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1
00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:11,333
* Well every day
I throw a little party *
2
00:00:11,433 --> 00:00:14,300
* But a fit would be
more fitting, fitting *
3
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,467
* And every time
I come a little higher *
4
00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:20,667
* Should I leap
or go on living, living? *
5
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,067
* Hear the voices venomous
and thrilling *
6
00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:30,567
* In my head they're always
calling, calling *
7
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:33,300
* But I wanna gotta go
the way my blood beats *
8
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:37,167
* So I'm not fodder
for their folly, folly *
9
00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,967
* No one here is taking notice
10
00:00:45,067 --> 00:00:48,133
* No outline
will ever hold us *
11
00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:52,400
* It's not a new wave,
it's just you and me **
12
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,500
Cute.
So?
13
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,633
Welcome to Wayne.
This is it.
14
00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:58,333
Ooh.
15
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,133
(man)
If I were just
30 years younger.
16
00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:02,533
Ew. Dad, then what?
17
00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:05,100
Then we'd be best friends
and hang out all the time.
18
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,567
Oh.
Get your head outta the gutter.
19
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,067
Come here, you.
20
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,067
Yeah...
21
00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:11,233
(both)
Ha, ha, ha!
22
00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:15,067
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
23
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,100
All right.
24
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,733
Ha! Ha, ha!
I'll just hang out.
25
00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:19,600
(both)
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
26
00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,867
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!
27
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,200
Ha!
Whoa.
28
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,400
* Four and three
and two and one-one **
29
00:01:31,267 --> 00:01:33,200
So, how do you ladies
like my car?
30
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,600
Yeah, it's a pretty
sweet ride.
31
00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:35,900
It's fine.
32
00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:37,067
Ilana, you don't
like my car?
33
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,100
I can tell.
It's--
34
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,367
You sort of had
this little--
35
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,233
I'm a little
squished back here.
36
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,667
I think if I were in--
in the front,
37
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:45,667
maybe I would be less nauseous
and more physically comfortable.
38
00:01:45,767 --> 00:01:47,233
It's a time share.
39
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:50,167
Me, Larry G., Duckbutter,
Bobby G., we all went in on it.
40
00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:51,533
I am rock hard
41
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,467
that I'm gonna see
your childhood bedroom, Ab.
42
00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,467
It is so important
for a relationship
43
00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:58,800
to see a boyfriend's roots.
44
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,267
What?
A friend's roots, I said.
45
00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:02,333
Yeah, you said
boyfriend, but...
46
00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:03,900
Dad, I cannot believe
47
00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,433
that you're turning my bedroom
into an infrared sauna.
48
00:02:06,533 --> 00:02:08,067
You've been talking about this
49
00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:09,300
since the day
you dropped me off at college,
50
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,833
so I'm supportive.
51
00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:12,233
So GOOP.
52
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,067
You should get a V-steam
for the next time we come in.
53
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:15,533
V-steam? I don't know
what that is.
54
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:16,733
Um, vagina.
55
00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:19,900
(Abbi)
Love talking about
vaginas with my dad.
56
00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,300
(car scrapes)
57
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,633
(Jeff)
Don't worry about that noise.
58
00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:26,500
Ahh.
59
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,700
So many beautiful
memories here.
60
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,433
Ilana, under that tree,
61
00:02:30,533 --> 00:02:33,100
that's where Abbi
found a bee's nest
62
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,733
and was stung
over 300 times.
63
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,233
Oh.
Made the paper.
64
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:37,233
Yeah.
Congratulations.
65
00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:38,367
And that house?
66
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:40,067
That's where
she almost got taken
67
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,467
by the neighbors
when they moved.
68
00:02:41,567 --> 00:02:42,633
What?
69
00:02:42,733 --> 00:02:44,600
I found her in their Winnebago
in a large cooler.
70
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:45,533
Really?
71
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,133
And over there
is where Patty and I
72
00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:49,433
told her we were
getting a divorce.
73
00:02:49,533 --> 00:02:51,600
I never understood why
you did it by the trash.
74
00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,567
Well, you liked playing in
the trash so much as a kid,
75
00:02:53,667 --> 00:02:55,067
so we thought
if we told you there,
76
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,500
every time you'd
go to the trash,
77
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,233
you'd associate it
with the divorce
78
00:02:58,333 --> 00:02:59,233
and not play in it.
79
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,633
It didn't work.
80
00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:01,967
Come on, come in.
Come in, come in.
81
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,333
It didn't work?
I don't know.
82
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,267
I just always loved trash.
83
00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:05,533
It's like--
84
00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:06,767
It's like normal stuff,
but it has a past, you know?
85
00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:10,267
Hey, welcome home.
Ooh, it smells good.
86
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:13,967
Ooh, my God!
87
00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:15,067
(laughing)
88
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:18,433
Oh, such an only child's room.
89
00:03:18,533 --> 00:03:20,667
Why?
There's two TVs.
90
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:24,567
It was just so I can, like,
stay on top of the news stories.
91
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:28,067
Yeah, news about what was
happening with Ross and Rachel.
92
00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,667
Oh! This is Abbi's
little height chart!
93
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:30,533
I can't stand it!
94
00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:31,933
No, no,
that's lead paint.
95
00:03:32,067 --> 00:03:35,633
Yeah, my little girl
did grow up so fast, though.
96
00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:37,333
All right, look,
I got three boxes.
97
00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:39,167
Keep, donate, and garbage.
98
00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:40,767
I'm so excited
this is happening.
99
00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:43,367
I'm-- I'm gonna make
some food for you guys
100
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:44,300
so you have plenty of
energy to finish, all right?
101
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,267
What kind of snacks
you like?
102
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,300
Oof.
I--
103
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,400
No, no!
No.
104
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,300
Let me surprise you, huh?
105
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,467
Hope you like stevia.
106
00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:53,400
I don't know if we do.
107
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,467
Oh.
108
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,300
It's the Holocaust Museum
of Abbi Abrams!
109
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,500
What's that mean?
110
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,467
Oh, I mean--
I meant museum.
111
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:03,900
I just-- my family only went
to Holocaust Museums as a kid.
112
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,500
Ha. Funny.
113
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,933
Hey, where's Will Smith's
playground?
114
00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:13,167
What?
115
00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,800
* In West Philadelphia
born and raised *
116
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:19,333
* On the playground is where
Will spent most of his days **
117
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,333
Well, we're technically
in west of Philadelphia,
118
00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:23,467
so the 'burbs.
Got it.
119
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,667
Plus, I feel like they shot it
in California, right?
120
00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:27,300
Tax credits.
121
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,300
But there is a rumor
that Will Smith
122
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,967
bought his mom
a house in my town, so...
123
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:33,533
I would kill
to see that house.
124
00:04:33,633 --> 00:04:34,800
Murder.
125
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,933
Oh, man, there is
so much gear in here.
126
00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,067
Gear?
127
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,767
Like, from my jam band days.
128
00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:42,367
Phish and RatDog,
129
00:04:42,467 --> 00:04:45,800
Dark Star, Disco Biscuits,
String Cheese Incident.
130
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:47,067
Dirt Star, man.
131
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,233
The white slave
rebellion, man.
132
00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:51,400
I'll meet you
at the contact lens!
133
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,967
I'll see you at
the sister's freely.
134
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:56,267
Think fast!
Ahh! Ew!
135
00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:58,267
What the (bleep) is this?
136
00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:01,433
It is my dreadlocks, sir.
137
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,400
From your body and head?
138
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,133
Yeah, I tried to donate them
to Locks of Love, but...
139
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:07,367
Yikes.
140
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,400
...they rejected them,
it's fine.
141
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:09,700
Yeah, no (bleep).
142
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,767
Jesus, they stink so much more
than the pictures, God.
143
00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:14,933
Like pepperoni.
144
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:18,700
Oh, my God.
Holy (bleep)!
145
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,367
Oh, my God!
146
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,067
What, what happened, what?
Oh, you okay?
147
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,167
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, it's--
148
00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:24,867
Do you know who this is?
Here we go.
149
00:05:24,967 --> 00:05:26,500
This is a first edition
150
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,500
JonBenét Ramsey
commemorative Beanie Baby.
151
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,633
This is more rare
than the Princess Diana.
152
00:05:30,733 --> 00:05:32,067
I ran for this.
My heart stopped.
153
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:33,133
I'm sorry.
154
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,400
All right, look.
155
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,500
Get your palates primes
for my bialy bites.
156
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,833
Aw, I wanted to
keep that a surprise.
157
00:05:38,933 --> 00:05:40,267
All right.
158
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,433
This is unreal.
159
00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:43,667
You know, Ilana,
you can have it.
160
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,333
I always felt weird about
"getting rid" of her.
161
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,467
Do you even realize
what you're saying?
162
00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,467
I know you think it's stupid,
163
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:53,400
but you have to be aware
of the fluctuations
164
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,067
in the Beanie Baby market.
165
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,467
I say it all the time.
166
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:59,567
This could be our future.
Look at her.
167
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:01,433
Look at me,
I'm fully engorged.
168
00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:02,833
Ilana, come on.
169
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:05,900
I'm not sexually aroused,
I'm fiscally aroused.
170
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:06,867
Cool your jets.
171
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,100
Okay.
172
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,467
The Beanie boards are gonna
light up tonight, baby!
173
00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:13,533
JonBenét, look at her.
174
00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:15,167
(whispers)
You're a star.
175
00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:17,267
(bleep)!
176
00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:19,967
(bleep) me in (bleep) face!
177
00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:21,400
This is so bad.
178
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,533
What?
179
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,233
Alice Ackerman
was one of my best friends
180
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,233
in middle school,
all right?
181
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:26,300
I'm following.
182
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,533
We drifted apart
in high school,
183
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:29,233
mostly because I started
smoking weed,
184
00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:31,433
but also because she got in
the varsity field hockey team.
185
00:06:31,533 --> 00:06:32,833
That's normal, it happens,
and that's healthy.
186
00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:36,367
Senior year,
she got hit by a school bus.
187
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:38,167
Ugh.
On a Saturday.
188
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,700
Oh! Shabbat.
189
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,700
So I organized
this entire dance-a-thon
190
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,633
to raise money
for her medical bills
191
00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:47,067
and I raised over $900.
192
00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:48,067
That is amazing.
193
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,467
Yeah, really amazing.
194
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:52,200
Amazing that I (bleep) never
gave her the money.
195
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,600
Oh, bitch.
196
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:56,300
You know, it totally makes
perfect sense, typical Abbi.
197
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,733
Senior year is when
I got into mushrooms.
198
00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:00,600
I hear that mushrooms
can affect your memory
199
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,867
and your sex drive, right?
200
00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:04,267
Where am I?
201
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,233
I'm just kidding.
202
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,967
Ugh!
203
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,667
She's probably
horribly disfigured.
204
00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:15,900
Maybe it's about time
there's an elephant woman.
205
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:17,867
I did nothing
to help this girl.
206
00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:19,300
Nothing!
207
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,267
Was I a terrible person?
208
00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:23,667
You know what?
209
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:25,467
Maybe,
I don't know.
210
00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:29,300
But if we give it
back tonight,
211
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,967
you can atone for this.
212
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,067
Yes.
213
00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:33,200
You're right, yes.
214
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:34,233
This is what
we're gonna do.
215
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:35,433
We're gonna do this
right now.
216
00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:39,067
Give me one second,
I just fully backlit JonBebé.
217
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:41,500
She is going on
the Beanie boards tonight.
218
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,167
Yass, yass, yass.
219
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:46,833
Yass.
eBay on fire!
220
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:47,900
Yes! Natural.
221
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,867
Relax.
Nothing.
222
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:50,867
Gorge, gorge.
223
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:52,367
Sassy girl.
224
00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:53,333
All right,
I'm not gonna say that.
225
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:55,833
Cool.
Okay, let's go.
226
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:59,300
(Abbi)
Dude, this is so weird.
227
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,833
We're just gonna,
like, show up
228
00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:03,200
at her family's bowling alley
just hoping she's there?
229
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,400
You know, you don't
need to wear a helmet.
230
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:06,800
I'm a very good driver.
231
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:10,100
It is insane that you drive
a car with no doors.
232
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:14,633
You are such a goy for driving
this car, it is unbelievable.
233
00:08:14,733 --> 00:08:16,967
I want a DNA test.
234
00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:19,867
Okay, do you think Will Smith's
mom lives around here?
235
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,067
By the bowling alley? No.
236
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,067
Will would buy, like,
a much better spot.
237
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,433
**
238
00:08:27,533 --> 00:08:29,067
(pins clattering)
239
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,433
(man)
No shoes, no entrance.
240
00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:34,700
Yes, you, the Jews.
241
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,600
I'm-- we're not even bowling--
242
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,667
Hep!
243
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,533
Dude.
Come on.
244
00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:40,700
Tiptoe, please.
245
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,967
Oh, God.
Okay.
246
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,233
Thank you.
247
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,933
Um, yes, we just want to ask
a quick question, so--
248
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:48,967
You need shoes
to get in.
249
00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,533
New floors.
25 bucks each.
250
00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,067
Cash only.
251
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,067
Okay.
Dude, I don't "carry cash."
252
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,500
Oh, okay.
253
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,333
This is terrible.
254
00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:02,467
But we could use some of
the money from the Alice fund.
255
00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:03,733
It's, like, for her.
256
00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:06,367
We're using her money
to get her the money.
257
00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:07,533
Exactly.
Exactly.
258
00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:08,633
Okay, that makes total sense.
259
00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:09,700
Total sense.
So we have to.
260
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,467
Have to, must.
261
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,567
Okay.
262
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,300
Sir.
263
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,667
What size?
264
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,067
I'm a four.
Four-and-a-half.
265
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:21,600
Um, 11.
(clears throat)
266
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:24,333
Oh, my God!
267
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,600
Ow.
268
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:26,733
I didn't realize that
269
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,567
it's the 20th anniversary
of JonBenét's death.
270
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,800
Whoa.
Dude, it is blowing up on eBay.
271
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,333
It's gonna double our value.
272
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:35,367
Jeez.
273
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,533
That's awesome, dude.
274
00:09:36,633 --> 00:09:38,400
Abbi?
275
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:41,500
Ooh. Townie boy, get 'dat.
276
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,600
(cell phone vibrating)
277
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:43,900
Hi.
Abbi Abrams?
278
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:44,967
Yeah, well, give me
your bottom line
279
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:45,933
and I'll see what
kind of mood I'm in.
280
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:48,533
It's me,
it's Karl Shiff.
281
00:09:48,633 --> 00:09:49,733
Uh...
282
00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:52,800
Shyffilis.
Sh-- Shyffilis.
283
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,233
Holy (bleep), Shyffilis!
Yeah!
284
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,533
Jeez, you look so good.
285
00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,500
No, you look great.
Thanks.
286
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,933
You're still using
Shyffilis, huh?
287
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,567
Well, I mean, it's not really
a name you can get away from.
288
00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:03,833
Yeah.
289
00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:04,933
It even followed me
to the office.
290
00:10:05,033 --> 00:10:06,100
Whoa.
291
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,800
Who knew that one day
at Colonial Williamsburg
292
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:08,900
could change your life,
you know?
293
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,267
I mean, name-wise.
294
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:12,567
Unless you're like
a history teacher or whatever.
295
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:13,867
Oh, my God, wait.
296
00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:16,567
Did I have something
to do with that... name?
297
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:17,867
Oh, yeah.
298
00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,733
Yeah, that was totally
your fault, 100%.
299
00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:20,933
Oh-- oh, God.
300
00:10:21,033 --> 00:10:22,500
Yeah, no,
it's fine, it's fine.
301
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,733
No, we were in
the same walking group.
302
00:10:23,833 --> 00:10:25,000
Yeah.
I remember,
303
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,267
we learned about the syphilis
outbreak in the colony
304
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:28,900
and it just sounded
so much like your name.
305
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:29,867
Exactly like my name.
306
00:10:29,967 --> 00:10:31,633
Wait, I am so sorry.
307
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:33,300
I need to atone for this.
308
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,667
I would never, ever have said
that if I knew it would stick.
309
00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:38,167
Really, it's fine.
310
00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:41,033
And I didn't even care, like,
at all, because it was you.
311
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:42,267
What-- what?
312
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,633
I had, like, a huge crush
on you in high school.
313
00:10:43,733 --> 00:10:46,200
You knew that.
No, I did not.
314
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,733
What?
Oh, whoops.
315
00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:48,800
No, I didn't.
316
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,333
Um, yeah.
I mean, I didn't--
317
00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:53,533
But, I mean, if you really want
to make up for it, you could--
318
00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:54,800
you could buy me a drink.
319
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,467
I love drinks.
You got any cash?
320
00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:58,567
Cash only,
this place, huh?
321
00:10:58,667 --> 00:10:59,900
Oh, um...
322
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:03,233
I-- yeah,
I do have some cash.
323
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,133
Can I?
324
00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:07,967
Well, the appreciated value
325
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,833
of JonBenét now compared
to five years ago is astounding.
326
00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:12,067
You should be honored.
327
00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,867
I'm wasting my time
with a yellow star user?
328
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:17,067
I'm a turquoise
power seller, bitch.
329
00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:18,500
(scoffs)
330
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,267
I'm not gonna
just stand here...
331
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:21,567
(sighs)
332
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:25,067
(speaking in Mandarin)
333
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,867
Yeah, I know what happened
five years ago in Miami.
334
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:35,967
You think
I'm a (bleep) idiot?
335
00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:39,067
You think I'm MrBubbles9560?
336
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,467
Nope, you're dealing
with me, bitch.
337
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,067
You know, I've always
fantasized about, like,
338
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,300
making out in a locker room,
339
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,433
but no one ever tells you
about the feet smell, right?
340
00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:57,833
That's true.
It's like, gross.
341
00:11:57,933 --> 00:11:59,200
You're adorable.
342
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,267
I'll return these.
343
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,867
Um, are any of the Ackermans
around, by any chance?
344
00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,533
Oh, no.
345
00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:12,800
They sold the place years ago.
346
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,367
Their daughter was in
a horrific accident.
347
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:17,167
They needed all the cash
they could get.
348
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,167
Sad story.
349
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:19,067
Yeah, Alice.
350
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,233
Do you know where she lives?
351
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,833
I went to high school with her.
Oh, yeah.
352
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,300
She lives in that house
at the end of Henderson.
353
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,233
Can't miss it.
354
00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,767
The house at the end
of Henderson.
355
00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:27,800
Yeah.
By the convention center?
356
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,667
Mm-hmm.
That Henderson?
357
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:30,667
There's only one.
358
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:31,733
(sighs)
359
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,267
You were such a dick earlier
360
00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:36,167
and now you are maybe
one of my favorite people.
361
00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:38,467
We're closing in five minutes.
362
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:41,133
(speaking in Mandarin)
363
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,633
Unreal.
364
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:48,833
Uh, couple things.
365
00:12:48,933 --> 00:12:51,367
One, this bad boy
gave me the address.
366
00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:52,533
Oh, my God,
thank you.
367
00:12:52,633 --> 00:12:54,900
Yeah, two, you speak Chinese?
368
00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,100
What's going on?
Pssh.
369
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,467
Hardly,
Just some Yiddish Mandarin
370
00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:58,700
I picked up from my mom.
371
00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:59,733
See ya.
372
00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:01,533
Bye.
373
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,533
(speaking in Mandarin)
374
00:13:04,633 --> 00:13:09,367
(engine struggling)
375
00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:11,233
Dude.
376
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,500
I think the battery's dead?
377
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,833
Do you want to call, like,
a (bleep) cab or something?
378
00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:17,533
No, bro,
follow me.
379
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:19,700
Yes, sir.
380
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,300
Hey, what up, my peers?
381
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,333
Yo, give me a hack.
All right.
382
00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:31,067
So, listen, guys,
my Jeep stalled.
383
00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:32,433
I was wondering if you guys
can give us a ride
384
00:13:32,533 --> 00:13:33,433
to our friend's house.
385
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:35,633
Yeah, we could.
386
00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:37,400
If you could
buy us some liquor.
387
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,467
Oof.
Tit for tat.
388
00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:41,233
Savvy.
389
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,133
All right,
that'll be 200 bucks, boys!
390
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:49,100
**
391
00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:02,100
(burps)
392
00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:10,433
(tires squealing)
393
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,433
Okay, I guess
we'll just return this.
394
00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:18,500
Oh!
395
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,667
And, guess we will
just drink these.
396
00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:23,700
I mean, we have to now?
397
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:24,700
Oh, we have to.
398
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,667
**
399
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,700
So apparently, Will Smith's dad
used to make him build, like,
400
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,800
a brick wall
every single summer
401
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,433
from scratch just because.
402
00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:37,667
That's hot.
403
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:39,667
I heard Will makes Willow
and Jaden do it, too.
404
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:41,167
Oh!
405
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,633
To keep them humble,
you know?
406
00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:46,100
Will is such
a considerate dad.
407
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,733
Oh, my God.
Oh, my (bleep) Jesus.
408
00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:51,933
What?
409
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:54,700
The (bleep) JonBenéts
want the Beanie baby.
410
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,067
That is so insane.
411
00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:57,267
What?
What?
412
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:58,333
What?!
413
00:14:58,433 --> 00:14:59,600
It's like of course
they want her now.
414
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:00,867
Right?
415
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,500
Oh, my God,
look at this dog.
416
00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:04,733
Come on, baby.
417
00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:05,900
Hi!
418
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,100
Hey!
419
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,100
Hey! Our equity!
420
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,800
Ilana, come on!
421
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:14,200
JonBenét Beanie Baby!
422
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,833
**
423
00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:20,833
Hey!
Hey!
424
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,367
(Ilana)
Come on! Come on,
we'll split the money!
425
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,767
Come on!
Here he is!
426
00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:27,967
Oh, my--
427
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,367
Where--
Okay, all right.
428
00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:30,767
We need, like, a treat,
429
00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:32,500
or, like, a piece of meat
or something, I don't know.
430
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,067
Oh, my God, I do.
431
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,200
Hey!
Come here!
432
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,933
Come here!
433
00:15:38,567 --> 00:15:39,900
Come on! Go!
434
00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:41,067
Yes!
435
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:42,400
Oh, my God.
436
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,400
That was amazing.
Oh, my God.
437
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,667
JonBenét.
438
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:48,733
Oh, God,
later, bitch.
439
00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:51,933
I knew it would work 'cause
your dread stunk like meat.
440
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,567
Okay, it doesn't--
it didn't smell like meat.
441
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:55,800
Jeez.
Dang.
442
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,667
I guess Alice is doing
all right after all.
443
00:15:57,767 --> 00:16:00,600
Well, it's probably
for the team of nurses.
444
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,067
We should really
practice our faces
445
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:05,733
for when we first see her
gnarled, mangled disfigurement.
446
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,300
Okay.
447
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,967
Hi!
That's not bad.
448
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:13,067
It's okay, you go.
449
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:15,733
Ugh, I'll just do no emotion.
Oh, God.
450
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,267
(doorbell chimes)
451
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,100
Hi.
452
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:31,300
A-- Alice?
453
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,967
Yeah, can I help you?
454
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:35,300
It's-- it's Abbi.
455
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,067
Abbi Abrams,
from high school.
456
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:39,533
Oh, my God, Abbi, wow.
457
00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:41,067
I didn't recognize you
without the dreads.
458
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,133
You look--
you look great without dreads.
459
00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:45,200
Thanks.
460
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,500
So this is my friend, Ilana.
461
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,967
Hi, Ilana.
462
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:48,933
Beautiful.
463
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,333
Thanks.
464
00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:52,200
Alice, you look in-- insane.
465
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,300
Yeah.
466
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,767
You're very tall.
467
00:16:54,867 --> 00:16:56,567
You remember
my accident, right?
468
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,533
I mean, I kinda
remember it a little.
469
00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:01,733
Yeah, well, they had to put
pins in my thighs,
470
00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:04,500
and so it elongated me
and added three inches
471
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,533
to my height.
472
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:06,967
And then after that I--
473
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,067
I just couldn't keep
the weight on.
474
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:10,067
Totally.
I feel that.
475
00:17:10,133 --> 00:17:11,100
Understand.
476
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,133
So I started modeling.
477
00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:15,200
And ten campaigns later...
478
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,533
Wow, not too shabby.
479
00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:21,367
What about you?
What-- why are you here?
480
00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:22,800
Good call.
481
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,600
Speaking of the accident,
482
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:25,867
I do remember
483
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:29,533
and I actually raised
some money for your surgery
484
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,500
by throwing a dance-a-thon.
485
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,533
We danced for all night.
486
00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:34,633
I mean, I was in a coma
at the time,
487
00:17:34,733 --> 00:17:36,133
but I heard about it,
488
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,433
and I never got the chance
to thank you,
489
00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,233
so that was really
sweet of you, Abbi.
490
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,400
You're a good person.
491
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,067
Huh? Well...
It's true.
492
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,167
Yeah.
493
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,200
It's true.
Yeah.
494
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,433
It's true.
Thank you.
495
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,633
It is.
You know, thank you, Alice.
496
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,933
I appreciate that.
497
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,500
Funny story.
498
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,067
You're gonna be like...
499
00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:52,867
(chuckling)
500
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,600
L-O-L.
Abbi, you crazy.
501
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,333
You're gonna be like, what?
502
00:17:58,433 --> 00:18:00,467
So I was home,
503
00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:01,767
and I found this envelope
504
00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:05,167
and it's actually all the money
from the dance-a-thon.
505
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:06,233
I never gave it to you.
506
00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,267
(chuckling)
507
00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:08,300
And it's crazy.
508
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,300
Well, I'll take it now.
509
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,700
You take now.
Thanks.
510
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,633
And you know what,
do something...
511
00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:12,733
Some extra cash.
512
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:14,800
Buy something nice
for this place,
513
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,433
'cause it needs a...
514
00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:17,433
(whispers)
Okay.
515
00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:18,533
(clears throat)
516
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,767
It says here
that you raised $946,
517
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:21,767
and there's only $300 here.
518
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,500
Does it say that?
519
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,633
Well, it was just because
we needed the cash to find you.
520
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,900
We just needed the money
for bowling shoes
521
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,867
and bottles of
liquor for teens.
522
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,067
You're not on Facebook.
523
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:32,333
This is really
(bleep) up, Abbi,
524
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:34,633
you coming here
and bringing up my accident
525
00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:36,500
and giving me money
eight years later
526
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,267
that's not even all there.
Okay.
527
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,533
Um, I just--
I wanted to--
528
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,533
You know what?
I take it back, actually,
529
00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:42,600
you're not a good person.
530
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,533
You're kind of
an asshole, Abbi!
531
00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:47,467
Well, I thought--
No.
532
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:49,867
Abbi is a phenomenal person.
533
00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:52,067
Okay, a high-quality
human being.
534
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:56,067
Because she...
wanted to come here
535
00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:58,533
and give this
extremely valuable
536
00:18:58,633 --> 00:19:01,367
first edition commemorative
537
00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:03,633
JonBenét Ramsay
Beanie Baby.
538
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:04,933
(Alice)
What?
539
00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:06,367
That's a Beanie Baby
of a dead girl.
540
00:19:06,467 --> 00:19:07,833
That's disgusting.
541
00:19:07,933 --> 00:19:09,867
Okay, Alice,
just hear me out, okay?
542
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:13,200
I came here to look you
in the eye and to atone.
543
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,433
I am a good person.
544
00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:15,400
You know me,
when we sat next to--
545
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,600
Whoa!
Wait, wait, wait.
546
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,600
Wait, wait, wait,
just, wait, wait, baby.
547
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,967
Baby, just wait one second,
548
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,200
I'm gonna come down there,
I'm gonna explain.
549
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,200
Explain what?
550
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,067
Nothing.
There is nothing to explain.
551
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:25,967
What?
552
00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:27,400
What's going on here?
She just--
553
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,400
She made out with me
a little bit
554
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,433
at the bowling alley.
No, no.
555
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:30,767
You did? Ew!
It's not her fault.
556
00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:32,500
I didn't make out with you,
you made out with me!
557
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,667
We were talking about--
558
00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:34,967
she had a crush
on me and stuff.
559
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,733
Shyffilis,
I swear to (bleep) God,
560
00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:39,533
you know you've done...
This is your (bleep) luck?
561
00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:40,500
Get your (bleep)
ass upstairs.
562
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,667
Okay, okay.
563
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:42,867
It's the second strike today.
I know.
564
00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:44,700
I'm sorry.
Today?
565
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,900
Get your ass upstairs.
Okay, I'm gone.
566
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,367
(Alice)
Get out.
567
00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:48,533
It was just--
568
00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:49,667
Okay, so we should really talk.
Good night.
569
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,067
We should
talk about the--
570
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:53,100
Shyffilis, I'm gonna
kick your (bleep) ass.
571
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,767
(Abbi)
Ugh, I just feel terrible.
572
00:19:55,867 --> 00:19:57,500
You really shouldn't.
573
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,700
That Beanie Baby
was worth over $13,000
574
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,067
depending on the strength
of the yen.
575
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,300
Wait, what?
576
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,667
Yeah.
What?
577
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:06,333
Yeah.
578
00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:07,700
Dude...
Come on.
579
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,933
It's over.
580
00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:09,933
(bleep).
581
00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:12,533
**
582
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,367
(laughing)
583
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:34,667
(humming)
584
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:38,067
Aah, I am so happy
you two guys came down.
585
00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:41,333
Thank you.
Abbi, I love when you're home.
586
00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:44,833
Whoa, how's work,
training Shania Twain?
587
00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:47,600
Wow.
How is that?
588
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:50,200
It's so good.
589
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:51,500
Hey, by the way.
590
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,133
Last night, after you left,
I looked up Alice Ackerman.
591
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,333
You know what
I found out on Google?
592
00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:59,500
She bought her house
from Will Smith's mom!
593
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,667
Ahh!
594
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:05,433
I'm so sorry.
595
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:15,400
You know, I'm just doing
a little slow...
596
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,567
(chuckling)
597
00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:21,300
**
40080
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