Original subtitles

My name is Steve, and as a child, I yearn for the mines.

But it didn't really work out.

Go on, get out of here!

So I did a terrible thing.

I grew up.

And just as I expected, it was a massive bummer.

Hey Steve, your presentation's in five minutes.

Welcome to Steve's Ultimate Resort Condominium.

Dubs are in the leg, tennis in the back.

Every room has the koozie and a mini-ball.

Welcome to Steve's!

Welcome to Steve's!

I really put myself out there, and it totally blew up in my face.

It was the kind of life that made a man stare into his potatoes.

And then I remembered.

I couldn't give up on my dream.

Not yet.

The mines!

So I bought a pickaxe and a sweet helmet, and this time, I was unstoppable.

Turns out my adventure was just beginning.

I mined my brains out, until I found two mysterious artifacts.

This thingy, and that cool thingy.

And when I put those two thingies together, you guessed it!

It opened a portal to another world.

The Overworld!

This place blew my mind.

I'd never seen anything like it.

Turns out it was the place I'd been looking for my whole life.

A world where anything you can imagine, you can create.

This is my first house.

My second house, and my third house made entirely of sheep's wool.

Big house!

Life was good.

The only thing missing was a friend to share it with.

And then this super angry wolf showed up.

So I tamed him with a crusty femur bone.

Yeah!

What?

Ah, boy!

Dennis, he like a scratchy scratch on a not ease.

With him by my side, my confidence soared.

Woohoo!

Together we built endless masterpieces.

The more I built, the better I got.

Dennis, check it out!

Welcome to Steve!

Turns out pandas love to party.

And cows!

Life was perfect.

And the years simply flew by.

Until one day I came across some strange ruins.

Flint and Steve!

Dennis!

Turns out we just opened a portal to a totally new dimension.

The Nether.

There was no joy or creativity at all.

Dennis!

These piglet brutes had mined this realm into oblivion.

Led by Mount Gosha, the evil piglet sorceress who ruled the place.

Who are you and why are you so round?

Leave the dark!

Take me instead.

No, thanks. I'll take both of you and that orb.

Let's get one thing straight.

Where I come from, we call this cube.

Leave them!

Mount Gosha had finally got what she'd always wanted.

The orb of dominance.

The most powerful cube-shaped orb in the entire universe.

Listen up, you pigs!

With this orb, I will pillage the overworld and all of its gold will be ours!

[Laughter]

I couldn't let this happen.

The overworld had saved me and now I had to try to save it.

We have to stop her, Dennis.

So we escaped and stole back the orb.

The wrongling has escaped!

Find him and bring me that orb!

Hurry, Dennis. Take this to Earth.

Follow my set to 149 Holly Oak Drive. You got that, boy?

Good boy. You're the last hope for this world!

Run! Go, boy! Run!

You got this, Dennis! I love you!

Run!

Dennis was a hero that day.

He ran like the wind.

I didn't know if I'd ever see him again, but we had a world to save.

So he ran all the way back to my house on Earth

and hid the most powerful object in existence under my waterbed.

As long as the orb stays hidden, the overworld will be safe.

I just pray some doofus doesn't find it.

In the late 1980s, Garrett Garrison took the gaming world by storm,

becoming the undisputed champion of the hit arcade game,

Hunt City Rampage.

His mastery of this two-player co-op shocked the world.

His effective use of the garbage toss move earned him the nickname,

The Garbage Man.

He became the envy of the gaming world after

landing a lucrative six-figure deal with Sizzler.

One thing's for sure.

This kid had it all.

Here's the Garbage Man, Garrison.

No autographs.

Have a nice day.

Yeah! Super cool!

Garrett, The Garbage Man.

What do we owe this pleasure?

Pleasure?

I think I come to storage auctions for fun.

I'm a businessman, Darrell.

An investor.

Well, I'm about to shovel some coal into your choo-choo trade.

You're gonna love this next unit.

It's got a water bin.

It's got some pickaxes.

It's got a huge can of mixed nuts.

It's got an array of unisex turquoise blouses.

That sounds terrible.

I think it's also got a 1978 Atari Cosmos.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1978 Atari Cosmos?

That's what I say to you.

Those things are worth the frickin' fortune.

Heck yeah, they are.

Bro, if you make this happen for me, I will strongly consider hanging out with you.

You serious, bro?

Yep.

Two big buffaloes like us out there in the wild.

We're in unisex turquoise blouses.

Oh boy, that's gonna cause a commotion.

The ladies aren't gonna know what.

Listen, if you keep the hammer price under on you,

I'll make all your weird fanboy dreams come true.

Okay?

Two loose cannons.

We're in turquoise blouses.

Yep.

Let's do it.

And we got $500. $500 over here.

We got $500. We got $600.

Do we have $600?

We got $600 over here.

Oh, can we hear you?

$700. We got $700.

We got $700 here.

We got $800 over here.

We got $850. Do we hear $850?

$850 over here. Do we hear any more?

Do we hear 900, 900, 900 going once, 900 going twice, and 900 going three times

and sold to hometown hero, Garak the garbage man Garrison, for $900.

I wouldn't cash that for about six months.

What?

Yeah. Come to Papa.

Cosmics.

Whoo!

Darryl, where is it?

I'm sorry. I didn't check the box.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where's the authority?

There's no authority in here.

That does not mean you can trash this unit.

I'm up against it, man. I'm...

Oh, no. My store.

I just...

I need to win, man. I need...

I need to win.

Let's roll, everyone.

This man has no respect for the storage community.

Look, Chugless was not my first choice either,

but it was Mom's dying wish for us to live here.

Or at least that's how I interpreted it.

Yeah. I read something online. This place sucks.

Anyways, rent is super low and I've got a full-time gig here,

so it's not really an offer we're gonna turn down right now.

Yeah, I get it.

Look, I think you're really gonna like it here.

Oh, what's going on with that dude?

Oh, my gosh, Henry, we're in Chugless.

Say hi to Chubby the chap.

All right, this is the new neighborhood.

When was this house built?

(LAUGHS)

It's so nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

Your new bosses sent you this.

Oh.

Yeah, people love working at a potato chip factory.

Yeah, well, I'm running their socials for a little bit.

I said I'd get their father account past 75.

Nice! You must be Henry.

Nice to meet you. I'm Don.

All right, why is there an alpaca hanging out of your car?

(SNORES) Well, real estate's not my only hustle.

I also do some mobile zoo stuff on the side.

In who? I gotta run. Call me if you need anything.

Okay.

(LAUGHS)

Also, uh, I'm really sorry about your mom.

She's really brave what you're doing.

I hope you know that.

Thank you.

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(DOOR SLAMS)

(DOOR SLAMS)

Henry! Breakfast is ready!

I'm coming!

Check it out.

I made you mom's signature tater-top breakfast pizza.

So you can hand out slices on your first day?

I thought you wanted me to seem normal.

I do!

Who do you think I am?

I got you some body spray.

Signature scents are huge here.

Velvet mischief?

You're gonna wanna spray it and then walk into it.

Don't be too direct. It's really powerful.

Okay.

Love you.

Love you too.

Smells like banana burning poo.

(SIGHS)

Your store's running cool.

Yeah, I know.

Looking for anything in particular?

Nah, just checking some stuff out.

Non-committal.

Classic loser mentality.

I can help.

I'm starting a mentorship program for people who wanna win at the game of life.

Fifty bucks an hour.

Cool. How do you actually win at life?

That's literally the answer I charge money for.

Tots.

What's with the breakfast pizza?

My sister made it.

I'm supposed to hand out slices at school to make friends.

A little desperate for day one, don't you think?

I also noticed that you're wearing velvet mischief.

It's a wonderful cologne.

And I strongly believe that every young man should have his own signature sent.

I didn't think I applied very much.

Listen, I'm gonna give you a hot garbage tip.

Friendship is like a puzzle.

Sometimes you think you need lots of pieces to be cool,

and sometimes it's just one piece to be cool.

Then people will be like, "That's not a puzzle. That's a picture."

And they have a right to speak too.

Okay, well, I gotta go to school.

Whatever, nerd. Just leave the pizza.

All right. Let's put this name tag on.

Uh, why does it have an exclamation point?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, Henry, we're just so thrilled to have you.

You know, you're the first student to enroll here

ever since that article came out about the school rankings.

Anyway, I'm Vice Principal Marlene, and I'm an open book.

You probably heard that my husband Clemente recently divorced me.

And to be honest, I expected it to hurt more than it does.

You know, the fire went out on our marriage 20 years ago.

But we stuck it out for the dogs.

Okay, let's get you to your first class.

Good morning. Just a little something about myself.

I teach gym. I teach art.

Financially, I'm living in a nightmare, okay?

I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

Last year, I claimed $4,000 on my tax return.

I also have several pending lawsuits, okay?

But most of my money is tied up in a drone kiosk at the mall.

Okay, today we're gonna do a still life.

One orange, one banana.

Let's get out there, people.

I'm waiting for the sun and you're living in the end

I wanna do this and you're taking it

So I want you to remember that something could change

I want you to remember that something could change

So I want you to remember that something could be

What is this? Don't you know what a still life is?

That means you just draw the thing.

Do the assignment next time.

That jetpack would never work.

It's kind of foolproof, actually. It's just math.

My dad said math has been debunked.

Check it out. New kid thinks he's a rocket scientist.

I'd love to be a rocket scientist. So prove it.

So I don't want to touch your teeth, yeah

That's funny sometimes I forget this then

You don't want to leave that something could change

Don't want to leave that touch your teeth just straight

Lizzie?

Alright. Count us down, guys.

Five, four, three, two, one.

[CRASH]

OK, so I know that we're all very excited

about the new rebrand.

But I don't think you should call your party bags salt sacks.

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH] [CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

I was never here, OK?

Well, the good news is nobody died.

But the bad news is you've destroyed the American potato

chip economy.

I'm sorry, OK?

It was an accident.

This could be grounds for expulsion, Henry.

I need you to call your guardian.

[PHONE RINGING]

Game over, Will.

Hey, Mr. Garbage Man, it's Henry,

the kid with the tater tot breakfast pizza.

Oh, yeah.

I have a weird favor to ask.

Could you come to my school and pretend to be my uncle?

No way, I don't do that stuff anymore.

I have $26.

[CRASH]

Hi, I'm Henry's uncle.

You?

The trash bag?

It's actually Garbage Man.

Garbage Man, huh?

Oh, you can bag me up and take me to the curb any time.

But you got a bunch of the lid, because I

got a lot of raccoons in there.

Whoever divorced you is a complete idiot.

[SCREAMING]

I just don't get it.

It should have worked.

I'm not this right, but it probably just

caused my sister her job.

Oh, wow.

You're super creative.

Guess I'm not the only true talent in chugless.

Hey, since you're going to juvie,

mind if I get this flyer back?

People don't grow on trees, and they're really

loud and can't go anymore.

Well, you can have my book too, because I'm done with it.

[GRUNTS]

So what's this stupid joke?

Who cares?

Probably some new age bull crap.

Wonder what it does.

Hey.

Instructions.

Never under any circumstances can bind the orb and crystal.

Uh, wait.

Do not follow this orb, even if you're a struggling business

owner and need a ton of cash fast,

because there's loads of pressure down here.

But it's not worth the danger.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, I want to go somewhere.

I'm sorry.

I tried everything.

I didn't know what was to call.

No, it's OK.

What's going on?

Henry's missing.

I tried the school.

I tried his phone a million times.

He's not answering.

He was supposed to be home hours ago.

I thought he's still being detention

for blowing up chug of the chip.

That was him?

Give me a call.

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe this.

We're here for one day, and he's already the town villain.

Got him.

He's fine.

He's just planning an abandoned mineshaft.

What?

Come on.

I'll drive.

You can feed Mr. Scribbles this busted carrot

if you want to keep that pretty face of yours.

Hop in.

OK.

You go first.

I'll cover your six.

Danger, whatever.

Henry!

Oh, gosh!

What are you doing down here?

Who's this guy?

He's my new mentor.

Who, me?

Oh.

Hey, guys?

Guys?

It's going, you guys.

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

Oh, man.

My bird.

My bird.

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

We're not in Idaho anymore.

I think this is Wyoming.

Wait, who are you again?

Garret the garbage man, Garrison.

Game of the year, 1989.

Whatever.

I barely think about it.

What the heck?

Ooh.

That's what I think it is.

It could be our first quest giver.

I'll do the talking.

All right.

Yeah.

Henry.

Yeah, Henry.

Come on back here.

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING] Listen up, you swine.

We're running dangerously low on gold.

So let me be very clear.

You are all failures.

If you can't find more gold, I'll just send you to the overworld to zombify.

Find me more gold.

You.

What are you making?

Come closer.

It's all right.

Come on.

I'm not going to bite you.

Aw, how pretty.

But how will that help me find more gold?

Oats.

What?

Well, lookie what we have here.

[LAUGHING]

Our time has come.

Mount Gosia!

My liege!

Was I unclear when I said no one was to waste time on art or leisure?

[GROANING]

The orb has returned.

It can't be.

Dennis?

You stole it from me, and now you will retrieve it.

It would be a privilege, my liege.

You're going to unbind you now.

Don't do anything stupid.

Of course not.

You can trust this little dungeon pup.

Let me just sneak about.

Go ahead.

Strike me down.

My piglins will make a meal of your beautiful wolf.

How do I know you're telling the truth?

There's only one way to find out.

The orb for your little dog's life.

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

Hola, wise quest giver.

We humbly seek gold.

Give us a quest that will lead us to your treasure load.

Garbage man, I work in the animal field,

and I am telling you that thing doesn't understand a word you're saying.

Shh.

We're talking.

Sorry about that.

What were you saying?

Come on, Henry.

We're going home.

[SCREAMING]

Does that feel quick to anyone else?

Yeah.

All right, everyone.

Stay calm.

Relaje.

Free garbage tip.

Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit.

What in the hell?

If that happens, you can save Biocone DS to your body plane's navigation system.

What?

Yeah, garbage man isn't speaking English or Spanish.

What am I doing here?

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

Star-Denters can't win Game of the Year.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING]

Henry!

No!

We got a zombie problem!

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

How's he doing this?

I don't know, but it might work.

Make way for that!

No!

You're going!

You're going!

Why don't you slow down when you got it?

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

Guys!

They're over here!

You idiot!

Run!

[SCREAMING]

Open the door!

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

Oh, man.

Oh, boy!

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING] [Growling]

[Laughing]

[Growling]

Make it happen!

[Growling]

[Growling]

[Growling] [Growling]

Who are you?

I am Steve.

[Growling]

Who are you people? Where's Dennis?

Dennis? Who is-- We don't know any Dennis.

Then how'd you get that?

Hey, the law-hanging choc-cho is my property.

Do you even know what that is?

It's the orb of dominance.

It's a cube.

Okay. Ha-ha!

You people seriously have no idea what you're dealing with.

Hand it over and no one gets hurt.

No way! Okay, we need this thing to get home.

I hate to take a big fat dumperoo on your plans,

but you can't get home!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean we can't get home?

Not without the earth crystal.

You mean my little boxy thing?

Garbage man busted it!

Nuh-uh.

Listen, Henry, why don't you hold this?

You got those good Frodo vibes, kid.

I got Frodo vibes?

Are you implying that we're stuck here?

Yes!

Unless you get the earth crystal, it's your only way home.

There's only one way you could ever replace it,

at the Woodland Mansion,

but going there would get you all killed.

Well, so it's staying here.

Fair enough.

Listen, I can get you home,

but then you've got to give me that orb.

So what are you gonna do with it?

None of your concern!

So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?

He did just kill, like, 20 zombies.

More like 15, but okay.

All right, Steve, under two conditions.

One, always address me because I'm the leader.

Two, if you double-cross us...

Ugh! This guy is such a toolbag!

I'm so sorry. We just met this man,

and he's not the leader.

Hmm.

Well, it looks like Dr. Swallenstein here

just got himself a deal.

Ugh!

Oh, my God.

All right.

First, we need to load up on some gear

or we're all gonna die.

Let's go to Midport Village.

This guy's lost his mind.

Ugh! )

Ugh! ) Here it is! Midport Village!

I got a secret stash of elite loot

that'll help us survive the woodland mansion.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who are these guys?

Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers!

They're total pacifists and vegetarians.

If you don't bug them, they won't bug you.

They just like to chill, trade, and eat buttloads of bread.

They love crushing loaf.

They built all this?

Yeah, most of it.

But the good stuff you see is all me.

Whoa.

See some kind of king?

No.

That's a legend.

Kid, anything you can dream about here,

you can make.

Zero limits.

You know what I'm talking about.

That was your tower, right?

Yeah.

Pretty killer for a first build.

Relax, it's just an iron golem, local security force.

But they're a bunch of big softies!

Unless you start messing with the villagers.

Don't ever do that!

This place makes no sense.

Yo, I need protein like Pronto.

I got just the place, bro-hemeth.

Hello there.

Woo-hoo!

Oh, dude, I got goose pimples just walking up on it.

You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken?

I did.

And you're about to find out.

Uh-oh!

You hear that?

That's the sound of sizzling.

Mm-hmm.

Smell that smell.

La-la-la-lava!

Cha-cha-cha-chicken!

Steve's lava chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell.

Ooh, mama see, now you're ringing the bell.

Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack.

Ooh, super spicy, it's a lava attack!

I have a small business, too.

The one thing I try to do is not have my jingle suck, but...

[chickens clucking]

Ah-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!

Freaking loser.

Pass the bird, turkey.

I'm not a little wimp like big Steve here.

I crave heat, and I crave pain.

Darrin, wait!

Hear my words?

That chicken was just cooked in hot lava.

Let it cool down, man.

[panting]

Not bad.

[squeals]

Garbage man, you're a big-time idiot.

What is it?

What?

[screams]

General Chugga, get over here!

[growling]

[screams]

[coughs]

Hey, Melgosia, what's going on?

Your old dungeon buddy, Steve, has betrayed us.

Well, that's a bummer.

The orb is with four roundlings.

My spies tell me he has taken them to his lava chicken shack.

No way! I love that place.

La-la-la-lava, ch-ch-ch-ch-chicken.

Shut up! Take your finest warriors,

bring me that orb, and kill the roundlings.

So, like, you want me to end his life or whatever?

Are you serious?

What do you think I'm talking about?

Okay, I was just kind of confused there for a second.

Take this from me, the warts, so you don't zombify.

Um, Your Majesty, I don't think this is going to be enough to go around.

Deal with it!

No worries.

All right, drink up, guys.

You don't want to zombify up there, but just tiny sips, okay?

Okay, so how do we find this woodland mansion thing?

Over the mountains into the dark forest right beyond the massive red shrooms.

Massive red shrooms?

Mm-hmm. Big old red ones.

We need to find a real map, Steve.

This place is dangerous, and I need to get my brother out of here.

Well, it seems like he's having a pretty good time.

Look, your brother has a gift. You know that, right?

You should let him explore it.

Creativity in this world is key to survival.

Okay, well, in the real world, things are a little bit different.

Creative kids get picked last for a gym, they sit

at the bummer lunch table, and they get bullied.

Don't I know it.

Do you even realize what he did back home?

He blew up chuggy the chip.

Maybe I belong in this rock.

Henry, that's not what I meant.

It's not what I was saying at all.

Just so you know, I'm more of a sister to Hank than you'll ever be.

Yeah.

Bighead!

You okay?

Fine.

Look, I found one of these big-headed looking dudes that sells maps.

Looks legit. Come on.

Welcome to the stash.

TNT.

Firework rockets, also good for propulsion.

Boots of swiftness.

Diamond armor, full set.

And blades for days.

Everything will need to make it to Woodland Mansion.

Whoa.

Focus loud, bro.

Look, but don't touch.

Those are some of my favorite treasures.

What's this junk?

That is an ender pearl.

Teleports you to wherever you throw it.

Yeah, right.

And that was the only one I had.

You know, Biggie, I almost died fighting an enderman for it.

Come with me.

This is a crafting table.

Here's how it works.

You place these elements in different patterns and...

(GUNSHOT)

You got yourself a sweet blade.

You want to see a blade?

I'll show you a blade.

Yeah!

Heather.

Goodness!

That's okay, bud. Buck-cuts are useful here.

Yeah, they're cool, Garrett. They're like nunchucks.

Yeah, I know. That's why I made them.

They're...

Buck-chuckets.

Uh, they're what?

Hey, can I try something else?

Absorutantoodly.

Bro, you had tots the whole time?

Yeah, sorry.

It's a tot launcher.

Dude, you just took boring junk from the real world to create something amazing.

That is next level!

Hank, get a plate with your tot launcher when you're done.

Yeah.

Hey, Steve. Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure thing.

What's up?

You know that note you left with the orb?

You want about the riches?

I read it.

Yeah.

There's riches everywhere. Keep a fat stash of diamonds at the redstone mines.

So this treasure load is on the way to this mansion place?

Not really. It's a major detour. Plus, the mines can be perilous.

I'm gonna keep it simple for you, Steve.

No diamonds.

No orb.

You smell them stepping in.

Good day.

(SIGHING)

We need a map to the Woodland Mansion.

(SIGHING)

We just need a map.

Nat?

It's gone.

Something's going down.

All right, guys. Just start trashing their priorities.

Villagers hate that.

Whoa!

Who are these guys?

England. They must react to the orb.

Hey, Steve! What's going on, dude?

Crap!

Shrummus.

I'm really sorry that I have to annihilate you and stuff.

Malth Coast should double-cross me.

We just need that orb thingy.

You rode this guy?

Yeah, we used to get into some dungeon stuff.

He seems nice, but he's a coward.

Wow! You look good, bro-hammer.

You lose some weight.

Stand back, boys.

This pig is mine.

No.

I'm tired of you getting all the glory.

This pig is mine.

Steve!

We have to get to Henry. Do you think we can take these guys?

You are?

Yeah, you got me, Celine.

(SINGING)

This guy is feeling brand new!

Woo-hoo!

This guy is feeling brand new!

This guy is feeling brand new!

This guy is feeling brand new!

He's feeling brand new!

Nice move, bro!

Sorry!

(SINGING)

The party's over, bud. Just give me the orb.

I'm gonna do something! I'm gonna do something!

Ninja roll.

What happened?

I saved your butt. That's what happened.

He thanks me later.

We gotta get to the rampart. Follow me!

Henry!

Matt, we have to go now!

Don, I can't leave him! He's my entire family!

We need you! I'm live!

Okay, we'll meet him back at the Woodland mansion.

We gotta go find him! Matt, come on!

Garrett, what about Natalie?

We'll meet her at the mansion!

Whoa!

Oh, great. Now what?

(GRUNTS)

Electro wing suits.

Whoa!

Head for those mountains!

I thought we were going to the Woodland mansion!

Hey, don't talk back to your elders.

But...

(GRUNTS)

Those things work, right?

Absolutely.

Check it out! I'm flying!

Yeah!

Buenos dias. Let me see you later.

I thought I grabbed three! Wait for me!

Coming in hot!

(THUNDER)

No! No way, dude!

Look over my hair!

Just relax. Let my hips guide you. It's the only way!

What?

(LAUGHING)

Hey!

We'll have a better chance if we split up!

What?

Can you hear me?

Get out of here, stupid pig!

(THUNDER)

Woo-hoo!

(LAUGHING)

We got hot graters! They're at three o'clock!

I got us boxed in!

Oh!

Head for the tunnel!

We're not gonna fit! We're too chunky!

We're gonna have to go nose to nose! Full man sandwich!

What? No! I'm not gonna do that!

I have ordered you to make a full man sandwich!

Okay!

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Yeah!

Dang it! A lava bucket!

Okay! Tighten up!

What?

There's still some negative space back there! We both know it!

I'm trying to close the gaps!

I'm gonna squeeze for your safety!

I understand!

Wow!

Woo-hoo!

Get off me, you stupid pig! Get off me!

Help me!

Oh crap!

Help me!

Don't worry! I'm gonna cushion up all with this water bucket!

Really?

You couldn't really fight, Matt! You were kicking butt!

Thanks! I have no idea where it came from!

There he is! He's getting away!

Hey! Get back here! We need a map!

We need a boat!

Okay, okay, uh...

Okay, hurry!

The map guy's flown away!

Boat matching!

Matt, that's the worst boat I've ever seen!

I'm sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Forget it! Let's go! Come on!

(HORN HONKING)

Oh no, not again!

Oh! I am so sorry! Oh my God, are you alright?

Oh my God! Oh my God, are you alright?

Your head is huge!

You're not gonna sue me, are you?

Because everyone wants to sue me once I hit them with my Jeep Grand Cherokee!

Oh my! How about this? What if I just take you to dinner?

Would you like to go to dinner?

You got some talking to do, buddy. Hank and I want some answers.

Like, how are we gonna stop those pigs and why is my beard smell like gorgonzola?

Yeah, and who's that evil sorceress you were talking about?

Look! The sorceress is a pigling queen called Nalgosha.

Those are her minions. She rules over them in a dark hellscape called the Nether.

And I always keep a chunk of gorgonzola in my front pocket, okay?

It's my best friend's favorite snacky snack.

My best friend Dennis.

Nalgosha's path to villainy started the way these things often do.

During the semi-finals of the Nether Scott talent.

Young Nalgosha always dreamed of being a world-class dancer.

Her moves were pretty out there. No one in the Nether was ready for it.

It crushed her.

What'd I tell you about all that dancing? You deserve to fail.

Creativity will never make you happy. But

you know what will? Gold! Now go find some!

So from that day forward, she denounced all forms of creativity.

If she ever gets that orb, she'll block out the sun. Netherward will flourish.

This beautiful world and everything in it will wither and die!

And you were gonna give it to her? Great idea.

I'm not gonna give it to her, but I need that orb for leverage. Gotta save Dennis.

Come.

Woodland Mansion is just beyond the Redstone Mountains. We can go over or through.

Whatever's fastest.

Through will be faster.

Get her up, Chungus! You have failed me for the last time!

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

Ah! Bring out the beast!

What? What do you mean you just have to put the bride in?

Well, here's a big deal. Get it done!

Look, everybody knows it wasn't my best day. But I'm really trying to set some new goals. I'm not gonna give it to you. I'm not gonna give it to you. Look, everybody knows it wasn't my best day.

But I'm really trying to set some new goals.

The Great Hawk! My ultimate weapon.

There it is!

Can't help!

Wait, does this mean you're firing me?

Well done. Now find the roundlings and bring me they all!

We are so lost.

My one job was to protect Henry and I blew it.

I just promise my mom I'd never let anything happen to him.

I guess I'm just not cut out for this parenting stuff.

I just wish I could've been a kid for a little bit longer, you know?

I just have that feeling like I could've done anything.

I hear ya. Being a grown-up sucks.

You got all these responsibilities and you just stopped chasing your dreams.

You think I like having fifteen hustles?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold up, hold up. Let's just calm down.

I think this one just needs some TLC.

Yeah? You like bones?

I bet you like bones as you go. That you do?

Yes?

Aren't you a beautiful one? Yes you are. Yes you are.

I cannot believe Hugh just did that.

Dennis? Steve's Dennis?

Well, can you take us to him?

Oh, Nat, I think this might be our way to the Woodland Mansion.

Let's follow this pooch.

Right this way, gentlemen.

Looky, looky here.

Welcome to the Redstone Mines.

See that glowy stuff? That's Redstone.

It conducts energy.

You can build some crazy contraptions with it.

I thought you said this was a diamond mine.

Easy, big dog. They're here.

But be careful. I set some booby traps a long time ago.

They came for the life of me. Remember where they are?

[Hoot!]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming] [Screaming] Help me, Steve!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Ha! Here it is! Thanks, Garrett.

Yeah.

Yes. We're diamonds.

That's what I'm talking about.

Steve delivers the goods.

Did you guys plan this?

I'm sorry, Henry.

Whoo! Yeah!

I'm not.

Yeah.

What the heck, man?

Overlax.

Not only could we hit the mansion already.

Too far?

Uh-huh.

Oh, no.

Neither what?

What does that mean?

Oh! The Great Hawk!

She finally put the brain in.

Run for the mine, Terz!

Hit it, Henry! Hit it!

[Screaming]

If memory serves, I built a kick-ass safe room just up the head!

Dang it! My corpse blew out!

Why are we stopping?

We're a husky load, gents. We're gonna need a redstone booth fast.

What's that sound?

Crap!

My creeper farm.

What kind of idiot would breathe these things?

Up ahead, look!

We gotta get to the redstone rail!

Garrett, you guys are in this mess. Get him and punch!

Okay.

Okay.

Don't get her in this mess, man!

We're not gonna beat this!

Come on, Garrett! You've got to go faster!

Stop slumping, Hank!

Garrett, get her!

He's right behind us!

Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

Nice work, Gar-Gar. Your little detour almost got us killed.

I'm a liar. So dramatic. We're still alive.

What's her problem, man? We didn't need those stupid diamonds.

I swear, you were literally the most selfish person I've ever met.

Whatever. I need them.

Okay? I need the diamonds, because I need the money, because I'm broke.

You wouldn't know anything about that.

My life sucks, kid. All right? I'm a frickin' loser.

There, I said it.

I know it looks like I got it all put together, right?

I'm smart, funny, bilingual.

El humble, tu un el faulto.

That's not the reality.

I'm not doing well. I'm bad.

I'm washed up, Hank. I'm gonna lose everything.

And that's not the worst part.

I'm alone.

You're alone.

I was your friend.

Sorry about your finances.

The shop's not...

Halt!

Aw.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Aw, ne esposi, buh.

You know, I gotta tell you, I'm having a great time.

I recently got divorced from my husband Clemente,

and the main reason is, you know, he didn't have any personality.

Not like you.

Are you finished?

No, I think he's Swedish. But we're done with our meal.

There it is. The Woodland Mansion.

We're gonna get in there, get the Earth Crystal, and get you guys home.

Follow me!

Check this out.

Let's do this. Pay close attention to Papa Steve.

The Woodland Mansion has three floors.

The first floor is loaded with vindicators.

Axe murderers, basically.

Why is it third floor on the first floor? I'm very confused.

I was trying to make three floors, but I didn't have time to make like a dollhouse.

The second floor crawls with evokers.

They wield powerful dark magic.

This is the worst model I've ever seen.

Garrett, stop talking. We're trying to figure out a plan.

Bro, how long you been mad at me for?

I just got mad at you.

Please don't be mad at me for this, okay? But I

accidentally stole the orb while you were crafting.

Are we cool now?

You are literally the worst person in the entire world.

Guys! Both of you! Eyes on my demonstration!

Third floor. How's it's the loot chamber?

That's where the Earth Crystal is. But it's guarded by endermen.

Whatever you do, do not look them in the eye. They'll fry your brains out.

Okay, well, I could build stairs to the second floor, sneak in through the window,

and snag the Earth Crystal.

That's a great idea, Hank.

But to pull it off, we're gonna need a pretty sweet diversion.

You know what could work on these guys? It sounds crazy.

Hit me.

Someone order a saxophone birthday party?

Looks like it's everyone's birthday.

Get it!

Friendship is the wish you make

when you blow on out the candles on your birthday cake!

Don't be a bully and don't be a boo.

Time to put on your birthday suit.

Today is the best. It's the day you were born.

Time for us to blow the birthday horn.

You gotta be kidding me.

You got this, Darkheart!

Reach down, Jeeves!

You're the sharkless kitten!

I love you!

What's going on, Steve?

It's some kind of sadistic vindicator fight club.

I've heard of these, but I've never seen one.

They want me to fight the chicken?

Wait!

It's a fight to the death, kid!

[GIGGLING]

Chicken jockey!

Watch out!

Get them away from your face!

Finally.

Help me, help me!

(crying)

I'm sorry little buddy.

Don't fall for it, Gaga!

That baby's got the heart of a demon.

No, you're not a demon, are you?

You're a cute little bugger face.

I'm just gonna pet your little head.

You'll never be as cruel as me, Hank.

She's give up.

The overworld doesn't need you, Henry.

Neither do I.

This is all your fault, Henry.

Everything you do for me.

Stop.

Try to get me.

Just give up, you lads.

I'm cut off!

You saved my life.

That's what friends do, Garrett.

Hank, did you get the earth crystal?

Yeah, I got it.

Let's get out of this hellhole!

Where do you think you're going?

It's her!

You doeys, you really thought

you could defeat my great home.

News flash, I built a new one.

Come go, chef!

Your reign is over!

You're wrong.

It's just beginning.

No!

No!

Kill them.

We have work to do.

Goodbye, Steve!

Seeker piglins.

They're gonna blow this bridge sky high!

Sorry, Hank.

What?

Yeah!

Slant cube!

Come on, Garrett, drop!

No, Steve, get him out of here!

Go, Hank!

Save your sister and get home!

Garrett, you don't have to do this!

No, get him home, Steve!

Tell my story in song!

Keep it metal, keep it heavy.

Real instruments.

Besides, I love you, Owls.

I love you, Owls.

(exploding)

We're going down!

No!

Race for impact!

Dennis.

(laughing)

Dennis?

Dennis!

Oh, oh, oh, it's you!

It's really you!

(laughing)

How'd you find me?

He's one heck of a wolf.

He led us right to you guys.

Now I understand why you kept yourself so filthy

and smelly so Dennis could find you one day.

Is he okay?

He's fine, he's just resting.

Good, it's a pretty rough crash landing.

Wait a minute, where are we?

You guys both made this?

Y'all, we're not messing around.

We got the silk touch.

No luck, Er.

I was so afraid that I lost you.

I was so afraid that I lost you, too.

I'm really sorry about Garrett.

With this all about dark in the overworld,

never what will spread like wildfire,

then all its gold will be ours!

It has begun, the great darkening.

Malgosia's gathering all her forces.

She will destroy this land,

unless we go get that orb.

But what are we doing here?

Let's go fight some pigs.

I'm ready, I'm done with those pigs.

Yeah, me too.

Let's do it for Gaga.

First we mine, then we craft.

Let's Minecraft!

Mike!

One, two, three.

Jeez!

Get the orb!

What are you saying?

Minecraft.

We should all say that on three.

Forget it, there's no time!

Show us what you got, Henry.

Okay, I've got a plan.

Killer recipes, we're gonna have to move fast.

Let's get to work.

First, we're gonna need iron ingots.

Coming in hot.

Ow!

Oh yeah!

We're gonna need the boots of swiftness.

Time to light this place up.

Come on, boys.

Have a nice ride!

We need a ton of diamonds.

And it waits for days.

You want somebody?

We're ready.

Let's go save the overworld.

Listen up, my kiddies.

Today, we take the overworld as ours.

Attack their villages, burn their homes

and their symmetrical fires.

All they have created, we destroy!

Well, what are you standing around for?

Get out of here!

Go on, destroy something!

Hey, Henry!

Ha!

News flash, iron golems will not attack unless provoked.

Ha ha ha!

Real smooth, Travis!

No?

You ready?

Let's do this.

Oh, for goodness sake!

Enjoying the show, are you?

Get down there and take care of those roundlings!

(laughing)

Daddy liked import jobs!

(laughing)

Huh?

Okay, Gosh.

Let's dance.

Bring it on!

Kick it hard!

Ha!

My diamond armor!

I'll take this hat!

Friends!

What is this, great festival?

Get off of me!

Hurry, the orb's up there!

Do it, Henry!

I got this.

Go, Henry, go!

Hey, Captain, bookcrack!

I got you.

I got something for you!

Get dense.

Woo, quick, come on, out of that thing!

Finish this, Henry!

(ominous music)

Henry!

No!

I got you, puppy!

Ah, yes!

Yes!

You're alive!

Yes!

Between us, I use Steve's water bucket trick.

Pretty cool, huh?

A little bit.

Let's get this orb and go home.

All right, heck, it's fireball time.

Grab that spear, I want you to jab it in the tentacles.

Woo!

Jab it!

Yeah!

How'd you learn how to do that?

Oh, yeah.

No!

What have you done?

Stay home!

No!

Oh my God!

Stop!

Good to see you, garbage man.

You failed, witch.

The overworld lives on.

You too have fallen for the great lie.

You'll never be happy.

Deep down, you know.

To hope, to dream, to create is to suffer.

You're right.

It is harder to create than to destroy.

That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce.

Nah.

Later, gauche.

Every minute knowing you has been a horror show

waste of time.

Wait, one more thing.

Come close there.

Do you have a little knife that you're gonna try

to stab me with?

No, I know, I'm too weak.

All right.

Ah, come on!

It was worth a shot.

Wait, wait, let me say one more thing.

Come closer.

No way!

No, really, it's about you.

Fine.

Lean down here.

You really are the worst.

Goodbye.

This isn't really, come back!

I don't even have a knife.

How would I keep it?

Stay, stay!

Hey!

You sure you wanna go back, Henry?

It won't feel like this.

There you got constraints, judgments,

obstacles.

Yeah, I know.

But I'm gonna go make stuff anyway.

I like that.

You're a brave kid.

Steve, you still cool with this?

Yeah, come here, boy.

Of course I still love you.

That's why I think this is a good idea.

You changed my life.

It's time for you to go change hers too.

Go now, Dennis

Change Don's life, Dennis

Go on a journey and think of me

Dennis

Go now, legendary wolf of my dreams

My doggy doggy doggy

My Dennis

(crying)

God!

If I would've known you could sing like that,

it would help me get past your smell.

Garrett, you are a truly bodacious warrior

and a really good friend.

I wish you'd come home with us.

Hangs cool, but I don't have any friends my age.

You would make a great team.

Biocompteus, it means goodbye, brother.

No, it doesn't.

Don't look at her, it does.

No, it does not.

Yeah, it does.

Love you guys.

Are you sure you don't want to come back?

Yeah, I'm staying here.

I got a bunch more stuff I want to build.

Why don't you bring some of that magic to the real world?

Screw it, I'm coming with.

Turns out the overworld taught us

you can create the life you dream of,

even in the real world.

Garrett's store became the hottest place in town

and the best part, his new friends were never far.

So if Henry and Natalie's helped,

we created the hit game, Block City Battle Buddies.

All that time in the overworld upped everyone's game.

And every Friday, I would let it rip.

I used to wake up and play back in my childhood days

Getting old is such a dirty shame

They never gave me a chance

To let my imagination dance

Hell, I came up with a different game

I'm in the mines all of the time

Renting out the sun

Having some fun

Laughing, I'm never ever looking back

Cause I feel like

Dawn finally got to ditch her real estate job.

She and Dennis brought the party wherever they went.

Natalie decided to share her new skill set

with the real world.

Survival mode, self-defense.

The streets of Chugless have never been safer.

You get them Natalie.

And Henry, he finally got that jet pack to work.

I feel the fire

A moon mountain's wind in my mind

I feel the fire

Like a new moon on the right

I feel the fire

Like a red stone over dry

I feel the fire

With the power of a world inside

I feel the light

Yeah

I know how much you love bread.

Marlene, your ex-husband's here.

He said it was an emergency.

Well, you tell him.

I've got nothing to say to him.

You gotta be kidding me, Marlene.

This is the guy.

Too late, Clemente.

You had your chance.

She's right, Clemente.

You totally blew it.

Enough, Marlene. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know it.

And now I reap the rewards of your mistake.

You see, when Marlene's Jeep Grand Cherokee ran me over,

I was struck by a love so powerful,

it transcended the barriers of conventional speech.

Now, I speak human, and she speaks villager.

Marlene?

Uh-oh.

Marlene, you're my baby.

Marlene, ever since we met last night,

I wanted to say, would you marry me?

Yes.

Yes.

A thousand times, yes.