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1
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[intro music]
2
00:00:06,460 --> 00:00:08,341
[Frank] Now, nobody's saying
the Chatsworth Estate
3
00:00:08,421 --> 00:00:11,740
is the Garden of Eden,
but it's been a good home to us,
4
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:15,701
to me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of,
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cos every single one of 'em
reminds me a little of me.
6
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See, they can all think for themselves,
which they've got me to thank for.
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[Lip] Quick, leg it!
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[Frank] Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,
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which is why
nobody calls him Philip anymore.
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Ian, lot like his mam,
which is handy for the others,
11
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,821
cos she's disappeared into thin air.
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And Carl.
13
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We daren't let him grow his hair
for two reasons.
14
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One, it makes it stand on end
and makes him look like Toyah.
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Two, nits love him.
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Debbie, sent by God, total angel.
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You've to check your change,
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00:00:46,741 --> 00:00:49,620
but she'll go miles out of her way
to do you a favour.
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Plus lickle Liam,
who's gonna be a star some day.
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Sheila, me bird.
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Couldn't be happier.
One plate short of a full set, like.
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And fantastic neighbours.
Kev and Veronica, lend ya anything.
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Well, almost anything.
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Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell.
25
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Last of the lonely hearts
and a psychologist's wet dream.
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Still, nobody's perfect.
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But all of 'em to a man
know first and foremost
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one of the most vital necessities
in life is they know how to throw a party!
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Scatter!
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[upbeat music]
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[Debbie] The thing about surprises is
they're better to give than to receive.
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Like 18th birthday parties.
The fun part is the planning.
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You get to make the list, tick things off,
delegate jobs and be in charge.
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While the other person you're doing it for
just has to pretend they haven't noticed.
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Which of course they always have.
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-Debs!
-Cos everyone's acting so weird.
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[upbeat music continues]
38
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See ya later.
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Come on.
40
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Carl!
41
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Who's put that there?
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[all laugh]
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[Carl] Who puts a fucking pizza on a seat?
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[Debbie]
The real surprise in life, though,
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you never get any warning about.
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[in panic] Oh!
47
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[fire roaring]
48
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Shit!
49
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What the... ?
50
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[grunting]
51
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Oh! Fucking hell!
52
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-[slams]
-[screams]
53
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[groaning]
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[dog barks]
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[dog grunts]
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[coughs]
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[dog crying]
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[paramedic] Is there a next of kin?
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[nurse] There are two listed here,
both wives, which one should I call?
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[paramedic] Whichever one bloody answers!
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So, where's me present, then?
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You'll have to wait till tomorrow,
down the Trafford Centre.
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Should I be worried?
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[western movie music]
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-Guys!
-Shit!
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[music intensifies]
67
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[Mandy] Dad, Mum, over here.
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Happy birthday, Philip.
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Here's my baby!
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Aw, I knew you'd miss me! [kiss]
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Take it, then.
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Thanks, Paddy.
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[Paddy] You're welcome.
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So...
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You're a grown man now, Philip.
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You've come of age.
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And with that comes responsibility.
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A knuckle duster.
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Shane, Micky...
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Come on, then.
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Bring the box.
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What the fuck you doing?
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A little birthday treat.
Our way of saying welcome to the clan.
84
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-No!
-Go on! Give him one!
85
00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:27,901
You're joking! I'm not hitting
some random bloke!
86
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-He owes us money, don't you?
-What?
87
00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:30,861
Which means he owes you, Philip.
88
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:31,781
You what?
89
00:05:31,861 --> 00:05:34,421
I haven't exactly noticed
you turning into Rockafella lately.
90
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,620
And if you're gonna swan about,
sponging off me,
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there's some jobs I want doing.
92
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Right.
93
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[giggles]
94
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[anxious breathing]
95
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[groans]
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-[Lip] Give her to me!
-[Mimi] What?
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She's my daughter. I'll support her.
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Her and Mandy.
And I don't need help from you, Paddy!
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Fine. Not another penny from us.
See how long you last.
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A lifetime!
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-[Paddy] Mandy?
-I'm with Lip, Dad.
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Leave it!
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There's more than one way to skin a cunt.
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[Lillian ] I was just saying, Patrick.
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Hasn't little Katie got Frank's eyes?
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-What's going on?
-I don't know.
107
00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:38,981
Nothing to see here. Just some drunk
who set fire to his dinner.
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-Is he...?
-He's our dad.
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He'll be fine.
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[fireman] Live another day
to waste our time.
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You might wanna give him this.
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Come on, Liam.
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Just through here, Mrs. Gallagher.
114
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[thrilling sound]
115
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We've given him some fluids,
pumped his stomach.
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And a rabies jab for the dog bites.
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Quite a night he's had.
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[suspenseful music]
119
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[romantic music]
120
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[upbeat music]
121
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[tapping]
122
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Oi!
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Open the fucking door!
124
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Kev?
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Kev! Veronica!
126
00:07:43,781 --> 00:07:45,740
-There's no answer.
-They're still not back, Yvonne,
127
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:47,581
and there's 12 bottles of milk there.
128
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Where the hell are they?
129
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Booze run don't take this long.
130
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Look, I've told you!
I don't know where they are!
131
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Ow!
132
00:07:57,541 --> 00:08:01,661
All Marty said was they were going abroad
and that they were sharing the driving.
133
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,060
Well, I lent 'em 200 quid.
134
00:08:03,141 --> 00:08:05,581
And now I find out
they've had 20 off of Lillian an all.
135
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And 500 off Jez.
136
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[Carol] Oh, God!
137
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If they've done a runner,
I'll have to move!
138
00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:10,981
They haven't done a runner!
139
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:13,581
Look, if Kev and Veronica
were doing a moonlight flit,
140
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they wouldn't take Marty with 'em,
would they?
141
00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:16,301
No! See?
142
00:08:16,901 --> 00:08:17,781
So they'll be back.
143
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,541
By... tonight, I think they said.
144
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They promised me.
145
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And they promised me
I'd have me money back last week.
146
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Three biggest lies, eh?
147
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Big is beautiful,
your cheque's in the post,
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and I won't come in your fucking mouth!
149
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God! Women, eh?
150
00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:46,421
All is darkness without you
till you get a ring on their finger.
151
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Then they can't stand by you
in your hour of need.
152
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You set fire to your dinner, Frank!
153
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Be thankful she's there
the rest of the time.
154
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,821
Oh! How silly of me
to think someone cares!
155
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:57,861
But the fact is,
156
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your mother would rather do
a Latticework Pastries Of Denmark course
157
00:09:01,261 --> 00:09:03,141
than save me from the flames.
158
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:04,661
You should be on the stage.
159
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:07,021
Same again please, Jez.
160
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All right, love.
161
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:13,741
You're covered in sick!
162
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Son, you're ugly,
but tomorrow I shall be clean!
163
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:22,460
-Happy birthday, Lip.
-Oh! Thanks, Jez!
164
00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:24,901
So what did you get him then, Frank?
165
00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:25,821
BMW?
166
00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:29,541
What I give my kiddies, money can't buy.
167
00:09:29,621 --> 00:09:30,781
That's handy.
168
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:37,340
-Oh, right! '89!
-CD from the year you were born.
169
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-Shall we put it on?
-Yeah, why not?
170
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Cheers, Jez.
171
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We nearly lost you in the womb, Philip.
172
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Yeah...
173
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,061
Monica nigh on miscarried
174
00:09:47,141 --> 00:09:50,141
when Margaret "fuck you up the arse"
Thatcher fucked us up the arse
175
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:52,421
by getting in
for an "historic third term."
176
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:55,021
Thank fuck ecstasy turned up.
177
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,021
Happy Mondays indeed!
178
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That's not right, Frank.
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00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:02,301
She couldn't have been pregnant
at election time. That were '87.
180
00:10:02,381 --> 00:10:06,541
-Look, Lillian, love, do you not think--?
- Allow me the dream, 1987,
181
00:10:06,621 --> 00:10:08,261
that were my Brendan's 40th,
182
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:10,421
but we had to cancel the party,
we were depressed.
183
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:13,901
So we went to Brighton instead,
great big hurricane,
184
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,901
Brendan got hit with a flying beach hut.
185
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:18,061
Terrible year.
186
00:10:19,301 --> 00:10:21,821
Oh, that's right!
Cos you were born in '88.
187
00:10:21,901 --> 00:10:23,460
[ominous music]
188
00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:27,901
Cos... we registered you a year after!
189
00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:29,340
Cos we were going to do it,
190
00:10:29,941 --> 00:10:31,100
but...
191
00:10:31,181 --> 00:10:32,141
But?
192
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,980
We ended up in Ladbrokes! Big win!
193
00:10:36,061 --> 00:10:37,741
[Frank laughs]
194
00:10:38,661 --> 00:10:39,501
Happy days.
195
00:10:40,621 --> 00:10:42,261
Yeah, we went out, got wankered.
196
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,501
Think Monica left you on a bus.
197
00:10:44,581 --> 00:10:46,621
So, you're saying I were born in '88?
198
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,301
You having a fuckin' laugh?
199
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,701
That means I'm 19!
200
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:52,460
18, 19, whatever!
201
00:10:52,541 --> 00:10:53,381
Whatever?
202
00:10:54,061 --> 00:10:55,901
That's my fucking life!
203
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:59,980
That means I went to school a year late!
It means I were 18 a year ago!
204
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,781
[Frank]
Happy birthday for last year, then.
205
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:06,901
[pop-rock music playing]
206
00:11:15,781 --> 00:11:18,061
-Mandy, Mandy...
-He's coming, Debbie!
207
00:11:18,141 --> 00:11:19,100
[Debbie] Ok, quick then!
208
00:11:19,181 --> 00:11:20,181
[turns off music]
209
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:23,061
[all] Happy birthday!
210
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,740
[clapping and cheering]
211
00:11:24,821 --> 00:11:26,220
[Debbie] Ta-da!
212
00:11:26,301 --> 00:11:28,860
Sorry about the cake,
Sheila's one got melted in the fire.
213
00:11:28,941 --> 00:11:29,740
Thanks to Dad.
214
00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:32,661
Don't worry about it! It's great.
215
00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:34,581
[Monica] Go on then! Make a wish!
216
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,541
[suspenseful music]
217
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:38,701
-Mum?
-Happy birthday!
218
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,661
-[Monica chuckles]
-[Carl] what are you doing here?
219
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:45,460
Well, I'm not gonna miss
Lip's 19th birthday, am I? [chuckles]
220
00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:47,621
Happy birthday, darling!
221
00:11:47,701 --> 00:11:50,421
Well, you missed Fiona's.
You always miss 'em.
222
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,261
You never even send a card.
223
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:56,021
Yeah, well that was the past.
I'm here now. So happy birthday!
224
00:11:57,381 --> 00:11:58,860
Someone going to get us a drink?
[turns on pop music]
225
00:11:58,941 --> 00:12:00,421
Yeah, I'll go and get it now.
226
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:01,661
[Monica] Thanks!
227
00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:03,141
Er, Mum.
228
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:04,501
This is Mandy.
229
00:12:04,581 --> 00:12:06,821
Oh, all right, Mandy?
230
00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:09,181
-Have you got him a present, then?
-Oh, yeah!
231
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:10,860
I've got you all presents.
232
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:18,021
This is for Debbie and this is for Carl.
233
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:22,541
-Oh, yeah, and this is for Liam.
-Where's Norma?
234
00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:24,501
Well, I'm not gonna bring Norma, am I?
235
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:25,821
Well, you usually do.
236
00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:27,340
She is your girlfriend.
237
00:12:27,421 --> 00:12:30,100
We're not joined at the hip, Debbie.
238
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:33,381
Go on then! Open your prezzies.
239
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,301
Here, Mum.
240
00:12:34,381 --> 00:12:35,740
Oh, ta, love.
241
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:45,821
[suspenseful music]
242
00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:56,541
You can cut the act now, Mum.
243
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:58,581
Norma's thrown you out, hasn't she?
244
00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:00,860
No.
245
00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:03,541
Oh, yeah?
Then why is all your stuff outside?
246
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,860
You've not come back
for Lip's birthday at all!
247
00:13:06,941 --> 00:13:12,581
Not just that, no, Debbie,
but Norma hasn't thrown me out.
248
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,021
I've left her.
249
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,301
I've come back.
250
00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:19,220
To be with my babies!
251
00:13:19,301 --> 00:13:20,421
For good.
252
00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:23,340
[suspenseful music]
253
00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:30,100
Debbie, we can't kick her out.
It's still technically her house.
254
00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:32,821
She can't just come back
whenever she feels like it.
255
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:35,141
She hasn't even said sorry.
256
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,301
Well, I'm glad she's back.
257
00:13:36,381 --> 00:13:39,220
She'll just take over
and she won't pay her own way.
258
00:13:40,261 --> 00:13:42,381
Will you just tell her
that it's not a hotel?
259
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,381
I can't, Debs.
260
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:46,980
You're just gonna have to ignore her.
Hopefully she'll fuck off soon.
261
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,541
I'm not going to deny Katie a grandma.
I'm sorry.
262
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,381
Wicked!
263
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:02,740
Fuck! Shit!
264
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,501
Oops!
265
00:14:07,620 --> 00:14:08,781
Oh, no!
266
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:10,100
Oh!
267
00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:13,340
What you doing, Debs?
268
00:14:13,421 --> 00:14:14,901
[Monica weeps and sighs]
269
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,941
[reporter reading the news on TV]
270
00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:19,301
Oh, my god, no!
271
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,100
Quick, you lot,
come and have a look at this!
272
00:14:22,181 --> 00:14:23,141
Lip!
273
00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:27,860
On the telly! Look!
274
00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:31,021
[reporter] Good evening.
275
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:35,781
Kevin and Veronica Ball from Manchester
were arrested in Bucharest yesterday
276
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,781
after trying to buy a baby
from a Romanian orphanage.
277
00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:39,701
Shit!
278
00:14:39,781 --> 00:14:41,381
Veronica!
279
00:14:42,421 --> 00:14:45,980
Stephanie Williams is with the Foreign
Office official outside court in Bucharest
280
00:14:46,061 --> 00:14:48,620
who is awaiting the couple's arrival.
281
00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:51,821
[woman] Can you tell us the situation
regarding the English couple this morning?
282
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:55,100
We at the Foreign Office
are doing everything in our power
283
00:14:55,181 --> 00:14:57,301
to get the two
British nationals extradited,
284
00:14:57,381 --> 00:14:59,901
and we believe
there's every hope of success.
285
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,541
[Veronica] Watch it! Get off me!
286
00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,821
Get off me! [Veronica screams]
287
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,301
[groans]
288
00:15:07,381 --> 00:15:09,661
[Lip] Oof! Come on, V!
289
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:10,541
Cool!
290
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:13,141
[screaming in Romanian]
-[Kevin] She didn't mean that! V!
291
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,620
-[Veronica screams]
-[Kevin] Hey, we're innocent!
292
00:15:14,701 --> 00:15:16,301
Get off her!
293
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,301
[muffled screams]
294
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:22,261
Er, on the other hand, I think
they could be looking at six years.
295
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:24,980
He's my son!
296
00:15:25,061 --> 00:15:26,821
We paid good money for him!
297
00:15:26,901 --> 00:15:29,100
Fucking hell, Kev!
298
00:15:29,181 --> 00:15:31,100
Looks like the end of my money, then.
299
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:35,901
Hey, neither a lender
nor borrower be, Jez.
300
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:39,821
Is there any chance
of getting another drink?
301
00:15:39,901 --> 00:15:43,620
Oh, my god. I don't believe it.
Me own daughter, a criminal!
302
00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:46,581
Sue, did you know owt about this?
303
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,421
They made me promise not to say.
304
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,340
And what happens to Marty?
305
00:15:52,421 --> 00:15:54,620
Oh, God! What've they done?
306
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:57,100
And these are your neighbours?
307
00:15:57,181 --> 00:15:58,581
[metallic objects falling]
308
00:15:58,661 --> 00:15:59,500
What now?
309
00:16:07,261 --> 00:16:08,421
What the...?
310
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,421
What d'you think you're doing?
This is my daughter's house!
311
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:15,301
Bit slow off the mark, aren't you?
You wanna get yourself Sky News.
312
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:18,061
We heard about this house
going at six o'clock this morning.
313
00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:20,821
-You what?
-Hey! You should be made up.
314
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:23,340
Council could've had any riffraff in here.
315
00:16:23,421 --> 00:16:25,380
-Hey, Paddy!
-What?
316
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:26,740
You can't do this!
317
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:28,301
This is Kev and Veronica's stuff!
318
00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:30,980
Well, they're in fucking jail, darling!
319
00:16:31,061 --> 00:16:31,901
Look, Paddy,
320
00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:33,701
you can't just start
taking over the place.
321
00:16:33,781 --> 00:16:36,500
-You tell him, Lip!
-Who's gonna stop me, Mr. Tough Guy? You?
322
00:16:37,541 --> 00:16:39,781
-I'm Monica, Lip's mum.
-Cos the thing is...
323
00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:43,380
when my wee Mandy gets sick and tired
of being cramped in there with you lot,
324
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,261
she's got somewhere else to go.
325
00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:49,740
Handy, Katie's grandparents
being right next door, isn't it?
326
00:16:49,821 --> 00:16:51,061
Blinding bit of luck.
327
00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:53,220
Oh, so that's what all this is about!
328
00:16:53,301 --> 00:16:55,500
You just wanna be here,
breathing down our necks.
329
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,661
Watching as you fail.
330
00:16:58,500 --> 00:16:59,821
Looking after our own.
331
00:16:59,901 --> 00:17:01,380
[Carol squeals]
332
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,620
Oh, the leopard coat, where is it?
333
00:17:04,701 --> 00:17:06,581
I haven't thrown that out yet.
334
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,461
Oh, well, it wouldn't fit you, would it?
335
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:10,900
Oh, well, you can wear it, then.
336
00:17:10,981 --> 00:17:12,301
On yer face.
337
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:21,380
You're never out the bog these days.
338
00:17:21,461 --> 00:17:24,221
Yeah, well, they said
thyroid can make you go a bit.
339
00:17:24,301 --> 00:17:27,461
Come on, Jez, you're about to pop,
I'm not that thick.
340
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:30,381
Right, not a word to anyone
or you're dead meat.
341
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:34,301
And how long do you think
you can keep that a secret for?
342
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:36,900
I've managed for seven months.
343
00:17:36,981 --> 00:17:38,101
Couple of tents upstairs.
344
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,741
So, you let a bloke--
345
00:17:41,821 --> 00:17:43,061
Did I fuck!
346
00:17:43,141 --> 00:17:45,660
The only thing got spunked
was a huge wad of cash.
347
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:48,061
They're a nice couple,
can't have their own.
348
00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:49,101
Earn while I earn.
349
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:51,781
Good bracket, this surrogacy business.
350
00:17:51,861 --> 00:17:55,221
Eh, top tip: Free dental care.
351
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:57,581
Might get me bridge done.
352
00:17:58,261 --> 00:17:59,981
You should start with your brain!
353
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,821
Up. Two more. Nearly. [Mimi laughs]
354
00:18:05,461 --> 00:18:07,461
What are you doing, you soft thing?
[Paddy shushing]
355
00:18:07,541 --> 00:18:09,221
-[Paddy] Come on.
-[Mimi laughs]
356
00:18:10,581 --> 00:18:12,701
Nearly there, nearly there.
357
00:18:12,781 --> 00:18:15,621
Forward, forward, forward,
forward, forward, stop.
358
00:18:19,381 --> 00:18:20,660
[Mimi laughs]
359
00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:22,501
[both laughing]
360
00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:24,261
[Paddy] One more step.
361
00:18:25,341 --> 00:18:26,221
There we go.
362
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:34,141
-Ta-da!
-Oh, Paddy! I don't believe it!
363
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,301
I thought we'd celebrate
our new home in style.
364
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:42,581
[Mimi laughs]
365
00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:54,900
You, you would not keep your clothes on.
366
00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:58,781
Straight on the floor and then slapping
your nappies up against the wall.
367
00:18:59,861 --> 00:19:00,741
What was I like?
368
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:02,821
You were no trouble.
369
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,660
No, Liam was the difficult one.
370
00:19:05,741 --> 00:19:10,180
Had terrible postnatal depression,
and... well, your dad was no help.
371
00:19:10,261 --> 00:19:11,900
Just took all me pills.
372
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:13,261
Left me in total misery.
373
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:15,581
Debs, I'm hungry.
374
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,900
Get Mum to make you some breakfast then.
375
00:19:17,981 --> 00:19:19,101
It's no problem.
376
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:21,700
Have to be veggie, though,
cos I don't touch meat.
377
00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:22,861
I don't mind.
378
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,180
Let's see what we've got.
379
00:19:25,221 --> 00:19:26,541
Morning, Mandy, Lip.
380
00:19:26,621 --> 00:19:27,981
-Cup of tea?
-Yeah.
381
00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:29,420
Thanks.
382
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,861
Pass me the sick bucket.
383
00:19:34,061 --> 00:19:34,900
[Monica sighs]
384
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,341
-I heard that, Debbie.
-Good.
385
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:40,501
She's right though, Mum.
386
00:19:40,581 --> 00:19:42,461
We deserve an explanation.
387
00:19:42,541 --> 00:19:43,420
Why are you back?
388
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:46,501
Look, I know this is going to take
a little bit of time
389
00:19:46,581 --> 00:19:47,501
to work through and...
390
00:19:47,581 --> 00:19:48,861
[balloon exploding]
391
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:49,981
You've had six years.
392
00:19:50,061 --> 00:19:50,940
And four months.
393
00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:57,101
Look, this has been very difficult for me.
Very traumatic.
394
00:19:57,180 --> 00:20:01,381
It's been torture for me, having to leave
you lot and then moving to Moston
395
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:04,581
and rattling around inside that great
big house when I was used to kids and...
396
00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:06,341
mess and noise and...
397
00:20:07,420 --> 00:20:08,900
Anyway, if you love someone,
398
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:13,420
you forgive them, don't you?
399
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:31,420
It's all right, Debbie. I know it might
take you a little bit longer.
400
00:20:32,621 --> 00:20:34,741
Do you want to go shopping?
401
00:20:34,821 --> 00:20:36,420
[dramatic music]
402
00:20:46,981 --> 00:20:47,821
Hello?
403
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:53,101
And how is my little princess
this morning?
404
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,501
All the better for seeing you.
405
00:20:57,420 --> 00:20:58,381
[Paddy giggles]
406
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:02,940
[sighing]
407
00:21:03,021 --> 00:21:03,900
Now then,
408
00:21:05,061 --> 00:21:10,180
what do you think
to a full-mirrored ceiling?
409
00:21:11,741 --> 00:21:12,700
Fabulous.
410
00:21:13,581 --> 00:21:15,501
As long as you're on top.
411
00:21:15,581 --> 00:21:17,341
[both laugh]
412
00:21:17,420 --> 00:21:18,741
Put your tea down!
413
00:21:18,821 --> 00:21:21,981
[laughing and kissing]
414
00:21:22,061 --> 00:21:22,940
[plate clattering]
415
00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:29,301
What the fuck do you want?
You're supposed to be on a job.
416
00:21:30,781 --> 00:21:31,621
Breakfast.
417
00:21:34,021 --> 00:21:34,861
[Monica humming a tune]
418
00:21:39,141 --> 00:21:42,541
Don't you wish
Your girlfriend was hot like me?
419
00:21:46,061 --> 00:21:48,141
Couldn't we just kill her?
That'd get rid of her.
420
00:21:48,781 --> 00:21:51,381
Yeah, lead pipe, rope or candlestick?
Keep an eye out!
421
00:21:54,261 --> 00:21:55,741
[Monica humming]
422
00:22:07,301 --> 00:22:08,141
Oh!
423
00:22:20,541 --> 00:22:22,141
Debbie?
424
00:22:22,221 --> 00:22:23,741
What are you doing?
425
00:22:27,141 --> 00:22:31,700
Oh! Well, for your information, Debbie,
Norma isn't at home.
426
00:22:32,420 --> 00:22:36,900
She's actually driving a lorry to Germany,
and she doesn't have a mobile.
427
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:38,621
Thinks they make you infertile!
428
00:22:42,341 --> 00:22:43,781
Now listen, love.
429
00:22:43,861 --> 00:22:45,541
I know you've been a bit funny with me,
430
00:22:45,621 --> 00:22:48,660
but really we do have
to learn to get along.
431
00:22:48,741 --> 00:22:51,460
How did Norma take it? You leaving?
432
00:22:52,981 --> 00:22:58,900
Naturally, she was very upset,
but she's had to learn to accept it.
433
00:22:58,981 --> 00:23:00,061
What were you rowing about?
434
00:23:00,141 --> 00:23:01,900
Everything.
435
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:04,420
She's always going on...
436
00:23:04,501 --> 00:23:06,460
Actually, Debbie,
I don't really want to get into it.
437
00:23:06,541 --> 00:23:10,061
But it's very painful,
having to leave somebody.
438
00:23:10,141 --> 00:23:13,341
Just be thankful
that you're too young to know.
439
00:23:15,781 --> 00:23:17,460
Right...
440
00:23:17,541 --> 00:23:19,660
I think I'd better ring a plumber.
441
00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:27,660
Good to see you made it
to Lip's party, then.
442
00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:29,940
Last night Mum managed.
443
00:23:31,381 --> 00:23:34,341
[laughing] Fuck off!
444
00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:36,341
Here for good, apparently.
445
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:37,981
She's come home.
446
00:23:38,061 --> 00:23:40,101
[suspenseful music]
447
00:23:41,021 --> 00:23:42,261
Monica?
448
00:23:45,301 --> 00:23:46,621
Back here?
449
00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:49,781
Ah, you can show her
your wedding photos, Frank.
450
00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:52,981
Cos what I've heard off Kev,
she'd be very interested in those,
451
00:23:53,061 --> 00:23:54,621
seeing she's still married to you.
452
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:58,021
Yeah, all right. Just get us another pint
and a couple of these, Jez.
453
00:24:00,781 --> 00:24:02,821
-You alright?
-[Lip mumbles]
454
00:24:04,101 --> 00:24:05,141
[Mandy] We're running up late.
455
00:24:05,221 --> 00:24:07,581
This had better be a quick one
before shopping.
456
00:24:08,861 --> 00:24:10,381
[Frank] Debbie, Debbie.
457
00:24:10,460 --> 00:24:12,781
-What the fuck does your mother want?
-[Debbie] I don't know.
458
00:24:12,861 --> 00:24:14,781
But she's up to summat.
459
00:24:14,861 --> 00:24:17,821
Jez? Any chance I can use your CB radio?
460
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:22,501
[on the walkie-talkie] Breaker, breaker.
461
00:24:22,581 --> 00:24:25,101
This is Jockey Bird calling Big Beaver,
do you copy?
462
00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:28,821
Hey, Jockey Bird.
463
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:29,900
Long time!
464
00:24:29,981 --> 00:24:32,381
Hey, you'll have to speak up,
me ballet dancer's broken. Over.
465
00:24:32,460 --> 00:24:35,501
Some buddy boy
blow your doors off, did he?
466
00:24:35,581 --> 00:24:37,700
-[Norma] Hah, hah!
-Jez!
467
00:24:37,781 --> 00:24:41,741
Big Beaver, I've got an ankle biter here
that wants a yapper in your big hole and--
468
00:24:41,821 --> 00:24:42,700
Norma, it's Debbie.
469
00:24:42,781 --> 00:24:47,261
Hey! No first-personal, breaker.
They're reading all my mail here.
470
00:24:47,341 --> 00:24:49,621
Mum's back. She said she's staying.
471
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:51,821
Did you throw her out?
472
00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:52,821
Over.
473
00:24:53,781 --> 00:24:55,021
Did I fuck!
474
00:24:55,101 --> 00:24:57,660
She's gone nowhere, you cheeky little...
475
00:24:57,741 --> 00:24:58,821
Hey, you're making this up.
476
00:24:58,900 --> 00:25:01,781
My Mon's at the base station
where I left her. Ten-four.
477
00:25:03,221 --> 00:25:06,460
That's a negative, Big Beaver.
Ankle Biter's straight up.
478
00:25:06,541 --> 00:25:08,061
Your good buddy Beaver's returned
479
00:25:08,141 --> 00:25:10,381
to the Village of the Damned
and Alligator Radio.
480
00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:15,061
I think she needs you
to fight for her, Norma.
481
00:25:16,021 --> 00:25:18,341
I'll put some motion lotion
in me pickle park
482
00:25:18,420 --> 00:25:21,581
and stand on the hammer of my triple
digit ride for the fastest ever flip flop.
483
00:25:21,660 --> 00:25:22,861
Out.
484
00:25:25,341 --> 00:25:26,341
She's coming home.
485
00:25:30,940 --> 00:25:32,821
Hey, what you doing, you cheeky bastard?
486
00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:34,861
- [Frank] What?
-Mum, two o'clock.
487
00:25:39,101 --> 00:25:40,141
Have you seen your dad?
488
00:25:43,301 --> 00:25:44,900
Why do you want him?
489
00:25:44,981 --> 00:25:46,301
Don't matter. It'll keep.
490
00:25:46,381 --> 00:25:47,700
He'll be in soon enough.
491
00:25:48,501 --> 00:25:50,621
We'll just have to wait here,
won't we, Katie?
492
00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:51,700
What are you having?
493
00:25:52,381 --> 00:25:54,940
Erm, I'll have a juice. Pineapple.
494
00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:57,220
With vodka in it, thanks.
495
00:25:57,301 --> 00:25:59,301
-Double?
-Yeah, why not?
496
00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:07,981
Ooh, look at you!
497
00:26:08,741 --> 00:26:09,781
It's nice.
498
00:26:10,381 --> 00:26:12,381
Yeah. But we need to talk.
499
00:26:13,021 --> 00:26:15,900
What's all this about, eh?
500
00:26:15,981 --> 00:26:19,220
Unless you've been and robbed a bank,
there's no way we can afford this.
501
00:26:20,220 --> 00:26:22,301
No, you're right, we can't.
502
00:26:23,861 --> 00:26:26,220
It's always been my fantasy
to shag a man in a suit.
503
00:26:29,101 --> 00:26:31,781
-Happy birthday!
-Thanks.
504
00:26:35,821 --> 00:26:37,861
-[baby crying in the other room]
-[Sue sighs]
505
00:26:41,741 --> 00:26:42,821
Sue! Sue!
506
00:26:44,220 --> 00:26:46,061
Can you fuck off downstairs for an hour?
507
00:26:46,141 --> 00:26:47,861
15 minutes is enough.
508
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:49,220
Who's he?
509
00:26:49,301 --> 00:26:51,900
Plumber. Oh, I need some comfort, Sue.
510
00:26:51,981 --> 00:26:53,981
My daughter's in prison.
I'm a broken woman.
511
00:26:54,061 --> 00:26:57,981
You think sharing a room with 'Tutankhamun
Does Deep Throat' is making my day?
512
00:26:58,061 --> 00:26:59,900
Why not you stay, too?
513
00:27:00,541 --> 00:27:01,381
Ugh!
514
00:27:04,940 --> 00:27:07,301
[Carol groans]
515
00:27:07,381 --> 00:27:10,861
Is this where
you keep your little stopcock?
516
00:27:16,581 --> 00:27:17,581
Up your arse!
517
00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:21,220
Marty! Oh, Marty! Thank God!
518
00:27:22,180 --> 00:27:23,781
I've got something for you.
519
00:27:30,541 --> 00:27:31,541
[suspenseful music]
520
00:27:39,940 --> 00:27:43,101
Kev set it up on the Internet.
So, we drove over,
521
00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:46,501
but as soon as we handed the money
to the orphanage owner, we got raided.
522
00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:47,741
Shit!
523
00:27:49,660 --> 00:27:52,301
Veronica grabbed the baby
and stuffed him in the car with me,
524
00:27:52,900 --> 00:27:54,141
but the cops grabbed 'em.
525
00:27:54,781 --> 00:27:58,900
Veronica was yelling, "Drive."
Fuck off! "Fucking drive", so I did!
526
00:27:59,541 --> 00:28:01,900
I drove off and left 'em.
Fucking turncoat!
527
00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:03,301
You would've been nicked if you hadn't.
528
00:28:05,220 --> 00:28:06,341
I didn't know what to do.
529
00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:09,660
I was too scared
to drive the car back so I hitched.
530
00:28:14,301 --> 00:28:15,301
Fuck it!
531
00:28:16,940 --> 00:28:18,261
[baby crying]
532
00:28:18,341 --> 00:28:19,541
Stolen baby!
533
00:28:20,541 --> 00:28:21,541
[car tires screeching]
534
00:28:24,381 --> 00:28:25,741
[baby crying]
535
00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:28,541
Fuck it!
536
00:28:32,101 --> 00:28:33,180
[baby crying]
537
00:28:35,061 --> 00:28:38,861
-When did you last sleep, Marty?
-Dunno.
538
00:28:40,021 --> 00:28:42,341
[Marty] Why won't he stop crying?
539
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:43,501
I haven't hurt him, have I?
540
00:28:43,581 --> 00:28:45,581
So what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna keep it?
541
00:28:45,660 --> 00:28:46,861
-Course not.
-I want to.
542
00:28:46,940 --> 00:28:48,101
[behind the door] Debbie?
543
00:28:50,980 --> 00:28:53,261
[Monica]
What's going on with all that crying?
544
00:28:53,341 --> 00:28:54,700
It's Katie.
545
00:28:54,781 --> 00:28:56,861
She doesn't like
having strangers in the house.
546
00:28:57,781 --> 00:28:59,621
I am not a stranger, Debbie.
547
00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:04,341
And I do not appreciate you putting
my cashmere jumper on a boil wash!
548
00:29:05,621 --> 00:29:06,940
Is that not what it goes on?
549
00:29:07,021 --> 00:29:10,061
I don't know how much longer
I can put up with this, Debbie.
550
00:29:13,101 --> 00:29:14,581
He's stopped crying.
551
00:29:14,660 --> 00:29:15,781
He likes you.
552
00:29:16,700 --> 00:29:18,581
-No, he doesn't!
-Yeah, he does! Look.
553
00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:21,660
See?
554
00:29:22,420 --> 00:29:24,541
He wants you to be his mum. [chuckles]
555
00:29:24,621 --> 00:29:26,501
Marty! You're being insane!
556
00:29:31,341 --> 00:29:32,861
[suspenseful music]
557
00:29:48,781 --> 00:29:49,741
All right, Frank?
558
00:29:50,821 --> 00:29:51,741
Monica!
559
00:29:53,900 --> 00:29:55,460
We've got some catching up to do.
560
00:30:00,101 --> 00:30:01,900
Who'd have thought it eh, Frank?
561
00:30:01,980 --> 00:30:05,341
Little Lip, 19, you and me grandparents...
562
00:30:05,420 --> 00:30:07,180
We don't seem old enough, do we?
563
00:30:08,781 --> 00:30:10,341
He's had it easy, though, in't he?
564
00:30:10,420 --> 00:30:12,861
I mean kids these days,
they don't know they're born.
565
00:30:12,940 --> 00:30:15,900
When I was Lip's age,
I'd done time, got crabs,
566
00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:17,980
knocked up six girls, fought off bailiffs.
567
00:30:18,781 --> 00:30:20,900
Not many kids these days
can say that, can they?
568
00:30:21,741 --> 00:30:23,501
Remember when we met, Frank?
569
00:30:24,420 --> 00:30:26,700
1979. Wicked year.
570
00:30:27,660 --> 00:30:29,420
They had you in four times.
571
00:30:29,501 --> 00:30:31,220
God, like it was yesterday.
572
00:30:31,301 --> 00:30:32,700
Thought you'd stood me up,
573
00:30:32,781 --> 00:30:34,420
thought you weren't interested.
574
00:30:34,501 --> 00:30:36,621
Me? No, course I was!
575
00:30:36,700 --> 00:30:39,900
Then I proposed to you.
Outside Aytoun dole office.
576
00:30:39,980 --> 00:30:41,381
Thought I was up the duff.
577
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:43,501
Never thought you'd say yes,
578
00:30:45,061 --> 00:30:45,940
but you did.
579
00:30:47,541 --> 00:30:48,700
And we got married.
580
00:30:48,781 --> 00:30:52,741
So, have the kids said anything
to you about, you know, eh,
581
00:30:53,581 --> 00:30:54,501
Sheila and me
582
00:30:54,581 --> 00:30:56,700
-Sheila?
-Yeah.
583
00:30:56,781 --> 00:30:57,741
What sort of thing?
584
00:30:59,700 --> 00:31:00,541
-I do!
-[people cheering]
585
00:31:01,621 --> 00:31:04,101
I never got the divorce through
from Monica in the end,
586
00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:06,021
so it's not legal anyway.
587
00:31:06,101 --> 00:31:10,821
Anyway, I better
go and get the twins from Debbie.
588
00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:12,541
Don't want to take advantage.
589
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:15,541
Actually, Frank,
I think I'll come with you.
590
00:31:15,621 --> 00:31:17,420
I'd like to see where you live properly.
591
00:31:17,501 --> 00:31:20,821
Yeah, but the thing is, you know...
592
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:24,301
It's... [sighs] You know, Sheila,
me girlfriend, she'll probably--
593
00:31:24,381 --> 00:31:26,980
Yeah, but she's away doing
a cookery course, isn't she?
594
00:31:27,061 --> 00:31:27,900
Kids told me.
595
00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:30,621
Well, yeah, but she just
probably wouldn't in, in effect,
596
00:31:30,700 --> 00:31:31,940
-but she--
-Come on.
597
00:31:32,021 --> 00:31:32,861
See ya.
598
00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:36,180
Sue, please!
599
00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:37,741
We'd be a proper family.
600
00:31:37,821 --> 00:31:40,341
[sighing]
I don't know what that is, Marty!
601
00:31:40,420 --> 00:31:42,420
We don't know anything about
looking after a baby!
602
00:31:42,501 --> 00:31:43,501
But we could learn.
603
00:31:43,581 --> 00:31:46,021
And then there's the police,
social services...
604
00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:50,261
Look, Kev and Veronica bought him.
605
00:31:50,341 --> 00:31:52,180
Someone else would.
606
00:31:52,261 --> 00:31:53,220
You could sell him.
607
00:31:53,301 --> 00:31:54,660
[Debbie] What, on eBay?
608
00:31:55,660 --> 00:31:57,061
All right, leave him at maternity!
609
00:31:57,141 --> 00:31:58,821
They'll take care of him.
610
00:31:58,900 --> 00:32:00,861
You've got my number, Pawel.
611
00:32:00,940 --> 00:32:02,101
[chuckling]
612
00:32:03,821 --> 00:32:05,541
Ooh, what a man!
613
00:32:05,621 --> 00:32:08,541
Big hands, he had, did you see?
Saucy bugger!
614
00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:12,460
Oh, my God, Marty!
615
00:32:12,541 --> 00:32:15,021
Oh, thank the Good Lord!
616
00:32:15,861 --> 00:32:17,381
-I've been beside meself!
-[gibbering]
617
00:32:17,460 --> 00:32:19,301
You've no idea what you've put me...
618
00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:22,781
Tell me you didn't bring that back.
619
00:32:22,861 --> 00:32:25,501
Yeah, I have. [gibbering] Your grandson.
620
00:32:25,581 --> 00:32:27,821
He's no grandson of mine!
621
00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:30,021
People will think
I have foreign blood in me! [weeps]
622
00:32:30,101 --> 00:32:31,700
You didn't seem to mind last night.
623
00:32:32,581 --> 00:32:34,101
He's from Basingstoke!
624
00:32:34,180 --> 00:32:36,740
Mum, I want to keep him.
You'll help me, won't you?
625
00:32:36,821 --> 00:32:39,180
Marty Fisher, you can't even keep a job!
626
00:32:39,261 --> 00:32:40,660
And she's no better!
627
00:32:41,381 --> 00:32:42,541
I'm not getting involved.
628
00:32:42,621 --> 00:32:45,700
She's right. I'm sorry, Marty,
but for once, me and your mum agree.
629
00:32:48,821 --> 00:32:49,700
Sorry, Billy.
630
00:32:50,341 --> 00:32:51,581
[car horn in distance]
631
00:32:53,220 --> 00:32:54,541
Oh, Norma!
632
00:33:00,460 --> 00:33:01,621
Someone to see you, Mum.
633
00:33:04,740 --> 00:33:05,621
Norma.
634
00:33:06,581 --> 00:33:08,980
-[Frank] Oh, well I'll...
-[Norma] What d'you think you're doing?
635
00:33:09,061 --> 00:33:10,660
What's all this about leaving me?
636
00:33:11,940 --> 00:33:13,021
-Deb, twins?
-Kitchen.
637
00:33:13,101 --> 00:33:14,740
What're you doin' here?
638
00:33:14,821 --> 00:33:15,861
Debbie got us on the CB.
639
00:33:15,940 --> 00:33:18,061
-Obviously confused--
-I told you not to interfere!
640
00:33:18,141 --> 00:33:19,900
Well, it's good job she did!
641
00:33:19,980 --> 00:33:21,940
You've lost your bloody marbles, you have!
642
00:33:23,341 --> 00:33:27,460
Hey, hey, is this about
that lazy-eyed shelf stacker?
643
00:33:27,541 --> 00:33:30,660
-You what?
-The one you was flirting with in Iceland.
644
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:33,740
She was helping me
reach the raspberry ripple!
645
00:33:33,821 --> 00:33:35,541
Which is more than you were doing!
646
00:33:35,621 --> 00:33:38,581
I've told you,
that crap is full of e numbers.
647
00:33:38,660 --> 00:33:40,420
I don't care! I wanted it!
648
00:33:40,501 --> 00:33:42,261
I'm not a child, Norma!
649
00:33:42,341 --> 00:33:44,700
I can decide for meself what I want!
650
00:33:44,781 --> 00:33:48,261
All right, all right,
we'll get you a fucking raspberry ripple!
651
00:33:48,341 --> 00:33:50,980
And all the other shite
you've been banging on about.
652
00:33:51,061 --> 00:33:54,381
Don't blame me
when you get polycystic ovaries.
653
00:33:54,460 --> 00:33:55,341
[sighs]
654
00:33:55,420 --> 00:33:57,621
[Norma]
Right, now get your bag, you daft bint,
655
00:33:57,700 --> 00:33:58,740
and hurry home.
656
00:34:00,101 --> 00:34:01,821
I'm not coming home, Norma.
657
00:34:04,301 --> 00:34:05,581
I'm staying with me family.
658
00:34:07,180 --> 00:34:08,901
-What?
-[Monica] I meant it.
659
00:34:08,981 --> 00:34:11,780
God's spoken to me, sort of.
660
00:34:12,381 --> 00:34:14,180
I've had an epiphany.
661
00:34:14,260 --> 00:34:16,300
-Ugh!
-[Debbie] No, Norma, don't listen!
662
00:34:16,381 --> 00:34:18,101
She'll get you whatever you want.
663
00:34:18,180 --> 00:34:19,700
Won't you, Norma?
664
00:34:20,660 --> 00:34:21,820
You can't stay here anyway!
665
00:34:21,901 --> 00:34:25,021
It's too cramped
and we don't want you here!
666
00:34:25,101 --> 00:34:26,901
Oh, that's right!
667
00:34:26,981 --> 00:34:28,501
[yelling] Hate me!
668
00:34:28,581 --> 00:34:31,220
Punish me forever for one fucking mistake!
669
00:34:31,300 --> 00:34:35,300
I'm such a bad mother, aren't I?
Such a bad fucking person! [sobbing]
670
00:34:35,381 --> 00:34:37,180
Hey. It's all right. Calm down.
671
00:34:37,260 --> 00:34:39,621
How can I, when she hates me!
672
00:34:39,700 --> 00:34:43,581
And she runs circles round me,
so I can't think straight.
673
00:34:43,660 --> 00:34:44,860
She doesn't hate you, Mum.
674
00:34:44,941 --> 00:34:46,260
None of us do.
675
00:34:46,340 --> 00:34:48,581
[Norma] I don't understand
what this is about.
676
00:34:48,660 --> 00:34:51,700
Which one of you did this?
I'll fucking have you!
677
00:34:51,780 --> 00:34:53,621
Oh, for Christ's sake, Norma!
678
00:34:53,700 --> 00:34:56,901
Nothing I do is ever good enough!
679
00:34:56,981 --> 00:34:58,581
[sobbing]
680
00:34:58,661 --> 00:35:02,501
And it's so hard, being gay.
681
00:35:02,581 --> 00:35:04,181
[dramatic music]
682
00:35:04,261 --> 00:35:06,981
You don't know how hard it is, Ian.
683
00:35:08,181 --> 00:35:11,061
[Monica crying]
684
00:35:21,820 --> 00:35:23,421
[Sue] It's the right thing to do, Marty.
685
00:35:29,421 --> 00:35:32,461
On the way home, he kept shaking.
686
00:35:33,741 --> 00:35:35,381
They all do it in the orphanage.
687
00:35:37,581 --> 00:35:38,421
[baby babbles]
688
00:35:38,501 --> 00:35:41,141
It's what they do
when they've never had any love.
689
00:35:41,221 --> 00:35:43,141
[baby sobbing]
690
00:35:45,221 --> 00:35:46,501
[Sue] Euh!
691
00:35:47,621 --> 00:35:49,261
[Marty] Leaky tit!
692
00:35:49,340 --> 00:35:52,421
[knocking at the door]
Open up in there, it's the police!
693
00:35:52,501 --> 00:35:54,820
Oh, I'm not parked
on a double yellow, am I?
694
00:35:54,901 --> 00:35:56,461
We're looking for Marty Fisher!
695
00:35:56,541 --> 00:35:57,701
[Sue] Marty!
696
00:35:57,780 --> 00:35:58,981
[Marty] Come on, you tit!
697
00:36:04,300 --> 00:36:06,021
Stan, what can we do for you?
698
00:36:06,101 --> 00:36:08,101
PC Waterman to you,
and don't you forget it.
699
00:36:08,181 --> 00:36:10,061
-You what?
-PC Waterman.
700
00:36:10,141 --> 00:36:12,901
And this is my new PC, Tom O'Leary.
701
00:36:12,981 --> 00:36:14,101
Well, where is he then?
702
00:36:14,181 --> 00:36:17,381
Oh, I've not seen either of 'em
for weeks, Stan, I'm out of me mind!
703
00:36:17,461 --> 00:36:20,461
Yeah, well we've been tipped off
that he's here with a stolen baby, so...
704
00:36:20,541 --> 00:36:22,741
-What?
-[Tom] We've had a call from Monica.
705
00:36:22,820 --> 00:36:24,221
Where's Monica?
706
00:36:24,300 --> 00:36:25,820
No, Stan!
707
00:36:25,901 --> 00:36:28,461
[Lip] Sorry, PC Waterman.
Not without a warrant.
708
00:36:29,981 --> 00:36:32,541
Stay here. I'm going to get one.
709
00:36:32,621 --> 00:36:35,300
Off the premises, if you don't mind.
710
00:36:37,501 --> 00:36:38,780
[door slam]
711
00:36:42,820 --> 00:36:45,661
You fucking tipped off the police!
712
00:36:45,741 --> 00:36:47,461
What are you talking about?
713
00:36:48,701 --> 00:36:51,181
I didn't even know there was a baby here!
714
00:36:52,581 --> 00:36:53,941
Debbie?
715
00:36:54,021 --> 00:36:55,261
Tell me you didn't.
716
00:36:55,340 --> 00:36:57,141
No, she wouldn't, would you, Debs?
717
00:37:00,340 --> 00:37:02,501
I thought if I pretended to be her...
718
00:37:02,581 --> 00:37:04,300
[Lip] What the fuck are you playing at?
719
00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:05,501
How could you do that?
720
00:37:06,541 --> 00:37:07,941
Why do you think?
721
00:37:08,021 --> 00:37:12,340
Because she is a bitch that abandoned us,
but you don't seem to care about that!
722
00:37:13,061 --> 00:37:14,380
She's going to do it again!
723
00:37:16,141 --> 00:37:16,981
I thought,
724
00:37:17,780 --> 00:37:20,541
if you thought it was her
then you might make her leave!
725
00:37:20,621 --> 00:37:21,860
[Debbie cries]
726
00:37:24,340 --> 00:37:26,901
Well, don't look at me, it's not my fault!
727
00:37:26,981 --> 00:37:29,701
Marty, you'll have to get out of here.
Take him to maternity.
728
00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:31,501
-I'll meet you later.
-[Marty] Debbie?
729
00:37:33,661 --> 00:37:35,061
[knocking at the door]
730
00:37:35,141 --> 00:37:36,300
Debbie?
731
00:37:39,901 --> 00:37:41,181
I'm sorry, Marty!
732
00:37:42,541 --> 00:37:45,061
You're my friend
and I've done something horrible!
733
00:37:46,741 --> 00:37:47,741
It's OK.
734
00:37:49,541 --> 00:37:50,380
it's OK.
735
00:37:52,941 --> 00:37:55,421
I know you didn't mean it. Fucking bitch!
736
00:37:58,780 --> 00:37:59,661
It'll be all right.
737
00:38:00,701 --> 00:38:02,901
Marty, you're gonna have to go, mate.
738
00:38:05,981 --> 00:38:07,261
It'll be all right.
739
00:38:10,701 --> 00:38:11,780
[Debbie] Marty?
740
00:38:13,461 --> 00:38:14,300
Don't abandon him.
741
00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:17,261
Please.
742
00:38:17,981 --> 00:38:21,141
[Lip] Marty, come on!
Stan'll be back any minute.
743
00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:33,221
[Carol sobbing] Oh, my children!
Why is God punishing me?
744
00:38:33,300 --> 00:38:34,340
It's all right, Carol.
745
00:38:34,421 --> 00:38:36,661
We're not gonna throw you out
just cos the rest of your family's gone.
746
00:38:44,701 --> 00:38:45,741
See you later.
747
00:38:47,261 --> 00:38:48,461
Ha! Gotcha!
748
00:38:48,541 --> 00:38:50,300
-Don't need a warrant out here, do I?
-Sue!
749
00:38:50,380 --> 00:38:51,901
-Marty!
-Sue!
750
00:38:59,261 --> 00:39:00,820
Romanian coppers are on their way.
751
00:39:01,541 --> 00:39:03,741
But it's not the baby they want!
Pants on fire!
752
00:39:05,380 --> 00:39:09,141
Oh, for Pete's sake!
Is there not a WPC in here anywhere?
753
00:39:11,141 --> 00:39:11,981
Who are you?
754
00:39:12,661 --> 00:39:14,941
I'm the baby's mother.
Can I have him please, Stan?
755
00:39:15,021 --> 00:39:17,141
-What you talking about?
-PC Waterman!
756
00:39:17,221 --> 00:39:19,701
Yeah, PC. But you haven't got a baby, Sue!
757
00:39:19,780 --> 00:39:21,261
What's this then, blow-up monkey?
758
00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:25,461
Hello. Aw, come here. He's hungry.
759
00:39:26,101 --> 00:39:27,380
He wants his mummy.
760
00:39:28,141 --> 00:39:28,981
Is she lying?
761
00:39:29,820 --> 00:39:30,981
She's lying, isn't she?
762
00:39:31,860 --> 00:39:35,340
If that's your baby,
then where's its birth certificate?
763
00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:37,380
Here.
764
00:39:38,661 --> 00:39:40,340
Oh! Sorry.
765
00:39:41,941 --> 00:39:43,860
You don't think I'd do this
if he wasn't mine, do you?
766
00:39:43,941 --> 00:39:45,461
Suck a tit!
767
00:39:45,541 --> 00:39:47,860
Now look, Sue.
We know that baby's stolen so--
768
00:39:47,941 --> 00:39:49,141
[Marty] No, he's not!
769
00:39:49,221 --> 00:39:53,501
And even if he was, he's an orphan,
so you can't send him back to...
770
00:39:53,581 --> 00:39:54,981
I didn't know he was an orphan!
771
00:39:55,061 --> 00:39:57,421
-That's not the point, PC O'Leary!
-But it is.
772
00:39:58,941 --> 00:40:00,261
I know what that's like.
773
00:40:01,501 --> 00:40:03,860
I never even knew me mam and dad!
It's fucking awful!
774
00:40:06,021 --> 00:40:07,340
We can't send him back!
775
00:40:08,780 --> 00:40:09,701
Please, Stan?
776
00:40:10,461 --> 00:40:11,981
Piss in your tea!
777
00:40:20,661 --> 00:40:21,820
Save the baby?
778
00:40:24,780 --> 00:40:27,380
Well, it looks like
we must've made a terrible mistake then.
779
00:40:34,541 --> 00:40:37,101
[Marty and Sue chuckle]
780
00:40:41,741 --> 00:40:43,860
[Marty]
So, are we really gonna keep him, then?
781
00:40:43,941 --> 00:40:46,941
[Sue] We have to do it properly though,
Marty. I'm not living with your mum.
782
00:40:47,021 --> 00:40:47,860
[Marty] Slag!
783
00:40:47,941 --> 00:40:50,421
[Sue] And we need the proper stuff.
I'm not slumming it.
784
00:40:51,461 --> 00:40:54,141
We'll need a three-wheel baby buggy,
proper car seat.
785
00:40:54,221 --> 00:40:56,300
-We have to get a car first!
-A nice one.
786
00:40:56,380 --> 00:40:58,421
And I was thinking maybe then
we could adopt another one.
787
00:40:58,501 --> 00:40:59,340
-Hey?
-Well,
788
00:40:59,421 --> 00:41:01,901
child benefit's 70 a month, per child.
789
00:41:01,981 --> 00:41:04,021
-[Sue] So... Ough!
-[Marty] What's the matter?
790
00:41:04,101 --> 00:41:06,860
[Sue] Nothing,
just a bit of morning sickness I think.
791
00:41:06,941 --> 00:41:09,701
So, if we had four, that would be 280.
792
00:41:09,780 --> 00:41:10,860
[Marty gibbers]
793
00:41:10,941 --> 00:41:14,221
-[Sue] If we had six, that would be...
-[Marty] Say what you said before?
794
00:41:14,300 --> 00:41:17,461
-Morning sickness. Ooh!
-Does that mean me spunk works?
795
00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:21,101
-[Sue laughs] Marty!
-[Marty] I don't believe it!
796
00:41:26,021 --> 00:41:27,820
What are you doing with her? Get out!
797
00:41:27,901 --> 00:41:30,860
She's just brought her back, Lip.
She had her for the afternoon.
798
00:41:30,941 --> 00:41:32,101
She's my granddaughter.
799
00:41:32,181 --> 00:41:35,501
You can't stop me from seeing her,
it'd break me heart! I'm begging you.
800
00:41:35,581 --> 00:41:38,621
It's not her fault
you had a row with Paddy, is it?
801
00:41:38,701 --> 00:41:39,941
Don't punish her for it.
802
00:41:40,661 --> 00:41:42,581
Three visits a week. That's all I want.
803
00:41:43,261 --> 00:41:44,941
You don't interfere though.
804
00:41:45,021 --> 00:41:48,061
-[baby cries]
-Hey, what's the matter?
805
00:41:49,421 --> 00:41:51,221
What the fuck is that?
806
00:41:51,820 --> 00:41:52,701
Sweet, isn't it?
807
00:41:52,780 --> 00:41:55,380
[tattoo machine buzzing] [baby crying]
[all] Ahhh!
808
00:41:59,501 --> 00:42:01,261
I didn't tell her she could do it.
809
00:42:04,141 --> 00:42:05,621
[reporter announcing the news on the TV]
810
00:42:05,701 --> 00:42:06,661
Who was?
811
00:42:11,340 --> 00:42:13,701
Sorry about that little interruption.
812
00:42:15,541 --> 00:42:16,701
Ooh, dear!
813
00:42:17,820 --> 00:42:21,340
Oh, yeah. Just some kids.
Threw something through the letterbox.
814
00:42:22,021 --> 00:42:22,860
Cunts!
815
00:42:23,661 --> 00:42:25,820
No, they didn't.
You set fire to your dinner.
816
00:42:25,901 --> 00:42:28,860
-No!
-They told me at the hospital.
817
00:42:28,941 --> 00:42:33,021
They couldn't get hold of your wife,
Sheila Gallagher.
818
00:42:33,101 --> 00:42:34,701
So they had to get hold of your ex.
819
00:42:36,061 --> 00:42:39,380
How do you think that made me feel,
knowing that I'm still married to you?
820
00:42:40,780 --> 00:42:42,300
I want you back, Frank.
821
00:42:42,380 --> 00:42:43,780
-[phone rings]
-[Frank sighs]
822
00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:46,061
That's why I'm here.
I want my old life back.
823
00:42:46,141 --> 00:42:48,021
Let me just... This is...
824
00:42:50,661 --> 00:42:51,941
Hello?
825
00:42:52,021 --> 00:42:54,461
-Hiya, love.
-Oh, hiya, Sheila.
826
00:42:55,860 --> 00:42:57,421
[Sheila] Is there something wrong?
827
00:42:58,741 --> 00:43:00,340
-What?
-You don't sound yourself.
828
00:43:00,421 --> 00:43:03,380
-No, I'm fine.
-Nothing's happened, has it?
829
00:43:03,461 --> 00:43:05,780
[Frank] What? Round here?
Must be joking, ain't you?
830
00:43:05,860 --> 00:43:07,981
-Same old, same old, innit?
-[Sheila] Guess what happened?
831
00:43:08,061 --> 00:43:09,661
[Monica whispers] You and me.
832
00:43:09,741 --> 00:43:11,261
-What?
-[Sheila] Frank?
833
00:43:11,340 --> 00:43:14,501
What? No, no... What?
834
00:43:14,581 --> 00:43:16,101
[Sheila] Is there someone there?
835
00:43:16,181 --> 00:43:20,981
No, no, it's just a no,
it's just a soap on the telly.
836
00:43:21,061 --> 00:43:21,941
I dropped the phone.
837
00:43:22,581 --> 00:43:25,621
[Sheila] Is it that time already?
My cinnamon swirls will be burnt.
838
00:43:25,701 --> 00:43:26,541
Yeah, so...
839
00:43:26,621 --> 00:43:27,780
[door slam]
840
00:43:28,541 --> 00:43:32,141
So, when is it that you coming back?
841
00:43:32,221 --> 00:43:35,061
-[Sheila] Tomorrow, love.
-Tomorrow?
842
00:43:35,141 --> 00:43:36,941
-It's Monday.
-Is it?
843
00:43:43,181 --> 00:43:48,501
Look, Debs...
we want you to decide if Mum stays or not.
844
00:43:50,941 --> 00:43:52,221
Just say the word.
845
00:43:53,421 --> 00:43:54,461
And she's gone.
846
00:44:03,820 --> 00:44:05,141
And you'll go?
847
00:44:06,021 --> 00:44:07,261
If I tell you to?
848
00:44:32,021 --> 00:44:33,981
I need to get the dinner on.
849
00:44:58,141 --> 00:45:01,621
-So you're off then, are you?
-Am I fuck!
850
00:45:01,701 --> 00:45:03,380
You might have come over
all Stepford Wives,
851
00:45:03,461 --> 00:45:05,261
but I'm not falling for it.
852
00:45:05,340 --> 00:45:08,380
I'm stopping right here
till you come to your senses!
853
00:45:08,461 --> 00:45:10,380
Right where I can see you.
854
00:45:12,300 --> 00:45:16,900
Oh, squatters' rights, European Rules!
855
00:45:27,421 --> 00:45:30,541
[Debbie] Surprises come in lots
of different shapes and sizes.
856
00:45:30,621 --> 00:45:33,780
There's the good ones, like finding out
you've passed your maths exam,
857
00:45:33,860 --> 00:45:35,860
even though the calculator ran out
three seconds
858
00:45:35,941 --> 00:45:37,340
after you've started the test.
859
00:45:37,421 --> 00:45:40,300
And finding a pound
down the back of the sofa.
860
00:45:40,380 --> 00:45:43,461
And then there's the bad ones,
like being called to casualty
861
00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:46,741
cos your youngest brother's allergic
to the trifle you just made him.
862
00:45:46,820 --> 00:45:49,941
Or discovering that the rash
you'd finally thought had gone
863
00:45:50,021 --> 00:45:52,421
has come back double
and it's not 'going away,
864
00:45:52,501 --> 00:45:54,860
no matter how hard you scratch it.
865
00:45:54,941 --> 00:45:59,860
And realising that it's not a rash,
it's an infection or worse, a melanoma.
866
00:45:59,941 --> 00:46:01,181
You can try ignore it,
867
00:46:01,261 --> 00:46:03,941
but someday soon,
it's gonna jump up and bite ya.
868
00:46:09,581 --> 00:46:11,221
-Monica!
-Sheila.
869
00:46:11,300 --> 00:46:12,741
I've got very big breasts.
870
00:46:12,820 --> 00:46:15,741
Well it's every woman's fantasy.
Lesbianism.
871
00:46:15,820 --> 00:46:16,621
[Mimi] Jamie!
872
00:46:16,701 --> 00:46:19,141
Oh, my angel, you've come back to us!
873
00:46:19,221 --> 00:46:21,421
[Jez] He's Jamie Maguire.
He did ten for murder.
874
00:46:22,981 --> 00:46:26,061
I've only ever wanted one woman.
And that's Norma...
875
00:46:26,141 --> 00:46:28,900
[Monica] Do you still want me, Frank?
Ooh, yes you do.
876
00:46:28,981 --> 00:46:30,820
[screaming]
877
00:47:11,661 --> 00:47:14,900
-[Monica] G'night, Carl.
-[Carl] Good night, mum.
878
00:47:14,981 --> 00:47:17,780
-[Monica] G'night, Ian.
-[Ian] Good night, mum.
879
00:47:18,860 --> 00:47:20,380
[Monica] G'night, Debbie.
880
00:47:20,461 --> 00:47:21,981
[hostile silence]
881
00:47:24,860 --> 00:47:26,421
[Monica] G'night, Philip.
882
00:47:26,501 --> 00:47:29,300
[Debbie impatiently] He can't hear you,
he's in the next house!
883
00:47:30,101 --> 00:47:31,541
[Monica] G'night, Liam.
884
00:47:31,621 --> 00:47:33,741
[Mimi yells out]
Will you lot shut the fuck up
885
00:47:33,820 --> 00:47:37,380
and go to fucking sleep
before I crown the lot of you!
60888
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