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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,261 --> 00:00:10,141 [Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate 2 00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:13,580 is the Garden of Eden, but it's been a good home to us, 3 00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:17,501 to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of, 4 00:00:17,581 --> 00:00:21,940 cos every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me. 5 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:24,261 See, they can all think for themselves, 6 00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:26,460 which they've got me to thank for. 7 00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:27,660 [Lip] Quick, leg it! 8 00:00:27,741 --> 00:00:30,061 [Frank] Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, 9 00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,540 which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore. 10 00:00:32,621 --> 00:00:35,141 Ian, lot like his mam, which is handy for the others, 11 00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:37,141 cos she's disappeared into thin air. 12 00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:39,981 And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons. 13 00:00:40,061 --> 00:00:42,661 One, it makes it stand on end and makes him look like Toyah. 14 00:00:42,741 --> 00:00:44,101 Two, nits love him. 15 00:00:44,181 --> 00:00:47,260 Debbie! Sent by God, total angel. 16 00:00:47,341 --> 00:00:48,421 You've to check your change, 17 00:00:48,501 --> 00:00:50,701 but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favor. 18 00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:54,781 Plus lickle Liam, who's gonna be a star someday. 19 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,821 Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier. 20 00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,860 One plate short of a full set, like. 21 00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:03,061 And fantastic neighbors, Kev and Veronica. 22 00:01:03,141 --> 00:01:05,381 Lend you anything. Well, almost anything. 23 00:01:05,461 --> 00:01:07,821 Carol and Marty, the lodgers from hell. 24 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,181 Last of the lonely hearts and a psychologist's wet dream. 25 00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:12,861 Still, nobody's perfect. 26 00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:16,661 But all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost 27 00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:19,541 one of the most vital necessities in life is, 28 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,981 they know how to throw a party! 29 00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:23,541 [chuckles] Scatter! 30 00:01:23,621 --> 00:01:27,301 ♪ Come, they told me ♪ 31 00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:29,621 ♪ Pa, rum, pum, pum, pum ♪ 32 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:32,901 [Frank] Now, they say a lie can travel halfway round the world 33 00:01:32,981 --> 00:01:35,220 while the truth is still putting its boots on. 34 00:01:35,301 --> 00:01:38,700 Which is right, because lies are our currency. 35 00:01:39,581 --> 00:01:41,101 Bar's closed for half an hour. 36 00:01:43,981 --> 00:01:46,301 It's our New Year and all, you know! 37 00:01:46,381 --> 00:01:48,981 [Frank] There's white lies and there's black lies. 38 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:51,140 ♪ Pa, rum, pum, pum, pum ♪ 39 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:54,500 And then, there's the totally fucking psychedelic ones, 40 00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:56,261 you know, the ones that knock you sideways 41 00:01:56,341 --> 00:01:58,181 because you never saw them coming. 42 00:01:59,021 --> 00:02:01,301 Dicko! All right, mate? 43 00:02:01,381 --> 00:02:04,181 [Kev] Give me your attention, everyone. Attention. 44 00:02:04,261 --> 00:02:05,901 -[Frank cheers] -Synchronize your watches. 45 00:02:05,981 --> 00:02:09,181 -[laughs] Here they are! -[Kev] Ten, nine, eight... 46 00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:12,581 The fruit, apple of my eye. All four of 'em! 47 00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:15,701 -[all] ...five, four... -I love you like 48 00:02:15,781 --> 00:02:18,341 -the shepherd loves his flock. -[all] ...three, two, one. 49 00:02:18,421 --> 00:02:20,421 [all screaming] Happy New Year! 50 00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:22,141 [all cheering] 51 00:02:22,221 --> 00:02:24,100 [fireworks crackle] 52 00:02:25,901 --> 00:02:30,621 [all singing] ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot... ♪ 53 00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:32,461 [moaning] 54 00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:34,501 [snorting] 55 00:02:34,581 --> 00:02:36,341 -[moaning] -[Veronica] Oh, fuckin' hell! 56 00:02:38,021 --> 00:02:40,741 [both gasping] 57 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,741 [Veronica chuckles] 58 00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:49,021 [all singing] ♪ For auld lang syne, my dear... ♪ 59 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:54,540 Hey, New Year's resolution. 60 00:02:54,621 --> 00:02:56,621 Smoke more fags. 61 00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,501 Twenty a day from now on. 62 00:02:58,581 --> 00:03:00,501 And I wanna do more crappy stripogram work... 63 00:03:01,301 --> 00:03:02,221 and cut out the exercise. 64 00:03:02,301 --> 00:03:04,021 Might as well set realistic ones, eh? 65 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,021 -[chuckles] -Hey, actually, 66 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:08,301 I have got one for you. 67 00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,461 Literacy classes. 68 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,260 You're always going on about how you can't read. 69 00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:18,781 Yeah... but school and homework and that? 70 00:03:21,061 --> 00:03:22,061 I don't think so, Vee. 71 00:03:22,141 --> 00:03:24,700 Unless you wanna be pulling pints for the rest of your life, Kev, 72 00:03:24,781 --> 00:03:26,100 you have gotta put the effort in. 73 00:03:26,181 --> 00:03:27,540 [thumping and moaning] 74 00:03:29,420 --> 00:03:31,061 [chokes] 75 00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:33,941 -Oh, Jesus. -[Carol] What? What is it? 76 00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:36,540 -[Kev] It's your mam! [laughs] -[Geoff] Peanuts. 77 00:03:36,621 --> 00:03:37,980 Have you eaten peanuts? 78 00:03:38,061 --> 00:03:40,260 [Carol] Only a handful to soak up the gin. 79 00:03:40,341 --> 00:03:42,420 -[Geoff choking] I'm allergic. -Shit! 80 00:03:42,501 --> 00:03:45,140 Well, you could have mentioned it! 81 00:03:45,221 --> 00:03:46,820 Help, somebody! 82 00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:48,581 [Kev] What have you done to him? 83 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,700 He's dying. Anapapleptic-- whatsit? 84 00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:53,301 Quick! His throat's swollen up. Get some water, Kev. 85 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,301 [sighs] Two minutes into the New Year, and this happens. 86 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,781 It's a sign. 87 00:03:57,861 --> 00:03:59,341 Don't ever get involved with married men. 88 00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:01,301 It's a golden rule. 89 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,621 -[Veronica] Come on. One more. -Please, God, 90 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,181 don't let this happen to me. 91 00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:07,980 I know I've strayed of recent years, 92 00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:11,380 but I swear, let him live and I'll... I'll come back to you, Lord, 93 00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:14,741 if you just hear me this one special time. 94 00:04:14,820 --> 00:04:17,661 Thank you. [breathing heavily] 95 00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:20,701 -Thank you. -He did it. 96 00:04:22,661 --> 00:04:23,541 He heard. 97 00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:27,861 [women giggling] 98 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,221 Care to help those less fortunate? 99 00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,901 Nothing more upsetting than the sight of a sick child. 100 00:04:35,301 --> 00:04:37,060 Just doing our rounds. 101 00:04:37,141 --> 00:04:40,341 It's surprising how generous people are when they're three sheets to the wind. 102 00:04:41,221 --> 00:04:43,141 -[coin rattles] -Bless you. 103 00:04:43,221 --> 00:04:45,060 Deborah, it’s probably not the time, 104 00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:46,701 but you don't happen to know if your parents received 105 00:04:46,781 --> 00:04:48,620 the letters from school, do you? About your Liam? 106 00:04:48,701 --> 00:04:51,661 -I'm not sure. Is it serious? -Well, it is rather, I'm afraid. 107 00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:53,221 The Head's talking exclusion. 108 00:04:53,301 --> 00:04:55,861 Well, Liam's behavior last term became increasingly disruptive. 109 00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:58,101 The nativity play was the final straw. 110 00:04:59,261 --> 00:05:03,221 -Did God send you? -No. God doesn't exist. 111 00:05:03,301 --> 00:05:04,940 -He's a made-up person 112 00:05:05,021 --> 00:05:08,301 and the Bible is all pretend stories to make people be good. 113 00:05:08,381 --> 00:05:10,940 -[audience muttering] -[Mary] God's not real? 114 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,861 We're a Catholic foundation 115 00:05:12,940 --> 00:05:14,701 for the education of Catholic children. 116 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,461 Yeah, but he's only five. 117 00:05:16,541 --> 00:05:18,301 Sinners start very young, Debbie. 118 00:05:18,781 --> 00:05:20,500 Miss Murdoch and myself will be doing a home visit, 119 00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,301 ten o'clock, Monday. 120 00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:24,781 If you could just remind your parents, I'd be very grateful. 121 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,740 -Happy New Year. -Happy New Year. 122 00:05:28,981 --> 00:05:31,301 -[woman] Happy New Year. -[Carl] Happy New Year. 123 00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:32,901 [sighs] 124 00:05:32,981 --> 00:05:35,060 [fireworks crackling] 125 00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:05,541 [dog barking] 126 00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:06,821 [police chattering] 127 00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:08,901 Cops! Cops! It's a raid! 128 00:06:08,981 --> 00:06:11,981 Hide your gear. It's a raid, they've got sniffers! 129 00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:18,461 Ian? 130 00:06:20,740 --> 00:06:22,701 -Not tonight! You can't tonight! -Says who? 131 00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:24,380 -[Jez] Says decency! -[crowd groaning] 132 00:06:24,461 --> 00:06:26,620 [police] We have reason to believe that class-A drugs 133 00:06:26,701 --> 00:06:28,740 are being sold and consumed on these premises. 134 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,781 Well, of course they are. It's New Year's Eve! 135 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:33,581 In. 136 00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:38,940 [indistinct chatter on HT] 137 00:06:39,021 --> 00:06:40,701 Just checking we had enough ice. 138 00:06:45,021 --> 00:06:46,101 You can arrest me any day! 139 00:06:49,221 --> 00:06:51,221 -[dog growling] -[crowd clamoring] 140 00:06:51,301 --> 00:06:52,940 -What's that in your hand? Come here. -Get off. 141 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,701 -Fuck off, Dibble. -Ow! 142 00:06:58,661 --> 00:07:00,861 -[dog barks] -[police] Oi! Grab that one over there. 143 00:07:02,301 --> 00:07:03,620 Hey! Hey! Jesus. 144 00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:05,701 Who fucking trained him to do that? 145 00:07:05,781 --> 00:07:07,541 -You twisted fucking-- -[dog barks] 146 00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:10,581 -[police] Got one here, Sarge. -Oh, for God's sake. Come on. 147 00:07:11,461 --> 00:07:13,661 -♪ We'll meet again ♪ -[woman] Get off him. Leave him alone. 148 00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:15,661 ♪ Don't know where Don't know when... ♪ 149 00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:17,901 -[police] For God's sake. -♪ Sunshine, but I know... ♪ 150 00:07:17,981 --> 00:07:21,541 -[crowd booing] -♪ One sunny day... ♪ 151 00:07:40,141 --> 00:07:42,180 [clears throat] Where'd you get the gear, Frank? 152 00:07:43,581 --> 00:07:47,421 Bashton bus stop, Burnage end of Bellsjar Lane. 153 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:51,260 But-- But I did not do her over. 154 00:07:51,901 --> 00:07:54,461 She was already dead when I nabbed the bag. 155 00:07:55,421 --> 00:07:57,221 Hence, hence... 156 00:07:57,301 --> 00:07:58,940 did I take the purse? 157 00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,940 I did not take the purse. 158 00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:05,141 I left the purse where it was out of respect for the fact 159 00:08:05,221 --> 00:08:07,541 she was already stiff as a minger's ring. 160 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,141 Is that cos there was nothing in it? 161 00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,101 Yeah. 162 00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:11,180 [snickers] 163 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,620 -Oh, yeah? -And she stank of piss! 164 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:18,541 So, that's theft... possession... 165 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:21,101 Debatable, whether you had intent to supply, but-- 166 00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:23,541 Supply? Come on. 167 00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,500 Fucking-- To who? 168 00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:27,700 It's not looking good for you, Frank. 169 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:31,260 No. [chuckles] It's not looking good at all. 170 00:08:35,141 --> 00:08:36,381 Unless... 171 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:40,141 [all singing] ♪ On the good ship Lollipop ♪ 172 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:44,821 ♪ It's a sweet trip To the candy shop ♪ 173 00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:49,301 ♪ Where bon-bons play On the sunny beach... ♪ 174 00:08:49,381 --> 00:08:50,781 Fuck off! 175 00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:52,781 [singing continues] ♪ Of Peppermint Bay ♪ 176 00:08:52,861 --> 00:08:55,980 ♪ On the good ship Lollipop... ♪ 177 00:08:56,061 --> 00:08:58,061 Oh, he's going! He's going! 178 00:08:58,141 --> 00:09:00,061 [indistinct chattering, screaming] 179 00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:03,100 [siren wailing] 180 00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:16,220 Hiya, Debbie. Oh, happy New Year. 181 00:09:16,301 --> 00:09:19,141 -Debatable. Is my dad in? -He hasn't been to bed yet. 182 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:22,381 [doll] Merry Christmas, one and all. 183 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,581 Letters from school. Liam's in big trouble. 184 00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:26,941 They're doing a home visit Monday 185 00:09:27,021 --> 00:09:28,901 and they wanna see one of his parents. 186 00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:29,821 And? 187 00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:32,781 And you're one of his parents. 188 00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:35,901 Dad, this is serious. 189 00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:38,941 If he gets expelled, we'll have social workers sniffing all over us. 190 00:09:39,021 --> 00:09:41,181 All right, all right, all right, what d'you want me to do? 191 00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:45,501 Promise you'll be at ours, Monday, nine-thirty sharp. 192 00:09:45,581 --> 00:09:48,821 -Yeah, I promise. -Promise me you won't forget. 193 00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:50,781 Cross my heart and hope to-- 194 00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:52,741 [doll] Merry Christmas, one and... 195 00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:55,181 We've run out of Sprite, so I've done you a vodka. 196 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,340 Here y'are. 197 00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,021 Mm-hm. 198 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,860 It's your serotonin. 199 00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:08,661 Winter blues. Everyone gets a bit down in January. 200 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,181 Or it could be the fact that I'm bored, 201 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,901 -knackered, and skint. -Try eating. 202 00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:14,301 I don't want to eat. 203 00:10:17,781 --> 00:10:19,100 Didn't know you was going away. 204 00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:22,980 Spiritual retreat. Purifying my sinful soul. 205 00:10:23,061 --> 00:10:26,220 -What brought this on? -The road to Damascus, 206 00:10:26,301 --> 00:10:28,501 except for me, it was the ladies' lavatory. 207 00:10:28,581 --> 00:10:30,821 I'm just a lonely woman searching for love, 208 00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:32,581 and He understands that. 209 00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:34,701 When I needed Him, God listened. 210 00:10:34,781 --> 00:10:37,661 -God doesn't exist! -Liam! 211 00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:40,701 -He isn't real. -Get up, come on. 212 00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:42,621 You're the only one as'll miss me. 213 00:10:45,301 --> 00:10:49,781 I've got nits. Bloody nits! Jesus! Can things get any worse? 214 00:10:50,421 --> 00:10:52,181 [Liam sing-songing] No God, no God, 215 00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:53,781 -there's no God. -[Debbie] Liam! 216 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,220 Listen to me, and listen good. 217 00:10:56,301 --> 00:10:58,301 -You can't keep saying that about God. -Why not? 218 00:10:58,381 --> 00:11:02,181 Cos it upsets people. Don't say it anymore, OK? 219 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,301 Never again. 220 00:11:03,381 --> 00:11:06,061 And when them nice people from school come on Monday, 221 00:11:06,141 --> 00:11:08,980 you've got to be a very good boy. Do you understand? 222 00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:16,781 [clock ticking] 223 00:11:34,381 --> 00:11:35,941 Sheila, it's Debbie. Is my dad there? 224 00:11:36,021 --> 00:11:37,980 Er, I think he's gone down with the flu. 225 00:11:38,061 --> 00:11:40,661 -Do you want me to get him to call you? -Forget it! 226 00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:50,980 There's nothing more upsetting than the sight of a sick child. 227 00:12:16,181 --> 00:12:17,621 Don't want nits, now, do we? 228 00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,701 [clippers whir] 229 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,980 Come in. 230 00:12:33,141 --> 00:12:34,941 Hello, Liam. You have a nice Christmas? 231 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,501 Yes, thank you. 232 00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:38,701 Er, would you like a cup of tea? 233 00:12:38,781 --> 00:12:40,460 Er, no, we're fine, thanks. 234 00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:41,821 We just need a quick chat with your mum and dad 235 00:12:41,901 --> 00:12:43,901 and then we'll be on our way. 236 00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:45,740 Mum and Dad can't make it today. 237 00:12:45,821 --> 00:12:49,421 -They send their apologies. -I'm afraid that won't do. 238 00:12:49,501 --> 00:12:50,620 Three letters have been sent, 239 00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:53,021 and not a single one's been responded to. 240 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,460 The whole point of a home visit 241 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,661 so that we can openly discuss our grievances. 242 00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:58,821 The school governors take a very strong line 243 00:12:58,901 --> 00:13:01,980 -on parental responsibility. -Where are they? 244 00:13:03,581 --> 00:13:04,980 I mean, why have they left this to you? 245 00:13:05,061 --> 00:13:06,821 Surely, you should be in school. 246 00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:08,421 What exactly's going on here, Deborah? 247 00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:10,781 Well, the thing is... 248 00:13:11,460 --> 00:13:13,460 they've got a lot on their plates at the minute. 249 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,181 And it's all got really difficult for them... 250 00:13:16,941 --> 00:13:19,941 with the hospital visits and getting time off work. 251 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,941 It's not fair. None of it seems fair. 252 00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:44,421 Er, I'll speak to the teachers, 253 00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:45,980 and I'll make sure they're made fully aware. 254 00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,821 Can you ask them not to mention it to Karen, 255 00:13:48,901 --> 00:13:51,421 his half-sister? She picks him up after school. 256 00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:53,261 She's inconsolable. 257 00:13:53,340 --> 00:13:54,821 Cancer is a terrible thing. 258 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:58,301 You don't think it's God's way of punishing him? 259 00:13:58,381 --> 00:13:59,581 No, no, Debbie, please, 260 00:13:59,661 --> 00:14:01,901 you mustn't torture yourself with such thoughts. 261 00:14:04,941 --> 00:14:07,581 ["Merry Christmas Everybody" playing on jukebox] 262 00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:12,301 -♪ So here it is ♪ -[off-tempo] ♪ So here it is ♪ 263 00:14:12,381 --> 00:14:14,100 -♪ Merry Christmas ♪ -♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 264 00:14:14,181 --> 00:14:18,061 -♪ Everybody's having fun... ♪ -♪ Everybody's having fun... ♪ 265 00:14:18,141 --> 00:14:20,821 If I hear that song one more time, I'm gonna chin some fucker. 266 00:14:21,701 --> 00:14:22,821 Oh, Jez. 267 00:14:23,901 --> 00:14:25,980 Tonight, am I, am I still good for them couple of hours off? 268 00:14:26,061 --> 00:14:27,340 Is this gonna be a regular thing? 269 00:14:27,421 --> 00:14:29,301 Well, I'm, I'm learning to read, Jez, you know, 270 00:14:29,381 --> 00:14:30,980 and it's, it's not gonna happen overnight, is it? 271 00:14:31,061 --> 00:14:32,541 Well, read my lips. 272 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,421 I'm running a pub, not a library. 273 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,781 So if you want time off, find someone to cover your shifts. 274 00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,901 Preferably young, sexy, and female. 275 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,100 Problem solved. 276 00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:47,421 -[jukebox] ♪ Does your... ♪ -[Frank] ♪ Granny always tell ya ♪ 277 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:48,340 ♪ That the old... ♪ 278 00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:51,500 House full of kids, you're bound to get the odd nit. 279 00:14:53,021 --> 00:14:54,141 It's fucking disgusting. 280 00:14:55,301 --> 00:14:58,141 You know your trouble? You're too clean. 281 00:14:58,220 --> 00:14:59,220 If you're going out with our Marty, 282 00:14:59,301 --> 00:15:00,821 you're gonna have to let your standards drop a bit. 283 00:15:01,581 --> 00:15:03,661 When we were kids, he used to wear his Y-fronts 284 00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:05,421 for that long, we'd have to incinerate 'em. 285 00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:08,821 Maybe that's where the arson started. 286 00:15:10,781 --> 00:15:12,500 -It won't crack, you know? -What won't? 287 00:15:13,061 --> 00:15:14,100 Your face. 288 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,620 I'm depressed. 289 00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:20,340 Food in your belly, clothes on your back, 290 00:15:20,421 --> 00:15:22,301 and a bloke that worships the ground you walk on. 291 00:15:23,061 --> 00:15:24,460 What's the problem? 292 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,980 I don't know. [sobs] 293 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:31,821 You need sunshine. 294 00:15:32,781 --> 00:15:34,701 [laughs] And how am I gonna get that, Marty? 295 00:15:34,781 --> 00:15:36,980 In the middle of fucking winter? 296 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,860 Unless you've got a spare grand to whisk me off to Rio. 297 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,701 No. But I'm gonna make you happy. 298 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,541 [car engine faltering] 299 00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:53,821 -Hiya, Kev. -Hiya, Debbie. 300 00:16:05,541 --> 00:16:07,941 -Start talking. -What? 301 00:16:10,021 --> 00:16:11,340 Told you to leave that on. 302 00:16:11,421 --> 00:16:12,901 Debbie, what the fuck have you done? 303 00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:14,380 -Nothing. -Bullshit. 304 00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:17,421 The school think he's ill. Worse than ill. 305 00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,421 One of the teachers had just started crying 306 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,220 -on my shoulder. -Well, she had no right. 307 00:16:21,301 --> 00:16:23,500 I specifically told her not to mention it. 308 00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:26,061 Are you mental? The fuck you playing at? 309 00:16:26,141 --> 00:16:27,980 You can't go round telling people that-- 310 00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:31,261 Liam, mate, go and get in the bath. 311 00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,620 -Don't wanna. -Do as you're told! 312 00:16:35,941 --> 00:16:37,141 They were gonna expel him. 313 00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:39,421 Which means education inspectors, 314 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,980 which means home visits, which means social services. 315 00:16:43,061 --> 00:16:44,541 Because in case you hadn't noticed, 316 00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:45,541 no one's bringing us up! 317 00:16:46,141 --> 00:16:47,661 Is that what you want? 318 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,821 Busybodies crawling all over the house? 319 00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:52,340 Authorities coming in here deciding what's best for us? 320 00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:54,061 Cos that's what's gonna happen. 321 00:16:55,021 --> 00:16:57,740 We'll all be broken up, thrown into care, 322 00:16:57,821 --> 00:17:00,061 or fostered out to the nearest friggin' taker. 323 00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:03,261 Why didn't you tell us? 324 00:17:03,340 --> 00:17:04,701 And what would you have done, Lip? 325 00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:06,781 Stopped shagging for five minutes? 326 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,021 Expelled, well, what for? 327 00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:11,021 They think we're atheists. He keeps denouncing God. 328 00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:13,940 Where did he get that from? Who told him God don't exist? 329 00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:17,940 -Don't blame me. I say prayers. -It was me. 330 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:20,501 -Why? -Cos it's true. 331 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,660 Debs, he's a little kid! 332 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,140 Exactly, so we shouldn't be telling him lies 333 00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:25,741 about superior beings! 334 00:17:25,821 --> 00:17:27,541 You've done some screwy things in the past, Debs, 335 00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,101 but this takes the fucking medal. 336 00:17:37,261 --> 00:17:39,141 So what did you tell 'em? How did they buy it? 337 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,581 It's a collection of different cancers. 338 00:17:43,301 --> 00:17:46,381 They treat it with monthly chemo sessions. 339 00:17:46,461 --> 00:17:49,341 I've got a letter from the hospital detailing his treatment schedules. 340 00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,981 But you haven't got a letter because he's not a fucking patient. 341 00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:53,900 Don't worry. 342 00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:57,461 She didn't wanna see it. People never do. 343 00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:00,621 -Maybe he just gets better. -Overnight? 344 00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:04,541 No, he's right. It's our only way out of it. 345 00:18:04,621 --> 00:18:06,541 We let his hair grow back and pretend the treatment's worked. 346 00:18:06,621 --> 00:18:08,701 But it can't leave this room. 347 00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:11,861 The less people know, the more chance we've got at burying this. 348 00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:20,741 [indistinct chattering] 349 00:18:23,221 --> 00:18:25,541 Hang on, hang on, I've only got one pair of hands! 350 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,180 Pint, please. 351 00:18:28,261 --> 00:18:29,981 I ordered two lagers... 352 00:18:30,061 --> 00:18:32,061 Not in there, Lillian. It's not rocket science! 353 00:18:32,141 --> 00:18:34,541 How long have you been coming here for, for goodness sake? 354 00:18:34,621 --> 00:18:36,101 What do you want, love, A lager? No problem. 355 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:37,621 -Is it two pints, love? -I asked for crisps. 356 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,821 -Yeah, no problem. 357 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,700 Night school, my arse. If he'd gone to school... 358 00:18:40,781 --> 00:18:41,741 Jez, can I borrow these, please? 359 00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:45,061 Yeah, go-- Yeah, go on, take 'em. 360 00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:46,541 [Marty] Thanks. 361 00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,940 [Jez] Come on, Lillian, we're three deep in the bar here. 362 00:18:50,741 --> 00:18:52,180 For example, in the sentence, 363 00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:55,261 "I am going to the bar to buy two beers," 364 00:18:55,341 --> 00:18:57,900 we have two examples of how the same-sounding word 365 00:18:57,981 --> 00:19:00,101 is used in different contexts. 366 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,101 But if I were to add, "Would you like a beer too-- ?" 367 00:19:05,261 --> 00:19:06,741 Hm? 368 00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:11,021 We can... see how the third meaning comes into play. 369 00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:14,261 Open your textbooks at page three, 370 00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:16,940 and there are some straightforward examples of this rule. 371 00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,541 Have a look yourselves, and then we'll, erm, 372 00:19:19,621 --> 00:19:21,341 we'll go through it together. 373 00:19:35,581 --> 00:19:37,301 Just gonna nip to the toilet, miss. 374 00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:47,981 Dirty bitch. Wants me in detention. 375 00:19:48,741 --> 00:19:52,581 Corporal punishment. I've been a naughty boy... 376 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:54,900 [man] Are you gonna be long? 377 00:19:56,221 --> 00:19:59,420 Erm, I'm fixing the cistern! Use the other one. 378 00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:00,940 [man] Which other? 379 00:20:02,141 --> 00:20:05,221 Fuck should I know? Nip out the fire door! 380 00:20:05,301 --> 00:20:06,741 [man] I've nothing to bloody wipe with. 381 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:14,141 [man] Cheers, mate. 382 00:20:25,541 --> 00:20:26,900 Do people think I'm poorly? 383 00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:29,301 No. 384 00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:31,301 Well, sort of. 385 00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:37,141 [sighs] Liam, listen to me carefully, right? 386 00:20:37,221 --> 00:20:38,821 It's just a game that we to have play. 387 00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:41,461 So if you do exactly what I tell you to do, 388 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,261 then we won't get into trouble. 389 00:20:43,341 --> 00:20:45,541 So if people think you're poorly, that's OK. 390 00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:47,341 You have to let them think that. 391 00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,981 Right, it's all part of the game. 392 00:20:49,061 --> 00:20:50,221 Do you understand? 393 00:20:52,101 --> 00:20:53,501 Off you go. 394 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,261 We've got a problem! 395 00:21:05,301 --> 00:21:07,141 [Jez] Got any spare change there, collecting for Liam fund? 396 00:21:07,221 --> 00:21:09,900 Oh, cheers. Thanks so much. Cheers, John, that's lovely. 397 00:21:09,981 --> 00:21:11,420 Thanks ever so much, ta. 398 00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,900 Got any spare change in your pockets, gents? 399 00:21:17,061 --> 00:21:18,660 Come on, let's dig deep in these pockets. 400 00:21:18,741 --> 00:21:19,940 -There you go. -[Jez] Ah, thanks, love. 401 00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:21,940 Ah, that's brilliant, thanks ever so much, ta. 402 00:21:22,861 --> 00:21:24,781 Brilliant, ta. 403 00:21:24,861 --> 00:21:26,501 A pound! Is that it? 404 00:21:26,581 --> 00:21:28,940 Little kiddie at death's door, and you can only manage a pound! 405 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,501 We're sending him to Disneyland, not Camelot! 406 00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:35,461 Sorry to hear about your Liam. It's a crying shame. 407 00:21:36,141 --> 00:21:39,061 I thought it were the other one at first, that idiot from Oasis. 408 00:21:39,141 --> 00:21:41,501 I said to Maureen, he can pay for his own trip, 409 00:21:41,581 --> 00:21:43,621 money he's making. Sorry. 410 00:21:46,541 --> 00:21:48,981 [Lip] If they start a collecting wedge, we're in deep shit. 411 00:21:49,061 --> 00:21:50,221 How did Jez find out? 412 00:21:50,301 --> 00:21:52,101 It's Father Crichton. He's touring pubs 413 00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:54,381 -with his collection tin. -You happy now? 414 00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:56,501 I didn't know they'd try and send him to Disney World! 415 00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:58,501 I'll go with him. They've got massive rides, 416 00:21:58,581 --> 00:22:00,501 like Space Mountain and that, not just Mickey Mouse. 417 00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:04,061 -This is out of control. -There's only one thing for it. 418 00:22:05,180 --> 00:22:07,621 We're gonna have to go down there and tell 'em the truth. 419 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:09,420 Stop it before it goes any further. 420 00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:14,261 -I'm not doing it. -We'll all do it. 421 00:22:15,381 --> 00:22:16,621 [indistinct chattering] 422 00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,021 [Jez] Thanks ever so much. Very generous. 423 00:22:20,261 --> 00:22:21,660 Thanks. God bless you. 424 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:23,940 Oh, thank you. 425 00:22:25,621 --> 00:22:27,700 Chemotherapy is a modern miracle. 426 00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:29,541 Absolutely. 427 00:22:30,301 --> 00:22:31,341 [Jez] Thank you. 428 00:22:32,541 --> 00:22:35,460 -May I buy you a drink, Frank? -Absolutely. 429 00:22:38,341 --> 00:22:39,741 I'll just... 430 00:22:42,621 --> 00:22:44,660 -What the fuck's going on? -No, Dad, listen-- 431 00:22:44,741 --> 00:22:46,341 Me own kiddie, and no one tells me? 432 00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:48,501 I-- I'm the last to know, as usual. 433 00:22:48,581 --> 00:22:51,460 Have to find out in the pub, off strangers. 434 00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:54,741 Is this how it is now, is this how we've ended up? 435 00:22:55,301 --> 00:22:58,381 Me own kids keeping secrets from me? 436 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:02,341 Well, I suppose I've only meself to fucking blame, haven't I? 437 00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:04,900 But you could have fucking... 438 00:23:06,460 --> 00:23:08,341 [sobs] ...told me. 439 00:23:11,341 --> 00:23:12,621 My Liam. 440 00:23:15,581 --> 00:23:17,541 Why-- Lickle Liam. 441 00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:24,821 He's me own flesh and blood. 442 00:23:25,981 --> 00:23:28,381 -No, Dad, look, it's-- -[microphone feedback] 443 00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:30,101 Community is about sticking together, 444 00:23:30,180 --> 00:23:31,621 and that's exactly what we're gonna to do, 445 00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:35,420 so it's my pleasure to declare the Liam Gallagher Appeal 446 00:23:35,501 --> 00:23:38,460 -officially open. -[crowd applauds] 447 00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:44,741 Frank. I came as soon as I heard. 448 00:23:44,821 --> 00:23:47,501 -Oh, Mum, listen-- -[Lip] Not now. 449 00:23:47,581 --> 00:23:49,660 If we tell them, everyone'll know. 450 00:23:49,741 --> 00:23:51,301 Liam dying. 451 00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:54,061 It's a wonder you can remember what he looks like. 452 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:56,501 Who rattled your fucking cage? 453 00:23:56,581 --> 00:23:58,301 When did you last spend the day with him? 454 00:23:58,381 --> 00:24:00,341 -Take him out, have fun? -[Frank sobs] 455 00:24:00,420 --> 00:24:01,861 Call yourself a father. 456 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:04,221 Hang on a minute, fuckin'-- 457 00:24:04,301 --> 00:24:05,741 She's right, Frank. 458 00:24:06,261 --> 00:24:08,861 He needs his father. They all need their father. 459 00:24:10,021 --> 00:24:12,781 We should be there for them. Like proper parents. 460 00:24:15,061 --> 00:24:17,341 Well, well, yeah, yeah, of course. I mean-- 461 00:24:17,420 --> 00:24:20,301 We could move in! Then we'd all be together. 462 00:24:20,381 --> 00:24:21,501 Me, you, and the kids. 463 00:24:21,581 --> 00:24:24,180 One big happy family under the same roof. 464 00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:26,460 We need to talk. 465 00:24:30,061 --> 00:24:33,420 Oh, my God. He looks like summat from Chernobyl. 466 00:24:34,381 --> 00:24:36,221 Debbie needs to see a shrink. 467 00:24:36,301 --> 00:24:38,381 How cracked have you gotta be to make summat like that up? 468 00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:40,221 Hey, she's a young girl trying to bring up a kiddie 469 00:24:40,301 --> 00:24:41,541 that doesn't even belong to her. 470 00:24:41,621 --> 00:24:43,700 We should be praising her, not condemning her. 471 00:24:43,781 --> 00:24:47,021 -For making up cancer, Veronica? -For coping. 472 00:24:47,101 --> 00:24:48,821 With no parents and a bunch of brothers 473 00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:50,821 who expect her to behave like their mother. 474 00:24:51,741 --> 00:24:53,900 They're gonna kill us. You know that. 475 00:24:54,581 --> 00:24:57,741 Hundreds of pounds have gone in. Wages, benefits. For what? 476 00:24:57,821 --> 00:24:59,021 It's a fucking sham. 477 00:24:59,781 --> 00:25:01,660 If we tell people the truth, 478 00:25:01,741 --> 00:25:03,341 what's the worst that can happen? 479 00:25:05,061 --> 00:25:06,781 Remember Teresa Tyler? 480 00:25:07,581 --> 00:25:08,981 Read all about it! 481 00:25:09,781 --> 00:25:12,021 Fake charity woman torched from home! 482 00:25:12,101 --> 00:25:14,061 Heartless bitch in fear of her life! 483 00:25:14,141 --> 00:25:16,021 Read all about it! 484 00:25:16,741 --> 00:25:18,660 If they think you've used a kid to extort money, 485 00:25:18,741 --> 00:25:20,900 they will build a fucking bonfire. 486 00:25:20,981 --> 00:25:23,940 We could just say it was a mistake. Like, we thought he had cancer, 487 00:25:24,021 --> 00:25:25,220 but found out it was really mumps. 488 00:25:27,821 --> 00:25:30,101 -Least I'm trying. -We've gotta keep schtum. 489 00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:32,541 If that means not telling me dad and Sheila, then so be it. 490 00:25:32,621 --> 00:25:34,261 You can't let 'em think he's dying, Lip. 491 00:25:34,341 --> 00:25:37,501 He can't be trusted! Look, it's only for a few days. 492 00:25:37,581 --> 00:25:39,541 When it blows over, we'll tell them the truth. 493 00:25:40,460 --> 00:25:42,700 It won't do Frank any harm to love his son a bit harder, 494 00:25:42,781 --> 00:25:44,501 will it, eh? 495 00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:48,021 You finished talking about me now? 496 00:25:54,141 --> 00:25:57,700 [Frank] We can't just move in there, Sheila. 497 00:25:57,781 --> 00:25:58,700 He needs a mother, Frank. 498 00:25:59,981 --> 00:26:01,621 Yeah, but they've done all right so far. 499 00:26:02,381 --> 00:26:04,341 Frank, he's your son! Come on. 500 00:26:04,420 --> 00:26:05,981 Yeah, I know that, but... 501 00:26:06,061 --> 00:26:09,581 [panting] It's like Marti Caine said, 502 00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:12,861 "You should go into battle like it's your worst enemy." 503 00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:14,341 Yeah, and look what happened to her. 504 00:26:15,981 --> 00:26:17,381 [laughs] 505 00:26:19,741 --> 00:26:22,781 Oh, yeah, yeah. Laugh all you like. I borrowed these off your mam! 506 00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:29,381 -[distant clamor] -[toy squeaking] 507 00:26:30,981 --> 00:26:33,021 -Where's everyone gonna sleep? -See? 508 00:26:33,101 --> 00:26:34,621 Aren't these two gonna want their own room? 509 00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:36,781 We'll have to convert the living room into a granny flat, 510 00:26:36,861 --> 00:26:39,021 and then no one will be able to get next door. 511 00:26:39,101 --> 00:26:40,501 We won't have any privacy. I mean, 512 00:26:40,581 --> 00:26:42,660 not that we've got anything to hide or anything, but 513 00:26:42,741 --> 00:26:45,141 we are adults, with very adult needs. 514 00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:49,261 No. No. No, Sheila, it's not gonna work. 515 00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:52,781 I don't know, the logistics are all to cock. 516 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:54,900 We're gonna have to sit down and rethink-- 517 00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:56,741 What the fuck? 518 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,861 What's this? This normal? Who thinks this is normal? 519 00:27:02,940 --> 00:27:05,220 -It's for Sue's depression. -Lifting or deepening? 520 00:27:05,301 --> 00:27:07,381 -What's going on? -They're moving in. 521 00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:10,541 -Says who? -Someone could have told us. 522 00:27:10,621 --> 00:27:12,460 You don't even fucking live here. 523 00:27:12,541 --> 00:27:15,180 Never mind. There's more than enough room for everyone. 524 00:27:15,621 --> 00:27:17,581 Come on, Sue, you can help me with the cleaning. 525 00:27:17,660 --> 00:27:19,621 Well, I can't clean, Sheila, it's the dust. 526 00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:21,261 -It gives me migraines. -Come on. 527 00:27:30,220 --> 00:27:32,501 [groans] 528 00:27:32,581 --> 00:27:33,861 [parrot whistles] 529 00:27:36,861 --> 00:27:39,220 Present for Sue. Pets are good for depression. 530 00:27:40,021 --> 00:27:42,261 [parrot squawking] 531 00:27:44,861 --> 00:27:47,101 OK, everyone, see you next week. 532 00:27:51,900 --> 00:27:54,021 So, how did you get on? 533 00:27:56,341 --> 00:27:57,460 Hmm? 534 00:27:57,541 --> 00:27:59,101 Five out of five. Excellent. 535 00:28:00,420 --> 00:28:01,781 You're like, erm... 536 00:28:02,501 --> 00:28:03,700 teacher's pet. 537 00:28:06,141 --> 00:28:08,621 Gotta go, Miss. Ta-ra. 538 00:28:13,861 --> 00:28:15,301 [engine turning over] 539 00:28:20,301 --> 00:28:21,660 [mutters] 540 00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:23,460 [motor running] 541 00:28:35,061 --> 00:28:36,821 What the fuck? 542 00:28:42,980 --> 00:28:44,180 [phone beeps] 543 00:28:47,980 --> 00:28:50,821 Billy! This fucking car you sold me, 544 00:28:50,900 --> 00:28:52,621 you told me it wasn't a ringer. 545 00:28:53,180 --> 00:28:55,660 Bought as seen. And that was five years ago. 546 00:28:55,741 --> 00:28:57,781 Now, fuck off. Our Satan's got a badger. 547 00:28:58,861 --> 00:29:00,581 -[phone beeps] -Fucking... 548 00:29:12,301 --> 00:29:13,660 I guess you'll be needing a lift. 549 00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:30,781 Well, this is as close as I go. 550 00:29:30,861 --> 00:29:33,220 After this, it's straight to my place. 551 00:29:35,261 --> 00:29:36,420 So... 552 00:29:39,220 --> 00:29:40,621 so what's it to be, Kev? 553 00:29:42,980 --> 00:29:45,341 Look, the thing is, Serena, 554 00:29:45,420 --> 00:29:49,420 I've got a girl at home and much as I would like to... 555 00:29:50,821 --> 00:29:52,660 she'd tear me dick off. 556 00:30:02,220 --> 00:30:03,261 She'd never know. 557 00:30:04,420 --> 00:30:07,301 In my experience, women always know. 558 00:30:09,220 --> 00:30:10,381 Suit yourself. 559 00:30:12,420 --> 00:30:13,660 But I know you're interested... 560 00:30:14,660 --> 00:30:16,821 or you wouldn't have to keep nipping off for a wank 561 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:18,621 halfway through my lessons. 562 00:30:21,301 --> 00:30:22,621 I'm gonna have you, Kev... 563 00:30:23,781 --> 00:30:25,541 so, if I were you, I would just... 564 00:30:26,460 --> 00:30:27,501 get... 565 00:30:28,061 --> 00:30:29,741 used to the idea. 566 00:30:35,381 --> 00:30:36,581 Thanks for the lift. 567 00:30:59,141 --> 00:31:00,781 -[knocks] -Hey! 568 00:31:00,861 --> 00:31:02,980 There's kiddies dying and you're doing that! 569 00:31:03,700 --> 00:31:06,940 Go on, you dirty bastard! Go on! 570 00:31:12,980 --> 00:31:17,541 -[indistinct chatter] -[music playing] 571 00:31:24,541 --> 00:31:26,741 Sheila, love, slow down. 572 00:31:26,821 --> 00:31:29,581 I've got a house full of people, all with hungry stomachs. 573 00:31:29,660 --> 00:31:31,621 When are we gonna get a chance to eat all this stuff? 574 00:31:31,700 --> 00:31:33,381 We need to conserve our energy. 575 00:31:33,460 --> 00:31:35,180 I've done breakfast, dinner, and tea. 576 00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:37,341 Whatever's left over can be frozen. 577 00:31:38,420 --> 00:31:41,420 Sheila, Sheila, they can all look after themselves. 578 00:31:41,501 --> 00:31:43,581 What do you think they did before we moved in, starved? 579 00:31:43,660 --> 00:31:45,460 I mean, look at 'em. 580 00:31:45,541 --> 00:31:46,621 None of 'em are wasting awa-- 581 00:31:51,101 --> 00:31:52,980 [Sheila humming] 582 00:31:55,341 --> 00:31:57,341 Just stop fucking cooking, will you? 583 00:31:57,420 --> 00:31:59,061 You're like a woman possessed. 584 00:31:59,141 --> 00:32:01,341 We need food, Frank. It's what keeps us healthy. 585 00:32:02,261 --> 00:32:05,180 Besides, little Liam's enjoying himself, aren't you? 586 00:32:05,261 --> 00:32:06,740 -Mummy's little helper. -[timer dings] 587 00:32:06,821 --> 00:32:10,541 Oh! Me risotto'll be turned to mud. [gasps] 588 00:32:17,341 --> 00:32:19,420 If you're looking for drugs, they hide 'em in the cistern. 589 00:32:19,501 --> 00:32:20,821 No, no, I was just-- 590 00:32:21,980 --> 00:32:24,700 Just a bit of dope or summat, just take the edge off, you know? 591 00:32:26,021 --> 00:32:29,021 [sighs] I mean, what with your brother, and it’s being back here, 592 00:32:29,101 --> 00:32:30,501 it's all a bit of a fucking... 593 00:32:31,341 --> 00:32:33,420 Dad, about Liam... 594 00:32:34,781 --> 00:32:36,141 the thing is, it's-- 595 00:32:36,220 --> 00:32:38,141 The fuck you both doing in here? 596 00:32:38,220 --> 00:32:39,700 Looking for your drugs. 597 00:32:39,781 --> 00:32:42,021 Yeah, well, good luck, cos I ain't got any. 598 00:32:42,101 --> 00:32:45,420 No gear? You call yourself a fucking teenager! 599 00:32:46,101 --> 00:32:47,821 Hey, where's Ian's stash? 600 00:32:59,861 --> 00:33:02,180 You've gotta stop Jez, she's talking to a journalist. 601 00:33:02,261 --> 00:33:03,541 You're joking? 602 00:33:03,621 --> 00:33:05,781 She's arranging a charity day. All in aid of Liam's appeal. 603 00:33:05,861 --> 00:33:06,861 Jesus! 604 00:33:06,940 --> 00:33:08,501 We're gonna have to tell her the truth. 605 00:33:08,581 --> 00:33:11,821 Jez? Are you out of your mind? She'll sack the pair of us. 606 00:33:11,900 --> 00:33:13,541 We can't let it go in the papers, Kev. 607 00:33:13,621 --> 00:33:15,101 Cos if she starts checking details, 608 00:33:15,180 --> 00:33:17,381 contacting the cancer unit, we'll be hung out to dry. 609 00:33:17,460 --> 00:33:19,740 We? We? What's all this "we"? I didn't go around telling everyone 610 00:33:19,821 --> 00:33:21,900 -he had fucking cancer. -Er, neither did I. 611 00:33:21,980 --> 00:33:23,700 Yeah but you didn't try to stop it when you found out. 612 00:33:23,781 --> 00:33:26,541 -I was trying to protect Debbie. -Yeah, and look, where that's got us! 613 00:33:26,621 --> 00:33:28,821 -[Ian] Hey, what's going on? -We've got a problem. 614 00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:35,621 Events, celebrities, fairground, the entire day with one aim: 615 00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:38,341 helping a sick child in his hour of need. 616 00:33:38,420 --> 00:33:41,420 And I assume you'll be contributing the profits from the bar? 617 00:33:41,501 --> 00:33:43,740 Don't push it, sweetheart. I've a living to earn, you know? 618 00:33:45,781 --> 00:33:48,061 OK, think I've got everything. 619 00:33:48,141 --> 00:33:49,541 Right, I wanna get a snapper down, 620 00:33:49,621 --> 00:33:51,220 get a shot of Liam and his family outside the pub 621 00:33:51,301 --> 00:33:52,781 -if that's possible. -Front-page spread? 622 00:33:52,861 --> 00:33:54,980 [chuckles] Well, that depends if there's a murder. 623 00:33:55,061 --> 00:33:57,180 I mean, sick kids are good, but there's only one, 624 00:33:57,261 --> 00:33:58,621 and nothing beats a nice, juicy murder. 625 00:33:59,740 --> 00:34:01,501 Let me know when you've confirmed a celebrity. 626 00:34:01,581 --> 00:34:03,861 And by the way, this day for little Liam, 627 00:34:03,940 --> 00:34:05,621 -what you calling it? -Liam Day. 628 00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:06,940 [scoffs] 629 00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:09,300 Bitch. 630 00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:10,740 We're finished. 631 00:34:11,780 --> 00:34:13,700 Maybe not. Cover for me. 632 00:34:17,501 --> 00:34:20,501 -Where's Kash? -Eh, in the back. Kash! 633 00:34:21,061 --> 00:34:22,621 -[baby crying] -Cancer wristbands? 634 00:34:22,700 --> 00:34:26,101 -Yep. I'm happy to do my bit. -But they're fake. 635 00:34:26,180 --> 00:34:28,141 They're not even charity registered. 636 00:34:28,220 --> 00:34:29,581 They're still promoting the cause. 637 00:34:31,621 --> 00:34:33,461 Live 8, Comic Relief, 638 00:34:33,541 --> 00:34:35,700 D'you think they all do it out the goodness of their hearts? 639 00:34:35,780 --> 00:34:36,660 Bollocks! 640 00:34:36,740 --> 00:34:38,780 Every time Bono shits, he earns a million quid. 641 00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:40,501 He ain't making my poverty history! 642 00:34:42,381 --> 00:34:43,220 We're in a mess. 643 00:34:44,300 --> 00:34:46,021 And you're the only one that can get us out of it. 644 00:34:47,220 --> 00:34:49,461 See, the trouble with you is, 645 00:34:49,541 --> 00:34:53,660 you put it all down to faith, faith, faith! 646 00:34:53,740 --> 00:34:55,581 Well, people haven't got fucking faith. 647 00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,501 It's all drip, drip, drip, 648 00:34:58,581 --> 00:35:02,901 drought, famine, tsunami, drip, drip, drip. 649 00:35:02,981 --> 00:35:05,021 Just things are getting worse out here, you know? 650 00:35:05,101 --> 00:35:07,381 It's getting fucking worse. 651 00:35:07,461 --> 00:35:09,780 So they think, "Fuck him, let him sit on his cloud, 652 00:35:09,860 --> 00:35:10,981 twiddling his beard." 653 00:35:11,061 --> 00:35:14,780 "As flies to wanton boys as are we to the gods, 654 00:35:14,860 --> 00:35:17,501 they kill us for their fucking sport." 655 00:35:17,581 --> 00:35:20,941 Fucking Shakespeare, fucking King Lear. 656 00:35:21,021 --> 00:35:23,461 Yeah, he, fucking, he had it right, didn't he? 657 00:35:23,541 --> 00:35:26,221 You can't expect us to like you just like that, you know, 658 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:28,501 as a matter of course. You can't expect-- 659 00:35:28,581 --> 00:35:31,300 ♪ Oh come let us adore him Oh, come let-- ♪ 660 00:35:31,381 --> 00:35:33,021 Fuck off! Where's your cure for cancer? 661 00:35:33,101 --> 00:35:34,941 Where's your cure for cancer? 662 00:35:35,021 --> 00:35:37,221 Where's your cure for cancer, eh? 663 00:35:37,300 --> 00:35:40,701 Where's your help for the... lickle Ethiopians 664 00:35:40,780 --> 00:35:42,701 and lickle kiddies with two hearts 665 00:35:42,780 --> 00:35:44,141 and arms that don't fucking work properly? 666 00:35:44,221 --> 00:35:46,661 If you want us to have fucking faith, 667 00:35:46,741 --> 00:35:48,181 you're gonna have to prove yourself! 668 00:35:48,261 --> 00:35:51,261 Second Coming, parting of the waves, 669 00:35:51,340 --> 00:35:53,741 something spectacular, 670 00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:55,541 something fucking biblical, you know? 671 00:35:55,621 --> 00:35:57,981 Otherwise, the fucking game's up. 672 00:35:58,061 --> 00:35:59,941 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 673 00:36:00,021 --> 00:36:01,141 Kiss the brick, Franky boy! 674 00:36:03,581 --> 00:36:05,581 [grunts] This is intimidation, this, you know, 675 00:36:05,661 --> 00:36:08,780 you know, it's harassment, it is. 676 00:36:08,860 --> 00:36:10,661 I know how the fucking Muslims feel now. 677 00:36:10,741 --> 00:36:12,421 [police] Yeah? Innocent man, eh, Frank? 678 00:36:17,101 --> 00:36:21,101 ♪ On the good ship Lollipop ♪ 679 00:36:21,181 --> 00:36:23,061 [laughing] ♪ It's a nice trip-- ♪ 680 00:36:23,141 --> 00:36:24,820 We got a party tonight, a big bash. 681 00:36:24,901 --> 00:36:27,061 No hard feelings, 'ey, Frank? [chuckling] 682 00:36:28,421 --> 00:36:30,541 Me son is dying! 683 00:36:32,501 --> 00:36:35,581 If there's one time you're allowed to get mashed off your fucking face! 684 00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:44,901 Lickle Liam. 685 00:36:46,340 --> 00:36:47,621 [sobs] 686 00:36:53,300 --> 00:36:56,621 [all] Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now 687 00:36:56,701 --> 00:36:58,661 and at the hour of our death. Amen. 688 00:36:58,741 --> 00:37:01,221 Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. 689 00:37:01,300 --> 00:37:02,621 Blessed art thou amongst women, 690 00:37:02,701 --> 00:37:05,421 and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. 691 00:37:05,501 --> 00:37:08,300 [all] Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now 692 00:37:08,380 --> 00:37:11,581 and at the hour of our death. Amen. 693 00:37:11,661 --> 00:37:14,300 Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. 694 00:37:14,380 --> 00:37:16,581 Blessed art thou amongst women, and bless... 695 00:37:16,661 --> 00:37:18,981 [moaning on TV] 696 00:37:20,061 --> 00:37:21,141 -Oh! -Kev! 697 00:37:21,221 --> 00:37:23,181 You scared the life. What you doing creeping round? 698 00:37:23,261 --> 00:37:24,661 What you doing cracking one off? 699 00:37:24,741 --> 00:37:26,021 Just fancied it. 700 00:37:26,101 --> 00:37:27,581 Well, why didn't you wait for me? 701 00:37:27,661 --> 00:37:30,340 I don't know, I didn't know when you were gonna be back. 702 00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:34,181 Right. 703 00:37:34,901 --> 00:37:35,981 What's going on? 704 00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:40,021 -You talking about? -You. You're acting weird. 705 00:37:40,101 --> 00:37:41,741 I'm, I'm not-- 706 00:37:43,501 --> 00:37:45,901 I think it's all this Liam stuff, you know, it's making me edgy. 707 00:37:45,981 --> 00:37:46,941 Oh, yeah. 708 00:37:47,021 --> 00:37:50,701 Liam not dying makes you want to wank off to teenie porn? 709 00:37:53,701 --> 00:37:56,780 It's this, innit, Vee? I can't do it. 710 00:37:56,860 --> 00:37:59,141 -It's just not happening. -You've only been twice. 711 00:37:59,221 --> 00:38:02,261 Yeah, I know, but it's gonna take months, and years. 712 00:38:02,340 --> 00:38:03,981 Week in, week out. And for what, eh? 713 00:38:04,780 --> 00:38:07,021 To be able to do what everyone else finds piss easy. 714 00:38:07,101 --> 00:38:09,101 Yeah. And so you can feel good about yourself, 715 00:38:09,181 --> 00:38:11,461 go for the jobs you want, yeah? 716 00:38:11,541 --> 00:38:12,741 Read the newspaper 717 00:38:12,820 --> 00:38:14,581 instead of looking at the fucking pictures. 718 00:38:14,661 --> 00:38:17,661 You are not jibbing it, Kev, not without good reason. 719 00:38:17,741 --> 00:38:19,340 I've got good reason. 720 00:38:20,461 --> 00:38:21,581 [sighs] 721 00:38:27,461 --> 00:38:29,780 It's full of spods, the class, you know, and... 722 00:38:29,860 --> 00:38:31,581 knobheads who can't fucking read. 723 00:38:32,061 --> 00:38:34,820 I feel like one of the school spanners again. 724 00:38:35,661 --> 00:38:37,061 You're doing really well. 725 00:38:37,141 --> 00:38:39,101 You have just gotta keep at it. 726 00:38:39,181 --> 00:38:41,780 Hey, do you think I like wiggling me wares 727 00:38:41,860 --> 00:38:43,380 for a load of overweight businessmen? 728 00:38:43,461 --> 00:38:47,141 No! But I've gotta do it because I want a summer holiday. 729 00:38:47,221 --> 00:38:48,340 Same with you. 730 00:38:48,421 --> 00:38:50,701 So no more moaning, and no more wanking. 731 00:38:51,340 --> 00:38:53,261 You're going! 732 00:38:54,340 --> 00:38:56,061 -[door slams] -Fuck. 733 00:38:58,380 --> 00:38:59,780 [groans] 734 00:39:27,780 --> 00:39:29,741 As a representative of the local council, 735 00:39:29,820 --> 00:39:32,461 I'm delighted to announce that, in conjunction with 736 00:39:32,541 --> 00:39:35,901 Saint Gabriel's RC Primary School and the local church, 737 00:39:35,981 --> 00:39:38,581 we have decided to use Liam Day as a fundraiser 738 00:39:38,661 --> 00:39:41,541 not only for little Liam Gallagher, bless him, 739 00:39:41,621 --> 00:39:44,340 but also a number of other sick children in the locale. 740 00:39:44,421 --> 00:39:46,421 [applause] 741 00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:51,741 [Kash] Miss Murdoch, Father Crichton, and myself 742 00:39:51,820 --> 00:39:53,701 have agreed that a pilgrimage to Lourdes, 743 00:39:53,780 --> 00:39:55,461 the renowned sacred home of healing, 744 00:39:55,541 --> 00:39:58,820 would be the appropriate venue for the trip, 745 00:39:58,901 --> 00:40:00,701 as well as a brief stop at Euro Disney. 746 00:40:00,780 --> 00:40:03,221 The local council will be providing a minibus, 747 00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:06,101 free of charge, for the entirety of the jaunt. 748 00:40:06,181 --> 00:40:07,501 [applause, cheering] 749 00:40:10,181 --> 00:40:12,661 I know exactly what you're going through. 750 00:40:13,941 --> 00:40:16,261 We lost our Toby to it last September. 751 00:40:18,501 --> 00:40:20,621 [indistinct chatter] 752 00:40:24,021 --> 00:40:25,780 Thanks, love. 753 00:40:25,860 --> 00:40:28,101 It's the kindness of strangers that gets you through. 754 00:40:32,021 --> 00:40:33,181 Dicko! 755 00:40:37,661 --> 00:40:39,741 Got some wicked new stuff coming in. 756 00:40:39,820 --> 00:40:42,141 -Yeah? -Stronger, proper spaceman stuff. 757 00:40:42,221 --> 00:40:43,421 Stronger the better. 758 00:40:43,501 --> 00:40:45,261 I want a direct route to oblivion. 759 00:40:52,621 --> 00:40:55,061 -I don't get it. -What's not to get? 760 00:40:55,141 --> 00:40:57,380 Council donates a minibus, which immediately 761 00:40:57,461 --> 00:40:59,541 gives the whole thing a ring of authenticity. 762 00:40:59,621 --> 00:41:01,981 We fill it full of young unfortunates, send it to France, and voilà! 763 00:41:02,860 --> 00:41:03,941 The appeal's done its job. 764 00:41:04,021 --> 00:41:06,780 Yeah, it's not all about Liam, he's just one of a bunch of kids. 765 00:41:06,860 --> 00:41:09,261 Which stops that reporter sticking her nose where it's not wanted. 766 00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:13,101 -And what do you get out of it? -Well, good publicity for the Council. 767 00:41:13,181 --> 00:41:15,380 -Plus a bit extra. -[whispering] Viagra. 768 00:41:16,021 --> 00:41:18,300 I've got a mate in Toulouse who imports the stuff from India. 769 00:41:18,380 --> 00:41:21,181 Thousand boxes, tenner a pop. I'll pick it up en route. 770 00:41:21,261 --> 00:41:23,461 Amount of limp dicks round here, we're gonna clean up. 771 00:41:23,541 --> 00:41:25,780 We need a driver. So, you in or what? 772 00:41:27,941 --> 00:41:30,261 Why not? Could do with some spare dosh. 773 00:41:30,340 --> 00:41:32,461 I need a new fucking car. 774 00:41:32,541 --> 00:41:34,820 [music playing] 775 00:41:47,380 --> 00:41:48,901 Well, what about one of the Spice Girls? 776 00:41:49,981 --> 00:41:52,181 Oh, I don't care, any. Oh, but not Geri, 777 00:41:52,261 --> 00:41:54,300 not if she's gonna bring that bleedin' dog. 778 00:41:54,380 --> 00:41:56,261 Take that, then. 779 00:41:56,340 --> 00:41:58,901 Well, I know we'll not get Robbie, but rest of 'em can't be busy! 780 00:41:58,981 --> 00:42:00,181 I can phone her if you like. 781 00:42:00,261 --> 00:42:03,061 Oh, we're not having Su Pollard! 782 00:42:06,261 --> 00:42:08,661 -["Summer Holiday" playing] -[doorbell rings] 783 00:42:10,221 --> 00:42:11,661 [Lip] You feeling any better, Sue? 784 00:42:13,421 --> 00:42:16,340 Little bit. You can't rush these things. 785 00:42:16,421 --> 00:42:18,061 Depression lifts in its own good time. 786 00:42:19,461 --> 00:42:20,541 Bit lower, Marty. 787 00:42:21,701 --> 00:42:23,661 That's it. [sighs] 788 00:42:27,141 --> 00:42:28,261 My mam's here. 789 00:42:32,780 --> 00:42:34,541 [sobbing] 790 00:42:36,901 --> 00:42:39,340 -Liam. -Who is it? 791 00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:45,181 I'm your mummy. 792 00:42:46,820 --> 00:42:49,421 I'm your mummy. [cries] 793 00:42:50,941 --> 00:42:52,780 I'm your mummy. 794 00:42:54,981 --> 00:42:56,820 I'm your mummy. 795 00:42:57,380 --> 00:42:59,461 [sobbing] 796 00:43:00,901 --> 00:43:02,061 All right, Monica? 797 00:43:06,901 --> 00:43:08,701 Why didn't you tell me? 798 00:43:09,860 --> 00:43:12,300 Why didn't anybody tell me? 799 00:43:14,780 --> 00:43:16,621 [sobbing] 800 00:43:20,941 --> 00:43:21,941 He's not ill. 801 00:43:24,780 --> 00:43:26,340 It's all a lie. 802 00:43:33,380 --> 00:43:37,061 It was a mistake. She didn't mean any harm. 803 00:43:38,501 --> 00:43:39,941 Well, if you'd have come for the home visit, 804 00:43:40,021 --> 00:43:41,581 none of this would have happened. 805 00:43:42,621 --> 00:43:44,421 Oh, so it's my fault, is it? 806 00:43:45,061 --> 00:43:46,380 Fucking hell! 807 00:43:46,461 --> 00:43:47,860 And there's me thinking it was you. 808 00:43:47,941 --> 00:43:50,941 Or you. Or you. Or you. 809 00:43:51,581 --> 00:43:54,581 But no, it's fucking Frank, again. 810 00:43:55,221 --> 00:43:57,021 Suppose Tweedle Dum and Tweedle fucking Dee knew 811 00:43:57,101 --> 00:43:58,541 -and all, did they? -We knew! 812 00:43:58,621 --> 00:44:01,461 -Yeah, yeah, just muggins here. -I didn't know either, Frank. 813 00:44:01,541 --> 00:44:02,621 No. Fine. 814 00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:07,221 Yeah, if that's how much I fucking matter... 815 00:44:08,541 --> 00:44:09,780 you'll be better off without me. 816 00:44:10,581 --> 00:44:11,741 Frank. Frank! 817 00:44:12,701 --> 00:44:14,061 This is sick. 818 00:44:14,141 --> 00:44:17,141 [gasps] This is beyond sick. 819 00:44:19,501 --> 00:44:20,820 Fucking bitch! 820 00:44:21,461 --> 00:44:23,221 [car horn blares] 821 00:44:47,021 --> 00:44:49,820 Why did nobody tell me Fiona had left? 822 00:44:49,900 --> 00:44:52,261 You've got me number, you could have called. 823 00:44:52,340 --> 00:44:53,701 That's a two-way street, that, innit? 824 00:44:53,780 --> 00:44:55,501 Try ringing us from time to time. 825 00:44:55,581 --> 00:44:57,661 We were managing OK until all this happened. 826 00:44:57,741 --> 00:44:59,501 There's a fundraising day, Saturday. 827 00:44:59,581 --> 00:45:02,340 -You can't go through with it. -We've got no option. 828 00:45:02,421 --> 00:45:03,380 Will you stay for it? 829 00:45:03,981 --> 00:45:04,981 It'd look better if you were there. 830 00:45:06,021 --> 00:45:07,941 It'd be like I was going along with a lie. 831 00:45:09,181 --> 00:45:11,021 He's my baby. 832 00:45:11,101 --> 00:45:15,141 When I heard that word, "cancer", it tore me apart. 833 00:45:18,261 --> 00:45:20,021 Don't worry, I'm not staying. 834 00:45:21,340 --> 00:45:24,661 Just gonna go and say goodbye to Liam. 835 00:45:28,261 --> 00:45:30,101 ["Hey Mickey" playing on jukebox] 836 00:45:36,661 --> 00:45:37,981 Thought tonight was night school. 837 00:45:38,061 --> 00:45:40,780 No, it's off. Teacher's been run over. 838 00:45:40,860 --> 00:45:44,061 -You've not packed it in already? -No, no. Fucking teacher's ill. 839 00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:45,820 Intensive care, life support. 840 00:45:45,900 --> 00:45:47,701 They-- they'll have to call the priest in, 841 00:45:47,780 --> 00:45:50,421 not even sure if she's-- she's-- 842 00:45:50,501 --> 00:45:51,621 I can't bleedin' go, can I? 843 00:45:51,701 --> 00:45:53,541 -Why not? -[sighs] 844 00:45:53,621 --> 00:45:55,820 Because the teacher's hitting on me, 845 00:45:55,900 --> 00:45:58,300 and I'm frightened I'm gonna end up boning her. 846 00:45:58,380 --> 00:46:00,421 No, it's not funny, Karen. She means business. 847 00:46:00,501 --> 00:46:03,300 I'm telling you, proper porno poses, the works. 848 00:46:03,380 --> 00:46:04,900 And I take it Veronica don't know? 849 00:46:04,981 --> 00:46:09,221 No. And as far as she's concerned, I'm still gonna go to me lessons. 850 00:46:09,300 --> 00:46:10,900 And how long you gonna keep that up for? 851 00:46:10,981 --> 00:46:12,261 I don't know. As long as it takes, Karen. 852 00:46:14,461 --> 00:46:15,820 Oh, Jesus! 853 00:46:17,581 --> 00:46:19,541 What if she looks in me workbook? 854 00:46:20,581 --> 00:46:22,340 Me schoolbook. There'll be no new sentences in it. 855 00:46:22,421 --> 00:46:25,541 -Well, write some. -Bit of a problem there, Karen. 856 00:46:27,421 --> 00:46:28,541 You couldn't help us, could you? 857 00:46:29,541 --> 00:46:30,981 Bring it here, then. 858 00:46:35,701 --> 00:46:36,621 [Kev] Ta. 859 00:46:38,860 --> 00:46:40,101 Are you back? 860 00:46:49,421 --> 00:46:50,701 How was stripogram? 861 00:46:50,780 --> 00:46:54,021 Oh, some jug-eared tosspot's fortieth. 862 00:46:54,461 --> 00:46:57,101 He got a lob on, though, so I must've been doing summat right. 863 00:46:57,860 --> 00:46:59,820 -How was college? -Ah, crap. 864 00:47:00,621 --> 00:47:03,261 Well, we did do that, erm, "quick brown fox" thing. 865 00:47:04,061 --> 00:47:06,461 -What's that? -Oh, the, er, you know, 866 00:47:06,541 --> 00:47:09,340 "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." 867 00:47:09,900 --> 00:47:12,701 Look, it's a sentence, right, using every letter 868 00:47:12,780 --> 00:47:15,461 in the alphabet. It's good, innit? 869 00:47:15,541 --> 00:47:18,380 I were well impressed. Learn something new every day. 870 00:47:18,461 --> 00:47:20,820 -You're not kidding? -What? 871 00:47:21,461 --> 00:47:23,141 You've not been, have you? 872 00:47:24,181 --> 00:47:25,261 Yeah, course I have-- 873 00:47:25,340 --> 00:47:27,701 "Dear Veronica, I can't go to night school 874 00:47:27,780 --> 00:47:29,421 cos the teacher is a horny little bitch 875 00:47:29,501 --> 00:47:31,621 who keeps flashing me her fanny. Sorry. Love, Kev." 876 00:47:31,701 --> 00:47:33,501 -Karen! -Kev! 877 00:47:33,581 --> 00:47:35,661 Look I was gonna tell you, but I thought 878 00:47:35,741 --> 00:47:37,900 you'd just be down there, ripping her eyes out. 879 00:47:37,981 --> 00:47:41,141 Veronica, she's a fucking predator, right? 880 00:47:41,221 --> 00:47:42,581 It's sexual harassment. 881 00:47:42,661 --> 00:47:44,741 If I was a bird, I could have her up in court. 882 00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:45,900 Men, you are pathetic! 883 00:47:45,981 --> 00:47:48,780 Can you not trust yourself not to shag someone? 884 00:47:48,860 --> 00:47:51,101 She wouldn't leave me alone, right? 885 00:47:51,181 --> 00:47:53,340 She said she was gonna have me, no matter what. 886 00:47:54,261 --> 00:47:56,661 I felt like I were being unfaithful just looking at her. 887 00:47:57,380 --> 00:47:58,900 I only wanted to learn to read. 888 00:48:00,181 --> 00:48:02,780 -Not my fault I'm irresistible. -[laughs] 889 00:48:04,501 --> 00:48:06,181 So much for bettering meself. 890 00:48:06,621 --> 00:48:08,780 I'll be pulling pints for the rest of me life. 891 00:48:11,981 --> 00:48:13,141 I can teach you to read. 892 00:48:14,101 --> 00:48:15,661 Wouldn't that drive you potty? 893 00:48:16,581 --> 00:48:19,621 Probably. But we're a couple, aren't we? 894 00:48:20,380 --> 00:48:23,421 And sometimes, that means doing things 895 00:48:23,501 --> 00:48:25,261 for the benefit of the other. 896 00:48:25,340 --> 00:48:26,981 [smooches] 897 00:48:29,141 --> 00:48:32,421 It's all the rage. Corporates, bisexual birthdays. 898 00:48:32,501 --> 00:48:34,101 Hey, we'll clean up. 899 00:48:35,101 --> 00:48:37,701 I can't take me kit off in a room full of strangers, Vee. 900 00:48:37,780 --> 00:48:40,380 You'll be fine. Packet like yours, 901 00:48:40,461 --> 00:48:43,661 -they'll be all over you. -No, no, I can't do it, Vee. 902 00:48:43,741 --> 00:48:45,860 One chipolata gag, I'll-- I'll be a gibbering wreck. 903 00:48:45,941 --> 00:48:48,181 Fine, Kev. We could've doubled our income as a stripogram, 904 00:48:48,261 --> 00:48:50,340 and I could've taught you to read into the bargain. 905 00:48:59,820 --> 00:49:01,421 Can't I be a cowboy? 906 00:49:02,061 --> 00:49:03,261 Frank. 907 00:49:03,340 --> 00:49:05,300 [Marty] Say, "petrol." 908 00:49:05,900 --> 00:49:06,820 "Petrol." 909 00:49:07,701 --> 00:49:10,141 -[sobs] -[Marty] Say, "bonfire." 910 00:49:11,101 --> 00:49:12,300 I guess he didn't come back? 911 00:49:13,380 --> 00:49:15,621 I expect he must have slept at home. 912 00:49:15,701 --> 00:49:17,221 At our old house. 913 00:49:18,300 --> 00:49:20,380 -[Marty] "Matches." -I'm really sorry, Sheila. 914 00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:23,701 The last thing we wanted was to hurt you or me dad. 915 00:49:25,741 --> 00:49:27,780 -You, you just-- -Couldn't be trusted. 916 00:49:28,581 --> 00:49:30,661 -Bucket biff. -[parrot squawks] Bucket biff. 917 00:49:31,581 --> 00:49:32,501 He did it! 918 00:49:33,141 --> 00:49:35,900 Help us get through this, Sheila, please. 919 00:49:35,981 --> 00:49:37,141 We need you. 920 00:49:37,221 --> 00:49:40,701 -[Sheila] Really? -[parrot squawks] Bucket biff. 921 00:49:42,061 --> 00:49:44,541 [brass band playing] 922 00:49:49,541 --> 00:49:51,941 Good afternoon, everybody, and thank you all for coming. 923 00:49:53,141 --> 00:49:54,501 The time is 12:30. 924 00:49:54,581 --> 00:49:56,340 The place is Chatsworth, England. 925 00:49:57,261 --> 00:49:59,021 Welcome to Liam Day! 926 00:49:59,101 --> 00:50:00,780 [all cheer] 927 00:50:01,541 --> 00:50:04,340 If we get through this, it'll be a fucking miracle. 928 00:50:05,061 --> 00:50:06,661 Just gotta keep our nerve. 929 00:50:06,741 --> 00:50:08,621 Few hours, it'll all be over. 930 00:50:25,941 --> 00:50:28,581 Oi! You lot, off! If you wanna bounce, 931 00:50:28,661 --> 00:50:29,701 go and shag your sister. 932 00:50:31,181 --> 00:50:32,621 [boy] Fuck off, you mean cow. 933 00:50:32,701 --> 00:50:34,661 It's only a quid down the offie. 934 00:50:34,741 --> 00:50:36,501 Well, piss off down the offie, then, Billy. 935 00:50:36,581 --> 00:50:37,661 Kev, ring Debbie. 936 00:50:37,741 --> 00:50:39,221 Tell her we want the star of the show here by two. 937 00:50:39,300 --> 00:50:40,900 And get your wristband on! 938 00:50:40,981 --> 00:50:42,261 Now I know how Geldof must've felt. 939 00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:45,141 -[coins rattling] -Give us your fucking money! 940 00:50:47,701 --> 00:50:50,141 [Karen] Hey, you little shit. You didn't even pay for that! 941 00:50:52,900 --> 00:50:56,141 -The fuck you doing? He's wasted. -Ian? 942 00:50:58,261 --> 00:50:59,941 [belches] 943 00:51:02,741 --> 00:51:04,300 Look, we made a mistake. 944 00:51:04,820 --> 00:51:06,141 Not interested. 945 00:51:06,221 --> 00:51:08,780 No, it were wrong. We shouldn't have kept it from you. 946 00:51:08,860 --> 00:51:10,541 Not interested. 947 00:51:11,541 --> 00:51:13,820 But we were in the shit, we had to make decisions. 948 00:51:13,900 --> 00:51:15,941 Not fucking interested. 949 00:51:17,420 --> 00:51:19,380 Well, maybe you should try asking yourself 950 00:51:19,461 --> 00:51:20,661 why we didn't tell you. 951 00:51:24,501 --> 00:51:25,900 [exhales] 952 00:51:26,461 --> 00:51:29,941 Ah, Dicko, the very man. 953 00:51:30,780 --> 00:51:33,101 Come on, I need that spaceman stuff. 954 00:51:47,820 --> 00:51:49,981 [playing fanfare] 955 00:51:51,621 --> 00:51:52,701 [girl] Liam's here! 956 00:51:52,780 --> 00:51:54,420 [applause and cheering] 957 00:51:59,021 --> 00:52:00,340 [woman] Is that him? 958 00:52:03,420 --> 00:52:04,741 Is that the cancer boy? 959 00:52:09,261 --> 00:52:11,141 Why's everybody clapping? 960 00:52:11,221 --> 00:52:12,981 Just pretend you're Superman, yeah? 961 00:52:14,261 --> 00:52:15,661 Hello, everybody, and thank you all for coming. 962 00:52:15,741 --> 00:52:17,780 Hope you're all enjoying Liam Day! 963 00:52:17,860 --> 00:52:20,101 [all cheering, applauding] 964 00:52:20,941 --> 00:52:22,380 Today is a very special day, 965 00:52:22,461 --> 00:52:24,420 because it's about our community, 966 00:52:24,501 --> 00:52:28,181 the community of Chatsworth, coming together in a common cause. 967 00:52:28,860 --> 00:52:31,860 Little Liam Gallagher is an exceptional child, 968 00:52:31,941 --> 00:52:34,261 and I'd like us all to commend and applause 969 00:52:34,340 --> 00:52:35,461 this young man's bravery. 970 00:52:35,541 --> 00:52:37,261 [applause] 971 00:52:40,621 --> 00:52:43,661 And I'm delighted to announce that, thanks to your generosity, 972 00:52:43,741 --> 00:52:46,701 we've reached our appeal target of £6,000! 973 00:52:46,780 --> 00:52:49,621 -[crowd applauding, cheering] -Whatever's going on? 974 00:52:49,701 --> 00:52:51,261 Little Liam, dying of cancer. 975 00:52:51,340 --> 00:52:52,541 It's a bummer, like, 976 00:52:52,621 --> 00:52:54,221 but at least he gets a free holiday out of it. 977 00:52:55,221 --> 00:52:56,900 No! 978 00:52:58,380 --> 00:53:00,380 Why do you keep punishing me? 979 00:53:01,221 --> 00:53:02,461 Haven't I done enough? 980 00:53:03,141 --> 00:53:05,141 -[Veronica] Mum. Mum! -[Yvonne] Carol! 981 00:53:05,900 --> 00:53:07,021 Don't let it happen! 982 00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:10,661 Don't let this little boy be taken away. [sobbing] 983 00:53:10,741 --> 00:53:12,741 [speaking into mic] It's all right, Debbie made it up, 984 00:53:12,820 --> 00:53:15,261 -it's only a game. -Liam, no! 985 00:53:15,340 --> 00:53:17,780 -[crowd murmuring] -What? 986 00:53:19,141 --> 00:53:21,461 Debbie? Is this true, Debbie? 987 00:53:23,860 --> 00:53:26,221 It's a load of bollocks. He's not even dying. 988 00:53:26,981 --> 00:53:29,780 It's a con. They're nicking our fucking money! 989 00:53:29,860 --> 00:53:33,300 [crowd clamoring] 990 00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:35,621 This is still a worthy cause. 991 00:53:35,701 --> 00:53:37,380 These children deserve your support. 992 00:53:38,941 --> 00:53:40,621 [distorting audio] 993 00:53:41,461 --> 00:53:42,900 [screams] 994 00:53:48,701 --> 00:53:50,461 -Hey! -Help! 995 00:53:51,380 --> 00:53:52,461 Help! 996 00:53:52,541 --> 00:53:53,661 [Lip] What's happened? 997 00:53:53,741 --> 00:53:56,101 -Frank! No! No! -[Lip] Dad! 998 00:53:57,340 --> 00:53:59,221 He's not breathing. Veronica, he's not breathing! 999 00:53:59,300 --> 00:54:01,021 -[Carl] Is he just pissed? -[Lip] Do something. 1000 00:54:01,101 --> 00:54:02,340 He can't be dead. 1001 00:54:02,420 --> 00:54:04,261 [Carl] Why ain't anyone doing anything? 1002 00:54:04,340 --> 00:54:06,581 [Veronica] Someone call an ambulance. 1003 00:54:06,661 --> 00:54:08,701 [Carl] Please someone help. Dad! 1004 00:54:09,340 --> 00:54:11,581 Daughter's deceit leaves Dad dead. 1005 00:54:14,420 --> 00:54:16,101 [siren wails] 1006 00:54:25,420 --> 00:54:26,501 Don't you dare die. 1007 00:54:27,380 --> 00:54:29,340 Because who will that help? 1008 00:54:29,420 --> 00:54:32,061 Then we'll have no one. Is that what you want? 1009 00:54:32,820 --> 00:54:34,541 To leave us on our own? 1010 00:54:35,261 --> 00:54:39,101 Mum's gone, Fiona's gone, and now you're gonna leave us. 1011 00:54:40,261 --> 00:54:42,981 It's not fair. It's just not fair. 1012 00:54:44,780 --> 00:54:46,021 So you're gonna have to live... 1013 00:54:47,261 --> 00:54:49,340 and that's the end of it. Do you hear me? 1014 00:54:51,021 --> 00:54:53,541 I know I shouldn't have told everyone Liam had cancer... 1015 00:54:55,900 --> 00:54:58,501 and I know you hate me for not telling you the truth. 1016 00:54:59,941 --> 00:55:01,420 But you're my dad... [sniffles] 1017 00:55:02,380 --> 00:55:04,780 ...and I'll make everything all right, I promise. 1018 00:55:05,221 --> 00:55:07,221 If you live, I'll make everything all right. 1019 00:55:14,501 --> 00:55:16,581 -[siren wailing] -[indistinct radio chatter] 1020 00:55:21,741 --> 00:55:23,461 [nurse] 'Scuse me, 'scuse me. 1021 00:55:39,820 --> 00:55:40,701 Debbie? 1022 00:55:45,461 --> 00:55:47,021 He will be all right, won't he, Debbie? 1023 00:56:02,621 --> 00:56:03,941 [sobs] 1024 00:56:08,221 --> 00:56:10,221 Struck down at the moment of truth. 1025 00:56:10,780 --> 00:56:12,501 It's biblical, is this. 1026 00:56:12,581 --> 00:56:15,101 It's God's way of telling her what she did was pure evil. 1027 00:56:15,181 --> 00:56:17,021 Carol! Zip it! 1028 00:56:17,661 --> 00:56:19,261 Don't you think I know that? 1029 00:56:19,340 --> 00:56:21,461 But I can't turn back the clock, can I? 1030 00:56:26,300 --> 00:56:28,621 [sobs] Let him live. 1031 00:56:28,701 --> 00:56:31,340 Please, let him live. I can't be on me own. 1032 00:56:31,420 --> 00:56:34,221 I'd rather die than be without him. Please. 1033 00:56:34,300 --> 00:56:36,900 Frank's had a very serious toxic reaction, 1034 00:56:36,981 --> 00:56:38,141 which led to his collapse. 1035 00:56:38,221 --> 00:56:39,780 He doesn't work with animals at all, does he? 1036 00:56:39,860 --> 00:56:41,300 -No. -No. 1037 00:56:41,380 --> 00:56:43,380 -No! -Only, he seems to have consumed 1038 00:56:43,461 --> 00:56:45,501 a large quantity of phencyclidine. 1039 00:56:45,581 --> 00:56:49,261 It's a tranquilizer, often used by vets to calm horses. 1040 00:56:49,340 --> 00:56:51,981 -He'll be all right, though? -He'll be fine. Few days' rest. 1041 00:56:52,061 --> 00:56:53,501 But he's had a lucky escape. 1042 00:56:53,581 --> 00:56:56,420 PCP's one of the big boys, not to be fooled with. 1043 00:56:57,741 --> 00:56:58,981 Oh! 1044 00:57:02,021 --> 00:57:02,981 Oh, Debbie. 1045 00:57:20,581 --> 00:57:21,900 We're taking him home. 1046 00:57:22,501 --> 00:57:23,420 His home's here. 1047 00:57:24,181 --> 00:57:26,501 Liam, love, all your things are ready. 1048 00:57:26,581 --> 00:57:29,101 You're gonna come back to Mummy's house for a while 1049 00:57:29,181 --> 00:57:30,621 and be looked after properly. 1050 00:57:30,701 --> 00:57:31,780 Mum, you can't just take him. 1051 00:57:32,380 --> 00:57:34,181 He doesn't know me. 1052 00:57:34,261 --> 00:57:36,380 I'm his mum, and he can't remember who I am. 1053 00:57:36,461 --> 00:57:37,900 Whose fault's that? 1054 00:57:37,981 --> 00:57:39,380 Oh, you know why I left. 1055 00:57:39,981 --> 00:57:42,420 Look, you're all grown-up now. Well... 1056 00:57:43,021 --> 00:57:47,021 nearly grown-up. But, oh, Liam, he's so young. 1057 00:57:47,541 --> 00:57:49,981 We need to spend some proper time together. 1058 00:57:50,981 --> 00:57:52,860 Oh, come here, lovie. 1059 00:57:52,940 --> 00:57:53,900 Mum, don't do this. 1060 00:57:55,221 --> 00:57:57,741 It's not fair. You can't split us up again. 1061 00:57:57,820 --> 00:57:59,380 You can't do this. 1062 00:57:59,461 --> 00:58:00,981 -I won't let you. -This is nowt to do with you. 1063 00:58:01,061 --> 00:58:02,621 It's got everything to do with me. 1064 00:58:02,701 --> 00:58:05,581 If you wanna pick a fight, Sheila, you're messing with the wrong chicks. 1065 00:58:05,661 --> 00:58:06,741 We're taking him and that's it. 1066 00:58:06,820 --> 00:58:08,860 -Over my dead body. -If necessary. 1067 00:58:09,501 --> 00:58:12,541 There isn't a court in the land wouldn't support me having my son. 1068 00:58:12,621 --> 00:58:13,701 Well, we'll see then, won't we? 1069 00:58:13,780 --> 00:58:15,340 Cos that's the only way he's gonna leave here! 1070 00:58:15,420 --> 00:58:16,420 Stop it! 1071 00:58:17,141 --> 00:58:18,581 Just stop it! 1072 00:58:18,661 --> 00:58:21,141 You're arguing over him like he's a lost dog. 1073 00:58:21,221 --> 00:58:22,420 He's got a mouth and a brain. 1074 00:58:23,061 --> 00:58:24,621 He can decide what he wants for himself. 1075 00:58:24,701 --> 00:58:28,101 -He's a five-year old boy. -Why don't you try asking him? 1076 00:58:35,741 --> 00:58:41,061 Liam, love, we need to decide where you're gonna live. 1077 00:58:41,141 --> 00:58:42,581 Who's gonna look after you. 1078 00:58:43,420 --> 00:58:44,581 Do you understand? 1079 00:58:45,501 --> 00:58:49,021 So, where'd you think you'd be happiest? 1080 00:58:49,581 --> 00:58:53,021 -With me, your real mummy... -And Norma. 1081 00:58:53,940 --> 00:58:54,860 ...and Norma. 1082 00:58:55,741 --> 00:59:00,061 Or staying here, with, erm, Sheila and your father? 1083 00:59:01,221 --> 00:59:02,380 It's up to you, mate. 1084 00:59:03,380 --> 00:59:04,581 Whatever you choose is all right. 1085 00:59:25,621 --> 00:59:26,820 Some weekends. 1086 00:59:28,101 --> 00:59:29,780 Long as I can have some weekends. 1087 00:59:37,021 --> 00:59:38,501 [chuckles] 1088 00:59:38,581 --> 00:59:41,101 It's funny, in spite of everything that's happened, 1089 00:59:41,181 --> 00:59:42,780 I feel good again. 1090 00:59:43,780 --> 00:59:46,061 The clouds have lifted, and it's all down to you. 1091 00:59:47,340 --> 00:59:48,981 I just want you to be happy. 1092 00:59:49,061 --> 00:59:50,701 [chuckles] I am. 1093 00:59:52,101 --> 00:59:53,221 With you looking after me. 1094 00:59:53,300 --> 00:59:56,340 [parrot whistles] Lazy bitch. Lazy bitch. 1095 00:59:56,420 --> 00:59:58,061 But that parrot's gotta go. 1096 01:00:01,261 --> 01:00:03,061 [music playing] 1097 01:00:12,300 --> 01:00:13,860 [Carol] Let's get you inside. 1098 01:00:13,940 --> 01:00:16,061 Hot bath and rest, that's what you need. 1099 01:00:16,981 --> 01:00:18,860 [Sheila] Better start looking after yourself. 1100 01:00:19,581 --> 01:00:21,780 I don't wanna be widowed before I'm even wed. 1101 01:00:25,380 --> 01:00:27,300 Heard every word. 1102 01:00:33,741 --> 01:00:35,940 This is, erm, interesting. 1103 01:00:36,021 --> 01:00:37,420 Did you make it yourself, Sheila? 1104 01:00:37,501 --> 01:00:39,501 Yeah. It's really quite straightforward, 1105 01:00:39,581 --> 01:00:41,621 it's, erm, wine, brandy, cinnamon sticks, cloves-- 1106 01:00:41,701 --> 01:00:43,340 [coughs] Paint stripper! 1107 01:00:43,420 --> 01:00:44,900 Aren't you supposed to put sugar in mulled wine? 1108 01:00:44,981 --> 01:00:46,820 Sugar. Forgot the sugar. 1109 01:00:46,900 --> 01:00:48,661 Must have been all the excitement. 1110 01:00:49,300 --> 01:00:51,340 Never mind, you can add your own sugar when you want. 1111 01:00:51,420 --> 01:00:53,101 -There you go. -Good health. 1112 01:00:53,181 --> 01:00:54,501 [giggles] 1113 01:00:55,581 --> 01:00:57,021 Unaccustomed as I am, 1114 01:00:57,101 --> 01:00:59,221 er, I'd like to say a few words. 1115 01:01:03,021 --> 01:01:04,380 Sometimes... 1116 01:01:05,340 --> 01:01:07,021 you know, it takes a bolt from the blue 1117 01:01:07,101 --> 01:01:08,420 to make you realize... 1118 01:01:10,261 --> 01:01:12,420 what is important in life. 1119 01:01:13,181 --> 01:01:14,581 And, er-- 1120 01:01:14,661 --> 01:01:17,501 And, er, sorry, I'm welling up here. 1121 01:01:18,141 --> 01:01:19,981 Because just before I hit the deck, 1122 01:01:20,061 --> 01:01:21,420 thinking that me number was up... 1123 01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:23,780 I had a vision. 1124 01:01:25,900 --> 01:01:29,261 It's a sort of premonition. Clear as day. 1125 01:01:30,340 --> 01:01:32,701 Like I could... touch it. 1126 01:01:35,380 --> 01:01:37,820 And it was me and Sheila, together... 1127 01:01:39,661 --> 01:01:41,461 grey haired and wrinkly... 1128 01:01:42,701 --> 01:01:45,621 in Sheila's house, on Sheila's couch, 1129 01:01:45,701 --> 01:01:47,981 surrounded by all our children. 1130 01:01:49,420 --> 01:01:53,101 Every single one of you. 1131 01:01:54,541 --> 01:01:56,261 And you were looking after us. 1132 01:01:57,300 --> 01:01:58,340 In our dotage. 1133 01:01:59,501 --> 01:02:01,501 And no matter what we needed... 1134 01:02:02,820 --> 01:02:04,981 you couldn't do enough for us. 1135 01:02:05,061 --> 01:02:06,701 Oh, Frank. 1136 01:02:06,780 --> 01:02:08,621 No, no, all right. Just wait a minute. 1137 01:02:08,701 --> 01:02:10,300 Just let me finish what I'm saying. 1138 01:02:10,380 --> 01:02:11,581 What I'm saying is... 1139 01:02:13,501 --> 01:02:14,661 I forgive you. 1140 01:02:17,541 --> 01:02:18,701 For the lies... 1141 01:02:19,501 --> 01:02:20,541 the deceit. 1142 01:02:22,940 --> 01:02:25,221 Because I know that... 1143 01:02:26,261 --> 01:02:28,061 whenever I need you, 1144 01:02:28,141 --> 01:02:32,420 you will always be there for me. 1145 01:02:39,340 --> 01:02:42,181 Me and you are going home, our home, 1146 01:02:42,261 --> 01:02:43,900 so we can make this vision come true. 1147 01:02:45,061 --> 01:02:47,661 -[Sheila] Yes, Frank. -[smooches] 1148 01:02:49,820 --> 01:02:50,900 [smooches] 1149 01:02:52,021 --> 01:02:53,261 [Sheila] Cheers. 1150 01:02:53,340 --> 01:02:55,061 -Cheers everyone. -[all] Cheers! 1151 01:02:55,141 --> 01:02:56,940 [all chattering] 1152 01:02:58,380 --> 01:03:01,860 [Frank] They say truth's stranger than fiction, 1153 01:03:01,940 --> 01:03:03,101 and it's true. 1154 01:03:03,181 --> 01:03:07,300 I mean, the world's full of people doing mad, sick, crazy things. 1155 01:03:07,380 --> 01:03:08,940 Take a look around you. 1156 01:03:09,021 --> 01:03:11,621 You couldn't make it up in a month of fucking Sundays. 1157 01:03:12,621 --> 01:03:16,221 ♪ What's new pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 1158 01:03:16,300 --> 01:03:18,061 -Do you wanna drink? -All right. 1159 01:03:18,141 --> 01:03:20,261 Unless you fancy something a little bit stronger. 1160 01:03:23,621 --> 01:03:26,101 Poke my sister, you're dead. 1161 01:03:26,181 --> 01:03:28,340 You make me so fucking horny. 1162 01:03:28,420 --> 01:03:29,820 Is that what Romeo said to Juliet? 1163 01:03:29,900 --> 01:03:31,181 Move your fucking hand, you silly bitch! 1164 01:03:31,261 --> 01:03:32,780 Just need a room, that's all. 1165 01:03:32,860 --> 01:03:35,221 Damsel in distress, needing shelter. 1166 01:03:35,300 --> 01:03:37,501 He's begging her, she's slapping him. 1167 01:03:37,581 --> 01:03:39,501 Who the fuck have we let into our lives? 1168 01:03:39,581 --> 01:03:40,780 [screams] 1169 01:03:40,860 --> 01:03:42,340 He's not your fucking mate! 1170 01:03:42,420 --> 01:03:44,501 It's just a normal family home. 1171 01:04:25,340 --> 01:04:31,380 Q... U... I... C... K. 1172 01:04:32,181 --> 01:04:37,501 B... R... O... U? 1173 01:04:39,420 --> 01:04:42,061 Wrong. There's no U in "brown". 1174 01:04:42,141 --> 01:04:45,460 Oh, does that mean I'm gonna have to have the cane again, miss? 1175 01:04:46,541 --> 01:04:47,820 I'm afraid so. 1176 01:04:48,780 --> 01:04:50,101 Bend over. 1177 01:04:54,981 --> 01:04:58,061 -[cane smacks] -[Kev] Ooh! Miss. 84135