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1
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.
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,480
You need to see a doctor.
No, I don't.
3
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,960
Cos they'll just say it's cancer
and I'd rather not know.
4
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:11,960
The mole's malignant.
5
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,960
I've gotta have a scan
to see if it's spread.
6
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,960
TRACEY: # What'll I do
7
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,960
# When you
8
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,960
# Are far away?
9
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,960
# And I
10
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,960
# Am blue
11
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,960
# What'll I do?
12
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,960
SHARON: # When I'm alone
13
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,960
# With only
14
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,960
# Dreams of you
15
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,960
# That won't
16
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,960
# Come true
17
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,960
BOTH: # What'll I do? #
18
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,960
They've got an absolutely beautiful
house waiting for me in New Zealand.
19
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,960
Gorgeous views, stunning landscape,
beach goes on forever.
20
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,960
Sounds like Clacton on a good day.
21
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,320
I would've liked to have spent
more time with you before leaving.
22
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,960
Strange that every time
I suggested a meeting
23
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,960
you were having coffee
with your publisher.
24
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,960
What can I say?
My publisher loves a skinny white.
25
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:13,960
We can still keep in touch. Oh.
26
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,160
Email, Skype.
27
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,960
Carrier pigeon,
smoke signals, semaphore.
28
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,960
(BANGING)
29
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,960
Just a moment.
30
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,960
Ow!
31
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,000
Been earwigging?
32
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,960
You shouldn't be carrying
that heavy basket.
33
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:32,960
Why? I haven't got cancer
of the arms.
34
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,000
You haven't got cancer
full stop, all right?
35
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,960
Your only medical experience
36
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,960
is a lifetime of conning
sick notes out of doctors.
37
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,960
I'll wait for the scan results
before I open the prosecco.
38
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,160
All I'm saying is
if the boys want clean clothes
39
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,960
for their music festival,
they can wash them themselves.
40
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:52,960
And which one of my boys
does this belong to?
41
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,960
This is your dirty washing.
I found it beside your bed.
42
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,960
That was a clean pile!
43
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,800
Look, I'll sort it later.
You should rest.
44
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,960
What's up, Mum. Not well?
45
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,960
No, I'm fine.
46
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,480
You know me, Travis.
Just like to pull my weight.
47
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,960
That's it,
make him really suspicious.
48
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,960
Listen, if anyone offers you drugs
at this music festival -
49
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,960
I know, I know.
50
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,960
Shop around, make sure
I get the best price.
51
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,960
All right? Ask Sharon.
52
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,800
She had her ear glued to the door
for most of the conversation.
53
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,960
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
54
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,960
When are you off to
New Zealand then, Naomi? Tomorrow.
55
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,960
Bet you're excited? Shall I
answer that one or do you want to?
56
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,960
(LAUGHS PATRONISINGLY)
57
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,960
It's a great opportunity.
Shame, though.
58
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,160
I mean, you've just
found each other and you're off
to the other side of the world.
59
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,960
Discover Dorien's your mum
and move to New Zealand?
60
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,960
I get that.
61
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,960
It's only for three years
and I'm sure I'll be back and forth.
62
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,640
On church business.
63
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,960
I hear the three of you
are off to a health spa.
64
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:11,640
Yeah, it was either that
or an all-you-can-drink mega
hen weekend in Shagaluf.
65
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,800
Obviously, I was outvoted.
66
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,960
Look, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to get going.
67
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,960
Oh, yeah!
68
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,160
You got your leaving do
in 45 minutes.
69
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,320
Possibly...?
70
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,960
Er, look, is it OK
if I quickly use your loo?
71
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,960
You take as long as you need, love.
72
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,960
You really have got a nerve.
73
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,960
Naomi and I were having
a very emotional conversation.
74
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,480
It didn't sound
very emotional to me.
75
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,960
Tracey got more upset
when Travis went up to big school.
76
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,960
Well, what do you expect?
77
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,960
She barges into my life,
lets me get to know her
78
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,960
and just as I become...
79
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,960
accustomed to her she disappears.
80
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,960
How dare she!
After all you haven't done for her.
81
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,960
Skipping breakfast?
82
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,960
I'm pre-loading.
83
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Once we get to that spa
I won't see a carb until Monday.
84
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,960
Is that all you're taking
to the music festival?
85
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,960
Yeah. It's three nights,
so I've got three T-shirts,
86
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,960
three pants, three socks.
87
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,160
Just gotta pick the bike up now.
88
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,800
Why do you have to go by motorbike?
Why couldn't you just hire a car?
89
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,960
They can't turn up in a Nissan Micra
like a couple of librarians.
90
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:41,640
That's right. We need to rock up
all badass and bandanas.
91
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,800
By the way,
you'll be pleased to know
92
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,960
I have sorted out what I'm doing
with the rest of my life.
93
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,960
Again?
94
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,160
Look, I've got this mate
who's in on the ground floor
95
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,320
of the next big thing
in takeaways, yeah?
96
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:53,960
So let me ask you a question -
97
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,960
what is the best
natural source of protein?
98
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
Oh, that's easy. It's - Dorien!
99
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,960
What?
100
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,960
It's insects.
101
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,480
Exactly!
102
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,960
Ants, locusts,
they're full of nutrition.
103
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,960
What, so you mean something like,
southern fried cockroaches?
104
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,960
Yeah! I thought your big plan
was to win Masterchef
105
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960
and open a string of restaurants?
106
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,960
Well, that's a bit of a long shot.
This idea's much more solid.
107
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,960
Well, of the two, Garth,
I'd say this is the one
108
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,960
that's a couple of beetles
short of a dung hill.
109
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,640
I don't think it's
going to work, love. Really?
110
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,640
Oh, well. Masterchef it is.
111
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:32,960
Come on then, bruv.
112
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,960
Bye, Mum. Look after yourself.
113
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,160
See you later, boys.
Stick together! Bye. Love ya.
114
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,320
(SIGHS)
115
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,960
I've just had this horrible vision.
116
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,800
What happens the next time someone
comes to Garthy with a mad idea
117
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,960
and I'm not here to put him straight?
118
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,960
But you will be here.
119
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,960
We don't know
what the scan's gonna say.
120
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,800
Look, stop all that
negativity stuff, Trace.
121
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,160
You're gonna be fine.
122
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,000
You can't live in denial. Yes, I can!
123
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,960
It's nice and it's sunny
and everyone's happy.
124
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
Move in!
125
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,960
What you looking at?
Pictures of New Zealand?
126
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,960
No. Clacton on a good day.
127
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
I've just found out
they don't sell booze at the bar.
128
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,960
They only sell spinach smoothies.
129
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,960
And you're not supposed
to be drinking fizzy drinks either.
130
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,960
It's diet.
It's still full of additives.
131
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,960
Not this one - it's full of vodka.
132
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
Work out what treatments
you're having.
133
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,960
(SIGHS)
134
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,960
Well, I know what I'm not having.
135
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,960
I'm not having any of that
colonic irrigation malarky.
136
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,960
If anyone comes within three foot of
my jacksy with a bit of garden hose
137
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,960
I'll have their arm off
at the elbow.
138
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:52,960
Right, I think I'll kick off
with a nice leg wax.
139
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,960
They don't need waxing,
they need mowing.
140
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
And what are you having done first?
141
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,000
Your face ironed?
142
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
Or your knockers pleated?
143
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,960
I have my own ways of staying
in shape, thank you, Sharon.
144
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,320
He looks right up your alley, Dor.
145
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,960
I think I know him.
146
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,960
I'm sure that's Roger Thornhill.
147
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,960
We had a three-day fling at a
golf resort just after my divorce.
148
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,960
Meant I was able to get two things
out of my system in one go -
149
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,320
Marcus and my ambition
to get a hole in one.
150
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,960
At least I think that's him.
151
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,960
He hardly looks a day older.
152
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,960
Excuse me, I need
to take a closer look.
153
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,960
Look at her.
154
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,960
Like a meat-seeking missile.
155
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,960
Shal...I need to talk to you
about my will.
156
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,960
Look, stop talking like
you're not going to be here.
157
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,320
It's tempting fate. No, it's not.
158
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,960
It's being practical.
159
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,480
No, it's weird
and I don't want to hear it.
160
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,480
I'd rather have my...
161
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,960
chakras realigned.
162
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,960
What are chakras? I don't know.
163
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,960
But I reckon you're bending mine
right out of shape.
164
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
I'm sorry but are you following me?
165
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960
It is Roger, isn't it?
166
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,960
Roger Thornhill? Yes.
167
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,960
Dorien. Dorien Green.
168
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,640
I'm sorry.
The golf resort at Marbella.
169
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,960
The bunker.
170
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,320
All those jokes about you
swinging to the right?
171
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,960
I'm terribly sorry.
172
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,960
Honestly, I think you've got
the wrong man.
173
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,960
I don't think so.
174
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,160
How many Roger Thornhill's
who look exactly like you
are there in the world?
175
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,960
Just the two.
176
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,960
Me and my dad.
177
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,960
That was fantastic.
178
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,960
Proper seat of the pants stuff.
179
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,960
It wasn't fantastic
in the seat of my pants.
180
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,960
Well, the...
The brakes just need tweaking.
181
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,000
Don't worry.
182
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,960
Greasy Steve taught me everything
you need to know about bikes.
183
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,960
Greasy Steve?
He's a mechanic, right?
184
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,960
Not just some random bloke
who don't wash?
185
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,960
He's a bit of both actually.
186
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,640
Oh, that's a bit firm, love.
187
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,800
You're gonna have my roots out!
188
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,960
Oh-oh!
189
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,960
What you doing? Where's my masseuse?
190
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,960
Having an early tea break.
191
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,960
I told her we need to have
a little chat.
192
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,640
(STRAINS) You're hurting me!
193
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,960
Well, then, stop struggling
and listen.
194
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,960
(SIGHS)
195
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,960
I've decided that if anything happens
to me I'm leaving the house to you.
196
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,960
Me?! Well, I can't leave it
to the boys, can I?
197
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,960
Garthy will sell his half
for a handful of magic beans,
198
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,000
or set up a restaurant that serves
50 different types of bat.
199
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,960
But I'm not cut out
for home ownership, Trace.
200
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,640
Remember that time I had a go
on Travis' Sims game?
201
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,960
I burnt my house down.
202
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,960
That was just a silly game.
203
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,960
Life's a silly game,
as far as I'm concerned.
204
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,320
And I'm crap at it. Well, then,
you better get better at it.
205
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,960
Look, my life insurance
will pay off the debts,
206
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,640
but we've still got
the running costs -
207
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,960
gas, electricity,
water rates, council tax.
208
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,960
And Travis' Uni won't be cheap.
209
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,960
But I was looking forward
to my retirement.
210
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,960
You're 54!
211
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,640
50's the new 60.
212
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,960
No, 50's the new 40
so you've got 20 years of graft
213
00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,960
before you can get your free bus
pass and your hair done half price.
214
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,960
Good. Now, I'm glad
we've had this little chat.
215
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960
I'll call your girl back in.
Enjoy the rest of your massage.
216
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,960
Ah!
217
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,160
.
218
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,320
.
219
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,640
If Tracey thinks Garth's immature,
wait till I'm in charge.
220
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,800
I keep getting
this picture in my head
221
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:35,640
of Travis eating raw potatoes
in the smoking ruins of the house.
222
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,960
Wearing nothing but World of Quid
carrier bags for clothes.
223
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,480
Sharon. Breathe.
224
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,960
Will it stop me panicking?
No, but it'll stop you talking.
225
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,960
Look, I need help!
226
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,960
I can't be without Tracey.
227
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,320
I've always banked on
me going first.
228
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,960
You know, get to 70 odd and then
having a few too many one night,
229
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,960
and driving my mobility scooter
under a bus.
230
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,960
Well, stop counting the trip
to the kebab shop as a work out
231
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,960
and you won't need
a mobility scooter.
232
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,000
I'm having a mobility scooter!
233
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,960
No, it's no good.
I'm just gonna have to tell Tracey
234
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,960
I can't do what she wants. No!
235
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,960
You should be pleased
she's got so much faith in you.
236
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,960
Come on, Sharon. You can do it!
237
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,320
And you'd be there to help me...
238
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,480
Wouldn't you, Dor?
239
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,960
You and me without Tracey?
240
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,960
It'd be like 'The Lion, the Witch
and the Wardrobe' without the lion.
241
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,960
Are you're implying
that I'm the witch?
242
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,960
Which leaves me as the wardrobe,
so you got off lightly.
243
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,960
Oh, of course I wouldn't desert you.
244
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,960
I've learned recently
just what abandonment feels like.
245
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,960
There's that Roger.
246
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,960
Well, what happened between you two?
247
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,960
Let's just say we have
unfinished business.
248
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,960
So why don't you finish it then?
249
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,960
You know what, I think I will.
250
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,640
After all this is a spa,
251
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,960
and it is my preferred form
of exercise.
252
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,960
I'll get them to put an oxygen
bottle on ice just in case!
253
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,960
Roger, could I have a word?
Certainly.
254
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,000
I won't beat around the bush.
255
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,960
There have been many, many
erotic milestones in my life
256
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,960
but one opportunity that has
never presented itself, until now,
257
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,960
is a chance to experience
both father...and son.
258
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,960
Goodness. Is that,
"Goodness, out of the question!"
259
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,960
Or..."Goodness, how exciting!"
260
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,960
Well, it's, erm...
It's, it's, it's, erm...
261
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,960
Where could we...?
I think this treatment room's free.
262
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,960
I just hope I can keep
the family end up.
263
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,960
Thank you. I think this
is going to be good for me.
264
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,960
Oh, this is gonna be
much better than good.
265
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,960
I meant as a chance for me to step
out from under my father's shadow.
266
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,000
Oh, don't worry.
267
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,960
From what I remember,
it wasn't a very long one.
268
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,160
He was a very difficult man.
269
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:30,960
I barely saw him. He sent me away
to boarding school when I was seven.
270
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,960
Never showed any affection.
271
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,960
Do you know,
I used to pretend I was adopted.
272
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,960
I couldn't see how a real parent
could treat you like that.
273
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,960
Well, of course you couldn't!
274
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,960
Like all children you were
completely selfcentred!
275
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,960
Did you never consider how he felt?
276
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,960
You're all the same!
277
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,960
You selfish, selfpitying,
snivelling offspring!
278
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,960
And it's time she was told!
279
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,960
Who? What?
280
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Was that some sort of foreplay?
281
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,960
Blimey. That was quick.
282
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,960
The oxygen ain't arrived yet.
283
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,960
Yes, well I've got more pressing
matters to attend to. Really?
284
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,960
I won't get any peace
till I have things out with Naomi.
285
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,960
About time. You better hurry up,
she's leaving tonight.
286
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,960
Yes, I know that, Tracey.
287
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,960
And you can't afford
to wait for her to come back.
288
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
You're already very, very old.
289
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,960
Will you be OK
while I'm gone, Tracey?
290
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,960
Course she will. I'm here.
291
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
That's why I'm checking!
292
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,960
I'll be fine.
Go, and be back for dinner.
293
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,960
And if you ain't,
can I have your pudding?
294
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,000
Right. Finished. Let's get going.
295
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,960
Mate, you ain't put this bit back.
296
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,960
Is it important?
297
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,960
Nah. Come on.
298
00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,960
Where've you been?
299
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,960
I've had an Indian head massage
and two hours in a flotation tank.
300
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,960
You had a fight? Nearly.
301
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:10,320
I had my eyebrow threaded by that
little blonde beauty therapist.
302
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,960
You know, the one that looks like
butter wouldn't melt.
303
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,960
Vicious cow.
304
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,960
I'll go back later. Get someone
who didn't train at Guantanamo Bay.
305
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,960
You know what you were
saying earlier?
306
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,960
I will step up, you know?
307
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,960
I know you will.
308
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,960
Good afternoon, ladies.
309
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,960
I got these for your friend Dorien.
310
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,960
She and I had a...
311
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,960
That is...
312
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,960
Well, I'm not sure
what happened actually.
313
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,960
Is she around? She had to go home,
but she'll be back later.
314
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,960
Right. Well, I hope she doesn't
get caught up in all the mayhem.
315
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,960
There's been a big pile up
on the M4.
316
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,640
Lorry collided with a motorbike.
317
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,960
Well, tell Dorien
I'll have her tomorrow.
318
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,960
Have...dinner...with her tomorrow.
319
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,320
Bye. Bye.
320
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,960
The boys were on the M4.
(PHONE DIALS)
321
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,320
There's loads of motorbikes
on the M4, Trace.
322
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,480
Then why isn't Garthy answering?
(SIGHS)
323
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,640
Cos they've probably gone to
the festival, taken loads of drugs
324
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,960
and they're off their faces.
325
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,160
It's not a comfort, is it?
326
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,480
Travis ain't answering either.
Look, I need to go home.
327
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,960
Tracey, calm down!
328
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,960
Well, if the police come
I need to be there!
329
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,960
OK. You've got me here.
330
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,960
Fire away.
331
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,960
I am seething.
332
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,480
Oh, dear. Bad hair day?
333
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,320
It's you I am furious with!
334
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,960
You breeze into my life.
335
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,960
You stir up...feelings.
336
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,960
Then you disappear
as fast as you came.
337
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,960
You're abandoning me!
338
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,960
I'm abandoning you?
You abandoned me!
339
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,960
And this is your revenge.
340
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,960
Why did you contact me when you knew
you were going to New Zealand?
341
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,960
I wasn't offered the job
until after I found out about you.
342
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,960
What was I supposed to do?
343
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,640
Turn it down in case the woman
who gave me up at birth,
344
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,160
and hasn't made the slightest
attempt to find me in 50 years,
345
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,960
shows me a smidgen
of maternal affection?
346
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,960
Oh, that's not fair!
347
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,960
I've signed every text to you
with "warmest regards."
348
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,960
I'm not a gushing person.
349
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,320
Since I told you I was going,
350
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,480
you haven't once said
that you'll miss me.
351
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,640
Not even in one of your texts.
352
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,320
You still can't say it.
353
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,160
I'm going to have to go.
I don't want to miss my flight.
354
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,320
It might be quite nice if you did.
355
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,320
That's lovely to know...
356
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,960
..but I've got
an important job to get to.
357
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
I will call you.
358
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,960
Well, that's the last time
I play the caring mother.
359
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,960
What are you doing back?
Have the police been in touch?
360
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,960
No. What have you done now?
361
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,960
The boys have been involved
in a pile up on the motorway. What?!
362
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,960
We don't know that yet, Trace.
Let's put the news on.
363
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,960
Sometimes they give
an emergency number.
364
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,640
REPORTER: "Reports are
still coming in concerning a
major traffic incident on the M4
365
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,160
after a collision between
a lorry and a motorbike." (SIGHS)
366
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,960
"It is understood that several cars
and other vehicles were involved."
367
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,960
(DOOR OPENS) "All three
westbound lanes are closed
and diversions are in place.
368
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,960
There are no reports
of casualties as yet - " Mum.
369
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,960
Shh!
370
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,960
(REPORTER CONTINUES)
371
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,960
Why aren't you at the spa?
372
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,960
Oh, my god! Thank God you're safe!
373
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960
We've been ringing you.
374
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,960
Why didn't you answer
your bloody phones!
375
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,960
The bike broke down
in the middle of nowhere.
376
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,960
It took me five hours
to get it fixed.
377
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,960
Then there was a big pile up
on the motorway.
378
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960
BOTH: Yeah! We know!
379
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,960
Anyway, we've only come back
to have a wash.
380
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,960
Soon as the roads are clear
we're off.
381
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,000
I'm sticking a jumper on.
It's too cold on that bike.
382
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,160
Oh, my God.
You are such a librarian!
383
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
Kids. Who'd have them?
384
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
(PHONE RINGS) I'll get it.
385
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,960
Hello.
386
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,960
Yeah, hang on.
387
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,960
It's the hospital for you.
388
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,160
(SIGHS)
389
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,960
Hello.
390
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,960
This is Tracey Stubbs.
391
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,960
I see. Thank you.
392
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,960
My scan's all clear. (BOTH GASP)
393
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,960
Oh! (SOBS)
394
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,800
Oh-oh-oh!
395
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,960
(TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
TRAVIS: Can you stick the
kettle on, Mum? I'm gasping!
396
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,960
GARTH: I could murder a
bacon sarnie? TRAVIS: I want one.
Brown sauce in mine!
397
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,960
GARTH: Can you stick
a fried egg in mine?
398
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,000
Looks like everything's
back to normal then.
399
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,960
(SIGHS)
400
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,960
Or...
401
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,960
Do you fancy it, Thelma?
402
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,960
Let's do it, Louise! Yes!
403
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960
I thought we'd be going
a bit faster than this, Trace.
404
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,960
You reckon you could do any better?
405
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,960
At this rate an OAP on a push bike
could keep up with us!
406
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,640
You're not going anywhere
without me!
407
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:47,960
(LAUGHS)
408
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,960
subtitles by Deluxe
409
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,960
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