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1
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:30,996
(DRILLING)
2
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,758
Has he gone off?
3
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,191
He's on his way.
I think he quite likes the drilling.
4
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,789
Aw, bless.
5
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,959
Look at his little face.
He is so beautiful.
6
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,674
Aren't you beautiful?
Ooh, give us a kiss.
7
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,956
It's still not too late
to change his name, you know.
8
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,710
Mam, I've told you,
I am not changing his name.
9
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,116
But what sort of a name is Coolio
for a little lad?
10
00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,230
It's his name.
11
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,318
- You stick to your guns, Telle.
- Thanks, Dad.
12
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,796
I think you should call
the next one Doddy, after Ken Dodd.
13
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,958
- Don't be stupid.
- Well, you frigging started it.
14
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,435
My nana said she wanted you
to call him after her dad.
15
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,154
Hey, we are not calling him Adolf.
16
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,918
(GIGGLING)
17
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,920
I hope me mam's all right.
They should be down by now.
18
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,951
She looked terrified last night.
19
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,037
I know. Wasn't the most
convincing acceptance
20
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,674
of a marriage proposal I've ever seen.
21
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,360
I think when he picked her up
and carried her out the back,
22
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:33,235
It was supposed to be like
An Officer and a Gentleman.
23
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,591
More like
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
24
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,759
It spoilt it a bit when they
had to come back for her wheelchair.
25
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,036
Are my nana and granddad married now?
26
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,879
No, they aren't,
and he's not your granddad.
27
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,229
Not yet.
28
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,433
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
29
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,551
Martin, can you try again?
They can't still be engaged.
30
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,069
They said they'd let us know
when a room became available.
31
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,794
I double-checked they had our number.
32
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,318
Oh, it's switched off.
33
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,713
We shouldn't be staying here at all.
We paid for the hotel in Altea.
34
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,390
They made the double-booking,
it's their fault we're here.
35
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,989
Any real man would have told them that.
36
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,997
Do you really think I want to be here?
37
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,636
Watching the man you have an affair with
strutting around like a peacock?
38
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,879
It wasn't an affair.
It was a moment of madness.
39
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,355
Yes, well, I'm pretty
bloody mad myself right now.
40
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,439
Well then, I suggest you get on
the phone and get us out of here.
41
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,432
- Hola!
- Fuck off.
42
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,111
It's a shame I don't really tan.
43
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:11,279
My mother was the same,
white as a sheet she was.
44
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,631
Your granddad didn't let her answer
the door on Halloween
45
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,798
because she used to
frighten the kiddies.
46
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:20,514
Mum, I'm trying to get these finished.
47
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,717
How many are you gonna have to do?
48
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,196
I don't know, 30, 40.
49
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,278
You'll get writer's cramp.
50
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,349
Our Pauline said she had that.
51
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,838
That's why she didn't write to me
when they were in South Africa.
52
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,357
Or was that writer's block?
53
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,317
No, I think that's the one
Jeffrey Archer had
54
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,351
when he were in prison.
55
00:03:56,120 --> 00:04:00,830
Or was it that he didn't get
writer's block in prison
56
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,917
after thinking he might?
57
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,314
I can't remember
which magazine it were in.
58
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,511
Mum, you're frying me brain.
59
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,109
Oh, your father used to eat brains.
60
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,630
I'm going to give these out.
61
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,594
Lamb's brains.
62
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,551
They were fried as well.
63
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,313
(COUGHING)
64
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,709
Ooh, look, Brad and Angelina are up.
65
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,990
Oh, yeah, I wonder if we'll
be invited to the wedding.
66
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,952
I'd rather suck out my eyes
with a vacuum cleaner
67
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,151
and replace them with hot toffee apples.
68
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,476
I'll tell them to put us down
as not sure.
69
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,273
Hey, do you want to go out
for some lunch today?
70
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,438
"Nero's all you can eat
Italian buffet, €8."
71
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,200
No. A free mystery meat burger
near the pool
72
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,675
will make my life complete
for today, thank you.
73
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,350
Here you are. Mystic Maureen, Capricorn.
74
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,994
"Your mind is clear, your emotions calm.
75
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,919
"And this will help you to make
the right choices for yourself
76
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,429
-"and people you care about."
- Aw.
77
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:09,679
"A handsome stranger will make you
an attractive offer you cannot refuse.”
78
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,029
GEOFF: How are you, lads?
79
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,312
Arm-wrestling competition
near the pool at 1:00.
80
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,114
€5 entry, winner takes all.
81
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,515
Bloody hell, she's good, ain't she?
82
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,275
Move!
83
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:34,390
Well?
84
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,512
- Still engaged.
- Oh, for goodness sake.
85
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:45,955
Hiya, arm-wrestling competition at 1:00.
€5 entry, winner takes all.
86
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,391
Hey, lads, do you want to enter
an arm-wrestling competition?
87
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,635
Well..
88
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,317
You can't say
there's nothing to do here.
89
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,795
Dear God in heaven.
90
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,957
Kate, where are you going?
91
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,593
(YAWNING)
92
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:14,949
Hiya, Mel
93
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,230
Morning, mam, did you sleep all right?
94
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,670
No, we were up half the night.
95
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,279
I think Mel's done his back in.
96
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,074
Ooh, spare us the gory details, will ya?
97
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,034
Don't be disgusting.
It was carrying Madge up the stairs.
98
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,357
Should have known,
I've always had a weak back.
99
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,792
Jesus, how weak is your back? She only
weighs about three stone wet through.
100
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,436
Started as a twinge at the base
of me spine when I went to bed.
101
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:43,110
And, during the night,
it was more of a dull ache.
102
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,435
Right.
103
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,518
And this morning, it had turned
into a persistent, nagging pain
104
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,756
that moved right up to me shoulders.
105
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:50,915
Yeah?
106
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:55,193
No, it's like being constantly stabbed
by a thousand hot knives.
107
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,469
Right.
108
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,511
Do you think
you should see a doctor, Mel?
109
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,075
No, I'm not one to complain.
110
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,913
Right. I'm going to get meself a brew.
111
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,998
No, don't worry about us,
we're fine, thanks.
112
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,270
Ah!
113
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,719
- Did you have a nice lie-in?
-"Nice lie-in"?
114
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,592
With him snoring like a pig next door
115
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,916
and banging about in the bathroom
till all hours?
116
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,758
You must be joking.
117
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,278
I think he's got haemorrhoids.
118
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,435
Ugh!
119
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:33,313
Your father was the same. The hot
weather always used to bring 'em down.
120
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,431
Did you have
a good talk last night, mam?
121
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,871
Sweats as well.
Comes out of him in buckets, it does.
122
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,310
Apart from his back,
the sweating and his piles,
123
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,238
I think you've got yourself
a real catch there, Madge.
124
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,430
(MICK CHUCKLING)
125
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:49,111
Never trust a man who sweats,
they've always got something to hide.
126
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,880
So when are you getting married, nana?
127
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,957
Telle, take Michael to go
and play on the swings.
128
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,550
I don't want to play on the swings,
I want to stay here and see Mel's piles.
129
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,796
MICK: (CHUCKLING) No, you don't.
130
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,116
Come on, mam,
let's take the baby for a walk.
131
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,198
Good idea.
I could do with stretching me legs.
132
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,110
Don't strain yourself, Madge.
133
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,310
MADGE: Bugger off!
134
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:13,430
(MICHAEL GIGGLING)
135
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,916
Thank you very much.
136
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,758
Thank you, darling.
137
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,757
Geoff. Geoff. Come here, son.
138
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,269
What are you doing?
I'm trying to organise everything here.
139
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,914
Ay, we've got €55.
140
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,439
Well, nice one. Give us it here.
141
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,551
Hey, what's going on here?
142
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:39,915
Nothing.
143
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,078
What do you mean "nothing"?
Why have you moved all the chairs?
144
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,713
You are not allowed to do this.
145
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,956
We're having an
arm-wrestling competition.
146
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,673
Shut up!
147
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,031
What competition?
You cannot make your own competition.
148
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,389
She's only joking.
149
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,229
- But we've already taken people's money.
- For Christ's sake!
150
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,636
You cannot make
arm-wrestling competition here.
151
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,353
I bring the manageress.
152
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,710
Hang on. Hang on, mate.
153
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,551
There's nearly €100 here.
154
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,479
€5 per entry, winner takes all.
155
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,070
You let us have the competition,
you can enter for free.
156
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:18,079
- Winner takes all?
- If you win it, you get the lot.
157
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,036
Wait here, I get a better table.
158
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,754
- Where's the lid?
- Do the chairs.
159
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,118
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
160
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,872
- It's Big Donna.
- Oh, any news?
161
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,594
"You and Jacqueline
greatly missed last night.
162
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,951
"A session with the MSA,
Middlesbrough Swingers Association,
163
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,071
"was resounding success.
164
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,080
"New members Edith and Eddie Gibson
are very much into anal.
165
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,636
"So that's two more for our
September Bottoms Up evening."
166
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,398
Ah! Smashing!
167
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,434
"Good news, Alan's glasses turned up
in the Nardini's hot tub.
168
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,757
"Bad news, Keith Barclay's
homemade lubricant has stripped
169
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,757
"the leather off my three-seater.”
170
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,439
Oh, dear.
171
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,318
- Another screaming orgasm?
- Oh, yes.
172
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,999
Here you are, mam.
173
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,111
He's got an evil look, that child.
174
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,312
Mother, that's your great-grandson.
175
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,910
Your Uncle Douglas had that look,
and he murdered a man.
176
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,113
Lug-less Douglas?
He was deaf and only had one eye.
177
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,153
- Who's he supposed to have murdered?
- Oh, they covered it up.
178
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:44,160
He drowned a man in Medley Street Baths
for borrowing his soap.
179
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,235
Oh, turn that buggy round,
he's giving me black looks.
180
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,636
Mother, I won't tell you again.
181
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,199
Thank you, love.
182
00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,119
So, what's going on with Mel?
183
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,273
What do you mean, what's going on?
184
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,518
Well, last night when he asked you
to marry him and you said yeah,
185
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,995
- you didn't mean it, did ya?
- Of course I meant it.
186
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,679
Why would I say yes if I didn't mean it?
187
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,589
But, mother, you've just spent
half the day moaning about him.
188
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,034
I don't know,
there's something about him.
189
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,800
I just don't think he's right.
190
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,151
Of course he's not right.
He's off his bleeding nut.
191
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,157
So why are you going to marry him?
192
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,840
Because it may have escaped your notice,
193
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,237
but I've not exactly got offers
coming out me ears.
194
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,150
I need someone to look after me.
195
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,112
I thought I looked after you.
196
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,516
I can hardly compare you to him.
197
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:46,320
He's a successful businessman with five
shops and a static caravan in Lytham.
198
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,478
What have you got?
199
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,953
This tea is cold.
200
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,352
I'll get you another.
201
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,069
Come on!
202
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,793
(CROWD CHEERING)
203
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,071
(EXCLAIMING)
204
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,952
(CROWD BOOING)
205
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,071
Come on, big guy! Come on!
206
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:31,039
Come on! You can do it! Come on!
207
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,558
(EXCLAIMING)
208
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,398
MAN: Come on! Come on!
209
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,754
Yeah! Yeah!
210
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,719
You were putting me off!
211
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,319
(WHOOPING)
212
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,957
MICHAEL: Come on, granddad!
213
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,749
(GROANING)
214
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,109
Come on!
215
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,758
Come on, granddad!
216
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:16,835
Ah!
217
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,317
No, me back's gone.
218
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,156
MAN: Yes, yes! Come on, come on!
219
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,314
Hola!
220
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,398
- What do you want?
- I like you.
221
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:37,118
I like a woman with...
How do you say? Spunk.
222
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:43,714
Look, I know it's not going to be easy,
but the past must remain in the past.
223
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,754
I'm flattered that you still hold
a torch for me, but I'm a married woman.
224
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:53,000
What happened between us last year
was a moment of madness, nothing more.
225
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,636
- Last year?
- Yes, last year.
226
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,433
We have met before?
227
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,477
You mean you don't even remember?
228
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,989
I am a busy man.
229
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,077
My God! You're an animal.
230
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:10,592
So, you want to eat
some Spanish sausage or not?
231
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:13,555
Now I remember you.
232
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,273
Come on, Martin!
233
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,479
Come on, Martin!
234
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,716
Keep going, Troy. Keep it going.
235
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,629
Come on!
236
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,720
KATE: Yes!
237
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,598
Sorry, I didn't hurt
your hand there, did I?
238
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,074
No, really, I'm fine.
239
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,237
Come on, out of the way.
240
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,829
- Right, you're in the final
- Poor thing.
241
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,270
- Martin, you've beaten four people.
- I know.
242
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,631
- You're in the final.
- Surprised you noticed.
243
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,592
Okay, second semi-final,
244
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:49,600
The Oracle, that'll be me,
versus Potato.
245
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,552
- Mateo.
- Yeah, whatever.
246
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,752
Me and you, semi-final. Bring it on.
247
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:03,191
Let's do this properly, huh? Follow me.
248
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,469
Fat boy!
249
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,074
CROWD: Ooh!
250
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,760
MICK: Come on, Michael,
let's see where he's going.
251
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,950
Not a bad cup of tea that
considering they're foreigners.
252
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,559
(WHEEZING)
253
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,398
Not in front of the baby, mother.
254
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,670
He doesn't understand about cigarettes.
255
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,279
I don't mean you setting a bad example,
256
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,630
I'm talking about passive smoking.
257
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,320
Passive smoking is just a myth.
258
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,479
It's like them people who say
going on sunbeds is bad for ya.
259
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,635
Well, it is.
260
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,230
I've smoked since I was 16 and I've been
using sunbeds since the mid-'80s
261
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,795
and look at me, picture of health.
262
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,990
Yeah.
263
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:47,830
(SIGHS)
264
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,830
Right, let's get shifted. I didn't come
all the way to Spain to sit indoors.
265
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:58,273
Mam, what I said about Mel,
I've got nothing against him personally.
266
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,437
I just want the best for ya.
You know that, don't you?
267
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,517
I know you do, darling.
268
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:08,554
And believe me, I'm well aware
that Mel is by no means the best.
269
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,437
But he'll do for me.
270
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,710
Come on.
271
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,559
I wonder if they do pile cream out here?
272
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,834
(ALL CHEERING)
273
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,831
Come on, big fellow! Come on!
274
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,032
- Looks pretty good.
- Oracle, come on!
275
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,910
Come on, Son, keep going.
Just push harder than him.
276
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,713
I know how to do it.
277
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,196
Sorry, son, I'm just
trying to be helpful.
278
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,879
You're not helping.
279
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,035
- Hey, excuse me, love.
- Out of the way!
280
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,912
- Non-players off the green, please.
- Get out!
281
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,838
Get off me, will you?
282
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,670
MICK: Come on, lad!
283
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,553
The Spanish will never win,
his technique is all wrong.
284
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,240
If you're such an expert,
how come you got knocked out?
285
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,796
I did better than you, knocked out
in the first round by a bloody woman.
286
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,558
Yes, we're sorry about that,
287
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,150
but my Jacqueline's always had
strong wrists, haven't you, darling?
288
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,634
Oh, yes.
289
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,836
- Come on!
- Come on!
290
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:21,875
Come on, Potato.
291
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,560
Go on.
Go to your mommy, you big, fat baby.
292
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,433
I'm not a baby, I'm a dragon!
293
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,471
(ALL GROANING)
294
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,277
All right, sit down.
295
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,914
No, no, illegal move!
296
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,156
Illegal move!
You used both hands at the end!
297
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,193
Don't be an idiot.
You're the loser, deal with it. Next.
298
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,556
Hey, mate, you're in the final,
who do you think won?
299
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,389
Well, there's no doubt in my mind
who I'm in the final with.
300
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,234
Shall we?
301
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,509
CROWD: Ooh!
302
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,873
Well, thanks a bunch, pal.
Nice to see us Brits sticking together.
303
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:05,679
Hey, wait a minute, this is not fair.
He's had a rest. I need 10, 15 minutes.
304
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,393
(CROWD LAUGHING)
305
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,749
(CROWD JEERING)
306
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,109
Siesta!
307
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,830
Right, you don't want to wrestle,
forget it. I'm okay to go again.
308
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,913
(CROWD LAUGHING)
309
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,550
Look, will you give me that?
310
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,830
Okay, okay, I fight.
311
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,720
- Come on, Martin.
- Come on, lad.
312
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,114
After you.
313
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,355
Oh, you're back.
We were gonna send out a search party.
314
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,710
MEL: Excuse me, lady coming through.
315
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,751
Here, me darling. Front row seats.
316
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,473
Thanks, Mel.
317
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:48,749
GEOFF: Right!
318
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:54,273
This is the grand final of the Benidorm
Arm-wrestling Competition, 2007.
319
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,879
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
320
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,149
England
321
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:58,839
(ALL CHEERING)
322
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,959
versus Spain.
323
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,115
(ALL BOOING)
324
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,197
- Boo!
- MATEO: Boo you!
325
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,356
- Henry Cooper once said...
- Get on with it.
326
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,472
All right, all right. Lock hands.
327
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,232
That's not nice. That's not nice.
328
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:19,755
Take the strain.
329
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,154
(GRUNTING)
330
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,315
And wrestle!
331
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,793
Come on, Martin!
332
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,032
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
333
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,996
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
- Martin! Martin! Martin!
334
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,918
KATE: Come on, Martin!
335
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,640
Yes!
336
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,276
Hang on, hang on. His elbow left
the table, surely that can't be right.
337
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,720
- Elbow!
- That's not right!
338
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:55,955
That's cheating!
339
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,198
Your elbow left the table,
you're disqualified.
340
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,835
You dirty, twisting, Spanish bastard!
341
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,759
All right, mam, sit down!
342
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,676
No, no, let's go again.
343
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,473
- You what?
- Let's go again!
344
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,318
I don't want to win by default.
345
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,397
Are you stupid? You've won.
346
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,512
Martin, Martin,
take the disqualification.
347
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,029
Yes, it is the only way
you're going to win.
348
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:25,473
Why don't you take
the dissiqualification, Martin?
349
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,230
Not on your Nellie.
350
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,720
- All right, come on.
- Come on, Martin!
351
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,319
Let's get on with it.
352
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,874
- Come on!
- Come on now, Martin!
353
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,277
- Come on! Come on, lad!
- Come on, Martin!
354
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,836
The excitement's unbearable.
I hope it lasts.
355
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,230
Take the strain.
356
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,353
And wrestle!
357
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,109
Come on, Martin.
358
00:20:55,240 --> 00:21:01,236
(SCREAMING) Come on!
359
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,918
- Come on, you can do it!
- Come on!
360
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,919
Does the winner get to sleep
with your wife?
361
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,192
(SCREAMING)
362
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,549
Yes!
363
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,989
Bravo, diva! Bravo, diva!
364
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,233
Waiter, waiter,
get us some drinks, please.
365
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,120
(OINKING)
366
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,880
Here you are. Well done, son.
367
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,836
Come on, we're going upstairs.
368
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,394
(KATE GASPS)
27702
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