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Settle. You said, settle. Settle for anything, and you're doomed.

My biggest fear in life is being mediocre.

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

We can't be willing to settle for anything, especially for less

than we deserve. We watch other people live out their dreams...

instead of investing in our own.

We should strive for greatness. Life is too short.

We must make it extraordinary.

Never settle for anything less than extraordinary, or else life will suck.

It might suck anyway,

but it's better to suck with integrity, right?

Trent?

Are you listening to me?

May we have the check, please?

[THE EELS' "NOVOCAINE FOR THE SOUL" PLAYING]

♪ Novocaine for the soul

♪ Before I sputter out

♪ Life is white

♪ And I am black

♪ Jesus and his lawyer Are coming back ♪

♪ Oh, my darling

♪ Will you be here?

♪ Before I sputter out ♪

[SIGHS] I know, Mom. I know.

Never trust a man

who doesn't have eyes like Sinatra.

[ALARM SOUNDS]

You know, it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

"There is no chance at all.

"We are all trapped by a singular fate.

No one ever finds the one."

Oscar Wilde?

Charles Bukowski.

Can't we ever start the day with a positive vibe?

My dear cousin,

what is the point of getting our hopes up?

God forbid.

Hi.

Darling, can't I have him for a while longer?

Sorry, BJ, someone's got to open the cafe,

and it ain't going to be me.

I can already hear your father downstairs.

I'm on my way.

Ciao, Papa.

Buon giorno, Roberto.

Has anybody been in about the job?

With Frankie leaving in a few days,

we have to hire someone soon.

Somebody come in yesterday.

I interview him.

You know what?

He ask me,

"You got to play this garbage music all day?"

I say, "Yes."

He say, "Goodbye."

I say, "Ba fangul."

So nobody comes. So what?

Got you, got me.

Father, son.

We run the joint, right?

Some day you get yourself a nice wife.

I retire.

You need a good wife. You know that?

I'm too young to get married.

What do you mean too young?

I was half your age when I marry your mama.

I was your age when your mama left me.

Maybe you're right.

No, I don't think you're right.

I think you need a girl.

When you going to get yourself a girl, huh?

I...

Well...

Come on, Roberto.

I'm your papa.

You can't talk to me, who you talk to?

All right.

I...

I have a girlfriend, Pop.

I wanted to keep it to myself, but you got it out of me.

That's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!

Who is she?

It's...

It's Allison,

but don't say anything because she's shy.

Okay, so just...

Look, what do you see? See, she's here to see me.

I just can't keep her away from me.

Bonjour, mon ami.

Ca va? Ca va bien.

Merci. Et vous?

Très bien. Merci.

God, you're looking sexier than ever, you know?

Pardon moi?

I've missed you, sweet-cakes.

Are you all right?

Just bear with me. No, I'm never all right without you, baby.

Okay.

Bonjour.

Well...

So has Miss Personality emerged yet this morning?

She's still upstairs, honey.

Merci.

Au revoir.

Come here.

[KNOCKING]

Enter.

Hello, baby.

Oh, hi. It's you.

Who were you expecting, Jean-Claude Van Damme?

I'll be ready in a sec.

Baby, what is wrong with Rob today?

He is acting semi-strange.

I know he's different,

but we love him just the same.

Ah, oui. So how did it go last night?

Alli, I refuse to speak to you...

unless you talk in your God-given voice.

All right.

I said, how did it go last night?

How did what go?

The date.

The straight brother. Play or pass?

Oh, that. Pass.

I can't believe you thought I'd like that guy.

He's so not my type.

Here, play with me.

No, hate the game.

Play!

All right.

What do you mean, he's not your type?

He's smart.

He's attractive.

He's a successful lawyer, and he likes you.

What is your type?

Poor, ugly and stupid?

My type is indescribable, but not him is a good start.

Frankie, you haven't had a second date in over a year.

I think you should maybe give this guy a chance.

Please, I'm not that desperate.

He's sleazy, and he's arrogant.

And most importantly, he has brown eyes.

Nobody told me he had brown eyes.

Prepare to be alone, mon Amie.

What do I always say?

BOTH: "Anything less than extraordinary

is a waste of my time."

If you know this, why do you set me up

with these six-figure, ex-frat guys

who could never know what I'm about?

You know what, honey?

I just want you to have a little fun.

Is that a crime?

Fun is fleeting.

It's pain that endures and gives life its meaning.

All right. Very good.

Come on, Gretzky. Audition.

I'm dreading this.

Really?

It's strange that you'd be dreading something.

Buon giorno, Uncle Leo.

Buon giorno, Francesca. You sleep well?

Of course not.

I have an audition this morning.

That's good.

And I have some errands that I have to run...

so I'll be back around 3:00.

You take your time, bambina.

Don't take too much time, bambina,

because I have plans tonight, okay?

Okay, wish us luck on our auditions.

Okay, you break your legs, bambinas.

I don't know why we're going on this audition.

The script sucks.

What on earth else are you going to do today?

Just try, please,

and make a good impression, okay?

You know, smile, look happy.

You just lost your button.

And be nice. There's the pretty.

Sweetheart, let me walk you out.

Juice, see you later.

Hey, Juice.

I'll be here.

Okay, what is wrong with you?

I need your help. I kind of told my father that we were...

We were...

well, seeing each other.

You what?

Isn't it getting a little stuffy in that closet?

I'm not ready.

Please, can you go along with me? He was questioning me.

He put me on the spot.

Are you crazy? No, I cannot lie.

No.

You say that it got too serious

and that we broke up.

Come on, this is not funny.

I'm begging you. It is funny.

You're going to leave in a week, right?

Just think of this as an acting exercise.

Please. For me.

Well, it would be a challenge

to see if I can pull it off, yeah?

I will be your slave for life.

Is it just me, or are we having a Brady Bunch moment here?

It might be you.

Thank you.

Hi. What can I get for you?

Actually, I'm here about the job.

Is that still available?

No, we...

I'm kidding. One second.

Hey, Papa.

Papa, someone's here about the job.

My father will talk to you. He runs the place.

Si. Can I help you?

Yes, sir. I hope so.

I'm just new here in town, and I'm looking for a job.

What do you know about coffee?

Well, I know how to make coffee.

I mean, to be honest with you...

How many years are you?

Twenty-four. I just graduated...

Are you Italian?

No. Is that required?

Grazie, Angelica. It's about time.

Excuse me?

Nothing. It's me and my sister. We have a conversation.

What did you say your name was?

Sir, David Shrader, sir.

Tell you what I'm going to do, Sir David Shrader.

I'll give you the job, but don't let me down.

No, sir.

All right.

Listen, why don't I show you around today?

We'll get you acquainted with everything.

And you can start tomorrow, if that's okay?

Yeah, that'd be great.

I'm Rob. David.

Nice to meet you.

- So where'd you say you were from? - Michigan.

What brings you to San Francisco?

Writing, hopefully.

Lots of writers seem to like it here.

All right, here I go.

Well?

Not bad for your first one.

At least I'll finally get a day off now.

So you pretty much run this place yourself?

Yeah, pretty much.

It's...

My cousin, Frankie, works here too, when it's convenient for her.

She's an actress

and she's moving to L.A. next week.

Is that her? Yeah, that's her.

And that's her too, when she was a kid.

Oh, okay.

This... What?

Are you guys related to Sinatra or something?

No, Frankie's father was a musician,

and they played together for a long time, so...

IN AN IRISH ACCENT: Top of the day to you,

my darling.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Allison. I'm the love of Rob's life.

How am I doing so far?

Great, but Leo left.

This is David.

We just hired him, so don't scare him away.

She's pretending to be my girlfriend.

My father doesn't know I'm gay, so...

Oh.

Well, that's...

I mean, bravo.

I didn't know you were gay.

See?

- Now who's scaring him away? - Nobody's scaring me away.

Hi, Allison. Are you from Ireland?

No. Pacific Heights, actually, but thank you very much.

Another actress, this one.

Okay.

Come back tomorrow at 10:00

and we'll start you up.

Yeah, okay. That works.

Actually, I don't know many people here yet.

I appreciate the job.

Don't worry about it.

Nice meeting you.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, he seems nice. Don't you think?

I won't mind looking at him every day.

Cookie moment.

Thank you.

You're relatively talented.

The audition couldn't have gone that bad.

Forget the audition. The audition was fine.

But?

But they wanted more copies of my resume.

Do you know what that means?

24-hour copy shop from hell.

Know how disgruntled workers shoot people in the post office?

This place is next.

It's out of control.

The lines are three miles long.

The manager doesn't know what a laser printer is.

Broken machines...

"Oh, I'm sorry.

"We're out of recycled paper, ma'am.

Could you pick it up tomorrow?"

"The bathroom's broken, but there's a 7-Eleven down the street."

"And haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"No, never." "I'm sure I have."

"Trust me. You haven't.

Your eyes are green, and you smell like Jovan musk!"

Caffeine is a drug!

I've got one word for you: Nyquil, maybe?

I just remembered something.

Last night, I had this dream that we were on our way to L.A.

and I was tired and wanted to sleep

but you wouldn't let me...

so you put toothpicks in my eyes to keep them open.

You know, like Bugs Bunny.

My eyes were all watery and bloodshot

when I woke up.

Scared of that.

I dreamt last night

that Friedrich Nietzsche was whispering in my ear.

He kept saying, "All men are inherently evil.

All men are inherently evil."

Oh, you are so dark.

What do you mean you dreamed that?

I'm not dark. I'm realistic.

How do you dream if you don't sleep?

Well, I was napping then, okay?

I'm not sleep-deprived.

I'm just sleep-deficient.

You are not realistic. You are cynical.

I have high standards.

You're a realistic idealist.

No, but dreams happen in R.E.M.

R.E.M. is deep sleep.

You don't sleep long enough to reach that stage.

You must hallucinate.

See, your problem is

is that you will not compromise what you want.

What I want... It doesn't exist.

I read that sleep deprivation causes hallucinations.

Acid causes hallucination.

I'm not on acid, and I'm not hallucinating.

I am not sleep-deprived.

Insomnia is not a total lack of sleep.

It's poor sleep.

You're not even looking for Mr. Right.

You won't give any poor guy a chance.

Well, a watched pot never boils.

You've got to at least turn the stove on.

Then you get burned.

Dreams, as we know them, they don't exist for you, Frankie.

And you care because...?

Because I'm writing a book, maybe?

Does anyone want to know how my audition went today? Anyone?

I've got ice-cream headache.

Coffee, anyone?

I'll take some if you're getting up.

It was fine.

It was really great. I did really well.

Where are you going?

My mother needs the car.

Wait until Leo gets back,

because I want him to see us leave together.

You're kidding.

How about a kiss?

Yeah, with tongue.

Do it.

You know, you're sickos, all of you.

You're all just...

Is everyone deserting me?

Everyone but me.

Oh, thank God.

Rob, what time do I have to work tomorrow?

10:00.

I forgot to tell you. We hired a new guy today. Leo wants you to break him in.

Why do I have to break in the rookie?

He's harmless.

I told him you guys would get along great.

Don't hold your breath.

There, see? Cynical.

What?

What is he like? Is he cute?

Yeah. Probably not your type.

Great. And I'm stuck with him all day.

Relax, I already showed him how to do everything.

He just moved here and doesn't know anybody.

So would you try to just be nice, okay?

Why is everyone always telling me to be nice?

Why?

Let's see...

[ALARM SOUNDS]

This better be useful and pertinent to my life.

Always.

"In order to win, you must expect to win."

Dan Fouts.

Francesca, is that idealism I hear?

Of course not.

Dan Fouts was a good quarterback who never won a Super Bowl.

Point being?

Point being,

a positive attitude

does not always guarantee success.

Just when I thought

you were beginning to lighten up.

Cheerio!

Speaking of lightening up, Francesca...

did I mention I was having my rib removed?

I'll be at supermodel status

before you can even think about it.

Step aside, Cindy,

because there is a new sheriff in town.

He goes by the name of BJ.

All right. I'll see you guys later.

Juice, you scared me.

Where's the new dude?

He's got 10 minutes to get here, or he's out of a job.

Scared of that.

I'll point him out when he gets here.

Your cappuccinos.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Frankie, right?

Hi.

David Shrader.

Sir David Shrader?

The rookie?

That's what you call me behind my back, huh?

How did you know who I was?

I recognized you from your picture.

You don't look quite as ethnic as this place implies.

Oh, well, my father wasn't even Italian.

Sinatra just kind of went to his head.

I know. Rob told me all about you yesterday.

Don't believe anything he said.

No, don't worry. He's a fan, you know?

He said you were a little on the dark side,

but that you always aim at the good.

"Every action and pursuit is thought to aim at some good.

"For that reason, the good has rightly been

declared to be that at which all things aim."

It's not easy to quote Aristotle off the top of your head.

I'm impressed.

It's not so easy

to recognize Aristotle off the top of your head.

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."

Tennyson.

Uh-oh. Have I met my match?

No one's been able to stump me yet.

Well, me neither.

Is that a challenge?

For you.

"I am now a central part of your mind's landscape,

whether you care or do not."

Morrissey, Steven.

"I am troubled immeasurably by your eyes.

"I am struck by the feather of your soft reply.

"The sound of glass speaks quick disdain

and conceals what your eyes fight to explain."

Morrison, Jim.

"The lady will have the Linguini with clam sauce

"and a Coke, no ice.

"Remember, wherever you are, that's the place to be.

Isn't this great?"

Damone, Fast Times.

"I'll be taking these Huggies

and whatever cash you got in the register."

Raising Arizona.

Hey, Frankie. That's him. That's the new guy.

Thanks, Juice. Way to be on the ball there.

He's the resident slacker of the cafe.

He never pays for anything,

just so you know.

Juice, say hi to David.

Hey, David.

Did she tell you not to charge me?

Yes, I told him.

It's because I'm a unique and talented individual.

He's a musician.

An artist!

How do you like it here so far?

I'm immensely entertained.

Good, because we like everybody

to feel like part of the family.

Welcome to Cafe Blue Eyes.

Thank you.

Frankie, we still playing Scrabble tonight?

Yeah, Rob's place. 11:30.

Is he a relative too?

No.

You know how Italians are.

Anyone whose last name ends in a vowel is indirectly related.

That's a great line!

That's really... Can I borrow that?

I'd start a chapter with it or something.

Are you a writer?

I'm working on it.

You're an actress, I hear.

Yeah, I'm working on that.

I'd love to read some of your stuff.

Really?

Yeah, if you have some.

Um... Yeah. Sure.

Great.

Hey, do you play Scrabble?

Do I play...

C-A-Z-I-Q-U-E. Cazique.

That's the highest-scoring word known to man.

Good, because Rob's having a game later.

He lives next door, if you want to come.

And bring some of your work for me to read.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah, that sounds great actually.

Great.

You have to allow an artist

to express themselves as they choose to.

As long as the honesty is there, and they both do that.

Well, that's where I tend to disagree with you.

Well, that's where

your reasoning ability is broken down.

Would somebody back me up here?

I will. She's right, Juice.

Eddie Vedder is very much like Bono was a decade ago.

It's the passion.

But Eddie Vedder will never turn into

the spectacle that Bono has become.

Who's Eddie Vetter?

Vedder. "D," sweetheart. Two of them.

All right. Easy, Crusher.

Please don't talk like that about Bono.

You want to talk voice of a generation, let's talk Michael Stipe.

They all belong in the same category.

It's a hierarchy.

What do you mean by hierarchy?

It's like a trinity.

If Bono was God, then Eddie would be Jesus.

But why is Bono God? Why can't Eddie be God?

Bono's older.

Right.

God came first.

Right.

Well, so, if it's the trinity,

then who's the Holy Spirit?

The man, Sinatra. Who else?

Scared of that.

Excuse me.

Yes, BJ?

I'm sorry, but that just does not work for me.

Well, Benny, in this family, Sinatra is God, so...

I don't know why you stick up for that

whiskey-drinking old geezer all the time.

Because he happens to have the eyes of an angel.

And he gave my father a job when no one else would.

David, you'd better hide your letters.

I tend to glance.

I think we're getting off the point.

Frankie? What is the point?

The point is, if "A" and "B," then "C."

Bono's lost his integrity.

Vedder hasn't and won't.

Thus, Vedder is God. Period.

"Worship the music, not the musicians."

Vedder said that.

I read that interview.

You did?

It was really good.

It was great.

BJ: Oh, God, I am so, so over this conversation.

I have lost the will to spell,

and I have no idea what just transpired.

So I'm quitting.

I've got to go too. Oh, here.

I know, I'm so sick of Chinese food.

If you get a chance. Enjoy.

BJ: Hold it.

Who's going to take home that dip?

Fuck!

Ciao.

One coffee for you.

Can I get one of those?

With the Power Bar, we're looking at $2.99.

You said Frankie was working.

She is.

She's still upstairs, taking her time, no doubt.

So she'll be here pretty much all day, then?

Yep. I imagine you'll be seeing quite a bit of her

before she leaves.

When does she leave again?

In three fun-filled days.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, stinko.

Mi amore.

Hi. Hi.

You slept in today.

- Are you sick or something? - Sick? Do I look sick?

No, I'm... I'm not sick. I'm...

What's the word?

Horny?

Roberto!

You watch your tongue.

What kind of language is that?

Yeah.

I hope you no talk like that around your girlfriend.

I no teach you that.

Trust me, I'm as polite as they come.

Are you ready to go?

Si.

Francesca.

Sir David.

You take care, okay?

We'll be gone a couple hours.

What is this? Father and son day?

Miniature golf.

Oh, how cute.

Si, si, Francesca.

It's cheap putting practice.

Roberto!

First, I'm going to wash your mouth out good this time.

Get over here!

Good morning.

Well, well, well.

Aren't we the little Renaissance man?

Pardon me?

I read your stuff. It's very brilliant.

All of it? You read all of this last night?

Yeah. I don't sleep much. I kind of have insomnia.

It gave me something to do.

Well, thanks.

What?

Nothing.

What? Nothing.

No, tell me. What?

It's...

It's just, that's it.

What's it?

That.

It.

The stuff you read. That's old.

I haven't finished anything in a year.

And I'm starting to think that I have nothing left.

And she's amused by my lack of inspiration.

Mr. Shrader.

Yes?

"Inspiration is a treasure chest

buried at the bottom of the sea of your soul."

Well, I must have lost my map.

And you're a man, so God forbid you stop and ask for directions.

Never.

Well, it's a good thing you met me then.

Oh, it is, huh?

This town is filled

with precious jewels of inspiration.

You just have to know where to look.

And what are you? My compass?

Is that so unreasonable?

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world.

"The unreasonable man persists

"in trying to adapt the world to himself.

Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

You think you got me on that one.

Yes, I do.

For an intelligent guy, it's very foolish to quote a great writer...

being that you're a great writer yourself.

Who is George Bernard Shaw?

Oh, she's so smart.

I study the Trivial Pursuit cards.

And so clever.

I lie awake at night

thinking of clever things to say.

And always has to have the last word.

Thank God for caffeine.

You really don't sleep much, do you?

No, I really don't.

You're serious?

Is it... Is it like a chronic thing?

Kind of.

I doze off

for short periods of time during the night,

but I haven't slept a full eight hours

since I was 6 years old.

Why 6?

Because that's when my parents died.

I'm sorry.

They were killed in a car accident.

Leo and I were there too.

And what? You still have nightmares?

No, not really.

When I was little,

my parents used to put me to sleep

singing lullabies.

You know, Sinatra songs, of course.

They used to just sit at the edge of my bed

and sing to their hearts' content.

I remember them looking down at me

for what seemed like forever.

They would smile at each other, then back at me,

then at each other.

There was just a lot of love in the room, you know?

And after they died, I used to dream that scene,

that they were singing me to sleep,

that they were alive.

And I'd wake up,

and I'd remember that they were gone.

And it was so hard for me to lose them again

that I trained myself to stay awake.

And I haven't had a good night's sleep since.

After all this time...

do you ever think

that maybe it's in your head, the insomnia?

Well, isn't your writer's block all in your head?

Indirectly, I guess.

Of course it is.

You can't force either one of them.

Inevitably you try,

but it's like a surfer waiting for a wave.

You just have to let it come to you.

Well, since you're

the self-proclaimed map to my destination,

I guess I have to be yours.

You think you can put me to sleep?

You think you could inspire me to write?

I know I can.

Okay, then.

Starting now, we're both on a quest.

You're going to do that for me?

That's what friends are for, right?

I haven't made a friend

since Juice stole Alli's lunchbox in 4th grade.

To friends.

And I'll take that. Thanks.

Excuse me?

I'm cutting off the supply.

All you drink is coffee.

You've got a gang of coffee there.

You drink an awful lot of coffee.

You put coffee in your coffee.

So?

So coffee has caffeine.

Has it ever occurred to you

that might be part of your problem?

I didn't drink coffee when I was 6.

Okay, okay. Bear with me here.

We're going to detox you.

I want you to have a glass of warm milk

before you go to bed, okay?

No, no.

That's a fallacy. I've tried that.

Humor me, okay?

Okay.

I don't want to hear complaining when I keep you out until dawn.

This is 50/50, remember?

Of course.

Okay, I'm ready.

Hop in.

Okay.

You're not going to make me drink

any more warm, white liquids, are you?

No.

You tired?

No.

David, do you have any brothers or sisters?

Yeah. One sister.

Older or younger?

Older.

Are you close to her?

Yeah, we're pretty close.

What are your parents like?

They're just your basic generic mom and dad.

Are you close to them?

Probably not as close as I should be.

Did you have a dog growing up?

Yeah.

A sandbox?

No. No sandbox.

I had a basketball hoop.

Were you on the Little League?

Is this the Barbara Walters Special?

Oh, I just...

I just want to know where you came from.

Your parents must be really proud of you.

You think so?

Yeah, I think so.

You think too much. That's why you can't sleep.

Stop thinking.

Okay.

Now what?

Now lay back.

Shut your eyes.

"Everywhere creatures are falling asleep.

"The collapsible frink just collapsed in a heap,

"and by adding the frink to the others before,

"I am able to give you the who's-asleep score.

"Right now, 40,404 creatures are happily deeply in slumber.

I think you'll agree that's a whopping fine number."

Go to sleep!

Come on. Help me out.

"Counting up sleepers, just how do we do it?

"It's really quite simple, there's nothing much to it.

"We find out how many, we learn the amount

"by an audio, telly-o Tally-ho count.

"On a mountain halfway between Reno and Rome,

"we have a machine in a Plexiglas dome

"which listens and looks into everyone's home,

"and whenever it sees a new sleeper go flop,

"it jiggles and lets a new biggle-ball drop.

"Our chap counts these balls as they plop in a cup,

and that's how we know who is down and who's up."

Good morning, sunshine.

Morning...

Shit! I've got to go.

What's the matter? Do you have a date?

No.

We'll talk tomorrow. I'm working, remember?

Well, what about me? I'm wide awake.

I know. I'm sorry. I fell asleep.

The book put me out.

All right. Go home and get some rest.

I will. Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

David, wait!

It is tomorrow.

Well, then, I'll see you later.

Good. That makes it seem sooner.

Penny for your thoughts, Francesca?

Is that all they're worth?

With all the money he charges me on bagels,

I know he can afford more.

- Did you pay for those, ass? - Tab.

I feel like he's holding out on me.

IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT: Who, David?

Who else?

You've known each other a couple days.

You want an engagement ring?

He probably doesn't want to get too attached.

I mean, you are leaving.

Thank you, Scarlett.

But he could be a writer anywhere.

He could come with me.

What? And then just sort of pack up and move again?

People have done crazier things for love.

Honey, you are such a romantic.

Right. Maybe he's gay.

He's not gay, Juice.

My, my, I do not think he's gay.

No. All I'm saying is maybe he's gay.

He's not gay!

I really don't think he's gay.

Rob will know.

Rob, do you think David could be gay?

[UTENSIL DROPS]

No, he is not gay.

How do you know?

Because he wears running shoes with jeans.

And I asked him.

What? What did you do?

You just asked him?

Scared of that.

What did you say?

I said, "Do you play polo?"

What do you think I said?

I said, "Are you gay?"

I mean, what?

He's a cute guy, I guess.

You are such a little flirt.

What did he say?

He said, "Straight as an arrow."

He said that? He is so witty.

Don't worry. He likes you.

Wait! How do you know?

Because he talks about you all the time,

brings you up in conversation, asked questions from day one.

Well, then, what's the problem?

Honey, maybe he's shy.

You don't know.

Maybe he's nervous.

Maybe he's impotent.

Maybe he's a Republican.

Maybe he's an escaped convict.

Maybe we should stop, because here he comes.

Oh, my, my, my.

ALL: Hi, David!

Hi, gang. Hi.

Hi.

So how'd you sleep last night?

Pretty well. I didn't get...

I didn't, really.

No? Try this.

That'll help, hopefully.

You working today?

Eventually.

[TURNS FRANK SINATRA JR'S "NIGHT AND DAY" UP]

♪ Night and day

♪ You are the one

♪ Only you beneath the moon And under the sun ♪

♪ Whether near to me or far

♪ It's no matter, darling Where you are ♪

♪ I think of you

♪ Night and day Day and night ♪

♪ Why is it so

♪ That this longing for you Follows wherever I go ♪

♪ In the roaring Traffic's boom ♪

Molly!

Hi.

I hope I'm not disturbing you.

You forgot your keys.

No. Come on in.

Guys.

This...

This is my girlfriend.

Hi. Molly Monday. Nice to meet you.

Molly, this is...

Juice and Allison and Rob...

and this is Frankie.

I've heard a lot about all of you.

I wish we could say the same about you.

IN ENGLISH ACCENT: So, Molly, darling,

what an interesting name.

Where are you from?

Oakland, actually.

Yeah, I'm a local girl.

I went to school in Michigan.

That's where David and I met.

Molly's in law school here in town.

Really?

Well, great. That's just great.

Yeah, how about that?

A lawyer and a writer in one house.

That's very, very impressive, isn't it?

Anyone?

Bueller?

You have a very talented boyfriend.

Don't tell him that. He'll never get a real job.

Well, I didn't mean to interrupt.

I just came by to drop these off.

Thanks, I'm...

I'll be in the library all night.

I've got an exam tomorrow,

so don't be alarmed if you don't see me till then.

Okay. Good luck.

Thanks. I love you. Bye.

I'm going to go...

I'm going to go pack.

So...

how about those 'Niners, huh?

How about those 'Niners.

Delivery.

I'm going to go see how she is.

Me too.

[KNOCKING]

Do you mind?

We just wanted to see if you're okay.

I'm fine.

I just want to be alone.

Well, who do you think you are, Greta Garbo?

I mean it.

It's no big deal, okay?

Now go.

Frankie,

there's other fish in the sea.

Alli, I don't want any other fish.

I want that fish.

The little blue-eyed, angel-faced fish.

The David Shrader fish.

Fucking bastard.

What?

What are you looking at?

This is all your fault.

First you leave me alone like a dog for 17 years,

and then you tease me with this?

You two have each other.

What do I have?

Nothing.

Nothing!

Hey,

everything happens for a reason.

Oh, really, Einstein?

Well, explain the Holocaust to me then.

I've been trying to figure that one out for a while now.

Hey, Frankie, come on, he's just trying to help.

I know, and I appreciate it,

but would you guys just excuse me?

What a dickhead.

Come on, he's not a dickhead.

Not him...

me.

Okay,

you want to go shopping?

Listen,

I've got to get back downstairs.

I'll let you know when David leaves.

Rob, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hey, we've all had broken hearts before.

Aw, I'll never break your heart.

Promise.

Alli, would you stay a little while?

Sure.

Oh, come here.

There you go.

Yeah...

I saw no chemistry.

Did you see any chemistry?

No, I saw no chemistry.

I saw...

I saw physics.

I saw a negative, and I saw a positive.

I saw opposites attract, is what I saw.

I saw incest.

I mean, they looked like brother and sister.

Don't you think they look like brother and sister?

Yes, they look definitely like brother and sister.

And you know who got the looks in that family.

Honey, you're going to find somebody else, you know that.

Alli,

I don't want to be 60 years old some day,

and seemingly happily married

to some man that I know is my second choice,

and wondering whatever happened to David Shrader,

that beautiful angel who came in and out of my life

and who never gave me a chance.

I don't want to have to settle for that.

Looks aren't everything, I know, but I still don't get it.

I know.

I mean, you know, she's not ugly, but he could do better.

Like how much better?

Like way better.

Like me better?

What do you think, with the talk,

"way better"?

Of course, you.

- You know what else? - What?

A name is directly related to someone's sexual attractiveness.

Oy...

No, it's true.

It's a big medical breakthrough.

I mean, scientists all over the world

have discovered this.

I read it in the New England Journal.

So what are you saying?

What I'm saying is,

with a name like Molly Monday, which is a Little House on the Prairiename,

you can bet that he's been dying to shoot a good load.

Oy, Frankie, with the talk!

What's this? What?

I mean, would you do it with someone whose last name

was the worst day of the week?

And with a first name like Molly,

I mean, that's not even the cute blind one from Little House.

That's Nellie Oleson.

No, Nellie was the mean one.

So?

So I don't think she's mean.

I think she's just, you know,

she's just ordinary.

All right.

Laura Ingalls. Laura Ingalls.

Definitely Laura.

You know, Bella,

not a day's gone by in 17 years that we haven't been together,

and now I look at you,

such a beautiful young woman.

Just like your mama, Angelica.

She was beautiful too, you know.

I know.

I'll never forget the day

she told me her name meant "angel."

I thought she said she was an angel.

Until today I...

I still believed it.

Come on. Sit.

Please, sit down.

Uncle Leo sees something wrong

and I know what it is.

Sometimes things happen,

they're not so good,

but you find good in them, capisci?

Que sera sera.

Maybe not today,

maybe not next week,

but one day, things will all work out.

You trust me?

I know you.

Just remember what you got to have.

Perseverance.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Don't we have plans tonight?

Not until 10:00, if you still want to go.

Um...

I'd like to talk to you, though.

Maybe we could take a walk or something?

I really can't leave right now.

Hey, Francesca,

what am I, an invalid?

Go on, get out of here.

Okay.

All right. I'll see you later.

So, what do you want to talk about?

Nothing, I guess.

Even nothing is something.

I think I wanted to say I'm sorry.

There's nothing to be sorry about.

I was going to tell you.

I mean, it's not your fault, David.

I assumed you were single.

I assumed wrong.

Well, you know what they say,

never assume.

It'll only make an ass out of you and me.

Thank you, Felix Unger.

I quote the truth wherever I find it.

What? She's at a loss for words?

Come on, cheer up. It's not the end of the world.

I know, I know. It's...

It's just bad timing.

"Life can only be understood backwards."

Kierkegaard.

Oh!

"I wish I was like you, easily amused."

Ouch...

Kurt Cobain.

You know,

before I even met you,

the day I was hired at the cafe,

I saw your picture,

and I couldn't stop staring at it.

It was...

It was like I knew you or something.

I mean, the funny thing is, I was right.

You're exactly the way I imagined you'd be.

And how's that?

Honest.

Vibrant.

Different. I don't know.

People who've known me for years can't see in me

what you saw out of that picture.

I mean, don't you think that means something?

Frankie, I have a commitment.

I don't see a ring on this finger.

You know what I mean.

Do you love her?

We've been together for so long.

You don't just throw away three years on a chance.

Are you going to answer me?

About what?

Love, David, love!

Do you love her?

I mean, does the thought of her,

the smell of her, the touch of her

make you quiver?

When she's away from you, do you think about her,

and wish she were in your arms, making love to you?

When you see her

after not seeing her for a whole day,

does she make everything okay?

It's getting late.

Leo's waiting. We should go.

Okay, I get it.

I get it.

Just remember one thing.

Anything less

than mad, passionate, extraordinary love

is a waste of time.

There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with,

and love shouldn't be one of them.

You live in a dream world.

Don't I wish.

Roberto...

You don't look so sad.

Your Allison, she leave you tomorrow.

Oh, I mean, I'm...

You know, I'm going to miss her.

I mean, she's my girlfriend, right?

But you know,

when you've been single as long as I have...

Bello, come here.

Sit down.

Sit down?

Sit down, bello.

I want to ask you something.

Why not?

You love this girl?

Well...

What,

I pressure you too much?

Let me tell you something.

If you love this girl, and you let her go...

Papa, I...

I think that the separation might do us some good.

You know, strengthen our bond a little.

Yes.

Ah, Bella.

Ah...

What?

He has writer's block.

I'm helping unplug him.

That's great,

but my shift was over hours ago, so I...

No, no, no, no, no!

Tonight's a very important night.

Please, you have to cover for me.

Don't worry, Bella, he'll be deleted.

"Delighted."

Thank you, thank you.

I adore you.

Did I ever tell you you're my favorite cousin?

I'm your only cousin.

You know what John Lennon said.

"One is all you need."

No, he said "love."

"Love is all you need."

He was right.

Smile.

God loves you.

Yeah, right.

At least you're leaving.

What's not eating you?

Nothing.

The last thing

I want to discuss right now

is my lack of character.

Come on, you only have me for one more day.

Talk.

It's something I have to work out for myself, you know?

Did something happen between you and BJ?

No, it's...

It's me...

It's me.

Can I tell you something?

You don't steal,

you don't murder,

you don't deal drugs,

and your father loves you very much.

I promise you,

as soon as you realize this,

your life will change.

WITH A CANADIAN ACCENT: Hi.

Hi...

What is it with your hoser family, eh?

Manic depression?

Really, we cheer up occasionally,

but we get over it.

Oh, love.

What's it all about?

'Bout...'Bout.

Alli, you're never going to have to play a Canadian.

Vancouver and Toronto happen to be

about the biggest film communities going.

So are we still waiting for Mr. Shrader?

Haven't quite given up, eh?

I never give up.

I either get what I want...

Or I change my mind. Or I change my mind.

See, I know you.

I have until sunrise

to make him fall in love with me.

How do I look?

Natural beauty.

It works for you.

Thanks, I think.

And, you know, stealing a man from a live-in, that ain't easy.

Unless, of course, you know, he's married.

Knock on wood. [KNOCKS ON TABLE]

Oh, God, I think that's Leo.

Um, let me... Allison, let me just...

Can I just... We'll do one of these deals, okay?

All right.

This is getting so tired, Roberto.

Does somebody need a nap?

Yeah, you, Groucho.

- What did I do? - Nothing, nothing.

I'm just sick of people hiding from the truth.

So you're gay, big fucking deal. Stop being such a pussy.

God, why do you have to say that word?

You know that I hate that word.

Not nearly as much as I do.

Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.

We're all pussies.

It's what we have to overcome in our life, our pussiness.

It's going to be so nice and quiet around here when you're gone, that's for sure.

Vagina, vagina... can't you just say vagina,

if you have to say anything?

Please, just not the "p" word.

Who are you going to hide behind when we're gone, huh?

Fuck you, Frankie.

You got no idea what this is like.

You know, my grandmother used to call it a "fee-fee."

Isn't that nice?

A "fee-fee"?

Aw, see, there.

Make love, not war.

You crazy people.

BJ calls it a "ravioli."

Hey, BJ has a ravioli?

Oh, God, no.

Wouldn't have known.

Where are you going?

I've got some nuts to crack.

I'm sorry. It's been a long day, cugino.

I know. What am I doing?

I'm going to miss the hell out of you.

I didn't mean what I said.

I mean, it's none of my business.

Of course it isn't, but you know what?

I think you're right,

so I will see you pussies later.

Oh, you know what? Get out.

I'm not related to him.

Oh, but you are.

So, honey, you haven't told me your plan

to woo Mr. Shrader.

Care to share?

I don't think you're ready for it.

I am never ready. Go.

I am going to circumnavigate his soul,

until he's anchored on all sides

by my love.

[DOOR OPENING]

Oh, there's a good omen.

Hi.

Okay, bye.

Okay, honey.

I'll be back here in the morning, and we will load up,

and then we are out of here.

Otay, 'Panky.

Otay?

We're really going to do this, aren't we?

We're going to do it.

♪ We're gonna do it

♪ On your mark, get set And go now ♪

♪ I've got a dream And we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make Our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doing it our way ♪

Okay, bye.

Bye, Allison.

The night is young.

Shall we?

Yes.

We're not going to rob any banks, are we?

No.

I don't think so.

[CAKE'S "PERHAPS" PLAYING]

♪ You won't admit You love me ♪

♪ And so, How am I ever to know? ♪

♪ You only tell me

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

♪ A million times I ask you

♪ And then I ask you over again ♪

♪ You only answer

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

♪ If you can't Make your mind up ♪

♪ We'll never get started

♪ And I don't want to wind up

♪ Being parted Broken-hearted ♪

♪ So if you really love me, Say yes ♪

♪ But if you don't, dear, Confess ♪

♪ And please don't tell me

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps ♪

Here,

so you don't forget where you came from.

[BELL RINGING]

Are you inspired yet?

♪ If you can't make your mind up ♪

♪ We'll never get started

♪ And I don't want to wind up

♪ Being parted Broken-hearted ♪

♪ So if you really love me, Say yes ♪

Now what?

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Here.

Open this.

Excuse me?

Look at the bright side.

This is better than warm milk.

Let's live a little.

I...

What? You said you wanted to leave your mark.

Look, "Juice."

You are not going to spray paint this wall, are you?

Spray paint the wall?

No, David, we're going to decorate the wall.

This is an industrial art form.

Do you do this often?

I've never done it before, but Juice does it all the time.

How hard can it be?

What am I supposed to do?

I don't know, do anything.

Be creative.

Most graffiti artists have a tag.

Watch.

♪ If you can't make your mind up ♪

♪ We'll never get started

♪ And I don't want to wind up

♪ Being parted Broken-hearted ♪

All right, your turn.

All right.

♪ But if you don't, dear, Confess ♪

♪ And please don't tell me

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

That's beautiful, David,

but this isn't the Sistine Chapel.

You might want

to speed it up a little bit.

I'm only going to do this once in my life.

I want to make sure I do it right.

I think I'm going to add a little color...

Wow.

I've never been in jail before.

Have you?

No, Frankie,

as a matter of fact, I haven't.

Is Molly going to be upset?

Frankie, we've got to talk.

Good. Me first.

No, no, no, this is serious.

So is this.

I'm moving to L.A., and I want you to come with me.

What?

I'm in love with you.

What?

Frankie, things are not the same in real life

as they are in your dreams.

They could be, if you let them.

I don't agree. It's not that simple.

Then you've never been in love before.

You don't know what you're missing.

Maybe later.

Go ahead, call me stupid.

Stupid?

I would never call you stupid, David.

A stupid man wouldn't succeed in fooling himself

as much as you do.

Molly's a good person, really.

She's smart, she's kind,

she knows all my bad habits.

I'm happy with her.

You're safe with her.

I love her.

I do.

Yeah, well, I love a good cappuccino,

but I wouldn't drink it if I didn't get it for free.

What is that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

Something to do with passion.

You seem to think

that I have a lot of choices here.

I just don't see it that way.

Choices are like connecting highways.

They all take you to the same place.

Some just take longer to get there.

Frank Poncherello.

I don't know, who said that?

I just made it up.

It was good.

See?

We can be best friends

but we'd still have lust in our eyes.

Frankie, you need to learn the difference between dreams and reality.

It's night and day.

I know a lot more than you give me credit for.

What is it that you know that I don't know?

I know that life can be taken away from you

at any random moment, David.

I know if you don't make an effort to be happy,

you won't be happy,

and I know there's a point when your "maybe later"

becomes too late.

If you only dream when you're asleep,

then when you wake up, there's still nothing there.

I'm really going to miss you.

I guess that means you're not coming with me.

You tired?

No.

You should probably try and get some rest.

Okay, you two.

You're out of here.

Here, you keep this.

So you remember where I left my heart.

[AIMEE MANN'S "YOU'RE WITH STUPID NOW" PLAYING]

♪ I don't know How to break the news ♪

♪ But it's pretty clear You'll be asked to choose ♪

♪ Between what you lack And what you excuse ♪

♪ In this tug of war

♪ You can't say That they didn't warn you ♪

♪ Though you'd rather That they'd just ignore you ♪

♪ 'Cause your devices Are not working for you ♪

♪ Anymore

♪ What you want

♪ You don't know

♪ You're with stupid now

♪ You don't know How to manufacture ♪

♪ Sturdy bones With a hairline fracture ♪

♪ The crazy will Of a Margaret Thatcher ♪

♪ That they've all got ♪

Bye!

Bye, Uncle Leo.

♪ As they struggle With the undertaking ♪

♪ Of simple thought

♪ What you want

♪ You don't know

♪ You're with stupid now ♪

Roberto.

You're a good boy, you know that?

We're going to be fine, you and me.

I have to talk to you This is important.

You hear what I said?

Yeah, well, you might want to hold off on this pride stuff

until you hear what I have to say.

What? What it is?

Promise to hear me out before you make any harsh judgments, all right?

No, no, no, Roberto.

You know me.

I don't make no promises. I don't know why.

Tell me why,

and maybe I make the promise.

All right,

but you see, this isn't easy for me.

Roberto, I teach you to be a man.

Tell me.

Talk to me. Be a man.

Papa, I...

I'm...

Oh, Roberto, I got a tee time soon, you know?

Talk.

What?

All right.

Papa, I am...

Oh, come on, Frankie.

You know what? I cannot take five hours of this.

I can't.

I put the top down.

It's freezing.

I need the air.

Oh, great.

Five hours,

me and Norma Desmond.

Great.

Just great, great, great, great.

I so worried.

I think you're going to tell me, "Papa, I murdered someone."

But no, no, instead you tell me something

I've already known for a long, long time now.

What?

You knew?

Come on.

Francesca, you know. I love her.

She's a woman. She's wonderful.

She says...

She told you?

What about all that stuff, the girlfriends and the wives?

What...?

I figure I'll wait until you're ready,

so I wait.

I wait, I wait, and I wait, and finally, I think, maybe I give him a little push,

and he spill the peas.

I'm right.

You're not ashamed of me or anything?

Roberto, I love you.

You're my son.

We're the same blood.

I love you so much,

I just want you to be happy.

Whatever makes you happy,

me happy.

I just don't want to know the details,

capisci?

Capisci.

Hello, gorgeous.

Looks like we're running out of room up there, huh?

Here you go.

We got another one.

Hello?

Couldn't you pretend you're excited to see me?

I mean, you know I've got the self-esteem of a cover girl.

Coffee, two sugars.

Sure.

Can I have a cup?

Wow.

You've got to love him, though, David.

Yeah.

Hi. What's up?

You forgot your keys.

I didn't want you to be locked out.

Thank you.

I'm off in about 10 minutes.

You want to stick around?

Maybe we'll go out for sushi or something?

Sushi?

Since when did you eat sushi?

Since I decided to go out on a limb for my art.

I don't eat anything that still has a heartbeat.

That's right.

Besides, I can't.

I don't have time.

I've got too much work to do.

All right. Well, what about later?

You know, you'll need a break. We could catch a late movie.

David, please.

We can't live off our love alone.

I have to go.

All right.

Bye. Bye.

Molly!

Molly.

David,

what's the matter?

Anything less

than mad, passionate, extraordinary love

is a waste of your time.

What?

She's pregnant. I can see what she's saying.

I swear, she's pregnant.

No.

I swear.

No, honey, please.

She's not happy.

Oh, no.

Freak-out.

Look at her.

Throw it back, uh-uh.

Honey, she's going at it.

No, this isn't funny.

No, no, no.

Oh, she's off.

Look at her, she's bolting.

Oh, shit.

Sorry about the short notice, Rob.

Don't even worry about my last paycheck.

What? What the hell are you doing?

I quit.

You...

Is it me,

or are they dropping like flies?

Don't even think about it.

That's your man.

IN A CUBAN ACCENT: Hello.

Hi. How are you?

And you said my accents would never come in handy.

Well, I did it.

Did what?

The commercial. I got the commercial.

I shoot tomorrow.

It's two months' rent in one day.

I didn't get it?

Frankie, you cannot demand proof that the product works, and expect to get hired.

I mean, what's wrong with you?

I have a tortured soul.

Okay, look, I have a feeling

this has nothing to do with the commercial, young lady.

Not one word.

You think he'd at least call or write or something.

I mean, for all he knows,

I could be in a gutter somewhere.

He doesn't care.

Frankie, he's got a girlfriend.

You wouldn't want him calling some girl if he was going out with you.

I mean, come on, you understand that.

You've really got to get over him.

You've got to move on.

Think I should call him?

Yeah, let's call him at work.

No, wait, I'm scared.

Too late.

I'll just be honest with him.

I'll tell him how much I miss him,

and that I can't live...

David, hi.

Frankie wants to talk to you.

Hi.

Uncle Leo.

Fine.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

No, Alli got it.

Mm-hm.

How are you?

You miss me?

Does anyone else miss me?

Does David miss me?

Is he there?

Because I need to talk to him.

Well, when will he be back?

He what?

Well, did he leave a number?

Anything?

No, I'm okay.

I'm... I've got to go.

I'll call you later.

What, what, what?

He quit about an hour ago.

Apparently, he just ran off.

No word, no nothing.

Alli, he's gone.

I don't have his number.

I don't even know where he lives.

I'm doomed.

No, I'm doomed.

I'm doomed.

IN AN INDIAN ACCENT: Hello, I am Deepa. With Sheik condom, you can go...

I'm sorry, am I in your way?

Yes.

More, more.

Okay, so, with Sheik...

The belly, show the belly.

Right, right, good.

Oh, God.

Dolly, watch the dolly.

Ready? Okay.

Hello, I am Deepa,

and with Sheik condom,

they are thinner, they are...

I'm sorry, what's the line?

I forgot the line.

Stronger.

Okay, thank you, sorry.

I knew this one.

Okay.

Hello, I am Deepa,

and with Sheik condom,

they are stronger, they are thinner,

and you can go deeper with Sheik.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God,

I cannot believe I just did that.

Oh, dear.

Okay.

So, cut, I guess?

Is this Michigan Information?

Do you have a number for a Shrader residence?

S-H-R-A-D-E-R.

I don't know the first name.

I don't have an address.

How many do you have?

All right, can I have all of them, please?

Is this the Shrader residence?

Do you know a David Shrader?

Are you related to a David Shrader?

Have you ever met a David Shrader?

Have you ever heard of a David Shrader?

No? No Shrader?

Okay. Okay.

Thank you.

[KNOCKING]

Who is it?

[KNOCKING]

All right, I'm coming.

David.

♪ Night and day

♪ You are the one

♪ Only you beneath the moon And under the sun ♪

This is your room, right?

What about Molly?

There are too many mediocre things in life

to deal with,

and love shouldn't be one of them.

Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?

No.

Go ahead.

You are so beautiful,

I can't even describe how beautiful.

Well, that makes you beautiful squared.

That makes you beautiful infinity.

That makes you beautiful infinity times infinity.

You always have to one-up me, don't you?

I have an idea.

Let's take turns one-upping each other.

I love you, Frankie.

You do?

Yeah, I do.

I loved you first.

Well, I love you more.

Only because you're bigger.

Sweet dreams.

[FRANK SINATRA JR'S "FORTUNE IN DREAMS" PLAYING]

♪ I've got a fortune, A fortune in dreams ♪

♪ That's how I measure My treasure of things ♪

♪ I'm never blue As long as I can pretend ♪

♪ And I wouldn't take a million For the dreams that I spend ♪

♪ With only daydreams To keep me tonight ♪

♪ I get along, And I'm doing all right ♪

♪ I haven't got a bank full, But I'm thankful to say ♪

♪ I've got a fortune in dreams Put away ♪

♪ I've got a fortune in dreams

♪ Yes, I've got a fortune

♪ Looking at a fortune In dreams ♪

♪ That's how I measure My treasure of things ♪

♪ And I never worry How things are gonna go ♪

♪ The sun was come shining Even if it looks like snow ♪

♪ With only daydreams To keep me tonight ♪

♪ I get along, And I'm doing all right ♪

♪ I've learned to love The things in life ♪

♪ That money cannot buy

♪ That's why I've got the sun, Not the clouds, up in my sky ♪

♪ You're never going to see me With my head hanging down ♪

♪ 'Cause I can take The bad times ♪

♪ when the good times Ain't around ♪

♪ Now I haven't got a bank full But I'm thankful to say ♪

♪ I've got a fortune in dreams Put away ♪

♪ I've got a fortune

♪ In dreams ♪