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1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:08,960
# What'll I do
when you are far away?
2
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,960
# And I am blue
3
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,960
# What will I do?
4
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,960
# When I'm alone
5
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:25,960
# With only dreams of you
6
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,800
# That won't come true
7
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:33,480
# What'll I do?
8
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,960
Who you looking at?
9
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,960
Trace!
10
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,960
Dinner! You're smiling now.
11
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,960
You'll be begging for mercy
in a minute.
12
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,960
Have you seen my sunglasses?
13
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,960
Yeah, nice.
No.
14
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,960
I mean, where are they?
15
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,960
Try the top of your head.
16
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,960
Oh. Who were you talking to before?
17
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,960
The pizza.
18
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,960
Perhaps you should get out more.
19
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,960
No-one goes out on a Saturday, Dor.
20
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,960
Saturday is the new Sunday.
21
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,960
Pizza. Telly.
22
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,960
Bottle of wine or three.
23
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,000
Fancy a bit?
No, thank you.
24
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,160
I've got bigger fish to fry.
25
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,320
Oh, you're going to the chippy?
26
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,480
You want to try that new one.
27
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,960
There's a plaice for us.
28
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,960
Celebrities don't go to chip shops.
29
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,960
You ain't a celebrity, Dor.
30
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,960
You're an old slapper
who wrote a dirty book.
31
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,960
So, where are you off to, then?
32
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,960
That is for me to know
33
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,960
and you to spend your dull,
pointless little life finding out.
34
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,960
My life is not dull and pointless!
35
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,960
Is it, Mr Pizza?
36
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,480
(TV ON)
37
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,960
Here you are, Trace.
38
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,960
Half a hot Hawaiian with extra hot.
39
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,960
Sorry, Shal, didn't I say?
40
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,960
Say what?
41
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,960
You're seeing Barry again, ain't you?
42
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,960
Why didn't you tell me?
43
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,960
Because when I went for a coffee
with him last week,
44
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,960
you sulked for three days.
Because it's wrong, Trace.
45
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,960
Your Darryl is barely dead and
buried.
46
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,960
It's been a long time since he was
my Darryl.
47
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,960
And he's not buried.
He's on the book shelf.
48
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
I won't be late.
It's just a quick drink.
49
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
With a married copper.
50
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,960
He got divorced years ago.
51
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,960
So he says.
52
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,640
Just wish you'd said something,
Trace.
53
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,960
I wouldn't have splashed out
on a mega pizza.
54
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,000
If I'd known
I was gonna be on my tod,
55
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,960
I'd have made do with a jumbo.
56
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,800
Enjoy. Love you.
57
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,960
Hi, Garth. Fancy some pizza?
58
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,960
No, thanks.
Trav is taking me for an Indian.
59
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,960
Can't say I'm really
up for it though. What's wrong?
60
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,640
Well, it's...it's just Dad,
you know.
61
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,640
I can't get over
how much I miss him.
62
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,800
Have you spoke to your mum?
63
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,960
Nah. She can't bring him back and...
64
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,960
I don't want to worry her.
65
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,960
You ready, then, mate?
Yeah.
66
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,960
We would invite you along,
Auntie Shal,
67
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,960
but you're obviously
set for the night.
68
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,640
Here's £50.
69
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,480
You can keep the change if you
promise not to tell anyone
70
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,960
I might be the teensiest bit
laminated.
71
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,960
I wish you'd let me pay something
towards the meal earlier.
72
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,960
It wouldn't be a proper date if I let
you do that. Didn't know it was...
73
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960
a proper date.
74
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,960
Well, it could be.
75
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,960
If you want.
Argh!
76
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,320
Two more tequilas, por favor?
77
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
And can I have some more of those
chorizo fritters?
78
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,960
Ooh!
79
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,960
Hello. You're a good-looking chap,
aren't you?
80
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,960
That is the mirror, Dor.
81
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,960
Whoops.
82
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,640
Nice meeting you.
83
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,960
Here we go. Sit down there.
84
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,000
Oh, time for bed.
85
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,960
Up we go.
86
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,160
You should see Dorien. She's
literally crawling up the stairs
backwards.
87
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,320
Argh!
88
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,480
Never mind her.
89
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,640
A quick drink, you said.
90
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,800
I thought you'd been arrested.
91
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,960
Time flies when you are having fun.
Ooh, I wouldn't know, would I?
92
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,960
So, where did you go, then?
93
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,000
Bingo? Bowling?
94
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,160
Identity parade?
95
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,960
The Chigwell Chophouse.
And what's that?
96
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,960
His martial arts club?
97
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960
It's a gastro pub.
Used to be the Drum And Monkey.
98
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,960
They've got a real wood-fired pizza
oven. You had a pizza!
99
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,960
It's what I fancied.
100
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,960
It's Barry what you fancy.
101
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960
No, I don't.
I didn't even shave my legs.
102
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,320
Armpits?
Got to do them.
103
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,480
I'm not French.
104
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,160
Darryl would turn in his urn.
105
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,960
And what about your boys, eh, Trace?
106
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,960
Especially Garthy.
107
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,960
He's devastated.
108
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,960
No, he's not. He'd tell me.
He tells me everything.
109
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,960
Unless he didn't want to worry you.
110
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
I know my Garthy, thank you, Sharon.
111
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,960
Everything all right, Garth?
112
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,960
Yeah, sweet.
Couldn't be better, Mum.
113
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,960
See? I'm off to bed.
114
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,960
Night, Dor.
115
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,960
(BURBLES)
116
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,960
I hope you're not gonna leave
all them crumbs on my work top.
117
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,960
Course not, m'lady.
118
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,960
Where have you been?
Been to the garden centre.
119
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,960
Why? You're not even interested in
gardening. It's for Dad.
120
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,960
Devastated.
121
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,960
Aren't you a bit old for a sand pit,
love?
122
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,960
I'm gonna build a shrine.
123
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,320
For Dad.
What sort of shrine exactly?
124
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,960
Garth and I went for an Indian last
night. It's given him an idea.
125
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,960
Where did you go?
Taj Mahal.
126
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,960
I am not having a Taj Mahal
in my garden.
127
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:54,480
Of course not, Mum. Garth wants a
permanent memorial for Dad.
128
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,960
What sort of memorial? Remember that
horrible thing on top of the house?
129
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,960
Oh, yeah, thank god
we've seen the last of that.
130
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,800
I'm gonna build a nice, big plinth.
131
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,960
And I'm gonna set this on it
132
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,960
for everyone to see.
133
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,960
For ever.
134
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,960
That's lovely, Garth.
Your dad would be really chuffed.
135
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,960
He would be even more chuffed
136
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,960
to know
you are getting on with your life.
137
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960
If this is what Garth feels he needs
to do, Tracey...
138
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,480
Come on, mate. Get cementing.
139
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,960
When I want your opinion, Sharon,
140
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,960
I'll ask for it.
What, so I'm not entitled to one?
141
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,160
I am his favourite auntie.
142
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,320
You're his only auntie.
143
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,960
Yeah, whatever.
I love him as much as you do.
144
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,960
No, you don't. You're not his mum.
You're nobody's mum.
145
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,960
So mind your own business.
146
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,960
Just so you know,
that's not hurtful at all!
147
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,960
This isn't about Garth.
It's about Barry.
148
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,960
You're jealous.
Me?
149
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,640
Jealous? You've lost your marbles.
150
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,960
Have I? I remember how you used to
cling onto his duffle bag
151
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,960
on the back of that scooter.
That was 40 years ago!
152
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,960
Hello. Anyone there?
153
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,160
Take your glasses off, you dozy cow.
154
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,960
You were always the same
every time I liked a bloke.
155
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,960
Because all the blokes you liked
were wallies.
156
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,960
Excuse me, I still can't see.
157
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,960
Oh! Oh, no.
158
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,960
Too bright.
159
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,960
What did you get up to last night?
160
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,960
Oh, god, my head.
161
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,960
You don't remember, do you?
162
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,960
I know someone made me
an enormous offer.
163
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,960
Why is it that everything you say
comes out rude?
164
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
I know what I need.
165
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
A new head?
166
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,320
Since when did you read Get-A-Life?
167
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,480
I don't.
168
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,640
STUDIO AUDIENCE: Eugh!
169
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,800
It's a lurid rag.
170
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,960
For mouth breathers
and knuckle draggers.
171
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,960
Sharon's got a subscription.
172
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,960
I like
the Spot The Cellulite competition.
173
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,000
Cheers.
174
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,160
STUDIO AUDIENCE: Eugh!
175
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,960
Ah!
176
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960
Oh, my god.
177
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,960
It's all coming back.
I'll get a bucket.
178
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,960
No, no, no.
179
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:32,640
Get-A-Life are launching
a new online webcast thingy.
180
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,960
They plied me with cocktails
181
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,960
and begged me
to be their agony aunt.
182
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,960
But they've already got one of those.
Uncle Henry.
183
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,960
He's kind and caring...
184
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,960
And on remand for indecent exposure.
185
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,960
They need a replacement.
186
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,960
And they want Foxy Cohen.
187
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,960
That's brilliant, Dor.
No, no, no.
188
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,960
It's going live tonight
189
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,960
and I'm supposed to be rehearsing
this minute.
190
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,960
(DOORBELL)
Ooh.
191
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,480
And I think I said
I'd do it from my bedroom.
192
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,000
Tracey is gonna love that.
Oh.
193
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,960
Yeah?
Mel Livingstone.
194
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,960
Get-A-Life Online.
Would you be Foxy Cohen?
195
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,960
Do you want a slap?
196
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,960
Dorien!
197
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,960
Good luck with the close-ups.
198
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,320
Oh, no, dear,
you look like a corpse.
199
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,960
Move further up the bed.
200
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,960
No, not that much.
201
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,960
Your face is in the Shadows now.
202
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,960
Best place for it.
203
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,800
Are you and Tracey still at
loggerheads?
204
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,960
If you mean have I still got the
arse-ache with her, yes.
205
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,960
She's poking her nose in
where it's not wanted
206
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,960
telling me how to be a mum and who I
should and shouldn't be dating.
207
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,960
Ah! So you are dating PC Plod.
Busted!
208
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,960
Grow up, Sharon.
No, you grow up, Tracey.
209
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,960
You grow up!
Please stop it!
210
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960
I'm trying to launch
a showbiz career here.
211
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,960
Right.
212
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,960
These LED's will light up
when a call comes in.
213
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,960
It will go through to this speaker.
214
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,800
So relax and talk to the camera in
your normal voice.
215
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,960
(DEEP) Hello.
216
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,960
You're through to Foxy.
217
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,960
What's eating you?
218
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,960
Do you want a cough sweet?
219
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,960
That's fine.
220
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,160
Right, Foxy,
I'll be back this evening.
221
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,320
Right.
222
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,960
And don't worry.
You're gonna be great.
223
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,960
Yeah. Not like you to let a man
escape with his trousers on.
224
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
I know, but I'm terrified.
225
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,960
All these people ringing in
with their...
226
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,960
trivial working-class problems
and I won't know what to say.
227
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,960
You read Get-A-Life.
You've got to help me. Sorry, Dor.
228
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,960
No can do.
229
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,160
This mouth-breathing knuckle dragger
has bigger fish to fry.
230
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,320
Ah, there he is now.
All right, Garthy?
231
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,480
Yeah, ready when you are.
232
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,960
This is Foxy.
233
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,000
(MOUTHS)
234
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,160
(DOORBELL)
235
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,960
Sharon.
Harry.
236
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,960
You got a warrant
or have I got to invite you in?
237
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,960
She's in the kitchen.
Thanks.
238
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,960
Mine, Sharon's...
239
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,960
Mine.
240
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,960
Sharon's. Sharon's.
241
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,960
Oh, hello.
Come to help me with the housework?
242
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,960
I've brought you a little something.
243
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,960
Really?
You dropped your lipstick in my car.
244
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
That's not mine.
245
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,960
It's got to be.
I've not had anyone else in there.
246
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960
Only kidding. Thank you.
247
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,960
Why do I get the impression
that Sharon doesn't like me?
248
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,000
Oh, she likes you, all right.
That's the problem. Eh?
249
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,160
She doesn't like me liking you.
Oh.
250
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,160
So you like me, then, eh?
251
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,320
Course I like you.
Yeah, but...
252
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,480
do you like me in...that way?
253
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,640
What way is that, then?
254
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,960
Sorry, I think
I've gone a bit far there.
255
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,960
(CLEARS THROAT) I've got a lot on my
plate at the moment.
256
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,960
Yeah. Yeah, I realise that.
257
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,960
I'll...I'll get off, then, eh?
258
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,000
No need for that.
259
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,160
Fancy a coffee?
260
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,640
Yeah. Yeah, all right.
261
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,960
What about this?
262
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,960
Looks a little bit like Dad.
263
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,960
I was very fond of Darryl, Garth.
264
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,960
But he was no angel.
265
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,960
Still deserves something more
than a jar on a shelf.
266
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,960
Yeah, course he does.
267
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,960
Ah.
268
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
Have a look at that.
269
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Yeah.
270
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
That is a shame.
271
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,960
No, it isn't.
272
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,960
I like it.
You think?
273
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,960
Yeah.
274
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,960
That explains the price.
275
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,000
I'll talk to the man.
276
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,960
Hello, you're through to Foxy.
277
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,960
What's eating you?
278
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,960
Hello.
279
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,320
You're through to Foxy.
What's eating you?
280
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,640
All right, Dor?
Yeah.
281
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,800
Ooh, got some smart kit in here.
282
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,960
I bet you're nervous though.
I'd be bricking it. Yeah.
283
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,960
I am a little. Could you come in for
a moment? I'm not sure I should.
284
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,000
No, I've seen The Graduate.
285
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,960
You can hardly
compare me with Mrs Robinson.
286
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,960
Course not, she was loads younger.
287
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,960
Oh, Travis.
288
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,960
So what it is you want?
289
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
Do you have any problems of a
personal, sexual nature?
290
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,960
What?
291
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960
No, I'm rehearsing for my programme.
292
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,800
Actually...there is this girl
I really like at school, Lotty.
293
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,960
No, pretend you're phoning up.
294
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,960
Really?
Yeah.
295
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960
Ring, ring.
296
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Ring, ring.
297
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,960
Aren't you gonna answer it?
298
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,960
Sorry.
299
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,960
Please hold,
your call is important to us.
300
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,960
Hello, you're through to Foxy.
301
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,960
What is eating you?
302
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
There's this girl
I really like at school.
303
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,960
She keeps blowing hot and cold.
I know the technique.
304
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,960
Some days she's really nice to me
and...
305
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,960
well, others she won't even lend me
her memory stick.
306
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Is that all?
307
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,960
No wonder my electric meter is going
round faster than Lewis Hamilton.
308
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,160
If I'd realised, I'd never have
agreed to this.
309
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,960
But this is my future. You can't
pull the plug now.
310
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,960
I wouldn't do that.
Just try and keep it clean, eh?
311
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,960
I'll do my best, but this is
Get-A-Life not The Jewish Chronicle.
312
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,960
And I'd like to know
what you are doing in here?
313
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,320
Dorien just wanted to know if I had
any problems of a sexual nature.
314
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,960
(GASPS) How dare you involve my baby
with your filth!
315
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,960
A word of advice, Tracey.
316
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,000
If you weren't so prudish,
317
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,960
maybe Travis
wouldn't be so repressed.
318
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,960
What?
319
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,960
I wouldn't say
that Travis is repressed.
320
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,960
I'd say he's a gentleman.
321
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,960
Not that you could
take any credit for that.
322
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,320
Are you talking to Darryl?
323
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,480
You talk to pizzas.
324
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,960
Where did you and Garthy get to?
325
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,960
He wanted someone to confide in.
326
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,960
Someone who appreciates just
how much he's missing his dad.
327
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,960
And as you don't seem to think...
I do actually.
328
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,960
You do?
Yeah.
329
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,960
You were right and I was wrong.
330
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,960
I'm sorry.
Why the sudden change of heart?
331
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,960
Barry was saying that when his dad
passed away, he was devastated.
332
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,640
Oh, I see.
333
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,800
So when I suggest
334
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,960
that Garth might need
some emotional support,
335
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,960
I'm an interfering, childless
old spinster.
336
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:09,960
But when Detective Sergeant Boyfriend
says exactly the same thing...
337
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,960
I thought you'd be pleased.
You have no idea, have you?
338
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,800
None at all.
339
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,960
Mum, Dorien is on in a minute!
340
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,960
Auntie Shal, it's about to start.
341
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,960
I don't want to watch it with her.
342
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,960
And I don't want
to watch it with you.
343
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Girls, please be quiet!
344
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,960
We're about to go live.
345
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,960
Three, two...
346
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960
one. You're on the air.
347
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
Hello, this is Foxy Cohen.
348
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:42,960
Welcome to the first-ever
Phone Foxy Webcast.
349
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,960
'I'm here to listen to your
problems,
350
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,000
no matter how personal or weird.
351
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,960
In fact, the weirder the better.'
352
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,320
Hello, Foxy,
353
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,960
Due to a family feud,
354
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,960
I'm forced to watch you in the bog.
355
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,960
Hello, you're through to Foxy.
356
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,960
What's eating you?
YOUNG WOMAN: 'Hello, Foxy.
357
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,160
I'm Lucy. Bit nervous.
First-time caller.'
358
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,960
I'm a bit nervous, too.
First-time agony aunt.
359
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,960
'The thing is,
360
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,960
I think my boyfriend is poking one
of my girlfriends.'
361
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,000
I assume
we're talking about Facebook?
362
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,160
'As Foxy sees it,
363
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,960
either you sit indoors feeling sorry
for yourself,
364
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,960
or you get out there and poke all
his friends.'
365
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,960
She's doing all right, isn't she?
366
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,960
'You're welcome, Lucy.
367
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,960
Now, let's go to another call.'
368
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,960
(MOUTHS)
369
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,960
But um...
370
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,960
(LAUGHS)
Before we take another caller...
371
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,960
um, I have a fascinating email here.
372
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,960
It's...it's from Doreen
of Chingford.
373
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
It says,
374
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,960
"Dear Foxy,
375
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,960
I'm an incredibly
well-preserved cougar,
376
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,480
sharing a house with two less
well-preserved sisters,
377
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,960
of whom I am quite fond.
378
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,960
But they have so many issues
and I don't know how to help them.
379
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,960
One sister, let's call her Karen,
is insecure,
380
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,960
chronically workshy
381
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,960
and addicted to junk food."
382
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,960
Probably not addicted.
383
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,960
Just likes junk food.
384
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960
And the other sister,
385
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
let's call her Stacey,
386
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,960
is clingy, uptight
387
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
and sexually repressed.
388
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,960
She probably just doesn't fling
herself
389
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
under every bloke who passes.
390
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,960
Dear Dorien,
391
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,960
there are some people
it is impossible to help.
392
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,960
And God knows, I've tried.
393
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,960
But Karen and Stacey
394
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,960
are so stubborn
395
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960
and pig-headed...
396
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,640
Hold on! She's talking about us!
Hold on! She's talking about us!
397
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,800
I mean, you could try
banging their skulls together,
398
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,960
but as they are both hollow...
How dare you!
399
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,960
What are you doing? Ladies, please.
Don't even think about it.
400
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,320
Do you reckon we should go up there?
What, and miss this?
401
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,960
What gives you the right
to wash our dirty linen in public?
402
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
In my house, using my electric.
403
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
Jeremy Kyle, eat your heart out.
404
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960
You've no idea, have you?
405
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,960
Because you are an only child.
406
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,960
Your mum took one look at you and
thought, I don't want any more.
407
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,960
You know that sisters always fight.
408
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,960
It doesn't mean anything, does it,
Trace? Course not, Shal.
409
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,960
You were right about Garthy.
410
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960
'And I was wrong about Barry.'
411
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,960
You go out with him if you want to.
I don't.
412
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,960
I told him I'm not ready.
Well,
413
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,960
I'd like to thank our guests
for exposing their issues tonight.
414
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,960
'And I'm glad
I was able to help them.'
415
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,960
'You did actually, Dor.'
416
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,960
But we must move on
because I can see
417
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,320
we've got dozens of calls waiting.
418
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,960
Trace, if you really don't want to go
out with Barry,
419
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,960
do you mind if I have a go?
420
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960
Get out.
421
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,960
Hello, you're through to Foxy.
What's eating you?
422
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,960
Come on, then, Trav.
Look, this is silly.
423
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,000
Where did you get
this blindfold from?
424
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,160
It's one of Dorien's.
425
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,320
Right, you can take it off now.
426
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,960
I haven't missed it, have I?
427
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,960
Only Get-A-Life so loved my debut,
428
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,160
they wouldn't stop
plying me with champagne.
429
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,320
If I never see another glass...
430
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,480
Ooh, lovely.
431
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,160
I really hope you like it, Mum.
Well, go on, Trace.
432
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,320
Do the honours.
433
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,320
Well? What do you think?
434
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,960
It's perfect.
435
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:47,960
(APPLAUSE)
436
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,000
(CHEERING)
437
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,320
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