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1
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[Frank] Now, nobody's saying
the Chatsworth Estate
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00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:13,580
is the Garden of Eden,
but it's been a good home to us,
3
00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:17,501
to me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of,
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00:00:17,581 --> 00:00:21,940
cos every single one of 'em
reminds me a little of me.
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00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:24,261
See, they can all think for themselves,
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00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:26,460
which they've got me to thank for.
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00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:27,660
[Lip] Quick, leg it!
8
00:00:27,741 --> 00:00:30,061
[Frank] Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,
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00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,540
which is why nobody
calls him Phillip anymore.
10
00:00:32,621 --> 00:00:35,141
Ian, lot like his mam,
which is handy for the others,
11
00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:37,141
cos she's disappeared into thin air.
12
00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:39,981
And Carl. We daren't let him
grow his hair for two reasons.
13
00:00:40,061 --> 00:00:42,661
One, it makes it stand on end
and makes him look like Toyah.
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00:00:42,741 --> 00:00:44,101
Two, nits love him.
15
00:00:44,181 --> 00:00:47,260
Debbie! Sent by God, total angel.
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00:00:47,341 --> 00:00:48,421
You've to check your change,
17
00:00:48,501 --> 00:00:50,701
but she'll go miles out of her way
to do you a favor.
18
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:54,781
Plus lickle Liam,
who's gonna be a star someday.
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00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,821
Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier.
20
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,860
One plate short of a full set, like.
21
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:03,061
And fantastic neighbors,
Kev and Veronica.
22
00:01:03,141 --> 00:01:05,381
Lend you anything.
Well, almost anything.
23
00:01:05,461 --> 00:01:07,821
Carol and Marty,
the lodgers from hell.
24
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,181
Last of the lonely hearts
and a psychologist's wet dream.
25
00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:12,861
Still, nobody's perfect.
26
00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:16,661
But all of 'em, to a man,
know first and foremost
27
00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:19,541
one of the most vital necessities
in life is,
28
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,981
they know how to throw a party!
29
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:23,500
[chuckles] Scatter!
30
00:01:23,581 --> 00:01:25,021
[crowd cheering]
31
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:28,101
[Frank] Me first stag night,
the barman tells me a joke.
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00:01:28,181 --> 00:01:30,301
Kid goes up to his dad,
said he's heard that in some countries
33
00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:32,941
a man doesn't even know his wife
till he marries her.
34
00:01:33,021 --> 00:01:36,541
His dad tells him: "That happens
in every fucking country, son."
35
00:01:36,621 --> 00:01:38,741
I mean, it's true, innit?
I mean, if I'd have known
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00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:41,661
Monica was gonna be a lezza,
I'd have never have married her,
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00:01:41,741 --> 00:01:44,261
would I?
Well, yeah, probably. I mean,
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00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:46,821
I'd have thought I was in with
a, you know, flesh sandwich.
39
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:51,101
But the point I'm making is,
you just don't know, do you?
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00:01:51,181 --> 00:01:53,060
You know, spin the fuckin' wheel.
41
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:55,261
So that's the point of a stag-do, innit?
42
00:01:55,341 --> 00:01:59,021
Cos like the chief Roman said:
"Veni, vidi, vodka."
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00:01:59,101 --> 00:02:01,621
"Numb me fucking senses, boys.
I'm coming in!"
44
00:02:02,261 --> 00:02:04,060
Whoa! Not fucking Marty!
45
00:02:05,461 --> 00:02:07,060
-[groans]
-[crowd cheering]
46
00:02:07,940 --> 00:02:09,901
["Wedding March" plays]
47
00:02:17,461 --> 00:02:19,141
[rattling]
48
00:02:19,581 --> 00:02:20,741
[groans]
49
00:02:24,941 --> 00:02:26,100
[Sheila] All right?
50
00:02:26,621 --> 00:02:28,141
Ooh. That's lovely.
51
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:29,701
[builder] Out the way, mate.
52
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,341
No, Sheila!
53
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,980
Tell me it's not Ground Force.
54
00:02:36,061 --> 00:02:37,461
It's for the conservatory, Frank.
55
00:02:37,980 --> 00:02:39,380
Gonna have frosted glass
and blackout blinds
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00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:41,781
for when I get a bit insidey-outsidey.
57
00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:44,700
Hello?
The garden's only ten feet two.
58
00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,661
What the fuck
we need a conservatory for?
59
00:02:46,741 --> 00:02:47,621
The wedding!
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00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,941
You know what I'm like.
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00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:51,621
Five hours out here,
and I'll go completely doolally.
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00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,861
Well, put a fucking wigwam up
or summat.
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00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,741
[chuckles] Too much daylight!
[breathes shakily]
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00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,380
[Frank] How many times, eh?
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00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:01,421
If you cold-turkey your tablets,
I need telling,
66
00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:03,301
cos, A, they're worth money.
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00:03:03,621 --> 00:03:07,341
B, they're a magnet for every
fucking bronco for miles.
68
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:10,380
How the hell much is all this costing?
69
00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,820
Eight thousand, plus VAT.
70
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:14,221
Well, we knocked a few quid off
for signing on the spot.
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00:03:14,301 --> 00:03:16,700
There! There you go.
[chuckles]
72
00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:21,141
I said I wanted a conservatory, Frank.
It's my money.
73
00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:24,141
-You haven't got eight grand!
-I got a mortgage.
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00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:26,100
Three-two-one, back in the room.
[clicks fingers]
75
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:28,021
Fuck's a re-mortgage costing me?
76
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:29,661
Us, you?
77
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,941
Peanuts, Frank, cos I paid off
the house last year.
78
00:03:32,021 --> 00:03:33,420
But if I'm gonna be honest,
79
00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:35,980
I missed filing all those bits
of paper they used to send me.
80
00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:39,980
So, I took the money out and everything,
and hid it in here!
81
00:03:40,061 --> 00:03:41,461
[breathing heavily]
82
00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:44,061
Well, you always said I shouldn't let
people take advantage.
83
00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:47,861
-[exhales deeply]
-Come here, you!
84
00:03:47,941 --> 00:03:51,100
[both laugh]
85
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:54,100
God, you are a total one-off!
86
00:03:54,181 --> 00:03:55,581
-Yeah. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]
87
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,581
Why don't you let Frank
take care of that, eh?
88
00:03:59,181 --> 00:04:00,140
OK.
89
00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:02,420
[Frank] So how much have
you over-quoted?
90
00:04:02,501 --> 00:04:05,221
Three grand? Four?
Let's say four. Eh?
91
00:04:05,301 --> 00:04:07,420
Four grand, split it 50-50.
92
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:08,461
Give us a receipt for the lot.
93
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,820
Job's eight grand.
94
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:12,140
On your fuckin' bike, Tonto.
95
00:04:12,221 --> 00:04:13,540
-You seen Watchdog?
-Yeah.
96
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:16,300
Yeah, presenter?
Sheila's brother. Twins.
97
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,261
He's Scottish.
98
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,901
Phone a friend or fuck off.
99
00:04:20,821 --> 00:04:22,781
-[Frank groans]
-We run an honest business here.
100
00:04:22,861 --> 00:04:25,901
We pay our taxes.
All above board.
101
00:04:25,981 --> 00:04:27,981
I just put a cake out
if you're all done and dusted.
102
00:04:28,341 --> 00:04:30,221
Beer anyone? Gin and tonic?
103
00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,701
No, I'm all right, thanks, love.
And he's had enough.
104
00:04:34,221 --> 00:04:36,060
Where the fuck
did you dig them up?
105
00:04:36,141 --> 00:04:38,021
Advert in the Church Gazette.
106
00:04:41,861 --> 00:04:43,141
Right.
107
00:04:44,541 --> 00:04:45,701
Thanks for telling me.
108
00:04:47,101 --> 00:04:48,541
-[door opens]
-[Carol] Veronica.
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00:04:49,740 --> 00:04:52,101
Those tights you gave me
have got a hole in.
110
00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:54,981
-Not now, Mum.
-Oh, what's the matter with her?
111
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,541
-Lost a fiver, found a--
-I said not now!
112
00:05:00,261 --> 00:05:02,821
I've just found out me IVF's
failed again.
113
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,620
I don't know why you want kids anyway.
114
00:05:06,021 --> 00:05:07,740
Pain in the bloody arse, if you ask me.
115
00:05:07,821 --> 00:05:09,101
Bleed you dry,
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00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,101
take away the best years of your life,
117
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,861
and then they grow up
to be a total waste...
118
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:14,740
[sighs] Tell you what, Mum.
119
00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:17,901
Don't mince your words.
Say what you really feel.
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00:05:17,981 --> 00:05:20,620
I mean, it's not much better
from where I'm standing, is it?
121
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,141
I mean, what did I get?
122
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:25,901
Jane of the fucking jungle.
But with a beard!
123
00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:33,101
Wedding dress? Done.
124
00:05:33,581 --> 00:05:35,380
-Order flowers? Done.
-Yeah.
125
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,500
Wedding cake?
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00:05:37,101 --> 00:05:39,581
Martha Stewart berry basket cake
with wooden dowel supports,
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00:05:39,661 --> 00:05:40,861
if I can get the wooden dowels.
128
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:43,461
If not, I'll just have
to use toilet roll holders.
129
00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:46,180
[Debbie] And you're making
that yourself, so done!
130
00:05:46,661 --> 00:05:48,180
Right, that brings us to bridesmaids,
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00:05:48,261 --> 00:05:49,821
and you'll obviously
want Karen as one.
132
00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:51,421
Me, what, bridesmaid?
133
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:52,981
You must be joking!
134
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,541
So that just leaves me,
and Liam as pageboy.
135
00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:57,981
[builder] I've just had
to turn your water off,
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00:05:58,060 --> 00:05:59,861
-love, while we do digging.
-OK.
137
00:06:00,781 --> 00:06:03,861
Right. So, that's me and Liam,
and I need a bridesmaid dress,
138
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,341
-so I found one--
-Digging?
139
00:06:05,421 --> 00:06:06,581
What's he mean, digging?
140
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:08,500
[door opening]
141
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,461
But I don't understand.
Why are you digging?
142
00:06:11,701 --> 00:06:13,940
-For the foundations!
-Eh, the ground's solid!
143
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:15,341
Just put it on there, can't you?
144
00:06:15,421 --> 00:06:18,221
No. It won't stand up.
We've only gotta dig a few feet.
145
00:06:18,301 --> 00:06:20,380
I said no. I don't want digging.
146
00:06:21,101 --> 00:06:22,820
But if we don't dig,
you can't have a conservatory.
147
00:06:22,901 --> 00:06:24,261
All right. Just forget it, then.
148
00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:25,740
-You what?
-I said forget it.
149
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,701
-I don't want a conservatory.
-Are you joking, or what?
150
00:06:27,781 --> 00:06:29,740
I've booked time in for this job,
and you can't have a refund!
151
00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:31,141
Then keep the money!
152
00:06:31,221 --> 00:06:32,740
And the cake, too, if you want it.
153
00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:34,101
[exhales]
154
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:37,620
Look, I've bought all gear now.
Let's just get on with it.
155
00:06:42,581 --> 00:06:43,781
Well, that's it, then, innit?
156
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,301
No more freebies on the NHS.
157
00:06:47,781 --> 00:06:48,940
And me and Kev sure as shit
158
00:06:49,021 --> 00:06:50,661
ain't got two grand
for going private, so...
159
00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:53,421
looks like game over.
160
00:06:54,261 --> 00:06:56,301
Is it still Kev's sperm
that's the problem?
161
00:06:57,141 --> 00:06:58,261
Still doing backstroke.
162
00:07:00,221 --> 00:07:02,701
Thing is, he never wanted 'em till
163
00:07:02,781 --> 00:07:04,901
bloody mouth almighty
started going on about it, and...
164
00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:07,380
now he's desperate.
165
00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:11,820
How am I gonna tell him
that they failed again? I mean,
166
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:14,661
when they've been handpicked,
and scored out of a hundred.
167
00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,461
[tongue click]
And kids like Mandy Maguire
168
00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,901
can get pregnant
from just fucking sneezing.
169
00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:21,421
How's that fair?
170
00:07:25,141 --> 00:07:26,740
Have you ever thought
about having any?
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00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:28,421
Yeah.
172
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:30,620
Dunno.
173
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:31,981
Lot of work, aren't they?
174
00:07:32,781 --> 00:07:34,021
[footsteps approaching]
175
00:07:38,981 --> 00:07:40,341
[chuckles]
176
00:07:42,141 --> 00:07:43,901
-[builder] Whoa! Whoa!
-[Sheila] Leave my patio alone!
177
00:07:44,141 --> 00:07:45,301
Leave it alone!
178
00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:47,940
-Leave my patio alone!
-[builder] Look out!
179
00:07:48,861 --> 00:07:50,141
[Sheila] Leave it alone!
180
00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:51,820
Don't make me do it, please!
Don't make me do it!
181
00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:53,101
-Hey! What's going on?
-Just stop.
182
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,661
-Sheila! Sheila!
-[panting]
183
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,701
I don't want it! I don't want it!
184
00:07:56,781 --> 00:07:58,101
-It's all right.
-[Sheila] No digging.
185
00:07:58,180 --> 00:07:59,341
-No, no, it's all right.
-No digging.
186
00:07:59,421 --> 00:08:01,581
-No digging.
-I don't want them to do it.
187
00:08:01,661 --> 00:08:02,581
They won't, they won't--
188
00:08:02,661 --> 00:08:04,141
-Leave it alone! [sobs]
-You'll be all right.
189
00:08:04,221 --> 00:08:05,060
They'll leave it alone.
190
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:06,981
Fuckin' hell!
191
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:09,740
[Sheila sobs] I'm so sorry, Frank.
I'm so sorry!
192
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:11,940
It's just so awful.
193
00:08:12,021 --> 00:08:13,781
-It was so awful!
-All right, all right.
194
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:14,820
There's no need to...
195
00:08:16,101 --> 00:08:17,781
Frank, there's something
I need to tell you.
196
00:08:17,861 --> 00:08:19,620
I can't marry you without telling you.
197
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:21,901
You're not a bloke, are you?
198
00:08:21,981 --> 00:08:23,781
[continues sobbing]
No! Course not!
199
00:08:23,861 --> 00:08:25,740
No, no.
200
00:08:25,820 --> 00:08:29,500
I was married before. Before Eddie.
201
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,261
Before Eddie-- Karen's dad, Eddie.
202
00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:35,421
Yeah. Sheldon, but he died...
203
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,340
[whispers] ...of a heart attack.
204
00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:41,180
Oh, well...
205
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:44,821
Well, you know,
some of these blokes, these days,
206
00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:46,340
don't take care of themselves, do they?
207
00:08:46,421 --> 00:08:48,421
You know,
no exercise, pissing it up.
208
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:49,460
[Sheila whispers] No.
209
00:08:50,141 --> 00:08:51,141
But, er...
210
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:53,741
I mean, if it's putting you off
211
00:08:53,821 --> 00:08:55,421
-getting married again, Sheila--
-No, no.
212
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:56,381
No, it's not that.
213
00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:00,541
It's just... he's buried...
214
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:02,781
in the garden!
215
00:09:07,941 --> 00:09:09,021
[Kev] Are you serious?
216
00:09:09,621 --> 00:09:10,781
No coffin?
217
00:09:11,621 --> 00:09:13,421
-Nothing?
-["Ghost Town" plays]
218
00:09:13,501 --> 00:09:16,941
She just wrapped him in a doily,
said a few Hail Marys,
219
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:18,821
and then shoved him
six feet under.
220
00:09:19,340 --> 00:09:21,581
It's what he would've wanted,
she reckons.
221
00:09:22,141 --> 00:09:24,661
Can you give us another pint, Kev,
and a couple of Es?
222
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:27,061
[Kev] A bit fucking weird, though.
223
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:30,061
Course it's a bit fucking weird.
224
00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:32,301
Fucking Michael Jackson video
in your back garden!
225
00:09:32,381 --> 00:09:33,941
Stiff under the whatsit bush.
226
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:35,460
It's hardly Mr. and Mrs., is it?
227
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,421
Hey, do you reckon Karen knows?
228
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,181
Oh-- Hey, Karen!
229
00:09:40,261 --> 00:09:43,220
Don't tell her, you stupid bastard!
230
00:09:43,301 --> 00:09:44,381
It's not like he's her dad.
231
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:47,381
So what did Sheila say about it?
I mean, is she all right?
232
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:49,301
How the fuck should I know?
233
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,021
[groans]
234
00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:56,901
-[thud]
-[groans]
235
00:09:57,781 --> 00:09:59,061
Hey, hey, so, er,
236
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,661
so we should have heard
from the hospital.
237
00:10:00,741 --> 00:10:02,421
It should have been today,
shouldn't it?
238
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,581
Well, it might be tomorrow.
You know what they're like.
239
00:10:04,661 --> 00:10:06,100
I'll, er... I'll take him home, shall I?
240
00:10:06,181 --> 00:10:08,501
Make sure Sheila's all right.
Find out what I can.
241
00:10:08,581 --> 00:10:10,661
Come on, tosspot! [sighs]
242
00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:18,220
Cheers!
243
00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:20,340
Oh, look at that, Liam, there.
You'd look sweet in that.
244
00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:22,301
Hmm! Oi!
245
00:10:22,381 --> 00:10:24,581
Who's the spunk-face short-arse
outside, then?
246
00:10:24,661 --> 00:10:25,581
[Debbie] Who?
247
00:10:26,181 --> 00:10:27,381
[sighs] Not again!
248
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,980
What does he want?
249
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,261
[Carl] Where?
250
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:31,980
Oh, go on, Debs,
he's your boyfriend, ain't he?
251
00:10:32,061 --> 00:10:34,220
-You can tell us.
-You're joking, aren't you?
252
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,781
He's only about four.
253
00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:38,100
Someone tell him I've gone out.
Come on, Liam.
254
00:10:40,421 --> 00:10:42,261
[knocking on window]
Fuck off!
255
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:47,901
-Thanks for bringing him home.
-[Veronica] It's all right.
256
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,541
I thought I'd come and see
how it's going.
257
00:10:49,621 --> 00:10:51,661
You know, wi--
With wedding and that.
258
00:10:51,741 --> 00:10:53,100
Sorry I haven't
got much to offer you.
259
00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:55,021
-I could do you a vodka.
-[Frank snoring]
260
00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:57,740
So is that where he's buried,
then?
261
00:10:57,821 --> 00:10:59,941
-What?
-Oh, I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry,
262
00:11:00,021 --> 00:11:02,301
it's just... Well, Frank said, and,
263
00:11:02,381 --> 00:11:05,181
well, I mean, only to us, and I...
[sighs]
264
00:11:05,901 --> 00:11:07,141
What the hell happened?
265
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:09,181
Oh. It's... [breaths nervously]
266
00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:11,740
Let me, er, let me do those.
267
00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,301
There's not really much to tell,
actually!
268
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,381
I just...
269
00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:18,581
couldn't handle the funeral
with the agoraphobia,
270
00:11:18,661 --> 00:11:21,701
and... and when he fell
downstairs and killed himself...
271
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,860
I thought, the garden's
just as good a place as any.
272
00:11:25,621 --> 00:11:28,141
And he loved that garden.
He loved it.
273
00:11:28,781 --> 00:11:32,701
He used to sit out there and...
point where to plant things.
274
00:11:33,181 --> 00:11:34,781
Fell down the stairs? I...
275
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:37,061
I thought he had a heart attack.
276
00:11:37,141 --> 00:11:38,501
He did. He did.
277
00:11:38,941 --> 00:11:41,541
He did! After he fell down the stairs.
[breathes shakily]
278
00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:43,501
I thought maybe I should
have done him a headstone,
279
00:11:43,581 --> 00:11:45,460
but it would have spoiled
the symmetry,
280
00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:47,661
and he wouldn't have liked that.
Wouldn't have liked it.
281
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,460
I mean, there wasn't any time.
282
00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:51,701
I didn't even have time
to take off his jewelry!
283
00:11:51,781 --> 00:11:53,821
[breathes shakily]
Didn't allow me to touch it, anyway.
284
00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:55,581
That's why I can't wear gold.
285
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,421
That's why I have to wear
fake or platinum.
286
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:02,141
Maybe I should have
phoned someone,
287
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:03,661
but I knew he was dead,
288
00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:05,941
because he didn't get up
to watch The Sweeney.
289
00:12:06,021 --> 00:12:06,941
The Sweeney.
290
00:12:08,581 --> 00:12:10,061
[whispering] What did Frank say?
291
00:12:10,141 --> 00:12:11,501
What did he say?
292
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:14,340
How much gold, Sheila?
293
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,220
You look nice, Carol.
294
00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:25,061
I always think animal prints
suit you.
295
00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:27,181
Veronica's put you up to this,
hasn't she?
296
00:12:27,261 --> 00:12:28,621
-No, of course not.
-[Carol] Hmm.
297
00:12:28,701 --> 00:12:32,181
Well, whatever it is you're wanting,
I'm not biting.
298
00:12:32,261 --> 00:12:33,901
[Yvonne] Hi, Debbie.
299
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,501
Doing a good trade on that confetti.
300
00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:38,980
Waste not, fucking want not.
301
00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:42,781
[sighs] The thing is,
302
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:44,901
it's not actually me
wanting something.
303
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:46,220
It's Sheila.
304
00:12:46,301 --> 00:12:47,740
She's ever so stressed
about the wedding,
305
00:12:47,821 --> 00:12:49,301
and she really wants
me to be a bridesmaid, but...
306
00:12:50,021 --> 00:12:51,301
[sighs] Would you--
307
00:12:51,381 --> 00:12:53,460
The answer's no!
308
00:12:53,541 --> 00:12:55,061
Oh, go on, Carol, please!
309
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:57,021
I'm not nicking you
a bridesmaid dress.
310
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,980
I got cautioned
the last time I tried something.
311
00:13:00,061 --> 00:13:01,620
I can't take that chance again.
312
00:13:04,301 --> 00:13:06,581
All right, Yvonne,
just a pack of gum for me.
313
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:08,581
Three-twenty.
314
00:13:08,661 --> 00:13:09,661
"Take What You Want Day"
315
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:12,021
for bearded ladies
were last week, Carol.
316
00:13:17,141 --> 00:13:19,460
-[cash register opens]
-Thank you.
317
00:13:19,541 --> 00:13:20,541
[cash register dings]
318
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:26,220
[Debbie] Why are you following me?
319
00:13:26,301 --> 00:13:28,220
I've got Racing Ninjas.
320
00:13:29,581 --> 00:13:31,061
Look, Brian.
321
00:13:31,141 --> 00:13:34,100
The thing is,
I don't want to be rude or anything.
322
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,980
I'm just not really interested.
323
00:13:36,061 --> 00:13:37,941
It's nothing personal or anything.
324
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:41,220
It's just-- It's all about
chemicals in your brain,
325
00:13:41,301 --> 00:13:42,581
and you can't help those,
326
00:13:42,661 --> 00:13:45,141
who you've got them for
and who you haven't.
327
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,541
And with you, I just haven't.
328
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:49,261
Sorry.
329
00:13:49,941 --> 00:13:51,541
No hard feelings, eh?
330
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,701
You can have me skateboard...
331
00:13:53,781 --> 00:13:55,141
if you let me kiss you.
332
00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:58,740
I don't want a skateboard.
333
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,541
What I want is a bridesmaid dress.
334
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,701
[door closing]
335
00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:08,220
Frank! Frank!
336
00:14:09,701 --> 00:14:11,541
[splutters]
337
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,541
What'd you do that for?
338
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,740
She's buried him
with a load of gold!
339
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,381
He was covered in it!
Rings, watches, teeth!
340
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,261
Must be worth a fortune!
341
00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:24,021
What the fuck's
that got to do with me?
342
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,781
I want you to dig him up!
343
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,781
Dig-- Are you off your fu--
Dig him up?
344
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,901
It's not Brookside.
He's a dead person.
345
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:33,620
Well, exactly!
He don't need it, does he, eh?
346
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:36,061
It were years ago.
He'll only be a bag of bones.
347
00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:38,620
Oh, and, what?
You don't think he's--
348
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:42,701
He's entitled to everlasting,
you know, fucking whatsit?
349
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,141
A man's soul has a right
to be left in peace,
350
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:47,340
doesn't he,
or what is the world coming to?
351
00:14:47,421 --> 00:14:48,941
Well, you know what?
352
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,620
You can say a few prayers
when you bury him again.
353
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,740
Come on, Frank!
354
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:55,901
Kev's cousin can fence it.
355
00:14:56,661 --> 00:14:59,860
All we need to do is get rid
of Sheila for the night,
356
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,421
dig him up,
357
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,301
-split it 50-50.
-Oh.
358
00:15:03,381 --> 00:15:05,661
-It's yours by rights.
-Yeah, but...
359
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:08,620
-Is it?
-Yeah, of course it is!
360
00:15:09,381 --> 00:15:10,941
Cos, well,
361
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:12,301
Sheldon were married
to Sheila...
362
00:15:12,381 --> 00:15:13,581
-Yeah.
-...which makes her
363
00:15:13,661 --> 00:15:14,860
-his next of kin.
-Right.
364
00:15:14,941 --> 00:15:16,340
You're married to Sheila,
365
00:15:16,421 --> 00:15:18,460
well... near enough.
366
00:15:19,061 --> 00:15:20,340
So that makes you a...
367
00:15:21,581 --> 00:15:25,220
I really need this money, Frank.
And don't pretend you don't.
368
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:26,980
Money Sheila's
spending on this wedding?
369
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,941
It's payback!
370
00:15:29,021 --> 00:15:31,941
That's better. Oh, you're awake!
371
00:15:33,301 --> 00:15:34,460
Oh.
372
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:40,220
[farting]
373
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:51,980
[groans]
374
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:56,661
-[Lip groans]
-That was a bit hardcore.
375
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,061
What time is it?
376
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:01,821
About three.
377
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,380
Shit!
378
00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:11,701
Fuck!
379
00:16:23,061 --> 00:16:24,581
Mandy. I'm here.
380
00:16:24,661 --> 00:16:26,261
-I'm here now.
-[Mandy] Fuck you, Lip.
381
00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:29,181
Look. Just let me take her.
I said I would.
382
00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:31,901
You said you'd be here at two.
Jesus Christ, Lip!
383
00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:34,261
Just one afternoon out with
me friends, that's all I wanted.
384
00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:36,821
-Well, I'm here now.
-You're not reliable!
385
00:16:36,901 --> 00:16:38,620
I said I didn't want you
involved with her.
386
00:16:38,701 --> 00:16:41,061
I said you'd get bored
and fuck me over, and you have.
387
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:43,421
We don't need that
in our lives, Lip.
388
00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:46,421
You're gonna end up
like your own fucking dad!
389
00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:57,220
[coughs]
390
00:16:59,581 --> 00:17:00,980
Mandy!
391
00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:03,860
I thought we'd agreed
to make a go of it.
392
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,340
Fuck! [kicks fence]
393
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:11,340
Look, she'll calm down, Lip.
She's just pissed off with you.
394
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:12,940
She's right, though, isn't she?
395
00:17:13,021 --> 00:17:14,301
Fucked up like she said I would.
396
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:16,581
OK, so tell her you're sorry,
and tell her
397
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:17,900
you'll make it up to her.
398
00:17:17,981 --> 00:17:19,781
I don't want to be like him.
399
00:17:21,021 --> 00:17:22,021
I want to be a good dad.
400
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:25,380
Look, do you think, well...
401
00:17:26,461 --> 00:17:27,701
What if I asked her to move
in with me?
402
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:31,021
I'd be there for her all the time,
and she'd know I mean it.
403
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,581
-I suppose.
-Yeah. I could redecorate!
404
00:17:34,981 --> 00:17:36,821
My room, do it how she likes.
405
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:39,261
-That's commitment, innit?
-Yeah.
406
00:17:47,741 --> 00:17:48,660
Where'd you get this from?
407
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:52,821
Wrong color.
408
00:17:54,861 --> 00:17:56,221
[party blowers honking]
409
00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:58,381
-[Veronica cheering]
-Party!
410
00:17:58,461 --> 00:18:00,940
-Come on, kid!
-[party blowers honking]
411
00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:03,420
-Get the music on, Frank!
-[Frank] Party!
412
00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:04,981
[Sheila]
Is it a hen night or something?
413
00:18:05,061 --> 00:18:06,420
Maybe we should invite
some of the others.
414
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:08,261
No, no. We can do that later.
415
00:18:08,341 --> 00:18:10,101
We just thought we'd have
a bit of a celebration.
416
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:13,101
-Hey, get the girl a drink, Vee!
-[cheering]
417
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:14,741
Yay! [laughs]
418
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:17,461
Come on!
419
00:18:17,541 --> 00:18:19,061
["So Much Love To Give" plays]
420
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,821
♪ I've got so much love to give ♪
421
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:26,101
♪ I've got so much love to give ♪
422
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:29,940
♪ I've got so much love to give... ♪
423
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,981
-Come on, Vee.
-I'm coming!
424
00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:35,700
Here we go, Sheila.
Chin-chin! Whoo!
425
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,301
-[Frank] Cheers. Cheers.
-Cheers.
426
00:18:37,861 --> 00:18:40,141
♪ I've got so much love... ♪
427
00:18:40,221 --> 00:18:41,900
[all cheering]
428
00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:43,741
♪ I've got so much love... ♪
429
00:18:48,021 --> 00:18:49,021
Where'd you get it from?
430
00:18:49,101 --> 00:18:51,700
-I stole it.
-Where from?
431
00:18:51,781 --> 00:18:53,301
Me dad works at a printer's,
432
00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:55,541
and they make wedding invitations.
433
00:18:55,621 --> 00:18:57,741
So, I know who's getting married.
434
00:18:57,821 --> 00:18:59,221
-[cries]
-[bridesmaid] Don't cry.
435
00:18:59,301 --> 00:19:01,420
-Please stop crying, honey.
-It'll be all right.
436
00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:03,621
We'll sort you out a dress.
You'll be fine.
437
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:07,180
So, Brian...
438
00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:09,940
how many more weddings
do you know of?
439
00:19:11,461 --> 00:19:14,221
-["Dancing Queen" plays]
-[Sheila] Oh, I love this one!
440
00:19:14,301 --> 00:19:17,061
I'm having such a lovely time!
[chuckles]
441
00:19:17,141 --> 00:19:19,261
-Dance with her, will you?
-[Sheila] Oh!
442
00:19:20,341 --> 00:19:21,261
[Sheila chuckles]
443
00:19:21,341 --> 00:19:22,461
[Veronica]
Come on, then, Sheila.
444
00:19:25,461 --> 00:19:27,381
[both chuckle]
445
00:19:31,381 --> 00:19:33,461
-[laughs]
-[Sheila laughs] Go on.
446
00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:36,420
Here you go! Come on!
447
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:38,341
Another one already?
448
00:19:39,381 --> 00:19:42,021
-Down in one! Go on! Go on!
-[Veronica speaks indistinctly]
449
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,541
Go on!
450
00:19:43,621 --> 00:19:46,180
Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on! Whoo!
451
00:19:46,261 --> 00:19:48,261
[all laughing]
452
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:50,700
[thud]
453
00:19:50,781 --> 00:19:52,301
Oh, thank fuck for that.
454
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:55,180
-How many did you give her?
-Ten.
455
00:20:01,261 --> 00:20:02,461
You don't think she's...
456
00:20:02,541 --> 00:20:04,101
[Sheila snores]
457
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,101
[Frank]
That's the thing about women, see.
458
00:20:10,021 --> 00:20:11,180
You're devious.
459
00:20:11,261 --> 00:20:13,781
Like Alastair fucking Campbell,
the lot of you. Tick, tick.
460
00:20:13,861 --> 00:20:14,940
[imitates ticking]
461
00:20:15,021 --> 00:20:17,621
Make out like there's nothing going on,
but inside...
462
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:18,700
[imitates Psycho music]
463
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:22,301
I mean, where's Kev,
while you're here, eh?
464
00:20:22,381 --> 00:20:23,581
Witching hour.
465
00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:25,061
Legs straddling
a fucking corpse?
466
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,700
At home in bed,
none the flamin' wiser.
467
00:20:29,141 --> 00:20:31,501
More to the point,
where are you, Frank?
468
00:20:31,581 --> 00:20:33,821
You are meant
to be fucking helping!
469
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,420
Hey, no! I can't go there.
It's too close to home.
470
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,021
Anyway, I'm getting flashbacks
to me mam.
471
00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:38,700
Anyway,
you were a fucking nurse,
472
00:20:38,781 --> 00:20:40,381
-you're used to dead bod--
-[thud]
473
00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:44,221
Fucking hell, Frank.
474
00:20:45,341 --> 00:20:46,341
I think I found him.
475
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:49,221
-[clangs]
-Well, have-- Have a look.
476
00:20:49,861 --> 00:20:50,940
Can you see the gold?
477
00:20:57,021 --> 00:20:58,061
Bloody hell.
478
00:20:58,621 --> 00:20:59,781
[panting]
479
00:21:05,981 --> 00:21:07,221
There's a watch, though.
480
00:21:09,821 --> 00:21:11,940
[continued panting]
481
00:21:12,861 --> 00:21:14,501
And some rings.
482
00:21:21,341 --> 00:21:23,341
Fuck me.
483
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,381
Jesus Christ on a bike.
484
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,981
That was some fucking fall
down the stairs.
485
00:21:43,420 --> 00:21:45,741
["Wedding March" plays]
486
00:21:50,301 --> 00:21:52,301
'Ere y'are. Got you a double.
487
00:21:54,061 --> 00:21:56,261
"Dig him up," she said.
"Won't hurt anyone," she said.
488
00:21:56,341 --> 00:21:57,821
No! You're not the one
just found out
489
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,381
you're marrying
Myra fucking Hindley!
490
00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:01,861
Frank, I am just as freaked out
about this as you are.
491
00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:03,660
Oh! Hello! How's that work?
What, are you the one
492
00:22:03,741 --> 00:22:05,141
that's lying awake
three in the morning,
493
00:22:05,221 --> 00:22:07,261
wondering whether you're gonna
make it till breakfast time?
494
00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:09,341
Look.
495
00:22:09,420 --> 00:22:10,621
["Gold" plays]
496
00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:13,541
Now, this-- This wouldn't normally
be my first port of call,
497
00:22:13,621 --> 00:22:15,141
but maybe we should, you know,
498
00:22:15,221 --> 00:22:17,261
think about...
about going to the police.
499
00:22:17,341 --> 00:22:18,700
I mean, you could say
you were gardening--
500
00:22:18,781 --> 00:22:20,541
Hey! How come suddenly
it's all about me?
501
00:22:20,621 --> 00:22:22,261
Well, you're the one
who fuckin' dug him up.
502
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,741
Er, Frank!
You wanna pull yourself together.
503
00:22:25,381 --> 00:22:28,061
I mean, there might be
a perfectly reasonable explanation.
504
00:22:28,141 --> 00:22:30,101
For a fondue set in the ribs?
505
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,381
What? He thought: "Oh, hang on,
506
00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:33,381
I'll try a bit of acupuncture
to cure the heart attack
507
00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:35,381
and, oh, dear, whoops.
I've stabbed myself to death."
508
00:22:35,460 --> 00:22:36,460
I don't fucking think so.
509
00:22:36,541 --> 00:22:38,221
Well, if you go to the police,
we've lost the gold,
510
00:22:38,301 --> 00:22:39,460
so why don't
you just shut up about it!
511
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:43,741
When did you turn
into Lara Croft, Tomb Raider?
512
00:22:44,301 --> 00:22:46,221
-[Veronica sighs]
-[footsteps approaching]
513
00:22:46,940 --> 00:22:48,581
Oh, shit!
514
00:22:51,301 --> 00:22:52,541
-[coughs]
-[Sheila] Oh.
515
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:53,981
I've got a shocking head.
516
00:22:54,061 --> 00:22:55,900
I didn't sleep properly last night.
517
00:22:55,981 --> 00:22:57,861
I was up and down like a yo-yo.
518
00:22:57,940 --> 00:22:59,660
Sorry. Am I interrupting something?
519
00:22:59,741 --> 00:23:00,940
-[Frank] No.
-No, no, we were just
520
00:23:01,021 --> 00:23:02,581
talking about the wedding.
521
00:23:02,660 --> 00:23:03,821
Frank's really looking forward
to it.
522
00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:05,581
Oh, Frank, are you?
523
00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:08,261
-Of course I am, yeah.
-[Sheila] Yeah?
524
00:23:08,341 --> 00:23:10,741
-I got my dress fitting today.
-Great.
525
00:23:10,821 --> 00:23:12,501
Oh, I've got a diamante bodice,
526
00:23:12,581 --> 00:23:15,660
nylon tulle veil, modesty panel.
[breathes deeply]
527
00:23:16,261 --> 00:23:17,341
Actually, I, erm,
528
00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:18,900
I know you don't
like looking after the twins,
529
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:20,381
but I thought
maybe just for a couple of--
530
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:23,221
Well, of course I do!
No, don't be silly. Any time!
531
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:24,341
-It'd only be for an hour.
-Yeah.
532
00:23:24,420 --> 00:23:26,741
Don't question it, Sheila.
He might change his mind.
533
00:23:26,821 --> 00:23:28,781
[Veronica] Anyway, I've got to go.
I should shoot.
534
00:23:28,861 --> 00:23:30,261
-See ya.
-[Frank] Hey, Veronica.
535
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:32,061
Have you got moles, then?
536
00:23:33,741 --> 00:23:34,900
You what, Lillian?
537
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:36,061
[Lillian] Moles. Have you got 'em?
538
00:23:36,141 --> 00:23:37,940
Our Leslie said she saw
you digging in garden.
539
00:23:38,021 --> 00:23:40,101
-She lives over back from you.
-[Frank] No, Lillian.
540
00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:41,581
No. It's-- It's the, erm,
541
00:23:41,660 --> 00:23:43,460
digger, er--
We got the builders in. It's not us.
542
00:23:43,541 --> 00:23:45,101
[Lillian]
No. It was definitely you, in the night.
543
00:23:45,180 --> 00:23:46,781
-She wanted to--
-[Frank] No, no, no.
544
00:23:46,861 --> 00:23:48,581
She must have been,
you know, dreaming it.
545
00:23:48,660 --> 00:23:50,341
Dreamt it.
You know what she's like.
546
00:23:50,420 --> 00:23:51,541
Hang on, hang on. Sheila,
547
00:23:51,621 --> 00:23:53,501
-come on, darling, you've got...
-She did tell me it were you.
548
00:23:53,581 --> 00:23:56,261
-I know she did, She knows you're--
-Hang on, Lillian. Hang on.
549
00:23:56,341 --> 00:23:58,180
Just go on, darlin'.
You enjoy yourself.
550
00:23:58,261 --> 00:24:00,021
She told me it were you,
cos she knows your--
551
00:24:00,101 --> 00:24:01,141
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
552
00:24:01,221 --> 00:24:02,420
Your work on this planet
is finished.
553
00:24:02,501 --> 00:24:04,861
-Return to your own people.
-She don't tell lies!
554
00:24:04,940 --> 00:24:05,781
She saw you!
555
00:24:15,861 --> 00:24:16,821
Fucking hell.
556
00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:20,101
No. No.
557
00:24:20,821 --> 00:24:21,660
No.
558
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:25,981
-Look, Lip, I told you--
-Just...
559
00:24:26,861 --> 00:24:28,101
come with us a minute.
560
00:24:28,861 --> 00:24:29,741
Debs, watch Katie.
561
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:32,501
What are we doing, Lip?
562
00:24:33,501 --> 00:24:35,460
You'll see in a minute.
563
00:24:36,341 --> 00:24:38,581
All right. You ready?
564
00:24:40,821 --> 00:24:41,781
Ta-da!
565
00:24:45,541 --> 00:24:47,101
[Mandy] What's this meant to be?
566
00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:48,381
Well, it's for you.
567
00:24:49,180 --> 00:24:52,141
I thought if you moved in here,
I'll be around, won't I?
568
00:24:52,221 --> 00:24:53,700
I won't be able to forget things.
569
00:24:53,781 --> 00:24:56,900
Lip! A couple of coats of paint
aren't gonna solve anything.
570
00:24:56,981 --> 00:24:59,101
And what makes you think
I'm gonna move in here with you lot?
571
00:24:59,180 --> 00:25:00,261
It's a fucking madhouse.
572
00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:04,381
No offence,
but I'd rather eat me own sick.
573
00:25:05,741 --> 00:25:07,460
-I don't understand you.
-But...
574
00:25:08,781 --> 00:25:11,541
-I want it to work, Mandy.
-Yeah, well, so do I.
575
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:13,861
But it's us we've got to sort out.
576
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:17,621
The real stuff.
Not some fucking paint job.
577
00:25:22,261 --> 00:25:23,981
[sighs]
578
00:25:24,460 --> 00:25:25,861
I don't want to, Debbie.
579
00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:28,581
-Brian, you said you'd help me.
-You said I could kiss you.
580
00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:32,420
Just help me get the dress.
and I'll... [sighs]
581
00:25:32,501 --> 00:25:33,781
Just one, OK? Here.
582
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:36,821
On the mouth.
583
00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:38,501
On the mouth, or I'm not doing it.
584
00:25:39,861 --> 00:25:41,180
Just help me get the dress,
all right?
585
00:25:43,261 --> 00:25:44,381
[sighs]
586
00:25:51,021 --> 00:25:52,501
Where'd you get it from?
587
00:25:52,581 --> 00:25:56,061
Oh, you know, grave-robbing.
[chuckles] Usual stuff.
588
00:25:56,621 --> 00:25:58,341
[Mary] I'd put it back if I was you.
589
00:25:58,420 --> 00:26:00,301
-Eh?
-It's fake.
590
00:26:00,381 --> 00:26:01,621
The whole lot of it.
591
00:26:01,700 --> 00:26:03,420
Ain't worth a penny.
592
00:26:11,741 --> 00:26:13,301
Come on then! Let me see.
593
00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:16,381
All right, then! But make it quick,
594
00:26:16,460 --> 00:26:18,660
and if you gob on me,
I'll throw up on ya.
595
00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:24,301
Well, go on, then!
596
00:26:25,900 --> 00:26:27,940
I... I think you're horrible.
597
00:26:28,021 --> 00:26:30,420
You think you're really it,
but you're not.
598
00:26:30,501 --> 00:26:31,621
You're just using me,
599
00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:33,180
and you shouldn't do that
cos it's wrong.
600
00:26:33,621 --> 00:26:34,700
I don't want to kiss ya.
601
00:26:34,781 --> 00:26:36,261
I don't want to see you ever again.
602
00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:46,101
[door closing]
603
00:26:47,101 --> 00:26:48,021
[Sheila] Frank?
604
00:26:50,460 --> 00:26:51,981
Are you all right about tomorrow?
605
00:26:52,781 --> 00:26:54,541
I can't wait to be Mrs. Gallagher.
606
00:26:54,621 --> 00:26:55,821
[breathes heavily]
607
00:26:58,220 --> 00:27:00,101
I think I'll just hit the hay, Sheila.
608
00:27:06,141 --> 00:27:08,341
[pants]
609
00:27:12,781 --> 00:27:14,581
[Sheila] Just locking up
for the night, Frank!
610
00:27:26,381 --> 00:27:27,301
Frank?
611
00:27:29,501 --> 00:27:31,301
Yeah, just in here, love.
612
00:27:34,341 --> 00:27:37,501
-Frank, are you all right, love?
-Yeah, yeah, just...
613
00:27:38,420 --> 00:27:39,821
[grunts] You know...
614
00:27:42,381 --> 00:27:43,501
Is there something wrong?
615
00:27:45,621 --> 00:27:47,180
Frank?
616
00:27:48,261 --> 00:27:49,700
What Lillian said...
617
00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:51,501
were you digging?
618
00:27:54,101 --> 00:27:55,180
Did...
619
00:27:56,581 --> 00:27:57,821
Did you dig him up?
620
00:27:59,581 --> 00:28:01,581
[Frank] Sorry, love. Can't hear you!
621
00:28:01,660 --> 00:28:03,220
[shower running]
622
00:28:03,301 --> 00:28:04,781
Did you dig him up?
623
00:28:06,141 --> 00:28:07,501
Did you dig him up?
624
00:28:08,660 --> 00:28:10,021
Did you dig him up, Frank?
625
00:28:11,101 --> 00:28:12,741
[whimpers]
626
00:28:30,980 --> 00:28:32,541
-Hey, erm--
-[Kev] Veronica...
627
00:28:32,621 --> 00:28:34,301
-[Veronica sighs]
-...you've heard, haven't ya?
628
00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:36,940
From the hospital.
629
00:28:38,621 --> 00:28:39,861
It's not good news, is it?
630
00:28:40,660 --> 00:28:41,700
No.
631
00:28:43,980 --> 00:28:45,940
Oh, look. I'm really sorry.
632
00:28:46,660 --> 00:28:48,261
I-- I just didn't know how to tell you.
633
00:28:48,341 --> 00:28:49,900
-All right.
-[Frank] Veronica?
634
00:28:51,061 --> 00:28:52,301
-Veronica!
-[glass shattering]
635
00:28:52,381 --> 00:28:53,940
For fuck's sake!
636
00:28:54,700 --> 00:28:56,061
Mind your feet.
637
00:28:56,141 --> 00:28:58,021
What the fuck are you playing at, Frank?
638
00:28:59,301 --> 00:29:00,141
Let me in!
639
00:29:00,220 --> 00:29:02,021
You've just broken
the fucking window!
640
00:29:02,101 --> 00:29:03,180
Look...
641
00:29:04,021 --> 00:29:05,741
I need the money from the gold!
642
00:29:06,301 --> 00:29:07,821
What fucking gold?
643
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:09,180
You've done what?
644
00:29:09,261 --> 00:29:10,621
Well, he were fucking dead,
anyway!
645
00:29:10,700 --> 00:29:13,101
Er, correction! Murdered!
How much?
646
00:29:13,180 --> 00:29:15,460
-Hey, hey. You-- You what?
-Sheila murdered him, so?
647
00:29:15,541 --> 00:29:17,621
-She murdered him? You're joking.
-Wish I fuckin' was, mate.
648
00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:20,021
Yeah, well, Frank,
it was a big fat zero cos it's all fake.
649
00:29:20,101 --> 00:29:22,021
So fucking tough shit
on both of us.
650
00:29:22,101 --> 00:29:24,180
So I dug up that body for nothing?
651
00:29:24,261 --> 00:29:26,220
You didn't dig him up. I fucking did!
652
00:29:26,301 --> 00:29:28,420
That gold is me
"Get Out of Jail Free" card!
653
00:29:28,501 --> 00:29:30,541
How the hell am I gonna get away
from her now?
654
00:29:30,621 --> 00:29:32,821
-Whoa, whoa, what you on about?
-[Frank] She knows!
655
00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:35,021
Fucking Lillian! Fucking...
656
00:29:35,460 --> 00:29:36,741
And now she's gonna kill me!
657
00:29:36,821 --> 00:29:38,660
-No, it's not fucking funny!
-[laughs]
658
00:29:38,741 --> 00:29:40,301
Look, you didn't see her
with that spade!
659
00:29:40,381 --> 00:29:41,581
They get a taste for it, don't they?
660
00:29:41,660 --> 00:29:43,660
-I've seen Crimewatch.
-[Veronica] Oh, for fuck's sake!
661
00:29:43,741 --> 00:29:45,741
What the hell am I gonna do now?
662
00:29:45,821 --> 00:29:46,940
[Frank panting]
663
00:29:47,460 --> 00:29:49,341
I'm gonna have to stay here
while I get me head together.
664
00:29:49,420 --> 00:29:51,101
You are joking.
Over my dead body.
665
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:54,261
It's me darkest hour, Veronica!
Me dream wedding in tatters.
666
00:29:54,341 --> 00:29:56,940
Me kids are not taking pity on me.
Lip's already thrown me out.
667
00:29:57,021 --> 00:29:59,420
Yeah, well, tell it to Oprah!
Now, fuck off!
668
00:30:03,781 --> 00:30:06,861
Veronica, you can't do this to me.
I'm a marked man.
669
00:30:06,940 --> 00:30:09,261
Hey, you've got me into this.
Veronica?
670
00:30:09,341 --> 00:30:10,660
[Veronica] Go home, Frank!
671
00:30:10,741 --> 00:30:12,220
Oh! Oh.
672
00:30:13,940 --> 00:30:15,741
Oh... piss!
673
00:30:18,700 --> 00:30:19,821
I don't believe you.
674
00:30:20,501 --> 00:30:22,061
I know, don't.
675
00:30:22,141 --> 00:30:23,861
What were you thinking?
676
00:30:24,460 --> 00:30:26,900
Well, I-- I thought we could
use the money, to, you know...
677
00:30:28,180 --> 00:30:29,220
for IVF.
678
00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:32,101
I know how much you want it, Kev.
679
00:30:32,781 --> 00:30:34,861
Oh, you...
680
00:30:34,940 --> 00:30:36,821
Come here, you daft cow.
681
00:30:38,261 --> 00:30:39,420
[both sigh]
682
00:30:40,420 --> 00:30:42,621
Hey, not many blokes
could say their wife
683
00:30:42,700 --> 00:30:44,700
-would go grave robbing for 'em.
-[groans]
684
00:30:44,781 --> 00:30:46,861
It were horrible and all! [sniffles]
685
00:30:46,940 --> 00:30:48,741
-And he stank!
-Urgh.
686
00:30:49,541 --> 00:30:51,061
Well, look, Vee, we're all right.
687
00:30:51,861 --> 00:30:53,861
We're all right.
We don't need no one else.
688
00:30:53,940 --> 00:30:55,220
-Mm.
-[Kev] huh?
689
00:30:56,460 --> 00:30:59,940
Aye, but we... don't need
to be trying for a baby...
690
00:31:01,220 --> 00:31:03,261
-to have sex, do we?
-[chuckles]
691
00:31:03,341 --> 00:31:05,021
-No! [chuckles]
-[chuckles]
692
00:31:05,101 --> 00:31:06,180
Let us in, then.
693
00:31:06,261 --> 00:31:07,541
[both laugh]
694
00:31:09,061 --> 00:31:11,381
["Wedding March" plays]
695
00:31:18,781 --> 00:31:20,141
[knocking on door]
696
00:31:21,381 --> 00:31:22,621
-[birds chirping]
-Frank?
697
00:31:32,781 --> 00:31:33,781
Frank?
698
00:31:35,341 --> 00:31:36,501
Frank, are you there, love?
699
00:31:39,021 --> 00:31:40,101
[Sheila] Carl?
700
00:31:40,180 --> 00:31:42,021
Carl? Is your dad there?
701
00:31:42,101 --> 00:31:43,700
No. Why?
702
00:31:43,781 --> 00:31:46,220
-I think he's left me.
-Hey, give over, Sheila, I...
703
00:31:46,861 --> 00:31:49,220
He's, erm...
He's probably with, erm...
704
00:31:50,781 --> 00:31:53,460
Well, he's-- He's probably out with Kev
somewhere, isn't he? You know...
705
00:31:53,541 --> 00:31:55,261
getting ready and that.
[clears throat]
706
00:31:55,341 --> 00:31:56,900
It's bad luck to see you
on your wedding day, isn't it?
707
00:31:56,980 --> 00:31:58,061
[mouths]
708
00:31:58,660 --> 00:31:59,821
[pants] Look.
709
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:03,061
Why don't you go home?
And, er, don't worry.
710
00:32:03,141 --> 00:32:04,821
We'll-- We'll find him.
711
00:32:06,261 --> 00:32:07,301
I'll get him.
712
00:32:10,660 --> 00:32:11,940
What the fuck
are you doing, Frank?
713
00:32:12,021 --> 00:32:14,460
It's your wedding day.
You can't just disappear.
714
00:32:14,541 --> 00:32:17,220
-She's in pieces.
-Yeah, well, but what about me?
715
00:32:18,101 --> 00:32:19,261
I'm a hunted man.
716
00:32:20,821 --> 00:32:23,781
She got a fucking spade, Veronica.
717
00:32:23,861 --> 00:32:27,220
If you're not gonna marry her,
Frank, you have got to tell her.
718
00:32:28,220 --> 00:32:30,220
Sort him out, will ya?
I'm going to Sheila's.
719
00:32:32,700 --> 00:32:33,940
[Kev] Come on, knobhead.
720
00:32:35,101 --> 00:32:36,220
All right, so you dig up this bloke,
721
00:32:36,301 --> 00:32:37,621
-and she's killed him, right?
-Yeah,
722
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:40,940
and who's to say
he's not the only one? Mm?
723
00:32:41,700 --> 00:32:43,061
I mean, remember...
724
00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:44,781
Eddie the owl?
725
00:32:45,180 --> 00:32:49,541
Fucking "Missionary work" in Africa,
or six feet under?
726
00:32:49,621 --> 00:32:51,621
What's the more likely, eh?
727
00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:53,381
Well, look, the only reason
you know about Sheldon
728
00:32:53,460 --> 00:32:55,141
in the first place cos she told you.
729
00:32:55,220 --> 00:32:56,460
Now, what's she gonna tell you for
730
00:32:56,541 --> 00:32:57,781
if she's planning
on giving you the same?
731
00:32:57,861 --> 00:33:00,781
Well, it's-- It's double bluff, innit?
732
00:33:00,861 --> 00:33:02,220
Plus, she had no choice.
733
00:33:02,301 --> 00:33:03,700
-No, that's bollocks, Frank.
-No.
734
00:33:03,781 --> 00:33:04,980
-The reas-- No, Frank.
-No.
735
00:33:05,061 --> 00:33:07,261
The reason she told you
is because she trusts you.
736
00:33:07,341 --> 00:33:08,700
-[scoffs]
-That woman,
737
00:33:08,781 --> 00:33:09,940
she wouldn't lay a finger on you.
738
00:33:10,021 --> 00:33:12,700
Fuck knows why, but she thinks
the sun shines out your arse.
739
00:33:13,740 --> 00:33:16,460
But she's still a fucking murderer, Kev.
740
00:33:17,460 --> 00:33:19,740
I'm not marrying her. Hmm.
741
00:33:21,861 --> 00:33:23,821
[sighs] It's beautiful, isn't it?
742
00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:26,781
I thought I might as well put it on,
743
00:33:26,861 --> 00:33:28,460
though I don't suppose
I'll be needing it now.
744
00:33:28,541 --> 00:33:30,460
-Hey, now, come on. Enough of that.
-He knows, doesn't he?
745
00:33:31,101 --> 00:33:32,541
He knows about Sheldon.
746
00:33:33,541 --> 00:33:34,621
I'm sorry, Sheila.
747
00:33:34,700 --> 00:33:36,660
-We didn't mean to--
-He used to hit me, see.
748
00:33:38,101 --> 00:33:39,781
If everything wasn't just so,
he used to...
749
00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:42,781
It was like he was looking
for things to find fault with.
750
00:33:43,261 --> 00:33:44,501
Like... [sighs]
751
00:33:44,581 --> 00:33:47,740
...if his records weren't stacked neatly
or if I had a button undone.
752
00:33:47,821 --> 00:33:50,381
-Sheldon fucking beat ya?
-I was young, you see.
753
00:33:51,821 --> 00:33:52,900
You think you deserve it,
don't you?
754
00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:54,381
You don't know any better.
755
00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:57,621
It was the gold that was the worst.
[sobs]
756
00:33:57,700 --> 00:33:59,341
[cries] He used to burn me with it.
757
00:33:59,420 --> 00:34:02,141
Pattern marks all up and down
me arms and legs.
758
00:34:08,820 --> 00:34:10,220
No! No!
759
00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:11,381
[screaming]
760
00:34:11,461 --> 00:34:14,141
And if I cried,
he'd punch me in the face.
761
00:34:14,860 --> 00:34:17,260
Battered me once,
put me in hospital for a month.
762
00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:20,700
Why didn't anybody stop him?
Why didn't you
763
00:34:20,780 --> 00:34:21,780
-go to the police?
-I did.
764
00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:24,981
I did, but they used to pretend
they couldn't see the marks.
765
00:34:25,421 --> 00:34:26,981
They just used to say:
"There, there."
766
00:34:27,061 --> 00:34:28,660
Give me a boiled sweet,
and send me home.
767
00:34:29,501 --> 00:34:31,700
They used to call it a domestic
in those days.
768
00:34:32,021 --> 00:34:33,501
They didn't want to get involved.
769
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:36,021
It was always gobstoppers.
770
00:34:37,300 --> 00:34:39,021
I can't stand the sight of them now.
771
00:34:41,700 --> 00:34:42,860
And then one...
772
00:34:43,740 --> 00:34:45,740
one night he was coming at me
with a medallion.
773
00:34:47,901 --> 00:34:49,340
And I just went.
774
00:34:52,501 --> 00:34:54,101
[screams]
775
00:34:56,860 --> 00:34:58,221
[whispers] I didn't plan any of it.
776
00:34:58,780 --> 00:35:01,101
[Veronica] Oh, Sheila, what a bastard.
777
00:35:01,941 --> 00:35:04,261
I can't believe
you've never told us before.
778
00:35:04,860 --> 00:35:06,941
He deserved everything he got, then.
779
00:35:07,021 --> 00:35:09,261
You mustn't waste
another breath on him.
780
00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:10,941
Frank's gone, Veronica.
781
00:35:11,021 --> 00:35:12,021
Because of me,
782
00:35:12,101 --> 00:35:14,021
-because of what I've done.
-Hey, now, come on--
783
00:35:14,101 --> 00:35:17,340
Do you think maybe if--
Think maybe if I confessed,
784
00:35:17,421 --> 00:35:19,421
do you think maybe Frank
could forgive me?
785
00:35:19,501 --> 00:35:21,141
I know, I know
he doesn't love me anymore.
786
00:35:21,221 --> 00:35:23,141
But if he could forgive me,
that would be something,
787
00:35:23,221 --> 00:35:24,621
-wouldn't it?
-Now, come on, Sheila.
788
00:35:24,701 --> 00:35:25,981
You are not getting yourself
banged up
789
00:35:26,061 --> 00:35:27,261
for the likes of Sheldon.
790
00:35:27,340 --> 00:35:29,581
-He was a monster.
-But for Frank.
791
00:35:30,501 --> 00:35:32,941
He's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
792
00:35:35,381 --> 00:35:38,021
I'm gonna turn myself in. [sighs]
793
00:35:40,340 --> 00:35:42,101
["Killer Queen" plays]
794
00:35:42,181 --> 00:35:44,981
♪ Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam... ♪
795
00:35:45,061 --> 00:35:47,340
Oi! Having a nice time, are ya?
796
00:35:47,421 --> 00:35:49,340
While your fiancée’s
gone to turn herself in.
797
00:35:50,901 --> 00:35:53,501
Well, if you can't do the time...
798
00:35:53,581 --> 00:35:56,941
For the murder of a bloke
who beat her to a fucking pulp!
799
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:00,860
Oi! Where the fuck you going?
800
00:36:00,941 --> 00:36:02,901
[Frank] Empty house,
I'm gonna keep myself company.
801
00:36:05,501 --> 00:36:06,621
For fuck's sake, Frank,
802
00:36:06,701 --> 00:36:08,541
he used to burn her fucking arms
with a medallion.
803
00:36:08,621 --> 00:36:10,741
How much more convincing
do you need?
804
00:36:10,820 --> 00:36:12,181
I am not fucking joking, Frank.
805
00:36:12,261 --> 00:36:13,860
You can't let her go through with this.
806
00:36:13,941 --> 00:36:15,381
She'll go to prison!
807
00:36:16,261 --> 00:36:19,021
She's only confessing,
cos she thinks it's what you want!
808
00:36:22,461 --> 00:36:24,461
-Fucking hell.
-What?
809
00:36:25,340 --> 00:36:26,820
"Mr. and Mrs. Gallagher."
810
00:36:27,581 --> 00:36:30,461
She's opened a fucking joint
account for ya.
811
00:36:40,261 --> 00:36:41,820
[sighs]
812
00:36:49,661 --> 00:36:52,661
What's he doing? Get off!
Get off! What you doing?
813
00:36:52,741 --> 00:36:54,701
[angry shouting]
814
00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:55,820
My bike!
815
00:36:55,941 --> 00:36:57,300
[rock music playing]
816
00:37:01,181 --> 00:37:02,421
For fuck's sake!
817
00:37:04,141 --> 00:37:07,141
[nursery rhyme playing]
818
00:37:09,300 --> 00:37:10,261
[sobs]
819
00:37:20,141 --> 00:37:22,621
[rock music playing]
820
00:37:22,701 --> 00:37:24,541
[all screaming]
821
00:37:35,501 --> 00:37:36,621
Sarge?
822
00:37:37,741 --> 00:37:39,380
[Sheila] Thank you.
823
00:37:42,380 --> 00:37:44,380
Well, blimey, look at you, Sheila!
824
00:37:45,501 --> 00:37:47,501
-Aw! Twins have grown, eh?
-[Sheila] Yeah.
825
00:37:47,581 --> 00:37:49,261
Yeah, they have.
826
00:37:49,340 --> 00:37:51,101
-[Sheila sobbing]
-So, what can we do for you?
827
00:37:52,101 --> 00:37:53,701
You come to report a crime?
What is it?
828
00:37:53,780 --> 00:37:56,181
Frank wants to wear
his Hawaiian shirt for the wedding?
829
00:37:56,261 --> 00:37:57,621
No, no.
830
00:37:57,701 --> 00:37:59,461
[pouring]
831
00:37:59,541 --> 00:38:01,300
[sobs] I've come to confess...
832
00:38:02,621 --> 00:38:04,061
to a murder.
833
00:38:08,501 --> 00:38:09,701
I'm sorry.
834
00:38:12,581 --> 00:38:14,300
[Tony] Look, Sheila, love.
835
00:38:14,380 --> 00:38:16,820
You don't have to marry Frank,
you know, if you don't want to.
836
00:38:16,901 --> 00:38:18,101
You don't have to go
making up stories--
837
00:38:18,181 --> 00:38:19,860
No, I do. I really do.
838
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:22,901
It's-- It's just cos
of the conservatory, you see.
839
00:38:25,661 --> 00:38:26,741
All right, erm...
840
00:38:27,421 --> 00:38:30,780
Maybe we should, erm...
We'll get you a cup of tea.
841
00:38:30,860 --> 00:38:32,541
Yeah, yeah! That would be lovely.
842
00:38:32,621 --> 00:38:34,860
Erm, with demerara, if you've got it.
843
00:38:37,741 --> 00:38:38,820
-Gobstopper?
-No!
844
00:38:38,901 --> 00:38:42,221
Whoa! Neddy!
Hold the fucking horses!
845
00:38:42,300 --> 00:38:44,820
Now, whatever she's saying,
it's not true, right!
846
00:38:45,461 --> 00:38:47,581
It's just pre-wedding jitters,
isn't it?
847
00:38:49,061 --> 00:38:50,021
It's just...
848
00:38:50,621 --> 00:38:51,581
She's...
849
00:38:51,661 --> 00:38:57,221
C-- Can I just have a couple
of minutes with her on me own?
850
00:38:57,300 --> 00:38:58,461
[telephone ringing]
851
00:39:02,181 --> 00:39:05,181
Sheila, what you doing, you daft mare?
852
00:39:05,261 --> 00:39:08,300
I know you know about him,
what I've done.
853
00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:11,101
So, I thought I'd come
and get it off my chest.
854
00:39:11,461 --> 00:39:13,541
[Frank scoffs]
But what you talking about?
855
00:39:13,621 --> 00:39:15,101
He was a brute, wasn't he?
856
00:39:15,181 --> 00:39:17,061
It's all right, cos Veronica told me.
857
00:39:18,141 --> 00:39:19,701
He deserved everything he got.
858
00:39:19,780 --> 00:39:21,941
God, if I'd have got to him first,
I'd have done it!
859
00:39:22,421 --> 00:39:24,941
Cos if anyone lays
a fucking finger on you...
860
00:39:25,021 --> 00:39:26,941
[sobs] Frank, you'd gone
because of what I'd done.
861
00:39:27,701 --> 00:39:28,741
No!
862
00:39:29,340 --> 00:39:33,421
Well, yeah, but it was just... [sighs]
863
00:39:34,061 --> 00:39:37,181
You know, just a mo--
Moment of cold feet!
864
00:39:37,820 --> 00:39:40,340
Er, just a normal kind
of bloke thing, just...
865
00:39:41,661 --> 00:39:44,181
I got a bit--
Anyway, the point is I'm here now.
866
00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:48,901
Why don't we just... go home, eh?
867
00:39:50,261 --> 00:39:51,261
To tell you the truth...
868
00:39:52,101 --> 00:39:53,901
you finding out's quite a weight off.
869
00:39:54,501 --> 00:39:57,780
Cos, erm, I've been giving it
a lot of thought,
870
00:39:57,860 --> 00:40:00,221
and I've thought maybe all this trouble
871
00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:02,021
I've had over the last few years,
872
00:40:02,101 --> 00:40:04,340
you know, like,
the pills and everything,
873
00:40:04,421 --> 00:40:06,340
maybe it's cos of the guilt.
874
00:40:08,181 --> 00:40:09,941
I think I need to be punished.
875
00:40:12,541 --> 00:40:15,021
Sheila, you have...
876
00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,701
served your time...
877
00:40:20,661 --> 00:40:21,820
in here.
878
00:40:25,581 --> 00:40:27,461
So what good's it gonna do?
You can't-- You're not gonna
879
00:40:27,541 --> 00:40:29,061
-bring him back, is it?
-But, Frank--
880
00:40:29,141 --> 00:40:31,901
I'll tell you something, Sheila.
If you go to prison...
881
00:40:32,581 --> 00:40:34,981
No, I know, if you go to prison...
882
00:40:36,221 --> 00:40:37,941
you will kill another man.
883
00:40:38,021 --> 00:40:40,141
-No.
-Because...
884
00:40:42,741 --> 00:40:45,501
I will die of a broken heart.
885
00:40:47,901 --> 00:40:48,901
Frank...
886
00:40:49,981 --> 00:40:51,501
do you really mean that?
887
00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:54,421
Do I?
888
00:41:05,581 --> 00:41:06,461
A man...
889
00:41:07,820 --> 00:41:09,380
without a woman.
890
00:41:15,581 --> 00:41:16,941
Sheila Jackson...
891
00:41:20,901 --> 00:41:22,380
[Sheila chuckling]
892
00:41:22,461 --> 00:41:24,621
Will you do me the great...
893
00:41:24,701 --> 00:41:26,101
thingy...
894
00:41:26,181 --> 00:41:29,340
of being my wife?
895
00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:31,780
[sobs] Yes!
896
00:41:32,541 --> 00:41:33,501
Yes, yes!
897
00:41:33,581 --> 00:41:35,860
Of course I will! Of course I will!
898
00:41:35,941 --> 00:41:37,820
[both laugh]
899
00:41:39,981 --> 00:41:41,860
Then let's get the fuck out
of this place, then.
900
00:41:45,021 --> 00:41:48,181
["Wedding March" plays]
901
00:41:51,261 --> 00:41:53,461
Well, you don't scrub up bad.
902
00:41:54,340 --> 00:41:55,981
Didn't think you were coming.
903
00:41:56,061 --> 00:41:57,941
Yeah, well,
wouldn't miss this, would I?
904
00:41:58,780 --> 00:42:01,780
Got me mum to mind Katie,
so it's just me and you today,
905
00:42:01,860 --> 00:42:03,941
if we can remember how to do that.
906
00:42:04,421 --> 00:42:05,581
Course we can.
907
00:42:06,981 --> 00:42:07,941
Come on.
908
00:42:08,901 --> 00:42:11,421
-You got a buttonhole, Marty?
-Stick a cock in it!
909
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:14,061
-[Sue] Hiya, Karen.
-[Karen] Hiya, Sue.
910
00:42:14,141 --> 00:42:16,340
-[Veronica] Here you are, love.
-[Karen] Cheers.
911
00:42:17,221 --> 00:42:19,141
In a civil service,
912
00:42:19,221 --> 00:42:21,621
we don't make vows
of a religious nature.
913
00:42:21,701 --> 00:42:23,501
-Thank fuck.
-[chuckles]
914
00:42:23,581 --> 00:42:26,820
But we pledge our love,
honor, and respect
915
00:42:26,901 --> 00:42:29,021
in a way that's
just as deeply binding.
916
00:42:29,101 --> 00:42:30,340
Come on, come on.
Get to the good bit.
917
00:42:30,421 --> 00:42:32,820
Do you,
Vernon Francis Gallagher...
918
00:42:32,901 --> 00:42:34,661
Come on.
Join in if you know the words.
919
00:42:35,541 --> 00:42:38,981
[all]
Do you, Vernon Francis Gallagher,
920
00:42:39,061 --> 00:42:43,101
take Sheila Jackson
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
921
00:42:43,901 --> 00:42:45,581
-[Sheila sighs]
-[chuckles] I do!
922
00:42:45,661 --> 00:42:47,101
[crowd cheering]
923
00:42:47,181 --> 00:42:48,901
[registrar]
And do you, Sheila Jackson,
924
00:42:48,981 --> 00:42:51,741
take Vernon Francis Gallagher
925
00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:53,340
-to be your lawfully...
-[all] To be your lawfully
926
00:42:53,421 --> 00:42:54,981
-wedded husband?
-[registrar] ...wedded husband?
927
00:42:55,061 --> 00:42:57,581
Yes! Yeah! I'm guilty!
928
00:42:57,661 --> 00:42:58,860
[Frank] Hooray!
929
00:42:58,941 --> 00:43:00,501
-Give us the ring.
-Oh, fuck, yeah.
930
00:43:01,021 --> 00:43:02,181
[chuckles]
931
00:43:02,261 --> 00:43:06,181
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
932
00:43:06,261 --> 00:43:07,621
[all cheering]
933
00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:10,380
["Congratulations" plays]
934
00:43:10,981 --> 00:43:12,061
[Kev] Way to go, Frank!
935
00:43:12,141 --> 00:43:17,300
♪ Congratulations and celebrations ♪
936
00:43:17,380 --> 00:43:22,300
♪ When I tell everyone
That you're in love with me ♪
937
00:43:22,380 --> 00:43:26,741
♪ Congratulations and jubilations... ♪
938
00:43:26,820 --> 00:43:28,820
Hey, I'm glad you came through.
939
00:43:28,901 --> 00:43:31,181
Yeah, well, I could hardly
let her down, could I?
940
00:43:31,261 --> 00:43:32,941
Anyway, I got to thinking.
941
00:43:33,021 --> 00:43:36,021
I never got the divorce through
from Monica in the end, so...
942
00:43:36,101 --> 00:43:37,701
it's not legal anyway.
943
00:43:41,300 --> 00:43:43,501
-[chuckles]
-[all cheering]
944
00:43:43,581 --> 00:43:45,941
[all cheering] Hooray!
945
00:43:46,581 --> 00:43:50,380
[camera shutter clicking]
946
00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:51,741
[Veronica] Mr. and Mrs. Gallagher.
947
00:43:54,981 --> 00:43:56,101
[Frank]
So, I've got a new joke, right?
948
00:43:56,181 --> 00:43:58,021
What does "bigamy" mean?
949
00:43:58,501 --> 00:43:59,941
One wife too many.
950
00:44:00,021 --> 00:44:01,181
And "monogamy"?
951
00:44:01,261 --> 00:44:02,820
Same fucking thing.
952
00:44:02,900 --> 00:44:05,061
But, you know, if you've gotta
have a ball and chain,
953
00:44:05,141 --> 00:44:06,581
Sheila's the woman for the job.
954
00:44:06,661 --> 00:44:08,181
Cos if we ever fall on hard times,
955
00:44:08,261 --> 00:44:10,661
you can send her out
as a contract killer.
956
00:44:10,741 --> 00:44:13,981
So like the chief Roman
said, "Veni, vidi, vol-au-vent."
957
00:44:14,061 --> 00:44:15,900
"Let's have a fucking party!"
958
00:44:56,981 --> 00:45:01,820
♪ Congratulations and jubilations ♪
959
00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:03,820
♪ I want the world to know... ♪
960
00:45:03,900 --> 00:45:05,101
Here, give me that.
961
00:45:07,261 --> 00:45:10,461
-♪ I want the world to know... ♪
-[cheering]
962
00:45:10,541 --> 00:45:13,541
♪ I'm happy as can be ♪
963
00:45:13,621 --> 00:45:15,621
(applause)
66658
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