Original subtitles

It's double the 204. Do you put it on the bed?

- Mr. Director?

This time it fell on us.

The royal suite.

"Jennifer".

It's the other one!

We're going to fuck everything up!

We're going to fuck everything up!

Come on!

Hey guys!

Look what I found.

Your snack, kitty!

I bet on the panther.

- Go on, panther! Eat him!

But eat it!

Casteigne, assassin!

Casteigne, assassin!

Casteigne, assassin!

Casteigne, assassin!

Casteigne, assassin!

- Casteigne, assassin! - Here it is, guys!

Here it is! Come on!

Casteigne, assassin! Casteigne, assassin!

Assassin!

Do you have children, Marcel?

No, sir. Not yet. But my wife and I are thinking about it.

Don't think about it anymore.

Only at the sperm stage don't let them bother us.

More than 1.2 billion

turnover for the last exercise.

Over the past two years, dividends increased by 43%.

Stock market valuation has doubled in 3 years.

We know the numbers.

It's an image problem now.

La SPA, WWF, L214,

animal rights activists, vegans... Everyone is against us.

Several stars called to boycott our hotels.

All this because of one person: your son.

We should do a study.

My Son's Eccentricities were able to bring us a clientele

younger.

Your son is an influencer.

Should be attributed to him stock options.

Or appoint him marketing director.

A pool of shareholders has been formed.

It weighs more than your 47.8% of the capital. You are no longer in the majority.

Even you, Charles?

My daughter...

You know, Anne-Charlotte, the last one?

She is Buddhist. Anti-speciesist.

For six months.

You see?

Oh, fuck!

- Who the fuck is this jerk? - Your father. You, outside.

Ouch!

I had to shut my mouth to the council because of you.

I want more of your exploits in my hotels. Otherwise...

Otherwise, what?

Otherwise, I lose the presidency of the group, you little shit.

And what does that have to do with me?

If I get fired, you can forget your bullshit.

But, uh...

It doesn't make sense. You want I should stop my bullshit, but...

I don't care if you get fired. Because I won't be able to do them anymore.

No! On the contrary...

I have to take advantage of it while you're still president.

That makes sense.

This is the wrong trash can.

This opening, I've been preparing it for six months.

It was important to me that you are there.

Save me some photos, I will hang them in my hotels.

I'm not looking for a sponsor. I wanted your support, not your money.

He started again.

There, I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

What I spent 40 years on to build,

I'm going to lose him because of that little jerk.

I tried everything with him.

Private schools, shrinks,

the tutors...

If only

I could reprogram it.

You see? I don't know...

Put a chip in it in his messy brain

to do a big reset.

You should spend some time with him.

Take a month, go away, experience something together.

-But I don't have time.

Especially in the midst of rebellion of shareholders.

I never took more than five days in a row.

Yes, I had noticed that.

And he will never want to leave with me.

What do you know about it?

This is my son. I know him.

I'm not sure that you know him so well.

I'm a bad father, right?

You raised him alone. You did what you could.

Do you want me to stay tonight?

I don't think I am very good company.

Well, I'll stay then.

That would be a shame to miss your poor head.

We never see her on the front page magazines, that one.

Come on, come on!

Oh no!

Expand! Expand!

So!

Good, good! Again!

No! That's it!

Cut!

There's nothing! There's nothing in her eyes.

- I was given a tench! - How are you, Christian?

- How are you doing? - Ah... Chris!

Please.

You want me to tell you, Jeff? You lead a shitty band.

This is my shitty band that makes you live.

Oui, yes. I know.

It's... No, I'm talking about...

Marketing guys, They're puppets.

Supposedly, their model will become an icon.

Result: charisma...

steak haché.

I can't tell you better.

Stanley Kubrick reportedly refused to make his film

rather than compromise.

That's why that you will finish the job.

Because you, You're Christian Parmentier.

Chris! What the hell...

Chris Palmer, you know it! Stop it.

Ce "Christian"...

Well, then...

So what is the concept?

- I'm warning you, it has to be awesome.

No need for messed up stuff Right now.

Well yes, but...

The agencies, the advertisers... "And it is necessary

"that in customers feel like princesses."

Blew, blew, blew... But! Lucky guy you are.

I had a brilliant idea.

35 cameras, scattered throughout the rooms.

We'll follow her everywhere.

Like that, I'm going to catch all his expressions.

Finally, expressions.

It's a big word.

Meryl Streep, dead, would look more alive.

I can tell you that...

Teddy bear.

Oh, my goodness! Come down.

Get down, get down! Come on!

Are you sure, Chris?

Of course!

- Do you want to? - Yes yes.

So!

Just watch.

And...

action!

And... cut!

Yes!

Ah! There you go.

We have the perfect expression. We're going to put all this together

with the gardens, the water jets...

They will all say after: "Ah! The new hope

"French cinema." - Another one who will owe you everything.

Unless she accuses you of harassment.

- Oh yes?

Well, let her come.

Objection, Your Honor!

Jeff...

Jeff, you know...

When we want to obtain the best of someone,

you must not ask his opinion.

Ah... You're a genius, Chris.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Rodolphe!

Come back down!

Come back down!

I want to see this dress arrive on this cold ground

like a flying carpet.

- Christian! - Understand? Come on!

- Christian!

Chris! Shit! It's not complicated...

Would you like to? To make the movie of your life?

- What's your name? - Sofia.

Sofia? And you?

- I'm Tina. - Tina? It's prettier.

I'm talking about the first name.

Hey, the other one...

What the hell is he doing?

Hey, girls, don't move. I'm coming.

Hey! Hey, garbage man!

Oh, the garbage man! The pound!

Hey!

Hey! Oh, stop!

Oh, that's my car! But he's stupid!

Louis, oh!

What are you still doing on your workbench?

You'll keep the Viscount waiting.

- What are you talking about? - Quick, get up.

- Hey! Haven't you seen my cell phone? - Your what?

Louis! Time is running out.

If Beauvillain comes looking for you,

you go blush until you split your bones.

- Let go of me. Who are you? - Silvain.

- Are you a friend of Amaury? - Amaury? Non.

OK... Did we have a costume party?

Standing!

- Non! - What is this?

What are you waiting for, straw eater?

Let the Viscount relieve himself in his breeches?

Oh, come on!

Are you the bouncer or what?

- But let go of me! - No, no!

Monsieur Beauvillain,

he had just fallen asleep again. He was coming.

Am I talking to you,

chicken droppings?

Did I talk to you?

Dirty pig-trough scraping!

No! Oh no!

Oh no! Grace!

No! Mercy!

Hey, how are you? Are you okay?

Non!

No, no, no!

No, no, no, no!

- Non!

And you, piss valet?

Uh... Huh?

- Let's get to work. - The choice?

Hey, there!

- I had a party at a Mormon house? - Hurry up.

He's in a bad mood this morning.

Oh, fuck.

Is this an escape game?

Is this to tease me on Insta?

- Come on! - Yes yes.

- Come on! - Oh, are you okay?

Come on, go!

Let's hurry up, come on!

Help!

We thought

to a julienned chicken,

followed by six small pigeons

to Seine crayfish.

With cranberries, the chicken?

With white onions, Mr. Viscount.

White onions,

It's windy, isn't it, doctor?

It's nothing, Viscount.

The wind, It's rump breathing.

From Celestene, You always have the reassuring word.

I think it's coming.

Saddle up! Saddle up!

- Piss valet, let's go. - The saddle of?

What's wrong with you today?

Put the bucket down!

Damn mole's balls...

And otherwise, how are you as a family?

Gently.

We just lost the youngest.

Measles.

Ah, these epidemics...

What a scourge!

Here we go...

Ends...

And also...

But come on!

- Damn, that's disgusting!

Easy, you wretch!

Not so fast!

And the analysis?

Oh yes!

Alright.

The molding of the thing

is perfect.

The cylinder at its end ends frankly,

without excessive stringy matter.

As for the aroma,

It is powerful, but harmonious.

Oh!

Without any foul note.

Mr. Viscount is in perfect health.

Oh, well done!

Mes compliments!

Come on, come on!

Bravo!

Thank you, thank you!

Are you applauding him for a poop?

You are sick.

That's not true!

Say goodbye, say goodbye! On to the valet of piss!

Oh no! Nice ones...

Nice dogs. Nice!

Nice ones!

Down, doggies!

Nice, nice...

Help me, I beg you.

Help me.

I beg you.

For leaving

your service to my father and tried to run away,

I sentence you to be skewered like the pig you are.

No, no, no!

No, uh...

I beg you, My father is very rich.

Huh? He will give you all the money you want.

The father of the piss valet is very rich.

We can say that he received some, liquid.

Stop!

Stop this ignominy immediately, Estienne.

Aren't you ashamed?

This piss servant serves our father for over 15 years.

Just like his father before him.

15 years old?

We don't hold a domain by weakness, little sister.

Go back to discussing lace and petticoats

with your courtesans.

Your cruelty revolts me, Estienne.

- Let him die! - Let him live!

- I gut him. - I pardon him.

To death!

But what's going on, jarnicoton?

I can't

to take my morning nap.

Father!

Estienne wants to disembowel your piss valet for pleasure.

He left your service,

abandoning his bucket and his screen.

Estienne...

Don't you have other things to do?

Than hunting with hounds a piss valet?

Are you still taking his side?

You are still

on his side.

But I don't take anyone's side.

It's just that since your mother is no more,

this castle is sorely missed

of softness and delicacy.

So, yes!

Yes, I prefer

let's spare this servant and let me do it

my morning nap.

Hmm.

Ah! Louis!

Oh! Oh...

Ah, your life is safe! It's thanks to Lady Isabeau.

She is your benefactress.

You can love it until the end of your days.

Isn't it too traumatic? He really thought he was going to die there.

I hope!

You had to hit hard. From the start.

Huh? Take the first step. Submission of the subject.

By making him lose all his usual landmarks.

It's in every screenplay manual. I didn't invent anything.

Fish out of water.

Fish out of water.

- Hm. - "Bring him out..." Sit down.

You have to take the fish out of the water.

Do you understand?

This brings us to the next step:

make your son accept definitely his new condition.

And then, there! Play-Doh.

There! A little there, a little there! We do what we want.

Hey, cough!

Aren't you chickening out?

It's not in my software.

Ah, Sandra! Come see me.

- I have your contract for you to sign. - Yes.

Alimony, let's admit it! More...

No, I don't let him the house of Berck.

I'd rather die.

Yes, but she wants everything there...

She's the one who left anyway. Shit!

- It's incredible!

It's right there.

I felt it well. That's when I threw it out the window.

So I felt like I got a shock.

And now it pinches.

Look, it's disturbing. They look like real ones.

How do you deal with the smell? Are you using spray or...

Can you rest, please?

So, how did you find me?

I didn't have time to look at you.

I have a lot of horses to prepare.

You should have seen! I was in character.

I gave the scene all its juice. Only I was seen.

- J'imagine. - Yet, the other one didn't help me.

Listen to me, everyone!

Please!

I am taught this text by heart, and above all, we follow the plot.

Hein? But focus!

Depending on the kid's reactions,

on stay...

You stay on the qui-vive.

You... Like an animal.

Chris, did you like it? What did i do?

The brother's discomfort compared to the father who prefers the sister.

Chut!

Look at me.

The day I don't like something, you will be informed.

Believe me.

Distribution.

The villagers! To the kitchen for the sequence!

What?

Wait, are you sure?

Oh yes!

It was the cockchafer festival four days ago.

The 12th.

So today, today is the 16th.

The 16th of May 1702.

1702...

Attends,

But who is the president?

- The what? - Ben, laugh boss.

And the boss?

The one who runs the country.

Oh!

He is our good king.

The Sun King. Louis the Fourteenth. Are you leading me on?

You rascal!

But that's really old...

It's completely before the war with the super villains.

- The English! - No, no...

With the little mustachioed man.

Uh...

How... The Nazis!

Oh, cow!

He's really stupid.

Uh...

Send Beauvillain.

How are you?

It's not too hard, distaff?

Stand around with your arms hanging

in full work, Doesn't that bother you?

Well, the bell doesn't ring.

Devil!

The bell doesn't ring.

Well, when the bell doesn't ring,

we make ourselves useful!

So, Mr. Louis, he takes a knife,

and he starts to fluff up!

Otherwise, I'll ring the bell for him,

to Mr. Louis.

What does that mean?

It's your royal name what's going to your head?

Well, me, I want to rename you.

Louis, king of turds.

Hey! He's more modest now.

Come on!

Let's get to work!

Yes! That's good, Silvain! You're good.

It's good.

I don't understand.

The last thing I remember, It's that I was coming out of the club.

And I was running after the truck from the pound. They were boarding

my McLaren, those idiots.

I don't understand anything you're saying.

And after...

Who is it...

Oh, fuck!

I'm stupid, but of course!

That's it! Something happened to me. Like in Back to the Future.

- You're stupid!

Why are you laughing? Do you know the movie?

The... thread?

- No! The movies. - The thread?

The movie!

- Film? - Back to the future.

Back to the future?

Do you know?

Louis, that doesn't make any sense.

Finally! The future,

it's in front of us, whereas if we turn around,

Louis, we're going back.

Unless we do a complete turn and we come back to the same place.

Yes...

- You see? - Yes yes...

Anyway! I must have been hit

by a car, and it propelled me

in time. Here, in the past.

And so, if I remake myself

hit by a car,

I will return to the future. In my present.

That's it!

Louis!

Hey! What's wrong?

But it's your wheelbarrow too! It's too small.

This can't work.

That might do it.

Stop it, damn it!

Stop!

Driver, cart. Stop the cart!

I'm going home!

He threw himself under me. I have a contract listed.

I'm not a stuntman.

Louis!

Louis! Louis!

Come on, Louis! Come back.

Come back, Louis.

- Louis... Hey, Louis?

Louis?

Come on, Louis!

Louis?

I... I have...

I... I have...

There! I don't have the words to...

We can't control everything.

And above all, with big means like that.

These are movies...

Ah, that hurts...

Louis!

Louis!

Oh, you're still with us!

- Oh! - Ah, that's true...

Shit!

But sometimes it ends well.

Show must go on!

It's good, it continues.

We will be able to do our 507 hours.

Hop!

We're slowly going back down.

Up to the level of the reeds.

There will be a beautiful expanse of water.

Hm.

It's coming back there.

It's what?

Are you starting survival courses?

You'll see.

One.

How are you?

Yes.

On the 27th, you zoom in on Louis.

You expand, you expand.

So!

That's good, Daniel!

Come back. There you go!

Come back... Thank you.

One.

I present to you Chris Palmer,

my friend who realizes our corporate films.

Is this a close-up?

Are you kidding me or what?

- But it's Louis? - So!

Are you making him make a movie?

That's your idea. To get closer to him?

You're heating up.

- What exactly does he do? - Chut!

There's poop over there. Shit!

Here we go!

What's happening to you?

Is that you, my little servant?

Don't tell anyone that you saw me in this state.

Yes, don't worry.

Can I help you, Lady Isabeau?

Nobody can do anything for me.

My father wants to marry me to an old nobleman of the kingdom,

as rich as it is ugly and which disgusts me.

I'm young.

I want to know love.

With a man my age.

Fort.

And full of energy.

- Hm? - Hm.

Even if it is not than a simple little servant.

Hm, petit valet?

Yes, wait! No, but...

It's great what's happening to you.

He is a rich man. It's every woman's dream.

- Non... - Yes, yes!

An old man, moreover, he will be dead quickly.

You've hit the jackpot.

Come on, let's pull ourselves together. I have my rinsing bucket.

I'll leave you.

Well, he has his...

his rinsing bucket.

So! Sorry, I did what I could.

Usually they don't resist.

No, but...

We'll have to be creative.

The guy has zero sensitivity, zero empathy.

He who gives.

You broke it too much! Normally, a girl like that,

he jumps on him. I know my son.

So, all these means, Is it to make him a guinea pig?

This is the great reset. What did you imagine?

Make him a lab rat?

You told me to make time for him. I put my business on hold.

I will stay here as long as it takes.

Until he changed.

Is that what spending time with him is like?

You know, to get the best of someone,

you don't necessarily need his opinion.

Please!

Go argue somewhere else!

I'm creating right now.

I am facing to a dramatic impasse.

I have to restart the story.

It's not... It's a night...

Night... A nightmare!

- Help!

- It's not true! - Uh, horse...

- Horse... - What the hell is he doing?

This nag? - A carrot!

- He's going to reveal the cameras!

Horse! Uh, horse...

Uh...

- We're sending the horse girl. Come on!

Can someone help me?

Sorry, I don't know about horses.

I just rode a pony when I was little...

Oh... Help! Uh...

Please! Can someone help me?

Come on, come on.

Nice lace.

Hey! You, with your panties!

Apocalypse Now, this shoot.

Oh!

Attends!

Let me go, damn it!

You pig, go!

No, but...

I thought I saw...

Damn, the dressers! Listen to me!

Let's check everything, okay?

Piercings,

tattoos, panties, thongs!

It was a thong, not a G-string.

- Well, I've seen enough. - What are you doing?

People are not things.

We don't have it like a hotel. Or a golf course.

I leave you to your stupid reality TV.

Helen! He's on his way something to happen.

- He wants to apologize. - Louis? Louis wants to apologize?

He blames himself.

He wants to ask for forgiveness to the young girl.

Her family will reject her, throw acid at him.

Or even burn her alive.

Does a little blonde mean anything to you?

Non.

Well, not blonde. Light brown.

Cute as anything, with character. No?

Tell him Lison lives at the exit of the hamlet

with his father, a farrier.

They both take care the Viscount's horses.

Ah! But you're talking about Lison?

Yes, yes. She's the daughter of...

From... the farrier.

She lives in...

next to the Viscount... next to the hamlet.

- From the hamlet? - Yes. She's taking care of the Viscount.

- OK, great. Thanks! - With his father...

I'm not an actress. My job is horses.

I don't know how to play.

Oh! Don't worry, chick.

Huh? You just have to listen to him. He will apologize.

You accept his apology and it's over.

Hurry up, he's coming.

Wait.

Attends.

Let it marinate a little longer.

I don't understand...

Vas-y.

He said: "At the exit of the hamlet."

There's no other house there.

What's this for again?

Uh... Nothing.

Nothing...

Uh, nothing...

No, I was just coming

I apologize for earlier.

I didn't want you...

You see? Like, a...

I'm not that kind of guy.

Actually, I thought...

I thought I saw a...

Anyway... I hope I haven't dishonored you.

Maybe because of your traditions,

no one will want to marry you.

Because of our traditions, it is you who will have to marry me.

And it won't be a gift.

Ah good?

But... When?

I'm kidding.

Oh yes...

Let's say it's forgotten.

I'm still keeping this within reach.

Well done!

Well, there you go!

He is capable of a little humanity.

That gives you a basis to work from.

We may have the ass out of the brambles.

Maybe, maybe...

I hadn't seen him as nice as that. Since...

Since...

I hadn't seen him be so nice.

This headboard, she always hated him.

It comes from my mother.

And she wants it! Obviously, to piss me off.

- I suggest you have lasagna. - It's full of gluten.

- And what is fish? - Salmon.

Wow! Salmon is so fatty...

- And do you have raw vegetables? - Yes.

Otherwise, I have country pâté.

You did pretty well.

I would have played a little more. The outraged woman side.

But for a beginner, you were not bad.

Oh! Thank you, master.

Anyway, I don't want to start again.

Next step:

little Louis, we put him back in Isabeau's arms.

Love.

To love someone more than yourself,

it's the only experience for a character

who can really

make it change.

- Hm... - Alien!

Hein? Ripley.

Ripley, in the end, with the monster next to it.

It sounds like "crack!"

- Crack!

He's drooling, he's right next to me.

Lovers. Love.

With Sig...

Gourney... With Sego...

With the...

Ripley! She opens... Why in space?

The space of love.

So.

Isabeau, she's the girl

who was in the straw? - Yes, that's her, right there.

She was cast

in Louis's tastes.

In his tastes? Are you completely idiots?

Everything is fine. She has a very good acting contract.

And by the way, high level.

Thank you, Jeff.

She really wants to make movies.

She is so happy. "Ah!"

It's not Isabeau that interests Louis. This is Lisa.

Her there? The horse girl? It's not at all

Louis's type.

No, I've never seen him with a blonde.

And with him, a D cup chases a C.

Pardon.

You didn't see his look when she left?

I call it

love at first sight. A crush, if you prefer.

Okay! So, uh...

Sue Ellen!

You like romantic comedies

with rose water, chabada-bada.

No! We're making a movie.

Which is a film... a film by...

A guy movie? Between balls.

Sorry, I forgot.

- Excuse me. - Chut...

Soulmates Day!

Come on! It happens every year.

You love this kind of celebration.

- Does that really mean nothing to you? - Non.

This cart accident you've turned your head upside down.

Good morning.

You'll see, It's the party of the year.

The saying goes

than the one you will meet during the soul mates festival

will become...

- Your soulmate? - Yes!

Madame valet de piss.

All right, It's a kind of Tinder party.

- What? - No, let it go.

My parents met at this party.

And long before them, my grandparents.

And before them, my great-grandparents.

Wow! Big pressure, then.

Better not get drunk and have a pudding.

I love black pudding.

- Is this your super party?

Dancing hicks on prehistoric sound.

Come on! Enjoy it.

Today, Beauvillain can't hit us.

Stop! Stop! Guys, stop!

Stop! Stop!

What you're doing is not possible.

Do you have anything else in store?

Do you want to play? Something really cool?

So!

Okay, you got it, is it good?

Are we ready?

It's going to be amazing. Three, four!

It's going to be charming.

The caterpillar! Everyone shoulders. On me suit!

The caterpillar! Everyone with me!

The Tribe of Dana.

We really travel through time.

It reminds me of when I was six.

His mother had already left in his monastery in Nepal and...

I had rented the group.

For his birthday, afternoon time.

He made them play

for two hours non-stop The Tribe of Dana.

The singers couldn't take it anymore.

My little servant!

I want to dance.

I want all the pleasures.

Ah, that's great!

I really want to enjoy of this last day.

Before I go drown myself in this river

to escape this forced marriage.

- What are you saying? - I say that...

How are you doing with the stamps?

Oh! 23.

Play Santa Claus for the holidays, I can't anymore.

Especially if you don't like children.

Hey! Haven't you seen Lison?

- Uh, no. - Non?

We could go pick blackberries.

You saw Lison, the farrier's daughter? No?

What the hell is he doing?

- What the hell is going on here? - Well, what do you think?

I'm killing myself telling you. He has a crush on Lisa, not Isabeau.

Is it too feminine for you?

Hey! Haven't you seen Lison?

Kevin!

You put it back on Isabeau!

Come on, focus, guys! Focus!

Haven't you seen her? Everyone was supposed to be at the party.

Louis!

Haven't you seen Lady Isabeau? I found it very sad.

- I don't know where she could have gone. - No. I'm going to Lison's.

- Lison? - Hm.

Lison, I saw her. She is at the river.

- It's true? - Yes.

Thanks, big guy!

Well... I say "big", not because you're fat.

It's an expression of my time. It means "friend." You see?

- Okay, thank you.

I can't feel my toes anymore.

She's cold deep down.

- He's coming. - Oh!

Go for it!

Lison!

- Lison!

Oh, she's cold!

Isabeau? What... Wait.

It's not true...

Help!

Come on...

Attention!

Come on...

My little servant...

You saved my life.

I am so desperate because of this forced marriage.

But you must not do stuff like that.

I told you, He'll die soon, the old man. Huh?

You shouldn't do things like that.

Oh no! No, not to the castle.

My father would see us. He would be furious.

- Take me aside. - Ah good?

I don't have much time.

So.

- There! Like that.

- How are you? - Yes.

I'm a little cold.

Don't you want to warm me up?

No, sorry. I have something to do.

Stay there, nice and warm. It's better.

Hop is!

But damn!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

I'm sorry, but he has a problem.

You are sure that he likes girls?

No, he's not the one with the problem.

You're really annoying!

You just have to lead since you're so smart!

So, ladies and gentlemen!

Here is the new director. She is the one who will lead you.

Both of you, stop. Chris, take it easy.

No, but everything is fine, don't worry.

Prepare Lisa and bring it onto the board.

- More... - You're bothering me there.

Aren't you at the party?

No. I didn't want to go out.

Oh yeah? That's a shame.

Honestly, their evening was good.

You're worrying too much. We're a lot cooler

in the 21st century.

Yes...

You don't believe me either?

Never mind. Have a good evening.

- Tell him you believe him. - I believe you.

After all, why not?

Go ahead. Tell me about your time.

It's like a little box, all flat, all thin.

You have no idea how thin it is.

You have one. And so do I.

And if for example, you go there, at the other end of the park.

No, absolutely not! If you go to another village,

imagine, another castle, and I stay here.

Well, thanks to these little boxes, You and I can talk.

- And we can even see each other. - Non?

Yes! It's crazy, right?

These little boxes, They're called cell phones.

- It's crazy, huh?

- You can also take pictures with it. - Photos?

Yes, sorry. Photos, that's...

How can I tell you? It's like...

It's like little paintings, you see?

But much better done.

You can have thousands of them. I have my whole life on my cell phone.

Attends.

We could send each other messages too?

Like with carrier pigeons?

Yes, it's called texting.

Traveling texts.

- Traveler texts.

Exactly.

Hey! Here, look.

Hop!

You see that? It's the symbol

of these little boxes, a bit like their coat of arms.

I remember...

I had seven or eight cell phones, I believe.

I don't know anymore.

There was one, It was my favorite, it was gold plated.

I had it done in Dubai.

I was the only one in Paris to have it. All my friends were disgusted.

You're not coming?

And we fly. We travel the world with it.

- In the iron birds? - Yes.

You can even drink champagne. I loved that.

It's not everyone. They are the ones at the front.

The others, in the back, They eat rotten sandwiches.

And they have their knees under their chin.

It's not practical.

Why are there these differences?

Because in the front, It's those who have money.

And in the back, there are the others.

And who are the others?

Normal people.

You know, the ones who have to work.

- Do you see what I mean? - No, I don't see.

But yes, it is... those who have a shitty life. If they save,

they can take the plane, That's not bad.

There are other inventions for those who have a shitty life?

Uh... Yes. There's the subway.

The subway, It's for traveling underground.

Like moles.

I never took it.

But my friend Amaury told me. Apparently, it stinks!

Really! It stinks. But people are used to it.

- Can you hear yourself talking? - More...

You who pick up the Viscount's shit, Who do you think you are?

Oh...

You really have nothing in your head.

You know what? I hope that tomorrow,

the viscount will have a bad case of diarrhea very explosive.

Hello, piss valet.

Hop, hop, hop...

It's not going as planned, it looks like there.

Hm?

It's not that easy, stupid reality TV.

Sorry!

I'm sorry about last night. I got carried away.

It's okay. Don't worry. We'll fix this.

With another, then. Because I'm stopping.

I know rich kids by heart.

I see them every day at the stud farm where I work.

It's true, he's a naughty kid.

But I feel that there is something to be saved in him.

I'm not asking you what Chris had planned with Isabeau.

I will never ask you that.

But if you could give him the opportunity

to love someone a little more than himself,

to reveal what there is better deep inside him...

It wouldn't be worth saving just one of those little shits?

Okay, I get it. You don't need me?

It's okay.

I wish you had told me face to face.

- But I spoke to my agent… - Stop, Christian!

Finally, Chris... I need you, obviously.

Finally! All this equipment, there...

This excess... This vision!

Yes, that vision. All of that is you. Well, that's a bit like me too.

Okay, it's you. But I also need Helen.

She is the intimate, the mechanics of the heart.

You complement each other perfectly. I need the best from both of you.

For Louis' sake.

But you're the one in charge. Obviously, Chris!

You...

You touch my heart.

For Louis' sake, okay.

And Helen,

will it be a kind of consultant?

That's it. A consultant, yes.

- Everyone has their place, you understand? - Hm.

We're going to do great things both.

Buddy!

So big!

- So good! - That's it.

It's okay, it's chatting. Are we disturbing?

On the set! Right away!

I'll do your makeup.

I'll dress you up.

So!

You know what he was saying Sandra's contract?

That she had to sleep with him as much as he wanted.

I got that from the administrator. He could do anything to her.

- It was written in black and white. - You don't have to decide for me.

And I won't have to do that. Helen promised me.

Did you believe her? How naive you are, my poor thing!

You're going to get eaten. You don't know this environment.

A girl like you, It's camera fodder.

Helen is manipulating you.

Ça te gêne pas to manipulate you.

Oh no! It's not the same for me.

For me, it's my job, my vocation.

I was trained for it.

I'm saying this for you.

I don't care...

It's to protect you.

You can't stand it that I have a bigger role than you.

Oh, is that it?

OK, agreed.

Oh!

Good night, my friend Louis.

Have sweet dreams.

Say, Silvain...

Yes?

How do you do it, you...

to seduce a woman, in your time?

For what?

I messed up with Lison.

Did you screw up with Lison? Did you poop side by side?

It happens when we are intimate.

Oh, no...

No, that's not it.

I said hurtful things to him and I would like to make up for it.

You want to beat your breast acting the gallant, is that it?

Yes, yes. Maybe, yes...

How do you do it, in 1700-I-don't-know-how-many?

Oh!

It's necessary...

You have to do it to him the bear dance.

The bear dance?

- The bear dance. - All right...

This is the dance that they do bear trainers to their animal

when they go from village to village. Women love it.

They gather in small groups to come

see the beast.

And they grow little moans.

Little cries of excitement.

I'll show you.

You have to imagine that we are coming out of winter.

And you go out

from your den. Bang! Bam!

You're a bear.

You see?

You are a delicious blend of strength

and sensuality.

And there... Bear Dance.

You see a beehive, you're hungry.

You catch the hive, you squeeze the honey.

Honey is good.

And there... We regain our strength.

You see?

Mark the scent.

- Force.

Sensuality.

Strength. Sensuality.

So.

And there you recite your poem.

- Is there another poem? - Of course.

A poem with rhymes.

The bear dance is not enough.

Otherwise, women,

they prefer to go see a real bear.

Yes...

Hm?

Good night!

Lison?

Lison!

Every day I chant your name

Lison, Lison

You are my ray of sunshine

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Your little face is so cute ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Without your smile I'm grumpy ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ You melted my leaden heart ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Grant it to me, your forgiveness ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ Lison, Lison ♪

♪ I'll die if you say no ♪

Give your hand.

Like that. There!

Check.

- What is this? - A check.

- A check? - It means thank you. You saved me.

The Bear Dance. But it was good, wasn't it?

- Did you see how she smiled at the end? - Yes.

Ah, I swear... You're a real friend.

- It's true? - Yes yes.

Okay! Good night, bro. And thank you.

Bro.

- What are you doing here?

I watch my son sleep.

- You can't be there. - I have all the rights and he is my son.

- I want to see him. - What if he wakes up?

He won't wake up.

When he sleeps, he sleeps.

- I know my son. - Dad?

No, it's not Dad.

- It's not me. - Yes, it's you.

I'm telling you, it's not me. You're dreaming.

- Yes! - It's not me.

- Go on, sleep. - Yes, it's you.

No, I have hair.

- That doesn't make sense. - But yes, it is...

What's wrong?

You left me no choice.

You mustn't stay here, Mr. Casteigne.

Hey!

I'll take care of him.

What the fuck, Jeff!

You can't be here.

I'm killing myself to tell him.

You, shut your mouth.

You're going to ruin everything. This is not what you want.

- Everything! Viens. - Wait. Put a compress on.

- Dad... - Shit, he's waking up. Give him a hit.

No! It's okay now...

Papa...

Give him a hit or you're fired.

- So!

- It's not okay, is it? - No, it's okay! He's fine.

- But he's a kid. - He's fine.

- He's a kid. - Yes, but it's all false.

- Ah good? - Yes.

I have such a headache this morning.

I dreamed about my father too.

The old piss valet?

No, you know... My father from the future.

Oh?

He was there. He watched me sleep.

I touched his arm. It was his voice, I'm sure of it.

At the same time, I'm not sure it was him.

He looked at me kindly, It's weird.

Non!

Okay! Everyone is ready! For the next sequence?

So... action!

Oh... Damn, missed again!

Not by much, Viscount. By a hair, by a hair...

Make windmills. It's very good

for traffic. - And it whets the appetite.

- I have, I have…

Mr. Viscount,

Mr. Estienne and his band of thirsty drinkers

ransacked the most beautiful room from the village hostel

and took great pleasure to have a lamb devoured by a wolf

in the middle

of the establishment.

Estienne must have had a great time.

Once we made food a wallaby by a panther.

One what by one what?

Should I remind the Viscount

that it is about the hostelry

where the king likes to come and have fun

when the queen is not there.

And when His Majesty learns of it,

it's a safe bet that he will demand that your son

be severely punished. - By all the saints!

What am I going to do? Of this cursed son?

Hm...

Oh!

My good piss servant!

Approach, approach.

Uh...

Louis.

Is that good?

- Yes. - Yes!

Louis, sit down.

And choose the dishes that suit you.

That they will suit you...

Many.

My good Louis,

I have a little favor to ask of you.

I would like

that you pass yourself off for my son Estienne

and that you suffer in his place the punishment

that he must endure

in reparation for the outrage committed against the king.

What, as punishment?

Three times nothing.

It's just about being tortured in a public place.

Ben...

Torture hurts, doesn't it?

You wouldn't ask to someone else?

Know that I will not be ungrateful.

In exchange for your sacrifice,

I will set you free of your function as a piss valet.

And I will even offer you a small plot of land on this estate.

Hm.

In addition,

you will have the right to take as your wife the woman of your choice.

A blonde?

Or a brunette?

Or a light brown?

A light brown?

A light brown.

Turn around, Lisa. He's looking at you.

To torture!

Move over!

Move over!

Come on, go ahead.

"For having offended the king by defiling his favorite inn,

"the accused Estienne de Panserepus,

"son of Viscount Gaspard de Panserepus,

"is condemned

"to public flogging."

In the name of the king, that the scourging naked ass

commence!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

- Panpan the cuckoo! Panpan the cuckoo!

- Panpan the cuckoo! Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Cuckoo clock! Cuckoo clock!

Cuckoo clock! Cuckoo clock!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Jeff, you don't regret it not to be under the hood?

It's not for lack of offering it to you.

Me, the spanking, I have always been against it.

- You don't educate a child like that. - It's okay, Helen!

I pay a fortune to receive ones like that.

- Panpan the cuckoo!

Panpan the cuckoo!

Cuckoo clock! Cuckoo clock!

Cuckoo clock! Cuckoo clock!

Come in.

- Approach. - Go all out, Thibaut. Give it your all.

Sit down.

I remain standing, if you don't mind.

I told you to sit down.

Oh, fuck...

Isn't he here, Mr. Viscount?

What do you want from the Viscount?

He promised me to sign me a letter,

like I'm free of my duties and...

that I can get married with whoever I want.

Did my father promise you that?

Yes.

The problem is, he's not here.

And like me, I didn't promise you anything, I won't sign anything.

It's not fair.

I got whipped instead of you, It hurts like hell.

You thought you could to hit little Lison?

She's mine, Lison.

Mine and only mine, you hear?

I will take it, just because you want it.

And you know why? Because you're nothing.

You are a piss valet,

you will remain a servant of piss!

Oh.

- Is that in the text? - No, no. Uh...

It's improv, but then, he is very strong.

More real than life, even.

You know...

The production begins with the casting.

Tarantino.

Uh, no...

Dany Boo… Uh…

"I would like to marry little Lison. Having a small family,

"a small house."

And gna-gna-gna...

To your health,

shitty valet.

Come on, Louis.

It's time. Rebel.

Think of little Lison.

For what?

Why? Why...

Mais why?

Wait.

That's great.

Oh yeah? Do you want me to call you back?

It's not at all in our brainstorming sessions, that.

He lost all self-respect. It looks like a mop, a dirty pair of underwear.

He recognized himself in Estienne. The mirror effect was total.

He thought he deserved it what happens to him.

And what good does that do for us?

That means it starts to reflect on himself.

That's it.

He is changing.

Yes, finally... We're not sure either...

You don't mind being friends with an insignificant piss valet?

You can't reduce a person to his fortune or his rank.

It's just that if you live long enough

to see the iron birds that you told me about,

you will travel in the back.

That's all.

With the beggars.

Hm.

- Go forward a little further. - What are you playing at?

On your left there. There you go.

Attends.

And open your eyes.

- Tomatoes!

If madam... Well, if miss...

Finally, if you would be so kind as to sit down.

It's delicious.

Silvain taught me for mushrooms.

- You didn't know? - Non.

That's crazy! I didn't know. That all this was in nature.

They're cute, aren't they?

I would have liked to that you invite me like that too.

I took you in the biggest restaurants.

I would have liked that you invite me to your home,

that you do everything yourself.

Well, it's still possible.

You will ask your son for advice.

They are very cute, but what a pain...

Typical! Soft underbelly of the scenario.

Very hard to avoid. Even in Star Wars, there was a moment,

we're bored.

My butt still hurts a little when you ride too long.

Accompanies movements more leaning on your thighs.

I'm trying, but...

It's complicated.

Did you see?

Is he drunk or what?

Oh, oh, oh...

He must have eaten fermented apples.

He got really drunk.

It doesn't respond anymore. I don't know what's going on.

Lisa, find something. Whatever. Let him look away!

Quickly!

Super diversion, Lisa.

That's great.

Sorry... Did I rush you?

Uh...

Action, sentiments...

That's everything I love about cinema.

This isn't the same man.

She's strong, the kid. The kid, she is...

To think that I was the one who revealed it.

- We have to stop everything. Right now. - For what?

Lisa may fall in love with Louis.

A Louis who doesn't exist.

It's okay, it was just a slap.

They are being manipulated.

We don't have the right to do that.

I'm making you a little souvenir. Who insisted on Lisa?

Not me. You!

This is going too far.

Creation!

At some point, you have to...

The work escapes its creator. And I accept that!

Jean-François, We have to stop everything now.

Jeff.

Out of question.

The evolution of a character,

if it does not incarnate

in a concrete action which corresponds to a moral choice,

It's useless. Nothing!

We're talking about a young girl here.

Who has feelings.

You're annoying with your girl stuff!

Okay! If you don't stop everything now, I

won't be able to look you in the face anymore.

Jeff, if you stop now,

it's you who will be able to do more look straight ahead.

"The man who refused to save his son."

Great title! Hey, guys! Pen, pen.

Idea. Come on, come on!

Come on!

Ha! My model. Is she crazy?

Okay! Come on, come on. Uh...

Final stage: maximum danger.

This is when our hero

must risk his skin to save the one he loves.

The dragons in Game of Thrones who...

Oh yeah! But I don't have the dragons.

I'm not criticizing the means at all. We are spoiled.

- But idea! I have. - Stop!

Helen was right. It's gone way too far.

We stop everything.

Got it? It's over.

More...

Anything... No...

Non.

No, I'm in charge.

I don't give a shit.

The new Louis which is being born,

It's my work.

Hey! Everyone.

Costumes, stuntmen. Right away!

Louis!

Louis! Louis! A horrible thing happened.

What? What's wrong?

The Viscount had a desire that is too pressing?

Vikings! Vikings everywhere!

A Viking invasion.

They took the estate. Let's go to the castle.

Wait. Vikings, really?

Yes! It's been a long time that we hadn't seen any.

They have horned helmets and large axes.

They are blond.

And they have blond beards too.

They are bloodthirsty monsters, Louis.

- Come on! - Wait, wait...

Vikings, you say?

Oh yes!

Aren't we supposed to run away, are we?

We don't go towards invaders.

We're running away.

- It's true. - Yes.

Yes...

Lison is at the castle, Louis.

What? You should have said it earlier.

I omitted it.

Come on, push!

Arnaldur the Bonebreaker, our leader...

decided to take one of your wives for wife.

It's a great honor

that he does to you.

Boner.

She.

Very good choice, Boner.

No, no! No...

- Louis! Stop them!

Louis!

Louis...

It's horrible. Poor Lison in the dirty hands

of this boor.

You imagine

all he can do to her? I mustn't think about it.

Louis, please! Don't abandon me.

Louis, come get me! Help me!

- What the hell? - Louis!

Louis!

Louis!

Louis, no! No, Louis!

Louis, don't abandon me, please!

Louis!

Louis!

Oh, fuck...

Last act of shit.

How are you...

You who were a witness of our first kiss,

give me the strength I need.

Chris?

Chris, come see!

Quickly!

What else do you have next?

Afterwards, me, I lead a workshop in prison.

We're putting on a Beckett at Les Baumettes.

Oh yeah...

- What is he doing?

Is he crazy or what?

Go ahead, Louis!

What the hell is he doing?

He plays the hero.

- But he's not pretending.

But yes! Go ahead, go ahead!

That's a happy ending.

Go ahead! Smash them!

This guy is crazy!

Uh...

He is breaking all the material there.

Ben...

But finally!

Enjoy.

Enjoy. You understand...

It's sublime.

No, but... Actually, I'm a nice guy.

Louis!

I am here.

Oh yeah, shit...

Well, fortunately. Since I'm a bit of a hemophiliac...

Go ahead, take it.

Don't hit. Don't hit...

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Please.

Friends,

for the first time,

Cinema will have changed a man's life.

And this miracle,

I am the one who accomplished it.

Orson Welles.

Stanley Kubrick.

And Chris Palmer.

I stopped everything, Helen.

You're right.

I listened to you, it's over.

Easy! Raise your head. Play with the controls.

You will never change.

Louis, I can explain everything to you.

You remained in a coma for three months.

You were running after the pound truck,

and a car hit you.

- I'm glad you're here.

Hey!

As sir, please.

I have left the presidency of the group.

I should have done it before.

Now I have time on my hands.

And I'm all alone.

You know, Dad...

During these three months,

I fell in love with a girl.

Her name was Lison.

And she took care of the horses

in a castle, at the time of Louis XIV.

This is so weird. I have such clear memories.

I could touch people. I could smell the odors.

I could see her every day, talk to him.

Now she's not there anymore.

I think I was happier in a coma.

Hey, don't worry about Helen.

She'll come back, I'm sure of it.

And if she doesn't come back, you can always go see her.

Louis!

[majestic variation of the theme

No, no, no!

You are really sure, Mr. Palmer?

Won't that traumatize him?

- But yes! Exactly. - Oh...

That's the goal.

Camera 7, close-up on the kid

...at the time where the chief bites his toe. And...

Mother's Day!