All language subtitles for Troop.Beverly.Hills.1989.720p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AM]

RED FEATHERS: I will
always try my best to be
honest and fair, to be

helpful and friendly, to
be a good citizen, a good
neighbor, a good friend,

and a sister to every
Wilderness Girl.

Girls, about face.

The first order
of business is the

-Beverly Hills troop.
-Well, you know,
they've never earned any

patches. They've never
even sold a single
cookie. We all know

they've had more leaders
than a banana republic.

-Their membership is down to
only eight.
-So it's agreed then.

We stop
mollycoddling those
little princesses and we

-flush that troop down the
old proverbial dumper.
-Oh, now, Velda,

as long as they are girls
who want to belong, it's
our job to see that

they're not denied the
privilege. Let's give
them one last chance. Now

about a new leader, I
understand we have an
applicant.

-Herman.
-Hm?
-File, file.

Oh, yes,
sir...ma'am.

Name, Phyllis Nefler.
Age...it says
here "not applicable."

Marital status, "shaky."

Interests, "community
affairs."

Dr. Jerry Honigman is
definitely boffing the blond
and the English tutor.

-Is that the
one with the tummy tuck?
-And the daughter.

-No.
-This one and

this one. Out. I'll take
the rest.

Prides herself on being
honest, resourceful, and
thrifty.

-How much?
-5,600.
-Y'know, it's missing a bead.

It is?

I could let you have it for
5000.

-I'll take it.
-Oh, great.

She loves animals.

I'm gonna kiss you.
I'm gonna kiss you,

-frogie and turn you into
a handsome prince.
-This woman

sounds like she's got
Wilderness Girl written
all over her. Approved.

-Hi ho!
-Oh, hiyo!

Hey, your hat is fabulous
Mrs. Nefler.

Nefler.
Thank you, so is
yours.

-Eh, thanks, ah.
-Rosa. Rosa.

Hola.

Oh, keep
talking, honey, so I can
move toward the sound of

-your voice.
-Here I am. Yeah,
come...keep... I'm here.

-Uh-huh.
-Come, come, I got
it. I got it.

I started my new
meaningful life today,
and I bought a whole new

meaningful wardrobe to go
with it. I can hardly
wait to see the look on

Freddy's face when he
gets the bill. And you
know the beauty of it? He

won't even the get the
bill until after we're
divorced.

Have your fun
now, Phyllis, 'cause
after the divorce is

final, you're going to be
shopping at Pick 'n Save.

What are you doing here?

Before we
were separated, you were
never around.

You're supposed to be in the
guesthouse. Everything
north of the lawn jockey

-is mine.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

Come on, I can
come here anytime I want
to.

-Oh?
-Yeah. It's still
my house, you know.

-Oh?
-And right now I
am gonna go upstairs, I'm

gonna get my barbell, and
I'm gonna get the rest of
my clothes.

Touch anything
in this house, and I'll
call my lawyer.

I can touch
anything I want.
I Paid for it all.

Oh. Oh, now
isn't that a mature
approach to a

relationship? Freddy, did
it ever occur to you that
marriage is a

-partnership?
-Yeah, that's
right.

-Yeah.
-I earn the money
and my partner, she

-spends it.
-Typical, that is
so typical. And don't you

mock me while I'm talking
to you. You never
acknowledge my

contribution to this
marriage.

-Your contribution?
-Yes!
-Oh, Phyllis, if

you contributed anymore
to this marriage, we
would be on welfare.

-Hello, Hannah.
-You remember your father,
the big, bad wolf?

-Hi, Peaches.
-Hi, Daddy. What
are you picking up this

-time?
-My dumbbells.
-Be my guest.

-The fewer dumbbells in my
life, the better.
-I've got a great

idea. Why don't you two
just kiss and make up?
Then I won't end up in

-therapy twice a week like
Tessa.
-Look, honey,

you're gonna be less
neurotic if your parents
are happily divorced

-rather than unhappily
married.
-Thank you, Phil Donahue.

I saw it on Oprah.

Cool it. You're
acting so immature.

Mom, a lady called about an

orientation meeting? It's
Thursday. You are gonna
go through with this,

-aren't you?
-Of course, I am.
-Go through with what?

Just a little
mother-daughter bonding thing.

Mom's going to be
our new troop leader.

-Ha-ha!
-What's so funny?

Well, I mean, it's hysterical.
You don't have any skills.
You hate the outdoors.

Besides, you never
finished anything you
ever started.

-What about the
PTA?
-You quit!

Well, that was
just because it conflicted
with Save the Whales.

Uh-huh, then what
happened?

Well, I thought
Hands Across America was
more important.

Well, I rest my
case! You'll be lucky if
you last a couple of weeks.

I'm going to be
a great troop leader. And

-I'll be spending more
time with Hannah.
-What? And neglect

-Rodeo Drive?
-Don't criticize
my mothering,

Mr. Workaholic. You're hardly
father of the year.

(ROSA CRYING)

Oh, Rosa, will
you stop crying?

-Who's getting the divorce
here, you or me?
-I don't want you

-two to split up.
-Oh, see, there, I
told you not to mention

divorce in front of Rosa.
She's helping me pack.

What's happened to us, Fred?

What's this really about?

Is there another woman?

-Yeah...yeah,
there is. A girl I met a
long, long time ago.

Bright, caring, loving,
funny.

It was you.
You had such potential,

such energy. You were so
creative. I couldn't wait
to see what you'd do with

it. See now I know what
you did with it. You went
shopping!

Hey, I went
shopping, buster, to
furnish your perfect

house, to build your
perfect image, to be your
perfect Beverly Hills

wife! And you think I've
changed? How about you,
Fred? I coupon-clipped

your way through law
school so you could make
a difference in the

world, not so you could
be Nefler the muffler
man!

Hey, those
commercials were your
idea. And I didn't hear

you complaining when you
were spending the muffler
man's money. I mean, I

know it's not a really
important job, you know,
like being a Wilderness Girl.

I don't expect
you to understand how

much this means to me or
to Hannah or her little
friends, who happen to

need me...

Even if you don't.
You never give me an
ounce of credit for

-anything I do.
-That's because
you never do anything!

Well, then, I
guess I'm going to do
something right now.

I'll help you pack.

Marlene,
I'm on my way to the

hospital now. I'm
stopping to drop Tiffany
off at her troop meeting.

I have a nose job at
three, a lift at five,
and a boob job at seven,

-so you won't be able to
reach me.
-Daddy? Do I have

-to go this thing?
-Oh, Tiff,
you'll love it.

-I'll hate it.
-What'd
you...hold on a second,

-sweetie. I said I'd give
you 10 bucks.
-It's not worth it.

-20.
-No way.

-30.
-50.
-40, and

-that's my final offer.
-I'll suffer
through it.

-What do you
think?
-It looks great.

Is the caviar
too much?

Here comes Chica.

Oh, Chica
Barnfell, our first
arrival! Chica! Hi!

Do you remember me? Phyllis
Nefler. We met at your
parents' home in Palms

Springs when Fergie was
in town? What a lovely
child.

Dad, why are we
stopping here? The park
is a block up.

I'm late for
an appointment. That's
the actor's life, busy, busy.

You're going to
unemployment, right?

Right.
Anyway, you have a good
time, okay?

Dad, I'm supposed
to bring 10 dollars for
dues.

Emily, I forgot my wallet.
Tell 'em you'll bring it next
time, huh?

Okay.

I'll get something soon. My
agent says this nostalgia boom
is going to make me a big

-star again.
-You'll always be a
star to me, Daddy.

-I love you.
-I love you. Bye.

Good morning. You must be
Lily. Oh, good morning,
Dictator, Mrs. Dictator.

-Good morning.
-Lovely to see you.

Bruce,
I looked at the dailies

I want to reshoot the
ending. Set it up for
today.

Today? 5,000
extras? Redford? 15
helicopters?

-Dad, you can't do it.
-Why not, Tessa?

You're 10 million
over budget. Redford's on

another project, and you
blew up all the
helicopters yesterday.

-I did?
-Daddy, my
therapist would say

-you're definitely
blocking reality.

-What was it again, 30?
-40.
-40.

May I see your
license and registration,
please?

-What's the
problem, officer?
-You know how

-fast you were going back
there?
-Excuse me,

officer, don't you know
who this man is?

-Jasmine, honey.
-Jasmine, cool it.

You're too
modest, Daddy. Look, this
here's the man who put

the space in Spinks'
teeth, the man who
knocked the hair off

haggler's head. He's the
best. He's the greatest.
He's my dad, James

"The Jackhammer" Shakar. Now,
Daddy, shake the man's
hand, and let's be on our way.

How do you do,
sir? Glad to meet you.

-Could I get your
autograph?
-Not on that thing, you won't.

He pulled
off her Halston gown,

sighed lusciously at the
sight of her Fernando
Sanchez under things

-and...and what?
-And felt his
manhood rising to a

-frenzy?
-Felt his
manhood rising to a

pulsating frenzy. Yeah,
that's good. I love it.
Now, darling, what am I

gonna tell your producer
about you skipping
rehearsals today?

-Tell him I'm sick.
-Claire.

Come on, Mom. I'm
not just a kid on TV. I'm
one in real life. I want

-to do something normal
for a change, okay?
-Normal with

Phyllis running the show?
That's highly bloody
unlikely.

Welcome. I'm
Phyllis Nefler, mother of
the lovely Hannah.

-Mother!
-And, as you
know, your new leader.

Now I know that we're
gonna have a fabulous
time because I can see

that you're all special,
unique fabulous little
people just raring to go.

-She'll be just
like all the others.
-She'll get bored and quit.

I'm new at this,
but aren't you supposed

-to be wearing uniforms?
ALL: Ohh!
-Sick, uniforms are sick.

They blur an
individual's sense of self.

Besides, no one
stayed around long enough

-to take us to the store.
-Well, I may be a
beginner at some things,

but I've got a black belt
in shopping. Do they only
come in khaki?

-Yes. Now what
sizes do you need?
-Well, I need a

-French 36.
-If you want
that French stuff, you're

gonna have to go to
Frederick's of Hollywood.

Are you sure you're Wilderness
Girls?

I'm not selling this shit for
no masquerade parties.

-Ahem. How's it
look?
-I like it.

-Uh, it's great.
-It's okay.

-Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
-It's not that bad.

Not that bad?
Except for the color's
wrong, the collar's

wrong, the material's a
nightmare from hell. It's
cut badly, it itches, and

it's not me. But all of
that can be fixed.

Oh, Ree, oh, Ree.

My god, darling.
What is that?

I know, it's my Wilderness
Girl uniform. What can you do
with it?

-You mean, besides burn it?
-S'il vous plait?

My name is Velda Plendor. I'm
a mother. I'm a widow. I'm an
ex-army nurse.

First and foremost, I am a
Wilderness Girl, and I
have the privilege of

turning you civilians
into troop leaders. Now
it's not easy. It's not

going to be a picnic. Not
all of you are going to
make it. Any of you

little Betty Crockers out
there think that you're
just going to be teaching

some little toddlers how
to bake cuppie cakes,
then you can leave now.

Oh, perfect. Good. Good,
let 'em go. Because when
we're looking for new

leaders, we're looking
for a real no-nonsense
woman.

-Hi. Oh, bye.
-A woman who can
cope with anything. A

-woman who doesn't make a
ruckus...
-Oh, I'm sorry.

-Excuse me.
-But still can get
the job done.

-I'm so sorry.
-Our goal is
simple, to take young,

vulnerable girls and turn
them into strong,
self-sufficient, young

women. And to attain that
goal, the girls must earn
achievement patches, sell

cookies, and attend the
annual Jamboree, which is
a grueling test.

-Are you drying your nails, or
do you have a question?
-No, they're fine.

Yes?
You know, about the cookies,

I know it's
customary in order to
raise funds to sell

cookies door-to-door, and
that's adorable. But
wouldn't it save time,

and a little shoe
leather, if we just had a
star-studded telethon?

-Huh?
-Who are you?

-Johnny could host, or Merv.
It'd be fabulous.
-Who are you?

-Phyllis Nefler,
Troop Beverly Hills.
-Oh, shit.

I shoulda known, huh?

Do you know the
muffler man, the

muffler man, the muffler
man? Do you know the
muffler man, Nefler is

his name.
Hi, Fred Nefler
here for Nefler's Mufflers.

Boy, I'm
telling you, we're a hard
working crew and look at

the sick little baby we
got in here today. Now if
your Pento Porsche or

whatever is sick, we
don't discriminate here.
We'll fix anything, we'll

-fix it right. I'm telling
you...
-He's a shit, but

he's a cute shit.

Hannah, wake up.

Wake up, honey. There's a
woman going into the
guesthouse.

Dark hair, long
legs, big boobs?

-Stringy hair, skinny legs,
silicone boobs, but yes.
-Don't worry, Mom,

it's just Lisa, Dad's
realtor. She's trying to
find him a condo.

At midnight? It
must be a real hot
listing.

-Mom, can we spy
on Dad in the morning?
-Spy? Excuse me, spy?

Your father's
nocturnal activities are of
absolutely no interest to me.

Oh...ow...oh...ah!
Shit.

Night, Phyllis.

-She's okay.
-That's good. Bye.

-Here.
-Oh, good. Ooh.

Watch the arms. Oh, oh.

-Mom?
-Yeah.

I think we'll be
back before winter. It's
only an overnight campout.

In the
wilderness of life, we can
never be too prepared.

Well, girls,
are you ready to rough it?

What are we
supposed to do now?

Well, we were
supposed to set up the
tent and stuff.

Yeah, but the
abbey rents person
already did that.

This is so boring.
Someone should go ask her
what we're supposed to do.

Well, let's all go.

-Having fun?
-Mrs. Nefler. We're
above the fire line, and

you shouldn't be smoking.
It's bad for you. And it
disguises nervous

conditions which you
should deal with in other
ways.

Smoky the Bear says
only you can prevent
forest fires.

Smoky the Bear
isn't going through a
terribly messy divorce.

And voila, fondue al
fresco.

And next, going to make
espresso. Oh, no!
(THUNDER)

Oh, fabulous. All right,
all right, go in the
tent. Go in the tent.

I'll save the dessert.
This is special.

I'm coming, girls. I've got
the fondue.

(WHIPMERING)

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

All right, all right.

Oh, gosh.

-Oh, look at your jacket.
-Oh, no.

-Can we just quit now?
-Not until we sing Kumbayya.

Kumbayya, my Lord...

(ALL SINGING KUMBAYYA)

May I speak with
Velda Plendor, please?

Oh, well, will you take a
message, please? Will you
tell her that troop

leader Nefler called? And
her recommendation for a
campsite was totally

unsuitable. There were no
outlets and there was
dirt and bugs and it

rains there. So anyway,
we found a place that's
much more us. And if any

of the other parents
call, you'll tell them
that we're at the Beverly

Hills Hotel? Thank you.

How about some room service?

-That sounds
good.
-Yes, hello, I'd

like to place an order,
please? Nefler bungalow
four.

Then it sounded
like it was in the foyer.
Whooo's got my golden arm?

Then it sounded like
it was in the maid's
room.

Ah.
Whooo's got my
golden arm?

Ahhh!
Oh, my gosh, oh.

-Come on, Mrs.
Nefler. It's your turn.
-A scary story?

Yeah, come on.

Okay. All right.
(CLEARS THROAT)

It was a cold
and rainy day in March. I
went to Christoph's where

I usually get my hair
done, but Christoph had
mysteriously disappeared.

And in his place was a
stranger named Renaldo.
I'll never forget him.

His eyes were steely
gray, very cold. And his
hands were like ice.

He said, "I'll streak your
hair...and I'll give you
a body wave." He worked

very fast and then as he
turned my chair around to
face the mirror, I saw it.

-He permed me!
ALL: Ahhh!

Hey, look, it's my giant
underpants! You know, you

can do a lot of cool
stuff with a pair of
giant underpants. Just watch!

Hey, Hannah,
look at me. I'm your mother.

Follow me, girls.
This is fabulous, just
fabulous.

Chalk
on the sidewalk, writing
on the wall. Everybody

-knows it, I love Paul.
-Annette, wait up, huh?

This is that
bimbo's idea of a
campsite, huh?

-I'll raise you
two marshmallows.
-I'll see your two

-marshmallows, and raise
you a wiener.
-You're bluffing.

Wilderness Girls
don't bluff.

Look! I'm a nun!
(KNOCKING

-Hi. Good morning.
-Hello. Oh, no.

You are out of here.
(speaking foreign language)

-Where is your
leader?

You can torture me if you
want, but I'll never talk.

-She's in the bedroom. Is she
expecting you?
-Girls,

did the room service arrive
yet? Oh, mon capitan , what a
pleasant surprise.

Won't you join us for a
little cappuccino and
croissant?

Nefler, what the hell is
happening here? This is
supposed to be a camp out,

-not a pajama party. This what
you call roughing it?
-One bathroom for

-nine people? Yes.
-Have you never
heard of a little troop

called the Red Feathers?
They were out there at
that same site camping

last week. They chopped
down trees and wove their
own cloth and lived off

of berries and squirrel
meat. And never once did they
have to go to the bathroom.

It must have
been the squirrel meat.

-Nefler...
-Cappuccino?
You have disrupted

my meetings with your
stupid, idiotic
questions. You have taken

the sacred uniform and
turned into a little
cocktail frock. And you

tore these children from
a wholesome camping
environment and you

brought 'em here to this
little den of inequity.
Just what are you trying

-to do, huh?
-Okay, so I'm not
perfect. Granted, I'm new

at this, and between us
girls, I haven't worked
all the kinks out.

So any tips for the new girl
would be greatly
appreciated.

Well, here's a
tip. Give it up. You can
prance these princesses

through Beverly Hills all
you want, but you will
never really be a real

Wilderness Girl. This
troop should have been
disbanded long ago.

I know it, they know it,
and you know it. Adios,
Nefler. Have a nice day.

Herman!
Hmph!

Guess it's back to the shrink
on Tuesdays. So much for being
normal.

-I knew it wouldn't last.
-Well, I don't

know about you girls, but
next Tuesday, I'm going
to be at the troop meeting.

Ha-ha!

Did you see the way I handled
that, Herman?

You're never
going to see that woman again.

I'm sure we won't,
Ms. Plendor, sir.

She thinks just because she's
rich she doesn't have to play
by the rules.

I can't believe
he's taking her to the

Dodger game. It's batting
helmet day and she's not
even under 14.

-Don't bet on it.
-I guess he's
divorcing both of us.

I know you feel
bad, honey, but try to
remember that Dad's going

through a phase right
now. It's called being a
big jerk.

And this is,
this is very interesting.
What does that represent?

It's the source of
power that allows a brave
to defend his home and

-destroy his enemies,
right, Mom?
-Nix on the mom business.

Sorry, Ms. Plendor, sir.

Oh, look at
those adorable little red
feathers, and your

patches, those are
fabulous. They really
bring your uniforms to life.

-Thank you, ma'am.
-Where can I buy those?

Oh, you don't buy
them. You have to earn them.

Oh, right, like jewelry.

-Oh, damn.
-What's wrong?

-I was sure she'd quit.
-Here's Claire,
who you might recognize

-from television, and
she's wearing a backpack.
-It may look like

an ordinary backpack,
but...
When we lift the

flap and pop the
snap...voila.

Just because you're in the
woods, it's no excuse not to
look your best. You call that

a wilderness craft?
Where are you
from? Mars?

Worse. Beverly
Hills.

I want that woman out,
Herman. She's a threat to
everything we stand for.

I'm gonna assign you as
assistant troop leader. You
can infiltrate her

organization, win her
trust. And then you can
get the goods on her.

We are going to form a
dossier of information on
her.

I know you know
best, but does that jive
with the ideals of the

-Wilderness Girl promise?
-Promise? I'll give
you a promise, Herman

I promise you'll be back at
K-Mart selling those yarn
balls if you don't follow

-orders.
-No.

Hello, Mrs. Nefler.
This is Annie Herman.

-Remember me?
-Of course I
remember you, Annie.

You're the gal Friday to
our fearless leader,
n'est-ce pas ?

Yes. Ms. Plendor
was... I was wondering if
I could offer my services

to you as an assistant
troop leader.
You know,

I really could use some
help. The parents in this
neighborhood are so

self-involved. You...oh, shit,
I broke a nail.

Okay, okay, well,
see you tomorrow.

She bought it.

Wow!

Testing.

Ready,
lift. And down. Exhale,
inhale down. Don't arch

your back. A full range
of motion, exhale up,
inhale down. Lift and

down. You can do it. Come
on! Up, keep breathing.
Exhale up. Keep

breathing, now lift. And
down. Two and down. Keep
looking straight ahead.

And down. For a full
range of motion. Exhale
up. Very controlled.

Exhale. Inhale.

(KNOCKING)

Thanks.

Girls, I'd like you to welcome

Ms. Annie Herman, who has
very graciously
volunteered to be our new

-assistant troop leader.
-Hello.
ALL: Hi.

Okay, well,
let's sit in the
friendship circle and

welcome Ms. Herman.

Join hands please.

Okay, now,
who would like to be

first to volunteer a
thought or a feeling,
share something with us?

This troop sucks.

Okay.
Does everybody feel like that?

ALL: Yeah.
-Chica?

At the crafts
fair, we made complete
fools of ourselves.

Those creepy red
feathers laughed in our
faces.

They had a right
to. Did you see all those
patches?

Yeah, they can do
everything. We can't do
anything.

Well, let's face
it. We're weird.
We're losers.

Really. I hate to
say it, Mom, but you know
it's true.

Okay, we're not
robust mountain
women...as yet. But that

doesn't mean we can't be
cracker jack Wilderness
Girls with plenty of

patches. We could make up
our own patches, couldn't
we, Annie?

-Pardon?
-I'm sure it's
very nice to know how to

live in the forest and
eat bark, but I'm going
to show you girls how to

survive in the wilds of
Beverly Hills.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Merci.

-More cappuccino, girls?
-Yes, please.

-I'm fine.
-A croissant might
be nice.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICK)

Please don't
bother. I'll just shave
it when I get home.

Mrs. Nefler
said to give you the
works.

-Ow! Ow!
-Ha-ha-ha!

Interesting color. Remarkable
clarity. A fine cut.

I'd say 82 thou.

-That's amazing.
-Isn't it? And
it's called a canary diamond?

-Yes.
-Does it sing?

No.
Yes it does.

Kumbayya, my lord...

ALL: Kumbayya...

Okay, let's begin with the
frug. Maestro, if you please.

And this one's called the
Freddy. I know, life is so
ironic.

My name is Officer Bill,
and today I am here to
demonstrate for you

cardiopulmonary
resuscitation, more
commonly known as CPR.

-So, I'll need a
volunteer.
-Me!

-You.
-Oh, no, I don't
think that's...

No, no,
don't be shy. This'll be
very informative. You'll

love it.
Well, I guess it
couldn't hurt.

-Now lie
down and open your mouth.
-The last time I

did this, I got more than
a patch for it. Oh,
thanks so much.

-Ew.
-Ew.

-Would you like a magazine?
-I don't want to read
New Woman.

-How about this?
-I hate Cosmo.

How about this?

Wow, you guys are fantastic.
Woo, woo!
Wow! Wait. Whoa!

Keep dancing!

Mr. Michaelson, is your client
planning to be here or not?
Your

Your Honor, my client should
be here momentarily.

I'm sorry we're late, Your
Honor. My troop and I were
busy describing the fall

fashions to the blind.
One man said he could
actually feel the colors.

-It was inspirational.
-Oh, come on,
Phyllis, what is this?

It's a Van Runkle.
Isn't it fabulous?

-Stunning.
-Anyway, the
workings of the wonderful

American judiciary system
are something that every
child should witness,

especially with a woman
like you in charge.

Well, I guess it's all right.
Okay.

-Hi, Daddy.
-Hi, Daddy.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.
We're here to

attest to the division of
property in the temporary
support hearing of Nefler

versus Nefler. I will set
a court date for six
weeks from today.

Your honor,
my client would like to
petition for an earlier

-court date if possible.
-So what's the
rush? What is this, Reno?

Never go to Reno, girls.
The California community
property laws can't be beat.

The fact of
the matter is, Your Honor,

my client may be
considering remarriage.

How can she subject those
innocent children to this?
She's really sick.

Until this moment, I never
believed we were really
through.

Oh, don't give up, Mom. He'll
never really marry her.

It's just a typical male
midlife crisis. See, he's got
to prove that he's still

sexually attractive. My
dad's been going through
it.

-How long?
-11 years.

I need some jewelry.

Divorce-court patch. Hopefully
to be followed by the

remarriage-to-someone-better-
brighter-and-more-
appreciative-of-me patch.

Yeah. And that's why the
American Indian is responsible
for the turquoise jewelry

-movement.
-Oh, Sweet.

That makes
patches in 36 patches in
three weeks.

-Wow!
-I can't believe
that. That's so great.

-Is that a record
or something, Annie?
-It's unbelievable.

-Yeah.
-When do we get
our patches?

You get your
patches at the patch
ceremony. It's a little

due I'm cooking up, it'll
be at the Marina on a
boat. And we'll invite

your parents and we'll
have great goodies and
you'll love it. And the

only thing you have to do
is bring 750 for the
patches, and please

-r.s.v.p. by Thursday.
-I'm not coming.
It's stupid. It's stupid.

Emily!

What
happened?

-It's because of the 750. She
doesn't have it.
-Oh.

Emily!

Wait up, hon! Em! Yo, Em! Wait
up!

Emily! Emily, stop!
Will you stop?

-I'm sorry!
-Thank you.

I haven't been to jazzercise
in three weeks.

-I don't have the money.
-Sit down. Come
on, sit down. Okay.

Emily, I want to tell you
a story about a woman who
lived right here in

Beverly Hills and thought
that money was pretty
darn important. One day,

she went to Neiman-Marcus
for the linen sale, and
she...she got these

fabulous duvets and shams
and dust ruffles at 50%
off, 200-thread count.

And then she went to pay
for them, and the
salesgirl cut her credit

card in half in front of
a lot of people.

-Did you have to put
everything back?
-Yes.

-Wasn't it embarrassing?
-It was a
nightmare. I thought I

could never show my face
on Wilshire again. But I
was wrong. These things

happen. They happen to
everyone. Having money
isn't the most important

thing. The most important
thing is having friends.

-Especially friends with
money.
-Thank you.

-And the interest is only 10%
a week. Just kidding.
-Thanks.

Oh, you guys are
fabulous.

Oh, Chica, I'm so sorry that
your parents couldn't come
today.

They're in Caracas. Besides, I
wouldn't have invited
them anyway.

I think she's
really warming up. Don't
you? Can I have that wine

-over there? This needs
something.
-You can't put wine

-in hobo stew!
-Well, of course
you can. What goes better

with hobos than wine?

And in addition to the
patches earned by all the

girls, I am proud to
present to Tiffany
Honigman the friendship

patch, the shopping
patch, and the
jewelry-appraisal patch.

Aw, honey.
Oh, good.

And to Lily Marcigan for
teaching us how to launder
money and crush a revolution.

I'm proud to present the
international-affairs
patch. Congratulations.

Well done.

And to my lovely daughter,
Hannah, I'm proud to present
the best-daughter patch.

-Mom!
-Just kidding. Just kidding.
I'm sorry. Okay. To this total

stranger Hannah Nefler,
I'm proud to present the
sushi-appreciation patch,

the fire-prevention
patch, and the gardening-
with-glamour patch.

-I'm so proud of you.
-Ah, Fred!
-Ha!

-Aah!
-Oh, Lisa, too
bad! Are you okay, honey?

-God, damn it! Throw
me a lifesaver!
-No problem.

-Butterscotch or
wintergreen?
-What?

-Man.
-Oh, stop. She'll be all
right. Silicon is buoyant.

Encouraging drunkenness.
Materialism at its worst.

Bribery.
This woman is a complete
degenerate.

I think the evidence I have
shown here proves conclusively
beyond a shadow of a

doubt that the Beverly
Hills troop should be
stripped of their

uniforms and officially
disbanded. And that
Nefler woman should be

-tossed out on her butt.
-Tell me
something, Velda. How did

-you collect all this
information?
-Well, I cannot

-reveal my sources.
-Your sources
show that Mrs. Nefler has

taken an active interest
in these girls and
perhaps this troop has

finally found its niche.
I think we'll keep her on
for a while.

And by the way, Velda, we
don't go around tossing our
leaders out on their butts.

I guess that means
I don't have to spy on

-Mrs. Nefler anymore.
-Wrong, because now
is the time that we have

to redouble our efforts.
I think I'll have you
move in with that Nefler

-woman. That way, nothing
will get past you.
-Move in with her?

Attention, K-Mart
shoppers. Blue light
special, aisle 13.

The fumigator said
I may not be able to go
back into my apartment

-for weeks.
-Well, you can
stay here.

That's awfully
nice of you.

So what do you do for fun? Do
you have a boyfriend or
anything?

Well, it depends on what you
mean by boyfriend. If you mean
a man I go out with? No.

If you mean like a boy who's
just a friend? No.

Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Nefler.
It's Chica. She's downstairs.
She seems really upset.

Chica? Upset?
How can you tell?

Chica?
What's wrong, sweetheart?

I'd better go. It
was stupid of me to come
over here.

-Oh, no. Sit
down. Let's talk.
-I'd better go.

Well, at least
wait until I call your
parents to pick you up.

-My parents are in
Monte Carlo!
-Well, I guess it

will be a while before
they get here.

It was a last-minute trip.
They didn't mean to leave me
on my birthday.

(CRYING)

Oh, I'm sure
they didn't.

-They forgot her birthday.
-Pobrecita.

I'm sure they love you very
much.
Just give me 10 minutes.

ALL: Happy
birthday to you, happy
birthday to you.

Happy birthday,
dear Chica, happy
birthday to you. Yay!

And remember, any
hard-working troop that
sells more than a

thousand boxes will
attend the annual
Jamboree.

-That Jamboree
thing sounds fabulous.
-Mmm.

My troop is
definitely going. What is
a Jamboree?

How I love the
smell of cookies in the
morning. All right, let's

-begin with the M's.
- Bonjour,
commandant. Ca va bien?

Happy cookie day. I know
you're very busy, but I
wanted you to know that

my girls have earned
oodles of patches, and in
record time too.

I am fully aware
of what your troop has
done.

-Good, good.
-I happen to know
that those so-called

patches have nothing to
do with Wilderness ways
as I know them or anyone

-else in their right knows
them.
-I know that...

I have spoken with
Frances Temple, and I do
hereby revoke said

patches so that you and
those little froo-froos
do not prance around with

-them illicitly.
-Oh, please, don't...

Please nothing.
You will turn them in
before you leave here today!

Now, get off my
dock.

Let's start with Mar Vista.
How many boxes

-will you take, Mar Vista?
-40.

How many? I can't
hear you, Mar Vista!

-42?
-Next!

Ah, Culver City.
The lovely and talented Red
Feathers.

How many boxes are you
little soldiers going to

-take?
RED FEATHERS: 1,000!
-All right.

Well, maybe
Velda doesn't understand
our patches, but I'll

tell you something she
does understand, cookies.
And I think we could sell

enough that we could make
her eat her words. What
do you think?

She can have the
patches. I'm still a
Wilderness Girl.

-Thank you.
-No big deal. Too
many accessories clutter

-an outfit.
-Yes, they do.
-Normally, I'd

-ask for a refund, but
this one's on the house.
-Patches. We don't

need no stinking patches!
Now how many boxes of
cookies are we gonna sell?

You didn't call
Beverly Hills!

-Beverly Hills.
-2,000 boxes!
-Right.

Hi. What a
lovely shirt you're
wearing.

-Why, thank you.
-Would you like to
buy some Wilderness Girls

-cookies? It's for a very
good cause.
-I'm sorry, I

-already bought some.
-From who?
You did?

-From the cute
little girls with the red
feathers in their hats.

Sorry.

KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR: Hi.

Hello. We're selling cookies.
It's for a very good cause.
Would you like to buy some?

I would, but I just bought
four boxes from your friends.

You did?
BOTH: Our friends?

Yeah, you know, the ones
with red feathers?

Sorry.
BOTH: Red feathers.

Thank you, ma'am.
Woo!

-We did it, Mom!
-Nix on the mom
business.

Those stinking
horse feathers covered
every inch of our turf.

I don't
understand it. They
deliberately ruined it

for our girls. That's not
what this organization's
all about, is it?

Well, there are
some people in the
organization, one in

particular, who believe
that winning is what's
important, no matter who

you have to step on along
the way.

So as parents and friends,
you have a wonderful
opportunity to help our troop

and support these fabulous
little girls. What do you
think?

Look, if
all you're trying to do
is to sell 2,000 boxes of

-cookies, why don't we
just buy them?
-Well, I know, I

know. I thought about
that too. But you know,
it misses the point. The

girls need a chance to
get their neighbors
involved, do you know?

It enhances community
spirit.

Would you excuse me just a
moment?
Annie, will you take over?

Um...

-Good night, Dad.
-Good night, hon.

Good night,
sweetie.

(HONKING)

I believe you're being paged.

Boy, there's
quite a crowd in here,
isn't there?

Oh, well, you've
got your peanut butter.
You've got your vanilla.

-You've got your creams
which are...
-How about you?

-How's the new condo?
-Oh, it's great,
it's great, yeah. Got

-some furniture from
Divorshka. Yeah.
-Yeah. It'd be

(HONKING)

nice if you stayed for
the parents' meeting, you
know? It would mean a lot

-to Hannah.
-Gosh, I can't. I
mean, I got...

Oh, come on.
Look, it's just an hour.
She can pull into the

garage and wait...with
the motor running.

That certainly took long
enough. I thought maybe you
decided to move back in.

-Sorry.
-Well, what does she
want from you now?

Well, she wanted
me to stay for a meeting
about Hannah's troop.

Tick, tick, tick.
Boy, that woman's on a
total trip.

Well, the
Wilderness Girls are real
important to Hannah, you

know. And god, I don't
even know what to do. But
you're too young to

-understand this, but
she'll always be my wife.
-What?

-I said, "She'll
always be my daughter."
-You said, "She'll

-always be my wife."
-Oh, I couldn't
have said that.

-But you did.
-Well, I made a
huge mistake.

-Yeah, well, that
makes two of us.

Look, it's obvious we don't
have a solution here. Phyllis,
what's your plan?

The girls and I
talked about this, and we
came up with some great

ideas to get the whole
community involved. For
example.

Gather around,
you friends of mine.
We're Wilderness Girls

and it's cookie time.
We
work hard and we live it,

so buy a box and do your
share.
If you want the

-best, tasty you can find.
ALL: Yeah, yeah.

Chocolate chips
are one of a kind.

ALL: Yeah, yeah.
-Our peanut
butter treats will blow

-your mind.
ALL: Yeah, yeah.

-A box of them
would be so nice.
ALL: Box of.

Cheap at even
twice the price.

ALL: Twice the.
-I said come on

down, come on down.
It's
cookie time. It's cookie

time. It's cookie time.
It's cookie time, cookie
time.

Cookie time,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Here, catch!

Oh, I've got two
dollars. Oh, no exact
change. Thank you.

BOTH:
Cigarettes, cookies.
Cigars, cigarettes.

-Peanut butter or
mint?
Do you take

-American Express?
-We prefer Visa.

Oh, cookies always cause such
a fuss. Full
of sugar and spice, just

like us.
We need your
dough so don't you pause.

We're Wilderness Girls
and we're a real good
cause.

If you want to
taste this nice and sweet.

ALL: Yeah, yeah.

You won't find
something better to eat.

ALL: Yeah, yeah.
-Doesn't your
mouth deserve a treat?

ALL: Yeah, yeah.
-A box of them

-would be so nice.
-Nice.

Cheap at even
twice the price.

ALL: Twice the.
-I said come on
down, come on down.

It's
cookie time. It's cookie
time. It's cookie time.

It's cookie time, cookie
time, cookie time, cookie
time, cookie time.

About two
dollars.

Ms. Pia Zadora. She is
smashingly sheathed in this

She is smashingly sheathed in
this season's hottest style,

the Wilderness look.

Would you like to buy some
cookies?

-Would you like
some cookies?
-Oh, yes.

-You have to buy
them.
-Oh.

Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Clad in khaki for a lunch at

le bistro or a walk in the
woods.

-My broker says it's a
fabulous investment.
-Mrs. Phyllis Nefler.

-Ah!
-Mrs. Nefler is the culprit
behind this khaki mania.

And her ensemble is the
epitome of this season's
hottest trend.

Your mom is so
cool. She put this whole

-thing together.
-Yeah. She's
amazing. I just wish my

-dad could see it.
-Yeah.

Thank you, Robin. And if you
loved our haute couture ,

you'll adore our haute
cuisine .

Buy some cookies today.
It's khaki wishes and cookie
dreams.

You are so fabulous.

-No,
you're fabulous.
-No, you...

-No, you.
-You're fabulous,

(PHONE RINGING)

-Plendor here.
-Velda, Phyllis Nefler.

Listen, I have a
little surprise for you.
We didn't sell 2,000

-boxes of cookies.
-Well, that's no
surprise to me. I knew

-you couldn't.
- We sold 4,732
boxes. Isn't that

fabulous? Listen, the
Barnfells are throwing a
gala this evening, and

we'd love you to be there
for the check
presentation. Eight-ish,

black tie, 70 Hill Crest,
across from that garish
Suroc mansion. So, see

you then. Ta-ta.

It was a warm and sultry
evening.

She looked stunning.
Everything was going
wonderfully.

Thanks for
throwing this fabulous
party.

Oh, Phyllis, we want to thank
you for giving our little

girl a birthday party
while we were away. I am
terrible with dates.

-Yes.
-Everyone
was there. All the

Beverly Hills glitterati.
It all looked so
civilized, but really it

-was a black tied jungle.
-Tessa told
me your idea about using

-Emily's dad in my next
picture.
-Well...

I want you
to meet the new mob
father.

(MOBBISH GROAN)

-Fabulous.
-Thanks so
much for helping me out,

helping me get this part.
I couldn't get a job in
this town. And Emily

thanks you too.

Mrs. Nefler, meet Cinderella.

Oh, Annie, you
look fabulous. How did
this happen?

Well, Hannah did my makeup
and Rosa raided your closet.
You really like it?

Excuse me,
Cheech? Hi, I'd like you

-to meet Annie Herman.
-Annie Herman, boy-oy-oing.

-Wanna rassle? Are you
related to Pee-wee?
-Madam,

would you mind telling me
the truth? How many pairs
of shoes do you really have?

Why, what
are you implying, Mr. Christy?

Do you like
people to call you

-Dictator or just Dic?
-Oh, just
call me Bong Bong, please.

-May I call you Phyllis?
-Sure, sure... Bong bong.
(LAUGHS)

-Troop leader of
the year?
-Oh.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Sir, may I cut
in, dance with my wife?
-Certainly.

-It was a pleasure, Ms.
-And for me.

-Phil, I got to hand it to
you. You did it.
-I did?

Yeah. I mean, you
turned yourself around
completely.

-Well.
-Yeah. I got to
tell you something else,

you look...you look great.
It's different and everything,

but I mean,
it's softer somehow.

Yes. So, where's
Lisa? Or is past her bedtime?

Boy, way past,
I'll tell you. I'm not seeing
her anymore.

-Oh?
-No, and I'll tell

you something else. I am
really very, very proud of
you. I just had to say that.

Well, I'm kind
of proud of me too.

And there's
something very important
I have to talk to you about.

-Nefler.
-Oh, Velda. I'm

so glad you could make
it. This is our commander
in chief, Velda Plendor.

-This is my...this is
Freddy Nefler.
-Hey, how you

doin'? Pleasure to meet
you. Well, I guess we can
talk about it later?

-Sure, sure, of
course we can.
-So, I guess you

have something for me
first?
Yes, absolument .

Attencion, mes amis,
attencion .

I want you all to welcome our
esteemed

district leader, Velda
Plendor, who's been
gracious enough to stop

by to acknowledge the
achievement of our
fabulous Beverly Hills

Wilderness Girls.

And next it's on to the annual
Jamboree where our

girls will compete for
the ultimate honor of
being next year's poster

troop. And we're going to win.

I guess my big break came when
I was playing Ace, a
photographer on the Love Boat.

-Oh, you were good.
-Thanks.

-Do you know Gopher?
-Yeah,
he's a good friend of mine.

You traitor. Look
at you, you cheap, slut.

-Your next stop is K-Mart.
-Screw you, Velda.

-I don't usually talk that
way.
-I like it. You are very sexy.

Really.

So, you don't hate me anymore?

Oh, Fred. I
never hated you. I was
angry with you and I was hurt.

But now I realize
that our splitting up was
positive.

-Positive?
-Well,
constructive.

-I feel like I've grown a lot
in the last few months.
-Boy, yeah, you really have.

-So what was it you wanted to
talk to me about?
-Hannah.

Hannah?

-Yeah.
-What about
Hannah?

Well, you know, I
realized that ever since
we've been separated,

Phil, which is...how much
she means to me and I
just think that when the

divorce is final, I want
joint custody of Hannah
and...

That's what you
wanted to talk to me
about?

Yeah, and I sure
didn't want to hurt you,
Phil, but you know, she's

my daughter too and I'd
like her to spend some
time with me, say like on

-the weekends. I'd like to
get through...
-Good night, Freddy.

Aah! Aah,

I'm drowning. Oh, god. I'm...

Hey, I'm going through a
divorce.
CROWD: Ooh.

(KNOCKING)
Come in.

-Hannah, I washed
your yellow sweatshirt.
-Thanks, Mom.

Rosa will be back before you
do anymore of my laundry,
won't she?

-Yeah, I guess so.
-Where'd she go, anyway?

-Mexico. Her
grandmother died.
-Again?

Oh, you're
taking your Laura Ashley doll?

Dad thought I should keep some
stuff at his house.

There's plenty
food in the freezer. If
you need anything, just

call me. You've got Dad's
number. And don't stay up
too late, okay?

Thank you. I'm a
grown up person, I think
I can take care of myself.

Are you ready,
Peaches?

-Coming, Dad. Bye, Mom.
-Have fun.

-I love you, Hannah.
-Love you too.

(DOORBELL)

Hannah?

Did you forget
something, honey? I bet you
thought that was pretty cute

-last night, didn't you,
Nefler?
-What?

Putting on that
little show for all your
hotsy-totsy friends?

Well, you didn't just
embarrass me, you
embarrassed the

-Wilderness Girls of
America.
-I never intended

-on embarrassing anyone.
-Oh, you're
dangerous, Nefler. You

think this is all a game,
don't you? Well, my
Jamboree is no joke.

That's the real
wilderness out there.
It's not some Beverly

Hills backyard. You got
mountains, swamps, wild
animals. They don't take

credit cards. I'm warning
you, Nefler. Somebody is
gonna get hurt, and it's

gonna be all your fault.

Well, the reason you're
winning is I got

-grease on my controller.
Want some more pizza?
-I'm stuffed.

-How about some
more soda?
-No, I'm fine.

You're tired of
the game? Okay, let's go
to 31 Flavors. I'm ready,

-come on.
-Dad, will you
please stop. You don't

have to feed me and
entertain me every
second.

-You mean, I'm
trying too hard?
-A little.

-Sorry.
-I know this is
hard for you and Mom, but

it's really hard for me
too. I feel like a
ping-pong ball.

-I just wish that you guys
would get back together again.
-Oh, come here.

So do I, Peaches.

Phyllis!
Are you upstairs? My god.

This looks like a scene
out of Valley of the
Dawns.

Give me another
bottle of Evian.

Don't you think you've had
enough?

Shut up and bring me the
bottle.

-My life is over.
-I brought
up your mail.

There's something from a
family court.

I want these burned and the
ashes scattered over Forest
Blonde.

Come on,
get up. I'll make you a
cappuccino and we'll go

over to Betsy's and we'll
play some doubles.

-I'm not going anywhere.
-You cannot
just lie there. Come on,

-we'll go to Rodolfo's.
-I've lost my
will to shop.

-Phyllis,
that's not funny.
-Velda was mean,

but she was right. It's
one thing to try and
convince myself that I'm

a real troop leader, but
to lead you girls into
danger just to save my

own pride would be
criminal. And I won't do it.

Now I want to say

that I have loved our
times together,

and I will treasure them...
always.

-But it's over now.
-Girls?

-Sorry, Mrs. Nefler, but a
deal's a deal. You can't quit.
-You wouldn't let

-me run away. And we won't
let you either.
-Don't you realize

what you've done for us?

-You're our role model.
-And our friend.

Mrs. Nefler, you
took a group of
over-indulged,

unmotivated, alienated,
preadolescents and gave
us renewed sense of

-self-esteem.
-I think what she
means to say is that you

-made us like ourselves.
-We're a team
now. We can win any

competition. We can whoop
the wilderness. We ain't
scared of nothin' as long

as we have you.

They're right, Phil.
You've come too far to quit
now.

(TRUMPET SOUNDING)

And now the main
event of the annual

Wilderness Jamboree is
survival competition.
Each troop must follow

the path that is
designated by your color
flag. Our blue flags were

for our Beverly Hills
sisters, but it appears
that they've opted not to

compete.

So to the rest
of you, I say good luck.
May the best troop win.

On your marks, get
set...what is that noise?

(CARS HONKING)

What is that noise?

Careful,
careful, easy. Yeah, here
we come. Yeah.

Get your damn car
out of my friendship
ring.

-Hi, Vel. Lovely
to see you too.
-Okay, fine, on

your mark, get set, go.
WILDERNESS GIRLS: Ew.
Aw.

(CHEERING)

Come on, we have
to hurry. We have to get
to that table with the

-blue banner. Put on those
arm bands. Come on.
-Oh, the table

-with the blue banners,
girls.
-There should be a

-map and a compass.
-Just a second,
Herman. Only Wilderness

Girls and troop leaders
are allowed to
participate in this.

-I'm an assistant
troop leader.
-Yeah.

Not anymore you
aren't. I just fired you.

-What? Are you kidding me?
-She can't do that. That's
not fair.

Oh, and Nefler,
you better get moving.
It's 20 miles to the

nearest campsite and it's
about a hundred miles to
the nearest four-star hotel.

Take your pick.
Phyllis?
Hm?

I can't let you
take the girls out there
alone.

-Why not?
-Because you get
lost in your walk-in closet.

Not anymore.
We've got a map here. The

route is marked. We just
follow the little blue
flags, right?

-Right.
-Yeah.
-We'll be fine.

We're Troop Beverly
Hills.

-Yeah!
-We are winners!
Okay, let's go.

Remember, the
troop that gets back here
in the shortest time

wins. You'll be timed
from here to the midpoint
tonight. Bivouac there

and then tomorrow you
race into the finish
line, got it?

Sure, sure, I
got it.
-Do you know how to

-use a compass?
-I can learn.
-Don't worry, Mom.

-I can do it.
-Is that a snake?
-No, it's not.

-Emily, is that
poison oak?
-Gross, yuck.

Okay now, north
is that way. Which way is
the campsite?

I can do this.
Gucci's just north of
Wilshire, the Beverly

Wilshire Hotel is west. I
think the campsite is at
Cartier, so to speak.

You guys, there's
a blue flag.

(GROANING)

That can's a little rusty.

All right, another blue flag.

Annie...something's kind

-of fishy here.
-Where are you?
We're standing

-in a jungle of reeds with
goo up to our ankles.
-It sounds like

-Dead Man swamp.
-Oh, good.

Annie, do...do rattle snakes

-live in swamps?
-Oh, no, they hate
water.

Oh, god, thank
god. Thanks, Annie.
Water moccasins

live in swamps. They're
just as deadly, but they
don't make any noise

-before they strike.
-Aaah!

-Aaah!
-Philly? Phyllis?
Are you there? Phyllis?

-Phyllis?
-What an
adventure. Isn't nature

fabulous, girls?

Aah!

Oh, good spirit, Tiffany.
Good spirit, girls. You have
positive words for me, and I

get their second wind. Aaah!

(SCREAMS)

Six hours, 27 minutes.

Anytime now, those
Red Feathers will come
out over that horizon.

The new record time for
the first half of this
competition.

RED FEATHERS: We're
number one. We're number
one. We're...

Ah, there they are.
RED FEATHERS: We're number

-one. We're number one...
-Aaah!

Oh, no. Oh, no.
Whoa, whoa, halt. Nefler.
Aah!

You're gonna pay
for this. Yes, you are.

Redondo Beach, seven hours 21
minutes. Pomona, seven
hours and four minutes.

Red Feathers, six hours
29 minutes. Beverly
Hills, six hours, 28 and

-a half minutes.
-Do you hear that? I
thought you said we were

-gonna win?
-You are. Just
leave it to me. Grundman?

-Yes,
sir...ma'am.
-I'm gonna be

taking over tomorrow.
You're going too sick to
continue.

I am?

There's been a
slight change of plans.

Mrs. Grundman is gravely
ill. I have no other
option but to lead the

-Red Feathers myself.
-What? That's not
fair.

That's not fair.
She mapped out the
course.

The second leg of
the competition will
begin on my command.

Ready, set, go. Come on,
come on. Come on. Come
on. Come on.

Because that
buffalo butt is breaking
every rule by joining

those little monsters
doesn't mean we can't be
good sports, right?

ALL: Right!
-Yeah, we play by

-the rules, right?
ALL: Right!

And we're gonna
win, right?

ALL: Right!
Right. Five,
six, seven, eight.

We're the girls from
Beverly Hills.

One, two, three,
four.

Shopping is our greatest
skill.
Five, six,

seven, eight.
We will fight and try real
hard.

One, two, three,
four.

Leave behind our credit
card.

Five, six,
seven, eight.

Beverly Hills, what a
thrill. Beverly Hills,
what a thrill. Beverly

Hills, what a thrill.
Beverly Hills, what a
thrill. Beverly Hills,

what a thrill. Beverly
Hills, what a thrill.

Oh, no. Well,

au revoir, ma jamboree.
Well, hey, you know, we
got into the woods. And

we had a nice time. It's
a crock of shit. Damn it,
damn it, damn it, damn it!

-Just once I would
like to go the distance.
-Mom.

It really frosts
my cookies that we have
worked so hard and we

-have come so far and now
we have to stop.
-Not necessarily.

Look.

-Wait, wait, no. No, I
can't let you do this.
-I can do it, Mom.

-It's just like the
balance beam.
-This is no

balance beam, honey. This
isn't even a bridge. This
is a log. It's very

treacherous and that is a
very, very deep ravine.
Only an idiot would walk

-across that. I'm going to
do it.
-Mom, you're

afraid of heights. You
fell off the garden mall
when you were spying on Dad.

I wasn't spying
on Dad. I was checking on

my azaleas. I was spying
on Dad. But that's not
really the point here.

The point is that I'm the
adult. I'm the
responsible one. And for

-a change, I'm gonna take
care of you.
-You always have.

-I have?
-Yeah. Me and
seven other girls.

-Yeah, you're a
lucky kid.
-Be careful.

Okay. If I get
across...when, when I get
across, I want you to go

down to the bridge, tie a
rock on the loose end,
and throw it across to me.

-Okay?
-Okay.

I am the log. I
am the ravine. I am
scared.

(GASPS)

-This isn't so bad.
-Mom!
-Ow!

-Be careful,
Hannah.
-I'm coming, Mom.

-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.
-Concentrate.

-Go slower.
-Hannah, go back.
-No. I'm not gonna

-let you stay out here.
Aah!
-Hannah!

-Mom, my foot's
stuck.
-Oh, good. Oh, god.

Okay. Here I come.

-Stay right there.
-Hannah, try.

I'm comin'.

Let's push.

Push hard.
Don't lose your balance.

Okay, I'm gonna turn
around. Is your foot all
right?

-Yeah, it's okay.
-Okay, okay.
Don't look down. Here we

go. Take my hand, honey.
I distinctly remember
telling you to stay off

this log. Of course what
do I know? I'm just your
mother.

-I'm sorry.
-Oh, sure, easy
to say that now, you're

sorry. But will you
listen the next time? I'd
just like someone to

listen. Sometimes you're
as stubborn as your
father.

-Aah!
-We did it! We
did it! Oh, honey.

-Mom, you're a hero.
-Wait, oh, stop.

It was nothing. It wasn't
that bad. It was awful.
It was awful, but we made

it. Okay, go down to the
bridge, go down to the
bridge.

Damn. Those little
bimbesses are really
starting to bug me. All

right, screw the flags,
girls. I know a shortcut.
Come on. Come on, come

I don't know, Ms.
Plendor. The map says

this areas is for hunters
and trappers only. It
might be dangerous.

It is only
dangerous when you don't
know what you're doing.

-Ankle!
-This is
unbelievable. We haven't

-lost that much time.
-Really?
-Let me see the map.

Wouldn't it be
bizarre if we won?

-Hey, we already won.
-What do you mean?

Well, we didn't
quit. And we didn't
cheat. And we didn't call

home when we were in
trouble. We were a team.
We won.

-We did.
-You're right.
-Yeah.

Now let's beat
those suckers at their
own game.

Yeah, let's go.

It's broken. Jamie,
some rations and some
water.

Oh, come on,
you're not gonna leave me
here.

You're dead weight.
Besides, after we win,
we'll send someone back

-to get to you. Come on,
Red Feathers, move on.
-Cleo! I was in

labor with you for 17
hours.

I bought you your first...
I have patches, girls!

I can get you into
West Point. You little
bitches!

-Oh, my god, what
was that?
-Don't worry. It

-was probably just one of
nature's beasts.
-I hate children! I hate them!

Yep, it's a
beast all right.

Move out.

-Ow. Hey.
-How bad is it, Tessa?

Well, there's
multiple contusions and

possibly a cracked
fibula. And a severe
personality disorder.

There's a nurse
at the finish line.
What's the quickest way

-we can get you there?
-Oh, no. Mm-mm, you
don't want to help me,

you just want to know the
quickest way to get there
so you can win.

Well, blow it out your
barracks bag, sweetheart, you
can leave me behind because

-I'm not talking.
-Well, let's leave her.

We've already lost
a lot of time because of
her.

-Besides, she hates us.
-Why should we

-lose just to help her?
-Well, it's a
real moral dilemma, isn't

it, girls? We could help
a fellow Wilderness Girl
as we swore we would when

-we pledged the Wilderness
promise.
-That's right.

Or we could
leave her here and pursue
our own personal glory.

Well, she is ravaged by
vicious beasts, toyed
with by lonely mountain

men...really lonely
mountain men.

I leave it up to you.

Huddle.

I think we should leave her,
she's just a

-pain. Go tell her.
-Ms. Nefler, she's history.
We're out of here.

-Oh, come on.
-Come on, guys. We did swear.

I knew I could
count on your girls to do

-the right thing.
-Stop or I'll bust
out crying. I knew I

-could count on you losers
to do the wimpy thing.
-You need your rest.

As the
girls are clearing the

woods, I want to a tight
close-up on Tessa. Stay
with her. And we're gonna

whip pan to the rest of
the woods. Now the theme
of the shot is victory.

I think I see
somebody.
RED FEATHERS: We're

number one. We're number
one. We're number one.
We're number one.

-It's the Red
Feathers.
-Oh, dear.

Hearty congratulations to the
winners of our annual
Wilderness Jamboree, the

Culver City Red Feathers.
RED FEATHERS: Aah!

-Thank you, Mrs. Temple. On
behalf of the other Feathers
and myself, we felt good. We

were pumped. We came to
win and we won. I'd like
to think that the other

three troops gave a real
run for our money, but
they didn't.

Oh, wait a
minute, dear. Wait,
where's...where's your

-mother?
-I don't know. Give
me the trophy.

Eh, eh, dear,
the rules specifically
state that the trophy

goes to the first entire
troop to cross the finish
line. No leader, no

-trophy.
-Give me the trophy.

-Get your footing, girls.
Going down the hill please.
-Look.

Come on, Jamie.

Look, they're dragging
something.

-Looks like an
animal.
-Oh, must be

-Velda.
CROWD: Yay! Yay!

The Red Feathers came in
without a leader, therefore,

they are disqualified. And the
winners are Troop Beverly
Hills.

(CHEERING)

-No!
-We did it, we did it!

No, no, no, no, no
way! You're not even

Wilderness Girls. None of
you are. I'm the only
real Wilderness Girl.

Does she strike
you as being minus a few
buttons?

Oh, I'll tell you
about the buttons, you
senile old bag.

I may be old and
I may be senile, but the
only thing that's bagged

-around here is you.
You're fired.
-Oh, fine. I really

care. So what? Who cares?
I don't need you. I don't
need anybody. I'm gonna

secede from the national
organization. Yeah,
that's it. I'll secede

and I'll form my own
organization, yeah,
Plendor's Pilgrims.

That's it, Plendor's
Pilgrim. No, wait a
minute, wait a minute,

Plendor's Pioneers. How's
that? That's perfect.
What about Velda's

-Avengers?
-I'm sorry to see
you go. She always fun at

our Halloween party. And
I'm sorry we don't have a
trophy for you.

-Oh, well, we
don't need a trophy, huh?
Yeah. I mean, all

we wanted to do was to
prove we were real
Wilderness Girls.

Well, whoever
said you weren't?

Velda.

I wish Dad were here.

I know. Me too.

Oh, you did it. I
am so proud of you. I

-knew you could do it. You
were great.
-Mom did it.

-May I kiss the
troop leader?
-It's okay with me.

I'm sorry, Phil.
I love you, wilderness girl.

Oh, Fred. I love
you, muffler man.

It's about time
you two grew up.

-I think we should get
married.
-Again.

Five, six, seven, eight.
We're the girls from

Beverly Hills.
One, two, three, four.
Shopping was our

greatest skill.
Five, six, seven, eight.

After all it's
said and done.

One, two, three, four.
EVERYONE: Beverly Hills
is number one!

Five, six, seven, eight.
Beverly Hills, what a thrill.
Beverly Hills, what a

thrill. Beverly Hills,
what a thrill. Beverly
Hills...

What a thrill!
Beverly Hills,
what a thrill. Beverly

Hills, what a thrill.
Beverly Hills, what a
thrill.

Attention, K-Mart
shoppers, blue light
special on aisle 13.

Cookies.