Original subtitles

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

After you talk to her, I will discuss some options.

Okay. Are you, uh...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah?

It's my job.

I'll need a second.

- Oh, man. - He can talk.

- Yeah. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm Amy.

- Hi. Sorry. - Hi.

Well, now that Dr. Pankowitz has talked to you,

I'm here to talk to you about hospice.

What do you mean a hospice?

Has Dr. Pankowitz

Shoot.

Eh, shoot, shoot. Um...

You know what? Don't worry about it.

I'm gonna come back later. How about that?

Hi. There was a little misunderstanding and,

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I boned this.

Oh, Jesus, Amy!

Molly. Hey.

I'm so sorry you found out this way.

Hi.

Hi, Molly.

Dr. P.

Uh, we got the results from the lumbar puncture,

and they showed that the cancer has spread

to the lining of your spinal cord and your brain.

So you failed?

You said five years.

- I didn't. - He didn't.

I think we're looking at a few weeks to a few months.

But we could still do another round of chemotherapy.

We could do We could do

What the fuck Immunotherapy.

If that's what you want.

I ca I can't do that.

Okay.

- Okay? - Yeah.

I can come back at better time.

Well, fuck, Amy.

Now we need you.

Goodbye, Jerry. Thank you.

Bye, Molly.

- Bye, Nikki. - See you around.

Yeah.

Ooh, welcome.

Let me know if I can help you with anything.

You gals like puzzles? Or books?

I got so many art supplies.

Hey, you can put anything on the walls too.

Just don't drill into 'em.

Yeah. We didn't bring a drill to hospice.

Oh, you'd be surprised.

You'd be surprised.

Hey.

You have the power here.

You tell Amy what you wanna feel and when.

What I want to feel.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I want a different room.

I wanna change rooms.

Hmm. I think they're all pretty much the same,

but we can make this good.

We can decorate.

Not that painting.

That painting's screwed on.

I think it's a masterwork,

but why don't you tell me what you think is worst part of this gorgeous painting?

The fishermen.

No, it's the boat.

Hmm.

Actually, the fish.

Why are there so many fish?

Such an in-your-face, like, obscene amount of fish.

I think my mom is calling.

My phone's not ringing.

Hmm.

- Is it... - Oh, my God!

How did you know that?

I think I'm starting to be magic.

I believe it.

Mom, hi.

I'm in hospice.

Okay. Okay.

I, uh I'm here if you need me.

You just tell me when you need me. I'm nearby.

Where are you?

I'm in the lobby.

Of the hospital?

- Yes. - Of this hospital?

I'm in the lobby. How many times do I have to say it?

Where else was I going to be?

I want you here, Mom.

- Hi, there. Are you... - Gail. My name is Gail.

Mom!

Mom.

Oh, baby girl.

My baby girl.

Hey.

That kid over there was wondering

if he could play with that puzzle for a little while.

No.

No. Okay. I'll tell him that.

She wants to stick with it.

Is she dying?

No.

But neither are you.

Neither am I, so let's just be cool.

How about search a word?

Hi, Gail. I'm just

I just need to get my bag.

The nurse is gonna bring a cot in so I can sleep here.

Oh, good, Gail.

Well, I'll just be in the, um

the waiting room finishing my puzzle.

- Nikki. - Yeah.

What you've done for her

Oh

Uh, who's taking care of your dogs while you're gone?

Scotty, my lover.

Would you Would you like to finish your puzzle in here?

This is cheese.

This is lemon.

Lemon! No, cheese.

This is sun.

We're gonna have to start another pile for the sun.

I'll do sun.

Okay, good. And can you also do the mouse?

Oh, I'd love to do the mouse. Thank you.

What happened to your hair? What?

- Wait, is there something weird about it? - Yeah.

Oh, my God! What did you do to me?

It wasn't me, man!

It just seems like you might be coming down with something.

- She always wanted pink hair. - She wouldn't let me.

It looks dope.

Thank you.

So, as you are filling out those forms,

who would like to hear about what happens when you're dying?

That's good enough for me.

Death is not a mystery. It is not a medical disaster.

It is a bodily process,

like giving birth,

or like going to the bathroom, or coughing,

having an orgasm.

'Cause your body knows what to do.

Your body knows how to die!

How cool is that?

Okay. Here's what to expect.

In the last month of your life, you're gonna stop getting out of bed.

You're gonna to eat and drink a lot less, and you're gonna sleep a lot more.

Uh, delirium is common.

And some people say they get this feeling like

time stops being real.

Is that something that you've been feeling?

- Yes! - Yes.

Okay. Two to three weeks out,

you're gonna need help with all daily activities.

But my favorite part of the dying process is...

Amy!

I know. I've been talked to about my enthusiasm.

I should dial it back. Sorry.

It doesn't work for me right now.

Should I keep going?

Yeah. But will you hold my hand?

Your body knows what's coming and it goes into a state of ketosis,

which decreases hunger and pain

and it increases the sense of euphoria.

And when you start active dying...

What's active dying?

Oh, active dying is a sacred time.

At least it used to be, and it still is in some parts of the world.

It's the moment when you're very close to death,

and your body starts shutting down.

How's everyone doing?

I'm looking at you, Gail.

If, uh, Molly wants to hear it,

I can hear it.

You guys, come here.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

In active dying, you won't be fully conscious.

And your jaw muscles will relax.

Your breathing changes.

And there might be this gurgling at the back of your throat,

caused by something, unfortunately, called terminal secretions.

I know.

And when you are very close to death,

your breathing goes into a cycle of deep slow breaths and long pauses.

And then eventually, there's a breath out

that is not followed by a breath in.

And that's it.

- Hey. - Yeah, yeah.

Can you make sure that my mouth isn't open when I die?

Okay.

Just don't bite me.

Why would I bite you?

I don't know why I need you to tell me this,

but please say that you won't bite me.

How long have you had that fear?

I understand that you would not.

It's very intense in here. I It's an irrational fear!

Okay. And at a certain time,

if you're just feeling too weak or

you know, too much pain or you're just done,

you can talk to me about sedating you, but then you'll be unconscious.

I-I wanna feel everything for as long as I can.

Okay, good.

Wait, I forgot to tell you about the rally!

God! Jesus!

The last week of life,

some people experience what's called the rally.

And it's this just surge of energy and mental clarity.

So enjoy the rally.

Just know that you're another step closer to death, okay?

I fucking love your vibe, Amy!

You're nuts, man!

I didn't know if you were gonna wanna see me.

Honestly,

I just like making you cry.

Cool.

You in pain?

Yeah.

I had a lot of stuff that I wanted to tell you in here,

but I'm blanking on everything.

Um, Beth is pregnant.

Oh, that's so good.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I've been reading a lot of baby books.

And did you know for the first few months

they think everything they see is a part of them?

Isn't that wild?

Like, they don't know the difference between themselves

and the rest of the world.

Wow. Yeah, I like that.

Yeah.

Me too.

Hey!

Hey, Johnny!

The fish are really biting today, huh?

Time to get all these goddamn fish!

- Molly. - Molly.

Molly. Hi.

Oh.

Oh, bye, little fella.

Mom!

Look at this!

Wake up.

Mom, wake up!

Wake up!

Molly, I'm here!

- Molly. - Mom.

- Good morning, Molly. - I've got your morning pills

- Good morning, Molly. - Check on your blood pressure.

- Your left arm. - Molly, over here!

♪ Time isn't real ♪

♪ It's a circle ♪

♪ You're gonna die pretty soon ♪

I've been having these visions.

Like, shit is flying off the walls and rotating around the room.

Wow!

Like, it felt like I was unlinking or something.

Like from the world?

Yeah, and also from, like, time?

Hmm.

Like

I think everything exists at once.

Like, I'm talking to you,

but I'm also talking to every version of you I've ever known.

And it's all in the room with me.

Holy shit.

Like the version of me from 2009 when I got the same hairstyle as you?

Yeah.

Is it scary?

No.

I can see how much pain she's in.

What should I do?

Well, take a breath.

'Cause it is very common for people to hold on

when they're waiting for something to resolve

or they're just concerned about causing their loved one a lot of pain.

You think she's worried about you?

No.

Not me.

I just wish I could see into the future.

I wish I could see you when you're old.

Oh, that? I mean, we're basically almost there.

That's gonna be exactly whatever you think it's gonna be.

It's like, "Oh, hello. I take art classes at the museum,

and I have loose mints that are rolling around in my purse.

And I My breath smells like crayons,

and my farts sound like little marbles being dropped on a floor."

I wish

I wish you could be there for that too.

Did you call Noah yet to tell him?

No. I'm

No.

Oh, hey.

I just matched with someone.

Oh. Whew. Just in the nick of time.

Oh.

Look at that.

"What are you up to?"

Um, funny that you asked.

Where have you been all my life?

Yeah.

This is a corner piece. Yes!

And that's for me.

Hey.

Hi.

What's What are you doing here?

Gail called me.

Molly wanted me to play percussion for her.

Gail said she's been listening to a lot of classical music.

- Hey, man. - Hey.

- I don't want to put this - I thought it would be a nice surprise.

On you, but it is actually insane what is going on here.

She broke into my phone.

Guilty. I used her face.

- Mom. - While I was sleeping, she did that to me.

Is this real, or am I hallucinating again? I hope it's real.

And her master plan was to get in touch with Noah

and then she wanted me to get back together with him,

so that you would be happy.

I'm not I'm not really sure.

Mom.

You said you would be respectful of boundaries.

With you, not Nikki.

Oh, my God.

She thinks that you're worried about leaving me alone.

If that's the case, you can completely not worry about me.

Like, I am gonna be okay, and I'm cool. Like, I'm good.

Just don't, don't even keep that in your mind.

I'm not I'm good. I'm okay.

Okay, well, I hope not that okay.

Noah.

I'm sorry that I asked her to do this with me

right when you were beginning to make a life together.

Oh, I'm not sorry.

She loves you.

With everything that she has.

I'm not sorry about that.

I think that you should break up with your girlfriend.

It's my dying wish.

Whoa. Don't break up with your girlfriend. That's I don't...

You should break up with your girlfriend

or I'll haunt the shit out of you in your dreams.

- Why is everyone being insane? - We broke up.

Oh, Okay.

Oh.

Yeah.

- When did you break up? - Gail

When did you break up?

Um, like a week ago. So

Hmm.

- Yeah, I didn't That doesn't mean - Oh, no.

I know. Of course not.

I didn't come to hospice today trying to hook up.

That's not No.

You've got a big instrument.

- Oh, God. - Yeah. Thanks, Gail.

Um You wanna see what I can do with it?

- No. - No.

No.

If you gotta go, you can You don't have to

- Or you can wait. Okay. - I want to.

I

I didn't think that I was capable

of loving someone this much.

But I know I can now.

It's nice.

Yeah, that's how I felt when Winter was born.

- Hmm. - It's crazy. It's Yeah.

Yeah.

For me, it's like I'm never gonna be there at the start of someone's life,

like at the beginning.

But I am gonna be there at the end.

And I'm just gonna love this person right up until the end.

That's amazing, Nikki.

Probably go ahead and love you too.

FYI.

Got it.

Oof.

That's him.

I don't wanna go, but I got a five-star rating,

and I'm not gonna fuck with that.

- I understand. - Yeah, I know.

I know you do.

Walk me out?

♪ I wasn't in the running, I wasn't in the race ♪

♪ You move in a way That I've known before ♪

♪ Now I want your love, Heart and soul ♪

- ♪ Tired eyes, Tears that dried ♪ - ♪ Leaving you ain't easy now ♪

♪ Loving you's the harder part ♪

- ♪ Through the door you go - ♪ You never want me For myself ♪

♪ Now I've needed you right From the very start ♪

♪ Everything you said was To the point ♪

- ♪ Oh, won't you even try to? ♪ - ♪ Can't you try to? ♪

♪ Give a little bit Of heart and soul ♪

♪ Give a little bit Of love to grow ♪

♪ Give a little bit Of heart and soul ♪

♪ And don't you make me Beg for more ♪

♪ Give a sign, I need to know ♪

♪ A little bit Of heart and soul ♪

Whoa.

What is going on here?

It's the rally!

We think it's the rally.

♪ That was the heart Of the love we shared ♪

- ♪ Do you keep A secret left untold? ♪ - ♪ Is all that I need ♪

♪ Can't give love, Heart or soul ♪

♪ I used to have a lover With a Midas touch ♪

♪ I turned to gold But he turned to dust ♪

♪ Left me for another, I turned to stone ♪

♪ Now give me love, Heart and soul ♪

- ♪ Tired eyes, Tears that dried ♪ - ♪ Living in a fantasy ♪

♪ There's never any room To breathe ♪

♪ Hoping every waking hour ♪

♪ You'll turn around And say that we can start ♪

♪ Everything you did Just said it all ♪

- ♪ Oh, won't you even try to? ♪ - ♪ Can't you try to? ♪

♪ Give a little bit Of heart and soul ♪

♪ Give a little bit Of love to grow ♪

How's the water, honey?

It's good.

I'm gonna be outside.

The labor and delivery nurse told me you have 20 minutes,

and then a rich person's gonna come have a baby in here.

Yeah.

I thought it would feel good.

But it just hurts.

Oh, honey.

I think I'm ready.

Okay.

Good.

I'll go back to the room

and talk to Amy.

Maybe she'll have some sedation option.

Mom

I know.

I already know.

Anything you could say to me,

I already know.

My body did a really good job.

Oh

It did so good.

Okay, I have the first dose here for you.

Gonna ease your pain. It's gonna make your breathing so much easier.

Know what?

Honestly,

it's not that fucking serious.

Let's get this show on the road.

I'm kind of excited.

You know how many plans and trips

I've had to cancel because I wasn't feeling well?

And now it's like I get to go on a trip that's just for me.

- Yeah. - Okay.

I am so proud of you.

And I love you.

And I am so grateful for you.

You are my favorite person in the whole wide world.

I'm here.

I'm here and I got you.

Oh, shit.

Thank you for not biting me.

Our revels now are ended.

These are actors,

As I foretold you, were all spirits

And melted in the air, into thin air:

And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,

The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,

The solemn temples, the great globe itself,

Shall dissolve

And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,

Leave not a rack behind.

We are such stuff as dreams are made of, and our little life

Is rounded with a sleep.

No!

You're terrible. I can't

Tell me

Hey.

Sorry we're late.

Hi, Winter. How's school?

♪ Well, I woke up This morning without you ♪

♪ Don't ask me how, But I got through ♪

♪ The floor of this room I've been pacing ♪

♪ Trying to drown out The sound my heart is making ♪

♪ It's calling for you ♪

♪ Well, I woke up This morning without you ♪

♪ Don't ask me how, But I got through ♪

♪ The floor of this room, I was pacing ♪

♪ Trying to drown out The sound my heart was making ♪

♪ It was calling for you ♪

♪ Calling for you ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪