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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,667 --> 00:00:09,433 ** 2 00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:11,200 Oh... 3 00:00:13,967 --> 00:00:15,167 (sighing) 4 00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:18,533 * Let 'em say what they're gonna say * 5 00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:21,067 * They gonna feel how they gonna feel * 6 00:00:21,167 --> 00:00:22,567 * And I love it 7 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:26,367 (whistling) * I love it Baby hey * 8 00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:28,400 (flushing) * You should too 9 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,867 (moaning) * So let 'em say what they're gonna say * 10 00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:34,100 My God... * They're gonna feel how they're gonna feel * 11 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,033 (flushing) * But I love it 12 00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:36,900 * Yeah I love it 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,800 * And baby hey * 14 00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,833 * You should too Yeah, yeah. 15 00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:44,100 * I'm just as thick as my skin is * 16 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,133 * I feel the water rolling down my back * 17 00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:51,433 * Precipitation's so repetitive * 18 00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:54,233 Hello? * I read this all before 19 00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:55,967 (crashing) * Move to the sound 20 00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,567 * Swish all around 21 00:00:57,667 --> 00:01:01,167 * A palate cleanser for your salty mouth * (honking) 22 00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:03,200 (crackling) * I know 23 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,067 * They'll never get enough 24 00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:08,067 * They don't get it they don't get it * 25 00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,900 * But if you're giving it * 26 00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:11,567 * Then don't you change 27 00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:14,067 * 'Cause living was the best revenge * 28 00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:17,333 * Let 'em say what they gonna say * 29 00:01:17,433 --> 00:01:20,600 (farts) * They gonna feel how they gonna feel * 30 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:21,933 * And I love it What the (bleep), Bevers? 31 00:01:22,067 --> 00:01:24,900 * I love it and baby I'm sorry. 32 00:01:25,067 --> 00:01:28,067 * Hey you should to (singing loudly) 33 00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:32,467 * So let 'em say what they wanna say * 34 00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:33,433 Jaime! They gonna feel how they gonna feel 35 00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:34,700 (bubbling) * But I love it 36 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,067 * Yeah I love it 37 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,233 * And baby hey * 38 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,167 * You should too 39 00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:47,733 * You should too * 40 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,900 * Four and three and two and one-one ** 41 00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:54,200 ** 42 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,733 Abbo, party of two. 43 00:01:57,833 --> 00:01:59,867 Abbo. 44 00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:00,933 Oh, sorry. 45 00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:02,900 Do you mean "Abbi?" 46 00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:04,133 Your table's almost ready. 47 00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:06,467 But we can't seat you unless you're all together. 48 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,867 Unless you're here just by yourself. 49 00:02:08,967 --> 00:02:09,900 Aww. 50 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,767 No, see? She's real. 51 00:02:11,867 --> 00:02:13,067 'kay, I'll be right-- 52 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,067 Hey, dude. 53 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:15,233 Hey, I'm sorry I was late. 54 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:18,067 I got into this depressing article matrix 55 00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:20,067 about these Saudi women who have to ask their "keepers" 56 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,800 permission to leave the house. 57 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,933 Ugh. Like, please. 58 00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:26,367 I just was so pissed, I had to blow off some steam 59 00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:27,567 and masturbate first. 60 00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:29,333 Uh... Cool-- Listen, we gotta hurry up. 61 00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:30,333 We're gonna lose the table. 62 00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:31,500 I've been waiting. Really sorry, 63 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,500 you just would not have wanted to see me 64 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,167 if I hadn't masturbated. (keys clang) 65 00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:36,133 Oh... no Oh... no! 66 00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:38,267 (Abbi) Oh, no! You see it? (bleep) 67 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,833 I see it. It's right there. I want to jump in there. 68 00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:41,500 There's no-- It's so deep. 69 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,367 Ew! 70 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:44,833 There's no way you're gonna reach the bottom. 71 00:02:44,933 --> 00:02:46,733 (gagging) 72 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,300 (host) Abbo! 73 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,133 You want the table or not? 74 00:02:52,233 --> 00:02:53,200 Okay, we gotta go back to these Saudi women. 75 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:54,800 Dude, I can't even believe it. 76 00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,900 They need written permission from their male guardians-- 77 00:02:57,067 --> 00:02:58,067 that's what they call their husbands, 78 00:02:58,100 --> 00:02:59,667 to let them go outside of their house. 79 00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:01,600 Like, they're trapped unless they get written permission. 80 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:03,367 So (bleep) up. People don't know about this. 81 00:03:03,467 --> 00:03:06,067 They need to wake up to the injustices of the world. 82 00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,333 Ugh! 83 00:03:07,433 --> 00:03:09,067 The bottomless mimosas aren't on the menu anymore. 84 00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:10,300 Are you kidding me? No, they're nowhere. 85 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,267 There was no sign. This is so unfair! God. 86 00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:14,100 Sorry, we did not order sparkling water. No! 87 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,333 It's complimentary. 88 00:03:15,433 --> 00:03:17,067 Oh. We'll have two more bottles, please. 89 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,067 Thanks so much. 90 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,467 (woman speaking Italian) 91 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,333 New York is Europe. I love it. 92 00:03:23,433 --> 00:03:24,833 Every time I walk down the street, I'm like... 93 00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:28,167 (imitating Italian) 94 00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:29,200 Do German. 95 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:31,067 Loch! Ach! 96 00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,100 Australian. 97 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:32,633 Oyuh! 98 00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:34,367 Spanish. 99 00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:35,533 (imitating Spanish) 100 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:37,333 Do Chinese. 101 00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:38,533 Are you kidding? 102 00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:39,833 No. 103 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:42,100 It's 2016, dude. No. 104 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,633 That's my bad, I'm sorry. 105 00:03:43,733 --> 00:03:46,167 Anyway, so about tonight, I want to get into the plan. 106 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:46,833 What's tonight? I told you last night. 107 00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:47,833 The gallery opening. 108 00:03:47,933 --> 00:03:50,133 My roommate from college? 109 00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:52,167 Smelly pussy Donna? 110 00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:54,133 No, and I'm still sorry that I told you that. 111 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:55,167 No, my other roommate Max Anne. 112 00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,467 She got her first painting in a gallery, 113 00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:01,167 she's been working forever, and I read in TONY-- 114 00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:02,167 (haughty chuckling) 115 00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:03,400 Time Out New York. Love it. 116 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,400 That the warehouse sale is this weekend 117 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,067 and I need to find something cool to wear. 118 00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,133 No, you don't. 119 00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:10,233 You look sexy and vivacious and artsy 120 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,067 and like, young wife material, but, like, 121 00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:14,067 taut, and teasy still. 122 00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:16,400 It's a perfect combo. 123 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:17,067 I mean, it's okay. 124 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,233 It's, like, urban. 125 00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,833 Like Urban Outfitters. Got it. 126 00:04:21,933 --> 00:04:23,333 Thank you. 127 00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:25,400 To my frond... To the ond. 128 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,867 And to free sparkling water. 129 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:27,300 (tapping) 130 00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:32,767 Mmm... That's classy. 131 00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,900 (belching) Very. 132 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,467 Dude, just trust me. Chill. 133 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:38,900 Come on. Gum is so repulsive. 134 00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:40,300 It is cow cud. 135 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,933 You want the key back or not? 136 00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:44,067 Trust me. 137 00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:46,567 Here we go. Oh! 138 00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,733 Ugh! Ugh! 139 00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:52,067 Here we go. 140 00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:55,833 Oh, my God. Genie! 141 00:04:55,933 --> 00:04:57,367 You are a genius. 142 00:04:57,467 --> 00:04:59,433 This is Depression-era (bleep) right here. 143 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,100 There it is. You see it? You're so close. 144 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,133 Okay, do you see? Yo, we got this. 145 00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:04,333 It's right there. A little lower. 146 00:05:04,433 --> 00:05:05,667 It's so close. Maybe like north-- 147 00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:06,267 Ow! Oh (bleep)! (metal screeching) 148 00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:06,833 (both screaming) 149 00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:07,833 (tearing) 150 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:08,900 Get off of me! 151 00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:11,067 Get up! Oh, my God! 152 00:05:11,133 --> 00:05:12,067 I got you! Dude! 153 00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:13,500 What the (bleep)? What was that? 154 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,900 What the (bleep) was that? 155 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:17,267 Was that a train? I don't know. I can't go like this. 156 00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:18,467 Well, now you have an excuse to buy something. 157 00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:19,333 Honestly, that's the best way to shop, 158 00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:21,100 desperate and in a time crunch. 159 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,367 Well, what about the key? 160 00:05:23,467 --> 00:05:24,833 I'll figure it out. 161 00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:27,433 You know, having this 12-pound chain around my waist for 162 00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:30,333 a few hours is nothing compared to the metaphysical chains 163 00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:33,200 of those Saudi women and their "keepers." Totally. 164 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,733 All right, well, let's pee first, you know, 165 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,100 just to be safe. Oof, smart and sexy. 166 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,333 She is unreal, this girl. 167 00:05:39,433 --> 00:05:41,833 (man) She really is. (loud chewing) 168 00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,400 Sorry, we don't have any tables available. 169 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:47,800 The next available table is in about an hour. 170 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,433 Oh, no, we're actually just gonna use the bathroom. 171 00:05:49,533 --> 00:05:51,367 The bathroom is for customers only. 172 00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:53,367 We're customers. We just had brunch. 173 00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:55,633 So if you came here two months ago, 174 00:05:55,733 --> 00:05:57,900 that just makes you entitled to piss here whenever you'd like? 175 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:01,333 The next table is available in an hour and 45 minutes. 176 00:06:01,433 --> 00:06:02,133 You just said it was in an hour. 177 00:06:02,233 --> 00:06:03,133 Caught you, pretty girl. 178 00:06:03,233 --> 00:06:05,467 And even if it wasn't an hour, 179 00:06:05,567 --> 00:06:08,633 we will never be patrons at this place ever again. 180 00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:09,900 Unless we're planning a birthday, 181 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:13,067 because the garden is perfect for large parties. 182 00:06:13,133 --> 00:06:14,633 Yeah. All right. 183 00:06:14,733 --> 00:06:16,367 Have a great day, Abbo. 184 00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:18,667 ** 185 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:30,400 Perfect. 186 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,467 (angry chatter and distant shouting) 187 00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:39,733 (screaming) 188 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,067 (grunting) 189 00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:43,900 (woman) Give it! (man) Take it easy. 190 00:06:44,067 --> 00:06:45,500 Excuse me, where's the bathroom? 191 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,200 We don't have bathrooms. 192 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:48,467 We don't even have dressing rooms. 193 00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:50,367 This is a pop-up, bitch! 194 00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:53,700 (yowling) Oh, no! 195 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:54,900 (weeping) 196 00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:04,633 Does this look artsy to you? 197 00:07:04,733 --> 00:07:06,233 I have a girlfriend. 198 00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:07,833 Yeah, well, so do I. 199 00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:11,067 She's right here, with the ugly hat on. 200 00:07:11,167 --> 00:07:12,967 Oh. 201 00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:14,300 (scoffs) 202 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,533 Hey, do you love this hat? 203 00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:17,233 Um... Forget it, it's gone. 204 00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:18,333 Forget it. Okay. 205 00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:21,367 Is this perfect for tonight or what? 206 00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:24,200 Very much, yes. 207 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:25,400 No doubt, though, by the quality 208 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,067 some nine-year-old girl was forced to work, 209 00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,733 day-in and day-out, she's breathing in the fumes, 210 00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:31,500 you know, her little fingers perfect for sewing, 211 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,467 but also perfect for getting stuck 212 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:35,400 in that sewing machine. 213 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:36,467 It's 90% off. 214 00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:37,700 You know, if you don't buy it, 215 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,467 what was all of that for? All right, cool. 216 00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:41,067 Yeah. Great. 217 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,067 Mine! 218 00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:43,233 That's my old shirt. 219 00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:45,900 Yeah, sure it is, bitch. 220 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:48,167 What? I don't like the energy here. 221 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:48,500 Jeez. 222 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,700 Man, someone was just telling me about this crazy article. 223 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,933 Yeah. By someone, I mean the Internet. 224 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,067 Oh, my God. 225 00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:59,233 They forgot to take the security tag off. 226 00:07:59,333 --> 00:07:59,833 (bleep) 227 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,467 Come on! 228 00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:04,067 Fine, we have to go back, dude. 229 00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:05,533 Why does this (bleep) always happen to me? 230 00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:06,467 It's like... I don't know. 231 00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:07,733 My therapist doesn't know either. 232 00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:17,467 What the (bleep)? 233 00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:20,367 My therapist is gonna love this one. 234 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:20,667 Jeez. 235 00:08:23,867 --> 00:08:25,733 (Ilana) Oh, God, I gotta go so bad. 236 00:08:25,833 --> 00:08:26,767 (Abbi) Yeah, me too. You know what? 237 00:08:26,867 --> 00:08:27,733 I'm just gonna pee here. 238 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,233 I can't wait anymore. 239 00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:32,700 (rattling) 240 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,700 (clearing throat) 241 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:40,500 Hi. How you doing? 242 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,067 Squats... Um, unlock the hips. 243 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,133 See that? Yeah. 244 00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:50,167 God, cops scare the (bleep) out of me, and I'm white. 245 00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:52,267 (cell phone vibrating) 246 00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:53,633 Oh, it's Lincoln. 247 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:54,767 You take it. I'm gonna go into the store 248 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,467 and see if they can take this off. Cool. 249 00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,133 Hey, bwa. (Lincoln) Hey, grah. 250 00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,100 You coming? 251 00:08:59,200 --> 00:08:59,833 Not yet. 252 00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,400 Say something filthy. 253 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,400 Ilana, did you forget my graduation is today? 254 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,133 No. 255 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:09,100 Na-- We're close, on our... very way. 256 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,267 All right. Cool, see you soon. Bye. 257 00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,800 (alarm ringing) 258 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:14,800 Hey. How'd it go? 259 00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,067 Yeah, uh, pretty good. 260 00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:17,133 Also, they think I stole this, the cops are coming. 261 00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:19,900 Alright, got it. 262 00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:21,200 Okay. All right. 263 00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,267 And I am boarding. 264 00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,667 Okay, and I am-- Wait, wait, wait. 265 00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:26,667 Boarding. Boarding. 266 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,533 I'm aboard. Aboard. 267 00:09:28,633 --> 00:09:31,500 A few steps, a few steps, and then we start a pedal. 268 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,733 One second. 269 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,533 Few steps, and then we start a'pedaling. 270 00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:39,533 Dassit. 271 00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:41,633 Oh, this is really nice. 272 00:09:41,733 --> 00:09:42,767 (car horn honking) Oh... 273 00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:44,700 (both) (bleep) you! 274 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,067 ** 275 00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:50,567 First, tape the back of the tag, 276 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,200 where the ink cartridge is located. 277 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,733 You don't want it exploding and ruining your new clothes. 278 00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:56,533 Next, you're gonna want a hacksaw. 279 00:09:56,633 --> 00:09:57,933 A hammer. A vice. 280 00:09:58,067 --> 00:09:59,333 Some heavy duty pliers. 281 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,533 Well, I don't have a vice. 282 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,600 I don't have any of that stuff. 283 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,300 Oh, he's up. 284 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,633 (Abbi) Yeah, Lincoln! 285 00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:05,733 Woo! 286 00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:06,267 (Ilana) Hey, Lincoln! Hey! 287 00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:08,733 (cheering) 288 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:09,767 Looking good! 289 00:10:09,867 --> 00:10:10,333 I'm about to do it! 290 00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:11,433 Circus, babe! 291 00:10:11,533 --> 00:10:15,100 Just be careful, though! 292 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,933 (Abbi) Oh! 293 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,067 Ooh! 294 00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,867 Whoa! 295 00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:23,100 (ropes creaking) 296 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:26,700 (Ilana) Woo! 297 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,200 Oh! 298 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:30,933 (both cheering) 299 00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:32,233 Yes! 300 00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:35,567 (both) Yes! 301 00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:36,400 (laughing confidently) 302 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,433 Amazing. You saw me? 303 00:10:38,533 --> 00:10:39,300 I was flying, you guys... Oh! Oh, my God. 304 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,667 That was awesome. 305 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:45,167 But, uh, why are you-you doing this? 306 00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:46,933 I saw it on an episode of "Sex & the City." 307 00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:48,267 Yes! 308 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:50,400 The Miranda in me thought, I'm out of my comfort zone, 309 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,933 but the Carrie in me couldn't resist, so I did it. 310 00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:54,400 (Abbi) You know what? 311 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,300 I'm really a Miranda-Carrie, too, I think. Yeah? 312 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,633 With, like, a little bit of Charlotte, 313 00:10:58,733 --> 00:11:00,733 even though she really annoys me. 314 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,067 Yeah, me too. 315 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,067 Who am I? 316 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,767 Honey, I have a cyst on my uterus 317 00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:08,800 and I need to get (bleep) until it pops. 318 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,200 Samantha Jones. 319 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:11,867 Sometimes I'm happy about it and then other times I'm like, 320 00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:13,067 it's gross. 321 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:13,900 Uh... what's up with that chain? 322 00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,500 I lost the key. 323 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:18,700 Ilana! 324 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,700 Phone, keys, wallet. 325 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,067 P-K-W. 326 00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,100 I know. I repeat it all the time. 327 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,767 I just dropped it in a sewer, okay? 328 00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,200 A sewer. 329 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:28,833 You also look like a DMX video extra, I might add. 330 00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,233 Thank you. 331 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:35,067 Well, me and the other swingers... 332 00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:37,900 Get it? 333 00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,367 Yeah, we got it. Swingers? 334 00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:43,367 We have a dinner reservation at KOI, but I'll totally bail 335 00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,767 if you need some help with that goofy-ass chain. 336 00:11:45,867 --> 00:11:49,133 You know, as a woman, I feel it's important 337 00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:50,833 to cast this chain off myself. 338 00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:52,600 I respect your choices. 339 00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:55,333 (cell phone vibrating) 340 00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:56,333 Yeah, Ma, I did it. 341 00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,433 It was great. 342 00:11:58,533 --> 00:11:59,433 Later, y'all. 343 00:11:59,533 --> 00:12:01,667 I gotta pee so bad, dude. 344 00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:03,300 Okay, me too. Oh... 345 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:04,733 Got it? 346 00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:06,833 Oh, my bladder is quivering. 347 00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:09,367 ** 348 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:14,533 Do you know Steve Jobs stunk and cried all the time? 349 00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:15,733 I did not. 350 00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:17,067 Ilana, look! 351 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,600 (Ilana) Ugh, men working. 352 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,400 A woman-free zone. 353 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:23,233 Just another sign, literally, of women's oppression. 354 00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:25,333 No, I'm talking about the port-a-potty. 355 00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:26,500 Oh... smart. 356 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,433 I'm gonna go first. 357 00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:30,433 I'll go second. 358 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,533 (loud, steady splashing) 359 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,700 Damn, bitch. 360 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,900 Oof. 361 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,733 Pelvic floor strength, Gaga. 362 00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:52,367 Bikinis, all of my bikinis. 363 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:54,600 (Abbi) Oh, no! Boquenas, boquenas. 364 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,867 Oh, my God! 365 00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:58,367 I don't know what boquenas are. Come on! 366 00:12:58,467 --> 00:13:00,167 Ilana! 367 00:13:00,267 --> 00:13:01,167 Abbi! 368 00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:04,300 I am in the potty! 369 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,600 There's someone in the potty! 370 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:07,300 Hey! Oh! 371 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,700 (bleep) 372 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,567 (shrieking) 373 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,967 This is how I die. 374 00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:13,700 This is it. 375 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,533 It's coming down! 376 00:13:15,633 --> 00:13:16,700 It's coming down! 377 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:17,667 It's coming down! 378 00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:18,467 Hey! It's down, it's down! 379 00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:19,667 You're on the ground! 380 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,667 Oh (bleep)! (splashing) 381 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:22,700 (Ilana) It's down! 382 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:23,733 It's down, come on, come on! 383 00:13:23,833 --> 00:13:25,500 Hey, you're down! You're back! 384 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:26,633 Get out! Oh (bleep). 385 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:27,700 Oh, my God. (bleep) 386 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,100 Oh, Jesus. Okay, okay. 387 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,100 You got it. Okay. 388 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,733 All right. Watch out. 389 00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:33,833 Oh, my God. 390 00:13:33,933 --> 00:13:36,500 Oh! What the-- 391 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,533 You went up and over. 392 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:39,933 That was insane. 393 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,067 Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. 394 00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:45,700 Oh, my God. What the (bleep)? That was crazy. 395 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,400 I... I don't even... 396 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:49,667 (laughing) 397 00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:53,133 Dude, I almost, like, just got taken, to, like, 398 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,800 a factory for port-a-potties. 399 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,433 That was the scariest thing I've ever seen. (truck starting) 400 00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:57,567 Oh, shoot, get off. 401 00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:58,433 Oh, my God, I can't. 402 00:13:58,533 --> 00:13:59,700 Ilana, wait, dude, get off. 403 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:00,667 I-- I'm stuck, dude! Hey! 404 00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:02,533 The chain is stuck! Ilana! 405 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:03,900 Oh, my God! 406 00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:04,633 Oh, my God! 407 00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:07,067 Ilana! Abbi! 408 00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,533 I mean, Ilana! Abbi! 409 00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:16,867 ** 410 00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,600 Abbi! 411 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,067 Ilana! 412 00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:25,800 (Ilana) Oh! Ilana, I got you! 413 00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:27,067 I'm coming! (bleep) 414 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:27,967 I got it! 415 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,067 I'm gonna die! 416 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,067 I'm (bleep) dead! 417 00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:31,067 Hold on, just hold on! 418 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:32,833 No, you gotta-- Come on! 419 00:14:32,933 --> 00:14:34,400 Hey! Hey! 420 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,067 What? 421 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,967 My friend is stuck on the back of your truck. 422 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,833 (quiet moaning) 423 00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:43,067 Also, what, are you watching porn while you drive? 424 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,667 Oh, don't judge me. 425 00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:46,733 You're the one wearing the stolen shirt. 426 00:14:46,833 --> 00:14:48,167 Okay, it's not stolen. I'm letting her out. 427 00:14:48,267 --> 00:14:50,067 Why don't you just finish? 428 00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:51,733 If you can. 429 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:54,733 Nice ass! Yeah, I know! 430 00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,067 Hey. Are you okay? 431 00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:59,333 Oh, my God. 432 00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:00,600 Oh, my God... Let me get you off of this. 433 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,833 Oh! Okay, it's okay, okay, okay, okay. 434 00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:05,700 Oh, God. Okay. 435 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,900 Up, up. 436 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,100 All right, it's okay. 437 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,233 Let's get married. 438 00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:11,067 What was that? 439 00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:12,067 What? 440 00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:13,100 What-- You said something. 441 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,167 I didn't hear what you said. 442 00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:15,200 No, you said-- You said something. 443 00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:16,567 No. 444 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,067 Okay. No, but thank you for-- 445 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,300 Oh, my God, you saved me. 446 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,800 Okay, we need to get this off. 447 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:21,933 This is insanity. 448 00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:22,867 You just got stuck to the back of a truck. 449 00:15:22,967 --> 00:15:23,700 All right, well, why don't you-- 450 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,067 Do you want to pee first? 451 00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:26,867 And we'll find a-- Um... 452 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,100 I did. 453 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,100 Okay. 454 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,067 It's okay. 455 00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:32,500 It'll dry. It'll dry. 456 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:35,967 It's sterile. 457 00:15:38,167 --> 00:15:40,500 Oh, Bike-el Jackson. 458 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,767 No one took you. 459 00:15:42,867 --> 00:15:45,400 Ilana, it's getting really late. 460 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,667 I mean, maybe we can go to Duane Reade 461 00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:47,900 and get me, like, an undershirt or something? 462 00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:49,833 Undershirt? I don't know if we should even go. 463 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:51,900 Dude... 464 00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,267 Who cares about a stupid little tag? 465 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,067 Artists aren't judged by what they wear. 466 00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:57,333 Look at Joss Stone. 467 00:15:57,433 --> 00:15:59,533 She's a genius and she's never even worn shoes. 468 00:16:09,433 --> 00:16:10,900 All right, I'm back in. I knew it. 469 00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:12,167 Yeah. You rule. 470 00:16:12,267 --> 00:16:14,167 ** 471 00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:18,367 (music playing) 472 00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:20,400 (Ilana) Whoa. 473 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,200 This is nuts. (Abbi) Yeah, this is legit. 474 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,067 She did it, she did it. 475 00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:30,800 Damn. I could have done that. 476 00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,067 Chain belt. 477 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,933 V. bold. 478 00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:37,500 Enchanté. 479 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,067 (woman) Abbi! 480 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,533 (laughing) 481 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:44,167 (whispering) That's Max. 482 00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:45,100 (Max) Hi! 483 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,167 (Abbi) Hi! 484 00:16:46,267 --> 00:16:47,233 Oh, my God! 485 00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,233 I'm so glad you're here. 486 00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:50,600 How are you? You look so cool. 487 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:51,267 Oh, stop. Yeah, man. 488 00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:53,100 I look ridiculous. 489 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,967 But you know, it's good to have a look around here. 490 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:56,467 Boy, do I know it. 491 00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:57,467 This is Ilana. 492 00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:58,600 Hi. Nice to meet you. 493 00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,467 I recognize you from Abbi's Instagram. 494 00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:02,267 That means so much to me, thank you. 495 00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:03,633 Thank you. 496 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:04,167 It means so much to me that you guys are here. 497 00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:06,533 Dude, so? 498 00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:07,533 Is this it? 499 00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:09,233 This is it. Wow. 500 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:10,533 Wow, wow, wow. 501 00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:12,133 It's... Be honest, what do you think? 502 00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:12,967 It's-- I mean, it's--- 503 00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:14,133 I get it. 504 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,200 Like, I understand it, completely. Me too. 505 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,467 I get it, too-- Yes. You get it? 506 00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,233 I painted it with the end of a feather. 507 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,533 Not the end that you write with, 508 00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:22,067 with the soft end of a feather, 509 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:25,067 so it actually took me two-and-a-half years. 510 00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:27,700 Wow. This is, like, a real gallery, dude. 511 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:28,900 They don't even serve food. 512 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,200 It's so crazy. But you know what? 513 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,867 Honestly, Abbi, you could so easily be here, too. 514 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,167 Seriously. 515 00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:36,533 Has Abbi ever told you about her line landscapes? 516 00:17:36,633 --> 00:17:37,667 She doesn't tell me much. 517 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:38,867 Oh, my God, she's so humble. 518 00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:44,233 They're so surreal, but at the same time, 519 00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,067 they were so real. 520 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,067 You think so? 521 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:52,067 And at the same time, they were so surreal. 522 00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:55,333 But at the same time, they were... 523 00:17:55,433 --> 00:17:56,633 They were just so real. 524 00:17:56,733 --> 00:17:57,700 Oh. Stop it. 525 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,300 It's true. Um... so is Donna here? 526 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,200 Oh, my God. 527 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,200 I didn't tell you? 528 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,633 What? Okay, so... 529 00:18:06,733 --> 00:18:10,067 you know how after senior year, 530 00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:11,333 all of my clothes were missing? 531 00:18:11,433 --> 00:18:12,400 All of my clothes. 532 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,067 That is so sad. Uh, yeah. 533 00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,633 How could I forget. It was nuts. 534 00:18:15,733 --> 00:18:17,733 So last year, I see Donna walking down the street, 535 00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:22,533 wearing the sweater that my grandmother made me. 536 00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:23,967 Shut up. (whooping) 537 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:27,367 So I confronted her on it and we had this huge fight 538 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:28,833 and now we don't speak. 539 00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:31,067 I mean, who steals clothes? 540 00:18:31,133 --> 00:18:32,900 Honestly? 541 00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:35,467 Trashy. 542 00:18:35,567 --> 00:18:37,167 Trashy... Person. 543 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,500 Yeah. (gagging) 544 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,633 Oh, Abbi, that's the curator. 545 00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:40,867 She would love your stuff. 546 00:18:40,967 --> 00:18:42,367 I'm gonna go run over and grab her, 547 00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:43,500 I'm gonna bring her back here and introduce you two. 548 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,500 That would be amazing. 549 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,500 Oh, this is perfect. 550 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,567 I love you, dude. 551 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,367 You're so talented, and you're the best. 552 00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:50,600 You look so hot. 553 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,133 (bleep)-- We gotta get this thing off me. 554 00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:54,100 She's gonna think I stole all her (bleep) clothes. 555 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,800 My therapist is gonna have a field day. 556 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,367 Maybe if I just, like, pull the fabric? 557 00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:59,633 Like, we gotta get this off. 558 00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:02,067 You know what-- My teeth. My teeth are huge, come on. 559 00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:03,600 Huge and sharp. 560 00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:05,367 Shh, shh! 561 00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:06,667 (popping) 562 00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:08,133 (gasping) 563 00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:10,233 (screaming) No! 564 00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:13,200 (crying, clapping) 565 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,067 (silence) 566 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,533 Sh-- She didn't steal it. 567 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:17,600 Get out! 568 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:18,233 (Abbi) No, Max Anne, no. 569 00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,367 Come on. Come on. 570 00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:21,833 How could you? 571 00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:23,233 (crying) No, Max Anne... 572 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,067 Get out! No! 573 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,067 Stop touching it and go! 574 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:27,933 Okay. 575 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,700 I... 576 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,367 (Max Anne) Go! 577 00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:34,100 Go faster! 578 00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:38,367 So sorry. 579 00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:39,600 (clanking) 580 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:40,133 Ugh. 581 00:19:40,233 --> 00:19:41,833 Of course. 582 00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:43,533 Ilana... Get off the balls. 583 00:19:43,633 --> 00:19:45,100 It is a magnet. 584 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,333 Help me now. 585 00:19:46,433 --> 00:19:47,533 Get off of it. 586 00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:49,600 Use your upper body strength. 587 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,667 Help her get off of it and go! 588 00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,433 Oh! 589 00:19:58,467 --> 00:20:00,133 Okay. 590 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,733 Okay. 591 00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:05,467 You don't need to steady it, just go. 592 00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:07,067 Go! 593 00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:08,367 You're a bitch! 594 00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,600 Congrats. 595 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:13,933 (sobbing) 596 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:23,067 ** 597 00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:23,767 Let's do this. 598 00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:27,900 It's hard for me not to feel sexual at all. 599 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,600 Ilana, can you just, like, suck your titties in a little bit? 600 00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:34,533 If I had control over my titties like that, 601 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:37,700 I'd make them the same size. 602 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,367 Come on, gravity, you (bleep) bitch! 603 00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:41,733 Ugh. Come on! 604 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:43,000 (beep) Oh, come on! 605 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,667 We are so close. God! 606 00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:47,267 Jesus, Ab! I'm trying, I mean-- 607 00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:50,000 I mean, my hand's in. 608 00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,333 Okay. Oh, it's happening. 609 00:20:51,433 --> 00:20:52,000 I got it, it's coming. 610 00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:54,500 Oh, my God! Yes! 611 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,233 Oh, God. Jesus. 612 00:20:59,533 --> 00:21:01,967 Tell me this isn't sexual. 613 00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:02,833 You're bleeding, dude. 614 00:21:02,933 --> 00:21:03,967 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! 615 00:21:13,933 --> 00:21:16,667 (singing in rhythm together) 616 00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:17,967 (laughing) 617 00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:19,433 Doo, doo, doo! 618 00:21:19,533 --> 00:21:20,533 (shouting excitedly) 619 00:21:20,633 --> 00:21:25,800 (singing gibberish) 620 00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:26,267 (laughing) 40544

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