Original subtitles

[laidback music]

Hi, Daddy.

Hey, baby.

Jazzy, Jazzy, Jazzy, Jazzy.

Doesn't your father look really, really comfortable

just sittin' there, scrollin' through his phone, feet up,

like he doesn't have a care in the world?

Oh, I'm just readin' about the local school district.

I mean, ever since Malik got the job

with Counselman Dustman,

you know, I'm taking more of an interest

in local politics.

Yeah, yeah, you don't have to defend yourself to me.

-That's fine. -[C.J.] Oh no, I most certainly

do have to defend myself.

I've been married to you long enough

to know your looks.

My looks? What looks?

Jazzy knows what looks I'm talkin' about.

My name is Bennet, and I ain't in it.

Bennet, why don't you check on your siblings upstairs,

while your father and I have a discussion

about my alleged looks?

[indistinct], when you said that, you did give a look.

Yes, thank you.

So, I have looks, huh?

Uh, yes.

I'm talkin' about your Judge-y Janine looks.

Judge-y? I do not have judge-y looks.

You got a judge-y look.

They're like greeting cards; you got one for every occasion.

Huh.

Give an example.

When both of your eyebrows go up.

Like this, right here.

That means my decision to have a second helping

of Aunt Ella's cake

wasn't a wise decision.

Hm.

-[C.J.] Uh-huh. -Mm-hm.

And your, your no-teeth smile, like you're doin' right now,

means that inside,

"I'm pretendin' to be happy on the outside.

But on the inside, I'm frowning."

Oh, okay, so, so that's how I look?

-Mm-hm. -[Janine] That's how I look?

When I walked in, how did I look at you

sitting here on the couch?

Oh, you mean your stink face.

Well, I apologize for whatever look you may perceive,

but you have to understand how frustrating it is

to come home from a long day of work

and find your husband chillin'

like he doesn't have a care in the world.

Well, you gotta understand how frustrating it is

to take five minutes to sit down on your day off,

and make your wife make you feel guilty about it.

You know what?

We have the same argument, the same debate,

"Ba-da, ba-da, ba-da," I don't wanna do it.

You know, we may as well save some time

and build a big ol' sign, right?

So we can just put all our complaints on it,

and we can point.

Number one...

Stop naggin' me about relaxin'. Alright?

Number five.

You online shop so much that we got a carboard Kilimanjaro

on the side of the house.

Mm, okay. Number two.

You never wanna go and see the movie that I wanna see.

No, no, no.

Even if it does involve a muscle-bound man

with his shirt off, building a sailboat.

I'm just sayin'. Number nine.

Right here. Right there, sir.

You expect that I am supposed to be the only one making meals.

Every single meal, every single day.

Okay.

I am never gonna be interested in watchin' a movie

with a muscle-bound man that builds a sailboat

with his shirt off

and makes out with a chick in the rain.

-Okay? -That's not the point.

Okay. And...

Second, I cooked dinner last night, miss!

[indistinct] cookin',

you only did that because I was at work!

That don't count!

You know what? White flag.

I call a truce. I'm good.

I don't wanna, I don't wanna argue.

Right, I mean...

I don't like this vibe, you know?

[Janine] Yes.

It's like we on different teams or somethin'.

100%.

I got big news!

What's that, you cleaned your room?

What? No, that's crazy talk.

I decided to run for student body president.

Oh, that's fantastic, baby.

We have an aspiring politician in the house.

That's good. I'm proud of you.

I got an announcement to make.

I decided to run for student body president.

That's two of y'all.

So, both of y'all gonna run for student body president

against each other?

-Yes. -Yes.

Can you and Mom help me?

I need to make a slogan and a campaign poster.

No, you and Mom help me.

I need a slogan and a campaign poster.

Okay, so, what's goin' happen is, Jayden,

I'm gonna be your campaign manager,

and I'm gonna help you,

and Mom can help Hayden and be her campaign manager.

-Okay. -Great.

Good.

Seems we are on different teams yet again.

So much for the truce.

Mm.

Let's get started, baby.

Hmm! Hmm, mm, mm.

[upbeat music]

Ella, come here, baby, come here!

Hurry up! You gotta come watch the replay.

-What is it, baby? -Watch this, watch this.

The play, we call this the, the, the snot bubble.

It's when you hit a player so hard,

and a bubble of snot comes out of his nose.

Watch how big this one is.

-Ugh! -Ooh!

-Curtis! -Ooh, that's a good one.

Curtis to call me in here to see this.

I don't wanna see violent football.

Look at all these poor players gettin' hurt.

Baby, you can get hurt anywhere. Please, you get hurt at church.

Ain't nobody get hurt in church.

Yeah, tell that to Brother Pruitt.

Remember when he caught the Holy Ghost

and threw his back out?

He was fakin' it.

-Hey, hey. -[Ella] That's what happens

when you fake it.

Sorry I'm late for the game, Pops.

So, you just missed a good one.

I was dealin' with a little situation

at the house.

What happened?

Junior got mad again.

Oh, Lord. What did he break this time?

His video game controller.

I thought you took his games away.

Well, I did, but he's been on good behavior

for the last couple of weeks, so we gave 'em back.

And he's backsliding, son?

It's okay, it happens to the best of us.

Man, he got so mad he lost,

he spiked the controller like it was a football.

And what did you do?

I took the games again.

Now he has to earn the money to buy a new controller

if he ever gets his games back.

Okay, Calvin, baby.

You gettin' into this cycle of takin' the games,

givin' 'em back, takin' the games.

No, baby, we have got to find a way to help Junior

manage his anger problems,

other than punishment.

Well, you know, me and Tracy,

we have him count to ten when he feels himself gettin' angry.

So, that can help him calm down.

To ten?

No, Calvin, uh, that's a nice strategy and all.

But young people, especially boys,

they can also benefit from havin' a dedicated outlet,

where they release some of this pent-up energy.

Baby, somethin' like journalism or meditation,

-or, I don't know... -Football!

No, football?

Boom, football!

Yes, baby, football is a great way to release

pent-up energy.

Grr!

No, right, right, no, right.

I, I think football would be really good for Junior.

That's a great idea, Mom. Thank you.

Calvin.

That's not what I'm talkin' about.

Well, you sparked a great idea. Thanks.

[wacky music]

There you go.

Alright, alright. I spoke with your mother.

She's on board with you playin' football,

if you really wanna play.

Of course he wants to play. He's a Payne man.

-Okay. -Please.

You know, uh, the, the Paynes,

we have a 'lustrious history over the grid house, son.

All the way back to my granddaddy.

Cletus "The Mauler" Payne.

What did they call you, Grandpa?

"The Dentist".

That's 'cause I brought the pain.

Now look, Junior, I wanna be real clear,

we're not pushin' football on you.

I'm only gonna sign you up if you really wanna play.

If not, no worries.

We can sign you up for a sport that you like better.

Heck yeah, he wanna' play football!

Yeah, you wanna play football!

You wanna' smash up some stuff, don't you son?

I don't know about all that, Grandpa.

I just know that football players

get all the females.

And see? And that one's my boy.

That is your boy.

For real, though, football is dope.

Me and my boys play at recess, we be havin' a gang of fun.

I wanna play in the real league, with pads and cheerleaders.

Well, alright, then. It's a done deal.

I'mma sign you up.

Pops, can I use your computer real quick?

Yeah, right there.

Hootie-hoo, I thought you would like some lemonade.

We got, we got the same glass?

It's not for you, nor you.

-Thanks. -[indistinct]

-Ma, we'll be right back. -Okay.

You, you are welcome.

Grandma, you give good advice.

Can I ask you somethin'?

Of course.

Do you think my football nickname should be

"Bone-Crusher Calvin" or "Jack 'Em Up Junior"?

Uh...

I, um...

I have no comment on that.

Would you play football if you was me?

Hm...

Well, it doesn't really matter, because I'm not you.

Come on, Grandma. Pretend you was.

Be honest.

Okay.

No.

If I were you, I would not play football.

Why not? It's fun.

It may be fun, but it's so violent.

See, baby, I don't want my grandbaby to get hurt.

Football players do be gettin' hurt a lot, huh?

Great news, Junior.

You are signed up and officially playin' football this season.

I even got us, I ordered us some matchin' jerseys

with our names on the back.

I changed my mind. I decided not to play after all.

You, you don't wanna play football?

Since when?

Well...

[groovy music]

[C.J.] Okay, yeah.

Now, the first thing you need to do

when you runnin' for class president,

is you gotta come up with a platform

and a campaign slogan.

What's a platform, Mom?

A platform is where you tell the voters

what you plan to do for them if you win.

I don't know, Mom. What would you put?

I don't know. What would I put?

I...

I would do...

Movie Fridays.

Where everybody, everybody gets together, right?

And they watch a movie, the same movie,

even if it involves a sailboat and a romance.

But they watch it together.

Dad, what would you put?

I would do, during recess...

Everyone would just get to relax,

and the principal wouldn't be allowed to come

and nag everyone for relaxing and make them do schoolwork.

And my slogan would be, "make recess great again".

Well, my slogan...

Mm.

My slogan would be, "everybody do their share".

How, why should the lunch lady have to prepare every meal,

like an indentured servant?

Mom, Dad, stop arguing.

-Oh, we're not arguing, baby. -Oh, we're not?

-[C.J.] No. -We're not.

We're doin' politics, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, that's a good lesson.

Because the government is like any other relationship.

See, when people on opposite sides of the aisle

have to recognize that they're actually on the same team,

so they need to stop fussin' at one another.

Amen, alright.

What would you like to improve in your school?

Crazy socks Wednesday,

where everybody can wear whatever crazy socks they want.

-I like that. -I'd vote for that.

Jayden?

I want to do movie Fridays.

But nothing with kissing or sailboats, they're ew.

[laughing] I'd vote for that, for real.

[laughing] [clapping]

Of course you would.

-Babe. -What?

That's the stink face.

[guitar music]

I don't get it.

Five minutes ago, you were hyped to play football.

I went and signed you up, and now you don't wanna play?

Why?

I changed my mind.

[Calvin] Okay, that's great.

You, you're allowed to change your mind.

I have no problem with that.

But I'm, I'm tryin' to figure out

why the sudden change of heart.

Are you ready for football?!

Okay, alright, alright. Hey.

-Now you're stuck. -Calvin, help him.

Help me up

-Help me up, Calvin! -[Calvin] Alright, alright.

Well, look, I'm sorry, Dad.

Turns out that Junior is not ready

for some football, after all.

Curtis ain't, either.

Okay...Rewind it.

What do you mean, he's not ready for football?

He decided not to play.

Okay. Quit playin'.

Okay, look here, son.

Now, when you tackle, keep your head up.

Okay? It protects your neck.

Okay, and the added bonus is

you get to see the agony and defeat in your opponent.

Huh? Huh?

Up close!

You need to see some bleach up close

and wash that old jersey, Grandpa.

It smells like musty feet.

Uh, just so we're clear,

I have been trying to wash that...

Jersey for years.

You don't wash jerseys, son.

Never let 'em wash your jersey. It's bad luck.

It takes away the mojo.

And besides, that's not stink. It's not funk.

That is the sweet smell of victory.

You might as well get used to it,

'cause you gon' have that same musty scent

in your jersey.

No, I won't, because for real, Grandpa,

I decided not to play football.

What?! Why?

That's what I'm tryin' to figure out.

Well, I was talkin' to Grandma,

and she said she didn't want me to get hurt,

and I don't wanna get hurt either, so...

Mom, he's not gonna get hurt.

He's not, because he's already decided not to play football.

Instead, Junior, I was thinkin'

you could take up my old sport, tennis.

Tennis?!

You talkin' about a grown man

wearin' them tighty-whitey shorts?

With them ugly preppy shirts with the collar?

Hell no.

My grandson don't wanna play no tennis.

Wait, now, now, hold on, Pops.

Maybe Junior does wanna play tennis.

I mean, after all, it is his choice to make.

Listen, if you decide that you want to play tennis,

Sister Baker's grandson works for the US Open.

Mm, maybe we could take a trip, catch a few matches.

You never know, get some autographs.

You never know.

Okay, well, since we're influencing his decision,

you know Floyd got the hook-up with at Falcons stadium.

Oh yeah, he do.

Huh, you wanna play football, we can get 50-yard-line tickets.

You heard me?

-[indistinct] -I can't lie,

both tennis and football sound like a lotta fun.

But why can't I play both?

Well, you know, you don't have to make a decision now.

Take some time, think about it.

That's right, think about it.

And go on in there and get you one or two of

those freshly-baked cookies.

Okay, bet, thanks, Grandma.

Bet.

-Bet. -Bet.

You are the worst.

I can't believe what I'm witnessing.

Me, neither.

Gonna bribe the boy with some cookies.

I ain't talkin' about that, I'm talkin' about the next step

of wimp-ification in America.

This is just, it's the worst.

This...

Oh my God.

-What was that? -Mm-hm, what was that?

You need to wash this thing,

I don't know why you ain't wash it.

I'm the worst.

Will you help me take this thing off, please?

-You just... -You see me struggling with it!

You just said you ain't need no help.

When have you ever listened to what I said?

It stink. I ain't touchin' it.

You got it.

Ella.

Come on, baby. Help me.

I wish I would.

Come on, y'all.

Hey, there's my little politicians.

How'd the campaign go?

Bad...

Bad? That means you lost?

Aw, I'm sorry, champ.

So, Jayden, I guess that means

that congratulations are in order.

For what? I lost, too.

Wait, both of y'all lost?

They got beat by a third candidate.

Well, that must've been a pretty impressive candidate

to beat these two rising stars.

Not really, she gave the whole school lollipops.

Well, even though neither of you won,

you learned a valuable lesson.

Yes, you did. Always bribe the voters, babies.

That's, don't, don't. That's not it.

-It worked, didn't it? -You do not bribe people.

What your father is trying to tell you

is that it's not about whether you win or lose,

because that's not in your control.

That's true, but you can control how much effort you put in.

And we're very, very, very proud of you

for putting yourselves out there,

and tryin' to make your school a better place.

[Janine] We're proud of you.

Now, go upstairs, get showered, get ready for dinner.

I'm gonna get ready to start dinner.

No, no, you have a seat. Sit down.

Somebody has to cook, C.J.

No, no, no, no.

My world-famous lasagna is already in the oven.

You go, Dad.

And Jazzy volunteered to watch the twins

while I take you to the movies.

You did?

See? You see that face?

That's one of Mom's good looks.

Now, I ain't never get that one anymore.

It's rare.

Y'all have fun.

Thank you.

So, you're gonna go take me to see the movie I wanna see?

Not a chance.

We're gonna see an action-thriller

about a bank robbery or somethin' like that.

I, I need to rain check, anyway.

I can't go. I have an early workday.

What, baby? What's wrong?

C.J., I, mm...

I know we've talked about it, it's a work in progress,

but I still feel like we're in this rut.

You think we're in a rut.

Come on, I know you feel it, too.

Well, yeah, I, I gotta get up tomorrow, early, too.

So...

What I'mma do is...

This weekend, we gon' go see your little sailboat movie.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

I'd like that.

But for right now, I'd like lasagna.

-Oh, you wanna see the lasagna? -[Janine] I need proof, buddy.

You wanna see if I really got a lasagna.

-I need to know. -Come on, come on.

'Cause you don't ever shortchange your boy.

I mean, I'm just sayin'. It's been a minute since you...

It's in there.

Hold up, hold up.

-You smell that? -Oh, that's, that is incredible.

Yeah. Seasoned very well.

Okay. Okay.

Well, while we wait for that to cook, what you wanna do?

I think you need to go upstairs and give them babies a bath.

Now, you wait a minute.

Decision time, son.

Which sport are you gon' play?

Fun, pain-free tennis.

Or are you gonna do this, right here?

This violent, dangerous game of football

that's gonna have you so injured,

the hospital is gonna have to put you on

their rewards program.

Please stop, please stop.

It's more like snooze-fest tennis,

or exciting football,

where the cheerleaders, they chant your name, like,

"Junior, Junior!"

And you get to hit your touchdown dance like...

Dad, Dad, whatever you're tryin' to get at,

should not have get got.

"Get it, get it, get it, get it."

Well, look, I'm cool, whatever sport you choose.

Although I selfishly ravish

spendin' a couple of months watching football

rather than boring tennis.

All that matters is that you're happy,

and you have an outlet for your energy.

-[Ella] Right. -So, what's it gonna be?

Although I like both sports,

I decided to take my talents to...

That's it, that's it, that's it! That's it, that's it, that's it!

That's my boy. Grab it, yeah.

You like it, feel that leather. Feel that leather.

No, no, no.

Basketball.

-Basketball? -Basketball?

I won't get concussions, but I'll still get cheerleaders.

That's a win-win in my playbook.

I ain't mad at that.

That's a dunk.

-I like that. -That's a dunk.

[wacky music]