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1
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,114
You know, like, detail wise.
2
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,948
Just really wanna
get it right.
3
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,786
Greetings, this week we will
be focusing on movement.
4
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:22,123
The model will be
changing positions every minute.
5
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,291
(tinkling)
6
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:27,461
May your pencil
soften her crudeness.
7
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,236
Hey, Ab.
8
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,171
(gasping)
9
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:40,108
Uh, models have to be silent.
10
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:41,809
Oh, my God,
I'm a model?
11
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,648
Dude, thank you so much for
telling me how much nude models
12
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,583
can make in a
class like this?
13
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,252
I need the money.
14
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:54,122
Yeah, totally, I just--
I didn't mean my class.
15
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,256
Oh, my God, are
you mad at me?
16
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,057
Ali, is there a problem?
17
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,293
It's Abbi, remember,
we talked about that.
18
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,962
But, no, we're just
strategizing...
19
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:06,434
like the shading...
of the boobs.
20
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:09,137
'Cause I'm, you know,
I'm not there yet, so...
21
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,139
(tinkling)
22
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,577
Stop it.
23
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,911
(whispering)
Oh, sorry.
24
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,781
Guys, hey, sorry, I'm gonna
change positions before
25
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:21,915
the bell rings.
26
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,484
I'm weirding Abbi out,
it's my B.
27
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,927
It's honestly worth
it if we get it.
28
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:36,430
Your students
will learn so much
29
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,665
(laughing)
30
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,068
* Four and three
and two and one one *
31
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:45,173
**
32
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,278
Hey, Ab, where
you heading?
33
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:53,247
Hey, not much--
I mean, nowhere.
34
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,516
I'm actually getting my wisdom
teeth taken out today,
35
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:56,817
so I'm having surgery.
Oh, man,
36
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,619
I had mine taken
out the week of my prom.
37
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,255
In all the pictures, I had
these huge chipmunk cheeks.
38
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,757
I was like...
That's so cute.
39
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,393
Yeah, it's good,
though, 'cause, um,
40
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,528
it'll make more
room in my mouth, right?
41
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,366
(stammering)
42
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:16,036
No, I, I didn't--
I didn't mean, um, blow jobs.
43
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:17,905
Although, if that is true,
44
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,341
that it would make
more room in my mouth.
45
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,576
I didn't do them.
46
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,944
I enjoy it both ways.
47
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,580
You know, I think
it's a two-way street.
48
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,583
In fact, I'm getting a call,
it's ringing.
49
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,818
Busy day.
50
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,220
Hello?
51
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,421
One sec, Jeremy-- just
give me one...
52
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:36,590
Yup? Well, my laundry
is in the bag!
53
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,725
(scoffing)
54
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,960
What do you mean,
"Stains are on it?"
55
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,095
Well, what do you
mean they're on my underwear?
56
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,264
Why would someone say that?
57
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,832
Why would they say--
58
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,501
It's my laundry man
and then he's upset.
59
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,536
I'll let you take it.
60
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:51,004
Yeah, why-- don't you
talk back to me!
61
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:55,142
I will come down there and
I will get you right away!
62
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,378
So you better lawyer up,
'cause I'm gonna...
63
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,280
...kill myself right now.
64
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,716
**
65
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,153
(Ilana)
Okay, Ab.
66
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,755
You are doing an
awesome job already.
67
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,357
You just keep
clutching Bingo Bronson
68
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,158
that Mommy Lani
got you--
69
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,726
Me, I'm Mommy Lani.
70
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,262
And that's it, whole
thing's gonna be painless.
71
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,897
You're not even go know it,
you're gonna be out, out, out.
72
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,165
You just chill.
73
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,733
So riddle me this, Doc.
74
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,936
Mayonnaise clinic claims that
facial paralysis can be a thing?
75
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,672
What?
Care to comment?
76
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:27,375
Release my head, woman.
Sorry.
77
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,543
I got this, Abbi's
gonna be fine.
78
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,345
Look at this
black-blue hands.
79
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,913
If I mess up this white
girl's teeth,
80
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,284
the black dentistry
game is over... forever.
81
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,852
I'm gonna get these teeth.
82
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,088
For my people.
Wow.
83
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,290
I don't do anything
for my people.
84
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:45,426
Count backwards.
85
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:48,529
(muffled)
Five, four
86
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,498
two and one.
87
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,334
Bye, Abbi, I'll see
you when you wake up.
88
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,202
And if you don't wake up,
I'll still see you...
89
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,371
("slow motion" audio)
...'cause I'm gonna kill myself
90
00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:01,409
and meet you in
heaven or whatever.
91
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,943
Calm d-- you need
to calm down.
92
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,445
I am Abbi's keeper today.
93
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,414
I am her mother,
sister, father, brother.
94
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:09,216
Relax, I get it, okay.
95
00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:11,419
I know what you need,
a little story.
96
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:14,355
There once was a woman
named Felicity Porter.
97
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:17,758
And she went to the
University of New York.
98
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,827
She was supposed to
go to Stanford.
99
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,429
(voice echoing)
That's where her parents
wanted her to go.
100
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:24,197
But then, Ben wrote in
her high school yearbook...
101
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:28,101
(chatter and music playing)
102
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,642
So you're telling me that
out of the whole series,
103
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:38,078
there's one black person, and
she's the one who's killed off.
104
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:41,582
Yeah, but you're-- you're kind
of missing the point Ilana.
105
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,985
I don't think these drugs
are working, you guys.
106
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,154
When are my teeth
gonna get...
107
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:50,458
(to tune of "Physical")
* Surgical, surgical
108
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:51,625
(chuckling)
109
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,026
Ab, it's already over.
110
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,364
It was a huge success, but I had
to remove all of your teeth.
111
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:59,367
But don't worry, there's a
huge internet community of dudes
112
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,370
that like women that
are super gum-heavy.
113
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,671
It's a huge fetish.
114
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,573
Lincoln, you took out
all of her teeth?
115
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:09,843
No, you were here the entire
time, you saw... everything.
116
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:10,878
That's true.
117
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:14,615
I am just "gwad my
wittle baby's awive."
118
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,283
Don't touch her mouth!
Ow!
119
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,185
Don't touch her--
What-- why would you--
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
120
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,654
She just had surgery.
I'm sorry,
that was so bad.
121
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,823
My mouth is like...
122
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,692
Here's a prescription
for Vicodin.
123
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,495
Give her two
every four hours.
124
00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:28,729
Make sure--
can you handle that?
125
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,163
It's a very strict schedule.
126
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,400
I don't know, I guess
I can handle it.
127
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,267
You know, Western
medicine does stick
128
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:35,569
to a pretty
strict schedule.
129
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,070
The sooner you-you
take more pills
130
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,407
the sooner you
buy more pills, right?
131
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,309
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
swallow, swallow, swallow.
132
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,845
(bleep) Government-regulated,
Doctor Drew
133
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,246
all-you-can-eat buffet!
134
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,253
Uh, but, really,
I can handle it.
135
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,057
(metal clanging)
136
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,659
Ab!
137
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,961
(laughing)
Oh, no.
Abbi.
138
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,433
I'm just gonna get weed
from one of my weed dudes.
139
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:09,269
It will literally take
two seconds for real.
140
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,204
And then we're gonna
get you home, girl.
141
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,907
Uh, do you wanna hear my
Drew Barrymore impression?
142
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,843
Yes, queen please,
Drew Barrymore.
143
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:19,246
I love Jimmy Fallon.
(laughing)
144
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,650
Um, I have my
own makeup line.
145
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,985
Oh, my God,
am I being so mean?
146
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,455
I love her, you know
she's my favorite.
147
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,790
No, dude, it's not
mean at all.
148
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,859
And the gauze in your
mouth adds authenticity.
149
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,794
My production company,
(laughing)
150
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,863
Flower Films...
I love Flower Films.
151
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:41,535
...was founded in 1999 with
the popular film, "Whip It."
152
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,172
That is what she sounds like.
Oh, my God, I'm terrible.
153
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,640
No, you're so good.
154
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,642
It was 1995 (bleep)!
155
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,744
No, keep going, it's good, she
would love this impression.
156
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,145
(bicycle bell ringing)
157
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:56,817
My grandfather was the legendary
film actor, John Barrymore.
158
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,118
That's what she says.
(phone alert playing)
159
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,854
(gasping)
Oh, my God, Jeremy.
160
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,524
What does thumbs up,
question mark mean?
161
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,493
Thanks, skids, love you, B.
162
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,095
Jeremy's totally
thinking about me.
163
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,530
Yeah, dude, I think he
thinks about you.
164
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,998
I think he
(bleep) likes you.
165
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,534
He jerks off to you all the
time, I sense those things.
166
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,969
I know sexual tension
when I feel it--
167
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:18,305
Yeah, you do.
168
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,807
Oh, my God...
169
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,341
Will you leave me alone?
170
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,010
We have to change
your gauze out.
171
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,211
Oh.
172
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,613
I wanna go to Florida.
173
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,251
(Jaimé)
Okay, Jaimé.
174
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,154
Okay, everything is now the
childproof, we got this.
175
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:38,158
Abbi is weak right now,
like a baby, like an infant.
176
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,127
And I need to take
care of her.
177
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:43,196
And I need you
to take care of me.
178
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,033
Baby, I will like anticipate
your every single need.
179
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,336
Okay, first order of business
is government medicine.
Hmm.
180
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:53,373
Abbi needs to take two
Vicodin every four hours.
181
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,943
Ah, good.
(mumbling)
182
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,245
What, now?
183
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,947
Okay, Abbi, this
little airplane
184
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,049
is going to come
into the hangar.
185
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,552
Yes... okay, now
close the hangar.
186
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:05,753
Oh, you're so
swollen, baby.
187
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,387
Okay.
188
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,156
Okay.
Peas, frozen peas.
189
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,691
(Ilana mumbling to herself)
190
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:14,361
Here we go, here we
go, here we go now.
191
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:17,998
Wow, it's been
four hours already?
192
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,968
Oh, my God, you
are so out of it.
193
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,603
I am really glad I'm here.
194
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:23,804
(Jaimé)
Okay.
195
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:27,474
Okay, this is for the
swelling of your face.
196
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:28,842
Just rest on it.
197
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,011
Okay, Jaimé, now, we have to do
the two most important things
198
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,212
a dental surgery
victim needs.
199
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,446
What is it?
200
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,448
Give her Froyo and
braid her hair.
Of course.
201
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,285
Okay, I need you to
go 42 Squirts,
202
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,587
and get me
a real Abbi flavor.
203
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,588
(sighing)
204
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:41,589
You'll know when you see it.
205
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,124
Ooh-whee,
okay, well, okay.
206
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,759
The flavor of Abbi.
207
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,327
Can Jaimé capture
the complexity
208
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,429
of this beautiful human
being in one single flavor?
209
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:50,631
Jaimé, I don't really
have time for this.
210
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,465
Abbi's blood mother is
in Turks and Caicos,
211
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:53,901
and I am her mother now.
212
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,904
She needs me, she needs,
you know, us, but...
213
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,606
I will not disappoint you.
214
00:08:58,639 --> 00:08:59,973
Okay, baby.
215
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,375
And, hey, Jaimés.
216
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,777
Have fun with it.
217
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,983
Are you ready to get
on the party train.
218
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,251
First stop!
219
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,922
Braid the (bleep) out of
them silky-ass doll locks.
220
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,790
Ow.
I'm gonna get some scrunchies.
221
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,527
(Jaimé)
Okay, Jaimé,
the flavor of Abbi.
222
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,095
(slurping)
223
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:26,399
**
224
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,247
Oh, (bleep) me.
225
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,949
I guess I'll start
from the top.
226
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,920
Would you rather lick
a dead man's penis,
227
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,956
or have sex with the same person
for the rest of your life?
228
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,323
Penis.
229
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,225
Would you rather eat ice
cream for five hours straight,
230
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,961
or shoot somebody
in the knee?
231
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:54,995
Knee.
232
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,263
Yup.
233
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,732
Ilana, I don't feel good,
I feel really weird.
234
00:09:58,832 --> 00:09:59,767
I knew it.
235
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,602
Western medicine
fails us again.
236
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,772
Thanks a lot, Doctor Oz.
237
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:05,906
You know what?
238
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,875
I'm gonna give you
a little bit of my homemade
239
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,043
"Strega Nona" recipe.
240
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,344
Strega Nona...
241
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,146
(laughing)
242
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,481
Firecrackers, baby.
243
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:15,582
What's a firecracker?
244
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:16,817
It was what we were
on that time that
245
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,920
that dude jerked off on your
pocketbook in Bryant Park.
246
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,221
He was cool.
247
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,623
But not as cool
as Jeremy, right?
248
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:31,031
**
249
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,314
(microwave beeps)
250
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,652
(bell rings)
251
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,096
You know what, Jeremy?
252
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:07,167
I will say it again.
253
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,302
I like you.
254
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,104
I want us to
go out and...
255
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,439
What are you doing?
Just be open with it.
256
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,540
What are you doing?
257
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,375
I'm telling Jeremy I like him.
(gasping)
258
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:16,609
You told me to.
What?
259
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:20,280
23 minutes,
(bleep) me.
You told me to.
260
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,316
Yeah, but not while you're
jacked-up on Uncle Sam pills.
261
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,185
Jesus, come on.
262
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,821
Take this firecracker
smoothie.
263
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,089
All right.
264
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,892
Ow.
265
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,293
Ow.
266
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,163
You know, I wish I could have
one, but I gotta be responsible.
267
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,298
And don't you worry about
leaving that message for Jeremy.
268
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,600
You are gonna forget
that in seven minutes.
269
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,004
Jaimé?
270
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,538
Okay.
271
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,875
No, please, can you go
in front of me?
272
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,777
Please, thank you.
273
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,945
Eh, toppings, toppings,
toppings, toppings,
274
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,613
toppings, toppings, toppings...
275
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,683
Let's see, Cap'n Crunch?
276
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:59,186
No, it's too chemically
and that's no good.
277
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,620
Dark chocolate chip?
278
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,790
No, it's too crunchy
for Abbi right now.
279
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,991
Ew, gummy candies?
280
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,093
Excuse me, these do
not go with the Froyo.
281
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,661
In case you were
wondering.
282
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:11,131
Gorp... what is Gorp?
283
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,800
"Good ol' raisins
and peanuts ."
284
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,336
Why would we want
all raisins and peanuts?
285
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:19,372
(sobbing)
Aye, aye.
286
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,709
* Abbi dabbi dab my
287
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,445
* Beautiful queen she's my
288
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,548
* My beautiful queen
she's... *
289
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,617
(Abbi sighing)
290
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:31,651
(laughing)
291
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,857
Namaste, children of light.
292
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:40,060
Welcome to another installment
of "How To With Dr. Whiz."
293
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,063
Today, I'm gonna show you how
to meditate proper--
294
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,465
Ilana, what
the (bleep) that!
295
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,633
It's Abbi.
296
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,735
I am killing this
mom-slash-nurse thing.
297
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,237
Doesn't she look gorgeous?
298
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:51,504
I would think that
you could surmise
299
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,341
from my initial
reaction that she doesn't.
300
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,575
She needs rest, Ilana.
301
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:58,245
Okay, Jeez, you're the
one who's being loud.
302
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,582
You know what?
303
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,284
I deserve a break.
304
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:09,356
You wanna show me your old LL
Cool J, your Lincoln Log?
305
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,523
No!
306
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,092
I'll show you my tah-tahs.
307
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,693
Yes.
308
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,195
(echoing)
Yes!
309
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,165
(Ilana's voice echoing)
Show me your penis.
310
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,172
Oh, goodie, you're awake!
311
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:28,408
We're gonna have
so much fun!
312
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,879
Let's go play outside.
313
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,947
Come on, Abbi!
314
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:38,651
Man, I hate to see it, but
you got boyfriend penis, bro.
315
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:39,887
(chuckling)
316
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,289
Dude, check this out.
317
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,691
I made my torso a face.
318
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:45,993
Do you know who it is?
319
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,595
I'm guessing an old person
'cause the eyes are low
320
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:51,331
and swinging and drooping,
321
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,200
but in a way
that makes me hard.
322
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:57,637
I never thought that a old
people face would make me hard.
323
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:58,738
That's nice to know.
324
00:13:58,906 --> 00:13:59,772
You are gonna be an old dude
325
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,910
with so many boners
in a non-creepy way.
326
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:03,977
That's hot.
327
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:04,978
(laughing)
328
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,246
Okay, who is it?
329
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,580
Do you know which
old person it is?
330
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,781
I don't know, who is it?
331
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,150
I-I don't know.
332
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,584
Do you know?
333
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,420
What are we doing here?
Who did you draw?
334
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,922
No, I don't know.
335
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,156
Maybe Abbi'll know.
336
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,824
Hey! Abbi,
wake up, Ab!
337
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,527
(Lincoln)
Ilana, let her sleep,
let her rest.
338
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,363
Ab? Abbi?
339
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,398
Abbi?!
340
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,433
Abbi!
341
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,070
She's just gone.
342
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,104
The door was wide open.
343
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,106
It's gonna get dark in
a couple hours.
344
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,641
Okay, calm down.
345
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,842
(bleep) you, don't
tell me to calm down!
346
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,210
I hate when men
tell women that.
347
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,545
Okay, I'm sure she's fine.
348
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,981
Just needed some air or
something, just call her.
349
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,050
I can't, I took
her phone away.
350
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,385
She called Jeremy
to declare her love,
351
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,954
and my brain's been
a dud all day.
352
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,621
I haven't smoked once,
I didn't even vape.
353
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,590
This is all my fault.
354
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,360
Okay, if you can keep her on her
meds schedule, she'll be okay.
355
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,762
She'll be a little fuzzy, but
at least she'll be coherent.
356
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,864
I lied, I (bleep)
lied, dude!
357
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,967
I gave her the strongest
form of weed possible.
358
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,168
Other than dabbing.
359
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,970
I gotta find this bitch, I'll
talk to you later.
360
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,471
Abbi!
361
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:08,708
It's my fault, I should've seen
this coming from a mile away.
362
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,378
**
363
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,320
Chug chug chug chug.
364
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,065
Abbi!
365
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,005
What is this place?
366
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:41,308
Its the most magical
place in all the land.
367
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:44,644
Whole Foods!
Wow.
368
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,113
Yeah, the neighborhood's
really changed.
369
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,714
It's a whole new Gowanus.
370
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:48,881
Come on!
371
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,750
Let's hurry up before
the lines get long!
372
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,886
(bell tinkling)
373
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,322
Excuse me?
374
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,657
Hey, did you see a beautiful,
sumptuous model-type
375
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:58,825
come through?
376
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,660
Long silky hair like
a horse's main?
377
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,495
The only thing I see
is that crazy woman
378
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,932
who bought two Yoo-hoos and
drop a bottle on the floor.
379
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:09,469
Yoo-hoo.
380
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,038
Yeah, that's what
I just said.
381
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,272
Thank you so much.
382
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,041
Get out of my store,
get out of my--
Oh!
383
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,075
I'm sick and
tired of this.
Oh.
384
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,109
Get out.
385
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:17,044
Hey!
386
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,511
(hisses)
387
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,249
Punk.
388
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,650
Dick, bitch.
389
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,321
I'm coming, Ab!
390
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,622
Hearts of palm!
391
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,191
Abbi, buy me that.
392
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,892
I love hearts of palm.
393
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,927
Whoo-whee!
394
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,863
Ooh, bulk granola.
395
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,332
Buy me that, Abbi.
396
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,434
(sighing)
Manuka honey.
397
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,935
So reasonably priced.
398
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,272
Buy me that, Abbi!
399
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,474
Oh, great!
400
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,742
Mmm, this is
some high-class (bleep).
401
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,212
Ooh, earth-friendly cereals.
402
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,780
Knock 'em over, Abbi.
403
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,915
They wanna be on
the ground.
404
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,117
Whoo-hoo!
405
00:16:57,217 --> 00:17:01,521
Next up, probiotics, a Neti Pot
and a bag of douche.
406
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:02,589
Ha-ha!
407
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,158
Abbi!
408
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,196
Abbi!
409
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:18,004
That'll be $1,487.56.
410
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,906
Use your new credit
card, Abbi.
411
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,274
You got it because
you thought you needed
412
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,176
more than one card
to be an adult, right?
413
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,113
Well, now's your
chance to be one!
414
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,015
Plus, you'll
get Starwood's points.
415
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,751
Mmmm, I'm so proud
of you!
416
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,621
Quick, let's get this into a
bunker before the big one hits.
417
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,556
Abbi!
418
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:37,757
Abbi Abrams!
419
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,826
(phone vibrating)
420
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,661
Woah...
421
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,232
Hello?
422
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,800
(robotic voice)
There has been some unusual
activity on your account
423
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,437
and we'd like to confirm that
you, Abbi Abrams,
424
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:54,907
made a purchase of $1,487.56
425
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,710
at the Whole Foods
in Gowanus, Brooklyn.
426
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,415
Oh, my God, of course,
she's hungry as (bleep).
427
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,618
From your clear answer,
I can tell you are Abbi Abrams,
428
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,620
and this was not a
fraudulent charge.
429
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,723
Thank you for doing business
with One Trust, goodbye.
430
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:14,427
* On the flip side
you crazy bitch *
431
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:18,831
**
432
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,701
Damn, this neighborhood
is changing.
433
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,804
**
434
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,174
(both laughing)
435
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,476
Stop it, that's so
inappropriate.
436
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:33,313
Oh, (bleep), it's Strega Nona
the weed witch!
437
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,914
Peace, mortals.
438
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,184
Are you okay, you scared
the (bleep) out of me.
439
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,652
God dammit,
my manuka honey!
440
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,354
I got you, Bingo Bronson!
Abbi, no!
441
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,423
(glass shattering)
Ow!
442
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,591
Airball.
443
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,326
Oh, my (bleep) ankle.
444
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:49,329
Oh, my God, sorry.
445
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,198
I love you, Abbi!
446
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,365
See you soon.
447
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,334
I love you, Bingo Bronson!
448
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,102
(Ilana)
So sorry, sorry.
449
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,670
Oh, my God,
you're so scary.
450
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,478
So Abbi's vitals are fine.
451
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,314
She just needs
plenty of sleep.
452
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:10,983
I feel like an old-timey doctor
right now making house calls.
453
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,952
I should get an
apothecary bag, right?
454
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:17,224
Oh, my God, I am so
Horny right now, it hurts.
455
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,691
Oh, yeah?
456
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,594
It hurts.
457
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,796
Good night, Abbi-dab.
458
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,699
Everybody safe and s...
459
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,401
Jaimé!
460
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,869
(Jaimé)
Are you Abbi?
461
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,238
Where are you, Abbi?
462
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,506
Sir? We're closing.
463
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:37,310
Just pick any flavor,
they're all chemicals.
464
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,347
(vomiting)
465
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,081
Come on.
466
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,149
So sorry.
467
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:46,686
It's the Gummi Bears.
468
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,325
Hey, Ab, hey.
469
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,826
Oh, hey, Jer.
470
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,027
Hi, 'sup?
471
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:58,331
So... I got your call
yesterday.
472
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,132
Um, my what?
473
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:03,270
That really long voice mail you
left me where you asked me out.
474
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,004
Oh, no, don't--
475
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:08,708
No, I was just in... I had
surgery, I was-- so many...
476
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,478
There were so many drugs
and I was-- so that's...
477
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,913
You know I'm getting...
My phone's ringing here.
478
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,415
Hello? Hi.
479
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,818
No, why would I throw-up
on my clothes?
Abbi.
480
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,488
I'm not crazy--
Yeah, I am Jewish...
Abbi.
481
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,323
It has nothing to do with it.
Abbi, don't.
482
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,657
Abbi, just listen to me.
Abbi!
483
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:25,658
Listen!
Listen, listen.
484
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,594
Hey!
Hey!
485
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:32,665
I would love to go out with you
on an official... thing.
486
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,535
Oh, and I loved your Drew
Barrymore impersonation.
487
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,737
Amazing.
488
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,472
**
489
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,483
So, I guess I'll
give you a call.
490
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,353
Yeah, that was-- yeah.
491
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,354
Okay.
492
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,189
Okay, ring her up-- me.
493
00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,396
(door closing)
494
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,865
**
495
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:16,075
**
496
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:22,382
Oh, I was making--
this is all good.
497
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:25,418
That is good and
this is...
There something wrong with it?
498
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,587
locking that up.
499
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:28,655
See you later, Jer.
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