Original subtitles

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ travel down the road and back again ♪

♪ your heart is true ♪

♪ you're a pal and a confidante ♪

♪ and if you threw a party ♪

♪ invited everyone you knew ♪

♪ you would see ♪

♪ the biggest gift would be from me ♪

♪ and the card attached would say ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪♪

Captioning made possible by witt/thomas/harris productions, cbs television network,

And 1992 nci caption club/ grantsmanship

Hey, blanche.

Boy, business stinks.

Just three tables all day,

And I've only made $7.00 in tips.

I need to make money.

Maybe I should wear a shorter skirt.

Maybe you should just threaten to.

What silly thing do you need ney for now?

Those teeth look just fine.

They're loaners.

What happened?

You may not know this,

But not many foreign beers have twist-off tops.

Hey, chuy,

You got any old cans lying around?

There's some in the recycling bin.

Why?

I have to raise 50 bucks by Friday.

My class is going to water world this weekend.

It costs $25 to get in.

Why do you need 50?

Because.

Because why?

Because.

♪ whoo, someone's got a girlfriend ♪

[kissing noises]

Hey, cut it out, o.K.?

She's a friend who happens to be a girl.

♪ ooh, someone's got a girlfriend ♪♪

[kissing noises]

Hey, stop it, you guys.

What's going on in here?

Nothing. Oliver's decided to raise some money

For a very worthy cause--

His new girlfriend.

[kissing noises]

All right. All right.

Hey, is everybody busting your chops about this, kid,

Making that "woo woo" sound?

Yeah.

Well, good. You won't mind when I do it.

Woo woo!

Hey, cut it out, you guys.

We'll talk about this later, man to man.

All right, roland. Later.

Chuy, I need $5.00 quick.

Well...O.K. Here.

Oh, thanks.

Ah, what's the problem?

That women I was serving

Doesn't have any money to pay her check.

Rose...

You can't help every deadbeat who comes in here.

She's not a deadbeat.

Her name is vivian, and she's very sweet.

She misplaced her wallet, that's all.

You don't need money. This is our restaurant.

If you want to pick up somebody's check, sign for it.

I know that.

I'm not stupid.

This is my tip.

Oh, roland,

I'm here, you know,

If you need any help

Talking to oliver about dating.

Oh, yeah.

I guess it's about time

I had that little talk with him about...

You know.

Sex.

You can say it. It's not a dirty word.

Go ahead and say it.

Sex.

O.K. When chuy says it, it's a dirty word.

We have to face the fact.

Oliver's growing up, and he needs the truth.

I just hadn't anticipated this happening so soon.

Just yesterday I saw him in his room,

Making animals with rose's play doh fun factory.

And now I got to tell him about...

Sex.

Man, will you stop saying that?

I just wish I knew what to tell him.

My mama told me that sex was a woman's duty.

That was the word she used.

Duty.

I guess I've been a proud little soldier since.

Soldier? You're a four-star general.

I salute you.

Golden palace.

No, sir. We don't serve chinese food.

This is the golden pace hotel.

You want the golden palace restaurant.

Another call for that chinese restaurant?

Glad business is good for somebody.

7 bucks in tips,

Then we get stiffed on the old lady's bill.

Forgot my purse.

I used that line when I was in my 70s.

Whoever this vivian is,

Rose sure does like her.

Probably because she's been willing to listen

To st. Olaf stories for about an hour.

[telephone rings]

Golden palace.

No, we don't serve any chinese food.

This is the golden palace hotel.

Get a lot of those calls?

About 20 a day.

Really?

20 a day.

Ka-ching!

May I say something?

I--you remind me in so many ways

Of my mother.

We used to do this a lot.

You know, have lunches

And just gossiping and telling stories.

I'd forgotten how much I missed those talks.

If you'd like, why don't you just call me mama?

That's what everyone calls me anyway.

Mama?

All right.

That's what I'll call you from now on.

More tea, mama?

No, thank you, charlene.

Who's charlene?

Well, you are, silly.

Honestly, charlene,

I don't have time for these games of yours.

Mama is very tired now.

Oh, my god.

Uh,

Vivian...Mama,

Do you have a phone number

Where I can call your husband?

Charlene...

Daddy is in germany now

Fighting in the war.

But I'll tell you this.

Mr. Hitler better start running

If he meets up with your daddy

Before he has had his coffee.

Mama's going to take a little nap now.

Uh, will you walk me to my room, charlene?

Of course...

Mama.

If you'll just wait one second.

Is that the woman who lost her purse?

Among other things.

Where's roland?

Oh, he's in the office.

Give me a key to an empty room.

I'll explain later.

Explain what?

Oh, my goodness. I know you.

Uh, well, I'm roland wilson.

I'm the manager here.

You don't fool me, mr. Liberace.

Say what?

It's nap time.

I want to talk to liberace.

Excuse us, ma'am. Rose...

I'm a little worried about this.

You don't need to be.

You don't look a thing like liberace.

Well, except when you walk.

Rose, I think your friend has some problems.

Roland, she's in trouble.

Maybe she was abandoned.

I've read about this.

People dump their elderly.

It happens all the time.

Well, maybe she's just lost.

In any event, don't get in over your head.

I'm going to go the accountant.

Call the police.

We're all liable if anything happens to this woman.

O.K.

O.K.

Mr. Liberace,

Will you be playing in town anytime soon?

Ma'am, I'm-- I'm noliberace.

Oh, there's that famous walk again!

Why don't we go upstairs?

Oh, the poor thing.

Can you imagine living in that kind of fantasy world?

Every day I thank the lord I still have my mind.

[telephone rings]

Golden palace.

Oh, yeah.

We have, uh, chinese takeout.

Three orders of moo goo gai pan...

Two won ton.

Your name?

O.K.

My name?

Who me?

Yeah, that's it. Hu mee.

Hey, hey.

How much money have you saved for your date?

Who me?

That name's already taken.

How much?

About 30 bucks.

How about investing it

And make real money fast?

O.K. I'll get my money.

Hey you. Who me?

I don't want to have to tell you again.

I'm hu mee. You're hey yoo.

I like it.

Ka-ching!

[telephone rings]

Golden palace.

Oh, yes, mr. Gross.

One moo shoo pork

And three pot sticrs.

We'll have that to you in less than 30 minutes or...

Or it'll take longer.

Rose. Rose, hold it.

Hold it right there.

An old woman upstairs asked if she can swim in my piano-shaped pool.

Who do you suppose that could be?

No idea.

Rose, vivian's in this hotel.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Charlene, look. Your favorite.

Bubbles.

And I'm offended that you'd even say such a thing.

Rose, why didn't you call the police?

They'd put her in a shelter.

She can't take that.

Rose, I don't think this is a good idea.

That's what I told my sister

When she wanted to put mother in a home.

She convinced me it was for the best.

It wasn't.

They took good care of her,

But she was scared.

And in a few weeks,

The damage had been done.

I've spent the last six years

Wishing I had it to do all over again.

So I've made a decision.

Until we find out where she belongs,

Vivian lives here.

Nnot keepep vivian at this hotel.

I told you, roland.

I have reasons. You wouldn't understand.

You think you know what--

No, roland. I do know what I'm doing.

Rose.

Rose, wait a minute.

Roland, no use.

You cannot talk to her when she's that way.

She's stubborn.

Seven years

She worked on that rubik's cube.

Seven years.

[whistles]

And that was just to get it out of the box.

But seriously,

I'll go talk to her.

[telephone rings]

Golden palace.

You want to change your order

To four pot stickers?

My name?

Who me?

No, I don't have a cold,

And I didn't take your order.

Who would come up with a ridiculous name--

Sophia!

Sophia!

We need another sizzling rice,

And we're low on fortune cookies.

O.K. Got it.

What the hell's going on?

Nothing. Normal lunch.

Get out.

You're taking those chinese restaurant orders.

Oh, I am not.

[speaking chinese]

[speaking chinese]

O.K., so I am.

Who is she?

Uh, that's dr. Fong. She's a friend of mine.

She's also one of the best acupuncturists in the country.

She also makes a mean butterfly shrimp.

Butterfly shrimp.

Look, you can't do this.

We're doing this for the kid.

He needs money for his big date.

After his class trip, he can take her to a movie.

Oh, well, how much have you raised so far?

$1,200.

$1,200 for a movie?

Popcorn?

All right, here's the deal.

Pay oliver back, plus a little profit for his date.

Pay dr. Fong for her work,

Deduct the cost of the food,

And give the rest to the golden palace restaurant.

Give back the money? We earned it.

You took another man's business. That's not ethical.

Hey, it's a dog-eat-dog world.

Dog?

No cook dog.

Rose, as for vivian,

You know she can't stay here.

Roland, I stayed up all night

Talking with this woman.

I don't know who she is,

But I know her.

She thinks I'm her daughter.

Blanche, what do you think?

$1,200 is a lot of money.

We ought to serve chinese food all the time.

What would you do about vivian?

Who me?

Leave me out of this!

So, you want to know what I think?

Vivian really ought to be with her real family,

Not a fantasy.

If there's a chance they could find her, she'd want to take it.

I understand this is hard,

But what if someone's looking for vivian?

What if they think she's lost forever?

At least in a home, there's a chance she'll be found.

I'll call the police.

Excuse me.

Vivian's having tea in the dining room.

I don't want to watch them take her away.

You're doing what's right.

I know.

Mrs. Nylund?

We're here to pick up the elderly woman.

Her name is vivian.

Yes, ma'am.

Listen, we have some papers for you to sign.

Is there anywhere we--

Back office.

Can't she stay with me?

I'm sorry, mrs. Nylund.

She'll be well taken care of.

This way.

Would you like me to freshen that up for you?

Thank you.

Where's charlene?

I haven't seen her since morning.

She cares for you very much.

Try to remember that.

She only wants to do what's best for you.

We all want to.

What's the matter, consuela?

Well, you just relax

While I get you a nice glass of juice.

Would you like that?

Sure, but not apple.

I'd like to walk out of here tonight.

[sighs]

Oh, god, I wish there was a way out of this.

Come on, vivian.

You're going for a ride.

What?

No, you got the wrong old lady.

I'm consuela.

I mean sophia.

My name is sophia. Sane as a rock.

Come on. Test me.

Test me.

O.K. Let's go. Come on.

You got the wrong lady.

You got the wrong old lady.

Help!

I don't want to go! Help!

Don't listen.

Trust me. We did the right thing.

I know. I know.

Hey, hey.

You ready to tell the kid

About all the birdies and the bees?

Are you kidding? I've read three books on psychology,

Four books on biology, and...

Shelley winters' autobiography.

And might I add, yecchh!

Man, you can't teach a kid about sex from books.

Especially with the mtv generation.

Man, you need visuals,

Which is why I picked up these guys.

Puppets?

I'm not teaching oliver about sex with some puppets.

I wrote this little puppet play and everything.

Don't you want to hear it?

I knew one day my love of puppet plays

Would get me in trouble. Go ahead.

You'll like this one.

O.K.

Ahem.

This is called long day's journey into puberty

By chuy castillos.

O.K.

♪ ah, la-la la-la ♪

♪ la la la ♪

♪ da-da da-da da-da da-da ♪♪

Whoa!

Rrrr!

[screech]

Uh, excuse me, lady.

Uh, you dropped something--

My jaw!

Ha ha ha ha!

Uh, what's your name?

I'm susie bad girl.

Ooh.

Susie bad girl.

I've heard about you.

There's a bunch of things

I'm not supposed to do with you.

Oh, yeah? Like what?

And then it gets real technical.

What--

What do you think?

If you only see one puppet play this year,

Run to long day's journey into puberty.

Thank you. Thank you.

Look, here comes the kid.

Get those away from me.

Bye.

Get out of here.

See you later, chuy.

Uh, you wanted to see me, rol?

Yeah, oliver. Have a seat.

Ahem.

Look, oliver, you're beginning to grow up,

And as you get older,

You...Uh...

As the butterfly soon turns into a--a--

A moth...

A young boy's passing fancies

Soon turn to...

Pollen.

And, uh...

In--in 1953,

Shelley winters met marlon brando

On the set of on the waterfront.

If you're going to tell me about sex,

You don't have to.

They're teaching it next semester at school.

If that's the way you want to go, o.K.

If there's anything you don't understand,

Anything at all,

I'm here for you.

Well, I do have one question.

Oh, god.

Is it normal not to care about sex?

Like amy, this girl I'm taking to water world.

I like her as a friend.

Is that normal?

Yes, that's normal.

That's perfectly normal.

Don't ever be in a hurry to grow up.

You're just a kid for a little while.

Enjoy it.

Thanks, rol. I will.

All right.

Chuy did his puppet play without me?

Who played susie bad girl?

Hey, I thought they were taking vivian away.

They did about an hour ago.

No, they didn't. She's outside.

Oh, there you are.

Oh, no.

She came back, roland.

She must've escaped.

It's a sign.

If she'd escaped, the police would've called us.

I don't care what happened,

It's not going to happen again.

From now on, vivian lives here, and that's final.

Where's sophia?

You--you don't think they took sophia.

We've got to straighten this out.

Hey, what's the rush?

I'm home!

Mama!

Charlene.

You had me so worried.

Charlene was looking for her down at the shelter.

I finally talked these guys into bringing us here.

Mrs. Petrillo,

Again, I apologize.

And I'm sorry I made you frisk me so many times.

Yeah. It's not like we're even.

Sophia told us what you did.

You probably saved mama's life.

I was worried sick.

I've been looking all over for her.

Thank you.

Oh, no. Please. It was a pleasure.

Your mother's a wonderful woman.

You promise you'll bring mama back to visit us?

We will.

Oh, mr. Liberace.

My daughter has never heard you play,

And I was wondering--

Look, ma'am, really, I--I can't.

Come on, lee. What do you say?

Aw, what the hell?

[playing I'll be seeing you]

Isn't he wonderful?

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.