Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,733 --> 00:00:12,533
(squeaking)
2
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:18,500
Abbi?
3
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,433
(squeaking)
4
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:22,400
Rat Bastard!
5
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,367
(laughing)
Ah...
6
00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:27,500
(screaming)
7
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,567
Get out
of here!
8
00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:30,600
You're ruining my life!
9
00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:33,500
(squeaking)
10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,467
(screaming)
11
00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:42,800
This is some of my best
sandwich work to date.
12
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:47,400
(screaming)
13
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,467
(gasping)
No, no-no-no.
14
00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:54,933
Rata hijueputa.
15
00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:56,300
Kinda sexy.
16
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:01,567
(screaming)
17
00:01:01,667 --> 00:01:03,533
(man screaming)
18
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,067
(squeak-squeak)
19
00:01:13,133 --> 00:01:15,433
Weed thief!
20
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,433
(squeaking)
21
00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:19,900
* Four and three
and two and one-one **
22
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,900
**
23
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,067
That rat won't be
bothering you anymore.
24
00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:27,900
He's gone to
a better place.
25
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,533
Oh, you mean,
like the heaven.
26
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:31,833
Oh, no.
27
00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:34,533
His dead carcass is probably
rotting in the ceiling.
28
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:36,133
Oof.
29
00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:38,300
All right,
that'll be $400.
30
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,400
$400?
Are you serious?
31
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,067
I'm gonna have to sell
my sperm again, uh...
32
00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,433
Jesus, that's criminal.
No.
33
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,733
$400.
34
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,967
Oh!
35
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:06,767
That's all of it.
36
00:02:06,867 --> 00:02:09,467
Thank you.
37
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,833
God...
38
00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:14,233
(exterminator)
Oh, there's a package
out here.
39
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:15,967
Ooh, Larry and David.
40
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:20,333
**
41
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,167
(woman
mimicking siren)
42
00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:31,167
Flirt alert, oh, my God,
cute dress, Ab.
43
00:02:31,267 --> 00:02:32,633
Hot date later?
44
00:02:32,733 --> 00:02:34,067
Is he black?
45
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,300
What?
46
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,200
No, I just thought
it was a party,
47
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,833
so, I'm wearing
normal clothes.
48
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:40,067
Right, this is
your first
49
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:42,467
Summer Solstice
Soulstice party.
50
00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:45,400
You 'lil virgin,
ooh... (laughing)
51
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,900
I'm gonna need
to start drinking.
52
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,233
Yes, girl.
53
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:49,400
Here,
drink this.
54
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:52,300
It is 11% alcohol
content kombucha.
55
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,633
I like to call it
"kom-booze-cha."
56
00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:56,067
(laughing)
57
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:59,167
Don't, um,
don't steal that, though.
58
00:02:59,267 --> 00:03:01,633
I came up with it.
59
00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:04,967
**
60
00:03:10,933 --> 00:03:11,967
Olive oil?
61
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,233
Sea salt crackers?
62
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:14,633
Baklava?!
63
00:03:14,733 --> 00:03:16,333
This is the most beautiful
basket I've ever seen,
64
00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:18,067
and I grew up
on Long Island.
65
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,800
They had shivas for days,
literally.
66
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:24,233
"We love and accept you
exactly as you are."
67
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,833
Oh, my God.
68
00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:27,067
It must be
from my parents.
69
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,567
Oh!
70
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:29,667
They haven't spoken to me since
I came out to them months ago.
71
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:31,600
Months?
72
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,233
This must be their olive branch,
literally.
73
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,667
Olive branch?
74
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,067
Dur, there's olive tapenade
in here.
75
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,467
I mean,
double dur.
76
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,500
Larry and David?
That's two men, right?
77
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,600
Oh, my God, this is
so beautiful, Ilana.
78
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:44,967
Oh, my God.
79
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:47,067
That's awesome, dude.
Yeah.
80
00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:48,367
I think we should
throw a party
81
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:52,367
and spread the seed of this
gesture all over people.
82
00:03:52,467 --> 00:03:55,267
Himmelz, what if
we charged a cover,
83
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:57,200
and we made back
that money
84
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,533
that we gave to that
stupid exterminator?
85
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:00,533
Ooh.
86
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,300
Sometimes we are so smart,
Ilana,
87
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,333
I am scared of what
we are truly capable of.
88
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:07,367
I gotta call
A-Team.
89
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,133
Oh!
90
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:16,800
(cell phone melody plays)
91
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:17,967
Go for Abbi.
92
00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:20,067
Jaimé's former bigot parents
who are now amazing,
93
00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:24,633
sent him an "insahn" gift basket
from Larry and David.
94
00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:27,067
Holy shit.
95
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,500
Uh...
96
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,067
Well, uh, save me some of those
chocolate-covered cherries
97
00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:33,333
'cause those are
so classy.
98
00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:34,633
I'll do ya one better.
99
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,567
We're throwing
a party tonight
100
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,833
for a tiny fee
of ten bucks a head.
101
00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:40,100
Bring friends-- I, I don't
have any, but you guys.
102
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,100
(phone beeping)
103
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,400
That's cool.
104
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:47,433
Uh-oh, what do
we have here?
105
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:51,333
Caught Abbi red 'anded,
creepin' on da Soulstice floor.
106
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:52,633
Shaggy Boombastic!
107
00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:53,967
Ahh...
But, seriously,
what are you doing?
108
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:56,633
I was just in here...
drinking
109
00:04:56,733 --> 00:05:00,400
because this was like my third,
and fourth, uh, bottle of booze.
110
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,233
And I didn't want anyone
to see me, you know,
111
00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:06,067
consuming so many
empty calories.
112
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:06,900
All right,
tell you what.
113
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,900
I am in,
I'm gonna join ya.
114
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:11,100
Cent'anni!
115
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,067
It's kind of spunky,
right?
116
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,867
That's what she said.
117
00:05:14,967 --> 00:05:16,400
(laughing)
118
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,067
Come on, that was
genuinely organic.
119
00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:20,067
"That's what
she said."
120
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,200
Okay.
121
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,367
**
122
00:05:22,467 --> 00:05:27,900
* I want
some marijuana, uh uh oh *
123
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,433
* I wanna
marijuana *
124
00:05:29,533 --> 00:05:31,300
* I want some
marijuana *
125
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,267
* I need some marijuana
126
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,267
* Uh uh oh
127
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:36,567
* Whudda bud down
Whudda bud down *
128
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,600
* Whudda bud down
Whudda bud down *
129
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,467
* Whudda bud down
whudda day *
130
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:45,333
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat, uh *
131
00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:47,300
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat, dat, uh *
132
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,267
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat, uh *
133
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:51,467
* Whudda bud at
Gimme dat dat dat *
134
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:55,067
* I need some marijuana
Uh uh oh *
135
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:56,900
* Roll it and lick it
and light it and smoke it *
136
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,900
* And pass it and lick it and
light it and pass it *
137
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,967
* And roll it and lick it
and light it and pass it *
138
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:03,233
* Then light it and smoke it
and... *
139
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,067
* Roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it *
140
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,133
* Now roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it *
141
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,933
* Now roll it, now roll it,
now roll it, now roll it *
142
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,067
Weed queen.
143
00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:14,267
(laughing)
144
00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:15,900
Okay?
145
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:18,233
Hey, don't make me
do CPR, okay?
146
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,067
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
147
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:22,067
So, I go into, like, a
Starbucks, you know, Starbucks.
148
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,800
It's, like, a pretty big chain
of coffee shops.
149
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,633
Yeah, I've seen
'em around.
150
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:29,167
From Seattle!
Get a clue, man!
151
00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:30,567
(burps)
And I'm,
like, ordering.
152
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:32,300
And the person's like,
"What's your name?"
153
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,867
And I'm, like,
154
00:06:33,967 --> 00:06:36,233
"Mrs. Starbucks."
155
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:39,733
(both laughing)
156
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,633
(cell phone
melody plays)
157
00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:45,167
I'm gonna pick up my phone
'cause it's ringing.
158
00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:46,233
Hello?
159
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,333
Can you steal
tampons, too?
160
00:06:47,433 --> 00:06:48,600
Yeah, tampons!
161
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,367
Ohh!
162
00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:51,600
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
163
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:52,667
Oh, my God,
you're bleeding.
164
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:54,133
Dur, that's why
I need the tampons.
165
00:06:54,233 --> 00:06:55,733
You're bleeding,
you're bleeding.
166
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,200
Sorry, take your phone call,
take your phone call,
take your phone call.
167
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,367
No, tamps, tamps.
168
00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:02,100
For, for-- yeah, yeah--
I got them.
169
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:06,800
That didn't
mean anything.
170
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:10,067
**
171
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,467
I can't believe
that diseased little rat
172
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,167
chewed through my favorite
period panties.
173
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,800
Panty-eating
rat perv.
174
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:23,667
Ilana, there's been something
I've been wanting to ask you
175
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:28,700
for a while and don't feel any
pressure at all to say yes.
176
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:32,433
But it would mean
the world to me,
177
00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:36,267
if I could be
your Head Chef.
178
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:37,667
Yeah, go nuts.
179
00:07:37,767 --> 00:07:40,533
"With great power comes
great responsibility."
180
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:41,133
Teddy Roosevelt.
181
00:07:41,233 --> 00:07:42,167
Spider-Man.
182
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,267
(sighs)
Even better.
183
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:45,667
Ffft!
184
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,967
Whoa.
185
00:07:49,067 --> 00:07:50,667
Okay, I, I know
what you're gonna say,
186
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,133
but just hear me out,
okay?
187
00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:54,567
I've always felt that the energy
in this room was just off.
188
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,233
But I didn't wanna say anything
because, you know,
189
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,733
I don't like
to stir the shit pot.
190
00:07:58,833 --> 00:07:59,667
But since this happened
with my parents,
191
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:02,833
I feel more like, mmm,
confidence.
192
00:08:02,933 --> 00:08:06,067
This-- is how I feel
the room should be.
193
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,867
I love it.
194
00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:09,067
Oh, sweet!
195
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:10,300
Why didn't you do this,
like, a year ago?
196
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,467
I don't know!
197
00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:13,467
It was like I hated
a part of myself.
198
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:14,200
Now I only
hate my cankles.
199
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,467
(knocking on door)
200
00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:17,933
(Abbi)
I need to make out
with somebody.
201
00:08:18,067 --> 00:08:19,500
Wham, bam,
thank you, sir.
202
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,533
No, someone new.
203
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:21,533
Okay, I'll do this
for you.
204
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:22,933
No, someone who's
attracted to women.
205
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,900
Abbi, just so you know, every
guy here's gonna be, like,
206
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,933
a four-plus
on the Kinsey scale.
207
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:28,067
(Jaime and Ilana whisper)
Gay.
208
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:32,067
I know, that's why
this gal joined Tinder.
209
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:33,400
You on Tinder?
210
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:37,233
I thought you're all about
that IRL meet-cute rom-com Lyfe.
211
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,267
You must be
très horny.
212
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,633
I'm not Trey anything,
Ilana-- what?
213
00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:43,067
Okay, I won't show-off
my French, Abbi.
214
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,733
(gasping)
Plus, every Tinder guy
will pay us the $10!
215
00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:46,800
Money-money-money-money...
216
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,633
Plus, plus, it's not
even your apartment,
217
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:49,333
so if they come back
to chop you up,
218
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:50,367
you're not even here.
219
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:53,067
Yeah--
Wait, what?
220
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:56,300
(music and chatter)
221
00:08:58,933 --> 00:08:59,633
Thank you.
222
00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:00,767
You're welcome.
223
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,567
Mmm...
224
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,267
That is so hot.
225
00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:06,700
Yes.
226
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,300
Hi, thank you
so much, thanks.
227
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,700
It's gonna be worth it.
228
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,200
Thank you, love your money...
outfit.
229
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,267
Uh, oh, it is so
disgustingly hot in here.
230
00:09:16,367 --> 00:09:17,333
You know what?
231
00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,267
I'll give you a discount,
I know a gal...
232
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:20,133
Okay, no,
I'm gonna go.
233
00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:21,133
I love you.
234
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,600
Love ya.
235
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:23,667
Last one in,
first one out, respect.
236
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:27,333
Uh, oh, I got three matches
already, so...
237
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,200
Tinder is so
(bleep) easy, dude.
238
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,467
Yes, it is healthy for you to
have zero discretion sometimes.
239
00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:33,500
I just got
another match.
240
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,100
God, why didn't
I do this earlier?
241
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,633
I am rich in men.
242
00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:39,067
And those men are gonna
make me rich...
243
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,400
in money.
244
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,800
* I rich
245
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,133
* I rich, I rich
246
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:47,500
* I rich...
247
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,267
(gasping)
248
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:54,800
Rat Bastard!
249
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,667
Lincoln, I just saw
that dickhead rat.
250
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:57,667
Where?
251
00:09:57,767 --> 00:09:59,167
In this apartment.
Ew.
252
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,367
If people see him,
they're gonna leave.
253
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,400
And worse yet, they're gonna
want their money back.
254
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,333
Yeah, but they'd
be right.
255
00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:07,567
Right?
Yeah, I know.
256
00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:10,100
Okay, Lincoln, I need your
culinary skills
257
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,000
to go above
and beyond right now.
258
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:15,433
I need you to create a dish
so good, so élégante,
259
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:16,733
that the party is distracted
260
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,833
and I can catch this
fat-ass rat-ass myself.
261
00:10:18,933 --> 00:10:20,667
I'm talking
Food Network-level.
262
00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:24,267
This restaurant would
definitely rate a "C,"
263
00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:27,200
on the New York Sanitation
Department scale.
264
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,067
But I wanna take on
this challenge.
265
00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:30,767
Actually,
it would be a grade "D"
266
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:32,767
'cause of that moth larvae
all over the ceiling.
267
00:10:32,867 --> 00:10:34,567
Yeah, I can't
find the source.
Ugh.
268
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:34,900
Okay, dope.
269
00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:40,767
Hi, Tadd 26?
270
00:10:40,867 --> 00:10:42,667
Yeah,
Abbi, hi.
271
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,800
Wow, you look great.
272
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:48,433
This is a really good
photo of you.
273
00:10:48,533 --> 00:10:49,500
Thanks.
274
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,000
It's almost
too good, though.
275
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,433
Okay.
276
00:10:52,533 --> 00:10:53,100
Should I go?
277
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,033
Inside?
278
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,033
Yeah.
279
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,533
I'll take that
off your hands.
280
00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:58,000
Enjoy yourself,
feel welcome.
281
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,867
Mm-hmm.
282
00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,800
Ilana, come on, I just...
broke up with him.
283
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,233
I need him,
I need them all.
284
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,500
I spent $400 to get rid
of this rat.
285
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,400
I just saw him scurrying across
the floor with his little nails.
286
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,667
(gasping)
(squeaking)
287
00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:12,667
Oh, my God, rat!
288
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:13,900
Pack!
289
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:15,567
With Fred Sinatra, and
they would sing a cappella
290
00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:17,800
and watch
each other (bleep).
291
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:18,867
Give me my money back.
292
00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:19,967
I'm not staying
at a rat party.
293
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,500
Okay, okay--
Get out of here.
294
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,433
Keep quiet.
Go.
295
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:24,500
(cell phone vibrates)
296
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,133
(Abbi gasping)
297
00:11:27,233 --> 00:11:30,400
What-- No one.
298
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,400
What?
299
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,900
What? I didn't get
a text from anybody.
300
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,167
If I ever get
my own food truck,
301
00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:35,500
I'm gonna call it
"Lincoln's Center."
302
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,333
That is genius!
(laughing)
303
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:39,333
Wow.
304
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:40,400
Mmm...
305
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,533
Mmm.
306
00:11:41,633 --> 00:11:42,067
Gracias, Lincoln.
307
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,233
Okay.
308
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,367
(sighing)
309
00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:46,733
I've been keeping something in
for a very long time.
310
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,967
But today's a new day
for the Jaimé.
311
00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:52,467
Your mustache
is terrible.
312
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:56,767
It makes you look like you--
like touch the little children.
313
00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:59,167
(sighs)
That felt good.
314
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:01,700
Mmm.
315
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:02,567
Mother(bleep),
that's good.
316
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,333
Whoa,
costume change?
317
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,300
Yeah, I'm quirky.
318
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,133
(tap dancing)
319
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:12,167
**
320
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:12,933
(squeaking)
321
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,600
Sorry...
(chuckling)
322
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,600
Get up.
323
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:15,967
(squeaking)
324
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,533
(sighing)
325
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:22,600
(whispering)
Damn it.
326
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,933
(whooping, applause)
327
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,300
Hold down the fort.
328
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,433
I've got
a plan.
329
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:37,267
God, I loved
your hair.
330
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,267
Not cool.
331
00:12:38,367 --> 00:12:40,767
Oh, I'd love to make out
with this guy.
332
00:12:40,867 --> 00:12:41,533
I thought
you said you were 26?
333
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:44,067
I was,
in that picture.
334
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:47,367
I thought that was
an Instagram filter.
335
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:52,367
Ooh, you're really sexy.
336
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,367
With a great smile.
337
00:12:57,767 --> 00:13:02,100
Hey, can I see
your tat?
338
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,567
Too...
339
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,267
* Two peas in a pod
340
00:13:06,367 --> 00:13:08,533
* And neither of us
are Jews *
341
00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,133
You should Uber.
342
00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,433
That's, um,
German, right?
343
00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:16,567
Sorry, but
this obviously isn't you.
344
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,733
Yeah, obviously.
345
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:19,467
You thought a young
Denzel Washington
346
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,700
was gonna show up
for your Tinder date?
347
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,167
You shoulda
just swiped left.
348
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:27,400
Wait, what do you mean
"swipe left"?
349
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:34,933
(meows)
350
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,400
Jellicle Cat,
351
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,100
I need you to find and kill
this ballsack, Rat Bastard.
352
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,367
(knocking on door)
353
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:41,367
In use!
(Abbi)
Ilana, it's me.
354
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:43,500
Oh, come in.
355
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:44,767
Tinder-- oh, my God.
356
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,733
Did you know that you can, like,
swipe left on Tinder?
357
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,900
And that means
you're not into the guy.
358
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,633
I thought you had to meet-up
with every--
359
00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:53,067
You have options.
360
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:53,967
What's happening in here?
361
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,933
The cat's out
of the bag.
362
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,467
Jellicle was not easy
to remove from the bodega.
363
00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:00,567
But I gotta catch this piece
of shit, Rat Bastard,
364
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:03,267
and I needed backup.
365
00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:05,667
So, I had
to borrow him.
366
00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:06,900
Or her.
367
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,800
Hm, what you?
368
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,133
Well, I kinda hope
it's a guy
369
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:13,533
because there's literally
zero good guys here.
370
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:17,300
I need to meet, like,
real men in real life
371
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,533
that I don't work with.
Yeah.
372
00:14:19,633 --> 00:14:20,467
What?
373
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,733
That I don't, like,
work it with.
374
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:24,733
You know?
375
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,767
Totally.
376
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:26,900
That's what
I meant to say.
377
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,933
Well, please
let this work.
378
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,367
No, it's totally
going to,
379
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:32,533
because cats
can be scary vicious.
380
00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:34,500
(purring)
381
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,333
Come on, Jellicle Cat,
382
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:38,600
scheme, make some
(bleep) trouble.
383
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:39,667
Like,
Tom and Jerry.
384
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:41,067
Oh, my God,
the media,
385
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,100
reducing even cats
to a stereotype.
386
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,867
See, I have to remember,
I am the problem.
387
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:49,100
Up next, you'll savor chilled
chocolate-covered cherry slivers
388
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,933
your tongue didn't know
that it needed.
389
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,900
Enjoy.
390
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,667
I am crushin' it
right now.
391
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:59,400
I'm definitely gonna be the
Chop'd Champion tonight.
Yes.
392
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,367
(screams)
393
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,867
What?
The rat just ran
over my foot.
394
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:04,100
You know the band Ratatat?
395
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,367
Let's listen to thatatat,
mm-hmm.
396
00:15:06,467 --> 00:15:07,933
Uh-huh.
397
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:09,367
(knocking on door)
398
00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:11,367
Oh, if I have to see
another Tin-dude,
399
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,067
I'm gonna (bleep) break out.
400
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,800
Hi, I am looking for
a Larry and David gift basket
401
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,700
that was dropped off
here.
402
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:17,567
I, I, dropped it off,
but at the wrong address,
403
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,233
and I need it back now.
404
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:21,867
My money.
My parents.
405
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:23,067
My chef's high.
406
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:23,567
My...
407
00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,167
My, my.
408
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,867
How you doin'?
409
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:33,833
So, what are you saying?
It didn't come from Guatemala?
410
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:34,900
No, I'm sorry.
411
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,133
This is
215 10th Street.
412
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,233
And I was supposed to
deliver it to 210 15th Street.
413
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,133
I keep messing up
because I have dyslexia.
414
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:40,733
Please, this is
an SOS.
415
00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:43,667
I'm sorry, SOS.
416
00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:46,633
Dude, I'm so sorry
but we got the basket,
417
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:48,667
and I already made
some incredible--
418
00:15:48,767 --> 00:15:50,533
Strides.
419
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,067
Strides.
420
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:55,667
To keep the basket
in mint condition.
421
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:58,833
So, you know, we're just
gonna need a couple minutes
422
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:00,600
to fill out
some paperwork.
423
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,767
Mm-hmm.
424
00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:03,567
You seem stressed.
425
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,100
Why don't you
come in?
426
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,200
You guys figure out
the paperwork.
427
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,533
I'll show you around.
428
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,600
I mean, with letters
and everything,
429
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,600
it's like, who cares
what order they're in?
430
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:15,233
**
431
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,367
Steven.
432
00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:21,267
Yeah,
I shaved my mustache
433
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:22,467
with the pubey girl razor
from the bathroom.
434
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:24,300
You happy?
435
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,433
You look incredible.
436
00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:26,867
I was
completely right.
437
00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:29,067
And the whole pedophile
mustache was so distracting.
438
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:30,100
But now I see
your face.
439
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,367
It's beautiful.
440
00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:33,133
Kind of
like it, too.
441
00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:33,900
It's like I was holding
onto something,
442
00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:36,300
like,
some kind of mask.
443
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,333
You know, we should hang out
like in a date way.
444
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,233
Yeah,
I'd love that.
445
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,100
I'm really glad that
this all happened.
446
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,300
Me too.
447
00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:48,467
Ew, dude!
448
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:49,767
Homophobe!
You hate the gays, man?
449
00:16:49,867 --> 00:16:50,933
Who's a homophobe?
450
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:52,433
No, look
at this mess!
451
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,333
I'm never gonna be able
to get this back together.
452
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,167
Lincoln,
what do we all know
453
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:58,067
is the most challenging
part of cooking?
454
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:58,900
Presentation.
Exactly.
455
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:00,333
This is a presentation
challenge.
456
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:04,067
Let's turn our trash...
(clearing throat)
457
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:05,267
Into treasure.
458
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,533
I never will care about
this basket, so good luck.
459
00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:08,800
I'm not losing
this money.
460
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,567
Cool hat.
I love hats.
461
00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:13,233
(chuckling)
462
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,067
Cool, um...
463
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:15,600
Can I ask you
a personal question?
464
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,667
Mm-hmm.
465
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:19,767
You ever taken a sharp turn
in one of those trucks
466
00:17:19,867 --> 00:17:23,067
without the doors on it,
and then, you just fall out?
467
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,067
All the time.
468
00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:25,700
Quick follow-up.
469
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:26,767
Do you wanna
make out right now?
470
00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:28,300
Yeah.
Okay.
471
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:35,967
Perfect.
472
00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:40,633
Keep going.
473
00:17:40,733 --> 00:17:41,967
Do your
thing.
474
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,900
Just pick the right food.
475
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,800
Oh, great.
476
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,133
Everybody love
cheese balls.
477
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:52,767
I know, they're,
like, too good.
478
00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:56,100
This is actual food.
479
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,467
This is honestly
really (bleep) good.
480
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,067
We did it.
481
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,333
Yeah, but I still don't
feel too good about this.
482
00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:09,200
I've been making a mockery
of Larry and David
483
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,267
and they seem
like really good guys.
484
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:13,633
Larry and David
are fine.
485
00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:15,067
They've got
a whole franchise
486
00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:17,400
based on their explosive sexual
and romantic relationship.
487
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,400
Yo, what the (bleep)
are you talking about?
488
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,067
The Larry and David
franchise.
489
00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:23,900
Larry and David
are brothers.
490
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:24,867
Ew.
491
00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:28,633
**
492
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,433
Here's your pristine basket.
493
00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,867
We really wanna get in there,
but we used our willpower.
494
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:34,800
No, no,
we just made out.
495
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,600
(clearing throat)
496
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,200
Is that
a shower curtain?
497
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:38,967
(squeaking)
Oh, my God.
498
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:42,300
You little piece
of shit!
499
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,367
(Bleep) you.
500
00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:44,633
You (bleep) rat!
501
00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:46,900
I'm gonna
(bleep) kill you!
502
00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:47,667
(squeaking)
503
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:49,767
(knife clatters to floor)
504
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:54,067
(gasping)
505
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,500
(Lincoln)
Ugh...
506
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,933
Ohhh!
507
00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,233
She's female.
508
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,833
Don't you see?
509
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,333
(laughing)
510
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,833
And she just had
these little babies.
511
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:06,333
Oh (bleep).
512
00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:07,667
She's a single gal
513
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:09,900
just looking to raise her kids
in a safe home.
514
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:10,733
Hey, no, I'm freaking out
right now.
515
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:12,633
She's me!
516
00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:14,200
What the (bleep)
is going on here?
517
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,633
Come on,
they're so cute.
518
00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:18,433
They're wrinkly, but they're
soft and fun, too.
519
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,833
That's what she said.
520
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:21,433
(laughing)
521
00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:22,533
That's something
Trey would say.
522
00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:24,133
Oh my God,
totally.
523
00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,167
You gotta head out.
What?
524
00:19:26,267 --> 00:19:27,200
It's time
for you to go.
You sure?
525
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,833
Yeah, you just say
that basket was stolen
526
00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:30,267
and you can salvage
that job, great.
527
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:31,433
It's been fun.
528
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,300
(exhales)
We're a great team.
529
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,167
Yes, we are.
530
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:37,967
May God,
She bless us.
531
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:39,300
Every one.
532
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,267
(squeaking)
533
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:45,167
Ugh!
Oh, God.
534
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,167
Goodness.
535
00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:48,933
Hey,
you know what, baby?
536
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:50,333
Yeah?
537
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:51,900
Right now that I'm on this new
path of like, honesty and truth?
538
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,067
Mmm.
539
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,267
There's a couple of things
that I wanted to share with you.
540
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,900
First of all,
in the near future,
541
00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,433
I would kind of like to use
our oven for cooking.
542
00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:02,333
Will you take
your clothes out, please?
543
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:04,433
Absolutely, I hear that,
I hear that.
544
00:20:04,533 --> 00:20:04,900
Thank you so much.
545
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,767
Oh...
546
00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:08,767
Ilana, I don't want to do
your bacne anymore.
547
00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:10,600
What?
548
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:11,467
I'm sorry, it's just
not my thing.
549
00:20:11,567 --> 00:20:13,733
You should see
a dermatologist.
550
00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,867
Would you mind just doing
one last one, the middle--
551
00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,667
I got it.
552
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,300
Massive middle back.
553
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,500
(exhales)
554
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,233
There's another thing, Ilana,
and I just...
555
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,833
I say this because
I love you so much.
556
00:20:23,933 --> 00:20:26,667
There is something you do that
I see a lot of white people do.
557
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,967
And it's kind of like
cultural appropriation.
558
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,300
I've heard about this.
559
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,500
Like, for example, you know
those earrings that you have
560
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,567
that say "Latina"?
Yeah?
561
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:35,167
They look beautiful on you.
Thank you.
562
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:36,467
But you're not Latina,
mi amor.
563
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:38,567
It's almost like you're stealing
the identity from people
564
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,900
who fought hard for against
colonial structures.
565
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:46,067
So, in a way, it's almost like
you are the colonists.
566
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:47,833
You see?
567
00:20:47,933 --> 00:20:49,167
Ah!
568
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:50,833
Oh, that felt good.
569
00:20:50,933 --> 00:20:52,067
(sighs)
570
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,233
Oh, also, mi amor, can you
please get off Grindr?
571
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:55,867
You have a Grindr profile
572
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:56,967
and it's kind of
our thing, you know?
573
00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:59,267
I just wanna see penises
within a mile of me.
574
00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:01,967
I'm so sorry,
I've gone too far.
575
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,067
You can see all the penises
you want.
576
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,900
Teach me.
577
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:05,767
All the penises
you want.
Teach me.
578
00:21:05,867 --> 00:21:07,600
Penis.
579
00:21:13,967 --> 00:21:15,600
Hold on a second,
Denzel.
580
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,400
What do you mean
that there's a left?
581
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,400
You swipe it left.
582
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,333
Swipe...
move along.
583
00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:24,800
Abbi Gary Anna Abrams.
584
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:26,633
You shoulda
swiped left.
38969
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof