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1
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:09,543
**
2
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,145
(crowd cheering)
3
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,333
(crowd cheering)
4
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,645
(crowd cheering)
5
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:45,946
(growling)
6
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:56,824
(crowd cheering)
7
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,131
(man)
Excuse me.
8
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,598
Excuse me!
9
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,400
Hey... excuse me.
10
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,701
Excuse me!
11
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,473
You guys sound so good.
12
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,608
I'm a record producer, and I've
been looking for two drummers
13
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,344
for a project
that I'm starting.
14
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,546
Oh my God.
15
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,014
This is it.
Are you serious?
16
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,983
No, I'm not serious.
17
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,153
I work here, and I need
you guys to leave.
18
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,622
Time to go.
19
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:31,792
Four!
Four!
20
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,827
* And three and two
and one-one *
21
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,531
**
22
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,270
(Ilana)
I love "Scarface," dude.
23
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:43,771
(Abbi)
We just watched that.
24
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,005
Cocaine and incest,
baby.
25
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,073
Can't get enough.
26
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,608
Wait, what about
"Food, Inc."?
27
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,009
That's supposed to be like
really life-changing
28
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:51,445
and eye-opening and like
a really important film to see
29
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,980
about where our food
comes from and stuff.
30
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,317
And then the whole
corn issue.
31
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:59,353
Sometimes it's the less you
know, though... you know?
32
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,421
No.
33
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,755
Dude, I wonder
what kind of food
34
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,090
they're going to have at
the dog wedding today.
35
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,425
Let's watch
the E-vite again.
36
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,559
Yeah!
37
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,694
(chuckling)
38
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,200
(barking happily)
39
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,001
(chuckling)
40
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,303
I love it!
41
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,205
It really is
a masterpiece.
42
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,239
Oh my God.
43
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:19,673
Why is that shot in there?
44
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,809
It's animated, it didn't
need to be in there at all.
45
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:22,810
(laughing)
46
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,278
Not to be
like a downer
47
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,615
but did you know that people
steal people's dogs
48
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:28,949
and then sell them?
49
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,252
There's a "Judge Judy" episode
about that where this guy is
50
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,754
like reunited with
his dog, who was taken.
51
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,823
Yes, baby boy!
Yes!
52
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,825
Wait, is "Judge Judy"
still on right now?
53
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,727
We should watch that.
54
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,564
Holy (bleep), dude.
55
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,999
"Judge Judy"
ran for 18 seasons.
56
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,101
Jesus Christ!
57
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,137
Judge Judy's
net worth is...
58
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:55,309
(bleep)
59
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,710
... dollars.
60
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,011
Wait, keep that face.
61
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,249
I gotta take a pic
and capture your deep,
62
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,783
deep Judy discovery.
63
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,385
(cell phone clicking)
64
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:05,786
Oh, so good.
65
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:06,920
I'm gonna 'gram it.
66
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,590
No filter.
All right, fine.
67
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,361
Whoa...
68
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,567
**
69
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,193
(fax machine screeching)
70
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,662
(computer alert chiming)
71
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:52,866
What up, my queen?
72
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,171
Ahh!
Ahh!
73
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:00,308
Jesus, I forgot you were
in the (bleep) room!
74
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,942
Holy (bleep), dude,
how did we forget
75
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,544
that we were
here together?
76
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:04,978
What is wrong with us?
77
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,314
I feel like
I blacked out.
78
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,716
We were so tapped into
the worldwide bloodstream,
79
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,952
we fell into
the lint roll matrix.
80
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,654
What time is it?
81
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,790
Oh God.
(hissing)
82
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,693
All right, we need
to go outside for real
83
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,630
and live like normal people.
84
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,466
Let's just get dressed
and go to the wedding.
85
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:28,536
Dude, can you imagine if
we left our phones here?
86
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,704
We would be
totally off the grid.
87
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,174
It would be like breathing
air for the first time.
88
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,343
Right?
89
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,845
It's like all we do is
wake up, sign in and...
90
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,012
(imitating electric shock)
91
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,682
We are plugged into
the matrix all day.
92
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,018
Gmail, Grindr, Facebook,
FaceTime, Insta, Grindr,
93
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,019
Tumblr, Twitter, Dlisted.
94
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,355
Jesus Christ!
95
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,357
And then we have to rip
the plug out to go to sleep,
96
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,258
rub one out,
rinse and repeat.
97
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,427
We have these auto-responses
programmed--
98
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:54,462
(cell phone vibrating)
99
00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:55,563
Hello?
100
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:56,597
(Lincoln)
Hey, what up, Ilana?
101
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,031
Hey, boy, what up?
102
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,032
Do you know if your brother's
wearing a tie
103
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,100
to the wedding today?
104
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,835
Dude, I'm not
my brother's keeper.
105
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,270
I'm just trying to gauge
the dress code.
106
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,672
I don't want to
be overdressed,
107
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,740
but I really don't want
to be underdressed.
108
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,376
You think a dog tie
is too on the nose?
109
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:09,410
No, it's perfect.
110
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,579
You look great
in themed clothing.
111
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,580
Thank you.
112
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,548
And... I'm not patronizing you,
113
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,217
but did you remember
the rings?
114
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,986
Well, not to
"patronize" you,
115
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,021
but of course I have
the rings.
116
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,890
They're on
Abbi's toes.
117
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:23,891
See you there.
118
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,258
Top dog.
Later.
119
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,465
Welcome to
another installment of
120
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:32,900
"How To" with Dr. Whiz.
121
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,535
Today I'm gonna
show you how to tie
122
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,603
a Windsor knot.
123
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:36,604
Let's begin.
124
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:37,938
Take the little guy
125
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,540
and place him in front
of your neck.
126
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,874
Clap if you understand.
127
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,579
Ab-dude, we should roll
to the wedding.
128
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,181
We'll take in
more nature faster.
129
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,117
Yes.
These are Jaime's.
130
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,585
We got these after
Hurricane Wanda
131
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,786
for future emergencies.
132
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,688
They'll obviously
be huge, but...
133
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,890
Yeah, I mean, we can maybe
stuff some newspaper in
134
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,426
around my negative space
in my foot or something,
135
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,960
or sponges, if we have.
136
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,595
You know, you could wear
a bunch of socks
137
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,764
or cotton balls.
138
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,132
They-- they fit me.
139
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,434
They're a little
snug, actually.
140
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,301
Really?
Yeah.
141
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,871
Uh, I knew that--
I knew that they would.
142
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:14,107
I was just being
optimistic.
143
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,009
No, that's cool, dude.
144
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,745
That's cool.
145
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,179
Yeah.
146
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,180
(whispering)
That's cool.
147
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,182
**
148
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,020
* That's the way
149
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,288
* Way you do
150
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:29,857
* That's the way
151
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,459
* Way you do
152
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,761
* We do
that's the way we do *
153
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:34,962
* We don't take it
154
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,497
* That's the way
we do *
155
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:37,998
* That's the way
156
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,032
* Way you do
157
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,133
* That's the way
158
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,835
* Way you do *
159
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,072
Man, this is
great.
160
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,474
I love breezes.
161
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:49,042
Nature is seriously
amazing.
162
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,378
So where's this
dog wedding?
163
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:52,613
Oh my God.
164
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:53,614
I don't know.
165
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:54,915
We gotta go back
and get our phones.
166
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,284
No, you're not going back
to that life right now.
167
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,318
Come on,
we can do this.
168
00:06:58,486 --> 00:06:59,553
Yeah, you know what?
169
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:03,056
If our foremothers can find
countries without phones,
170
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,392
we can find
a dang dog wedding.
171
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:06,494
Exactly.
172
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,995
We are addicted
to the matrix, dude.
173
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,097
Admitting it is the first step
in the road to recovery.
174
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,299
I mean, all I'm thinking about
right now is my (bleep) phone.
175
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,602
I miss the blue light.
176
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,604
Ooh, I wanna marry
the blue light.
177
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,506
But you know what?
We need to be present.
178
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,508
We can go a couple hours
without our phones.
179
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,909
What are we, teenagers?
180
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,877
(gasping)
Boys!
181
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,278
Yum.
182
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,816
Oh my God,
look at their... bodies.
183
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,984
If I had my phone
right now,
184
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,120
I would Tinder
the (bleep) out of like
185
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,288
all those beefcakes.
186
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,290
You don't need
Tinder for these dudes.
187
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,561
You've got Tinder
right here, IRL.
188
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,829
Wanna "fook"?!
189
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:42,863
(laughing)
190
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,964
What?
Ilana!
191
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,800
Oh, it's not big,
it's like wanna "fook"?
192
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,201
(laughing)
193
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,637
I am not down
for that.
194
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,439
Oh my God,
somebody's gonna love...
195
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,741
wanna "fook"?
196
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,143
You are insane.
197
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,711
We're in a park right now.
198
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:58,912
Ab, try it.
199
00:07:59,012 --> 00:07:59,947
Live in the moment.
200
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,314
You just said that to me.
201
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,685
Our foremothers didn't
pin dudes on (bleep) Tinder.
202
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,587
They'd spray their
pheromones all over
203
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,255
and yell,
"Wanna 'fook'?"
204
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,557
Come on.
205
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,759
All right.
206
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,861
Wanna "foooook"?
207
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,764
Yes, dude,
it worked.
208
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,303
I got it!
Cute.
209
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,608
Oh...
Jesus.
210
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,143
I'm good!
211
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,948
(Abbi)
Man, my first impression is
always better on Tinder.
212
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,417
I suck without
the Internet, dude.
213
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,954
It's like I'm too real
for it, you know?
214
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,189
Being off the matrix
is gonna make us
215
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,991
plug in more
consciously.
216
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,325
Like that day we
went off sugar.
217
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,727
How much sweeter were
Sour Straws after that?
218
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:47,728
So much sweeter.
219
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,062
God, you're right.
220
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,230
One day off the matrix
is gonna make us
221
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,364
so much stronger.
222
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,365
(Ilana)
Dude, I think we're
going too fast.
223
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,366
We're gonna
have to bail.
224
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,768
What do you mean, bail?
Bail!
225
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,369
Bail!
What do you mean, bail?
226
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,371
Oh (bleep),
I can't stop!
227
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:01,108
Ilana!
Abbi!
228
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,475
(branches snapping)
229
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,612
(thudding)
230
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,617
Oh my God!
231
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:10,884
Are you okay?
232
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,485
My foot really hurts.
233
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,955
I think I sprained it.
Oh my God, dude.
234
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,125
Jaime's blades were too big
for your bony, dainty feet.
235
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,292
Yeah, that was it.
236
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,494
My feet were probably
too small for them.
237
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:24,464
That's what--
that's what did it.
238
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:25,833
Ilana, this is really deep.
239
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,300
I don't think
I can climb out.
240
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,169
And we don't even have
our phones.
241
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,638
We can't
even call for help!
242
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,072
What if I jump down
in there,
243
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,674
and then we scream
for help together?
244
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,342
No, you need to
go get help.
245
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,644
Are you kidding?
246
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,011
God, I wish we had our phones
so we could FaceTime
247
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,146
while I go get help.
248
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,849
Ilana, what?
249
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,884
Okay, we got this.
250
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,485
NBD, sister.
251
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,488
I need you to smoke two joints
for the pain, immediately.
252
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,691
We got nuts and figs
for sustenance,
253
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,492
and lanyard
for entertainment.
254
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,261
You mean gimp?
255
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,663
You wanna argue about
what it's called right now?
256
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,664
You, in the hole?
257
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,198
No.
258
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,433
Okay, I'm gonna BRB.
259
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,002
I'm going to find Eliot
and Lincoln stat.
260
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,103
We're going to get
you out of the hole.
261
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,471
I don't want these figs.
262
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,273
I don't like
the little beads in 'em.
263
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,810
Why is there a hole here?
264
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:10,844
Jeez!
265
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:11,945
Okay,
I'll be right back.
266
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,113
Be good.
267
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,247
Wait, Ilana.
268
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,752
Yeah?
269
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,053
I do want the figs.
270
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:21,855
Good choice.
271
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:27,494
(crow squawking)
272
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,496
**
273
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,337
Hey, d-d-d-do not
touch that!
274
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,672
Those are
the dog quiche!
275
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,574
I'm sorry I snapped,
I'm very sorry.
276
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:44,311
Somebody
switched the dog quiche
277
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,378
with the human quiche.
278
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,379
It's okay, man.
279
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,681
We'll just
switch 'em back.
280
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,917
I just checked in
with the bride.
281
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,619
Her heart is racing,
but that's not unusual.
282
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,254
Chihuahuas' hearts
always race.
283
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,890
They were bred
as like a joke.
284
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,492
She may just have
a case of cold paws.
285
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,728
(laughing)
286
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,495
Cold paws is a very
serious disease
287
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:03,897
in the Chihuahua community.
288
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,232
Poor toe circulation.
289
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,400
It's the number-one killer
of Chihuahuas.
290
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,039
Cold paws, cold feet,
you get why I--
291
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,307
This wedding is a disaster.
292
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,744
I'm sweating my
(bleep) nuts off.
293
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:19,246
I need you to
block me from Brandon
294
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,848
so that he doesn't see my
enormous sweat glands.
295
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,850
Eliot, relax, man.
296
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,584
This is a beautiful setup
you got here.
297
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,219
I've never been to
a dog wedding before,
298
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,255
but I'd get married here
in a second.
299
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,890
Hey, don't tell
Ilana I said that.
300
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,424
I'm just running my mouth.
That's right.
301
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,993
Ilana.
302
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,027
She has the rings.
303
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,362
Where is my sister?
304
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,865
So now Abbi's stuck and I need
to get to the wedding.
305
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,867
Where's the wedding?
Near the lake.
306
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:40,934
Well, the lake is huge.
What part?
307
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,771
Oh my God, forget it!
308
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:46,639
Hey, you asked me!
309
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,310
(Abbi)
Ow... oh...
310
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,912
Okay.
311
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,114
Pain is in the brain.
312
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,849
Ow!
Pain is in the brain.
313
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,684
Pain is in my stupid,
stupid brain.
314
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,791
I'm down the shore
with my family.
315
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,394
Yeah.
316
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,030
We're at the beach
and it's fine.
317
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,331
No, (bleep) that.
318
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,833
(bleep) that!
319
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:16,169
I am at dinner
with Elijah Wood.
320
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,406
And people are saying
that we're so cute together.
321
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,675
And all we get
is dessert.
322
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,544
No, (bleep) that.
323
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:29,016
I am at an extravagant
flea market
324
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,418
with Mark Ruffalo.
325
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,519
Yes!
326
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:37,524
All we want is
some wooden milk crates
327
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:42,095
to line our office/maybe
nursery one day.
328
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,431
(whispering)
But we don't say that
to everybody.
329
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:45,498
No!
330
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,734
I am in Turks and Caicos
right now...
331
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,735
(inhaling)
332
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:49,837
... with Taye Diggs.
333
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,041
There's no pain when you're
getting your groove back.
334
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,879
Okay,
I can do this.
335
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,981
I have nature skills.
336
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:07,387
**
337
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,692
* Watch your mouth
338
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:16,263
* We've only opened up
Pandora's Box *
339
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,265
* You'll pass my head
340
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:21,902
* Unsettling deeds
Eliot!
341
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,039
* Forget about your math book
Eliot?
342
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,947
* Destiny we slide
this roller coaster *
343
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,984
* Up we bond the ticket
344
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:40,988
* We're walkin'
the line *
345
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,292
* Make your mind up
346
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:48,728
* Make your mind
347
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:54,201
* You seem so right
just give me reasons *
348
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,972
* You know I don't need
to pretend you care *
349
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,910
* I've been lookin' for you *
350
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,646
Wait.
351
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,515
What am I doing?
352
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,183
Eliot!
353
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,184
Eliot!
354
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:21,761
El!
355
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:22,963
Whoa.
356
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,103
What is this?
357
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,340
(vibrator whirring)
358
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,575
(whispering)
Oh, Jesus, turn it off.
359
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:39,279
(vibrating continues)
360
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,388
What the (bleep)?
361
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,525
(sighing)
362
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,971
Come on, what's happening?
363
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:04,972
Come on.
364
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,339
(chuckling)
All right.
365
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:07,774
Okay.
366
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,244
(sighing)
367
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,013
(bird chirping)
368
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,248
(whistling)
369
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,749
(bird chirping)
(chuckling)
370
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,085
(bird warbling)
371
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,288
Poppi, look.
372
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,190
Okay, one more.
Ready?
373
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:24,591
And then boom.
374
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,126
Look, I don't want to
freak out right now,
375
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:29,196
but that bitch, she won't
keep her dress on.
376
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,998
It's a Vera Wag.
377
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,032
God, I'm sweating
like a beast.
378
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,633
I hate myself.
Whoa, whoa.
379
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,636
Everyone-- specifically you--
needs to relax.
380
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:40,307
This is a special
moment for your... son?
381
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,808
Grandson.
382
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,810
Your grandson is
getting married today.
383
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,145
Get yourself together, man.
384
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,213
I'm trying,
I just--
385
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,315
I don't want Brandon
to see me like this.
386
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:49,449
Sweaty.
387
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:51,218
Oh...
388
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,285
You like Brandon.
389
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,520
Yeah.
Okay, I got this.
390
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,621
Take a few deep breaths,
391
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,824
and then you dab
your T-Zone, lightly.
392
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,361
I think we should get started
393
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,130
before Poppi changes
her mind again.
394
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,532
Okay, but, Monica,
we don't have the rings yet.
395
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,635
Ordinarily, I would not say
this, but they're dogs.
396
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,737
Well, you just lost
one star on Dog Yelp.
397
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:11,904
No.
398
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,376
Hey, can you get the dress
back on the dog, please?
399
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,379
I'll talk to her.
400
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,815
Okay, Poppi,
what are you doing here?
401
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,184
How many times are we
gonna do this?
402
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,385
I like Eliot,
403
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,519
but if you're not
into Atticus,
404
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:27,854
I need you to
tell me now 'cause
405
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,056
I can't afford
more alimony.
406
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,392
(Ilana)
El?
407
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,826
Eliot?!
408
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,529
(gasping)
Yes!
409
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,868
Oh, Dog Wedding Gazebo!
410
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,371
Yes!
Maps rule!
411
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:45,905
Foremother's a bitch!
412
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,240
Sacagawea!
413
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,148
(Abbi)
Come on.
414
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,085
(people speaking
foreign language)
415
00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,352
Hello?
416
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,653
Hello!
417
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,855
Oh my God,
thank you so much.
418
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,898
What?
No English.
419
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:12,965
Sorry.
420
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,534
Uh, auffen...
421
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,803
Are you gonna call?
422
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:19,539
Oh, you're taking
a photo of me.
423
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,707
Yeah-- no, no.
424
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,109
No!
425
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,410
(speaking gibberish)
426
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,485
Sir...
427
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,621
I'm afraid we're never
gonna get out of this place.
428
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,224
**
429
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:42,195
(Monica)
I think we can all agree
it's clear.
430
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,697
There's a lot of love here,
431
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:47,234
and it was communicated to me
before this ceremony
432
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:51,037
how important trust is
in this relationship.
433
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,406
Atticus and Poppi's dads
434
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,608
taught love
from a very young age.
435
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,478
And now, without the rings,
436
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,214
do you, Poppi,
take Atticus
437
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,416
to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
438
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,318
She does.
439
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,454
And do you, Atticus,
440
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:10,157
take Poppi to be your
lawfully wedded wife?
441
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,292
Wonderful.
442
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:16,163
If anyone here objects to this
union, speak now or forever--
443
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:17,197
(Ilana)
Wait!
444
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,431
Hold up!
445
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:21,268
Stop the wedding,
stop the wedding!
446
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,069
She's always gotta
make it about her.
447
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:24,571
(whimpering)
448
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,207
This was once Abbi's shirt that
I repurposed to make cooler.
449
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:28,608
Come on, boy,
that's her scent.
450
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,610
She's a girl.
Oh.
451
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,078
We'll treat her
differently, then.
452
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:35,415
Oh God, this is the worst day
to go off the grid.
453
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:39,952
Brazil nut, I gotta say
your pitch is fantastic.
454
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,721
You have some star quality.
455
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,055
I can't speak
for the other judges
456
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,492
but we'll see what they
have to say, okay?
457
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,664
No, I completely
disagree.
458
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:52,765
Are you kidding me?
459
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,000
She put her heart out there.
460
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,302
She put her
soul out there.
461
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,204
You are completely overlooking
462
00:18:57,237 --> 00:19:00,707
the level of commitment
that performance took!
463
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,409
Abbi!
464
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,876
(all)
Abbi!
465
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,380
I'm pretty sure she's this way,
but let's split up to be sure.
466
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,115
Okay, meet back, meet back.
467
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,519
Abbi!
468
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,555
(Abbi)
Congratulations, spool stick.
469
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,857
You're going to Hollywood,
my friend!
470
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:21,228
(vocalizing)
471
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,529
Yeah, it's her!
472
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:23,796
Hold up, hold up,
hold up, hold up.
473
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,699
Abbi's wearing my backpack
as a diaper.
474
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,668
Dude, I was gone
for like 25 minutes.
475
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,470
Half-hour tops.
476
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,739
It felt like
a lot longer.
477
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,140
Abbi, that foot
is jacked-up.
478
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,775
You should put
some ice on it.
479
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,809
I know.
480
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:37,910
I'm practically a doctor.
481
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,145
But you're not.
482
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,613
I am a doctor, and I have
a lot of experience
483
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:41,748
with sprains and breaks.
484
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,251
(Lincoln)
No offense,
but it's more like
485
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,152
you drain fluid
from their butt sacks.
486
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:49,055
Uh, none taken, but I work
with several species.
487
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,657
None of which are human.
488
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,525
Look, the truth
about cats and dogs is--
489
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,093
So is the ambulance
coming soon?
490
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,263
Yep, it's on its way.
491
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,264
(whispering)
Can I borrow your phone?
492
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,331
(whispering)
Yeah.
493
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,200
Oh, wow,
there they are.
494
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,202
(Brandon)
Oh, those are beautiful.
You know what?
495
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,004
We'll get them
when the swelling goes down.
496
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:06,773
Which I'm sure will be
very soon.
497
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:07,974
48 hours.
In about one to two weeks.
498
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:13,145
(sighing)
499
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,248
(Monica)
And now, without further ado,
500
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,150
by the power vested in me
by the state of New York,
501
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:21,888
I now pronounce you
dog husband and dog wife.
502
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,723
(all)
Aww.
503
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,091
Okay, kiss.
504
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:30,930
Yay!
(cheers and applause)
505
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:33,199
(woman)
Mazel!
506
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,570
So I guess
we're related now.
507
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,171
Can in-laws hook up?
508
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,840
Yeah, it's like
soft incest.
509
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,576
Oh, that's so royal.
510
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,078
I think I've seen all
I needed to see today.
511
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,815
Take her out of here, boys!
512
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,850
**
513
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:03,463
(gasping)
514
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:08,234
Fig!
515
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,709
**
516
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:21,781
(dogs barking rhythmically)
34113
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