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[intro music]
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00:00:06,460 --> 00:00:08,701
[Frank] Now, nobody's saying
the Chatsworth Estate
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00:00:08,781 --> 00:00:10,541
is the Garden of Eden,
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00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:12,301
but it's been a good home to us.
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00:00:12,381 --> 00:00:16,501
To me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of,
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00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:21,901
cos every single one of 'em
reminds me a little of me.
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They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.
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00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,101
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,
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00:00:27,181 --> 00:00:30,140
which is why
nobody calls him Phillip anymore.
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00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:31,660
Ian, lot like his mam,
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00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,941
which was handy for the others
when she disappeared into thin air.
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00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:38,021
And Carl. We daren't let him
grow his hair for two reasons.
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One, it makes it stand on end
and makes him look like Toyah.
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Two, nits love him.
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Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
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You've to check your change,
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but she'll go miles out of her way
to do you a favour.
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00:00:49,421 --> 00:00:52,741
Plus, lickle Liam,
who's gonna be a star someday.
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Monica, the wife.
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She's back with her bird in tow.
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And we can't get shot of her.
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And the neighbours, eh... The neighbours.
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Well, what can you say?
24
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:08,021
Well, nothing,
if you don't want your arms breaking.
25
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,661
Still, nobody's perfect.
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00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:13,621
But, all of 'em, to a man,
know first and foremost
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one of the most vital necessities
in life is:
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they know how to throw a party.
[chuckles]
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Scatter!
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[computer error beeps]
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[Carl] Normally, poems are shite.
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Shakespeare and Woolworth,
and all them.
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But we've got this one at school
that says,
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00:01:32,821 --> 00:01:34,541
"They fuck you up,
your mum and your dad."
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It's the first poem I ever agreed with.
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Your parents are supposed to help you.
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But they don't.
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And they say it's because of
'the pressures of modern living',
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but that's bollocks.
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00:01:47,661 --> 00:01:49,741
Come along, lad, don't dilly-dally.
41
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The Good Lord has provided.
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Gosh, I'll have some of that, Father!
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Me, too, it looks ripping!
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Ah, no, you don't, you two chaps,
not till young Carl has had his fill.
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He's our pride and joy.
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[Carl] If this is how it's supposed
to be, it wouldn't be half-bad.
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You wanna be careful
what you wish for, Carl.
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Where have you been all my life,
doll face?
49
00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:14,741
Fuck me,
if it isn't the wife's lesbian lover!
50
00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:17,141
[Carl] But look at the state of us.
51
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How is this a family?
52
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They do fuck you up,
your mum and your dad,
53
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and I hate it!
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You're like a walking lobotomy
sometimes, Carl.
55
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[Frank] Oh, pot, kettle, black.
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00:02:25,901 --> 00:02:28,341
Don't knock it till you've tried it,
goofy.
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00:02:28,421 --> 00:02:29,501
What's he doing up?
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[sighs] Hasn't been to bed yet.
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Even he'd struggle
getting drunk this early.
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[grunts] And who are you,
one of Tony Blair's little thought police,
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monitoring the behaviour of your
parents so you can report them
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to Esther fuckin' Rantzen?
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Couldn't drop us a tenner, could you?
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[Ian] You must be joking, I'm b'racic.
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We're out of milk,
and she's down to her last nappy.
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[scoffs] Welcome to my world.
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-It's all take, take, take, isn't it?
-Morning!
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-Debs...
-[Debbie] No.
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-Come on, Liam.
-[Frank] That's right. Run off to school,
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-desert the sinking ship.
-[Monica] Have a nice day, love.
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00:02:59,501 --> 00:03:01,540
Let lickle Katie piss all over herself.
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Dob your parents in
for reading the wrong books.
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You flogged every book we ever had.
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I should have kept the one
on contraception, shouldn't I?
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[Ian] See you later.
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-You haven't had any breakfast.
-[Frank] Good, sell the toast.
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Buy little Katie a nappy.
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All right, chicken?
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00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:22,581
[chuckles]
80
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Haven't you forgotten something?
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Me giro!
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She's took my fuckin' giro!
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Debs! Debbie!
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[Lip] No joy.
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Go next door and try.
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We're not going to your mum and dad's.
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They are my family, Lip.
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-Katie needs--
-[Lip yells] I know!
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[Katie crying]
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I know.
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00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:06,501
I'll sort something. We agreed.
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If we can't make it on our own
without your family...
93
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then what's the point?
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00:04:13,781 --> 00:04:15,260
I'll fix it.
95
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I promise.
96
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Where's Prince Charming?
97
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[sniggers]
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[tearful] Off somewhere,
doing something, I don't...
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Happy birthday, bird.
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You remembered.
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I always do. Did none of them?
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Not a single one.
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[crying]
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Everybody hates me! [sobbing]
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00:05:04,141 --> 00:05:05,981
[tuts] Oh, come here.
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00:05:12,861 --> 00:05:14,620
[indistinct chatter]
107
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:17,661
[Stan] This is a waste of time.
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[Carrie]
If we catch the Maguires in the act,
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then the crime rate
will go through the floor.
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00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:24,381
We're hardly inconspicuous, though,
are we? They're not stupid.
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Didn't you bring any cups?
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-Carrie?
-They're in the bottom.
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-Why would she be packing your bag?
-'Cause we share a house.
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-You what?
-A police house.
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I've been on the list for ages,
but they only give them to couples,
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so Carrie offered her services.
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You jammy bastard.
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I-I mean I'm paying 400 quid a month
for a shithole.
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And you get a subsidised house,
it's hardly fair.
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00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,701
[Stan] Central heating,
power shower, fridge freezer.
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00:05:54,781 --> 00:05:56,821
Could sub-let your place,
and move in with us.
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00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:59,261
-What?
-We've got a spare room.
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With three of us splitting the rent,
it'll cost next to nothing.
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I don't mind if I do.
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-[anticipatory music]
-[smirks]
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There's someone at the house.
Must be a buyer.
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00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:24,101
Jesus! Blondie's no oil painting,
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00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:26,901
but you're really scraping the barrel
with this one, bruv.
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00:06:26,981 --> 00:06:28,180
Who the fuck are you?
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00:06:28,261 --> 00:06:31,341
The name's Kelly.
And I'm looking for my brother, Kev.
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Can I speak to him?
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I think you'll find
he doesn't live here anymore, darling.
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Police! No one move.
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Piss off, you dyke.
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We've reasonable grounds
to search your property, Mrs Maguire.
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00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,940
You're not coming anywhere near
my house without a search warrant.
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00:06:47,421 --> 00:06:49,341
It's only a matter of time, Mimi.
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00:06:49,421 --> 00:06:51,101
[Kelly] Who the fuck's Mimi?
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00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:53,021
And where's our fuckin' Kevin?
140
00:06:53,101 --> 00:06:56,060
-That is foul and unacceptable
language. -Fuck off!
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00:06:57,301 --> 00:07:00,021
-[Carrie] I... will... not... tolerate...
-[Kelly crying out] Ow!
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-[Carrie] ...offensive... language...
-[Stan] Carrie, leave her!
143
00:07:02,301 --> 00:07:04,301
...on... my... patch!
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00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:07,500
What are you taking it out on her for?
She's not a Maguire.
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-That was threatening behaviour.
-Yeah, from you.
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-Hit first, ask questions later.
-[Kelly groaning]
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Again. You're leaving me no option.
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[Kelly grunts]
149
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I love the way her nostrils flare
when she gets pumped.
150
00:07:22,101 --> 00:07:23,500
Have you noticed that?
151
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:37,341
We're losing money hand over fist
because of you.
152
00:07:37,421 --> 00:07:38,940
It's not my fault
pigs are staking our house.
153
00:07:39,021 --> 00:07:41,701
It is your fault
we can't distribute through the van.
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00:07:41,781 --> 00:07:43,141
-[cries out]
-Wrong change?
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00:07:43,221 --> 00:07:44,781
-How's my counting now?
-[cries out]
156
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-Six, seven...
-[father] Oi!
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Leave my son alone!
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00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:50,620
-[screams]
-[father] Come back here,
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I'll have your head on a fuckin' stick!
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00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:53,581
[breaks squealing]
161
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:57,500
What kind of a man beats up a
12-year-old?
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He were disrespecting me.
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00:07:59,421 --> 00:08:02,101
-I'll disrespect you right fuckin' now.
-He'll never learn that way.
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00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:06,421
He'll take the van out
and face the consequences of his actions.
165
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But... they'll kill me.
166
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,781
Then it'll be a lesson for ya!
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00:08:09,861 --> 00:08:14,301
No son of mine hides behind the
curtains when he should be out earning.
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00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:19,141
[upbeat music]
169
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:42,940
How not?
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00:08:43,021 --> 00:08:44,741
What is the problem?
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00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:47,621
Well, the problem is, Kelly, love,
last time I gave you a bed,
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you turned the house
into a knocking shop.
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I'll pay rent.
174
00:08:54,581 --> 00:08:56,381
I've got nowhere else to go.
175
00:08:58,741 --> 00:08:59,661
No, I'm sorry.
176
00:09:01,301 --> 00:09:03,541
I've got the kids to think about.
177
00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:05,781
You're not exactly
a fuckin' role model, are you?
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00:09:05,861 --> 00:09:06,741
Who's paying?
179
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:08,460
-She is.
-He is.
180
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:10,460
If you don't pay, you don't play.
181
00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:12,661
Fuckin' hell.
182
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,701
-[machine beeping]
-[man] Yes!
183
00:09:17,301 --> 00:09:20,021
No more for Frank Gallagher
unless he pays cash.
184
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,021
Take your winnings and fuck off.
185
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,501
But I've got a repeat chance.
186
00:09:25,581 --> 00:09:27,701
You also have a chance
to keep your kneecaps.
187
00:09:27,781 --> 00:09:29,141
What's it to be?
188
00:09:35,301 --> 00:09:36,460
[machine beeping]
189
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:40,501
Ha-ha-ha-ha! We have a winner!
190
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,061
A pint, an Irish chaser,
and a large vodka and Coke.
191
00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:45,821
[Paddy sings]
Money makes the world go round
192
00:09:45,901 --> 00:09:47,421
The world go round
The world...
193
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,541
[Carl] Oh, God!
194
00:09:51,821 --> 00:09:53,901
What's the point?
Everybody hates Brussels sprouts.
195
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:57,141
If a thing's worth doing,
it's worth doing right, Carl.
196
00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,941
Even for Monica.
197
00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:01,261
The family that eats together
stays together.
198
00:10:01,340 --> 00:10:03,220
[Carol] Mind you,
once you've seen a man's eating habits,
199
00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:05,261
the romantic illusion shatters.
200
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:07,741
My Brendan used to eat
like a cow chewing cud.
201
00:10:07,821 --> 00:10:09,541
Couldn't get it out of my head.
202
00:10:09,621 --> 00:10:12,141
Any time he wanted to emigrate south.
203
00:10:13,941 --> 00:10:16,100
[sighs] Where did Brendan
want to emigrate to?
204
00:10:18,181 --> 00:10:20,261
-Me fanny.
-[timer dings]
205
00:10:22,860 --> 00:10:24,541
Something's burning.
206
00:10:24,621 --> 00:10:25,741
[Carl] Shit!
207
00:10:26,821 --> 00:10:28,021
Six-eighty.
208
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:30,340
Take care of it,
we're all family now, aren't we?
209
00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:34,741
-That comes out of my wages.
-I'll pay for it.
210
00:10:34,821 --> 00:10:36,501
[Karen] That's not the point.
211
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,460
[Lip] All right, Dad?
212
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,381
Fine, yeah. Fuck off.
213
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:54,261
-All right, Lip.
-Kelly? What are you doin' here?
214
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:56,261
[Kelly] Looking for a place to stay.
215
00:11:13,421 --> 00:11:16,181
-[indistinct chatter]
-[woman] Get off me. No, no.
216
00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:25,941
Hiya, Frank.
217
00:11:26,941 --> 00:11:29,261
D'you wanna earn some cash?
218
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,821
[Debbie unintelligible]
...such a muppet.
219
00:11:35,181 --> 00:11:37,581
Carl, they'll put you
in a young offenders'.
220
00:11:37,661 --> 00:11:39,501
-I didn't steal it, I made it.
-What for?
221
00:11:39,581 --> 00:11:42,220
Special occasion. Like a proper family.
222
00:11:43,821 --> 00:11:44,980
[Debbie] What's that?
223
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:47,220
Potato peelings.
224
00:11:48,421 --> 00:11:49,821
It's harder than it looks.
225
00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:53,340
What occasion?
226
00:11:55,740 --> 00:12:00,980
[Monica moaning]
227
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:05,901
-Hello?
-[Monica moans]
228
00:12:06,781 --> 00:12:11,860
[Monica moaning]
229
00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:24,740
-Carl, calm down!
-Don't tell me what to fucking do!
230
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,340
-Is it ready yet?
-[yells] What have you done?
231
00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:39,541
[yells] I am not answerable to you!
232
00:12:43,701 --> 00:12:45,220
[Shane] It's a very skilled job.
233
00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:47,581
What, selling 99s and nougat wafers?
234
00:12:47,661 --> 00:12:50,181
And the code.
You have to know the code, Frank.
235
00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:54,220
-Like what?
-Like, if someone asks for a Smartie...
236
00:12:54,301 --> 00:12:56,980
they want a pill.
If they ask for an M&M...
237
00:12:57,061 --> 00:12:59,581
they want a pill.
If they ask for a Disprin...
238
00:12:59,661 --> 00:13:01,980
They want a pill.
Yes, there's a pattern forming.
239
00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:04,781
You're a one-man fucking Enigma
machine, Shane. D'you know that?
240
00:13:07,541 --> 00:13:08,620
Make sure you follow route.
241
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:11,541
I am well acquainted
with the ice-cream van concept,
242
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,301
for fuck's sake.
243
00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:20,821
[ice cream van jingle]
244
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,381
Bye-bye, Frank.
245
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:27,021
[mumbles] Get in...
246
00:13:31,421 --> 00:13:32,740
[passes wind, grunts]
247
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:36,541
-[knock at door]
-Oh, take a message!
248
00:13:38,581 --> 00:13:40,701
Listen... if this is about earlier on,
249
00:13:40,781 --> 00:13:42,901
I don't want to talk about it, Carrie.
You need help.
250
00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:44,100
No, it's not.
251
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:48,220
I wanted to ask a personal favour.
252
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:51,021
Yeah, sure, anything.
253
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,181
I'm out of clean laundry.
254
00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:54,581
I wondered if I could borrow
a pair of boxers?
255
00:13:54,661 --> 00:13:56,340
Yeah, top drawer, over there.
256
00:14:08,421 --> 00:14:09,781
I'll wash 'em and get 'em back to ya.
257
00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:12,901
Nah, don't bother,
I'll wash 'em myself.
258
00:14:26,220 --> 00:14:28,740
-You have to do it, though, don't ya?
-[Kelly laughing]
259
00:14:29,581 --> 00:14:31,141
Yeah, just dump your bags
down there...
260
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:32,781
-All right, darlin'.
-...till, uh, till I get your room sorted.
261
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:34,021
What's going on?
262
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,740
Lodger. Tenner a night.
263
00:14:35,821 --> 00:14:37,701
Just till she finds somewhere
more permanent.
264
00:14:37,781 --> 00:14:39,541
This is you sorting it out, is it?
265
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,500
Bringing a junkie slapper
into the house?
266
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,500
Fuck off, you skank,
I've been clean two years.
267
00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:46,901
-Oh, whatever! Nice one, Lip--
-Look, Kelly, listen.
268
00:14:46,980 --> 00:14:48,941
-I'm sorry about this.
-Fuck!
269
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,261
[Mandy] Out.
270
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,220
How pussy-whipped are you?
271
00:14:53,541 --> 00:14:55,740
[yelling] Don't you think
that's a tiny bit hypocritical
272
00:14:55,821 --> 00:14:57,860
considering how
your family earns its corn?
273
00:14:57,941 --> 00:14:59,901
[yelling] I'm not having that in my house.
274
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:02,740
What shall I do, conjure money up
for you out of thin air, shall I?
275
00:15:02,821 --> 00:15:04,100
It's not for me!
276
00:15:04,181 --> 00:15:07,740
-It's for us, it's for her!
-Whatever, Mandy, whatever!
277
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,021
We need to sort this!
278
00:15:23,781 --> 00:15:25,860
I were hungry.
279
00:15:25,941 --> 00:15:28,381
I mean, she's come in here
thinking she owns the place.
280
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:30,381
If it wasn't for her,
everything'd be fine.
281
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:33,061
-She's your mother, Carl.
-Not her, Norma.
282
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,701
She's spoiling it for everyone.
I fucking hate her.
283
00:15:36,781 --> 00:15:39,181
-I wish she'd just fuck off.
-Oh, Jesus Christ, Carl,
284
00:15:39,261 --> 00:15:40,340
will you stop feeling sorry for
yourself!
285
00:15:40,421 --> 00:15:43,941
You're all the same, whining on and
on and never doing nothing.
286
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:45,860
We've all got problems, you know.
287
00:15:45,941 --> 00:15:47,541
[Katie cries]
288
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:51,421
If Norma bothers you that much,
grow a spine and do something about it,
289
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,181
instead of sitting here crying to me.
290
00:15:53,261 --> 00:15:58,021
[Katie crying]
291
00:15:58,701 --> 00:15:59,620
I weren't crying.
292
00:16:02,181 --> 00:16:03,220
[Frank] One-eighty, love.
293
00:16:03,301 --> 00:16:05,220
And I'll have some of them M&Ms,
son.
294
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:09,500
-What, really?
-Not supposed to at my age,
295
00:16:09,581 --> 00:16:12,380
-but if you don't tell, I won't.
-[scoffs]
296
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:13,821
Whatever floats your boat.
297
00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:16,061
How many d'you want?
298
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,740
Three? Four?
299
00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:19,821
Give us a ten-bob bag
and a bottle of ginger beer.
300
00:16:19,901 --> 00:16:21,340
Wait your turn, you cheeky bastard.
301
00:16:21,421 --> 00:16:23,740
And don't they teach you to say
please where you come from?
302
00:16:23,821 --> 00:16:26,740
All right.
Please will you stop being such a loser
303
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:28,980
and give us a ten-bob bag
and a bottle of ginger beer?
304
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:31,620
-You get nothing, you little ASBO twat.
-Grab it.
305
00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:34,061
-[grunts, indistinct]
-No!
306
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,860
-Oi!
-[lad] Silly old sod!
307
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:42,740
-Are you sure them are M&Ms?
-What? Yeah, M&Ms,
308
00:16:42,821 --> 00:16:44,500
Tic Tacs, Smarties, whatever.
309
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:49,460
Well, go on, bugger off,
you coffin dodger.
310
00:16:50,941 --> 00:16:52,340
[mumbles] ...kin' 'ell.
311
00:16:56,781 --> 00:16:58,181
[Karen] Three-ninety.
312
00:16:59,941 --> 00:17:02,661
A little something from me to you.
313
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:04,781
For our shared future together.
314
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:06,021
Keep the change.
315
00:17:10,261 --> 00:17:12,781
["Piece of My Heart"
by Beverly Knight playing]
316
00:17:19,821 --> 00:17:21,660
You'd hardly know
there was any of you in her.
317
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,581
What's yours is mine.
What's mine's me own.
318
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:27,581
[laughter]
319
00:17:32,381 --> 00:17:34,341
[laughing]
320
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,781
-[Karen] Need a word. Now!
-Yeah, in a minute.
321
00:17:37,301 --> 00:17:39,621
[pop song playing in background]
322
00:17:43,221 --> 00:17:44,061
Karen?
323
00:17:45,581 --> 00:17:48,381
-Hey, give us a minute, will ya?
-I'll give you two if you're good.
324
00:17:48,461 --> 00:17:49,621
[Karen] Fuck off.
325
00:17:54,261 --> 00:17:56,180
-What's going on?
-[Karen] That.
326
00:17:57,420 --> 00:17:59,261
She's just trying
to get a rise out of ya.
327
00:17:59,341 --> 00:18:01,741
Yeah? Well, she's succeeded.
328
00:18:01,821 --> 00:18:05,141
This is a threat. D'you know what it says?
329
00:18:05,221 --> 00:18:07,141
It says she's claiming the baby
we've never even had.
330
00:18:07,221 --> 00:18:09,221
The baby that we've not even talked
about for ourself.
331
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:12,981
It says wherever we go, whatever
we do, the nasty bitch will be there.
332
00:18:13,061 --> 00:18:15,821
'Cause she won't let anything
come between her and her precious son.
333
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,180
Hey, hey, hey,
that "nasty bitch" is still my mother.
334
00:18:19,261 --> 00:18:21,301
What? What?
335
00:18:21,381 --> 00:18:24,261
You can keep your fucking ring
up your fucking arse,
336
00:18:24,341 --> 00:18:28,741
cos it's gonna be a cold day in Moss
Side before I go anywhere near a Maguire!
337
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:30,061
[sighs]
338
00:18:34,221 --> 00:18:35,781
Karen.
339
00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:37,501
[sobbing]
340
00:18:47,141 --> 00:18:48,381
I just got my ring back.
341
00:18:50,581 --> 00:18:52,021
Happy?
342
00:18:52,101 --> 00:18:55,541
-Well, what have I done?
-I don't button up the back, Mum.
343
00:18:57,221 --> 00:19:00,981
If I have to choose between you
and her, there's no competition.
344
00:19:01,061 --> 00:19:02,741
-That's out of line.
-No, you're out of line!
345
00:19:02,821 --> 00:19:05,261
And I've fucking had it with ya!
346
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:13,940
That boy needs to learn
which side his bread's buttered.
347
00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:18,101
Who does that slag think she is,
knocking back my son?
348
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:23,180
["What a Wonderful World"
by Louis Armstrong]
349
00:19:23,261 --> 00:19:28,221
♪ I see trees of green
Red roses, too ♪
350
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,221
-Here y'are.
-[woman 1] Thanks a lot, love.
351
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:32,781
[Frank]
Make your day go with a swing. [chuckles]
352
00:19:32,861 --> 00:19:35,061
-[song continues] ♪ For me and you ♪
-[Frank] Here are, mate.
353
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,940
[song continues]
♪ And I think to myself ♪
354
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:41,581
[Frank laughing] Here, go on.
[unintelligible] ...with ya!
355
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:43,141
[lad 1] Thanks, mister!
356
00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:45,700
-[Frank] Eh-up... [unintelligible]
-[man 1] Cheers, Frank.
357
00:19:45,781 --> 00:19:48,101
-[Frank shouts] Let's party!
-[cheering]
358
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:52,341
-[Frank laughing]
-[song continues] ♪ I think to myself ♪
359
00:19:54,341 --> 00:19:59,021
♪ What a wonderful world ♪
360
00:19:59,101 --> 00:20:02,741
[song fades out]
361
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:13,301
All right, Carl, love?
362
00:20:14,221 --> 00:20:15,940
[Monica clears throat]
363
00:20:16,021 --> 00:20:18,700
I was hoping to have a word.
364
00:20:18,781 --> 00:20:21,461
You know, about what you saw before?
365
00:20:21,541 --> 00:20:23,180
It wasn't what you might think.
366
00:20:23,261 --> 00:20:26,180
You see, I've got these women's
problems, and, um...
367
00:20:26,261 --> 00:20:30,781
I'd just painted my nails,
so I asked Norma to help me,
368
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:33,900
but she's quite short-sighted,
so she had to get very close.
369
00:20:33,981 --> 00:20:38,700
She'd just painted her nails as well,
so she was helping me out...
370
00:20:38,781 --> 00:20:41,821
with her teeth,
and, um, you know... [sighs]
371
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,660
Do I look like I were born yesterday?
372
00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:50,981
All right, all right kiddies,
plenty for everybody.
373
00:20:51,061 --> 00:20:52,541
[customer] I want one of them.
I want a flake on mine.
374
00:20:52,621 --> 00:20:54,781
-[customer 1] I want bits on mine.
-[father] Oi! Get out the van!
375
00:20:54,861 --> 00:20:56,221
Get out of the fucking van!
376
00:20:59,221 --> 00:21:00,660
Get out of the fucking van!
377
00:21:00,741 --> 00:21:01,821
All right, all right!
378
00:21:02,981 --> 00:21:06,301
Keep your hair on,
Freddie fucking Flintoff.
379
00:21:07,461 --> 00:21:09,700
You could at least have the decency
to show some remorse.
380
00:21:09,781 --> 00:21:13,261
Hey, don't get me started
on remorse, mate.
381
00:21:13,341 --> 00:21:15,741
I am full of fucking remorse.
382
00:21:15,821 --> 00:21:17,581
-Smart arse.
-Dad, that weren't him.
383
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,660
It was that van,
but it were a different bloke.
384
00:21:21,221 --> 00:21:25,141
Problem solved.
Case of mistaken identity, Holmes.
385
00:21:25,221 --> 00:21:28,381
-Happens all the time.
-Shut the fuck up!
386
00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:31,700
-Give us the keys.
-Ah, keys.
387
00:21:31,781 --> 00:21:34,501
Opens the door
to a world of possibilities.
388
00:21:35,821 --> 00:21:39,021
-[ice cream van jingle]
-[brakes screeching]
389
00:21:42,861 --> 00:21:44,621
[imitates shooting sound]
390
00:21:48,101 --> 00:21:51,021
[indistinct chatter]
391
00:21:52,101 --> 00:21:54,861
-[quietly] Fancy a brand new PSP, lads?
-Let's have a look.
392
00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:57,101
-How much?
-[Lip] Just give us 80 quid.
393
00:21:57,180 --> 00:22:00,021
All right, Frank?
I thought you'd be still in casualty.
394
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:01,660
What? Oh, shit.
395
00:22:03,501 --> 00:22:06,781
-Look, I... I can explain, Shane.
-[Shane] Where's your injuries?
396
00:22:06,861 --> 00:22:08,741
I thought they'd kick
the living shit out of ya.
397
00:22:08,821 --> 00:22:10,460
-What?
-[Shane] They were gonna batter me,
398
00:22:10,541 --> 00:22:12,141
how come they didn't batter you?
399
00:22:12,221 --> 00:22:13,541
You what?
400
00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:18,501
Oh, I get it.
Send out the human fucking punch bag?
401
00:22:18,581 --> 00:22:19,460
Where's the van?
402
00:22:20,741 --> 00:22:22,301
Gone.
403
00:22:22,381 --> 00:22:25,541
The wafers, the pop,
the gobstoppers, it's gone, all of it.
404
00:22:25,621 --> 00:22:27,101
How could you lose the van!
405
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,180
-[glass shattering]
-[bar patrons gasping]
406
00:22:29,261 --> 00:22:31,141
Me mam's gonna fucking kill me.
407
00:22:31,221 --> 00:22:33,700
They were very unreasonable people.
408
00:22:33,781 --> 00:22:36,341
I am gonna die because of you,
you dickhead!
409
00:22:36,420 --> 00:22:38,741
No, no, it's, I mean, you know,
she might be a little upset,
410
00:22:38,821 --> 00:22:41,061
but she's not gonna wanna lose
two in the same year, is she?
411
00:22:41,141 --> 00:22:42,940
I'm not gonna fucking die. You are.
412
00:22:43,021 --> 00:22:44,061
Is that the police station?
413
00:22:44,141 --> 00:22:47,621
If you don't get that fucking van back,
you fucking knobhead!
414
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,501
-That's enough, Shane!
-[Shane grunts]
415
00:22:49,581 --> 00:22:50,621
[growls]
416
00:22:56,861 --> 00:22:59,981
Well, you could at least buy
a traumatised man a fucking drink.
417
00:23:00,061 --> 00:23:02,660
I'm skint. I was hoping to tap you.
418
00:23:02,741 --> 00:23:05,381
What? Have we met?
419
00:23:09,061 --> 00:23:10,141
No one move.
420
00:23:10,221 --> 00:23:12,700
Fuck me, it's RoboCunt.
421
00:23:12,781 --> 00:23:14,141
You moderate your language.
422
00:23:14,221 --> 00:23:17,861
We've had a call about a disturbance.
Everyone just take it easy.
423
00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:19,261
Get on the ground, all of you.
424
00:23:19,341 --> 00:23:21,781
Oh, fuck off,
I've had enough for one day.
425
00:23:21,861 --> 00:23:23,381
Do not leave the scene.
426
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:24,861
He was the one that got robbed!
427
00:23:24,940 --> 00:23:27,501
-Stay where you are.
-What's he supposed to have done?
428
00:23:27,581 --> 00:23:30,341
-Is that stolen property?
-[Lip] No, it's mine!
429
00:23:31,821 --> 00:23:34,141
-[taser buzzes]
-[all gasp]
430
00:23:34,221 --> 00:23:35,781
Fucking hell! What are you doing?
431
00:23:39,061 --> 00:23:40,900
-Carrie, that's enough.
-Fuck sake, that's it.
432
00:23:40,981 --> 00:23:42,660
You're out of chances.
I'm making this official.
433
00:23:42,741 --> 00:23:43,781
He was resisting arrest.
434
00:23:43,861 --> 00:23:46,381
Yeah, that's cos he didn't do anything...
435
00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:47,501
Carrie!
436
00:23:49,821 --> 00:23:51,940
This is still stolen property.
437
00:23:53,741 --> 00:23:55,420
Everybody makes mistakes.
438
00:24:01,460 --> 00:24:04,900
[laughter, sniggering]
439
00:24:07,420 --> 00:24:09,061
What are you doing?
440
00:24:09,141 --> 00:24:12,021
Fall in a canal, come out
with a fucking salmon, you would.
441
00:24:19,180 --> 00:24:24,381
[Mission Impossible theme music]
442
00:24:50,660 --> 00:24:52,621
[woman 2] Oi! Turn bloody light on!
443
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:55,341
-Josh, where's them candles?
-[man 2] Everything's gone off?
444
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:09,541
You little bastard.
445
00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:40,861
Sleep well?
446
00:25:42,381 --> 00:25:46,021
[tyres screeching]
447
00:25:47,981 --> 00:25:49,501
[Paddy] Get in the car, Karen.
448
00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:52,220
-[Karen] No, I'm fine thanks.
-[Paddy] Get... in the car.
449
00:25:52,301 --> 00:25:54,420
[tense music]
450
00:25:57,660 --> 00:25:58,621
[Paddy] Go.
451
00:26:02,021 --> 00:26:05,741
[singing off key]
And I can't take my eyes off you
452
00:26:05,821 --> 00:26:08,581
-[knock at door]
-Occupied.
453
00:26:08,660 --> 00:26:10,021
[Carrie] Sorry, couldn't wait.
454
00:26:13,261 --> 00:26:14,940
It's... it's okay. [chuckles]
455
00:26:15,021 --> 00:26:19,021
[sound of urine trickling]
456
00:26:20,581 --> 00:26:21,420
You all right?
457
00:26:26,940 --> 00:26:29,220
[stammers] It was a mistake.
Stan'll come around.
458
00:26:29,301 --> 00:26:31,981
No, he won't.
He's gonna make an official report.
459
00:26:32,061 --> 00:26:34,621
You'll be cited as a witness.
460
00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:36,660
I need you to be on my side.
461
00:26:36,741 --> 00:26:39,501
[sighs] I don't want to get caught
in the middle of something.
462
00:26:47,141 --> 00:26:48,660
[Carrie] Got any soap in there?
463
00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:57,861
We should be on each other's side, Tom.
464
00:27:05,621 --> 00:27:07,141
I'll let you finish off.
465
00:27:08,700 --> 00:27:10,021
[smirks]
466
00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:18,660
It were an accident.
467
00:27:18,741 --> 00:27:21,581
Customs check the wagons
coming in the country, you know.
468
00:27:21,660 --> 00:27:23,021
They don't check 'em going out.
469
00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:25,821
I can head off right now
and drop you in Baghdad.
470
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,660
No one would be any the wiser.
471
00:27:27,741 --> 00:27:30,460
How long d'you think you would last?
472
00:27:30,541 --> 00:27:34,621
-[call to prayer]
-[man 3 screaming]
473
00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:36,141
You'd better start talking.
474
00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:39,220
Or I get so pissed off,
I get my driving boots on.
475
00:27:41,501 --> 00:27:42,660
Egg mayonnaise?
476
00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:51,621
Respect other people's property, Carl.
477
00:28:06,781 --> 00:28:08,660
[sighs] Idiot.
478
00:28:11,581 --> 00:28:13,381
[Lip] Yes, siree.
479
00:28:14,261 --> 00:28:15,900
Still there?
480
00:28:15,981 --> 00:28:19,660
[chuckles]
It's the gift that keeps giving, baby.
481
00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:21,341
D'you want another go?
482
00:28:21,420 --> 00:28:23,621
Your cock may be
the only thing on your mind,
483
00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:26,501
but hard as it is to believe, Lip,
it's not the only thing on mine.
484
00:28:26,581 --> 00:28:28,980
We're still out of nappies.
She's got a rash.
485
00:28:29,061 --> 00:28:30,980
Your hard-on going to fix that?
486
00:28:33,420 --> 00:28:35,101
It's a misunderstanding.
487
00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:36,861
We want you and Jamie
to be happy together.
488
00:28:36,940 --> 00:28:40,061
Call the wedding back on.
It's what everybody wants.
489
00:28:40,141 --> 00:28:44,301
See, we're not like most families.
Most families can't communicate.
490
00:28:49,781 --> 00:28:52,861
She's maybe
a bit over-enthusiastic at times,
491
00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:56,381
but... well,
it seems a bit harsh to report her.
492
00:28:56,460 --> 00:28:58,220
You could illuminate
Blackpool pleasure beach
493
00:28:58,301 --> 00:29:01,781
with the amount of electricity
she pumped into that Gallagher lad.
494
00:29:01,861 --> 00:29:03,261
I can't sign this.
495
00:29:07,101 --> 00:29:09,341
I-I think she's got a crush on me.
496
00:29:09,420 --> 00:29:12,381
-What?
-We had...
497
00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:14,420
a moment, in the bathroom earlier.
498
00:29:14,501 --> 00:29:16,341
There is something between us.
499
00:29:16,420 --> 00:29:20,501
So, how come she came into my room
flashing her muff,
500
00:29:20,581 --> 00:29:22,220
looking to borrow my underwear?
501
00:29:26,501 --> 00:29:29,180
She's making wankers out the pair of us.
502
00:29:29,261 --> 00:29:30,980
[TV playing in background]
503
00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:32,420
What's happened between you and Carl?
504
00:29:32,501 --> 00:29:34,501
Shouldn't you be at school or something?
505
00:29:34,581 --> 00:29:35,621
What did he see?
506
00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:38,101
[tuts] Look, I don't want to discuss
this with you, Debbie.
507
00:29:38,180 --> 00:29:39,460
It's all about you, isn't it?
508
00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:42,821
-[Debbie] What about him? He's your son.
-Oh, change the record!
509
00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:44,741
I am not an indentured servant.
510
00:29:44,821 --> 00:29:47,741
No, you're not.
But you are a spoilt bitch.
511
00:29:47,821 --> 00:29:50,341
You want all the good stuff
and none of the bad.
512
00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:51,660
Well, there's a lot of bad,
513
00:29:51,741 --> 00:29:53,980
regardless of how my stupid brother
wishes there wasn't.
514
00:29:58,700 --> 00:30:00,501
[emotive music]
515
00:30:06,541 --> 00:30:08,621
-Afternoon.
-[sighs]
516
00:30:08,700 --> 00:30:09,781
What d'you want?
517
00:30:09,861 --> 00:30:12,180
Could we have our van back, please?
518
00:30:12,261 --> 00:30:13,301
No.
519
00:30:15,381 --> 00:30:18,220
Hit him. Fucking smack him one.
520
00:30:18,301 --> 00:30:20,741
Which one of us is he talking to?
521
00:30:20,821 --> 00:30:23,621
[huffs] I don't think it really matters.
522
00:30:23,700 --> 00:30:25,261
Dad, that's the bloke.
523
00:30:26,141 --> 00:30:28,541
-[dramatic music]
-[father] Hey!
524
00:30:28,621 --> 00:30:30,381
You couldn't shut up
for two fucking minutes, could ya?
525
00:30:30,460 --> 00:30:32,180
-I nearly had it.
-You were going to run, you liar.
526
00:30:32,261 --> 00:30:33,141
[father] Oi!
527
00:30:35,861 --> 00:30:39,900
-[grunts] Come 'ere! I'll kill you...
-[Frank mumbling]
528
00:30:41,700 --> 00:30:43,460
We're not so different,
me and you, you know?
529
00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:46,940
Yeah, people often mistake me
for a mental black dyke.
530
00:30:47,021 --> 00:30:48,940
All right, all right. I mean...
531
00:30:49,021 --> 00:30:50,141
with regards to your mam.
532
00:30:50,220 --> 00:30:51,341
How?
533
00:30:52,741 --> 00:30:54,861
Well, we both want her to love us.
534
00:30:54,940 --> 00:30:57,061
Yeah, well, you was loving her plenty
last time I saw.
535
00:30:57,141 --> 00:30:59,460
I am not talking about sex.
536
00:30:59,541 --> 00:31:00,940
I'm talking about love.
537
00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:04,180
The difference is... you've got it.
538
00:31:04,261 --> 00:31:07,341
Why don't you fuck off, then?
Stop living in the back yard.
539
00:31:09,261 --> 00:31:11,101
I've got no choice.
540
00:31:11,180 --> 00:31:13,581
D'you know how humiliating it is for me
541
00:31:13,660 --> 00:31:16,301
living outside your back door
in a camper van?
542
00:31:17,900 --> 00:31:19,261
That's love, mate.
543
00:31:20,501 --> 00:31:23,420
[emotive music]
544
00:31:31,180 --> 00:31:33,741
-[applause, laughter]
-[Lip] Yeah, yeah, take the piss.
545
00:31:33,821 --> 00:31:34,700
[laughter]
546
00:31:34,781 --> 00:31:35,980
Happy days, Lip.
547
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:38,940
If that's you with a hard-on,
you're gonna be a very lonely man.
548
00:31:39,021 --> 00:31:41,301
-It's taped up.
-Mandy must be well happy.
549
00:31:41,381 --> 00:31:42,781
You'd think so.
550
00:31:42,861 --> 00:31:44,621
The only thing
she can think about is money.
551
00:31:44,700 --> 00:31:46,741
How am I supposed
to get a job with that?
552
00:31:46,821 --> 00:31:50,341
Dry your eyes. I kipped
in a fucking bus shelter last night.
553
00:31:50,420 --> 00:31:52,101
So, how many times
have you shot your load?
554
00:31:52,180 --> 00:31:54,381
[chuckles] None of your business,
you cheeky bastard.
555
00:31:54,460 --> 00:31:55,821
No... I've got an idea.
556
00:31:55,900 --> 00:31:58,740
Saw an advert in the paper.
Come 'ere and I'll show ya.
557
00:31:59,861 --> 00:32:01,980
Jez? You haven't seen Karen, have ya?
558
00:32:02,061 --> 00:32:05,541
[grunts] Never showed up for her shift.
And this is her final warning.
559
00:32:06,740 --> 00:32:10,980
Against my better judgment
I might have a solution to your problem.
560
00:32:12,460 --> 00:32:13,541
Service!
561
00:32:14,541 --> 00:32:16,341
[Mimi] Nothing was handed
to us on a plate.
562
00:32:16,420 --> 00:32:19,541
We struggle for what we've got.
That's why we're so close.
563
00:32:19,621 --> 00:32:21,101
Family's important.
564
00:32:21,180 --> 00:32:23,700
Twenty-five years married,
not many can say that these days.
565
00:32:23,781 --> 00:32:25,501
[Mimi] We don't sell gear outside schools.
566
00:32:25,581 --> 00:32:28,821
We have a quiet word if anyone's getting
too far behind with their payments.
567
00:32:28,900 --> 00:32:32,581
I buy the Big Issue off that junkie fucker
that dosses outside the arcade.
568
00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:36,021
We don't understand your objection.
We're good people.
569
00:32:36,101 --> 00:32:38,061
Really? What, that's how you see yourself?
570
00:32:38,141 --> 00:32:40,621
Tell Jamie the wedding's back on.
571
00:32:40,700 --> 00:32:43,581
-You're having a laugh?
-Why all the hostility?
572
00:32:43,660 --> 00:32:47,141
Because you kidnapped me
and tied me to a chair, you fucking luna--
573
00:32:50,740 --> 00:32:52,621
-Fancy a pint?
-[Karen whimpers]
574
00:32:52,700 --> 00:32:53,621
Yeah.
575
00:32:57,940 --> 00:32:59,141
[Carl] Why does it have to be mum, though?
576
00:32:59,220 --> 00:33:01,301
[Norma] Hey, you don't choose
who you fall in love with.
577
00:33:01,381 --> 00:33:04,900
It just happens. For me... Monica is...
578
00:33:06,940 --> 00:33:08,541
Oh, man, she's the one.
579
00:33:08,621 --> 00:33:09,940
What's so special about her?
580
00:33:10,021 --> 00:33:12,700
Man, she's so fragile.
581
00:33:12,781 --> 00:33:14,021
You know, like a, a little...
582
00:33:15,460 --> 00:33:19,821
Oh, I just want to protect her. Save her.
583
00:33:21,980 --> 00:33:23,980
The daft thing is she saved me.
584
00:33:24,061 --> 00:33:25,021
How?
585
00:33:25,101 --> 00:33:26,101
[Norma] Well, I met her
after I got out of prison.
586
00:33:26,180 --> 00:33:29,261
Prison? Why, what did you do?
587
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:30,660
None of your business.
588
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:33,900
My self-destruct button
was well and truly pressed.
589
00:33:35,781 --> 00:33:37,781
Heading for an early grave, me.
590
00:33:37,861 --> 00:33:41,061
Monica, she gave me
a reason to be a better woman,
591
00:33:41,141 --> 00:33:43,541
so I could... look after her.
592
00:33:43,621 --> 00:33:48,581
-So... is that how you become a dyke then?
-[groans]
593
00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:51,180
Sorry. I mean a lezza. In prison?
594
00:33:51,261 --> 00:33:54,621
What, you think women's prisons
are all like some B movies?
595
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:56,061
You know, spend all our days
596
00:33:56,141 --> 00:33:58,061
soaping up each other's tits
in the shower.
597
00:34:01,341 --> 00:34:03,940
Well, yeah,
that's pretty much what it's like, like.
598
00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:09,381
No smoking in the house,
no eating in the bedroom,
599
00:34:09,461 --> 00:34:12,421
no use of television
during selected times.
600
00:34:12,501 --> 00:34:15,260
I like me programmes.
601
00:34:15,340 --> 00:34:19,021
Showers between 8
and 8:30 a.m. only.
602
00:34:19,101 --> 00:34:21,740
How the fuck
did the Nuremberg trials miss you?
603
00:34:21,820 --> 00:34:23,901
Forty pound a week, in advance.
604
00:34:23,981 --> 00:34:25,981
Fifty pound if you're claiming housing.
605
00:34:26,061 --> 00:34:27,340
[Kelly] All right.
606
00:34:31,740 --> 00:34:33,021
What's the idea, anyway?
607
00:34:34,340 --> 00:34:37,300
Ice cream in a fucking van.
608
00:34:37,381 --> 00:34:39,300
I mean, everyone's had
fucking freezers since the 19--
609
00:34:39,381 --> 00:34:40,381
Can I have a pint?
610
00:34:40,461 --> 00:34:41,660
You should be ashamed of yourself,
611
00:34:41,740 --> 00:34:43,700
taking advantage
of an old widow like that.
612
00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:45,901
[Paddy] Where's my fucking van?
613
00:34:45,981 --> 00:34:47,461
[tyres screeching]
614
00:34:48,901 --> 00:34:51,541
Um... they took it.
615
00:34:51,621 --> 00:34:54,660
And they won't give it back to us.
616
00:34:54,740 --> 00:34:56,901
What d'you mean, "us"?
617
00:34:56,981 --> 00:34:58,701
[tuts] Frank offered to help.
618
00:35:00,381 --> 00:35:03,860
-I mean, it was him that lost it.
-So much for fucking solidarity.
619
00:35:03,941 --> 00:35:05,421
[Paddy] We told you to fix it,
620
00:35:05,501 --> 00:35:08,300
not find some other arsehole
to do it for ya.
621
00:35:08,381 --> 00:35:10,181
-No offence, Frank.
-None taken.
622
00:35:10,261 --> 00:35:13,261
-We'll sort this out right now.
-Ow, fuck!
623
00:35:13,340 --> 00:35:16,101
I think I'll leave you to it.
This is family business.
624
00:35:16,181 --> 00:35:19,261
That's a very unlikely outcome,
don't you think, Frank?
625
00:35:20,261 --> 00:35:22,181
[Jamie] Hey, you haven't seen Karen,
have ya?
626
00:35:22,261 --> 00:35:24,181
-[Paddy] No, son.
-She never showed up for work today
627
00:35:24,261 --> 00:35:25,101
and she is not answering her mobile.
628
00:35:25,181 --> 00:35:27,741
-She'll come round.
-Come round to what?
629
00:35:33,860 --> 00:35:36,581
[mobile ringing]
630
00:35:48,381 --> 00:35:50,860
[gasps, screams, moans]
631
00:35:50,941 --> 00:35:54,860
-[crying]
-[mobile continues ringing]
632
00:35:57,661 --> 00:36:02,101
You want retribution
for what my half-wit son did to your lad?
633
00:36:02,181 --> 00:36:04,581
-What d'you mean?
-How much retribution?
634
00:36:04,661 --> 00:36:06,501
Is this enough?
635
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,860
[Shane grunts]
636
00:36:09,461 --> 00:36:12,021
Is that broke?
Yeah, just above the wrist, yeah.
637
00:36:12,101 --> 00:36:14,300
Suppose a break deserves more.
638
00:36:14,981 --> 00:36:15,820
[Shane grunts]
639
00:36:16,860 --> 00:36:18,501
[Shane grunts]
640
00:36:18,581 --> 00:36:19,501
Fuck!
641
00:36:20,820 --> 00:36:21,901
Is that enough?
642
00:36:21,981 --> 00:36:24,661
Hey, give him a couple from me.
The little bastard set me up.
643
00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:27,381
-[Paddy grunts]
-[Frank] Fuck!
644
00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:30,661
More?
645
00:36:30,741 --> 00:36:34,421
-Uh... no, that's enough.
-Are you sure?
646
00:36:34,501 --> 00:36:36,501
-Yeah.
-Good.
647
00:36:36,581 --> 00:36:37,780
Keys.
648
00:36:40,340 --> 00:36:41,421
Ta.
649
00:36:45,021 --> 00:36:48,021
[mumbles] Fucking hell.
650
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:51,261
Dad?
651
00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:54,021
Mum, are you in?
652
00:36:55,621 --> 00:36:56,701
Fucking hell!
653
00:36:58,101 --> 00:36:59,061
[sighs]
654
00:37:00,461 --> 00:37:05,021
-[mobile phone ringing]
-[muffled sobbing]
655
00:37:13,461 --> 00:37:15,421
Jesus Christ!
656
00:37:15,501 --> 00:37:17,261
What have they done to ya?
657
00:37:20,021 --> 00:37:22,021
[crying]
658
00:37:24,101 --> 00:37:26,021
[tyres screeching]
659
00:37:27,141 --> 00:37:30,981
Here are, get these down ya.
And let bygones and all that shite.
660
00:37:33,501 --> 00:37:36,061
You know, if it's all the same,
I think I'll leave you to it.
661
00:37:36,141 --> 00:37:39,541
You know, family bonding and all that.
662
00:37:44,300 --> 00:37:46,661
[Paddy, Mimi chuckle]
663
00:37:53,300 --> 00:37:56,101
Let's get something straight.
664
00:37:56,181 --> 00:37:59,941
If she doesn't wanna be with me,
then that's totally up to her.
665
00:38:00,021 --> 00:38:02,141
But it's her decision
and you'll respect that.
666
00:38:02,221 --> 00:38:04,221
We were only trying to get to know her.
667
00:38:04,300 --> 00:38:06,501
You were bullying your way
to get what you want!
668
00:38:06,581 --> 00:38:08,461
[Paddy] That's enough.
669
00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:12,541
I want you to know,
if it doesn't stop, I'm gone.
670
00:38:12,621 --> 00:38:15,380
You're choosing her over the family?
671
00:38:16,901 --> 00:38:18,541
I won't bother you again.
672
00:38:22,541 --> 00:38:24,541
-[laughter]
-Jamie?
673
00:38:24,621 --> 00:38:26,701
-What's going on?
-Don't ask.
674
00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:31,820
-[Lip, Ian laughing]
-I can't believe it. She's gonna kill me!
675
00:38:31,901 --> 00:38:35,581
[Lip, Ian laughing]
676
00:38:35,661 --> 00:38:37,581
And what's so important
I had to come down here?
677
00:38:37,661 --> 00:38:40,780
-[Lip, Ian giggling]
-I haven't got time for this.
678
00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:44,340
-Stop!
-[both continue giggling]
679
00:38:44,421 --> 00:38:45,380
This.
680
00:38:46,340 --> 00:38:48,021
How did ya--
681
00:38:48,101 --> 00:38:50,061
-Did you go with somebody?
-No!
682
00:38:50,141 --> 00:38:53,021
-Lip!
-[Lip, Ian giggling]
683
00:38:53,981 --> 00:38:55,941
-Sperm bank.
-[both continue laughing]
684
00:38:56,021 --> 00:38:57,701
It were his idea.
685
00:38:59,221 --> 00:39:03,380
We went to four.
50 quid a shot, three more tomorrow.
686
00:39:03,461 --> 00:39:06,101
-Fifty quid?
-[continue laughing]
687
00:39:06,181 --> 00:39:07,741
[Mandy chuckles]
688
00:39:07,820 --> 00:39:10,300
[Lip] You owe me 250 after this morning.
689
00:39:11,461 --> 00:39:13,741
[Mandy chuckles] I'll work it off.
690
00:39:13,820 --> 00:39:14,981
[Lip, Mandy, Ian laughing]
691
00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:20,300
[emotive music]
692
00:39:21,661 --> 00:39:24,261
-Go on.
-Thanks.
693
00:39:38,860 --> 00:39:39,860
Mum?
694
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:44,941
-[bed creaking]
-[moaning]
695
00:39:45,021 --> 00:39:48,981
Oh! Oh, God! Stop! What d'you want?
696
00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:51,300
It's a birthday cake.
697
00:39:51,380 --> 00:39:53,461
[Monica, Frank moaning, gasping]
698
00:39:53,541 --> 00:39:54,501
Happy birthday!
699
00:39:54,581 --> 00:39:59,061
[both moaning]
700
00:39:59,141 --> 00:40:04,181
[laughter]
701
00:40:04,261 --> 00:40:06,181
Oh, shit!
702
00:40:06,261 --> 00:40:09,581
It's all right, keep your hair on.
It's just a spot check.
703
00:40:09,661 --> 00:40:11,340
[giggling]
704
00:40:12,501 --> 00:40:14,941
[Stan] Hey, get a grip on yourself.
705
00:40:15,021 --> 00:40:17,860
Stop letting your personal life
interfere with your work.
706
00:40:17,941 --> 00:40:19,141
I'm not.
707
00:40:19,221 --> 00:40:20,541
What's so funny?
708
00:40:20,621 --> 00:40:22,021
[Ian, Lip chuckle]
709
00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:24,581
You're a Maguire, aren't you?
710
00:40:26,300 --> 00:40:28,661
You should be thankful
we're not making a formal complaint.
711
00:40:28,741 --> 00:40:30,261
No need to over-react.
712
00:40:30,340 --> 00:40:32,141
He could be damaged for life.
713
00:40:34,061 --> 00:40:36,981
-Still there?
-He's bluffing.
714
00:40:42,741 --> 00:40:44,860
For God's sake, woman. Have you no shame?
715
00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:50,581
Feel free to let go of
my boyfriend's cock any time.
716
00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:57,461
And we'll have his PlayStation back.
717
00:40:57,541 --> 00:40:59,701
Soon as you're ready.
718
00:40:59,780 --> 00:41:02,501
It's in the glove compartment.
I'll get it.
719
00:41:09,541 --> 00:41:11,901
You can leave now.
720
00:41:11,981 --> 00:41:13,221
Till next time.
721
00:41:15,581 --> 00:41:16,421
[Lip sighs]
722
00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:19,261
[lip, Ian laughing]
723
00:41:21,021 --> 00:41:23,901
[mellow music playing in background]
724
00:41:35,860 --> 00:41:37,380
Karen, don't.
725
00:41:37,461 --> 00:41:39,101
This is gonna be hard enough as it is.
726
00:41:40,461 --> 00:41:41,621
What is?
727
00:41:42,820 --> 00:41:44,141
You and me not...
728
00:41:45,581 --> 00:41:46,981
getting married.
729
00:41:47,061 --> 00:41:48,181
Being together.
730
00:41:49,300 --> 00:41:53,741
After what you've just done,
d'you think I can just walk away?
731
00:41:56,021 --> 00:41:57,340
[sighs happily]
732
00:42:07,581 --> 00:42:09,141
Looks like the wedding's back on.
733
00:42:13,981 --> 00:42:15,701
We did it, sweetheart.
734
00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:17,621
-[man 4 mutters]
-I'm fucking made up.
735
00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:25,181
She's got no shame.
736
00:42:25,261 --> 00:42:27,021
I had no idea, Lillian.
737
00:42:27,101 --> 00:42:29,501
If you want her out, just say the word.
738
00:42:29,581 --> 00:42:31,021
Why would I want her out?
739
00:42:31,101 --> 00:42:33,261
Every time
she has a gentleman caller round,
740
00:42:33,340 --> 00:42:35,061
I get an extra fiver.
741
00:42:42,780 --> 00:42:45,741
You keep getting
the wrong end of the stick, Tom.
742
00:42:45,820 --> 00:42:48,181
You had a pretty firm hold of it
from where I was standing.
743
00:42:48,261 --> 00:42:49,581
Don't be like that.
744
00:42:51,340 --> 00:42:53,061
I need your help.
745
00:42:53,141 --> 00:42:54,901
I'm sorry, I-I'm far too busy.
746
00:42:59,820 --> 00:43:01,181
Please?
747
00:43:05,421 --> 00:43:08,021
This doesn't change anything.
I'll still gonna have to report you.
748
00:43:08,101 --> 00:43:11,701
But it, it's, it's good we can separate
the personal from the professional.
749
00:43:11,780 --> 00:43:13,981
I had an inkling, you know,
when we first met.
750
00:43:14,061 --> 00:43:15,621
I thought I saw you looking at me arse.
751
00:43:15,701 --> 00:43:17,461
I've got quite a good arse for--
Good grief!
752
00:43:17,541 --> 00:43:20,141
[sexy music]
753
00:43:20,221 --> 00:43:21,860
What's going on?
754
00:43:21,941 --> 00:43:23,380
-Are you two--
-No, no, no!
755
00:43:23,461 --> 00:43:24,860
[stammers] It was a moment of weakness.
756
00:43:24,941 --> 00:43:28,181
How can you report someone
you're sleeping with, unless-- [gasps]
757
00:43:28,261 --> 00:43:30,421
-Unless you're blackmailing her!
-What?
758
00:43:30,501 --> 00:43:33,141
Are you forcing her to sleep with you,
so you won't report her?
759
00:43:33,221 --> 00:43:35,421
-No, no, no! I never...Carrie, tell him.
-[Carrie whimpers]
760
00:43:38,820 --> 00:43:43,101
Look... Forget about the report.
Okay?
761
00:43:43,181 --> 00:43:46,501
We'll just start with a clean slate.
I dunno what I was thinking.
762
00:43:53,981 --> 00:43:56,621
[giggles]
763
00:43:59,461 --> 00:44:02,261
[laughter]
764
00:44:02,340 --> 00:44:04,900
You've outdone yourself, Carl.
This is dead tasty.
765
00:44:04,981 --> 00:44:07,461
It weren't really me.
It was Lillian and Carol.
766
00:44:07,541 --> 00:44:11,181
-[Debbie] Cheers, Carol.
-[indistinct] Cheers!
767
00:44:11,261 --> 00:44:13,181
[Lip, Ian] Happy days.
768
00:44:13,261 --> 00:44:14,101
Here we go.
769
00:44:14,181 --> 00:44:16,501
[Frank] An occasion like this
demands a toast.
770
00:44:16,581 --> 00:44:20,261
-In difficult times like these--
-What difficult times?
771
00:44:20,340 --> 00:44:21,461
Well, you know...
772
00:44:21,541 --> 00:44:25,061
-[Katie] Da-da.
-No, I've started, so I'll finish.
773
00:44:25,141 --> 00:44:28,181
Our boys are abroad
fighting for democracy.
774
00:44:28,261 --> 00:44:30,340
But you said
they were all oil thieving bastards.
775
00:44:30,421 --> 00:44:31,340
[laughter]
776
00:44:31,421 --> 00:44:35,021
Yes, they are!
But they're thieving the oil for us.
777
00:44:35,101 --> 00:44:38,380
I mean, what are they gonna use it for?
Fucking floodlit camel racing?
778
00:44:38,461 --> 00:44:40,300
It's imperialism all over again.
779
00:44:40,380 --> 00:44:41,661
[Frank] Well, what's wrong with that?
780
00:44:41,741 --> 00:44:44,701
The British Empire
civilised half of the entire world.
781
00:44:44,780 --> 00:44:47,141
It was a very beneficial arrangement.
782
00:44:47,221 --> 00:44:48,661
[chuckles] Yeah, for us, maybe.
783
00:44:48,741 --> 00:44:52,981
No, no! You know, for everybody!
The brotherhood of man.
784
00:44:53,061 --> 00:44:54,780
[Carol singing]
Kisses for me
785
00:44:54,860 --> 00:44:58,461
-Oh, those were the days.
-No, that were Mary Hopkins.
786
00:44:58,541 --> 00:45:02,741
[singing] Those were the days, my
friend, I thought they'd never end
787
00:45:02,820 --> 00:45:04,541
I love Time Warp, man.
788
00:45:04,621 --> 00:45:07,300
[Carl] I'm not saying the bloke
that wrote the poem was wrong.
789
00:45:07,380 --> 00:45:10,820
Shelley and Lord Byron and them
are supposed to be pretty smart,
790
00:45:10,900 --> 00:45:13,860
so maybe it's possible
for your parents to fuck you up.
791
00:45:13,941 --> 00:45:15,820
But in a good way.
792
00:45:15,900 --> 00:45:20,421
[upbeat music]
793
00:45:23,900 --> 00:45:26,741
[Carl] Maybe we're not normal.
So, what?
794
00:45:39,061 --> 00:45:41,541
"Normal" is the opposite to "special".
795
00:45:41,621 --> 00:45:44,261
There's no doubting
the Gallagher's are a special family.
796
00:45:44,340 --> 00:45:48,021
[upbeat music continues]
797
00:45:52,261 --> 00:45:54,141
[Carl] Or is that "special needs"?
798
00:45:56,380 --> 00:45:57,900
[Norma] I want Monica back.
799
00:45:57,981 --> 00:46:00,581
You'll piss off and I'll get her.
I'll give you a grand.
800
00:46:00,661 --> 00:46:01,741
I know you're gay.
801
00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:03,221
[Lip] It's disgusting.
802
00:46:04,380 --> 00:46:07,221
Bomb's gone off or something.
Somewhere near yours.
803
00:46:07,300 --> 00:46:10,380
You've had Semtex in this house.
804
00:46:10,461 --> 00:46:12,501
You promised never again, Padday.
805
00:46:12,581 --> 00:46:14,501
There's another one gone off
outside the bus station.
806
00:46:14,581 --> 00:46:15,421
[indistinct yelling]
807
00:46:15,501 --> 00:46:17,621
[male officer]
Which organisation do you work for?
808
00:46:17,701 --> 00:46:20,581
You'll get another sentence
out of me until my lawyer gets here!
809
00:46:20,661 --> 00:46:24,021
Norma Starkey is pressing charges
for attempted rape.
810
00:46:24,101 --> 00:46:25,780
No, means no, Frank.
58251
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