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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,338 --> 00:00:09,680 LET'S SEE. MARRIED, DEAD, GAY, PRISON... 2 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,043 MAN, I REALLY GOTTA UPDATE MY LITTLE BLACK BOOK. 3 00:00:13,544 --> 00:00:15,386 MOM, YOU DON'T NEED A DATE. 4 00:00:15,386 --> 00:00:17,548 THIS IS EMMA'S BAPTISM, NOT HAPPY HOUR. 5 00:00:17,548 --> 00:00:19,720 ( scoffs ) YEAH WELL, 6 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,393 YOUR FATHER'S COMING FROM MIAMI WITH HIS BOYFRIEND, 7 00:00:22,393 --> 00:00:25,056 AND I WILL NOT LET HIM SEE ME BITTER AND SINGLE. 8 00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:27,728 I WILL BE BITTER AND WITH SOMEONE IF IT KILLS ME! 9 00:00:28,759 --> 00:00:29,730 THAT'S RIGHT! 10 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,732 DAD'S FINALLY UNVEILING THE BOYFRIEND. 11 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,734 SUPPOSEDLY STEVE IS THE ONE. 12 00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:38,069 WHO WILL NEVER COMPARE TO YOU. 13 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,742 - SAVED IT. - YEAH, NOT REALLY. 14 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,674 WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE EMMA WON'T BE USING 15 00:00:43,674 --> 00:00:45,276 DANNY'S OLD CHRISTENING GOWN. 16 00:00:45,276 --> 00:00:46,747 - OH! - ( Ben chuckles ) 17 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:50,251 OH, THE BIG AND TALL STORE DIDN'T HAVE A BABY SECTION, 18 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,253 SO WE JUST WENT TO THE CURTAIN BARN. 19 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,425 ( laughs ) WHAT HAPPENED TO MINE? 20 00:00:54,425 --> 00:00:56,527 OH, BENJI, YOU WERE THE SECOND CHILD. WE JUST PUT YOU 21 00:00:56,527 --> 00:00:58,789 IN AN OLD T-SHIRT AND RAN YOUR HEAD UNDER THE HOSE OUT BACK. 22 00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:00,131 ( door opens ) 23 00:01:00,131 --> 00:01:02,793 GOOD NEWS AT THE MAILBOXES TODAY, PEOPLE. 24 00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:05,296 EMMA GOT ENVELOPES STUFFED WITH CASH. 25 00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:07,698 AND SINCE SHE CAN'T WALK OR TALK, 26 00:01:07,698 --> 00:01:09,170 I SAY WE SPLIT IT. 27 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,502 EMMA GOT MAIL? 28 00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:12,603 AND HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S FULL OF MONEY? 29 00:01:12,603 --> 00:01:14,605 IF YOU EXPECT ME TO CHECK THE MAIL EVERY DAY, 30 00:01:14,605 --> 00:01:16,777 PLEASE EXPECT ME TO HOLD IT UP TO THE LIGHT. 31 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:17,778 ( chuckling ) OKAY. 32 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,680 THERE'S 100 IN HERE! 33 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,253 CABLE'S BACK ON. THANKS, EMMA. 34 00:01:22,253 --> 00:01:24,255 BACK OFF, BABY DADDY. 35 00:01:24,255 --> 00:01:26,257 THAT CASH IS FOR EMMA. 36 00:01:26,257 --> 00:01:28,289 I SENT OUT CHRISTENING ANNOUNCEMENTS 37 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:32,163 AND YOUR LAZY RELATIVES SENT BACK SORRY-I-CAN'T- MAKE-IT CASH. 38 00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:33,824 IT'S A TIME-HONORED SYSTEM. 39 00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:34,795 ( all chuckling ) 40 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,128 OKAY, MISS MONEYBAGS, 41 00:01:37,128 --> 00:01:40,131 WHAT DO YOU SAY I TELL YOU A NAPTIME STORY 42 00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:41,832 ABOUT A YOUNG MAN WHO NEEDS A LOAN? 43 00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:46,807 IT'S TOO BAD YOU DON'T TALK TO AUNT BETTY ANYMORE. 44 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,480 SHE ALWAYS FORKED OVER A BOATLOAD OF CASH. 45 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,742 WAIT. AUNT BETTY? 46 00:01:51,742 --> 00:01:55,686 MEAN, CRINKLY, WIPES-YOUR-FACE-WITH-HER-SPIT AUNT BETTY? 47 00:01:55,686 --> 00:01:57,718 THAT'S THE ONE. SHE GAVE US EACH 48 00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,250 A BIG FAT CHECK WHEN WE WERE BORN. 49 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:00,891 ( both mouthing ) 50 00:02:00,891 --> 00:02:02,593 WAIT. 51 00:02:02,593 --> 00:02:04,425 - I HAD A BIG FAT CHECK? - ( scoffs ) 52 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,228 MOM. WHERE'S MY BIG FAT CHECK? 53 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,360 BENJI, I MEAN, WHO CAN REMEMBER? 54 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,661 HOW ABOUT YOU TRY? 55 00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:12,703 UH... OH! 56 00:02:12,703 --> 00:02:15,366 YOU KNOW WHAT? NOW-- NOW IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME. 57 00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:16,667 YOUR DAD AND I WENT TO HAWAII. 58 00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,539 ( chuckles ) 59 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,241 ALO-HA! 60 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:23,414 ( theme music playing ) 61 00:02:23,414 --> 00:02:26,717 ♪ IT'S AMAZING HOW THE UNEXPECTED ♪ 62 00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:29,750 ♪ CAN TAKE YOUR LIFE AND CHANGE DIRECTION. ♪ 63 00:02:33,324 --> 00:02:34,785 - ( knocks ) - BEEP BEEP BEEP. 64 00:02:34,785 --> 00:02:36,557 BACK IT UP, BOYS. 65 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,688 THE FUN TRUCK HAS ARRIVED 66 00:02:37,688 --> 00:02:40,861 AND IT'S ABOUT TO DUMP ITS LOAD OF GOOD TIMES! 67 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:44,865 WELL, YOU ARE DEFINITELY DUMPING A LOAD OF SOMETHING! 68 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,798 - HEY, DAD, THINK FAST. - Both: HO HO HO. 69 00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:49,169 WHOA-HO-HO! BAM! 70 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,871 WHOA! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. 71 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,544 - IT'S BEEN FOREVER. - OH, YOU TOO. HEY, BEN, YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD. 72 00:02:53,544 --> 00:02:55,806 HEY, YOU TOO. DAD, I THINK YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT-- 73 00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:57,848 OOH, BEN, THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT. 74 00:02:57,848 --> 00:03:01,682 HUH? SO, RAY, WHERE'S THE FAMOUS BOYFRIEND? 75 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,685 TOO INTIMIDATED TO MEET THE ORIGINAL MODEL? 76 00:03:06,857 --> 00:03:08,689 NO, THERE WAS A LITTLE COMPLICATION. 77 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,821 STEVE ACTUALLY ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM. 78 00:03:13,464 --> 00:03:14,925 I'M ENGAGED! 79 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,770 WELL, I COULD BE. 80 00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:22,503 - DAD, THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT?! - UH, NO NO. 81 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,405 I TOLD HIM I'M NOT READY FOR THAT KIND OF COMMITMENT. 82 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,876 YOU KNOW, SO WE'RE TAKING A LITTLE BREAK. 83 00:03:25,876 --> 00:03:27,708 AND STEVE DOESN'T LIKE TO HEAR THE WORD "NO." 84 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,840 HE GETS A LITTLE CRANKY WHEN IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT HIM. 85 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,513 OH MY GOD, ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU? 86 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,715 APPARENTLY, I HAVE A TYPE. 87 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,948 BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME, WHAT'S GOING WITH YOU, KIDDO? 88 00:03:37,948 --> 00:03:39,790 ( chuckling ) OH, IT'S FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK. 89 00:03:39,790 --> 00:03:41,952 TODAY I LEARNED THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER 90 00:03:41,952 --> 00:03:43,223 LOOTED MY SAVINGS 91 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,825 AND STOLE MY HOPES AND DREAMS. 92 00:03:45,856 --> 00:03:47,728 HE KNOWS ABOUT AUNT BETTY. 93 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,730 OH, SON. I'M SO SORRY. 94 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,562 YOU REALLY NEEDED THAT OPERATION. 95 00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:54,405 HE ALSO KNOWS ABOUT HAWAII. 96 00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:56,637 DAD, HOW COULD YOU SPEND ALL OF MY MONEY? 97 00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,309 YOU KNOW WHAT? IT ACTUALLY WENT PRETTY QUICKLY. 98 00:03:58,309 --> 00:03:59,770 OH, YEAH. ( blubbers ) 99 00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:01,612 - ( mocking blubbering ) - BEN, I'M SORRY. 100 00:04:01,612 --> 00:04:03,774 LOOK, I WISH THERE WAS A WAY THAT I COULD MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 101 00:04:03,774 --> 00:04:06,016 THERE IS! YOU COULD INVITE AUNT BETTY TO EMMA'S CHRISTENING. 102 00:04:06,016 --> 00:04:08,379 - Both: OH. - NO NO. 103 00:04:08,379 --> 00:04:09,850 ( both laughing ) 104 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,682 NO, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 105 00:04:11,682 --> 00:04:13,354 NO, SHE HASN'T TALKED TO US IN YEARS. 106 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,356 SHE THOUGHT WE WERE LUNATICS RAISING HOOLIGANS. 107 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,988 YEAH, AND SHE WOULD NEVER APPROVE OF US NOW. 108 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:19,990 - I MEAN, DIVORCED? GAY? - HELLO. 109 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,394 OH OH! BABY BORN OUTTA WEDLOCK. 110 00:04:23,394 --> 00:04:24,495 Bonnie: YEAH. ( chuckles ) 111 00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:26,497 AND THOSE ARE OUR GOOD QUALITIES. 112 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,440 YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS? THOSE MOPEDS. 113 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,672 HE DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE MOPEDS! 114 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,908 LOOK, TUCKER AND I ARE TOGETHER ON THIS. 115 00:04:37,908 --> 00:04:41,452 THERE IS NO WAY WE'RE TAKING A QUIZ TO PROVE WHO SHOULD BE EMMA'S GODFATHER. 116 00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:43,854 I'LL TAKE ONE. WHERE IS IT? I LOVE TESTS. 117 00:04:43,854 --> 00:04:46,016 I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EVEN ASK YOU THIS, 118 00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:49,289 BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY BEN CHOSE ME TO BE EMMA'S OFFICIAL GODMOTHER? 119 00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:52,563 IS THIS PART OF THE QUIZ? ARE WE STARTING NOW? 120 00:04:52,563 --> 00:04:54,565 WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. 121 00:04:55,866 --> 00:04:58,369 BEN HAS ENTRUSTED ME TO HANDPICK THE GODFATHER 122 00:04:58,369 --> 00:05:00,000 BECAUSE I'M NOT ONLY WISE, 123 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,732 BUT A GREAT JUDGE OF CHARACTER. 124 00:05:01,732 --> 00:05:02,933 IN OTHER WORDS, HE WAS JUST 125 00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:05,035 TOO MUCH OF A WUSS TO DO IT HIMSELF. 126 00:05:05,035 --> 00:05:07,808 YEAH, THAT'S BASICALLY IT. 127 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,481 WELL, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT, YOU KNOW, 128 00:05:10,481 --> 00:05:13,083 BESIDES A QUIZ BEING A GREAT IDEA... 129 00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:16,717 I JUST THINK YOUR HAIR LOOKS LOVELY TODAY. 130 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,888 THANK YOU. I KNOW. 131 00:05:17,888 --> 00:05:20,491 BUT NO POINTS FOR BUTT KISSING, 132 00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:24,655 SO HERE IS THE ESSAY PORTION OF A THREE-PART GODFATHER ELIMINATION COMPETITION-- 133 00:05:24,655 --> 00:05:26,557 "WHY RILEY SHOULD PICK ME." 134 00:05:26,557 --> 00:05:28,399 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER. 135 00:05:28,399 --> 00:05:29,730 WE CAN USE MORE THAN ONE OF THESE, RIGHT? 136 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,732 HA HA! 137 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,864 POUR ME A BEER, SON. WE GOT SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE. 138 00:05:33,864 --> 00:05:35,706 WHAT? YOU FOUND A CHILD YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD 139 00:05:35,706 --> 00:05:37,808 AND STOLE ITS MONEY TOO? ( fake chuckle ) 140 00:05:37,808 --> 00:05:40,671 NO. I CONVINCED AUNT BETTY TO GET BACK INTO THE WHEELER BUSINESS. 141 00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:41,772 - YOU DID?! - YUP. 142 00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:44,445 - REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED? - I WENT TO GO VISIT HER. 143 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,447 I APOLOGIZED. I TOLD HER THE PAST WAS IN THE PAST. 144 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,649 AND SHE SAID SHE'S WILLING TO GIVE US ANOTHER SHOT. 145 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:49,820 AND SHE'S TOTALLY COOL WITH EVERYTHING? 146 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:51,822 - COMPLETELY. - DID YOU TELL HER YOU'RE GAY? 147 00:05:51,822 --> 00:05:52,823 NEVER CAME UP. 148 00:05:52,823 --> 00:05:54,825 WHAT ABOUT YOU AND MOM GETTING DIVORCED? 149 00:05:54,825 --> 00:05:56,587 - NOPE. - WHAT'D YOU TELL HER ABOUT EMMA? 150 00:05:56,587 --> 00:05:58,689 OH, THIS IS WHERE IT REALLY GETS GOOD! 151 00:05:58,689 --> 00:06:01,692 I TOLD HER THAT EMMA IS BEING RAISED 152 00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:04,395 BY AN AMAZING FATHER WHOSE WIFE TRAGICALLY DIED 153 00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:06,497 DURING CHILDBIRTH. HOW GREAT IS THAT?! 154 00:06:07,538 --> 00:06:08,999 - DAD! - BEN, ALL WE GOTTA DO 155 00:06:08,999 --> 00:06:11,001 IS PRETEND TO BE A PERFECTLY NORMAL ALL-AMERICAN FAMILY 156 00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:13,143 FOR 24 HOURS AND WE ARE BACK IN! 157 00:06:13,143 --> 00:06:14,975 SO YOU WANT ALL OF US TO LIE ABOUT WHO WE ARE 158 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,008 AND WHAT WE BELIEVE IN SO EMMA CAN GET A PILE OF MONEY FROM AN OLD WOMAN? 159 00:06:19,049 --> 00:06:20,881 YEAH! 160 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,983 WELL, I THINK WE KNOW WHO I TAKE AFTER. 161 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,855 OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO! 162 00:06:24,855 --> 00:06:25,856 HA HA! 163 00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,422 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE? 164 00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:33,664 ARE YOU ON SOMETHING? 165 00:06:33,664 --> 00:06:36,967 ( loud laughter ) 166 00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:38,869 - AUNT BETTY! - OH, NO. 167 00:06:38,869 --> 00:06:43,033 NO, AUNT BETTY, WE ARE JUST SO SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU. 168 00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:46,707 I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHY WE LOST TOUCH IN THE FIRST PLACE. 169 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,740 OH. WELL, IT ALL STARTED AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY 170 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,082 WHEN YOU GOT DRUNK AND CALLED ME THE "B" WORD. 171 00:06:54,044 --> 00:06:55,746 OH, COME HERE, DEAR. 172 00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:58,749 I THINK YOU HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE. 173 00:07:05,155 --> 00:07:06,727 THANKS, AUNT BETTY. 174 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,860 YOU'RE WELCOME. 175 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:14,064 MY GOODNESS, YOU WHEELERS HAVE REALLY PULLED YOUR ACT TOGETHER. 176 00:07:14,064 --> 00:07:15,866 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, AUNT BETTY. 177 00:07:15,866 --> 00:07:18,869 THE LOVE OF A GOOD WOMAN WILL PUT YOU ON THE PATH TO HAPPINESS. 178 00:07:20,511 --> 00:07:23,844 AND THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE LOVE OF A GREAT MAN. 179 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,516 RIGHT, RAY? 180 00:07:27,518 --> 00:07:28,779 ( Emma cries ) 181 00:07:28,779 --> 00:07:31,722 OH, I THINK I HEAR OUR LITTLE GIRL WAKING UP. 182 00:07:31,722 --> 00:07:34,585 - OH YEAH. - OH NO, LET ME GO! I JUST ADORE BABIES. 183 00:07:34,585 --> 00:07:37,788 IT'S THE GROWN-UPS THAT ARE ALWAYS SO DISAPPOINTING. 184 00:07:37,788 --> 00:07:39,790 ( forced chuckles ) 185 00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:41,461 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SINGLE. 186 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,995 - ( door closes ) - OH MY GOD! 187 00:07:44,995 --> 00:07:47,037 THIS IS GOING GREAT, I THINK SHE'S TOTALLY BUYING IT. 188 00:07:47,037 --> 00:07:49,900 - GREAT? SHE LICKED ME! - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 189 00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:51,772 I DON'T THINK I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS. 190 00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,204 OH, COME ON! YOU AND DAD WERE MARRIED ONCE. JUST FAKE IT. 191 00:07:54,204 --> 00:07:56,777 WELL, I CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. 192 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,949 I'M GAY. GUESS WHO WAS THE ONE FAKING IT? 193 00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:00,881 - OH! - COME ON, FOR EMMA'S SAKE! 194 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,052 - LET'S DO THIS. - ( door opens ) 195 00:08:02,052 --> 00:08:05,055 - Danny: SHH! - SHE IS ADORABLE. 196 00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:07,487 I THINK SHE LOOKS LIKE ME. 197 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,820 - OH YES. - OKAY. SO, AUNT BETTY, 198 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,522 HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU BACK TO THE HOTEL 199 00:08:11,522 --> 00:08:13,994 SO YOU CAN BE FRESH AND RESTED FOR TOMORROW'S CHRISTENING? 200 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,996 HOTEL? ( laughing ) 201 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:20,100 DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. I WOULDN'T DREAM OF STAYING IN A HOTEL. 202 00:08:21,972 --> 00:08:23,834 SO WHERE ARE YOU STAYING? 203 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,840 NOW ISN'T THIS COZY? 204 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,682 I'M TURNING OFF MY HEARING AID, 205 00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:34,845 IN CASE YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS WANNA GET FRISKY. 206 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,652 DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. 207 00:08:46,957 --> 00:08:48,759 I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SPENT 208 00:08:48,759 --> 00:08:50,861 - SUCH AN AWKWARD NIGHT IN BED. - I CAN. 209 00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:53,533 IT'S CALLED THE LAST FIVE YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE. 210 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,936 RAY SWEETIE, CAN YOU HELP ME REACH THE SPARE TOWELS. 211 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,938 I DON'T TRUST THE ONES ON THE RACK. 212 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,641 OH, WHERE DID I GO WRONG? 213 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,313 I BELIEVE IT WAS WHEN YOU TOOK A LEFT OUT OF BONNIE TOWN. 214 00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:06,977 I'M COMING IN, AUNT BETTY, 215 00:09:06,977 --> 00:09:09,580 PLEASE COVER EVERYTHING. 216 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,722 ( knock on door ) 217 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,056 OH. 218 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,057 WELL, HELLO. 219 00:09:18,729 --> 00:09:20,691 BONNIE WHEELER. 220 00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:21,932 YOU NEW AROUND HERE? 221 00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:25,095 YOU WANT TO BE NEW AROUND HERE? 222 00:09:25,095 --> 00:09:27,938 UH, BONNIE, YOU'RE GONNA NEED ALL NEW TOWELS. 223 00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:30,100 - RAY? - STEVE? 224 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,743 STEVE?! THE STEVE? 225 00:09:32,743 --> 00:09:34,574 OH WELL, ISN'T THIS GREAT? 226 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,007 AFTER ALL THESE YEARS WE FINALLY HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON 227 00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:39,209 - AND IT'S OUR TASTE IN MEN. - ( door rattles ) 228 00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:40,951 STEVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 229 00:09:40,951 --> 00:09:42,312 OBVIOUSLY SEEING SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T. 230 00:09:42,312 --> 00:09:45,856 ( Betty struggling ) RAY, WILL YOU JUST-- RAY?! 231 00:09:45,856 --> 00:09:48,619 OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TWO WOMEN HERE? 232 00:09:48,619 --> 00:09:50,991 I REALLY DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL. 233 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,322 TRUST ME, THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 234 00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:54,725 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HALF NAKED IN FRONT OF AN UNMADE BED. 235 00:09:54,725 --> 00:09:57,127 - ( door rattles ) - OKAY. 236 00:09:57,127 --> 00:10:00,000 LISTEN, I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. 237 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,732 AND TO THINK I CAME HERE TO TAKE YOU BACK. 238 00:10:01,732 --> 00:10:03,233 TAKE ME BACK? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WALKED OUT. 239 00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:04,775 YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GREAT? 240 00:10:04,775 --> 00:10:06,907 IF YOU WALKED OUT RIGHT NOW. COME ON. 241 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:09,209 MOM, RED ALERT. DANNY JUST TOLD ME THAT STEVE IS 242 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,841 ON HIS WAY HERE. YOU DON'T WANT HIM 243 00:10:10,841 --> 00:10:12,643 CATCHING YOU AND DAD IN BED TOGETHER. 244 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,017 AND I'M SENSING I'M TOO LATE. 245 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,719 WAY TOO LATE. 246 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:21,021 STEVE. STEVE, WAIT. 247 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,853 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE? 248 00:10:22,853 --> 00:10:25,125 DIDN'T YOU KNOW I WAS LOCKED IN THERE? 249 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,627 OH MY GOSH. I'M SO SORRY. 250 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,628 WE'RE YOU STUCK? 251 00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:32,763 OKAY. 252 00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:34,404 SO A TEENAGE EMMA MEETS A BOY. 253 00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:37,037 BAM, BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM. 254 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:40,941 DANNY, THE ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION CAN'T BE "BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM." 255 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,044 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR GUIDANCE. 256 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,947 SO I SHOULD TEACH HER TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM? 257 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,180 DOES THAT SOUND LIKE MORAL AND SPIRITUAL ADVICE TO YOU? 258 00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:52,853 DANNY, I THINK WHAT SHE'S SAYING IS 259 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,025 WE SHOULD TELL EMMA IT'S OKAY 260 00:10:55,025 --> 00:10:57,257 TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM. 261 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,889 OKAY, WE'RE GETTING OFF TRACK. 262 00:10:58,889 --> 00:11:01,031 SO LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE. 263 00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:03,333 PRETEND I'M A 14-YEAR-OLD EMMA. 264 00:11:07,798 --> 00:11:11,942 OKAY, YOU'RE CUTE, A LITTLE AWKWARD. 265 00:11:11,942 --> 00:11:14,074 I'M READY. 266 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:17,677 YOU COME INTO MY ROOM AND YOU FIND ME HYSTERICALLY CRYING 267 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,409 BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND... 268 00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:21,081 OLIVER JUST BROKE UP WITH ME. 269 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,954 AND YOU KNOW, I'M UNDER MY BED SOBBING. 270 00:11:23,954 --> 00:11:25,816 AND I'M EATING DOUBLE-STUFFED COOKIES. 271 00:11:25,816 --> 00:11:27,988 I'M SCRIBBLING IN MY DIARY WITH MY SPARKLY PEN 272 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,821 "I LOVE OLIVER" OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 273 00:11:30,821 --> 00:11:31,892 WHAT DO YOU DO? 274 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:36,166 OKAY, THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF UNNECESSARY DETAIL. 275 00:11:37,728 --> 00:11:41,271 HE WAS GORGEOUS AND I LOVED HIM. 276 00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:44,374 AND, IF I RECALL, I BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM. 277 00:11:44,374 --> 00:11:46,106 BAM, I REST MY CASE. 278 00:11:52,342 --> 00:11:55,245 HELLO, BONNIE, ARE YOU ALONE? 279 00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:58,889 OH, STEVE. FINALLY I TURNED ONE BACK. 280 00:11:58,889 --> 00:12:00,921 I'LL ASSUME 281 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,053 THERE'S A LESS-GAY MAN STANDING BEHIND ME. 282 00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:05,796 AND NO. OKAY, LOOK, I JUST NEED SOME ANSWERS. 283 00:12:05,796 --> 00:12:07,057 I'VE BEEN THINKING. 284 00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:08,328 AND THERE'S JUST NO WAY 285 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,001 ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. 286 00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:12,863 I MEAN, RAY HATES YOU. 287 00:12:12,863 --> 00:12:14,965 WELL, IT WAS THE ONE THING WE HAD IN COMMON. 288 00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:16,306 I HATED ME WITH HIM TOO. 289 00:12:17,307 --> 00:12:18,909 LOOK, STEVE, NOTHING IS GOING ON. 290 00:12:18,909 --> 00:12:21,071 WE'RE JUST PRETENDING TO BE AN ALL-AMERICAN FAMILY 291 00:12:21,071 --> 00:12:23,113 SO WE CAN TRICK AN OLD WOMAN INTO GIVING US MONEY. 292 00:12:24,975 --> 00:12:26,917 WE SPREAD MY WIFE'S ASHES-- MOM? 293 00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,019 - AND THAT WOULD BE THE OLD LADY. - STEVE? 294 00:12:29,019 --> 00:12:30,781 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - WHO ARE YOU? 295 00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:33,423 OH, THIS IS JUST MY SUPER-NEEDY NEIGHBOR STEVE. 296 00:12:33,423 --> 00:12:35,926 PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS STOPPING BY. THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. 297 00:12:35,926 --> 00:12:37,958 I'LL MAKE SURE HE GET'S HOME OKAY-- 298 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,330 - DOWN THE HALL. - WAIT, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. 299 00:12:40,330 --> 00:12:41,962 BEN, BREAK IT DOWN TO THE NICE MAN. 300 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,795 SEE YOU IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM, STEVE. BYE-BYE NOW. 301 00:12:44,795 --> 00:12:47,868 OKAY SO, AUNT BETTY, SHOULD WE GET YOU CHANGED AND ALL READY FOR CHURCH? 302 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,440 NOT BEFORE YOU AND I HAVE A CONVERSATION. SIT. 303 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,242 OH GOD. ( groans ) 304 00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:54,875 SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME 305 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,306 SINCE THE MINUTE I STEPPED IN THIS APARTMENT. 306 00:12:56,306 --> 00:12:59,009 THIS COUCH DID NOT LOOK PURPLE IN THE STORE. 307 00:12:59,009 --> 00:13:01,781 YOU AND RAY ARE PRETENDING. 308 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,414 ( sighs ) WOW, YOU ARE SHARPER THAN YOU LOOK, AUNT BETTY. 309 00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:06,286 UM, BUT LOOK. I DON'T THINK 310 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,518 YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. 311 00:13:08,518 --> 00:13:10,020 YOUR MARRIAGE IS A SHAM. 312 00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:12,162 OH, NEVER MIND. NAILED IT. 313 00:13:12,162 --> 00:13:15,495 OH, I WISH I HAD SAID SOMETHING 25 YEARS AGO 314 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,368 WHEN YOU KIDS FIRST ELOPED, BUT NO, I DIDN'T. 315 00:13:18,368 --> 00:13:21,271 WAIT WAIT WAIT. 25 YEARS AGO? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 316 00:13:21,271 --> 00:13:23,233 I MEAN YOU NEVER GOT MARRIED IN A CHURCH. 317 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:25,475 IN MY BOOK, IF YOU DON'T GET MARRIED IN A CHURCH, 318 00:13:25,475 --> 00:13:26,937 IT DOESN'T REALLY COUNT. 319 00:13:26,937 --> 00:13:29,840 OH, SO THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 320 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,982 OH NO. SEE THAT'S EASY TO EXPLAIN. 321 00:13:31,982 --> 00:13:35,045 SEE, MY WATER WAS BREAKING SO WE DIDN'T HAVE A TON OF TIME. 322 00:13:35,045 --> 00:13:37,948 AND I NEVER GOT TO BUY YOU A WEDDING PRESENT. 323 00:13:37,948 --> 00:13:39,990 OH OH WELL, THAT IS JUST TOO BAD-- WAIT. 324 00:13:39,990 --> 00:13:41,591 W--W--WEDDING PRESENT? 325 00:13:41,591 --> 00:13:43,193 WELL, YES. 326 00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:45,355 YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE TO WRITE A CHECK. 327 00:13:45,355 --> 00:13:47,928 YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE TO CASH A CHECK. 328 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,402 DAD, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 329 00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:54,064 I EXPLAINED WHAT'S GOING ON TO STEVE 330 00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,906 AND HE'S TOTALLY COOL WITH EVERYTHING. 331 00:13:55,906 --> 00:13:57,437 REALLY? HE TOOK IT THAT WELL? 332 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,409 NO, HE'S TOTALLY PISSED. 333 00:13:59,409 --> 00:14:02,012 TURNS OUT YOU REALLY DO HAVE A TYPE. 334 00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:04,444 I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS TO BE OVER WITH. 335 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:07,878 HONESTLY, THE LESS TIME I SPEND WITH YOUR MOTHER, THE BETTER. 336 00:14:07,878 --> 00:14:10,050 GOOD NEWS, RAY. WE'RE GETTING MARRIED AGAIN. 337 00:14:15,926 --> 00:14:18,358 BONNIE, THERE IS NO WAY I'M MARRYING YOU AGAIN. 338 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,961 - HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? - NO, RAY, ACTUALLY I FOUND IT... 339 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,432 RIGHT NEXT TO A GIANT CHECK. 340 00:14:22,432 --> 00:14:24,965 I'M FINALLY MARRYING FOR MONEY. 341 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:28,038 MOM, WE CAN'T ADD ANOTHER CRAZY SCHEME 342 00:14:28,038 --> 00:14:30,200 TO OUR CRAZY SCHEME 'CAUSE THAT'D JUST BE CRAZY. 343 00:14:31,501 --> 00:14:33,203 I'M NOT MARRYING HER. I'M NOT DOING IT. 344 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:34,374 OKAY, RAY, YOU OWE ME. 345 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,907 - I OWE YOU?! - ACTUALLY, YOU BOTH OWE ME. 346 00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:38,378 LET'S TRY NOT TO FORGET THAT, OKAY? 347 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,410 BEN, THESE TWO AREN'T CUTTING IT. 348 00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:42,212 I NEED TO SEE YOUR BACK-UP LIST. 349 00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:44,915 I THINK WE NEED TO OUTSOURCE THIS WHOLE GODFATHER BUSINESS. 350 00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:47,887 - WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. - SHE'S A GODMONSTER. 351 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,161 I'M JUST SAYING, IF IT'S ONE OF THESE TWO, I'M OUT. 352 00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:52,322 WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE IF SHE'S IN, 353 00:14:52,322 --> 00:14:53,964 - I'M OUT. - I'M OUT TOO. 354 00:14:53,964 --> 00:14:55,595 AND I'M OUT IF YOU THINK I'M WALKING DOWN THE AISLE. 355 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,227 IF ONLY YOU WERE OUT 356 00:14:57,227 --> 00:15:00,330 BEFORE YOU WALKED DOWN THE AISLE! 357 00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:02,532 PLEASE PLEASE. CAN WE KEEP THIS ALL TOGETHER 358 00:15:02,532 --> 00:15:04,234 AND TRY TO REMEMBER WE'RE DOING THIS FOR EMMA? 359 00:15:04,234 --> 00:15:06,906 THEN EMMA'S FATHER SHOULD PICK THE GODFATHER. 360 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,438 - FINE. YOU'RE BOTH IN. - Both: YES. 361 00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:10,340 WHAT? AFTER ALL I WENT THROUGH? 362 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,312 - FINE, YOU'RE IN TOO. - I WAS NEVER OUT. 363 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:13,583 YOU WERE A LITTLE CLOSE. 364 00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:16,446 AND YOU TWO ARE RENEWING YOUR VOWS. 365 00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:18,188 IF AUNT BETTY WANTS TO SEE AN "I DO," 366 00:15:18,188 --> 00:15:19,619 THEN YOU'RE I-DOing IT. 367 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,451 OKAY? ARE WE ALL GOOD? 368 00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:22,993 - YES. - YEAH. 369 00:15:22,993 --> 00:15:24,424 ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, WE'VE GOT A BABY TO CHRISTEN. 370 00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:28,198 - OH RIGHT, EMMA. - OH MY GOD, THAT'D BE BAD. 371 00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:36,066 ( both cooing ) 372 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,312 Danny: SO, TUCKER, 373 00:15:42,312 --> 00:15:44,044 WE CAN DO THIS, RIGHT? 374 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,446 BE MATURE CO-GODFATHERS TOGETHER? 375 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,278 JUST REMEMBER ONE THING: 376 00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:50,350 I'M IN CHARGE. 377 00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:57,687 HEY, MAN, THIS IS A BRAND-NEW SUIT. 378 00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:02,132 WELL, LET ME WASH IT FOR YOU. 379 00:16:02,132 --> 00:16:04,534 NO, YOU DID NOT JUST FLICK AT ME AGAIN. 380 00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:06,196 HEY HEY HEY. 381 00:16:06,196 --> 00:16:08,438 THIS PLACE IS SACRED. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING? 382 00:16:08,438 --> 00:16:10,700 DAMN! I JUST SAID "HELL." CRAP! I JUST SAID "DAMN." 383 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,602 NEVER MIND. 384 00:16:12,602 --> 00:16:14,374 YOU TWO, STOP FIGHTING. 385 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:17,007 HI, AUNT BETTY, RIGHT? 386 00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:18,208 WHO ARE YOU, DEAR? 387 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,709 WELL, YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER ME, 388 00:16:19,709 --> 00:16:21,651 BUT I ACTUALLY MET YOU WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. 389 00:16:21,651 --> 00:16:23,613 OH YES, OF COURSE. 390 00:16:23,613 --> 00:16:25,155 YOU'RE THE CHUBBY LITTLE KNOW-IT-ALL 391 00:16:25,155 --> 00:16:27,057 WHO LIVED ACROSS THE STREET. 392 00:16:27,057 --> 00:16:29,189 I'M THE GODMOTHER YOU KNOW. 393 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,422 Ben: OKAY, SO I THINK WE'RE ALL GOOD. 394 00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:34,094 PRIEST, BABY, 395 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,765 GODFATHERS, GODMOTHER, 396 00:16:35,765 --> 00:16:38,198 ONE MORE-OR-LESS HAPPY COUPLE, 397 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,600 AND ONE BIG-HEARTED, GENEROUS GREAT-AUNT. 398 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,373 LET'S MAKE SOME MEMORIES, PEOPLE. 399 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,378 HERE, I WROTE YOUR VOWS. 400 00:16:48,378 --> 00:16:51,141 OH, OKAY. 401 00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:54,044 - ( Bonnie mouthing silently ) - "MY DEAREST DARLING BONNIE, 402 00:16:54,044 --> 00:16:56,046 YOU ARE MORE BEAUTIFUL TODAY 403 00:16:56,046 --> 00:16:57,717 THAN THE DAY I MET YOU." 404 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,119 ( laughs ) 405 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,253 UH, "PLEASE FORGIVE ME 406 00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:04,494 FOR ALL OF THE MANY 407 00:17:04,494 --> 00:17:07,527 MANY MISTAKES I'VE MADE. 408 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:11,161 I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD." 409 00:17:11,161 --> 00:17:12,462 OKAY, WHAT DOES YOURS SAY? 410 00:17:12,462 --> 00:17:14,404 "WE BOTH KNOW I COULD DO BETTER." 411 00:17:14,404 --> 00:17:16,166 ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LET'S DO THIS. 412 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:17,367 ( priest clears throat ) 413 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:20,240 DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY-- 414 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,571 WHAT IS GOING ON? 415 00:17:21,571 --> 00:17:23,473 - STEVE? - STEVE?! 416 00:17:23,473 --> 00:17:24,774 HEY, STEVE. 417 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,377 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 418 00:17:27,377 --> 00:17:30,320 OH, MY BAD. I INVITED HIM. 419 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,782 YEAH YEAH. TO A CHRISTENING, NOT A WEDDING. 420 00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,125 WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE WEDDING. 421 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:37,387 AND I THOUGHT THE CHRISTENING MIGHT BRING YOU TWO BACK TOGETHER. 422 00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,289 BRING WHO BACK TOGETHER? 423 00:17:39,289 --> 00:17:41,131 ME AND RILEY. 424 00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:42,662 SHE KEEPS THROWING HERSELF AT ME 425 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,335 AND TRYING TO REPLACE MY LATE WIFE, BUT NO ONE CAN. 426 00:17:45,335 --> 00:17:47,267 Tucker: AND BELIEVE ME, 427 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:50,270 HE HAS TRIED MANY TIMES TO REPLACE HIS LATE WIFE. 428 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,773 AGAIN, THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME. 429 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,475 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON'T MARRY ME, 430 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,347 BUT YOU'LL MARRY THAT WOMAN TWICE. 431 00:17:57,347 --> 00:17:58,448 GREAT DRESS BY THE WAY. 432 00:17:58,448 --> 00:18:00,280 THANK YOU. 433 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,282 CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? 434 00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,384 WHICH WOULD BE GREAT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HAVE 435 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,686 A FUNERAL IN ABOUT HALF AN HOUR. 436 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,588 THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT, RAY. 437 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,261 - WE'RE DONE. - WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE 438 00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:13,593 EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 439 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,866 OH, NOW YOU WANT THE KNOW-IT-ALL'S HELP. 440 00:18:16,866 --> 00:18:18,668 OKAY, EVERYBODY, WAIT. 441 00:18:18,668 --> 00:18:21,231 THIS IS NOT THE EXAMPLE WE SHOULD BE SETTING FOR EMMA. 442 00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:23,633 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HER GUIDES AND A MORAL COMPASS 443 00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,335 AND ALL WE'RE DOING IS LYING. 444 00:18:25,335 --> 00:18:27,577 AUNT BETTY, 445 00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,379 EMMA'S MOM ISN'T DEAD. 446 00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:31,881 SHE LEFT HER ON MY DOORMAT AFTER A ONE-NIGHT STAND. 447 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,685 AND MOM AND DAD GOT DIVORCED TWO YEARS AGO. 448 00:18:35,685 --> 00:18:37,247 AND DAD'S GAY NOW 449 00:18:37,247 --> 00:18:39,118 AND THIS IS HIS BOYFRIEND STEVE. 450 00:18:41,551 --> 00:18:44,354 AND YOU SHOULD MAKE A COMMITMENT ALREADY. HE SEEMS PERFECT FOR YOU. 451 00:18:44,354 --> 00:18:46,896 SEE? TOLD YOU. 452 00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:53,303 LOOK, AUNT BETTY, 453 00:18:53,303 --> 00:18:55,765 I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF US 454 00:18:55,765 --> 00:18:59,339 'CAUSE I THINK WE'RE PRETTY DARN PERFECT THE WAY WE ARE. 455 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,171 AND-- 456 00:19:01,171 --> 00:19:03,373 AND YOU DID ALL OF THIS... 457 00:19:03,373 --> 00:19:04,314 FOR EMMA? 458 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,518 I TAUGHT HIM THAT. 459 00:19:08,518 --> 00:19:10,780 RAISED HIM RIGHT. 460 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,652 IS THERE ANY MONEY FOR THAT? 461 00:19:17,227 --> 00:19:20,260 SO, AUNT BETTY, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 462 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:23,162 START OVER? ACCEPT US AS WE ARE? 463 00:19:28,238 --> 00:19:29,499 GOD NO! 464 00:19:29,499 --> 00:19:32,272 YOU PEOPLE ARE A PACK OF ANIMALS. 465 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,806 Ray: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? 466 00:19:36,806 --> 00:19:39,349 - EVERYONE LIVE UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS? - PRETTY MUCH. 467 00:19:39,349 --> 00:19:41,351 AND NOW I TOTALLY GET WHY YOU'RE A LITTLE GUN-SHY 468 00:19:41,351 --> 00:19:42,952 ABOUT THE WHOLE WEDDING THING. 469 00:19:42,952 --> 00:19:45,615 OKAY, FOLKS, LET'S DO THIS. 470 00:19:45,615 --> 00:19:48,258 SO I'D LIKE TO CALL ON EMMA'S TWO AMAZING GODFATHERS. 471 00:19:48,258 --> 00:19:49,589 - READY TO GO, DUDE. - WE'RE ON IT. 472 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,292 - HER ONE INCREDIBLE GODMOTHER. - THAT'S ME. 473 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,794 HER TWO ONE-OF-A-KIND GRANDPARENTS. 474 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,196 - AWW, WE LOVE YOU. - AWW, YES, WE DO. 475 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,468 WE LOVE YOU. 476 00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:01,331 AND HOPEFULLY A NEW STEP-GRANDDAD? 477 00:20:01,331 --> 00:20:03,303 HEY, BABY GIRL. 478 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,276 SO WE'RE GATHERED HERE TO MAKE A PROMISE 479 00:20:06,276 --> 00:20:08,308 THAT WE WILL ALWAYS WATCH OVER HER 480 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,209 AND MAKE SURE THAT SHE'S ALWAYS LOVED 481 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,881 AND HAPPY AND PROTECTED. 482 00:20:11,881 --> 00:20:15,345 AND THAT SHE KNOWS THAT SHE'S NEVER ALONE IN THIS WORLD. 483 00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:17,487 WE MAY BE LOUD AND CRAZY 484 00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:20,350 AND ANYTHING BUT A TYPICAL, NORMAL AMERICAN FAMILY, 485 00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:22,892 BUT WE'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. 486 00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:24,354 DANNY. 487 00:20:25,355 --> 00:20:27,297 OKAY, HERE WE GO. 488 00:20:27,297 --> 00:20:28,298 HERE WE GO. 489 00:20:28,298 --> 00:20:30,300 ( all happily whisper ) 490 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,762 - OH. - OH. 491 00:20:32,762 --> 00:20:34,504 EMMA. 492 00:20:34,504 --> 00:20:35,735 AND JUST REMEMBER 493 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,338 WHENEVER YOU NEED A MORAL OR SPIRITUAL GUIDE-- 494 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,339 YOU JUST COME TO ME. 495 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,010 - NO, SHE WOULD COME TO ME. - WHAT? 496 00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:43,012 ( overlapping arguing ) 497 00:20:43,012 --> 00:20:45,775 WE'RE THE ONLY SOLID RELATIONSHIP HERE. 498 00:20:45,775 --> 00:20:48,678 - ( arguing continues ) - OH, WE LOVE YOU, EMMA. 499 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,457 GOOD NEWS, GUYS. 500 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,928 OUR MAILBOX IS, ONCE AGAIN, 501 00:20:58,928 --> 00:21:01,030 STUFFED WITH ENVELOPES FULL OF CASH. 502 00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,932 BUT THIS TIME THEY'RE ALL FOR BEN. 503 00:21:02,932 --> 00:21:04,263 YAY RENT. 504 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,735 MOM? 505 00:21:05,735 --> 00:21:07,697 WHAT DID YOU DO NOW? 506 00:21:07,697 --> 00:21:10,800 WELL, THAT CHRISTENING ANNOUNCEMENT THING WENT SO WELL. 507 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,702 I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT ANOTHER GO. 508 00:21:12,702 --> 00:21:14,944 THANK YOU, BUT I THINK EMMA'S HAD ENOUGH. 509 00:21:14,944 --> 00:21:16,706 OH NO NO. NOT EMMA. 510 00:21:16,706 --> 00:21:17,907 YOU. 511 00:21:17,907 --> 00:21:19,779 CONGRATULATIONS, BEN. 512 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,712 YOU'RE HAVING A BAR MITZVAH. 513 00:21:22,712 --> 00:21:23,813 ( Tucker laughs ) 514 00:21:23,813 --> 00:21:26,015 FINALLY, YOU'RE A MAN. 38509

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