All language subtitles for Tyler.Perrys.House.of.Payne.S13E14.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE_track3_[eng]

[music]

Here we go.

[music]

All right, baby.

Uh, you handle the counters,
I'll do the dusting.

Now, is there anything else
we need to clean?

Uh, yes. You still have to pick
up 27 shoes in the bedroom.

How could there possibly be 27?
They come in twos.

Well, that's
because I picked up one,

and then I asked myself,

"Why are you cleaning up
after a grown man?"

Ms. Ella would never
pick up after you like that.

Uh, actually, she did
all the time.

You know what? She did.
Because you a spoiled brat.

All right.

I am done.

Okay. Baby, the place looks
great.

-You know, it really does.
-[Laura] Mm-hmm.

With the boys here, I can't
remember the last time

this whole place was clean.

Listen, I just hope
we can keep it this way

for my girls
and the dinner party tomorrow.

Now we can just tackle
the bedroom.

Oh, if you want to do
some tackling in the bedroom,

we could arrange that. Hut, hut!

Well, as romantic
as tackling in the bedroom

on a pile of funky shoes sounds,
I think I'll pass.

Ooh.

Speaking of funky shoes, baby,
did you leave a pair out here?

-Ugh.
-No. I don't smell anything.

I don't know. I just got
a whiff of something.

I guess the funk is just
emanating from the bedroom.

I don't know.

Can't catch me!
Give me back my headphones.

Maybe if you shared them with
me, I would have to take them!

Maybe if you didn't keep
breaking yours, you'd have some.

Now, give me back my headphones,

or little man here
is going to get it.

You wouldn't.

Oh, it's on.

[Calvin] Where is my
28th shoe, Laura?

You sure you
didn't throw it out?

[Laura] I'm positive, it's
probably just under the couch.

What the hell?

Oh, my gosh.

Did a pack of raccoons
get up in here?

Well, no, baby.
The sliding door is closed.

Maybe...

Wait. Boys!

[hydrant hissing]

[bird chirping]

[plane humming]

[car alarm blaring]

[police siren wailing]

[train horn blowing]

[ambulance siren wailing]

[helicopter whirring]

[firework whistling]

[music]

Oh! Oh, I'ma kill 'em.

Now baby, don't kill them.

-Oh, I'm gonna kill 'em.
-Yeah. Boys!

And what is that
that smells like old cheese?

You see, you smell
it now too, right?

That's what you
was talking about?

-[Laura] Mm-hmm, that funk.
-[Junior] Yeah, Dad?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't "Yeah Dad?" me.

Do you two have something
you want to say?

Uh, is lunch ready?

No.

About the
state of this room, boys.

[Both] He did it. No, I didn't.
That was you!

Okay, hey, hey, that's enough.

Now, I'm getting tired
of cleaning this place up

just for you two
to come in and wreck it.

That's right. We all live here.

We gotta have more respect
for the space that we share.

We're sorry.

Yeah Dad, Miss Laura,
we're sorry.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, where you going?

I was in the middle of a battle.

and I got some
super gluing to do.

Where's the super glue,
by the way?

Oh, it's in a box in the attic.

Wait.

We don't have an attic?

Exactly.

All right, Junior, you turn off
that game, and Christian,

you're not allowed to use
super glue under this roof.

And pick up all this potpourri.

What's potpourri?

Oh, it's all this stuff
on the floor.

Oh, I just call
that stuff yummy sticks.

Yummy sticks?
Now that's a cute--

Do not let his cuteness
get to you.

[Calvin] Laura, stay focused.

Just so you know,
my team was winning,

but they're goners without me.

Just so you know,

you're gonna be a goner
if you don't get to cleaning up.

And some stuff around here
is gonna have to change,

because we're not your butlers,
chefs, chauffeurs, or maids.

We're your family.

That's right. And we
have to take care of each other.

So that means if you make
a mess, clean it up.

And don't, please,
don't eat the yummy sticks.

But they smell so good.

He is cute.

[music]

Oh, Curtis!

So baby, how is the
new brisket recipe coming?

-Beautifully.
-You don't need much.

You know, I separated
the points from the flats.

-Thank you, baby.
-Uh-huh.

So, all I had to do was
juggle the smoke time.

Well, Curtis,
it smells wonderful.

I tell you, it smells so good,

Deacon Turner and Josie
was just saying so.

Yeah, they ain't getting none.

Curtis, don't be rude, baby.
They didn't ask for any.

Who, me? No, rude is when you
come to somebody's house

expecting them to feed you.

-Uh, Curtis, baby.
-That's rude.

Okay. Let me get back to my
company.

Go get them, baby.

That looks amazing, Mrs. Payne.

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Oh, now, Deacon Turner,
you don't take cream, right?

No more than a drop, or this
meeting's gonna end real fast.

Well, you know you need to stop.

Mrs. Payne, Deacon Turner,

thank you so much
for agreeing to meet with me.

The network is so excited
to begin streaming

the awe-inspiring ministry
at your church.

And we're excited
to have you all.

Especially the donations
that are gonna come pouring in.

We'll reach so many more people
with those resources.

Absolutely. Mrs. Payne, I really
think the interest piece

on your work with the church's
help center is gonna be amazing.

Good. I just hope it
motivates more people

to give help and get help.

Make sure you say that
on camera. That's awesome.

I hope I remember. Okay.

And I'll help remind you.
Ella Payne has a heart of gold.

And our church is blessed to
have her for what now, 30 years?

For 40. 40.

Wow. The changes
you must have seen.

Oh, yes, yes.
Lots of big changes.

But our church has been

a steady beacon of light
in the community, so...

Ooh, say that too.

Ooh. Maybe I need
to be taking notes.

Can I please use your restroom?

Oh yes, sure.
Josie, right down that hallway.

On the right. You can't miss it.

Okay.

Deacon Turner, listen.

I am, um, actually
glad to see you today.

There's something I've been
meaning to discuss with you.

What's going on?

Well, it's about
Deacon Thornton and Regina.

Oh.
Maybe I can come by tomorrow.

I've got men's choir practice
after this meeting.

Okay, Okay.

Now, you did only put one drop
of cream in here, right?

Yeah.

I wouldn't do you like that.

I wouldn't do me like that.

Ooh. What is that smell?

-I think it's Junior.
-Ha, ha. Very funny.

Not like you use soap
when you take a bath.

All right, all right.
Wait a minute.

You do use soap
when you bathe, right?

Sometimes.

So what, you just get in there,
and you rinse off?

I think you found the source
of the smell, Dad.

Christian, get in there
and take a shower.

With soap. Everywhere.

Oh, but don't get it
in your mouth or your eyes.

Got it.

Ooh, I gotta open
this sliding door.

Laura left?

She said she was
going to get stuff

for her dinner party tonight,
and to please not make a mess.

You know, I don't think it was
Christian we were smelling.

So does that mean
I don't have to take a shower?

Boy, wash up.

How is Laura gonna host a dinner
party with this smell happening?

Nothing kills an appetite
faster than funk.

[music]

[music]

Okay, this is what we're gonna
do.

Which one of you did this?

Why? Just why?

I couldn't fit
anymore in my glass.

Then take a drink
and pour the rest in.

Geez, even I know that.

At least I didn't eat the
last slice of chocolate cake.

Wait a minute, you ate
the last slice of my cake?

Yes.

The slice I specifically
told everyone not to eat?

Yes, but Dad,
it was calling to me.

-You two are the best sons ever.
-Aw, thanks, Dad.

And the worst roommates ever.

I deserve that.

You know, no, you guys
gotta be more considerate

to the people in this house.

And I don't know what's
responsible for that stinkiness,

but we gotta get to the bottom
of it before Laura gets here.

She's been planning
this party for weeks.

Okay Dad, what do you
need us to do?

Okay, get up.

Everybody spread out
and start sniffing.

And if you feel yourself
getting warmer or colder,

let me know.

It's hard to say, Dad.

The stinkiness seems to be
coming from everywhere.

Yeah, it smells like
hot garbage in here.

Maybe we should just set
some more yummy sticks out.

Okay, look, we can't give up.

It's gotta be
coming from somewhere.

Junior, check under the couch.

Nothing there.

I don't know where else to look.

You know what?

Maybe an animal got stuck
in the vents and died.

And it's haunting us
with its smell?

No. Well, yes, maybe.

[music]

Curtis? Hey baby,
this is getting ridiculous.

Now, you barely slept last
night, and you still at it?

Ooh, baby,
making brisket is an art form,

requires dedication
and vigilance.

Okay, and so when do you sleep?

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Well Curtis,
are you almost done, baby?

Almost.

I got the brisket resting
after its lovely smoke bath.

It'll be ready
to be enjoyed soon.

So the brisket gets to rest,
but you don't?

Ella, I am a shepherd
tending to his flock.

All right, shepherd, I'm gonna
leave you to your flock.

Thank you.

Okay.

-[knock on door]
-Coming!

Okay.

Deacon Thornton, hello.
Come on in right there.

Ella, it smells like Curtis

is roasting up
some heavenly bounty back there.

Yes he is. And I'm gonna make
sure that you have a plate

to take home for Evangeline.

-Yes, Lord.
-Please, come in.

-My wife loves Curtis' barbecue.
-We all do.

Oh, Okay.

-So?
-Yes.

What exactly is on your heart

concerning Deacon Thornton
and his lovely new bride?

Okay, um.

It has come to my attention
that all may not be well

between the two of them.

Whatever do you mean?

Well I had Regina by,
and she said

that Deacon Thornton
had been abusing her.

Bobby?
That couldn't possibly be true.

Well, I didn't
believe it either,

but she had a knot on her head.

-And you think Bobby did it?
-No, I know Bobby did it.

First, she said she banged
her head on a cabinet.

-Well, there you go.
-No. No, no, no.

Then she came clean,
and she said Bobby did it.

I'm sorry Ella,
but maybe you misheard her.

I beg your pardon?

Deacon Thornton has been
an exceptional member

of our church family
for decades,

20 of which he served under
me on the Deacon Board.

I will not let his legacy be
tainted by lascivious rumors.

[chuckles]

[music]

-[door slams]
-What is this mess?

And what is that smell?

-[can sprays]
-You're home early.

Calvin, what the heck
happened in here?

We're trying to track down
the bad smell.

Well, did you find it?

We narrowed it down
to the living room.

Do you think
you and your friends

could stay in the kitchen?

-No!
-Well, I tried.

Look baby, baby,
I'm sorry about the mess,

but this smell
was driving me crazy.

Calvin, how am I supposed
to cook in this mess,

let alone host a dinner party?

Look, I know baby, we were
supposed to have this

all sorted out
before you got home.

-What am I gonna do?
-See, I thought of that.

I got a plan B,
so what you're gonna do,

you're gonna call your girls
and you're gonna tell them

to meet you
at the new spot on Baker.

The place with
the good lamb chops?

That's it.

Dinner and champagne for you and
your friends. My treat.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Oh, baby! Oh, you're the best!

Now, now, if you want to bring
me some to-go lamb chops,

-I won't turn that down.
-Oh, baby, I got you.

Okay, and nobody better
eat them but me.

Don't worry Dad,
we've learned our lesson.

Yep. Now, let's get this place
cleaned up.

Now, that's what I like to see,
teamwork.

I love it. I love to see it.
I'm gonna go call my girls.

Y'all got a lot to clean up.

Hey, what happened to teamwork?

Oh, your daddy's tired.

Besides, you two need
someone to supervise you.

You know, suddenly I'm not
feeling so bad about that cake.

So, what are you gonna do
about the smell?

Oh, I'm gonna have to
call somebody for that.

-Oh, shoot.
-What's wrong, Dad?

Nothing. I dropped my phone.

What the...

I think you fell in the source
of the smell, Dad.

What is this?

So that's where
my yogurt went last week.

-Ugh.
-[retches]

Uh-uh! Come, come, come.

This ain't...Laura! Laura!

-Yes, baby? What is going on?
-[gasps]

-What in the world?
-Smell it.

No! I can smell it from here.

Oh, my gosh!

You better have this
cleaned up, Calvin.

[Laura] Oh my God! Your babies.

I love them,
but they your babies.

Christian?

[music]

Lascivious rumors? Now, God.

Ooh, you're gonna have to
help me with this one.

Because we talked about this,

and I did not know
it was gonna happen like this.

Ella, Ella, you just need
to calm down.

Lord, I need patience.

That's all, I just
need the patience.

Lord, patience to wait
on the best piece of meat

she ever put in her mouth.

Oh, Curtis.

-Oh, my goodness.
-It's good, ain't it?

-Curtis, this is good.
-It's good, ain't it?

Yes, it is.

Oh, your customers
are gonna love this.

-Customers?
-Mm-hmm.

I made that for you, baby.

Nobody wanna work
that hard every day.

Oh, well, I'm honored, Curtis.

Mm, well, you're welcome.
Where's Deacon Turner?

The bathroom.

I think he put too much cream
in his coffee.

And you mad because he's back
there funkin' it up?

No, Curtis,
I'm not mad about that.

I'm mad because

he does not believe me
about Deacon Thornton.

-Deacon Thornton?
-Right.

-I've always wondered about him.
-Really? Why?

Ain't nobody that damn holy.
He just seems suspicious.

I'm sorry about my absence.

Did you spray?

Curtis.

Ella, I appreciate
you confiding in me,

but I think I'm gonna
head on home.

Okay.

So, Deacon Turner, are you...

you're not gonna even
look into it?

You know Ella,
I'm gonna pray for you.

A perverse man
stirs up dissension,

and a gossip
separates close friends.

Are you accusing me of gossip?

Yes.

Now, if you would kindly prepare
my little plates of brisket,

I'll be on my way.

[confused groan]

Excuse me brother, but you think
you gonna come in here

and talk to my wife like that,

and walk out of here
with a plate of brisket?

You got another thing coming.

Be gone.

-Sister Ella, I only meant--
-[door slams]

Let's eat.

[music]

[music]

All right, put a lot
of elbow grease in it.

How long am I gonna
have to do this?

Till the smell comes out.

So basically,
the rest of the year?

Get to work.

Go ahead.

[music]

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