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Do you know, I haven't had champagne
5
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,960
since Sharon got off her last
drunk and disorderly charge.
6
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,960
This is the second-best way
to spend an afternoon.
7
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,640
The best way just walked past.
8
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,960
(SIGHS) Cheers!
Cheers.
9
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,960
So, what's all this in aid of, then?
10
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,000
It's a present from Barry Quid.
11
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,160
We've been planning the opening
of his new flagship store,
12
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,960
World of Quid Extra,
over a lunch of goose and chips.
13
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,960
Urgh!
I know, but it's Barry's favourite.
14
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,960
Extravagant, with a touch of common.
15
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,960
Like him, so he thinks.
16
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:11,960
This is bloody nice!
Oh, get over yourself.
17
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:13,960
I didn't call you
cos you was working late.
18
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,960
I swapped shifts with Michelle.
19
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,960
She wanted to go to her
granddaughter's christening.
20
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,320
Michelle McCarthy? She's only 30!
21
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,640
29.
22
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,960
And she knew.
23
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,800
Sorry, Sharon, but you and champagne
are not a natural fit.
24
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,960
If Barry had left
a six-pack of Special Brew,
25
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,960
I'd have called you immediately.
26
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,960
I think you need another glass.
27
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,960
(SIGHS) Boy!
28
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:40,960
(PHONE BEEPS)
29
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,960
Oh, my God.
30
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,960
READS: Been trying to contact you.
Need to see you urgently.
31
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,960
Well, who's it from?
32
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,960
Chris.
33
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,960
What, Chris, Chris?
34
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,960
How do you know?
Because he's put 'Chris'.
35
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,000
Well, what does he want?
Won't be anything good.
36
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,960
All I ever got
from being married to him was...
37
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,960
aggravation...
38
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,960
a nasty water infection...
39
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,960
and Theodopolopodous for a surname.
40
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,960
How long's it been?
41
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,960
Ooh, it's been about 12 years
42
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,960
since he last said
he hated the sight of me
43
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
and I said I wished he was dead.
44
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,960
Oh, nice (!)
It might be something important.
45
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,960
It won't be.
46
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,960
Whatever he wants,
it's just gonna be a waste of time.
47
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,960
Maybe he just misses your sunny,
optimistic nature (!)
48
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,000
He's late.
49
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,000
Typical Chris!
50
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,480
And why did I let you two
talk me into meeting him?
51
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,960
And why are you both
still hanging about?
52
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,960
I'm struggling with my new book.
53
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,960
Writer's block. I need distraction.
54
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,960
And I'm nosy.
55
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,960
I just wanna know what he wants.
56
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,960
He's obviously not coming.
Let's go out.
57
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
(DOORBELL)
Oh, cobblers!
58
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,000
What?
What are you doing?
59
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,960
I need my washing done.
Not now, we've got visitors.
60
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,000
(Oh, great.)
61
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,160
Aren't you gonna say hello
to Uncle Chris?
62
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,960
I barely talk to my dad
cos he used to rob banks.
63
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Why would I say hello to the mug
who drove the getaway car?
64
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
What a refreshingly
principled outlook.
65
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,960
Are you certain he's yours?
66
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,960
(DOORBELL)
Are you gonna answer that?
67
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,960
I'm gonna regret this, I know it.
68
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Could I have some privacy, please?
69
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,960
(SIGHS)
70
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,160
If you're after money, I'm skint.
71
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,960
If you're looking for somewhere
to kip, we're full up.
72
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,960
If you're selling something,
I'm not interested.
73
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,960
And if you need a kidney,
we ain't a match.
74
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960
I checked.
75
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,960
Still a gobby mare, I see.
76
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,960
Here you are.
77
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960
Which cemetery
did you nick those from?
78
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,960
Ah, Tracey!
79
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,800
Oh, gorgeous as ever.
What do you want?
80
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,960
And Doreen!
Dorien.
81
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,960
Sorry, babe. It's been a long time.
Not long enough.
82
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
Can't believe you three
are still together.
83
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
What's up? Haven't you got
any other friends?
84
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
Still a silver-tongued berk, I see.
85
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,960
Get in there.
86
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,960
You've smartened yourself up a bit.
87
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,960
Pillow of the community now,
ain't I?
88
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,960
It's not pillow. It's pillar.
89
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,960
What, like the rice?
90
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,960
(SIGHS) No, never mind.
91
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,960
I got a steady job.
92
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,960
Did my City and Guilds
on my last stretch.
93
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,960
I'm a carpenter now.
Carpenter?
94
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,960
Yeah, if it's good enough
for Jesus...
95
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,960
Oh... So, that's what
this is all about.
96
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,960
You've gone happy-clappy
and you're trying to recruit me
97
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960
to whatever nutjob sect
has let you through its doors.
98
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,960
No, no, no. It's nothing like that.
99
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,960
So? What do you want?
100
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,960
A divorce.
101
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,960
And there was me hoping that
we could make another go of it (!)
102
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,480
Really?
103
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,480
No, of course not, you idiot.
104
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,960
I'm well shot of you.
Why have you bothered coming here?
105
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,960
We've been apart over five years,
you could just apply to the courts.
106
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,960
I've met another woman.
107
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,960
You were always
meeting other women, Chris.
108
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,960
Mostly in alleyways,
with 20 quid in your hand.
109
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,960
Her name's Angie. We've been
together for a couple of years
110
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,480
and now she wants to get hitched.
111
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,960
What's the rush?
She can't be pregnant.
112
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,960
Unless a miracle's happened,
113
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,320
and your sperm count
has jumped into double figures.
114
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,000
So, what's this Angie like, then?
Not that I care.
115
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,960
She's really nice.
Must be a saint, to put up with you.
116
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,960
You ever met anyone?
117
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
Yeah... Yeah, I did, actually.
118
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,800
Er... Gary. He was a paramedic.
Really?
119
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,160
And weekends, he was the captain of
the lifeboat team down in Southend.
120
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,960
Sounds like a nice change from me.
121
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,640
Six months on death row
would be a nice change from you.
122
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,480
So, you still with him?
123
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,960
Er...no. No, he died.
124
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,800
Rescuing kiddies.
125
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,640
And puppies.
126
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,960
Oh, well. Life goes on.
I need you to sign these papers.
127
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
Yeah. Yeah, I will.
128
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,960
When there's a quiet night on telly.
129
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,960
Is there anything else?
130
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,960
Well, I could murder a cup of tea.
131
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,960
(Divorce... Cup of tea...)
132
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,960
(Want it all, don't you?)
133
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,960
Lifeboats?
Paramedic?
134
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,960
Kiddies?
Puppies?
135
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
Where did Saint Gary come from?
136
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Been earwigging, have we?
137
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,320
Can't believe you never
divorced that tosser.
138
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,960
Just never got round to it,
all right?
139
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,960
I'm sensing a touch of jealousy
about Chris re-marrying.
140
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,960
Er...no!
141
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,960
This Angie is probably some bimbo
with plastic knockers
142
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,960
who's just fallen
for his old flannel.
143
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,960
Classic denial.
144
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,960
When Marcus married Wendy,
I hated it.
145
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,960
I mean, she was everything I wasn't.
146
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,960
Sweet, home-loving...
147
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,480
Arse the size of Belgium.
148
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,640
(DOORBELL)
149
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,960
That'll be Angie.
150
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,960
Is it all right if the dog comes in?
151
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,960
You can't talk about her like that!
152
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,960
You'll never change, will you?
153
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,480
You must be Angie.
Hello.
154
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,640
Oh, you're er...
155
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,800
You've got a...
156
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,960
Er... I'm Sharon. Come in.
157
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,960
Thank you.
158
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,960
Now, are you sure
you're all right there, doll?
159
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,960
I'm fine!
160
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,960
Honestly, he does fuss over me.
161
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,960
He does, doesn't he (?)
162
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,960
He's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
163
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,960
My kids love him, too.
164
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,960
You've got kids? Nice.
165
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,960
Mum?
Not now, love.
166
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,960
(SIGHS) Great.
167
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,960
So...
168
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,960
How do you get on
with Chris' family, then?
169
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,640
Like a house on fire.
170
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,800
Oh, so your mum's dead, is she?
171
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,960
No, Appy's still going strong.
172
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,960
Appy?
His mum.
173
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,960
Short for Apollonia.
174
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,960
She was never very 'appy
when you was around, was she, Shal?
175
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,960
Oh, dear. Did you clash?
176
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,960
Like two drunks in a chicken shop.
177
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,960
Exaggerating a bit, Tracey.
178
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,960
No, I'm not.
179
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
Well, we had good times though,
didn't we, Chris?
180
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,960
Did we?
Yes.
181
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,800
Oh... Yeah, yeah. One or two.
182
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,960
I do find relationships fascinating.
183
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,960
(OVER-ENUNCIATES)
I'm a writer, you see.
184
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,960
Really? Anything
I might have heard of?
185
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,960
I don't want to bang my own drum.
186
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,960
Why not?
You've banged everything else.
187
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,960
Sixty Shades of Green.
188
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,960
Oh, my gosh!
189
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,960
You're Foxy Cohen!
190
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,960
Oh, I should've guessed.
191
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,960
I was so excited when they
brought out a version in braille.
192
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,960
It's out in braille?
193
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,960
I can tell you, it feels
just as naughty as it reads!
194
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,960
I'm so excited!
195
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
I've never met anyone famous before.
196
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Calm down.
It ain't like she's on X Factor.
197
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,960
What Sharon means is
she's nothing special.
198
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,960
She's just our mate, Dor.
199
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,960
What is it they say
about familiarity?
200
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,000
Worth two in the bush (?)
201
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,960
Isn't that in chapter seven?
202
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,960
I was gonna say that.
203
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,960
Hey, why don't you come to the
little engagement do we're having?
204
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,640
My friends would love
to meet you, Dorien.
205
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,800
Thank you, Angie.
206
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,640
Tracey, Sharon... Please come.
It would mean a lot to me.
207
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,960
Oh... I-I... I can't, really...
208
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,800
Oh, go on. It would be our way
of saying thank you
209
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,960
for being so reasonable
about the divorce.
210
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,960
Oh... Well... All right, then, yeah.
211
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,960
I'm sure I'll enjoy it a lot more
than Chris' last engagement party.
212
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,960
.
213
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,960
.
214
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,960
The last time I let Sharon
do an online shop.
215
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,960
There's not a vitamin in this lot.
216
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,960
You going out?
Coffee with Angie.
217
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,960
My writer's block has gone.
218
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,960
It's been flushed through
by my genius.
219
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,960
I am gonna base the central
character in my new book on her.
220
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,960
Confident, vibrant, sassy.
221
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,960
Blind people have heightened
sensual awareness, you know.
222
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,640
I read that was rubbish.
No, no, no.
223
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,640
I'm so excited.
224
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,000
I'm virtually swimming
in my own creative juices.
225
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,960
If you make any puddles,
you can clean them up yourself.
226
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,960
Mum?
What?
227
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,800
I got fed up of waiting for you to
do the washing, so I did it myself.
228
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,320
Good.
No, it's not good.
229
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,320
There was a pen
in one of my pockets and...
230
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,320
Well, your white top got ruined.
231
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,480
You're joking.
Yeah, I'm joking.
232
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,960
I took it down the dry cleaners.
Said you'd pay next time you're in.
233
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,960
Thank God for that.
234
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,960
Do you realise what he's just done?
235
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,960
You're so relieved that
he didn't ruin your new top,
236
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,960
you've just agreed to have
his washing dry-cleaned.
237
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,960
Oh, yeah. Little sod.
238
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,960
I've been thinking, should we buy
Chris and Angie an engagement gift?
239
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,960
Only thing I'm ever gonna buy him
is a headstone.
240
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,960
Come on. Admit it, Sharon.
You're jealous.
241
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,960
I'm not jealous.
242
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,960
I'm bloody angry!
243
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,960
I mean, why can't he have treated me
the way he treats Angie?
244
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,960
Instead of cheating on me
245
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,960
and emptying my purse
every chance he got.
246
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,960
Do you think it's because
she's blind?
247
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,960
I doubt it.
He wasn't that compassionate.
248
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,960
You and Chris brought out
the worst in each other.
249
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,160
Some people shouldn't be together.
Like Jekyll and Hyde.
250
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,960
So it's my fault?
251
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,960
No, it's just that
she's a bit more...
252
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,960
..and you're less...
253
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,960
What's the word, Dor?
So many spring to mind (!)
254
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,960
Let's just go for 'demure'.
255
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,640
Honestly... You moon
one coach-load of pensioners...
256
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,960
Maybe she brings out
the gentleman in him.
257
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,960
Rubbish.
258
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,000
Why do I always get
the crappy end of the stick?
259
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,960
It's not fair.
No, it's not fair, Shal.
260
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,000
But there's not a lot
you can do about it.
261
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,160
Oh, yes, there is.
262
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,960
I can let Angie know
that she is marrying
263
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,960
a low-life, cheating scumbag.
264
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,960
She'll find out herself soon enough.
What's the point?
265
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,960
It'll make me feel better.
266
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,960
That's the point.
267
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,960
(SIGHS)
268
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,960
(GREEK MUSIC)
269
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
Your ex-mother-in-law,
Appy, is here.
270
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:47,480
Must have flown first-class
broomstick from Nicosia.
271
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,640
Hello, ladies.
272
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,640
Thank you so much for coming.
273
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,960
Wouldn't have missed it
for the world.
274
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,960
Sharon.
275
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,960
(SPEAKS GREEK)
276
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,000
She says you're looking well.
277
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,960
There's a lot of people looking
forward to meeting you, Dorien.
278
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,960
Really? I'm looking forward
279
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,800
to getting stuck in
to research on my new book.
280
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,960
There's someone I want to meet.
281
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,960
Handsome hunk,
sitting in the corner.
282
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,960
That must be Jack.
283
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
Good pick!
Perfect.
284
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,960
See you later.
285
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,800
Excuse me, we'd better mingle.
286
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,960
Help yourself to some champagne.
287
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,960
Come along, Christopher.
288
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,960
Coming, darling.
289
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,960
Ugh.
290
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,320
Like her little lap dog, isn't he?
291
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,960
Look, Shal. Don't say anything
to Angie about Chris.
292
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,000
You'll only upset yourself.
293
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,160
Yeah, you're right.
294
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,960
If he treats her better than he
treated me, then good luck to her.
295
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,960
God knows she's gonna need it.
296
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,960
You're doing the right thing.
Keeping your dignity.
297
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,960
We'll have this, I'll give Chris
the divorce papers, then we'll go.
298
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Here, we could go down Scenarios.
299
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,960
It's buy one shot, get two free
tonight. We could get hammered.
300
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,160
What, and moon another
coach-load of pensioners?
301
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,960
Well, if one happens to pass by.
302
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,960
Sorry to disappoint
a lovely lady like yourself,
303
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,640
but the whole idea of blind people
being more sensuous is...
304
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,960
a bit of a myth.
305
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,960
I did suspect that.
But before I give away my secrets,
306
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,960
I think it's only fair
I know a few things about you.
307
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,960
Well er...
Let me try and guess.
308
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,160
Sexy, husky voice.
309
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,960
Chic perfume.
310
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,480
May I?
311
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,960
Fashionably short skirt.
312
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,000
I would say you're
a sophisticated, stylish woman
313
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,480
of around... 38, 39?
314
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,160
Near enough. Now erm...
315
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,960
Why don't I get us both a drink
before we make a start?
316
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,960
Perfect.
317
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,960
What have you been up to?
318
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,960
Erm... Jack thinks I'm 39.
319
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,000
What, in dog years?
320
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,960
It's just so nice
to have a younger man
321
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,800
judge me on my youthful,
vibrant personality.
322
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,960
Instead of dismissing me because
I may have one or two wrinkles.
323
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,960
No harm in that.
324
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,960
Let's hope he still thinks so
325
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,960
when he finds out he's been chatting
up Sylvester Stallone's mother.
326
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,960
Excuse me, girls.
327
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,800
(SNIGGERS)
328
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,960
Chris?
Oh...
329
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,960
Divorce papers, all signed.
330
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,960
Have a nice life.
Oh, thanks. Cheers, Shal.
331
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,000
Can I ask you something?
332
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,960
Why do you treat her so much better
than you did me?
333
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,960
The truth, for once.
334
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,960
She looks after me.
I looked after you!
335
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,960
You never looked after me.
336
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,960
Burnt fish fingers
four nights a week.
337
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,960
What, and a chip sandwich
for Sunday lunch?
338
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,960
And you never cleaned, either.
339
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,960
Her hoovering's better than yours
and she can't see what she's doing.
340
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,960
You scumbag.
341
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,640
I bet you're playing about behind
her back, just like you did with me.
342
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,640
No, I don't do that any more.
343
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,960
Oh, yeah?
So, if I was to check your phone,
344
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,960
I wouldn't find texts
from whatever scrubber it is
345
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,960
that you're seeing at the moment?
346
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,960
I can read you like a book.
347
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,960
You're a liar and a cheat.
348
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,960
I hate the sight of you, Sharon.
349
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,960
And I wish you were dead, Chris.
350
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,960
You know what? They should've been
our wedding vows.
351
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,160
Oh, this is brilliant.
352
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,800
This is just
the sort of material I need.
353
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,960
I must say...
You lead a very active life.
354
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,960
What are the chances you can take
a little break in a few weeks?
355
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,960
Angie's invited a group of us
to a villa Chris has inherited.
356
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,960
It's in Cyprus.
357
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,960
We're gonna turn it into
an adventure break.
358
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,960
Rock climbing,
paragliding, kayaking.
359
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,640
Do you fancy it?
360
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:33,960
Jack... I haven't been entirely
honest with you about my age.
361
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,960
You're not 39?
No.
362
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,960
45?
363
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,960
No.
364
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,960
50?
No.
365
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,960
55?!
Could we just stop there?
366
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,960
I'm never usually this wrong.
367
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,960
You certainly don't sound
old...er... than I thought...
368
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:59,960
Dorien Green,
you are a remarkable woman.
369
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,960
And up here...
370
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,960
you'll always be 39.
371
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,960
(CHOKED) Oh... Jack...
372
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,800
That is lovely.
373
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,960
And for the record...
374
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,960
you were planning to sleep with me
at this weekend, weren't you?
375
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,000
Definitely.
376
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,960
Still got it.
377
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,960
Right, let's go.
378
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,960
I've wiped that merchant
off my shoes for the last time.
379
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Good girl.
Are we leaving?
380
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,320
Your toy boy sussed you out?
What happened?
381
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,960
It all unravelled
when he told me about the villa
382
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
Chris has inherited in Cyprus.
383
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,960
Say that again?
It all unravelled -
384
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,960
The last bit.
385
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,960
Chris has just inherited
a villa in Cyprus.
386
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,480
Good luck to him.
387
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,960
Don't you get it, Shal? That's why
they've been rushing this divorce.
388
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,480
They wanna make sure
you ain't got any claim on it.
389
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,640
It won't be up to much.
390
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,960
It'll be like
everything else is about Chris.
391
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,960
It won't be as big as he promised,
392
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,960
and it won't be anywhere
where you want it.
393
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,960
It doesn't matter.
You're entitled to it.
394
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,640
Come on, Shal. Let's 'ave 'em.
No! Must we cause a scene?
395
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,960
I thought you were all for moving on
and keeping your dignity.
396
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,960
Sod dignity. They're not taking
my sister for a mug.
397
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,960
I knew you'd be trouble the minute
you walked through the door.
398
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,960
Trying to cheat my sister
out of what's rightfully hers.
399
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,960
What do you mean?
You know. The villa in Cyprus.
400
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,960
She doesn't deserve anything!
She was a terrible wife.
401
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,960
No, Angie,
that's where you're wrong.
402
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,960
All she wanted was a family,
and he robbed her of that.
403
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,960
Angie, why don't you ask him
404
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,960
about all the texts on his phone
from his girlfriend?
405
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,960
They're lying, babe. Honest.
406
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,960
Give me your phone.
Don't listen to them.
407
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:46,160
They're just frustrated, bitter
old trouts who ain't getting any.
408
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,960
I've waited 25 years to do this.
409
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,640
(SCREAMS)
410
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,960
Missed!
411
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,960
Well, it wasn't
real champagne anyway.
412
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,960
I think you three had better leave.
413
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,960
Don't worry, we're going...
414
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,960
..but before we do...
415
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,480
(WHISPERS)
416
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,640
(GASPS)
417
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,960
Here, Shal. What did you say to her?
418
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,960
I told her that every Friday night,
419
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,960
Chris used to like
to wear a bra and fishnets...
420
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,960
and call himself Yasmin.
421
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,960
(SHOUTING IN GREEK)
422
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,960
(GLASS SMASHING)
CHRIS: Ouch!
423
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,000
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424
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,000
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