All language subtitles for Family.Guy.S10E19.WEB-DL.x264.Hun.Eng-Krissz.en

# It seems today
that all you see #

# Is violence in movies
and sex on TV #

# But where are those
good old-fashioned values #

# On which we used to rely? #

# Lucky there's a family guy #

# Lucky there's a man
who positively can do #

# All the things that make us #

# Laugh and cry #

# He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! #

# Family Guy 10x19 #
Mr. & Mrs. Stewie
Original Air Date on April 29, 2012

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Come on, Stewie. Hurry up.
I want to get good seats.

Ugh, I hate going to hear
authors read from their work.

That Dr. Seuss reading
was dreadful.

And when the drugs
stopped numbing the pain,

the sex became
even more violent.

It doesn't rhyme.

The new stuff
doesn't rhyme!

Hey, there.

You a big fan
of Jonathan Franzen?

Oh, my God,
I worship him.

Yeah, yeah, of all
my writing students,

he's probably
done the best.

I'm sorry,
everybody.

Mr. Franzen has informed us
he's not coming.

Like most real authors, he's
too good for this dumb town.

I hate it here.

Well, this crowd
was promised an author.

No!

Oh, well, you know, I guess
I should be getting back

to my dorm anyway.

I've got a short story due

for my creative writing
class tomorrow.

Oh, creative writing, huh?

Well, if you'd like me to look
it over before you turn it in,

I'd be happy to.
- Really?

That'd be great.

Cool, cool,
I'll follow you in my car.

Come on. We're going.

All right, hold on.

Is this what your parents are
paying all that tuition for...

so you can **** dogs?

I'll print up for you
what I have so far.

Okay, I'm gonna go in there with her.
You just sit out here and be quiet.

Here, watch one of her
movies or something.

Ugh, Charlie St. Cloud?

A-And why are there
so many fingerprints on this?

Who's handling their Charlie
St. Cloud DVD all the time?

Lois, can I have
a Pop-Tart in bed, please?

Lois?

- Hey, Chris?
- Yeah?

Do you think Lois would be okay
if I ate a Pop-Tart in bed?

Probably.

Probably, right?

Lois, you in the bathroom?

Well, Mrs. Griffin,
you have three crushed ribs,

but I was able to stop
the internal bleeding.

Doctor, this has happened
seven times in the last month.

Peter rolls over in his sleep
and almost kills me.

I see.

Well, that sucks.

Look, I don't do it
on purpose.

Well, it looks like you got
a handle on it then.

No, we don't.

He practically
smothers me every night.

Well, are you hogging
the blankets?

No.

"Probably hogging
blankets."

And if he's not smothering me,
he's keeping me up all night

writing with that
giant plume of his.

"Dearest Augustine,
I do hope this latest damp

has not aggravated
your gray lung."

Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.

"Matters stateside
have taken a tragic turn

"as this year's gourd crop
has fallen prey

"to a rather
unexpected infestation

of saltmarsh cutworms."

Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.

Peter, it's 4:00
in the morning.

Come to bed!

"Marital concerns continue
to bedevil me."

Look, I'm sorry.

I wasn't planning on
spending all night there.

Look, how about if I take
you to the park, huh?

Come on. You like
the park, right?

We're about to
pass the turnoff.

Here it comes.

You may take me
to the park.

Um, excuse me. I didn't
bring any of my toys.

Can I play with
some of yours?

No! Mine!

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

I-I didn't push him back
because he has leukemia.

My name's Penelope.

What's yours?

Stewie.

I've never seen you
around here before.

I'm new to town and I
don't have many friends.

All right.

A lot of pressure on me
instantly, but okay.

Would you like to play with
some of my toys, Stewie?

Well, what have you got?

I have a set of jacks,
a paddleball,

and this taffy
with superglue.

Isn't that the little
boy who pushed you?

Hmm, yes.

You there, would you like
a piece of candy?

Don't push.

Uh, Lois, why do we have
Lucy and Ricky beds?

Because I'm sick of you crushing
me in the middle of the night.

Dr. Hartman called
about my X rays.

He said my spine
is now disfigured.

Lois, if God wanted me
to not sleep with my wife,

he would have made me
John Travolta.

Peter, I'm really
tired, okay?

Just give the bed a try.

There you go.

Good night, Peter.

I can't sleep like this, Lois.

I need someone to cuddle with.

Believe it or not,
men like to cuddle,

even cold, unfeeling men
like Charles Bronson.

Hey, Charles Bronson's wife.

Scooch over.
I want to cuddle.

Mmm, that's nice.

I don't know
what the big deal is.

I stopped for one drink
after work.

Yes, but it's every night.

There, now you can be
upset about that.

This is fun.

I like playing
with you, Penelope.

What shall
we play next?

Well, let's see
what you have.

You have a pop-up version
of the Unabomber's Manifesto?

Yes, at the end the brother
pops up and turns you in.

What's this
on your Etch A Sketch?

Oh, those are some advanced
mathematical formulas

I've just been
tinkering with.

You're kidding?
I do that, too.

But what are
these formulas for?

For these.

Oh, my God,

you've got a weapons room, too?

And look at the size of it.
It's amazing.

Yes, although sometimes
I think it's too big.

It takes the cleaning woman
forever to clean it.

Was already broken.

My word, Penelope,

you and I seem to have
quite a lot in common.

Do you actually
use these?

Only when fear, spite, jealousy,
and revenge demand.

I bought that to kill the women
from Sex and the City,

but time seems
to be doing it for me.

You're wicked.

Do your parents
have any idea?

My mother's
not a concern.

I don't really have to worry
about her anymore.

Oh, do you have one of those
white wine zombie moms?

No, she died.

She was taking a tub

and somebody came in
and cut her head off.

Wait a moment.

Did... did you kill her?

Well, I held the knife...
and her hair.

Oh, my God, I've been dreaming
about doing that for years,

and you've actually gone ahead
and done it.

Penelope...

I've never said this
to anyone before, but

I feel like I may have
finally found, in you,

my one true soul mate.

Do you feel this way, too?

I do, Stewart.

It's as if our meeting were
more than a mere coincidence.

It's as if we were
meant to be together.

Indeed.

This must be how Maverick felt
when he met Goose.

I feel the need.

- The need for speed.
- The need for speed.

- And Scientology.
- No, just speed.

So, listen, Quagmire,
there's something

I kind of wanted
to talk to you about.

E-Ever since Lois got us
twin beds, I can't fall asleep.

I'm used to having
another person there.

I know. I always sleep better
when I'm next to someone.

Yeah, it's only
natural, right?

I'm glad to hear
you say that

'cause, you know, I guess
what I'm trying to say is,

I... want to propose
an arrangement

that could benefit
the both of us.

Okay.

Men need someone to spoon with
and snuggle with

just the same as women, and when
you don't have that, it-it's...

I... well,
what I'm getting at is...

I would like for you
to sleep with me in my bed,

and this, this is not about sex;
it's about sleep.

No, no, I totally
get it, Peter.

Snuggling is a
basic human need.

Right, I mean, who says
that the body next to you

has to be male or female
or... whatever?

- Or alive.
- Yeah... well, no, but, yeah.

Look, I, I think
it's a great idea

and I, I'm completely with you.

I'm in. Let's try it.

Yay, that is
such good news.

And I'm so happy
they gave us a booth.

I know, 'cause they're
supposed to be reserved

for parties of
three or more.

I know!

Oh, Stewie, it's so nice
to finally have someone

to do naughty things with.

Definitely.

All right, I made
a wallet bomb

and I planted it
on Mort.

As soon
as he opens it... boom.

Oh, bloody hell.

How do you go two weeks
without opening your wallet?

Yeah, he's been out
to dinner, like, four times.

We're clearly not going
to get him this way.

I know, which is why
I just planted another bomb

that's set to go off every time
he burps into his hand.

Ohh, I'd better make sure
my wallet's okay.

I say, we're
on quite a run.

We blew up the
Great Wall of China,

bombed the Eiffel Tower, a
look at this note I sent off.

"Dear Pakistan,
Up yours.

Love, India."

Let's see what happens.

They did not need much.

All right,
Stewie, your turn.

Okay, I have to destroy
Copenhagen with a...

tidal wave,
and the theme is...

the Roaring Twenties.

Tha-That's, that's,
that's a challenge.

Roarin' twenten tidal waven!

Peter, what's
going on?

Quagmire's having
a sleepover with me.

You can't be serious.

Look, Lois, I told you
that I need

to have somebody
sleeping next to me.

All right, now if that's
not going to be you...

Fine. Do what you want.

I don't care,
but I think it's very strange.

Okay, that's the
one thing it's not.

Yeah, it's not strange.

I already told you:
I don't care.

It's not strange.

I know.

All right,
let's see here.

Now just, uh, wrap
yourself around me.

Is that okay?

Yeah, actually, you can
hold me even tighter.

Okay, I just need to put
this arm right around here.

Yeah, there we go.

Good, now let's just
fall asleep like this.

Your boxers are
a little starchy.

Can I take 'em off
with my foot?

Sure.

Come on, you.

Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.

Our top story:
Authorities are still searching

for the culprits in a series
of horrific acts of destruction

all across... scroll down, guys...

the globe.

That could've fit on there.

There was a long space
at the end of that line.

My God, it's you,
isn't it?

It's you and Penelope

who've been doing
all of these horrible things.

So? I've always been
about world domination.

What the hell did you think
I was talking about when I said,

"Victory shall be mine"?

You have not said that
in a very long time.

Well, I'm back on it.

Stewie, Penelope is taking you
down a dark path.

Look, in the past
you've done terrible things,

but it's always been
about the pursuit

of your greater goal
of world domination.

But this girl... she just creates
chaos for the sake of chaos.

So, what are you saying?

I'm saying she's
a bad influence on you,

and you should stop spending
time with her.

I shall do no such thing.

Penelope is wonderful.

We're going to be
together forever.

Well, Rupert,
this is a big mess.

What the hell were you
doing talking to him?

You know who I think
is an ugly slut?

Miss Sharon.

Miss Sharon
from your day care?

Yes.

This is a map of her house.

I thought we could
burn her in her bed

while her children watch.

You know, Penelope,

maybe we don't have
to kill someone every day.

There are other things to do.

Like what?

I-I don't know.

You know what? Forget it.

I-I think Brian just got
in my head a bit. That's all.

Brian?

Why? What did Brian say?

Oh, nothing.

He just thinks that you're
a bad influence on me.

T-Thinks I should stop
seeing you.

He does?

How dare he!

Babe? Babe?

Don't worry about it,
all right?

Stewart, do you love me?

More than anything.

Then swear on that love
that you'll do what I ask.

Just name it.

Kill him.

Kill Brian for me.

Family Guy is brought to you

by AXE Body Spray.

AXE Body Spray:
Spray it on after gym class

instead of getting beat up
in the shower.

Kind of weird those guys
want to fight you naked, huh?

AXE Body Spray.

Oh, God, I can't kill Brian.

Even for Penelope.

He's my dog, my friend.

Well, I wonder what words

are gonna come
out of this pen today.

All right, I can do this.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I can't do this.

# You're lookin'
kind of lonely, girl #

# Would you like someone new
to talk to? #

# Oh, yeah, all right #

# I'm feelin'
kind of lonely, too #

# If you don't mind #

# Can I sit down here
beside you? #

# Oh, yeah, all right #

# If I seem
to come on too strong #

# I hope that
you will understand #

# I say these things
'cause I'd like to know #

# If you're as lonely as I am #

# And if you'd mind sharing
the night together #

# Oh, yeah #

# Sharing the night together #

# Whoa-oh, yeah... #

I don't care how many children
you've lost in childbirth.

You're fired.

But I was only having a child

because you
and the mister...

You don't get to speak
of me and the mister!

Ah, Stewie.
So did you do it?

Have you removed that wretched
cur from our existence?

I just couldn't bring myself
to kill him, Penelope.

Brian is my best friend.

Perhaps you're right.

Perhaps it was wrong of me
to ask you to do such a thing.

Oh, thank you.

I'm so glad you're being
so understanding about this.

I was actually dreading
having to tell you about this.

Bleah.

It appears I'll have
to kill him myself.

What?!

I knew you were too weak
to do this.

You're nothing but a coward.

No, Penelope, wait!

Strong women always
turn out to be nightmares.

Like Joan of Arc.

Hey, guys,
I'm not like other girls.

I kill people and burp
and watch so much porn.

Isn't that cool?
- No.

I like a lot
of goofball comedies

that other chicks don't like.

My favorite thing to play
is Call of Duty.

Look me up.
I'm GuitarGurrrl76.

Let's burn this chick
at the stake.

I love steak!

Other girls don't.

I'm actually more like a dude.

Hey, guys,
don't come in my room.

I might be rubbin' one in.

Peter, this is ridiculous.

It's time for you
to come home.

I live here now, Lois.

Look, I'm sorry
that I ever got us separate...

Is that a bracelet
you're wearing?

It's a giggity band, Lois.

You wouldn't understand.

Look, Peter,
if you come home now,

we can get our old bed back,

and you can snuge with me
as much as you want.

Well...

You promise?

I promise.

'Cause, you know,
I missed cuddling with you, too.

You did?

I sure did.

Well, then, hey...

what do you say we go home, huh?

Sounds good to me.

Oh, Brian, there you are!

Thank God.
- Oh, hey, Stewie.

Did you make that coffee?

Um, no, it was here
when I came in.

I assume Lois made it.
- Don't drink that!

Hey, that mug was my crew
gift from "Class Holes."

Did you take a bite
out of this donut?

Yeah, it was from a
box on the counter.

So what?
- How long ago?

I don't know. Five minutes?

There's still time.

God, Stewie, are you
out of your mind?

Trust me, I'm only doing
what's best for you.

Well, I do feel pretty
thin and wonderful.

And I still got
to eat the donut.

Why isn't everybody
doing this?

They are.

I've got a package here
for Brian Griffin.

- Oh, that's me.
- Brian, no!

Stewie, what the hell
is going on?

I'm so sorry, Brian.

Penelope told me
I had to kill you

because you said
we should break up,

but I couldn't bring myself
to do it.

So then she said
she was gonna kill you and...

This-this is not for you.

That was weird.

W-What was he doing?

Anyway, Penelope's
trying to kill you!

I told you she was bad news.

Look, let's just get you
someplace safe.

Dude, get out of here.

Stewie, step aside.

Penelope,
I can't let you do this.

Stewie, she's one year old.

I think I can
handle this myself.

All right, Stewie, tag in.

Slo-o-w mo-o-o-tion
di-i-ving at yo-o-u!

Anti-gravity gun!

This is beyond my technology.

Perhaps if I detonate
an electromagnetic pulse,

it will disable it.

Stay away from my dog.

Very well, Stewie. I shall.

But just one thing.

What?

That was...

beautiful.

I'm gonna tell my friends
I banged her.

Hey, thanks for
saving my life.

Well, it was the least
I could do.

Obviously, it turns out
you were right about Penelope.

You okay?

I will be.

I will be, babe.

Oh, hey, Meg.

What have you been up to?

== sync, corrected by elderman ==