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1
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TRACEY: # What'll I do
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,960
# When you
3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,960
# Are far away
4
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,960
# And I am blue
5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,960
# What'll I do?
6
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,960
SHARON: # When I'm alone
7
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,960
# With only
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00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,960
# Dreams of you
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00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,960
# That won't come true
10
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,960
# What'll I do? #
11
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,960
What tennis champion is also a mint?
12
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,960
Andy Tictac!
13
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,960
Andy Murray, of course.
14
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,960
What great composer -
Tracey, will you shut up?
15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,960
They're getting to the bit
where they find the body on the
beach next to the burning boat.
16
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,960
How do you know? Because they
always find the body on the beach
17
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,800
in one of those creepy seaside
things
18
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,640
like Broadcliff or Southchurch
19
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,640
or... Weston-super-Mare!
20
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,000
Tracey, why do you always make me
eat with chopsticks?
21
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,960
Because it makes you eat slower,
22
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,960
so it lasts longer and you feel
fuller.
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00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,000
Yeah, well, it ain't working for me.
I'm still hungry.
24
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,960
Let's have one of your balls!
Oh...!
25
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,960
I'll get it. Leave it.
You won't, though, will you?
26
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,960
I will though!
27
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,960
(TV VOLUME INCREASES)
It was loud enough before!
28
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,960
You got ear wax or something?
I never thought of that.
29
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,960
What is going on?
30
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,000
(TV VOLUME DECREASES)
31
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,960
My whole room started to vibrate!
32
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,960
We don't need to know what you get up
to in your room.
33
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,960
I'm working on my sequel. I can't
even hear to write.
34
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,960
What d'you mean?
35
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,320
I always act out the most exciting
passages before I commit them to
paper.
36
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,960
You all right, Sharon? I've been
here 30 seconds. You haven't
insulted me yet!
37
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,960
You'll have to speak up, Dor.
I think I've got an ear infection.
38
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,480
Oh good!
What? Nothing!
39
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Oh, Benedict Cumberbatch.
40
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
I'm rather partial to his Sherlock.
41
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,960
You mean you can read the names that
come up at the end. They're tiny!
42
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,800
Ah.
Had laser eye surgery.
43
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,960
I now have the vision of a
sparrowhawk.
44
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,960
And the body of an oven-ready
chicken.
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00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,960
You heard that, did you, Sharon?
46
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,640
I'm all right if I can see your
lips.
47
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,960
Did it hurt? Not compared to a tummy
tuck or a buttock lift.
48
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,960
You've had your aris hoisted?
49
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,960
What is a aris?
50
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,960
It's rhyming slang,
Aristotle - bottle.
51
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,320
Oh, got it! Bottle of rum - tum.
52
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,480
No, bottle and glass -
Bottom.
53
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,000
So have you had it done?
54
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,960
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Of course not.
55
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:04,000
These bad boys are the product of
vigorous dieting,
56
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,960
a sadistic personal trainer,
and good genes.
57
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,960
What the ones with Lycra?
58
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,320
You must have had something
done, Dor.
59
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,960
I have never had to resort to
cosmetic surgery.
60
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,960
Apart from a small tightening
procedure.
61
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,960
South of the border.
62
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,320
Oh!
63
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,960
They must have used a flipping big
spanner!
64
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,960
Well, I think it's all stupid.
65
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,960
Why can't people just grow old
gracefully?
66
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,640
Because some of us would like to
grow old disgracefully!
67
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,960
Well, I'd have the whole lot done if
I had the money.
68
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,960
Belly, bum, boobs -
That's because you're shallow.
69
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,320
You wanna watch that the wind
don't change, Tracey.
70
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,000
You're stuck like that. Like what?
71
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,960
I don't look like that. Do I?
72
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:06,960
Your expression does tend to settle
on somewhat disapproving contours.
73
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,960
She means you've got a face like a
slapped arse.
74
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,960
MAN: Yeah,
everyone says theirs does that.
75
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Ours has got a built in sensor,
freeing up your hands.
76
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,960
Oh, really? What for?
77
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,960
Tune in the waterproof radio that
comes free with every unit.
78
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,960
If it's so good, Tracey, then why
are you offering the discount?
79
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,960
My boss put his back out playing golf
and I'm supporting a family of six -
80
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,960
seven if you count Dorien -
and I'm desperate.
81
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:37,960
Well? If I order 150 units,
will you shut up?
82
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,960
Then it's a deal!
83
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,960
You've earnt yourself a nice bit of
commission there. I suppose.
84
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,960
Then cheer up. Let's see a smile.
I am cheerful.
85
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,960
You could have fooled me.
86
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,960
Excuse me, Tracy.
(PHONE RINGS)
87
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,960
Hello.
88
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,960
Oi, grandad,
that ain't even plumbed in.
89
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,960
MR MURRAY: Oi, just get out!
90
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,160
What's the worst thing that can
happen?
91
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,480
Sharon Osbourne.
92
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,960
I was really nervous at first.
But it was easy in the end.
93
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,960
Never knew I was so good at sales.
94
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,160
Shal?
95
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,960
Sorry, Trace, I can't hear you over
the toast!
96
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,960
You really ought to do something
about your hearing. I am!
97
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,960
I'm going to see the ear doctor
later.
98
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,960
You'd better get your bum into gear,
or you'll be late.
99
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
You all right, love?
Just not very hungry.
100
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,960
I think I might have a tummy bug.
101
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,320
Have you been?
Been where?
102
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,960
Number two!
Mum!
103
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,960
Oh, Shal, he's all cold and clammy.
104
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,800
That's your hand cream, you prune!
105
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,960
He ain't got a temperature. Put your
tongue out. Let Auntie have a look.
No! Get off me!
106
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,960
I will if you tell me why you're
skiving!
107
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,000
You're not moping over that Rosie,
are you?
108
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,960
I mean, there'll be other girls.
Nothing to do with Rosie.
109
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,960
What is it, then? You're not being
bullied, are you? I knew it, Shal!
110
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
They're bullying him,
cos he did Latin!
111
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,960
They what?
They're not.
112
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,640
Then tell me what's wrong.
113
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,960
I've been suspended.
114
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,960
If you've been caught selling drugs,
115
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then can I have some, please?
116
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,960
This is serious!
117
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,800
If it's not drugs and
it's not bullying -
118
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,960
All right! Mr Thomas saw me in the
changing room.
119
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,000
That is nothing to be ashamed of,
Travis.
120
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,960
If you prefer boys to girls...
121
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,160
What?
What?
122
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,960
I'm just saying. There's nothing
wrong with it.
123
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,000
In fact, it's compulsory if you want
a chat show on Channel 4.
124
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,960
It's not that.
125
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,960
Mr Thomas saw my tattoo and went
into one.
126
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,960
Saw his what?
Tattoo?!
127
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,960
I heard that.
128
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,160
A tattoo of what?
Well, a rose obviously.
129
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,960
Well, I hope it's not all over your
bum, like that Cheryl Cole's!
130
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,160
Why did you do it?
131
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,960
Someone said that if I got Rosie's
name tattooed over my heart
132
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,960
it would prove that I love her and
maybe she'd take me back.
133
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,480
What do you think?
134
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,480
Oh, my God.
135
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,960
Bit pathetic, innit?
136
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,960
Looks like a third nipple!
137
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,960
But it's sweet.
It is not sweet.
138
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,960
I'm really angry.
You don't look really angry.
139
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,960
I thought you had to be 18.
140
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,320
Someone lent me their ID.
141
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,960
The same someone who told you
to have a tattoo?
142
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,800
Who was it? I'll kill 'em.
I can't say, Mum.
143
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:58,960
Er, good boy, Travis.
144
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,960
We don't grass in this family,
remember?
145
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,160
Eurgh!
Oh!
146
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:10,960
Look what the cat's dragged in.
147
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,960
Shut up, Sharon. I haven't got time
for your pathetic attempts at
humour. I'm running late.
148
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,480
Been documenting society's
undercarriage?
149
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,320
Actually, if you must know, Tracey,
150
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,960
I have been volunteering
at a night shelter.
151
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:29,960
You?! It's research for my next
book, 70 Shades Of Soho.
152
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,960
Although the fact that the
resident social worker
153
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,960
is the spitting image of Johnny Depp
makes it less of an ordeal.
154
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,960
Might have known there'd be a Johnny
involved!
155
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,960
You're not my mother, Tracey!
No, she's mine.
156
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
Giving me a hard time, as usual!
I'm entitled to.
157
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,960
You'll never guess what he's been and
gone and done?
158
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,960
"Been and gone and done."
159
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,960
Is that even English?
160
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,960
He's only been and gone and got
himself suspended for getting
a tattoo.
161
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,960
Oh, is that all? For a moment
I thought he'd robbed a bank (!)
162
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,960
Nice one, Dor. No, it's not nice.
It's bloody horrible.
163
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:08,960
Shouldn't you be at work?
164
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,960
I've got a hospital appointment,
haven't I? Oh, have you?
165
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,640
I don't recall you asking your store
manager for permission.
166
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:22,960
That's because my store manager has
been out all night being a trollop.
167
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,960
See you later, Travis.
Good luck, mate.
168
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,480
So, how long are you suspended for?
Just for today.
169
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:34,960
At least they're not making you have
it lasered off. Now, THAT is really
painful.
170
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,960
How do you know?
Erm...
171
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,960
I've had a certain amount of body
art in my time.
172
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:45,160
Although, at the moment, I have just
the one discreet little tattoo,
173
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,960
somewhere only my closest friends
will be able to see it.
174
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,960
Oh, yeah! And what does it say,
"Open all hours"?
175
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
.
176
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,960
.
177
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,480
Sorry, cobber, we're not open until
next week.
178
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,960
Never mind that cobber cobblers, get
your arse down here now!
179
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,800
Is something wrong, Mum?
I'll say.
180
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,960
Your brother's only been and got
himself suspended for getting a
tattoo and it's all your fault.
181
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,960
Look at the state of you! You OK?
Your face looks well stretched.
182
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,960
Don't change the subject.
183
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,480
Look, you can't blame me if Travis
184
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,960
wants to emulate his big brother's
laid-back surfer-dude style.
185
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,960
You're supposed to be a role model.
He's only 17.
186
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,800
Someone must have lent him their ID.
I wouldn't do that.
187
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,960
Besides, most kids Travis' age have
already got fake ID.
188
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,960
I had fake ID in the '90s. How do
you think I got into all them raves?
189
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,960
What raves? The ones I went to, when
you thought I was camping with the
Boy Scouts.
190
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,960
All right, Tracey?
What's wrong? You OK?
191
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,960
Your face looks a bit strange.
192
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,960
You been stung or something?
193
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,960
Nothing wrong with my face.
Yeah, that's how she normally looks.
194
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,960
Oh, my God! Not you an' all!
195
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,800
Is everyone in Australia completely
covered in tattoos?
196
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:07,960
We're all inked
up down under, Mum.
197
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,960
Garth got me this one for my
birthday. Stunning, isn't it?
198
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,640
Angel wings, for an angel.
Oh, you're so poetic, babe.
199
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,960
Look, if you to wanna desecrate your
bodies that's fine.
200
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,960
But Travis is still a baby.
What?! Travis has got a tattoo!
201
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,960
Yep! And Mum thinks it was me who
put him up to it.
202
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,960
Look, it weren't me.
203
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,960
Scout's honour.
204
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,960
Hello, P... Oh, my God!
205
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,960
Not you, too!
206
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,960
What have they been and gone and done
to you? It's only face paint.
207
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,960
Oh, sorry.
208
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,320
Mum, what's wrong
with Tracey's face?
209
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:46,960
How sweet...
210
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,960
That's the cupboard, Trace.
211
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,960
The telly's in the other room.
212
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,960
Well, it weren't Garthie.
Eh?
213
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,960
Have you forgotten already? Travis'
tattoo.
214
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
Yes, it did slipped my mind.
215
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,960
Maybe I have been preoccupied
216
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,960
with the news of my devastating
hearing loss!
217
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,000
Sorry, Shal, I forgot. Yes, well,
deafness is forever, Trace.
218
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,960
A tattoo can be removed. Painfully
though. And it will leave a scar.
219
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,960
My poor baby'll been marked for life
220
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,960
because some irresponsible
so-called adult...
221
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,960
I should have known...
It was you, weren't it?
222
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,960
It weren't! You know I hate tattoos.
223
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,960
If you hate tattoos, what about
Norman Parker, then?
224
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,960
Who? You sat behind him in the
fourth year.
225
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,960
Oh, yeah. I remember him.
226
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,960
He smelt of wee.
227
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,960
I thought you fancied him.
228
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960
No, I hated him.
229
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,960
He smelt of wee!
230
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,960
Well, if you hated him, why did you
get his name tattooed on your bum?
231
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,960
What?
232
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,160
Hold on...
233
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:06,960
Up!
234
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,960
What does that say?
235
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,960
Er...
236
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,960
..re... kraP... mamroN.
237
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,640
Which is Norman Parker backwards.
238
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,800
Oh, my God!
239
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,800
How did that get there?
240
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,960
We were on a day trip to
Ramsgate, 1976 -
241
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,960
Yeah, I remember going to Ramsgate.
242
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,640
We'd been to a disco at the pier.
243
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,960
We with dancing round our handbags
to Showaddywaddy.
244
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,960
Next door was this tattoo parlour.
245
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
Denise Hobbs - you remember her?
246
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Well, she dared you to go in.
247
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,960
I don't remember any of that.
248
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,960
Because you were bladdered on rum and
blacks! Why didn't you stop me?
249
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,960
Because I was bladdered as well!
250
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,960
And you've only just decided to
mention that now.
251
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,960
Well, I assumed you knew what was on
your bum.
252
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,960
So, for 40 years,
253
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,960
I've had some bloke that I hate on
my back.
254
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,960
Story of your life.
255
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,960
Where were you all day, Sharon?
256
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,480
I thought the average NHS doctor's
appointment lasted seven minutes.
257
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,960
Yeah, the appointment lasts seven
minutes.
258
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,000
It's the wait for the appointment
that lasts all bloody day!
259
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,960
Well, I really do sympathise, but
I'll still have to dock your wages.
260
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
I didn't quite catch that.
261
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,960
You mean you really do have a
hearing problem?
262
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,960
Excellent!
Excellent?
263
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,960
There's a new government subsidy
for companies
264
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,960
who employ what we're supposed to
call the "differently abled".
265
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,000
Oh, well I'm glad I could be of
assistance!
266
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,960
We might be able to get a blue badge
now.
267
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,800
It's murder parking down that
high street.
268
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,800
Why do people find deafness so
funny, eh?
269
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,960
You wouldn't take the mick out of
someone if he was losing his sight.
270
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,960
And how comes every time I ask you
and Travis to repeat something
271
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,960
because I haven't heard, you go "it
doesn't matter"?
272
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,800
Well, it does matter, Tracey!
273
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,960
I'm going deaf and I hate it!
274
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,000
And that's not funny.
275
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,160
Sorry, Shal.
276
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,960
What did they actually say at the
hospital?
277
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,960
Not a lot.
278
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,960
Are you sure they weren't just
speaking quietly?
279
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,800
They said that I need a
hearing aid. OK?
280
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,640
Oh, Shal...
It's not fair, Trace.
281
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,320
I'm not even old.
282
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,320
Well, not old old.
283
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,960
Look, it's not bad, Shal. Them
digital hearing aids now are near
enough invisible.
284
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,960
And they cost a fortune.
285
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,960
We are hardly going to sell them at
World of Quid, are we?
286
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,960
I do believe
we stock the batteries.
287
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,960
Look... Look at 'em! They look like
ear muffs.
288
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,960
I'll look like Dr Dre!
Are they the new Dr Dre's?
289
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,960
They're well nice.
290
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,960
Look, I won't be in for dinner
tonight. I think you will, love.
291
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,800
No, I won't. I've got plans.
You're suspended from school.
292
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:22,960
It's not the same as a day's holiday.
293
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:27,000
It's crucial. Rosie saw me getting
tattooed and she thinks it's sick.
294
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:31,480
Yeah, so do I.
No. Tracey, "sick" means good.
295
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,960
How do you know? Trust me. It's what
they say in the night shelter.
296
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,960
Although there
sick probably does mean sick.
297
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Hold on. How did Rosie see it?
On Youtube.
298
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,960
It's got 75 views so far.
299
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,800
My tattoo could go viral.
300
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,960
Well, if it does, I'm
taking you straight up the doctors.
301
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,160
Cheers, Dor. You were right.
302
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,960
Hold on.
303
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,960
What were you right about?
304
00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:00,160
Er, I just gave Travis the
benefit of my considerable
experience in affairs of the heart.
305
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,960
Excuse me. I've got calls to make.
Hey, hold on a minute!
306
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,960
Look, I just asked Dor -
I wasn't talking to you!
307
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:10,960
All I said was just because a girl
says you no longer float her boat,
308
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,960
doesn't mean that you give up on
her.
309
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,320
There are ways of showing the depth
of your feelings.
310
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,960
Dorien said a tattoo -
No, I didn't.
311
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,960
You indiscreet little -
Don't you have a go at my son!
312
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,960
What did she do, take you up
there and pretend to be your mum?
313
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,960
His nan, more like.
314
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Look, I just felt sorry for him.
315
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,960
You interfering old bat!
316
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,800
You let some butcher
with dirty fingernails
317
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,320
stick needles into my son.
318
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,960
Well, I hardly think you should
mention needles, Tracey!
319
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,960
After all, is Botox so very
different from a tattoo?
320
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,960
You've had Botox?
No, I haven't. Yes, you have!
321
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,960
Haven't you noticed? Tracey
has not been able to frown for
about two days.
322
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,960
Yes, I can.
323
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,960
No, you can't! It was the same with
Melanie Fishman.
324
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,960
She's had enough fillers
to resurface the M11.
325
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,960
I'm right, aren't I, Tracey!
326
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,960
You haven't, Trace...
327
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,480
Mum? Well, everyone kept going on
about how miserable I looked.
328
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,960
You hypocrite. You gave me an hard
time and then you go and get Botox.
329
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,960
I'm sorry.
Well, you don't LOOK sorry!
330
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,960
Well, I'm trying to!
331
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,960
I'm sorry.
332
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,480
I'm not sure I can accept your
apology.
333
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,000
Oh, too bad. Go to your room and I'll
come and talk to you later.
334
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,960
That didn't work!
335
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:48,960
So, how much did it actually cost
for you to paralyse your boat?
336
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,640
Not a lot.
337
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,960
It's about £500 in the suburbs,
and treble that in Harley Street.
338
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,960
500 quid?!
339
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,160
That could have got me
the "Majestic Cordless
340
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,960
with miniature,
flesh-coloured ear pieces"!
341
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,480
You can't expect luxury on the
National Health, Sharon!
342
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,640
And you have always been a staunch
Labour supporter.
343
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,160
You should be proud to wear
whatever clumsy, outdated device
344
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,960
they deem suitable for the
underclass.
345
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,960
What did you say?
346
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,960
I said that looks very nice!
347
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,960
Look, Shal, I've got 300 left out of
my commission.
348
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,960
I was going to use it for Travis'
West Ham season ticket,
349
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,960
but the little tattooed sod can
whistle for it.
350
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,800
I want you to have it.
351
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,960
No, I... I couldn't, Trace.
352
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,960
You worked hard for that commission.
It wouldn't be fair.
353
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,000
It's not fair that you can't hear.
354
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,960
I'm fed up having to repeat myself.
355
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,000
(SIGHS) Well, if you're sure, Trace.
I'm sure, Shal.
356
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,320
Thank you. I love you, Tracey.
Love you, Shal.
357
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,960
Oh, I think I'm going to throw up.
358
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,960
(DOOR CLOSES)
359
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,960
Ah. Turn that telly down, Trace.
It's deafening.
360
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,960
Have they fitted 'em already?
361
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,960
Yeah!
362
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:08,960
Ta-da!
363
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,640
They're practically invisible.
How much they cost?
364
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:13,960
Oh, don't you worry.
365
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,640
Your money will more than cover it.
Lovely. I might have some change.
366
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,960
Yeah, yeah.
Course. I'll sort it out later.
367
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,960
Argh! What's that?!
368
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,960
What? Something brown
and furry under the sofa!
369
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,960
I think it moved.
Oh...!
370
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,960
It's just a pork ball I dropped last
week.
371
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,960
I think I'm gonna spend tonight at
the shelter.
372
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,960
A bit of fluff on it.
373
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,960
30 seconds in a microwave.
That'll be as good as new.
374
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,960
What you looking at me like that
for?
375
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,480
Where's your tattoo gone?
376
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,160
Yeah, I was gonna say...
377
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,960
when I went to the hospital they
said
378
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,960
if you're over 55, you can get a
free hearing aid.
379
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,800
So I thought that I'd use the money
that you gave me
380
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,960
to get rid of Norman Parker.
381
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960
But you're not over 55.
382
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,320
I borrowed your ID.
383
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,160
You look nothing like me!
Told 'em I'd been ill.
384
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,960
Very ill.
385
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,960
Oh, that's just typical.
386
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,960
Whenever I think you can't sink any
lower.
387
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,000
You're greedy, selfish, immature -
388
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,960
Oh, take a chill pill,
why don't you?
389
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,960
Oh... Ooh...
390
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,960
I think you owe that pork ball
a bit thank you, Tracey.
391
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:37,960
Why? You do seem to be regaining
full use of your facial expressions.
392
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:39,960
Oh, yeah...
393
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,480
You should ask that clinic
for a refund.
394
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,160
Oh...
395
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,960
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396
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,800
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