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1
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,320
Dad!
2
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,960
The bin's full again?
3
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,240
Oh, er, yeah.
4
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,360
No, no,
5
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,200
that's going to block the toilet.
6
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,960
Oh, nonsense.
7
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,160
Eh?
8
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,360
I've flushed bigger fish than that
down the lavvy.
9
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,760
Goldfish are tiny.
10
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,280
Oh, no, not a goldfish.
11
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,240
Derek had a koi carp once
for about 24 hours.
12
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,560
We had to cut it into three
to get it around the u-bend,
13
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,360
but Diana flushed away no problem.
14
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,440
Right, OK.
15
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,720
Well, it's bin day,
and this hasn't been taken out,
16
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,040
even though it's one of your jobs.
17
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,280
And that means that the bin men...
18
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,920
Oh, er, bin people.
19
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,800
Aren't going to collect it,
20
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,040
which means I'm going to have to
take it to the tip this afternoon.
21
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,520
Well, just drop it into number 16.
22
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,000
She'll never notice.
23
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,160
Yeah, well, obviously
I'm going to do that,
24
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,680
but can you at least empty it?
25
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,000
Soz.
26
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,440
Oh. Oh!
27
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,720
Is that the baby kicking?
28
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,720
Are you serious?
29
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,040
Well, I don't know when they get
legs, do I, Gemma, I'm not a doctor.
30
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,440
I don't know these things.
31
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,080
I didn't even know it was bin day.
32
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,840
It's on the calendar - look.
33
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,160
Oh, yeah.
34
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,600
Oh! Oh!
35
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,320
Sorry, sorry!
36
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,120
Oh!
37
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,280
No.
38
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,800
No, no, no, no, no, no.
39
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,560
You've been here less than a month.
40
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,240
What?
41
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,040
Oh, my God!
42
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,640
It's my coat, isn't it?
43
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,000
Don't worry.
44
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,360
What's this? Your hormones?
No, Dad, it's you!
45
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,920
Why can't you behave like
a fully-grown adult?
46
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,480
Because your mum never taught me.
47
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,320
What? How to be a functioning
human being? That wasn't her job.
48
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,520
It was.
49
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,720
Who else is supposed to teach me
what to flush down the lavvy?
50
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,880
Or what to use
to mop up bin juice?
51
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,800
Right, nothing but toilet roll
52
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,160
and literally anything but a coat.
53
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,400
Better?! Oh.
54
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,200
Fine, I'll ask Dad instead.
55
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,840
He's not even visited yet
56
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,880
and you're going to ask Dad
to smuggle a phone into prison
57
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,160
up his arse canal?
58
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,240
Yeah.
59
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,680
And what if he enjoyed it?
60
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,080
Cos you know what men are like.
61
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,360
God's sake.
62
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,400
So how's it going with the...?
63
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,160
Oh, my pregnancy?
64
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,160
Yeah.
There's not much for me to do now.
65
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,000
I just need to let the egg
do its thing.
66
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,400
Have you told Mum?
67
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,280
Yeah, yeah, she texted me,
68
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,640
"Good luck, you'll need it."
69
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,800
And a gif of someone
blowing their brains out.
70
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,360
Oh!
71
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,360
Eh, well, I hope
Daddy Bear's loaded.
72
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,800
What are you asking for?
73
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,840
Total buyout or monthly repayments?
74
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,680
Jesus Christ, it's a baby,
not a BMW.
75
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,040
All right.
76
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,720
And I'm not entirely sure
who the father is.
77
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,640
I should be able to work it out
once I have my ultrasound.
78
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,160
You should be able to?
79
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,320
I won't be judged by a woman who
tried to have her fiance murdered.
80
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,200
Tried and failed.
81
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,760
How can it be a crime
if you don't achieve it?
82
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,440
That's what my girls say.
83
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,680
Your girls?
84
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,040
Finally made it
onto the D-Block girls' squad.
85
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,600
We all look out for each other.
86
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,640
You know, if you're having
a bad day, you got menstrual cramps,
87
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,280
or you need an alibi
88
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,120
cos some evil bitch needs a cutting.
89
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,200
How do you do it?
90
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,320
Well, usually someone just smuggles
a blade from the kitchen.
91
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,960
No.
92
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,960
Make friends.
93
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,720
You've always had loads,
94
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,600
even though you're a bit
of a sociopath.
95
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,840
Just a people person, Gemma.
96
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,480
You push women away.
97
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,640
And you push men off fire escapes.
98
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,040
Right, that's it.
99
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,360
Quick!
100
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,760
I told you to stop putting
stuff up your arse!
101
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,240
I told him to stop!
102
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,280
I don't even need a new vape pen.
103
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,000
Up his arse.
104
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,560
Yeah.
105
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,320
What is going on?
106
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,520
It's called peacocking.
107
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,640
And it's a fantastic way
to pick up women.
108
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,560
Women with no self-esteem from 2004?
109
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,160
Oh, so boring.
110
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,360
Cheers, king.
111
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,760
Oh.
112
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,720
So, Malcolm, how would you
113
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,200
like to be a hit with the ladies?
114
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,040
Maybe, you know, eventually.
115
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,360
Mm-hm, yeah.
116
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,840
Then I have three words for you.
117
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,760
Close...up...magic.
118
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,920
If you can manipulate a ball
into a cup,
119
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,120
you can manipulate
a woman into bed.
120
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,960
Dad, a word.
121
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,040
You know I tolerate him.
122
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,960
But I think you need new friends.
123
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,440
What's wrong with Derek?
124
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,200
He's dressed like
a pantomime pirate.
125
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,480
Oh, fuck, not again!
126
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,760
Well, he's my best mate.
127
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,160
Is he, though?
128
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,920
You're going through a divorce
and I'm pregnant.
129
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,000
No offence, you're driving me nuts.
130
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,160
I think we need a support network
of normal friends.
131
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,920
Derek's going through a divorce
and all, isn't he?
132
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,400
He's not normal.
133
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,840
I got the real mouse
and the fake mouse mixed up.
134
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,400
This is for your UTI.
135
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,840
Thanks.
136
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,760
So, how are you feeling about
everything?
137
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,160
Yeah, OK.
138
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,280
I guess.
139
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,680
How am I supposed to be feeling?
140
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,920
Excited?
141
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,200
Happy?
142
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,080
Nervous, scared?
143
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,040
Yeah, all of those.
144
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,880
Except for happy, maybe.
145
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,800
But who's happy, eh?
146
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,160
I saw women on the news
having babies in literal war zones,
147
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,360
so if they're fine, then...
148
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,200
Mm, I don't think they are fine.
149
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,320
I think they're deeply traumatised.
150
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,200
Ah-ha, yeah.
151
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:18,040
Well, what I'm saying is I'm not
in a war zone, so I should be fine.
152
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,240
According to the news.
153
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,720
We run a coffee morning here
on a Thursday
154
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,920
for mummies-to-be to find friends.
155
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,240
Two mummies got on so well,
they're getting married next year.
156
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,520
I bet the daddies weren't happy.
157
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,840
No, no, they tried to sue us.
158
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,560
But there's a...
159
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,400
..flyer here if you're interested.
160
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,600
Thanks, but I've actually got
loads of female friends.
161
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,000
Oh, really?
162
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,520
Mm-hm. What are their names?
163
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,920
Their names.
164
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,040
Yeah.
165
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,440
Well, you've got Cheryl.
166
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:49,960
Um, Nadine.
167
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,800
Sarah.
168
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,440
Kimberley and...
169
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,160
What's the other one called?
170
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,440
Nicola?
171
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,240
Nicola, yes!
172
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,960
I'm going to take one of these.
173
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,720
Not because I need it.
174
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,440
Malc,
175
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,840
a ropey Korean buffet has wiped out
the entire front office.
176
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,640
Boss needs you to go
customer facing.
177
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,440
Oh, can't...can't Jamie do it
178
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,600
because he likes
talking to outsiders, doesn't he?
179
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,480
He likes showing them
his extra nipple too.
180
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,840
He's got a thripple?
181
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,600
Which is why Jamie no longer
works here.
182
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,880
So get to it, yeah?
183
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,520
Unless you want some shifts cutting
next rota.
184
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,080
There's a good lad.
185
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,160
Cherry, hey!
186
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,200
Great to see you,
how have you been?
187
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,920
What a fucking awful thing
to say to me, Gemma.
188
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,320
What? Why?
189
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,040
Don't pretend you don't know.
190
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,440
Everybody knows.
191
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,080
I honestly don't.
192
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,480
Lance left me and the kids.
193
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,160
He left me for a much younger woman.
194
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,000
How much younger?
195
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,360
She's 16.
196
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,760
Oh, God.
197
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,280
You know what
those rugby guys are like.
198
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,720
Oh, he was doing a special visit
to a children's home,
199
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,680
and she just hooked her claws in.
200
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,000
Bitch.
201
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,600
Right.
202
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,880
Well, I'm really sorry
that happened to you, Cherry.
203
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,880
Hey, maybe we should have
a mad night out,
204
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,080
you know, like the old days.
205
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,560
We've never been out together
before.
206
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,240
We've been in the same place
at the same time.
207
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:31,600
Might cheer you up.
208
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,960
I thought you were only
hanging around
209
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,360
with people you were shagging.
210
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,160
Nope, that's the old me.
211
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,120
OK, I've been listening to
a lot of feminist podcasts.
212
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,440
Friendzies before menzies.
213
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:43,840
All right.
214
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,120
Look, Tamika Chase is having a party
on Saturday at Alfredo's,
215
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,960
and, um, I need a wing woman
to help me get laid.
216
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,080
Wasn't Tamika Chase a real bitch
at school?
217
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,120
Didn't she superglue you
to a tin of peaches?
218
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,760
A catering-sized tin of peaches.
219
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,720
That's why I don't want to go
on my own.
220
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,120
Well, I can't wait.
221
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,240
All right, great,
I'll get some coke in.
222
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,200
Help take the edge off the bullying.
223
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,200
See you there. See you there.
224
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,800
Oh!
225
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,000
My coffee hero.
226
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,680
Thanks again for that.
227
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,360
You're a real life-saver.
228
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,720
Xander.
229
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,760
Don't mention it. You know,
buying coffee, using a defib.
230
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,200
It's all part of the training.
231
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,360
That's £9.65.
232
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,160
Unless you're exempt.
233
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,680
No, no.
234
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,800
Fully employed and fit.
235
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,600
Apart from...
236
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,640
Well, make sure you take
the whole course,
237
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,200
even if it does clear up sooner...
238
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:43,840
..Gemma.
239
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,680
Oh, it definitely will.
240
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:48,720
There's barely an infection
in my urinary tract at all...
241
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,080
..Xander.
242
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,760
Sorry.
243
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,040
Er, hello.
244
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,600
Hello.
245
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,440
Hello, how can I help you?
246
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:14,600
Hi!
247
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,400
Who's actually in charge here?
248
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,640
Cos I've got three jobs
I'm managing,
249
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,640
all still waiting on those
bloody tiles...
250
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,680
..I ordered weeks ago.
251
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,320
Are you looking for someone
to shout at?
252
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,880
Well, I was.
253
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,000
Less so now it's just you here,
hiding behind a counter.
254
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,880
No, I'm not hiding.
I just dropped something.
255
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,280
It was, um...
256
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,520
..a good coin.
257
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,040
Yeah, oh, there it is.
258
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,920
Malcolm Musgrave.
259
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,280
Stuart!
260
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,520
Your Gemma went to school
with my girl?
261
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,120
Stuart.
262
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,920
Cor, you look different.
263
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,640
Lost 8st.
264
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,040
Yeah, and had me jaw
completely rebuilt.
265
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,400
Contact lenses.
266
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,600
Oh, yeah.
267
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:55,840
How are you?
268
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,320
Still playing five-a-side?
269
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,520
Oh, no.
270
00:10:58,520 --> 00:10:59,920
No, my knees.
271
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,720
How about that pub band?
272
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,600
I had to sell the drum kit,
you know,
273
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,920
because Davina wanted a pagoda,
so...
274
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,840
Oh, pagodas are nice.
275
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,760
Yeah, she didn't get one in the end.
276
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,920
Look, I should come clean with you,
Stuart, that, um...
277
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,360
..my wife left me.
278
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,360
Mine, too.
279
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,800
Sucks, doesn't it?
280
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,360
Yeah.
281
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,320
Did yours become a lesbian?
282
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,240
No, I don't think so.
283
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,760
Loads of them have, Malcolm.
284
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,440
Hundreds of them.
285
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,800
I blame the contraceptive pill
myself.
286
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,240
You know they never really
tested it properly?
287
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,400
I'm pretty sure that's why
loads of middle-aged women
288
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,280
have become lesbians.
289
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,800
Yeah, definitely.
290
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,720
I'm joking.
291
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,160
That would be an insane thing
to think.
292
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,640
Yeah, don't think that.
293
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,800
No.
294
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,120
I started this little group for men
who were having a tough time.
295
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,640
We do boxing.
296
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,560
Does wonders for the old black dog.
297
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,640
Fancy coming along Saturday morning?
298
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,000
Oh, that sounds great.
299
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,520
And I like dogs.
300
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,040
They tried to give me the keys
at work today.
301
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,840
Oh, no, you hate that.
302
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,120
Yeah, I'm not a key person, Gemma.
303
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,520
First they give you the keys,
and then you're on a list
304
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,840
in case there's a break-in.
305
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,520
And before you know it, you're on
the hook for corporate manslaughter.
306
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,280
Yeah, that's the usual order
of events.
307
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,760
Well, I made a friend, though.
308
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,160
Someone brought their dog in?
309
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,320
No, it was a man and a nice man.
310
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,960
Yeah, we've got loads in common.
311
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,920
Like, his wife has left him and all.
312
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,200
And we both miss going to the Wimpy.
313
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,560
And neither of us likes
stinging nettles,
314
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,000
so we've got loads in common.
315
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,320
Great!
316
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:38,800
I made a friend too, actually.
317
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,480
Remember Cherry from school?
Mm-hm.
318
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,280
Didn't get on back then,
but she has kids now
319
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,680
so it could be useful. Right.
320
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,960
Um...
321
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,920
..do you want some ketchup
with that?
322
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,880
With my curry?
323
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,480
Right, yeah, that's fine.
324
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,480
Fine, yeah.
325
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,120
Jesus!
326
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,800
Dad...
327
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,120
Did you buy this from Derek? Yeah.
328
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,480
It's good, innit?
329
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,960
He said it's a wow with the ladies.
330
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,760
I'm telling you now, it's not.
331
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,200
Come on, Malcolm.
332
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,920
Show me that rage.
333
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,040
Yeah, get in contact with how
Davina made you feel.
334
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,000
She made me feel
really horrible, Stuart.
335
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,120
That's why I try not to think
of her at all.
336
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,360
Come on, Mal, last big push.
337
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,040
U-u-urgh!
338
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,480
A-a-a-argh!
339
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,840
Derek... Derek says the best way
to get over someone
340
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,240
is to make someone else cry.
341
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,840
You know, you, you shift the pain
onto them.
342
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,080
Well, that sounds seriously toxic.
343
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,200
Who's Derek? He's my friend.
344
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,360
Hey.
345
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,880
I'm throwing Tam a big 25th tonight.
346
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,640
She's had a tough year
347
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,280
with her mum leaving,
348
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,120
and boyfriend suddenly passed away.
349
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,200
Oh! You'll come?
350
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,520
Bring Derek if you want.
351
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,680
Sounds like he could do with
some male support too.
352
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,880
Oh, thank you.
353
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,200
Thanks a lot.
354
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,720
Keep the gloves.
355
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,280
They're a good fit.
356
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,640
Oh!
357
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,240
Thanks.
358
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,200
Hiya.
359
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,240
Great dress!
360
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,040
Cost 400 quid. What?
361
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,480
I need 400 quid's worth
of dick tonight, babe.
362
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,400
Oof, that's a lot of dick.
I can't promise anything.
363
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,480
I better warn you, Tamika Chase
still hasn't forgiven you
364
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,080
for the Ross Beakfield stuff.
365
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,120
What Ross Beakfield stuff?
366
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,160
She's here.
367
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,040
Tamika Chase is in da house!
368
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,360
Let's get this fucking party
started!
369
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,080
Oh, Cherry.
370
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,120
Do you want to park the
bitch machine for me?
371
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,200
Any scratches and I will
rip your hair out. Thank you.
372
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,840
See you in a bit. Thank you.
373
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,800
We're going to have
a brilliant night.
374
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,680
As long as she doesn't glue us
to tinned goods.
375
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,720
She might do that.
376
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,400
Right.
377
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:22,960
Shall I park the car?
378
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,000
Yeah? You park the car.
379
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,080
I think so.
380
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,480
Never have children, Gemma.
381
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,560
Do you know, since having the kids,
my life has become so boring
382
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,520
and tiring and boring.
383
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,240
Is it really that bad? Mm.
384
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,520
Mm.
385
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,360
I'm just so sick of mummy friends
and talking about Lego and nits.
386
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,280
Wait, what the hell is my dad
doing here?
387
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,120
That's your dad with Tam's dad?
388
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,720
That's Tamika's dad?
389
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,000
Oh, God.
390
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,320
That's a DILF.
391
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,120
Hey.
For fuck's sake. Derek.
392
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,200
My friends call me the big D.
I bet they do.
393
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,080
Hey, are you my appendix?
394
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,560
Because I have no idea what you do,
395
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,560
but I feel like
I should take you out.
396
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,240
Absolutely not, no.
397
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,880
Ugh, eurgh.
398
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,040
I'm going to pretend that never
happened. OK, thanks.
399
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,960
I just don't think there's enough
support for anyone in crisis,
400
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,280
us fellows included.
401
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,120
Yeah, when Davina left,
I was in a really terrible place.
402
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,440
Mentally?
403
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,840
No, it was a bedsit.
404
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,560
Let's just say, you know,
there was lots of, like,
405
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,560
sticky stains and stuff everywhere.
406
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,320
You ain't slagging off my gaff
again, Malcolm?
407
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,360
Derek!
No, no, it was a palace, wasn't it?
408
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,960
I miss it, I really miss it.
409
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,600
Derek, Stuart, Stuart, Derek.
410
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,000
Malcolm was telling me about
your bedsit for divorced men.
411
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,760
Yeah, I expect you'll turn up one
day with a suitcase full of chinos.
412
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,160
Unlikely.
413
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,600
My company pulled in
half a million last quarter.
414
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,920
Oh, well done, Stuart.
415
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,960
Mate, there are bags of women
in here tonight.
416
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,680
Hey, I was talking to Stuart,
he's a really nice guy.
417
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:06,960
Who likes nice men?
418
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,200
No, mate, these hoes are primed
for you to make a move.
419
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,680
Come on. You know what to do.
420
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,080
Get the eggs out?
421
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,440
Get the fucking eggs out.
422
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,640
Are you going to get the eggs out?
423
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,040
We can't both get the eggs out,
Malcolm.
424
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,760
We'd look really weird, wouldn't we?
425
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,560
No, no, I'm trying my hand
at ghosting this evening.
426
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,760
Apparently chicks go mental
for ghosting.
427
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,240
What's ghosting?
428
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,840
I'm ignoring
every single woman in here.
429
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,480
Ghosting them all.
430
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,240
And they love it.
431
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,640
Watch this. Watch this.
432
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:35,760
Hey...
433
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,160
See that, Malc?
434
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,840
Master.
435
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,800
Yeah.
436
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,120
Yeah, that was great.
437
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,440
Tamika! Hey...
438
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,480
Gemma Moscrip. Hiya.
439
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,200
Can I get you a drink?
Happy birthday.
440
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,480
Our dads are really
getting along. Yeah.
441
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,840
Loads of fucking loser dickheads
love Stuart.
442
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,520
He's a beacon for the pathetic.
443
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,240
OK.
444
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,320
You haven't changed much
since school, then.
445
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,400
We haven't.
446
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,360
My boyfriend says
I still look 15. Ooft.
447
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:15,200
Is your boyfriend on
the sex offenders register?
448
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,160
Hope you got Tam something amazing.
449
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,280
You owe her, after all.
450
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,680
Oh, no, babe, babe, babe,
don't worry about it.
451
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,520
When your daddy gets you a Jag
for your birthday,
452
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,040
it really doesn't matter
what the chaff bring in.
453
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,240
Come on.
454
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,920
Oh, my God.
455
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,200
Stop trying to touch stuff,
all right?
456
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,000
Hiya, Dad.
457
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,520
Silly question, why are you making
hard boiled eggs
458
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,680
come out of your mouth?
459
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,920
Well, Derek says everybody
loves eggs, that's all.
460
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,760
No, they don't. Vegans don't.
461
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,560
Oh, well, I'd argue they love eggs
more than ordinary people.
462
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,360
Yeah, I'd be over the moon if
someone handed me a free egg, Gemma.
463
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,640
That's come out of their mouth?
464
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,360
Well, you can rinse it, can't you?
465
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,400
If I buy you a drink,
466
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,080
will you promise to stop making eggs
come out of your mouth?
467
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,400
Yeah, all right.
I'll have a ginger beer. OK.
468
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,280
Stuart. Dad.
469
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,920
Do you want this ginger beer or not?
470
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,520
All right, Malcolm? Yeah. You?
471
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,720
Oh, fucking hell.
472
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,240
Right, tell me
what all this is about, then.
473
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,640
Ross.
474
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,360
Beakfield.
475
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,560
What about Ross Beakfield?
476
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,760
You dated him. For like a week,
ten years ago.
477
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,360
And you slept with him.
478
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,400
Oh, my God. I barely kissed him.
479
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,280
Well, I was in love with him
and you stole him from me.
480
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,120
And I can never tell him,
because he's dead.
481
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,720
Yeah.
482
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,120
No, I don't think he is.
483
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,360
Well, I think he is.
484
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,640
Because his mum texted me about
four months ago saying his number
485
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,120
was no longer in use, because
he had died very, very suddenly.
486
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,760
Mm-hm. It's really funny, that,
because I heard that
487
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:59,040
he moved to Basingstoke four months
ago because you were stalking him.
488
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,560
He wasn't your boyfriend?
489
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,800
No, he was. Yeah, he was.
490
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,040
Cos that's the truth
I was choosing to live by, Stuart.
491
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,200
Did you know?
Why didn't you tell me?
492
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,680
He's not dead? No.
493
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,960
But we held that mini wake.
494
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,520
No, he is dead.
495
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:18,280
Because I had RIP Ross Beakfield
tattooed on my...
496
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,680
..kitten.
497
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:28,160
Gun. Glue gun! I will glue you,
Gemma Moscrip.
498
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,560
One day, when you least expect it,
I'm going to fucking glue you.
499
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,080
To what?
500
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,520
No! No!
501
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,640
Tamika?! Tamika?
502
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,640
What the actual fuck?
£400 dress.
503
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:52,840
Four hundred quid, mate.
504
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,760
Never going to have any dick...
505
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,600
You were so cool, even though
she threatened to glue you!
506
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,400
That isn't a thing.
Is that going to come out?
507
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,360
Do you want some?
508
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,720
I can't.
509
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,760
I'm pregnant.
510
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,440
Wait, what? I am.
511
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,480
I don't know how many weeks.
512
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,200
My first scan's on Monday.
513
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,640
Babe, that is so amazing.
514
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,960
Why didn't you say anything earlier?
Oh, my God, you're pregnant.
515
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,920
Cos I thought
you wouldn't want to hang out.
516
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,200
I didn't, but I do now! Oh, my God.
517
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,720
Oh, you are so lucky.
518
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,320
Having a baby is like being
love-bombed by your own DNA.
519
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,080
God, I'm still
getting my head round it.
520
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,920
I don't know who I should tell...
What you can and can't do. Yeah.
521
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,800
Well, any advice, I am here for you.
522
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,320
Thanks.
523
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,360
Wow.
524
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,400
Mm!
525
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,640
There's one thing
I can still do.
526
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,640
Peow!
527
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,840
Did you steal that from her? Nice.
528
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,160
I got glue...
529
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,600
Right.
I'm sorry about that, Stuart.
530
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,480
Don't worry about it, Malcolm.
531
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,640
Hey, do you think Tamika's
a bit spoilt?
532
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,160
Well, maybe, you know.
Just a little bit, like.
533
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,000
Yeah.
534
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,520
Anyway...
535
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,880
Now you've got my number,
give us a call any time, especially
536
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,160
if you want to rant about the ex.
537
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,880
Yeah, or if I find a stubborn
patch of nettles.
538
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,920
My car!
539
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:34,960
YOUR car?
540
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,080
Malcolm!
541
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,560
What has your daughter
done to my car?
542
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,360
Tamika said it was her
birthday present.
543
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,800
I let her drive it as a present. Oh!
544
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,000
Jesus Christ!
545
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,440
My car.
546
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:56,160
Where's the nearest Jet Wash?
I can't let it dry like this.
547
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,720
Are you, er, are you going to want
those boxing gloves back, Stuart?
548
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,120
Yes, Malcolm!
549
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,200
Sorry, Dad.
550
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,400
I loved those gloves.
551
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:22,840
Yeah.
552
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,760
I got you a hot chocolate.
553
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,840
Dad!
554
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,320
Well, er, your scan was
on the calendar, wasn't it? So...
555
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,440
Gemma.
The sonographer'll see you now.
556
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,720
Is it all right if my dad comes in?
Yeah. Of course.
557
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,440
Come on.
558
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,000
Thanks for coming.
559
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,760
Oh, it's all right.
560
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,400
Hey, do you want to
go for lunch after?
561
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,040
Oh, hey, I brought my own.
562
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,480
How long has that been
in your pocket?
563
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,360
Ha-ha-ha! A while.
38618
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