All language subtitles for Tyler.Perrys.House.of.Payne.S13E18.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

[music]

Hey, C.J.,
you know what, though?

Man, I'm so proud of you.

What you mean, Unc?

Just the way
you managing everything

with Janine and the kids.

You know, these days,
people have a little trouble,

they wanna go end it all.

Now, it hasn't been easy, man,

but, you know, when I look
at my family,

it was all worth it.

And you know I ain't for
that counseling mess.

It just ain't who I am.

Ain't nobody gonna tell me
how to be me.

Yeah, I don't need no referee
in my marriage either, man.

I don't think
it's a bad thing.

Besides, Pops, you probably
need some counseling.

It probably would've
helped me and Miranda.

Oh, Calvin, please.

Couldn't nothing
save you and Miranda.

If you say so, Pops,

but I know that's why
me and Laura went ahead

and did
the marriage counseling thing

before we get married.

We've had
some tough realizations,

but I think
it makes us better.

Yeah, I mean,
to each his own, you know,

but I just know
that marriage counseling,

for me, it would've just been
another bill.

Me and Janine,
we good.

If she want me to go,
I'll go,

but, you know, I mean,
we could talk at home for free.

Ha, that part.

Okay, C.J. and I are good.

Work is stressful,

but I find
the bigger stress

to be trying to find the balance
between work life and home.

Janine. Janine, Janine, Janine.
Marriage is tough.

[Janine] I know.

But you guys
have made it thus far, baby.

C.J. and I have been through
our share of ups and downs.

You ain't never lied.

I remember them arguments
y'all used to have. Whoo!

Like any other married couple.

Okay, I just,
I just sometimes wish

men would be more open
to marriage counseling, like...

Momma, you know Daddy ain't
going to no counseling.

Mm-mm, mm-mm, he just wasn't
raised like that, Janine.

I wish I had an opportunity
to do all of that with Curtis

before we tied the knot.

But, honey, I can
tell you one thing.

What?

Leaning on the power of God
has led us together

all these years.

I know that's right.

Thank you, Jesus.
Amen to that.

-[Ella] Mm-hmm.
-What?

What do you mean what?

What do you know
about being married?

Have you been married before?

I don't know anything
about it firsthand,

but I do know that all things
are possible

-with God on your side.
-Ah.

Plus, all these books
I been reading

in my philosophy class,

I know the basics
on the subject.

You know, I know
a little something, something.

Okay, I see you, Jazzy.

-No, no, no. No, no, no.
-All grown up and stuff.

Allow me to reintroduce her
as Ella Junior.

-Period.
-Point blank.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

-Oh, wow.
-It's a pleasure.

[knocking on door]

Who the hell is that at
the door?

-Y'all invite somebody?
-No.

You expecting somebody?

Am I ever?

Hell, I don't expect y'all.
Y'all pop up.

I keep telling y'all
don't do that.

One day you gonna do it

and you gonna see something
you don't wanna see.

Egh. Gross, Pop.

Yeah, whatever,
get the door, son.

You see I'm busy?

Hey, what's up, fam?

-Hey.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-What's up?
-Peanut.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Yeah, what are you doing here?

Dang, that's how y'all do me?
No love for extended family?

No. Now go back
where you came from.

So what's up, Peanut?

Man, I'm just, you know,

here to share an announcement
with y'all.

Uh, y'all looking
at a newly engaged man.

[music]

[fire hydrant hissing]

[bird tweeting]

[plane humming]

[car alarm blaring]

[police sirens wailing]

[train horn blowing]

[ambulance siren wailing]

[helicopter revving]

[firework firing]

Who is crazy enough
to get engaged to you, Peanut?

Engaged? What?

Peanut, you're engaged?

Yeah. Yes, ma'am,
yes, ma'am.

-Oh, congratulations, baby.
-Thank you.

Well, I say, look at you!

Look how happy he is, Curtis.

So how'd you meet her?

Um, you know, it was on one

of them online,
you know, dating sites.

Oh, Jesus.

It's a new day, Ella.
It's a new day.

Whatever happened to the people

meeting at school
or a church?

Or a coffee shop even?

I get kicked out
of most of them places, so...

I'm so sick
of this tomfoolery.

Let me get out of here.

Baby, I gotta go check
the inventory

before Floyd calls,
be bugging me about it.

Hey, I wasn't, you know, I ain't
mean to interrupt anything.

I really just came to holler
at Calvin for a sec.

Yeah, okay, well, next time,
can you holler somewhere else?

Curtis.

Baby, you see everybody
in the house?

The house is full.

The kitchen, everywhere.
They're everywhere.

Congratulations, Peanut,
again and again.

Hey, baby, I gotta make a run.
Gotta make a run.

-Uh, Janine!
-[Janine] Yes, ma'am.

-I'm gonna talk with you later.
-Yes, ma'am.

[Ella] Love you.
Love you, Jazzy, love you.

-Bye, Momma.
-C.J., you know I love you.

-Bye, everybody.
-Hey, baby.

Oh, snap. I forgot. Okay.

I'm on the way.
Yo, Peanut.

Just come by the house later.
I gotta go meet up with Laura.

All right, bet.
See you later.

[Jazmine clears throat]

So how about those Falcons?

Okay, y'all mad
at each other, huh?

I can always tell
when y'all mad at each other.

It's so obvious.

I'm not mad.
I'm not mad. Wishful.

I wish your father would've
remembered our date night.

Took some time for it.

I was playing basketball
one night last week.

Next week, [pops lips]
date night.

Where you gonna take me?
The gym?

You wanna go to gym?

Do I want to go
to the gym?

No, no, you said gym.

Are you suggesting that I need
to go to the gym?

I'm not suggesting anything.

You said, do I wanna take you
to the gym?

Daddy, just stop
while you ahead.

So now I'm fat?

Who said you is fat?

You didn't not say
I was fat.

So what's up? Why you wanna take
me to the gym?

I mean, you did suggest
the gym.

Jazzy.

I'ma get out of here.

Okay, now that's a good idea.

-Yeah. And, uh...
-Going to the gym?

No, no. [Janine clears throat]
We going to dinner.

Oh.
Five star restaurant.

-Ten stars.
-[Janine] Ten.

-Do they have 10 stars?
-[Janine] Mm.

Jesus.

Peanut, I still can't believe
you went off and got engaged.

Nobody can believe
he got engaged

and that is exactly
why we're here.

So, Peanut,
why don't you tell us

about this
little chick of yours

and what's the name
of this dating app again?

First of all,
this ain't no little chick.

This is my fiancee,
so put some respect on it

when you talking about her.

And the app is called
Love at First Tap

and it's for singles
who want the experts

to make them a perfect match
based off their profile.

Okay, so how long
has this been going on?

Mm, few weeks,
maybe about a month.

And how's it going?

Amazing, man.

Like, we really
getting to know each other.

And you're absolutely sure
that this is the woman

you wanna spend the rest
of your life with.

Hell, yeah,
she the one.

She got a fat ass.

Okay, so when do we get
to meet the one?

Yeah. If she got a fat ass,
I wanna see.

Uh, look, [stammering] oh, yeah.

You gonna meet her.
It'll be soon. It'll be soon.

Why you over here,
stuttering, Peanut?

-You all right, dawg?
-Oh, we good.

Yeah, Peanut, you acting
like we stupid or something.

Man, no, man.

All right, look, man,
the truth is

me and shorty ain't actually met
yet.

And y'all engaged?

Yeah, that's how
the app work.

If you tap right
and she tap right,

then y'all engaged,

and you got 24 hours
to confirm and respond.

Oh, I'm weak. I'm dead.
I'm dead.

Peanut, listen, oh,
what is you talking about?

You have to meet this girl

before you decide
to walk down the aisle with her.

Sooner than later, like,
for real, for real.

Okay, wait, wait,
let me get this straight.

So you double-tapped
on this chick

and the only communication
you had is online?

Why haven't you met
your fiancee yet?

Well, see, that's what I wanted
to holler at you about.

Because, you know, um, I think
it's about time I meet her

and I'm ready to meet her.

Yeah, you absolutely should.

But, wait, wait, wait, what does
that have to do with me?

Well, you know,
I kind of told her

that I'm a CEO
of a marketing firm

and I live
in a nice condo

and I travel the world and I go
to fine dining experiences.

Now, why the hell
would you tell her

something so stupid
like that, P?

I don't know. It's what
I put in the profile.

That's how you gotta
get them nowadays, man.

They're not going
to Cheesecake Warehouse.

You ain't got no money,
they be acting funny.

No, it's not.

Starting off an engagement
with a lie.

That's a recipe
for disaster, bro.

You right.

But I need you to let me
use your condo.

Just to get this.
Just a date night.

It's one date night.

All right, man, I'ma let you
use it, but just know

this lie is gonna come back
to haunt you.

You better start
telling the truth.

Man, I'ma start
telling the truth

as soon
as I get this lie off.

After this one. He's lying.

Yeah, he lying.

Do y'all have to be
this far away from each other?

Momma, you wanna just
be the bigger person?

Just scoot a little?
Thank you.

There you go.

Okay, so I don't know
exactly what's been going on

with y'all recently.

But I know you been
mad at each other.

There's been
some tension, you know.

And I've learned a lot of things
in school

that I think
will help y'all.

So, boom, pad,
boom, pad.

We gonna try something.

What is all of this?

Daddy, silence, you gonna
find out in a second.

[clears throat]

They're a few exercises

I'd like you both to participate
in today, all right?

Uh, I'm game. Let's go.

You know I'm down
to do it.

All right,
well, thank you both.

So we're gonna start off
with nonverbal communication.

Okay? As you can see
on your pads are written

-the five love languages.
-The five love languages.

[Jazmine] You already know
what I'm getting at.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Uh, what exactly
is a love language?

You really don't know

-what a love language is?
-[Janine] It's okay.

Momma, how did he last this
long?

Most guys don't know about...
This is mostly a girl thing.

-Yeah, so...
-Break it down to him, Momma.

So the five things
listed here

are different
foundational things

that you can use
to know what your partner

values in the relationship
as far as affection.

So she's asking you
to just pick

one or two of the things
that I do for you

from this list
that make you feel loved.

Yes.

-Okay.
-[Jazmine] Five love languages.

Circle your top one first.

All right.

[Jazmine] It's taking Daddy
a while.

Physical touch.

Why am I not surprised?

Yeah, you see this one,
"acts of service..."

Okay, okay, why don't you
just show each other.

Before we move onto the other
ones.

-Quality time.
-[Jazmine] Aw.

Yes, I spend
quality time.

No, you don't.

I'm spending quality time
right now. This is quality time.

Look at that.

"Physical touch,"
that's the quality time

you like to spend.

All right, uh, second one,
please.

Please circle
that second one.

-Second favorite.
-I don't have a second.

[Jazmine] Daddy, just pick, just
pick one at this point.

Okay.

I will pick one.

-[Jazmine] Today, though.
-There we go.

All right,
show each other, please.

-Acts of service.
-Acts of service.

All right, Mom,
good one.

-Yes.
-Thank you.

-Gifts.
-Gifts. I like gifts.

You never like
the gifts I give you.

No, you give me socks
and ties.

Okay, okay,
let's move on.

Let's not dwell on this.
Close your eyes, please.

Both of y'all.
Close your eyes.

All right,
now clear your mind

of all negative thoughts
about each other.

Of all negative thoughts?
That's gonna be hard.

[Jazmine] Daddy.
[smacks with paper]

I'm sorry.

Take a deep breath.

Let it out.

Yeah, keep it positive.

Only think positive thoughts.
Remember the good times.

-The good times. Okay.
-[Jazmine] Mm-hmm.

Jazmine, this actually does
feel kind of good.

Feels good, right?

Yes, it's been a while

since I, uh, took
a real deep breath.

See, God has been with y'all
through the darkest times.

And He's pulled
y'all through everything

with your faith
rested on Him.

So, please remember
the desires of your marriage

and of your family.

Picture what you want
for the future

and then start speaking it
into existence.

Thank you, Jazz,
this has been eye-opening.

Yeah, and I guess,

you know, we do
get a little caught up

in trying to be right.

Pride and egos
get in the way.

And stubbornness
and lack of communication

and not wanting to be heard.

Okay, we don't have to go,
like, back down the list.

Remember, communication
is key.

You know,
being deliberate is key.

-Having faith is key.
-[Janine] Is key.

-[Jazmine] All right?
-Got it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You know, I don't know
what they teaching you

at that school,
but I love it.

Well, it's not
just the school

it's everything I've learned
from this family over the years.

Watching you two, watching
Aunty Ella, Uncle Curtis.

I've really had
some great examples.

Uncle Curtis?

Yeah, I don't know
about Uncle Curtis.

Yeah, well, I've learned
what not to do from him.

Ah.

He did raise me, so we gonna
give him credit too.

We gonna give him credit.
We love Uncle Curtis.

-And I love y'all.
-[Janine] Love you.

I'm gonna give y'all
a moment

to just sit and reflect, okay,
love birds.

But y'all gonna have to
figure out who to do this

without me, okay? I'm gonna have
my own family soon.

Are you pregnant?

Not that soon. I mean, like,
future, future.

[music]

[knock on door]

How you doing, baby?

Hey there, Big Daddy.

Ooh, I like it
when you call me Big Daddy.

Look at you.

Looking just like
your profile pic.

Thank you.

You kinda look like yours.

Yeah, okay.

Well, uh, you know,
welcome to mi casa.

You know, mi casa es su casa.

Oh, you didn't say
you speak Spanish.

Yeah, I know a little something
something about the lingo.

Oh, so that mean you gonna
be taking me overseas and stuff?

Hey! Wait.

I can't go out the country.

Damn, that would've been fun.

You can't...
Okay, why not?

Why can't you?
You scared of planes?

No, my probation
won't allow it.

Probation? Okay, I...

I thought you said
you worked in criminal justice.

You know, I'm in
the criminal justice system,

and, boy, is it
a lot of work.

I gotta hit up
my PO every week,

let her know
I'm doing community service.

Have to be looking
for a job, all that bull...

Yeah, yeah, okay,
you... All right.

But I'm glad
you got a job.

Yeah, yeah.

So you gotta let me know, uh,

you know, how a beautiful woman
like yourself

wound up with, you know,
a criminal record.

Oh, well, I can't
talk about that

'cause the case
is still pending.

Still pending?

You-- it ain't no violent,
ain't no murder...

I can't talk about it.
Still pending.

[Peanut] No manslau...

Okay.

I thought I like hood chicks,
but this takes the cake.

What was that?

Huh, I said, I said,
you know how to bake.

Oh, no, I don't bake.
I don't cook.

-That's doing way too much.
-Oh, that's doing too much.

Yeah, you know,
I just, I just thought

that I'll find a rich dude
and maybe get married to him.

Yeah, sound like
you ain't doing nothing.

So you ain't in it
for the love?

Well, what's love
got to do with it?

You know
what I mean?

Love? What is love?
What is love?

Yeah, that's what the site
called, Love at First...

You know, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.

Just go ahead
and get your food.

Okay, 'cause I don't want it
to get cold.

No, yeah.

Uh-uh, Big Daddy.

You can get a little closer,

but ain't gonna be
no hanky panky up in here.

Oh, yeah, I know.

You know, I was just trying
to make sure

-You was comfortable.
-Oh, okay.

-Yeah, cozy. Yeah.
-I'm a lady.

[Peanut]
I know. I see you.

What the hell is going on
up in here?

Um, it's a little late
for cleaning.

And all that, so you might need
to come back.

Yeah, it is a little late, lady.
Come back tomorrow.

Peanut, you better get you
and your little friend

up out my place
before I do.

Whoa, whoa, calm down.

Peanut, why are you
even here?

And who the hell is she?

Look, that's my fiancee. Okay?

Fiancee? Since when?

And turn the damn lights on!

Oh, snap.

Calvin, what you mean,
"Oh, snap"?

Hmm?

Somebody better get
to talking!

Uh, baby, can I
holler at you over here?

[Laura] Yeah, let's holler.

[Peanut] Don't worry
about that.

Look, I forgot to mention
that I let Peanut

use the place
to have a date night.

-Mm.
-Wait a minute.

This ain't your place,
Big Daddy?

[both] "Big Daddy"?

Look, yes,
this is my place.

I let them stay here.
They, like, tenants.

Boy.

I got several
rental properties.

All right, look.

This ain't my place.

I'm lying.
I don't live here.

And I'm not rich.
I ain't no CEO.

And I'm not some rich dude
that you can just scheme off of.

[chuckles] Hold the hell on.

Okay? Hold on.

You got me messed up.
You got me messed up!

You would lie to me?

Girl, you was lying to me.

You were lying too,
Ms. Criminal Justice,

-"case is pending."
-Boy, please.

Okay? Lose my number.

Cheap butt or somethin'
wasting my time.

I'm out of here.

-[Laura] There's the door.
-I'm going.

[Peanut] Don't make me call
your probation officer.

[music]

Look, Peanut, I'm sorry
this happened.

I had my doubts, obviously,

but this wasn't the way
to go about it.

Yeah. You right.

You know, it's just
I was feeling left out.

Looking at everybody,
I don't know,

I guess I just started
getting desperate.

Man, don't be.

The right woman will come along
when you least expect it.

You just gotta be
ready for it.

What Laura and I have
and Pookie and his wife have,

it's not based on a lie,
it's based on the truth.

Mm, that's right, baby.

You right, Big Dawg.

For real, appreciate you.
Thanks for everything, man.

I'll go ahead.
Get up out of here.

Where you headed?

You know,
I'm going to a strip club.

[Calvin and Laura chuckling]

Hey, can't let the suit
go to waste.

You know what I'm saying?

[Calvin] That's my dawg.
Get 'em, dawg.

Can you bring me back
some lemon pepper wings

-I got you.
-[Laura] Thank you.

So, date night?

-Date night is good. Yeah.
-[Janine] Yeah?

Where you gonna take me?

Where you wanna go?

C.J., I'm so simple,
I just...

Dinner and a movie
is more than enough for me.

-Dinner and a movie it is.
-[Janine] Yes.

Next Thursday night.

Okay. All right.

Dinner and a movie,
and then we can start

to explore more
of your love language.

Physical touch?

Physical [meows] [meows].

-I'll mess with that.
-[Janine] Yeah?

[C.J.] Mm-hmm.

-Okay.
-My juices is flowing...

Don't you start.

You gotta get past
the acts of service

and the quality time first.

But we can get to a little
physical touch right here.

[Janine] We don't need
to do that.

Ain't nobody here, no kids
around.

Don't come over here.

How about a little physical...

-[Janine] No.
-[C.J.] Act of service

-on this table right here?
-Physical act of service?

[music]

[music]

[music]