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.
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# What'll I do when you are far away
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00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,960
# And I am blue?
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00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,960
# What'll I do?
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00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,960
# When I'm alone
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# With only dreams of you
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# That won't come true
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# What'll I do? #
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Thank you. Thank you!
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Right, let's do it.
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00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,000
Ah! Morning, shoppers!
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Hello, madam.
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You are aware that
Barry Quid is here,
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00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,960
making a tour of his empire?
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00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,480
Yeah. I can barely contain
my excitement.
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00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,960
Well, make sure you look busy!
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00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,960
I am busy!
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00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,960
Got to put all these books
in a bargain bucket.
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Wanna have a look?
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00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,640
It's my book!
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00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:06,960
He's selling my book for a quid?
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00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,960
No!
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Two for a quid.
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We'll see about this.
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00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,960
Hello, madam.
Let me shake you by the hand.
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00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,960
No.
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00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,960
Happy shopping!
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00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,960
Anti-bacterial spray.
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00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,320
They are the salt of the earth
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but you don't know where
they've been, do you?
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Could I have a word?
Yeah.
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00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960
Barry...
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You do realise that selling
this book at a knockdown price
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will seriously affect
the author's royalty payment.
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So?
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Modesty has prevented me
from mentioning it until now.
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But I...
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00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,960
am Foxey Cohen.
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00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,160
I can't believe it.
It's true.
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00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,960
Like an onion, I have many layers.
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00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,960
Unwrap me and you don't know
what you'll find.
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Filth!
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That's what I find.
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00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,960
As a committed Christian,
I'm going to struggle
45
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,960
to keep the perpetrator
of this...smut in my employ.
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00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,960
How dare you?!
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00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,960
This is beautifully-crafted
erotic fiction!
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00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,960
It's mucky!
From page one to page 278.
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00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,960
Oh? You read it then?
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00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,960
This is going next to the
firelighters.
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00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,960
It's only good for burning!
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You two-faced, pompous...
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00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,960
jumped up barrow boy!
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I refuse to work for you
a second longer!
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00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,960
Well, good riddance!
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00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,960
You fallen harlot!
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00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,960
Barry! Er, Mr Quid...
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00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,320
I couldn't help overhearing
cos I was listening
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that a vacancy has just come up
on your management team
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and I was wondering if I could apply.
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00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:44,960
Really?
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00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,960
Yes, well, we're...
We're very similar, you and I.
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00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,960
I mean, I left school
with no qualifications
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00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,960
and with just my wits and my faith...
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00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,480
to survive...
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00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,960
My faith is very,
very important to me.
67
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,960
Plus...I've worked on the coalface
here!
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00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,960
So I can spot all the fiddles.
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00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:14,960
Shortchanging the customers,
nicking the stock.
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00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,960
You've pulled all those strokes,
have you?
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00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,160
No, my sister, Tracey,
told me all about them.
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00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,000
She's the wrong 'un in the family.
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00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,320
The black sheep wandreth off...
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..the Lord sayeth.
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And so it is writ.
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So can I have the job then?
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00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,960
No. You can have your cards.
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00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,800
I can't employ someone
with your criminal connections.
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00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,320
You can't sack me!
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00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,960
Ah! Thanks to the miracle
of zero-hour contracts,
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00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,960
I can sack who I like.
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00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,960
You up for this? I don't know, mate.
I mean, if there's any comebacks...
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00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,960
They'll bang me on the first plane
back to Oz!
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00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,960
It'll be fine. You've just got to
make sure the tweet looks legit.
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00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,960
There is one alternative.
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00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:09,960
Yeah?
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00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
You let Stubbies go bust.
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00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,960
Oh, Garthy. You and Marcie
don't have to move out.
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00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,960
The restaurant's open now, Mum. It
makes no sense for us to stay here.
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00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,800
We'll just get in your hair.
I like you being in my hair!
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00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,800
Stubbies is doing all right, innit?
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00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,640
You know how it is, Tracey.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
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00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,960
Rome's a big city.
Stubbies is just a gastric pub.
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00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,960
It's gastro, Mum.
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00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,960
Whatever, but I'm gonna miss you
all. Especially Poppy.
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00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,800
You'll keep in touch?
We're only going to Woodford, Mum.
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00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,960
Right, we'd better go.
We open in an hour.
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00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,000
Yeah.
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00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,000
Can't keep our regular customer
waiting.
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00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,480
I'll give you a hand, yeah?
Love ya.
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00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,960
I love you too. Mwah.
Look after him, won't you, Marcie?
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Yeah. Bye-bye.
Aye-aye, we're off.
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00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,960
All right, darling. Bye, Marcie.
Laters. Bye, darling.
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00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,960
That's Garth and Marcie gone.
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00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,960
That should halve the queue to
the bathroom in the morning.
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00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,960
There's some people I wouldn't miss.
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00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,960
Why are you two home so early?
108
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,960
Well...
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00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,960
Barry Quid and I had a slight
disagreement about company policy.
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00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,640
Tell me later. I've got
something to tell you first.
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00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,000
I'm sorry but
I've chucked my job in.
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00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,960
Well, I couldn't stay there
any longer.
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00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,960
Robin was making it really
difficult.
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00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,960
What did he do?
Promoted me, doubled my salary,
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00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,960
company car, extra holidays.
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What a scumbag.
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00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,800
That's because he wants me
to share his office
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00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,960
and go to trade fairs with him
like his wife used to.
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00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,960
I know we'll miss my money
but we'll be all right.
120
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,960
We've still got both your wages
coming in.
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00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
What?
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00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,960
What?!
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00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,960
I've had an email from West Ham.
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00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,960
I didn't get that job
as Youth Team Coach.
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00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:54,800
I told you not to say you favoured
zonal marking over man-to-man.
126
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:55,960
At least the Hammers replied.
127
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,960
Most of the jobs we went for
didn't have the courtesy
to tell us to bugger off.
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00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,480
Well, once you get to 50,
you become invisible.
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00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:03,960
You?!
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00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,480
If they can't see you,
they'll certainly hear you!
131
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,960
It's ageism.
132
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,480
It's the tool that management uses
to grind down the workers.
133
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,960
Just how many faces do you have,
Sharon?
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00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
You were angling
to get my manager's job
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00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,640
before I'd even
cleaned out my locker!
136
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:21,960
Oh, that's her all over.
137
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,960
Once she's skint, she
goes all socialist worker.
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00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:25,960
As soon as she's got a few bob,
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00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,960
she's downing vodka shots and
partying like Kim Kardashian.
140
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,320
My fingers have gone numb.
141
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,320
Either I've had a stroke
or the heating's gone off.
142
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,960
I'm economising. And no electricity
until Travis gets back!
143
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,960
Are things really that bad, Trace?
144
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,960
We've got an house full of people,
145
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,960
no wages coming in for the last
fortnight. You work it out!
146
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,640
I've even had to cancel
our Zumba classes an' all.
147
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,960
Oh... I was really
looking forward to them. (!)
148
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,960
And we're gonna have to cut down
on toilet roll.
149
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,480
Someone's going through it
like it grows on trees!
150
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,960
If you won't buy quilted,
then I insist on doubling up!
151
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,960
And we have to have more toothpaste.
152
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,640
You need a vice to squeeze
any more out of that tube.
153
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,960
I thought you put your teeth
in a glass?
154
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,960
Just cut the end off it
and squeeze it out the bottom.
155
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,960
Oh, hadn't thought of that!
Thank you, Tracey.
156
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,160
So it's not true?
What?
157
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,960
You can teach an old dog new tricks!
158
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,960
Oh, cheer up, you two.
159
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,960
Sitting there with faces
like constipated pitbulls.
160
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,960
Do you know where I was
this time last year?
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00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,960
Lounging on a veranda in Florida.
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00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,960
A successful novelist.
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00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,960
Oh, if I close my eyes,
I can still taste the mint julep.
164
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,960
That's what we need!
A holiday?!
165
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,960
Got more chance of
Boris Johnson combing his hair!
166
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,160
No! A drink!
167
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,160
I mean, we ain't got that mint julep
stuff
168
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,960
but if we squeeze
a bit of toothpaste into some vodka,
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00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,960
it'll taste exactly the same!
170
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Oh! It's me! It's me!
171
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,000
Truth or dare?
Er...dare!
172
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,960
What can we get her to do
this time, Dor?
173
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,960
I'm not suggesting anything.
174
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,320
Watching her eat that mothball
turned my stomach.
175
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,320
Well, truth then.
176
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,960
What do you really think of Dorian?
177
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,160
We got anything to eat, Trace?
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00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,960
That mothball
hardly touched the sides.
179
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,800
I think there might be
a bit of cheese.
180
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,960
There's chops in the fridge!
They're for Travis.
181
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,960
Why does he get special treatment?
Because he's just a kid.
182
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,960
It's not his fault that we're broke.
(DOOR CLOSES) I'm home!
183
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,160
And I don't want him knowing
how bad things are, all right?
184
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,320
All right, love?
185
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,320
Have a good day?
It's freezing in here.
186
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,960
Think so? We hadn't noticed!
187
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,960
I've been thinking, Mum...
188
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,960
I'm gonna cancel my school ski trip.
189
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,640
Why?
Well, we can't afford it.
190
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:01,960
Who says we can't?
You're all here with your dressing
gowns on and the heating off.
191
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,960
It's cos I'm draining the system.
192
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,960
Last week, I saw Aunty Shal eating
pizza out the food recycling.
193
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,960
She always does that
after a couple of cans.
194
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,800
Look, we'll be fine, I promise.
195
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:13,960
OK. If you say so.
196
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,000
I'm going out, I won't be long.
Where're you going? Round Mike's.
197
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,960
Got to learn some chat-up lines
for the chalet maids.
198
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,000
Ich liebe dich!
199
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,960
Why not just tell him the truth?
You mollycoddle that boy!
200
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,960
No, I don't!
Name me another mum
201
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:32,960
who sits on her kid's bog every
morning to warm the seat up for him!
202
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,960
Only in the winter!
203
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,960
Why not just tell Garth
what's happening and maybe
he could help you?
204
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,320
No, cos he's struggling
with his business.
205
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,960
You don't rely on your kids,
they rely on you.
206
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,960
That's what being a parent's
all about.
207
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,320
You wouldn't know. Either of you.
208
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,800
Red card, Tracey!
209
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,000
You know I always wanted kids.
210
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,960
And so did I!
211
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,960
Once.
212
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,960
BOTH: You?!
213
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,960
I'm not entirely devoid of maternal
feelings, you know!
214
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,960
The year I was thinking of
trying for a baby,
215
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,960
Jean Paul Gaultier brought out
his leather corselette.
216
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,960
No contest!
217
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,640
The year I was
thinking about having a kid...
218
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:21,160
I found out that Chris was having it
off with some old dog up the flats.
219
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,960
Mind you, I did manage to freeze
some of my eggs.
220
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,960
Then Tracey went and
defrosted the freezer!
221
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,960
What?!
222
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,320
Do you know how much those clinics
charge for storage?
223
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,960
I need another drink. No ice!
224
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,960
Vodka's all gone.
225
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,800
We have got some choices though.
226
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,960
We have got...Special Brew...
Oh, my favourite!
227
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,000
..or this half bottle of sherry.
What year is it?
228
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,960
2014.
229
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,960
No, I meant the sherry.
230
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,320
2014.
231
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,320
Drinking cheap sherry
in the middle of the day!
232
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,960
Huddling under a duvet for warmth!
233
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,960
How have I come to this?
234
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,960
Nothing new for you two.
It's imprinted in your DNA.
235
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,960
You stuck-up cow.
236
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,960
I'm merely stating facts.
237
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,000
Unlike you, I am an achiever.
238
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,960
I have a degree, a best-selling
novel under my belt.
239
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,480
Oh, come off it.
240
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,640
You just banged your way
round the world and wrote about it!
241
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,960
I'm getting fed up with you
looking down your nose at us!
242
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,640
You'd be sleeping in a doorway
if I hadn't took you in,
you ungrateful mare!
243
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,320
I paid you rent!
244
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,000
Not for the past fortnight,
you ain't!
245
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,960
And that book you're so proud of
is why you're in this trouble.
246
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,960
It's why you got sued,
it's why you lost your job.
247
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,960
I resigned on a point of principle.
248
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,800
You lost your job because
your boss liked to call you
249
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,960
by his ex-wife's name. Well, big
deal! You could have humoured him!
250
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,960
Oh, you might go out
with a bloke just for what
you could get out of him
251
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,960
but the only difference between you
and some old tart on the street
252
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,320
is that you're so old,
you forget to charge for it!
253
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:11,000
You are very quick to take the moral
high ground, aren't you, Tracey?
254
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,960
Conveniently forgetting that for
half your adult life,
255
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,960
you were the kept woman of
a career criminal!
256
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,960
How dare you? I'm gonna kill you!
257
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,960
Darryl wanted for nothing.
Look at you!
258
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,960
At least I don't have to dress
like a geriatric pole-dancer
259
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960
to get a man
to take an interest in me.
260
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,960
Look at you! Nose, nails, knockers.
261
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,960
I bet none of it's real.
262
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,960
You look just like Russell Brand
in a wind tunnel!
263
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,960
I do not have to stay here
to listen to this!
264
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,960
Yes, you do, cos I ain't finished
with you yet!
265
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,960
Come here, you!
266
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,960
Oh, my God. It's Harry Hill!
267
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,960
.
268
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,960
.
269
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,960
Give me back my hair!
270
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,960
No. Not so superior now, are you?
271
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,960
Standing there like a billiard ball
on a stick.
272
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,960
Do you wanna borrow our tea cosy,
Dor?
273
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,960
Oh, you think this is really funny,
do you?
274
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,480
No, Dor. It's hilarious!
275
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,960
You know, you never fooled me.
276
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,640
I always knew you wore a syrup.
277
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,320
That's where you're wrong!
It's only been the last six months.
278
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,640
Although I will admit my hair has
become a little bit thin.
279
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,960
Like Greece is a little bit skint?
280
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,960
I demand you give me back my hair!
281
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,800
Not till you apologise!
282
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,800
I am the one due an apology!
283
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,960
I was a victim of common assault
284
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,960
and it doesn't get any more common
than when you're involved!
285
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,320
Right, you sarky slaphead!
286
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,960
That's it!
287
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,960
Where are you going?
288
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,960
What are you doing?
289
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,960
Where is she taking my hair?
290
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,960
Well, I don't think it's for a wash
and blow-dry, Dor.
291
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,960
Where's my hair?
In the bin.
292
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,960
And not the dry bin either.
293
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,960
In with the food recycling.
294
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,960
Do you know how much that cost?
295
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:15,960
It's made from the hair of Hindu
pilgrims on the banks of the Ganges!
296
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,960
I don't care if it's made from
Brad Pitt's short and curlies!
297
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,960
You ain't having it back!
298
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:28,960
You all right, Dor?
299
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
Fine.
300
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
Where's she going?
Good riddance!
301
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,960
I feel a bit sorry for her, Trace.
302
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,960
She looks like
a really sad boiled egg.
303
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,960
You've got a spare?
304
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,960
Fortunately, they were doing
two for one at Wig City.
305
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,960
Never could resist a bargain!
306
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,960
But I shall be billing you
for the other one!
307
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Yeah, well, good luck with that!
308
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,800
Right, listen, I just think
we should all calm down.
309
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,960
I'm not saying anything.
I'm down to my last wig.
310
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,960
Trace? I can't calm down.
I'm still fuming with her.
311
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,960
And I'm starving.
That always makes me irritable.
312
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,320
I'm gonna order a takeaway.
313
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,960
You can't! You ain't got no money!
314
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
Well, that's where you're wrong.
315
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,960
I've got 50 quid hidden away
for emergencies.
316
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,960
Yeah, but you don't wanna break into
that. I mean, things ain't that bad.
317
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
We got chops in the fridge!
318
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960
I told you - they're Travis'.
319
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Right, I want you to both
close your eyes.
320
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,640
I don't want you
seeing my hiding place.
321
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:53,960
In the freezer, three drawers down
in a bag of frozen peas.
322
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:56,960
You found it?
323
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,960
Found it. Borrowed it.
324
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,960
Took it down the pub.
325
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,960
You nicked my money?
No, I didn't nick it.
326
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,960
I just borrowed it.
327
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,960
I've borrowed it lots of times.
328
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:10,960
When?
329
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,960
When I'm short,
at the end of the month.
330
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,960
And then when I get paid,
I put it back!
331
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,960
But you got sacked!
332
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,960
Well, I didn't know that, did I?
333
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,960
You...
Moron! Cretin!
334
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,960
Imbecile! I've got dozens more.
335
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,960
And you're irresponsible!
336
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,960
I am not irresponsible.
337
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,960
I'm just unlucky.
338
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,160
You're irresponsible. I bet you
haven't even signed on either.
339
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,960
I don't have to. I never sign off.
340
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,160
That's illegal!
341
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,000
That's like saying bunking
your train fare's illegal.
342
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,960
BOTH: It is!
343
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,960
Look, politicians have
their expenses.
344
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,960
Bankers have their bonuses...
345
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:52,960
and I...fiddle the dole a bit.
346
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
Everyone's got an angle.
347
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,960
You must have been getting
Jobseekers' Allowance and all.
348
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,480
What's happened to that?
I invested it.
349
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,960
I'm guessing it wasn't blue-chip
government securities?
350
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,960
Scratchcards.
351
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:09,960
Unbelievable.
352
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,320
I bet you didn't win either.
I did!
353
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,960
I won 20 quid!
Well, where is it then?
354
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,960
I re-invested it.
355
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,320
Useless!
356
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,960
I can't believe it.
You're so greedy and irrespon-
357
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,960
I just thought if
I could win us some money,
358
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,960
it would solve all our problems!
359
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,960
I was one diamond short of 25,000!
360
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,960
What she said about you is right.
361
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,960
You're a waster. You've never done
anything useful in your life!
362
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
So you're turning on me now,
are you?
363
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,640
And what have you done useful
in your life, Tracey Stubbs?
364
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,800
Eh?
365
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,480
Where's your Nobel bleeding Prize?
366
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,800
My sons. They're my achievement.
367
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,960
Having kids ain't an achievement.
368
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,800
It's a biological function.
369
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,160
Any idiot can manage that.
370
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,160
Well, you haven't managed it.
371
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,640
Well, you made sure of that
when you defrosted the freezer!
372
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,960
How come you're not
a regular fixture on Jeremy Kyle?
373
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,640
Don't you have a go at her!
I'm allowed to. I'm her sister.
374
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,960
Oh, the Cockney Mafia closes ranks
yet again.
375
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,960
It's called loyalty.
376
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,960
I've always looked out for her.
God knows I've had to.
377
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,960
What's that supposed to mean?
378
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,960
Are you saying I can't wipe my own
jacksie unless you supervise it?
379
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,960
Well, I'd say it was a two man job.
380
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,960
BOTH: Who asked you?
381
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:33,960
(WHISTLES)
382
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,960
What's going on? I can hear you
down the end of the road.
383
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,960
She threw my hair in the bin! Look,
you're acting like little kids.
384
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
Yeah, well, she started it.
No, you started it!
385
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,960
Excuse me!
386
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,960
Sorry, love.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
387
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,960
Is that why none of you have been
answering your mobiles?
388
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,960
Me and Garth have been ringing you.
None of our phones are working.
389
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960
Your mother won't let us
charge them up!
390
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
What's wrong with Garthy?
Nothing.
391
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
He just needs to see you now.
Oh, my God!
392
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,320
Calm down, Trace.
Don't mean it's anything bad.
393
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,960
Well, of course it's something bad.
I can feel it in my water.
394
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,960
Phone him. Tell him Mummy's coming.
395
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,480
Can't see him anywhere.
396
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:17,960
Oh, I know what's happened.
397
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,960
He's been working so hard, he's
collapsed and now he's in a coma!
398
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,960
I thought you said this place
wasn't doing all that well.
399
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,960
This is what 50% off day
at New Look is like...
400
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960
I mean, not that I'd know.
401
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
It's doing brilliant, innit?
402
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,960
Like a holding pen for TOWIE.
403
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,960
Oh, at last!
Oh, Garthy!
404
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,640
I've been so worried about you.
405
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,960
It's me who ought to be worried.
406
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,960
Travis has been telling me
how hard things are back at home.
407
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,960
Oh, no, love. We're fine, aren't we?
408
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,960
No, we ain't.
409
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,960
I had a mothball for lunch.
410
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,960
There's a grand in there.
411
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,640
Where'd you get that from?
Robbed a bank.
412
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,960
Ha! I'm joking!
413
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,000
Look!
414
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,960
I wanted you to see
how well we're doing.
415
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,640
Means I can give you
the first instalment
on that loan you gave us.
416
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,960
You lent him money?
I borrowed him a bit off my mortgage.
417
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,960
And when were you gonna tell me
about it?
418
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,640
Never. It's none of your business.
419
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:13,960
Nice.
420
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,960
David Beckham gave us
a five-star review on Twitter
and now we're trending.
421
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,320
David Beckham's been here?
422
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,480
No... But he don't know that.
423
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:23,960
I've got a very smart
little brother,
424
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,800
who is going on his ski trip,
by the way.
425
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,960
Cheers, mate. Love you.
426
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:29,960
Aw.
427
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,960
Oi, Garth!
There's some guy at the bar
428
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,800
reckons we owe him a free meal.
429
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,960
It's Golden Balls!
430
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,800
David Beckham spoke to me.
431
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,960
No. He said if you don't leave me
alone, I'll call the police.
432
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960
Yeah, well, he still spoke to me.
433
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,960
Garthy's done brilliant, hasn't he?
434
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,960
He's so grown up.
435
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,960
He said if we're short on money
again, we can do some waitressing.
436
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,320
Not while there are buses
I can throw myself under.
437
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,960
When are you gonna get your nose out
of the air?
438
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,000
Come on!
439
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,960
It's all water under the wig now.
440
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,960
Come on, you two. Kiss and make up.
441
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,960
Sorry.
442
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:31,960
Sorry.
443
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,960
Say it nicely!
444
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,960
Sorry, Dor.
Sorry, Tracey.
445
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,960
That's more like it.
I'm gonna get Travis' chops on.
446
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,960
Sharon! Where's his chops gone?
447
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,960
I'm gonna kill you!
448
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,960
subtitles by Deluxe
449
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,960
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