All language subtitles for Dead.to.Me.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[cheeping]

-Mom!
-[cheeps]

Mom! Dad's here!

[Jen] Huh?

-Wait. What did you just say?
-Dad came to visit me again.

Okay. Honey, I'm not really following you.

I see a little bird.

You know how Dad used to come in
and wake me up for school,

when he was...

-You know.
-Mm-hm.

Now the bird started coming to my window
every morning. Just like Dad.

Oh, Boop.

Hey. Breakfast is almost ready.
It's a frittata.

[whispering] Henry thinks that the bird
is his dead father.

That's where we're at right now.

[cheeps]

Oh, maybe it is him.

I know you're into some woo-woo stuff,

but you don't really think that
that's his dad?

I don't know. I mean, I do believe
the spirits of our loved ones

can find a way to come back to us.

-Okay.
-Look at him.

Come on, what's the harm? He's so happy.

-[cheeps]
-[Jen] I guess.

[cheeps]

-[cheep]
-[birds cawing]

[Wayne] Before we get started, I wanna say

I am happy to see Jen and Judy
here together.

What a nice surprise.

-Thank you.
-Surprise!

Last time, you was really pissed at her.

I was actually scared for you.

All right, you know what, guys?
I have an idea.

Let's talk about death.

[Wayne] Yes, please.

And remember our rule, everyone.

You only have to share
what you wanna share.

I would like to share
that I'm really grateful to Jen

for her friendship and for so much more.

So...

That's wonderful. It just goes to show
that through all of this pain and tragedy,

good things can happen.

-Anyone else?
-[Jen] I'll go.

My son has started talking
to a bird that he thinks is his dead dad.

Which, I understand, is not crazy.

So, thank you.

I think it's sweet.

And who knows? Right?

Come on. I mean, I think I know, but...

it is... it is sweet.

I mean, I...

I want him to, you know,
think what he needs to think

to feel better, but it just doesn't
make me feel any better.

I'm ready to not be
reminded of Ted every day,

and everywhere I look,
and every conversation that I have...

I'm really, really tired
of talking about it.

You brought it up.

[Wayne] Jen, I know
it feels relentless now, but...

maybe those reminders
are there for a reason.

So we're forced to face our grief.

Oh... I'm facing it.

It's his birthday tomorrow.

It is?

Fiftieth.

Jen... I think you should celebrate
Ted's birthday.

I don't.

I'm not gonna sing
happy birthday to a dead man.

That's weird.

[Wayne] Maybe you wanna do something
to memorialize Ted.

On the first birthday after my aunt died,

my family wrote messages to my aunt of all
the things they never got a chance to say.

And they put these messages
inside balloons, and then...

we released them to heaven.

-[laughing] Absolutely not.
-I love that.

[Christopher] Look around, enjoy.

Hi. You see the couple over there
with matching sweaters?

Oh, yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Talbots.

Verbal offer, 50 over asking.
She loves it.

And he cheated on her,
so his opinion doesn't matter.

Ooh!

Is that Jen the Closer I see?

-I missed her.
-Me too.

-It's nice to focus on something else.
-Right.

[door opens]

-Uh-oh.
-Oh, God.

The Queen has arrived.

Fan out, team.
I want our own pictures of everything.

Angelica, closets.

-[Jen] Not it.
-You'll be talking to her...

-I said "not it." You didn't hear me.
-I don't think you said that.

I said "not it" first.

You can talk to her in a way
that no one else can.

When I'm talking to her, I'm imagining
stabbing her in the fucking throat.

-Enjoy. She's right behind you.
-I said "not..." I hate you.

Hi, Lorna.

Hi. Was that Christopher?
He's paler than I remember.

-Yeah.
-So, this is a decent listing for you.

Good neighborhood.

-Yeah.
-Though I hear the schools are slipping.

Really? I hadn't heard that.

Well, you know me. Eyes and ears
everywhere, my little spies.

-Is the seller motivated?
-Yes, he is.

I think we're gonna have
a competitive situation.

Blowing up on Zillow...

Well, you priced it too low.

Are we done?

We should probably talk about
Ted's birthday tomorrow.

Must be hard on you. I'm a wreck.

Actually, I'm okay.

You've always been able
to compartmentalize. I envy that.

The floors are nice.
But of course I can't.

Ted was my only son.

Ted was my only husband.

Oh, I know.

But you can always remarry.

I'm his mother. I can't replace him.

You know what? You should really
look at the master bathroom.

It is beautifully appointed.

His and hers sinks?

You better fucking believe it.

Hmm.

Oh...

-One more thing.
-Yup?

I'm planning a small event
for Ted's birthday at my house.

-No.
-Nothing elaborate.

Just friends, work friends, acquaintances.

I said no.

-What do you mean, "no"?
-Because it...

Because...

I'm planning an event for Ted's birthday
at my house with the boys.

What kind of event?

A memorial.

We're gonna, like...

gonna write little messages
on pieces of paper, and then...

put them into balloons, and, you know...

float 'em up to the heavens.

That's what we're doing.

-I'll be there.
-Don't go out of your way.

-See you then.
-Fuck!

[Judy] Wow!

Hey, this looks great.

Agatha, I really have to compliment
your sense of perspective.

I'm very good, right?

-Yeah.
-[man] Where is it?

You too.

[man] Where is it?

You gotta be kidding me.

There's a piece missing!

What? Here. I'll help you find it.
Don't get your blood pressure up.

How disappointing it is
to work on a puzzle for a week

and you end up
and the last piece is missing!

I mean, this is gonna
stay with me for months.

God Almighty!

-Huh?
-I found it.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

-Yeah.
-Hi, Judy.

Hi.

Uh, I wanna talk.

Hello, Abe.

Hello, Steve.

You asshole.

Uh...

Yeah, okay.

Thought I couldn't get

-within 100 yards of you?
-Judy, Judy... I spoke to Jen.

Super cool chick, by the way.

Uh...

She said something that...
I don't know, it kind of...

hit me.

And it made me think I went a little
overboard about the restraining order.

So, sorry, and I wanted to
let you know that I had it revoked.

[whispers] She's his wife.

Whose wife?

The guy we hit.

We hit a deer.

-Well, the deer had a wife.
-Okay.

And I befriended her, and I've been trying
to tell you, but you keep shutting me out.

Why would you...
What the fuck are you thinking?

-We ruined her life!
-Oh, Jesus, no.

I made friends with her. We're friends.
And I'm helping her.

It's the least I can do. Maybe...

Maybe there could be something good
that comes out of this.

Oh, my God.

You are nuts.

-Don't do that.
-Sorry.

It's okay.

Judy, you murdered her husband!

You said it was manslaughter. And it was
an accident. And you were there too.

So you thought it'd be a great idea
to invite her into both of our lives?

She's selling my fucking house!

Which I have a lot of feelings about
because that's our house.

-We are so far past that right now!
-Don't yell at me.

-Sorry.
-It's okay.

Look, we had a plan. Right?

We were gonna lock this away
and not bring it up again.

No. You had a plan.
I wanted to tell the truth.

[Abe] Judy!

Is everything all right out there?

Yeah, Abe, I'm fine, thanks.

Well, you let me know if you need backup.

-I got nothing to lose.
-I will.

-Look, baby--
-Don't call me that.

-Force of habit. Sorry.
-It's okay.

[Steve sighs]

Judy,

we can't change the past.

Now, I know this has been
really hard for you. I get it.

But I promise you,
if you tell Jen what happened,

you will only be making it worse
for her and for me.

I know you don't want that. You don't want
to cause any more pain, do you?

You don't know what I want.

And I don't have to do your plan.

-You know, you're the one who left me.
-Judy, don't be stupid.

You're not my fiancé anymore.

-You're not even my lawyer anymore.
-Judy, listen to me...

[cell phone chimes]

[gasps] Oh, look! It's my friend.

-Okay. Judy?
-Sorry.

Judy!

[Judy] I'm at work.

[growls]

She just backed me into a corner.
I had no choice.

God, there's a lot
of fucking piñatas in here.

I'm surprised you opted
for the balloon release thing.

-I thought that you said it was "woo-woo."
-It is.

I'm repulsed by it, actually.

But there was no way
I was gonna let Lorna take over.

I mean, she is awful.

She is one of the world's
great narcissists.

-Oh, she's internationally recognized?
-Yes.

Oh, you should've seen her
at Ted's funeral.

It was her finest performance.

[wailing dramatically]  My son!

My baby boy!

My teddy bear!

[howls]

[Jen] He was dreading turning 50.

God, he would've hated all this shit.

I wish I could bring him back for you.

I know, but you can't.

Unless you know something
that I don't know.

Why don't I take over?

No, Judy. I decided to do this.
I have to--

No. Please. Come on.

-[sighs]
-Let me. I can whip something up.

It's totally in my wheelhouse.

Ew! I was in until you said "wheelhouse."

Stop it. Come on.

Really?

Because I don't know if you can tell,
but this store is, like,

depressing the shit out of me.

I got it. I swear.

Lorna is gonna love it so much,
she's gonna die.

Mmm! You promise?

[sighs]

[Jen] Off the computer, please.

Yo, bro!

-Ow!
-That did not hurt.

Please just turn it off, okay?
Your grandmother is gonna be here soon.

I don't want to.

I'm sorry.
What words did you just say to me?

I don't wanna do this memorial thing.

Okay. Well, you know what?
Neither do I, but we're still doing it.

Okay. Can I go now?

'Cause I'm in the middle of a campaign
and I'm playing with other people.

-What people?
-Game friends.

Wrath of Hades is multiplayer
and we're getting slaughtered.

Oh. That sounds fun.

Dad thought it was fun.

And he used to play with me.

Of course he played with you.

Yeah. His... laptop's right there.

If you want, you could give it a try or...
You probably wouldn't get it.

We both know I would not.

-Yeah.
-[Henry] Mom!

You have to come see the backyard.
Oh, my gosh. Dad is gonna love this!

Okay, let's do this.

Judy, seriously?

Is it okay?

No. It's ridiculous, in the best way.

Thank you.

Charlie, there's candy.

I think it's good we're doing this.

You know?
I think it'll be good for the boys.

I think it'll be good for everyone.

Look who I found
poking around outside your house.

[Lorna] I wasn't poking.

I noticed some dead spots on your lawn.
You need a gardener, Jennifer.

-I'll send Manuel over.
-No, I'm good.

We just got a third offer
on Steve's house, over asking.

That's because you priced it too low.

You could just say congratulations,
you know?

Congratulations.

Jennifer, I must compliment you
on your decorations. They're muy tasteful.

Oh, well.

Gracias.

Uh, I actually cannot take credit
for any of this. It's...

Decorations are all Judy.

-Oh. You hire well. That's also a skill.
-Jesus Christ, Lorna. I didn't hire her.

She isn't your house girl?

[sighs]

No. Judy is a friend of mine
who is living with us.

Why didn't I know about this?

You know, Judy?
Can we get this balloon thing

-going before I...
-[Judy] Oh, yeah.

-Come on, everybody...
-...stab this fucking bitch in the twat.

So, the idea is you write down something

that you wish you'd gotten the chance
to say to Ted, or your dad,

when he was still here.
Something you'd like him to know.

And we'll release them
to his spirit in the sky.

[scoffs]

When you're ready,
you roll up your message...

and work it into the balloon's hole.

-[sniggers]
-[Jen whacks his leg]

-Okay.
-I don't know how I'm supposed to fit

a lifetime of feeling
onto one tiny piece of paper.

-Mommy, aren't you gonna write one?
-Yes, of course, babe.

Oh, Judy, you have to write one too.

And say what? She never met him.

[Lorna wailing] My son!

My baby boy!

My teddy bear!

[howls]

[Jen] You just...

[sniveling]

[sobbing]

[sniffs]

Oh! God.

Oh, hi.

You're very pretty.

Oh, thank you.

You're a very curious
kind of person, aren't you?

Where'd she find you?

Uh... At a grief support group thing.
Um...

Friends of Heaven.

I see.

And you were homeless at the time?

-Come again?
-Jennifer told me you were living with her

and the boys. Seems very quick.

So, I assumed you must have been...
in need.

Jen's just a very generous person.

Is there anything else?

Or...

do you want a glass of wine?

You know, Ted was a musician.
Naturally gifted.

But his true job
was as a stay-at-home father.

He did the majority of the parenting.

Mothering never came naturally
to Jennifer.

That's not true.

Jen is a wonderful mother.

Well...

now who's being generous?

Would you mind helping me with something?

Sure.

[all] ♪ Happy birthday to Ted ♪

♪ Happy birthday to Ted ♪

♪ Happy birthday,  dear Ted ♪

♪ Happy birthday to Ted ♪

Wow. Lorna, I mean,
this cake is wonderfully specific.

Mmm. Well, it's Teddy's
christening portrait.

I have a client who creates them.
She's phenomenal.

-Should we do the balloons now?
-[Judy] Yeah.

What do you--
Like, one at a time or...?

I think we do them all at once

and then we have a quiet moment
of reflection as they drift away.

-I could say a prayer.
-No.

-Oh... Fine.
-Yeah?

Yeah. Fine.

Just hold my hand.

Oh, we're holding? All right.

Heavenly Father, you showed us
where two or more are gathered,

you are always with us.

We gather here today to celebrate Ted.

[knocking]

[woman] Hello?

Sorry to interrupt the party.
We rang the doorbell.

-Mrs. Harding, can we have a word?
-Oh, yeah.

Hi.

Did you find something?

Okay. I have been here before. I--

Is this about my son?

Did you find the lunatic
who was driving the car?

-No, ma'am.
-[female officer] We should talk inside.

This is about the car
you called me about the other day.

What about it?

-Someone took a golf club to it.
-Did they?

Obviously, it's a coincidence
that you called, let's go with

"screaming at me," about the exact
same car right before it was--

You know what? I'm so...
Gosh. I'm so sorry.

Uh... It's just
this is not really a great time.

Just, we're...

We're having a birthday party
for my dead husband, so...

Really nice you're doing something.

Mrs. Harding,
I have a heavily vandalized car.

Although I have a hunch,
I need to know who--

You know what I need to know?
I need to know who killed my husband.

All right? So what?
So some car gets fucked up,

-and you come after me?
-Language.

-That's not fair.
-Fair?

Lady, there is a murderer on the loose
and you guys have done nothing!

You wanna talk about fair?

I wanna talk about where you were
two nights ago. It's Detective, not lady.

-[Jen] Oh, God. So, you come here
-[heartbeat]

because some dickhead
lost his windshield, Detective?

Well, I lost my husband.

-Just tell me who--
-You tell me.

Who did it?

Who did it?

Who did it?

I did it.

It was me.

I destroyed that Corvette.

I saw the guy speeding, and he could've
hurt someone and then Jen was so upset.

So, I went out and I found that car

all by myself, and I just...

went nuts on it.

-[male officer] All right.
-She went nuts.

-Hey. I'll be right behind you, okay?
-No. Stay.

I'm not gonna let you sit
in some police station.

I have a lawyer, I'll be fine.
Please, go do the balloons.

I'm okay. Thank you.

-[male officer] Watch your step.
-[Judy] This is a nice car.

-Are you okay?
-I will be. Give me this. Thank you.

You invited a violent criminal
into your home.

[Jen] She's not a criminal, Lorna.

[Lorna]
She's a confessed violent criminal,

living under your roof
with my grandchildren.

She actually lives in the guesthouse,
so technically she lives under Ted's roof.

-And what would Ted say?
-I don't know, Lorna.

I can't ask him that question,
but my friend is not a criminal.

Okay?

She's the only person
who has been here for me.

The only person that doesn't make me
feel like I am failing at everything,

including being a widow.

She cares about me.
She cares about the boys.

And so what? So she...
she smashed up a car.

-You know what? Sometimes you just snap!
-[Lorna gasps]

-Okay. Wow.
-How dare you!

Hey, boys?

Get in here and punch that cake.
It's really fun.

-Are you sure?
-I'm sure.

I want you to come destroy the cake.

-I don't wanna punch the cake.
-That's my sweet boy.

I want Judy to come back.

You know what?
Judy would want you to punch the cake.

Come on. Get in here. Let's do this.

-There you go, get in there.
-Oh, wow.

Yeah. Beat it up.

[kids laugh]

Of all the days,
you pick this one to hurt me?

[Jen] You know what?

Lighten up, Lorna.
Look, it's a birthday party.

-I thought you said it was a memorial.
-Well, you know what I remember?

Hmm.

...is that I loved Ted and he loved me,

and we had a really good marriage.

And the only reason we ever had
any problems was because of you.

We both know your marriage
was far from perfect.

You don't know anything about my marriage.

He called me. The night he died.

Ted called me.

Shall we talk about that?

Go home, Lorna.

[female officer sighs] And the golf club
you used on the car, where did you get it?

God. I don't remember.

You an avid golfer?

No.

So you just carry around
a golf club at night,

nowhere near a golf course, just in case
you find something you might wanna smash?

Yes. Yes, exactly.

Thank you.

All right. Ms. Hale,

let me remind you that you are confessing
to a criminal act.

If you didn't do it, it would be
in your best interest to tell me now.

So, I'm gonna ask you again.

-Did you do it?
-[heartbeat]

I did it.

[exhales deeply]

I did it.

And you have no idea how sorry I am.

[Christopher] Lord, make me
an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is darkness, light.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

It is in dying that we are born
to eternal life.

Amen.

All right.
Let's release the balloons, guys. Okay?

-In three, two, one.
-[Henry] Two, one...

[Jen] Go.

-So, is that it?
-Yup. I think so.

I thought something magical would happen.

It's just not that kind of day, Boop.

-I know what you're gonna say.
-Are you trying to get caught?

No.

Please. You don't have to follow
every impulse.

-It is possible to have a bad idea.
-Okay. Thank you for coming.

I was at dinner with my parents.
I had to lie and tell them my tummy hurt.

You could've come up with a better lie.
You're 44.

Well, I panicked, okay?
You almost gave me a heart attack.

Well, it really wasn't very pleasant
for me, either.

Oh, you didn't like jail? Try prison.

I know. Oh, God.

Thank you.
I appreciate you taking care of it.

Listen, whether we like it or not,
we're both in this thing together.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're right. I can't tell her.

I don't wanna make
anyone's life any worse.

Hey.

Baby.

You just listen to me.

Trust me.

It'll all be okay.

Okay.

I got you.

I got you.

Oh!

[cheep]

[cheep]

[cheep]

[cheep]

Well, look who's back.

[inhales and exhales sharply]

[sighs] Happy birthday, baby.

I miss you.

I just...

-Just wanted to say...
-[fluttering]

Okay, fine.
I was trying a thing. Fuck you too.

[sighs]

[sniffles]

[exhales]

All right.

Bambi?

[panting]