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1
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,309
It's from me dad.
2
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,390
He's asking if it's all
right for him to join us.
3
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:47,638
You can tell that ignorant,
selfish, inconsiderate savage
4
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,153
you call a father
5
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:54,314
if he comes within 20 feet of me
or our children, I will call the police.
6
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,278
So, is that a yes or a no?
7
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,073
Why don't you have a paddle, Jodie?
8
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,269
I don't want to.
9
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,555
'Course she don't want to,
she's been traumatised.
10
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,239
The more we keep going on about this,
11
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,436
the more frightened she's
gonna be of going in the pool.
12
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,556
Our only daughter is frightened
of going in the pool
13
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,153
for one reason and one reason only.
14
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:24,912
Oh, give it a rest.
15
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,672
Give it a rest? He tried to drown her!
16
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,354
Oh, as if he'd try and drown
his own granddaughter!
17
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,429
He just...
18
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,509
Shoved her in.
19
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,669
Oh, well, then!
20
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,957
How many times? It was just
a slightly misjudged bit of fun.
21
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,635
Really? Well, I wonder what other
sort of fun he's got in store for us?
22
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,271
Anthrax in our dinner,
man traps in the bedroom?
23
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,351
You want your grand-dad to sit
with us, don't you, Jodie?
24
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,794
Look, it's not funny!
25
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,110
We can't spend the rest of our
holiday ignoring me own father,
26
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,475
he may as well not have come.
27
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,279
Well, at last we agree on something.
28
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,679
Oh, I give up!
29
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,757
- Where are you going?
- What have I done?
30
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,353
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean that, I just meant...
31
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,670
I'm off to sit somewhere I can
read me book in peace.
32
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,354
And don't worry. If me grand-dad
attacks me with a sunbed,
33
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:04,793
I'll shout for back-up.
34
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,592
Oh, Les, you have no idea how good
it feels to be back in Benidorm.
35
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,115
So, Madrid isn't all
it's cracked up to be?
36
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,398
Oh, Madrid is beautiful.
And the hotel I work in was amazing.
37
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,754
It is having five stars.
38
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,473
Five-star hotel?
39
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,917
Yes, the staff and the guests were
very, how you say, sophisticate,
40
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,470
but, there was always
something missing...
41
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:44,475
The energy, the excitement,
the honesty that is Benidorm.
42
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,832
The women wouldn't sleep
with you, would they?
43
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:48,588
Not one.
44
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,791
Can you tell me what whiskies you have?
45
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,199
Yeah, that one.
46
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,112
So, you're back in Benidorm.
Young, free, and single.
47
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,349
I am, how you say, giving
the ladies a large girth.
48
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,870
I think what you mean
is a wide berth. Very wise.
49
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,554
Yes. Women, they have
brought me nothing but trouble.
50
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,791
Now is the time to work hard,
and save money for my future.
51
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,111
Dios mio...
52
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,072
Mira esta!
53
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,708
Yeah, I'll have a large portion of that.
54
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:20,909
Me, too!
55
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,149
Good morning, team.
56
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,516
I'm pleased to inform you after
a successful trial yesterday,
57
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:29,309
Amber starts with us today
on a full-time basis.
58
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,549
Les, you already know...
59
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:31,709
Well done, pet!
60
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,268
This is Mateo.
61
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,517
Quite harmless, but if you have
to touch him, for any reason,
62
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,434
there is an antibacterial hand
wash under the bar.
63
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,708
Hasta luego.
64
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,159
Excuse me.
65
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,591
I have been waiting
for ten minutes for a large whisky.
66
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:55,518
But of course. How else would one ease
oneself into the day at... 10:35?
67
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,189
Mateo...
68
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,149
Is he all right?
69
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:05,152
He's fine, he's just living been
in Madrid for the past year.
70
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,756
Come on, son!
Off you pop, collect some empties.
71
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,038
Will somebody pour me
a large whisky, please?
72
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:15,948
Large whisky, coming up.
73
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:22,829
Morning!
74
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,549
You're up early.
75
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,438
Here they are.
Andi Peters and Gordon the Gopher.
76
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,757
Gordon the Gopher wasn't with Andi
Peters, he was with Phillip Schofield.
77
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,718
That's what people thought but believe
me, that rodent was an absolute slut.
78
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,549
Oh, no, I met him once, he was lovely.
79
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,790
He means Gordon the Gopher,
not Andi Peters.
80
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:40,915
Did you change your flights?
81
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,673
Yeah, all changed, we are now officially
on holiday for the whole week.
82
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,429
Yeah! Right, you go
and grab three sunbeds,
83
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,033
and I'll start switching
things off in here.
84
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,075
Hello, Kenny.
85
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,878
Right, well, we'd better get off then.
86
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:02,994
Hola!
87
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,149
Come on.
88
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,638
Long time no see.
89
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:09,829
How's it going?
90
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,435
You're obviously here because
Herbert sent you, what's going on?
91
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,712
Oh, he's not gonna start
charging me rent, is he?
92
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,835
We had an agreement.
93
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,069
Kenneth...
94
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,395
Herbert's dead.
95
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,757
- What?
- He died two weeks ago
96
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,558
in a freak hair straightening accident.
97
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:24,715
Oh, my God.
98
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,273
This is the best holiday
abroad I've ever had.
99
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:34,868
When did you last go abroad?
100
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,188
I've never been abroad.
101
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,599
This is my first time.
102
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,317
Listen, there's an amazing
beach five minutes from here,
103
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,389
we can go there today if you want.
104
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,434
To be honest, bruv, I'm just really
enjoying the view from here.
105
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,271
Mate, she is proper tidy.
106
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:53,834
Yeah, I've noticed that!
107
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,309
She keeps putting everything
away after she's used it!
108
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,919
No, mate, I mean she's fit.
109
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:00,950
Oh, God, yeah, she is fit as.
110
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,551
Okay, here's the deal.
111
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,791
I've got 20 euros that says
I can get her number before you.
112
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,189
I don't understand.
113
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,795
Well, I'm betting I could be the
first to get that girl's phone number.
114
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,915
Like a race.
115
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,149
Who are you betting that with?
116
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,709
Why don't you bet with me?
117
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,074
I am betting with you!
118
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,197
All right. But I need to know
who the other bloke is first.
119
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:22,834
What other bloke?
120
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,798
You are the other bloke,
and the bloke I'm betting with.
121
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:26,915
Am I?
122
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,316
Sweet, 20 euros.
123
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,594
20 euros.
124
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,549
Is there a prize?
125
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,229
What?
126
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,673
Is there a prize for getting her number?
127
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:42,789
20 euros.
128
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,154
Oh, right!
129
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,868
Does she know she has to
give the winner her number?
130
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,548
What do you think?
131
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,073
I haven't got a clue.
132
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,711
You can say that again.
133
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,109
I called here three or four
times to tell you about Herbert.
134
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,919
But the salon was closed.
135
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,072
I assumed you must be on holiday.
136
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,949
Yeah, yeah, I, um...
137
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,040
I had a little break.
First one in years.
138
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,873
You're just like Herbert.
139
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,389
A workaholic.
140
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:15,914
Yeah...
141
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,399
That's why he's left you the lot.
142
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,478
He's left me the salon in his will?
143
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,193
Not just the salon.
144
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:26,917
The club, his villa,
this salon, all the others...
145
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,669
What?
146
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,313
You're a very rich man, Kenneth.
147
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,031
Hang on, there must be some mistake.
148
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,232
I love me Uncle Herbert...
149
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,197
Well, I mean, I loved him...
150
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,508
But I hardly ever saw him.
151
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,590
Are you absolutely sure
he's left everything to me?
152
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,159
There is nobody else.
153
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,711
When we spoke about, it he always said,
154
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,031
"There's only one person
who's family to me.
155
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,472
"And when I go, he'll get the lot."
156
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,638
O to the M to the F to the G.
157
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,712
The will reading's this afternoon.
158
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,158
Three o'clock in Herbert's office.
159
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:06,359
Kenneth, I really need
me job at the club.
160
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,836
I know this is a lot to take in,
161
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,236
but if you could see your
way to keep me on,
162
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,594
I'd be eternally grateful.
163
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,035
I don't believe it.
164
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,036
I don't believe it!
I'm a bloody millionaire!
165
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,559
Or maybe a job here.
166
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,433
I can make tea, odd jobs.
167
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,672
You?
168
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,159
You working here?
169
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,389
Are you having a laugh?
170
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,756
I'm sorry, Norman.
I try to do me bit for charity,
171
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,438
but business is business.
172
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,592
And you scaring away my pensioners
with that ugly mug of yours...
173
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,308
That would be
very bad for business.
174
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,955
Oh, my God!
175
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,034
What am I gonna do with
all that money?
176
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,235
I'm rich!
177
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,950
I'm rich beyond me wildest dreams!
178
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,159
Drop the latch on the way out!
179
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,193
Hello, darling.
180
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,919
Mommy says you can sit with us,
181
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,878
as long as you promise not
to try and kill me again.
182
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,277
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart, but...
183
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,119
You're gonna have to not
speak in that daft accent,
184
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,912
or else I can't understand you.
185
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,153
I said, you can sit with us, if you
promise not to try and kill me again.
186
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,429
Oh, love, I didn't try and kill you.
187
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,229
That's the way my grand-dad
taught me how to swim.
188
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,874
You want to try it in a dirty canal with
your gob full of frog spawn.
189
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:35,949
What?
190
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,993
Never mind.
191
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,389
Shall I come and sit with you?
192
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:40,869
Yeah.
193
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,115
Okay then.
194
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,518
Has your mum cheered up a bit?
195
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,513
- Yeah. She said she wants to dance.
- Oh, that's a good sign.
196
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,154
On your grave.
197
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,559
What does that mean?
198
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,233
Oh!
199
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,039
Must have nodded off!
200
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,996
It's very quiet, isn't it?
201
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,399
It is now.
202
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,074
Where's Kenneth?
203
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,878
Oh, he didn't come out in the end.
204
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:20,397
After all that carry-on asking
us to stay on for the week,
205
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,630
he's not even sitting with us.
206
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,835
Yeah...
207
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:29,678
Unless he and his friend
have had an early siesta,
208
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,159
if you know what I mean.
209
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,632
When I said a siesta,
what I actually meant was...
210
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,712
Jacqueline, I'm not being funny,
but I'm trying to read.
211
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,268
Oh, sorry. I'll go back to sleep.
212
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,998
No, no, no, don't do that.
213
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,435
Oh, for God's sake...
214
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,837
"Help me? Stuck in
street outside Solana..."
215
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,792
Who's that from?
216
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,508
Kenneth.
217
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,952
Well, aren't we going to help him?
218
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,349
He might be stuck in a man hole.
219
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,073
It wouldn't be the first time.
220
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,555
Oh, all right, come on then.
221
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,470
Sorry, this is the third
time you've cancelled.
222
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,752
We can't run a hotel with
no qualified first-aiders...
223
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,472
I understand, but we are in Benidorm,
224
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,916
and most of our clientele are a sausage
bap away from a cardiac arrest...
225
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,431
Oh, don't bother!
226
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,074
I'll just have to sort things
out myself, as usual!
227
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,232
There is a problem, Miss Temple-Savage?
228
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,469
Yes, there is a problem.
229
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,591
Due to our high turn-over of staff,
230
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:37,592
I realised weeks ago that
we have no first-aiders...
231
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:38,709
Which is illegal.
232
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,632
So, I booked a first-aid course,
233
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,870
but this is the third
time they've cancelled.
234
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,598
You need someone to show first-aid?
235
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,274
I can do this.
236
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:51,273
I don't mean a quick mouth-to-mouth
on your pick of the female staff.
237
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,874
I need a fully-qualified first-aider.
238
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,235
Yes, I am qually-fullyfied.
239
00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:00,634
In my hotel in Madrid, I took
a course to teach others first-aid.
240
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,879
Really, Miss Temple-Savage,
I have the sticky foot.
241
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,318
Sticky foot? What's that?
242
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,710
The paper to say I have the first-aids.
243
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,429
Certificate?
244
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,114
You mean you have a certificate?
245
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,078
Yes, is what I'm saying.
246
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,071
The last thing I need is...
247
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,831
What on Earth is going on out there?
248
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,718
Oh! Is that you, Kenneth?
249
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:25,835
Are you all right?
250
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,319
Of course I'm not all right!
251
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,674
Are you stuck?
252
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,193
No, I'm just testing out the horn!
253
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,349
Oh, right...
254
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,589
Where are you going?
255
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,193
'Course I'm bloody stuck!
256
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,873
What on Earth is going on?
257
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,359
It's Kenneth, he's stuck.
258
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,715
I didn't know he had a car,
things can't be that bad.
259
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,834
It's very sporty, I bet it goes fast.
260
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,798
With Kenneth in it, I'm not so sure.
261
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,553
Will you stop your frigging chit-chat
and help me to get out?
262
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:48,914
Mateo, help him!
263
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,755
You need to grease him up!
Oh, I might have something in me case.
264
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:00,959
God! Me coccyx!
265
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,109
Hey! I never touched you!
266
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,235
It was probably him!
267
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,833
Mateo, will you get off the
pavement and come inside?
268
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,672
I have got a hotel to run, you know.
269
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,758
- You're welcome!
- Welcome?
270
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,193
You nearly broke me bloody back!
271
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,838
What the hell's going on?
272
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,558
And what you doing dressed like that?
273
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,232
Between you and me, love,
274
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,629
I am about to come into
an awful lot of money.
275
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:37,995
Excuse me, mate.
276
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,109
Yes, young 'un?
277
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,838
The girl with the blonde hair...
278
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,709
What's her name?
279
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,915
That's Amber.
280
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:48,994
Can you give her this, please?
281
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,390
Sorry, pal, I'm not allowed to
do that. I could lose me job.
282
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,469
Oh...
283
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,120
I tell you what, just leave
it there, and I'll tip her the wink.
284
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,792
What? Do you fancy her as well?
285
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,753
No, I just mean I'll
let her know it's here.
286
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,831
Oh, right, okay, sweet. Thanks.
287
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:03,955
Nae bother.
288
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,871
- What?
- No problem.
289
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,435
Uh, where are you going?
290
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,318
It's time to wrap this competition up,
if you've stopped fannying around.
291
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,833
I'm not fannying around.
292
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:15,989
What is it?
293
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,799
I can't say, a young
lad left it for you.
294
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,029
Just there on the bar.
295
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,231
- Did you get the number?
- Um...
296
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,435
Not yet.
297
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,919
Stand aside, bruv.
298
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,396
Just what I always wanted...
299
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:32,749
All right...
300
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,639
Amber... I'm Tiger.
301
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,312
Hello, Tiger, what would you like?
302
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,876
Well, I wouldn't mind your
phone number for a start.
303
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,235
Very funny. Now, what
can I get you to drink?
304
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,435
Uh...
305
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,911
Just a beer. Please.
306
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,355
There you go.
307
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,197
Why won't you give me your phone number?
308
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,317
Have you got something
against nice guys?
309
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,475
Enjoy your beer, Mr Nice Guy.
310
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:07,914
Nice one!
311
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,560
Game over, my friend!
312
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:12,669
You didn't get it?
313
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,876
Oh, yes! That's 20 euros you owe me.
314
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,188
Shut up!
315
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,669
Well, I left her my number,
so she might still call me.
316
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,070
Mate, the bet was the first
person to get her number.
317
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,559
And that person is me.
318
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:31,995
What're you doing?
319
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,515
I'm texting her.
320
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,514
O to the G to the M!
321
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,828
She texted me!
322
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,116
"Thanks for your number,
you are so fit. Mr Nice Guy."
323
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,317
Oh, you complete dick!
324
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,591
- What?
- Did you leave your number on a napkin?
325
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,113
Yeah, why?
326
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,679
What do you mean, why?
327
00:15:59,000 --> 00:15:59,989
Give me your phone.
328
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,349
Why have you not got people's
names in your phone contacts?
329
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,000
I prefer to have all my
contacts written down
330
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,832
on a piece of paper in my bag,
331
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,512
in case I lose my phone.
332
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,034
Another message!
333
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,716
"Can't talk while I'm working,
334
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,395
"but I really like guys who
swim in their clothes. Will you?"
335
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,473
Oh, my days!
336
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:46,788
I'm so in there!
337
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,917
Swim in your clothes?
338
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,559
Oh, she's crazy.
339
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,433
You're not gonna do it, are you?
340
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:56,229
Mate... He who calls
the piper, plays the tune.
341
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,198
Yes! I am!
342
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,950
Oh, man,
today is gonna be a good day!
343
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,918
Well, I must say,
344
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,878
it's nice to be back in the
bosom of a loving family.
345
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:23,509
Anyone we know?
346
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:29,318
I've always said,
it's pointless bearing a grudge.
347
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,038
Life's too short, isn't it?
348
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,275
Some are short...
349
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,511
While other people's lives just
seem to go on and on and on...
350
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,556
Are you gonna have a go
on the karaoke tonight, Jo?
351
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,312
Well, we'd better check
if your grand-dad
352
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,436
has any more phantom
heart attacks planned
353
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,397
before we decide what
to do this evening.
354
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,476
I'm going to sing,
Let It Go from Frozen.
355
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,915
Oh, "Let it go", that's a good idea.
356
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,998
You could join in with that, Sheron.
357
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,435
Oh, will the pair of you just leave it?
358
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,074
All I'm saying is,
359
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,152
considering we're gonna be
seeing a lot more of each other,
360
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,195
it's probably best if we make
the effort now to get along.
361
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:07,636
Right, I'm gonna back one out.
362
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,634
That Spanish bacon's
got a mind of its own.
363
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,313
What does he mean,
364
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,511
we're going to be seeing
a lot more of each other?
365
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,149
Erm, er...
366
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,070
Dunno, probably just means
the rest of the holiday.
367
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,515
Yeah...
368
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,479
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
369
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,279
it is my pleasure today
to give you the first-aids.
370
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,596
In today's course, I will be showing you
371
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,955
how to make someone
alive when they are dead,
372
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,277
and how to squeeze people when
they are choking on the sausage.
373
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,276
You've got to be joking.
374
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,189
Okay, first of all, if you
find a holiday maker
375
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,078
who has died, they will
look something like this.
376
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,833
They will, of course, be fatter,
but this is all the puff I had.
377
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,189
So, first we have to make the
heart of the person start again.
378
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,632
Do not worry, this will not
happen to you with a real person.
379
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,990
I could make a joke now about
a girl in a bikini going down on me...
380
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,473
But since this is a serious
subject I will not be doing this.
381
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,516
Come on, man, this is ridiculous.
382
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,795
Excuse me, Les, I am
only half way through.
383
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,150
I now have to show you how to stop
384
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,549
a drunk person from
choking on the sausage.
385
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,150
It is called the Heineken Manoeuvre.
386
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,873
May I please have a volunteer?
387
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,193
No, Miguel, put down your hand.
388
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,869
Perhaps, Amber, you would
like to choke on my sausage?
389
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:50,995
I think
390
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,718
we both know the answer
to that.
391
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,875
Okay, will you please hurry?
Time is of the influence.
392
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,316
That was actually a "No" from me.
393
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,389
It was?
394
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:05,869
Okay, Miguel, come here.
395
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:12,993
Okay, look at them, not me.
396
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:20,112
Let us be imagining that Miguel is
having trouble with his sausage.
397
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,917
First, we make a position
behind the victim...
398
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,076
And put your arms around
just above his waist.
399
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,198
You are then needing to
pump him as hard as you can.
400
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,552
Oh, God, he's choking
on his own sausage!
401
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:54,549
Get him up.
402
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,669
Mateo, are you all right?
403
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,193
Big breaths, pal, big breaths.
404
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,152
Thank you for your kind
attentions, ladies and gentlemen...
405
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,835
This is the extermination
of today's demonstrations.
406
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,359
Come on.
407
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:29,869
I can manage!
408
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,999
I don't know why you're wasting money on
taxis, you could have come with me.
409
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,594
Well, you barely fit
in that car yourself!
410
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,673
Yeah, it is a bit small, but
it's only hired for the week.
411
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,955
And now that I've got it, I can
look for something more substantial.
412
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,076
I've always fancied
something big and German.
413
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:46,237
- Mmm!
- Don't you think you should wait and see
414
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,914
how much money you've been left
before you start splashing it about?
415
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,673
Oh look, we haven't all got
combination locks on our wallets.
416
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,109
I say live for the day,
because you're a long time dead.
417
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,955
Hear hear! As my Donald always said,
"Grasp the nettle with both hands!"
418
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,993
Talking of which, come on, we're late.
419
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,913
Hey, I'm not tight!
420
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,792
I'm just careful...
421
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,554
There ya go young un,
one orange juice, fresh from the carton.
422
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,834
- Thanks.
- Is it all right
423
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,239
if I take my break now, Les?
424
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,117
'Course it is. Take your time.
425
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:19,949
Any good?
426
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,355
- Sorry?
- Your book.
427
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,512
Oh! Um... Animal Farm. Do you know it?
428
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,551
I saw a bit of the video
429
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,949
when I was working on the
oil rigs in the early '80's...
430
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,198
You've a stronger
stomach than me, lad.
431
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,354
Another large one in there, por favor.
432
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,509
Aye, nae bother.
433
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,554
Animal Farm?
434
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,478
I bet it's not as good as video.
435
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,755
Listen, son, I need your help.
436
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,111
Yeah, I think a few people
'round here need help.
437
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,799
Thank you.
438
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,269
I need you to drop into the
conversation at some point,
439
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,118
that I'm coming to live with you.
440
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:01,755
What?
441
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,751
Do you mean your dad hasn't told you?
442
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,109
- No.
- I thought
443
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,997
it were just your mother he'd not told.
444
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,311
You... You're coming to live with us?
445
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,515
Yeah.
446
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:11,949
When?
447
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,674
Straight after this holiday.
448
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,229
Where are you gonna sleep?
449
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,914
I thought I were getting your room.
You're going to college, aren't you?
450
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,310
University. And I'm not
going until October.
451
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,073
Well, we can muck in.
452
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,238
So, if you could drop
the hint at some point...
453
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:28,679
Grand-dad...
454
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,594
I think this might be
better coming from you.
455
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,309
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
456
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,435
Okay, you might be right.
457
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,750
I'll tell her tonight
after a few drinks,
458
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,754
- when she's feeling a bit more, uh...
- Violent?
459
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:48,348
Relaxed.
460
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,154
Ask me again tonight.
461
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,758
As solicitor, executor,
462
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,752
and friend of Herbert...
463
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,276
You happen to be very late.
464
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,635
Sorry.
465
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,836
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
466
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:35,149
"I, Herbert
Lionel DiCaprio III,
467
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,189
"declare this to be my
last will and testicle."
468
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,990
Did I just say, "testicle"?
469
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,398
I do apologise.
470
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:47,989
Here we go.
471
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:54,477
"To Rodrigo, my head
stylist and personal masseur,
472
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:59,431
"I leave 100,000 euros."
473
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,269
Order!
474
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:03,998
Order! Order!
475
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,479
I will have order!
476
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:11,993
As I was saying,
"To Rodrigo, I leave 100 euros..."
477
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,790
You said 100,000 a minute ago!
478
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,279
Shut up!
479
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,272
Now... No, you're quite right!
480
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:27,670
"100,000 euros,
and my infamous gold scissors.
481
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,594
"To Jordan Rivers..."
Is Jordan Rivers here?
482
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:36,037
Ah, yes...
"The best drag queen in Benidorm..."
483
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,916
Yes, that's open to debate...
484
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,517
"I leave my collection of toupees,
485
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,270
"and my mother's recipe for scowze."
486
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,034
Scowze?
487
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,952
Heavens knows what the blazes that is.
488
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,234
It's "scouse."
489
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:52,548
Come on, get to the good bit.
490
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:53,629
Do you mind?
491
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,474
"Everything else... My villa,
492
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:02,391
"cars, all 14 hairdressing salons,
493
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:09,190
"Benidorm nightclub and entire savings
and shares in DiCaprio Holdings,
494
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,873
"I devise, bequeath, and give,
495
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:18,875
"to the one person who
has been like a son to me.
496
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:24,750
"Although our relationship
has often been distant,
497
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:31,270
"the unspoken love and bond
between us has always been there.
498
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,469
"The person to whom I refer,
499
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:40,112
"and bequeath my entire estate,
as per Appendix 1, is...
500
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,868
"Naturally...
501
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,359
"Of course,
502
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:45,631
"none other than...
503
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,479
"Norman Fagan!"
504
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,919
"Also affectionately known as,
'Norman the Doormouse..."'
505
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,519
Uh, doorman.
506
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,032
Norman the Doorman!
507
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,069
Oh...
508
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,149
My...
509
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,275
Flipping...
510
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,475
God.
511
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,910
How long did she say
for you to sit like that?
512
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,434
She said she's gonna text me again soon.
513
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,278
I think she's taking
the rise out of you, mate.
514
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:33,148
You gotta understand,
Tige, some girls are strange.
515
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,079
I once went out with this girl,
516
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,674
and she got really turned on
when I topped up her mobile.
517
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:39,673
- You what?
- Yeah,
518
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,111
she used to get really horny if
I put a fiver on her pay-as-you-go.
519
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,471
And if I put a tenner
on it, oh, my days!
520
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,435
So, the more money you put on her
phone, the better she was in the sack?
521
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:54,195
Oh, I dunno about that.
We never met. She lived in Nigeria.
522
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,312
"Those straws in your ears
look hot, but can you fit more in?
523
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,709
"Also, tonight, can you wear
a mankini in Neptune's?
524
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,592
"It will drive me crazy."
525
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,359
The thing that I don't understand is,
I've had four texts from her
526
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,750
in the last 15 mins,
but I've been watching her,
527
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,073
and she ain't picked up her mobile once.
528
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:29,389
Tiger?
529
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:31,634
Yes mate?
530
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:32,914
Do me a favour?
531
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,309
Sorry, mate, I wondered
when you'd realise...
532
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,231
Get us a few more straws from the bar.
533
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,397
And see if you can find
one of them mankinis
534
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,436
from that shop just outside the hotel.
535
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:47,479
However she's sending these texts,
she deserves everything she wants.
536
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,473
Oh, mate, believe me,
it will be my pleasure.
537
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:03,519
Can't believe it... Won and lost
a fortune in the space of a few hours.
538
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:07,389
Well, technically, you
never actually won it.
539
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,708
A life of luxury snatched
from under me nose.
540
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,234
It's hard to miss what you never had.
541
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,596
So close...
542
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,113
Yet so far.
543
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,715
You didn't fit in that car, anyway.
544
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,075
Oh, shut up while I'm
trying to feel sorry for myself!
545
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:23,957
Hey, don't take it out on Jacqueline!
546
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,758
It's not her fault your uncle
didn't leave you a penny
547
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,114
to scratch your ass with.
548
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,635
Oh, here we go.
Rub it in, why don't you?
549
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,148
Go away!
550
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,598
All right, Kenneth?
551
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,433
You left a bit sharpish.
552
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,678
Erm... We'd better get
ready for tonight.
553
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,716
Yeah, come on,
I've got to put me face on.
554
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,279
Put me hair in a top knot.
555
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,868
It's funny how a few hours
can change someone's life.
556
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,913
Isn't it, Kenneth?
557
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,914
Not for me. I'm in exactly the
same position as I was in this morning.
558
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,190
Well, not quite.
559
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:12,589
What's this?
560
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,511
Just a bit of business
from your new landlord.
561
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:16,395
Me.
562
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:20,758
I've done you a very tasty
deal on the water and the leccy.
563
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,436
13,000 euros?
564
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:24,789
Is this a joke?
565
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:26,359
No, Kenneth, it's business.
566
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,111
Of course, I could have waited
until tomorrow to bring you this,
567
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,838
but as you said...
568
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,878
Wouldn't want to scare your
pensioners with my ugly mug.
569
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,195
That'd be very bad for business.
570
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,551
You've got 28 days to pay.
571
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:44,509
It's the least I could do.
572
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,273
After all, we're practically family.
573
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:55,754
Oh yeah...
574
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,915
You left before the solicitor
could give you this.
575
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,115
You never know.
576
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:06,871
Might be stuffed with 100 euro notes.
577
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:11,194
28 days, Kenneth.
578
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,994
I don't believe it.
579
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:20,709
I'm finished.
580
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,235
Unless...
581
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,800
I can't believe you
still haven't opened it.
582
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,189
I don't know what's inside it.
583
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:47,918
That is why she's saying to open it!
584
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,149
It's obvious what it is!
585
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,229
It's money.
586
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:54,154
He's left you cash, so you
don't have to pay any tax on it.
587
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,555
That would make sense.
588
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,073
Oh, give us it here,
I'll open it if you won't.
589
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,559
Hang on a minute!
590
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:02,679
I think I need a large drink first.
591
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:13,955
So, if it's all right with you,
592
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:17,316
I'll just be dressing as Lesley in
the evenings, not during the day.
593
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,429
Going full-time seemed
a good idea at first,
594
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,353
but it's kinda taken all
the pleasure out of it,
595
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:24,873
and made it a bit of a chore.
596
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:30,549
Plus, I can't fit a towel on a radiator
at home for all the drying bras.
597
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,558
Lesley, I've always said,
598
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,712
you can come to work
dressed as Frankenstein's monster
599
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:36,915
as long as you do your job.
600
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,149
Oh, I'm sorry...
601
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,470
That's not what you
come as tonight, is it?
602
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,229
11 hours!
603
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,716
- Oi!
- I beg your pardon?
604
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:49,994
11 hours!
605
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,678
We went on your
paint-balling trip this morning.
606
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,911
And we've been out for 11 hours!
607
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,953
I always say you should never put
a time limit on enjoying yourself.
608
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,918
And judging by your breath,
you obviously didn't.
609
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,150
Yeah, all right, I've had a drink.
610
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,557
But when you pay to go on a trip,
611
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,311
you kind of expect that you're
going to bring us all back!
612
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:15,472
This is absolutely ridiculous.
613
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,359
They wouldn't let us
on the coach to come back,
614
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:18,793
and now they won't let us in our rooms.
615
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:20,679
They used gloss paint!
616
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,116
- What?
- What kind of dick head
617
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,998
uses gloss paint at
a paintballing match?
618
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,670
And then there
wasn't anybody else there!
619
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,079
We just shot at each other.
620
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,597
Have you seen my mother?
621
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,193
Why? Do you think I should?
622
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:39,558
Because there were only three of us,
the man who cleans the guns joined in.
623
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,837
Nobody told us he was
a psychologically damaged war veteran.
624
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,115
It was like a scene
from American Sniper!
625
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,432
She is a senior citizen!
626
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:52,313
Not a skirting board!
627
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,030
It's not her fault
she's slow on her feet.
628
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:00,151
That lunatic singled my mother
out like the runt of a litter!
629
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:01,799
It was disgusting!
630
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:07,036
Ey own ettus into our ooms.
631
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,469
I'm sorry?
632
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:12,479
How many times?
They won't let us into our rooms!
633
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,477
It's taken us a four mile
walk, and two trains!
634
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,678
And five buses, standing all the way,
635
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,592
'cause they wouldn't let
us sit on the seats!
636
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,072
And now they won't
let us into our rooms!
637
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:30,953
If you'd like to come with me.
638
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,150
You like this place so much that
you cannot keep away, huh?
639
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,675
It not the place I'm interested in,
it's you.
640
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:51,789
Okay!
641
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,070
Now we are talking turkeys!
642
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,157
It was only a matter of time, I guess.
643
00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:58,993
Don't flatter yourself,
Mateo, it's purely business.
644
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,233
Oh, you came.
645
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,679
I was gonna have a word with
Mateo, but it's been quite busy.
646
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:07,109
What is going on?
647
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,476
I wanted to have a word about
your first-aid course this afternoon.
648
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,399
How much did you get paid?
649
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,914
I am sorry, I am not
allowed to be in discussions
650
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:16,877
with matters of financial persuasions.
651
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,154
200 euros.
652
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:19,229
How do you know this?
653
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,311
You've not stopped
bragging about it all night.
654
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:22,989
Oh, yes...
655
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:26,390
So, there were ten
people on your "course,"
656
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,196
I reckon that's 20 euros each to keep
our traps shut on what a farce it was.
657
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,840
What? You cannot be
blacking my mail like this!
658
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,273
No problem.
659
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:36,517
Lesley, where did Joyce go?
660
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,272
Let's see what she has to say about it.
661
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,510
Okay! Okay!
662
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,519
Take the money.
663
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:44,999
Thanks!
664
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,074
And I'm gonna do a first-aid
session for the same people
665
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,549
in our own time, so we're
actually doing you a favour.
666
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,198
Doing me a favour?
667
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,508
I am out of pockets.
668
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,190
It cost me ten euros
to buy that blow-up doll.
669
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,874
Yeah, right, like you
didn't have that already.
670
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,395
Yes, pet?
671
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,719
You've got to give her credit,
she hasn't even looked at me once.
672
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:15,949
Yeah, she's good!
673
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,871
Although, you'd think she'd
at least give you a wink
674
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,872
when you did those 100 press-ups
in the Fred Flintstone playground.
675
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:22,713
I wouldn't have been
able to see it, anyway.
676
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,631
I went slightly dizzy
and I couldn't see anything
677
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:26,517
for about 20 minutes after that.
678
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:31,556
Ooh, here we go again.
679
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,392
Great! If you can tell Maria
you've got her 20 euros,
680
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,596
and I will text Jose and Gregorio.
681
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,956
But remember, big secret, we don't
want to get Mateo into trouble.
682
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,837
- Okay.
- Okay.
683
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:49,313
Oh, Lola!
684
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,113
You've been texting a lot today.
685
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,150
Yeah, yeah, me old man, you know
how he likes to know what's going on.
686
00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:00,959
Tell him about Amber and
the texting, he won't believe it!
687
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:02,553
No, he won't.
688
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,078
That took a long time, considering
it only came from over there.
689
00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,310
Oh, my days!
690
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,153
You are not gonna believe what
she wants me to do now!
691
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,390
Sing her a karaoke song and strip naked?
692
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,277
Yeah! How did you know that?
693
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:21,868
Lucky guess.
694
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:24,959
"Anything for you."
695
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:32,669
That your dad again?
696
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:34,475
Yeah...
697
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:47,988
Thank you to Jonathan,
Benidorm's original Motown singer.
698
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,077
We'll have more from him later,
699
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,039
but first it's time to hear
from your good selves,
700
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:56,429
it's karaoke time!
701
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,594
And first up we have a young lady
702
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,989
who I've been told would like
to be a professional singer
703
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:04,069
when she grows up.
704
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,749
So, let's hear it for
a star of tomorrow,
705
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,428
Jodie Dawson!
706
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:11,999
- Jodie!
- Come on, Jodie!
707
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:13,354
Remember to smile!
708
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:14,953
And don't forget to breathe!
709
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,637
Christ, she can't be much of
a singer if she forgets to breathe.
710
00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:21,472
Dad, for God's sake.
711
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:23,599
I'm just saying.
712
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,229
Uh, Mateo.
713
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:46,395
Yes, Miss Temple-Savage?
714
00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:50,713
A word about the first-aid course
today. There's a slight problem.
715
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:52,315
A problem?
716
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,193
- Really?
- Yes,
717
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,872
the man who was
supposed to do our course
718
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,793
was also supposed to do
The Belroy, and The Flamingo,
719
00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,598
but it looks like he's
going to be off all week.
720
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:03,193
Can you do those, too?
721
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:05,519
Two more courses?
722
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,318
I don't think so, Miss Temple-Savage.
723
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:10,831
I think you are right,
there is a problem...
724
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:12,792
It would be another 400 euros.
725
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:15,989
When do they want me?
726
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:29,678
I'm sorry, this is doing me head in.
727
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,557
You're telling me.
If she's a professional singer,
728
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,596
I can't wait for my modelling
contract to come through.
729
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:35,671
Not her! I mean us!
730
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,433
Just sitting here,
staring at that bloody parcel.
731
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,511
Get your grubby paws off!
732
00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:42,790
You might be a millionaire!
733
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:44,748
Well, if I'm not,
734
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,956
I'll be on that plane back with
you two at the end of the week.
735
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:48,439
You're serious?
736
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:49,714
You'd come home?
737
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:51,119
But you love it here.
738
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,714
I could barely make ends meet
when I was working rent-free.
739
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,550
I just have to admit it, I haven't got
the money to start from scratch.
740
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:01,474
Unless...
741
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,231
Oh, come on, I can't stand it!
742
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,072
It's like Christmas!
743
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:24,996
Donald always used to tease me on
Christmas Eve with a massive package.
744
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,478
Well, what is it?
745
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:39,748
What's he left you?
746
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,275
He's left me his bloody teeth!
747
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,551
Is she still singing?
748
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:17,353
Oh, come on, darling.
749
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,034
Well, the talent doesn't stop there...
750
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,749
Ladies and gentlemen,
next, if your ears can take it,
751
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,552
we have Joey!
752
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:27,394
Come on, Joey!
753
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:28,799
Yeah!
754
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,431
This is for a certain little lady
who I've been chatting to today.
755
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:34,589
You know who you are.
756
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:53,714
It wasn't your fault, darling.
757
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:55,233
It sounded rubbish!
758
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:56,753
It was their fault, not yours.
759
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,239
It was in the wrong key, Jo.
760
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,834
I'll ask the DJ if he's got
any other versions next time.
761
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,229
You know what you
need, don't you, Jodie?
762
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:04,355
- What?
- Dad!
763
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,557
You need a professional karaoke set-up.
764
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,796
You know, with a microphone,
and a speaker,
765
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,269
and little telly with
the words on it, the lot.
766
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,271
Yeah, and do you know
how much they cost?
767
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,353
400 quid.
768
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:17,998
That's what I've just paid for one.
769
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,032
What do you need a karaoke machine for?
770
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:22,708
For my lovely little granddaughter.
771
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:24,592
Are you serious, Grand-dad?
772
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,910
It gets delivered the day we get back.
773
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,472
- I love you!
- Come here.
774
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,597
Well, I'm gonna be saving that much
money coming to live with you lot,
775
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,712
I thought there's no point that
money just sitting there in the bank.
776
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:39,835
I beg your pardon?
777
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:41,754
Same again, is it?
778
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:44,272
Good idea of yours that, Rob.
779
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:46,637
She seems to have taken it quite well.
780
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:47,749
Hmm?
781
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,834
There is no way on Earth that
that man is moving into my house.
782
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,594
I tell you something right now,
if he moves in, I'm moving out,
783
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:57,159
and I'm taking the kids with me.
784
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,355
Do you understand?
785
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,637
Right, I am going to
get absolutely hammered.
786
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:06,836
Sod Herbert and his sodding teeth,
sod The Solana and sod Blow & Go.
787
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,354
I'm downing this lot then we
get off into the Old Town.
788
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:10,873
There is a way of staying here.
789
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:12,154
What do I wanna stay here for?
790
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,879
Weak beer and old people
farting along to karaoke?
791
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:17,793
No, in exactly 20 minutes time,
I shall be hanging upside down
792
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,155
in the Bears Bar like
a spatchcock chicken,
793
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:21,832
and all of this lot
will be a distant memory.
794
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,990
No, I mean a way of keeping the salon.
795
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,389
No, I've had enough.
I'm not going thousands into debt
796
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,232
just to do half a dozen
blue rinses every week.
797
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,678
We've got a business proposal.
798
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,432
- You what?
- Me and Jacqueline.
799
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,239
- What do you mean?
- I want to expand in Europe.
800
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:38,833
There's treacle pudding
and custard on the menu,
801
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:40,114
get a couple of them down your neck.
802
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:41,235
You know what I mean.
803
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,435
I don't want your money!
804
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,873
Good, 'cause I'm not giving it you.
805
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,951
I want to take over
the lease of Blow & Go.
806
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:48,989
And what about me?
807
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,868
You stay on as equal
third partner, and head stylist.
808
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,799
And I'm guessing you're the other third?
809
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,269
I'm going to be more a sleeping partner.
810
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,634
Why doesn't that surprise me?
811
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:05,309
Well?
812
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:06,799
Well, how's this gonna work?
813
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,108
You moving to Spain?
814
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:10,997
No, of course not, I've
still got the salon back home.
815
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,638
But I'll come out here every few weeks,
816
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:15,712
have a few days in the sun,
and see how everything's going.
817
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,398
And what about Gavin?
818
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,358
Well, that's obvious. I've not
mentioned him since we got here.
819
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,476
- We split up.
- Again.
820
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:25,676
No, this is it.
821
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:29,472
I need a fresh start. What do you say?
822
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,038
I say, let's first drink to
you being a single man.
823
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,235
Oh, no, I don't want to do that.
824
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:35,878
I've still got a lot
of respect for Gavin.
825
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,757
You've got to be
the only one who does.
826
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:38,949
Fat, whinging cow.
827
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:40,439
Ding-dong, the witch is dead!
828
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,511
We can all talk about it tomorrow.
829
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,955
Are you still going into the Old Town?
830
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,795
No, I don't think I'll bother.
831
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,516
Things seem to be hotting
up here very nicely.
832
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,109
Yeah!
833
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:16,395
That is exactly why I am
looking for a man, and not a boy.
834
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,189
No.
835
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,310
I've done everything that
you've asked me, Amber.
836
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,149
Now, can we have a date?
837
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,756
Oh, no, that's right.
838
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,992
You said strip naked.
839
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:41,798
No! No, Joey, don't do it!
840
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:42,949
It was me!
841
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:48,232
It was me! It was me!
842
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:49,389
It was me all along.
843
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:51,154
Get them out of here!
844
00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:54,958
What are you doing?
Come on, enough!
845
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:56,269
Out! Get out!
846
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:58,396
What do you think
you're playing at? Get 'em outside.
847
00:45:58,480 --> 00:45:59,515
You've hurt me!
848
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,397
Tiger, you've hurt me!
849
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,232
I thought those two were a couple!
850
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:09,435
Aw... It could bring
a tear to a glass eye.
63146
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