Original subtitles

[wacky music]

[knocking on door]

Coming!

I'm comin', girl. I'm comin'.

Ooh, I knew it was you.

[Glo cackling excitedly]

Come on in.

-Hey, girl! -Hello, hello!

All of the refreshments are in the back in the patio.

Oh, okay! Okay.

Okay.

No, uh-uh.

-Mm-hm, what? -No, uh-uh!

What?

Glo, please, don't tell me that that is...

This old thing?

It's the newest Fermes bag.

It hasn't even dropped yet.

Ah!

Can I touch it?

You sure can.

Oh, Glo, this is beautiful!

-Thank you. -I want one of these so bad.

Curtis would never, ever.

"Curtis would never, ever" what?

Uh...

Ella was just admiring my new Fermes bag.

Ooh...

It look like a blue frog that threw up flowers.

This bag, Curtis, is made of the finest of leathers.

It's imported all the way from Egypt.

Click.

Oh, baby, you wouldn't know nothin' about this bag.

Oh...

Child, do you see what the man wears?

I mean, his fashion is very much so giving "class of 1965".

Uh, Glo, I, I bought him that.

Oh, it's so nice.

Well, I'll have you know I won best-dressed

when I was fire chief.

Tell it, baby. Not one...

Two consecutive years in a row.

[Ella] Right, that's right.

Okay, um, it's not considered winning

if you're the only one in the competition, Curtis.

Like, you won by default.

There's no way.

It's okay, Curtis. It really is okay.

I don't really have to have the most beautiful,

exclusive, well-designed bag from the motherland.

I'm okay with what I have.

That black purse that hangs in the closet from Pick-A-Lot.

Cheer up, Ella.

I mean, it's, it's nice that you're a modest woman.

-That's sad. -Not everyone can afford

the finer things in life.

You just gon' dig, ain't you? You just gon' dig, huh?

Curtis...

No, I'm sick of her. I'm sick of her.

-What you talkin' 'bout? -I'm sick of you.

My Ella is the finer thing in life.

-How about that? -Yes, she is, not you.

Baby, if you want a bag, I'll get you a bag.

Curtis, it's okay. Baby, really.

-No, it's not okay, Ella. -[Ella] I'm fine. [sternly]

You want the bag, I'll get you the bag.

My...

My, shoot, my baby want a bag,

I'll get my baby, I'll buy my baby what she want.

Mm.

That's how I do my woman.

Oh, okay.

What you talking about? Tell me about fashion.

Like you know about fashion. You wouldn't even know...

Where you think Tyson Beckford got his swag from?

Me. That's where he got it from.

-Come on, Glo. -Mm-mm.

[Curtis] Oh, I can tell you stories on top of stories.

I know you can, baby.

Shoot, Billy Dee Williams.

I used to go toe-to-toe with Billy Dee Williams.

Yeah, tell her that story.

Probably before he got that little funky movie.

I mean, it was aight, it was aight.

[indistinct]

"My head'll fall off."

Got that from me, I used to say that at the club

-all the time. -Hey, Pops.

Who are you talkin' to?

I was talkin' to your mama.

You know what? Never mind.

I don't even know wanna know.

How are you and, uh, Laura holdin' up?

Oh, we're in a good space. Can't complain.

Um...

Hello? Hello?

What is on your phone, got your attention like that?

Oh, my bad, Pops.

I was checkin my fantasy football stats

from the other day.

But me and Laura, we're good.

We're workin on rebuilding our trust

before we jump the broom.

Everything's on the up and up.

Well, see? That's the issue right there.

That's the issue.

Those doggone phones,

y'all stay on those phones too doggone much.

I mean, kids wake up and grab the phone

before they grab a toothbrush.

You know what, though?

Now that I think about it,

'cause they do have all the apps,

the new apps and stuff.

It might be a good thing if men know

what women are doin' on those things.

Mm, I don't know, Pops.

I've heard horror stories from a few of my friends

that went through they girlfriend's phone.

Sounds like unnecessary drama, if you ask me.

Yeah, well, I figure it's better to be safe than sorry.

Hey, besides, I know Laura's passcode if I ever need to.

It's been the same for years. She got nothin' to hide from me.

Okay, if you say so.

Huh.

What's up?

Well, now that you mention it,

she has been on her cell phone a lot these past few weeks.

I mean usually Laura never cares about her phone like that,

but it's been kinda like it's glued to her hand.

I mean, she takes it with her to the bathroom,

she sleeps with it under her pillow at night.

[Curtis] Mm.

And she always keeps it on vibrate.

Well, Calvin, that could be nothin'.

Or it could be a whole lotta somethin'.

I'm just sayin',

I know what Curtis Payne would do

if I was in your shoes.

Yeah, I hear you, Pop. Hm...

[upbeat music]

[fire hydrant hissing]

[bird tweeting]

[plane humming]

[car alarm blaring]

[police sirens wailing]

[train horn blowing]

[ambulance siren wailing]

[helicopter revving]

[firework firing]

[wacky music]

She talkin' about, talkin' about I can't buy the finer things.

I'll buy my wife when she want.

That's what I do. She want a bag, I get her a bag.

I wonder how much these things cost.

What's goin' on, Uncle Curtis?

You look like you seen a ghost or somethin'.

Well, hell, I almost turned into one,

lookin' at these prices.

Come look at these things.

Dang!

Man, that is a lotta zeroes!

You're tellin' me.

Wait a minute.

Anytime I ask you even for just a little bit of money,

you tell me no with the quickness,

but you on here shoppin' for purses and stuff.

I guess that is pretty contemporary of you.

Mm, watch your tone.

You know what?

I accidentally told your Aunt Ella

that I would buy her one of these things.

Of course, that was before I knew it would cost my mortgage.

Look, unless you plan on winnin' the lottery

or you got some type of secret account somewhere,

I don't know how you gon' do that.

Dude, I'll find a way. I'll make a way.

Please, don't doubt me. I'm Curtis Payne.

Aight? Watch my smoke, you heard me?

Alright, Uncle Curtis.

Don't go broke tryin' to keep up with the Joneses.

Ain't nobody tryin' to keep up with them.

They been tryin' to keep up with me.

Keep up with them.

Alright, good luck with that.

Don't need luck, son!

You don't need luck when you got bargain skills.

A bargain, I ain't never paid full price for nothin'.

[electric guitar music]

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Uh, what are you doing here?

We live here.

Yeah, we do. Don't we?

Um, I just, I don't know.

I just thought you wouldn't be here so soon.

I, I thought you were gonna hang out with Peanut all day today.

[phone dinging]

You not gon' get that?

It's probably just my calendar

reminding me to take my vitamins.

Oh, okay.

Yep.

7-6-5-5, open sesame.

Okay?

What?

Why are you shouting?

Oh, my bad.

I must've been kickin' with, with Pops too much,

I'm, uh, losin' a little hearing.

Okay.

Ooh, babe, hold on one second. I have a surprise!

Ooh, don't do it, Calvin. Don't do it.

Don't do it, Calvin.

Mm!

Okay, a little peek ain't gon' hurt.

Oh, so you changin' your passcodes?

Okay, well, you a simple woman. Let's...

Let's try your mom's birthday.

Dang, nope, that's not it. Okay, uh, how 'bout my birthday?

Dang, that's not it, either.

Okay, how 'bout, uh...

The first time you told me you love me.

When was that? 12/16.

"Too many attempts"?

Uh...

Uh...

Alright.

This is what I wanted to show you.

Give me a second, I'm so excited.

Look.

I found some beautiful menus for our wedding.

Look at this design. It's so pretty, right?

Oh yeah, it's pretty.

Love the little gold trim.

Ooh, and we have to figure out

what our song's gonna be for our first dance.

-Wait, you sure about that? -[Laura] Yes.

Baby, we can keep it simple, just nice and simple.

Two-step. Keep it right here.

Okay, that's a little bit too simple for me, Calvin.

Come on, now. I'm a dancer.

[phone dinging]

Your phone, again.

I mean, how many vitamins do you take?

A lot. Uh...

A lot of reminders.

Hey, what's goin' on, Calvin? What's up, Laura?

You all good?

Peanut. How you doin'?

All good. You know, same old thing.

Findin' what you need in there?

Not really.

I'll make it work.

Baby, I, I got to go.

Um...

I need to run some errands, and I'll make it kinda quick.

-I love you. -Yeah.

-Love you, too. -[Laura] Peanut!

Don't make a mess.

You ain't gotta worry about me.

[Laura] I worry about you.

The hell is she goin'?

This bag supposed to be here.

It been already a couple...

This thing, it can't be right.

This thing, I just changed the battery on this thing.

Anyway, if they don't bring that doggone thing...

See, they don't do nothin' when they...

And it's out there!

They didn't ring the doorbell or nothin'?

Hell, I could've went and picked the thing up

as long as y'all take!

Nobody out there.

It's all good.

What's up, Uncle Curtis?

Hey, hey, hey.

Ooh, is that for me?!

No!

Back it up. It's for your Aunt Ella.

What'd you get her?

Wait a minute, did you get her that purse that,

that she said she wanted?

That wallop, man.

Oh.

Man...

Let's go, you the man.

[Jazmine] Wait a minute.

Did they ship that from Bankhead?

Uncle Curtis, where you get this purse from?

A real man does not disclose his secrets.

Hm.

Mm, mm, mm.

-Ooh! -[Ella] What's goin' on in here?

-Hey, baby. -Hi, Auntie!

Baby, come over here and close your eyes.

Curtis, what is goin' on?

[indistinct], just close your eyes, baby.

Curtis, stop playin' around. What's goin'...?

Uh-uh. What is goin' on, Curtis?

Baby, if you don't close your eyes

and receive this blessing...

Okay.

-Closing my eyes... -You got 'em closed?

I don't want you lookin'.

Don't y'all be playin' a trick on me now.

Wait, why you over here now?

It's cool baby, just...

-Curtis! -Here you go, baby.

-Look here. -Uh-uh.

Look where the ring at. Hold your arm out.

-Curt... -Huh?

-Curtis. -Huh?

Keep your eyes closed, until I tell you to open them.

No, you don't.

Curtis, I know you did not.

Open your eyes, baby.

Huh?

Did you say open them?

[Curtis] I said you can open 'em.

Oh, Curtis!

Ooh!

Oh, Curtis! This is beautiful!

Oh, Curtis!

Not what you think it is, auntie.

Curtis, how did...?

How did we afford this? You can't afford this.

Come on, baby. Come on, now.

You askin' me, you worried about the wrong things, little lady.

Curtis...

Come on, let's see you model it for us.

Yeah, model it for us, baby.

Come on, see how you walk with it.

Ooh, I don't know about... Ooh, uh-oh, I feel that.

-Ooh, Curtis! -What you feel like?

I gotta, I gotta call Glo.

-Yeah, yeah. -I gotta let her know.

-She's not the only one, baby. -That's right.

Look at this.

-Huh. -Huh.

Get that, uh. Get that, uh.

Oh Curtis!

Curtis, Curtis.

You better go.

Man, y'all gotta go grocery shoppin'

or somethin', man.

You ain't got nothin' to eat in here.

I know I ain't goin' crazy.

I mean, first, you change your passcode.

Who change the passcode?

Secondly, you been on your phone night and day.

I mean, and thirdly, most importantly,

you took my picture off your lock screen.

No, something's goin' on.

Bruh, what are you trippin over, bro?

There's obviously somethin' on your mind right now.

Look, I'm just tryin' to make sure

Laura isn't hiding anything before we take this next step.

I mean, has Laura gave you any reason not to trust her?

I mean, it seem like she been pretty solid this whole time.

Yeah, you might be right.

But things are just a little weird.

I mean, she's on that phone, like, day and night.

I mean, what could be so important?

Bruh, sound like you just bein' paranoid.

It sound like you projectin' your own feelings onto her.

Maybe you right. Maybe it's nothin'.

But I cannot believe you bought this!

-Yeah. -Oh!

It's beautiful, you beautiful isn't it.

I'll sleep with this purse tonight.

I know you will, baby. I know you will.

Curtis.

Nuh, nuh, nuh.

[Curtis] Look good on ya.

-Hey, baby, what time is it? -[knocking on door]

-Is that Glo already? -You know it.

She's kinda... Okay.

Okay.

So, don't say anything!

Okay, why you say that?

Hey, girl!

Hey, girl. Come on in.

Mm, Curtis.

Yeah, but-- puh--

Gloria, wasn't expectin' you today.

Uh, Ella, had I known

it was tacky day over here in the Payne household,

I would've dressed for the occasion.

You know what, I knew you were a hater the first time I met you.

Whatever.

-It just is what it is. -Ahem.

Everybody gotta be who they are.

Ahem!

Matches my edge.

Do you see anything special?

Wait, is that a...?

-Oh, yes, it is. -It couldn't be.

Oh, yes, it is.

My Curtis got me

the latest and the greatest Fermes purse.

Thank you very much.

I love you. "I love you back."

She loves me.

My baby got an exclusive bag. Okay?

They didn't make that many of those.

-[Ella] Mm-mm. -Yes, see, that, that's odd.

I mean, I'm a part of the Ferm Herd,

and, uh, I have never seen this color purse on their site.

Oh, she's one of a kind, Glo.

Hence the name 'exclusive'.

It excludes you.

Ooh, Curtis, that's not nice.

It's one-of-a-kind, Glo.

[ladies laughing]

-Ooh, yes, and she loves me. -[Glo] Yes, yes, yes.

"Yes, I do."

She look so pretty. You gotta name it, baby.

What you gon' name it?

You know what? I haven't thought.

Leprechaun.

-Oh, I like that. -Leprechaun.

-[Curtis] I like that, baby. -Leprechaun.

It is, it is like a leprechaun.

Where, Curtis, where, how could you afford this?

I mean, you are a few months behind on your, uh, HOA fees.

Just sayin'.

Okay, well, first of all,

I am the sauce boss of this town, just sayin'.

And second of all,

you need to stay out my pockets, woman.

Whatever.

[Ella] Oh, no.

You, you okay?

I'm fine. I'm just...

I think my, I'm a little dry. Need some lotion.

Oh! Ella, is that a rash?!

What? Look at that!

-Rash? -Curtis, that's not a rash.

Curtis, wait a minute, Curtis. That's not a rash.

No, baby, that's just a little dry.

You just need that lotion.

-The lotion, whip that up. -Curtis, it's burning.

I have something in the purse.

Okay, I'll get it for you.

-Curtis, just... -That don't look...

What in the world?!

See, I knew it!

-Curtis! -[Glo] I knew it!

What the heck is goin' on with my bag?

Stop, stop it, stop it.

Don't touch it anymore!

-Baby! -Curtis,

just give me the receipt.

Give me the receipt and let me take it back to the store, baby!

That bag was too much!

That was too much, honey, for it to just fall apart.

Baby, look, I don't want you to be worried about that, okay?

-[Ella] Curtis... -I'll take care of it.

I'mma take care of it. This is ridiculous.

I'mma give them a piece of my mind!

'Cause this is unacceptable!

That's crazy.

[electric guitar music]

Hey, babe.

Hey.

How you doin'?

Look, Laura, where have you been?

I just been, uh...

Listen, babe, um...

I couldn't fit into my dress. I went to my fitting.

Couldn't fit it.

All that money, I hired a personal trainer

so I could get fit for the wedding.

A personal trainer?

Yeah.

So, that's where you been runnin' off to?

Yes, I'm sorry.

But baby, why wouldn't you just tell me that?

I don't know, I just,

I don't want you to say, like, "Oh, you doin' too much."

So, I just, I did it on my own.

Okay, so what about all the text messages?

Oh, that's just my trainer.

He sends me, like, my meal preps,

makes sure I'm hydrated.

You know, he's like my accountability partner.

Babe, I'm so sorry.

I didn't wanna lie to you.

But also, I just didn't know how to tell you.

Babe, you could've told me that.

I mean, we promised to always be open and honest with each other.

You right. But I had an idea.

Would you wanna come and work out with me?

We can do, like, a little couple circuit, maybe.

-Okay, I'd be down for that. -Yeah?

-Yeah? -But I hope you ready,

because what you just put me through,

oh, I'mma make you sweat.

Oh, okay, well, I'm down. I'm down to sweat.

Okay.

Baby, thank you.

Thank you for being so understanding about this.

This is why I love you so much.

I love you, too.

-Curtis. -Oh, hey, babe.

Hi, baby.

-Hey, baby. -Why are you up so late?

Oh, I'm just writin', writin' to the Better Buyest Bureau.

About my things, just writin' a letter.

-Mm-hm. -Did you wanna read it?

-Nope, nope, nope, nope. -Read it, babe.

This don't make no sense. This don't make no...

Bankhead.

Yeah.

Don't make no sense.

-I'm sorry, Ella. -[Ella] Hm?

Baby, I just couldn't see...

I didn't want you to go out like that.

Curtis, I knew the bag was not real.

I know you knew. Now.

Baby, I couldn't see spending our savings on a bag.

It's okay.

It's okay.

-Really? -It's the thought that counts.

Still got that rash?

Yes.

-Is it contagious? -It's burning.

-Baby... -I'm okay.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay, Curtis.

Come on to bed. It's getting late.

Okay, I'll be right there, baby.

It ain't late, though.

It's not... Why does the watch keep stoppin?

This thing, I just put a battery in.

It's, uh...

Bolex?

I ain't even know it's a Bolex.

[music]

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