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SUSAN: And that's the news.
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But before we sign off, we'd like
to congratulate our very own Evan Baxter,
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who has just been elected
Buffalo's representative to Congress.
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And, now, we have a surprise for Evan.
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No, you don't.
We do.
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Oh, no. I really didn't expect this.
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Here's a look back at his run for office.
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What are we gonna do?
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ALL: Change the world!
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That's right!
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ALL: Baxter! Baxter! Baxter!
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Hi.
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ALL: Baxter! Baxter!
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That's right!
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I feel like that old Indian
in front of all the garbage.
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So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter
for Eyewitness News. Good night.
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GPS: Huntsville, Virginia.
Prestige Crest, four miles.
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What did we do before GPS?
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Nothing.
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Guys, Dad's very proud of his new car.
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Hey, I am proud of my new car.
Look, I'm a politician now.
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I'm in the public eye, and as you know,
when you are in the public eye,
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image is everything, isn't it?
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EVAN: Here it is! Welcome to the good life.
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Hey, guys, why the long faces?
We're off on a new adventure!
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It's just we're going to miss our friends.
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You'll make new friends, better friends.
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Yeah, richer friends.
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Do not mouth off to me, sir.
I am the boss of you.
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And let me tell you something,
you guys are gonna love this place.
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And you know what? I think there's
something for our fishermen up there.
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EVAN: Baxter family,
this is what's called a scenic vista.
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And I don't think the big man himself
could do a better job. Pretty cool, huh?
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Hey, Dad, an iguana can stay underwater
for 28 minutes.
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What's that?
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And a shrimp's heart is in its head.
Really?
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Okay, someone's had enough Animal Planet
for one lifetime.
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Yeah, let's head out! Come on.
The best is yet to come!
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EVAN: Gentlemen, I have saved
the best for last.
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Look over to the right.
That is your new home.
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JORDAN: That's our house?
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Uh-huh.
JOAN: I don't remember it being
this big in the brochure.
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Was it this big in the brochure?
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EVAN: Pretty amazing, isn't it?
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There they are!
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Is this curb appeal or what?
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Here we go!
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Honey, I think you're blocking my photo.
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Sorry.
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All right, everybody! Say "escrow"!
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Escrow
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RYAN: Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Go. Go. Go.
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EVAN: Guys, easy.
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This is our house?
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MAN: Careful!
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JOAN: Honey, be careful!
EVAN: Watch it!
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Are you kidding me?
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Mom, can we go upstairs?
JOAN: Yep.
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And I get my own room, right?
Yep.
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Mr. Baxter, could you give us some
direction on these kitchen cabinets?
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Sure.
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Okay, it's between your maple
and your old-growth Brazilian cherry.
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That is nice! Which is best?
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Well, if you're not sensitive
to that "save the rainforest" stuff,
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you can't beat the Brazilian cherry.
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It's 200, 300 years old.
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Three hundred years.
Three hundred.
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Wow. That is old.
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And now you are going to hold my dishes.
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That's right. You going with the cherry?
Cheery cherry!
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Yeah. Definitely.
He's going with the cherry!
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RYAN: Dad, look!
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No, no, no!
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Ryan, do not touch him, please!
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Oh, no, no, no, no, get him away!
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No. He might have lice, fleas,
maggots or something.
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You do not play with stray dogs
because they are very...
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No, no! Get away, get away! Go!
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Okay. Oh, no, no, no.
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He's thirsty.
No, no, no.
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No, you don't! There we go.
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Well, Ryan, he's a stray.
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If we give him water,
he's just going to come back.
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Come on, Dad, why can't we keep him?
I mean, we've got a new house.
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Okay, Ryan, this is why we can't keep him.
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They are stinky. They are smelly.
They get hair all over the place.
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They get a little thing called the mange.
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In a nutshell, he is disgusting.
Case in point.
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EVAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
this concludes day one
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of the Baxters' new and exciting life.
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I have to do the new house dance.
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Wow! That dance?
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Mmm-hmm.
That's a good new house dance.
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Thank you.
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You know, those boys were having
so much fun tonight,
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I thought I would never get them to bed.
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And then Ryan did the cutest thing.
He asked if we could all pray together.
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Really? What did you pray about?
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He met a dog. What do you think
he prayed for?
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(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)
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Just a walking petri dish, that dog.
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And Jordan was very precise.
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He prayed for good visibility, good weather
on the hiking trip tomorrow.
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The hiking trip? Oh, right. Yeah.
The hiking trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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You wanna know what I prayed for?
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Yeah. What did you pray for?
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I prayed we would become closer
as a family.
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Honey, you don't need to pray for that
to happen. I will make that happen.
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(SIGHING)
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What would you pray for?
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Me? I don't know. Praying just...
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(SIGHING)
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Honey, you're the one who said
you wanted to change the world.
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It's a pretty big job.
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If it were me,
I would take all the help I could get.
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(CROWD CHEERING)
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WOMAN OVER TV: Former Buffalo News
anchor, Evan Baxter, takes office tomorrow
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to make good on a lofty campaign promise.
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What are we going to do?
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ALL: Change the world!
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WOMAN OVER TV: Good luck, Congressman.
Many have tried, many have failed.
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Hello!
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This is Regina Sparks reporting for...
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(SIGHING)
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(CLEARING THROAT)
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Hello, there. Hi.
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This is Evan Baxter.
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Just wanted to say thank you for everything.
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Thank you for the new car and for the house.
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The house is great. I love it.
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I mean, I picked it out,
but you created matter and everything, so...
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I just wanted to say that I think
Joan makes a good point,
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and that I am now in a position
of great power,
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and I know that with great power
comes great responsibility.
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So, God,
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(CLEARING THROAT)
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Please help me change the world.
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Okay. That's it. I'm hanging up now.
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God bless... Well, you. Okay.
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(ALARM RINGING)
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What? That's weird.
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What?
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I set the alarm for 7:00.
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(MOTOR WHIRRING)
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(GRUNTING)
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(SNEEZING)
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(GRUNTING)
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I am successful. I am powerful.
I am handsome.
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I am happy, successful,
powerful, handsome, happy.
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All right, everyone, wish me luck.
The Congressman has left the building.
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All right, Baxter brood, I will see you
later on this afternoon for the big hike. Yes?
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EVAN: You psyched? Are you ready?
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ALL: Yeah.
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Bye. See you.
Good luck, honey.
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Bye, guys!
See you later.
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Later, gator.
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(EXCLAIMING)
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Oh, gosh.
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Wow. Honey, did you order anything?
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"Alpha and Omega Hardware"?
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JOAN: Never heard of them.
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Me either.
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What do we have?
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(GASPING)
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What is this stuff?
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Must have the wrong address.
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Yup. The wrong address.
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WOMAN: Congressman Baxter.
Good morning.
Good morning.
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00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,000
MAN 1: Good morning,
Congressman Baxter.
Hello.
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00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,500
MAN 2: Good morning,
Congressman Baxter.
Good morning.
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Oh, this is so cool.
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00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:16,700
Uh-huh.
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Yeah. This'll work.
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There he is! The head honcho.
The big kahuna.
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Rita, I think I have to do the dance.
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Do the dance.
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00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,300
(GRUNTING)
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That's enough of the dance.
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00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,000
Oh, this is nice! This is really nice!
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00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,700
This is too nice.
There's something crooked going on.
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00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,000
Do you smell anthrax?
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Congressman!
Hey, Marty!
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Nice sound to that.
I like it.
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Here they are!
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00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,600
(ALL CHEERING)
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All right.
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You remember Sarah, Allen, Michael.
188
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,400
I don't think you know the new kid
Eugene Tennanbaum. I found him at G.W.
189
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:51,600
Sort of a walking search engine. Watch this.
How many stars on the flag in 1818?
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00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:52,700
15.
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00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,700
And Congressman Baxter's coffee habits?
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00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,800
He likes a morning latte with a cruller,
a decaf espresso after lunch,
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served sans pastry of any kind.
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Very impressive. A little freaky,
but I like this kid.
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00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:03,900
(LAUGHING) I love you.
196
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:05,900
Hmm?
197
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:09,900
I mean, we should hang out socially.
I just got a ping-pong table.
198
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,500
Not going to happen.
199
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,800
Go find out where his license plates are.
Everybody else, back to your holes.
200
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:15,900
EUGENE: He was actually right.
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00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,800
I'm doing a background check on that kid.
202
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:22,600
Ta-da! This, my friend, is a power office,
to remind you of the mission!
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00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,100
BOTH: "Change the world!"
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00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,900
Okay, Evan, who do you know?
What do you mean?
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00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,900
Oh, come on.
Yesterday we're in the basement.
206
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,800
Today, look at this place.
It's like the Emerald City!
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00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:33,200
"Enjoy your office.
Your neighbor, Congressman Long."
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00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,500
Congressman Long did this?
Did you say "neighbor"?
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00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,400
That's right. He lives in Prestige Crest,
right up the street.
210
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:42,300
Evan, you got to tell me these things.
Think of the publicity angle on this!
211
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,800
You and Congressman Long
having a barbecue.
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00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,800
Congressman Long eating your hot dog.
213
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,500
RITA: Hate to break up
your little weenie roast.
214
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,300
Congressman Long's assistant
just dropped this off.
215
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,700
The Congressman would like for you
216
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,000
to junior cosponsor this bill
that he's introducing.
217
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:59,400
Hold on. Congressman Long asked us to
junior cosponsor his bill? What's the bill?
218
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,100
The Citizens' Integration of Public Lands Act.
219
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:05,400
Never heard of it. Gene, here, now.
Rita, why didn't you tell me about this?
220
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,600
I just did.
221
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,300
You need to tell me about it
before I need to know about it.
222
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,500
Marty, you are not the vice congressman.
I am the legislative...
223
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,400
Nobody voted for you. If Evan gets shot
in the head, you do not automatically...
224
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,400
If Evan got shot in the head,
you're the first suspect.
225
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,500
Play nice. Play nice.
226
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,600
All right, Eugene, Congressman Long's bill.
What is it?
227
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:22,700
HR7124, better known as CINPLAN.
228
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,500
The bill would open up fringe areas
of the national parks for development.
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00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,900
Long's been sitting on it for ages...
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00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,100
Got it. Pause. Come on, Evan, this is huge.
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00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:30,600
You hitch your wagon to the right star,
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00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,900
you could ride all the way down
to Pennsylvania Avenue.
233
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,300
This is day one.
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00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,600
You got your name on a major piece
of legislation!
235
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,600
Oh, and another thing,
he wants you to read it today.
236
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,300
Well, I can't do it today.
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00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:42,500
I promised my kids...
Eugene.
238
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,500
Well, sir, there's a time clock on the bill.
239
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,600
If Congressman Long wants to
pass it this quarter,
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00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,800
he's going to have to introduce it
to the committee immediately.
241
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:51,500
I'm personally going with whatever
Congressman Baxter decides,
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00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,500
because if I could be like one man,
it'd be him.
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00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,900
Either him or Kareem.
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00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,100
Can I tase him?
245
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,200
Gene! Heel!
246
00:12:58,300 --> 00:12:59,700
It'd probably be you.
247
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,500
Come on, Evan, this is it!
This is why we came here!
248
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,500
It's world-changing time!
249
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,600
(EXCLAIMING)
250
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,700
Hey, anybody home?
251
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,100
Come on. We're in here!
252
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,900
Hey, guys.
253
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:16,700
Dad, guess what? I got all your stuff
packed up so that we can...
254
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:19,200
What's wrong?
255
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,800
We're not going, are we?
256
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:26,800
First things first.
I have been asked to junior cosponsor a bill.
257
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,500
Yeah.
258
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,000
See? I told you. And you owe me five bucks.
259
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,500
Whoa, whoa, guys.
260
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,400
Hey. Hey, we said we would
have to make sacrifices, right?
261
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,800
DYLAN: Yeah. Whatever.
New house, same old dad.
262
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,900
Hey, I'm the one who has to read this thing!
263
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,300
Hey. Did you hear?
Junior cosponsor of a bill.
264
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:50,300
Okay, Ry, let's clean all this stuff up.
Dad's got work to do.
265
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,500
(ALARM RINGING)
266
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,900
No. It's 6:14.
267
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,900
Of course. Voodoo clock speaks again.
268
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,500
What the...
269
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:27,800
Hey! Hey! Hey! No. Okay.
270
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,900
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! What's going on?
271
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,300
I got a delivery for Evan Baxter!
272
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,200
Yeah, that's not mine. I didn't order that!
273
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:39,000
I just deliver, guy, huh?
You got a complaint, call the number!
274
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:43,000
No! Hey! Listen! We are 416, not 614!
275
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:47,400
You've got the wrong house!
You can't leave that there!
276
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,000
Listen! Listen!
277
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,200
That's going to leave a brown patch!
278
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,100
I am a U.S. Congressman!
279
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,800
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)
280
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:05,800
(PHONE RINGING)
281
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,000
Dad, what are you doing? I'm watching this.
282
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,700
Genesis 6:14.
283
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,100
Gen 6:14.
284
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,500
Joan! Do we have a Bible anywhere?
285
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,900
Genesis 6:14.
286
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:31,400
"Make thee an ark of gopher wood..."
287
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,400
Gopher wood.
288
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,500
GOD: "Go-four-wood." Get it?
289
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,000
Well, it's not really gopher wood.
I just like the wordplay.
290
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,400
No, it's pine and maple.
291
00:15:57,500 --> 00:16:01,000
It was clear-cut from this valley
to make room for all those houses.
292
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,700
Excuse me. Do I know you?
293
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,300
Not as well as I'd like.
294
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,700
I see you got my housewarming gift.
295
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,300
That was you? You sent those?
296
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,000
What are they for? Hey! Hey.
297
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,700
Genesis, chapter six, verse fourteen.
298
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:18,700
I want you to build an ark.
299
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,100
You want me to build an ark.
300
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,400
Yes.
301
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:27,500
So that's why the tools.
And you are responsible for the wood?
302
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,600
All right. Well, let's just start over.
303
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,100
(CLEARING THROAT)
304
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,800
Hello, I am Evan...
305
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,400
Evan Baxter. Born June 15, 1962.
306
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:38,900
Eight pounds, 11 ounces.
307
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,500
Mother's Carroll Ann Parker.
Father, Eugene Evan Baxter.
308
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,600
(EXCLAIMING)
309
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,400
You have internet access. Very impressive.
Do you also have cable?
310
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,900
You're a clean freak. You care much
too much about your outward appearance.
311
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,600
Your left nipple is a quarter inch higher
than your right nipple.
312
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:55,700
And when you were a little boy,
you were afraid of Gumby.
313
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,300
Who are you?
314
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,800
I'm God.
315
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:02,500
You're God?
316
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:07,800
Yes. And I want you, Evan Baxter,
to build an ark.
317
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:13,900
Okay. You know what? This conversation
is a little thing I like to call over!
318
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,900
But I got to get going,
because, frankly, I have an ark to build.
319
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,000
Busy, busy, busy, busy. Nice meeting you.
Take care. Oh, and...
320
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,700
All right, see you later!
321
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,500
Shake it off, Evan. It's over.
The nutcase is gone.
322
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,800
I am successful, I'm powerful,
I'm handsome, I'm happy.
323
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,100
Successful, powerful, handsome, happy.
324
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,300
(SCREAMING)
325
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,700
Get it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
326
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,900
How did you get in here?
I'm calling the cops.
327
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,900
Oh, no. No need! Look! Look.
There's one right there. Right there.
328
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:55,400
Officer! Officer! Officer! Carjacker!
Carjacker in the car! Carjacker in the car!
329
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,300
(GASPING)
330
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,500
Careful pulling out.
Pedestrian in the crosswalk.
331
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:08,300
(EXCLAIMING IN DISBELIEF)
332
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,400
(CAR HONKING)
333
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:12,500
(TIRES SCREECHING)
334
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,600
(STAMMERING)
335
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:22,300
(ELEVATOR BELL RINGING)
336
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,100
(EXCLAIMS)
337
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,000
Shake it off, shake it off!
Shake it off, shake it off!
338
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,300
Good morning, chief!
339
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:42,300
(EXCLAIMING)
340
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,600
Good morning, Rita.
341
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,200
You almost scared me to death!
What's wrong with you?
342
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,200
Nothing. Just sort of a weird ride in.
343
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,300
Weird how?
344
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,800
It was just a weird ride in.
345
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,900
Okay, well, thanks for clarifying.
346
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,400
Here's your mail and your schedule.
Okay.
347
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,800
And they finally fixed the phones.
My new extension is 614.
348
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,200
614.
349
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:04,600
Yeah. 614?
350
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:05,800
Right.
351
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,000
You want me to write that down?
352
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,900
I'd rather you didn't.
353
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,200
MARTY: Good morning.
354
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,800
Hey, Long came through with that seat
on the House Resource Committee.
355
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:18,400
You stuck in your thumb
and pulled out a plum, my friend.
356
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,400
Also, the new Congressional plates
just came in.
357
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,900
Gene, plates, now.
And Alex at the Buffalo office had her baby.
358
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,800
Boy or girl?
A little boy. And here he is.
359
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,000
Just as cute as a button. Not bad
for such an ugly woman. Weighed in at...
360
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:30,800
Six pounds, 14 ounces.
361
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,800
How'd you know that?
362
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:33,900
Lucky guess.
363
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,000
(EXCLAIMING)
364
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:40,000
Hot, hot, hot! Hot off the press!
It's a joke. Here are your plates, sir.
365
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,100
(GASPS)
366
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,400
MARTY: Those are rock-star plates, man.
You can park anywhere.
367
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,500
You can't be sitting in a chair.
368
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,100
You've got a committee meeting
in five minutes.
369
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:51,100
Come on, BMIC, Big Man in Congress.
Evan Baxter, the shark on the move.
370
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,300
(HAMMER POUNDING)
371
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,600
MAN: House Resources Committee
is now in order.
372
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,800
The Chair recognizes the congresswoman
from Tennessee
373
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,400
to lead the Pledge of Allegiance.
374
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,600
CONGRESSWOMAN:
I pledge allegiance to the flag...
375
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,000
ALL: I pledge allegiance to the flag
376
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,800
of the United States of America
377
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:14,500
and to the Republic, for which it stands...
378
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,500
...one nation, under me...
ALL: One nation, under God...
379
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:20,700
ALL: Indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.
380
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,500
How long do you want to do this, son?
I've got all eternity.
381
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,200
(ALL GASPING)
382
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,600
(CLAMORING)
383
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,100
(WHISTLING)
384
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,700
Hey. You okay, young man?
385
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,800
What happened?
You fainted.
386
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,700
Dropped like a leaf
during the Pledge of Allegiance.
387
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,300
Chuck Long,
Resources Committee Chairman.
388
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,000
Oh. Oh. Congressman Long. Yes.
Oh, I'm so sorry about...
389
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:54,200
Forget it! Many a man's been humbled
by his first day in Congress.
390
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,600
So, how'd you like that office?
391
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:57,600
Oh, it was great. Yes. Thank you, sir.
392
00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:59,800
Not bad for a freshman dorm room, huh?
393
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:01,900
So here's the skinny.
394
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:04,000
I'm bringing you into my land use bill
395
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,200
because you strike me as the type of guy
who knows how to hit the ground running.
396
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,800
Yes, sir. I read the bill, and it's great.
I just had a few questions.
397
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,000
Hey, I wrote the thing
and I have a few questions.
398
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:16,300
We'll get to the questions later.
So, you with us?
399
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,900
Yes, sir. I'm in.
Wonderful!
400
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,000
I'll need you to put that into
a letter of intent,
401
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,400
as soon as you're feeling up to it,
of course. You get yourself better.
402
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,000
Enjoy that office.
403
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,400
Thank you, sir.
404
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:30,100
He's exhausted from reading that bill.
I got woozy from just carrying it.
405
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:31,500
Evan, sit down.
406
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,600
Evan, what happened to you?
407
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,900
You can't faint during the Pledge
of Allegiance. It's un-American.
408
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,300
Oh, good. The doctor's here.
409
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:37,400
Say "ah."
410
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,800
(GASPING)
411
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:42,900
Just go home, get some rest
and start on that ark. You hear me?
412
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,100
(CHUCKLES)
413
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,200
Evan?
414
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:55,100
O.K.
God warned noah about the great flood was coming...
415
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,500
Noah build the ark for his wife and 3 sons...
416
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:01,600
(CHATTERING)
417
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,800
The ark was 300 qubics long and
50 qubics high
418
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,900
(DOOR OPEN)
Heyyy!
419
00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:11,000
What are you doing?
Hmmm...
420
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,600
Going over Todd's Bill?
421
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,400
Yea...That's what i was looking at...
Oh man...
422
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,700
...there's a lot...
...a lot of research to do on it
423
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,400
You know David, you have every right
to be freaked out
424
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:24,500
I'm not freaked out, why would i be freaked out?
425
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,600
I'm freaking out, because of the future
just listen you just got a new job ...
426
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:32,800
...and then with this freaking bill your working on...
...sofort and on and on...
427
00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:35,900
The name is stressed
428
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,000
Oh no honey, i've known you 20 years...
...i know your stressed
429
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,500
(KIDS CHATTERING)
430
00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:47,900
They're getting to much sugar in they're blood
431
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,500
Thank you honey
-O.K.
432
00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,600
She's right
This is cracy
433
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,900
I'm just stressed and you are gone
434
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:04,700
Good Morning
435
00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:05,500
Good Morning
436
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,400
Good Morning, how are you?
437
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,500
Somebody is in a good mood
438
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:15,300
I am, i thought about what you said and
you're right, i need to get my head on straight
439
00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:18,800
Guess what?
this weekend we're going on a Hike-ing trip
440
00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:21,700
Hurray... Yeeaa... high five it
We're going on a hiking trip
441
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,000
We're gonna have a rightess hiking trip
442
00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:26,000
Hey dad look!
2 doves that's supose to be good luck
443
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,100
Well today must be my lucky day
444
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,200
Bye guys
Bye bye
445
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,400
Good morning kitty
Keep moving... break it up
446
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:56,100
Hey!
When you're on my lawn keep it in your pot!
447
00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:06,400
Ohh... ohh... hey!
Thank's for sharing
448
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,300
(ANIMALS CHATTERING)
449
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,300
(BIRDS COOING)
450
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:15,600
(EVAN EXCLAIMING)
451
00:25:23,100 --> 00:25:24,300
MARTY: You're right on time.
452
00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:27,700
Long just called. He's on his way with the
powers that be. Who are they, Gene? Talk.
453
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,900
Congressman Jim Dodd,
head of Ways and Means.
454
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:32,200
But don't worry, sir,
he's definitely not "way mean."
455
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:33,900
That's speculation.
I don't know him personally...
456
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,200
That's too much, Gene. Who else?
457
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:37,200
Congressman Richard Stamp,
head of Commerce,
458
00:25:37,300 --> 00:25:38,800
and Bob Hughes is Transportation.
459
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,100
I have a draft of your support letter.
460
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,100
Sounds like a plan.
Are you all right?
461
00:25:42,100 --> 00:25:43,100
I'm good.
462
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,000
You sure you're good? Okay.
463
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,200
Good morning, chief.
Good morning, Rita.
464
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:49,500
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
465
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,400
You don't look so good.
That's what I said.
466
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,400
You're all jumpy. Are you on that Fen-Phen?
467
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:55,500
Guys, I'm fine. I'll be inside.
468
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,000
(EXHALING)
469
00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:06,500
(CAWING)
470
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:09,900
No, no, no, no.
471
00:26:10,900 --> 00:26:15,600
No. Okay. No, no. No. No, no. No.
472
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:19,500
No, no, no. Oh, my gosh!
473
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:24,900
Guys! No, no! Get out! Get out! Oh, my hair!
474
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,600
Gentlemen, welcome.
What an honor to have you here.
475
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,000
I'm Marty Stringer.
I'm Congressman Baxter's chief of staff.
476
00:26:30,100 --> 00:26:32,200
This is Rita Daniels, his executive assistant.
477
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:34,200
RITA: Are you ready, sir?
478
00:26:34,300 --> 00:26:38,400
Just a minute. No, no, no, no.
Dirty, dirty, dirty! Big one!
479
00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:41,900
Baxter's only a freshman, sir, but I think
you'll find he is locked and loaded.
480
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,000
Good. Maybe this young stud can help me
get these old mares on board.
481
00:26:45,100 --> 00:26:46,200
Oh, you'll be impressed.
482
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:48,800
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
483
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,900
Gentlemen, good to see you.
484
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,700
Do you want to explain yourself,
Congressman? What is going on?
485
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,900
Oh, these
486
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,600
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
487
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,300
Are birds.
488
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,000
What are they doing here?
How did they get in here?
489
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,800
Well, that is an excellent question.
490
00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:13,200
And my response to said question is,
491
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,100
they are trained
492
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,200
aviaries, sir.
493
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:19,200
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
494
00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:22,700
Let me make you see
what I'm talking about.
495
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:29,500
I can make any sort of movement,
and they will not get off!
496
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,900
Do you have a point, Congressman?
497
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,600
Hey, guys, what's the point?
498
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:37,300
What's my point?
499
00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:38,600
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
500
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:40,100
I'll tell you.
501
00:27:40,100 --> 00:27:42,300
The point is
502
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:46,800
that man
503
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,500
needs to dominate creatures
504
00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:54,800
and, ultimately, man must
505
00:27:55,700 --> 00:27:59,200
dictate what happens in this country.
506
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:03,100
(SIGHING)
507
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,500
God bless America.
508
00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:07,500
(BIRDS CAWING)
509
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:08,800
I couldn't agree more.
510
00:28:08,900 --> 00:28:10,400
You have got to be kidding me.
511
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:11,700
CONGRESSMAN: No, of course not.
512
00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:15,500
We lost a huge project last year
because of the red-headed woodpecker.
513
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,500
Those environmentalists got so up in arms
514
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,500
over the potential disappearance
of one stupid bird...
515
00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:21,900
Yeah, birds are stupid sometimes.
516
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,700
...we lost over $25 million in business.
517
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,900
I see where you're going with this,
Congressman. Good work!
518
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,600
Your little display has obviously
hit a chord. Gentlemen.
519
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:33,800
(LONG CHUCKLING)
520
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:40,800
From now on, let's keep the surprises
to a maximum of, say, none. Understood?
521
00:28:40,900 --> 00:28:42,600
Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.
522
00:28:42,900 --> 00:28:44,700
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
523
00:28:52,700 --> 00:28:55,900
Evan, that was brilliant. Risky, but brilliant.
524
00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:57,700
(MARTY EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)
525
00:28:58,500 --> 00:28:59,600
What the...
526
00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:04,700
I'll tell you one thing, these birds had
a nice big meal before they flew in here.
527
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,200
You want me to get my BB gun?
528
00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:08,500
You know what I want you to do?
I want you to open the door.
529
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:09,600
Open the door?
530
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:10,800
Just open the door!
531
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,100
Close the door after I leave! Just do it!
532
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,200
Okay.
533
00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:17,200
One, two, three!
534
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,500
Man, if I get the bird flu,
he is paying for my medical bills!
535
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:27,900
(TIRES SCREECHING)
536
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:33,900
(GASPS)
537
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:35,000
(TIRES SCREECHING)
538
00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:36,700
(SHEEP BLEATING)
539
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:38,700
Sheep!
540
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:39,700
(RACCOONS CHATTERING)
541
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:41,800
(GASPS)
542
00:29:44,900 --> 00:29:45,900
(HISSING)
543
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,400
Oh, no.
544
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:57,300
Oh, gosh.
545
00:29:58,100 --> 00:29:59,500
(EXCLAIMING)
546
00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:01,400
Go, go, go! Get out!
547
00:30:04,300 --> 00:30:06,200
(EVAN SCREAMING)
548
00:30:24,100 --> 00:30:25,100
(DONKEY BRAYING)
549
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,200
(COWS MOOING)
550
00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:28,700
Okay. No.
551
00:30:28,900 --> 00:30:30,100
(EVAN EXCLAIMING)
552
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,500
No. No.
553
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:38,100
I'm not doing this. It's insane!
554
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,300
No!
555
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,000
Enough already!
556
00:30:43,100 --> 00:30:45,500
See, if you had an ark,
you'd have a place to put them all.
557
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,400
Why are you doing this? Why me?
558
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:48,500
(HORSE WHINNYING)
559
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:49,500
(SHEEP BLEATING)
560
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:53,000
It's not time yet. Go on. Go on.
561
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:54,900
Yeah, go on.
562
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,200
So how about it?
Feel like living on the edge?
563
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,300
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
564
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,600
Beautiful, isn't it?
I remember creating this valley.
565
00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:15,000
Notice how the mountains line up
east to west.
566
00:31:15,100 --> 00:31:17,500
That's so there'd be lots of sunshine.
567
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,000
Where are we?
568
00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:20,400
(CHUCKLING)
569
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,200
Don't recognize it, eh?
570
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,400
No.
571
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,700
This is where you live, son.
This is Prestige Crest.
572
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,500
I wanted you to see the original design.
573
00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:49,700
So, you're really him, aren't you?
574
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,200
You want more proof? I haven't done
the pillar of salt thing in a while.
575
00:31:53,300 --> 00:31:56,900
That's all right. I believe you. I just...
I don't understand why you chose me.
576
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,800
You want to change the world, son.
577
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,400
So do I.
578
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:08,400
What? Well, why an ark?
I mean, that's like flood territory.
579
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:12,800
You wouldn't do that again.
You wouldn't do that. Would you do that?
580
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:15,600
Let's just say that whatever I do,
581
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,300
I do because I love you.
582
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,500
Well, then you have to understand
that this whole building-an-ark thing
583
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:25,000
is really not part of my plans here.
584
00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:28,000
I need to settle into my house.
I need to make a good impression at work.
585
00:32:28,100 --> 00:32:29,500
(LAUGHING)
586
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:30,800
What?
587
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:32,400
Your plans. That's just...
588
00:32:35,500 --> 00:32:36,900
What are you talking...
589
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,500
We're talking about an ark, right?
I mean, an ark?
590
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:43,000
An ark is huge!
I don't even know where I would begin!
591
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,900
Well, I hear that a lot.
592
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,600
People want to change the world,
don't know how to begin.
593
00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:53,900
You want to know
how to change the world, son?
594
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,800
One act of random kindness at a time.
595
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,900
Build the ark.
596
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,000
I'll tell you what. You build it, I'll fill it.
597
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:16,500
And if anybody asks,
tell them a flood's coming.
598
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,100
Oh, and you might need this.
599
00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:28,900
Well, okay. Okay, so what do I do?
I grab the wood and...
600
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,500
Well, okay.
601
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,900
You know, that's just cruel.
602
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:37,000
Do you see him?
603
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,600
I don't see him.
604
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,100
"Building an Ark the Old-Fashioned Way."
605
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,700
"God is the creator of
the Heavens and the Earth.
606
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:54,700
"He lives in all things and has over
six billion seven hundred million children."
607
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:04,800
(ALARM RINGING)
608
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:16,200
(EXCLAIMING)
609
00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:19,400
JOAN: Honey? You okay?
You need something?
610
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,700
No, nothing. Just dropped something.
611
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,800
(EXCLAIMING)
612
00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:02,400
Okay. Okay.
613
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:10,800
Yeah.
614
00:35:10,900 --> 00:35:13,900
There we go. Okay.
615
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:20,800
(EXCLAIMS)
616
00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:24,400
Come on. I mean, a beard?
A beard's so dirty.
617
00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:27,300
Gross!
618
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,600
JOAN: Packing, so it would really help me
out if you would...
619
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:30,700
Good morning.
620
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:31,900
Hey, hey, hey, good morning.
621
00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:32,900
(CHUCKLING)
622
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,300
Wow.
623
00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:36,900
What's with the scruffle, mountain man?
624
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:42,300
Oh, well, you know, I figured it was
a weekend, and I thought...
625
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:43,500
JOAN: What?
626
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:44,600
(MUTTERING)
627
00:35:44,700 --> 00:35:45,900
(BOTH GIGGLING)
628
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:49,300
Honey, did I miss something?
How long have you been growing that?
629
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,400
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
630
00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:51,600
I'll get the door!
631
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,300
Congratulations!
632
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:55,700
What are you talking about?
633
00:35:55,700 --> 00:35:58,600
The lots. You bought the lots next door!
634
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:00,600
Hello!
635
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:02,600
Oh...
636
00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:11,100
And pulling the down payment out of
your home equity? Very gutsy move.
637
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,400
I didn't do that, did I?
638
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,000
You sure did. So what's your plan?
What are you gonna do?
639
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,200
Turn them for a quick profit?
Build them out on spec?
640
00:36:20,100 --> 00:36:23,800
Who wants champagne? Hip, hip hooray!
641
00:36:23,900 --> 00:36:24,900
(EVE WHOOPING)
642
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,400
You bought eight lots?
643
00:36:28,500 --> 00:36:30,900
Yup. I was going to surprise you.
644
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,600
"Surprise, surprise, surprise." Gomer Pyle.
645
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:37,600
(LAUGHING)
646
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,200
What are you doing?
We can't afford that.
647
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,600
Hey, Mom. John Lennon,
good to see you again.
648
00:36:42,700 --> 00:36:44,300
Good to see you.
649
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:45,500
(EXHALING)
650
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,200
And eight lots? What are you going to
do with eight lots?
651
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,900
I don't know.
Maybe I'll build a boat.
652
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,800
Did you say "build a boat"?
653
00:36:54,900 --> 00:36:56,700
It might be something fun for the family.
654
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:00,000
We could take the boat,
go sailing on the lake.
655
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,000
It'd be great in case it floods or something.
656
00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:05,100
What is going on with you?
657
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:09,300
You bought all those lots
and you're talking about building a boat.
658
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,300
Yeah.
And you grow this crazy beard!
659
00:37:11,300 --> 00:37:12,900
Is this, like, a midlife crisis?
660
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,300
It's not that bad!
661
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,400
It's not?
No.
662
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:17,300
Why do you think they call it a crisis?
663
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,600
(KIDS CLAMORING)
664
00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:20,600
Hey, keep it down, you guys! Okay?
665
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,800
Oh, my God.
666
00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:25,200
Honey?
667
00:37:25,300 --> 00:37:26,600
Oh, my God.
668
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,000
Honey?
669
00:37:29,100 --> 00:37:30,100
(SNIFFLING)
670
00:37:31,100 --> 00:37:33,100
I know this sounds crazy.
671
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,600
I really think I need to do this.
672
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,400
Okay.
673
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:43,800
Build your boat.
674
00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:47,300
Just don't take too long, okay?
675
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:52,600
Because we didn't leave our lives in Buffalo
so you could sail the S.S. Depression.
676
00:37:58,300 --> 00:37:59,300
(THUDDING)
677
00:38:12,100 --> 00:38:13,300
Here we go.
678
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:17,000
Gentlemen, I'm sure you're all wondering
why I've assembled you here today.
679
00:38:17,100 --> 00:38:19,900
An Argentine lake duck has
a penis as long as its body.
680
00:38:19,900 --> 00:38:21,900
Wow, that's huge. He must be proud.
681
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:26,200
So, I have come up with a little
construction project for us this weekend.
682
00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:27,400
The whole weekend?
683
00:38:27,500 --> 00:38:28,900
The whole weekend. Yes!
684
00:38:29,100 --> 00:38:30,800
And maybe a couple weekends after that.
685
00:38:30,900 --> 00:38:33,100
I can do this. Help!
686
00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:34,300
(GRUNTING)
687
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,300
How do I stand up with a piece of wood?
Here we go.
688
00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:38,800
(JUST LIKE NOAH'S ARK PLAYING)
689
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,500
Oh, man. Okay, that's good.
690
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:41,600
(GROANING)
691
00:38:42,100 --> 00:38:45,800
Mother! Father! Sister! Brother! Wow!
692
00:38:45,900 --> 00:38:47,500
EVAN: Keep it straight.
693
00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:49,700
(GRUNTING)
694
00:38:50,900 --> 00:38:52,600
Hey, Dad, he's back!
695
00:38:52,900 --> 00:38:54,400
Ryan, no, don't do...
696
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:55,500
Ow!
697
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,400
Leverage it up! Leverage. Okay.
698
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,000
Just put some leverage.
You got to put some body weight.
699
00:39:01,100 --> 00:39:03,100
Ready? One, two, three. Come on.
700
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:04,700
(WOOD SNAPPING)
701
00:39:04,900 --> 00:39:05,800
(EXCLAIMING)
702
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,100
(THUDDING)
703
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,800
Oh, I'm an idiot.
704
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:12,300
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Congressman.
Why do you have raw beef hands?"
705
00:39:12,300 --> 00:39:14,400
"Well, I'm building an ark."
706
00:39:15,700 --> 00:39:16,800
(GROANING)
707
00:39:16,900 --> 00:39:20,200
I got a boo-boo! I got a boo-boo!
I got a boo-boo!
708
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:30,900
You ever hear of Home Depot?
Here we go! Here we go! Oh, yeah!
709
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,600
(SCATTING)
710
00:39:32,900 --> 00:39:33,900
(THUDDING)
711
00:39:34,500 --> 00:39:35,400
(GRUNTING)
712
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,100
(GROANING)
713
00:39:41,100 --> 00:39:45,100
All right. So our little Marlboro Man
moment didn't work out so well.
714
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,100
It's a disaster. I don't know
how to build something like this.
715
00:39:48,100 --> 00:39:49,800
That's easy. Just don't.
716
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:51,600
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
717
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,200
Wow.
718
00:39:55,300 --> 00:39:56,300
(PHONE RINGING)
719
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,100
Hello.
720
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,300
Yes, Marty. Your fearless leader is right here.
721
00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:03,600
Hey, Marty, what's up?
722
00:40:13,100 --> 00:40:15,700
Yes, I'll tell him. Thank you.
723
00:40:18,900 --> 00:40:21,300
I might need security. Thank you.
724
00:40:23,900 --> 00:40:25,200
Can I help you?
725
00:40:25,500 --> 00:40:26,600
Rita, it's me.
726
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:30,600
Why do you sound like Evan Baxter,
but look like a Bee Gee?
727
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:32,100
Okay. All right.
728
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,500
Okay, that's great. It's longer.
729
00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:38,400
Oh, my God. It is you.
730
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,100
Evan, what happened?
731
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,300
Did you fall in a mine shaft?
732
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,400
No.
733
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:44,500
Did you just come out of a coma?
734
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:45,600
No.
735
00:40:45,700 --> 00:40:47,900
Were you attacked by a werewolf?
736
00:40:47,900 --> 00:40:49,200
No, I wasn't.
737
00:40:49,300 --> 00:40:52,200
Well, if you were going for that rugged look,
you overshot it.
738
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,800
You look like a bum in a suit.
739
00:40:53,900 --> 00:40:56,000
You need Super cuts and a shave.
740
00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:57,400
(EXCLAIMING)
741
00:40:57,500 --> 00:40:59,600
Right! Yeah. But I can't. It doesn't work.
742
00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:01,300
What do you mean, it doesn't work?
743
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:02,700
It doesn't work!
744
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,500
What? Are you shooting up Rogaine?
745
00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:08,000
Rita, if Evan shows up... I'm sorry, sir.
I'll be with you in just one...
746
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,800
Evan?
Take it in. Take it in.
747
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:12,600
Okay, yeah, to answer any questions
you may have,
748
00:41:12,700 --> 00:41:14,800
I am going through adult puberty!
749
00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:17,300
This is all temporary.
Why did you bring me down here?
750
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:18,500
What was so important?
751
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,300
What is so important?
752
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,100
I've got a letter of intent here
about Congressman Long's bill.
753
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:24,200
You remember that, don't you?
754
00:41:24,300 --> 00:41:27,400
Well, you haven't been here and now
he wants you to sign this in person, Evan!
755
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,700
No, I can't do that. Nope, nope, nope.
Not gonna happen.
756
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,600
No. You can't do that.
Not looking like that. You have to go shave!
757
00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:35,000
I can't shave, Marty.
When I shave, it grows back out.
758
00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:38,000
That happens when you shave!
But then you shave again!
759
00:41:38,100 --> 00:41:39,600
You have no idea.
760
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:42,600
Evan, what is going on?
761
00:41:42,700 --> 00:41:43,900
I'm...
762
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,200
Building something.
763
00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:53,400
MARTY: You're building something?
764
00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:55,200
Well, I hope it's a barber shop.
765
00:41:55,300 --> 00:41:58,200
Guys, I can't let Long see me
this way, okay?
766
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,400
You're gonna have to tell him I'm sick.
Just cover for me. Just help me out!
767
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:03,400
(DOOR CLOSING)
768
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,600
Come on, Evan, be reasonable.
You got to get rid of that beard.
769
00:42:07,700 --> 00:42:09,600
I need your face back. I need you back.
770
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,300
Can you at least tell me
what you're building?
771
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,500
I'm building a boat.
You're building a boat?
772
00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:16,200
Look, you got to cover for me.
I don't want anybody to see...
773
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:18,500
Congressman! There you are!
774
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,600
Congressman Long, I, I, I, I...
775
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,600
Stop stammering, son.
We all play hooky from time to time.
776
00:42:23,700 --> 00:42:27,500
I'm not gonna turn you in to the principal.
Mostly because I am the principal.
777
00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:28,900
(LAUGHING)
778
00:42:28,900 --> 00:42:30,000
Very good.
779
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,500
What's with the veil?
Did you get your new set of braces?
780
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:36,000
No, no. No. That's hilarious, though.
781
00:42:36,100 --> 00:42:38,900
Would you drop that thing, son?
I can't understand a word you're saying.
782
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,100
It's a wife thing, sir.
783
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,900
Just trying to spice up the love life.
784
00:42:52,900 --> 00:42:55,300
She's a big Loggins and Messina fan.
785
00:42:55,300 --> 00:42:57,700
Keeping it fresh. Keeping it real.
786
00:42:57,700 --> 00:43:00,400
Would you excuse us for a moment?
787
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:02,900
The Congressman and I are going to
have a little chat.
788
00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:08,000
Come on.
789
00:43:08,100 --> 00:43:10,300
Nice, isn't it? Politics is dog-eat-dog,
790
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:13,000
but if you survive, they give you
a bigger den. Have a seat.
791
00:43:13,100 --> 00:43:17,100
So, tell me, Congressman,
are you freaking out on me or what?
792
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,200
No, sir.
793
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,500
Oh, come on, son. I hand you
your first cosponsor ship of a bill,
794
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,900
and when you finally show up
you look like the fifth Beatle.
795
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,300
Now, you expect me to believe
everything is hunky dory?
796
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,200
Well, sir, actually, things have been
a little more dory.
797
00:43:29,300 --> 00:43:33,400
Of course they are. I get it.
You know anything about animals, son?
798
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,600
The Argentine lake duck has a penis
as long as its body.
799
00:43:39,700 --> 00:43:43,600
Although you probably already know that.
Or have heard it. Not experienced it.
800
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,800
You ever heard of the Arctic white wolf?
801
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:46,900
No, sir.
802
00:43:46,900 --> 00:43:48,000
Top of the food chain.
803
00:43:48,100 --> 00:43:50,800
It's fast, it's smart, can fend for itself,
but it chooses not to.
804
00:43:50,900 --> 00:43:52,400
It chooses to run with a pack.
805
00:43:52,500 --> 00:43:53,600
And do you know why?
806
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,600
No.
807
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:57,200
The Arctic white wolf,
Congressman, realizes
808
00:43:57,300 --> 00:43:59,000
that it is stronger as part of a group.
809
00:43:59,100 --> 00:44:02,100
Do you know what happens when one of
these wolves decides to fend for itself?
810
00:44:02,100 --> 00:44:04,900
The pack kills the loner
for the greater good of the community.
811
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:06,700
Ouch, that hurts.
812
00:44:06,700 --> 00:44:10,000
Are you familiar with Jim Jenkins,
the junior congressman from Tennessee?
813
00:44:10,100 --> 00:44:13,500
When I met Congressman Jenkins,
he was fresh off the turnip truck,
814
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,700
but now he's sitting on his own committee.
815
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,900
Congressman Jenkins, Congressman
Whitehall, Congressman Freeman,
816
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:22,700
they all have committee chairs
because they all run with the pack.
817
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:24,900
Now, you have to come to a decision.
818
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,200
Are you gonna run with the pack
or are you gonna lone wolf it?
819
00:44:27,300 --> 00:44:29,400
I am a pack man, sir.
820
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:33,600
Good. I'm introducing the CINPLAN bill
in 2 weeks. C-SPAN is covering it live.
821
00:44:33,700 --> 00:44:35,800
I want your full support and nothing else.
822
00:44:35,900 --> 00:44:37,000
Yes, sir.
823
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,200
Those fish are on you like bait on a hook.
824
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:43,800
Birds follow you.
825
00:44:44,700 --> 00:44:46,400
Fish follow you.
826
00:44:50,100 --> 00:44:53,300
Let's see if we can get
some congressmen to follow you.
827
00:44:53,300 --> 00:44:55,400
Let's get this bill passed,
shall we, Congressman?
828
00:44:55,500 --> 00:44:56,600
Yes, sir.
829
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,400
Hey, fleabag, out of the way.
830
00:45:00,500 --> 00:45:02,500
Hey, Dad, I think there are more
animals than yesterday.
831
00:45:02,500 --> 00:45:04,700
Well, let's not keep
our audience waiting, shall we?
832
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,400
(MOOING)
833
00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:07,800
(SNORTING)
834
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:12,100
Up, up. Push it up. Push it.
We got it. We got it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
835
00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:15,600
Come on. Just let it go, just let it go.
836
00:45:19,100 --> 00:45:21,500
Dad, we can do this,
but we're gonna need some help.
837
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,800
I know. We just need something
to lift those beams.
838
00:45:24,900 --> 00:45:25,900
(SIGHING)
839
00:45:27,100 --> 00:45:28,600
Like that?
840
00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:30,300
RYAN: Holy moly!
841
00:45:30,300 --> 00:45:31,300
(RYAN CHUCKLING)
842
00:45:31,500 --> 00:45:34,000
RYAN: This is so totally awesome!
843
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,600
JORDAN: This is perfect.
844
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,100
DYLAN: Dad, there's a note.
845
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,000
Let me see that.
846
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,200
How does it work?
847
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,700
RYAN: Dad, this is really weird.
848
00:45:58,700 --> 00:46:01,000
Repeat after me, "We are hamsters!"
849
00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:02,700
BOTH: We are hamsters!
850
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,400
Leg power!
851
00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:06,000
BOTH: Leg power!
852
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:07,800
And it's in!
853
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:08,800
(WHOOPING)
854
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:10,000
That's it.
855
00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:12,000
(REVOLUTION PLAYING)
856
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,200
Hey, who has opposable thumbs? Anybody?
857
00:46:19,900 --> 00:46:23,000
You want to try this one?
Make sure it's straight.
858
00:46:23,100 --> 00:46:24,700
RYAN: This is awesome!
JORDAN: This is so cool.
859
00:46:24,700 --> 00:46:26,700
EVAN: Here we go.
RYAN: Oh, my God!
860
00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:30,400
Yeah. Gotta do the dance.
Come on, let's do the dance.
861
00:46:31,700 --> 00:46:33,600
We're doing the dance.
JORDAN: Dylan, come on. Do the dance.
862
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,400
EVAN: Come on, do the dance.
DYLAN: I'm not doing the dance.
863
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:37,800
(EXCLAIMS)
864
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,000
Ow!
865
00:46:39,100 --> 00:46:40,100
(CHATTERING)
866
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:41,600
Don't scratch!
867
00:46:41,700 --> 00:46:42,700
Stop it. Come here.
868
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:46,300
EVAN: Insult to injury!1
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,600
SUSAN: And that's the news.
869
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:13,600
But before we sign off, we'd like
to congratulate our very own Evan Baxter,
870
00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:17,500
who has just been elected
Buffalo's representative to Congress.
871
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:18,900
And, now, we have a surprise for Evan.
872
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,600
No, you don't.
We do.
873
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,500
Oh, no. I really didn't expect this.
874
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,800
Here's a look back at his run for office.
875
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,600
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
876
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,600
What are we gonna do?
877
00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:31,100
ALL: Change the world!
878
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,200
That's right!
879
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,400
(ALL CHEERING)
880
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,500
ALL: Baxter! Baxter! Baxter!
881
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:49,500
Hi.
882
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,000
ALL: Baxter! Baxter!
883
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,500
That's right!
884
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:55,700
(CLEARING THROAT)
885
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,200
I feel like that old Indian
in front of all the garbage.
886
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:07,700
So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter
for Eyewitness News. Good night.
887
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,000
(HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN PLAYING)
888
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:27,500
GPS: Huntsville, Virginia.
Prestige Crest, four miles.
889
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,100
What did we do before GPS?
890
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,200
Nothing.
891
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,500
Guys, Dad's very proud of his new car.
892
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:37,200
Hey, I am proud of my new car.
Look, I'm a politician now.
893
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,100
I'm in the public eye, and as you know,
when you are in the public eye,
894
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,900
image is everything, isn't it?
895
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,800
EVAN: Here it is! Welcome to the good life.
896
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,200
Hey, guys, why the long faces?
We're off on a new adventure!
897
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,400
It's just we're going to miss our friends.
898
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,300
You'll make new friends, better friends.
899
00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,500
Yeah, richer friends.
900
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,400
Do not mouth off to me, sir.
I am the boss of you.
901
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,100
And let me tell you something,
you guys are gonna love this place.
902
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,800
And you know what? I think there's
something for our fishermen up there.
903
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,100
EVAN: Baxter family,
this is what's called a scenic vista.
904
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:18,000
And I don't think the big man himself
could do a better job. Pretty cool, huh?
905
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,900
Hey, Dad, an iguana can stay underwater
for 28 minutes.
906
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000
What's that?
907
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,900
And a shrimp's heart is in its head.
Really?
908
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,200
Okay, someone's had enough Animal Planet
for one lifetime.
909
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,200
Yeah, let's head out! Come on.
The best is yet to come!
910
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,700
EVAN: Gentlemen, I have saved
the best for last.
911
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,300
Look over to the right.
That is your new home.
912
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,600
RYAN: Whoa!
913
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:43,900
JORDAN: That's our house?
914
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000
Uh-huh.
JOAN: I don't remember it being
this big in the brochure.
915
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,400
Was it this big in the brochure?
916
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:48,700
EVAN: Pretty amazing, isn't it?
917
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,400
There they are!
918
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,000
Is this curb appeal or what?
919
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,600
Here we go!
920
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,200
Honey, I think you're blocking my photo.
921
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,300
Sorry.
922
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,400
All right, everybody! Say "escrow"!
923
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,300
ALL: Escrow!
924
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,200
RYAN: Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Go. Go. Go.
925
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,700
EVAN: Guys, easy.
926
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,600
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
927
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,300
This is our house?
928
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,400
Uh-huh.
929
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,500
MAN: Careful!
930
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,400
JOAN: Honey, be careful!
EVAN: Watch it!
931
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:18,600
Are you kidding me?
932
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:19,900
Mom, can we go upstairs?
JOAN: Yep.
933
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,400
And I get my own room, right?
Yep.
934
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:22,900
(YELLING EXCITEDLY)
935
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,500
Mr. Baxter, could you give us some
direction on these kitchen cabinets?
936
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,600
Sure.
937
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:31,200
Okay, it's between your maple
and your old-growth Brazilian cherry.
938
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,200
That is nice! Which is best?
939
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,300
Well, if you're not sensitive
to that "save the rainforest" stuff,
940
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,800
you can't beat the Brazilian cherry.
941
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,100
It's 200, 300 years old.
942
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,700
Three hundred years.
Three hundred.
943
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,300
Wow. That is old.
944
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,600
And now you are going to hold my dishes.
945
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,400
That's right. You going with the ch58,000 --> 00:52:01,600
Making lemonade out of lemons.
Pick up your phone! Come on!
946
00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:05,000
LONG: At its heart,
this bill gives private citizens access
947
00:52:05,100 --> 00:52:07,100
to lands they technically already own.
948
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:08,800
CONGRESSPERSON:
Will the Chairman yield?
949
00:52:08,900 --> 00:52:09,900
Oh, look, there he is.
950
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,200
Yup, yup, I see him.
951
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:15,200
Access is just a word you're using
to hide what's really going on here.
952
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,800
This is about development,
short and simple.
953
00:52:17,900 --> 00:52:23,000
Evan, what are you doing?
You have a pony tail on your face!
954
00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:25,500
What you gonna do next?
Cornrow your eyebrows?
955
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:28,200
Development means
the advancement of jobs,
956
00:52:28,300 --> 00:52:31,900
an increase in domestic commerce.
If you happen to like those things,
957
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:36,300
I invite you to join myself and
my cosponsors, Congressman Dodd,
958
00:52:38,500 --> 00:52:40,500
Congressman Hughes
959
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,500
and Congressman Baxter.
960
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:47,400
(PEOPLE GASPING)
961
00:52:47,900 --> 00:52:49,400
(ALL MURMURING)
962
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:57,400
(GASPING)
963
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:03,900
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
964
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:06,800
Did you just do a wardrobe change?
965
00:53:06,900 --> 00:53:09,900
What do you think this is, the Oscars?
You are not Whoopi.
966
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:11,000
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
967
00:53:11,100 --> 00:53:13,500
LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please!
968
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:14,600
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
969
00:53:14,700 --> 00:53:18,700
Please! Congressman Baxter has a tendency
to embrace the theatrical
970
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,500
in his support of this bill.
Congressman, let me warn you,
971
00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:25,100
you are approximately 10 seconds away
from committee censure.
972
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:28,400
Oh, no. Hey, would anyone mind
if I close the window?
973
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,300
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
974
00:53:40,700 --> 00:53:41,700
(ROARING)
975
00:53:42,500 --> 00:53:44,100
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
976
00:53:44,100 --> 00:53:45,200
(GROWLING)
977
00:53:56,300 --> 00:53:57,800
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
978
00:53:57,900 --> 00:54:01,700
LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please!
These animals are trained!
979
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,000
I've seen this circus act before!
980
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:07,000
Congressman, I'm sure St. Francis
would be envious.
981
00:54:07,100 --> 00:54:10,700
We, however, are not.
You have five seconds.
982
00:54:10,700 --> 00:54:13,600
You march yourself and your
little animal troupe out of here now
983
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:15,500
or you will be forcibly removed.
984
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,500
I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.
985
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,000
Congressman!
986
00:54:19,100 --> 00:54:21,300
These animals are not trained.
987
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:22,700
Congressman!
988
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:25,100
I think they want me to save them!
989
00:54:25,100 --> 00:54:27,700
Save them from what, Congressman?
990
00:54:27,900 --> 00:54:31,200
Saving the animals, okay.
I can roll with that. That's a good idea.
991
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,000
The flood.
992
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:42,900
A flood? Rolling out.
993
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:44,700
CONGRESSPERSON: The flood.
994
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:46,900
This has been the hottest,
driest summer on record
995
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,700
and you say we're going to have a flood?
996
00:54:48,700 --> 00:54:50,000
When might we expect this?
997
00:54:50,100 --> 00:54:52,200
September 22, midday.
998
00:54:52,300 --> 00:54:53,300
(CROWD CHATTERING)
999
00:54:56,100 --> 00:54:57,600
That's what I was told.
1000
00:54:57,700 --> 00:54:59,700
Might I ask who told you?
1001
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:10,400
Not in front of all those people.
Don't say it. Don't say it.
1002
00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:16,800
God.
1003
00:55:17,500 --> 00:55:18,500
(SOBBING)
1004
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,400
God? You talk to God?
1005
00:55:25,100 --> 00:55:26,300
Yes.
1006
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:27,600
LONG: And God is talking back?
1007
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,400
Yeah. We hung out a little.
1008
00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:33,800
Well, time to update the resume.
1009
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,200
Congressman, your name is being
removed from this bill.
1010
00:55:36,300 --> 00:55:39,800
Obviously, the stresses of this office
have proven too much for you.
1011
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,200
Please have the congressman removed.
1012
00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:43,100
No. Please! You don't understand!
1013
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:46,000
God commanded me to build an ark!
1014
00:55:46,100 --> 00:55:48,700
It's going to rain!
There's going to be a flood!
1015
00:55:50,100 --> 00:55:51,600
Remove him now!
1016
00:55:51,700 --> 00:55:54,100
We have to prepare ourselves!
1017
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,900
I need to finish the ark!
1018
00:55:56,900 --> 00:55:58,000
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
1019
00:55:58,100 --> 00:55:59,700
Remove him now!
1020
00:56:06,700 --> 00:56:08,600
Does this mean we're moving back home?
1021
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:12,300
Home, Canada. One or the other.
1022
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:27,700
Joan? I know you probably saw
what happened, but I can explain.
1023
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,600
Take the stuff to the car, guys.
I'll be there in a minute.
1024
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:38,700
Guys?
1025
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:41,400
(DOOR OPENING)
1026
00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:47,400
I'm gonna take them to my mother's.
Evan, I think you need help.
1027
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:52,800
Joan, please. I'm not doing this.
It's not me. It's him.
1028
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,200
I went to that meeting in a suit,
and he took it off of me.
1029
00:56:56,200 --> 00:57:00,000
Those animals are following me
because of him.
1030
00:57:00,100 --> 00:57:03,700
God? Does God know
he's destroying our lives?
1031
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:06,300
Does God know he's going to get you fired?
1032
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,200
Yeah! He's trying to get me fired!
1033
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:12,100
He is trying to get me fired!
1034
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:14,400
That way I'll have more time
to work on the ark!
1035
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,900
Because the rain and the floods are coming.
1036
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:20,500
No, I heard you, Evan.
The whole world heard you.
1037
00:57:20,500 --> 00:57:23,200
Joan, please, you gotta believe me.
1038
00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:24,400
(DRIZZLING)
1039
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:30,400
There it is! It's happening!
It's happening! It's raining!
1040
00:57:47,900 --> 00:57:49,100
Goodbye, Evan.
1041
00:57:51,100 --> 00:57:52,000
(ENGINE STARTING)
1042
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:53,900
Joan!
1043
00:58:02,700 --> 00:58:07,200
I know! I know. Whatever you do,
you do because you love me!
1044
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,800
Do me a favor. Love me less.
1045
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:20,300
REPORTER: Congressman!
1046
00:58:20,300 --> 00:58:23,300
WOMAN: Are you concerned at all
about Congressman Baxter's tirade
1047
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:25,000
and the adverse effects
it may have on your bill?
1048
00:58:25,100 --> 00:58:28,900
The day it rains and floods and
Congressman Baxter takes a ride on his ark,
1049
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:31,000
that'll be the day
I'll be concerned. Thank you.
1050
00:58:31,100 --> 00:58:33,500
(WAITING ON THE WORLD
TO CHANGE PLAYING)
1051
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,000
(BLEATING)
1052
00:58:36,100 --> 00:58:40,400
His name is Evan Baxter,
but now he goes by "New York's Noah,"
1053
00:58:40,500 --> 00:58:44,200
"Heaven's Evan,"
"The Weirdo with a Beardo."
1054
00:58:49,100 --> 00:58:52,800
Okay, guys. Watch it. Watch it.
Coming through. Watch your back.
1055
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:58,100
Marty, will you comment on Congressman
Baxter's change of appearance?
1056
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:02,300
Yes, his hair is long.
Yes, his beard is unshaven.
1057
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:04,600
Are you equally stunned
by this man's appearance?
1058
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,200
The way things go around here,
1059
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:15,000
if he gets any crazier,
we may end up in the White House.
1060
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:20,900
(REPORTER SPEAKING SPANISH)
1061
00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:24,000
Hey! No, no, no! That's my cup!
1062
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:26,900
Whatever.
1063
00:59:47,700 --> 00:59:51,200
He's filling the boat with
two of every kind of animal.
1064
00:59:51,300 --> 00:59:54,700
Still to be collected,
two giraffes, two elephants
1065
00:59:55,700 --> 00:59:57,300
and one more jackass.
1066
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:01,700
What an idiot.
1067
01:00:01,700 --> 01:00:03,200
He's a mook.
1068
01:00:03,300 --> 01:00:04,500
Jerks.
1069
01:00:05,500 --> 01:00:08,100
Don't worry about it, you guys.
Come on, eat up.
1070
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:09,200
Not hungry.
1071
01:00:09,300 --> 01:00:10,400
Yeah, me neither.
1072
01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:12,800
You guys can't eat. I can't stop.
1073
01:00:12,900 --> 01:00:14,800
Can I go to the bathroom?
Me, too?
1074
01:00:14,900 --> 01:00:17,500
Okay. Dylan, go with them. Please?
1075
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:18,800
Fine.
1076
01:00:21,500 --> 01:00:23,500
Excuse me. Can I get a refill, please?
1077
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:25,300
Coming right up.
1078
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:27,200
Thank you.
1079
01:00:27,300 --> 01:00:29,000
Excuse me. Are you all right?
1080
01:00:29,900 --> 01:00:30,900
Yeah.
1081
01:00:32,700 --> 01:00:35,000
No. It's a long story.
1082
01:00:35,100 --> 01:00:36,200
Well, I like stories.
1083
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,000
I'm considered a bit of a storyteller myself.
1084
01:00:41,100 --> 01:00:43,700
My husband...
Have you heard of "New York's Noah"?
1085
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,500
The guy who's building the ark.
1086
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:48,900
That's him.
1087
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:52,100
I love that story, Noah and the Ark.
1088
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:53,800
You know, a lot of people miss
the point of that story.
1089
01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:55,900
They think it's about God's wrath and anger.
1090
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:58,600
They love it when God gets angry.
1091
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:01,100
What is the story about, then? The ark?
1092
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:06,600
Well, I think it's a love story
about believing in each other.
1093
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:12,300
You know, the animals showed up in pairs.
They stood by each other, side by side,
1094
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:16,700
just like Noah and his family.
Everybody entered the ark side by side.
1095
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,700
But my husband says God told him to do it.
1096
01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:24,100
What do you do with that?
1097
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,000
Sounds like an opportunity.
1098
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,300
Let me ask you something.
1099
01:01:31,300 --> 01:01:34,500
If someone prays for patience,
you think God gives them patience?
1100
01:01:35,100 --> 01:01:38,400
Or does he give them
the opportunity to be patient?
1101
01:01:40,100 --> 01:01:42,200
If they pray for courage,
does God give them courage,
1102
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,900
or does he give them opportunities
to be courageous?
1103
01:01:47,100 --> 01:01:49,500
If someone prayed
for their family to be closer,
1104
01:01:50,700 --> 01:01:53,600
you think God zaps them
with warm, fuzzy feelings?
1105
01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:56,900
Or does he give them opportunities
to love each other?
1106
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:00,000
(GASPS QUIETLY)
1107
01:02:00,100 --> 01:02:04,200
Well, I got to run.
A lot of people to serve. Enjoy.
1108
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,200
JON: Guess this comes as no surprise to
those who remember his campaign promise,
1109
01:02:14,300 --> 01:02:16,100
"I will lower taxes,
1110
01:02:16,500 --> 01:02:18,700
"go crazy and build a gigantic ark."
1111
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:19,600
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1112
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:28,800
JOAN: Oh, my gosh.
1113
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:34,400
JOAN: Evan!
1114
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:35,600
Dad?
1115
01:02:35,700 --> 01:02:36,800
Honey!
1116
01:02:36,900 --> 01:02:37,900
Dad?
1117
01:02:37,900 --> 01:02:39,700
You guys, I'm up here.
1118
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:56,400
(LAUGHING)
1119
01:02:56,900 --> 01:02:58,900
Rough week?
JORDAN: You look really funny.
1120
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,200
You look really old.
1121
01:03:00,300 --> 01:03:01,800
Yeah, well, he is really old.
1122
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:05,200
Why'd you come back?
1123
01:03:05,300 --> 01:03:06,400
It was the kids.
1124
01:03:06,500 --> 01:03:07,600
Tell him, guys.
1125
01:03:07,700 --> 01:03:09,700
We like you better as the crazy guy.
1126
01:03:09,700 --> 01:03:12,100
You spend time with us
and you're home a lot more.
1127
01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:14,800
Just, please don't make us do
the dance anymore.
1128
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:40,900
I don't know what's going on,
or what you're going through,
1129
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:43,400
but we got into this as a family
1130
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:47,300
and we're gonna get out of it as a family,
1131
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,800
side by side.
1132
01:03:57,300 --> 01:04:00,700
But, Evan, we have to talk about the ark.
It has to come down.
1133
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:02,100
I can't do that.
1134
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:03,600
You don't have a choice.
1135
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:07,600
JOAN: Congressman Long went to the city.
There's a laundry list of code violations.
1136
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:10,100
You have until September 22
to take it down,
1137
01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:12,000
or they'll take it down and arrest you.
1138
01:04:12,100 --> 01:04:14,100
September 22. That's the day of the flood.
1139
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:15,700
Mom! Dad! Come here!
1140
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:24,300
(ANIMALS CALLING)
1141
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,200
Don't you dare take that ark down.
1142
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:47,700
How are we gonna do this?
1143
01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:50,000
There's no way the five
of us can finish on time.
1144
01:04:50,100 --> 01:04:52,200
We don't have money to hire anybody else.
1145
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,500
(ALPACA CRYING)
1146
01:04:57,300 --> 01:04:59,200
Is that a llama with a hammer?
1147
01:04:59,300 --> 01:05:02,800
An alpaca. They rarely spit at people
unless frightened or abused.
1148
01:05:05,300 --> 01:05:06,500
Let's finish this sucker.
1149
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:09,600
(READY FOR A MIRACLE PLAYING)
1150
01:05:10,700 --> 01:05:11,700
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)
1151
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,000
Come on, let's go.
1152
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:14,400
WOMAN: No one knows
where they came from
1153
01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:16,300
or how the congressman
is getting them to do it,
1154
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:22,300
but, two by two, animals of all kinds
are working with Godspeed to build this ark.
1155
01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:23,900
Thank you.
1156
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:27,200
If this flood really does happen,
"Evan help us."
1157
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:30,300
Hey! A little help?
1158
01:05:34,300 --> 01:05:35,300
Thanks.
1159
01:05:36,700 --> 01:05:37,800
JOAN: Here it is, hon.
1160
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:39,000
(MONKEY GIBBERING)
1161
01:05:39,100 --> 01:05:41,800
Perfect. Thanks.
1162
01:05:45,800 --> 01:05:47,300
Hold it right there.
1163
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:51,000
This is Ed Carson coming to you
live from New York Noah's construction site,
1164
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:56,100
where we are unable to leave the news van
due to hazardous conditions outside.
1165
01:05:59,300 --> 01:06:00,300
High five.
High five.
1166
01:06:00,300 --> 01:06:01,300
Good job.
1167
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:03,700
Hey, putty tat.
1168
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:07,700
(SHRIEKING)
1169
01:06:07,700 --> 01:06:10,600
Go, go, go! He tried to eat me!
1170
01:06:10,900 --> 01:06:13,600
Dylan! Jordan! Check it out!
Your mom's building an ark!
1171
01:06:13,700 --> 01:06:15,000
Let's do the dance.
1172
01:06:15,100 --> 01:06:17,100
JOAN: No, please, No.
1173
01:06:18,700 --> 01:06:19,700
(HONKING)
1174
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:21,700
WOMAN 1: Well, where did
the animals come from, then?
1175
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:22,900
WOMAN 2: Please. It's a trick.
1176
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,400
WOMAN 3: It's a circus is what it is.
1177
01:06:24,500 --> 01:06:27,600
Wild animals running amok
in suburban Virginia.
1178
01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:31,300
With all these species,
what's being done about the feces?
1179
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:42,700
Evan Baxter! You have gone from newsman
to congressman to caveman.
1180
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:45,300
What makes you so sure God chose you?
1181
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:48,300
He chose all of us.
1182
01:06:57,700 --> 01:06:59,600
Time to wash up, you guys.
1183
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:07,400
Thanks.
1184
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:12,300
You want some?
1185
01:07:32,600 --> 01:07:35,700
RITA: Why couldn't the man
just buy a Corvette?
1186
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:40,000
Well, well, well. There they are.
It is good to see you guys.
1187
01:07:40,100 --> 01:07:45,100
It's good to see you! Your hair looks great.
It's very regal. Man, I love your hair!
1188
01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:46,600
And you're still sucking up.
1189
01:07:46,700 --> 01:07:47,700
So, why are you here?
1190
01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:48,900
Long locked us out.
1191
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:50,000
He can't do that.
1192
01:07:50,100 --> 01:07:52,300
I mean, I've been suspended,
but I'm still a congressman.
1193
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:53,500
Rita, tell him what you know.
1194
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:54,600
Tell me what?
1195
01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:57,500
I smelled a rat the second
we got that office.
1196
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:59,600
You don't get an office
like that for nothing.
1197
01:07:59,700 --> 01:08:02,900
So I had the stalker here
do some research.
1198
01:08:02,900 --> 01:08:04,100
Okay, Eugene, talk.
1199
01:08:04,500 --> 01:08:06,300
Prestige Crest used to be federal lands,
1200
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,300
but what's interesting is
how it got into private hands.
1201
01:08:09,300 --> 01:08:11,700
Congressman Long got the approval
to build a dam
1202
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:14,700
and then passed out the surrounding lands
to a group of private investors.
1203
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:16,100
Now, the locals fought this thing for years.
1204
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:18,400
They said Long and his developer buddies
were cutting corners,
1205
01:08:18,500 --> 01:08:20,800
like skipping important
building code checkpoints.
1206
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:23,900
And with the land use bill, he's gonna do
the same thing with the national parks.
1207
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:27,700
So, you stand by and shake your pom-poms
while Long and his buddies get rich.
1208
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:29,900
What can we do? I'm suspended.
1209
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:33,400
Go back to the Hill and show them
that you can and will fight this bill.
1210
01:08:33,500 --> 01:08:36,500
You guys, I'm sorry. I can't do that.
I have to get back to the ark.
1211
01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:38,200
The ark? All right. Okay.
1212
01:08:38,300 --> 01:08:40,200
God told you to build an ark?
Yes.
1213
01:08:40,300 --> 01:08:43,300
But did he tell you to make your friends
believe in you and follow you here
1214
01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:46,500
so you can make us look stupid?
'Cause I go to church every Sunday.
1215
01:08:47,700 --> 01:08:49,000
Okay, every other Sunday.
1216
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:53,500
I've been to church!
And that does not sound
like God to me.
1217
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:56,000
Rita, I know that this
doesn't make any sense.
1218
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:58,700
I just want you to trust me.
You just have to have faith.
1219
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:03,400
Evan, faith will not fight this bill.
The CINPLAN vote is today!
1220
01:09:03,500 --> 01:09:07,300
If we're going to stop this thing,
you need to get down to Capitol Hill now!
1221
01:09:07,300 --> 01:09:08,700
Otherwise, it's impossible!
1222
01:09:08,800 --> 01:09:11,600
Dad, Dad, I think it's done.
1223
01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:14,400
What in the world?
I can't even get my cat to
use the litter box.
1224
01:10:55,800 --> 01:11:00,300
It's September 22, and
we're all still here.
1225
01:11:00,300 --> 01:11:01,600
Awkward!
1226
01:11:01,900 --> 01:11:05,300
People! The flood is imminent!
1227
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:09,000
Board the ark! Save yourselves!
1228
01:11:09,100 --> 01:11:10,500
MAN: Get down, you fool!
1229
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:15,000
Listen to me!
The time has come!
1230
01:11:15,100 --> 01:11:19,200
No, Captain Ahab!
Your time has come!
1231
01:11:19,200 --> 01:11:20,400
(ALL LAUGHING)
1232
01:11:20,500 --> 01:11:25,200
Yeah, Baxter! The weather's 70 and sunny
with a chance of crazy!
1233
01:11:25,300 --> 01:11:26,700
(ALL GIGGLING)
1234
01:11:28,400 --> 01:11:30,500
(RUMBLING)
1235
01:11:30,600 --> 01:11:34,800
Do you hear that?
The rains are upon us!
1236
01:11:34,900 --> 01:11:36,600
Dad, I don't think that's the rains.
1237
01:11:37,900 --> 01:11:39,100
(SIREN BLARING)
1238
01:11:41,000 --> 01:11:43,700
MAN: Hey, Baxter! Kiss your ark goodbye!
1239
01:11:56,100 --> 01:11:57,200
Where is he?
1240
01:11:57,200 --> 01:11:58,300
On the boat, sir.
1241
01:11:59,300 --> 01:12:01,400
Give me a minute.
Lets see if I can convince "Noah"
1242
01:12:01,500 --> 01:12:03,300
that the world doesn't have to end today.
1243
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:10,400
I gotta hand it to you,
this is quite the show.
1244
01:12:10,500 --> 01:12:13,500
According to my source,
the show hasn't even started yet.
1245
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:15,300
Still expecting the big flood.
1246
01:12:15,300 --> 01:12:17,600
You know, voters don't respond
to the gloom and doom stuff.
1247
01:12:17,700 --> 01:12:19,200
They like a more positive message.
1248
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:20,800
Like the one you're sending with your bill?
1249
01:12:20,900 --> 01:12:22,900
How much did you make off of all this land?
1250
01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,300
You are destroying
our national parks for profit.
1251
01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:28,200
You have a problem with somebody
taking a little profit?
1252
01:12:28,300 --> 01:12:29,800
It's called business, son.
1253
01:12:29,900 --> 01:12:32,400
So if I need to get a message out there,
or get a congressman elected
1254
01:12:32,500 --> 01:12:36,500
there are people who pay for it, and yes,
those people want this bill to happen
1255
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:40,100
and, by God, it's gonna happen.
Now you look down there.
1256
01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:43,000
Those are the wolves, son.
1257
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:46,200
I'm gonna give you one last chance.
Take down this boat.
1258
01:12:46,200 --> 01:12:50,000
I'm giving you one last chance. Repent.
1259
01:12:51,300 --> 01:12:55,200
Such a shame. You had possibilities.
1260
01:12:55,300 --> 01:12:59,100
But you want to stop progress
to save the Earth. Go for it.
1261
01:12:59,200 --> 01:13:01,400
Good luck getting a tree
to come to the polls.
1262
01:13:07,100 --> 01:13:08,600
Take it down.
1263
01:13:15,900 --> 01:13:19,100
This is a court order approving
the demolition of this boat!
1264
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:22,200
Evacuate immediately!
You have three minutes!
1265
01:13:24,900 --> 01:13:29,100
Honey. We have to go.
They're going to destroy the boat.
1266
01:13:29,900 --> 01:13:31,000
No.
1267
01:13:32,100 --> 01:13:33,500
It can't end this way.
1268
01:13:35,300 --> 01:13:39,300
Is it too much to ask
for a little precipitation?
1269
01:13:40,500 --> 01:13:44,200
Honey, maybe God didn't mean
a literal flood.
1270
01:13:44,300 --> 01:13:49,600
Maybe he meant a flood of knowledge
or emotion or awareness.
1271
01:13:49,700 --> 01:13:51,300
If that's true,
1272
01:13:52,200 --> 01:13:55,400
I am going to be so pissed.
1273
01:13:55,500 --> 01:13:56,800
Two minutes!
1274
01:13:56,800 --> 01:14:00,300
Get off the boat now
or you will be removed by force.
1275
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:03,900
Evan, you did it. You built the ark.
1276
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:05,400
That's all you were asked to do, right?
1277
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:06,500
No.
1278
01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:11,200
There's something else.
Something's going to happen.
I can feel it.
1279
01:14:11,300 --> 01:14:14,100
Yeah, what's gonna happen is
tear gas and a wrecking ball.
1280
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,200
Evan, think of the kids.
1281
01:14:17,300 --> 01:14:18,700
One minute!
1282
01:14:20,900 --> 01:14:23,000
Dad, whatever you say, I'm with you.
1283
01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:24,500
Yeah, me, too.
1284
01:14:24,600 --> 01:14:26,700
Me, too. But can we keep
some of the animals?
1285
01:14:26,700 --> 01:14:29,000
I like the alpaca. He spits.
1286
01:14:33,500 --> 01:14:36,800
You're right. We did it. We built the boat.
1287
01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:38,200
Yeah.
1288
01:14:39,200 --> 01:14:41,600
Let's go. Let's go, guys. Come on.
1289
01:14:54,700 --> 01:14:56,400
EVAN: Well, I guess they don't want to go.
1290
01:14:56,500 --> 01:14:57,900
It's their instinct.
1291
01:14:58,000 --> 01:14:59,600
What do you mean, hon?
1292
01:14:59,700 --> 01:15:04,400
Some animals know when weather's coming.
When they feel it coming, they sit.
1293
01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:11,800
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
1294
01:15:12,600 --> 01:15:13,700
Joan!
1295
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,400
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
1296
01:15:23,100 --> 01:15:25,600
Okay. Time's up! We're coming in!
1297
01:15:25,700 --> 01:15:28,900
Get that ball in position!
We're clearing them out!
1298
01:15:35,700 --> 01:15:37,600
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
1299
01:15:39,900 --> 01:15:43,200
Is that rain?
It's raining.
1300
01:15:43,200 --> 01:15:45,700
Lucky guess, Baxter. Lucky guess.
1301
01:15:47,300 --> 01:15:48,200
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
1302
01:16:04,100 --> 01:16:06,500
Looks like the drought's finally over.
Good news, eh, Congressman?
1303
01:16:06,600 --> 01:16:08,800
Yeah. Good news.
1304
01:16:11,300 --> 01:16:16,800
Everybody! Please! Get on the ark!
1305
01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:20,300
Go to the car!
1306
01:16:20,400 --> 01:16:24,500
Please! Everyone! On the ark!
1307
01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:27,900
Cover me up! Keep me dry!
Cover me up! Keep me dry!
1308
01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:32,000
Who's crazy now, huh?
Look at us all squishing!
1309
01:16:40,100 --> 01:16:41,800
It kind of stopped raining.
1310
01:16:41,900 --> 01:16:43,000
Is that it?
1311
01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:45,500
What did I tell you? It's fine. It's over.
1312
01:16:45,600 --> 01:16:47,500
Hey, Ahab! This is it?
1313
01:16:48,300 --> 01:16:50,800
Your God experiencing
a little water shortage?
1314
01:16:50,900 --> 01:16:51,900
(ALL LAUGHING)
1315
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:55,700
It would appear Evan Baxter
was right about the rain,
1316
01:16:55,700 --> 01:16:59,200
with a slight miscalculation
as to the quantity.
1317
01:17:03,300 --> 01:17:04,900
Something's wrong.
1318
01:17:04,900 --> 01:17:06,500
Honey, the clouds are moving away.
1319
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:09,600
No, no. No, this isn't right.
1320
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:13,800
Evan, even if it kept raining,
it's not like it could cause a flood in a day.
1321
01:17:13,900 --> 01:17:19,100
But today is the day! It has to be.
This just doesn't make any sense!
1322
01:17:21,100 --> 01:17:22,200
Wait a second.
1323
01:17:22,300 --> 01:17:23,300
What is it?
1324
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:27,100
Marty said that Long cut corners,
violated building codes.
1325
01:17:27,200 --> 01:17:28,300
What are you talking about?
1326
01:17:28,400 --> 01:17:29,800
The lake, Long Lake.
1327
01:17:29,900 --> 01:17:33,500
It's named after him.
It's the lake! It's the lake!
1328
01:17:46,900 --> 01:17:48,200
Oh, no.
1329
01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:54,800
Get on the ark!
Everyone, on the ark now!
1330
01:17:54,900 --> 01:17:56,700
I think we should get on the ark.
1331
01:17:56,800 --> 01:17:59,600
I agree. I think we should get on the ark also.
1332
01:17:59,700 --> 01:18:02,700
I'm cold. I'm wet. I'm going home.
1333
01:18:10,300 --> 01:18:12,400
Ladies first! Move!
1334
01:18:20,300 --> 01:18:23,900
Oh, my God. This is happening.
This is really happening.
1335
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:28,400
Holy... Get everyone on the ark now!
1336
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:31,100
Get on the ark now! Let's go!
Get on the ark! Let's go!
1337
01:18:31,200 --> 01:18:34,100
Go, go, go! Get on the ark!
1338
01:18:34,100 --> 01:18:35,600
(ALL SCREAMING)
1339
01:18:35,700 --> 01:18:39,800
Go, go, go! On the ark! Go, go, go!
1340
01:18:39,900 --> 01:18:42,400
All right, boys! Let's go! Let's go!
1341
01:18:42,400 --> 01:18:46,000
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Stay here with the kids.
1342
01:18:55,100 --> 01:18:57,000
Come on, Rita!
1343
01:18:57,000 --> 01:19:01,200
Everyone, up the ramp! Onto the deck!
Come on! Hurry, hurry, hurry!
1344
01:19:01,300 --> 01:19:03,000
Dylan, get back inside! It's too dangerous.
1345
01:19:03,100 --> 01:19:05,100
No, Dad. I told you, I'm with you.
1346
01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:12,300
EVAN: Careful, everyone.
In the ark! In the ark!
1347
01:19:12,400 --> 01:19:14,500
Watch your step!
Up the ramp, everybody!
1348
01:19:22,700 --> 01:19:23,800
Guys, help me with the door!
1349
01:19:23,900 --> 01:19:25,200
Get the door! Get the door!
1350
01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:34,100
(ALL SCREAMING)
1351
01:20:07,900 --> 01:20:09,400
Guys! Guys!
1352
01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:44,100
Everybody hang on!
1353
01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:55,500
(ROARING)
1354
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:57,800
You guys all right? You okay?
1355
01:20:58,400 --> 01:20:59,900
MAN OVER TV:
There's been a flood at Prestige Crest
1356
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,200
and you're seeing live images
of New York Noah's ark
1357
01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:05,500
caught in the storm surge
and heading towards Memorial Bridge!
1358
01:21:13,300 --> 01:21:14,300
WOMAN: We're going to crash!
1359
01:21:14,400 --> 01:21:15,900
MAN: Turn this thing around!
1360
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:17,300
MAN 2: We're not gonna make it!
1361
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:18,800
MAN 3: Save us, Baxter!
1362
01:21:30,500 --> 01:21:35,100
I command thee halt! Stop! Whoa!
1363
01:21:35,200 --> 01:21:36,800
WOMAN: It's not working!
1364
01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:40,400
How about a little help here?
1365
01:21:56,700 --> 01:21:57,700
(SCREAMING)
1366
01:22:24,800 --> 01:22:25,800
(SCREAMING)
1367
01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:28,700
What do you mean there was water damage?
It rained for ten minutes.
1368
01:22:28,800 --> 01:22:30,300
That is not possible.
1369
01:22:39,100 --> 01:22:40,200
(EXCLAIMING)
1370
01:22:40,200 --> 01:22:42,100
I love you guys.
All right.
1371
01:22:42,200 --> 01:22:43,500
Seriously.
Okay, I got it.
1372
01:22:43,500 --> 01:22:44,700
I love you.
Thank you.
1373
01:22:44,700 --> 01:22:46,000
(EAGLE CRYING)
1374
01:23:02,100 --> 01:23:06,700
LONG: All those in favor of the Public Land
Act, please signify by saying, "Aye."
1375
01:23:07,100 --> 01:23:09,000
(CLAMORING)
1376
01:23:13,800 --> 01:23:15,100
Good God!
1377
01:23:24,100 --> 01:23:25,900
(ALL YELLING)
1378
01:23:50,400 --> 01:23:51,900
I think we can walk from here.
1379
01:23:52,300 --> 01:23:53,500
(SIRENS BLARING)
1380
01:24:10,100 --> 01:24:14,700
Hello, Congressman.
Mind if I park my boat here for a little while?
1381
01:24:15,600 --> 01:24:16,600
But how...
1382
01:24:16,700 --> 01:24:17,900
The dam, Congressman.
1383
01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:21,600
Your reservoir ruptured.
Prestige Crest, it's all gone.
1384
01:24:21,600 --> 01:24:23,600
No. They said that couldn't happen.
1385
01:24:25,200 --> 01:24:26,600
I never thought this...
1386
01:24:27,800 --> 01:24:32,700
You. You did this to me.
You set me up, you crazy son of a...
1387
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:38,300
Wow. That is disgusting.
1388
01:24:38,800 --> 01:24:40,200
If that comes out your front,
1389
01:24:40,300 --> 01:24:42,600
I don't even want to know
what's coming out the back.
1390
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:49,500
Don't look down, Congressman,
but the wolves are here,
1391
01:24:49,600 --> 01:24:53,500
although I wouldn't worry so much
about these wolves as those.
1392
01:25:01,800 --> 01:25:03,200
Gesundheit.
1393
01:25:15,300 --> 01:25:18,900
MAN 1: As you can see behind me,
New York Noah's prediction came true.
1394
01:25:19,000 --> 01:25:21,500
WOMAN: The vote of the Land Act Bill
has been suspended,
1395
01:25:21,600 --> 01:25:24,400
pending investigation of
Congressman Long for profiteering...
1396
01:25:24,500 --> 01:25:27,500
MAN 2: Of course now, the question is,
how will these animals be returned
1397
01:25:27,500 --> 01:25:29,100
to their natural habitats?
1398
01:25:29,200 --> 01:25:33,000
Something tells me, if God got them here,
he can probably get them home.
1399
01:25:33,100 --> 01:25:36,200
WOMAN 2: The House will undoubtedly
reinstate Congressman Baxter
1400
01:25:36,200 --> 01:25:38,000
when it reconvenes in the morning.
1401
01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:42,000
Until then, there is a lot to be done
here on Capitol Hill.
1402
01:25:42,000 --> 01:25:43,000
JORDAN: How's Buster doing?
1403
01:25:43,100 --> 01:25:44,100
EVAN: Come on, Buster.
1404
01:25:44,200 --> 01:25:46,600
JOAN: No, come on. Come on!
RYAN: Come on!
1405
01:25:46,700 --> 01:25:48,500
EVAN: These too heavy? It's all right?
JORDAN: No, it's fine.
1406
01:25:48,500 --> 01:25:49,600
RYAN: He can't keep up.
1407
01:25:49,700 --> 01:25:51,000
I know, sweetie!
1408
01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:54,200
All right. What do you say
we take a little break?
1409
01:25:54,300 --> 01:25:55,900
We've only been walking
for, like, five minutes, Dad.
1410
01:25:56,000 --> 01:25:59,200
Well, five on, five off.
Life is about balance, right?
1411
01:25:59,300 --> 01:26:00,600
How about some sandwiches?
Okay.
1412
01:26:00,700 --> 01:26:02,300
Who wants sandwiches?
Let's do it!
1413
01:26:02,400 --> 01:26:03,600
RYAN: I get first dibs!
1414
01:26:03,600 --> 01:26:06,000
Everyone but Buster
is going to get a sandwich.
1415
01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:10,400
You do not get a sandwich!
You're a dog and you do
not get a sandwich!
1416
01:26:10,500 --> 01:26:13,700
Buster is part of the family now.
You're just gonna have to get used to it.
1417
01:26:13,800 --> 01:26:15,600
Poor Buster!
1418
01:26:16,400 --> 01:26:19,500
Honey, come here.
Sweetheart, be careful. Come here.
1419
01:26:19,600 --> 01:26:21,500
Hey, hon, save me one, okay?
Okay.
1420
01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:22,700
I'll be right back.
1421
01:26:31,300 --> 01:26:32,700
Hey.
Hey.
1422
01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:36,000
What are you doing here?
1423
01:26:36,800 --> 01:26:39,200
Just hanging out with some old friends.
1424
01:26:39,300 --> 01:26:42,600
You knew all along, didn't you?
You knew the dam was unstable.
1425
01:26:42,700 --> 01:26:46,500
If it hadn't been for the ark,
my family, the neighbors...
1426
01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:48,800
I fought you every step of the way.
1427
01:26:48,900 --> 01:26:50,400
Yes, but you did it.
1428
01:26:51,400 --> 01:26:56,000
So, you had nothing to do with the flood?
Like where the ark landed exactly?
1429
01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:59,500
I gave you a little shove at the end.
Sue me.
1430
01:27:02,100 --> 01:27:05,800
You did good, son.
You changed the world.
1431
01:27:05,900 --> 01:27:07,300
No, no, I didn't.
1432
01:27:07,400 --> 01:27:08,600
Well, let's see.
1433
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:12,700
Spending time with your family,
making them very happy.
1434
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:14,100
Gave that dog a home.
1435
01:27:14,200 --> 01:27:16,100
Right. So?
1436
01:27:16,800 --> 01:27:18,500
So?
1437
01:27:18,500 --> 01:27:20,700
How do we change the world?
1438
01:27:22,200 --> 01:27:25,700
One act of random kindness at a time.
1439
01:27:25,700 --> 01:27:30,300
One act of random kindness.
1440
01:27:35,500 --> 01:27:36,800
It's time.
1441
01:27:38,800 --> 01:27:40,300
Do the dance.
1442
01:27:41,800 --> 01:27:43,400
Care to join me?
1443
01:28:39,900 --> 01:28:42,700
I now issue a new commandment,
1444
01:28:42,700 --> 01:28:44,800
"Thou shalt do the dance."
1445
01:29:46,900 --> 01:29:50,100
Stop it! This is stupid!
1446
01:29:50,200 --> 01:29:53,400
That's awful dancing! You better stop!
1447
01:30:31,700 --> 01:30:33,800
MAN 1: Ladies and gentlemen,
you don't have to go home.
1448
01:30:33,900 --> 01:30:36,500
You just have to go. We are wrapped.
1449
01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:39,300
MAN 2: We're wrapped.
We love you. Thank you.
1450
01:30:43,305 --> 01:30:49,333
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