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1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:09,480
# What'll I do when you are far away
2
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,640
# And I am blue?
3
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,320
# What'll I do?
4
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:25,640
# When I'm alone
with only dreams of you
5
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,960
# That won't come true
6
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:33,960
# What'll I do? #
7
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,480
Put some elbow grease into it,
Travis.
8
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,640
And is that banner ready yet?
Oh.
9
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,960
I'm er...I'm doing it right now.
Let's have a look.
10
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,960
Nearly there.
11
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,960
You had one job, Garth.
12
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,960
Oh, what?
I could go and get another one.
13
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,960
No, it's too late now. She'll be
home tomorrow. Just take it down.
14
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,960
And get on with the ironing!
15
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Yeah, all right, all right!
16
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,960
Oi! Attitude!
17
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,960
Your mum's doing time for you.
18
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:14,960
The least she can expect when she
comes home is some freshly ironed
clothes.
19
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,960
Instead of those filthy prison rags
they made her wear.
20
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:21,960
I thought they wore their own
clothes. I won't tell you again,
Garth.
21
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,960
Well done, Travis. Keep this up,
you can get a job at Downton Abbey.
22
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,160
What are these for?
They're sugar tongs.
23
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,960
Be careful with those.
They're an heirloom.
24
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,960
Your dad nicked 'em from
a silversmith's in Kings Lynn.
25
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,960
But doesn't the sugar
sort of fall out?
26
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,480
Lump...sugar...Travis.
27
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,320
I bet Maggie Smith
never has to put up with this.
28
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,960
Can't believe Mum's back tomorrow.
This last month's felt like a year.
29
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,960
When she gets home,
we'll spoil her rotten, yeah?
30
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,960
I'm gonna keep you to that.
31
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,960
Tracey! What a lovely surprise!
32
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,960
Oh, Mum!
Tracey!
33
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,960
Have you escaped?
34
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,960
How thrilling!
35
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,960
Did you get time off for good
behaviour? I always knew
I was coming out today.
36
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,960
I just told you it was tomorrow cos
I didn't want a big fuss at
the prison gates.
37
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,160
Had enough of that with your dad.
Thank God you're home, Mum.
38
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,960
It hasn't been the same with
Aunty Shar in charge.
39
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,320
Well, someone had to be in control.
40
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,960
So I rose to the occasion.
Didn't I, boys?
41
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,160
Yeah. You could say that.
42
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,000
Well, while you're rising to the
occasion, any chance of a cuppa?
43
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,960
Course. Travis? Kettle.
44
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:37,960
Forget the tea. I brought a magnum
of vintage champagne to celebrate.
45
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,000
Huh!
Has your book started selling again?
46
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,960
Not really.
But there's more than one way
47
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,000
a woman of the world can generate
a little extra income.
48
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,960
Don't even go there.
49
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,960
Garth, would you?
Only if he was desperate (!)
50
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,960
I'll get the champagne glasses.
Where are they, Mum?
51
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
Top cupboard, left hand side.
Er, no.
52
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,960
Top cupboard, right hand side.
What?
53
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,960
I've done a bit of re-organising.
54
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:09,160
Why? Because the stuff you use the
most should be in the most
convenient cupboard.
55
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,960
It's all in the Bible. You haven't
found God while I've been inside?
56
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,480
No! No, this bible.
57
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:20,960
Kitchen Commando...
by Jed Q Kowalski.
58
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,960
'All the secrets
of a professional kitchen
59
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,960
in one handy package.'
Bit like me, really.
60
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Right. To Tracey.
61
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,960
To Tracey. Mum.
To me! Welcome home!
62
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,000
And to me.
63
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:40,000
The new kitchen supervisor
of Broad Park Secondary.
64
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,960
You got the kitchen supervisor job?
Why didn't you say?
65
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,960
Didn't wanna count my chickens.
66
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,480
No, that'd be my job.
We got through 37 last week.
67
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,640
You're working with Shar
in the kitchen?
68
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,960
Why didn't you say?
He's on trial.
69
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,960
I can't get my head around
all these changes.
70
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,960
So. How was porridge, as they say?
71
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,960
They don't. Look, I don't wanna talk
about it. It's all history.
72
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,960
I'm moving forward now.
I'm gonna go out there,
I'm gonna get myself a job
73
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,960
and I'm gonna earn a few bob...
cos God knows we need it!
74
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,960
You could get a job
in the school canteen.
75
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
There's always loads of vacancies.
76
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,960
We have a very high turnover,
for some reason.
77
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,480
I'm setting my sights
higher than that.
78
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,800
Which is why
I did a carpentry course.
79
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,960
What do you reckon?
80
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,960
Without wishing
to state the obvious... Look.
81
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,960
I know it's only got two legs.
I didn't have time to
finish the course.
82
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,320
Next time, I'll try and get
a longer sentence, eh (?)
83
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,320
That's a load of cobblers, Garthy.
84
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,960
Well, plum cobbler's
their favourite pudding.
85
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,960
We can't afford plums.
What about erm...
86
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,320
..plum tomato cobbler?
87
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
It's not really the same thing,
is it?
88
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,960
Then you shouldn't have gone
overbudget on buying luxury
ingredients.
89
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,960
Eggs are not a luxury.
90
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,160
They are for these kids.
91
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:06,160
Look. You're spoiling them
for when they leave here
92
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,960
and have to exist
on burgers and benefits.
93
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,960
Conrad!
I didn't know it was hot.
94
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,960
Don't you have hot food in Romania?
95
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,960
Not often.
96
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,480
That is why I came to Britain.
97
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,960
Well, just clean it up, will you?
98
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,960
Look. These things happen in
kitchens, Aunty Shar.
99
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,960
Mrs Theodopolopodous.
100
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,960
Not in mine.
101
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,960
Excuse me, Mrs Theo...Theo...
102
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,960
Do...po...
Look, I've told you before, Cecily.
103
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,960
Just call me Mrs T. What is it?
104
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,960
They've sent a replacement
for Bella. Which one's Bella?
105
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,960
The one who had a nervous breakdown.
Oh. Lightweight! Right.
106
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,320
Direct her to my
executive office suite.
107
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:02,960
Right. I wonder what pathetic
no-hoper I'm gonna have to
whip into shape this time.
108
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,320
Hello, Shar.
109
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,960
Trace! That's a nice surprise.
110
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,960
I ain't got time to talk. I've gotta
interview some loser from
the knob centre.
111
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,960
That'll be me.
112
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,960
You're kidding.
113
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,000
I thought you were gonna
set your sights higher.
114
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,960
I was. I told 'em I was looking for
something in bespoke cabinet-making.
115
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,640
Did you show 'em your stool sample?
116
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,320
They weren't that impressed.
117
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,000
They said this is the only job on
offer. Take it or leave it.
118
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,960
Well, then, I am pleased
to offer you the position.
119
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,960
(SIGHS)
Come on, Trace.
120
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
It won't be that bad.
You might like it.
121
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,960
Mrs T?
I'm in conference!
122
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,960
They call you Mrs T?
Huh! I can see why (!)
123
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:56,160
(CHUCKLES) You think you're such
a big man, don't you, cowboy?
124
00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,960
Well, I know what you've got in your
hand and it doesn't scare Foxy.
125
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Call that a pair?
126
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,960
(CHUCKLES)
DO you wanna see a pair?
127
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,640
I'll show you a pair.
128
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,960
I don't mind you shouting at me,
but I ain't having you having
a go at my Garthy.
129
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,960
Look, it ain't personal, Trace.
130
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,960
Anyway, he should be used to it.
131
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,960
He did work experience
for Gordon Ramsay.
132
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,960
Mum! What is it? I think I know how
Dorien paid for the champagne.
133
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,960
How?
She's selling phone sex.
134
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:40,480
If you wanna see what I've got, it's
gonna cost you a lot more than that.
135
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,960
Travis? Go to your room.
136
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,960
What are you doing, you trollop?!
Tracey, please!
137
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,960
You'll interrupt
a sensitive transaction.
138
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,160
I'll bet it's sensitive!
You filthy animal!
139
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,960
(SIGHS)
She's playing poker, Trace.
140
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,480
What? I was just about to take those
guys for the thick end of two grand!
141
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,960
It'll be your fault if
I can't pay my rent this month.
142
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
Go! I think I'm on a roll here.
Hold on.
143
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,160
If you're on such a roll, how come
you can't afford to pay your bills?
144
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,960
Oh, you don't understand.
Oh, I do understand.
145
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,960
I was married to
a compulsive gambler.
146
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,480
Well, I'm not compulsive. I can stop
at any time. What are you doing?
147
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,640
Buying some more poker chips.
148
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,960
Is that one of them
new titanium cards?
149
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,960
I've never seen one of those.
Hardly surprising.
150
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,480
May I?
151
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,000
Hold her, Trace.
Travis?!
152
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,960
Done it.
Get off, Tracey! Come here, you!
153
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,960
I couldn't hold her. She's like
a wild cat. What are you doing?
154
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,960
What's it look like?
How dare you?!
155
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,320
It doesn't matter anyway.
Cos I've got online credit.
156
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,960
Not any more. Travis
just froze your account. What?!
157
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,480
How?
Told 'em you'd died.
158
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,480
I thought we were friends, Travis.
159
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,960
Look. It's for your own good, Dor.
Exactly.
160
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,960
We were saving you from yourself.
161
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,320
It's called tough love.
Yeah, well...
162
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,960
Now I'm £5,000 out of pocket!
163
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,960
How much?!
All right. 10,000.
164
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,640
Oh, my God!
What am I gonna do?! All right.
165
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,960
Just calm down, will you?
Let me think. Let me think.
166
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,960
Right. I know this is crazy,
but just bear with me.
167
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,960
I think I know what you can do, Dor.
What?
168
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,000
Get a job (!)
169
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,800
Come on, Dor. You ain't helping.
Well, this is very difficult for me.
170
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,960
I've never had to write a CV before.
171
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,960
If you're not even prepared to
commit to a date of birth...
All right!
172
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,960
May the 7th 19...
173
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,960
19...
1919?
174
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,800
That makes you 95.
You're wearing well (!) All right!
175
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,480
1958.
176
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,960
So you were seven
when your daughter was born (!)
177
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,000
Does it really matter, Travis?
178
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,960
How's your CV going?
Oh! A work of fiction (!)
179
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,320
Doesn't matter now.
We've found you the perfect job.
180
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,960
In the fashion industry.
They want someone who's chic,
intelligent, young.
181
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,960
Two out of three ain't bad (!)
182
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,640
Oh.
My, we're eager (!)
183
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,960
Oh. Actually, you've got
some quite nice things in here.
184
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,960
Of course.
We have a very exclusive clientele.
185
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,960
Ladies who can't bear to wear the
same designer item twice.
186
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,640
Oh, quite, quite.
187
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,960
Does anything catch your eye?
There was something in the window.
188
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,960
The Chanel handbag.
The Armani jerkin?
189
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,960
No. The job vacancy.
190
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,960
You'll need to speak to the owner.
191
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,960
Mrs Fishman?
192
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,960
(GROWLS) Melanie!
193
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,960
This lady's interested in the job.
194
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,960
Is she now?
195
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,160
Well, well, well.
196
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,320
Dorien Green.
197
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,960
'How the mighty have fallen.'
198
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,640
What's this?
It's the tailfin off Apollo 13!
199
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,160
What do you think it is?
(CACKLES)
200
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,960
I know what it isn't. Clean!
201
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,960
It's still greasy. See?
That was your finger.
202
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,960
My hands are spotless!
Well, of course they are.
203
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,960
You don't do any bloody work!
204
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,960
Do you want Health & Safety
down here? Just wash it again.
205
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,960
Do you want a fat lip?!
206
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,800
Threatening the management, eh?
207
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,960
That's a first written warning!
208
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,960
Cecily? What are you doing?
209
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,960
Scraping, Mrs T.
210
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,960
Scraping what?
211
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,960
That bin is for vegetable waste.
212
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,960
This bin is for meat waste.
You're mixing 'em up, woman!
213
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,960
But Chef made
meat and vegetable pie.
214
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,000
What am I supposed to do?
215
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960
Separate them.
216
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,960
Come on, Aunty Shar.
217
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,960
This is all your fault, Chef.
We wouldn't have
218
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,960
all this waste if the kids
liked your poncey food.
219
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:40,960
Organic meat in wholemeal pastry
is not exactly poncey.
220
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
Around here, cutlery is poncey!
221
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,960
So. A little less chatting
and a bit more chopping.
222
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,640
Don't you have a go at my Garthy.
Everyone can see he's overworked.
223
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,480
Yeah, that's right. If I had
a sous chef to do the prep... Ha!
224
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,640
A sous chef?!
225
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,800
It's a school kitchen!
226
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,640
Not Heston Blumen-bleeding-thal's (!)
227
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:08,960
And, according to this, I have
exactly the right amount of staff.
228
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:13,960
Well, maybe your Jed Q Kowalski
ain't afraid to get his
hands dirty (!)
229
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,960
I'll do your prepping for you, love.
Oh, would you, Mum?
230
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,960
I did time for you.
This is chicken feed.
231
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,960
Er...excuse me.
232
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,960
I decide who does what in my kitchen.
233
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,160
Besides...you're not qualified
to be a sous chef.
234
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,960
You're a plonker.
235
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,960
What did you call me?
236
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,960
A plonker is a technical term
for a washer-upper.
237
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,960
Actually...it's plongeur.
238
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,960
All right.
239
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
You're a...a plongeur.
240
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,960
And a rubbish one, at that!
241
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,960
You can't talk to my mum like that!
242
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,160
Oh, yes, I can. It's my kitchen.
243
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:01,960
And you're the chef and she's a
probationary plongeur...on a warning!
244
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,960
And if you don't like it,
then you know what you can do.
245
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,960
Yes. He can sue you.
246
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,960
What do you know?
You're from Romania.
247
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,960
Where I was a human rights lawyer.
248
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,640
Sue her...eh?
Yes.
249
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,960
You have certain inalienable rights
under the European Convention.
250
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,960
We could take this all the way.
251
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,960
I dunno if we've got time
for all that.
252
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,960
Oh, don't worry about that, Garthy.
253
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,960
You've got plenty of time.
254
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,320
You're fired!
You can't fire him!
255
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:43,640
You ain't Alan Sugar. It's
my kitchen. I'll do what I want!
256
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,960
Well, maybe.
But I don't have to put up with it.
257
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,960
Ow! Oh!
258
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960
Second written warning!
Right. That's it!
259
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,960
Everybody out! Come on.
260
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,800
Out we go. But...
Down tools, all of you! Come on!
261
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:06,960
This design really shows off
the slimmer silhouette, madame.
262
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,960
It's perfect.
263
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,480
I'll take it.
264
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,960
You've a real flair for this work,
haven't you?
265
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,960
Do you think so, Melanie?
266
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,960
I'm so glad the fates have
thrown us back together again.
267
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
It gives us a chance to...
268
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,800
reboot our relationship,
so to speak.
269
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,960
Why did we ever become
such bad friends?
270
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
You really don't remember?
271
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,960
I've led a very full life
since school.
272
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,640
So you admit it was school.
I have a vague recollection.
273
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,960
It's seared on my psyche!
274
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
It was the day we started
at King Solomon Grammar.
275
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,960
You were the only girl I knew
from primary school.
276
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,960
We were supposed to be
bosom buddies.
277
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,960
We were. Although,
you didn't actually have a bosom.
278
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,960
Unlike me.
279
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,960
Then why did you humiliate me
in front of the whole class?
280
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,960
Moi?
My father was not a wealthy man.
281
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,960
He couldn't afford the uniform, the
hockey sticks, the tennis racquet.
282
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,960
It's coming back to me now.
283
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,960
So my mother bought me a...
284
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
slightly...
285
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,960
pre-owned...blazer.
286
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,480
That's right.
And Daddy altered it.
287
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,960
And it was a perfect fit.
288
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,960
Except... Except,
it buttoned up the wrong way.
289
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,960
Because it was a...
second-hand boy's blazer.
290
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,960
And who drew attention to the fact?
291
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,960
Who tore it off my back?!
292
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,960
Who showed all the other girls
that the name tag...
293
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,960
..said Norman Critchler?!
294
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,960
Dorien, what can I say?
295
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,640
I was young, I was insensitive.
296
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,960
Perhaps my breasts
had gone to my head.
297
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:59,960
You can't imagine that I could do
something like that to you today.
298
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,960
I suppose not.
299
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,960
Everything all right here?
Yes, Officer.
300
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,960
We were just reminiscing about
our school days.
301
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,960
Weren't we, Dorien?
302
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,960
Happiest days of your life.
303
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,960
(COUGHS)
304
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Aagh!
305
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,160
(COUGHS)
306
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,960
Aagh!
307
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,000
All right. All right.
308
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,960
No hard feelings. A joke's a joke.
But...
309
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,960
We do have 300 hungry kids to feed.
310
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,960
And you know what they're like
if they don't get their E numbers.
311
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,960
So this is what I'm prepared to do.
312
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,960
I am rescinding all written warnings.
313
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,960
So now,
you're just on verbal warnings.
314
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:28,000
Except you, Trace. You were already
on a second written warning.
315
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,960
So I can only reduce that to
a first written warning.
316
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,960
You're about as good at apologising
as Vladimir Putin (!)
317
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,320
Well...what do you want me to say?
318
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,960
I'm not cut out to be a manager.
319
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,960
ALL: Exactly!
That's all we wanted to hear.
320
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,960
So are you gonna come back to work?
321
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,160
On two conditions. Number one,
you hire another plonker.
322
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960
Done.
And number two,
323
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
you bin that stupid book.
324
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,000
Must I?
325
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:08,800
Mrs T?
What now?
326
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,960
That's organic recycling.
327
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,960
You're supposed to put it
in the paper recycling (!)
328
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,960
First written warning (!)
329
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,960
Come on, you lot. Everyone back.
330
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,960
As I always say,
331
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,960
one woman's failed diet is
another woman's designer bargain.
332
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,960
I'm quite enjoying this.
333
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,960
So how come I didn't know you were
in the second-hand schmutter game?
334
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,960
It's only been a year.
I needed a hobby.
335
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,960
One can only take so many
once in a lifetime holidays (!)
336
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,960
(LAUGHTER)
337
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,960
That is so witty.
Oh, my goodness.
338
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,000
It nearly slipped my mind.
339
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,960
While you were at lunch, someone
brought in the most fabulous
Zefferini blazer.
340
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,960
It would be...perfect on you.
341
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,960
Stephanie?
342
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,960
It's a little big.
But it's hardly been worn.
343
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,960
And it can always be taken in.
344
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,960
I don't think so.
I don't do second-hand.
345
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:17,320
You did once.
And, if my eyes don't deceive me,
346
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,960
this is a boy's blazer too.
347
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,160
That is so funny. Because...
348
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,960
There was this impoverished girl
at my father's school.
349
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,960
And she turned up one day
in a second-hand boy's blazer.
350
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,960
And it turned out it was his.
351
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,320
He was Norman Critchler?!
352
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,960
What an amusing coincidence.
353
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,960
That's coming out of your wages.
354
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,960
Work here?
355
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,960
I'd rather scrub floors!
356
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,800
Mm! Magnifique.
357
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,960
Everybody? (BANGS ON TABLE)
Everybody.
358
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,640
I just wanted to say...
359
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,960
..how happy I am that we were able
to air our little differences.
360
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,960
And to come to a compromise.
361
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,960
You conceded all our demands.
362
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,960
Which turned out very well,
I'm sure you'll agree.
363
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,960
Especially as I've been able
to find room in the budget
364
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,160
for another plongeur.
365
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,800
Everything all right down there, Dor?
366
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,960
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