All language subtitles for AlecKKIIUUYYTT

(smooth electronic music)

(mysterious orchestral music)

- [Narrator] And
so it came to pass

in this place called Manhattan

that there was a writer by
the name of Jabez Stone.

He wasn't a bad writer

and, God knows, he
wasn't a great writer,

but when I met him, he was
becoming a good writer.

(smooth orchestral music)

- [Jabez] There's nothing worse

than a gift gotten too
soon, Johnnie thought,

as he carefully tied the
balloons to his bike.

(typewriter clacking)

And with each balloon,
his resolve grew stronger.

If only he hadn't
gotten the bike early,

one day before his birthday.

If only he hadn't taken that
shortcut over to Mary's.

- Hey, nice bike.

- [Jabez] If only he
hadn't let her ride it.

(bicycle crashing)

- [Mary] Help!

- [Jabez] If only
she hadn't fallen.

- [Mary] Keep away from me!

- [Jabez] Nothing,
not even a new bike,

should stand in the way
of love, he thought.

Then he heard the old
Chevy coming up the road.

His father was home, he
would have to work fast.

- Where's Johnnie?

- Oh Bob, Johnnie's
outside, he is so upset.

He says he wants to run away
from home and never come back.

He says he wants us to
take back his new bike.

- [Jabez] Wheeling the
bike out behind the barn,

he held his breath and
said a little prayer,

please God, let the
balloons be enough.

Then Johnnie let go.

(airy orchestral music)

- Johnnie?

Johnnie?

- [Jabez] Johnnie heard,
but didn't give a damn.

He was just too,

no, that doesn't work,
Johnnie wouldn't say that.

Suddenly the sound
of his father's voice

jerked him back to reality.

What had he done, how could
he throw away the very thing

his mom and dad had worked
so hard to give him?

It's a confusing
world, he thought

as he ran back into the barn.

- [Dad] Johnnie?

(airy orchestral music)

- [Jabez] Then
Johnnie reached out,

trying to grab onto the thing
he both loved and hated,

and in reaching, Johnnie fell.

- What happened, son?

- [Jabez] And Johnnie
told him everything.

How his heart was
broken because Mary said

she never wanted to see
him or that bike again,

and how, if he could only
make the bike go away,

maybe things would go back
to the way they were before

and he could be happy again.

- Remember, son.

There's never a
shortcut to happiness.

- High above their
heads, over the barn,

the Schwinn floated away and
went to that sweet, sad place,

where all things go that are
left behind by little boys

on their way to becoming men.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

- Well, this is it, Bezzy boy,

the end of civilization
as we know it.

- Hey, Julius, Jesus,
what time is it?

- Later than you think,
turn on Channel 4.

- I've been up all night
writing, it's been incredible.

- Sue Simmons is
about to interview

one of the most widely-read and
beloved writers of our time,

Carrot Top.

- Well, look at the bright side,

at least people
are buying books.

- It's those damn chains,
they run this business now.

- I don't know.

- Well, that's right,
you don't know.

How could you know, you
haven't been published.

That's the whole
trouble with you.

You don't know what things
look like from the inside.

- I sent my novel to Webster.

- Who at Webster?

- Daniel Webster.

- You mean the actual guy,
not the publishing house?

- That's right.

- (sighs) Why not?

- Julius, you wouldn't
believe the night I've had.

Around three o'clock
in the morning,

it all started flowing--
- He's on, I gotta go.

- [Sue] Carrot Top,
pleasure to meet you.

- [Carrot Top] You, as well.

- Better Red Than Dead,
The Carrot Top Story.

How long did it take
you to write it?

- A full month.

An entire month, pretty
much noon to 4:00 every day,

with my little tape
recorder and myself, really.

- Well, where do
you like to write?

- In odd places, sometimes
in the car, rollerblading,

maybe exercising on
the bike at the gym.

Really whenever
the muse strikes.

- [Sue] That sounds like a
tough way to go, Carrot Top.

- Okay, Fred, I'm
off to the salt mine.

(upbeat jazzy music)

- Where the hell have you
been, Bailey is on the warpath.

- Subway broke down.

- [Rick] Hold on,
now that is sweet.

- [Salesperson] Pinstripe?

- Jesus, Rick, what is she, 12?

- Oh, yeah, I'm
gonna go find out.

You can take care of grandpa.

May I help you, miss?

- Well, I certainly hope so.

- May I help you, sir?

- I need a tie for a
very special occasion.

Would you believe it's my
50th high school reunion?

- Well, let's find
you a great tie, then.

- They tore the old school down,

so this year, we're
having it at a restaurant.

How much is this tie,
what does that say?

- Are you gonna buy it?

- I'm not sure, how much is it?

- It's $80.00.

- [Old Man] $80.00 for a tie?

- [Manager] Can I
ring it up for you?

- Well...

Thank you for your time.

- That man was a customer.

- A customer?

No, Mr. Stone,
that's a customer.

(mysterious orchestral music)

Hip, beautiful, with a
wallet full of credit cards

and 50 good shopping
years ahead of her.

Okay, that's a customer.

- This tie costs, what, $60
dollars with my discount?

- You're not serious.

- I'm totally serious.

- You know what, I'm
sorry, Mr. Stone, because

that discount is for
current employees only.

- What do you mean?

- Get out.

- Keep the change.

Excuse me, I want
you to have this.

No, no, please, I insist.

- Thank you.

(soft piano music)

- Yeah, sorry I'm late.

Look at you.

Waiter, can I have a
clean glass, please?

So, Sardi's?

- I like Sardi's.

Hey, Mom told me you
closed on a new house.

- Yeah.

It's just a little country
place in the Hudson Valley.

I think it's probably
got outdoor plumbing.

- For a million-two.

- Can you believe that?

- By the way, what's going on
with their anniversary party?

- Cruise, it's all handled.

- Handled, I thought we
were doing this together?

- It's their 50th, Bez,
it's gotta be perfect.

Dewar's, rocks, soda.

Here's the plan,

we say we're taking them
to dinner in the city,

but instead, we
end up at Pier 78,

where we hand them their
first-class tickets,

and they're off on a four-star
cruise around the world.

- Great, so what's
my part in this?

- Well, I was thinking you
could write a bon voyage poem.

- A poem, huh.

So let me ask you something,
what is this costing you?

- You don't wanna know, it's
gotten way out of control.

- No, really, tell me.
- Trust me.

You don't wanna
know, it's insane.

Anyway, I think
this poem, $80,000.

I think this poem could
have a Celtic theme.

- Are you insane?
- I wanna do this for them.

- Well, all right, but $80,000?

I mean, that's very...

- [Diner] Yes, you're
right, it is very good.

- If you don't mind, I'd
like to write you a check.

- Bez, really, it's cool, I
know you would if you could.

- Please?

Besides, I didn't wanna
tell anybody this yet,

but it looks like a very
big publisher here in town

is interested in my new novel,
so let me do this, please.

- Okay, fine.

- Thank you.

How is $500 until
I get my advance?

(upbeat pop music)

- Can I help you, sir?

- I was going up
to see my editor.

- Who is your editor?

- Mr. Webster.

- I have a writer down
here for Mr. Webster.

What's your name?

- Stone.

- Stone, yeah.

Robert Stone?

That's the 40th
floor, Mr. Stone.

(upbeat pop music)

- Mr. Webster?
- Yeah?

- Robert Stone is here.

- Mr. Webster, it's a
pleasure meeting you.

My name is Jabez Stone,
and I'm a writer, shit.

Great to meet you, Mr.
Webster, I've written a book.

- Hey, Bobby!

You're not Robert Stone.
(elevator bell dings)

(alarm ringing)

- Mr. Webster, it's a
pleasure to meet you.

My name is Jabez Stone,
and I am a writer.

(alarm ringing)

- So what do you want?

- Just two minutes of your time.

- I'll take it from
here, Mr. Webster.

All right, sir, why
don't you come with me?

- Please, just think of it as
your good deed for the day.

- You don't want to forget this.

- That's my book in there,
I'd like you to read it.

I think I have something
important to say.

- Right this way, sir.
- Hold on, Frank.

Two minutes, Mr. Stone.

So?

What can I do for you?

- I sent you a manuscript.

- Do you have any idea

how many submissions I
receive in a year, Mr. Stone?

Not that I finish many.

Typically, I read only
until I'm satisfied

the writer has nothing out
of the ordinary to offer.

Sometimes this requires

the perusal of the
entire manuscript.

More often it takes
only a few sentences.

- I have something
out of the ordinary.

- What would that be?

- Novels like--

- Yeah, I know, all about a
man who wants to be a writer.

- A man who is a writer.

- Has he ever been published?

- No.

- Then he should know better
than to call himself a writer

anywhere but in the
privacy of his own home.

See, there is a
difference between

wanting to be a writer
and the writing itself.

The one thing is the reward.

The other is the work.

- I've done the work.

- At 214 pages?

Am I right?

- So you have read it?

I know it needs work,
especially the ending.

My new book is
coming more fluidly.

In fact, it's pouring out of me.

(eerie orchestral music)

Is that a tail?

It looks like a
whip, is it real?

- What makes you think I'd
display a fake tail, Mr. Stone?

- Where did you get it?

- I won it.

If I'd been a second sharper,

I'd have nabbed one
of the ears, too.

- What sort of animal
did it come off of?

- Your two minutes
are up, Mr. Stone.

- We haven't discussed my novel.

- You see all these
famous books, decorations.

I've published perhaps five
great books in my life.

Maybe 50 good ones.

The rest I don't even remember.

We have other editors

who have more enthusiasm
for the job than I have.

Go home and write
something, Mr. Stone.

Write something better.

(patrons laughing)

- So, security came.

With what, stun guns?

- (imitates radio
static) We got a 201.

Desperate writer wielding
unpublished manuscript.

- Actually, Webster
invited me into his office,

and we had a nice little chat.

- My God, there's Gay Talese.

Gay?

- Who is that guy?

- I don't know,
come on, let's go.

- I don't think he could see me.

So, Bez?

You made it into the
sanctum sanctorum,

the office of the
legendary Daniel Webster.

- That's right.
- Did he offer you a deal?

- Well, no.

- Another meeting?
- No.

- What then, Bez, what
did you get from him?

- Well, he gave me some advice.

He told me to go home and write.

To write something better.

- (laughing) You really
are hopeless, my boy.

- [Constance] Hi, how
are you, look who's here!

- Heads up, everybody.
- Oh, my God!

Phillipe, Phillipe,
come, come, come.

Look who's here, the girls.

- Connie, darling!

- Oh, hi, I'm coming to see you.

Phillipe...

- What in the hell was that?

Since when do you
know Constance Hurry?

- If I may?

A toast to Constance Hurry,

the editor who had the
great and good sense

to purchase not
only Loss of Feeling

but the next three novels by
yours truly, Julius Jensen.

- Well.

- To Constance Hurry.

- No, no, to Julius Jensen.

- What's the advance, 20 grand?

Something more in the
mid-five-figure range?

- $190,000

for the first novel.

Successive bumps for
each one thereafter.

- Well, that's quite
a chunk of change.

- Julius?

So, how's my newest acquisition?

Mwah, mwah!

- Mwah, mwah.

Couldn't be better, cham-pan-ya?

- No, thank you.

We're sitting down
with Mike and Diane.

Actually, they want to meet
you when you're done here.

- I'll be right over.

See, Bez, that's the way
it's done in this business.

Constance needed a great novel,

and there I was with
Feeling of Loss.

Carpe diem, baby.

- Carpe diem.

Baby.

(siren wailing)

Joseph Conrad.

He didn't even pick up
a pen until he was 40.

- Hold on.

My brother cashed the check.

My brother cashed the check.

I don't even have enough
money to buy dog food.

(ominous music)

- Yo, man, what you
doing down here?

Give me that, man!
- No, no, no, please.

Take anything you want, but
not that, that's my book.

- [Thug] Shut up!

- Damn, man!
- Come on, mess him up.

(eerie orchestral music)

- Look at yourself.

You'd sell your soul to trade
places with Julius Jensen.

(lightning crackling)

- [Narrator] Little did Jabez
know that with those words,

he set in motion
the forces of evil

that have laid in wait since
the beginning of time itself.

- Shit.

(typewriter clacking)

(typewriter ball clattering)

(Jabez yelling)

$190,000 dollars!

Fuck!

I can't do this any more!

(glass cracking)

- [Man In Street] Oh, my
God, somebody help me!

(Jabez whimpers)

(man in street sobbing)

- Oh, no, please, no.

(dog barking)
(doorbell buzzing)

- My wife!

Someone help me!
(doorbell buzzing)

- Who is...

Who is it?

(knocking)

- [Neighbor] Would
you shut the hell up?

- [Man In Street] Please,
someone, call an ambulance!

(doorbell buzzing)

- [Neighbor] What the
hell's going on down there?

- I'm sorry, I'm...

Can I help you?

- The question is,
can I help you?

- [Man In Street]
Someone help me!

- What's all that
screaming outside?

- [Man In Street]
Please, someone!

- Wait a minute, I remember you.

- [Devil] What a mess.

- Is she moving, please
tell me she's moving.

- You dropped a typewriter on
her head, what do you think?

- [Jabez] God.

- Maybe you should sit down.

- Sit down, I've
just killed somebody,

and I'm gonna spend the
rest of my life in prison!

- Fine, stand, it makes
no difference to me.

(man in street sobbing)
(siren wailing)

So, I guess you feel pretty
bad about what happened, huh?

- You could say that, yes.

You know, I'm gonna
call the police.

- Kind of bad or really bad?

- No, I'm gonna call
my lawyer instead.

No, I'm gonna call the police.
(siren wailing)

Oh, my God, they're
already here!

- Sir, get back.

- I bet you'd do just about

anything to make
this all go away.

- There!

- They're looking
up at my apartment!

- Up there!
- My God!

- Please, Mr. Stone,
your language.

You're a very unlucky
man, Jabez Stone.

That's all this really is,
just a run of bad luck.

(knocking)

- Mr. Stone, Police
Department, open it.

- Shit, shit, shit,
what am I gonna do?

- We open the door, I guess.

- No, no, no.

- Trust me.

(knocking)

- No.

No.

- You're Jabez Stone?

- Do I look like Jabez Stone?

- Mind if we come in,
take a look around?

- What's this about, Officer?

- You wanna tell me how
that window got broke?

- What do you mean?

(wind howling)

(eerie music)
(door hinges squeaking)

Maybe you have the wrong
apartment, gentlemen.

- Right.

Sorry to bother you,
miss, good night.

(door hinges squeaking)

- You can come out now.

- How the hell?

Who are you?

- Do you have anything to drink?

This is it?

- I wasn't expecting company.

- It's too bad about the
typewriter and the laptop.

You'll need something
to write on.

Also a bigger place.

Something with a view?

A bed might be nice.

- I don't know what
you're talking about.

- I'm talking about the
reason you asked me over.

- I didn't ask you over.

- I seem to remember something
about selling your soul

to change places
with Julius Jensen.

(ominous music)

Or do I have the
wrong apartment?

- Who are you?

- I think you know.

- Let me give you
a little advice.

You're about to make a deal

for your mortal soul
for all eternity.

So, let's not blow it on
season tickets to the Knicks.

Think carefully
before you answer.

More than anything else on
Earth, what do you want?

- I want to write
books that last.

- I can't help you there.

Books that last, that's
a question of talent.

- I am talented.
- Well, good, good!

Then why don't we concentrate
on books that sell?

The rest will take care of
itself, you need an audience.

- I see.
- What else?

- Appreciation.
- What else?

- Respect.
- Respect?

- I want respect.
- Whose respect?

Your family, friends, strangers?

- Everyone.

- So, no one's in particular.

What else?
- I beg your pardon?

- You'll feel so much
better if you just say it.

- Success, I want success!
- That's it!

You want to be

a success.
- Yes!

- You want to be a success
so you can write great books

and people will appreciate
your talents, isn't that right?

- Yes.

- Then you've come
to the right person.

Or the right person
has come to you.

10 years, it's a
standard contract.

10 years and then
I take what's mine.

- Well, what happens
after that, to me, I mean?

- Look at it this way.

How much worse could it get?

Are you in?

- I'm sorry.

I just keep thinking
about that poor woman

lying out there
dead in the street.

- And what poor woman
would that be, Mr. Stone?

(people in the
street applauding)

- I'm fine.

(eerie orchestral music)

- How did--
- See, Mr. Stone?

Just say the word and all of
your problems will disappear.

- What do I have to
do, sign something?

- You mean a contract?

Like in blood?

- I've never done this before.

- Of course you haven't.

Well.

You know what they
say, Mr. Stone.

Carpe diem, baby.

So, how about it?

Are you in?

- I'm in.

- [Narrator] And there
it was, the kiss.

And oh, what lies
there are in kisses.

(wind howling)

(thunder booming)

(eerie orchestral music)

- Don't touch that!

I'm leaving.

- I didn't mean to
hurt your feelings.

May I ask you a question?

- What?

- Our agreement,
when does it start?

- Let me ask you a question.

When was the last time
you found yourself in bed

with someone who
looks like this?

Consider yourself on the clock.

(door slamming)

(doorbell buzzing)

- Hey, you Mr. Stone?
- Yes.

- Sign here, please.

(siren wailing)

- I...

(suspenseful orchestral music)

Get yourself another wheel.

(upbeat jazzy music)

- [Constance] Dear Mr. Stone,
while cleaning out my desk

I came across your
manuscript given to me

many months ago by Mr. Webster.

Although we sent you a rejection
letter several weeks ago,

it seems I have made a
grave error in judgment.

(Jabez laughing)

(upbeat jazzy music)

- Taxi!

- Are you famous?

- No.

- Yes, you are famous.

- No, I'm not, really.

- You have that look
that famous people have.

- Mr. Stone, so good to see you!

- Jabez Stone.

- Please, call me Bez.

- Hello, Bez, so
nice to meet you.

- Oh, thank you.

Actually, I was with
Julius Jensen last night.

At Helene's.

- Of course!

Bez, this is Kee Young,

our vice-president of
publicity and promotions.

She's not overweight,
she's pregnant.

- Oh!

- I just talked to Newsweek.

- Oh?

- We're looking at an up
arrow in next week's issue.

- Tell Bez what I said,
Kee, the three words?

- Not since Mailer.

- So.

Bez Stone.

tell me about the
man behind the words.

Where did you grow up?

- Long Island.

- Semi-rural, in
touch with nature,

but still close to the city.

- Jay Mclnerney
meets Jay Gatsby.

- Well, I'm from
Bellmore, actually.

- College?
- Haverford.

- Okay, we like.

Academically distinguished
but not elitist.

Favorite writers?

- Kafka, I guess.

Dickens.

Dostoyevsky.

I read Crichton sometimes.

- Good, we can work with that.

- Entertainment
Weekly is doing a,

What Book are you Taking to
the Beach this Summer, piece.

Maybe I can get
them to talk to Bez.

- I'm not really a beach person.

- You've got heat right now,
Bez, let's not waste it.

- So, what about the book?

- What about it?

I've already ordered a first
printing of 100,000 copies.

- Good God, that's great!

But what did you think of it?

- Of what?
- The book.

You didn't find it a bit bumpy?

- Not at all.

We wouldn't be printing
it if we didn't love it.

Of course, there are a couple
of things we need to discuss.

- You were saying?

- The hero seems a bit, oh,

I don't know, reflective,
uncertain, if you will?

We've found that upmarket
general fiction readers

don't like characters who
harbor too many doubts.

- No, I think his indecision
is at the core of the story.

- Really, I didn't
see it that way.

We don't have to solve
everything right now.

- No, but I would like to know--

- It's your book, Bez.

We would never make you do
anything you didn't agree with.

I'm just here to help.

(rhythmic bass music)

- I'll have you know that Irving
Berlin wrote a little ditty

called White Christmas while
living at this address.

- [Jabez] I hear this building
is impossible to get into.

- [Agent] That won't be
a problem, Mr. Stone.

(smooth jazz music)

(doorbell ringing)

- I love it.

And I'm so glad you agreed
with me about the changes.

You do agree with me, don't you?

- Yes.

(sultry saxophone music)

- I don't think I've ever read
anything quite so exciting,

so penetrating.

- It's hard to believe
it's really coming out.

- Believe it, Bez.

It's going to be bigger
than I ever imagined.

(telephone ringing)

Are you gonna get that?

- I have no intention
of getting that.

- It might be Paula Wagner.

- Who?

- Paula Wagner, she runs Tom
Cruise's production company.

I emailed her the
manuscript last night.

- You gave her this number?

- Just in case, pick it up.

- Hello?

Yes, yes, it is.

Thank you very much.

Great, well, yes, she is,
she's right here, hold on.

- Paula.

Well?

That's great.

I'm so excited.

Right, call me later.

(laughing)

- [Jabez] What did she say?

- Tom wants to option the book.

- It's 5:00 a.m. out there.

- Did you hear me?

They want to option our book.

- Wow, that's amazing.

- Rise and shine.

We've just got time for
a quick celebration,

and then you've
got books to write.

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

Yeah, oh, oh.

Okay.

Right, bye.

(smooth jazzy music)

- So, your new book,
it's very sexual.

Is it autobiographical?

(Jabez laughing)

(smooth jazzy music)

- The Nine Muses.

It really would be a
shame to separate them.

- I guess I'll have to
take them all, then.

- Of course.

- Really, you know, I'm happy
to read whatever you have.

- Well, there's really
no point, Mike, it's uh,

it's finished.

The manuscript has already
gone to the typesetter.

Times, please.

- It's finished?

Didn't you just
start it last week?

- It took a couple of months.

Well, it basically wrote itself.

- Uh huh.

And it's good?

- Well, they're going
to ship 100,000 copies.

Somebody must like it.

(Mike coughing)

Have another cigarette, Mike.

- Yeah, I think I will.

It gives my cough
more character.

- Give me that.

Oh, my God, is Jensen
here with his wife?

- Somebody must have died.

- [Jabez] Hey, guys,
what's the occasion?

- There's a problem
at Webster Books.

- What kind of problem?

- They're saying he borrowed
passages of Feeling of Loss.

- How much?
- Half the book.

Some German novelist
nobody's ever heard of.

- A Nazi!

They're accusing me of
stealing from a frigging Nazi!

- Well, maybe you read
it a long time ago?

- I'm Orthodox,
for Christ's sake.

- In school or something and
you forgot where it came from.

How close was it?

- It's hard to say.

- Word for word.

- And the worst
thing, Constance said

the best part of my book
was the part I stole.

They want the advance back.

- If it's a matter of money,
Julius, I'm there for you.

Friends help each other, right?

- Excuse me, Mr. Stone?

I just wanted to say
hello, I'm a big fan.

- Oh, thank you.

It just means that
there's something better

right around the corner, Julius.

- I don't know how it happened.

- You're too good
not to survive this.

- You're such a
wonderful writer.

- Thank you, but my book
isn't even published yet.

- I read the blurb
in Publishers Weekly.

- I don't know how
it frigging happened.

- I mean, they compared
you to Hemingway.

- Well, that's just an ad taken
out by a publishing company.

You really ought to ease
up on those, Julius.

- My friends and I are
sitting at this table

right over here.

They don't speak any English.

Well, stop by if
you feel like it.

(Julius sobbing)

- Don't look.

Don't look, okay, you can look.

- You changed the title.
- We thought this was edgier.

- This is Julius' title,
you've just inverted it.

Feeling of Loss,
Loss of Feeling.

- So, that book is dead.

Besides, there are
no new ideas anyway.

- I don't think that I feel

very comfortable
about this, Constance.

- Live with it for 24 hours.

If you still feel
the same way...

(sad piano music)

- Congratulations, Bez.

- Thank you.

- Don't thank me, you
earned every bit of this.

- Please don't
say that too loud.

- Not a bad party.

- Thank you, John,
have you read the book?

- Of course I've read the book.

I'm probably the only
person in this room who has.

- And?

- What can I say, Connie?

You've done it again, it's
a total piece of shit.

(laughing)

- Well, thank God no one
reads critics any more.

- They told me we're on this
Sunday's bestseller list.

- Are you happy?

- Norman Mailer said he's got
my book on his night table.

- Any complaints?

- Well, I do feel bad about
what happened to Julius.

- You know what they say.

In order for one to
succeed, another must fail.

- You didn't have anything
to do with that, did you?

Well, I never asked
you to sabotage him

or harm him in any way.

- Would you grow up, please?

You are such a baby, really.

It's no fun giving you
everything you want

if you're not going to enjoy it.

- I just don't remember
saying anything about Julius.

- Is there a band,
I feel like dancing.

(bright jazzy music)

- Mr. Stone?

Man of the hour,
you're quite a success.

- Thank you.

- It wasn't meant
as a compliment.

- Ah, the great Daniel Webster.

- The drunk Mr. Hardy.

- Better drunk than a
whore, I always say.

- Better neither than both.

I take it you know Jabez Stone.

- Mr. Stone!

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

- Jabez Stone is a thief!

That man stole my book!

(crowd murmuring)

- Julius?

- You stole my frigging book!

- I never saw your book.

- You took the title!

- It really doesn't
mean the same thing.

- Feeling of Loss,
Loss of Feeling.

What's the frigging difference?

- Julius, you're drunk.

(crowd gasping)

(lightning crackling)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

- [Devil] You know
what they say.

In order for one to
succeed, another must fail.

(lightning crackling)

(traffic honking)

- What in the hell was
that all about, huh?

What is the matter with you?

What is the matter with you?

You know that Bez
is your friend.

- That's right, Mike, and
friends help each other.

Tonight, Bez helped me.

Taxi!

(Julius yelling)

(lightning crackling)

- [Narrator] And so it was

that the chariot of the
Devil smote down Jensen.

You see, Jensen was a loose end,

and the Devil doesn't
like loose ends,

if you know what I mean.

- [Newscaster] In
entertainment news, Jabez Stone

continues to lead the pack
of best-selling authors

in spite of a rash
of bad reviews.

One critic writes,
Stone is to fiction

what E. Coli is to ground round.

Later, Jabez punched
the critic out

in front of a popular
New York restaurant,

yelling, here, eat this!

Meanwhile, the Big Apple
named bad boy Jabez

most eligible
bachelor of the month.

- So, what are you feeling?

- Nothing.

- Nothing.

That's the best.

(somber orchestral music)

- And now this weekend's
box office numbers.

In the first spot,
The Falling Man.

Based on the novel
by Jabez Stone,

the critics were brutal
to this film adaptation,

but the audience
didn't seem to care.

Falling Man annihilated
the competition

with an impressive
$33.2 million dollars

in its first three days.
(telephone ringing)

- Yeah, it looks like The
Falling Man has something

to stand up and cheer about.

- I saw it over the weekend.

Good movie.
- Thank you.

- Constance Hurry.

- Thank you.

Hello?

- [Constance] I've been
trying you all weekend.

Where have you been?

- Hiding.

- Don't tell me you were
bothered by the reviews.

- They were even worse
than for the book.

I didn't think
that was possible.

- Oh, please!

I'm getting calls from
everybody about your next book.

And the one after
that, it doesn't get

- Uh huh.
- Oh, come on, Bez.

When you walked into my
office a few years ago,

did you ever imagine
that you'd be complaining

because your smash
hit number one movie

got a couple of bad reviews?

- A few years.

- Your movie's a big fat
success, Bez, enjoy it.

I'll check in with you later.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Bez ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Thank you, honey.

- We have to go, Bez.

Someone's about to
have a meltdown.

- Is this your baby?

- Not any more, she's
just about to turn five.

How many is that, Gigi?

- Five.

(somber orchestral music)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

- [Mike] Hey, pal,
carpe diem, baby.

Happy birthday, pal.

- Well, well, well, thank you.

- We're down here at the High
Life, you wanna come down?

I mean, you know,
I thought maybe

you were in the
mood for slumming.

- Well, Mike, I'd love to, but--

- I miss you, you know that?

I do.

And besides, I got this thing.

I was working on it for a while,

and I wanted to show it to you.

- How about tomorrow?

No, I've got to look at
houses in the morning.

How about Thursday?

- No, actually, tomorrow's
the only day I got.

- Okay, well, I have
this stupid photo shoot,

but why don't you come by
the apartment around 5:00?

(Mike coughing)

Have another cigarette, Mike.

- Yeah, yeah, I
quit, you know that?

I quit, about a
couple of months ago.

- Is that the last
time I saw you?

- You're a busy man.

I'll catch you tomorrow, okay?

(eerie orchestral music)

- This kitchen has everything
you could possibly imagine.

I believe the renovation
was around three.

It's on the market for 5.5,

but I believe you can talk
them down a little bit.

It's a divorce, end of a dream.

They have to sell it furnished.

Mr. Stone?
- Yeah.

- Furnished.

The owners would like
to sell it furnished.

- Oh.

(eerie orchestral music)

Wait!

Wait!

- So.

What can the forces of evil
do for you today, Jabez Stone?

- I need more time.

- That's ridiculous.

- I want it all to slow down.

There's so many other
things I want to write.

Important things, the
novel I was working on

when I first met you.

I feel like I'm constantly
feeding this machine of success,

and I don't like it.

- What is it that you
asked me for, Bez?

I told you I could give you

anything you wanted in this
world, and what did you want?

- Well, that was--
- Say it!

Success, and that
is what you have.

Not some fantasy version, where
you sit in a rocking chair

and smoke a pipe and write
essays on the human condition.

So stop whining
and get used to it.

- Bez, I have Mike
here to see you.

- Mike?

We're just in the middle
of this photo shoot.

- I'm sorry, I thought
that you said that--

- No, no, absolutely,
it's my fault.

Come in, come in, come
in, you know Constance?

We're just doing this thing
for Architectural Digest.

It shouldn't take very
long, sit, sit sit sit.

So, how are you, Mike?

- How do I look?

- Thin.

(Mike laughs)

- Yeah, yeah, I guess
you could say that.

- We have to go, Bez,
we need the sunlight.

- I'll be right there.

Things are a little bit
crazy right now, Mike.

What's your tomorrow look like?

- Not so great.

Bez.

I--
- Guess what?

I just talked to Michi
Kakutani at The Times!

(Mike wretches)

- Oh, my God.

- I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

- It's okay, we're not
shooting in this room anyway.

Could someone please bring
us some paper towels?

- I gotta go, Bez.

- Are we doing this or what?

- You know, maybe this
isn't a good time.

- Isn't a good time?

- The sun is going down.
- Shut up!

- Bez, take it easy.

- I'll call you.
- No, no, no.

You came here to tell
me something important.

So what is it?

What the hell do you want to
tell me that is so important?

- Bez, I have to insist.

- No, no, what is it?

Money?

Do you need money?

(somber orchestral music)

- I'm gonna go.

- Okay, let's do this,
where do you want me?

- We lost the light.

- [Narrator] And Jabez
looked inside himself

and found that the
light was gone.

(siren wailing)

- So what are you
reading these days?

- Well, I stopped
by to pick up a copy

of U.S.A. by Dos Passos,

but they're not
carrying it any more.

(bus brakes hissing)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

(caller sobbing)

Molly?

- [Molly] Mike
died this morning.

I tried to reach you earlier,
but you weren't home.

I'll call you when we make
the arrangements, okay?

- Right, thanks.

- Mr. Stone, Constance,
a photo here?

Over here, sir, congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Are you working on
something now, Mr. Stone?

- Yes, Remembrance
of a Loss of Feeling

is the sequel to my first novel.

- Thank you, have
a good evening.

- Yeah, thank you.

- Bobby!

Bez, I'd like you to
meet Robert Stone.

- Well, what an honor.

- I haven't seen a book
like that for a long time.

- I told you I didn't
want this award.

They resent me, and
I don't blame them.

- Nonsense, they're
just jealous.

- Jealous of what?

- And the winner

of the International Literary
Society Award for Fiction is,

Jabez Stone, A Certain
Numbness of the Extremities.

(audience applauding)

(camera shutters clicking)

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Words cannot...

No words can express...

Excuse me.

My mind is somewhere
else tonight, I'm

grieving the loss of my friend,

Mike Weiss.

Not a name you would
know, Mike was a writer.

Before I...

When I was younger,

he was the first guy
I'd show my stuff to.

Mike was a tough critic, he
had a great bullshit detector.

But when he liked
something, well,

that was a good day.

Of course, in recent years, I

stopped asking Mike
for his opinion.

Not because he'd tell
me my books were shit.

I already knew that.

I just didn't want to hurt him.

You see, that's what bad
writing did to Mike, it,

it caused him pain.

(somber orchestral music)

- Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

- I'm sorry I missed
the funeral, I got

tied up at some dinner.

- You look expensive.

So, he gathers everybody
in his tiny hospital room,

and he says he wants to
read something out loud.

And I'm thinking, oh,
my God, it's his will.

But no.

Instead, he pulls out a copy
of The Barnard Review of '79,

and he starts to recite
Orgasm Profundus,

which is my first
published poem.

- Right, your Analyis Nin phase.

- Yeah. (laughing)

Oh, Bez, I swear to God,

I said it was good that
he was dying of cancer

or else I'd have to kill him.

- I would love to
have seen that.

- Yeah.

Oh, we miss you.

So, what happened with you guys?

Mike didn't want to
talk about it either.

I think he was just hoping you
guys would still work it out.

- I wanted to.

Believe me.

But you don't know what
my life is like right now.

- Then tell me.

- It's so complicated.

Every little piece of bullshit

takes on this
earth-shattering importance.

Everyone wants a piece of you.

And the people that
you care about the most

get pushed aside, like Mike.

He stopped by to see
me a few weeks ago

to tell me he was sick.

- Really?

I didn't know that.

- He came to see me,

and I couldn't find five
minutes to talk to him.

I mean, I offered him money,

but not my time, you see,
I don't have any to spare.

It's so precious.

Does that make any sense to you?

- I wish it did.

- You know something, Molly?

I think I liked
the old me better.

- Yeah.

Me, too.

(somber orchestral music)

(wind howling)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

- I wanna talk to you!

(Jabez yelling and groaning)

I'd sell my soul for one
lousy minute of self-respect.

- Sorry, Bez.

Only one soul to a customer.

- [Kid] Move your butt!

(hissing)

(kids yelping)

- I saw that.

I saw that.

- I should have
set them on fire.

So, you've been looking for me?

- I want out.

- Out of what?

- The deal, everything.

I'll give back the apartment
and the place on Long Island.

- You're about to be nominated
for a Pulitzer Prize.

You wanna give that up, too?

- Yes.

- And the money?

What about the women?

How do you intend
to return them?

- I'm worthless like this.

- Oh, I almost forgot, I
have something for you.

A friend left you
that, remember?

No one wanted to read it.

You wanna turn back
the clock, fine.

(mysterious orchestral music)

(car engine revving)

(keyboard clicking)

- Remember, son, there's
never a shortcut to happiness.

(somber orchestral music)

- Oh, Mr. Webster.

- Mr. Stone.
- I was wondering

if I might have a word
with you in private?

- I doubt that very much.

- I need some advice.

- Use fewer adjectives.

- Not that kind, please?

- Okay, this way.

- It's a novel, actually,
it's half a novel.

And I'd like you to read it.

- You hardly need my approval
at this point in your career.

- That's exactly what I need.

I want you to tell me if
you think it's any good.

- Do you think it's any good?

- Yes, I do.

- Then that should be
sufficient for you.

Besides, there are plenty of
people who enjoy your books.

So, isn't that enough?

- I wrote it a long time ago
before anybody knew who I was.

Before I met her.

I've been wanting to
ask you about the tail,

the one in your office.

Is it hers?

(mysterious orchestral music)

It is hers, isn't it?

- Yes, it's hers.

You asked to be released?

- Yes.

- I bet she enjoyed that.

Let's take a walk.

Why do you want to
end your agreement?

You're wealthy, celebrated,
people respect you.

- They respect my success.

- Doesn't that amount to
the same thing these days?

- No.

No.

I've lost the love
and friendship

of the only people
I've ever cared for.

I've lost myself.
- Ah.

Well, there's nothing more
to lose, then, is there?

Ah.

But there is a way, Mr. Stone.

- How?

- What everyone else
in this country does.

Take her to court.
(lightning crackling)

- You mean a trial?

- I'll warn you now, Mr. Stone.

It'll be messy.
- You've done this before?

- Oh yes, many, many times.

This is a battle that's been
waged for thousands of years.

Not always by me, of course.

Although sometimes
it feels that way.

(wind howling)
(thunder cracking)

- Do you think we
could step inside?

- No, she will be here soon.

(woman groaning)

She wants to get even with me.

- Oh!

- You've decided to risk it?

- He tells the
truth, Your Highness.

- Oh, yeah, he's a
regular boy scout.

- Do you think he's
worth your time?

- You make it worth
my time, Mr. Webster.

- Tell me, do you
miss your tail?

(laughing)

So, what did you ask for?

Be precise.

- Success.

- Because that's
what you lacked?

- Yes.

- You already had happiness?

- I just wasn't happy enough.

I thought success
would make me happier.

- That's a common mistake,.

So, for a big helping of success

you signed over
your immortal soul?

- I didn't know its true value.

- Buying it below
the market rate.

Yeah, she's an arbitrageur.

(clock chiming)

It's very late, Mr. Stone, I
suggest you go home and rest.

- I'm scared.

- Yeah, so am I.

One other question, Mr. Stone.

Since the time of
your agreement,

what was the most satisfying
thing that happened to you?

- I don't understand.

- What was the one moment

that nearly made
it all worthwhile?

- Nothing.

Nothing made it all worthwhile.

- Thank you, Mr. Stone.

(somber orchestral music)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello?

- [Mr. Webster] Are
you ready, Mr. Stone?

- Yes.

- [Mr. Webster]
Good, we have a date.

- When?
- One hour.

(somber orchestral music)

- Where are we going?

- Be patient, Mr. Stone.

- [Jabez] Can I
ask you something?

- [Mr. Webster] Of course.

- [Jabez] I know what
happens to me if we lose,

but what happens to you?

- [Mr. Webster] Simple.

She gets something she's
wanted for a very long time.

- [Jabez] Don't tell me.

She gets you, your soul.

Forever.

- [Mr. Webster] Very
perceptive, Mr. Stone.

- I was afraid you
were gonna say that.

Garden City?

- Yeah.

These things are always settled
in the Garden, aren't they?

- Good luck, Bez!

- What the hell?

- We're rooting for you, Bez.

- What's going on here?

Is that the?

- It's the jury.

The matter must be
settled by daybreak.

It's worse than I thought.

- I recognize some of
those people, that's,

that's Truman Capote

and Jacqueline Susann.

My God, that's Ernest Hemingway.

- Oscar Wilde.

Mario Puzo.

- Jabez Stone versus
The Other World.

- Julius?

- Friends help each other, Bez.

Is Counsel ready?

- Counsel for Mr. Stone
is ready, Your Honor.

- [Julius] And Counsel
for the Other World?

- Counsel for the Other
World is ready, Your Honor.

(mysterious orchestral music)

- Opening statements.

Mr. Webster?

- Your Honor,
members of the jury,

I don't propose to
solicit your mercy.

I intend to show that Mr. Stone
entered into this contract

only after a series
of devastating events

which clouded his judgment.

In a single day, he lost his
job, was beaten and robbed,

and accidentally caused the
death of another human being.

And then she came along,

promising to deliver
him from all these woes.

Now who among us

would have the strength
to refuse such an offer?

And so an otherwise good
and sweet-tempered man

was manipulated into
making a frightful mistake.

In other words, ladies and
gentlemen, Jabez Stone was had.

Thank you, Your Honor.

- Your Honor,

what we have here is a
simple case of contract law.

A standard contract
for Mr. Stone's soul

was offered and accepted.

No misunderstandings,
no sleight of hand.

Mr. Stone accepted
the terms and now,

having enjoyed the pretzel,
does not want to pay the vendor.

- Very well, then.

Mr. Webster, you may call your
first witness, make it quick.

- Plaintiff calls Michael Weiss.

Mr. Weiss.

How would you describe your
relationship with Mr. Stone?

- Bez and I were friends.
- For how long?

- I don't know,
about 12 or 13 years.

- Pre-dating his celebrity?
- Yes.

- And during those years
before Mr. Stone became famous,

did beautiful women

make themselves available
to him on a regular basis?

- I'm sorry?

- Was Mr. Stone getting any?

(people chuckling)

- No.

- And were you familiar
with Mr. Stone's writing

during this period?
- Sure.

I used to read everything
that Bez wrote.

- Was any of it published?

- Well, some of it
should have been.

It was certainly good enough.

- Please answer the question.

Was anyone interested in
publishing Mr. Stone's work?

- No.

- And how would you characterize

Mr. Stone's financial
situation during this period?

- Well, I would have to say
that Bez was pretty poor.

- So during the period
before he became famous,

Mr. Stone was poor, unpublished,

and unpopular with
women, is that correct?

- Mm hm.
- Was he happy?

- As far as I could tell.

- Happier than after
he became a success?

- Absolutely.

- And his writing?

Was his writing better
after he became famous?

- It never even came close.

- So, if Mr. Stone
exchanged his soul

in order to write great books
and thereby gain happiness,

would you say he received
what was promised him?

- No, I wouldn't, I
would say he was cheated.

There's no doubt about that.

- Thank you, no more questions.

- You said you knew Mr.
Stone for several years

before he attained
fame and success.

- That's right.
- During the same period,

you were also friends
with Julius Jensen?

- Yeah, sure, but
not in the same way.

- Three struggling
writers in the big city

all hoping for
that one big break.

- No, Julius had
already made it.

I mean, he'd written a novel,
had a deal for another one.

- Well, actually, the deal
called for three books.

- Objection, Your Honor!

It is entirely improper
for you to inject yourself

into the cross
examination of a witness.

- Oh.

I see.

Well then, sustained.

- Is it possible, do you think,

that Mr. Stone was jealous
of Mr. Jensen's success?

- No, not jealous.

- You don't suppose
Mr. Jensen's accident

could have been part
of the agreement?

- Objection!

- Or that the
charges of plagiarism

which ruined this man's career--

- Your Honor, I object!

- Or his horrible death could
have been part of the price

for Mr. Stone's success?

- You son of a bitch!

- I swear, you
weren't part of it.

- Your Honor, this line
of questioning is--

- Overruled!

Continue.

- Now, you yourself
are recently deceased.

Cancer, am I right?

- [Mike] Yeah.

- And what did you do

when you found out
you had this illness?

- There was nothing to do.

- Did you share the
news with anyone?

- No, not for a very long time.

And then, eventually,
I told Bez.

- And what did Mr. Stone say

when you told him
of your illness?

- Well...

- [Devil] Yes?

- He um, he asked
me if I wanted some,

some, some money.

- I'm sorry?

- Say it louder, Mike,
so everyone can hear.

- He offered me some money.

- I see.

So that was the best Jabez
Stone could do for you

in your moment of need?

- He was having a bad day.
- And this is the man

whose soul is supposed
to be worth saving?

No more questions, Your Honor.

- The witness may step down.

All right.

Is there anything else before
we wrap this up, Mr. Webster?

- Your Honor, Counsel calls--

- Excuse me, Your Honor,
may I say a few words first?

- Certainly.

- I must admit,

I have looked forward to this
moment for a very long time,

the demise of the
great Daniel Webster.

My distinguished opponent and I

have faced each other
many times over the years.

But not like this.

Not for something as
inconsequential as

- I'm not following you.

- It's very simple, Your Honor.

If Mr. Webster agrees to
withdraw as plaintiff's counsel,

I'll simply take
what belongs to me,

and my esteemed adversary can
live to fight another day.

- A typical
distraction, Your Honor.

- We accept the offer.

- Sit down, Mr. Stone.

- Please listen to me, she's
right, I'm not worth saving.

- Listen to him, Mr. Webster.

- I was wrong to pull you
into the middle of this.

- Well put, Mr. Stone.
- Please, accept this.

If not for yourself,
then for me.

- We're waiting, Mr. Webster.

- Counsel calls Jabez Stone.

Tell me, Mr. Stone,
do you love anyone?

Besides yourself, of course.

- I'm sorry?

- It's a simple question.

Is there a woman in
your life, for example?

Someone you love who
loves you in return.

- No.

- What about your family?

- Well, of course I love them.

- When did you last
see your parents?

- I don't know, six months ago.

- Your brother?
- The same.

- How far away does he live?

- 10 blocks, but
I've been so busy--

- This person you claim to love

is one or two
minutes away by taxi,

and still you can't find
the time to see him?

What about friends?

- Well, I have a lot of
people who work for me,

but no real friends,
especially now that Mike--

- Yes, we've seen how warmly

you expressed your love for him.

So, would it be safe to say that

you have no real
love in your life?

- Yes.

- And would you consider
that a successful existence?

- No.

I'm a complete failure.

- No further
questions, thank you.

- I made the deal and now
it's time to pay the price.

Am I quoting you
accurately, Mr. Stone?

- Yes.

- I'm not worth saving,
did I get that one right?

- Yes.

- And you did testify

that you haven't loved
anyone but yourself

for a long time, is that right?

- Yes.

- Thank you, no
further questions.

- [Julius] The
witness may step down.

(lightning crackling)

Closing arguments.

- Your Honor,

members of the jury,

people come to me because

what God has given
them isn't enough.

They want more.

They want more than
what God gives.

They want what I can give.

God is stingy with creation.

Look around you.

God could have created
any world he wanted.

He could have created a
world without conflict,

without pain, without death,

and what did he create?

Of all the realities
available, what did he give us?

This one.

This

petty, cramped,

needy world.

No, Your Honor.

I don't need to
misrepresent my product.

Damnation's a surprisingly
easy thing to sell.

Mr. Stone wanted success,

and I gave him what he wanted.

- [Julius] All
right, Mr. Webster?

- Yeah.

Your Honor, members of the jury,

here is a man driven or
pushed by his dreams.

And being blocked at every door

or window of
opportunity, if you will,

in desperation, he
tried one other.

Ironically, the thing
he wanted most in life,

to be a good writer, may finally
have been within his grasp.

And then a creature appeared,

this creature appeared,
and clouded his judgment.

She offered him celebrity
and money and women,

women as beautiful as herself.

Who gave this creature
that kind of power?

Well, certainly not
God, he banished her!

She has no power by nature.

No.

The sad truth is

that all of her
strength comes from us.

Why do you think she
works so tirelessly

gathering as many
human souls as she can?

Simply because it's the
one thing she doesn't have.

Free will.

My opponent says that Mr.
Stone came to her because

what he had was not enough,
that he wanted more.

More what?

More money, more sex,
more power, more control?

That's what she'd
have you believe.

But when Mr. Stone
came to her, or rather,

when she came to Mr. Stone,

what my client really
wanted was readers.

He wanted people to
read what he wrote.

He's a writer, that's
what writers want.

An audience, an audience for
his words, for his vision.

For his truth, if you will.

That's all any of
us want, isn't it?

A chance to tell others what
we feel, what we believe.

What reality looks like to us.

That's what I want,
that's what she wants.

That's what you wanted,
that's what my client wanted.

And what did he get?

What did he get, what did
she give him in exchange

for his immortal soul?

Oh yeah, she gave him

fame, she gave him power,
she gave him money.

Yeah, she gave him
readers, an audience.

But an audience for what?

See, without his soul,
what did he have to say?

Without his soul,

what did it matter that he
finally had an audience?

Without his soul,

all the readers in the
world didn't matter

because without his soul,
Jabez Stone couldn't write!

Certainly not anything
that mattered.

Certainly not the truth.

Yes, God could have created
any reality he wanted,

but he created this one, birth,
pain, conflict and death.

Pain reminds us to avoid
that which hurts us.

Conflict challenges us

to be better than we
think we are, and death.

Ah well, death.

Death gives us the chance to
sum up all the good we've done

or left undone in life.

Yeah.

It is a painful world.

And that's why, when someone
like Jabez Stone comes along,

someone who can
look at that pain

and describe it
truthfully and simply,

and give it a shape so
that we can understand it,

when someone like
that comes along

a visionary, whether a
religious leader or a,

a statesman or a saint or
just an ordinary person with a

good heart and common sense,

when someone like Jabez
Stone comes along,

we need to fight for
him, not for his sake,

but for ours.

(inspirational orchestral music)

Johnnie, his eyes now
filled with tears,

turned and looked up into
his father's kind face.

His father put his hands on
Johnnie's shoulder and said,

Remember, son, there is never
a shortcut to happiness.

Tonight you have a chance
to send her a message,

seize it.
- Objection!

- Tell her that
enough is finally

and at long last enough.
- Objection!

This is beyond the
scope of the trial!

- Tell her there is never
a shortcut to happiness.

- Please, Your Honor!

- You know that, you of
all people know that!

Sit down.

It's good to be reminded
of it, isn't it?

It's good to have someone
around to remind us.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

- Your Honor, before
the jury deliberates,

I'd like to say a few
words in rebuttal.

- I think you're too late.

It's four minutes to sunrise,
do we have a verdict?

Do we have a verdict?

(suspenseful orchestral music)

All rise.

The jury finds
for the plaintiff.

The terms of the contract
are null and void.

(people applauding and cheering)

- I believe it's
time, Mr. Stone.

(mysterious orchestral music)

- High above their heads,
the Schwinn floated away

and went to that
sweet, sad place,

where all things go that are
left behind by little boys

on their way to becoming men.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

Hey, Julius, Jesus,
what time is it?

(mysterious orchestral music)