All language subtitles for 02 - Antisocial Climbers

- class, in my hands,
i hold a piece of paper,

which has the potential
to open up a world

of positive experiences.

- mandatory
homeschooling legislation?

- a sign-up sheet
for an overnight hill trek,

an excellent opportunity
to understand

the primal struggle
for survival

we made it through together
in the call of the wild.

- hmm, 24 consecutive hours
with our classmates.

- it doesn't get
any more primal than that.

- so my guess is,
you won't be signing up.

- no,
my life is so full already

that trying
biodegradable toilet paper

would just bring it
to the bursting point.

what about you?

- no way.

i had a bad experience on
that hill with the girl scouts.

we kept marching and singing
and marching and singing

about some freak named john
jacob jingleheimer somebody.

- you were a girl scout?

- not after the deprogramming.

- k-i-n...

or is that an "m"?

damn eyes!

- oh, mom, look.

these climbing shoes
will look so cute

with the matching tear-resistant
cigarette pants.

- yes.

daria, is there anything you'd
like to order from the catalog?

- how about
the tear-resistant new identity?

- of course, i'll also need
the gore-tex twin set

for impromptu parties.

- why are so many siamese twins
being born

in this bangkok hospital?

"babes in thailand"
tonight on sick, sad world.

- dad and i would be happy
to help you get outfitted

for the field trip too,
wouldn't we, jake?

- s-u-g-a...
damn!

what the hell is that letter?

hey!

- now, i'll need a credit card.

don't worry about the calls,

because it's for
a field trip, so technically,

we're talking school supplies,

and "nothing's too good
for our girls' education."

- you're going on a trip?

- jake, with daria and quinn
away overnight,

this is the perfect opportunity
for us to spend

that quality couples time

recommended by
our intimacy counselor.

- great idea.
who?

- i've been seeing
an intimacy counselor

to promote growth
and togetherness

in our relationship.

it was just easier to schedule
if i went alone.

i'll fill you in.

- all right.

- i hate to burst this bubble
of marital bliss,

but since i'm not going
on the field trip,

you'll have to forego
your quality couples time

for the usual
inferior couples time.

- okay, daria's talking,
so i have to leave now.

- bye, quinn.

all right, daria,
name your price.

- excuse me?

my refusal to attend
this field trip is based

on moral and ethical objections
so intrinsic...

- $30.
- $50.

- done.

- of course, this $50
merely buys my participation

in the field trip.

for an additional $20,
i could be convinced

not to tell quinn
about this arrangement.

- i gave you life, daria.

i can take it away.

- $50 should do it.

- "king tut was buried
without his diver."

what the hell does that mean?

- that's "liver," dad.

- eww...

- all right, girls,
your father and i will be

at the big river cabins

just a couple of miles
from your campsite

if you need anything at all.

- unless it's money.

bye.

- thanks for coming.

- hey,
that's what friends are for.

now, where's that $50?

- you know, i really should have
thought this through better.

both: ♪ john jacob
jingleheimer schmidt ♪

♪ his name is my name too ♪

- yeah, me too.

- quinn,
that scarf is so cute.

- yeah, so cute.

- i would have brought
my really cute scarf,

but i was under the impression
we were supposed to take

clothes that are functional
and fashionable.

- actually, sandi,
they don't call this a scarf.

it's a thermal neck insulator
that easily converts

into a sling-back,
heat-dispelling halternative

for unseasonably warm
weather conditions.

- wow.

- wow,
you think of everything, quinn.

- and it comes
with a matching snakebite kit.

- but...
why would you bite a snake?

- you don't understand,
tiffany, dear.

the woods are full of slimy,
cold-blooded creatures.

isn't that right, quinn?

- uh... heh-heh.

um, look at this stuff.

- oh, my god.
- oh, wow.

- good morning, students.

please be so gracious
as to haul

your milk-fed buttocks
onto the bus.

- hurry up, girls.

you don't want to get
left behind.

- you mean it's an option?

- oh, sure,
being left behind

seems like a cute idea
to you now,

but when it happens to you
after 22 years

of squandering your good looks
and womanly charms,

you might not find it so amusing
to be abandoned

with nothing but eight bags
of dirty laundry

and a pyramid
of "beers of the world" empties.

- how does that saying go?

"'tis better to have loved
and lost..."

- "if you know a good hit man."

- and finally,
jamie, joey, jeffy,

you'll be in charge
of transporting field supplies,

and let's all be respectful of
this unspoiled wilderness, okay?

remember,
we are in god's high school now.

oh, my.

there's a lot of pollen
in god's high school.

- you don't suppose
we could be in

for a blizzard
of epic proportions?

- that would only happen
if we were stranded

in the comfort
of our favorite pizza place.

- don't you worry, girls.

we'll reach base camp
long before

any inclement weather
should arrive.

- thank you, principal donner.

- and once i've documented
our triumphant ascent

with this camera,

lawndale's
wilderness adventure club

will be a shoo-in
for a lucrative sponsorship

from extreme sportz mania
worldwide, inc.

"hanging ten on the edge
of the apocalypse..." ooh.

- but lawndale doesn't have
a wilderness adventure club.

- we do now.

mr. o'neill, you're artistic.

document these two
doing something rugged.

- okay, girls,
let's see that primal instinct.

arrgh.

uh... sandi?

wait up, you guys.

- i know, quinn,
why don't you convert

one of your mittens
into a luggage carrier?

- want me to get those
for you, quinn?

- that is so sweet.

don't fall too far behind.

all: i got 'em.
come on, man, no.

- hey, wait, guys.

there are three of quinn's bags
and three of us.

- oh.

- hey, babe,
i got a surprise for you.

- flowers!

- oh, you guessed it.

- oh, kevie...

that is so romantic.

ow! ow!

- hey, babe,
where's my thank you?

- ow! ow! ow! ow!

- oh, dear.

you see, kids,
even the lowly wildflower

humbles us
with its crafty defenses:

attracting bees
or spewing lung-seizing pollen.

- are you okay, mr. o'neill?

- just seasonal allergies,

nothing my trusty inhaler
can't cure...

although this one
appears to be empty.

that's funny.

i could have sworn
i packed a backup.

- what's the holdup here,
mountaineers?

- mr. o'neill can't find
his inhaler.

- just... need... rest.

- uh-oh, teacher down.

- now we'll have to turn back.
darn.

- no one's turning back.

i need those summit
celebration shots to really grab

those extreme sportz mania
worldwide, inc. execs

by the hacky sacks.

someone will just have to
short-rope mr. o'neill.

- as god is my witness,

i will never pull
a man's weight again.

♪ ♪

come on, skinny.

- this is it?

for $95 and change,
you'd think

they'd at least throw in
a lousy radio.

- jake, the whole purpose
of this trip

is to deepen our relationship
without distractions:

no radio, no children,
no television, no cell phone...

my god, what have i done?

what have i done?

- hey, look, helen,
a bearskin rug.

- bearskin?

me... ow.

- woof.

yeah!

that's corporate.

that's money.

- weren't we supposed to be
at the campsite by now?

- yeah, but something tells me

things aren't going
exactly as planned.

- please,
no one offer to help.

i'd hate to take any pressure
off of my slipped disc.

- gee,
whatever gave you that idea?

- don't worry, girls.

we'll have no problem
reaching base camp before dark,

as long as there are
no more surprises.

- surprise.

- 43, 44, 45...

okay, we're missing one.

look around.
who's not here who should be?

- someone with
enough common sense to turn back

while there was still time?

- yeah, where is that guy?

- what's that?

barch here says o'neill
went back to the buses

to look for his inhaler...

abandoning her after all
she's done for him, just like...

every other lousy man
she's ever known.

"men!

i hate their stinking guts."

- the fool.

he'll never make it down
in his condition.

i'm going after him.

- wow, that's kind of heroic.

- he's got her video camera.

- oh, yeah.

- hey, check it out:
snow angel.

- you might want to wait

until there's a little more snow
on the ground.

- mr. demartino,
considering the low visibility,

shouldn't we have a buddy system
or something?

- i had a buddy once,
until i came home one night,

and he married my mother.

- do we want to hear
any more of this story?

- march... fast.

- demartino...

out finding firewood.

get supplies unpacked.

remember, teamwork.

is that... sleeping bag?

mine!

- is it bad
if i can't feel my feet?

- that depends.

how much do you enjoy walking?

- babe, i just want you to know
that i'm not mad anymore

that you didn't thank me.

- you wanted me to thank you
for this?

- eww!

but no...
i meant for the flowers.

- all right,
let's get these supply bags open

and start distributing blankets,
food, and...

pink ostrich feather earmuffs?

- oh, great.

i was wondering
where those were.

- weren't you guys supposed
to be carrying the supply bags?

- yeah.
- yeah.

- so where are they?

- back at the buses... maybe?

- probably.
- definitely.

- what?

- well, this is interesting.

we're isolated in a freak storm
with no supplies

and no way of contacting
the outside world.

- yeah,
but look on the bright side.

we're gonna see a lynching.

- what?

- hey, honey, look what i made:
a snow turkey/

- very... abstract, dear.

- damn it.

now i have to start
all over again.

- jake,
aren't you forgetting something?

- oh, yeah, my gloves.

ow.

- i'm talking about intimacy,
jake.

we're supposed to be focusing
on each other,

not a snow turkey.

- but we did that already,
remember?

- i mean talking, conversation,
communicating.

- oh, sure.

um, you start.

- well, um...

- quinn, by causing the supplies
to be left behind,

you violated
the fashion club oath.

- i didn't know there was
a fashion club oath.

- yeah, me either.
- oath?

oh, yes:

"to promote a healthy glow
by never allowing other members

to be deprived of skin-enhancing
water reserves."

i'm afraid i have to call a vote
on your standing, quinn.

- i say she gets voted
out of the fashion club

and seeks her revenge
from a book depository

with a crossbow.

really?

i say she stays in
and becomes their leader,

unintentionally bringing about
the apocalypse.

- and who thinks quinn
should be allowed

to stay in the fashion club?

- ugh.

- it's not the money that hurts.

it's having that damn apocalypse
postponed again.

- all right, sport,

you and mack here are going out
as search party number one.

- cool, a party.

- this isn't gonna be a party,
kevin.

you're going out into
that driving, blinding,

flesh-tearing ice storm to look
for ms. li and mr. o'neill.

got it?

- sure, but where's the funnel?

- down the trail,
right by the dance floor.

- all right!

- but even if they do find
ms. li and mr. o'neill,

what are we going to do
about food?

- that's where search party two
comes in.

i'm going out in the storm
myself looking for help.

the rest of you,
conserve your energy.

do as little as possible.

pretend you're in class.

- you know,
if this storm doesn't let up,

it could take days
for help to arrive.

- well, when everybody
gets hungry enough,

it'll be interesting to see
who gets eaten first.

- but on the downside,

we'll have to wait here
with them.

- good point.

hey, mr. demartino,

we'd like to volunteer
to go with you.

- as much as i appreciate
your kind if foolhardy offer,

i have to decline.

it's too dangerous out there.

once you walk out those doors,
you may not be coming back.

- okay, then we're all
on the same page.

- very well,
but dress for survival.

- well, i was gonna dress
for perishing, but okay.

hey, quinn, i need to borrow
your neck-insulator thingy

to go out
on this highly dangerous

and potentially doomed
rescue mission, okay?

- whatever.
i've got my own problems.

- please stop
the sisterly tears of concern.

you're making a scene.

- look, can you please
stop talking to me?

if the fashion club sees this,

i'll be like
one of those baby birds

that gets put back in the nest,
but the mother knows

it's been touched by a human and
pecks it to death, understand?

- sure, you're a birdbrain.

- hey, nice scarf.

- look,
it converts into a noose.

- handy.

- okay, team, no matter
what happens, stick by my side.

that's crucial, understand?

both: yes.

- ahhhhhhhhhh!

- ♪ la, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

♪ la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

- okay, quick assessment
of our situation:

we're lost in a blizzard with
no equipment and no leadership,

and if we don't get help,
we'll probably have to drag back

the body of our history teacher.

- when you put it that way,
you make it sound bad.

what started out as a grim,

life-negating field trip
has turned into a grim,

life-negating gape
into the void.

- with our luck,
we'll probably be reincarnated

and have to do high school all
over again from the beginning.

- that does it;
let's find those buses.

- does anyone want to borrow
my sunscreen lip gloss?

i've got plenty.

- forget it, quinn.

we're not letting you
back in the fashion club.

we have bylaws, you know.

- we... hi.

- but i told you,
it's not my fault

the supplies got left behind
for my bags.

- you didn't have to bring
so much stuff, quinn.

- it's almost like you were
trying to hog the spotlight.

- what?
that is so not true.

i wanted to share
all my hot i-rondack stuff

with you guys.

here, stacy,

take this camouflage
yak fur canteen.

and, tiffany,
this metallic utility belt

with detachable
emergency food kit is for you.

and, sandi,
i wanted to surprise you

with this titanic edition
chenille gorp bag.

- wait a minute.
you brought food and water?

we're saved.

um, where is the food and water?

- well,
i was gonna bring it along,

but it just got so bulky.

i'm sorry i've doomed us
to a lingering death, sandi.

- oh, well.

can i have your
ostrich feather earmuffs too?

- sure.

- welcome back, quinn.

- no whistling.

we're supposed to be bonding.

- oh, right.

- jake!
- sorry.

- ahhh! arrgh!

- mr. demartino,
what are you doing here?

- need... phone.

- i'm sorry,
we don't have a phone...

- or a radio...

- or a television.

have a seat.

- get comfy.
- how about a game of charades?

- need... help.

- you'll do fine.

everybody knows
how to play charades.

- you go first,
mr. demartino.

- but i...
- uh-uh-uh, no speaking.

- that's rule number one.

- is it a book?

a tv show?

- an adult movie?

- i think
this could really be it.

- what are you talking about?

just keep walking.

we'll find our way.

- i don't know, daria.

this is bad.

- listen, i'm sorry i gave you
all that crap

about your boyfriend.

- well, i'm sorry
i embarrassed you

all those times
in front of my brother.

- i feel like
we should say more.

- i know.
that was kind of pathetic.

- um, i'm sorry my parents
didn't stop at one child.

- i'm sorry they added
those ugly blue m&ms.

better?

- i've made my peace.

- ms. li?

- what are you doing here,
mr. mackenzie?

we're miles
from the bunkhouse.

- mr. demartino sent me
and kevin out to find you.

- and where is kevin?

- um...

- never mind.
- okay.

- i think mr. o'neill may be
in this cave.

let's investigate.

- um, all right, but i hope
he didn't make any other flags.

- hello,
timothy o'neill here.

if you are watching
these last words,

then you'll know that i'm gone,
and you've found this camera.

well, you already know
that you found the camera,

obviously,
or how would you have the tape?

actually,
if you found the camera,

you must have found me,

unless you recovered the camera
from looters,

although i must say,
it's a pretty heinous thing

to steal from a frozen man.

although, come to think of it,

it's not actually
all that cold anymore,

and the snow
got rid of the pollen.

you know, i feel pretty good.

ms. li, what the heck?

- o'neill, you're wasting
expensive videotape.

- oh, dear.

- now put these on,
and let's go.

- a-heh-heh-heh, ahh.

- so this didn't work out
so bad.

we managed to survive
the blizzard

and ditch the field trip.

- plus, you got that thing
off your chest

about the blue m&ms.

- do you think we should
feel guilty

about leaving our classmates
stranded in the wild?

- who?

- now, if my calculations
are correct,

the parking lot is just around
this clump of trees here.

- the good ship lollipop.

yeah, that's it.

- no, wait,
popeye the sailor man.

toot, toot.

- what's that for?

- hush money.

- well, how was the field trip
after the snow stopped?

did you girls learn anything?

- i learned that sometimes
being too well-dressed

can work against you.

who would have thought
that one's fashion sense

could have a dark side?

the normally life-affirming act
of choosing an outfit...

- yes, quinn,
and what about you, daria?

- i came to the realization
that given a choice

between sharing shelter
with my fellow students

or risking death
by blindly marching

into a blizzard,
it's blizzard ho for me.

- good for you, kiddo.
- jake!

- wow,
after all that quality time,

you two are working together

like a well-oiled
intimacy machine.

say, girls, when we get home,

who's up for a game
of family charades?

- i'm not sitting next to kevin.

i don't care how hard he begs.

why isn't he begging?

- um...

- uh, mr. d.?

mr. o.?

come out, everyone,
heh-heh-heh.

um, q.b. in distress,
heh-heh-heh-heh... huh?