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:16,067
So, I appreciate you
cutting the cheese.
26
00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:18,067
(laughing)
27
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,467
Cut the cheese, shit!
28
00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:22,233
I haven't said that
since, like, 1997.
29
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,100
(click, shimmering sound)
30
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,700
Oh! Whoa! Yes,
oh, my God!
31
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,333
Thank God,
I'm so sorry about that.
32
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,933
Whoo! Okay.
33
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,067
Back, baby, I'm back!
34
00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:34,567
(laughs)
35
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,967
Yeah, but cut
the cheese is excellent.
36
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,333
Thank science
for SAD lamps.
37
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,267
Why don't they just
call them happy lamps
38
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,367
'cause, like, sad lamps
39
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:44,267
sounds so...
40
00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:45,533
sad.
41
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,833
Oh, it's not,
like, "sad".
42
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:49,467
It stands for "Seasonal
Affective Disorder,"
43
00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:51,767
which indicates the annual
cycle of depression
44
00:01:51,833 --> 00:01:54,333
that I and others
like me experience
45
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,333
every winter, all winter.
46
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,300
(chuckling)
And fall.
47
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:01,167
And, like, uh...
48
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,400
the end of summer too.
49
00:02:02,467 --> 00:02:04,400
It's that sadness.
50
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:06,333
You know, that chews us up
and spits us out
51
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,600
into the black abyss.
Okay...
52
00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:09,067
(shimmering sound)
Okay, here we go.
53
00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:10,100
Okay.
Oh, wow!
54
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,967
There we go.
(laughing)
55
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,633
Up and down...
Yeah.
56
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,900
Juicing up,
uh, unh, ah!
57
00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:19,467
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Oh, yeah.
58
00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:21,100
Whoo!
You know, Ilana,
59
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:23,333
maybe you just increase
your medication?
60
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,467
No, no, no,
I don't need to do that.
61
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,367
'Cause I have been steadily
decreasing my dosage
62
00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:30,100
of antidepressants
for two years.
63
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:33,733
And I'm supplementing anyway
with my SAD lamp, happy lamp!
64
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,200
(laughing)
65
00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:36,367
Remember that?!
66
00:02:36,433 --> 00:02:37,867
And it is working
like a charm.
67
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,267
Yeah, seems
like it's working.
68
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,533
Well...
69
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,133
(singing cheerily)
70
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,067
She'll be okay.
71
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,100
**
72
00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,367
(knock on door)
73
00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,633
Okay... (clears throat)
74
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,900
Yay!
Yay!
75
00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,700
Mom!
Abbi!
76
00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:02,467
My little
garbage pail girl!
77
00:03:02,533 --> 00:03:03,833
Okay, it was
just a phase.
78
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,067
(laughing)
79
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,067
For a couple years.
80
00:03:06,133 --> 00:03:08,133
Oh, gosh, everything
looks so clean.
81
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,867
Yeah.
82
00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:12,433
(Abbi)
It's basically just
some glue, toothpicks.
83
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,900
And I just did little
designs 'cause I wanted you
84
00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:16,067
to see what kinds
of cheeses that it was.
85
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,133
It's not a big deal.
It's a very big deal.
86
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,967
You are so creative.
87
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:24,067
I'm so proud of you,
living as an artist
88
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:27,533
in your perfect apartment
in the big city.
89
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,067
So, what are we
gonna do today?
90
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:33,800
Well, you know, I would love
to take you to my studio space.
91
00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:37,767
Uh, but I'm actually
renting it out, so...
92
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:40,500
...phie is the name
of the artist
93
00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:41,967
that I'm renting it to, Sophie.
94
00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:44,067
She is just, like,
she's super funky.
95
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,067
Abbi, we need to be
honest with each other.
96
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:48,200
Yeah, you know what, she's not,
she's not that funky.
97
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,067
She's, like, a pretty
mainstream artist.
Abbi, stop.
98
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,667
I meant me.
I need to be honest with you.
99
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,233
Okay.
100
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,767
I had a lump
in my breast.
101
00:03:57,833 --> 00:03:58,733
A big one.
102
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,200
Mom, what?
No, but it's benign.
103
00:04:00,267 --> 00:04:03,467
If I had cancer,
I would let you know.
104
00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:05,433
But I didn't
wanna worry you.
105
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,467
Um... okay, I mean,
I guess I understand that.
106
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:12,933
This is so upsetting, like,
you had to go through all this.
No, it's not upsetting.
107
00:04:13,067 --> 00:04:16,067
It's good because
it made me realize
108
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:19,067
all the things
I still wanna do.
109
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,867
I've never, um,
had a martini.
110
00:04:21,933 --> 00:04:24,600
I never went to
a play at night.
111
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,067
Matinees.
I've never had
112
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,567
a pineapple barbecue
pizza thing from Hawaii.
113
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,167
I've never gone
without underwear.
114
00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:34,567
I wanna wear clothes
meant for black women.
115
00:04:34,633 --> 00:04:35,900
That's an interesting one.
116
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:39,667
And I would really
love to have one, like,
117
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:42,200
naughty girls'
night out with you.
118
00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:43,367
Could we do that?
119
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:44,867
Yeah.
120
00:04:44,933 --> 00:04:46,700
(Bevers)
Did you call me?!
121
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,533
Bevers!
No! What?
122
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,833
Oh, shh, uh...
123
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,767
Bevers, Jesus!
Okay, wow.
124
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,933
Sorry, I thought
you called me.
125
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:55,967
When do I ever
call you?
126
00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:59,500
Anyway... who's this
lovely creature?
127
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,733
Well, I'm Joanne.
128
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,700
Joanne?
I'm Matthew.
129
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:07,300
Or Abbi's mom is how you
should introduce yourself.
130
00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:10,367
Uh, ugh--
131
00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:13,367
Okay, Bevers, just
if you could put clothes on
132
00:05:13,433 --> 00:05:15,733
or stay in your room.
133
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,867
Joanne, until next time.
134
00:05:18,933 --> 00:05:21,067
Oh, well...
Okay.
135
00:05:21,133 --> 00:05:22,233
(chuckling)
136
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,100
Yes, until next time.
137
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,267
Your scarf.
138
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:27,800
Thanks.
139
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:30,133
(Joanne)
Cute.
Mom?
140
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,667
Furry little bear.
141
00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:33,633
(horn honks)
142
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:38,133
Bonjour!
Listen up, hunties.
143
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,600
It's that time of year.
144
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:41,767
Spring cleaning.
145
00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:43,833
Come on, Marcel, please!
146
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,067
What do you mean,
spring cleaning?
147
00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:48,200
Well, I know we normally
pool out tips.
148
00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:52,467
But tonight,
it's winner takes all.
149
00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:56,400
As in she who
makes the most tips
150
00:05:56,467 --> 00:05:59,100
gets all the damn tips.
151
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:02,100
And whoever makes
the least amount of tips,
152
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:04,400
your ass will be fired.
(gasps)
153
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:06,433
I owe so much money
to so many bad people.
154
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,500
I'll need two weeks
because I have to relocate.
155
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:12,267
You are all enemies now.
156
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,333
That's all.
157
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,600
**
158
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:24,667
Have you guys ever fallen asleep
here and just spent the night?
159
00:06:24,733 --> 00:06:26,200
If you ever have to,
160
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:29,367
it's surprisingly
not soul crushing.
161
00:06:29,433 --> 00:06:31,833
(Abbi)
You know what would
be really nuts?
162
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,733
I was thinking maybe
we could split an app
163
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,567
or, like, get
a charcuterie plate.
164
00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:41,600
But I don't think we need
to do anything too... crazy.
165
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:45,700
The dress.
166
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,800
(switch clicks,
shimmering sound)
Oh!
167
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:52,900
Whoo!
168
00:06:52,967 --> 00:06:55,067
Unh!
169
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,567
Okay.
170
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,733
Mwah.
171
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,067
**
172
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,400
Bada boom, Marcel.
(sniffing)
173
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:04,367
Smells like a winning
kind of night, baby!
174
00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,367
I'm glad you think so,
tiny tits.
(laughs)
175
00:07:07,433 --> 00:07:10,067
Oh, and here is my best friend
and her mother.
176
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,367
They are my lucky
charms this evening.
177
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:14,433
Well, keep 'em close.
You're gonna need 'em.
178
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,867
Hmm.
179
00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,333
There's my favorite ass.
180
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,167
Joanne?
Oh.
181
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:21,567
Look at you, Joanne.
182
00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:24,167
Oh, my goodness.
Hey, pretty girl.
183
00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:27,267
Wow, Mama,
you look so hot.
184
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,533
Your body
is amazing, dude!
185
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,367
Really?
You are an AMILF,
186
00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:32,333
Abbi's mom,
I'd like to--
187
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,700
Friend!
Oh.
188
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:34,600
Friend!
189
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:35,567
Yeah, friends.
Friends.
190
00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:36,867
We're just friends.
Yeah.
191
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,400
Well, let me take you to
your table before I, uh,
192
00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:39,567
do something
really weird.
193
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,133
(Abbi)
Better get to the table.
194
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,500
("Dans La Radio"
by Jacques playing)
195
00:07:44,733 --> 00:07:47,067
It has a subtle balance
of foie gras and seaweed.
196
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,567
That's it.
Okay.
197
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:51,700
Any questions?
Um, oh.
198
00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:54,667
Joanne?
What is good
to drink here?
199
00:07:54,733 --> 00:07:58,433
Oh, um, there's, uh,
an espresso matcha tea,
200
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,067
if you wanna get
a little buzzy.
201
00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:01,400
What is that?
202
00:08:01,467 --> 00:08:03,533
Oh, this is, uh,
the Mambeaux-Tini.
203
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,967
It's our signature cocktail.
204
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,067
It has alcohol in it.
205
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,200
Mom, do you
wanna get those?
206
00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:10,367
Okay.
207
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:11,533
Oh, my God!
208
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,367
(singsong)
Bad girls! Yeow!
209
00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:16,067
Let's do shots.
210
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,667
I have never done that.
211
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:19,500
(Ilana laughs)
212
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,833
(Abbi)
Um...
213
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,500
Okay, yeah,
let's do shots, I guess.
214
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:27,667
* Talkin' 'bout them
bad, bad, girls whoo *
215
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:31,333
These are our infamous
sake-rosé shots.
216
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:32,767
I'll be back
in a little bit.
217
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,533
(clears throat)
Well, you know,
218
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,067
I don't think I've had
219
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,367
hard liquor s...
220
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,700
Well, since I got
pregnant with you.
221
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,567
Wow.
222
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,867
Okay, well,
let's do it, right?
223
00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:50,067
Yeah.
224
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,567
Mmm.
225
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:56,600
Did you finish it?
226
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,933
Why do people do this?
227
00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:00,933
I don't think
anyone knows.
228
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:02,433
It's a mystery.
229
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,367
Let's do another one.
230
00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:06,067
Uh, okay.
231
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:09,633
Our signature sushi fondue.
232
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,533
And for the blonde pixie spirit,
a pork belly hand roll to start.
233
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,600
Ooh.
Ooh.
234
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,600
Well, uh, you all look
like you have money to burn
235
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,133
and machismo to measure.
236
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,233
So, let me let you know about
our award-winning caviar.
237
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,433
Let's just say they eat Sushi
Mambeaux caviar in Michelin!
238
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,867
(laughing)
239
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,367
(exhales)
240
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:38,533
Fuck.
241
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,233
(Ilana)
All winter... (chuckling)
242
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,933
And fall.
The end of summer too.
243
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,067
(voice echoing)
You know, I never tried it,
244
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,633
the caviar, obviously.
245
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:51,300
We're only allowed to eat
family-style meals around here.
246
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:52,867
You know, move.
247
00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:57,867
It's, like, uh, pigs
eating slop out of a trough
248
00:09:57,933 --> 00:09:59,133
at a country fair.
249
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,467
(scoffs, plate sliding)
250
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,733
Being measured
for our weight in bacon.
251
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:07,567
Hm.
252
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:11,300
Oh, God.
253
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,300
Please work, please work.
254
00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:14,833
(click, shimmering sound)
Please work.
255
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,333
Please work.
256
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,300
Please work,
please work, please--
(knock on door)
257
00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:22,067
(Abbi)
Ilana?
Abigail?
258
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:23,633
Jesus.
259
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,433
Dude, is this as bright
as it was before?
260
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,600
I'm not feeling it!
261
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:27,967
Uh, it's pretty
fucking bright.
262
00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:29,333
It's just not
doing it for me, man.
263
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,400
I can't get
the juice.
264
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,000
What about...
265
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,800
Oh, yeah.
266
00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,267
Oh, keep 'er coming.
267
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,767
Oh, my God,
that is amazing.
268
00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:42,400
Jeez!
269
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,033
Oh, that's good.
270
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,300
Ass of an angel.
271
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:47,133
Mind of mental health
MacGyver!
272
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,667
Thank you! Oh!
273
00:10:48,733 --> 00:10:50,400
That was incredible,
I'm good.
274
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:51,900
Awesome, great.
What's up?
You wanna get weird?
275
00:10:51,967 --> 00:10:55,667
Okay, no, listen, my mom,
like, apparently had a lump
276
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:57,700
in her breast, and
she didn't tell me about it.
277
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:59,067
It's fine now,
it's fine.
278
00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:01,067
But, like, it really
scared the shit out of me.
279
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:02,300
And so tonight
she wants to have, like,
280
00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:04,500
a fun night, like,
a really fun night.
281
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,500
She wants more than that.
The blue dress?
282
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,067
Talk about lumps, girl.
283
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,467
I know, I didn't ever
think my mom was hot?!
284
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:12,067
I did.
285
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,300
Cool.
286
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:16,067
I know, I have a timeless
classic for you.
287
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,833
Y'amagine?
288
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,067
**
289
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,133
You really know your way
around that stuff, huh?
290
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,833
Not really.
291
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,233
(laughing)
292
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,233
Okay, I smoke,
like, sometimes.
293
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,500
All right, I smoke...
I smoke a lot.
294
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:36,700
(laughing)
295
00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:38,633
Okay, are you ready?
Okay.
296
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,967
I'm gonna light it,
and you're gonna take a gasp
297
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,133
like Dad asked you
to get back together.
298
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,933
(coughing)
Not I think about
that at night.
299
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:47,133
(coughing)
Okay? Are you okay?
Are you okay?
300
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,400
(laughing)
301
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,900
Whoa.
302
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:54,467
Whoa.
303
00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:56,567
My head feels
like a balloon.
304
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,400
Like one of those
allergy commercials.
305
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,533
(sniffs)
306
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,800
Mom, you're high.
(laughing)
307
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:05,100
You know who else I think
smokes a lot of this?
308
00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:06,467
Who?
309
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:07,600
Charlie Rose.
310
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:08,933
Oh, my God.
311
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:12,167
That voice and the way
he shoots the show
312
00:12:12,233 --> 00:12:13,700
like he's
in a black hole.
313
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,167
Yeah, there's no walls.
314
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:16,967
Right.
It's just table.
315
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,933
God, I would not
wanna fuck him.
316
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:21,500
(laughing)
317
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:24,400
Dude, I don't think
I've ever heard
318
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:26,467
you say fuck
like that before.
319
00:12:26,533 --> 00:12:28,233
Well, there it is.
320
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,100
(laughing)
321
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,733
It's so funny for you
to call me a dude.
322
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,333
Well, not,
like, a dude.
323
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,433
Just, like, dude.
324
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,867
Like, anyone
can be a dude.
325
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,867
It's just like
a friend thing.
326
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:45,933
Aww... Well, then,
cool... dude.
327
00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:47,433
Cool.
328
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,900
You're getting good.
329
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:52,233
I feel like that's good.
I feel like it's good to start.
330
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,300
I'll just do one more
on our way back in.
Okay.
331
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,567
(shimmering sound)
Juicing, juicing, juicing.
332
00:12:56,633 --> 00:12:59,267
(exhaling)
333
00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:00,867
* Work *
334
00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:01,867
**
335
00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:03,400
* Work your shit out... *
336
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:04,600
(cash register dings)
337
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,967
* One, two, three *
338
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,633
(all)
Mambeaux-Tini!
339
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,067
* Work your shit out... *
340
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:13,233
Ooh.
341
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,400
* Oh, girl *
342
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:17,600
* Better work,
work, work, work *
(cash register dinging)
343
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:19,367
* Work your shit *
344
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,067
(echoing)
* Out... **
345
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,300
(exhales)
346
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:25,133
(voice echoing)
Let me tell you something.
347
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,533
Life is trash.
348
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,167
(long sigh)
349
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,967
(silverware clanking)
350
00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:38,633
**
351
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:43,233
Move! Go!
352
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,933
Out of my way!
353
00:13:50,067 --> 00:13:51,167
Ugh!
354
00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:54,067
(crunching)
355
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:57,867
It just tastes better.
356
00:13:57,933 --> 00:14:01,067
Like, stuff just
tastes better, right?
357
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,200
I'm pot.
358
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:03,567
(snorts, laughs)
359
00:14:03,633 --> 00:14:05,667
(suppressed laughter)
360
00:14:15,633 --> 00:14:17,933
Oh, my God.
361
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,100
Abbi...
362
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:20,933
Oh, jeez.
363
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,100
What?
364
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:25,600
I just wanna ask
you a question.
365
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:28,333
Okay.
366
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,667
How many men
have you slept with?
367
00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:32,600
Whoa, okay, um...
368
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,367
I don't know
if I wanna, like...
369
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,067
It's just,
like, a lot to--
No, no, I'm just curious.
370
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:40,167
I don't-- have no idea what
people do these days.
371
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:42,233
Fuck, okay.
372
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,367
We're being honest.
373
00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:49,067
I'm just gonna...
gonna do it.
374
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,633
We're gonna go there and
we're gonna do it right now.
375
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:52,633
32.
376
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,567
Jesus (bleep) Christ.
377
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,400
Wow.
378
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,367
Wow, I have had three.
379
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:00,967
I've slept with three.
380
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,967
My whole life, 55 years.
381
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:05,067
Paul Kafferty,
my first boyfriend
382
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:07,067
who I think
was gay anyway.
383
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,433
Your father.
384
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,767
And now Neil.
Okay.
385
00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:12,667
My "husband," Neil.
386
00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:14,067
You are married.
387
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:16,533
Well, we haven't made
love in over a month.
388
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,500
And if we're being honest,
it's more like making like.
389
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,433
And...
390
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:28,067
I just wish I would've
fucked up a little more.
391
00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:30,500
I wish I would've
fucked a little more.
392
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:31,833
Oh.
393
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:34,733
You know, I never
had sex with...
394
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,467
with a man who didn't
speak English.
395
00:15:37,533 --> 00:15:40,067
Not even an ESL guy.
396
00:15:40,133 --> 00:15:43,067
You know, I've never
even had anal sex.
397
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:44,900
I mean,
not even a finger.
398
00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:47,067
I mean, it's not really
something you can ask for.
399
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,200
Well, you just have to
actually just ask for it.
400
00:15:49,267 --> 00:15:53,567
(quiet sobbing)
Oh, Mom, it's okay.
401
00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:54,733
Abbi, it's not ok--
I understand.
402
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,533
No, it's fine, it's okay.
403
00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:01,167
Last week, I penetrated myself
with a bottle of cough syrup.
404
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:02,933
Okay.
405
00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:06,400
Get out of the way!
406
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:08,367
(shimmering sound)
407
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:09,533
(loud moaning)
408
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:10,933
Come on, uh!
409
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:13,500
Ilana, it's me.
Um...
410
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,067
Dude, your tinfoil is broke!
411
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:17,400
Okay, uh, dude, my mom
just told me she's, like,
412
00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:19,600
really sexually frustrated
and that she fucked
413
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,700
a bottle of cough
syrup last week.
414
00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:23,067
(voice echoing)
I'm, like, I don't know
415
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,067
if I can, like,
handle this level of honesty.
416
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,067
I'm, like, is this
what being an adult is
417
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:27,633
'cause this is terrifying.
418
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,067
Wait, are you,
are you okay?
That is really, really...
419
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:31,833
Really, really sad.
Are you all right? Okay.
420
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,067
That is so sad.
421
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,333
Okay, dude, dude, dude,
what do you need from me?
422
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,500
Okay, what do you need?
423
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:38,733
Bulbs.
Bulbs?
424
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,800
Top shelf.
Okay.
425
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,867
Oh, that is some
pathetic shit.
426
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:44,067
Okay, found 'em, dude.
427
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,100
Okay, give me ten...
thousand watts.
428
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:50,767
Okay, I got it!
Hang on, dude, here we go!
429
00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:53,600
(grunts)
Okay.
430
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,467
(click,
light powering up)
431
00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:57,167
(shimmering sound)
Ahh!
432
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,433
Oh! Okay,
here we go.
433
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,733
O-M-G!
434
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,067
Serotonin rising.
435
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:08,933
Dopamine flowing! Yes! Oh!
436
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:11,300
It's working, dude,
it's working.
437
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,500
Oh, that's so good.
438
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:14,900
Oh!
439
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,467
Mm. It's working.
440
00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:18,767
God, that's f--
441
00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:20,167
Fuck!
442
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,533
(patrons groaning)
(Ilana)
It's all good,
443
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:22,700
just be right back on.
444
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:25,633
(Joanne screams)
Whoo! 32!
445
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:28,167
My daughter fucked 32 guys.
446
00:17:28,233 --> 00:17:29,667
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, no,
please, no.
447
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:33,933
I'm pot!
448
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,200
(shouting over each other)
449
00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:36,367
(screaming)
450
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:38,133
(patrons gasping)
451
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,267
Oh.
452
00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,100
I'm in so
much trouble.
453
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,300
Look, I don't know what kind
of Strong Island honkies
454
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,200
you brought up in here,
Other Tonya,
455
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:52,500
but this is not Billy Joel's
go-to Dave and Buster's, okay?
456
00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:54,733
I'm, I'm sorry, Marcel.
457
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,900
I wasn't on top of it,
and I just... don't care.
458
00:17:57,967 --> 00:18:01,500
I'm feeling really
depressed from the winter,
459
00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:04,800
and I'm just... numb.
460
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:06,100
Do what you gotta do.
461
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,800
I honestly
don't give a shit.
462
00:18:07,867 --> 00:18:09,167
You should fire me.
463
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:10,233
Oh, okay, you play--
464
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:11,600
You playin' me right now,
ain't you?
465
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,767
Marcel, seriously.
Take my tips.
466
00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,933
Do whatever you gotta do.
Oh, please, man,
467
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,733
you are a--
you are a career hustler.
468
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,867
Whatever it is you're doing
is working on me.
469
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,667
You know what?
I want you to pick fuck me.
470
00:18:23,733 --> 00:18:25,300
Get in there.
Go on!
471
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,267
Wait a minute?
Are you for real?
472
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:31,900
Mm-hmm.
473
00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:34,800
Fuck it,
I'll fire Owen.
474
00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:36,367
Owen's a terrible waiter.
475
00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:38,700
I don't care about--
He's rich, his family's rich.
476
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:39,667
He'll be fine.
477
00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:41,733
But this depression shit.
478
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,800
That's, that's
next level bitchy.
479
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:44,967
I'm kind of digging it.
480
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,967
My dick
is a little bit hard.
481
00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:49,267
I hope you
never get better.
482
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,633
Thanks.
483
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600
Drama in the alley.
484
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,733
Mom! Mom! Oh, my God,
Mom, stop it!
485
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,067
What, Abbi, go!
486
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,167
Are you kidding me right now!
Stop it!
487
00:19:06,233 --> 00:19:08,933
Oh! This slut!
Again?
488
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:12,233
Ha! He called me
a slut! Yes!
489
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:13,967
I need to go
back to med school.
490
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:15,300
(sniffs)
491
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:16,433
And rehab.
492
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:20,967
Owen! Owen!
Owen, you're fired!
493
00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:22,767
Marcel!
494
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,600
I blew you, dude!
495
00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:26,233
And?
496
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:29,167
Fuck this!
I'm out.
497
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:33,067
I kissed a bisexual man
with tongue.
498
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:35,267
(Abbi)
Okay, that's great.
You're so good, Joanne.
499
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:38,433
Sushi Mambeaux.
500
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:42,067
Always celebrating
cultural, fluid exchanges.
501
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,567
(laughing)
502
00:19:44,633 --> 00:19:47,567
Dad?
Ooh!
503
00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:49,367
(scoffs)
504
00:19:49,433 --> 00:19:50,867
Ex-squeeze me?
505
00:19:50,933 --> 00:19:53,233
My mother
is Aisha Johnson.
506
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:54,867
So that--
507
00:19:54,933 --> 00:19:59,067
Yes, you are
my fah... Uh-huh.
508
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,033
Well...
509
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,233
your ass
is fired too.
510
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,700
I don't work
with family.
511
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,933
(laughing)
512
00:20:10,467 --> 00:20:12,633
Your ass is fired too!
513
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,233
Dude, you know what?
You were right.
514
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,267
I should just up my
medication in the winter.
515
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:21,500
You know, I was trying to
decrease for the pure and strong
516
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:24,667
or something, but that's shame
and stigma right there.
517
00:20:24,733 --> 00:20:27,533
So, I get sick sometimes
and need medicine, who cares?
518
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,000
That's awesome, dude.
519
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,167
(Joanne)
I found one.
520
00:20:30,233 --> 00:20:32,533
(Abbi)
Ooh, that's pretty.
521
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,900
That is a good one.
It's a good one.
522
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,933
(vibrating)
Whoa. Holy sh...
523
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,267
So, I just wanted
to offer you this Mom Pak.
524
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,800
It's really popular
among your demographic.
525
00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:42,700
She doesn't need a Mom Pak.
526
00:20:42,767 --> 00:20:43,867
She's a city girl now.
527
00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:44,867
Oh.
528
00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:46,400
Whatever.
529
00:20:46,467 --> 00:20:48,333
But thank you.
530
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,500
Whoa.
531
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:51,033
You know what this
slut would love?
532
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,200
Okay, let's-- stop
calling her that.
533
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:53,700
She loves it.
I do.
534
00:20:53,767 --> 00:20:55,400
Okay.
535
00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:56,533
Dat.
536
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,200
(Ilana clicking cheek)
(Abbi)
Yes.
537
00:20:58,267 --> 00:21:00,467
Mom, you're gonna love that.
You deserve the best.
538
00:21:00,533 --> 00:21:02,967
But, um, hand wash it only.
539
00:21:03,067 --> 00:21:04,467
Mm.
540
00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:07,600
Yeah, definitely
just hand... wash it.
541
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,067
* Work your shit out... *
542
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:19,900
Ooh.
543
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:21,367
(sighs)
544
00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:23,533
* Better work, work,
work, work *
545
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,200
* Work your shit out... **
546
00:21:27,267 --> 00:21:28,633
Mmm.
36343
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof