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1
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:34,260
Morning! Oh, morning!
2
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,780
Have you recovered? Recovered?
3
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:41,820
From last night! Your Geoff...
He got a bit upset.
4
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:44,060
Did he? Don't you remember?
5
00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:49,780
You mean the quiz. Oh, you know
how competitive he gets.
6
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:53,020
No. That wasn't him upset.
7
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:56,980
He once met the bloke
who sets The Times crossword,
8
00:00:57,020 --> 00:01:01,140
and he threw him under a bus!
Threw him under a bus?!
9
00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:05,460
Was it moving?
Well, his wife got a bit teary.
10
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,940
No! I meant, was the bus moving?
11
00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:12,500
Oh, no. It were in
the York Transport Museum.
12
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,220
He's not a psychopath.
13
00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:18,340
Er... How's Ronald?
14
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:20,380
Ronald? Your husband!
15
00:01:20,420 --> 00:01:23,620
Oh! You mean Donald! That's it.
16
00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:27,100
He's fine. He's on holiday in France.
17
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,340
Oh! We're nearly out of sunscreen.
18
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:33,900
What side do you want your towel?
Oh, I can't lie down on there.
19
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,140
I think I'll get some breakfast.
20
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,940
My back's in absolute agony
after last night.
21
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,540
Morning.
22
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,020
Morning!
23
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:45,100
Who's that?
24
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:50,580
Oh, that's Glynn. Donald's
on holiday with his wife, Rhiannon.
25
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:54,540
Oh, I see!
So, you've done, like, a swap.
26
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:57,660
Yeah. Just for a week, you know!
27
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,740
He didn't look very happy about it.
28
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:05,020
Well, I think he's a bit bored,
sitting round the pool.
29
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,580
He's a very physical man.
30
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,540
Is he, now?
31
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:12,020
Oh, yes! Right!
32
00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:16,020
I'd better get something hot
inside me.
33
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:19,860
Glynn says
he's gonna run me ragged today!
34
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:23,820
Oh! Good luck! See ya.
35
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:41,620
Go away!
36
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:48,460
Housekeeping!
What are you doing? I said go away!
37
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,820
Well, I thought we needed
a breakfast meeting.
38
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:56,620
So I brought a selection of cereals,
a jug of juice and two full English.
39
00:02:56,660 --> 00:03:00,460
I don't want all that! That's for
me. Liam's brought you a croissant.
40
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,260
No butter! We know
you're watching your figure!
41
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:06,780
How dare you burst in here?
I could've been naked! Don't worry.
42
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:10,780
Liam looks 12, but he's seen it all
before, haven't you, love? Well...
43
00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:15,260
The doctor says you're doing OK,
but he needs to know
what was in that injection.
44
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:19,180
I'm off to the Chinese shop with the
box to see if he can translate it.
45
00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:22,940
I've cancelled all today's
appointments. You are our priority.
46
00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:27,140
Liam, four sausages? Are you trying
to kill me? You asked for them!
47
00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:30,380
Oh, you're looking so much better
than you did last night.
48
00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:34,340
I haven't slept a wink. I can't help
feeling partly responsible.
49
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:38,660
Partly responsible?!
You repeatedly injected my face
50
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:42,460
with an unknown substance bought
from the Chinese pound shop!
51
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,260
It's euros! Shut up. Sorry!
52
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,940
It could've been anything! I've
just seen a woman on the internet
53
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,820
who nearly died when her face
was injected with petrol!
54
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:55,660
We wouldn't have done that. Not with
the price of petrol these days.
55
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,860
That's why I'm off
to get a translation.
56
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,980
And remember, love,
don't go in all guns blazing.
57
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,340
They're a very proud people,
the Chinese.
58
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:07,820
They will be devastated
if they've given us something
dangerous by mistake.
59
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,020
Oh! Konnichiwa.
60
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:12,580
Ahh! He's like
the Kofi Annan of Benidorm.
61
00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:16,700
How's the wounded soldier?
62
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,380
Right, that's it.
Get out, all of you. Get out!
63
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,380
I just wanted to ask,
while you're incapacitated,
64
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:25,740
shall I assume the position
of acting manageress?
65
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:28,420
After the pig's ear
you made of it last time?
66
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:31,540
You must be joking!
Somebody's got to be in charge,
67
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:33,860
else we're all gonna descend
into chaos.
68
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,620
This place is in chaos 24/7!
69
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:40,140
Do you really think anybody's
going to notice a difference?
70
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,620
Now, get out!
71
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:50,900
I've left you a sausage. Get... out!
72
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,780
It's not actually bad, this food.
You reckon?
73
00:04:56,820 --> 00:05:00,780
Well, there's plenty of it. That's
the problem with all-you-can-eat.
74
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:03,220
You keep wanting to go back
for more.
75
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,460
Oh! Back in a minute.
76
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:11,820
What's going on there? Auntie Terri
shagged the barman last night.
77
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:15,340
Oh, dear God! What's wrong with that?
She's on her holidays.
78
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:18,380
She's single.
What if they try and sue us?
79
00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:22,100
Why would they sue us?
I dunno. Mental anguish?
80
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,740
Listen, about last night...
Don't worry.
81
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,380
It's water under the bridge.
You what?
82
00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:33,660
I accept your apology.
It's not a problem.
83
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,740
I didn't apologise! Oh.
I was just gonna ask you
84
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:40,980
if you wanted to join me in making
a formal complaint. About what?
85
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:44,380
Basically,
I'm on the board of directors
86
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:47,060
for the UK Pub Quiz
Watchdog Committee.
87
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:50,300
Now, we don't have
a lot of jurisdiction in Europe,
88
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:53,620
but I'm pretty sure I can get
a strongly worded caution
89
00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:57,220
emailed over to 'em by the end
of today. What you going on about?
90
00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:00,780
He wants to complain about the quiz
last night. Basically.
91
00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:04,700
Oh, yeah? What - conducting a quiz
without due care and attention?
92
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,100
I think they should all be lined up
against the wall and shot.
93
00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:12,420
And their families made to watch.
Excellent!
94
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,980
Glad we're on the same page.
95
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:18,140
I'm Geoff.
People call me The Oracle.
96
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:21,060
Clive. This is my son, Tiger.
97
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,300
Cool.
98
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,340
Maybe we can all grab a cold one
together over lunch.
99
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:33,340
Not often I meet someone as
passionate about quizzing as myself.
Lovely. Laters.
100
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,740
Oh, my God!
101
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:42,300
What a dick!
102
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:45,780
I just wanna say, what happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas.
103
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,460
I have never been to Vegas.
No. It's a saying.
104
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,380
I know, but I have still never been
to Vegas.
105
00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:54,540
I meant it about me and you,
last night in Benidorm.
106
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,220
Then, why didn't you say
"in Benidorm"?
107
00:06:57,260 --> 00:07:00,980
Because "what happens in Benidorm
stays in Benidorm" isn't a saying.
108
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,580
It's "what happens in"...
Bloody hell, you're hard work, you!
109
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:07,380
Listen, I have to be careful
nobody hears this.
110
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:10,900
That is what I'm saying!
I realise you can get in trouble,
111
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:13,380
you know, for fraternising
with the guests,
112
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:17,300
so I'm here to tell you
you've got this one on tap.
113
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:21,140
On tap? Yeah, baby. If you want
another slice of Mamma's pie,
114
00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:25,060
you just call room service, and I'll
deliver it straight to your door,
115
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,260
all hot and steaming...
116
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:30,540
..no questions asked.
117
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,940
You blackmail me
and make me sleep with you
118
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,460
so I can keep my job.
So now I have eaten the pie
119
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,900
and feel lucky
I did not get food poisoning,
120
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:41,180
even though the pie was out of date!
You can't say that to me!
121
00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:44,740
I wanna speak to your boss.
Have you seen this email?
122
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:47,580
Temple-Savage has put YOU in charge.
123
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:50,300
What? I know! It's unbelievable!
124
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:54,220
I am the boss? Not exactly the boss,
but she's put you in charge
125
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,900
while she's not feeling well.
Excuse me. I have to leave now,
126
00:07:57,940 --> 00:07:59,940
but if you have any complaints,
127
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,620
well,
make sure you ask for the boss.
128
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:08,220
Lesley, I will be in my office.
129
00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:21,765
It is just not possible. Sorry. What
part of this don't you understand?
130
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:26,045
I want to exchange currency.
Money. You know - money!
131
00:08:26,085 --> 00:08:30,195
Buenos dias!
There is a complication?
132
00:08:30,203 --> 00:08:33,763
I need to exchange some money.
I am begging your pardons.
133
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:38,243
My name is Mr Castellanos.
I am being the manager of the hotel.
134
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:41,363
I am in charge of the hotel -
the entire hotel.
135
00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:45,003
Manager, top position.
There is nobody higher.
136
00:08:45,043 --> 00:08:48,323
Euros. I need euros.
This is not being a problem.
137
00:08:48,363 --> 00:08:52,323
Please furniture me with the key
of your room. I'm not staying here!
138
00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:54,963
Ah!
Then, we have a slight drawbridge.
139
00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:57,923
The change of currency
is only for residentials.
140
00:08:57,963 --> 00:09:01,443
May I suggest you try
Lucky Kev's money exchange
141
00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:04,563
in the caravan park?
But a world of warning -
142
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:08,163
he has the sticky fingers.
If you don't change this money now,
143
00:09:08,203 --> 00:09:10,763
I'm gonna take that donkey
and shove it up your -
144
00:09:10,803 --> 00:09:14,043
What are you doing here?! Liam!
145
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,443
I wanted to surprise you!
146
00:09:16,483 --> 00:09:20,043
Go inside.
I'll make us a cup of tea.
147
00:09:21,083 --> 00:09:24,843
Do you know this crazy woman?
Yeah, I do. She's my mother.
148
00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:35,923
Problem is not to translate,
but I don't know the words.
149
00:09:35,963 --> 00:09:39,963
You don't need a Chinese restaurant.
You need a Chinese doctor. I know.
150
00:09:40,003 --> 00:09:42,803
Don't suppose you got a doctor
in your family?
151
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:47,443
Of course. My sister. But
she is living outside of Benidorm.
152
00:09:47,483 --> 00:09:51,323
How far outside Benidorm?
About 10,000 kilometre.
153
00:09:51,363 --> 00:09:54,563
She in China.
154
00:09:59,283 --> 00:10:03,683
I make joke!
155
00:10:03,723 --> 00:10:06,963
Hilarious. What are you doing?
I'm taking my box back!
156
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,163
Wait. Sit down.
157
00:10:10,363 --> 00:10:12,363
You are lucky man.
158
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,763
I have incredible special ability
with my sister.
159
00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:19,803
If I hold something in my hand,
like this,
160
00:10:19,843 --> 00:10:23,203
she can see it,
even though she in Beijing.
161
00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:26,923
How'd you do that?
It's called... iPhone!
162
00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:31,523
Heh-heh. Very good.
163
00:10:35,683 --> 00:10:37,683
Oh! I send by email.
164
00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:40,523
She always answer in ten, 15 minute.
165
00:10:40,563 --> 00:10:43,243
You wanna buffet while you wait?
166
00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:46,363
No, I better not.
I just had a very late breakf-...
167
00:10:46,403 --> 00:10:49,563
Ooh, bloody 'ell!
That smells gorgeous.
168
00:10:50,763 --> 00:10:53,243
Go on, then. Just one plateful!
169
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:56,203
OK. Email sent.
170
00:10:56,243 --> 00:11:00,563
Remember, Kenneth,
Mr Wu's golden rule -
171
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:03,123
don't eat like a big fat pig,
172
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,163
or you put me out of business!
173
00:11:06,203 --> 00:11:08,803
Lunatic!
174
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:16,963
There you go.
Very strong, no milk, no sugar.
175
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:19,963
Try not to look too excited
to see me.
176
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:23,603
You don't return my emails or texts.
I gave up trying to ring you.
177
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:27,243
I'm not a bit surprised to see you
tip up in Spain unannounced.
178
00:11:27,283 --> 00:11:30,083
Emails? Texts?
You know I don't understand them.
179
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,043
I'm here to see YOU, love.
I miss you.
180
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,083
No, you don't.
181
00:11:36,083 --> 00:11:39,083
What do you want?
Don't you speak to me like that.
182
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:41,603
I'm your mother.
183
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:47,323
Son, it's time to come home.
I am home. This is where I live.
184
00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:50,523
You can't fritter your life away
on your own in this dump.
185
00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:53,003
You need to be with a family.
I'm with my dad.
186
00:11:53,043 --> 00:11:57,083
From what I've heard about him, no
wonder you're sitting here in a pinny
187
00:11:57,123 --> 00:11:59,403
doing women's hair.
What does that mean?
188
00:11:59,443 --> 00:12:02,083
Look, I know
I've not been in touch recently,
189
00:12:02,123 --> 00:12:05,563
but I've not had time. My feet
have hardly touched the ground.
190
00:12:05,603 --> 00:12:07,843
I've met someone.
I'm very happy for you.
191
00:12:07,883 --> 00:12:11,283
Do you want a biscuit with that?
He's called Mad Dog.
192
00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:14,483
Beautiful name.
Well, his real name's Alan.
193
00:12:14,523 --> 00:12:16,643
Naturally.
But he's a real character.
194
00:12:16,683 --> 00:12:19,803
He's got his own
debt-collecting business in Oldham.
195
00:12:19,843 --> 00:12:24,123
Earns 150K a year. You'd love him!
He sounds a delight.
196
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:28,163
Are you taking the piss?
Mother, I live in Spain!
197
00:12:28,203 --> 00:12:30,483
I'm very happy.
My boss is like a brother.
198
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:32,563
Me and my dad
have never been closer.
199
00:12:32,603 --> 00:12:35,283
My life is here now.
Alan says, if you come back,
200
00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:39,763
he'll guarantee you a job for life.
People will always be in debt, son.
201
00:12:39,803 --> 00:12:43,123
Oh, what a lovely thought!
Well? What do you say?
202
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:46,283
Collecting debts in Oldham
with a man called Mad Dog?
203
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:49,283
It's a dream come true!
£30K a year, and your own van?
204
00:12:49,323 --> 00:12:51,963
You're not kidding.
Yeah, I'm taking the piss!
205
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:54,763
I'm not impressed with
the way you've turned out.
206
00:12:54,803 --> 00:12:57,483
You must be surrounded by
very bad influences.
207
00:12:57,523 --> 00:13:02,643
You could say the feeling's mutual.
Everything all right, son?
208
00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:04,683
Mateo said you had a...
209
00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:08,603
..a visitor! Well, well, well.
210
00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:12,043
I wouldn't have believed it
had I not seen it with my own eyes.
211
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,323
The great Les Conroy!
212
00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:18,483
Thank Christ the people who came to
our wedding can't see you now.
213
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:22,483
Look in the mirror, Les.
Just look at yourself!
214
00:13:22,523 --> 00:13:26,043
Call yourself a father!
You're a disgrace!
215
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,483
You look like a melting clown.
216
00:13:28,523 --> 00:13:31,563
It's good to see you, Gloria.
You've lost weight.
217
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,843
About 12 stone of ugly fat
when I left you.
218
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:37,323
And your hair's amazing, too!
219
00:13:37,363 --> 00:13:39,923
I'm jealous.
You're a freak of nature.
220
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:43,603
Your skin's good, as well. You're
really looking after yourself.
221
00:13:43,643 --> 00:13:46,323
Do you actually go outside
looking like that?
222
00:13:46,363 --> 00:13:48,923
I don't know how long
you're here for, Gloria,
223
00:13:48,963 --> 00:13:52,963
but for every negative, hurtful,
poisonous thing you say to me,
224
00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:55,683
I'll try and say something positive
to you.
225
00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:58,603
Because you think
you're better than me? No.
226
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:02,323
Because I live a wonderful life
in the sunshine, with a job I like,
227
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:05,923
and friends I cherish,
and a devoted son I adore.
228
00:14:05,963 --> 00:14:09,763
It only seems fair to try and give
some of the love back.
229
00:14:11,443 --> 00:14:13,523
See you 'round.
230
00:14:27,203 --> 00:14:29,483
Drop the latch when you leave.
231
00:14:47,643 --> 00:14:50,763
Is it much further?
Just round this corner.
232
00:14:50,803 --> 00:14:53,603
A little exercise
won't do you any harm.
233
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:57,843
Consider it a warm-up. It's not
the exercise I'm bothered about.
234
00:14:57,883 --> 00:15:02,083
It's just this path is so narrow
that every time a lorry goes past,
235
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:05,003
you look like
you're either gonna get sucked off
236
00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:08,043
or end up in somebody's bush.
237
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:10,923
We're here!
238
00:15:11,923 --> 00:15:15,203
Oh, what's the date today?
Oh, I don't know!
239
00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:20,443
It's the 15th! Oh, blast!
There's a local league game on.
240
00:15:20,483 --> 00:15:23,803
What does that mean?
It means we can't play!
241
00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:26,443
Oh, well! We'll just have to watch!
242
00:15:30,803 --> 00:15:32,603
Come.
243
00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:41,403
You wanted to see me,
Miss Temple-Savage?
244
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:44,763
Er, yes, thank you, Mateo.
I just wanted to...
245
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:50,323
Everything is OK? Yes, everything
is O-... You scrub up well!
246
00:15:50,363 --> 00:15:53,003
Scrub? It means you look very nice.
247
00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:57,643
Oh! I am thanking your most kind
words and your hospital gratitude.
248
00:15:57,683 --> 00:16:02,083
Hospital? I... I just wanted to
check you were OK being in charge.
249
00:16:02,123 --> 00:16:06,963
It's just for the day. I can
persuade you to put all of your
optical confidence inside me.
250
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:10,563
Why are you talking like that?
Like what? Well... rubbish!
251
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,923
If I am to be scaling mismanagement,
252
00:16:13,963 --> 00:16:16,403
I am requiring words
of a higher calibrate.
253
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:20,123
But you're using all the wrong
words, and not in the right order.
254
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:23,603
Mateo, just be yourself, OK?
255
00:16:23,643 --> 00:16:27,523
OK. I will be myself. Good.
Now, can you go and find Kenneth?
256
00:16:27,563 --> 00:16:30,963
He was supposed to be coming
straight back. No problem.
257
00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:34,723
Oh... Thank you for
this most respicious opportunity.
258
00:16:34,763 --> 00:16:36,843
Just go away.
259
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:41,083
Thank you.
260
00:16:41,123 --> 00:16:43,163
Thank you. Thank you.
261
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,883
Thank you.
262
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,043
Thank you.
263
00:16:58,963 --> 00:17:02,883
So, what kind of building do you do?
You name it, we build it.
264
00:17:04,763 --> 00:17:07,083
A pyramid. Eh?
265
00:17:07,123 --> 00:17:09,803
You said, "Name it and we build it."
266
00:17:09,843 --> 00:17:13,483
No. I mean houses, flats,
that sort of thing.
267
00:17:14,603 --> 00:17:18,403
It's a minefield, innit? Yeah, well,
I been in the game a long time,
268
00:17:18,443 --> 00:17:22,963
so I know my way round.
Nah. I mean the English language.
269
00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:24,923
Right...
270
00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:29,523
What is it you do again? Well...
271
00:17:29,563 --> 00:17:33,123
It's really difficult to put into
actual words what I do.
272
00:17:33,163 --> 00:17:36,043
Which is ironic, really,
cos words ARE what I do.
273
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:39,923
Right. I've no idea
what you're talking about.
274
00:17:39,963 --> 00:17:42,403
I've been called a swami, a guru...
275
00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:45,883
I suppose a lot of people would say
I'm a life coach.
276
00:17:45,923 --> 00:17:48,683
Right.
My son could do with one of them.
277
00:17:48,723 --> 00:17:51,043
Any time
you want me to speak to him -
278
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,403
I wouldn't bother. I've tried that.
Nah.
279
00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:57,723
What you've probably tried to do is
promote your own ideals and values.
280
00:17:57,763 --> 00:18:00,123
As Mr Miyagi said,
281
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:04,803
"There's no such thing as a bad
student, only a bad teacher."
282
00:18:04,843 --> 00:18:08,203
Well, I can't really blame
his teachers. No.
283
00:18:08,243 --> 00:18:11,283
I mean you! Oh, thanks!
284
00:18:12,803 --> 00:18:17,843
A kid learns the most when he thinks
he's not being taught.
285
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:22,203
I'll give you a shout in a bit,
show you what I mean.
286
00:18:22,243 --> 00:18:23,723
Yeah.
287
00:18:23,763 --> 00:18:25,763
I can't wait.
288
00:18:31,483 --> 00:18:35,123
Kenneth? Kenneth!
289
00:18:36,803 --> 00:18:38,403
KENNETH!
290
00:18:38,443 --> 00:18:40,643
Oh, sorry! Didn't hear you.
291
00:18:40,683 --> 00:18:44,443
That's OK.
You were in what we call BSA -
292
00:18:44,483 --> 00:18:47,203
buffet suspended animation.
293
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:49,923
Food here at Mr Wu so delicious,
294
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:54,083
it make your taste buds work
overtime, and affect other senses.
295
00:18:54,123 --> 00:18:57,963
Either that, or you just big, fat,
greedy pig.
296
00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:01,043
Very funny. That's twice
you've called me that.
297
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:04,243
You like the capado chicken?
Which one was that?
298
00:19:04,283 --> 00:19:07,003
Is this one.
Oh, my God, that was gorgeous.
299
00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:11,243
What is in that beautiful red sauce?
A secret. But whatever in it,
300
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,683
you better wipe
from around your mouth,
301
00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:16,723
or you look like Buffet the Vampire.
You get it?
302
00:19:16,763 --> 00:19:20,683
Not Buffy the Vampire.
Chinese Buffet the Vampire!
303
00:19:23,723 --> 00:19:26,723
Yeah. Very funny.
304
00:19:28,163 --> 00:19:32,163
So, what did your sister say?
Oh, yeah! I forgot about that!
305
00:19:32,203 --> 00:19:34,323
Wait a minute. OK.
306
00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:39,003
What she say is, she bought
a new carpet for her living room,
307
00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:41,963
but she wanna change it.
She also new car!
308
00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:46,243
Oh! She got a Buick! They must've
got rid of their Citroen.
309
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:50,203
The ingredients in the medicine!
Wait. I think she getting to that.
310
00:19:50,243 --> 00:19:52,883
Ahh, her friend Lucy got a new dog.
Oh!
311
00:19:52,923 --> 00:19:55,243
Ah, that's why
she wanna change carpet.
312
00:19:55,283 --> 00:20:00,123
For God's sake! I've got to get
back to work! Check yourself
before you wreck yourself!
313
00:20:00,163 --> 00:20:03,323
You not in hurry when you chomping
on Mr Wu's po-pos, huh?
314
00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:06,083
That does sound funny!
315
00:20:07,883 --> 00:20:09,963
Hilarious.
316
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:12,643
OK.
317
00:20:12,683 --> 00:20:16,203
Ah. Oh!
"Content is basically canine drug
318
00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:20,123
used to cause temporary paralysis
for medical reasons."
319
00:20:20,163 --> 00:20:22,483
Did you just say "canine"?
320
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:26,363
Oh, God!
What you been using this for?
321
00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:30,283
I injected it into my boss's face!
322
00:20:41,243 --> 00:20:44,883
No. No. Serious.
What did you do with this?
323
00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:48,603
Oh, shit! Thanks, Mr Wu.
324
00:20:48,643 --> 00:20:51,163
I better get back
and ring that doctor again.
325
00:20:51,203 --> 00:20:55,083
Kenneth! It's not a doctor you need.
What you need is a vet.
326
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:01,483
Hey! No! Six euro for the buffet.
Kenneth!
327
00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:04,643
I haven't got my bum bag with me.
I'll pay you tomorrow.
328
00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:07,923
He eat enough for five people,
and he pay for nothing!
329
00:21:07,963 --> 00:21:10,043
Typical!
330
00:21:11,723 --> 00:21:14,603
"It's not a doctor you need,
it's a vet."
331
00:21:22,363 --> 00:21:25,523
I didn't think
it'd be this exciting!
332
00:21:25,563 --> 00:21:30,443
Oh, it's a great game, pelota,
and they take it so seriously! Mmm!
333
00:21:30,483 --> 00:21:32,763
Bloody 'ell!
334
00:21:32,803 --> 00:21:34,843
That nearly took my head off!
335
00:21:34,883 --> 00:21:38,043
If you're in the crowd,
you're legally part of the game.
336
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:41,403
I once saw a supporter
screaming from the stands,
337
00:21:41,443 --> 00:21:45,563
when the ball whizzed across
the court, and he swallowed it!
338
00:21:45,603 --> 00:21:49,643
The things those players did to that
poor man to get their ball back!
339
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,883
Made MY eyes water, never mind his.
340
00:21:52,923 --> 00:21:55,523
Agh!
341
00:21:55,563 --> 00:21:57,883
Oh, dear, oh, dear!
342
00:21:57,923 --> 00:22:01,523
This does not look good.
343
00:22:01,563 --> 00:22:05,203
What's he saying?
He's saying, "My ankle, my ankle."
344
00:22:05,243 --> 00:22:07,403
What do you think's wrong with him?
345
00:22:07,443 --> 00:22:09,803
I think he's hurt his ankle.
346
00:22:09,843 --> 00:22:13,283
Mm. Oh! What's going on now?
347
00:22:13,323 --> 00:22:16,323
Well, that man wants his sub
to carry on,
348
00:22:16,363 --> 00:22:20,123
but the official is saying he can't,
because he isn't from Polop.
349
00:22:20,163 --> 00:22:23,883
He's not from what?
Polop. It's the local village.
350
00:22:23,923 --> 00:22:26,883
This match is between Polop
and Benidorm.
351
00:22:34,243 --> 00:22:36,403
I live in Polop!
352
00:22:36,443 --> 00:22:38,483
I thought you lived in Wales!
353
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,523
Ssh! You live in Polop?
354
00:22:40,563 --> 00:22:43,523
Yes. My wife and I just moved there.
OK.
355
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:46,563
Looks like
I'm going to get a game after all!
356
00:22:46,603 --> 00:22:49,363
Hurry up!
357
00:22:50,563 --> 00:22:53,643
Change those ridiculous shoes.
Ridiculous?!
358
00:22:55,963 --> 00:22:59,043
Oh, thank you! Viva Polop!
359
00:23:03,723 --> 00:23:07,283
This is exciting!
Your husband, he can play?
360
00:23:07,323 --> 00:23:11,243
Well, he's very good at volleyball,
but he's in France.
361
00:23:11,283 --> 00:23:14,643
Oh! That husband!
362
00:23:14,683 --> 00:23:17,043
Yeah! Oh, yeah.
363
00:23:17,083 --> 00:23:19,243
He's really good.
364
00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:26,723
Oof!
365
00:23:44,933 --> 00:23:46,733
Hello!
366
00:23:48,441 --> 00:23:50,641
You're not here on your own,
are you?
367
00:23:51,641 --> 00:23:54,321
Well, not really.
I'm visiting my son.
368
00:23:54,361 --> 00:23:59,121
Oh, I see. I'm just scouting around
for a ping-pong partner.
369
00:23:59,161 --> 00:24:01,361
I'm sorry?
370
00:24:01,401 --> 00:24:03,961
Well, I'm here with my son, too.
371
00:24:04,001 --> 00:24:06,601
But he's very competitive,
372
00:24:06,641 --> 00:24:10,761
whereas I just love being
knee-deep in schat.
373
00:24:11,881 --> 00:24:14,001
Knee-deep in what? Chat!
374
00:24:14,041 --> 00:24:17,521
You know, banter. Oh! Right.
375
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,440
Can I ask you a question? Fire away.
376
00:24:20,481 --> 00:24:24,241
As a customer at this hotel,
do you think that's right?
377
00:24:24,281 --> 00:24:26,521
Do I think what's right?
378
00:24:26,561 --> 00:24:29,881
Staff being allowed to dress up
like pantomime dames!
379
00:24:29,921 --> 00:24:35,241
Do you know who the best dame
in the business was?
380
00:24:36,281 --> 00:24:40,961
Danny La Rue! A close personal
friend of my late husband!
381
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:44,521
Yeah. Well, that is MY late husband.
382
00:24:44,561 --> 00:24:47,001
So, how do you think I feel?
383
00:24:47,041 --> 00:24:49,601
I don't know how you feel.
384
00:24:49,641 --> 00:24:53,041
You certainly sound pretty angry
to me.
385
00:24:54,041 --> 00:24:57,681
I reckon,
if what you do makes you happy,
386
00:24:57,721 --> 00:25:02,121
and it isn't hurting anyone else,
go for it!
387
00:25:02,161 --> 00:25:05,321
Wouldn't it be wonderful
if we could all go through life
388
00:25:05,361 --> 00:25:08,681
with rose-tinted spectacles like you?
389
00:25:08,721 --> 00:25:10,441
Yeah.
390
00:25:10,481 --> 00:25:13,001
Yes, it would.
391
00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:14,801
Les!
392
00:25:16,041 --> 00:25:19,481
We need to talk. We don't have
anything to say to each other.
393
00:25:19,521 --> 00:25:23,401
If you genuinely care about our son,
you'll listen to me.
394
00:25:23,441 --> 00:25:26,761
I'm listening.
Not here. Somewhere private.
395
00:25:32,921 --> 00:25:34,921
Follow me.
396
00:25:36,321 --> 00:25:39,281
Om...
397
00:25:54,961 --> 00:25:57,761
Listen, I'm going back.
What you talking about?
398
00:25:57,801 --> 00:26:00,921
This is for your benefit.
How'd you work that out?
399
00:26:00,961 --> 00:26:03,561
This is... character-building!
400
00:26:03,601 --> 00:26:06,921
Oh, there you are! What's going on?
401
00:26:06,961 --> 00:26:10,801
He's gonna walk across
burning-hot coals. Oh, no!
402
00:26:10,841 --> 00:26:13,801
Geoff, not with your bunions!
403
00:26:13,841 --> 00:26:16,401
Please listen to me, son.
404
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:20,321
He can't hear you.
He's in some sort of trance.
405
00:26:33,961 --> 00:26:36,121
Aaaargh! They're burning!
406
00:26:36,161 --> 00:26:40,081
IT'S BURNING!
Then, get off it, you great twat.
407
00:26:40,961 --> 00:26:44,121
It's stuck in my foot!
Get it out, somebody! Get it out!
408
00:26:44,161 --> 00:26:47,961
I ain't touching it.
We need some salad tongs.
409
00:26:48,001 --> 00:26:50,201
Aaargh!
410
00:26:51,881 --> 00:26:55,521
Get out of the way! Get out the way!
411
00:27:12,281 --> 00:27:14,721
What are you lot looking at?
412
00:27:37,401 --> 00:27:39,641
I'm listening.
I'll come to the point.
413
00:27:39,681 --> 00:27:43,681
I've offered Liam a job, a flat
and a new life in the UK.
414
00:27:43,721 --> 00:27:47,641
I could see he was tempted. Well,
who wouldn't want 30 grand a year,
415
00:27:47,681 --> 00:27:50,201
plus pension,
not to mention a company car?
416
00:27:50,241 --> 00:27:54,361
But he didn't take it. I know why.
Because he's got a life here.
417
00:27:54,401 --> 00:27:57,761
You may dress like a fool, Les,
but don't act like one.
418
00:27:57,801 --> 00:28:00,001
What sort of a life is this?
419
00:28:00,041 --> 00:28:02,481
Scrabbling around
trying to make ends meet,
420
00:28:02,521 --> 00:28:06,281
living off all-inclusive leftovers,
drinking during the day...
421
00:28:06,321 --> 00:28:10,961
There's only one thing stopping him
going back to the UK. You.
422
00:28:11,001 --> 00:28:14,081
He's a grown man.
He does what he wants to do.
423
00:28:14,121 --> 00:28:18,281
Oh, wake up and smell the coffee,
Les! There's nothing for him here.
424
00:28:18,321 --> 00:28:21,841
I'm here.
And what an example you are to him!
425
00:28:21,881 --> 00:28:25,401
I can't make him go if he
doesn't want to. No. You're wrong.
426
00:28:25,441 --> 00:28:29,001
Don't ask me to explain why,
but he'd do anything for you.
427
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,041
I won't do it.
428
00:28:34,561 --> 00:28:36,881
I think you will.
429
00:28:39,241 --> 00:28:42,681
What's this? £10,000.
430
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:48,321
It's yours. Convince Liam
he has to go back and live in the UK.
431
00:28:48,361 --> 00:28:51,961
You've got to be joking! This way
you get what's best for both of you.
432
00:28:52,001 --> 00:28:54,881
I couldn't look at him
and tell him I didn't want him!
433
00:28:54,921 --> 00:28:57,361
So, write him a letter.
434
00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:03,281
£10,000 is a lot of money.
435
00:29:05,921 --> 00:29:10,841
You could sort out all your finances
and still have plenty to live on.
436
00:29:14,081 --> 00:29:16,521
I can't. Les...
437
00:29:16,561 --> 00:29:20,601
denying yourself £10,000
makes you an idiot.
438
00:29:20,641 --> 00:29:25,001
But denying your only son
the life and career he deserves
439
00:29:25,041 --> 00:29:28,361
makes you something much, much worse.
440
00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:34,561
It's not about the money.
It's about Liam's future.
441
00:29:36,561 --> 00:29:38,641
Look at your life now.
442
00:29:38,681 --> 00:29:43,161
Is this what you want for your son...
when he's 60?
443
00:29:48,521 --> 00:29:51,721
Oh! There's one thing more.
444
00:29:51,761 --> 00:29:54,361
For the remaining time
that Liam's still here,
445
00:29:54,401 --> 00:29:57,201
you'll stop
all this ridiculous dressing up.
446
00:29:57,241 --> 00:29:59,401
It's one thing embarrassing yourself.
447
00:29:59,441 --> 00:30:02,361
But from now on,
you do what's best for Liam.
448
00:30:03,561 --> 00:30:05,561
Do we have a deal?
449
00:30:06,881 --> 00:30:08,881
Get out.
450
00:30:10,321 --> 00:30:12,321
You know it makes sense.
451
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:19,041
You're doing the right thing, Les.
452
00:30:31,001 --> 00:30:33,361
This clown
is going to lose our match.
453
00:30:33,401 --> 00:30:37,121
There is another person
from Polop here.
454
00:30:37,161 --> 00:30:39,321
There's no-one. I ask everyone.
455
00:30:39,361 --> 00:30:41,561
Me! You?
456
00:30:41,601 --> 00:30:45,401
Yeah! Glynn's from Polop,
and, if you remember,
457
00:30:45,441 --> 00:30:49,601
I'm Glynn's wife, so that means
I live in Polop, as well.
458
00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:52,641
Neither of you lives in Polop.
How do you know that?
459
00:30:52,681 --> 00:30:56,841
Polop is a small village. I know
every British person living there.
460
00:30:56,881 --> 00:30:58,801
Plus, if you live in Polop,
461
00:30:58,841 --> 00:31:01,521
why are you wearing
a Benidorm hotel wristband?
462
00:31:01,561 --> 00:31:05,721
I'm also Middlesbrough volleyball
mixed-doubles champion
463
00:31:05,761 --> 00:31:08,281
six years in a row.
464
00:31:09,761 --> 00:31:12,521
Arbitro! Cambio!
465
00:31:13,561 --> 00:31:15,081
Tu!
466
00:31:17,321 --> 00:31:19,601
Go on! OK!
467
00:31:21,201 --> 00:31:23,201
Sorry. Come and watch.
468
00:31:23,241 --> 00:31:28,241
Watch? You can't pull me off!
I'm just about to come into my own!
469
00:31:28,281 --> 00:31:31,721
If I had a euro
every time I heard that...!
470
00:31:36,841 --> 00:31:39,721
It is good? Yeah. OK.
471
00:31:39,761 --> 00:31:41,881
Viva Polop!
472
00:31:50,641 --> 00:31:52,201
Whoa!
473
00:32:41,761 --> 00:32:44,761
A vet?
I don't wanna be seen by a vet!
474
00:32:44,801 --> 00:32:49,961
How rude! Juan's come all the way
from Finestrat! I don't care
if he's come from Fleetwood!
475
00:32:50,001 --> 00:32:54,201
I'm not being examined by a vet!
She gets excitable around strangers,
476
00:32:54,241 --> 00:32:56,961
but she doesn't bite.
Kenneth! I'm only joking.
477
00:32:57,001 --> 00:32:59,801
He doesn't need to examine you -
just give you a shot
478
00:32:59,841 --> 00:33:03,041
to counteract the rabies injection
I gave you. Rabies?!
479
00:33:03,081 --> 00:33:05,961
You've got to be joking!
She has no symptoms,
480
00:33:06,001 --> 00:33:09,361
apart from the paralysis?
Excuse me! I do speak English!
481
00:33:09,401 --> 00:33:13,241
Not that I know of.
No excessive panting or whining?
482
00:33:13,281 --> 00:33:16,721
Oh! Now you come to mention it,
there has been a lot of whining.
483
00:33:16,761 --> 00:33:19,881
And she's been pulling herself along
by her front paws,
484
00:33:19,921 --> 00:33:22,961
dragging her bum across the grass.
I'm only messing!
485
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:25,601
You have injected me in the face
486
00:33:25,641 --> 00:33:29,121
with something you give to dogs
that have rabies?!
487
00:33:29,161 --> 00:33:32,521
Which begs the question,
why are you frothing at the mouth?
488
00:33:32,561 --> 00:33:36,081
Out of here, now! Do you have
any rope to tie up the hind legs?
489
00:33:36,121 --> 00:33:39,721
In my room, but that's
three floors down. Hold them!
490
00:33:39,761 --> 00:33:42,201
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! OK!
491
00:33:42,241 --> 00:33:45,321
We need to swap positions.
Get round the head.
492
00:33:45,361 --> 00:33:49,201
Those teeth look sharp. Will you
stop talking about me like this?
493
00:33:49,241 --> 00:33:53,161
I'm not an animal!
I'm a human being!
494
00:33:56,721 --> 00:33:58,641
Aaarrgh!
495
00:33:58,681 --> 00:34:01,321
Ssh, ssh, ssh.
496
00:34:01,361 --> 00:34:04,081
Muy bueno.
497
00:34:05,881 --> 00:34:08,761
There you are!
I've been looking for you.
498
00:34:08,801 --> 00:34:11,161
Slow day at work?
I'm having a late lunch.
499
00:34:11,201 --> 00:34:14,081
Son, we appear to have got off
on the wrong foot.
500
00:34:14,121 --> 00:34:17,761
Yes, you do. I don't hate your dad.
501
00:34:17,801 --> 00:34:20,561
I'm just frustrated
he's holding you back.
502
00:34:20,601 --> 00:34:24,401
What do you mean? That's why I'm
offering you a fresh start in the UK.
503
00:34:24,441 --> 00:34:28,241
I don't want one! What would you say
if I offered you a fresh start here?
504
00:34:28,281 --> 00:34:30,921
What would I want to live here for?
Exactly!
505
00:34:30,961 --> 00:34:35,161
Liam, why don't we have tea together
tonight?
506
00:34:35,201 --> 00:34:38,881
What, with Mad Dog? No, no. He's on
a shooting weekend in Madrid.
507
00:34:38,921 --> 00:34:42,361
Oh! What's he shooting -
people in debt?
508
00:34:42,401 --> 00:34:45,801
Don't be daft. Birds, small animals,
that sort of thing.
509
00:34:45,841 --> 00:34:49,241
I don't think Mad Dog and I
are gonna get along. Why not?
510
00:34:49,281 --> 00:34:52,481
It's just a feeling.
Me and you, tonight.
511
00:34:52,521 --> 00:34:55,721
Eight o'clock.
I'm staying at the Belroy.
512
00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:58,841
They do a lovely a la carte.
I will have dinner with you -
513
00:34:58,881 --> 00:35:01,401
in Neptune's, eight o'clock.
514
00:35:01,441 --> 00:35:03,601
And then, tomorrow...
515
00:35:05,281 --> 00:35:09,601
..I want you to go home,
and leave me and my dad in peace.
516
00:35:10,601 --> 00:35:13,241
We'll see. Eight o'clock.
517
00:35:14,241 --> 00:35:17,161
Eight o'clock.
518
00:35:22,201 --> 00:35:25,681
Right. I know it's been difficult
without me, but I'm back.
519
00:35:25,721 --> 00:35:28,881
Back at work. Back in the game.
Are you all back?
520
00:35:28,921 --> 00:35:32,361
You never went anywhere.
Miss Temple-Savage, are you OK?
521
00:35:32,401 --> 00:35:35,761
Why are you dressed like
an undertaker? Did somebody die?
522
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:40,321
I have been manager while you were
not well. Do you not remember? You?
523
00:35:40,361 --> 00:35:44,441
Manager? You couldn't manage a fart
without shitting yourself.
524
00:35:44,481 --> 00:35:47,481
I'm hungry. I'm so hungry!
I'm going to get some food.
525
00:35:47,521 --> 00:35:49,801
Anybody want any food?
526
00:35:53,001 --> 00:35:55,361
Well, it's good
that Joyce is back on form.
527
00:35:55,401 --> 00:35:58,761
She's climbing the walls!
What have you done to her?
528
00:35:58,801 --> 00:36:02,001
You have given her something.
She was feeling a bit groggy
529
00:36:02,041 --> 00:36:06,801
after her visit from the vet -
the doctor, so I slipped a few uppers
into her Bovril.
530
00:36:06,841 --> 00:36:10,081
She'll be fine!
531
00:36:10,121 --> 00:36:12,361
What is Bovril?
532
00:36:18,161 --> 00:36:21,041
Well!
It's not exactly the Belroy, but...
533
00:36:22,041 --> 00:36:24,921
I was gonna say
I've eaten in worse places,
534
00:36:24,961 --> 00:36:27,161
but I'm not sure I have.
535
00:36:27,201 --> 00:36:30,681
He's quite funny, Geoff, isn't he?
Geoff? The Oracle.
536
00:36:30,721 --> 00:36:33,081
Depends what you mean by funny.
537
00:36:33,121 --> 00:36:37,041
Weird, laughable, an embarrassment -
that kind of funny, yeah.
538
00:36:37,081 --> 00:36:41,281
Your problem is, you're threatened
by another alpha male. Alpha male?!
539
00:36:41,321 --> 00:36:45,001
He's on holiday with his mum! He's
more of a man than you'll ever be.
540
00:36:45,041 --> 00:36:48,401
Oh, my God! And you fancy him.
You do!
541
00:36:48,441 --> 00:36:52,721
You fancy him!
He's not my usual type,
542
00:36:52,761 --> 00:36:55,681
but he does have
a vulnerable quality to him.
543
00:36:55,721 --> 00:36:57,961
What, with his burned feet?
544
00:36:59,121 --> 00:37:01,201
Hello!
545
00:37:02,201 --> 00:37:05,041
It's Theresa, isn't it? Yeah. Terri.
546
00:37:05,081 --> 00:37:09,001
I must say,
I was thrilled when Geoff told me
547
00:37:09,041 --> 00:37:11,681
that you'd asked us
to join you for dinner.
548
00:37:11,721 --> 00:37:14,281
He'll be down in a minute.
549
00:37:14,321 --> 00:37:17,121
I've just got to go
and wash my hands.
550
00:37:17,161 --> 00:37:20,761
For the past half hour,
I've been creaming his feet.
551
00:37:20,801 --> 00:37:23,201
See you in a jiffy!
552
00:37:24,441 --> 00:37:26,761
Creaming... his feet?
553
00:37:32,180 --> 00:37:34,840
The thing is, Liam,
554
00:37:34,861 --> 00:37:37,541
I think your dad
has finally come to his senses,
555
00:37:37,551 --> 00:37:39,991
and not before time.
What do you mean?
556
00:37:40,031 --> 00:37:42,991
Well, it came as quite a shock,
557
00:37:42,995 --> 00:37:45,195
but he asked to see me
this afternoon,
558
00:37:45,235 --> 00:37:49,555
and... well, basically, he thinks
that you should move back to the UK,
559
00:37:49,595 --> 00:37:52,435
with me. Why would he say that?
560
00:37:52,475 --> 00:37:56,715
I admit he's changed his tune
pretty quick,
561
00:37:56,755 --> 00:37:59,235
but he said you both need to...
562
00:37:59,275 --> 00:38:01,435
Oh, what was his phrase?
563
00:38:02,435 --> 00:38:04,995
"Wake up and smell the coffee."
564
00:38:04,999 --> 00:38:06,699
He doesn't like coffee.
565
00:38:06,754 --> 00:38:11,434
He thinks you should take the job,
with proper career prospects,
566
00:38:11,474 --> 00:38:13,834
and he's taking stock of his life,
too.
567
00:38:13,874 --> 00:38:18,394
And he's gonna stop all that dressing
up and making a fool of himself.
568
00:38:18,435 --> 00:38:22,795
How stupid do you think I am?
What's that got to do with anything?
569
00:38:22,834 --> 00:38:26,434
Those are your words, not my dad's.
Ask him yourself. I will!
570
00:38:26,475 --> 00:38:29,115
I think you're putting words
into his mouth.
571
00:38:29,154 --> 00:38:31,874
Me and your dad were married
for 20 years.
572
00:38:31,914 --> 00:38:34,354
I know him
better than he knows himself.
573
00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:39,674
Liam, sometimes,
no matter how late in life,
574
00:38:39,714 --> 00:38:42,554
people do eventually grow up.
575
00:38:42,594 --> 00:38:44,714
This is for you.
576
00:38:44,754 --> 00:38:48,074
Liam, the gentleman's got
something for you.
577
00:38:48,114 --> 00:38:50,394
No. It's for you.
578
00:38:51,394 --> 00:38:54,234
Hello! I have work to do.
579
00:39:09,554 --> 00:39:12,234
# The moment I wake up
580
00:39:13,234 --> 00:39:16,034
# Before I put on my make-up
581
00:39:16,074 --> 00:39:20,154
# I say a little...
# Prayer for you
582
00:39:21,354 --> 00:39:23,834
# While combing my hair, now
583
00:39:23,874 --> 00:39:27,794
# And wondering what dress to wear,
now
584
00:39:27,834 --> 00:39:29,714
# Wear now
# I say a little...
585
00:39:29,754 --> 00:39:31,954
# Prayer for you
586
00:39:31,994 --> 00:39:33,154
# Forever
# Forever
587
00:39:33,194 --> 00:39:35,154
♪ Forever ♪ And ever
♪ You'll stay in my heart
588
00:39:35,194 --> 00:39:37,674
# And I will love you
# Forever
589
00:39:37,714 --> 00:39:39,074
# And ever...
590
00:39:39,114 --> 00:39:42,554
Hello?
591
00:39:42,594 --> 00:39:48,074
Well, I must say,
this was a good idea.
592
00:39:48,114 --> 00:39:52,114
Safety in numbers,
that's what I say!
593
00:39:52,154 --> 00:39:57,314
Although I once did have
a holiday here on my own.
594
00:39:57,354 --> 00:40:01,394
Oh, yeah? How was that?
Oh, it was an absolute stinker.
595
00:40:01,434 --> 00:40:04,274
I mean, Geoff's in-laws were here,
596
00:40:04,314 --> 00:40:06,874
and I chummed up with them
for a bit.
597
00:40:06,914 --> 00:40:09,514
But I don't think
I'll be doing that again.
598
00:40:10,434 --> 00:40:12,754
You're married? Separated.
599
00:40:12,794 --> 00:40:15,674
Well - never married, to be honest.
600
00:40:15,714 --> 00:40:19,634
Although we do have a son, Py.
See him every other weekend.
601
00:40:19,674 --> 00:40:23,354
You got a son called Pie?
What, as in "steak and kidney"?
602
00:40:23,394 --> 00:40:27,714
No! As in Pythagoras.
You called your son Pythagoras?
603
00:40:27,754 --> 00:40:30,354
Yeah. Why? Nothing.
604
00:40:31,914 --> 00:40:35,354
Pythagoras is my favourite
of all the Greek philosophers.
605
00:40:35,394 --> 00:40:38,474
Seriously?
Well, apart from Socrates. Obvs!
606
00:40:38,514 --> 00:40:41,434
I used to love all that at school.
All what?
607
00:40:41,474 --> 00:40:45,394
Ancient Greek philosophy.
The nearest you got to ancient Greece
608
00:40:45,434 --> 00:40:48,394
was having a kebab on
a Saturday night after 12 pints.
609
00:40:48,434 --> 00:40:51,914
Hello! Oh, this is ridiculous!
610
00:40:53,154 --> 00:40:56,714
Same again? Oh, lovely.
Yeah. I'm fine.
611
00:40:56,754 --> 00:41:00,434
I'll help you. I can manage to bring
back four drinks on my own.
612
00:41:00,474 --> 00:41:02,714
I said, I'll help you!
613
00:41:16,194 --> 00:41:19,274
Miss Temple-Savage,
you are sure you're OK?
614
00:41:19,314 --> 00:41:23,114
When bleeding a radiator, it is
essential to have a third party
615
00:41:23,154 --> 00:41:26,234
to keep an eye on the boiler gauge.
It's essential.
616
00:41:26,274 --> 00:41:28,754
Maybe you need to lie down
for a while.
617
00:41:28,794 --> 00:41:33,834
I was once taken up the Valley
of the Kings by a close relation
of Alan Whicker. No regrets!
618
00:41:33,874 --> 00:41:37,434
Although I did get to meet
David Yip, the Chinese Detective.
619
00:41:37,474 --> 00:41:41,994
I didn't realise it was him till we
were halfway home in a taxi! OK...
620
00:41:42,034 --> 00:41:45,874
Listen. I am going now,
but if you need anything,
621
00:41:45,914 --> 00:41:48,194
please let me know. The group!
622
00:41:48,234 --> 00:41:50,954
Group?
I didn't book the group for tonight!
623
00:41:50,994 --> 00:41:54,954
It's OK. We can just do karaoke.
Karaoke? Not on my watch, soldier.
624
00:41:54,994 --> 00:41:58,674
Is that what Vera Lynn told the
troops in 1940? "Sing it yourself?"
625
00:41:58,714 --> 00:42:01,834
I'll do my Yma Sumac
from my old Ashby-de-la-Zouch days.
626
00:42:01,874 --> 00:42:04,034
They won't know what hit them!
627
00:42:04,074 --> 00:42:07,914
I'm warning you, Clive! Keep your
fat snout clear of my business.
628
00:42:07,954 --> 00:42:11,034
What you talking about?
I feel a connection with Geoff.
629
00:42:11,074 --> 00:42:14,674
I'm ready for a relationship.
The only relationships you have
630
00:42:14,714 --> 00:42:18,834
are standing up in pub car parks.
Maybe I'll settle for that tonight.
631
00:42:18,874 --> 00:42:22,514
I doubt it,
not with the state his feet are in!
632
00:42:22,554 --> 00:42:25,394
# That's my prayer, now
633
00:42:26,874 --> 00:42:29,474
♪ That's my prayer ♪
634
00:42:38,794 --> 00:42:42,634
I really enjoyed today!
You were right!
635
00:42:42,674 --> 00:42:47,394
You can do too much of lying
staring at a swimming pool.
636
00:42:47,434 --> 00:42:50,554
You're always going to have
a degree of beginner's luck.
637
00:42:50,594 --> 00:42:54,914
I think someone's jealous!
Don't be ridiculous.
638
00:42:54,954 --> 00:42:57,394
You are! You're jealous!
639
00:42:57,434 --> 00:42:59,794
No. You're right.
640
00:42:59,834 --> 00:43:04,314
Fair play to you, Jacqueline.
You played brilliantly.
641
00:43:04,354 --> 00:43:07,154
Here's to a great day out!
642
00:43:07,194 --> 00:43:09,554
I tell you what it did, as well.
643
00:43:09,594 --> 00:43:13,074
It made you forget that,
while you're here,
644
00:43:13,114 --> 00:43:17,394
your wife is sharing a bed with
my husband in the South of France.
645
00:43:21,314 --> 00:43:22,954
Whoops!
646
00:43:50,914 --> 00:43:53,234
# Whoo! What they do in Peru
647
00:43:53,274 --> 00:43:55,914
# Tusurikusun viditay... Whoo!
648
00:43:55,954 --> 00:43:59,354
So, is this really what passes for
entertainment round here?
649
00:43:59,394 --> 00:44:01,634
Oh, I love it.
It's very Martha Graham.
650
00:44:01,674 --> 00:44:04,754
What was your letter? Er, nothing.
651
00:44:04,794 --> 00:44:08,234
It's, er... just some details
about a trip.
652
00:44:08,274 --> 00:44:11,674
They do some great free trips
to the waterfall. Where's it to?
653
00:44:11,714 --> 00:44:16,034
No. It's, um... been cancelled.
654
00:44:16,074 --> 00:44:19,514
Gloria. Liked the song, son?
You were fabulous!
655
00:44:19,554 --> 00:44:21,994
You off out tonight?
656
00:44:22,034 --> 00:44:25,514
Meeting a few of the girls up
the Rich Bitch. I'd say join us,
657
00:44:25,554 --> 00:44:29,274
but I don't think it's your mother's
cup of tea. I might join you. No.
658
00:44:29,314 --> 00:44:32,834
Spend time with your mother.
She's not here for long. True.
659
00:44:32,874 --> 00:44:35,994
And we've got the rest of our lives
together. You said it.
660
00:44:36,034 --> 00:44:38,714
See you both tomorrow.
661
00:44:47,154 --> 00:44:50,354
She's got the moves,
I'll say that for her!
662
00:44:50,394 --> 00:44:53,794
Do you like to dance, Geoff?
Not really.
663
00:44:53,834 --> 00:44:57,474
I dunno. You busted some sick moves
on those hot coals today.
664
00:44:57,514 --> 00:45:00,714
Oh, you weren't sick as well,
were you?
665
00:45:00,754 --> 00:45:03,114
You've got a big day tomorrow!
666
00:45:03,154 --> 00:45:06,274
Oh, yeah?
What's happening tomorrow, Geoff?
667
00:45:06,314 --> 00:45:08,994
Nothing. Nothing at all.
668
00:45:09,034 --> 00:45:12,674
Oh, he does get shy! Mother...
669
00:45:12,714 --> 00:45:16,314
Geoff's fiancee's arriving tomorrow.
670
00:45:16,354 --> 00:45:19,994
# ..besame si,
en tus brazos me quiero morir
671
00:45:20,034 --> 00:45:22,514
# Cholito lindo, besame
672
00:45:22,554 --> 00:45:26,114
# Oh...
673
00:45:26,154 --> 00:45:28,354
# Oh...
674
00:45:28,394 --> 00:45:31,034
♪ Oh! ♪
55398
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